soccerball radge repository

keep it here in future

today I am mostly radge about manchester city, manchester city chief executive garry cook, and spanish-speaking commentators covering games involving manchester city

fuck them all, vigorously

seeing yr 'max' post amid the citeh talk i kinda imagined some americans wd be wtf about yr thoughts on maynor figueroa but i couldn't have hoped for such lulz

a+!

xpost. Spanish speaking commentators are enthusiastic about all goals.

this was perhaps your unconscious tribute to garry cook's 'today we welcome uwe rosler to the manchester united hall of fame'

thing is jim, these people were clearly argentine, and sang a fucking SONG mid-cry-of-GOOOOAAAALLLLL about how good Carlos Tevez was, when the goal itself was literally the scrappiest and worst goal MCFC have scored all season

there's enthusiasm about goals, and then there's ridiculous jingoistic nonsense - do that if he runs past the whole team and scores sure but come the fuck on, this was high bathos

also I gotta say when I realised what I'd done on the max thread it was a combination of lolz and weeping the like of which I'm rarely driven to

garry and i are clearly kindred spirits, also my conduct was basically this part 2:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZAc8JooS3MY

at least you didn't do a 2007 and make it worse by explaining/lawyering the thread : )

ljoyd samuel xp

i've learnt the awesome power of que sera sera

oh lol, i haven't seen that yet

also whenever I feel cheated by MCFC's elevated wealth/league position, I watch that video and all is well, or at least better

THREAD OF ONGOING HATRED FOR MANCHESTER CITY

it's those commentators who sing the song every time tevez scores again

fuck

when's I love football opening up

i like them

city get 4th, sign torres from a thoroughly fucked liverpool, win EC hopefully

garry cook will hopefully be unpopular dromedary food by then

city get 4th, sign torres from a thoroughly fucked liverpool, win EC hopefully

ok this would actually make me laugh

the bitter laughter of a man who has seen his gods engaged in altartop sodomy

please no hamit + halil slash

the randomness of the enterprise is appealing

abramovich had the look of a lowrent charlie kane asssembling his fancy trainset dreamed of in siberian orphanhood, this is just a sovereign wealth fund with fuck all better to do during a prolonged recession

like £16 for kolo toure? the same for nigel de jong six months before he'd be on a free? fuck it, it's all s&g before they evaporate after a few years and set up guangzhou's first nfl franchise instead

i guess the 'profile' of a football club changes over time - arsenal from 1-0 scrappers to glorious keepball ballet-dancers being perhaps the most extreme of recent years - but one immutable factotum of british soccer lore is that manchester city will bring ceaseless lolz - and while this is a random enterprise (not as random or gloriously doomed as notts county), it completely smudges a much-loved paradigm. this is, of course, provided that the whole boiling doesn't have one phenomenal twist and manchester city will collapse in a fit of national mirth - somehow the owners seem too sensible and muscular for this to happen - there's something creepy and relentless about a club once renowned for its self-deprecating fans and occasional moment of shaun-goater-flavoured nose-tweaking

and ordinarily those transfers would be lolz but man city have kinda spun them to be statements of clout - fuck it if we overspend - we'll overspend more - and you can't match us

this is football's embodiment of 'quirky' northern sentimentality getting taken over by cunts who spend the rest of the time doing pcp and squishing pakistani domestics into sanddunes with cayenne turbos, fo sho it's lulz though of a far more acidic variety than football usually provides

yeah i mean there's something corny and fake about a purely self-deprecating twee 'mystique' as often perpetuated by certain english league club supporters, because there's always a thinly-veiled edge of malice which can be exposed by the merest whiff of negative circumstance - but this mystique is infinitely preferable to an air of smug entitlement, which is what i can see developing among the city fans - with great power comes great loss of perspective

albeit that yes, there's something nastily gleeful about the speed with which city have hoovered up the nation's affection for them and spat it back in the form of tiresomely effective football and marquee signings

i mean sure it's twee and reactionary of me to even hark back to a traduced MCFC id but their current gradient is geared entirely in accordance with an ontology of destroyed goodwill - i find it impossible to think of the club any other way

ah come on, city acting exactly how they do on fm is nothing but hilarious. (i.e. 'hey city, want our shitty player for some obscene price?' 'yeah! look how rich we are but oh shit what wait how do one run a football team and do we have enough to make a convincing prototype wig for joleon that wont fall off while playing?')

dude, they are going to buy-all and error until they have a world-beating squad and that is fearful truth

they're already 5/1 to win the league next season to lpool's 9/1

a hoy hoy, you are possibly evincing shook-ness? the day man city finish above arsenal = the day all you hold sacred is found to be sheafs of brome

therein lieth grim comedy, i suppose

how many of these could a cl qualified citeh potentially get this summer (x good chance y slim, imho)

1. Lionel Messi (Argentine, FC Barcelone) : 473 points
2. Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal, Manchester United puis Real Madrid) : 233 pts
3. Xavi (Espagne, FC Barcelone) : 170 pts
4. Andrès Iniesta (Espagnol, FC Barcelone) : 149 pts
y5. Samuel Eto'o (Cameroun, FC Barcelone puis Inter Milan) : 75 pts
y6. Kaka (Brésil, Milan AC puis Real Madrid) : 58 pts
7. Zlatan Ibrahimovic (Suède, Inter Milan puis FC Barcelone) : 50 pts
8. Wayne Rooney (Angleterre, Manchester United): 35 pts
9. Didier Drogba (Côte d'Ivoire, Chelsea): 33 pts
x10. Steven Gerrard (Angleterre, Liverpool) : 32 pts
x11. Fernando Torres (Espagne, Liverpool): 22 pts
12. Cesc Fabregas (Espagne, Arsenal) : 13 pts
x13. Edin Dzeko (Bosnie, Wolfsburg) : 12 pts
14. Ryan Giggs (Pays de Galles, Manchester United) : 11 pts
x15. Thierry Henry (France, FC Barcelone) : 9 pts
x16. Luis Fabiano (Brésil, FC Séville), Nemanja Vidic (Serbie, Manchester United), Iker Casillas (Espagne, Real Madrid): 8 pts
x19. Diego Forlan (Uruguay, Atletico Madrid) : 7 pts
x20. Yoann Gourcuff (France, Bordeaux) : 6 pts
y21. Andreï Archavine (Russie, Arsenal), Julio Cesar (Brésil, Inter Milan), Frank Lampard (Angleterre, Chelsea) : 5 pts
y24. Maicon (Brésil, Inter Milan) : 4 pts
x25. Diego (Brésil, Werder Brême puis Juventus Turin) : 3 pts
y26. David Villa (Espagne, Valence), John Terry (Angleterre, Chelsea) : 2 pts
y28. Franck Ribéry (France, Bayern Munich), Yaya Touré (Côte d'Ivoire, FC Barcelone) : 1 pt
30. Karim Benzema (France, Lyon puis Real Madrid): 0 pt

this sort of fm wish fulfillment ish isn't usually my thing but w/e finding the limit case of human venality is always a laugh

until torres, 'pt' = 'million pounds'

no wait, rooney's case is a huge anomaly there

ok lol at that. hi dere i am edin dzeko and i'm going to turn down ac milan for being bezzy mates with garry cook.

in all honesty, the only player on the list i can see going to city is Diego, and that's only because he's been a failure at Juve.

the same for nigel de jong six months before he'd be on a free?

I think this is an oft-repeated falsehood and that he actually signed a new deal the previous December? That may itself be an oft-repeated falsehood though.

ac milan isn't the hottest of tickets atm, fwiw

a hoy hoy, you are possibly evincing shook-ness? the day man city finish above arsenal = the day all you hold sacred is found to be sheafs of brome

― acoleuthic, Saturday, 3 April 2010 22:05 (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i am no longer 8 and can deal with teams that spend a lot doing well. (also grew up on Wenger seemingly spending shit loads compared to most others, bergkamp 7.5m a big thing etc.).

ac milan isn't the hottest of tickets atm, fwiw

― acoleuthic, Saturday, 3 April 2010 22:23 (25 seconds ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

Still within a chance of winning the league, playing with dinho, nesta, seedorf, thiago silva, pirlo = not a hot ticket to most?

tbh i still don't know what radge means. rad + rage = ?

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Radge

that nigel de jong contract story is true afaik, was in the proper papers at the time

bergkamp was signed by rioch

i know, which makes even more of a back in the day spending ridic amounts ting

playing with dinho, nesta, seedorf, thiago silva, pirlo

a line about 'the twilight of his autumn' springs to mind

they at least had the discourtesy via a late superpippo equaliser to trigger pompey's fall - i said at the time that it felt like some kind of symbolic icarusification

ok so what about dinho & pirlo (both still only 30), pato, thiago silva, borriello, flam finally finding form, di gennaro etc.

hi dere i am edin dzeko and i'm going to turn down ac milan for being bezzy mates with garry cook

this is where yr a little naive imho, dzeko didn't sign for milan last summer cuz they wouldn't cough up 40m and got kjh for half that instead

and again with no sign of berlusconi allowing further losses they simply can't afford him, city probably don't want him but if they did, np

boriello is a charcutier's dream - he is the closest thing to a giant mobile salami the world of football has seen

pato is an australian messageboard troll disguised as a fancy-dan brazilian wonderkid who disappears for weekdays at a time

dinho has the body of hugh hefner sans vicodin

pirlo has always played like age is an irrelevance, and is probably the perfect ac milan player, at least of the current set

flam is merely highbury propagation - arsenal propaganda in italy

the others are boring and/or ancient

im just gonna shut up

pirlo isn't that old

30

this has been literally the worst weekend of football results in the history of football results

haha i've rather liked barcelona, inter/fiorentina, liverpool, city, portsmouth (so far....) though less so utd/blackburn

inter-viola was 2-2 wasn't it? utd-bburn a terrific result imo!

if Man City have gotta win 5-1 it might as well be against Birmingham, right

ok aside from el clasico and haha did inter lose to fiorentina? i'm more thinking charlton, leeds, millwall, hull, west ham, city (fuiud), chelsea, spurs*, and three premiership goallesses

*for the final's sake; the actual result is pretty lol

also in mitigation: palace losing at home to warnock

fine

lol also ferg otm, hadn't thought that

anyway this is pretty much the worst season ever - plz refute this without using the words 'lionel messi' or 'i like man city'

this has been literally the worst weekend of football results in the history of football results

― forgive me fada (acoleuthic), Sunday, 11 April 2010 18:35 (10 minutes ago) Bookmark

Eh, Ross Co humiliate Celtic, Dundee United make the final, Man U held at Blackburn, Livingston's title procession blunted, FC Twente continue their march to the Eredivisie title, Pompey bringing the lols, all seems pretty good to me.

bobby zamora + ricardo fuller + pompy + fake phil brown twitters + rafaelol benelol + arsenal's pretty dece season = not worst season ever. not the best either but its been enjoyable enough.

I fucking despise Portsmouth.

Ross Co humiliate Celtic

ok forgot this one even though at the cricket yesterday a Scotsman and I talked of Ross County at some length o_O

look ok this is the RADGE THREAD i do not have to be entirely RATIONAL

lol oh look a new word it is 'RADGETIONAL'

man u being held just hands the title to chelsea but i guess they sorta deserve it

anyway this is pretty much the worst season ever - plz refute this without using the words 'lionel messi' or 'i like man city'

14 Wolves 34 -23 33

sorry, content football fan here this weekend. esp. when lol jack wilshere surprises chelsea tomorrow (in my sexy fun time dreams because its never happening in reality.)

C-Y Lee will score a hat-trick and JT will come out as a BNP voter, then Abramovitch will be all 'fuck this' and pull out and the FA Cup final will be contested by two youth-teams

anyway this is pretty much the worst season ever - plz refute this without using the words 'lionel messi' or 'i like man city'

taking away the best player most of us have ever seen, and the most caustic of lulz (see upthread) at the expense of liverpool is kinda a big thing

other good things, resurgence of inter & lyon in cl at lpool/chelsea's expense, krasic, jovetic, bellamy(!!!), huntelaar's chip vs palermo(?), rooney, pedro rodriguez, adam johnson, jack rodwell, arshavin, real madrid's awesome hubris, steven taylor's bathetic demise etc etc

gonna use up my remaining monthly radge allowance to angrily call for an immediate moratorium on the word "radge"

and the premiership's continued campaign to become the wwe would be complete.

oops, xpost to lj.

and if that works then I might tack on suspension of imo, tbh, iirc and adding "lol" to words

also 33 points after 34 games is 14th place = fuck this league

nakhchivan that is far too reasonable and broad-minded for this thread but yeah those pretty much all check out, needed 'pathos' or 'pathetic' for the full set (pompey?)

tbrr

Low points thing - the guys at the top aren't doing conspicuously brilliantly, so I assume that the lower points across the board is the result of more draws than usual maybe? Which you cd argue means the league is a higher standard as a whole? (Unless you watch some of it.)

But srsly my hungover statistics aren't up to analysing wtf is actually happening with The Best League in the World other than we are clearly too shit for the Championses League.

Didn't the season start with like 2 months without a goalless draw? That was pretty rad, shame they came back.

what I saw of Wolves - Stoke on the flaky stream today was some kind of nadir of pointlessness

thinking about it, fatally-wounded pompey getting to the final against jackboot fc is pretty much the epitomy of pathos

low points thing: distance between upper and lower prem blocs is becoming ludicrous, plus side is that every promoted team has a dog's chance of staying up for at least one extra season before being spat back into obscurity

could be worse, could be in a barca-real-and-fuck-a-everyone-else situation

i turned on espanyol - atletico for literally two fucking seconds just now and some cunt dived to try and win a penalty

it has now been turned off again

there's a sense that stoke will linger around midtable for years doing fuck all save for the increasingly frequent 'not that type of player' 'accidents'

+ one (1) ricardo 'next pele' fuller.

also a hoy hoy that is my immutable rejoinder to nakhchivan's spanish-league eulogising - sure real madrid are hubristic and sure marca is the most hysterical rag this side of richard desmond but the fact remains that they're still in a fantastic position season after season - barcelona being that much better is funny and righteous, yes, but real madrid deserve much less than they're getting

my opinion of stoke will presumably follow a bell-curve - right now we're possibly just after the crest, and back into sin(e) they shall fall

do you rly see me eulogizing la liga as a whole? afaik if i've commented on anyone below valencia it's to lament how fucked they are by the tv revenues and how lazy some of the defending can be

well that would put you pretty squarely in my camp, so I apologise for the slur - but no matter how much you emphasise how barca's dominance over real puts things right in the world, real will only be two or three enormous transfers from bludgeoning their way to silverware

and apart from the 6-2 vs villareal real madrid have got short shrift
barcelona irritate as well with their 'mes que un club' self-aggrandizing shite

my hymnsheet, return plz

valencia also pretty fucked when it comes to money problems. la liga does suck, i just like barca. bring back the days of deportivo lol coruna and co is what i say.

real will only be two or three enormous transfers from bludgeoning their way to silverware

erm they bought half of Europe this close season dude

actually fuck it nakhchivan OTM about man city - bring on their bidding wars with RM

bring on barcelona and arsenal quietly outclassing them both

bring on chelsea and inter milan announcing a merger

bring on clive tyldesley leading a phalanx of 500,000 manchester united fans to a field in cheshire where newton heath fc are reborn with a ceremonial free-kick from david beckham

bring on spurs getting knocked out by a german team in the quarter-finals of the europa league every season

bring on newcastle achieving mid-table stability for a few successive seasons and their fans being happy about it

bring on liverpool and everton announcing a merger, then disannouncing it, then it turning out to be rafa benitez's final gift to practical jokedom

bring on the l0u1s jagg3r radge book deal

bring on lazio's will to power

this is all a bit like glen's 'fuck tinky winky' episode in the thick of it

bring on barely-deserved compliments

for birmingham city, as they continue to challenge for 7th spot as all dissolves beneath them

Birmingham City relegation challenge next season, bank on it

bring on FIFA's resistance to video technology except experimentally in some shitty U20s tournament which Germany will win because they always win those

bring on sepp blatter never saying die

even after didier drogba pumps fifteen bullets into his skull

bring on rosenberg putting a much-liked but decadent club such as ajax out of the champions league at the group stage and then losing 9-2 on aggregate in the 2nd round

bring on raul albiol turning out to be competent after all

bring on jeff stelling developing a heart complaint and being replaced by james corden

bring on amanda palmer re-releasing 'leeds united' to coincide with the club's 18th attempt at getting promoted out of league one via the play-offs

bring on extinction for the following clubs: notts county, carlisle united, yeovil town, crewe alexandra, shrewsbury town and morecambe, and sports complexes to be built on their sites as a single fan weeps

bring on portsmouth mysteriously back in the premier league in 2013

think u are 'losing yr edge' right here tbh, as mpx4a wd say

bring on wales getting to within 3 seconds of qualifying for the WC '16 and then nemanja vidic powers in an unstoppable far-post header, mauling aaron ramsey into paralysis with his trailing fist

bring on the WC being in '16 instead of '14 or '18

yeah i kinda peaked with the james corden one

bring on italian football having to be played behind closed doors for a whole season after a referee gets hit by a bazooka shell

bring on an Australian goalkeeper who likes nothing better than to repeatedly injure his own defenders - bring on his stint at west ham

as in
you were there
when plutocrats were mere fat northern retail pimps
who bankrolled their team from the conference
to the first division playoffs
but it's over now

bring on wayne rooney's pop career

and his lovechild with lady gaga turning out to be really useless at anything

bring on michael knighton: the return (at an inoffensive midlands club who subsequently appoint sinisa mihajlovic manager)

bring on nigel de jong's pop career

bring on shefki kuci's pop career

bring on abou diaby's chillwave career

bring on a sheikh with dreams taking over dunfermline athletic and leading them to the scottish division one title

then blowing all his money on a 'palace' for his players 'on top of Ben Nevis'

it isn't even at the top, it's like halfway up and structurally precarious

kris boyd doesn't mind though; he'll live there. him and his xbox and his personal cheerleaders

bring on southampton playing really good football and getting to the premiership and generally acting like models of decorum before alan pardew signs the wrong bit of paper and they're deducted 90 points for paying £30,000 to a third party while signing chris baird

'we had to make an example of them' says FA chairman david mellor

bring on the ilx concacaf thread breaking 200 posts

I walked with Jenas and he would say
"Oh you poor child, you ain't comin' to me no way
You've found Heaven on Earth, gonna burn for your sin"
But I think I'll be in good company down there with all my friends

Well I got around to thinking 'bout what Jenas said to me
Cos if Tottenham's like this, then that's the place for me
Long, long time between now and my death
And I gotta have my fun so I've chosen what's best

Well, here it comes
Here comes the sound
The sound of contusion
The sound of Ndlovu

So listen sweet Cort, forgive me my sin
‘Cos I can't stand this life without all of these things
Know I done wrong, but I've Heaven on Earth
Know I done wrong, but I could have done me worse

Well, here it comes
Here comes the sound
The sound of contusion
Well, here it comes
Here comes the sound
The sound of Ndlovu

Here it comes
Here it comes
Here it comes
The sound of Ndlovu
The sound of Ndlovu
The sound of Ndlovu

Jenas please meet me at the centre of the earth
Cos these wingers are gonna fail me and I could have done me worse
Yeah I could have done me worse
Yeah I could have done me worse...

bring on Twenty20 football - twenty players per side, ten minutes each way - as a means to popularise the game in east asia

(ok losing my shit at Spackman 3 tribute there)

bring on argentina resorting to catenaccio and lionel messi being deployed at wing-back

bring on pre-season kickabouts featuring 10-minute cameos from the teams' mascots

bring on obligatory trash-talking of the usa's chances followed by a heroic 15-minute rant from coach Duke 'Chip' Buck that gets the hitler downfall treatment approximately 4,000 times without ever being as funny or tragic as the original

bring on the usa then losing 2-0 to the ukraine in a really rather dull encounter

analysed by mark lawrenson in seven pithy words

then left for the archivists to pick over as england's final group-stage game against mozambique demands the full attention of all media

will gary cahill prevail against the nation who stole his luggage?

GAZ'LL HANDLE YOUR BAGGAGE

despite the threats, mozambique are only too happy to kick their way to a 0-0 draw that improves their coefficient and sees england progress to the second round in top spot

then it turns out gary cahill's bags were sent to mozambique as part of a cultural exchange program instigated by the tory party as a way of showing they're not racist

tell the story, boy

in return, bolton is blessed with its very own malaria clinic

which ends up saving johan elmander's life

he then scores the goal that relegates wigan

bolton's mascot is changed to a big fuzzy mosquito in response to this

before every game, children take it in turns to 'swat' the mascot

inside the mascot is snooker's peter ebdon

it is his way of punishing himself

in that lonely darkness, he can only see the dim glow of death and hear the cheers of the damned

with each youthful slap he feels his own life-force condemned

one day, at home, he sinks to his knees

he opens his mouth

and he sings his swan-song

it is a beautiful sound, as melodious as it is unfathomable

then he curls into a ball, and waits for his life to evaporate

it does so presently

bolton change their mascot to a na'vi

nobody is happy any more

bolton get relegated too

the fans abandon what was once their life's joy

they drink, to forget

football has turned sour, and is no longer of any use to them

the same story is told at clubs across the nation

fans drifting away, balls no longer kicked, scarves used as wadding

the rest is absence

the rest is woe

bring on mk dons winning the single remaining league fifteen seasons in a row

bring on sir jeff winter

bring on lord howard webb of accrington

bring on hermann hreidarsson's trancestep career

bring on football still going strong in japan, except this season with REAL GUNS

bring on jose mourinho's after-dinner repertoire

bring on the scorched earth of hackney marshes

bring on the rise of stickball

stickball is the first sport whose professional competition takes place exclusively in a virtual-reality domain

simply recline in your armchair, take up your state-of-the-art carpal-tunnel-defying controller, and hit at the ball with your floating stick until it flashes loads of cool colours! that is a goal.

bring on the barcelona midfield's partially-successful attempt to represent spain in the 2020 olympics' 4x100 rickshaw event

they get past the initial heats fine but unfortunately xavi hernandez gets mangled beneath the wheels during his change-over from sergio busquets in the final

it is later alleged that iniesta was too heavy to justify his place on the shaw, and this is what caused the tragedy

iniesta points to his electric opening leg and crosses his arms with a grunt

meanwhile a depiction of tom huddlestone carting bentley, crouch and dawson into heroic bronze is inscribed upon a set of wedgewood commemorative plates, and advertised in the daily telegraph, which continues to exist through some dark magic

such depth in his thorax, will in his brow, and nobility in his physique

as he breasts the line, you can sense the homosocial ecstacy of a nation starved for success ever since cycling was banned for being shit

this being indoor cycling; the tour de france still occupying its position as pinnacle of the sport, especially since the drug-laws were relaxed and howard marks won it five years in a row

but let me speak more of thudd, and his burden - truly, the atlas of our age. atlas thudd.

football still played in japan, except now with tanks

bring on the decision to expel juventus from the italian league thirty years after it ceased to exist

in lieu of anything to punish the italian authorities allow the swiss to rape and pillage turin, as they have always dreamt of doing

amid the carnage, hakan yakin is spotted, pleading for the madness to end

but soon he too is dismembered

bring on the debate as to what will be the first sporting object to be propelled across the surface of Mars

due to a strong chinese voting-lobby it is determined that the lucky astronaut will propel a table-tennis ball with a snooker cue

he places the ball upon a rock and gently lowers his sleek blue suit until his tummy touches the ashen surface

he reaches back for the ionised hybrid-metal shaft, and idly turns it a few times in his right claw

then, after a few measured approaches, he thrusts, decisively

the table-tennis ball shatters into a million frozen fragments

the space program is abandoned

the astronaut is left to perish

his final recorded message to earth is a profanity-filled rant

which receives the hitler downfall treatment approximately 50,000 times within a day of public release

this time, one of the treatments is more heart-rending and tragic than the original

it is made by ryan shawcross

and concerns an apocryphal shortage of baked beans aboard the astronaut's craft, evermore

meanwhile, lionel messi is bored of making adverts featuring him playing stickball - he would much rather go about his business of winning it in peace

i hope this goes on forever.

nobody uses that L2-doubletap X combination-play like lionel, though!

Hey mods! I've made a really positive decision to carry on with my MA course. I was on the brink of quitting but as it turns out my course director really wants me to continue, and looking at it in the light of day I've realised I do too.

Now, this is an extreme course of action, but it worked for my BA finals, and should work again now. I'd like an enforced time-out from all boards (except I LOVE CRICKET: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX: THE CHINATOWN OF ILX, if that's possible; it'd be nice to give the occasional update; if this can't be done then a blanket ban would be fine) until...ooh, June 11, when the FIFA World Cup kicks off.

I'm pretty addicted to ILX, so this is the only way.

Cheers! <3 you guys

― your favorite toy dinosaur ruined my asshole (acoleuthic), Monday, January 25, 2010 12:19 PM (2 months ago) Bookmark

then a rival game is introduced; it is called 'smashball' and its poster-child is wayne rooney and lady gaga's lovechild

it turns out that he is actually pretty good at videogames

his name is maka rooney and he would smash all this ball

the hearts of young people the world over are torn

inevitably, smashball wins out, because of the cutscenes - so realistic, and so gory, yet so hilarious!

who would have thought that michael mcintyre would turn out to be a comedian!

technically i am partly responsible for this seeing as my quasi challopsy support of citeh caused this meltdown, so i expect a tithe of any mcdonalds job lj gets in lieu of successfully completing his MA course, to be paid in 1972 panini stickers scrawled with gematric sums of 'radge' posts

stickball is still played in japan, though - with plasma screens that literally fire titanium darts at your face when you lose

then, without warning, a signal is picked up from somewhere in north kent

it is a mysterious signal, and it appears to be coming from inside a giant man-made earth-sculpture in gillingham

the earth-sculpture made from just some of the wastage when the isle of sheppey was dug up to build a big airport that went straight to being used as a military base but fulfilled some sort of government airport quota

anyhow, the signal appears to be some sort of lament, or cry for aid - it repeatedly mentions something called 'paul scally', and also 'nicky southall', but not quite as often

just to make sure, the british government bombs the shit out of gillingham - but the signal can still be heard, under the crater-ravaged mounds of earth that everybody could remember being there as long as they'd lived

it is determined by a group of eccentric dissidents that they'll send an exploratory expedition into the heart of the hill

under cover of smog they arrive, and begin tunnelling

among their number is andy hessenthaler, now sporting a full beard and a topaz medallion

they continue, below the mulch, the blasted topsoil, the slain moles in their shock-shattered burrows

then, without warning, they burst through the soil into an empty space. as one, they tumble down into the inky darkness and acknowledge that their cruel demise awaits them

their final despairing howl is interrupted, however, by a large net, into which they crumple, dazed yet relieved

a dim light flickers on

it is a floodlight, except only about a third of the bulbs are working

they glance around

they are cooped above a tattered field of earth, with rudimentary boundaries scratched into the surface, and dilapidated rows of seating scattered grimly about

a fractured memory shivers within andy hessenthaler's throbbing consciousness

a smile breaks upon his face

then a grin

then a maniacal laugh

he is home

yet, something stirs in the shadows

a hooded figure prowls about the field's edge

it bears a cross and a thickly-bound book

the explorers notice other figures stirring

they are all hooded, and all bear the same items

they begin to advance from all directions, towards the explorers, still caught within the net

they are chanting something

they are chanting 'come on you gills'

it is a horrifying cacophony, and it freezes the explorers' marrow

a sudden moment of icy recollection startles andy hessenthaler into shrieking aloud

he remembers now

oh yes, he remembers

as the first set of teeth sink into his flesh, as the first holy-water-dispenser brains one of his colleagues, he closes his eyes, and sobs a single word

'priestfield'

bring on the americans reading this thread

*applause*

itt tl;dr

bring on the ilx concacaf thread breaking 200 posts

― forgive me fada (acoleuthic), Sunday, April 11, 2010 2:11 PM (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol

hahahaha last night I seriously considered bumping this thread with "bring on SPAIN! SPAIN! SPAIN! SPAIN! SPAIN!"

fucking bump

soccerball radge repository

http://www.artchive.com/artchive/b/brown/brown_last_of_england.jpg

is that div in the crowd really going to watch the entire match through the cardboard eyes of his cut out jose mask with his dirty hot chelsea breath coming back at him

― r|t|c, Sunday, 18 August 2013 15:15 (15 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

magnificent radge

radge

colossal radge

who wants to be killed on the internet

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OzAxEIcFHRE

this is still the worst shit

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

done

bring on mandatory managerial sackings after every defeat

there is a god, and he's a cunt

the jackboot had to fall, huh

worst bit is, my girlfriend has chosen highgate of all places for a valentine's day stroll. i will want it to be a massacre instead. this tube train feels like it is about to fill with fuckers

like, there'll be an open-top bus parade or something, surrounded by the insecure entitled pompous cunt shitheads who support that stain of a side, turning north london from a mysterious and occultish zone of deep history into a garbage tip since 1913. if they'd stayed in woolwich i'd probably have supported them. no great solace rly tho. i hope they have a monumental injury crisis and finish 3rd