Footballers who really don't need to be on Twitter

1. http://twitter.com/#!/GavStrach

http://twitter.com/jack_wilshere/statuses/29173399598

http://twitter.com/henri_lansbury/status/29264884394

http://twitter.com/jaetofficial/status/5071456434130945

Is that real?? Yeah Jet, the famously smug Iniesta and Xavi?!!

I think if I had a pocket full of La Liga, Champs League, Euro Champs and World Cup medals I'd be pretty fucking smug.

http://twitter.com/jaetofficial/status/5071456434130945

― James Mitchell, Thursday, 18 November 2010 13:25 (Yesterday)

Sorry, that page doesn’t exist!

It was a fake Jay Emmanuel-Thomas slagging off Barca.

Footballers really don't need to be on Twitter

nah they all do just for the occasional darren bent moment or if any turn out to be as mental as arshavin's website

http://imgur.com/B3aKG.png

Aldershot's Marvin Morgan was today suspended, fined two weeks' wages and placed on the transfer list for comments he made on social networking website Twitter.

The League Two club issued a statement after meeting with the striker who was booed when substituted during the club's 2-1 defeat to Hereford on Monday.

Morgan responded to the crowd's reaction by later posting a Twitter message saying: "Like to thank the fans who booed me off the pitch. Where's that going to get you! I hope you all die.''

I am so glad I googled to see what he said after BBC apparently aren't allowed to tell the best bit of the entire story.

http://twitter.com/P_J_Roberts/status/22918252032172032

Is http://twitter.com/thuddz/ real?

This is better:

http://twitter.com/AaronLennonpsl

Bad game, bad result tired legs took its toll,,, roll on sunday get bak to winning ways asap,, in nandos wid the bruvas chilling!!!

ok im back!!! need to fix up my page cher lloyd big by the way smashed it!!!!

It is really him, isn't it?

I like how Thudd and Lennon get over bad results by going to Nandos.

And go to the same tattooist as Wilshire and Lansbury.

Kyle Lafferty's was taking TONS of abuse at the weekend (lafferty27, iirc, can't access twitter at the moment), I suspect he's now classifying himself as a footballer who really doesn't need to be on Twitter.

xpost, Nandos is definitely a thing, Michel Duberry seems to be quite the fan as well when he's not moaning about other people having the audacity to be driving at the same time as he is (don't ask why I follow Michel Duberry, I have no idea, but him and Jody Morris seem to be doing quite a lot of taking the piss out of former Chelsea colleagues who are way more successful than they are)

I suspect he's now classifying himself as a footballer

steady on!

tbf, I don't think anyone else is though :-)

I should also say that I really like Dominic Cervi's profile description: #47 in your programmes, #1 in your hearts. <3

Except he spells it programs, the daft big American.

unfortunately, he never tweets anything interesting. The only Celtic players on twitter are the ones who don't get games and are all mates with each other, all tweeting about not getting games and about being mates with each other.

Ledley tweets,ki as well.

Tho not very often.

Ki tweets in Korean and posts a zillion pictures of his kids. Ledley seems to be one of the matey bunch though he does still get a game, tbf.

YES I FOLLOW ALL CELTIC PLAYERS ON TWITTER (except Niall McGinn, because he wants requests to follow him, so fuck that, tbh, I don't care that mch)

who is this elegant french libero michel duberry?

Ha, I have no idea why I did that. Twice.

And I've done it before as well! I know that's not his name! I know how to spell Michael! What is WRONG with me?

(answer: I think I hear his name in my head and confuse him with Michelle Dewberry that won the Apprentice a couple of years ago)

unfortunately, he never tweets anything interesting.

Not true - he posted a pic of his shiny new Nike boots recently! Boots that will remain shiny and new, given that he's as likely to get a game as me.
(cue Lennie throwing him into the Berwick tie)

Is he not still in America? (I could check on twitter, I guess)

Wiki says he's at Dundee. I couldn't give one shit tbh.

Twitter says he's in America. Ah well, looks like I'm between the sticks for the big game.

I think it was a short-term loan and he's back again because he wasn't getting a game there either (though I might be thinking of someone else come to think of it), so he seems to have gone on a long holiday to America*. I don't particularly give much of a shit (since he's not even our second-choice keeper) either, tbh.

* google tells me it's actually a USA USA USA squad month-long training thing, but I suspect he's probably not getting a game there either

xpost while I was looking this up. and yes, would rate you over Lucas Zaluska any day. But can you play centre half :-)

I can play right back. Well, I have more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

Heather Mills McCartney has more functioning knees than Mark Wilson.

http://www.goal.com/en-gb/news/2896/premier-league/2011/01/08/2295741/glen-johnson-launches-astonishing-twitter-attack-on-paul

Liverpool full-back Glen Johnson has hit out at former Arsenal player Paul Merson, calling him an "alcoholic drug abuser" on Twitter.

The outburst, which has since been deleted from Johnson's Twitter page, was in response to criticism from Merson on Sky Sports show 'Soccer Saturday', as pundits analysed the dismissal of Roy Hodgson as Liverpool manager.

Merson said: "He (Hodgson) didn't have the luxury of a budget to spend £18 million on Glen Johnson, who can't defend for toffee, he's had to buy players from Fulham that he knew before.

"I don't think it's the players hanging their head in shame - I don't think they're good enough. Who would take their players if they were to go on sale tomorrow? Glen Johnson wouldn't go anywhere for 18 million quid."

Johnson responded on the social networking site Twitter, writing: "Comments from alcoholic drug abusers are not going to upset me and who is Paul Merson to judge players. He was average at the best of times, the only reason he is on that show is coz (sic) he gambled all his money away. The clown!"

Paul Merson probably asking his PA to google "toilet seat theft jokes" right now.

http://img148.imageshack.us/img148/6959/picture1nam.png

Know one noes,, KNOW ONE!!

If only Glen's tackling was as hard and his passing as accurate as his assessment of Merson.

http://cg.scs.carleton.ca/~luc/KurtSchwitters--Merz-Cover-1925.png

Why doesn't he tell twitter about the press gagging order he's got that we're not supposed to no about?

Sorry Howard Webb !
https://twitter.com/#!/RyanBabel/status/24184981412651008

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2011/jan/09/ryan-babel-howard-webb-manchester-united-liverpool

http://www.metro.co.uk/sport/football/852573-neil-warnock-issues-qpr-twitter-ban-after-el-hadji-diouf-abuse

QPR manager Neil Warnock has banned his players from using Twitter to discuss club matters after members of the squad used the micro-blogging site to criticise Blackburn’s El Hadji Diouf.

fucking hypocrite

From some interview with the guy who runs the Empire of the Kop fan site:

Can you name some one-of-a-kind Twitter accounts that you follow?
@kennethdalglish @pauldalglish @kellycates @marinadalglish @laurendalglish @lyndseydalglish The entire Dalglish family.

http://twitter.com/#!/Glenn_Hysen/status/32099577926524929

New favourite, better than Big Sam imho - http://twitter.com/chrisdawdle

"Lots of talk about hellychoppers today. Petah Beerdsleep once gave me a lift in a Citron which felt just like a hovergrass."

Jody Morris is on twitter. I'm sorry world.

Jody Morris is quite amusing on Twitter though. Compared to some dull footballers anyway. He does seem a bit obsessed with Tool Academy though.

I have started following loads of sad-sack rubbish SPL footballers. Graham Carey is the dullest man on earth, btw, closely followed by Joe Ledley.

Is Morris really okay? I have never really forgiven him for pissing a genuine talent up the wall and leading that nice young man John Terry astray...

I've got no idea if he's actually OK or not, he seems to just laugh at his old Chelsea mates and talk about Tool Academy all the time, and big up the St Johnstone twitter massive. @morriskid if you want to see for yourself. I only started following him because a mate of mine retweets some of his more amusing comments from time to time.

Agree about the talent-pissing, is weird to see him being average in an average SPL team.

Wasn't Morris accused of being a bit rakey in the dim and distant?

Yeah, that's where it all started going wrong for him iirc.

Booze issues, not sure anything else, though wouldn't really surprise me. He got into a fair few scraps.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_yorkshire/3445187.stm

'Where are we going Jody?'
'To the toppermost of the poppermost, via the offie and the Crown Court.'

http://yfrog.com/h72n9yj

Bloody hell, forgotten he'd been at Leeds.

I am also now following Michael Duberry and wallowing in nostalgia for what might have been

Now, where's Andy Myers?

Kristofer

Yeah, I liked that too.

Be sure to check out Michael Duberry's online clothing store for toddlers

http://www.mummysonlinebabyshop.com/

Duberry's twitter is really boring, completely obsessed with driving conditions/traffic levels between Perth and Glasgow and the carpark at Braehead (presumably when he's going to Nandos all the time).

btw, I have a mate who spells it Kristefer, which is even worse.

Have we learnt nothing from Keysey? http://twitter.com/AdamLeventhal/status/33307339016777728

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/02/08/article-1354825-0D15F12D000005DC-857_468x592.jpg

Have we learnt nothing from Keysey? http://twitter.com/AdamLeventhal/status/33307339016777728

― James Mitchell, Friday, 4 February 2011 08:49 (5 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

not really that outrageous a habit to associate with the 'travelling community'

Imma try my best to do some damage with the time i'm given! Hopefully we will be winning when i get on!

answer to the thread title: all of them, they train, watch movies, and go to nando's. that's it.

Imma try my best to do some damage with the time i'm given! Hopefully we will be winning when i get on!

So this is a bit of a match-fixing scandal here huh?

Liverpool prodigy Jonjo Shelvey's Twitter account has been suspended after he posted a picture of his penis. "Apologies for the picture, one of my mates messing around with my phone! Sorry!" tweeted Shelvey, moments before his short social media-horrifying career was prematurely curtailed.

Hope Kenny wasn't following him at the time.

Whoever said "it looks a little too much like him" both otm and lol.

LeonKnight82

Before u chat shit ask yourself have u ever won championship player of the month

RichardKingson

I've played in World Cups. How is the Irish League? RT @LeonKnight82 Talk about my career u better go get one LOL

http://twitter.com/#!/LeonKnight82/status/51974335417696256

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leon_Knight

In March 2011, Knight suffered a Twitter-related breakdown, posing various "Before you chat shit ask yourself" questions.

Michael Duberry, Jody Morris and the usually-quite-funny Cillian Sheridan were having a terrible #turnoffs conversation for most of last night, mostly aimed at women who drink pints, play pool, listen to rap and gamble. Mostly also consisting of Duberry RTing all of Sheridans comedy efforts. Filled my entire feed for about two hours as well.

morriskid
Women who say no! #turnoffs
about 14 hours ago via ÜberSocial

lol ironing. I'd given up reading them by then, I think.

(I made that up!)

sorta surprised jody morris can write

former probation man morris will doubtless object

Zing! (xpost to onimo)

lol leon knight. he hardly played a game for accies

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/03/30/article-1371479-0B66E31400000578-494_468x436.jpg

The irrepresible comic touch of the alleged gang rapist.

tbf to the l, he's just about got it under control with his fifth touch there

I somehow didn't know about the Cole rape allegation; I thought he was just a drink driver

Ay while we're on this, has Asamoah Gyan ever done anything terrible? The guy seems like a hero and I will be disappointed if so

Googling has only turned up this hilariously esoteric beef

http://twitter.com/WayneRoutledge/status/53805250355802112

lol

WayneRoutledge
Okok... #aprilfools #gotme
less than 20 seconds ago via web

http://www.whoateallthepies.tv/wp-content/uploads/2011/04/Cesc.jpg

http://i52.tinypic.com/riclec.png

No longer on twitter, or in a job.

alan smith's ex-bird has hijacked his twitter http://twitter.com/AlanSmithy17

(American) footballer courts controversy by rainsing good points

"What kind of person celebrates death?" he wrote. "It's amazing how people can HATE a man they have never even heard speak. We've only heard one side..."

He tried to clarify those comments Wednesday.

"This controversial statement was something I said in response to the amount of joy I saw in the event of a murder. I don't believe that this is an issue of politics or American pride; but one of religion, morality, and human ethics," he wrote.

After quoting a bible verse, he wrote: "I wasn't questioning Bin Laden's evil acts. I believe that he will have to face God for what he has done. I was reflecting on our own hypocrisy. During 9/11 we watched in horror as parts of the world celebrated death on our soil. Earlier this week, parts of the world watched us in horror celebrating a man's death."

AlanSmithy17 Alan Smith17
Alan had the choice to go play for Man Utd or Tottenham, Man Utd offered more money and you see where he went
8 hours ago

a scathing indictment of the man I think all will agree

Just a bit of banter:

Wayne Rooney lashed out after a Liverpool supporter branded him a “fat whore’’ and “ugly lil nonse” on Twitter.

Rooney, 25, promptly challenged fan Sam Oldham to meet him at United’s training ground for a real-life showdown.

He threatened: “I’ll put u asleep within 10 ­seconds hope u turn up if u dont gonna tell ­everyone ur scared u ­little nit. I’ll be ­waiting.’’

The bitter war of words, played out in front of Rooney’s 563,000 Twitter followers, will not impress his boss Sir Alex Ferguson.

And the 69-year-old manager will be tempted to give Rooney the infamous ­Fergie hairdryer treatment, a toe-to-toe bawling out.

The club spends millions ­employing security guards to protect their squad of stars.

A club insider said: “The last thing we need is rival fans turning up ­looking for a fight. The boss will be livid.’’

Rooney and Oldham traded insults shortly after midnight yesterday.

Oldham told the star: “Rooney ya fat whore ill smash ya head in with a pitchin wedge an bury ya with a ballast fork ya fat ugly lil nonse.’’

Fuming Rooney then ­challenged the fan to a ­confrontation at United’s Carrington training ground.

He wrote: “haha you know were I train every day kid come and do it good luck.’’

Oldham replied: “and ill be down tomorrow lad in me twin turbo ­nissan micra’’.

Rooney retorted: “Cool bring ur sandwedge girl.’’

United fans who saw the exchange started blitzing Oldham with abuse.

Both men then appeared to back down. Oldham wrote: “I wasn’t bein a hardman its called a joke mate.’’

Rooney added: “Haha bit of banter and people go nuts chill all people.”

The footballer did not say if he knew Oldham, whose Twitter ­account was shut down yesterday.

ah must have posted this after you on other thread...apologies

haha bit of banter m8ty

Footballers who really don't need their wives to be on Twitter

Becky Doyle revealed on Twitter that her husband, Colin Doyle, and Ben Foster, his Birmingham team-mate, had arrived home late after the club's end-of-season awards ceremony on Monday night. "****** off with my husband getting in at 4am with fossy (Foster) and waking me up," Doyle posted on Twitter. "Celebrate next week when your (sic) safe. Have some respect."

was foster going back for a few games of pro ev or something?

obv his workload is lighter now he has served his time with england.

Would ask why Birmingham hold an end-of-season awards ceremony but suppose there'd just be replies about the Emirates Cup.

http://twitter.com/RavelMorrison49/status/71321933295263746

This kid is seriously stupid. He's not going to make it, is he?

In early 2011, he received a 12-month referral order and was ordered to pay £1,445 in costs and compensation after admitting two counts of witness intimidation.[8] In May of the same year Morrison appeared at Salford magistrates court and was charged with criminal damage and assaulting his girlfriend.[9]

every chance of being the next [CONTROVERSIAL SUPERINJUNCTION EDIT]

Not mutually exclusive tbf xp. What does that tweet mean anyway?

I think he was disappointed with the recipients of the awards and the entire night in general, apart from the minor consolation of his chum "tunners" winning something.

Not mutually exclusive, but he's already had two court appearances and has just slagged off his club's player of the year awards. Doesn't really look all that promising. Most players wait to go off the rails until they at least get into the first team.

Xref with 'rap lyrics written in proper english'

(xp)

P sure eighth most expensive player ever wor Andy was on dat ting even when in the reserves

raheem sterling's twitter is fairly funny...

"@HUTSPiCEmara why ave you tried 2 try n talk aloud of crap 10:06 PM May 18th via web in reply to ImaraROSE"

so many people try n talk aloud of crap?

rioferdy5 Rio Ferdinand
I'm on the UB40.....red red wiiiiiiine!! #oooff!
51 minutes ago

WayneRooney Wayne Rooney
@
@rioferdy5 don't have to much. #stayonyourfeet
40 minutes ago

mildly funny meme-usage there? And the mistake there aside Wazza generally seems surprisingly coherent and capable of spelling and such. I'll have to avoid following him so I never end up accidentally liking him.

I love ol' wazza.

he has a new head

http://yfrog.com/gznpmbtj

@Nanas08
Samir Nasri Official

@immildlyracist listen come in front of me tell me what u tweet i will show who is th c***

lol at Twitter handle "immildlyracist"

Find it hard to believe the big girl Sami Nasri could ever beat someone up.

WayneRooney Wayne Rooney
Me and Jay z chilling in Barbados yfrog.com/kjqeouj
16 Jun

http://desmond.yfrog.com/Himg739/scaled.php?tn=0&server=739&filename=qeou.jpg&xsize=640&ysize=640

WayneRooney Wayne Rooney
Haha it's a lookalike people @jiggawhat
16 Jun

i can see one similarity yes wayne

Ugh, son

If you were going to punt £12k on fake hair would you get a fake receding hairline? For that money I'd want a full head of hair.

not sure i'd go for 2 all over either

http://l.yimg.com/a/p/sp/editorial_image/f5/f5d7e0d3cc20713549dc49944112e62b/this_is_how_a_footballer_introduces_himself_to_twitter.jpg

And then:

https://twitter.com/#!/HayleyGa11agher/status/95611671795609600

Hahaha

LOL

Thanks Paul.

sandroraniere Sandro Raniere
I had my check up today with the doctor, and he said my knee getting better.

What a shit cunt: https://twitter.com/#!/Georgeporter15/status/154992549965213696

The USA international was left stunned as Wigan's then second-string keeper Floyd Croll had Howard scrambling into the back of his net with an incredible Pat Jennings-esque kick at Moss Lane in November 2005.

Croll, now plying his trade lower down the football pyramid with Isthmian League outfit AFC Sudbury, immediately took to Twitter to remind the 32-year-old of his freakish feat.

'I have scored to haven't I Mr Howard #iownyoustill'

https://twitter.com/cesc4official/statuses/156436128906477568

Georgeporter15 George Porter
Pizza express is so underated.
27 Dec

footballers who need to be on ILX

oh Szczesnypaws

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport2/hi/football/16498907.stm

jeez louise

It has a different meaning in Poland.

Rapists obviously dress badly in Poland

Not sure a guy in an Arsenal keeper's jersey can call other people out for dressing like a rapist.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-oxfordshire-16511735

This joker apparently said he'd have to padlock his arse if he had the bed next to Gareth Thomas in Celeb Big Brother. Stay classy, footballers on Twitter.

if nothing else this is hopefully going to contribute to a widespread understanding that ppl on Twitter who do that 'hashtag followed by several words run together' thing after every single thing they tweet are horrible thickos

twitter hashtags are the most banal thing ever and possibly the most pass/agg thing ever when they consist of #compoundphraseshighlightingenemiesnotionalfaults

― jhøshea nrq (nakhchivan), Thursday, January 5, 2012 2:37 PM (6 days ago)

RT RT RT RT

can't believe footballers aren't experts in diplomatic language

Can't believe clubs let them near public fora uncontrolled

don't they get media coaching these days

yeah

I wonder, were media coaching graded, how many of them would pass it?

if you see what i mean, like

http://www.oxfordtimes.co.uk/news/9464684.Lee_Steele_sacked_by_Oxford_City_after_Twitter_remark_about_Gareth_Thomas/?ref=mr

wow. kudos to Oxford tbh

Wish the mighty O's would sack George Porter.

That Lee Steele was the thing I failed to link to just upthread because I am not good with mobile phone cutting and pasting. Some of the reaction to it on the (usually a cut above the rest) football forum I frequent has just added to my general misanthropy.

it's the usual really simple point - if i tweeted that with my name and professional status attached to it i would almost certainly be fired, DUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHH

Yeah, I would have thought so too. Though it's giving the "OMG, PC gone mad, are they banning joeks bruv lol" etc etc twunts a nice platform to air their general idiocy.

Talking of idiocy, Jeff Winter is a tool.

If you get rid of the 'who' in the thread title, you have my answer.

Rugby players who really don't need to be on Twitter

Wrong thread!!!!!!

Right thread!!!!!

this thread is going to be useful for me in my new endeavour. going to have a twitter called something like "footballers doing things" dedicated to RTing footballers who are going to nando's or the cinema, etc.

Basically all footballers do is talk about going to Nandos unless they are Joey Barton or Jos Hooiveld or Cillian Sheridan.

Or Dominic Cervi, he goes to Tropeiro instead, and quotes the bible a lot.

i live really near tropeiro and have never been. because i suspect it will be shite. celtic players liking it isn't really swinging me.

but im semi intrigued. i should go just to satisfy my curiosity.

steven caulker @stevencaulker91
it was all a dream i used to watch Swansea City in division 3 now they in the premier league playing top 4 teams

@ftbllrsdoinstff

ok ive started on this. just on a following spree at the moment, then ill let the sweet sweet tweets come to me. yes i understand there is no reason why anyone would want to follow an account that aggregates boring tweets by footballers.

ha, i was gonna direct you towards phil neville

he's going to be mvp i think.

Aww, the chat between Phil and Gary is quite endearing.

I would recommend the entire fucking Brentford squad ("training done...time to hit westfield") and Boro lad @joebennett27 (who has protected his endless Nandos and FIFA updates)

aye ive a few brentford. niall mcginn of brentford, who used to be at celtic, tweets about nando's about once a week. the holy trifecta is really the cinema, nando's and fifa, with coffee chains getting an honourable mention.

a friend and i actually went to the cinema then nando's today, pretending we were footballers for a day.

I have never been to Nando's

it's alright.

i am now following 274 professional footballers. that's enough for one night.

Neil38Etheridge Neil Etheridge
by ftbllrsdoinstff
Wow just goggled Jay-Z and I think e must have the biggest collection of sun glasses ever! Everything he wears he has shades to match!
9 hours ago

My favourite thing about following footballers on Twitter is seeing the deluded ones who believe the people who beg for retweets because footballer X is their favourite footballer. Seriously. No-one in the history of football has ever had Niall McGinn or Cillian Sheridan as their favourite Celtic player, yet every other week you get a "u cud huv been a Celtic legend, u were my fave player, please RT".

i wd rather eat in KFC than Nando's no lie

Well i just found out Nando's actually recently opened their first Dublin branch, perhaps i will go investigate it this weekend. Exciting

McGinn can't even hack it at Brentford, so the idea of him becoming a Celtic legend is laughable. Our keeper @rleegk has positioned himself as a sort of footballing Alain de Botton, tweeting a load of Clinton Cards 'inspirational' neuro-linguistic bullshit.

the retired colonels' version of St0rmfr0nt weighs in: http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/brendanoneill2/100132849/why-is-nobody-outraged-by-the-fact-that-a-footballer-has-been-fined-6000-for-writing-an-82-character-tweet/

oh god i can feel another poll coming on

eh

'can't hack it @ brentford' isn't necessarily an automatic strikeout in the path to 'celtic legend'

Yeah, League One is pretty competitive.

this thread is going to be useful for me in my new endeavour. going to have a twitter called something like "footballers doing things" dedicated to RTing footballers who are going to nando's or the cinema, etc.

― zverotic discourse (jim in glasgow), Thursday, 26 January 2012 19:51 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

does this exist yet? i will follow

i live really near tropeiro and have never been.

I work right next to it and have never been. We were supposed to go for Christmas lunch in 2010 but a fire prevented it. In the 18 months or so it has been there I have never seen more than two occupied tables.

that's where the marketing team get on the case and 'spacious & comfortable' starts appearing on the leaflets

does this exist yet? i will follow

https://twitter.com/#!/ftbllrsdoinstff

I tried following last night, but Twitter wasn't playing nice.

Following. Good work, Jim.

'can't hack it @ brentford' isn't necessarily an automatic strikeout in the path to 'celtic legend'

Yeah I had forgotten about Rod Stewart tbf.

lol

My favourite thing about following footballers on Twitter is seeing the deluded ones who believe the people who beg for retweets because footballer X is their favourite footballer. Seriously. No-one in the history of football has ever had Niall McGinn or Cillian Sheridan as their favourite Celtic player, yet every other week you get a "u cud huv been a Celtic legend, u were my fave player, please RT".

― ailsa, Friday, January 27, 2012 4:46 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

you can tell by how they retweet that they actually believe them?

Errrrrrrrrrr, since when was Rod Stewart a "Celtic legend"?

But good gag tho

xposts. if they RT without comment someone who says "please RT because I think you're a legend", I sort of believe they believe it, or at least want to. "look at me, followers, someone thinks I'm a legend!"

I hate when footballers (or slebs in general) give it "I'll give out a RT to my thousandth/millionth/adjust-according-to-Big-Club-status follower" - throwing the plebs a wee bone.

idg asking for RTs either tbh, unless you're trying to punt something or publicise a cause.

fuck me this is a lot of work.

future generations will thank you

needs more @kirrard16

keep up the good work! I #ff'ed your account. people need to hear about this!

lolling @ that frimpong RT.

Just a bit of misogynist banter.

https://twitter.com/#!/GeorgeBHall/status/167735431100776450

14 Feb Ryan Babel @RyanBabel
Reply RetweetedRetweet Delete FavoritedFavorite · Close Open Details
When I'm bored on Facebook, I press the home button and realize I'm already on the home page -___-

Kyle Bartley manages to upset both sides of the sectarian divide in two tweets, since deleted:

[“@kylebartley22: Tweeps let me hear some ideas for lent!!”

AMONGST OTHER RESPONSES WAS

@purplemadboy:@kylebartley22 Tweeps let me hear some ideas for lent!!”

m8 lent is for Catholics .. We don't do that !

TO WHICH HE RESPONDED

@kylebartley22:Fuck lent then.. Hahaha..

He does seem like a particularly unpleasant young man

Anyway, he might be giving up his wages for Lent, whether he likes it or not

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/fa/Kyle_Bartley_-_Rangers.jpg

caption: Bartley scored his first goal for Rangers against St Mirren on 6 March 2011

I think he'll be part of Arsenal's huge wage bill this week, now that Rangers have destroyed their historic 100 year friendship with the Gunners.

I saw Bartley tweet that question earlier and thought 'uh-oh, nothing good can come of this'.

Ryan Babel ‏ @RyanBabel
I see it already happen Xavi laughing in his mind standing infront of Parker before the game with the refs thinking " Who's he ? " Lol

the best footballers in the world (and Scott Parker)

hot tip for Ryan Babel: Xavi is not the captain of Spain.

also did not play in that friendly when england beat spain? sub appearance?

http://i.imgur.com/N7mQR.png

However, Pulis is at a loss to understand why Pennant and others would want to use Twitter in the first place.

"The way I've been brought up, I've enough friends and family that I can pick up the phone and talk to them," he added.

"I find it amazing the way these social networks run and people do what they do on them. They're talking to a bunch of Herberts they don't even know, and they are opening themselves up to these Herberts. For me, it is beyond my common sense to do that.

"You have to move with the times, and they [today's players] live in an era where talking via computers is the norm, or becoming the norm. It's very sad in lots of respects.

"But I understand it. I've had to change my ways enormously over my management career to adapt to what people get up to today. But it's still beyond belief that you go on a computer page, or whatever it is, and tell people you are having a cup of tea or coffee somewhere."

otm

lolling at double invocation of herberts

incorrectly capitalized surely

hmm, dunno u know

Kyle Bartley.

surely redeemed by that tweet about the lights going out while he was pooping.

although looking at his twitter now, what did he say? from a quick scan through it seems that the incriminatory tweet has been deleted.

He said that some girls were very stupid and that he'd lost a good friend and a great person. Later claimed it was nothing to do with his friend and former teammates Ched Evans. He didn't even know the verdict as he was on the team bus, tweeting his thoughts on, er, twitter. Where he follows lots of outlets reporting it and people discussing it. So adamant was he that his tweet was unconnected with Evans that he has since deleted it and has ignored many requests for him to tweet regarding his thoughts on Evans unrelated to his other friend dicked around by a woman.

Dude's got previous for being a dick on twitter.

Just speculating, you understand. In a needs-some-PR-advice way.

ugh, fuck 'im, and may ched enjoy his lengthy prison time.

Jody Morris advising footballers to watch out for dodgy immoral women. Hmmmmm.

jody morris still exists?

does this mean if i start a fake bill 'fatty' foulkes twitter, challops from the controversial retired manchester united goalkeeper will appear itt

Jody Morris plays up here. I follow a lot of very dull SPL players.

didn't he have an alleged rapey incident a long time ago?

getting deja vu there then read the thread

Wasn't Morris accused of being a bit rakey in the dim and distant?

― my Bébé just cares for me (onimo), Wednesday, 2 February 2011 12:32 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, that's where it all started going wrong for him iirc.

― ailsa, Wednesday, 2 February 2011 12:34 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

aaaaaaaand another

Such a cunt.

Also did no one at Sheffield United tell them in advance to stfu?

one for Whiney: http://twitter.com/#!/morriskid/status/194413125351645184

Alex Ox-Chamberlain ‏@Alex_OxChambo

#AFC #England
Expand

https://twitter.com/TheRealEboue/status/206880385664172032

new blood

Charlie Mulgrew ‏@charlie_mulgrew
I'v went for it gees sum banter

player of the year, now he's a twatter

oh Charlie

2006–2008 Wolverhampton Wanderers 6 (0)

no bad for a guy with one leg tbfttl
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/f7/Charlie_Mulgrew.jpg/150px-Charlie_Mulgrew.jpg

mulgrew strikes:

Charlie Mulgrew ‏@charlie_mulgrew

Tiger woods will be like a dog with 2 dicks the night.

i did laugh tbh.

this is going to go well

http://twitter.com/therealAC3

Wayne Rooney
@WayneRooney
Ash cole your to funny. Legend

‘Who’s your best friend in the game?’ I asked.
He smiled. ‘You’re not going to like this…’
‘Try me…’
‘Ash.’
‘Which Ash?’
‘Ashley Cole.’
Arsenal fans have loathed Cole since he quit on us for Chelsea in a row over a £5,000-a-week pay rise.
‘Are you serious?’
‘Yes. He’s nothing like what you guys think. Ash is a really sound guy and has been a proper friend to me.’
As I mulled over this shocking revelation, he added: ‘I’d take a bullet for him.’
Coleen nearly choked on her wine.
‘Do behave, Wayne! You wouldn’t take a bullet for him.’
‘I would! And he would for me, too. We’d die for each other!’

yeah i saw that, piers morgan is such a fuckheid

twp and ac3 could roast ten whores a day and write off a ferrari every week and they would still be less obnoxious than that sycophantic cunt

Ashley Cole ‏@TheRealAC3
I'm new to this but is the real me Ashley Cole. #HELPME

https://twitter.com/joleon_lescnot3

MCFC defender. Kinda Gay, I sport a large scar on my forehead, thinking of getting a new one on my leg someday. 100% Original Parody

2000 followers

Rio Ferdinand ‏@rioferdy5

RT @supersimmie: @rioferdy5 Bacary Lasagna » hahahhaha #CookingNames

To all the people asking if I have retired from international football.no I haven't trap didn't even know I was Irish #whataclown

With over 100k followers Gary Hooper is really bringing the content

7 mins ‏@HOOP588
?

Mar 3 ‏@HOOP588
Yessssssssss

Mar 3 ‏@HOOP588
Come on spurs

Celtic nonentity Paul Slane (few tweets deleted but screengrabbed and easily findable, seems he went out to the pub in Glasgow, got pished, ended up in Amsterdam as you do, then tweeted a picture of himself mid-shag with some lassie).

classy

There's also this from last week - Shane Duffy gets pissed on St Patrick's Day and claims someone else randomly picked up his phone to retweet a message supporting the IRA.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-northern-ireland-21830064

Paul Slane now claiming it's all hilarious photoshop bantz by his friends.

Joey Barton momentarily forgetting he's an intellectual progressive of the football world.

Joseph Barton ‏@Joey7Barton

2 questions for Thiago Silva. Firstly, Why are YOU talking about ME, in your press conference before PSG v Barca? Very strange.

Secondly, Are you Pre-Op or Post-Op? #transsexual #thiagosaladyboy

872 RETWEETS 285 FAVORITES

Baffles me, which way he's going. Is he a man changing to a woman or a woman changing to a man? Can't work it out.

248 RETWEETS 68 FAVORITES

Mido is finally on twitter, and it's a treat:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BHhKOOECUAI_5wd.jpg:large

I'm kinda creeped out that you keep my silhouette on your phone tbh

Not my screenshot :)

http://twitter.com/louissaha08 is kind of an accidental weird twitter genius imo

louis saha ‏@louissaha08 6h
#tryit&tellme Take a tomato and put sugar on it. Taste it if you never tried. It taste like strawberry.

ace

wish we had a version of this thread for snooker players - https://twitter.com/markwil147/status/369957387811434496

Lol

Is Mark Williams a ManU fan?

https://twitter.com/Parkolass/status/355793302718644227/photo/1

girls who like rap are kinda overrated

-- and what, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 14:56 (29 minutes ago) Link

you get a good one & its the best shit ever but most of em are boho headwrap chicks or white girls who smoke too much

-- and what, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 14:57 (28 minutes ago)

― moonship journey to baja, Wednesday, 26 March 2008 15:27 (5 years ago) Bookmark

Calum Chambers

God his name looks weird when you look at it for more than half a second.

even bots make themselves more human

btw wbs is my belovedly-named http://twitter.com/B_M321 showing any signs of making a breakthrough at st marys

Only on the bench for our U21s tonight. We've given deals to a few youth teamers this summer, but I'm fairly sure he wasn't one of them.

Tom Carroll ‏@tom_carroll92 5 Oct
Mum buzzing off Drake album on the way home from footy haha

https://twitter.com/charlie_mulgrew/status/392043523371175936/photo/1

(nsfw)

hardman to shitebag in 90 minutes

Rowan Vine ‏@aslrowanvine
Read Sir Neil Lennon's comments regarding tackles in y'days game and said my tackle was 'rugby-esque'..I mean I know he likes the snus....
Rowan Vine ‏@aslrowanvine
But has he been smoking something else..I hardly touched the boy and there were no 'reckless' tackles in the game..
Rowan Vine ‏@aslrowanvine
Might get me mate Alan Shearer to send him another size 9 Umbro Speciali in the dish if he don't pipe down...

Neil Lennon ‏@OfficialNeil
@aslrowanvine Did I read that right

Rowan Vine ‏@aslrowanvine
@OfficialNeil was light hearted,just thought your comment was poor,thought it was a good physical game..
Rowan Vine ‏@aslrowanvine
@OfficialNeil apologies obviously if you've taken offence..

forgotten all about vine... now there's a proper bell end

Aubameyang P-E ‏@Aubameyang7 42m

Ooooooooohhhhghhhhhhh faboulous a faillit nous mettre un golaaaaassss

That Charlie Mulgrew thing was a hilarious way to spot who can't look past the naked bits in a photo and look at the actual face of the person. Also there was one wingnut who tweeted that picture to the NSPCC claiming that it was child abuse for a footballer to post a naked picture when children might look at his twitter feed, and also tweeted it to Police Scotland wanting him arrested for it.

Given the widely reported deaths and chaos, it was clearly not the right time for attempts at humour.

That, however, did not stop some of the lucky ones who escaped the storm from trying. Inevitably, their chosen method of sharing their tasteless thoughts was Twitter.

Football pundit Gary Lineker, 52, posted a picture of a leaf sitting on his car and wrote: ‘Part of a tree has hit the car roof. Not too much damage, I think.’

Sports journalist Jake Humphrey posted a picture of himself pointing in mock-horror at a branch on the pavement, and wrote: ‘Stormaggedon on streets of London. Stay safe out there peeps.’

Didn't even know this dude was still an Arsenal player

Goosh.

https://twitter.com/27StevenTaylor/status/401320823405150208

^ been taken down.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BZHe4e0IYAErn0A.jpg

omg i want this newcastle united advent calendar

An extremely popular member of Alan Pardew's squad

Footballers who really don't need to be on Instagram (yes it's Emmanuel Frimpong again)

Early bath for him today to prepare to go out and draw the girls of Barnsley.

https://twitter.com/joel_campbell12/status/454031121873768448?CMP=EMCFTBEML853

https://twitter.com/georgeelokobi/status/481113999309037568

au contraire

omg

Big George really needs to be on Twitter

oh god it still says Wolves defender on there, i choked up

https://twitter.com/IAMFRIMPONG26/status/483656467132993536

https://twitter.com/filipeluis/status/512617473603276800

https://twitter.com/jordonmutch/status/502537380059168768

whats the best account that just tweets videos/gifs/vines of sick goals

https://twitter.com/102greatgoals

sick

http://babb.telegraph.co.uk/2014/09/sol-campbell-likes-the-conservative-party-doesnt-like-mansion-tax-and-has-political-opinions/

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Bve4av_IMAAHX4d.jpg:large

https://twitter.com/pidge40/status/522334677018107904

@themichaelowen: Films I’ve been forced to watch:
Koyaanisqatsi
Shoah
Barry Lyndon
Threads
Seven Samurai
Battleship Potemkin
The Devils

michael owen @themichaelowen · 6h
About time.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B0SxmlMCEAAzcap.jpg

"mickey you don't like films??" *pulls Koyaanisqatsi from the dvd shelf* "well allow me to blow your mind".

https://twitter.com/YannickBolasie

https://twitter.com/TheNigelAdkins/status/540952970503147520

https://twitter.com/petercrouch/status/558353758313541632

Queen_أرسنال ‏@aicha_AFC Feb 4

@_nachomonreal hi nacho how are you

https://twitter.com/gpaulista5/status/579717411215187969

@NevilleSouthall · 37m 37 minutes ago
Hi my name is neville Southall and I wondered if it was possible to have a chat for some advice regarding a project I am working on
Thanks

Neville Southall @NevilleSouthall · 35m 35 minutes ago
Sorry that was for ann

Nev absolutely needs to be on twitter tho tbf

http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/karl-henry-tells-stan-collymore-5417899

Aldridge opened a Twitter account in March 2011. However he was soon involved in angry exchanges with Manchester United supporters after referring to them as "scum",[25] and eventually closed his account. A year later he revealed that he had returned to the site.[26]

Lenny Pidgeley @pidge40

That goal was mucky #Ballin #Madrid

https://twitter.com/terryphelan

https://mobile.twitter.com/LMarkec50/status/652169424661688322

Keeping the flame burning.

https://twitter.com/wilfriedbony/status/764537392606879746

andyeye77: I fucking told ya, dont make allerdyce coach of England! #udontfuckinglistening

https://twitter.com/andyeye77/status/780718811230138368

On 24 May 2014, Van der Meyde refereed the Lingerie World Cup, which the Netherlands won on home soil.[20]

http://informoverload.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/BALL_B.jpg

Why are the spectators all men?

special guest appearance

https://twitter.com/ericbristow

oh wait, he's apologised

http://i.imgur.com/ecs4YGj.png

http://i.imgur.com/69goUWB.png

https://twitter.com/Carra23/status/808293510407405569

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C0OXA-pWIAQSww7.jpg

Footballers with Animals

cutty's ilx comeback is already getting out of hand

Samir Nasri

https://twitter.com/CEO4TAG/with_replies

Thanks
It should be part of education though so people understand and can be more honest
Kids should not have to hide feelings

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) October 11, 2017

Alternate, much shorter, thread for footballers who are and should be on Twitter.

^ Neville Southall learning about gender identity issues from Left Twitter.

he also posts lots of animal welfare and anti-trophy hunting stuff. he's great.

and has a cool obsession with skeletons

this pleases me

oh yeah the skeleton thing is hilarious too

there is something so warming about Southall's twitter. He genuinely hates the Tories and loves dogs, and his legitimate concerns are mainly missing people + missing pets. Obviously when Lineker + co have been gulagged after the revolution, Nev will be be the new MOTD presenter.

<3

this is the true meaning of Halloween pic.twitter.com/dHJ73TnVRD

— bobby shawarma (@hummusandpizza) October 12, 2017

:D

someone I follow on twitter has deleted all of his tweets except one neville southall retweet, a pro-labour rallying cry

FYI - one for the Showboat here, @SoccerAM 💥#PartOfThePride #AVFC pic.twitter.com/M10as7R1u4

— Aston Villa FC (@AVFCOfficial) October 23, 2017

david dunn rabona dot gif

https://i2-prod.dailyrecord.co.uk/incoming/article11390021.ece/ALTERNATES/s615b/DMwMsnRWAAAXBLU.jpg

i quite enjoy the simon ferry interviews with scottish football players on youtube. most of them come across quite well, even barry ferguson seemed alright to me, and i even maybe changed my mind about him a wee bit. charlie adam comes across like a total dead-eyed dullard

80’s Party 🏀🤣 pic.twitter.com/TtIVlCkrfd

— Antoine Griezmann (@AntoGriezmann) December 17, 2017

https://i.giphy.com/media/JfHZe1lqQCVr2/giphy.gif

(replies are good, but we all know footballers don't read replies)

friend of mine is currently having a Twitter convo about feminism with Woke Nev apparently

woke nev has given his twitter account over to sex workers advocates (for the day I think, not sure)

here's a really good critique of the nordic model being tweeted from nev's account:

Some people think that a legal model which criminalises clients & managers would be helpful for sex workers. This legal model is often called the Swedish model or ‘sex buyer law’.
- @SexWorkHive

— Neville Southall (@NevilleSouthall) April 9, 2018

today's woke nev twitter takeover is user @CorbynistaTeen

3 months ago we have ordered 60 pairs of @HavaianasEurope for the wedding of my daughter. The order has been fully paid, but until now not received. According to @havaianas the package is lost and they don't provide any further information. Very disappointing & a lack of service!

— Ronald Koeman (@RonaldKoeman) June 25, 2018

Amazing.

Devvoed Ron. Mind you, you spent £140m on just flops last summer. Give Ajax a tweet and ask them where the Davy Klaassen order went, because that never fucking turned up either.

— Nick Killip (@Marsantial) June 25, 2018

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dx7h6A6UYAApt9G.jpg:large

football teams who etc

... or Instagram.

The England and West Ham midfielder, 20, was an Ireland youth player in 2015 when he wrote '#UPTHERA' on Instagram.

Amusingly, this was pronounced as "Up the R.A." on Sky News.

soup-taking turncoat

jackeen gombeen man

Watching sky Scott brown what is going on in our game never been a bloke look in the mirror when you wake up to your children 🤚

— Dean Windass (@DWindass10) April 4, 2019

make u think

you have to give it him, he's intelligent enough to breath. I love it when normal-blokeism crosses into crypto-paed territory!

Since deleted and "someone else got my phone"

Trending in the United Kingdom
Matt le Tissier

I presume he'll be doing a bit of anti-mask activism, because he's a fucking ableist, selfish tory pillock!

Bingo

Todays poll. If the government asked you to stop driving because there was a small chance you’d kill someone would you do it?

— Matt Le Tissier (@mattletiss7) July 24, 2020

People going "have you heard of seat belts?" are being accused of making a false equivalence.

Sports personalities - trending

Matt Le Tissier

Trending with:
Holocaust

Can’t wait for the next time you post in here

thank you

won't happen again

No I meant Le Tissier does something progressively more awful every time you post in here about it! I don’t want to see what’s next.

My Twitter Space is about to go live, to discuss my NFT project. Despite the critics, my NFTs will be the first ever that can’t lose their initial value 👊🏻

— Michael Owen (@themichaelowen) May 9, 2022

If we don’t let you sell your jpeg for less than £200, it’s always worth £200!

maybe you can use them as gambling tokens on one of his virtual racehorses when it proves impossible to sell them, even when you win you lose.

Add it to his other successes.

Delighted to see that Michael Owen IPA beer is now for sale in China and Hong Kong.
Join us in tasting our favourite IPA beer! Happy days. pic.twitter.com/KpUGtuIzpf

— Michael Owen (@themichaelowen) September 2, 2020

https://x.com/Joey7Barton/status/1743331027123388893?s=20

Why turn the replies off?

You don’t like hearing the truth.

Hearing the feedback.

Commie cowards.

Stop forcing your Woke, Racist nonsense on us.

DEI and Affirmative Action is failing.

Failing badly.

It’s doesn’t work.

Best person for the job.

Meritocracy Rules. 👑👍

— 👑 Joey Barton 👑 (@Joey7Barton) January 5, 2024

Meritocracy rules, with a crown emoji next to a thumbs up

Well I suppose it does explain his managerial career.

Cricketers who really don't need to be on Twitter.

https://x.com/KP24/status/1777611224160588284