Nult satis nisi optimum: Phil McNulty 2011/12

have at it

will have at it

Wolves and McCarthy rightly celebrated staying up but they will hope that a club of their calibre can perhaps have more than survival as their sole aim when next season kicks off. It should be about more than that for them.

philmcnulty Phil McNulty
No owner should let fans pick manager but no-one in right mind can expect Villa fans to be happy with the man who took arch-rivals down. #fb
3 hours ago

nult exposing contradictions unwittingly.

real or imagined quotes here?

mine is real...

real

always real

real madrid
real salt lake
real nult

How can he fit so many bewildering exposed wires of mangled logic into one <140 character sentence with no punctuation?

No owner should let fans pick manager but no-one in right mind can expect Villa fans to be happy with the man who took arch-rivals down =

nult in 'not of right mind' admission shock?

many seasoned nult readers will know the title is a reference to his supposed favourite team, storied merseysiders everton

i don't know if that is true but liverpool fans in the comments sections of his blogs suggest he is a 'bluenose'

The comments on the Nult blogs have a creepy twilight zone vibe of their own, half of them are "another great blog, Phil" and the other half are accusing him of some imagined bias towards a team, and I end up feeling like CAN NONE OF YOU SEE THAT HE IS JUST WRITING GIBBERISH? HOW CAN HE BE BIASED HE DOESN'T EXPRESS ANY OPINIONS

al-zawahiri will be mindful of how former wigan #2 chris hutchings came acropper as manager when he takes the reins of controversial wahabbist outfit al-qaeda

yeah ferg otm, if ever you wanted grim proof that people online don't give a fuck about writing and just want even the vaguest opinion to bounce their misanthropy off then nult's comment section is it

truest bounce is from a surface with absolutely no angles innit

If McLeish turns out to be a success, his appointment will be regarded as an inspirational move by an owner willing to fly in the face of public opinion. If the Scot is a failure, it is almost impossible to see how Lerner can retain the faith of Villa's fans

amidst the grammar mockery it's worth taking a look at how fucking tedious nult is. if this hated choice doesn't succeed then maybe the fans will be annoyed at the chairman...maybe!

McLeish will have to succeed at an impossible level for anybody to be happy with his appointment i think

that one thing is sure

If Lerner manages to successfully swoop over the Holt End using a home-made set of wings, the decision will be regarded as an inspirational move by an owner willing to fly in the face of public opinion.

fly @ u o_o

The Nult first with the news

Phil McNulty
Author

presumably he doesn't write the headline, because nowhere in that article does it say that Chelsea are going to appoint Villa Boas. It just states that his buyout clause is 15m Euros. iirc Messi's buyout clause is around 300m Euros so they may as well put an article up on BBC sport website that Chelsea/Man City etc are going to buy Messi.

the Villas-Boas article is pretty coherent and grammatically correct, if hampered by that one-sentence-per-paragraph thing. The Nult will perhaps have thought he had been a modernist stylist extraordinaire when he left the BBC house style behind and filled his blog with temporal contortions.

nah the nult will have been subbed properly for a big news piece like that...

no ~the~ svp

nuuuuuuuuuult

sometimes on a day so warm yr laptop has died, all you can think of is a cool glass of chablis and a fresh nultblog on the iphone

By Alan Hansen
BBC's Match of the Day football pundit
United were soundly beaten by Barcelona in last month's Champions League final
Sir Alex Ferguson knew major work was needed to rebuild his Manchester United team - and he has responded in style with his dealings in the transfer market so far.
Ashley Young's arrival from Aston Villa comes swiftly after the signing of Phil Jones from Blackburn Rovers, with Atletico Madrid goalkeeper David de Gea and a high-class midfield player also expected to make the move to Old Trafford.
The loss to Barcelona in the Champions League final at Wembley did not exactly do United a favour but it would have confirmed in Ferguson's mind that his side was obviously on the wane.
Some may have been fooled into thinking everything was OK given United's success in the Premier League but they were the best of a bad bunch last season and Ferguson is brutally realistic.
I stand by my belief that he dragged those players to the title and would have claimed the crown with any of the other top sides had he been in charge of them.
Continue reading the main story
United were awful for long spells last season and really suffered against Barcelona - the fact they won the league was a work of art in itself
How United won the title playing as badly as they did away from home, where they were abysmal on so many occasions, was almost beyond belief. Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson had two factors to address. First, the team was awful for long spells last season and really suffered against Barcelona. Secondly, the natural passage of time has resulted in the retirements of Edwin van der Sar, Gary Neville and Paul Scholes, while Ryan Giggs is edging ever nearer towards the end of his career. Giggs was magnificent last season but can you see him having another season like that at the age of 37? I can't.
Ferguson has bought defender Jones, who is only a youngster and is clearly a signing for the future. Young, a winger, is a proven, fabulous player with great delivery who will add much.
If you watched United last season, they were weak all over. The fact that they won the league was a work of art in itself, the sign of a great club and a great manager, with Ferguson as the key component.
Continue reading the main story
If I was Ferguson I would break the bank to land Luka Modric -he is a class act
The loss of Scholes and the fact that Giggs is another year closer to the end of his career means Ferguson is almost certain to strengthen in midfield. He has been linked with Tottenham's Luka Modric and Wesley Sneijder from Inter Milan, both fabulous players.
I do not know where Modric is going, or even if he is going because Spurs chairman Daniel Levy gave Chelsea very short shrift last week, but if I was Ferguson I would break the bank to land the Croatian. He fits the bill perfectly.
Modric is a class act and his performance when Spurs won at Liverpool on the final day of last season was as good as it gets. When the ball comes to him, he doesn't just instinctively know his three options, he knows the best one to take. He also always has time and space in abundance - the hallmark of the great player.
Ferguson will obviously recruit a goalkeeper to replace Van der Sar, who was a major reason for their success last season and has been for the last five years.
De Gea appears to be the chosen one but the hardest person to replace in your team is always the goalkeeper, as proved by United's struggles to find a quality successor to Peter Schmeichel. Bringing a foreign keeper into the English game is always hit and miss because a big part of the game here is the ball into the box.
We have seen the likes of Heurelho Gomes struggle to cope with that aspect of the game whereas Van der Sar was consummate and his communication skills were wonderful. De Gea is only a young boy, so it will be very intriguing to see how he goes if he does sign for United.
Van der Sar will be tough to replace
Retirement and age have taken some of Ferguson's best players out of the equation but he is a master when faced with this sort of situation.
He will also be aware of the challenges coming from elsewhere. United and Chelsea undoubtedly came back towards the pack last season, while Manchester City may feel they will never have a better chance of winning the Premier League than next time around.
They will spend, Roman Abramovich will back new Chelsea boss Andre Villlas-Boas, while over at Anfield, where not much escapes Ferguson's attention, they now have the Kenny Dalglish factor.
Liverpool will clearly strengthen their squad this summer and there is still the feel-good factor following Dalglish's arrival, which galvanised the whole club. Luis Suarez will also be ready for his first full season in the Premier League. The striker was sensational after coming to Anfield in January.
But history tells us there is nobody better at coming out on top in a pressurised position than Ferguson. He clearly means business after taking stock of the current condition of his squad.
And you would never back against him - you can't back against him - because if he can take his team to the title playing the way they did last season then they would have to start as favourites next season as he begins the process of building his latest Old Trafford model.

Alan Hansen was talking to BBC Sport's Phil McNulty

last para is v much his master's voice tho obv the a true picture of nulto-hansenic relations is yet to emerge

the

Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.
Ferguson will have been well aware that they might not have been so lucky next season.

<3

haha i wanted to post this, so fucking shameful that nult puts his own dirty mark even on an interview. i read it and knew from the first line it'd say nult had done the interview.

like all the great auteurs, nult does his best work with other people's scripts

sometimes on a day so warm yr laptop has died, all you can think of is a cool glass of chablis and a fresh nultblog on the iphone

― tipper gore (nakhchivan), Monday, 27 June 2011 14:24 (1 hour ago) Bookmark

irl lol

only one direction for my thought to go when, reading W.G. Sebald's 'The Emigrants', I come across the phrase 'one thing is certain'. Damn you Nult.

Wonder what Nult thinks of Austerlitz and its long multi-clause sentences, can he read German do you suppose.

No matter how often I tell myself that chance happenings of this kind occur far more often than we suspect, since we all move, one after the other, along the same roads mapped out for us by our origins and our hopes, my rational mind is nonetheless unable to lay the ghosts of repetition that haunt me with ever greater frequency. One thing is certain: Sir Alex will be delighted.

very much enjoying wg sebald but he does have a habit for slightly nult via thomas mann lengthy future perfect sentences in his reimaginings of past lives

― kid 606: the nultness (nakhchivan), Tuesday, March 29, 2011 7:47 PM (3 months ago)

@chrisbevan have a read of wg sebald, excellent prose. @jonathanstevo #themagicmountainmate #alliteration sir alex will have cogitated

By Mark Ashenden

1055: England's Paul Casey will have had better starts to a major championship. Four pars and three bogeys leave him struggling on +3.

I like how in its simplest form that construction just reads as "I can't be bothered to verify whether this assertion is true." Has Casey had better starts in majors? He will have had, I should think.

By Phil McNulty

Manchester City are moving to finalise the signing of Atletico Madrid's Sergio Aguero despite the collapse of Carlos Tevez's move to Corinthians.

City boss Roberto Mancini has decided to press on with a deal for Aguero even without finance from the sale of Tevez.

The two sides are moving towards agreement on the £39m buy-out clause in the 23-year-old's contract.

can someone tell nult that buy-out clauses are legally binding and no agreement is necessary if they are fulfilled

I seem to remember reading (maybe on here?) that the buyout clauses in Spain only apply to deals with other Spanish clubs. Could be bullshit i dunno

was just thinking i was missing pasting nult's every awful sentence on ilx.

think he's had a few weeks off

nult

Cesc Fabregas' future, or lack of it, has once again dominated the summer

The weaknesses that cost Arsenal last season, vulnerability in central defence and a physical presence in midfield, have not yet been addressed.

They may well arrive once the saga of Fabregas' seemingly inevitable move to Barcelona is concluded. And their success will shape Arsenal and Wenger's season.
If they are, Arsenal may cling on to fourth place - if they are not then there is the real possibility of the Gunners dropping out of the select quartet at the top of the Premier League.

IF WHAT ARE YOU CUNT

Dalglish has problems to solve at left-back and in central defence, but if he does that successfully I expect Liverpool to seriously threaten Arsenal and Spurs for fourth place - and well worth a few pounds of anyone's money to win a cup without the added fixture congestion of the Europa League.

and well worth

I love that this article was trailed as Nult making "some bold predictions"

Nult clicking submit then sitting back in his chair, steepling his fingers and going "truly, the cat will have have been set amongst the pigeons. Game on."

Also not entirely sure what Phil is saying "may well arrive", but it seems to be some weakness in central defence and some physical presence in midfield?

Nult clearly making predictions that only he understands so he can't get called out on them

This has created unrest among the fanbase and led to Kenwright's rendezvous with "The Blue Union" in his London office and the frank admissions that confirmed the worst fears of Everton's following regarding finances and the lack of interest from any potential purchasers.

The catalyst, however, is Suarez. The credits were rolling for Arsenal as soon as he appeared. Full of movement - not movement for movement's sake but going into areas defenders do not appreciate - and menace, he unsettled Arsenal's makeshift defence instantly.

"movement for movements sake". WTF?

If Spurs fail to clear the clouds in Modric's mind then they are left with a major dilemma and little time to find a solution.

No such worries for Ferguson as he strode off towards the Stretford End at the final whistle with a paternal smile of satisfaction after watching a youthful United see off Spurs, robust for an hour, to win in style.

this tendency to splice in nonsequitur subclauses - thought by many to rhyme with 'cub pauses' - is quite the new thing for the embattled web scribe nult

There are still as many questions as answers surrounding Torres. When he chose to square for Ramires in the first half Old Trafford's panel of judges was divided. Did he pass up an opportunity to shoot that a striker in full flow, and sure in his powers, would have grasped at, or is he still so clear-headed in his struggles that he calculated Ramires was obviously better placed?

who is this panel of judges he speaks of?

When the list of great managers is compiled, Ferguson's name will be near the top of some lists and at the top of others, alongside the founding father of United, Sir Matt Busby, Liverpool's Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley, the maverick Brian Clough at Derby and Nottingham Forest and his own inspiration, former Celtic and Scotland manager Jock Stein.

good to know there are no good foreign managers.

When the list of great managers is compiled, they will be on some lists and on some other lists.

When the list of great managers is compiled, Ferguson's name will be near the top of some lists and at the top of others

this is a new low. i think he might be reading wikipedia articles i "unsub-edit" and copying the style.

John Terry's meeting with the media started with a bouquet before barbed wire was placed around the elephant standing in the room with England's besieged captain.

Couple of very interesting shouts here this morning that Man Utd should have signed Friedel to allow De Gea to develop. Makes sense that.

not v nulty

With Terry stripped of the captaincy for a second time, the prospect of him ever regaining it will surely be gone forever.

brilliant analysis.

why does he court controversy like this???

ugh grammar

Capello is now handed the dilemma of whether he should even take Terry to Euro 2012 - as well as the possibility that his former captain may not wish to go.

let me hand you this possibility

fucking hell, the whole article is vintage nult doggerel

Capello clearly felt Terry's credibility as captain had been damaged and his ability to lead - and perhaps more importantly unify - England's squad was beyond him.

As the Football Association removes the captain's armband for a second time with Terry scheduled to stand trial in July for alleged racist abuse directed at QPR's Anton Ferdinand - and for which he has entered a not guilty plea - the discussions and conclusions will have been much more complex.

When FA chairman David Bernstein canvassed opinion from his other board members, the legal and footballing implications of such a move will have weighed heavily on their minds, as well as the reaction of their coach.

xhnnntthh ffffffvvvv - pointless subclause - gjtdhkkgrr jecbbjjrr

The FA will feel it has moved to clear away a cloud that could have been the England squad's constant companion up to and including Euro 2012. Terry's presence as captain will have ensured constant questioning about the very obvious sub-plot to this tournament - but it will not go away if he is still a member of the squad.

hating him more than ever now, picturing him having a post-work fosters in salford with "stevo".

kinda imagine them saying 'quaffing'

bevies will have been quaffed by the bbc football men

"stevo it's nult. will have been in the bbc bar at 7 tonight for an hour at 8. you'll want to come?"

Terry's presence as captain will have ensured constant questioning about the very obvious sub-plot to this tournament

feel that 'will have' entering the future tense marks a giant leap for nultianism.

difficult to imagine alphanult's mumbly evasions fitting easily with stevos contrived beta banter

hierarchies will be observed even in salford quays more lively quaffingplaces

The Stamford Bridge surface shows no signs of the heavy weather around London as Manchester United prepare their response to Manchester City's three-point lead at the top of the Premier League when they face Chelsea.

HHhhhhhhhnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggggggggggggg

Many would have paid more than a penny for the thoughts of Villas-Boas if he was watching this game while the wounds heal from his sacking. He may have wondered how he could have failed so spectacularly to coax a performance on this scale from Chelsea during his nine months at the club.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/philmcnulty/2012/03/abramovich_basks_in_chelsea_vi.html

that first sentence is a work of art

the portuguese was literally stigmatized

Getting a bodysnatchers avec nult vibe from the lanchester thread? im scared to go outside now*

*not really

BBC Sport Chief Football Writer Phil McNulty at the DW Stadium

"Expect scenes of verbal carnage in the Manchester United dressing room at half-time. Sir Alex Ferguson literally hopping mad on occasions. Wigan excellent so far and furious with the decision to disallow Victor Moses' goal."

from twitter. "Nani on for Rooney. Rooney been poor tonight - but little handshake with Ferguson as he goes to the dug out." little handshake?

http://i.imgur.com/WeXpg.jpg

OK, this is neither Nult nor football, but I think BBC F1 correspondent Andrew Benson may have outdone the master:

Nico Rosberg's dominant victory in China ensured he has become the first son of a living world champion to become a grand prix winner - and only the third ever. The fathers of Damon Hill and Jacques Villeneuve were killed when their son were children.

"when their son were children" sounds like a play set during apartheid era sa.

this is extracurricular but worth a look

I need some catching up! (avant-garde classical music)

McLeish insists he will not walk away from a three-year contract and as one of the most battle-hardened men in the game. This is no surprise - but he will need Lerner to be as supportive as he was on Tuesday.

I'm starting to think it's house style. Martin Fisher looks ahead to Chelsea-Blackburn:

This end-of-season dead rubber is bound to elicit a level of disinterest not in keeping with how the rest of the season has panned out for these clubs.

By Phil McNulty
Chief football writer, BBC Sport
England manager Roy Hodgson insists he will leave it Uefa and match officials to take action if any his players are racially abused during Euro 2012.

welp.

(okay, after a bit of radical confusion i see where the missing word is now. but still, that's the first line. and 'insists'?)

Not a nactual eponymous nultification, but Guardian keeps an amount of proper gravitas:

Poland would have preferred to galvanise their countrymen, but the side were not masters on this night. Even before they enjoyed a numerical advantage for a spell, Greece had been insistent on showing that they had notable means of their own. It is the co-hosts who may be left to reflect most deeply on these scenes.

There is more.

Some real high energy - or do they call it hi-energy these days? - pre-match entertainment

Nult pretending he's never been to a leather bar

Is that really what they've laid on for the baying hordes? (lol at the story of France having sold 27 tickets btw)

lol merdes

And finally back to hotel in Krakow just as the sun breaks through. Certainly shining on England & Roy Hodgson today. #bbcfootball
@philmcnulty 5 hours ago

5 hours ago, nult will have had a wild bender with the barmy army, inebriated will have arrived back at hotel at 6am.

They have been busy in the transfer market but the main reason for predicting a much-improved Premier League placing for Villa this season is the arrival of the single-minded Lambert. I expect Villa to be much more formidable this season.

Finishing position - 8th

is this the first time he has made any prediction not of the 'formidable catalans barcelona will be a threat in the champions league this year' variety

woah, return of the nakh

that will have been a display name

try parsing this one

It is also a signal that United can and will spend the big money on stellar stars when the moment arrives Ferguson can point at Van Persie as the flesh and blood embodiment of his insistence that owners the Glazers will support him financially when it matters, proof that his public support for the Americans is not simply lip service to his paymasters

that is absolutely immense

'stellar stars' is only about the seventeenth most astounding thing that about that sentence

So while no-one can dress up Van Persie's loss as good news for Arsenal or downsize the challenge now facing Wenger - especially as he has chosen Old Trafford as his next destination - cold reflection from their supporters may just leave them thinking life will go on.

oh shit i didn't even notice "stellar stars"

Haha, I was going to revive this after reading that but got distracted at work.

That quoted bit is like he fired a shotgun full of words at the page.

It's glorious. his ability to make moebus strip sentences out of russian doll grammatical constructions is truly impressive, but even allowing for that he's surely aided by the absence of an obvious full stop there. a relatively crude device by his standards.

http://www.vinylvendors.com/Pictures/s/t/stellastarr365929.jpg

moebius. ykwim.

The Scot hinted at the pain he insists will drive his players to feats of recovery they have accomplished before, bouncing back from the loss of losing the title Ferguson treasures, when he spoke during United's pre-season tour of South Africa.

vintage nult.

btw does anyone think someone had a word about all the "will have knowns", you just don't see them anymore.

And while City will once again cast a considerable shadow, Ferguson can also point to shafts of optimism ahead of United's first test at Everton on Monday even before the signing of Van Persie.

shafts of optimism!

btw does anyone think someone had a word about all the "will have knowns", you just don't see them anymore.

I like to think it was a similar situation to when I realised I kept on putting f'ing things in brackets. Stop! I said to myself, but wd still find myself unconsciously dropping them in. So, McNulty - wrestling away with trying to eliminate 'will have known' from his style, but still forgetting from time to time before exclaiming 'Stop! Recast' and throwing all the words back into his alchemist' pot to come up with something even more deranged and pleasing.

the future perfects are for later on in the season, right now it's just plain future

he is making up for it in other ways though

the sentence structures just get more and more involuted and discordant, just pure will-to-nult with no sub-editors daring to intervene even when the results are strictly nonsensical

it's actually intriguing how someone can "write" sentences that make no sense. what does he think he's saying? he's never saying anything.

Steve Clarke will be delighted with that opening 45 minutes from his new WBA side - but Liverpool will still feel there is plenty in this."

Amazing.

"The secret of good comedy is always in the timing so there was quite simply not enough humble pie to go around as the giant Belgian, almost inevitably after fate was so sorely tempted here, gave a performance of such physical and footballing stature that United's patchwork defence found him unplayable, a bully and a tormentor in the manner manager Moyes would have wanted."

http://www.bbc.co.uk/blogs/philmcnulty/2012/08/towering_fellaini_leaves_fergu.html#more

http://i49.tinypic.com/2ppmrkm.jpg

he now merits his name replacing the headline, such is his quality.

Early start for Warsaw tomorrow for England's World Cup qualifier

Felix Baumgartner. Magnificent achievement & tv moment - fantastic shots. Lands on his feet as cool as you like. Pour him a large cold one. @philmcnulty 1 hour ago

Michael Owen tells Leaders in Football Conference that if he plays well for his club he believes he could maybe play for England again
Retweeted by Phil McNulty

his tweets need further analysis.

there could be a big fb post to come yet this season from the evergreen striker

the tweets don't really give him enough space to really show himself

he is all about the long form, it would be like asking bruckner to write three minute powerpop jingles or robert musil liveblogging wimbledon for the guardian

or felix to jump from the kerb

"Full of surprises this Poland trip. Two men appear outside my 39th floor hotel room in swinging seats and hard hats. Brave window cleaners."

Whatever next!

"I decided it would be best to stop masturbating to internet porn while they were there."

"Began composing horror novel, The 39th Floor."

He's got the soundtrack sorted

Phil McNulty ‏@philmcnulty Had some reaction to John Hiatt "Damn This Town" so I'll recommend the equally superb "Down Around My Place" - #2012tunes

Phil McNulty ‏@philmcnulty Had some reaction to the new Taylor Swift album so I'll recommend the equally superb new LP from Ricardo Villalobos- #2012tunes

blah blah Anal Cunt blah blah hashtag

"Ball seems to be moving very slowly across the surface in the early stages here in Warsaw."

shouldn't have taken that gigantic key of ket before the game, phil.

My first thought was "Michael ball isn't playing is he?"

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/20273167

he's back on form.

Gerrard travels to Stockholm as the only member of England's so-called "Golden Generation" - a title tarnished by the passage of time and persistent under-achievement - guiding the new young breed such as Arsenal's Jack Wilshere, Manchester United midfield man Tom Cleverley, teenage Liverpool team-mate Raheem Sterling and Crystal Palace's emerging tyro Wilfried Zaha.

he will have not been aware that one of the properties of gold is that it will not have tarnished

"teenage Liverpool ninja turtles"

love the way in a sentence so gigantic and unwieldy he still deems it necessary to call Tom Cleverly "midfield man"

That was the touch that delighted me the most. Feel like it should lead to a football version of The Music Man.

sadly he just missed out on his usual "man united midfield man tom cleverley man" full house

About Phil

Phil has covered football on regional and national newspapers since the late 80s and has been BBC Sport's Chief Football Writer since July 2000.

He has covered World Cups for the BBC in Japan and South Korea, Germany and South Africa as well as European Championships in Portugal and Poland and Ukraine.

Born in Liverpool, Phil attended De La Salle Grammar School which later had England striker Wayne Rooney as its most famous ex-pupil.

Phil's main brief is covering the Premier League, England and the Champions League and he can also be heard giving his analysis on BBC Radio 5 live, Radio Four and the World Service.

He was recently included the UK Press Gazette's list of the top 50 UK sports journalists.

About 30 places lower than Ben Dirs.

it's an astonishing level of success for a man who can't read or write.

martin samuel was the winner of that gong tbf

Martin Samwell

from his review of the year:

If Chelsea were in at the end of Dalglish's reign they also helped seal Redknapp's fate at Spurs. They could only finished sixth in the Premier League but replaced fourth-placed Spurs in the Champions League as the new holders.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/20790851

Throwing shadows and avoiding the industry treadmill is very David Bowie despite his extraordinary track record that includes album sales in excess of 130 million not to mention his massive contributions in the area of art, fashion, style, sexual exploration and social commentary. It goes without saying that he has sold out stadiums and broken ticket records throughout the world during this most influential of careers.

Bowie is a seasoned songwriter and many will feel thrilled by the prospect of his return after 10 years out of the musical limelight.

Bowie fans will hail the new track as a welcome return from The Thin White Duke, however detractors may yet claim that the celebrated star should have hung up his microphone many moons ago.

Throwing shadows and avoiding the EPL treadmill is very Leighton Baines despite his extraordinary track record that includes assists in excess of 50 not to mention his massive contributions in the area of art, fashion, style, blog exploitation and social commentary. It goes without saying that he has enthralled stadiums and encouraged ticket records throughout the world during this most influential of careers.

not nult, but from bbc's live blog today:

West Brom keeper Ben Foster thinks it is "unthinkable" that Aston Villa could be relegated, ahead of the Midlands derby at the Hawthorns on Saturday.

hall of mirrors

His influence is spreading,

But Modric is still not the number 10. Mesut Ozil is and how Real missed the keen, outsized eyes of the suspended Germany international. Ozil's nickname at Real is a kind of fish, but Modric increasingly looks like the player out of water and questions must surely be asked of Mourinho's stubborn resistance to Kaka's inclusion in the side. The Brazilian was not even among the substitutes at Los Carmenes, but his input could have been invaluable in a team utterly devoid of attacking ideas.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/21679869

this is full of awful shit.

Jose Mourinho, like the great opportunistic coach that he is, sensed the shift in momentum and introduced Luka Modric, who scored the equaliser while Cristiano Ronaldo finished off the job and ended United's interest in the Champions League at the last-16 stage.

With the possibility of favourites and recent nemesis Barcelona going out to AC Milan and the opportunity to eliminate the dangerous Real a realistic possibility, Ferguson will know a door could have opened here.

Old Trafford, with flamboyant encouragement from an enraged and literally hopping mad Ferguson, raised the volume but United were unnerved, unsettled and world-class players and coaches prey on opponents in those vital moments of weakness.

The Scot could, however, have been weighing up the potential for financial as well as emotional and footballing loss as there was the possibility for fines to run up faster than a taxi's meter had he revealed his true feelings about a night of pure but painful sporting theatre

With the possibility of favourites and recent nemesis Barcelona going out to AC Milan and the opportunity to eliminate the dangerous Real a realistic possibility

it's like some kind of dementedly broken palindrome.

Earlier this week Noel Gallagher criticised Muse and this year's Brit Awards, saying that music is full of careerists at the moment. He also told NME that David Bowie's video for 'Where Are We Now?' "looks like his fucking cat's directed it", suggesting the High Flying Birds man is developing an obsession with all things feline. Could his next album be titled 'Be Here Meow'?

that might be the first use of the 'the <team> man' construction applied to music

controversial former high flying birds man kilbane

What about the rebel groups?

They have proven their capacity to strike at the capital Khartoum and may decide irrespective of the ICC to relaunch the war. Peace in Darfur and with the South has relied on their involvement. The current negotiations on Darfur led by South Africa's former president Thabo Mbeki - tarnished by his failed "quiet diplomacy" with Zimbabwe – hinge on Mr al-Bashir remaining engaged. A genocide charge arguably weakens the already embattled former military man and could leave him with little option but to remain in power by any means necessary.

the already embattled former military man

arguably

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/22446853
Following his aborted first retirement in 2002, there was never going to be the uncertainty of a long goodbye but the speed with which whispers about his retirement turned to a scream painted a picture of a stunning series of events.

lol

http://i.imgur.com/fvlnF5Y.gif

Everton were facing a rebellion from within their own support after revealing a new club crest. The new design does not feature Everton's motto 'nil satis nisi optimum'.

Last week I read The Unfortunates by B.S. Johnson, which is from 1969 and contains an early and somewhat prescient lampooning of Nultism:

"City will have to pull out all the stops today to beat United, with their star-studded forward line containing no less than three internationals, but provided City's Furse has his shooting boots on it may well be that the local lads will show last year's League runners-up a thing or two before their own loyal crowd at Home Park this afternoon.

Yes indeed. Thank Christ I don't have to write that sort of preliminary speculative meaningless crap. Just my own kind of crap."

that's perfect

i have been meaning to read the unfortunates for ages

He does appear to have perfected that mix of fence-sitting banality, ponderous syntax and inane phrases that no one ever really uses ("provided he has his shooting boots on" etc).

Are any of his proper Observer match reports available somewhere? Would like to see how they compare.

"we will have checked your card in a few seconds" - euston lloyds tsb cash machine

http://languagelog.ldc.upenn.edu/nll/?p=5112

Takes a special kind of interest, admittedly.

Heh, there's even a 'sports journalism' comment at 8:33, sadly missing the point that will have been noted by nult

David Moyes announced that he had slept soundly the night before his first Premier League match as Manchester United manager. The weight of expectation accompanying the succession to Sir Alex Ferguson had not kept him awake.

And if Moyes had any dreams, they would have mirrored the events that unfolded at The Liberty Stadium in a manner that had business as usual stamped straight through it as United beat Swansea City 4-1.

a fearful metaphysics - dreams mirroring events (not foretelling or reviewing), the product of which terrifying and rarified concept is resolved from its abstract and vaporous conception into a Blackpool Rock-like fabric of concrete reality. The gnostic, or mirror-dream created inner message of which is known only when consumed. It thus exists S. cat like in a paradoxical status of fatalistic indeterminacy, but is always (to the tolling of a bell):

BUSINESS AS USUAL.

Starring David Moyes as

The Ascetic Seer of BAU.

i'd love to see his face writing that drivel. "ooh look at me, I'm salvador dali. check it oout!"

Yeah, peculiar. Not sure he really thinks that though, seems more like a fairly effortless expression of unpunctuated thought. The effect is great tho. Man's reach exceeding his grasp or something.

Phil McNulty, BBC Sport Chief Football Writer at Goodison ParkFULL-TIME ANALYSIS - Everton 1-0 Chelsea

"Everton showed resilience as well a determination to pass the ball in the manner demanded by new manager Roberto Martinez - and this is a win of huge significance for the Spaniard.

senile fitba hacks will be the last people saying 'spaniard' 400 years after the armada has sailed

In the dark days of summer discontent as Wayne Rooney once again glanced towards Old Trafford's exit, David Moyes made his opening pitch as Manchester United manager.

Manchester City ensured David Moyes' first derby as Manchester United manager ended in abject humiliation with a crushing victory at the Etihad Stadium

not especially classic Nult but I enjoy it because I'm not sure the phrase 'abject humiliation' had ever been used before by anyone but Jafar in Aladdin.

Also Nult really sticks the fucking knife in in that report, what did Moyesy do to him?

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24330700

this is fuckin deranged

Nult will have methodically assembled a colossal suite of opinions on everything related to Manchester United, Sir Alex Ferguson and David Moyes over the past ten years, and today will doubtlessly have been seen to have been the optimal occasion to just absolutely fucking haemorrhage them everywhere for far longer than any sane person could withstand reading

how'd they manage a table of "Utd's Midfield Flops" without mentioning Verón?

He surely knew a joint bid of £28m for Fellaini and England defender Leighton Baines would only antagonise his former club Everton - and made the lone signing of Fellaini for £500,000 less on deadline day appear faintly ridiculous.

...

To succeed such a significant figure as Ferguson while at the same time making key changes to a successful squad made it arguably the hardest job at elite level in world football.

This actually seems like its his life's work but half of the sentences don't even make sense

These are not crisis times for Moyes but troubled times. United have shown their faith with a six-year deal and will not be panicked in any way - but Moyes will know answers must be found quickly.

9.3 triple Nult for the finish and relax/black out for three days

Every new manager almost always brings his old backroom staff with him.

this is my favourite

Fortune wasn't a flop. Quintessential Utd squad player

Made the mistake of scrolling all the way down while still on the first paragraph, there's just no way. I will feel like I've wasted my bedtime reading slot if I try and wade through all that

http://news.bbcimg.co.uk/media/images/70185000/jpg/_70185898_meulensteen-phelan.jpg

ill-judged "does anybody else really miss Mike Phelan" detour in the middle, I for one am gagging to see the ingracious cunt back on TV joylessly toeing the party line to the MOTD cameras

he was on setanta last saturday

he has the demeanour of a 75 year old widower

biscuits you are a saint for resurrecting nultroast

haha, god. that piece must be about 5,000 words.

http://i.imgur.com/F5lznYr.png

ah yes that old quote

But this is a manager, despite his lack of silverware and Champions League experiences, who knows his way around the Premier League.

usually you can only call yourself a manager once you win something

Always thought it was "Attack, attack: attack ; attack - attack. (Attack.)"

time was the worst that he would say about a tier 1 england regular was that he will have wanted to have done better but nult is giving joe hart a kicking in the liveblog today

between this and shitting on moyes' doorsteps it's quite a turnaround for the once quiescent scribe

not even just in the liveblog and his columns either, he's going in hard in the normally aseptically factual match reports. nult's gone rogue.

England face Poland at Wembley on Tuesday in a World Cup qualifier with echoes from history as well as significance for the future as victory will send Roy Hodgson's side to Brazil next summer.

Some have criticised the FA, but it is a decision that will make for an electric atmosphere and while it will also lift Poland, England defender Leighton Baines believes it will also act as inspiration for Roy Hodgson's side.

it's actually a disgrace that he's paid to write.

still not convinced he isn't a reasonably sophisticated algorithm

those two sentences

I mean

just

he obv doesn't even read his own work, it's genuinely a wrong.

Phil McNulty ‏@philmcnulty 3h

England have a corner...Joe Hart needs to be on his toes here.

Phil McNulty ‏@philmcnulty 4h

Having, in a break with old traditions, correctly predicted a convincing England victory against Montenegro, I go for the same v Poland.

i feel that if mcnulty had a personal twitter account it'd have a great deal of grotesque appeal.

Having, in a break with old traditions, correctly

eeuuugghhh

Townsend came out of left field - or in a strictly football context right-field - as a resounding selection success for England manager Roy Hodgson with two outstanding performances in the World Cup qualifying wins against Montenegro and Poland that secured their place in Brazil next summer.

Lampard is intensely right wing - although in footballing terms in fact plays in a more central midfield berth for both Chelsea and England

he didn't did he

oh wait it's you

fucken

Chicharito - which means "little pea" - came from nowhere, although in the more traditionally visuospatial context in which many fans and observers will likely have viewed the match was actually standing on the edge of the Aston Villa six yard area as he rose to head home th

Phil McNulty ‏@philmcnulty 15h
Few Man City fans suddenly reliving a great moment. Getting retweets of my tweet of Aguero's title-winning goal. Brain was scrambled. Again.

finally the mask slips

that gum you like will have come back in style

Seasoned social media users imprison me with RTs. Knowing help will have been sent I wait.

What will the relived tweet have been that will have been retweeted?

Can't find it. Googling just reveals shit like this.

https://twitter.com/philmcnulty/statuses/182577644943060992

Don't click on that link unless you want the perfect image of how short and insignificant our lives are.

I know you'll all click on it.

A jpg of a man who will be dead's face, talking about a goal nobody can remember, after it's already gone in.

future historians will have been glad that's in the archives

https://twitter.com/philmcnulty/status/200958792417017856

jesus

It is also a meeting between two past managers of Real Madrid in Chelsea's Jose Mourinho and Manchester City manager Manuel Pellegrini. If one emerges victorious today it will be seen as a real statement of intent for the months ahead.

the first 18 search results for 'a real statement of intent' are fitba related

Arsene Wenger will face the same questions until the day he can hold up a trophy in front of his inquisitors and remove the 2005 FA Cup triumph as the last entry in his and Arsenal's list of honours.

Knives would not have been out but there would have been knowing glances, suggestions that the excellent form after that opening day defeat to Aston Villa was merely a false dawn before the fade.

In midfield there was much creation to admire from Mesut Ozil but the goals came from Santi Cazorla and Aaron Ramsey, showing that an end product can come from elsewhere even when Olivier Giroud, whose touch has been so sure this season, does not hit the target.

It may be something of a distant memory but Wenger will well remember what it takes to win a Premier League - and how not too many conclusions can be drawn early in the season.

There can no question, however, that Arsenal's mood - and that of their supporters - will have been lifted greatly by events on Saturday.

Wenger will know more after the trip to Old Trafford next Sunday but they will go there in a rare position of strength against a Manchester United side still in the process of the post-Sir Alex Ferguson era and getting to know his successor David Moyes.

The Wenger we are seeing this season looks refreshed. The form of his team from well into last season and continuing into this appears to have had a rejuvenating impact on the 64-year-old French manager.

The German has provided the link and quality that can not only hurt opponents but also inspire his team-mates.

Manchester United moved swiftly to deny they were interested in Ozil as Arsenal prepared their deal - Wenger will hope he will leave Old Trafford next Sunday having shown the reigning champions that maybe they should have been.

that's bad even by his own standards.

doggerel.

http://i.imgur.com/Y9M5UP9.gif

is this the worst bit?

Wenger will know more after the trip to Old Trafford next Sunday but they will go there in a rare position of strength against a Manchester United side still in the process of the post-Sir Alex Ferguson era and getting to know his successor David Moyes.

or this?

Wenger will hope he will leave Old Trafford next Sunday having shown the reigning champions that maybe they should have been.

i mean that double use of "will" in such close proximity. you'd give out to a child for that.

Knives would not have been out but there would have been knowing glances takes it by a furlong

the excellent form after that opening day defeat to Aston Villa was merely a false dawn before the fade.

this is p awful too. after/before.

a false dawn before the fade, to be distinguished from the other false dawns where the dawn doesn't fade

The Uruguayan will carry the burden of keeping Sunderland in the Premier League after a dismal start - not helped by some unforgiving fixtures - that has yielded only a single point from seven games and restoring calm from Di Canio's chaos.

The Uruguayan will carry the burden of keeping Sunderland in the Premier League after a dismal start - not helped by some unforgiving fixtures - that has yielded only a single point from seven games and restoring calm from Di Canio's chaos.

The Uruguayan will carry the burden of keeping Sunderland in the Premier League after a dismal start - not helped by some unforgiving fixtures - that has yielded only a single point from seven games and restoring calm from Di Canio's chaos.

The Uruguayan will carry the burden of keeping Sunderland in the Premier League after a dismal start - not helped by some unforgiving fixtures - that has yielded only a single point from seven games and restoring calm from Di Canio's chaos.

The Uruguayan will carry the burden of keeping Sunderland in the Premier League after a dismal start - not helped by some unforgiving fixtures - that has yielded only a single point from seven games and restoring calm from Di Canio's chaos.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/24445999

Manchester City goalkeeper Joe Hart, especially with saves from Coutinho and Jordan Henderson, was a monument to Pellegrini's measured man management. He has always been the Chilean's number one choice but looked rejuvenated following his recent enforced rest cure.

Some recalled the so-called "Valentine's Day Massacre" not so far away at Oldham Athletic in 1990, when West Ham were also thrashed 6-0 in a League Cup semi-final. That was bad - but it would have had to be very bad to be worse than this.

read that at work earlier and it just straight shut my brain down for about three minutes, defeated utterly by the Nult hierarchy of badness

Brilliant. That last sentence sounds like the strapline for Airplane 2 or something.

And Maradona, looking like a well-dressed pirate, will have savoured the quality in Liverpool's display.....

Maradona will have appreciated the movement and menace of his fellow South American Luis Suarez, whose partnership with Daniel Sturridge shone a harsh light on the seemingly dysfunctional footballing relationship between Wayne Rooney and Robin van Persie.

The Argentine will have noted the relentless work-rate and pressing of Jordan Henderson. He will have relished the enduring brilliance of Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard, now in a deeper role but still the controller.

3 paragraphs, 4 "will haves". The man's a menace.

"harsh light on the seemingly dysfunctional" made my eyes water a bit as well.

http://twitter.com/paulbrownUK/status/451672104815955968/photo/1

https://twitter.com/philmcnulty/status/515253751356358656

http://i.imgur.com/oHqEjYm.png

haha

Tariq Ali

It was a horrific event. It was condemned in most parts of the world and most poignantly by many cartoonists. Those who planned the atrocity chose their target carefully. They knew that such an act would create the maximum horror. It was quality, not quantity they were after. The response will not have surprised or displeased them.

https://twitter.com/TumblrTXT/status/585411804655919104

the atm in my building says something like "please wait - your card will have been checked in a few seconds" and it makes me think of this thread/nult

it's nult's world we just will have lived in it

Gerrard v Lampard: Who was better? 797

Steven Gerrard had the iconic moments but Frank Lampard won more. Phil McNulty grapples with a long-standing question.

25367103-Suicide-attempt-by-slitting-the-wrist-with-a-knife--Stock-Photo.jpg

It is a debate that will be had in the tapas bars on La Rambla but one that will be conducted in an atmosphere of awe.

Could Short even make an attempt to bring David Moyes back to the Premier League from Real Sociedad?

One thing is certain - any contenders will have closely observed the downfall of a succession of previous Sunderland managers and need a lot of persuading that this time things will be different.

http://s18.postimg.org/f0xtkk56h/Screen_Shot_2015_11_15_at_12_26_21.png

lol

slight under the volcano ambience to that.....drinking himself to death at his post , heatstroke, delirium tremens, eventually just ranting incoherently in nult-syntax

yes definitely - Chief Football Writer In Alicante seems like a great novel waiting to be written.

the isis government manifesto is reminding me of nult a bit.

That year was tantamount to the hemiplegia for the idolatrous west that began preparing equipment and projects to strike any project of the Islamic State, and the announcement of the caliphate.

And the announcement of the caliphate was the result of the mujahideen’s realising the lack of advantage in fighting against the idolaters without the existence of a leader and caliph who could gather the Muslims under his banner and be a figure of strength for them.

The announcement of the caliphate in Syria was a powerful blow that the agents of the west who were set on the direction of the Sahwat of Iraq by whom the west thought that it could put an end to the Islamic caliphate project as it had weakened it in Iraq did not expect.

Jihadi groups in Iraq and Syria have lived through long bonds of humiliation pledged on conditional western support, until they seized wide areas of the land and possessed all assets of advancement. Bakr Al Baghdadi is an seasoned campaigner, respected in the region, and will not be easily shifted. However ISIS' vociferous fans will only tolerate poor results for so long before making their feelings known in no uncertain manner.

haaa

Thousands migrated to Syria to fight alongside the mujahideen, without their knowing the direction of any faction, its affiliation or private agendas.

It was necessary to prepare a sound programme in which the muhajireen might take refuge as their jihad is the result of the glory to Islam and the monotheists. Although many tipped Alex McLeish to do the job, the former Birmingham and Scotland man was quick to rule himself out.

The preparatory camp is the first home and school of the mujahid in which his military and jihadi training sessions take place and he undergoes sufficient education in matters of his religion, life and jihad.

Although it is a far cry from Barcelona's La Masia (less paella, sangria, and Messi, and more AK47s and children being hit with whips for minor transgressions, the youngsters here are still being taught the basics of the game.

the 64-year-old, hugely popular Italian will have enjoyed the sweet taste of victory against his former club on Monday.

Had Leicester City kept manager Nigel Pearson - who for all his bizarre behaviour did brilliantly as the Foxes won seven and drew one of their last 10 games to stay up - we would not be in this relegation territory.

But his sacking, with Leicester's board saying their working relationship was "no longer viable", and the appointment of Claudio Ranieri means I fear the worst.

Ranieri's appointment is, at best, left field and at worst uninspiring and unwise. A charming man but perhaps one out of time with the Premier League having last worked there with Chelsea in 2004 and having had a chequered career since.

The Italian known as "The Tinkerman" for his constant team changes was sacked last year as manager of Greece, an infamous four-month reign notorious for a home defeat by the Faroe Islands.

Time will tell - but this one does not quite sit right and it is to be hoped Leicester are not plunged back into the danger zone they occupied for so long last season.

It will come as a huge shock to United's hierarchy, as well as Van Gaal, that they will have their noses pressed up against the Champions League window when it resumes in 2016.

The feeling inside Old Trafford was qualification would have been assured before they even reached the industrial heartland of Wolfsburg for the finale. This was a vain hope.

lol at nult/isis

lately I will have genuinely pondered writing a short story called chief football writer in alicante

alicante is in communidad valenciana right? so probably plenty of the northwest football commentariat filing expenses claims for resort hotels and remembering not to mention neville neville's sexual assault trial over the next half season

yeah it's not as far south as I imagined given its rep. my parents have an apartment south of malaga and the area is full of british - joe kinnear had an apartment in the same complex and he and my dad hung out a bit - it wasn't plush as such, more old fashioned, a place entirely based on weather.

the local restaurant, on a hot motorway opposite strip clubs and right by the beach, had pics of george graham, harry redknapp etc on the walls - a backwater i guess, but with the heat it becomes something else.

ilxor jim will have had positive memories of a brief spell spent in the environs of Alicante in the early 2000s, although it would have not have come as a shock to the Glaswegian that the holiday romance he undertook with a girl from Gravesend would not endure

The Manchester City job appears to have had Guardiola's name on it for years - with the pieces seemingly put in place for his arrival at the Etihad.

All it needed was the nod from Guardiola himself and that seems to have moved closer with his decision to leave Bayern Munich at the end of this season. The Premier League looks certain to be his next stop.

Begiristain and Soriano are already in place and ready to welcome the man they worked with to bring such success to Barcelona. Guardiola's arrival would complete the managerial infrastructure you suspect has been the long-held dream to match the fierce ambition of City's Abu Dhabi owners.

Guardiola may yet be diverted off course by offers from elsewhere - perhaps Manchester United or even Chelsea - but all the smart money is on that dream ticket finally being in place at the Etihad at the start of next season.

The pieces of Wenger's jigsaw look to be coming together but they must now fight off what has often been their fiercest enemy - themselves. Too often Arsenal have been the team that cannot be trusted when the pressure is on.
Can they change that habit of a recent lifetime?

once someone talks about a concept or a "managerial job" or a "nod" actually physically doing something, this is the language of bad politics. incredible that in something as clearcut as sport, nult still finds a way to talk about these ephemeral notions as the subject.

Aye the man's a menace.

"that habit of a recent lifetime"

is pretty incredible

Where Martinez sees blue sky, supporters study the reality of results (especially the humiliation of a derby thrashing) and look at thunderclouds overhead, although even he will struggle to see the sun poking through today.

Phil McNulty ‏@philmcnulty 11m11 minutes ago Salford, England

Lots of large beach balls being knocked around Old Trafford by Bournemouth's fans. End of season fun.

lol

https://www.facebook.com/BBCphilmcnulty/?fref=ts

live q&a on the euro squad. feel free to "get involved" as i have.

starts at 1pm.

i have put it to mcnulty

think he's become self-aware, my question will have been evaded

where is yours? there are only a handful of questions, I'm feeling confident of first contact here

the questions are amassing beneath a live feed, you're in the wrong window

HAHAHAHHAA YES

7-second furrowing of brow as mcnulty fails to make head or tail of my fake facebook name

but then 'a question on tom heaton - will tom heaton have known he would be in this squad a year ago'

thanks mcnulty

why didn't i screenshot his furrowing

your move garda

lol amazing

I'm at lunch but assume it'll be posted as a video after

Liam Dublino Boyle Love the sound of that fax machine

it's up on his page. the magic starts at -17.29. i was wrong about it being 7 seconds btw. more like 15

he's a lot better in person tbf to the man.

http://s32.postimg.org/jcdyyzuad/Screen_Shot_2016_05_16_at_13_59_12.png

i actually can't believe you got him to read out that question. brilliant.

"will tom heaton have known he would be in this squad a year ago'"

*much furrowed brow*

"i think what you mean there is will tom heaton have expected to be in the squad"

yes it is indeed confusing when someone mangles their tenses.

http://s32.postimg.org/im89dgnbp/Screen_Shot_2016_05_16_at_14_05_12.png

yes it is indeed confusing when someone mangles their tenses.

Leave it to the professionals.

looool @ that last picture

also ty garda happy to have my little moment enshrined in jpg form

i like to think he pondered his life and its meaning in that lonely 7-second pause.

i felt a bit sorry for him tbh when i opened the thread and there was like 1000 people saying "vardy and kane up front?" or "rooney past it surely?" or "you boring old cunt!"

i actually can't believe you got him to read out that question. brilliant.

― japanese mage (LocalGarda), Monday, 16 May 2016 14:01 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol ikr

where do you go from there?

i don't know. maybe we are done with him but i doubt it.

there's probably life left in nult but for lj this much be pretty much it

not yet thirty and already will have found himself suddenly and unexpectedly apotheosized on a monday afternoon

when nult is found dead in a few years we know who the culprit will be...

sorry, will have been

fuck me man killing myself at this.

lol

http://i.imgur.com/q1MmOkQ.png

First the sinkhole, now this, lj is strutting like a peacock these days.

http://i.imgur.com/79VYcPR.png

http://i.imgur.com/AK9TCtD.png?1

another great blogfill

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.
And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

And what sort of message did it send out to United's owners the Glazers who, while detached, will have followed his every word? It could have been the opening line of a resignation speech. Hardly stuff fit for the 'theatre of dreams'.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phil_McNulty

Ferguson loves horse-racing - so he will have known he was taking a gamble by allowing one of Old Trafford's thoroughbreds to leave and join a stable that could arguably be regarded as United's biggest European rival.

Phil McNulty ‏@philmcnulty Jun 22

Call Cristiano Ronaldo anything you like - but never call him anything other than a truly world-class footballer.

ive just noticed now that we have two nult threads

could do with a few more really

that tweet is some kind of Platonic ideal of the Colemanballs form

vs

Michael Thrasher, the psephologist who is number crunching for Sky News, has just said the eight results in so far suggest it is going to be very close.

former eu men britain

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CsipuBLWIAAlZbL.jpg

:)

Do you ever wonder what it's all about,
Why no Danny Ings,
Where is Emre Can,
Life I mean...

It's a thing of beauty, Ronan

it was a lucky grab of a bad joke after i had about 5/6 beers watching the match on what was meant to be a "quiet evening in".

That is true beauty.

Please troll McNulty until everyone's eventual demise.

https://twitter.com/philmcnulty/status/813698962360242176

all of coventry shook

cracks are forming in nult's persona

Graham Taylor will not simply be remembered for his outstanding management at places like Watford and Aston Villa where, despite his struggles with England, he proved himself an outstanding manager.

Amazing.

The double figures aggregate loss actually might have been worse and this latest last-16 exit is made even more painful by being cloaked in the feeling of an end of an era after a Champions League story that has increasingly become one of diminishing returns for Wenger and Arsenal.

http://media.gettyimages.com/photos/man-wearing-oxygen-mask-picture-id78783273?s=170667a

Pat Metheny Group - Cloaked In The Feeling Of An End Of An Era

pat murphy group

Jose Mourinho's first season at Manchester United came down to one game at Stockholm's superbly appointed Friends Arena - a game played in the shadow of tragedy but still a game that would define how and he and his team's season would be viewed.

Now this is an opportunity not to be missed. My question: "Just how good an England captain was Mike Denness?" https://t.co/nooghrfJ0u

— Phil McNulty (@philmcnulty) July 6, 2017

a perfect diamond

Chelsea must now decided whether to make that firm move or lose out on a player who has long fancied a move to Stamford Bridge.

— Phil McNulty (@philmcnulty) July 6, 2017

In the event of Romelu Lukaku deciding to stay - which he won't - Manchester United's interest is actually very good news for Everton.

— Phil McNulty (@philmcnulty) July 6, 2017

the opening lines of this from last month http://www.bbc.com/sport/football/40236480 are good

Joe Hart may just have feared the worst as Scotland's Leigh Griffiths lined up a free-kick 25 yards out - three minutes to go at Hampden Park and England protecting a slim lead.

Hart's weakness at set-pieces aimed low to his left was exposed at Euro 2016 by Gareth Bale for Wales and Iceland's Kolbeinn Sigthorsson, the 30-year-old getting hands on both but failing to prevent goals, the second of which ended England's interest in the tournament.

This time Hart was engulfed by the perfect footballing storm of a brilliant set-piece from Griffiths, a wall that did not jump and poor positioning from the goalkeeper himself, too far over to his right to be able to get near Scotland's equalizer.

Griffiths repeated the treatment to Hart's right from a free-kick three minutes later and while England snatched a 2-2 draw in this World Cup qualifier, Hart's position as undisputed first-choice goalkeeper has never been under greater threat.

Two great free-kicks no doubt - but opponents have sensed the soft underbelly in Hart's game and it will not go away.

Phil McNulty

If this football match was vinyl Atalanta are on 78rpm while Everton are not even anywhere near 33 and a third. One for the oldies there.

Atalanta are like a huge USB stick whereas Everton are a floppy disc.

Atalanta are a superneat Casio digital watch with a caluclator while Everton are not even a Half Hunter.

Atalanta are a Class 43 InterCity diesel train while Everton are a donkey pulling a wooden cart and the cart has square wheels and the donkey has tuberculosis

TBFTTMcN valuing 78s over LPs is admirably antirockist.

Atlanta are a Sumerian building site, utilising the wheel for the first time and marvelling as huge weights are moved from one place to another, Everton are the site of the Egyptian pyramids, Koeman on the sideline resembling a slavemaster beating his slaves to death as they haul rocks along with logs underneath. One for the oldies there.

Atalanta*

thought you were using the Sumerian spelling

Good work all 'round guys

Atalanta are a HEL MD photon cannon that can fire 50 to 60-kilowatt laser blasts while Everton are that bone that the monkey throws at the beginning of 2001: A Space Odyssey

lol

lmao

But there is a cold reality to consider here. If Arsenal played like this week in, week out, then they could be proclaimed as title challengers - but they don't, so they aren't.

This article bursting with hot takes could've just been summed up with the above. But Nult ploughed on last night and wrote a long read on why Spurs and Arsenal won't be champions.

Arsenal do have a quiet consistency about them at home but then images of the horror show at Liverpool, where they were lucky to only lose 4-0, invade the memory bank and title aspirations are doused in cold water.

Images invading the memory bank is a nice touch tbf

He'll grind out copy like this well after the apocalypse, I imagine.

read that absolute doggerel earlier.

"here's why arsenal and spurs won't win the league" - because man city are fucking walking it in an unprecedented fashion.

Otm.

Won't someone think of the children though? If Nult is the alpha and omega of football writing - the piece could've been three times as long and still written better by a bot, I'm fairly certain - what young lad/lass would ever pick up the trade? Why bother?

I've been getting into baseball this year, and a big plus is the writing about it. Not the dazzling stats mumbo jumbo, but solely the match reports are a breath of fresh air. It's so diverse, there are so many different (literary) forms. There's freedom and experiment in baseball writing. It seems to flourish. Where, if at all, is this (still) happening w/r/t football?

Eamon Sweeney's article on todays sunday independent on why O'Neill should stay made me chuckle a few times. There was even a good Metal Machine Music joke in there

https://www.independent.ie/sport/soccer/international-soccer/eamonn-sweeney-lets-just-keep-calm-and-carry-on-36332809.html

The Irish, as always, light years ahead of the Brits when it comes to fitba/sports writing. I enjoyed that.

Sam Allardyce is second favourite with the bookies yet he would probably adopt the same approach as O'Neill and be unlikely to do it as well.

i enjoyed that article but this is a strange statement. i'm not pushing mon out the door but big sam would be fucking perfect for this irish team. i would genuinely love to see what he'd do.

XP ito posters anyway, otm

Don't think Big Sam is perfect for any team tbh. Keep him your side of the bay. His nickname is carrying him further than life meant to.

Yeah I'd rather stick with MON than Big Sam

Brace yourselves

O'Neill is doing fine imo

If it's time for anyone to go it's Dunphy.

Yeah, Dunphy Out. I do disagree with Sweeney regarding Jack Charlton's departure. There was a lot more to it than just getting beaten by Holland in the playoffs. The infamous Harry Ramsden challenge for example and generally the rot was starting to set in

yeah that was rose-tinted spectacles for sure.

if his name was Sean Athenry you'd all be backing him for the job.

looooow lie the fields of allardyce

he did manage Limerick back in the 80s tbf

In a typically frenetic Anfield atmosphere, which boiled over in the disgraceful scenes before kick-off when Manchester City's coach was damaged, Pep Guardiola's side had been looking to take the heat out of the game.

past perfect verbiage from the scouse soccer scribe

guiltily confess that i was thinking of the multiple possible meanings of the word "coach" in context, but yes! that too!

idk if it's Ronay's influence but every big game report now seems to involve time standing still, a momentary hush as the ball seemed to hang in the air blah blah

Keith Jackson going a bit Nulty in the Daily Record:

They knew that beating was on the cards just as they will have sat in their own living rooms yesterday bracing themselves for something very similar.

Gerrard completes 'jaw-dropping' deal

Tom English

Chief sports writer, BBC Scotland

"Those of us who love Scottish football will love it a little more now that this jaw-dropping deal has been done to bring Steven Gerrard down from football’s Hollywood Hills and into our world. It’s ambitious, it’s glamorous, it guarantees that every cough and splutter of the Gerrard reign will reverberate around football, not just Scottish football.

"It will be gripping to see how it all turns out. An act of genius or of utter folly? Who knows? Finding out will be a whole lot of fun, though. There is no doubt that this is a gargantuan gamble by Rangers. Going for a rookie manager when their problems are so vast is a spectacular roll of the dice. At this remove, it looks reckless. How can a novice survive in the intense climate that Gerrard is about to walk into?
Steven Gerrard
Reuters

"If he does, it will be a miracle to stand alongside Istanbul in 2005 when his brilliance sparked one of the greatest on-field comebacks we have seen in European football. He now has to spark another comeback. What an appointment and what a eye-wateringly daunting job he faces."

Next level Nultism

every cough and splutter of the Gerrard reign will reverberate around football, not just Scottish football.

keep telling yourself that son

Mcnults seems to be suggesting that England should warp the space/time continuum
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/44637064

“This was a very painful, public indignity and will surely have been noted in red ink in Chelsea's corridors of power.”

Sort of Manson family/The Shining vibe

The 48-year-old landed the job on the back of impressive work at Walsall and Brentford, but this was a well-respected figure destined to return to Villa, the club that coursed through his veins as a lifelong supporter of the club where his father Ron used to be a steward.

do u reckon this is a wind up

even by Nult's low standards that is particularly garbled

very good piece of nult

If Liverpool's rivals did not exactly fear their potential renaissance, they will have known the vast potential waiting to be released once they got it right - which they now have, quite spectacularly.

playing the hits

This eminently sensible, mature and rounded character will know as well as anyone the risks he would be taking in accepting a job that has eaten up and spat out more experienced managers than him - twice in Jose Mourinho's case.

And, for all the goodwill that will cut him a lot more slack than others, Lampard will know Abramovich is not so sentimental that he will preside over any serious period of underachievement without acting decisively, no matter how glorious his new manager's past is at Chelsea.

pardon

There Will Have Wanted To Have Been Blood

hahahaha

England manager Gareth Southgate will have struggled to decide whether his glass was half-full or half-empty as he reflected on a thud and blunder night against Kosovo at St Mary's.

First things first - everyone at Southampton enjoyed a thrilling Euro 2020 qualifier that led to a rousing ovation for both sides at the conclusion of England's chaotic 5-3 victory.

And Southgate will have revelled in England's magnificent attacking display, spearheaded by a world-class performance from Raheem Sterling, who scored once as well as setting up two goals for Jadon Sancho and another for Harry Kane.

Damn

Lampard's strategy was even more high-risk against Liverpool given the fact both his goalkeeper and the current Chelsea defence represent accidents waiting to happen, which they duly did

Liverpool have struggled to find high points this season as their Premier League title defence disintegrated spectacularly and their Anfield form has made history of the wrong sort - but could this traumatic campaign yet have a satisfactory ending?

But manager Jurgen Klopp's beaming smile was back after Liverpool took Arsenal to the cleaners at Emirates Stadium in a 3-0 win that was not close to being an accurate reflection of their total domination.

vintage fare

Just terrific stuff
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/60774931

And the sight of Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp's traditional triple fist pump after the final whistle could just as easily have been the sound of a gauntlet being thrown down in front of Manchester City counterpart Pep Guardiola after this 2-0 win at Arsenal.

lovely. classic nult

Marc Cucurella looked to panic as the ball came in and grabbed at Erling Haaland with inevitable results.

Did the FA simply want an English coach - or did they want the coach who will make the England team winners?

The answer to that question is Tuchel.

lol whoever is nominally supposed to edit him is just sat back laughing at this stage

in his metal machine music era, lol.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/c78dgy9qngno

i read the headline here from the main site and was like 'please let this be nult'

so many great bits

And surely St George's Park and all the coaches and development teams nurtured there can only benefit from having someone of Tuchel's stature and success rate in the building? He will not live on an island. The FA will hope he can make his own indelible mark on future coaching generations.

time for a geography lesson, phil.

I love the ones where he's just given free reign to type out every single thought he's had about an issue

Sometimes I am a mild sceptic about the layout of a piece of prose dictating mood above and beyond what it says, or before you begin reading, but then you see six almost equally sized Nult four-line paragraphs in a row, just a terrible drab feeling.

The notion is misguided as any mistakes made by those who take charge of games, as with players, are because of honest human error, not ill-feeling towards - or bias against - a particular manager, player of club.

Sitting back with a hot drink at the end of a long work day and taking 30-40 minutes to try and understand what "as with players" is doing in this sentence

think he's saying Keane honest human errored Haaland's career

[pointing angrily at a video of Ben Thatcher clotheslining Pedro Mendes] that's bias

The majority of sensible observers, though sometimes not those fans who choose to view decisions through the prism of their own partisanship, accept referees will make mistakes under the severest pressure.

classic nult. the sentence but also the constant positioning of himself and most others as right and reasonable, unlike more hot-headed observers, who will have been trapped in the brig of their own partisan ship.

It is stretching reality to breaking point to suggest all is sweetness and light between officials, players and managers but what has to be real is the principle that none of this goes through any official's mind when it comes to the decision-making process.

In other words they, as in the time-honoured adage about Caesar’s wife, must be above suspicion.

time-honoured adage... again, just absolutely deep, prime nult.

Lee Carsley's reign as England's interim manager has not been without its obstacles, but the most impressive performance of his reign may just have made the road to succession a lot smoother for incoming coach Thomas Tuchel

It's raining reigns, hallelujah, it's raining reigns, amen.

Redemption and revenge for Carsley, along with a list of positives he can hand over to Tuchel, came in the shape this stylish win here in Greece, where the vast crowd inside Athens' Olympic Stadium was silent – not to mention largely absent – by the end of England’s 3-0 win.

looking at old threads i haven't cleared out and just sitting here swaying back and forth gazing at 'where the vast crowd inside Athens' Olympic Stadium was silent - not to mention largely absent'.

Schrodinger's Nult

I often think of this thread name when pondering the mystery that is Phil

this image makes me think of like 'nulty', or 'the talented mr nulty', travelling around europe, lying about matches he's been to or seen, bludgeoning people to death with terrible sentences.

https://ichef.bbci.co.uk/ace/standard/480/cpsprodpb/4aba/live/46c2dda0-3aa7-11ef-bdc5-41d7421c2adf.jpg

Nulty’s Game

When Farhad Moshiri laid out his grand plan for supremacy after taking control at Everton, the mission statement was that he did not want the club to become "a museum".

As Moshiri finally takes his leave after almost nine years of chaos, dysfunction, discontent and squandering of finances on an industrial scale, the great old stage of Goodison Park has more closely resembled a mausoleum.

Credit to the big man for this para though:

Everton's fans were in revolt before Benitez's arrival, although a threatening banner meant for the Spaniard emblazoned with the message "We Know Where You Live" lost most of its impact by being left outside the wrong house.

Nulty being an Everton fan is an underrated part of his lore

for a good few years i've felt sid lowe deserves an honorary phil mcnulty lifetime confusion award, but his lopetegui piece today, christ:

Offers arrived, but it was too soon. Instead he headed to Mexico, where he is building a hotel with his brother Joxean, a former pelota player, and as he arrives at another hotel, this time in Madrid, it is clear getting away from it all was good for him. Heading in, he bumps into Rafa Benítez and conversation begins, back to football again. “Slowly, you start to feel that enthusiasm,” Lopetegui says. “You step back, see things clearly, get closer to reality.”

No one had actually told Lopetegui he would be sacked but he knew. Everyone did. He had been in the job six months, 22 games, yet the surprise was that it took that long. He took three training sessions aware it was over and the sense of inevitability went back further, almost to the start.

Rashford may have claimed most of the spotlight with his re-emergence from the Old Trafford wilderness, but the experienced Asensio has had even more impact and provides Villa and Emery with a close acquaintance with the highest prizes at former club Real Madrid.

he claimed seven eighths of he spotlight

In a season, Europa League apart - although even that ended in defeat in the final - of complete mediocrity for Manchester United, captain Bruno Fernandes has been a shining light.

Often questioned about his suitability for leadership, Fernandes has at least tried to set standards of quality and resilience several levels above most of his team-mates.

It may be strange to offer up a Footballer Of The Year candidate for a team so low in the Premier League, but Fernandes is a deserving candidate.

beautiful first sentence, you can tell he's spent time crafting that.

Many Spurs fans will feel it is right to sack Postecoglou, but others will believe his success earned him the right to a third season, an opportunity to build on the emotional scenes witnessed in Bilbao, then on the streets around Tottenham at the Europa League homecoming.

Truly expert analysis. Some will agree, some not. The best living football writer.