what's the most embarrassing thing you've done at work?

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

2 minutes ago, i was drinking my coffee after fixing a printer, and while it was test-printing, it made this *clunk*, which i wasn't expecting, which made me cough, which made me choke, which made me spit a big mouthful of coffee all over myself, my desk, and the floor. i got laughed at. what a fool i am. make me feel better. please.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 11 October 2002 12:57 (twenty-three years ago)

Shouting 'Show me how much you love me with your hands' in a crowded office.

― Lara, Friday, 11 October 2002 13:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Walked into a reinforced glass door and shattered it with my head

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:01 (twenty-three years ago)

Sat down to eat lunch and my tie dipped into the sauce on the plate. Haha noone noticed though and I got it cleaned on the rest of my break.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Sneezed and farted really loudly by mistake.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:04 (twenty-three years ago)

hahaha

shit, i feel better already

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:04 (twenty-three years ago)

A few years back I was working for a section on the Observer and we decided to call in the Christmas chocolates for a consumer feature, which it fell to me to test.

Forty samples later I was a shaking, miserable, crying wreck in the office. Imagine PMT/S to the power of 100 and you'll have some idea of how I felt and acted, and of course i stayed off the choccies for months afterward.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:15 (twenty-three years ago)

Getting v.pissed off with the guy (a student) who told me off for being late.

(Cos I was late cos I'd been blubbing)

― Graham (graham), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:35 (twenty-three years ago)

Hugglez to Graham. Crying at work is always embarassing, but I always make sure I shut myself up in a bathroom stall somewhere to do it (luckily that hasn't happened in ages).

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:37 (twenty-three years ago)

My trousers split at work once. I repaired to the closest chariy shop with haste. And a long jacket

― Sofa King Alternative (Sofa King Alternative), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:39 (twenty-three years ago)

I fell asleep during a meeting of the entire department. Normally this wouldn't be so bad, especially since I was sitting in the back of the room, but my head slipped of my hand and slammed into the wall really loudly.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:40 (twenty-three years ago)

I turned up to the interview and they gave me the job. Since then it's been a constant humiliation. The hat is an especial source of embarrassment. The times I have turned up on my day off have been quite bad too.

― alix (alix), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:43 (twenty-three years ago)

Haha Dan, brilliant!!

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:45 (twenty-three years ago)

I actually did laugh out loud at Dang's story, but writing "LOL Dang!" is just too detestable.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:47 (twenty-three years ago)

LOL Nicole!

sorry.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:50 (twenty-three years ago)

I caused a huge scene at my last job but one, and I can't decide whether it was embarrassing or GRATE. It involved screaming at my 'team leader' C. (not deleted for discretion, that was her actual name) that 'I WASN'T GOING TO TAKE HER BULLYING ANY MORE, EVIL BITCH', then I stormed out fully intending never to return. Unfortunately I had forgotten my coat and bag and by the time I'd gone back for them a task force had been assembled to intercept me... and I ended up working there for another 3 months. Sigh.

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I got caught wanking all over my boss's face.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:52 (twenty-three years ago)

[by my boss]

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:53 (twenty-three years ago)

Go home.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:54 (twenty-three years ago)

So that's why you had to leave London.

― alix (alix), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:55 (twenty-three years ago)

And why he got dumped by his girlfriend.

― Lara, Friday, 11 October 2002 13:57 (twenty-three years ago)

I changed my hose at my cubicle once (I had ripped the pair I had on pretty badly). There were only a handful of people in the office and I sit back in the far corner... But it was still pretty risky. Why didn't I just go do that in the bathroom? Laziness I suppose...

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 11 October 2002 13:58 (twenty-three years ago)

or maybe you wanted EVERYONE to see.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:03 (twenty-three years ago)

No, I didn't. I thought I'd get away with it.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:05 (twenty-three years ago)

From the beginning of Sarah's thread I thought she was a firefighter.

Walked into a reinforced glass door and shattered it with my head

K-blimey, RickyT. Hope you weren't badly hurt.

A few months ago, I did one of things which they say is guaranteed to ensure you do not get the job if you do it at interview. I walked through the wrong door and INTO A CUPBOARD, disloding a mop in the process. I really should've known better as I'd been at my workplace a year and a half when it happened. In my defence, I'll say that I'd been in a very long meeting in our Board Room with one of our supplies and was feeling rather tired and the doors to the cupboard and the corridor outside are next to each other and coovered in the same kind of wood pannelling. One of my colleagues muttered "You clown" and the supplier reps didn't seem to notice (we've stopped using them since, anyway).

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:06 (twenty-three years ago)

for thread read post, obv. And I'd better point out that I'm not actually on the Board of the company I work for, coz ppl who WALK INTO CUPBOARDS don't get to be directors, right?

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:08 (twenty-three years ago)

i reached over to pick a piece of paper from the floor (after a liquid lunch), took both feet off the floor and sent myself and my chair crashing sideways to the floor. I had a bit of red face after that.

― leigh (leigh), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:12 (twenty-three years ago)

For a moment I was very confused at Sarah's post. I was wondering what 'hose' she was changing until I copped - TIGHTS.

― Lara, Friday, 11 October 2002 14:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Problem was I did the crying at home before I came in. He didn't see me crying, so surely thinks I'm just a moody twat who can't take criticism.

― Graham (graham), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:17 (twenty-three years ago)

Almost as bad: when I left my first 'proper' job, at an accountancy firm, I was sitting in the pub having a goodbye drink on my last day and one of the secretaries told me about something that'd happened a month or so before. She'd typed out a load of sets of accounts to be sent out to a client and laid them on top of the photocopier. I came into the office to do some photocopying and somehow (possibly coz I was in a rush) failed to notice they were there. So I lifted the lid and sent the whole lot tumbling down BEHIND the photocopier, did my photocopying and left, completely oblivious to what I'd done. After I'd left, she had to pull the photocopier out, but as it was next to the wall the accounts had fallen in all the dust and grime and so were ruined and she had to type the whole lot again!

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Graham, student workers are supposed to be moody, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:21 (twenty-three years ago)

Mark, did she tell you this in a 'ha ha - water under the bridge' way or a 'ha ha - I never liked you' way?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:23 (twenty-three years ago)

I like to think it was the former. The fact that we remained friends for a few years afterwards and came to my 25th birthday party where we were laughing and joking about this and other incidents suggests that it was, too. Gosh, that probably sounds really defensive...

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:29 (twenty-three years ago)

It didn't sound defensive to me, until you added the last six words.

― Sofa King Alternative (Sofa King Alternative), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:32 (twenty-three years ago)

I generally think of "hose" as being very see-through & nude-colored. "Tights" makes me think of something you'd wear in the winter to stay warm - often very thick, darkly colored, and maybe even patterned.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:33 (twenty-three years ago)

A friend of mine faxed a document to a client and afterwards noticed she'd accidently written the word 'cuntish' at the top of the page.

― Alfie (Alfie), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:34 (twenty-three years ago)

(something similar to dan's story - at a small philosophy lecture/seminar (in an equally small room), I turned up fifteen minutes late, found out no seats were available, & had to sit on the floor up the back. I dozed off while holding a sheet of paper in front of my face, & it slipped & gave me a 2cm papercut across my cheek. ~~Hilarity ensued etc~~.)

― Ess Kay (esskay), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:35 (twenty-three years ago)

I think 'cuntish' is possibly better than 'cunt'. It might just be an unusual name or something.

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:39 (twenty-three years ago)

haha! alfie, that is so funny.

speaking of tights, i totally have the same associations as Sarah. and patterned tights = classic. stripey being the mostest classicest.

― g-kit (g-kit), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:39 (twenty-three years ago)

She did give me an explanation as to why she had written cuntish, but I can't remember it. Something to do with Kentish Town.

― Alfie (Alfie), Friday, 11 October 2002 14:49 (twenty-three years ago)

On my work camera I found some pictures of a bearlike lady in a wedding dress - My mouth just went "Haha, Who's been taking pictures of a bloke in a dress?"
The girl who's sister it was wasn't amused.

Also my mouth asked my Boss "Have you had your hair cut or have you just been out in the rain?"
She had just had a £100 haircut.

― Simeon (Simeon), Friday, 11 October 2002 15:08 (twenty-three years ago)

Sat back on my chair after giving a presentation at a meeting, only my chair had rolled away in the meantime, so I fell very hard on the floor. I was wearing a skirt, which flew up during the fall.

ugh. I laughed it off, obviously--what else could I do?

― nory (nory), Friday, 11 October 2002 15:26 (twenty-three years ago)

Keep it on?

― N. (nickdastoor), Friday, 11 October 2002 15:29 (twenty-three years ago)

Ah, well yes, I kept the skirt on, of course. Laughed the embarrassment off.

― nory (nory), Friday, 11 October 2002 15:32 (twenty-three years ago)

N. is trying to swipe the Bad Mang title for this week with a Friday post frenzy!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 11 October 2002 18:02 (twenty-three years ago)

When I worked in a garden centre, I was watering the plants and the hose stopped working. Eventually, the boss came out and she was all like "let me see, what have you done to it", then of course it started working again...

I smashed up a computer desk once.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 11 October 2002 18:08 (twenty-three years ago)

I am sure that i have done something very embarassing at work but I can;t recall off the top of my head. The most embarassing ever to happen to me... is a long story... that follows...
when I lived in Booklyn, I was living in a tiny room in the apartment that had no door. I had room for a tiny twin bed and that was it. there were three of us, and since my room was so small, we were not splitting the rent evenly. my friend had not told her mother that I was moving in, and that I was not paying an equal share. I though my friend had passed this info on. needless to say, the mother was upset. and an alcoholic, and insane.
the mother came to NYC, evaded the tight security that was at the door, and came to my office and screamed every single distasteful word extant. it was a bad scene. very bad. that is when I left brooklyn.

― Aaron Grossman (aajjgg), Friday, 11 October 2002 22:36 (twenty-three years ago)

I've just been reminded of the most embarrassing thing ever said to me at work... (I am the only male in a dept of 10)

Menopausal friend of my boss: Do you know, My labia look like old mens earlobes!

― Simeon (Simeon), Tuesday, 15 October 2002 14:52 (twenty-three years ago)

three years pass...

Snort - I'm so glad I found this thread - it has brightened up my day no end.

One of the most embarrassing things I've done at work (and I'm sure there are many) was insult my boss two days into my new job.

She came in looking rather windswept and dishevelled one morning, and I sort of remembered someone mentioning her husband owned a Harley. Trying to make conversation I asked her if she'd came into work on a motorbike. She replied rather frostily "No, I had my hair cut last night."

Turns out her husband doesn't even have a fucking bike and to this day I don't know where I got that from.

― Rumpie, Monday, 31 October 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

Sent the lyrics for the chorus of "California Love" over AIM to my boss.

California...knows how to party
California...knows how to party
In the citaaay of L.A.
In the citaaay of good ol' Watts
In the citaaay, the city of Compton
We keep it rockin! We keep it rockin!

― Confounded (Confounded), Monday, 31 October 2005 18:42 (twenty years ago)

i'm never embarrassing at work.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:17 (twenty years ago)

Having my boss open a letter asking for an urgent reference on my behalf - when she didn't know I was looking for another job - that was embarrassing... it also just happened half an hour ago

― Oh No, It's Dadaismus (Dada), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

I ended up with a helium ballon tied to my ponytail (lucnh time hi-jinks. "How many ballons will it take to make the smallest person in the office float?"). I forgot it was there and none of the bastards said anything. It was there all day and I only found out when I was leaving the building to interview someone and the receptionist asked me about it.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

Not at work as such, but I woke up in bed with four of my co-workers on Sunday morning, with no recollection of how I got there. There have been a lot of evaded glances in the office this week.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:28 (twenty years ago)

wowzers!

― Ste (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)

I recently forgot how to spell "hat" and had to ask a colleague.

― Hello Sunshine (Hello Sunshine), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:34 (twenty years ago)

not the first time, surely

xxpost

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:34 (twenty years ago)

The Secret Life Of Matt DC!

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:34 (twenty years ago)

sounds like you were ROOFED, Matt!!

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

i don't remember starting this thread at all. i remember the incident quite clearly, however.

― g-kit (g-kit), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:35 (twenty years ago)

What does roofed mean? Do I want to know?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

i like it when my hair is poofy
i like it when you slip me a roofy

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

http://earthops.org/newdrug.gif

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:39 (twenty years ago)

Not at work as such, but I woke up in bed with four of my co-workers on Sunday morning, with no recollection of how I got there. There have been a lot of evaded glances in the office this week.

This reminds me, last July I woke up in my co-worker's bed while she was sleeping on the floor right next to me. I do remember what happened though.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:42 (twenty years ago)

did you chokeslam her from the bed?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:44 (twenty years ago)

I called my boss Dad :(

― Mädchen (Madchen), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:45 (twenty years ago)

mark casarotto to thread

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

As for most embarassing thing done at work, that may have been when I was doing my civil service at the library of the Finnish Environmental Institute, and I dozed off while sitting at the customer service desk. I was the only person at the desk, and I woke with a customer coughing in front me, wanting to borrow some books. It wasn't a particularly busy library.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:46 (twenty years ago)

Another time at the library, I had the customer desk shift on Monday, and the previous weekend I'd put some silver nail polish on my fingernails, only on Monday morning I realized I didn't have any nail polish remover at home, so I had to service the customers the whole day with silver nails.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

I called my boss Dad

that's totally embarrassing but not quite as Freudian as Condoleeza Rice referring to Bush (her boss)as "my husband" to reporters.

― m coleman (lovebug starski), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 13:59 (twenty years ago)

"service"

― Jimmy Mod Is The Damnation (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

Unless it IS your dad, which in my case it is.

The most embarassing thing? Shit, dunno, I can't remember anything really embarassing.

― nathalie, a bum like you (stevie nixed), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

"serve", sorry

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 14:03 (twenty years ago)

It's too late for 'sorry' now...

― Jimmy Mod Is The Damnation (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 14:05 (twenty years ago)

The Classic: I had an extra-marital affair with a co-worker. We thought it was top secret hahaha. Resulted in untold public humiliation & personal delusion, the most embarrassing and self-destructive thing I ever did at work. Just ask Bill Clinton...

― Nick O'Name, Tuesday, 1 November 2005 14:09 (twenty years ago)

That would be last week when i got an attack of vertigo sitting at my desk and had to sit on the floor to try and lower my centre of gravity.

― leigh (leigh), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 14:13 (twenty years ago)

The most mortifying thing so far happened within the first month of me starting work in my current job. It was the friday before the grand national, and my boyfriend was abroad and wanted me to place a bet for him. I was too scared to go into a real actual bookies, so I placed the bet online, then went off on a weeks holiday.

I came back, to find an email that the boss had sent round to everyone in the office, saying that they'd been contacted by someone within the organisation's HQ, after they'd had a fax through from the betting company, reminding my boss that betting on .....property was expressly forbidden and a disciplinary offence. It had been a really quiet friday afternoon, and we'd all been chatting, so practically everyone in the office had known it was me, but no-one had told the boss, so I had to go up to her and confess to my 'crime'

It seems pretty tame now, but it was really horrible at the time

― Vicky (Vicky), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 14:15 (twenty years ago)

ive had a couple of panic attacks. plus an outburst at a customer once. miraculously i wasn't fired.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 16:31 (twenty years ago)

i was really hungover at a client lunch and convinced myself that the oyster i was eating (trying for the first time) was producing an allergic reaction. put my head on the table, tried to vomit loudly in the toilet (unsuccessful) and then staggered out of the restaurant whilst my co-workers and clients looked on aghast.

― barbarian cities (jaybob3005), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 17:19 (twenty years ago)

i found this really silly page of a collection of animated gifs of boobs bouncing or asses wobbling. i forgot to close the window when i left and my boss and coworker used my computer before i got in in the morning. luckily they were d00ds and laughed about it. they even asked me to forward the link to them.

― jaxon (jaxon), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 17:29 (twenty years ago)

a friend of mine hit her funnybone so hard on a chair and had a vaso vega reaction and fainted. she passed out, slid out of her chair onto the ground and had a slight tinkle on the ground.

― jaxon (jaxon), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 17:30 (twenty years ago)

I'm imagining John Cale reading that post on my left as Lou constructs feedback sculptures on my right.

― when something smacks of something (dave225.3), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 18:12 (twenty years ago)

apart from my story above, I once met a co-worker on my break and I was just having a milkshake cos I'd eaten before work. I was really embarassed, I hate people watching me drink/eat and I felt very paranoid and self conscious.

― Ronan (Ronan), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 21:21 (twenty years ago)

Suddenly got a gushing nosebleed in the middle of giving my special of the day spiel.

― Are You Nomar? (miloaukerman), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 21:31 (twenty years ago)

CC:d all the wrong people

: /

― c7n (Cozen), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 22:33 (twenty years ago)

a blowjob

― c7n (Cozen), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 22:38 (twenty years ago)

get sent home from work for being too involved in an ILE thread

― emilys. (emilys.), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 22:43 (twenty years ago)

Which one?

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 23:30 (twenty years ago)

A girl I worked with once got so drunk at the office post-xmas lets-finish-the-booze-stash party, that she ended up passed out under a desk (we had the party in the office), her skirt up around her waist and her knickers showing. Also, she'd vommed in a wastepaper bin.

Also, the next day there were photos.

(there was also one of me holding up my skirt (!!) but I remember doing that cos I had shorts on under it and was making a point. Of um... some kind).

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 23:32 (twenty years ago)

xpost one where Ethan was being a Conservative, undoubtedly

― emilys. (emilys.), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 23:32 (twenty years ago)

"you're obviously more focused on the internet right now, so I'm going to ask you to leave for the day"

― emilys. (emilys.), Tuesday, 1 November 2005 23:33 (twenty years ago)

I spilt a full bowl of tomato soup over my groin then shouted “ fucking hell” really loud. My boss wasn’t amused and suggested I go home to change.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 11:43 (twenty years ago)

"you're obviously more focused on the internet right now, so I'm going to ask you to leave for the day"
-- emilys. (slob.gobli...), November 1st, 2005.

ooooh shit. were you a temp?

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 11:47 (twenty years ago)

My most embarassing moment was probably when 3 weeks into my current job I used my boss' car (the financial director) to go to the bank & upon returning to the office I managed to crash it into her boss' (the Managing Director) car. Not the best day ever!

― Panther Pink (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 11:52 (twenty years ago)

"you're obviously more focused on the internet right now, so I'm going to ask you to leave for the day"
-- emilys. (slob.gobli...), November 1st, 2005 11:33 PM. (emilys.) (later) (link)

RESULT!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 11:57 (twenty years ago)

Ooh I just remembered!

To cut a long story short, I slept with a girl from work after a works night out. We agreed that it would be a one off, as I didn’t want to start dating anyone from work. A week passes and she sends me an e-mail asking if I’d like to go out (as in date) with her, so I told her no like we agreed on the night. She kept e-mailing me so I started ignoring them. One morning I was sat at my desk and was aware of someone standing next to me, she just looked at me and with a loud voice asked, “why are you ignoring me and why won’t you go out with me”. I immediately went red after noticing people turn round to see what was going on then mumbled something about meeting her at lunch to explain.

I was very embarrassed.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

I replied to all on an international company-wide email telling us we were no longer going to be provided with free fresh fruit every day. My reply?

"Maybe some of the funds saved could be used to REPAIR OUR LIFT, which hasn't worked for weeks."

Among thousands of other people, my reply went to the Global CEO, a stupendously rich and insane man who instantly demanded my dismissal on grounds of insolence or something. My boss saved my arse.

Note to self - don't email when hungover/cranky.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:09 (twenty years ago)

that's kinda psycho, not-goodwin, how did it play out?

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:12 (twenty years ago)

I used the wrong font.

― PJ Miller (PJ Miller 68), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:20 (twenty years ago)

CharlieNo4 escalates lift repair protest:

http://home.btconnect.com/howejam/dadsarmy/images/GALLERY/jlm_04.jpg

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:23 (twenty years ago)

I met her outside work and told her that what we agreed on before we slept together still stood. She said fine and stormed off. Within a week of the storming off I was labelled a complete bastard with a small dick who was rubbish in bed. A friend told me she’d been slagging me off big time, so when she was on her lunch with her slagging off posse, I walked up and asked her why, if I’m a bastard with a small dick who can’t last 5 mins in the sack would she want to go out with me. she didn’t say much after that.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:28 (twenty years ago)

"go on, press it - pretend it's a missile, you'd like that."

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:29 (twenty years ago)

er, xpost!

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

she has a small penis fetish

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

I accidentally poked myself in the eye with my finger while leaving the office, then withdrew my hand so quickly I accidentally punched myself in the nuts.
I don't think anyone noticed.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

I accidentally poked myself in the jap eye with my finger while leaving the office, then withdrew my hand so quickly I accidentally punched myself in the nuts.
I don't think anyone noticed.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

jesus, moral: NEVER SLEEP WITH COLLEAGUES

― Theorry Henry (Enrique), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:47 (twenty years ago)

i don't think jesus ever slept with the disciples

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:50 (twenty years ago)

What's the opposite of being on fire Ken?

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 12:53 (twenty years ago)

I contrived to throw half a cup of cold coffee over myself.

― the lack of rhythm machine (haitch), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 13:25 (twenty years ago)

alive?

xxpost

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)

-x

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 13:29 (twenty years ago)

I spilt a full bowl of tomato soup over my groin then shouted “ fucking hell” really loud. My boss wasn’t amused and suggested I go home to change.

-- not-goodwin (godwin...), November 2nd, 2005.

This made me laugh harder than almost anything I've ever read.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 13:42 (twenty years ago)

it wasn't funny at the time , but now i'm laughing.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

Deeper-digging hole scenario:

At this bank I worked at, I sat in a pool of coffee and had to walk around all day with a dark stain on the arse of my (cream coloured, it was the mid-90s) trousers.

I solved the problem by untucking my shirt to cover the stain, but then got pulled over by the bosses at the end of the day for not being tucked in properly.

I then had to explain my bosses that I had a brown stain on my ass, and that was why.

Non-impressedness all round.

― Chuck_Tatum (Chuck_Tatum), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

NEVER SLEEP WITH COLLEAGUES

It took me 2 more goes with colleagues to realise it wasn't a good idea. Now I have standards and only have disastrous scenarios with girls that go to my local pub.

― not-goodwin (not-goodwin), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 14:43 (twenty years ago)

this isn't really a roffle, but it's kind of amusing.

I work at a chain restaurant. I walked into the managers office last night to get Brad to fix some stuff in the computer that only managers are authorized to change. so, I walked in and announced,

"HEY BRAD, I FUCKED SOME SHIT UP"

When we walked out of the office he said, "why'd you have to say it like that, man?" Then I looked in and realized Steve was in there, the ultra-conservative Christian owner of the restaurant that doesn't allow us to have piercings and makes us wear ties and stuff.

― Mickey (modestmickey), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 17:09 (twenty years ago)

there goes my chances for employee of the month

― Mickey (modestmickey), Wednesday, 2 November 2005 17:09 (twenty years ago)

xpost No, I wasn't a temp, I'd been working there for a year! I didn't get shit canned, just instructed to return to work the following week more focused. Pretty embarassing, though.

― emilys. (emilys.), Thursday, 3 November 2005 00:03 (twenty years ago)

71 answers, and no one's mentioned crapping their pants yet?

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Thursday, 3 November 2005 00:14 (twenty years ago)

I once worked with a very good-looking Danish woman, who was cheerful and pleasant to boot. One day I wheeled around with a sheet of A4 in my hand and it sliced right into her eyeball. She shrieked and started grabbing at her eye. Luckily, she was wearing contacts. In the bathroom, she flushed out her eye and fished a neatly sliced half-contact out of it. We couldn't find the other half, though, so she went to the hospital. I tried to parlay it into a date but it didn't work.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 3 November 2005 00:29 (twenty years ago)

I've worked basically alone, mostly at home, now for several years, so it's tough to do anything very embarrassing. Years ago when I worked at an agency, I sneezed so explosively that my keyboard got covered in snot and stopped working. I had to go to the tech guy and ask for a replacement keyboard. I think I made up something about spilling coffee and got a lecture about drinks on the desk. Most everybody there knew the truth.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Thursday, 3 November 2005 03:40 (twenty years ago)

!
What kind of freak snot do you have inside your head???

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 3 November 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

Coffee-flavoured, apparently.

Sounds handy. You know, for like afternoon tea.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 November 2005 03:56 (twenty years ago)

i spilled a hot cup of coffee all over my lap last year. FOR SOME FREAK REASON, i had extra clothes in my car. but walking to my car looking like i'd just taken a big steamy piss on myself was pretty embarassing.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:01 (twenty years ago)

Did you shout "fucking hell"? See post further above.

― salexander / sofia (salexander), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry Mands... I really am sorry... but the phrase "taken a big steamy piss on myself" has reduced me to hysterics here. Aaargh.

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:18 (twenty years ago)

!
What kind of freak snot do you have inside your head???
They call me the snotinator. My snot has superpowers. I think I had a very nasty cold. I don't usually emit large quantities of runny snot.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:23 (twenty years ago)

What about lumpy snot?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:25 (twenty years ago)

Is it snot if its runny? Or just... run? Goo?

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:31 (twenty years ago)

Isn't that more like phlegm?

― salexander / sofia (salexander), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:33 (twenty years ago)

It'snotsnot. I figure mucous out of your nose is snot. Snot snot snot - it's kind of fun to say/type.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:35 (twenty years ago)

I speak phlegmish, just ask nathalie.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Thursday, 3 November 2005 04:36 (twenty years ago)

I work in an animation studio which is all guys in their 20's. One day I ran into the computer room where a dozen people were working and farted loudly. A co worker replied with another loud fart on the spot. We high fived and the boss, who was in the room turned around and cracked up. I wasn't really embarassed though. true story. yay me. I m retarded.

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Thursday, 3 November 2005 06:17 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

Ah shit.

I was just washing my hands in the toilet and I noticed my nipples were a bit prominent in my light brown silk blouse. So I tried to push them back in (a finger on each) and left the toilet without realising that I'd left a little water mark on each one.

One of the girls noticed as soon as I came out and nearly sprayed coffee across the room in hysterics.

Bugger.

― Rumpie (lil drummer girl parumpumpumpu), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 08:43 (nineteen years ago)

I came into work today with my flies undone.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 08:54 (nineteen years ago)

My flies are undone about half the time. I started forgetting in my mid-20s.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 09:03 (nineteen years ago)

Only my own nerdiness to blame for my most embarrassing moment at work.

At my first job, when I was still a teenager, I spent most of my time in windowless office by myself. I was hugely obsessed with classical music and listened to it all day long. On my break, I was curled up in a chair listening to something especially good. I was so moved I closed my eyes- and in walks one of my bosses. The next day I got chewed out by my immediate boss for sleeping on the job- she didn't believe me when I said "I wasn't sleeping, I was listening to classical music".

It was a temp job. It ended not so long afterward.

― Father Brian Eno (Father Brian Eno), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 15:33 (nineteen years ago)

I was just washing my hands in the toilet

I prefer to use the sink, myself.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

Surely "toilet" means "washroom" in this context?

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 20:26 (nineteen years ago)

As long as we're talking about transatlantic language differences: "flies," plural??

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 20:39 (nineteen years ago)

it's like we're separated by a common zipper

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 20:50 (nineteen years ago)

BRITS GOT PENI

― n/a (Nick A.), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, we got flies. And maths. Anything you've got we've got many of. Except sport. We only got one of them.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 29 March 2006 21:15 (nineteen years ago)

Surely "toilet" means "washroom" in this context?
Yes, dude. I know you've seen me drunk and all but how dumb do you think i am?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Thursday, 30 March 2006 01:03 (nineteen years ago)

I'm just thankful that the email alias 'matt' now defaults to my husband's address and not to my colleague also called Matt. My husband getting the odd boring email about cataloguing protocol is not embarrassing, whereas my colleague getting emails meant for my husband...

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 30 March 2006 08:30 (nineteen years ago)

i don't remember making this thread.

― teh_kit!!1 has 3 friends (g-kit), Thursday, 30 March 2006 08:43 (nineteen years ago)

sometimes our brains do us great favours, to make continuing w/ life possible

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 30 March 2006 09:01 (nineteen years ago)

I didn't know we were supposed to say "flies", instead of "fly"

― RJG (RJG), Thursday, 30 March 2006 09:01 (nineteen years ago)

I once thought I was emailing the ebuilieant assistant to the Dean but the email was actually sent to the Dean which read " I want cookies! More Cookies!"

Luckily she just replied "Cookies are good!"

it must have been odd because I had worked there for while and hadnt talked to the dean at all before then.

― Mr Jones (Mr Jones), Thursday, 30 March 2006 09:25 (nineteen years ago)

> Except sport. We only got one of them.

then explain the common English phrase 'sports day'.

did anyone see that program on ch4, Balls Of Steel i think it was, where in the context of a game show they wired a bloke up to a fake lie detector and got him to admit to, er, onanism in the office?

― koogs (koogs), Thursday, 30 March 2006 10:17 (nineteen years ago)

I had to look that up.

― Onimo (GerryNemo), Thursday, 30 March 2006 10:31 (nineteen years ago)

"Sports day" is pluralized because it's hard to say t and d next to each other.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 30 March 2006 10:37 (nineteen years ago)

Alternatively, not plural s but possessive, because it is a day belonging to sport. (Ignoring the missing apostrophe.)

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 30 March 2006 11:06 (nineteen years ago)

You've queered my pitch.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 30 March 2006 11:30 (nineteen years ago)

five months pass...

I came to work today with my shirt inside out and walked around the office that way until lunchtime when someone pointed at me, laughing. Although it was somewhat humiliating to be wearing an inside out shirt, I was secretly pleased to cause such hilarity. My excuse is that I get dressed at some horrendous hour, in the dark.

― Hard like armour (Hard like armour), Sunday, 10 September 2006 22:32 (nineteen years ago)

at least you wore a shirt. it counts for a lot

― -- (688), Sunday, 10 September 2006 22:40 (nineteen years ago)

I don't remember it, but I understand I fell asleep in a meeting once many years back -- which was compounded by the fact that there were a total of three people in the meeting, including myself. Apparently the meeting leader, having taking note of this, continued on without a care. (Said leader left a couple of months later, which was good because he was wearing out his welcome.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 10 September 2006 22:55 (nineteen years ago)

It has buttons down the front. Everyone wanted to know how I magically did up my shirt inside out.

xposst

― Hard like armour (Hard like armour), Sunday, 10 September 2006 22:56 (nineteen years ago)

On my last helpdesk job - which was 98% guys - I was standing round with the blokes and everyone was talking about getting a physical at the doctors (in the context, I think, of drug testing etc). One of the guys mentioned how he hates the prostate "turn and cough" test.

So I pipe up with "I've never had one of those thank god".

And wondered why everyone cracked up in hysterics :(

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 10 September 2006 23:44 (nineteen years ago)

Ha ha, I never got the "turn your head and cough test" either. It always makes me think of The Fonz, because I am sure I recall that from a Happy Days episode. He was wearing his leather.

― Hard like armour (Hard like armour), Monday, 11 September 2006 00:15 (nineteen years ago)

(got = understood, not experienced, obv.)

― Hard like armour (Hard like armour), Monday, 11 September 2006 00:27 (nineteen years ago)

i still can't bring myself to share it. maybe in a few years. or when i've left this job.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 11 September 2006 07:57 (nineteen years ago)

the second most embarrassing might be the time i stomped out of the office in a white-hot rage after an argument about a picture of the jesus and mary chain. my god, i used to take things seriously.

stet and i used to work with a bloke who was constantly doing things like this. he once kicked a wall so hard he knackered his foot and came to work wearing a slipper the next day. oh, and broke a toilet in some kind of weird ragey outburst. (he'd have gotten away with that one if he hadn't told us, the twat.) most priceless moment was when he thumped his desk in frustration and managed to bounce a cup of scalding coffee into his groin. happy days.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Monday, 11 September 2006 08:23 (nineteen years ago)

I got a very nice, handwritten letter from P3n310p3 J4rd1n3 today, informing me of the death of Mur131 5p4rk. I'd accidentally sent MS an automated letter. I knew she had died, of course I knew. It's the database's fault, honest. *teh embarrassment*

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 11 September 2006 09:45 (nineteen years ago)

In my only ever conversation with Mur131 5p4rk, I absentmindedly called her "mate".

― Nicholas Passant (Nicholas Passant), Monday, 11 September 2006 10:03 (nineteen years ago)

I turned up at work in my pyjamas once. I'm too embarrassed to say more

― stet (stet), Monday, 11 September 2006 10:07 (nineteen years ago)

madchen

how is Ms Jardine doing, sometimes i find myself worrying about her, oddly enough

― anthony easton (anthony), Monday, 11 September 2006 10:08 (nineteen years ago)

Her. "We have to leave the coffee machine on when we leave."
Me. "Grinding through the night??"

Bizarre pause.

― JTS (JTS), Monday, 11 September 2006 12:19 (nineteen years ago)

The letter was too short to tell, Anthony. It may have been deliberately terse - after all, we did do An Stupid Thing - but it might just indicate lack of time. I guess she still has a lot of correspondence to deal with as well as her own stuff. Her handwriting sloped upwards from left to right, which I understand means she's energetic, optimistic and assertive. Or that might be guff.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 11 September 2006 13:15 (nineteen years ago)

C'mon grimly, pls spill #1, don't tease.

Was the toilet-breaker the guy that otherwise appeared mild mannered?

― Hard like armour (Hard like armour), Monday, 11 September 2006 20:58 (nineteen years ago)

I've never had a turn-and-cough. I wonder why?

I think those are for hernias, not prostates. The prostate exam is much more intimate (ie, invasive).

― The Pig on the Stairs (hanging in a groovy purple shirt) (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 05:17 (nineteen years ago)

As for my embarrassing story:

I was working at a flower shop, working the phones. A woman called to order a flowering plant so I told her about a few we had. I rattled off names and descriptions, kalancho, tea roses, african violets, etc. As I got around to the cyclamens I had in the back of my mind a poem I read years before that had a line about mixing up the words "clematis" and "clitoris." My worthless brain took this into consideration as I told the woman, "We also have fresh red and pink chlamydia."

She ordered the cyclamen, but only after I put her on hold for an extended period of giggling on both our parts.

― The Pig on the Stairs (hanging in a groovy purple shirt) (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 05:26 (nineteen years ago)

God bless the internet!! Nothing need ever be considered lost again.

I give you "Elimination Dance," the poem that was to put into motion the events described above. I have not seen this poem since 1992 in Harpers.

― The Pig on the Stairs (hanging in a groovy purple shirt) (unclejessjess), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 05:31 (nineteen years ago)

Fart up a storm. Also, while preparing the main conference room for a super-ultra-important client luncheon, I accidentally operated a vacuum cleaner in reverse, spreading dust all over the nice dishes and silverware.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 06:54 (nineteen years ago)

Also, I failed to notice that our graphic designer misspelled "Jersey" in the proofs for one of our mailers, which meant everything had to be reprinted -- a mistake costing the company several thousand dollars. (Dude did not -- and was not expected to -- use spellcheck on his own work.)

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 06:59 (nineteen years ago)

fuck spellcheck. how can you mis-spell "jersey"?

C'mon grimly, pls spill #1, don't tease.

it involves stet, an e-mail, a quark pasteboard, a despatch server and a number of deeply pissed off colleagues. no chance.

Was the toilet-breaker the guy that otherwise appeared mild mannered?

so mild-mannered i'm surprised the toilet didn't kick him in the balls.

― grimly fiendish (grimlord), Tuesday, 12 September 2006 08:24 (nineteen years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.