The strangest of the strange: it's 2015 and summer is queer°•○●□■♤♡♢♧☆

Let's beat the heat.

http://www.haro-online.com/stuff/psychobe2.jpg

I'm hoping these thunderstorms are melting the unbreathable butter we've been breathing all weeek.

Exactly what I was just hoping. They are beautiful.

bae and i experimented with some coconut oil the other day. it went... surprisingly well

thanks for the psycho beach party header, surm.

anytime

This summer's gonna hurt like a gay thread.

i'm recuperating from a bitch of a summer cold but i've dropped a few pounds as a result.

i felt a cold starting in my throat on Saturday, took one zinc tablet. seems to have worked!

(so fuck you coughing a-holes on the subway)

yeah i'm battling a bummer cold now

My summer allergies kicked into full gear last week. I fucking hate this season.

trying to make friends with the sun this year. so far she's been good to me.

Got a second date tonight. Taking him to a free screening of Pixar's latest.

oof. i am pride'd out.

Still 2 weeks out here, and the complaints about basically everything are already rolling in.

i am NOT prided out bc i was away this wknd. i need to feel some pride!

we took a fella home from the bar last night. it went...ok? we're both pretty new to this and not sure how to manage all the various feelings and expectations that attenuate to this kind of thing. doubt we'll see him again but it wasn't a disaster.

that's awesome - it takes some getting used to but can be super fun

Literally everyone else in the world is doing this right now but me, it seems.

But, you know, first things first. It takes two to make a thing go right.

looking for Gay Shame events here -- apparently still only a thing in SF.

the air here is still like dog puke.

it gets better Morbs. there are more thunderstorms a comin'

Tonight's movie date canceled in favor of another happy hour on Thursday. Probably for the better since he's a good conversationalist.

yeah! conversation is better than sitting in silence

also: drinks=fun

Yeah, he and I have got way more to talk about than we have to not talk about rn.

there are more thunderstorms a comin'

yes, just late enough for me to go all the way out to Queens because they won't postpone the Mets game til i get there. yay wasted evening!

I MARCHED IN A PRIDE PARADE (?!?!) this weekend which was extremely atypical for me but also extremely fun!!!! Who knew!?

i marched in SF pride 2013 with the free chelsea manning contingent (which was great) and manned a booth at LA pride 2009 (which was awful)

i didn't even march in my college reunion non-pride parade o_O

also can someone pls confirm that i am not the only one who knows the lyrics in the thread title?

http://33.media.tumblr.com/9704f35a9e65d83321bd7e84e71a2cb7/tumblr_n9qhxbGFRs1rkhacro6_500.gif

thank you.

is Rehoboth Beach fun? should i go there to see the MEKONS play next month, and stay the night? Stevie?

i had fun there (tho i got caught in two downpours) - somewhat older crowd, bars close early

What's the most direct way to get there from NYC? That whole Delaware bay thing confuses me.

i took a bus down there - i don't remember from where or how i got where i was going once i got there (my friend's mom had a car)

so this is the weekend at my boss's country house. i think i have a pair of short black swim trunks? he said to bring a swimsuit, jeans and a sweater. i'm excited!

also he sent me a picture a week ago of of 2 handsome gentlemen jumping off the dock so i guess maybe i'll actually swim? i usually just look pretty on the beach as opposed to actually going in the water

I like Rehoboth quite a bit but transit to/from is a major pain in the ass w/o a car. You'd have to get to Wilmington, DE and take a bus from there but iirc it only runs like friday night and sunday night? or something?

i went to INDUSTRY last night

what kinda COVER? was there a theme?

Have fun on your boss weekend; I will be watching library DVDs and trying to sow some wet oats before my dry mini-vacation.

Literally everyone else in the world is doing this right now but me, it seems.

― Norse Jung (Eric H.), Monday, June 15, 2015 2:07 PM

hi! I've been to two pride events in my life. My priority at present is to finish a Thomas Hardy novel and finish Tom Hardy.

we've had skies of an irritating blue for days and 10 percent chance of rain through Father's Day = Miami at its best + worst.

You know, I misread your remark, Eric. Pride = no. Threesomes = yes!

Fuck you.

https://outofboundsinsydney.files.wordpress.com/2014/03/threesome-1-781674.jpg

I'm serious. I can't do anything right.

honey, are you OK?

No, but I'm seeking help.

went on a ~20 mi bike ride w/ edwin on friday, went back to his place cuddled, got some filipino food and watched dune. we've been hanging out a bunch lately and yesterday he asked "so uh... what are we?" i guess the answer is sorta-bfs but i don't know. he knows that i won't be living in the country a year or so from now and have been taking things slow... so we'll see i guess? \(‘_‘)/

hi how do i get boys to like me and also how do i feel sexually liberated ty

i'll just leave this here

https://instagram.com/dilfs_of_disneyland/

Eric, i hope you found the help you needed, or are at least on your way. clouds, that sounds v nice, if ambiguous - where will you be going in a year??

Josh -- that's a tough question. i think it helps to put yourself out there as much as possible! go out, be around boys, try to set up dates, just talk to ppl, etc.

the Young Pianist showed up at Folsom East in his harness, and we made out some.

(he's also a Matmos fan!)

hot

i just got back from my boss' house in NH. 3 gay couples. i found out 2 of them have ... very flexible rules.

live free or die

(that's probably Vermont's motto, or someplace else)

it's like 85 degreees at 7:30pm. Should i turn on this AC that's probably 50 years old and will probably pump dirty air into my lungs?

actually it is in fact NH's motto http://www.first-time-home-buyer-solutions.com/images/new-hampshire-sign-live-free-or-die.JPG

my fan's doing good right now, near the window, but if the AC is your only option, go for it

just lucky!

yea i was p lucky this wknd, i can't lie

(and yeah great guess!)

I have been having a v gay time lately!

I don't even know where to begin. I feel like I am in the midst of my very own gay fantasia.

http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view4/4244857/kith-buddy-cole-jail-o.gif

Hahaha

i essentially just spent 5 days with my boss, one of the most magnanimous and successful gay men i have ever met. the past 2 days, we were at a work retreat together, and apparently it was pretty obvious how much i like the guy, according to my BFF.

we had to keep it under wraps that we spent the weekend at his country house because no one else had been invited yet, it was very stealth

ummm OH HAPPY DAY guys!

and girls!

I'm doing all I can to temper my natural tendency toward Gluckschmerz today.

fight HARD Eric

The alternative is to stay at home alone all weekend vomiting everywhere like that neighbor woman in The Tenant.

omg i still need to see that bad.

It's in many ways even better than the other two in the trilogy.

You really wanna watch Eric vomit all weekend?

Thomas' dissent is just... Wow...

Sorry, wrong thread.

Using my lunch break at work to put on some clear nail polish.

snazzzzzzy

I used my lunch break to turn Scalia's opinion into nail polish.

if only he'd had a stroke this weekend.

decision got a shoutout from the country's premier scholar on baseball's origins at my awards luncheon.

What award did you win?

the Sarah Siddons award

the Bang Eric and Alfred's Heads Together Like Larry and Curly Award

hello is anyone there?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KBQVKzNpW4s

hi Alfred. i'm ........ home alone

On my way w/cold white wine.

i wish. i did something not so good at work

i took a copywriter into the men's bathroom and got a little rough with him. i don't think that's like allowed in the handbook

is the urinal still in place?

yes but i can't say the same for my dignity atm

he's not even that good-looking!

cotdam
https://vimeo.com/45479858
REVOLUTION NOWWWWWWWW

see also 30+ years later
https://vimeo.com/38227391

I don't care how lame it makes me that I enjoy pride as much as I do.

<3

i met up w/ gr80 on Sat night andd clouds last night, enuf pride for me

Love has no pride.

What's love got to do with it?

i was blaring Tina on pride, that was my pride morning

pride mourning

http://cdn1.sciencefiction.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/kitty.jpg

my boo who I been kickin it w/ for the past 4 months moved to Portland like 20 minutes ago :-(

Hey guys, I got married yesterday!

These last two posts combine the bitter and the sweet.

Congrats, crypto.

Sorry, stevie!

i.e. welcome to the gay thread

Oh jeez, had I noticed what post I would have been following, I would have held off on my announcing until after someone had posted a joke about fisting or something.

Genuinely sorry, Stevie.

Also, I probably need a new display name, considering, but my gay sadness of the week was learning that then co-star of my favourite gay romance is a homophobic asshat.

Why is he your favourite?

He isn't, his film My Bodyguard. I'm being a bit wink-nudgey whenever I call it that, of course, but still like 80% sincere.

My Bodyguard *is*.

oh it's okay, we weren't "officially dating" but we were texing every day, hanging out once or twice a week, making dinner for each other, screwing, sleeping over, being unguarded and emotional and talking to each other for advice, etc

CONGRATULATIONS crypto! so amazing.

Stevie I'm really sorry, that's so hard. <3

congrats crypto! i like 'my bodyguard' too (watched it for the first time earlier this year)

sorry stevie :/

i saw MB when it came out... Matt Dillon = chicken delight

Belated thanks for the congrats, guys!

I thought Dillon was waaay hotter in Little Darlings (that HAIR).

And in case not everyone here reads the documentary thread, the new Larry Kramer HBO doc is good, though How to Survive a Plague is still better. Still, I fear that the combination of being fresh wed and too many sad movies (this and Inside Out in the last couple of days) is turning me into a crybaby.

happy 4th ~~

My friend invited me over to watch a movie w/ him and his husband and he fell asleep and I fucked his husband in hot tub (and a sling) (and a bed) until 5:30 am, whoops

that was my 4th of July

god shed his grace on thee

Whoops!

the Fuck Heard Round the World

sounds about right lol

hi, my name is surm, and i'm gay and drunk

I'm Alfred. I'm gay and eating oatmeal.

I'm Morbs, I'm queer and entering my second week on the BRAT diet.

you devour awful children

do we think Ryan Vigilant is cute?

http://queermeup.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/NAKED-AS-WE-CAME-5.jpg

yes. is he on the cleanup crew at your school?

just learned one of my good gay friends in town is going to be taking a job offer in madison, wi and moving in like 6 weeks. he's been living apart from his husband for a couple years as they pursued their careers and he's making the move so they can be together again. i know it's the right choice for him but for right now i'm feeling selfishly sad about it.

That's not selfish at all. Selfish wd be you being pass-agg towards him or guilting him about it (like a mutual acquaintance did NONSTOP for weeks when my pseudo-boof moved to PDX in June); you feeling sad and wanting him to stay so that you have someone to hang out with is completely reasonable.

yeah any good friend moving away is gonna inspire those feelings i think. seems pretty normal to me you'd feel that way

he's been conflicted about taking the job because he really enjoys the life he's made here, the decision's been up in the air for a couple of weeks. now the decision's been made i feel bad for being disappointed. i really value his happiness so it's good for him to go, but... :(

Madison has its benefits.

http://youtu.be/DkNoxh8qZgU

That thing I was involved in, it ended last week. I was prepared to walk away and reset my brain, but the other couple somewhat abruptly broke it off themselves, and I had to spend the past week engaged in caring for the worse-off of the two. This, despite feeling relatively emotionally raw and lost myself.

It's amazing how incredible one can lose their sense of self in a romance, I feel like I need to remember who I am and what I do with my days. Remember what my conversations and friendships were like before I met them. I think back to where I was before this whole ordeal, and remember I was just posting here a lot, spending too much time on the internet, getting depressed about my "career", feeling no social grounding. So it was a positive thing, this romance. But right now I guess there needs to be some redefinition of self.

A terrible narrative that's been occupying my head these past few months is "how should a queer be", like, I walk away from this romance feeling no sexual desire, feeling no desire whatsoever, just a cold nothingness. Does whom-you-desire define your sexuality? I wish I could even get through a movie without sinking into the feeling of missing that "romantic obsession". I don't have a taste for good food or travel or anything any more. Just a nostalgia for that period last fall when my life was romantically upended.

The Lex said it was about one's "urban enclave", making a family therein, and I thought I had that but I don't, I'm just an individual with a cluttered house and an internet connection.

I wish I was good at casual sex, basically. Love you all, all you homos, but today and today only I'm extending a middle finger to those of you who are capable of hook-ups and one-night stands without feeling like your entire universe has been inverted

Last month I caught up with a friend who is lesbian and I have had the biggest crush on for years, and would throw aside my entire life to just be her houseboy. I was talking with her and realized that nine years had gone by since we'd lived in the same city; nine years! The feelings I have for her were rooted in such old memories.

She's married now and living on the other side of the country. She and her wife have gotten really into country & western dancing, and making boots for people, with customized stitching and stuff like that. She gets a lot of orders from the gay and lesbian community, and has designed a boot commemorating the 51st state (a fictional queer state). (It occurs to me that some posters might actually know this woman, she was a part of West Side Stitches some years ago and ran with Ginger Brooks Takahashi.)

She told me about the history of gay and lesbian country & western dancing, how it became a kind of proxy queer culture during the AIDS era, a way of having a social activity that wasn't rooted in bar and pick-up culture. Considering that the culture of my straight friends in their 30s is "last hurrah sexcapades" or "baby photos!!" I'm just feeling super left-out, the music scene I've participated in is decidedly for people younger than me, I wish I even had a water cooler or something.

My therapist is away today, babysitting his grandchildren.

I love that yr posting again, fgti, and your posts are always thoughtful and provocative and courageous, but I'm sorry your recent experience has left you feeling "emotionally raw and lost." "How should a queer be" is a question I occasionally struggle with before going, "aw, fuck it," but my recent marriage has caused it to stir around my brain a little more frequently lately (though I'm still as convinced that taking this leap was the right thing to do as I have ever been about anything, ever).

A conversation with my five-year-old niece yesterday concluded with her exclaiming, "You're married to a BOY?!" which led to a mildly awkward moment where my mom hastily stepped in to explain that "boys can marry boys" (to which my niece was pretty much like "ok" [*shrug*] before moving on to the next thing) but, eh, an amusing moment and perhaps a teachable one as well.

I'm just an individual with a cluttered house and an internet connection.

me too.

hope you feel your way out of the cold, dear.

I'm just an individual with a cluttered house and an internet connection.

just. like. everybody else does

I wish I was good at casual sex, basically. Love you all, all you homos, but today and today only I'm extending a middle finger to those of you who are capable of hook-ups and one-night stands without feeling like your entire universe has been inverted

this is the 1st wknd away i haven't hooked up with someone unexpected, except for my boyfriend

also i'm too skinny and will be making it my mission to gain 4 pounds in the next week, i feel like i'm an actor playing a part for a movie

and yes you can think i'm a dick bc this entire post is annoying thx

always glad to see you post here fgti and i hope you weather all of your various emotional storms. i have no idea how a queer is supposed to be and i doubt i ever will, and i distrust anyone who claims to have the answer. (i mean i like to think that implicit in the uhh project of queerness is the notion that there *isn't* a set-in-stone answer! which is both liberating and frustrating as hell.) also the c&w thing is really fascinating to me! i would like to read more about that.

fwiw the day after i posted about us taking a guy home, we decided to stop doing extra-relationship commingling. not gonna get into why, but we both agreed it's for the best.

A good--hell, I might even say necessary--convo for queer couples to have. I was getting worried for a second because I never bothered to bring up the issue of "so, are 3somes still ok?" in the lead up to our marriage, and my partner is the far more likely of the two of us to decide that they no longer are, but the other day he dropped a casual reference to what will likely occur when our one friend visits us in a few weeks that was still very-pro groupsex, so whew!

all depends on the day tbh

this weird thing has been happening with sex, and my hair. i don't know really how to explain it better than that. you know i guess you have good hair days and bad hair days. i dunno, but listening to this new Robyn song is making everything p good.

I think I just cybered with someone. It's like all 1998 up in here.

cyberwhatted?

don't worry i do that all the time with video. it makes me feel like a lead from a 1990s movie about Long Island throwaways but that's OK for now.

LOL

Am picturing a 1998 video connection and all that buffering.

The crackle of the dial up, the snap of the cockring.

lol

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q37CHEMiXi4

don't even get me started on Janet!

How empty of me, to be so full of me.

I discovered AOL sex in the summer of '99. Not once did I ever do cybersex and often felt like Jennifer Jason Leigh in Short Cuts. I couldn't believe the dude at the other end had taken his dick out and was doing things to it.

i stuck with LOLsex as i did not own a computer until 2009

ooh they're playing janet on the helpline for Verizon Wireless customer service!

The comeback is cemented.

that's right.

Alfred do i need to see Short Cuts?

If you fast forward through Jack Lennon's scenes.

*Jack Lemmon's too.

the hell you say

stop tugging at your collar, Morbs

Thanks for your kind words, guys. A part of that vent that might've come off as overdramatic, even maudlin, was I walk away from this romance feeling no sexual desire, feeling no desire whatsoever, just a cold nothingness. I... am not overstating this at all in the least, and though I'm totally doing OK, any tips as to get myself feeling human again would be appreciated. I feel like I'll never have another boner or enjoy another meal. I'm enjoying long runs and swimming and lifting and over-eating, tho. (Aside from one confidant, and my therapist, and these posts,) I am keeping all social conversations entirely directed toward other topics.

A routine is the best remedy, babe.

I did get a chance to get into my garden yesterday, I snipped kale and parsley and basil and made a tabbouleh that was truly for the gods. The blandness of the meal really suited my mood, lifted my spirit to let shine its grey light more greyly

My therapist: "think of how inspiring this whole affair will be for your songwriting" fuck you fuck you fuck you I write songs to make the money to take care of the people I love, I do not fuck up my relationships utterly as a method to eke out some inspiration. Writing is my fucking job.

Lay folk have the addled belief that this is how art works.

tabouleh and songwriting are 2 of my fav things

Dawn Powell and men are two of mine.

FGTI, your therapist has it the wrong way around.

Heartbreak and emotional chaos doesn't happen to ~sharpen you songwriting skillz~ or whatever. Your songwriting skills are there to help you cope with and digest and feel your way out the other side of the heartbreak and emotional chaos. Art exists to help you digest and overcome pain - your own and other people's.

I'm sorry this has happened; I'm sorry you're in such a bad, numb place. That numbness and inability to feel (in me, at least) is a sign that you've been overwhelmed by emotions too painful and frightening to feel. (Big unacceptable nasties, often: not heartbreak or the sads, but anger, abandonment, betrayal, rage.) The only way to get past the numbness is to feel those horrible emotions and come out the other side. For me, art provides a kind of a safer space for expressing those horrible emotions without tearing myself or others apart over it.

Apologies if my thoughts are unwanted. All unsolicited advice is worth the paper it's printed on. Hope you get through this x

i'm sorry too fgti. i know the feeling.

can't bring myself to go on grindr today, even though i have the house to myself, and promised a nice boy office hours

ok now that i'm drunk, i'm wondering if maybe i can bring myself to go on grindr. still tbd.

i don't like drinking alone.

"when i drink alone, i prefer to be by myself"

George Thorogood? That's the straightest cultural reference on this thread all summer.

My favorite thing is arriving at a restaurant early and having a drink by myself at the bar.

My favorite thing is arriving at a restaurant two hours early and being completely trashed by the time my date arrives.

That is, if I haven't already left with some 80-year-old first.

http://i.imgur.com/H9CrxX6.jpg

A weird thing has happened where I feel as if my memories of the last ten years have dissipated and I'm existing in this time warp where my most prominent memories are those of my late teens and early 20s. I look around my house and see objects recently acquired and no memory of what they are or what they're for, or why they were acquired in the first place.

Like, I put on a record recently purchased but have a false memory of listening to it when I was lying on my buggy mattress next to the south-facing window with no blinds in the squat I lived in when I was 20. I had no way of listening to music then but the memory is vivid.

Expressions of sympathy for my current mindset are noted but not necessary. Some of you know just how depressed I was the year leading up to this relationship, how my job at the time led to a complete collapse of my entire life-long value system of "what art is for" and that I was left feeling out-to-sea and directionless. This weird state of confusion now is, at least, not rendering me non-functional. I'm straightedge now, too, which is pretty interesting, I already had too much thought and now I have far, far, far too much thought.

I'll tell you all about something fun and decadent that happened though, just so I'm not endless grey cardboard posts this week.

A few weeks ago, prior to the break-up, while I was away for work, having a day of the sads and feeling a great deal of missing of the men-I-loved, I was fixing my brain by getting drunk with a pile of people at a seafood restaurant. We ate a large platter of Galician octopus. I then found myself drinking tall whiskeys with Mr. N___ and Ms. A___ and then suddenly was black-out drunk and running down the streets in Barcelona to the beach where we stripped naked and swam. I woke up and the three of us were spooning in my bed.

When Ms. A___ went down to get us breakfast, Mr. N___ and I (still fucked up drunk) started making out and then we were in the shower and fumbling around. He had a dick like a trumpet and it was pointing right up at my face and he said “you want I to fuck you later?” and I remembered how much I hated big dicks. Aside from the obvious weirdness about being in a sex situation where there’s a serious inequality between one's textbook dick and your sex partner’s ridiculous priapic object— not to mention the physical difficulty of dealing with large penises, like, where can you put them? no not there, and not there either— there’s this cock-suredness that appears in the human they’re attached to that is so not fun and not sexy. So we fooled around a little bit half-heartedly, and I spent the morning thinking that asexuality was a more appealing road than falling into these accidents. Although, these “accidents" are so few and far between for me, not just now, but always, so I am not complaining.

After a day of hilarious hungover me and some bad arrangement work and restorative pinxtos me and Ms. A___ went for a long walk. She ended up climbing into bed with me and cuddling me and kissing my neck and fingers and then finally she kissed my mouth. And we drifted off to sleep without going any further and I was impressed to remember how gentle physical intimacy with women can be, it felt more like an experiment in expression than a sport with a defined objective.

:)

good luck + stay strong, fgti

I love that last paragraph.

I appreciate what Branwell is saying about finding art as an outlet, as a coping mechanism, but I make art professionally-- not to imply that other's in this thread don't get paid for their work, or that my methods are somehow loftier-- but I make it with a professional attitude, that its goal should be reaching and shaping a consumer's experience rather than cluttered with self-care. There is no space for catharsis, I'm not moved by those stories or those works. Listen to myself, I am Momusing. I am embarrassed I don't know what to do with this new heartbroken, unmotivated, sober, over-thinking self-centred black hole of a person I've become. I'll sign off for a while, thanks again to you all <3

awww man, you are a lot of things, but not a black hole. hang on and keep your eyes open.

your posts have been illuminating

I want you as my therapist, fgti.

FGTI, we have opposite problems re: art. My therapist is always telling me to pursue it professionally and commodify it for consumers. And I don't want to. For exactly the reasons that you are describing. I get that this is your livelihood, your career, your profession, and you know what, the auld sofa-surfer was right about a lot of things, so don't worry about sounding Momusian. (But really, maybe, you could find another form of art, which is not for commodification, but for self care. Don't worry about who likes it or doesn't like it or whether it's the kind of art you'd be moved by. Do it to get your feelings back. Yes it's a Rock Star In Decline cliche to take up painting or bloody awful poetry and be *terrible* at it. But if it works ...?)

I guess you believe in the redemptive power of Love, while art is just commerce. I believe in the redemptive power of Art, while love is ... well, entrusting your happiness and wellbeing to the care of another person (or another couple in your case) is inherently unstable.

Was going to put in some warning about not overromanticising the idea of "physical intimacy with women involves no power dynamic" but there's no way I can put it ~gently~ enough for where you are emotionally right now. My experiences really haven't worked that way, and I've found it a dangerous fallacy.

(This is projection; I'm saying this from the other side. I'm standing at the door of something, and knowing I should not go in. Not even knowing what it is, but knowing I should close the door and walk away. The other party is a male-bodied person (well... Ish.) but fundamentally homoflexible, and I'm just looking at this, not even knowing what they want (probably nothing and the whole thing is in my head) but just feeling vomitty and panicky because I know I can never, ever, ever be "The Girl" in any relationship, ever again, not for anyone, not those expectations, not all that rot, I can't help this body, it's just what I got. I am quite certain I am going to fuck this up spectacularly badly, and ruin a nascent friendship, because that's what I do, and this time I just don't want to. The end.)

Sorry I'm so unhelpful. :(

BwaN, your first two paragraphs are the most useful thing I've read in days. And yeah, relying upon other people's feedback for my own happiness-- which has basically been my design for life-- is no roadmap to a healthy mind. I've lived my life for other people for so long. I work for free most of the time, I'm happiest when I'm helping a person move, or helping them through a breakup, or whatever. I'm a mother without a child. My therapist told me I should be living my life for myself, and asked me what ~I~ wanted, what I wanted to do? and my thought was "I want to die". That's what I want most, it's what I've wanted since I was a teenager.

It's interesting how the suicidal impulse manifests itself in different people. Me, it's made me a smoker. I don't want to die from smoking, but the cigarette has become a proxy for actually running away and enacting a plan. I got up to a pack-a-day these past few months and it was starting to really affect my health. My limbs would fall asleep easier, the skin on my neck felt looser, my heart hurt, I stopped getting boners. I've quit now, and quit ideating suicide as a coping mechanism, so I've figured out how "not to die" but I'm still working on "how to live" and all your advice would be greatly appreciated.

In terms of "self-expression" this is how I'm most comfortable expressing myself, through boarding.

My therapist told me I should be living my life for myself, and asked me what ~I~ wanted, what I wanted to do? and my thought was "I want to die". That's what I want most, it's what I've wanted since I was a teenager.

;_;

This is exactly how I expect my first session is going to go.

Well, I want to have satisfying sex once in my life before that happens, but otherwise yes.

My favorite thing is arriving at a restaurant two hours early and being completely trashed by the time my date arrives.

― Norse Jung (Eric H.), Tuesday, July 14, 2015 9:46 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

classic date move

FGTI, if I had a choice in the matter, I wouldn't be alive, either. If I knew "how to live" rather than how to just go on passing open windows, I wouldn't be in therapy.

Figure out the things you really enjoy and draw strength from. Do more of them. Figure out the things that make you miserable or angry or make you feel dead inside. Do less of them or use a mental "block" button on them. Getting your validation from other people is a road to disappointment. But if what really makes you happy is helping other people, then help other people! There is a line there somewhere.

As predicted, I just fucked things up royally. Yay me? But at least that door is closed and I can walk away now.

glad ppl are being honest. i have $6 in the bank and things are pissing me off royally. i get paid on Friday at least. things with my bf have been more intense than usual, and i have a performance coming up, which means i'm supposed to be "healthy." and that about sums it up!!

Honestly, I'm happy we're bitching instead of keeping these threads dormant for the last 11 months.

amen.

now i honestly might work on more blurbs for Friday. on a Wednesday night. i feel like the smart girl in school. or something.

ok nvm that is not happening. wine is happening instead.

you know, i'm gen thought to be on the misanthropic/life-hating side of things 'round here, but i really don't want to die. but it's palpably true that i'm going to.

anyway my bilirubin is elevated, so no meds for 2 weeks and so i drink. wheee!

yayayayyyyy! congrats on that.

glad to hear that, morbs

are we going to a ballgame this year?

i wanna go too! well, sorta

lol. i need to drink w/ you sometime, hon.

yes

come out to this plz
http://www.cityparksfoundation.org/event/summerstage-freedom-party-nyc-special-summerstage-anniversary-theme/

omg i want to go! i was just at summerstage. i bet it's fun? i had no idea about this party.

Freedom Party is a lot of fun; last year was hit by a bad storm and blown out.
ilx mail me if you're gonna be in central park as i will wanna say hi and maybe set you up all special and such

Honestly, I'm happy we're bitching instead of keeping these threads dormant for the last 11 months.

this (and maybe one or two of the movie threads, and even that's petering out since i don't really watch many films these days) is really the only ilx thread i check anymore

aww xoxo

and forks will do! thanks!

i had such a good time when i was there for Basement Jaxx

oh that show was amaaaaazing and fun, wish i had known you were there. they were SO GOOD live

Am in the middle of a pretty amazing stretch of concerts rn.

Will be front row for Laurie Anderson next spring!

I'm gonna be in NYC sometime in the next seven months, and I expect to see surm and Morbs at last even if Morbs has to beat surm out of Brooklyn with his cane.

meanwhile I'm at an airport bar mouthing the words to Years & Years' "Shine" and wishing they played at Pitchfork in Chicago, which is where I'm headed.

oh that show was amaaaaazing and fun, wish i had known you were there. they were SO GOOD live

― you are extreme, Patti LuPone. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, July 16, 2015 6:04 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg i was jumping up and down! it was so good. and Eric i have been on a good concert kick too, weirdly. which brings me to my next point Alfred - i am NO longer a recluse! things have changed! so i shall definitely see you should you be in town. have fun at Pitchfork -- a good friend of mine will be there!!

i gave up posting to the $ummer$tage thread (and this is an odd place to put it instead), but so far for July, I've done Basement Jaxx; DASH Ensemble and Break a Mozart (this shit was spectacular, start at 2.32); Joey Bada$$, Underachievers, Flatbush Zombies, A$AP Rocky / Ferg; Systema Solar, Compass, Helada Negro; Punch Brothers and Sarah Jarosz; Vincentico, Ximena Sarinana, No te va gustar; Cesaria Evora Orchestra, Maya Andrade, Dino D’Santiago; Lip Sync Battle with Doug E. Fresh, LL Cool J and Abbi / Ilana; NPR’s Ask Me Another with a quarter of the cast of Wet Hot American Summer.

Tonight is Vieux Farka Toure and Tamikrest at Celebrate BK.

The next three weeks should be Freedom Dance Party; Jorge Drexler, Diego Garcia and Dana y Suarez; Guster and Kishi Bashi; The Muscle Shoals All-Stars at Lincoln Center; Jason Isbell and Dawn Landes; Lil Buck; Bombino, Young Fathers, Fantastic Negrito; RockSteady Crew with Big Daddy Kane, Whodini, Masta Ace and Your Old Droog; Phildanco / TU Dance; Sam Lee; Smorgasburg; Big Krit and Angel Haze; Dr John and Amy Helm; Taylor Mac and Nacao Zumbi and Nation Beat.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/f/f2/Seth_-_Its_a_good_life.jpg/250px-Seth_-_Its_a_good_life.jpg

lemme know if any of the "next three weeks" is of interest.

actually start at 2.02 here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_R6hPwaBayI

these guys were downright superhuman

jesus christ!

i had no idea sumerstage's lineup was so great. this is beautiful. i am curious what exactly you do there since
i work at BAM and i am currently trying to strategize more music/dance related initiatives
i just saw something interesting up at Bard
we should chat!

um, yes we should. I'll drop you a line. I would love a BAM contact as i live fifteen minutes away and have a crush on that whole campus.

yes!! ok i will check my ilx email.

what do you do with BAM surm?

i might go to the Freedom thing, hafta ck the rep film schedule

Soto just don't come when i'm in the hospital this time

Let me know what pay phone you're waiting by.

let a fella know if yer coming morbs; i'll get you a seat

i just emailed you forks!

SYNERGY

my man finally received notice that the TDI claim he sibmitted for his stress leave should be approved, which you'd think would ease his mind a little but he's a complete knot of anxiety today. we're in a decent place in our relationship & our domestic life at the moment but he's so self-critical and dissatisfied sometimes it's hard to witness, especially since i know i can't fix it. i just want him to feel some ease. he really deserves it.

Is it selfish to add to this dogpile? I hate my job so much that I am on the verge of tears some days, I feel like any and all potential things I've had with dudes recently have all petered out and I don't even really care anymore. My apartment is a mess and is unpleasant to come home to. I don't even know what I fucking want.

Okay can we all seriously go meet out in the parking lot to smoke weed and drink whisky and hug each other? Please?

at my place of employment you HAVE to smoke weed on the parking lot, its in the employee handbook

but <3 steve, there's better jobs for you & you wil definitely find one soon. i think i speak for everyone itt when i say you're great

I have been looking rly hard for like a month and keep having dead-end interviews that seem to go really well and there are a combination of factors that make me think I am going to be stuck doing entry-level help desk shit forever and I just cannot sit at a desk and talk to people on the phone for 9 fucking hours a day with 30 seconds between each call, I can't, I'm going to fucking lose it, but no one wants to hire me because there are so many more qualified people who have done so many more things and are familiar with so many more systems and I feel so fucking defeated. I mean, what do I do? Take out another 50k and go back to school? Jesus christ.

sometimes ppl who know what they want are the ones to worry about. i'll see u in Philly sometime b4 Labor Day, dear Steve.

on an unrelated note, i was at an ice cream parlor with some folks the other night when the a whole host of young jocks with huge butts descended on the place like locusts -- it must have been some sort of overnight sports clinic at the college near where we were. trouble is, i've apparently lost the capacity to determine how old guys are, like they were pretty young but i dont think they were too young? i sort of felt like a creep and tried to avert my eyes just to be safe.

I wish we could have a group cry together. I really do.

Take out another 50k and go back to school?

steve im going to be the obnoxious person who tells you that your situation is temporary and that the despair you feel will also pass, i have been in this exact emotional place and i know it feels like there's no way out but there is.

How do you tell a close friend you need a break from them? That if you don't, your feelings are going to get messy and complicated and ugly?

xp yeah I know this in my <3 of <3s but I just want to know WHEN WILL IT END and HOW CAN I BE IN CONTROL OF THINGS THAT WILL FACILITATE THE END OF THIS and I mean ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

eric, what's standing in the way of having that conversation?

It's sort of a tough conversation to take back, to tell someone you've always had a crush on them but settled for friendship years and years and years ago but now friendship isn't enough anymore and staying silent is distressing.

(And putting someone you know isn't attracted to you in the position of having to reject you is also kind of jerky.)

do you think you're friend is unaware of your attraction to him? i mean, as embarrassing as it may feel it's possible that he knows already

Oh I think he definitely knows. We've both been coasting on letting it remain unspoken for quite awhile now.

I'm a fucking Jane Austen novel over here.

i don't know that there's an easy way to puncture that silence, tbh. maybe write a letter if being around him keeps you tongue-tied? i dunno :/

I just want to make sure whatever I say to him is said out of respect and friendship and not frustration and rejection.

The really unfortunate part is that I think my friendship with him is strongly centered around my physical attraction to him. I already know I wouldn't want to actually date him; he'd drive me nuts.

you know, there are all kinda of reasons to like people.

i'm not remotely recommending this, but i learned in the NY Times there's a thing called "ghosting" where you just stay away from people. Completely and w/out warning. It's been done to me, and I think i've done it without planning to.

From *all* people? That's kind of ... impossible?

no, i mean the individual in question.

yea i think if your intention is to take some space respectfully i don't think sheer avoidance is the way to go

Right, that's actually what I'm basically doing right now, and it isn't fair. And it's making me more miserable.

Bearing in mind this is someone I'm used to hanging out with on a weekly basis.

it sounds like you know what needs to be done, tbh. i haven't been in this exact situation but i've carried my share of torches. it's probably gonna feel worse before it gets better but i have faith it will get better. <3

ghosting is a thing. sometimes healthy.

stevie, try and look at the big picture. you do have a purpose. it just takes a fuck of a long time to find it.

this life has its highs and its lows, that's for sure.

we discussed this before steve but i was 30 before i had a "CAREER" job and I'm still working it out. shit is complicated out there.

Hi guays

Thanks for indulging that series of bitchy posts earlier. I spoke to a couple of doctors and they've put me on bipolar meds. Let's see what happens!

Eric H., that exact situation happened to me. So many regrettable conversations where we're drunk and I'm chain-smoking and spitting shit like "you're too attractive to ever understand what rejection feels like" and other terrifying dumb awfulness. Journal entries like: "Cute people are the fucking worst. Never having to struggle or work for anything, never having to feel the consequences of their actions, riding through life from one narcissistic high to another."

In my case, I did, sans proclamation, take some time away from my friend to try and reset my feelings toward him, and even just a week helped a lot. I just had to remember that my feelings of being rejected by him sexually a) had no bearing on my attractiveness as an individual, and b) was not really a rejection, as we continue to be the closest of friends. It sometimes hurts when he prioritizes time with a lover over time with me, but otherwise it's been a super-good friendship.

The trouble is if Eric wants to use "ghosting" as a means to bait and trap Cute Guy.

Exactly. My creeping knowledge that this is exactly what I'm attempting is what tips me into knowing I have to have "the talk" or at least "a talk" with him.

I feel like my feelings about him and my extreme passive-aggression in dealing with it is feeding into my self-loathing. I feel you 100 percent, ftgi, about how mortifying "you're too attractive to ever understand what rejection feels like"-type thoughts just float into your head in these situations. The only difference in my case is that I actually preferred it when he was in a relationship, because it took everything off the table. I may couch my plea for time off in those terms: "You're trying to date, I'm trying to date. We both need to take some me time."

Take him to a Satyajit Ray festival.

The world of "oh, poo."

In my case, talking it through was the worst. I felt an overwhelming need to let him know "how my heart hurt", but no matter what I said, he felt like I was pressuring him into sex. My advice is to take whatever space you need to reset your intentions and don't burden him with it, it will solve nothing.

Hah, I know I've done too much yoga whenever I hear the word "intentions" and get ready to send my breath out into the world.

Intentions are funny things.

It's a hard world for little things.

aren't we, honey

Anyway, I keep getting told by other friends to not give into the temptation to be totally honest with him, and even though it feels incredibly counter-intuitive, everyone else may have a point in the end. But I'm not going on a road trip with him no matter what.

*smash cut to me on a road trip with him*

I've been in that situation too many times, by the way, for me to be so cavalier about advice. I know the threat of never seeing him again is futile. I had to decide whether, to quote Teri Garr in Tootsie, to acknowledge that there's pain in every relationship and would like my pain now.

I should ask him, "How do you feel about Cleveland?"

Knock it off.

'Never apologize, mister, it's a sign of weakness.'

tbh i wouldn't be honest with him. but that's just me given the fact that i dealt with this long ago. it just made it awkward. seems like your decision to make.

Can we have a moment to just post pictures of cute guys for awhile?

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-NZVsvTgOdGs/VUJUi8VtfDI/AAAAAAAI_34/HPYAHTFEqc4/s1600/02.jpg

damn. i like that a lot.

like come pick me up and take me for a joy ride in your red corvette tonight a lot

The scalp tat. Can't even.

gross as hell

So is mucus, but some people are into it.

What Morbs said.

See, here's where you all post pics of what you think is cute too, and I don't criticize your taste.

id let him spit in my mouth but ymmv

Most fascinating in Quaintance’s work is the status of the penis.

i'm with you, Eric. also i just bought a pair of 28 waist jeans because i could fit into them.

i'm making new gay friends! and straight male friends! i have a date with a gay friend tonight, and a date with one of my girlfriend's fiancees TBD. i feel like i'm making progress

happy belated Elmo xo

thank you surm, i had a v nice birthday

happy birthday bud

happy birthday, elmo!

sorry I'm responding now

i just played tennis for the 3rd time this weekend in short shorts they were so short it was like short for the 70s i think

welp, my car was stolen this afternoon so i'm fucked

OMG. what happened?? i'm so sorry

:(

i had just returned from the market and left the car running while i brought groceries inside, since i was headed right back out & wanted to leave the a/c on. i was inside for literally 5 minutes and when i went back outside it was gone. i live in a pretty safe neighborhood and it was 3 in the afternoon so while i know it was probably a mistake to leave the car running i didn't think i was asking for trouble.

anyway, i just got a call from the police and they've found the car, undamaged, with the keys inside, so it was obviously just a joyride. very glad to report that i'm not completely fucked after all.

wow. that is amazing. and disturbing. yet amazing. in the end. v glad for you

lucked out there!

that's great news, ps! B had his car stolen in SF two years ago when we drove up there for thanksgiving - luckily we had friends who were driving back down to LA that weekend too or else we'd have been stranded. they found the car after we'd left (sans radio) and it was such a headache to deal with getting it back and out of impound and fixed. glad it all went smoothly!

i still have some headaches to deal with -- d's phone & wallet were in the vehicle with cash & cards & license stolen, and the unlocking remote & my house keys gone, too -- but ultimately yes, i did luck out on this. weird way to follow up a birthday but all this stuff feels managable once put in perspective.

wallet problems always make crazy but yea, def lucked out on the car

for posterity, this is some of the stuff i found in the car when i got it back from the tow lot:

http://i.imgur.com/zuE9f8M.jpg

looks like a pretty fun joyride tbh

http://www.joshbenson.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/ferris_bueller.jpg

ok that's p funny

i met this cute guy at the bar the other night who took my friend home, but we work in the same field and as it happens, right across the street from one another. i think we'll have a working lunch and keep things platonic.

bROOKLYN ARTS SCENE IS BIZZZZAYYYY

lol morbs. he's at Mark Morris!

patron sailor, you're kidding right?
also surm, plz take me to a morris show.

forks that photo is 100% legit

if a guy with those items found a car with the keys in it how could he NOT live that life dream

it was a teen girl but yeah, p much

oh shit, you have been sprang break'd
http://https%3A//33.media.tumblr.com/997ee59030bb8a7786492267fc683f75/tumblr_misuwpZE3k1qc2jhfo1_500.gif

Definitely forks we can see The Hard Nut this fall at least

Also the GM intern just asked to go for "coffee or whatever..." after work hours

Not sure how this one will go

he took me to Industry one night after a work party and got a little touchy feely in the cab. but speaking as a person who has been in bed with a superior as an intern, I'm curious as to whether or not this will just be a "mentor" date or something else. He said something like "and this could lead to dinner or whatever else, I'm free tonight." I think I'll make it clear that wherever it leads it won't lead ... there from the beginning.

Hard Nut is a great dance piece; I got into the Morris company when i was dating a chorus dancer back in '01. Would love to resee it.
i keep a tivo'd copy of l'alllegro, il penseroso ed il moderato from great performances to rewatch occasionally. dude's choreography is badass.

yeah -- the Hard Nut is really cool. would love to see it again. maybe on E. jk. also i was so pissed last season bc he had a few pieces up at BAM and i couldn't go because of work. we had a few highlights last season tho -- exquisite dances for Chopin from Russie and Cedar Lake Co., which was just shut down by the Walmart heiress.

*Russia

how is everyone doing today?

Wonderful!

After months of house-hunting and fearing that we we were gonna lose the place that we really loved, all while never being certain we would qualify for adequate financing, we are finally gonna be homeowners as of July 31!

Husband is at work today, and this is the first day in forever that haven't been working and/or dealing with house stuff, so I'm gonna relax with the dogs and watch the new Criterion DVD of The Soft Skin.

Deleted Scruff, so I'm doing pretty good.

They have doubled my workload at the office. Not great.

Keep an eye out for the LA trans film Tangerine. "His breath smells like he's been eatin' ass for days."

I'm doing well. I returned from Pitchfork Festival on Monday. I hung out with j0rdan and gr8080 for a bit. I'd love to eat sashimi for lunch.

congrats crypt!

that is a huge deal.

yes, enjoy yr house crypto.

ugh i wish i had a house. Morbs can you ask for more money @ the job?

Alfred I hope you had a blast at the festival!!

Congrats, crypto. I watched that Blu-ray of TSS a couple weeks ago.

Hey gay guys. Long time but I follow your exploits on the regular. I just wanted to gush about something rad I was involved with recently. I wrote the liner notes for the Blu-ray release of Some Call It Loving, my favorite film of all time! This is the first time it's been available digitally in the United States so basically, the bitch is swooning. Here's a review noting that I call it "cinema's supreme miracle." Gushing!

KJB! very cool!

Merci, babe.

Added to my wish list. Congrats!

that's great Kev. i saw it for the first time a few months ago w/ Harris doing a q&a. It's... something.

i just finished watching Rosemary's Baby for the umpteenth time. Carrie's up next. It's never a vacation without those two.

❤️💕💜💖

<3

ummmmmmm they are playing this in the hood tonight: http://www.bam.org/film/2015/smooth-talk

i think i must go?

Thanks for the congrats, guys.

I know nothing of Some Call It Loving, but it looks fascinating. Will look for it.

Smooth Talk is good, but if you have time, have at look at Joyce Carol Oates's Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been, the short story on which it is based, first?

The Soft Skin bummed me out far more than what I'm used to with Truffaut. Formally brilliant, in spots, but he clearly hates these characters (he says as much in an interview conducted at the time) and the sourness makes it a bit of a drag. The special features on the disc are great (if somewhat skimpy for Criterion), though, with a lot made of Hitch's influence on Truffaut's career and this film in particular (LOL/nodding in agreement at Claude Chabrol's criticisms of the film's homage to Notorious).

I had the same reaction except the formal brilliance was a subterfuge.

LOL, for a second I thought that was:

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/4b/Straighttalkposter.jpg/220px-Straighttalkposter.jpg

ok but like, i should go, right? i mean it's playing tonight, i get in free, i'll get a huge buttered popcorn and soda. like isn't that the American dream? or something?

ummmm also Straight Talk is amazing

yes Smooth Talk is a good film

i am off to Escape from Alcatraz / Dillinger (the '73 Milius/Oates v)

have FUN. i am going to go. whether or not i have a date. sometimes i prefer watching the thrillers on my own. don't have to share the popcorn, and you can be properly thrilled by yourself.

ok so i didn't make it bc emergency girl talk came up but i want to see this tonight:
http://www.bam.org/film/2015/rivers-edge

keanu's breakout

...and that was fucked up. but good. great even.

trying to decide what to do with my Sunday. After tennis and lunch, where is there to go?

My place for cocktails. I've perfected the rye Manhattan.

that is definitely the right solution.

"I ate so much pussy my beard looked like a glazed donut"

that was the first time i ever saw Keanu btw

uh that was a pretty amazing line btw

also that shot of Hopper in the background carrying his blowup

and that kabuki Glover performance

CLARISSSSSSSSSSA

it's so crazy good, he's crazy

right now i'm watching http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4LhQFEoQxXU/ToS8lYUjlFI/AAAAAAAAPOU/akmRksJCqY0/s400/tommy.gif

they don't make em like they used to

i guess i'm going to p-town tomorrow? should be fun

http://24.media.tumblr.com/d868b13dde47c17f9ec846f3201d3fd6/tumblr_miwretn2HP1qa70eyo1_500.gif

are you saying they're all gonna laugh at me? jeez, thanks mom

I'm saying you're gonna stop traffic.

we're going specifically for some sort of crazy dance night? i've been told to "work a look."

haha. that sounds great. and Eric thank you for indulging me. that scene is just ... i mean every time. every. time.

i had a blind friend date last night. not totally blind - we had met at a bar.

what's the status on everyone's gay friend situation? are we still doing this? do you have like a clique?

never have and esp not since i moved to the middle of nowhere (ie 3 stops past GentriLand)

I have two partnered best friends. They are my gay clique.

smart

Not according to the gay friend I'm friend-divorcing right now. He has a point tho ... what can I possibly get out of a relationship that I don't already have with my 2 friends?

(Don't bother answering with the obvious answer. You all know me too well by now on that score.)

i am making some new gay friends in town

one of whom is also a handsome mustachioed bearish weaver in his 30s named andrew 0_o

thank you for that gif, eric, i have a feeling it will be useful

yeah i am making some too but they like don't know each other, which is fine

so wait Eric you decided to friend divorce the guy you have feelings for? or is this someone else?

Yeah, I'm very passive-aggressively doing it.

friend trial separation :(

good for you though.

I feel pretty miserable about it tbh, and I'm sure I'll apologize for it and go back to square one at some point.

i know, right after i said that i regretted it. it can't be easy. i'm sorry. i've been there before, and i survived, if that's any consolation.

All of my gay friends fled the city years ago, but now so are we in a month, so time to make some new gay freiends!

^^ new thread title

i have a little bit of a queer friend-circle here now, it's nice

still never been to p-town but i'm going up to the russian river for lazy bear weekend tomorrow (would link but i'm at work) :O

About to have half my nip tatted. The Maroon 5 song's prophecy is about to come true.

"Makes Me Wonder"

awesome Eric. guys tell me i'm going to be ok

i have to perform alongside someone semi famous in 2 days and i haven't done that before

ptown camping adventure was a great success

i saw an off-duty barney frank on the street, an off-duty jinkx monsoon at the club, and as it happens, both me & the bf had sex outside the relationship for the first time. with our friends, i mean. not with barney & jinkx.

Saved the nip for the forthcoming touch up session. Just couldn't stomach it after having my ribs and breastplate area done for four hours.

having it on with the young pianist this weekend

man, i hate barney frank

i only recognized him when i heard his voice tbh

I like Barney Frank and young pianists.

Karen Finley asked me over for a party at her house

will skip yams joke

Hi gays what's good?

hi! i'm sunburned but pretty happy after my camping trip. i discovered foreskin in earnest. also my dog got skunked in the face immediately after i got home last night.

life's like a mayonnaise soda

that sounds pretty vile.

last night i got into a fight with a bouncer oops

on the plus side i'm looking really hot right now

who won?

him :/

you fought over who was dressed cuter!

i was wearing seersucker shorts cuffed with a loose navy t-shirt, but i don't think he thought i was very cute

so, Karen did not serve yams. but she did put on a hell of a good party. we talked about soundchecks. i feel happy.

also i sent tabes a message on grindr the other day! he was lookin awful cute and apparently, as u said Morbs, he's in NY (or was)

news to me, he was last here in May afaik.

Ha

well he didn't respond maybe just his phone was in NY!

i met KF a few times when i lived in nyc - she's something else

recovering from lazy bear wknd - we actually didn't get super-crazy (we waited in line for about a half hour to get into a clothing-optional pool party but got sick of waiting and left) but our friends whom we rented a cabin with had some adventures of their own. everyone was nice and super-flirty. dunno if i'd go back again but i had fun. tubing down the river was the best part.

so, not entirely lazy

sounds fun to me

hi guys. i'm drinking a beer tonight. i'm um ... you know, i feel good. but i'm also like ... there's this silence. i really hate silence. which is why i listen to so much music, obvs. i'm also talking to the sculptor online and he wants me to come over and slap him around a little, which sounds fun

i love silence. it's the only thing that there's just too little of.

Prince: "We'll try to imagine. What silence looks like."

i have the fan running. it's being awfully loud this year; i think i'm going to give Lasko a call.

i lost my voice over the weekend, too much singing or something - it's really very frustrating!

http://nymag.com/scienceofus/2015/08/why-straight-men-have-sex-with-each-other.html

leaving this here for consideration, i thought this interview was very interesting & insightful, would be curious to check out the book

yeah i found that interview interesting & insightful as well, specifically the parts about classification & categorization

saw the tune is space and MCS at Lincoln Center Out of Doors last night!

JS, ck yr gmail

oh yeah i meant to respond to that hold on

ummmmmmm

what do u do when the thought of going out makes u want to throw up, and the thought of not going out is also like the saddest thought you've ever had

watch GOP candidates debate

not go out, typically

rightt

Republicans at home, perfect Thursday night!

not go out, typically

― donna rouge, Thursday, August 6, 2015 7:15 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark

yes

well aren't u guys just a bucket of fun!

I'm going out. I just put on eyeliner.

me too. i'm about to.

omg i forgot the EYELINER

but i did go out

mine is a white eyeliner so you wouldn't have been able to see it much anyway

i usually go out and regret it, unless it's to the cinemahhhhh

cineduhhhhhhhh

sometimes i do my lower water line in white eyeliner, it's cute

oh that's what i do

never top. top only in darker colors or gold.

little too much to my head last night but in a good way :-) :)) dancing the night away is not a bad thing btw

neither is knowing the bartender always good, yup

so apparently ive been having crazy hot sex with a lauded musical genius

omg

you lucky dawg you

are we allowed to know who it iiiiiis?

did not know that you and fgti were acquainted irl

(i'm sorry, it was right there for the taking)

Morbs u tease

btw cad i have been wanting to let you know that your starting a menswear thread was one of the most brilliant inventions of my lifetime, and thank you

also if i don't get to wear my new teal swimsuit again soon i will be sad :((

I met fgti and his bf at the merch table last winter, cad, but your guess is incorrect.

Hi gays! I am having an interesting time rn? After the glorious unstable ordinance of that polymess exploded, I was laid low with "depression" that ended with a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder, then I started getting therapy for that and meditating a lot, and then broke up with my boyfriend of 12.5 years.

Who're you fucking, Morbs?

I have zero interest in fucking right now but I plan on soliciting cuddles from a friend who is also single, we had a great drunken one night stand a couple years ago, and are long, long time pals, hopefully we'll be bedbuddies til my head is fixed and my sex drive returns.

Also, what is nice is that everyone is still friends which is really great
And I'm getting a lot a lot of cooking in, damn you guys, it's popping off, I got two friends who are chefs that come over to eat it

i am so sorry to hear about your boyfriend. that is a tremendous amount of time to be together and i hope you are ok.

btw cad i have been wanting to let you know that your starting a menswear thread was one of the most brilliant inventions of my lifetime, and thank you

― surm, Monday, August 10, 2015 12:19 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

aw thanks, i am so happy with the life that thread has taken on :)

best to fgti and the rest of you, will now exit my semi-annual cameo in this thread

mmwah

I played "Don't Rush" in your honor, surm.

fgti, I should've solicited cuddles from you.

Morbs, where'd you meet this feller?

OMG i'm so glad

holy smokes, I just caught up w/ this thread after like 3 weeks of letting it sit in my bookmarks!

i have v little to report gay-wise but i do have some things

--had a birthday weekend in which I saw both Nicki Minaj and Limp Wrist (3 days apart) and hung out w/ some v loud butch lesbians incl a friend from NC who I only see every other year or so and they are like my new fav ppl
--had all-day-sex w/ this dude from ~the apps~ the other day who was p cute but kind of awk and he HAS NEVER EVEN HEARD OF PARIS IS BURNING (ans also later told me that he likes fratboys????)
--been chatting w/ this cutie I've had a crush on for several years, he's v playful but idk if he ~likes~ me, we will see

cool updates!

i'm juggling a few boyz-to-men. one of them has a very specific relationship with his boyfriend so i don't know how much i'll get to see him but it's always hott and i just let him know that i'll be a bachelor next week so if he wants to stop byyyy.... and then there's this 23yr old twink who i just met on the grind who wants to go dancing. and my Brazilian regular. i don't really know where they all came from they just popped out of thin air!

and Stevie come on don't tell me you don't like the occasional fratboy

i like the occasional fratboy if he has body hair and a beard and isn't an entitled arrogant str8 white dude who takes up too much space

or if he is I will totally h8fuck him

h8fuckingfratboysislikesonotcoolbutitisfun

something is happening, it's a Wednesday night and i don't have a date. isn't there, like, a rule against that?

welcome to my world

<3

I've been without manflesh since early June. Luckily I'm a camel when it comes to such things.

i got another one of those misrepresented his image types last night. he was nice but it's like rly drag me out of my house at 4a you better be accurate.

did he use a really old photo or was he straight-out catfishing?

i feel like it was all about the angles? kwim? but i do think it was kinda old too. whatever he was nice

going out with a self described faerie who likes to dance tomorrow. do i ask for more pics or wait for the surprise

oh nod no don't do it

who is it? googleproof their name and post it

i don't know i only know first name, we met on the apps. he's 23 and adorable but i've only seen one pic. he seems super smart and we've been chatting so i hesitate to be like, show me proof that you're not a freak . . .

i mean i guess at the very least i'll go out dancing

btw last Sunday the nytMag had this story about a longtime LGBT commune in Tennesssee, home to ppl called Altercation, Jazz Hands, Fade-Dra Phey and Helvetica Demi-Oblique.

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/09/magazine/out-of-the-woods.html

I still have never been to Short Mountain and I feel like I am the last person of my gay friends who has never been to Short Mountain

i would not go. i am not a very rural person.

i grew up in middle tennessee and folks from the farm were my first (and for a long time only!) exposure to gay culture of any kind. that crew would regularly come up to murfreesboro to sell at farmer's markets or teach yoga classes or do home birthing seminars or meet with gay student groups and what not. My hippie parents went up to Short Mountain when i was a kid to see about getting involved and were told in a friendly but firm fashion they were not really welcome there. that article is spot on with the "well they're going to hell but they're very friendly" assessment of the local attitude toward them; thought it was, in general, well written and evocative of a world i saw very much from the outside in.

stevie, i would totally go with you to the gathering btw

Tennessee power! i was there for a hot minute too

would love to go to short mountain... somebody i look up to a lot for many reasons, sandor ellix katz, has been a resident for a long time there, he has kind of spearheaded this whole fermentation revival over the past decade or so and is just an amazing person in general, has helped me rethink a lot of things about my relationship to food, culture, earth, life, etc., http://www.wildfermentation.com/who-is-sandorkraut/, even if you just like sauerkraut or miso or something he is worth looking into but his writings offer a lot more than tasty fermentation recipes too

he's specified in that article!
http://static01.nyt.com/images/2015/08/09/magazine/09sanctuary4/09sanctuary4-blog427.jpg

^totally dig this guy's look btw

eh I see that shirt on too many older straight guys

ohh rad xp, i should've read the article first! yea he is totally amazing for so many reasons and yes his look is def one of them

it was a pretty eye-opening article on something i knew nothin about

omg you guys I am going to an event tonight called NIGHT OF 1000 KATES!!

It is a Kate Bush themed series of performances + a dance party!!

https://www.facebook.com/events/1590899687834546/

loll ace

really loved that nyt article.

hi

Am amused by how many gay men have posted that article on FB ... and how zero straight men.

(Oops, I meant the "sleeping with straight men" article, not the freakazoid commune one.)

just had a conv w/ someone abt Short Mountain last night! I think I might go for the fall gathering

i went out with the faerie and he gave me a cap, aww sweet fairy

Without internet for a week (thanks, Comcast), I've hung out at night at the Starbucks around the corner. On Thursday I sat beside a guy in nurse's scrubs. I felt his eyes on me. A couple times they met. Yesterday we sat across from each other, same round of stares. Twice he went to the bathroom past my table kneading his balls. I wanted to take him up on it but it was late and I smelled.

i had the sculptor over last night. we watched Jil Sander runway youtube videos and went out to dinner. then he gave me the best bj a guy could have asked for. and kissed me for hours.

i was supposed to meet up with the architect, who just opened his relationship up with his boyfriend, but he works late hours. tonight, the filmmaker is coming over. we'll prolly watch some film.

omg i want to watch Jil Sander runway videos!

i knew you would say that. they are astounding.

other great runway videos: Hussein Chalayan, Thierry Mugler, Patrick Kelly (ppl smile and laugh and have such a great time!), Viktor & Rolf

surm these will give you so much life, ten lives to live, they will slay you, you will die, etc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OBCBnFicOmU

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmgVRZ8CudI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XmMcmOtqw6I

thank you very much darling. what is new with you these days?

actually nvm i already know. since i read. the thread. so what's old with you these days anyway? any daddies?

loooool no, but Monday I did see that dude I dated who cut it off to date my ex-bf; he'd been gone for like 6 months and just got back to Philly and we had dinner and screwed.

hott!

My playmate is in Aspen. I need him, or a pinch hitter.

i love Aspen

Hi gays!

I'm still crazy :( but a lot has happened and my head is above ground-level these days at least

pinch bottom

UM i just slept through my date. slept right through it. that's what the kid rock diet will do to you. i'm going out.

poor guy was knocking on my door.

...with chocolates and wine. i am a bad person.

Start atoning. Stop posting here.

? ok

i was already planning on writing him a song. it's called 'i'm sorry.' it won't be as good as Ciara's. and if you are annoyed with me, Eric, then i'm sorry, too.

i think he was just saying it's easier not to post, and date

cool. well i well take that into account. and i have been. but if i have irritated anyone with my posting, i apologize

hope errybody had a good night ☆

not sure I would've let anyone into my place bearing chocolate anyway

to clarify: i atone plenty, and things are definitely not perfect in my life. that's all.

Sorry, I was just attempting to make a joke that you should stop posting and get to servicing your date.

can you ask him to bring gin instead, surm?

at some point i'll buy him dinner. no worries. i talk a lot sometimes!

http://38.media.tumblr.com/697d2e7d5930b74ce82ff9afb02fb7e3/tumblr_n0ag9z8OCk1st09qzo3_r2_400.gif

you, always w/ the big tits pix

It's my lot in life.

he cute

i am going up to the country today. i bet you have better country clothes than i do, Eric. all my tanks are at the launderers'

I have a lot of North Face and Levis, yes.

I'm getting more and more OK with my horrible taste in men boys. Or not. Yeah, definitely not.

but it's yours.

waiting for j0rdan to answer an email about baseball-game attendance is like waiting on the prom king.

also im glad youre on the functional side of crazy, fgti.

I think some wires got crossed in my formative years so that I'm attracted to guys who could recreate the cover of Ween's Chocolate and Cheese.

god's love to you Eric, it's a fucking circus show out there.

I see guys like that, tho, and feel like poor, flat-chested Blanche Devereaux.

o stop. you are fit as fuck. i have to starve myself to appear as such.

Big hams, tho.

there's nothing wrong really with 20-year-old celebrities ive never heard of with big pecs. i'd fuck him if he kept his mouth shut.

i need a change from the 22 yr old set

fashion depressive types abound in BK

a Titan/Raging Stallion model wants me to come over and fuck in his hotel but i don't wanna bcz it wd mean biking like 4 miles across town

who the fuck have i become

cab

oh damn

do I wanna spend like $25 to get laid? i mean not rly but

i mean ... it's better than spending $25 on a pizza

four miles for a blowjob is ruff

if he throws in pizza, sure

cap is 5 miles if you don't have a car.

lol xp

btw whatever happened to girlfriends picking you up in their car and taking u out

how many of you gay people are coming to jazmine in central park tonight

all of them is my guess

at least the ones who know who she is

oh SHIT that's tonight! i totally forgot to look at my calendar. this is the problem with paper.

you're on list surm, come out if you want to

<3

ps you're the best fucking press rep ever

Aw you didn't show! I got a photo with her. One of the best shows of the year I think, even with the ample door drama.

Prob 7 or 8k showed up
5k got in

Prob 7 or 8k showed up
5k got in

i have adopted my best friend's rationale for skipping many things:

"It'll be crowded"

when I saw her in Philly in like Jan or Feb she was so amazing but the mic/audio was SO FUCKING HORRIBLE, like it was dumbfounding that they even let the show go on the way it did.

I just got home from the most promising first date I've had in years and we got dinner/drinks/sat in the park/made out for like 4 hours, talked about everything, we are so mutually excited abt each other and I am cooking him dinner tomorrow and I am sort of scared shitless

I mean I never get scared abt boys but this is so intense and so mutual and it's just like oh god what the fuck is happening, what sort of first date is this even??

xxxp i'm sorry forks! the night took on its own life. we will connect soon.

Stevie that sounds promising :-)

idk what to cook for him for dinner bcz all of my go-to stuff is really cream/dairy/rich/heavy and that is not great for cooking a sexy meal for someone let's b real here

Salad with grilled chicken is a safe bet. Non creamy dressing.

^^

The less pleasurable the meal, the more pleasurable everything afterward.

yea that's actually p sound advice. kind of like how they say bad wedding great marriage. except marriage is weird.

we're ordering a pizza and watching either the new director's cut of "54" or "Funeral Parade of Roses"

do some blow if the first

good calls abound today

The mind reels at using FPoR as a first/second-date movie.

i need a movie tonight. i have been out too much this past week, my bod is tirred.

i got 1/2 hr slep last night thinking i will finally finish the shining when i get home.

The Shining should make you sleepy. I had to sit through the whole damn thing in May 1980, and that was the 146-minute version no one has seen since.

omg i've heard about that

to be noted though i adore the film

Quite a few of the films I adore make me sleepy.

what about I AM LOVE? do you adore I AM LOVE? i still haven't seen it. i should.

I didn't adore it. I coolly respected it for Tilda.

I Am Love looks gorgeous, but I don't really get it or Tilda.

i just saw Tilda in Caravaggio again.

i need to see her in Michael Clayton again

the guy i stupidly accidentally stood up last week got back to me, and wants to take me up on my offer to make it up to him. i'm glad.

you are inexhaustible, kitten (when you are awake)

I Am Love is beautiful and empty, and so wished that her son had turned out queer.

I Am Love is prob my favourite movie of the last ten years, def my favourite queer movie maybe ~of all time~, that it frames Tilda's romance as essentially queer in both its natural-order-of-things and yet transgressive-life-destroying-implications is so heavy and gorgeous, the scene where her daughter shows her photos of Angharad makes me ;_; every time

That movie made me fantasize about moving to San Remo with nothing but my clothes and a good kitchen knife

just her eating that prong.

i went to this guy's new place tonight, and things were different than i remembered. he's still dashing, but his place isn't clean, he uses too much tongue and he took things really fast. we typically hang out for a while before we get to it. also i never realized he is a throat grabber! the things that just don't occur to you about people! but his massage....

surm I can't tell you how happy I am to have you back

"uses too much tongue"

theoretically possible?!

http://www.gifwave.com/media/461828_movies-80s-movies-cult-movies-jeffrey-jones-howard-the-duck.gif

Stevie xx :) lol i had to wipe my mouth every time he kissed me! i felt like i was at a Nashville all-you-can-eat buffet!

ok i'm sorry but that can't be the last thing posted in this thread somebody say something

oh i hate when ppl kiss like that!!! Luckily this dude I am i guess "seeing" is such a good kisser and thinks that I am a great kisser too

I have been so >SQUEEEE< abt him all week and tomorrow we are going to a small pool party and cooking and baking for each other and watching movies and cuddling a lot

awwww it sounds like you're bouncing back splendidly! i am so happy for you!

Cub of the Day/Week/Year is Cubs pitcher Jake Arrieta, in his mustache onesie

http://m.mlb.com/assets/images/0/2/0/146419020/cuts/arrieta1280_vc02cjgc_ted2p6kv.jpg

super cute

uh

hush, you

all the Cubs wore pajamas after his no-hitter

http://a2.fssta.com/content/dam/fsdigital/fscom/mlb/images/2015/08/30/083015-20-MLB-Chicago-Cubs-OB-PI.vadapt.620.high.0.jpg

that's a pant!

not in this one:

http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2015/8/30/9230419/jake-arrieta-cubs-no-hitter-press-conference-mustache-onesie-mlb

maybe he has matching pants?

In any other context, you'd be decrying this as the infantilization of America.

if Jake's last name were Clinton or Gyllenhaal.

I contain multitudes. Also, it figures to spawn a lot of Cubs "sleepover slashfic." xp

Obviously he looks best in uniform, after an ice bath.

http://kgmi.com/wp-content/blogs.dir/70/files/2015/08/Jake-Arrieta-600x400.jpg

totally spent the whole weekend w/ new dude, took him to my friend's pool party, made him dinner (and he made me dessert!), and we spent Sunday in our undies watching both "54" AND "Funeral Parade of Roses', both of which he loooooved

i think he's a keeper?

cuuute. you guys i'm tired! but i still just don't get what the point of sleeping is. except then i have to wear a lot of makeup in the mornings...

also i'm broke this week so i'm looking a little faint i think bc i've just been eating like bagels and pringles

i need relationship advice :(

i have been seeing a dude for a while and it is p definitely heading towards relationship status but i think we have diff ideas abt certain frameworks, specifically abt intimacy/openness/etc. Like, he is a v romantic serial monogamist who has had sex w/ a number of ppl he can count on his fingers, and I.... am not. And I have these little longstanding intimate friendships w/ diff ppl that are important to me and I don't know how to address this w/ potential boyf. This is going to get messy at some point bcz dude i quasi-dated for 4 months and moved to Portland is coming home in Nov and is staying w/ me for a few days.

Basically there is going to come a point where I am going to have to have a discussion w/ boyf-to-be abt openness and monogamy and I am certain we are going to be on different pages and I am not sure how comf he's going to be about the whole thing and I just have NO FUCKING CLUE how to bring these sorts of things up, where to be firm, where to compromise, etc etc etc

help me someone plz

What I am p certain it will come down to is how sex to him is likely a v sacred consecration of like closeness and intimacy and commitment and that is not what it is to me, so to me having sex w/ diff ppl to me is like nbd but to him wd prob be an unthinkable betrayal or something

idk to be honest i'm not even that adamant abt the need to have sex w/ diff ppl bcz in all the relationships I've been in, my desire to have sex w/ diff ppl kind of mellowed out when I had this person to be truly close with. I am just nervous abt what's going to happen when the boy comes to stay w/ me and worlds collide

having a similar issue now tbh

and I also hear contradictory Important Relationship things abt A) you need to speak up abt things that are important to you and not keep feelings bottled up and have discussions when things make you uncomf or whatever but also B) compromise is also important and you need to be willing to sacrifice or modify things, but the fact of the matter is that I have absolutely no fucking clue how to tell which things would fall into which category, which things I need to let go of and compromise and which things that feel important to me actually *are* important to me and are worth pushing for

allow me to help. i have just been through hell and back on this issue. i am older and wiser, and i have the gray in my beard to prove it.

firstly, let me say that one of the men i have been saying just came out to his boyfriend about wanting to be open. he is so relieved, and was surprised to hear his boyfriend say that he wanted the same thing. it doesn't sound like your guy is the same, though, Stevo. but across the board, when it comes to open relationships, there are a few basic principles:

(1) honesty. if you feel something brewing, you have to put it on the table. you don't have to know how much you are willing to compromise. you don't even have to know fully what you want. but you do have to let it out, and consult your partner.

(2) awareness. relationships are changing fast in the queer world. openness is everywhere, as are different structures of relationships. it is important for both people to be aware.

(3) happiness. don't keep each other from being happy. if it's a problem now, it will be a bigger one later. know the bottom line for both of you.

(4) communication. nothing like this is accomplished in one conversation. it takes more than one. and they are not always easy. but they will bring you to a much better place, in terms of yourself and your relationship.

hope this helps.

quadruple truthbomb. that is such a great point abt it not happening in one conversation and that actually relieves a lot of the pressure tbh

surm's post was so good that I feel like anything I have to add to it would be either repetitive or hopelessly trivial, particularly as I've never experienced an open relationship. But in terms of communication, I think it is important that there be (not immediately, but not well into a relationship, either) a "cards on the table" moment where if, say, having an open relationship is a must for you, he needs to know, just as you need to know (as it sounds like you have inferred more than been explicitly told) what his expectations are. "Compromise" sounds like a drag, yes, but figuring out when and what to compromise on, what those compromises might be, and surveying their potential gains and losses is useful, not only for relieving some (though certainly not all) of the anxiety over this relationship, but also for figuring out your boundaries--and the flexibility of these boundaries--for any future relationships.

oddly enough, this can of worms just reopened in my house. i had to reread my advice above. obviously this reiterates point number 4. i thought we were done. turns out a love's work is never done!

My friend wrote this (nb I contributed a quote) and I am so delighted w/ how it turned out

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/09/09/no-blacks-is-not-a-sexual-preference-it-s-racism.html

i've never had a problem with "no asians". it's a huge red flag of course, and anyone who would go out of their way to write off entire races probably has underlying racial issues, but that's not a person i want to be fucking or dating anyway? and who cares who they choose to fuck or date, i don't find that a problematic manifestation of anything. i don't know what i'd demand that they do instead.

MUCH WORSE is navigating the racism of people who do want asians, the question of whether they're fetishising me in a weird way or not, that to me is an actual problem

‘I’m not trying to be racist’ does not mean ‘I am not racist'

closeminded people are so ... closeminded

yes i am drinking wine

ppl who need to put 1000 qualifiers in their fuck app profile are probably getting more messages a day than they can respond to, which probably means they are conventionally attractive and not likely to be of any interest to me.

speaking of which i deleted the scruff app from my phone yesterday

omg i am using a blackberry

I deleted scruff months ago. Someone IRL asked me why and then asked me out on a date and I wanted to point out the cognitive dissonance there.

temperamentally i am more like stevie d on the open relationship issue, in that monogamy is not especially important to me, but the bf is not and i can't imagine wanting to fuck around being so important that i'd need to push the issue. i feel like that's putting sex on a different but equally unnecessary sort of pedestal. also being in a relationship has def made me wonder where poly types find the time? between my relationship, my work, my friends and time to myself...where would i fit in fucking around? i've really never felt the desire. more convinced than ever that poly ppl just fear being alone.

Most don't have jobs.

also being in a relationship has def made me wonder where poly types find the time?

The answer is, "Some dudes like fucking strangers as much as I like reading and writing."

my God, there's nothing worse than writing. Even str8 sex.

you've been using the wrong ink.

"i like having written," as Woody Allen said