“If I was two-and-a-half metres tall and didn’t know how to control a ball then I may have gone to England" (The Premier League 2015/16)

Better late than never

ABOUT BLOODY TIME

load of fucking crap innit

stfu u

*occupies this thread by sitting on the floor*

Watch it, sunshine

can we please account for who is and isn't ready

http://m.bournemouthecho.co.uk/resources/images/3500121.jpg

THEY'RE READY

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/03222/evapa_3222081b.jpg

SHE'S FAR TOO READY

http://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/67/590x/secondary/bentekemock-312857.jpg

HE'S QUITE POORLY PHOTOSHOPPED

http://statsbomb.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Wenger.jpeg

HE'LL BE WITH YOU IN A MINUTE

http://tvnewsroom.org/newslines/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/Ronald-Koeman-revealed-the-fru.jpg

HE'S READY FOR HIS BEDBATH

It will take approximately a millennium for me to download images in my current circumstances. Could you provide a one-sentence summary for each, stating what we can see and why it is amusing? Thanks.

lol good work nv

I always channel Wenger when my dog does a shit on the Thornhill Trojans rugby pitch and am carrying no bags, I did not get a clear view of zis incident.

feeling not particularly excited for this iteration of the english top-flight. fully expect another title for Chelsea, although mourinho's second season at a club is always the apotheosis of the luso-eye-gouger's reign so a dip in performance may be expected - which would be good because I hope the title-race is more competitive this year. especially because im growing increasingly aghast with the import given to the race for the cl spots which ends up being treated like a trophy (copyright wenger) when in reality it's of little interest to most neutrals.

lol Rooney is so fucking bad

I think that might be the worst performance I've seen from a Utd player since Gary Neville's retirement game at West Brom

sadly it's probably take another season of him shitting up the place every week to make van Gaal realise he's done

but on a positive note, Darmian is already a hero

https://vine.co/v/edlAlPIuVHi

don't really understand what the hell is going on in that clip

although that audio on a loop is tripping me out

Use this thread, yer dummies

fuck this

chickenshit

can you change the title matt

change it to anything

GET INVOLVED - will Liverpool win the Premiership 2013/14?

"What's in a title?": The Premiership 2015/16 Thread

Great game tonight, each team getting a 45 minutes domination. Exciting last twenty minutes.

The Premier League 2015/2016: "Put Some Goddamn Pants On Before You Go Outside!" is a thing I say now

writhing dungheap of amoral parasites, lets go through with this fucking worthless charade again

^ great thread title imo, xelab

lol

Son Heung-min supposedly having a medical at Spurs. £22m seems reasonable - even if he isn't massively prolific he could be a decent foil for Kane.

I don't even know what 22m gets you anymore

Erik Lamela and £8m change if the current reports are to be believed.

I haven't seen a minute of football this season but I'm more worried about the state of our central midfield. Bentaleb has developed nicely over the last year or so but it all looks very inexperienced before you even get onto the issue of putting Dier in there.

May have erred in making Mitrovic my Fantasy Football captain.

Lol, Newcastle are going to end this with eight.

was the dismissal warranted? missed it

that was a kinda careless tackle

Think it was stupid rather than malicious but was definitely worth a red. Xp

yes it was a hundred times red and yes it was malicious

lucky to only be down to ten tbh they're making stupid challenges everywhere on the pitch

arsenal are too cool to score

there it is

on the evidence so far Mitrovic might be the dumbest player in the league

thought he'd flourish in the prem too

this is so dull - bus parking when down a man is smart strategy but boring as hell to watch

both teams settling for one nil its not great fare

Two Stoke red cards in five minutes.

this is a shambles

Hope Everton pulls it out. Gotta dvr and watch later.

Man City is scary even if it is just Watford

Crystal Palace!!!

nice header by ward

very pleased for Sako

I like that Palace away kit

Everton really lucky to get away with a point there (thank Howard).

Enjoying Bilic's torturous over-elaboration of the park the bus metaphor here.

Mitrovic, Huth, Afellay, Adam, a lot of dumb fucks in the EPL yesterday.

srsly it was like an epidemic, even us at the end of that match

aaaand another one

nice goal!

this many red cards is like an every week occurrence in MLS - dunno that I agree with either yellow in this match. One, maybe, not both.

nice to see Rooney reverting to type

the fucking cunt

Which United forward/winger would you not trade for Andre Ayew?

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CNrNFLPWcAEvxCJ.jpg

^ nice work nn

Anthony Martial is a p nice player but he can't be going for the £36.5m I saw mentioned on the back of some tabloid surely?

https://twitter.com/paddypower/status/638269818504892416

Thank God for the international break, it'll take me 2 weeks to muster the willpower required to watch the Utd vs LFC shitfest on the first Saturday back. 2 crap teams with barely an attacking idea between them.

can someone explain to me how adebayor in for chicharito makes any sense

years of accumulated karma

fee agreed with Real for de Gea

Januzaj and Chicharito gone

Utd going full retard

Remember when Januzaj was being talked of as a future England player? :)

Januzaj going on loan is fine. He probably needs it

but to it with a day left in the transfer window, as well as getting rid of your only senior striker other than Rooney is insane

how is a billion pound business even allowed to operate in this fashion?

jesus wtf

otoh martial and navas in

Chicharito must have webbed feet or something.

apparently trying to flog Rojo now as well lol

huh?? rojo was p solid i thought. hasn't played this season yet though amirite? blind's been in that slot instead

went to the Copa, couldn't go on the US tour due to "passport problems", came back a bit fat, now apparently has fallen out with van Gaal

the usual

^ nuts

sky reporting 'no deal' on de gea, what a fucking mess

you have to laugh

Guillem Balague ‏@GuillemBalague 19m19 minutes ago
The documents did not arrive on time!!!!!! Presentation was ready. All agreed. But as it stands de Gea stays at MUFC!!

lolz

more from balague:

"The news is the documentation was not done on time. David de Gea was at his girlfriend’s house waiting, Keylor Navas was waiting, everything was signed and sent to Manchester but the stories coming out of the Spanish media are that Manchester United sent the paperwork back at 12.01pm Spanish time, so past the deadline.

"Everything was agreed, there was a little bit of a battle of figures, but everybody was waiting in their places. The Bernabeu was full of people, but the documents signed by Real Madrid and Keylor Navas did not come back from Manchester United on time.

"The Spanish media are fuming and saying this is revenge for what happened with Sergio Ramos (not going to Old Trafford)"

Tom Coast ‏@thcoast 4m4 minutes ago
Surprise surprise, @cjbustillo from Cadena SER says #RMCF have proof the paperwork was sent at 11.59pm

from RM or utd

AS English ✔@English_AS
Now we are hearing that United did send the documents on time but in a format that couldn't be opened at the LFP. Windows 95?

Whole De Gea thing is lol, except Utd end up with a terrific goalie for another season unless Van Gaal sits him in the stands until January or something equally crazy.

Also I wonder if Victor Moses can eventually play for the entire premier league in a series of loan spells while periodically signing new long term deals with Chelsea?

I wouldn't put anything past him at this point

LVG...out

more goalkeepers than strikers at united right now

Only one out-and-out striker at Spurs too, assuming Adebayor leaves.

wtf is going on at united? seems fergie's iron fist controlled a whole lot more than the players. the prem has gone bonkers with money, i mean even more than before.

Spurs stuck with one striker, one defensive midfielder and a clearly unwanted Lamela, Lennon and Adebayor.

i think Lennon will still move to Everton #silverlining

Manchester United notes Real Madrid’s statement on the attempt to sign David De Gea and sell Navas to Manchester United. The Club feels compelled to provide some clarification with the following facts.

• Manchester United did not seek contact from Real Madrid for the sale of David. David is a key member of our squad and the club’s preference was not to sell. • No offer was received for David until yesterday.

• At lunchtime yesterday, Real Madrid made its first offer to buy David. A deal was agreed between the clubs, which included Navas being transferred to Old Trafford. The deals were dependent on each other.

• In the last several hours of the process, with Navas at the Real Madrid training ground, Real Madrid were controlling the documentation processes of David, Navas and Real Madrid. Manchester United was in control only of the documentation of Manchester United.

• Manchester United sent transfer documents for both players to Real Madrid at 2042 BST. David’s documentation was returned by Real Madrid to Manchester United without the signatory page at 2232 BST.

• At 22:40 BST, minutes before the deadline, major changes to the documentation came through to Manchester United which immediately put the deals at risk. • Only at 2255 BST were the documents that are needed to cancel David’s contract received by Manchester United from Real Madrid.

• At this point Navas’ documentation was still not returned by Real Madrid.

• At 2258 BST, the transfer agreement was sent back by Manchester United, uploaded onto TMS and accepted – all before the deadline.

• It is our understanding that the deals couldn’t happen because:

- Real Madrid didn’t upload David’s documents onto TMS in time (Manchester United did)

- Real Madrid didn’t upload David’s documents to the Spanish league in time, per reports it seems some 28 minutes after the deadline • The fact that Manchester United filed the papers on time was acknowledged by the Football Association, who offered to support that claim in any discussions with FIFA. The Club offered this assistance, as well as its own timestamped documents to Real Madrid but they have chosen not to go down this route.

Manchester United acts appropriately and efficiently in its transfer dealings. The Club is delighted that its fan-favourite double Player of the Year, David de Gea, remains a Manchester United player

Man u retain him on cut price(ish) wages too as he declined a new deal

Valdes sitch is a real flipping mystery

The 31-year-old had been close to joining Aston Villa at the end of July, but stunned Villa officials when, having completed a medical and posed for pictures in the club's shirt, he stalled on the deal by claiming that he wanted a sign from God that it would be the correct move.

Adebayor is understood to have then consulted his pastor over the prospect of moving to the Midlands before finally deciding against the switch, much to the frustration of Villa manager Tim Sherwood.

http://i.imgur.com/tdaPk23.jpg

so me being an Everton (and hell, PRemier League) newb and all, is this Lennon transfer a good one? how about Funes Mori? can't tell from the Everton fan page because every move is greeted with "terrible move, nuke England the world is over" responses.

Lennon's...alright? Better than McGeady anyway

Funes I know nothing about but he's got a pleasingly Borgesian name

hoping the emergence of HSB provokes Michael Jones into posting here again. our own toffee clique!

Lennon looked like an international winger under redknapp, a speedy player with no feet (like literally his legs ended at the ankle) under jol and like a lost sprinter under everyone else.

funny one.

boo :/. oh well - guess I'll see in a few weeks.

read that as "international whinger" for a bit

wait who is Danny welbeck

what's really something is bournemouth making their two record signings then having both of them do their knee ligaments in the same game

quite a few places reporting that de Gea has opened talks for a new contract. Woodard you diabolical...

David De Gea has signed a new four-year contract at #mufc with an option to extend for a further year.

holy shit, i didn't see that coming. i guess that ddg could still leave at the end of the season but at least now utd would get paid off

Yessss

Fuck you Real. Played them at their own game and won

best signing they've made all summer tbh

eh if RM had really wanted him they'd have got him. Wonder why they didn't?

well I've suspected all along that Perez, despite his general profligacy, didn't like the idea of spending c. 30m on a goalkeeper. A goalkeeper!

the point is, Real have probably been tapping him up for a year or more, hemmed and hawed all summer hoping de Gea would come out and force a move (while he, to his credit, kept his council throughout) and then either made a balls of a last minute move or deliberately sabotaged it when they got cold feet. Throughout the whole thing Utd made it as difficult as possible for them and have ended up keeping their best player for, at minimum, another season, and ensured it'll take a world record fee if he actually does move next year

I'm pretty chuffed tbh

this does seem to be the best outcome for both clubs, probably for de Gea at the moment whether he accepts that or not. you're right that the asking price was always ridiculous for a keeper.

you're right that the asking price was always ridiculous for a keeper.

I don't think it was. If anything, keepers are undervalued. He's been United's best player for the last two seasons and probably gained United more points than anyone else during that time (not that you can measure these things).

for that price he better be scoring from goal!

yeah that wasn't what I meant

in other news, Rooney's done his hamstring!

lovely goal everton, like the look of this galloway lad

NAISMITH!

Haha brace!

hell of a day for right wingers taking a beating

:D

Lol

Damn. Rocket of a shot

WHAT A GOAL

JOSE OUT

Lol I am multi-tasking and looked up in time to see his hat trick

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/09/08/23/2C155E2700000578-3227035-image-a-70_1441752688627.jpg

Fellini starts up front, Martial on the bench.

Fellaini

more of an 8½ than an orthodox #9

not looking forward to this

there's something endemically wrong with liverpool - it's a toxic environment, players get worse on arrival even if they aren't great to begin with

This is really quite boring

drawing at home to rotherham was genuinely better quality than this

dire match

Best league in the world

Crikey

this game didn't deserve that

or that

this kid might be good

Well, bless my soul

haha unbiased commentary scream?

Lineker just made the inevitable "Martial Law" joke. Wanker.

rodgers out gathering a lot of steam. i think it'd be harsh to sack him even though i'm fairly sure he's not going to do anything with this team. they should prob do so if they could get klopp.

where dyou go to find a good collection of acestream links these days at all at all

nervous about all the ex spurs players out there today. and all the future ex spurs players too tbf. and all those who is like to be ex spurs players but aren't

vertonghen ya cunt sit the fuck down

pass selection in midfield and defence genuinely seems designed to lose possession in risky areas, bizarre.

three men up front sitting happily in shit defenders' pockets.

https://www.reddit.com/r/soccerstreams

ta. slumming it in a flash pane ATM I'm not sure we're worth upgrading for tbh.

I'm still in a happy place with this lot ito youth players like mason and ali and Kane kinda in place and giving them a fairer shot than big money buys

the fact that we are pitifully soft in defensive mid and centre of defence is inevitable so why throw cash at it is where I'm finding peace

Defoe running through us like it was 2004. alderweild does not look like he's going to be comfortable in a shit defence.

Davies is so, so bad. on the ball, off the ball, he's a complete heap. just played a twenty yard pass to any one of three Sunderland players without any pressure on him at all.

I'm glad this is easier to take because this is really fucking shit

we don't even look like we want to be ept

hows harry kane doing?

lovely team goal, mason

lamela and Townsend have improved things since coming on.

Kane not being gifted and space or quality supply in eriksens absence

naismith's hat trick goal was a superlative team goal yesterday, does spurs' compare?

ya id have said so.

underline again how much a cut above lamela looked coming on and playing from the left today.

watching from a cricket pavilion pads on waiting to get ruined by some bowlers several times better than what I'm capable of handling so nervy pinch of salt but leics-villa is a good, open game

bunch of fuckin cowards

lloyd dyer: not a coward

Nathan Dyer on the other hand...

What ffs

kieran uber alles obv

Zouma/Cahill axis preferred over John Terry.

Wonder how bad Ivanovic has to be before Azpilicueta is moved to RB and Rahman comes in at LB? I guess at least Arsenal don't have a flying left winger.

Trying to make sense of this from Dion Dublin " "Chelsea's poor current form is down to losing their leader, because of Terry's poor form."

Chelsea should have had a penalty there.

Chelsea looking like last season's version unfortunately.

Costa loves hitting people doesn't he?

Why the hell did Gabriel get booked? All he did was get assaulted by Costa?

Now he gets sent off. Costa wins I guess.Classic Chelsea.

Such a perfect fit Costa and Chelsea and Mourinho.

Yep. Gabriel was stupid but that was exactly what Costa was after.

That is masterful from Costa tbf. How does he get away with it?

cos his hitting lump defenders to getting kicked by lump defenders ratio is pretty low

it's really not

Costa should have been sent off and Gabriel shouldn' t even have a yellow card for the first incident.

The idea that Costa is more sinned against than sinner is frankly bollocks.

Mike Dean's reaction to Costa telling him about the "kick" is hilarious. Totally shits himself

Zouma one nil

https://twitter.com/GNev2/status/645232284916912128

Brother Mouzone ‏@AFCwillstompyou 18m18 minutes ago
@GNev2 how's your dad doing ?

West Ham have beaten City, Arsenal and Liverpool away so far. That's crazy.

this was good

https://vine.co/v/eUL6H1In0gP

Green card for Noble.

Spurs going with a front five of Kane, Chadli, Lamela, Son and Alli should be interesting.

CP looking lackadaisical as hell

For various reasons this is probably the furthest I've gone into a season without watching Spurs properly but this start has been very positive.

<3 Son already.

predictably enough, Rooney's been dropped back to #10 after failing to cut it as a striker. He'll be shite there too and the cycle can begin again.

so far so horrifying

fucking hell, Martial is the real deal

"

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CPnADnvWEAAquxF.jpg
lol

Martial just scored again. Might have been his second touch

3 touches tbf

https://streamable.com/46kh

3 out of the 4 goals he's scored have gone in that same corner iirc. has scored as many in ~120 mins as falcao got all last season

jammy liverpool just scraped though on penalties against carlisle

there's something beautiful about Mike Ashley finally throwing some money at Newcastle only to fuck up by entrusting it to McClaren

City score from Spurs corner. Completely shambolic but good finish from De Bruyne.

spurs looking p dece, that aside

kyle walker, how many times

just logged on to call Walker a fuckboy and he put a quality tackle in in the meantime

Lloris is the Prem keeper whose saves most resemble panels from old football comics

this co-commentator is 'doing my nut'

Woo!

Still not a DM but woo!

aiiight

oof that's some howling linesmithery

dare I say, yomp

city's goal marginally offside too tbf

this co-commentator is 'doing my nut'

― twunty fifteen (imago), Saturday, September 26, 2015 12:24 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

charlton legend danny mills

the most marginal open-goal finish of all time, there

Yes!

this is fun

I am.only getting these sparse updates
it's quite enough

Son is a really, really classy player

Getting Berbatov vibes from him

haha wow

wondrous play from Njie

Wonderful from Njie.

thought Lamela had fucked that

actually that's v uncharitable, he was never in an actively good position to shoot until he actually did

Kane looks a player too

quite surprised that City have deemed scoring three goals in eight or nine minutes v Spurs an impossibility (wrt subbing Aguero)

Fuck me.

that was v encouraging, lots of good performances and many from new players

Really quite astonished how much better Poch's signings have been than the AVB-eras. I had my misgivings about Dier in midfield but the boy's doing well, Alli looks like a natural, Son and N'jie have both had an immediate and decisive impact. Also Alderweireld is the best signing we've made in ages, gives us so much composure in defence and a consistent first-choice CB pairing for the first time in literally a decade. Davies looks like a safer bet than Rose at LB as well.

Overjoyed for Lamela and Kane, although City's back five was complete dogshit today, both on paper and on the pitch.

all that ^

ugh bbc updates are like 2 minutes behind aren't they

xp tho Davies still not rly first choice material if pace must be a factor

Did alright against a very pacy City attack today, although better with cover in front of him.

yeah, if we can set up to protect him better I'd agree he's more solid than rose- still nice to have flawed competition in that position as opposed to just one flawed individual.

Jeez...4-1!

City's back five was complete dogshit today, both on paper and on the pitch.

Kompany and Mangala make a massive difference

pfft build one squad. no sympathy. we play kyle walker as a preference for gods sake.

true dat

Man U dominating the match in "meaningless possession"

Booooorrrring.

Its great to have Sturridge back but our defence is still shite.

Arsenal go from 1-0 down to 4-1 up are biters

lol. let's try that again

Arsenal go from 1-0 down to 4-1 up are biters

it was barely worth posting once tbf

there goes leicester's unbeaten run

enjoyably high scoring day, let's none of us belittle the blitw

things are getting interesting now tbf

lol Newcastle are 2-0 up.

trust newcastle to fuck that one up

https://vine.co/v/exX91FQqaFq

ok lololol

ok lololol

is he saying "wait"?

http://wjgl.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/08/rebranding123-1.png

good work

I will admit at this point to not really understanding the original thread title.

It made sense at the time...

imago - something something
pandemic - something something, arsehole

this. just. in: fans of sub-premiership clubs now no longer welcome in premiership thread if they dispute the patronising notion of a 'second team'! OH DEAR whatever next?!
― imago, Tuesday, 11 August 2015 17:23

not welcome either way tbh, not if yer only here to shit on the floor.
― irl lol (darraghmac), Tuesday, 11 August 2015 17:51

(blah blah blah)

As for thread title, I'm happy to go with: Not welcome if you're just going to shit on the floor - Premier League 2015/16
― Turtleneck Work Solutions (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Friday, 14 August 2015 16:43

request no swears in the title, i'll have to click on this at work
― the lion tweets tonight (Noodle Vague), Friday, 14 August 2015 16:52

Not welcome if you're just going to SIT on the floor? We'll all know what it really means... perfect crime
― Bouncy Castlevania (Will M.), Friday, 14 August 2015 18:15

my God I don't remember being implicated in this

Oppenheimer feels

RIP WBA ;-;

http://www.stokesentinel.co.uk/user/lw-avatar/4184868/profileSmall1422643782189.png

1972_stokie | September 28 2015, 7:48PM

Love it Bex - Konoplonker - brilliant!! and yes, he is ....

I used to love writing poetry'

Rooney reveals his love of poetry before meeting his future wife Coleen.
"I used to love writing poems. Before I was with Coleen, just normal poems," he said.

"I don't know why, I used to like writing little stories when I first got with Coleen. I used to write a lot of poems."

I literally cannot believe this.

I'm already psyched for dele alli's transfer fee tbh

it'll be overshadowed by Martial's world record move to Madrid tbf

*funded

City Newcastle worth a look...

city a shambles at the back and lucky not to be three down. one chalked off wrongly for offside.

https://vine.co/v/e2zwb1A5HLb

Should Pope Francis sell the family jewels? [Started by OutdoorFish in March 2013, last updated Saturday, 3 October 2015 15:44 by deejerk reactions (darraghmac) on I Love Everything] 155 new answers

The futility of the dive surpasses the ineptitude of the pass in the lol stakes.

https://vine.co/v/Ot5vibDa1qT

Aguero doing a Lewandowski

awww don't take him off

bullshit

pre 70 mins, ffl implications

Will MC try to score 10 or will they just kind of stall for time? I'd love to see a 10-1 game. Particularly after watching endless 0-0 and 1-0 snoozefests.

Serious dick move from Pellegrino taking him off after 66mins. I hope they lose the title on goal difference.

Ref fucking Southhampton brutally

good shout on Falcao

practically horizontal by the time he hit the keeper

get in, die cunts

this is delightful

my heart bleeds

Mourinho and Rodgers sacked on the same weekend?

Mane is so good

fuck that had to be four

get in, die cunts

― r|t|c, Saturday, October 3, 2015 7:00 PM (3 minutes ago)Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Fiddy getting lazy with his album titles

[taps watch] eh ronald isn't it shane long substitute golazo time

Eva Carneiro's revenge complete.

Jose's monologue

Chelsea 1-3 Southampton
Posted at 19:45

I would just like to add that all those quotes from Jose Mourinho constitute a single answer to the first question from his interviewer.

It was a seven-minute stream of conscience from a man clearly under pressure, which he signed off with a simple "thank you, goodbye".

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bmnd1ZP5-4o

Is this a worse title defence than United under Moyes yet? Moyes at least had the excuse of an ageing squad full of dross.

yeah utd had 11 for 8, three points more

blackburn had 7 from 8 so not worst ever

Chelsea actually added some of our aging dross

lol yes

"if they sack me they sack the best manager they ever had" then Jose goes on about responsibilities and blames referees

Have we discussed McLaren's ludicrous little counter board yet?

what is this?

existential howl from the void or a genuine question?

Fucking hell, we're getting ripped to pieces here. Hardly even touched the ball yet.

It's not pretty

ayew very much the bossman atm

oof

Hmmm. I've got a feeling we're going to lose this one.

what the hell? 2-0 already?

try again, Hammer Smashed Bagels

Montero is having Kyle Walker for breakfast right now.

Can't remember ever being three down so quickly

Three? damn...

i haven't been watching (thanks to the stupid decision to have our NFL game at the same time)

swansea fans enjoying singing "harry kane he scores when he wants" after a spectacular own goal

Swansea Spurs game also goal fest already

xp

I thought the Swansea fans were singing "he's one of our own", which would have been funnier but also more annoying.

Hiding behind a cushion every time arsenal go forward

props to the my stream dude playing "The Sound of Silence"

hello darkness

Trends

Arsenal
Mom of Oregon shooter bragged about weapons online: report
607K Tweets about this trend

Eriksen has scored two incredible free kicks today, single handedly bailing us out of this one.

I have heard awful things about walkerwalker today, felt that the positional instructions given to his replacement during the week didn't bode well for poch solving the fullbacks any time soon.

no spurs player has made me suffer like kyle walker

He's alright, he was man u 's top scorer at one point this season

It's not even his positioning, although that was at fault for the goal, he was just being skinned again and again by Montero, it's more the fault of our midfield for failing to cut off that supply line.

We're hammering them right now though.

ogmor are u really a fan of tottenham or is this just public spiritedness given the sympathies of ilx

i'll have you know i went to the same primary school as teddy sheringham

did he have an extra schoolyard in his head

365mailboxLAD

Rodgers out

funnily enough a Liverpool based mate of a mate said he was getting sacked this weekend regardless of result

de Boer in he reckons

wait for mourinho, lvg or Sherwood

very strange timing. presumably a replacement is sorted already.

poor old bren. not a bad guy but his mouth got him into trouble.

yeah.

wonder what level he'll get placed at after this.... can see there being a decent gap between his expectations and the reality

Get Klopp

https://vine.co/v/e2OFtXVuh2V

heh

I sense Brendan will be traveling in a...northeastern directon

cuddle with borini

haha - i was thinking maybe replacing sherwood at villa.

fsg better have a replacement sorted already.

I hear Tromsø are looking for a head coach (xxp)

It would be an utterly insane decision if they didn't. Liverpool aren't even doing that badly.

six games unbeaten!

it has to be klopp or ancelotti, right? if it's de boer they can fuck off.

klopp 3 yr deal

full time at the allianz. klopp turns telly off, stares into void. he rises, draws curtains, pours stiff drink, opens drawer containing old service revolver and birthday card reading "call me! john w x"

give it gary rest of season

favre's available

lucien or brett either's fine

off-topic but has anyone seen this poor man? halfway through it becomes apparent that chelsea are taking the place of an absent father.

http://www.sportsjoe.ie/football/video-this-angry-angry-chelsea-fan-tells-pretty-much-everyone-to-f-off/42638

Stevie g anyone

this makes me want klopp

https://vine.co/v/eiuzBplYWvw

this is one of the best football wiki pages obv: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_English_Football_League_managers

gareth ainsworth at 11 already

― imago, Saturday, August 8, 2015 10:11 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i see one obvious candidate for not being in the top 10 by next May

― the lion tweets tonight (Noodle Vague), Saturday, August 8, 2015 10:12 AM (1 month ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

full time at the allianz. klopp turns telly off, stares into void. he rises, draws curtains, pours stiff drink, opens drawer containing old service revolver and birthday card reading "call me! john w x"

― r|t|c, Sunday, October 4, 2015 6:11 PM (35 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha, not quite your pulis one but definitely A

finer form than lewandowski and tarting for an overdue appreciation thread

who will drive this clown car fill of mignolets?

full I said full

“I’ve seen and worked with managers and it’s ups and downs,” Sherwood said. “We’ve got a manager in the opposite dugout today who’s not had it all his own way at every club he’s been at but he’s come through and stuck to his beliefs. That’s exactly what Tim Sherwood will be doing.”

"it’s the same Tim Sherwood who they were singing my name last season"

Is anyone else in a fantasy league at the moment? This seemed like an extraordinarily high-scoring week in ours, like the cumulative scores of everyone's team would be way, way above the average return. And only about 5 people in our league (of 19 teams) had Aguero (and only 2 as captain).

The football so far this season, with the exception of the first half vs Arsenal, has bordered on Hodgson era levels of tedium. Starts the season with a back 4 after flirting with 3CB's midway through last season, then after 4 games changes to a back 3. Still no defensive solidity either way.

Spends £30m on Firmino, plays him as a 2nd striker (his correct position) maybe once? twice?

Talks continual drivel. Ships out half a team every summer whilst shipping in half a team or more then goes on about needing time for the players to gel and learn our 'principles'(whatever they are, who the fuck knows) and rebuilding etc etc Repeat every season. European performances have been scandalously bad both in the CL and both seasons he's had in the Europa.

He didn't do a terrible job, he did about par, but the one season LFC overachieved was because we had one of the best 5 attackers in the world trying to play his way into a move to Real Madrid or Barca.

I'm in a US-style league with player draft and head-to-head match-ups, and between them Aguero and Eriksen got me more points than my entire XI usually manages. Top of the league btw.

Man Utd watchers, how has Schweini looked so far? Cos I've only seen the Arsenal game and he looked cooked tbh.

the transfer committee and the fact they seem to be exonerated of blame is a really major issue for liverpool. like beyond anything rodgers has done (and i know he's one part of the committee) the biggest problem is the waste of money. so much cash wasted. other sides like southampton can have a decent recruitment system in place, liverpool don't. not sure how we can sack rodgers and talk about "his" spending and leave this mysterious body in situ, with no accountability for their decisions. you'd have to say the point of the transfer committee must be to create a system where nobody is to blame for shit transfers, and so divide and dilute the ire of supporters.

but agree on all the tactical stuff. a lot of the recruitment issues are to do with his refusal to play players in position. markovic as a wing back for most of last season despite showing flashes of quality, can still, STILL being ruined at centre back. ings on the wing. firmino as mentioned. sahko ignored despite clearly being better than lovren.

I think the whole LFC 'transfer committee' thing is a little bit of a smoke screen. P much every club has a 'transfer committee' even if they don't call it such. It's never one manager identifying a target and saying "get him" I wouldn't have thought. It's collective identification and then deciding if the player is good enough to improve the team, available, has resell value etc etc. I'm fine with LFC doing it that way but completely agree that when it goes wrong. and IT CLEARLY HAS, then the people involved should get the blame, incl Rodgers but not limited to him.

I mean I honestly think if we had only spent like 20% of the Suarez/Sterling money the team would have finished within 2 places of where we ended up last season/are at this season. Which is a massive failure.

I mean I don't rate Spurs that highly but there are signs that Pochettino has improved them on where they were when he took over, performance wise at least imo, mainly by improving the players he inherited.

Totally otm here:

the biggest problem is the waste of money. so much cash wasted.

You can argue that City/Man U/Chelsea have wasted similar amounts on dud and/or poorly utilised players over the last few years, but actually playing well and winning stuff tends to help deflect attention from that ...

Man Utd have played well in the last few years?

getting 4th place tends to help deflect attention from that

xpost

the diff with man u and chelsea, and city, as ever, is that they can waste 70m and spend another 70m to make up for it.

p.s. done a great job so far
http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/33099430

I thought all teams are flush with TV money now anyway

They won the league a couple of years ago, if that counts?

Man Utd have played well in the last few years?

I mean I don't rate Spurs that highly but there are signs that Pochettino has improved them on where they were when he took over, performance wise at least imo, mainly by improving the players he inherited.

He also dropped and then shipped out an absolute shit-ton of them, like sixteen or seventeen senior squad members gone since he arrived. Of the £100m or whatever spending spree two years ago it's only Eriksen, Lamela and Chadli that are left. Eriksen was always going to make it, Chadli has done well but is probably operating near the top of his range, and the jury's still out on Lamela.

The improvements he has made are either through bringing in new signings or promoting and improving academy products. The majority of that Bale money was completely wasted and Liverpool's use of the Suarez/Sterling cash looks similarly misguided. There's no guarantee that Liverpool's next manager will be able to extract any significant value from those players.

Well firmino, benteke ,Gomez, markovic, illori, can, Moreno, Lallana etc should at least have equal talent to the Spurs youths/signings that pochettino has worked with.

Basically even with poor recruitment Rodgers should still have been able to put together a far more coherent team than he managed for the last 25 games and I would expect a new manager to improve on that with the same players.

yeah i actually think there's more talent at liverpool than there has been for many of the managers who did about as badly/well as rodgers, if you remove the runners-up season.

hodgson and to an extent dalglish had squads that were probably a good bit worse. there's a huge squad now and i honestly don't think it's all rubbish - just not enough coherency to the gameplan and the positions in which b-rod has deployed people.

someone like klopp may be looking at this and thinking it's a decent opportunity, a big squad, lots of youth, some proven quality - a decent manager can hammer a good team together i'd say. lol @ him if he thinks that we will eat him alive expectations aren't as bad as people say - if rodgers had made a half decent stab at 4th last year i doubt too many would have called for his head.

like really, in the end all rodgers managed to figure out was "give it to suarez". i doubt any manager around would just magically get that points tally with suarez - he deserves some credit - but not that much.

Man Utd watchers, how has Schweini looked so far? Cos I've only seen the Arsenal game and he looked cooked tbh.

pretty majestic overall tbh. You didn't see the Liverpool game? Overshadowed by Martial and Blind but I thought he was the best player on the pitch

knew we were fucked yesterday as soon as van Gaal named him and Carrick in a two though. An insane decision which was compounded by the decision to have him do some bizarre man-marking job on Cazorla. Was actually decent in the second half, tried to make things happen unlike the rest of the zombies (Martial excepted) out there. Not that it mattered at that stage.

Game was crying out for a midfield three, but we can't do that because where would you fit Captain Undroppable in?

A midfield of Herrera, Schweinsteiger, and Schneiderlin is as good as anything in the league imo

for everything said about Rodgers here I think avb was worse with the money he had and what he inherited.

but other than that the criticisms are remarkably similar.

love that images of brendan has become images of jurgen, already.

https://twitter.com/ImagesofJurgenK

the positions in which b-rod has deployed people.p

I approve of this nomenclature as it means his replacement is J-Klo.

Klo being German for the cludgie, of course.

i know i've been hurt before, but i'm pretty excited for klopp. if anyone can conduct the orchestra of madness and invigorate the average hordes it is surely he. at least until we sack him after finishing 5th.

same

"kop flop klopp"

About 74 results (0.41 seconds)

ooh "KOP FLOP KLOPP COPS CHOP" is p good, well done that man

not as good as "roo are ya"

granted

thinking i might try prefacing any response to anything with a loud abrupt HA HA HA this kl0ppo day

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WvxWd3ZqY1M

cough

pre-season friendlies - weak

i suppose rodgers probably won the m&m cup or the haagen daaz shield too

I just folornly Google image searched for a picture of Brendan Rodgers high fiving the M&Ms guy.

http://www.irishtimes.com/polopoly_fs/1.1572248.1382639930!/image/image.jpg

you can't put your arms around a memory

sad stuff about valdes yesterday, makes me wanna take both parties out for a beer together

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/oct/08/victor-valdes-locker-manchester-united-louis-van-gaal

you can put your arms around 4/5m quid that he got as a sweetener to the sacking. i like brendan but i'd never feel sorry for a sacked manager at a big club - they are selling nothing in particular and the prices are astronomical.

xpost this valdes stuff is all getting a bit david miscavige.

Kind of interested as to where Rodgers goes next though, there's no natural next step for him unless he want to take on a total ambulance club like Newcastle or Villa. Could he manage in Spain?

definitely abroad i'd say.

If Rodgers had done nothing differently, if Liverpool's performances last season and the start of this one had been identical, if Suarez had still left when he did, Sturridge had his injuries when he did, etc. - if the only difference to reality was that Gerrard hadn't slipped up and Chelsea hadn't beaten Liverpool and Liverpool had narrowly beaten City to the title, how much higher would his stock be now?

and if they hadnt lost a three goal lead to crystal palace in the next game

Ah, yes. That was great.

Even allowing for the Palace result Liverpool would still have won the title by a point I think?

A drop from 1st to 6th would have been seen as pretty disastrous in the modern Prem era but it'd be stupid to claim that a first title in 14 years wouldn't have earned him significantly more leeway.

Playing Gerrard as his only DM was bound to blow up in his face at some point given Stevie G's well-documented history of howlers in big games, it wasn't just a freak slip, it was a direct result of selection and transfer policy, and Liverpool's amazing attack was papering over the cracks of a seriously leaky defence.

i think it warrants another viewing of said slip
http://www.football-banter.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/gerrard-slip.gif

but these are still way sweeter
http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd79/ALX8725/FC/JohnTerrySlips.gif

http://assets.sbnation.com/assets/768409/2yls1gm.gif

Playing Gerrard as his only DM was bound to blow up in his face at some point given Stevie G's well-documented history of howlers in big games, it wasn't just a freak slip, it was a direct result of selection and transfer policy, and Liverpool's amazing attack was papering over the cracks of a seriously leaky defence.

of tactics more than anything - why was the entire team across the halfway line in a game they only had to draw?

the palace result completely insignificant, the title was lost by then.

didnt city have an easy run that had the pressure off once liverpool lost at palace

they went from sort of 3/5 to 3/1ish over two terrible games

gerrard had been good that season tho in terms of quick distribution to the pacy forwards

i think lucas was injured a lot wasnt he? hed have been a more natural dmid in big games

city had about 3 games in hand or something when liverpool were deemed by all the newspapers to have won the title.

i can kind of see how rodgers just thought we'd blow chelsea away 6-3, it was a pretty astonishing run of victories before that, anyone could have got carried away. many of us did.

like easy to say in hindsight he should have gone for the 0-0, but we had been utterly dicking everyone for weeks

the counterfactual is basically instructive tho, in that momentum and crucial moments etc are so formative, cliched as that is

there was a gloomy ambience to liverpool that offseason, very difficult to reply to sudden unexpected impovement and then fall

rodgers was most impressive that year for how adaptable he was, playing sterling as an amid in a 4312 and other wacky ploys that worked brilliantly, only a rube would attribute that season to suarez alone

yet the more control and power he had, the cleverer he tried to be and the more those wacky ideas like can as a sweeper in a back three etc failed to really work

he is a very talented coach and would suit somewhere like valencia where he just has to do that, if eg nuno moves on to better things

he was basically fucked once we stopped being able to outscore teams - all the changes he made to try and fix the defence just made the team pedestrian and still prone to conceding wacky shit goals from one-off mistakes.

It would have been a first title in 24 years, and you're absolutely right he'd have earned more leeway ...

A drop from 1st to 6th would have been seen as pretty disastrous in the modern Prem era but it'd be stupid to claim that a first title in 14 years wouldn't have earned him significantly more leeway.

going to make a vague guess that was a typo and that ppl are aware liverpool havent one a title in 140 yrs

Rondelle Hobbs ‏@RondelleHobbs 3 hrs3 hours ago

Rock around the Klopp.

cant believe its been a thousand years since liverpool won the world cup

sad stuff about valdes yesterday, makes me wanna take both parties out for a beer together

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/oct/08/victor-valdes-locker-manchester-united-louis-van-gaal

― Haino Corrida (NickB), Friday, October 9, 2015 10:45 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

If I was Valdes I'd be lawyering up and constructive dismissalling my way to a full payment of my remaining contract and free agent status.

cant believe its been a thousand years since liverpool won the world cup

great summer dancing to gangnam style

Still think that Sturridge's injury fucked them more than anything else - he Suarez and Sterling, together, were amazing that season, such a fluid and unpredictable attacking line, especially with Coutinho behind then. A season later and he was reduced to playing Sterling as CF, despite him being manifestly unsuited to that role, with a rotating cast of flakes and journeymen longside him.

Liverpool just wouldn't have been capable of shutting up shop against an improving Chelsea side that season, they'd already lost to them once before, but they were outscoring everyone else as it was. I suppose one of the things that made Fergie a great manager was dampening the euphoria down at times like that, making sure they left nothing to chance.

gerrard had been good that season tho in terms of quick distribution to the pacy forwards

i think lucas was injured a lot wasnt he? hed have been a more natural dmid in big games

― Rainham area Rilke (nakhchivan), Friday, October 9, 2015 12:28 PM (3 hours ago)

My memory might be failing me here but I think Lucas spent most of the latter part of that season on the bench? Gerrard did well enough in that regard but he also lacked the intelligence and vigilance required to play that role consistently at the highest level and Rodgers should really have spotted that earlier than he did.

Ah wait Lucas did actually start that Chelsea game. Then again Chelsea were playing a 20-year old CB I had forgotten even existed.

that side had plenty of regular players that weren't good enough for a title winning team, several of them bought by rodgers

no rational analysis would particularize a loss of possession by a cental midfielder at the centre circle as the reason they lost that game, it's a routine event that very seldom leads to goals because the central defenders are covering (and it was also conceded in the first half)

the mistake is in letting gerrard drop in between sahko and skrtel, neither of whom have recovery speed, and doing so while the defenders are pushed high and extremely wide

though that is again reflective of the limited quality of the other players (partly his fault for buying one) ie two central defenders who can't pass well

https://d13csqd2kn0ewr.cloudfront.net/uploads/image/file/45652/cropped_Untitled-01.gif?ts=1398607686

sturridge is very important though, a superb player, other than perhaps twp in 09/10 he was better in 13/14 than any other english forward of recent times, certainly a finer player than kane

easiest counterfactual is that with him fit even say 2/3 of this season and last, rodgers would still be there

Wonder how many more players lfc can lose to cruciate injuries before Saturday? I'm guessing Jose Enrique? Must be a while since he's kicked a ball.

you're catching up with bournemouth!

rolling soccerball death spiral

It's alright, as far as I can tell we're going into Saturday's game with Dele Alli as our most experienced central midfielder.

Turning into a really shitty season for promising young left-backs just getting into their stride at a big club.

brendan galloway, you are next

god ings is out too?? sheesh

v enjoyably hectic& slightly nervy first half of spurs-liverpool, spurs looked pretty headless early on in the face of liverpool's hustle. not always a big dembele fan but he was the most composed spurs presence. a few good chances, origi scrapping & njie's shot was gorgeous after an erratic start, but good goalkeeping

yeah that was more encouraging from liverpool. still prone to the odd brainfart in defence tho. i thought sakho played well. second poor showing in a row for coutinho. i thought origi played well but he had no support.

Rooney scored an away goal!

at Everton!

He still looks shite, though

http://ichef.bbci.co.uk/live-experience/cps/512/amz/vivo/live/images/2015/10/17/35e57192-e680-462f-a36d-5e65d740ab93.png

seems legit

palace penalty decision an absolute joke, even worse attempt than normal to manufacture being the centre of attention for clattenburg

cunt ref obv

what the hell is happening in the Newcastle game?

Georginio Wijnaldum is happening by the looks of it

did not foresee Chris Sutton becoming Graeme souness tbh

Nice to see Sissoko give one of the 5 performances per season where one legitimately wonders why he's not playing for one of the top 5 clubs in the world.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CSAA7enWoAAXQ-J.jpg

west haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaam

I never would have believed that Mourinho or Chelsea could give me such pleasure as they have this season.

#same

sherwood sacked

good

well that answers one convo i had last night

Stoked for his inevitable appearance at Millwall.

Was it really only 2 months ago that I was reading article after article about how Mourinho had gazumped Utd wrt Pedro and what a fantastic move it was?

A worse title defence than either Blackburn or Moyes is quite something to see.

Still have zero confidence in LFC getting a win at SB next week mind you.

Have any Chelsea players played consistently well this season? Willian is the only one I can think of. Hazard has looked pretty good but some way below the Hazard of the last few seasons.

Ramires? They all looked shagged out. Costa and Fabregas in particular look like they're a day or two away from the retiree beach soccer circuit.

Mourinho as serial loser ranting and raving away is such a weird sight, it's like you can just see the power draining away from him.

some really bizarre captain save a brit opinions on twitter about sherwood.

https://twitter.com/GaryLineker/status/658265123883196417 - like yeah jack grealish likes the manager who played him a lot, he must be a genius.

Mourinho as serial loser ranting and raving away is such a weird sight, it's like you can just see the power draining away from him.

it's honestly really weird the last few weeks. he brought up the possibility of his own sacking, and then chelsea had to almost issue a vote of confidence. the physio stuff earlier in the season too, he has some weird poisonous death wish.

Sherwood on MOTD yesterday - "we can't carry anyone". OTM dude.

Well this is embarrassing.

Otamendi, Fernandinho, Martial all excellent that half. For a match with no shots I found that v enjoyable.

Rojo has also been excellent

Rooney's untouchable status continues to confound

Yes I should have mentioned Rojo.

For real Boruc today is one of the worst goalkeeping performances I can remember in the EPL. Directly at fault for four of the five goals.

Was about to say. Could just have made it five out of six.

Having said that, Adam Federici is responsible for about three of the worst goalkeeping performances I've ever seen so I hope for their sake the third choice has untapped potential.

There have been three instances where he's parried straight into the path of a Spurs player and amazingly only one has led to a goal.

There's a little animated dachshund running up the Bournemouth advertising hoarding and it's faster than Kieran Trippier.

http://pbs.twimg.com/media/CSLSpYoU8AALcgf.jpg

SIX IN A ROW!

That is all :P

^ randy lerner phone transcript

highlights made that look like the least convincing 5-1 in history oh welp

Nah if you ignore the first minute it was pretty one-sided. Our front four were given so much space they were pretty much able to dictate the game.

dmac you do not know that you are born

I believe there's a job going for Sherwood in South London.

bmouth got two or three good chances after the goal within our box, hit post from one and should prob have scored three. discounting boruc that's not far off evens ito clearcuts.

eriksen running things is a joy obv.

Two or three chances in 90mins is not that much dude. If you're counting "should have scored" then it would have been about 10-3.

Also, you didn't watch the game.

all true, all true

“It has been tough for him but he is going to benefit from the hard work he has done in the last eight weeks or so,” Bilic said. “It was boring work that he has never done so far in his career to get his muscles and his fitness back up.

Former Liverpool manager Brendan Rodgers is being lined up as an interim manager at Chelsea - should they fire under-pressure Jose Mourinho. (Belfast Telegraph)

Alternatively, Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich is preparing to replace manager Mourinho with former Blues boss Andre Villas-Boas. (Metro)

lol

sadly don't think lfc are good enough to get Jose the sack this weekend, would be lovely though.

yeah I can't see us winning tomorrow. the goals problem is approaching crisis.

Good luck klopp i believe in youuu

Liverpool-Chelsea is never an enticing prospect but a half-arsed Chelsea side vs the most toothless Liverpool attack I can remember is a particularly grim one. Still if they can't score against this Chelsea they might as well give up now.

quite excited for this, myself

:D amazing work to not blow the half time whistle there

livened things up a bit at least

appalling game

Superb. First thing coutinho has done all game. And yeah, where did those 2 minutes come from?

Don't even think it's that bad a game. As was sort of noted up thread, we're v pretty but utterly toothless.

bye Jose

:)

the post-match interview lol

Vardy just broke the record for scoring in consecutive games.

As much as I dislike the team, it's nice to see Ranieri doing well.

I do wish Van Gaal would just fuck off and take his boring negative football (and Rooney) with him.

LVG's management of expectation is first rate tbf

Tell you what that was some header from Otamendi.

Barry goal also v nice indeed.

Andy Carroll Cruyff turn failure in his own box. Lol.

Looking forward to Mourinho's Thatcher tearfully leaving Downing Street inthe back of a car moment.

Barry goal?? I meant Vardy.

Lol Joe Hart.

Pretty incredible reflex save from Russell Martin as well.

Looking forward to Mourinho's Thatcher tearfully leaving Downing Street inthe back of a car moment.

― pandemic, Sunday, November 1, 2015 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Mourinho is so boom-and-bust innit. Gideon will be looking at this wreck and fearing for his life I'm sure.

I might have a celebratory play of 'Walk Away' by Cast when that happens.

Maybe 'Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)' instead.

Remind me why Martinez dropped Kone again?

i almost didn't watch this cuz i figured it would be a boring, turgid affair

deulofeu&kone have been great

ILF hivemind so jaded I wouldn't be surprised if it previews El Clasico as turgidity in waiting

south coast derby coming up. oh grim prospect! whither football

Claiming that Sunderland have ever been anything other than turgid to watch is challoping of the highest order, but the possibility of a memorable whipping is always there.

I put Kone in my fantasy league team out of sheer desperation this afternoon and it's probably the single greatest FFL transfer I've ever made.

dude you are the one who called out chelsea's defeat yesterday as anything other than the hilarious showing-up it was almost certainly always going to be

took a while but

http://i.imgur.com/BVui7l6.png

watching highlights

defending bad. 3-5-2 is def what u hire big sam for iirc

coates scoring that goal against us still crassest of cosmic jokes

funes the memori won't want to watch the replay ho ho amrite lads

sweet take for ultra kone's 2nd

ooo lukaku pass

'funes mori' looks like it should be latin for some awesome deathly shit but the best translation is in fact 'ropes of mulberry'

or 'ropes for the custom', which is a bit deathlier

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/CSkR30WWIAAMQPP.png

who is #1 for sideways passes??

swansea surely

say this grinds on undramatically and utd still finish 3rd and cl qfs or w/e

how likely are they to do something about it should guardiola make himself available this summer

i guess if it's the bayern roadmap i could see carlo working as the heynckes liberator tho

More like the giggs bosun

Dunno if they're trying to give Remi a crash course in English footballing tradition early on but playing 4-4-2 against this particular midfield when you're already bottom of the league seems... unwise.

no point even talking about this Villa team. not good enough for the division, individually or collectively. if we do stay up it'll only be if there are a number of catastrophic collapses around us and I can't see it. fuck it man. been on life support for so long I've basically forgotten what it was like to be any other way. about time we stopped inflicting ourselves on the MOTD viewing public.

I did enjoy a stat from a recent Football Weekly, when Jimbo caused me to do a double-take by noting that "Tim Sherwood has actually got the highest win percentage of any of Villa's last three managers" before concluding "....with the other contenders of course being Paul Lambert and Alex McLeish" and I almost burst into tears.

This has been an awful performance.

looks like i tuned in at the right time eh

Incredible slackness and lethargy out of defence all night. Villa are appalling tho tbf.

that was nice

little bobble as he hit it sent it in the top corner

Just really wanted to chill that game out and stroll to a non-fussed victory but our passing triangles kept going further and further back til it was eventually lloris walker and dier and well fuck that.

Still. Win, another 18 yr old debut, lamela showed a bit in the last ten mins, Kane goal and good to see two midfielders get on the sheet.

I only saw the first half but we looked comfortably in control without ever looking like we were trying that hard. Then I went for dinner and got a load of "we're going to fuck this aren't we?" texts, that I assume followed the Villa goal.

Wondering if the second gear performance was at least partly down to having to play two more games this week. Including against Arsenal.

It's possible. It was very 'relaxed' all through the second half, with villa unlucky not to equalise twice at around 70 mins.

Pulled up socks in the last ten mins tbf when we started countering/retaining it with a little more consistency.

Winning ugly. This year is our year.

http://www.independent.co.uk/sport/football/premier-league/steven-gerrard-set-for-amazing-return-to-liverpool-after-holding-talks-with-jurgen-klopp-a6720306.html

facepalm

once he doesn't play i guess it's tolerable

I will despair if he ever plays another second professionally for lfc again.

I think even having him back generally is a bad move - we should be moving on from the dependencies of recent years.

Just sign a proper fucking central midfielder already.

maybe it's emre can

whats the new season cl thread?

Skyfall:UEFA Champions League 2015/16

ty

http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/nov/04/liverpool-jurgen-klopp-steven-gerrard

Always a nothing story. The papers need to get over this narrative more than anyone involved with LFC. They're obsessed.

love klopp

^^

The report produced by the match referee Mr. Jonathan Moss dated the 25th October 2015 reads as follows:

When myself and my colleagues left the field of play at half time, as we entered the tunnel area to get to our dressing room, Mr Mourinho the Chelsea Manager was waiting for us clearly agitated and began aggressively asking about first half decisions. Rather than publically speak to him I asked him to step into the entrance of my dressing room escorted by Simon Sutton, the West Ham United Security Manager. Mr Mourinho asked me about a tackle, an offside and a goal line clearance. I gave him brief answers to his questions. After this I asked him to leave the dressing room area. He refused. I asked him again. After he refused again I asked Mr Sutton to escort him from the room. At this point Mr Mourinho became very aggressive and animated. He shouted that you fucking referees are weak…Wenger is right about you…you are fucking weak. I advised Mr Mourinho not to take his position in the technical area for the second half due to his actions.

This is the most one-sided game I've seen all season and Bournmouth are still somehow contriving to lose. Rob Elliott has been excellent for Newcastle but the rest of the team has been abysmal.

'Sunderland can't have a complaint'
Sunderland 0-1 Southampton
Jermaine Jenas
Former Tottenham and England midfielder on Final Score

"Daft of M'Vila to slide in, but I don't think there was contact. I have seen those given though, and Sunderland can't have a complaint."

Stoke take the lead...

"lol" is doesn't suffice

or just "doesn't suffice"

That is probably the most predictable result in the history of football.

great half from Spurs

If I were Wenger I'd look at bringing Flamini on in the second half because we're completely outrunning and out-tackling them in midfield. Still expect us to fuck this up, there's no way Kyle Walker can cope with Sanchez for 90mins.

Neymar did this

https://streamable.com/23i3

holy moly

enjoyed cech's antics there

this is the best spurs passing in an age

Was just coming here to say that if Spurs don't win this, it's a sign little has changed. Perhaps for either side if it's 1-1 in the end.

a day for little has changed all round

otm

The first two-thirds of that game were probably the best example of the heavy pressing, high-line game I can remember seeing in the Premiership, they really were penned in for exceptionally long periods of time. After the equaliser went in I was convinced we were going to tank it, and it previous seasons we would have.

just noting that Moyes has been sacked again

carry on

ridiculous to feel like a really wealthy dude who managed in the premiership for years is a pitiable and tragic character but something about the stark turnaround from being appointed manager of man united to being sacked by la real a little over two years later that is just brutal

fair play to him for giving managing abroad a bash I guess

I imagine he'll be back in the prem before the season is out

although I'm now reading the Guardian obituary, and he doesn't exactly seem to have put his heart into it

“The players have been great and a lot of them are actually taking English lessons, so have the staff, so there is something a wee bit weird about that ... it should almost be the other way round,” Moyes said after the first game. He was right, it should be, but it didn’t happen. He did not speak Spanish and did not learn, although he tried – at least to begin with. Failed attempts could undermine his authority and by extension his desire to try. And so the distance grew.

with whom?

idk...Swansea?

come on there's no way McClaren season out

"sees the season out"

ah, tried and failed to learn Spanish, one of the easiest languages to learn. chronically parochial.

The hotel thing is worse I think. I'm always amazed at British football types who move country and are incapable of renting a decent house/apartment. See classic Michael Owen article on his Real Madrid hell for the funniest example

Moyes is really not a Swansea manager. Villa would have been the turgidly obvious option but all concerned dodged a bullet there. Lord knows Moyes would be an upgrade on McClaren and can at least organise a defence.

fulham quite nicely set up for him imo

yep

Charllton job still not finalized I think?

I think it's time he came home to Celtic.

According to whatsisface from the guardian podcast the only team Tottenham have never finished above in the pl era is Arsenal, which i find neither surprising nor obvious.

good fact- it is our "this year" obv

They seem convinced that it's next year, though the fact that Arsenal haven't shat the bed yet has me thinking

nah, still cheap under aerial assault, still walker and rose (tho all improved, admittedly), still only one striker. but enjoying steady and logical progress v much tbf

Walker is Walker but I think Rose gets an unfair rap, would credit him for establishing his starting credentials but nothing about Davies impresses me besides his maturity? which I guess is just another way of saying nothing.

Funny you say that cause the thing I find least convincing about Tottenham right now is Kane who seems liable at any point to decide never to score again.

Coherent Tottenham is a weird thing to consider long term but something about it all seems ephemeral

oh yeah it's just a sweet spot now between "this is going alright this" and that beyond-optimism "this is about to go horribly wrong", which we'd have reached if we'd won the last day.

rose is far far better on the ball and on his feet facing his man than walker, but still horribly positioned and a liability if in any way isolated.

I think a win on Sunday would've been cast more as Wenger's obstinacy wrt summer transfers and failure to put out a competitive side against a supposedly tired team, than Tottenham being quasi-ascendant.

I don't really mind an errant full-back if there's enough discipline in the team for them to know when to pick their moments/tuck in but I can see how being iffy on both wings causes worry.

http://www.theguardian.com/football/blog/2015/nov/11/premier-league-team-season-so-far

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/03342f266406b71de08ca6b396742bd24e009eb6/0_0_777_417/master/777.jpg?w=620&q=85&auto=format&sharp=10&s=4b762ff2d140588fbb427c766df2050f

Walker was at fault for the Arsenal goal but has improved vastly this season and has turned into a very good recovery defender. Rose has improved as well but has more fuckups in him than Walker and maybe Davies. We would probably need to play Davies if Son is ever going to be on the left because he doesn't look like the kind of player who's likely to track back and win tackles. Then again I said the same about Lamela.

Dembele has missed Belgium training after picking up a calf injury against arsenal. Seems inevitable but quite a blow.

well, Klopp just kicked in

unreal

City look like theyve given up defending

meanwhile in Madrid

https://streamable.com/90ih

4-1! City look awful, no defence without kompany, no creativity without silva, Stirling does nothing against decent teams. De Bruyne is excellent tho

That first half was amazing, front 3 interchanging reminded me of 2013-14 run in.

Sexual

Exactly like the Suarez glory days.

you can start looking forward to not winning the league again!

I expect nothing less

Hehe

This City team have been thrashed twice in the league this season and both times by very high-pressing teams. They just can't cope with it at all and their defence is just bullshit without Kompany and Zabaleta.

Leicester are top of the league with over four months played. They were bottom of the league at the end of March. Considering it's pretty much the same set of players, I can't remember a more incredible turnaround, in the EPL era at the very least.

I do wish Van Gaal would just fuck off and take his boring negative football (and Rooney) with him.

― Lionel Richie the Wardrobe (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Saturday, October 31, 2015 4:43 PM

You know you're going to win the league with this dross, right?

It is actually a possibility. The team started better without Rooney yesterday, but when Herrera got injured he went to three at the back and just tried to hold onto 1-0 for the best part of an hour. Maddening.

yeah man u might win it i think, they have some kind of consistency which is a rare thing in this league.

btw who in bbc sport authorised this total shit?

http://c.files.bbci.co.uk/78D3/production/_86813903_capture.jpg

"Roberto Firmino's goal was well-worked, involving both Emre Can (23) and an assist from Philippe Coutinho (10)"

wow it's like i was there watching it

I had books full of stuff like that in the 80s. I'd trace Carlos Alberto's 1970 WC Final goal with my fingers and feel like I'd just scored it myself.

Publications have been putting those out for years, the Guardian does them every week. You'd think they'd be able to do something better with all the technology at their disposal these days though.

i remember having one of those 50p first issue ring binder weekly magazine collector things for world cup 90, can't remember the name of it, though i know loads of people had it. and shoot magazine had them i guess, keith houchen's goal which i don't think i've ever seen but might watch now.

xpost yeah bbc seems to have gone big on them. they don't even make sense. like i don't understand what each line means.

emre can's utterly magical backheel reduced to a glitch

yeah the problem there isn't diagrams, it's really poor diagrams

Also I know no one gives a shit given the result but that Aguero goal was tasty.

yeah, the utter precision of the finish is immensely satisfying

yeah otm. the commentators acted as if it was a one on one or something.

can't stop watching the can backheel: https://vine.co/v/iulJ7nxA5Fu

ahh that lfc performance. can't believe otamendi didn't start for city.
cautiously optimistic for lfc's top four chances now when i consider how brutal they're away schedule has been so far - already been away to spurs, arsenal, utd, chelsea, everton and city.

of course the home schedule has been p easy and that hasn't amounted to many points so who knows?

This is by some way my least favourite fixture of the season.

holy shit we scored from a corner

's a peach as well

I can't shake the the feeling that lowkey Harry Kane is really shit

there's just something about him isn't there

Lol.

strengthens my position if anything

West Ham were so tight and well organised until the first goal went in, now they've completely fallen to pieces.

Alderweirelds a stage and even kyle walkers playing his part

son's teeth, son's eyes, son's taste, son's everything

is there a toby chant to the tune of daft punk yet

NB I only use that cunt walkers name cos it scanned best he's a fucking idiot and needs gone

bard's remorse

used to quite fancy dele alli when he was in sneaker pimps

speak the speech i pray you, as i pronounced it to you, trippier on the right

one cool thing about the table at the moment is a lot of the pairs of local rivals are really close to each other:

2 Man U 27
3 Man C 26

4 Arsenal 26
5 Spurs 24

7 Everton 20
9 Liverpool 20

17 Newcastle 10
19 Sunderland 6

Looking at the fixture list, I can see us being in the title race until March, when we will beat Arsenal at home... and then fail to win a game for the whole of April.

I'll take it!

tempted to run a "Spurs vs Leicester, who finishes higher?" poll

leicester haven't got a great defensive record tbh and i don't think they've even played any of the other top 5 teams yet?

Arsenal beat them 5-2

playing Utd next Saturday

A lot of teams are still underestimating what a good attacking side they've become and aren't really adapting their tactics accordingly. I'm guessing that will change soon but who knows.

They've put at least two past everyone except Spurs, Palace and Bournemouth.

i'm half-joking, no way would i bet actual money on leicester finishing over Spurs but, y'know, plenty of room for mad shit to happen either way

right you are xps

smalling's not particularly slow but i sure don't like the sound of him and jones trying to chase down vardy

Jones is injured

it'll probably be Blind lol

jones injured? fucking breadstick legs that guy

the hilarious thing is that nine times out of ten he does it to himself (although he's usually taking out some poor sap at the same time)

Coquelin out for 3-4 months

Croqued Monsieur

rafa sacked

Fulham job still not filled.

the team rafa put out on saturday was such an un-rafa team. basically what madrid have been rolling out last season. he should have at least gone out being sacked on his own terms. the manager changes but it's p much a perez approved eleven that ends up on the field. was heartening to see that bale has been basically shit in his central free behind the striker role that he wants to play so badly. ronaldo now also p much a fox in the box although i guess he doesn't see it that way.

how old is neymar? cos the stuff he's doing at the moment seems like he's ahead of ronaldo/messi at a similar age.

oh he's 23. maybe not ahead of ronaldo/messi then, carry on.

have real madrid really only won 1 la liga since ronaldo joined? tbf he's only scored 233 goals in 212 league games so he's clearly the problem.

Apparently Rafa's just getting the (dreaded) vote of confidence. Even by Madrid's standards sacking him now would be a bit harsh (although appointing him in the first place made absolutely no sense)

I'd laugh they made Ronaldo come out and make kissy faces with him

yeah sorry i jumped the gun a bit there based on twitter! mistakes will happen when trying to break big stories like this on ilx.

Career ended imo

I just texted my mate and have now had to backtrack. Thanks a bunch, when will I learn?

it's my fault - I didn't check the sources

Fulham job still not filled.

Chelsea job might be up for grabs soon if he fancies that again - the fans would certainly like that arrangement

Somehow missed the news yesterday that james wilsons been sent down to brighton for the rest of the season. I know he's still not the finished article but exactly what attacking options does this leave on the bench for United?