I used to want satisfying sex, now I just want 300 followers on Instagram: ILX gayz autumn sunrise 2015

They're going to make Dancer from the Dance into a film. This is probably a terrible idea. At least Tom Ford isn't doing it.

If nothing else, I'm just glad I got Morbs to unwittingly quote Ghost.

“Take everything you can from life; it never gives anything back."

- Ingrid Bergman, A Matter of Time

(a true horror movie)

hey, i sat through a critical dissection of Dirty Dancing at a coffeehouse last night! xp

(by KJB and M M4tos)

Matos has heard me praise "Hungry Eyes" enough.

I'm going to watch Olive Kitteridge tonight with someone else who is in similar head space.

it's FALL

i have to watch that this weekend too -- i have it out of the library and now ppl are reserving it after the Emmys. xp

Happy autumn, darlings. I went to the dentist this week and had a baby tooth extracted.

Did you have the baby drugged first?

meanwhile the new gender bender Ozon drama has me spinning, not least because a woefully truncated shower scene b/w Raphaël Personnaz and Romain Duris

ah, here we are:

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-e5Jrvedf1Ho/VdSZ3eRhjNI/AAAAAAACzLs/o2fECFRm7lw/s400/romain%2Bduris%2BRaphael%2BPersonnaz%2Bshower%2B1.gif

https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xtp1/t31.0-8/1404800_10151792820452358_429573377_o.jpg

i had a nice guy over last night - he brought rose

Hi gays

This one day last week I went out with my boyfriend to a Vietnamese restaurant and we had pho and it was really tasty, and we were actually kind of joking a little bit, having a good time, which felt so unfamiliar and good. As we left, the server asked us what we were up to and we told her we were going home to watch Mr. Robot. I said, "it's good for him (my bf) to watch that show, the lead character (who has social anxiety disorder) is me, it's teaching him about what it's like to be me." My bf asked, "who am I on that show?" I said, "nobody, honey, that show is about smart people." He smacked me and then joked, "my password is... "password"". We laughed about that until we were crying and it felt good and great for the first time in so so long.

The next night we went out to see Micachu, the show was great but I'm not drinking much these days because the alcohol makes me totally insane. So after one drink and several sparkling waters, and the show's end around 1am, I told my boyfriend I'd see him at home. The venue owner (a friend of ours) was lining up shots, and I didn't want to spoil my boyfriend's good night, so I hugged him and left. He texted me at 2am saying he was going to an after party; I was asleep by then.

The next morning he wasn't at home. He comes home way late at least once a week, usually from being out partying, and I'm used to him sleeping on the couch-- a considerate gesture considering he snores when drunk. But he wasn't home at all. I assumed that he'd crashed at a friends place, and went out to do the grocery shopping for my pop-up restaurant the next day. I texted him to ask him to meet me there, and he said he was very hungover but that he'd come.

We shopped and it was fun, but I could tell something was ~way~ weird with him, he was distracted and acting strangely. I asked him what he'd gotten up to the night before, and he said "I don't want to talk about it." And I said, well, we kind of have to talk about it, no? You didn't come home! "Oh, I went to a Micachu show with you and your uncle, remember?" ...yes, and then what happened? "Well... the show was good. We hung out with Mica afterward." ...yes, I was there for that, then what happened? "Meyer bought us shots and we had them and you walked your uncle home." ...I know, I was there, what happened after that? you have to tell me 'cause otherwise I just assume the worst, that you did coke and fucked some strangers. "Well... I went to an after party with Marilis." Yes, I got that text. "And they had this kind of weird lemongrassy tequila there? anyway I got really wasted." ...uh huh, then what? "Well, Airick was there and so was John and there were all these art students there." ...and then what happened? When are you going to get to the part where you fell asleep somewhere else? "Oh... well, there were these guys there that were really cute and I ended up having sex with them and sleeping over at their place." ... "And I'm really hungover which ~sucks~ and I had so much to do today... and maybe I should stop drinking... and I been thinking about going into therapy..."

And at this point I was tearing up and needed to throw up, it's taken me all summer to get the image of him and my best friend screwing all day out of my head, and I've been BEGGING him for more inclusivity and more intimacy, and BEGGING for him to stop drinking so much and to get into therapy, and he says, "What's wrong, why are you crying?"

And I said, "You just told me you had sex last night with some strangers" and he said "well, we didn't have SEX sex. Or at least, I don't think we did. I didn't come. Or like... I don't remember if I came or not" and the ambiguity of this entire exchange had me full on sobbing, and he said "I don't understand why you'd be so upset"

So I kicked him out, we're breaking up, twelve years together hahaha it's crazy. He's moving his stuff out over the next couple weeks.

I feel, as I did last month, completely unsexual. My joke these days is "dick and ass are for pee and poo" which I've just abbreviated to "pee and poo" and it's my new favourite expression, and I wrote this poem about it:

Ass and dick are for poo and pee
Sex for you? No sex for me.
Dick and ass are for pee and poo
I will never love again

Team FGTI right here.

i'm so sorry. i have been with my boyfriend for 13 years and we almost broke up 5 times this summer. i am so sorry. you will love again. i would recommend listening to Mary J Blige's London Sessions. specially Long Hard Look, Whole Damn Year, and Therapy. big hugs.

but ps, good for you for having the balls to kick him out.

Few things are more horrible than hungover confessions at 2 p.m, whether giving them or admitting them.

hugs & gentle thoughts for you, fgti. tough way for it all to end.

on the other hand, pop-up restaurant? sounds like you have something to preoccupy you for a time, at least

after 8 years of monogamy my relationship opened up a little bit this summer & its been pretty good, definitely fun, but it has involved an exhaustive amount of dialogue & emotional processing, which thankfully we're pretty practiced at. pretty sure it's only going to be an occasional thing but its been a positive experience.

<3 to all itt

x

be well y'all

i am a rock, i am an island

dang, fgti. best of everything to you

<3 thanks, the pop-up went well we sold out of scotch eggs, I did scoring work for Kanye which was cool, I'm reading books again and things are going fine aside from the crippling loneliness and unbearably low self-esteem I've been feeling, googling "cuddle montreal" and messaging ex-lovers and friends compulsively and asking them "why am I so unboyfriendable", smoking compulsively, generally feeling and looking like the worst person on the planet right now but aside from that yeah yeah doing fine and cool ty

12 years together is pretty boyfriendable, bbz. Sorry to hear about the break up though, of course.

looking like the worst person on the planet right now

pix or it didn't happen

Have sort of been waiting for someone to point out the bigger issue, which doesn't feel to be entirely about the movie itself (bad though I'm sure it is).

http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2015/09/24/stonewall_roland_emmerich_s_controversial_movie_about_the_lgbt_riots_of.html

i'm refraining from opining about it either way until i actually see the thing (which, at my current moviegoing rate, will be in about 15 years)

but speaking of gay history, i've been going through leslie feinberg's 'lavender & red' columns from workers world these past few days - some really great stuff here, and each column is fairly bite-sized, which i like. i didn't know, eg, about pre-mattachine harry hay canvassing against the korean war at the gay beach in santa monica, or that sylvia rivera was affiliated with the young lords

http://www.workers.org/lavender-red/

gay activists giving a hoot about other issues -- quaint

Pop-up resto was good, I made scotch eggs, monte cristos (turkey, swiss and fresh basil leaves on raisin bread, dipped in eggs+milk+vanilla and fried), hanger steak on a bun with homemade mayo and shallot+red wine sauce, and a rather unpopular but delicious raspberry champagne sabayon for dessert.

Had a jogging date with a guy who is cute but our relationship is def pee and poo. He said "you look fucking hot what are you talking about" when I showed up and that was nice. Then I spent last night planning to avoid internet and irl people and stay in and read and listen to records, but ended up chatting with an ex-lover all night and it resulted in sexy pics and expressed desires to cross an ocean to be with each other <3 <3 </3 </3

Re: ex-bf. Our last phone call ended up with him laundry-listing all my faults, which I am already very aware of, and am in exercise/on meds/sober/in therapy to try and fix, no acknowledgement of any things he could do to change/fix things for either Us or for Himself, me crying a lot, him accusing me of crying-for-the-purpose-of-emotional-manipulation, which made me near hysterical, and eventually we agreed to communicate only via e-mail for the time being. He said he'd write me, 36 hours later he hasn't :(

jeezus who really needs a catalog of their faults past age 25

After then, we need an encyclopedia.

We talked on the phone, it's done

I'm watching Shoot the Moon rn in your honor.

"Alien Observer" on repeat over here

i almost broke up with the bf for the 6th time last night? i too am the fucked up one quote unquote, but i'm not nearly as fucked up quote unquote as i used to be, like at all, except now i drink too much, because i gave all of my other fucked up things up. except weed. anyway, point being, i am really so sorry, again, and i can relate, more than you know. i get angry when he tries to "fix" me because i'm not "damaged" but i have dealt with damage and sometimes he doesn't acknowledge that. and i'm never going to be that wife who just nods and says OK but he's also never going to be the wife who doesn't expect the world so finding that middle ground has been a bitch. i wind up talking myself in sentences and loops that eventually become mind-dumbing, and crying, and then i get the "why are you crying" look too and that also sends me over the edge because, i don't know, it's obvious why and i'm obviously not enjoying it so. yeah. i get it. and if you ever need to talk you can send me a message.

I almost assaulted an impossibly handsome former student/friend during drinks on Thursday. Me: Now that you're single, I should help you pick your clothes. Him: I'm sure you will.

good goin' bro

winter is usually when i go out all the time so with everything that has gone down this summer (i literally fell down the stairs on Friday, if that isn't the end of summer i don't know what is) who the F knows what the snow has in store for me! we'll seeeeeeeee!!!!!!

you guyz are really giving a Hell Is Other People seminar this weekend. (except for Alfred's former student, i'd like to buy him a drink)

i'm looking forward to fearing slipping on ice and snapping my bones for the 5 months of winter we now have in NYC every year.

but til then there's the NY Film Fest and the METS!

yay!!! i know we're being a bit, how to say it, MORBID.

me crying a lot, him accusing me of crying-for-the-purpose-of-emotional-manipulation

this is supremely shitty and your ex belongs in the garbage imho

to be fair a lot of things get said in those conversations. he may very well belong in the garbage but i've said plenty of shitty things too, as has RQ.

What surm said.

We are frequently shitty to the people we love, as shitty as that is.

i dunno, i reacted strongly to that because i've been accused of the same, though not by my partner, but by my parents. "you're feelings aren't real; you're only performing them to manipulate me" is an extremely narcissistic attitude and betrays as a complete lack of compassion towards emotional distress.

i learned to conceal my emotions as a result, and when they do come out it can be overwhelming. basically any powerful emotion makes me cry, and in my relationship i've had to make clear when it happens that it's not strategic.

so anyway, my claim that he should be thrown in the garbage stands, with an amendment that such garbage should be fed to pigs.

i totally feel you and have been accused of the same by my parents and other people in my life. it's pretty horrible and you have to fight it.

obvious your / you're typo there, but you get what i mean xp

I know, right? Honestly, so much of his behaviour has been actually Emotionally Abusive and it's been funny that, like, I'm able to observe it as abusive and yet still feel the effects of it. It's not like "your hurtful statements are read at face value", but more like "why would you make such hurtful statements to me when I love you so much?"

Anyway we met face to face and are angling toward reconciliation, but still have a lot to do. It sounds so annoying I am annoying I am the worst but I gave him a list of changes he needed to make if we were going to stay coupled.

you're neither annoying nor the worst and i really hope with whatever happens between you & your guy that he stops being shitty to you

i got to a point where i was past the line of entertaining any kind of intimidation. i have dealt with it in the past, and eventually i just started fighting back in a big way. people will not respect you if you don't. now i'm trying to compromise - pick my battles - but it's a tough line.

anyway i fractured 3 ribs on Friday! i'm practicing telling people so i don't like a complete idiot if it comes up at work. i'm going to take "Tylenol 3"

ramz!

how did you fracture three ribs

i fell down a flight of stairs

i'm ok though

I didn't even presume you had bones at all until now, b**.

i do. and now i have to let them rest. like an engine that's been on for too long. as long as i'm in good shape by Halloween everything is OK

I still don't have a Halloween costume. Help me!

something Roman or Greek. God-like.

i don't think i can actually go to bed tonight. it just feels so pointless. i'm just going to wake up again. i'm a morning person. what can i say?

I thought surm was going to say he broke his ribs after intense "Murder, She Wrote"-inspired coitus.

does it hurt when you breathe, kiddo?

Sorry sur, you're young, you will heal fast.

Gays, I'm in IBIZA. XXX

eebeetha?

I still don't have a Halloween costume. Help me!

Sexy Kim Davis

Oh, I should finally do sexy section of drywall!

i was thinking of going as a minotaur, but now i just want to pay rent

yah Morbs but i already got it checked out and he said it is not a bad break, so it will heal fine. i just need to be on good behavior for a month or so. like i said boys summer is over and fall is here with a ... fall

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c5e8FvDQcSg

lol yea that's p much me

man. this seems like a weird difficult time for a lot of people rn

i have v minor surgery next week assuming i still have insurance (the co. i work for has officially moved from 'financially troubled' to 'hindenberg-ian')

eergh

sorry guys, group hug

shots!

http://www.miami.com/sites/migration.miami.com/files/images/Martini%20Tuesdays%201.jpg

wouldve called for a group meetup in SF last Friday

http://al-jourgensen.squarespace.com/blog/2015/9/8/beer-steers-and-queers-the-dance-party

btw Philly theatre co i occasionally patronize is reviving...

http://www.egopo.org/#!thewomen/c155k

yes J i think there is something happening. i just got wind of another annoying medical thing. it's fine but i have to deal with it. i already let the office know i would be out of commission for the next couple of days save for a couple of events. as Valerie Cherish said, sometimes it has all has to come apart before it can come back together. OR SOMETHING. anyway i'm still drinking and listening to music so i'm not like mad at the world. i'm just slightly like, i don't want to talk to you for a minute.

ps i hope your surgery is OK ...

oh it'll be fine - "surgery" is a very dramatic-sounding word to describe the removal of a small benign cyst i've had since i was teenager :)

good.

Hey guys, I found The Razor's Edge in TO but they couldn't fit me in today, so I'm prob'ly gonna go to Gus's barbershop on Bloor :(

Also, hugs to fgti and I hope you stop getting treated shitty too.

it's not about the haircut, it's about the man.

On Wednesday night, I came home drunk and picked a big fight with Ryan that he did not deserve. If anything he had cleaned the house and bought me candy. And I picked a ginormous fight with him. I woke up not knowing what I had done or why, and decided to stop drinking for the fall. I'm on my fourth day! I sent him white roses (all the girls in the office watched when they came) and spent the day fixing up our place so that when he got home it looked like an ABC home catalog. And this weekend we just hung out with each other watching movies, and eating pizza. It finally felt like we were on the same page. I didn't want to go out, he wanted to watch movies. And now I'm here alone, in our perfect little house, while he flies out to Chicago on business. I feel lucky, and shaken, and hopeful. And scared. But most of all, I feel fall. I'm ready for the cold, and fireplaces, and telling stories late at night in the living room. I'm ready to slow down.

good luck, surm. be good to yourself.

since staying inside is my natural state i'm lovin this gloomy weather we're having lately

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PZxhOtO01g

Not clicking that Journey vid is me being good to myself.

haha. yes loving the weather too. and thx for the good luck Morb. you're a true friend. :)

facebook really gets me

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ROIA.BIZ

https://unicornbooty.com/stop-telling-turn-gay-card/

i like that, it could apply to so much more than gay men

rather long just to say, "I can't stand Judy Garland."

well, it's saying "death to all monocultures"

And the fourth Golden Girl.

But look, we could all make long lists of the "gay" things we're not into. I think we did in fact in our inaugural thread.

including sex, right?

I think that was when Morbs took the brave stand that the only thing gay men all have in common is having sex with men. On that front, I reluctantly co-sign "death to all monocultures."

Rather, I think he said that's the only thing that all gay men SHOULD have in common.

theoretically. ever since young men discovered me in the spring/summer, and abandoned me after Labor Day, i've grown laissez faire.

I think just being able to recognize physical perfection in men is the essential thing.

http://imgick.oregonlive.com/home/olive-media/width620/img/mlb/photo/18654458-mmmain.jpg

Oh I do.

http://www.malemodelscene.net/wp-content/uploads/2014/10/STEPHEN-JAMES-DSCNE-MAGAZINE-02.jpg

i still don't watch baseball but arrieta = woof

another impt point in that article = "generations are just marketing demographics"

hi

hello

how are you this weekend?

i got a cute japanese pour-over coffee maker so i'm drinking coffee and listening to human league b-sides

i love it

i am on the white wine pregaming for my boss's wedding

I dislike Sunday night weddings unless I got Monday off.

I put browned chicken thighs in the broth for my fricassee. Time for a Manhattan.

well, he has Monday off, cuz he's the boss

Manhattan rocks?

straight up

cool i'm a rocks guy but it'd be fun to cheers your straight up!

hi gays

long time no post

just popping in to say that my mom is visiting and she gave my bf and I a present:

an oil painting of a naked man

it's pretty sexy and I'm into it, so it feels like such a close call as people giving you art is soooooo risky and likely to be terrible

here it is sorry if an oil painting makes this NSFW
http://i1295.photobucket.com/albums/b636/DrDrewDaniel/edwardpainting_zpsxswg99qv.jpg

That's the sexiest I've ever seen Reverend Jim.

Anyone wanna help fund a doc about the legacy of the superqueer Nightmare on Elm Street sequel?

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1832830591/scream-queen-my-nightmare-on-elm-street

(personally, as far as queer-ish 80s horror flicks go, I prefer Vamp--which shares the hunky Robert Rusler with NoES2--but I would def watch this)

hi gays

tonight i'm going to see rosa von praunheim's 'it is not the homosexual who is perverse but the society in which he lives' at the tom of finland house in echo park (which i visited for the first time last weekend, it's...certainly something)

http://www.uniondocs.org/rosa-von-praunheim-and-the-limits-of-provocation/

that film is sumthin else

i believe Rosa was at the NY screening i caught at the time of that Colin piece

don't think he'll be at this one - they're also screening a documentary about the FHAR (france's version of the GLF)

hey you queers, hope everyone's enjoying the fall and wearing smart layered looks. i'm looking forward to picking some fucking quinces.

Layered looks in Miami mean a quiet death from mephitic BO fumes.

I'm wearing black jeans, black shirts, black jackets and black caps ... white Chucks, tho.

layers on layers

I have no style, and no budget to buy clothes.

i have no clothing budget but i'm good at thrifting so it works out

I've just accrued a lot of black over the years and no extra bulk.

http://www.lifo.gr/cms/uploads/image/711694/Voutsinas_45533c.jpg

i am currently wearing: a shirt i tie-dyed myself that has almost totally faded back to white again, blue jeans whose butt is wearing out pretty rapidly, sneakers i inherited from my boyfriend about a year ago, and my favorite gray sweatshirt whose zipper is broken

in other news, i desperately need new clothes

let's have a bake sale for our wardrobes

i tried to organize a male clothing swap last year -- i called the facebook event 'quid bro quo'. out of dozens of invitees only 2 people attended, one of whom just stopped by to drop clothes off

Quid Bro Quo needs to be a classy title for an unclassy film like yesterday.

Just came to my attention that Hocus Pocus has a huge gay cult following among the 25ish-to-35ish set, on the level of Death Becomes Her. Guess I should see it after all these years?

I watched it a few years back. Not funny, and very Disney- and 90s- bland. My husband digs it though, so idk.

E, that sounds like a reason to avoid it at all costs

so 'hocus pocus' : gay guys :: 'the craft' : lesbians?

Oh don't tell me I'm actually a lesbian after all these years.

i have a stupid teenagerly affection for the craft and have never seen hocus pocus

fwiw i strongly identify with the owner of the occult shop who had the unplaceable foreign accent and the crazy blacklight altar in the back, presumably next to her stockroom

more like her STALKroom!

http://www.forbes.com/sites/alysonkrueger/2015/10/21/this-startup-is-building-a-friendly-community-for-gays-that-is-not-just-about-sex/

The local queer events powerhouse here is really pissed at TWC.

The company even built a group of volunteers whose main job was to hug strangers when they walked through the door.

ew gtf away from me

This reminds me of this group of early twenty somethings who used to occasionally go around the mall where I worked with a sign advertising "FREE HUGS." Generally, one of the girls would hug the (consenting) male strangers, while they guys would hug the girls. When approached once during my shift and asked if I wanted a free hug, I said 'sure' and threw my arms around the nearest guy in the group, more to their bewilderment than amusement.

tbh the welcoming committee is about as appealing to me as, say, a gay version of linkedin. i understand the notion of visibility & safety in non-queer spaces but it feels a bit forced, no?

like, a room full of gays not looking for sex? wow... cool... sign me up, sounds like we have a lot in common

i mean there's mandatory hugs, do we sit crosslegged in a circle and play getting-to-know-you games as well?

sorry im a real grouch today

Tempted to change my screenname to Wetty Fap is Hong in Steer.

Haha, I am actually looking for a room full of gays that are not interested in sex but do like playing telephone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sPU3ymk2ms

btw a gay linkedin might be called twinkedin, ok bye

My gay news is that Olly from Years and Years was at Hot Mess getting mwi. Quite a coup for a tiny club like ours.

had to use urban dictionary for that one

(was listening to "Shine" on the drive home)

like, a room full of gays not looking for sex? wow... cool... sign me up, sounds like we have a lot in common

feel like this describes most of the gay bars i go to these days, even - surprisingly - the eagle (altho one time a guy sat next to me on a stool, i got up to use the bathroom and came back five minutes later to find him getting a blowie)

a friend once commented on one of TWC's FB posts: "i don't understand the point of giving all this money to straight bars"

i dunno, shading gay bars as exclusively hookup spots really doesn't sit that well with me, in major metropolitan areas its easy to take for granted the community function they can serve. it feels kinda elitist and assimilationist? "im not like those other gays" is kinda nagl (and i cringe hard when i encounter old ilx posts where i expressed such a sentiment)

Yes, I can't tell you how many teetotalers I run into on my trivia-host night.

xpost

Agree with every non-paranthetical bit of that statement (as I don't recall said posts, and as I also cringe at some of younger me's own self-righteous statements on how gays should/do act). If anything, the Grindrfication of gay life potentally erodes community far more than bars do, replacing interactions in public space with the dating version of online shopping (does the article address this at all? I haven't read yet).

Not that I'm at all against dating/hookup apps either! My husband and I have met some friends--and had a few fun hookups--through such things.

so we're supposed to hit bars and not dance, drink, or hit on men

Just play trivia. Do it.

only wd sign on if it's baseball trivia

hey has anyone a thought on whether or not i should cut my hair really short for winter? or do the BK artist thing?

BK?

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/1e/Nick-van-eede-KING-CROWN.jpg

Alfred come on I really need your help! it's either "skinny masculine middle eastern guy" [with short hair] or "put together and dapper but also maybe a stoner"

depends on how much time you're willing to put into daily styling, i think! plus its hard to have a bad hair day with very short hair.

ok everyone's saying short so i guess that's a sign!

sorry guys, just wanna address this for a sec:

i dunno, shading gay bars as exclusively hookup spots really doesn't sit that well with me, in major metropolitan areas its easy to take for granted the community function they can serve. it feels kinda elitist and assimilationist? "im not like those other gays" is kinda nagl (and i cringe hard when i encounter old ilx posts where i expressed such a sentiment)

i'm not shading the eagle, if this is what you mean? i go there more than any other gay bar, largely because i like the community vibe of it (even if i'm not really a member of the specific communities that usually congregate there). and occasionally sexy stuff happens, like the guy getting the blowie, which is also nice. i'm mostly surprised that i don't see more overt action happening there, considering how, uh, "celebrating the male form" that place tends to be (or maybe it does happen a lot and i just go there on nights when that's not really a thing?). anyway, i didn't mean to sound snooty or dismissive in my post though i can see how it might read as flip. for the record, i too dislike that kind of elitist big-city provincialism re: gay bars that you're talking about.

oh i wasnt talking about your post! but about TWC positioning itself as alternative to the bar scene

oh sorry!! clearly i didn't read the entire article... :/

i dont blame you for not reading tbh

heh

anyway sorry to derail - ramz i say go short, why not

through indolence and busyness i am gettin' longishly shaggy (also bearded)

anyway, indulge me, sorry if hueg:

http://assets.nydailynews.com/polopoly_fs/1.2406657.1445491980!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen/derivatives/gallery_1200/mets-win-pennant-heading-world-series.jpg

Cuddyer?

On the left, yes, one of my least favorite Mets. Older, slower, and much worse than in his Twins years.
It's all about Jesus of Florida in the middle.

I may have a weekend hookup with a former Butt magazine interviewee! Less famous than Stipe or dr3w.

I'm not even a fan but the John Waters interview in BUTT is so awesome.

Morbs wrote for BUTT?!

no

Well, I've done it again. I've let myself get sucked into the same hopeless situation I put myself in last winter with the same friendzone dude. Another impending road trip, another chance to beat myself up. Another recapitulatory download of Scruff to get a few scraps of validation and self-esteem (at the expense of others).

i'm sorry, eric. it really sucks to feel stuck in a recurring pattern like that, especially when you see it as such. fwiw i think you deserve better and hope you think so too. XO

anyway, happy halloqueen, girls.

hello gays, are you bored or busy this autumn?

I a great blow job on Wednesday night.

you were?

That's a mashup of Andy Warhol movie titles.

I AM BLOWJOB

I empired some vinyl for a lonesome cowboy

Trash

i am v bored rn bcz the power's out in my office and i can't do any work

the power went out for 5 mins at MIX NYC the other night. Also, the shorts films I attended went on at 1:10 a.m. (scheduled for 11p.m.).

But some young fellow gave me a comp ticket for a bear sexparty in Park Slope next week.

I joined friends for a birthday dinner last Saturday, went back to a house for the mildest of partying (weed, a couple more drinks), and confirmed that going to bed at 1:30 a.m. is not a good idea anymore.

xp they use tickets for those things?

if you wanna get in free, apparently

Busy - preparing a seminar on Mary Gaitskill for a grad class tomorrow.

oh i missed this film, alas, not knowing our erstwhile tabes apparently contributed:

http://www.mixnyc.org/2015/event/closing-night-hanky-code-the-movie/

i've seen it, his contribution is...quite something

well now i know what to suspect!

I did see a funny Canadian short where an aging puppet cruised restrooms to that Erik Satie piece that every soundtrack uses.

I think "Gymnopédie No.1" has been in roughly every third movie I've seen this year.

still? i thought i was kidding... i remember Kael raking Woody Allen over the coals for using it in Another Woman.

Just this last weekend it showed up in Gaspar Noe's endless "hetero men are babies" epic.

Endless and nameless.

The only acceptable use of gymnopedie1 is in My Dinner With André

hey fellas. my boyfriend is in nyc until saturday and i'll be home by myself with the dog, who is recovering from oral surgery, poor fella

what kind of oral?

he had 17 teeth removed!

you should have tamer sex

we're talking about my dog here, you uncouth scalliwag

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zmiJE46VrgE

Hi gays!

Everybody come to my New Year's party, Stevie is coming! You should come too. It's in Montreal.

I'm doing pretty good this autumn. Back together with bf, we are doing OK. I'm still sometimes lapsing into obsessive misery about "the ways he and others have hurt me". I still have Facetimes with the lost other couple on the daily, which most times leave me feeling happy to have friends. A combination of exercise, no drinking, an Ativan when I need it, and therapy has been doing wonders for me. Feeling pretty A to A+ most days

fgti, that's wonderful! Here's hoping for continued A/A+ days...

Already have (far less interesting) NYE plans, alas, though I do miss Montreal.

i would certainly come to your NYE party if i was anywhere in the vicinity of MTL fgti!

glad youre feelin good.

if i get my passport shit together, i might try to!

dang that party is going to be Hell Of Fun i reckon - glad to hear things are looking up for you, too!

glad to hear things are going well for our beloved fgti. i am actually thinking about getting into treatment with a psychiatrist and getting myself diagnosed because i've been having some bad brain days lately, more than usual. not sure if i'm dealing with a mood disorder or attention disorder or both but i'm done trying to figure it out by myself.

Solidarity, my friend. My bad brain days have waned, as they always do, but I know that I will end up seeing a therapist because the next storm is always just one bad lay away.

well, considering the amount of MH issues in my family i'm not doing myself any favors avoiding treatment, even though i've spent a long time clinging to the idea that i was necessarily "the healthy one" by default.

In my case, it was that I thought my whole family was so incredibly normal that my discovery that I'm the only one left who HASN'T seen a therapist was a wake-up call.

i've had productive relationships with therapists who've helped me through difficult circumstances but i think my problems are more ingrained that the sort of situational talk therapy i've had in the past

I can't wait to tell my therapist, on the first day, "Help me enjoy sex."

Help Me Make It Through the Blight

i would sugggest grading lays on a curve

depends on the firmness of the mattress

that's cherrypicking.

Pretty sure my A is most people's D.

most people's A is my d---

I'll D your A!

You guys walked right into my trap. My A trap.

NSFW... critiquing the decor in Grindr pix

http://www.luriddigs.com/

been a couple years

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fmLfpoj5e84

This is the dumbest thing I've ever read:

http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2015/12/03/locker_room_nudity_is_healthy_and_normal_fear_of_it_is_irrational.html

got high praise from a friend on FB

i don't do locker rooms so n/a

I'm going to start a trend of hot shaming.

everything abotu that post is so slate-y but i mostly agree w the premise

haha I had this conversation a couple weeks ago. Showering in ninth grade PE no doubt contributed to demystifying men's bodies, maybe too well. I had no attraction to those curved, shriveled, and stubby dicks.

i went through a four/five year period as a gym rat having never showered / undressed among other people in a semi-public space before... no showers in high school! can't front, it made me super self-conscious for a month and then once that faded it became really clear that nobody is overtly paying attention to anyone else's body, like ever. the only guys who are an issue in the locker room are the guys who are a little TOO comfortable and wanna get right in your face to squeeze into a locker while they're not wearing clothes but i never got predatory vibes off them, just no sense that there was any reason to act any different naked than clothed.

I care about what I look like naked, and I care about what everyone else does too.

yeah, we all do!

"if you (x) then you are not a real adult" shut up shut up shut up shut up SHUT UP

I just saw this! I didn't know we had a new thread :(

In name only.

i have reached the age where i don't give a fuck about anything people think, esp about my body.

I will never be that old.

does Morbs' white beard cover his privates?

I dunno I thought the Choire Sicha thing was kinda precious about it and while I wouldn't go for the slate style counter-shaming, I see why that reaction arose- like lockers being close to each other is just part of gym karma- you get over it pretty quickly.

it feels very weird that people should panic so much about being seen naked by others when they're all busily flinging dick pics at each other on Tinder and Grindr relentlessly

so I sez . . . group shower = reality of human difference = deal with it

if you go to a Japanese onsen you will see men and women of ALL ages washing their buttholes in front of each other and no one stares and no one gives a fuck. Maybe USA folks could learn a little chill from the Japanese on this one?

Hi gays

The scales of depression have finally lifted and I am human again and it feels wonderful weird and great

hiiiiii

i, for one, truly enjoy checking out butts and dicks in the locker room; don't really care if anyone sees mine.

everyone at my gym is about 10 years too young for me to be interested

http://previews.123rf.com/images/racorn/racorn1308/racorn130805418/21315693-Group-of-diverse-young-and-old-people-doing-aerobics-exercises-at-the-gym-sitting-on-pilates-balls-r-Stock-Photo.jpg

Had a very interesting/heated/illuminating discussion with bf last night where we both admitted to each other that we were finding ourselves sexually frustrated in the 13th year of our relationship. The frustration is essentially irreconcilable, he doesn't like to bottom for me any more, and I don't like being topped by him (he is small in stature). Additionally, I've always been the instigator, and I'm starting to feel incredibly neglected by his lack of enthusiasm.

Considering we've both had highly fulfilling sexual experiences with other people this past year, and realized that we relate to people sexually very differently-- he likes casual sex, I like serious intimacy-- it's a bit of a strange position to be in. Our lives are so intertwined! We love each other! But the basis of any relationship, especially with people as young as us (me 36, him 39) (both handsome) I don't really know what to do!

For him, I guess, it's easy, if we were to "open up" the relationship, he could pursue fun casual things and I'd feel absolutely happy about that. But my desire for serious intimacy leaves me feeling strange. Can I pursue a serious, loving, focused, wonderful relationship with somebody else if we're still coupled? I don't know :/

If I were offering somebody else in my position advice, I'd simply say "break up! what's the big deal?" but he definitely, definitely doesn't want to break up. And it does feel like a strange thing to break up over. In the meantime, so many straight people our age are leaving their wives and families, throwing away their 10-20 year histories for "new flesh", it's ugly to behold but it seems to like, make us feel fortunate enough that we can discuss this stuff instead of having some secret affair tear us apart.

Sorry, forgot to finish a sentence: "The basis of any relationship, especially with people as young as us, I believe it needs to have sexual chemistry or it will fail."

fgti, are these fulfilling sexual relationships also examples of serious intimacy?

Well, it was the poly thing I've been talking about for the past year. For my bf it was casual and fun and he had a great time! So much so that he got up to some other stuff without a discussion first (whoops!) and caused us a three week breakup in September, that we resolved OK.

For me it was really intense and insane and me and dude were screwing for hours and hallucinating and crying and walking arm in arm down the street afterward, and it is somewhat "still on" between us, and though we're trying to be cool about it out of respect for our primary relationships, we can't really be in a room together without sweating and pining

For a few personal reasons (or maybe just taste?) I've never had a taste for casual sex, and am equal parts awed and disgusted by people who enjoy it... me I tend to crush on friends I've known for 5+ years. I don't know what to do!

me I tend to crush on friends I've known for 5+ years.

It takes me long to smell their pheronomes tbh

*takes me this long

me I tend to crush on friends I've known for 5+ years. I don't know what to do!

THIS!

THIS THIS THIS!

drop trou or git over em

Yeahhhhh I mean

Just for example, a dude (40) I've known for 13 years or so and is ~adorable~ is prob my biggest crush right now. We hooked up once drunkenly a few years ago and it was amazing. I try and discuss with my bf the possibility of asking him out on a date. Bf thinks it's creepy that I'd be making designs on my friends like this! He prefers for things to happen accidentally. I don't know how to even have this discussion properly, that if I respect his preference toward hooking up with a stranger now and again, mightn't he respect the fact that I'd prefer to get a date pass?

There's got to be a rulebook for this somewhere right lol

Also, any of you guys gonna be in MTL around New Year's? Big party at my place, I'm making fragrant crispy duck and other Vietnamese taste objects

that sounds like a fair trade to me. xp

other Vietnamese taste objects

may I have their measurements?

just going to post this here because i've been thinking about what i value in my relationship

“The idea of having one love in your life was not an aspiration for us,” Hal said, when I ask him what it was like to be the primary love object of a queer theorist who wrote so prolifically about the complexities of desire and relationships. Later, Hal referenced D. W. Winnicott’s concept of the “holding environment,” in which the mother creates a safe space for the child that allows the child to then look out into the world, to think about something else beyond the mother’s care. Eve used this idea in her work. Hal offered it as a way of thinking about what they both did for one another.

“Yesterday when you asked me about love,” he wrote the next day, in an e-mail, “I talked a little about Winnicott’s ‘holding environment’ and my notion of a mutuality in which Eve and I provided that for each other. But there’s more to love than that. Here’s another aspect of it that was essential to Eve and to me.” He then quoted from “A Dialogue on Love.”

Oh, right, I keep forgetting, for lots and lots of people in the world, the notion of “falling in love” has (of all things) sexual connotations. No, that’s not what I think is happening. For me, what falling in love means is different. It’s a matter of suddenly, globally, “knowing” that another person represents your only access to some vitally
transmissible truth
or radiantly heightened
mode of perception,
and that if you lose the thread of this intimacy, both your soul and your whole world might subsist forever in some desert-like state of ontological impoverishment.

http://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/between-us-a-queer-theorists-devoted-husband-and-enduring-legacy

omg yes

Crying rn! Thank you mattresslessness

oh and i was about to post, sorry for weepie lol

I was trying to figure a way to make the trip, fgti, but it's not looking great...

Because no gay man has ever loved me, let me change the flow. Any rec'd gay book lists for the year? Alfred, have you read The Gay revolution?

I'm slowly plugging away at A Little Life like the NPR-listening soccer mom I am.

I checked The Gay Revolution out of the library on Tuesday morning; I'm starting it as soon as I finish quasi-gay Muriel Spark's The Mandelbaum Gate.

The fight+argument=fargument continues. On my end it's just like "holy shit, if your boyfriend is saying 'initiate more sex with me' isn't the solution as easy as tackling him and getting to work?" Why does it have to turn into a discussion. I don't know what to do. Asking for intimacy is like a lose-lose game, like begging someone to love you. I'm just counting the minutes til I see my other lover again, and worrying about what I'll do when that relationship inevitably concludes.

Dealing with other human beings is often a pain in the ass. I hope this works out for you.

Reeling again tbh and I'm not sure if I'll ever snap out of this cycle.

I'm too intimidated to bring it to the depression thread tho.

will a martini help -- very dry?

I'd like to think so.

g'luck fellas

Someone at work reminds me that I generally have a thing for Jewish guys with prominent noses, but have slept with very few.

have you slept w/the Jewish guys?

no, just the noses

i'm living in the wrong city

Be glad you're not saying "world" yet.

what's going on

currently an unemployed deadbeat squeezing every last cent out of a severance package. kind of loving it though.

gay as ever…

heyyyy lou!

loulou! <3

*cues Rock n Roll Animal version of "Sweet Jane"*

for xmas my bub got me a gengoroh tagame tank!! <3 <3

http://i.imgur.com/EVoRWzJ.jpg

looks very hot. hi.

hi surm!!

hi!! xoxx

is that lou up there? lou, i've been meaning to find you

so somebody give me the lowdown on fall. three sentences would be sufficient but feel free to expound if you like.

fall?

yes didn't it just end? i wasn't around for it so i was just curious if there were a general tone around these parts.

how's it going ramz?!

no job + warm enough to wear shorts in December = my favorite fall in a while

good!! that sounds very nice :) just been thinking about you is all. would be great if we can chat sometime

i've been listening to Erotica lately, it's very fun to get ready to

fall fell
yes, i enjoyed all the manlegs from our extinction-ready mildness
worst Christmas drama ever, do fall esp looks good now

lovin' the stray gray in the beard, C!

start winter thread

best post thx

My momma made me learn this song: a gay Winter for 2015