Furtive Nips 2: Ghost Protocol

This thread is intended as a sequel to the old holiday favorite: you're home for the holidays: irritating relatives, enforced sing-alongs, and furtive nips of liquour when bringing out the trash. In this thrilling episode ilxors escape momentarily from the pressures of family, tradition, and mandatory joyousness in order to blow off some steam and indulge in a bit of normal grouching.

This will be a low-key and I hope low-stress holiday for me. Rather than a house full of family, we'll just have our daughter over for the late-afternoon and early evening of Christmas Day. She's mostly recovered from major surgery on her right hip and has not had a chance to visit us at home for what seems like forever. It's always a crap shoot how her health will be on any day, but that's true all year around. Three years ago she ended her Christmas visit with an ambulance trip to the ER after a five minute seizure, so there's always some nervousness involved, too.

How are things with you?

My wife and I just kind of order stuff the other wants during the month of December and when it gets here we say "Merry Christmas, here's that thing you wanted," so there's no grand opening of gifts on X Eve or Day. We're not planning on visiting my mom (the only one of either of our parents left alive), though we did send her a card. We'll probably be cleaning the apartment on Monday and Tuesday, in fact. So yeah, a low-key holiday to say the least.

i got coquito from a friend

Many friends in town, including one of my confreres tonight, which means a gathering at a mutual buddy's sister's. A date Sunday afternoon. Nochebuena at my cousin's, followed by a quiet Christmas Day dinner at my place for my parents (my sis, bro in law, and kids leave for Ohio to his parents' tonight).

How about you?

me being a Jew and my wife's family being totally atomized (no dad, mom aunts and uncles that don't talk to each other) means Xmas is generally just us at home with the kids and whoever else we know is in town. SF is totally empty at Xmas so it's a good opportunity to run around town doing whatever (museums, movies, restaurants, parks etc.), which looks likely for this year. We do have a (small, fake) tree, my wife has a couple family tradition things she likes to make (liptauer cheese, gingerbread cookies) and we will be watching It's a Wonderful Life and idk Elf, or Scrooged or Gremlins or something. A Very Murray Christmas. That's about it.

day after Xmas = Singin in the Rain at the Castro

Beale St opens here on Tuesday so I'm going to that

Few restaurants open here on Xmas Day, so I envy you, Shakes. My friends and I look in vain for open bars; those that open do so after 8 p.m. in many cases. No one wants to hang out at home after being indoors all day.

Off to Carmel tomorrow and I kinda plan on doing nothing but reading, watching movies, listening to music and waking around town. Fancy dinner out Xmas Eve with the family, our usual at-home thing on the day itself. We have a pattern and it works!

Few restaurants open here on Xmas Day

oh options are more limited than usual, to be sure, but the restaurants per capita ratio in SF is nuts so there's still asian restaurants and other random spots open

my brother and wife will be in town and she wants to do some NYC christmas stuff so i'm dreading that tbh . The hope is to get their 23 male model son who lives in Williamsburg to bear some of the entertaining load but that's not going to be easy .

hee hee ‘furtive nips’

Entire (still small) extended family will be together for entire extended time. But! We will all be in Tanzania, so on balance, that's pretty cool.

We will all be in Tanzania, so on balance, that's pretty cool.

Pretty cool! (I am betting that was not an autocorrect for Tarzana.)

Ha, my sister was born in Tarzana.

spending time with my folks. dad's had a stroke or something in last few years, doctors think, and his speech is all fucked up now, though his thought processes are fine. he looks down a lot, so hoping to cheer him up a bit (with Billy Joel tix).

gonna spend the night on Xmas eve with the parents, and my brother.

I got my brother a painting of Steve Urkel for xmas

we'll visit Mom on Christmas Eve, then host brunch for our siblings and their mates on Christmas day

Dad has dementia and this year declined to a point where he couldn't handle Thanksgiving, so we're not going to include him in Christmas celebrations; he won't care, but it's not very merry

on a more positive note, today is our anniversary and we are about to head out for a nice dinner

Congratulations!

Staying home with the two (very young) kids on Christmas day. It's the first proper Christmas for my eldest (4) where he knows what's going on - last year he was excited but got sick on the day. He's already quite giddy with excitement so need to chill things out a bit. Inlaws coming on Boxing Day then visiting my parents later in the week, plus hosting a few visitors over the rest of the holidays. I was a bit miffed that we couldn't stay with parents/inlaws (and be cooked for) due to logistics but actually glad I don't have to lug the kids anywhere now.
Not sure if I'll see my siblings though, unsentimental bastards

heading west tomorrow to spend it with last remaining brother left down there and his daughter for the duration. have a few houses to visit en route.

full day cooking/prep sunday leaves us free monday to go down the island and tour aunts/uncles and various other houses thatll want visiting

inlaws for stephens day, thankfully plan is a short lunch and hitting road home.

Heading to tiny, ON, the very real place my folks live, and which I definitely never tire of hearing questions and bad jokes about

tiny birds flying across the sky
throwing shadows on our eyes

manys xposts to Aimless - glad that you will be able to have xmas with your daughter at home, hope that it stays a nice low-key christmas for you all with no ER trips <3

family xmas postponed til next Saturday so it’ll be just me and mr veg chilling like villains, eating & watching movies & maybe a few outings

i’m glad on one hand but still not used to just him & i at xmas coming from 20+ years of big happy boisterous christmasses back home in oz

Last night was friends-xmas -- I tended bar for the 2nd year, so I guess that's a tradition now. (I volunteered last year because the hostess was about heading for a massive party fail.) Monday afternoon we'll go to my mom's for dinner -- she's making dressing and other sides and I will pick up a rotisserie chicken. Tuesday will just be me, my wife and daughter and our usual big breakfast. In a shocking break from tradition I'll make biscuits and gravy and scrambled eggs instead of pancakes. Very exciting stuff.

MIL came over last night and is still here. Did presents today; got drunk, played Scattergories last night. We're on Bob Dylan's Christmas album now. We've gone through Xmas albums by Vince Guaraldi, Low, Jethro Tull, Don Ross, Bach (Christmas Oratorio, Boston Bach Choir), Ella Fitzgerald, and Trans-Siberian Orchestra (MIL favourite) so far. Expect my own family to be more stressful tbh.

MUST BE SANTA

Is the jam

Yeah, that one was fun.

We've avoided the Bob Dylan Christmas album so far. It's definitely in the house somewhere.

On John Fahey's now. His bell carol is giving TSO's a run for its money.

I tend to be by myself for xmas the past couple of years, which suits me fine. Before that, when I lived somewhere else and wasn't vegan I used to have all the stray alcoholics over for Xmas dinner - which I enjoyed making, but usually ended up being a really intense day. But I agreed to go to my Dad's for xmas eve, so that'll be...awkward? Like me, he's bipolar and a alcoholic, and out interactions can quickly turn unpleasant.

But his brother also died a couple of days ago (so, of the three, one hanged himself, one just died of organ failure because of alcoholism, and then there's my Dad), so I have a funeral to go to on the 27th, which feels super weird in the middle of the holidays.

At least on Xmas day proper it'll be me and the dog, and I'll maybe head to the pub for a bit at lunch.

Ooof, good luck Dowd.

Went down to Kent to Jen's brother's yesterday, saw her parents who arrived down from Perth. On the train from Finsbury Park to Gatwick now, a pint in the Lord Edward with friends after we get to Dublin and then the bus down to Navan until the 27th - we got an Airbnb for the 26th.

Also I assume this is cultural differences, but the thread zooming in on the bit of original title with a racial slur in it is a little jarring.

It refers to nipples

Had no idea that could be used as a slur.xp

It’s a v outdated slur, practically archaic - certainly way less common than “nip it in the bud” or the verb form used here

Also I assume this is cultural differences, but the thread zooming in on the bit of original title with a racial slur in it is a little jarring.

― Andrew Farrell, Monday, December 24, 2018 12:54 PM (nine minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

you'll love this then! https://alphabet-business-concern.bandcamp.com/album/pony

n.b. it actually is one of my favourite albums. think it's meant to be a corrupted 'chaps'. but anyway who cares it's obviously not functionally racist, much as this thread title isn't

I didn't even know Jap was a slur till recently, not that there is much of a Japanese diaspora in the UK that might make aware of it.

title inadvertently appropriated from ninjutsu thread?

we had our traditional pre-family-events meltdown yesterday ... next year I think someone else is going to have to host; doing both Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house is holiday overload

It refers to a drink, presumably.

(I'm probably being 'whooshed' here...)

Working today, off tomorrow, working the rest of the week after that. One of these years I'll have my act together enough to take holiday time off.

Tomorrow morning I'll Skype with my son (who lives in Texas and has warned me to "wake up early") to see him open his presents. Will either go to a mid-day movie or work through more episodes of The Deuce Season 1 on library-borrowed DVD and/or read more of War on Peace. At 3 PM its over to my Dad's family's house for Christmas dinner and presents, which is always really fun but also always over too soon - not as contentious as these gatherings can be for some. Then I will lay in bed and say, out loud, "all that build up and this is done already?!? Every year!"

I assume this is cultural differences

It can be hard to tell the difference between someone playing dumb for an effect and someone genuinely uninformed. Therefore... the OP links to an earlier thread for which this is the sequel, the title of the earlier thread references "furtive nips of liquour". That ought to be plain enough, unless one somehow believes that the inhabitants of Japan could be made of liquor.

God bless us one and all!

I am drinking coquito and about to visit the fam in an hour.

the university i work at closes for roughly a week at xmas every year. this is paid vacay and you don't have to use your vacation hours, which is fantastic.

my family is thousands of miles away, i haven't been home to lanarkshire for christmas in 6 years, but i prefer to go back at other times of the year, and was just there in september so this doesn't make me too sad, not compared to the generalized sense of missing home that i feel on a low-level most of the time.

met my gf in march so it's my first xmas with her family - who mainly live locally. big xmas party with her late father's side of the family tonight, which I'm not particularly looking forward to just because i haven't met hardly any of them, and i don't like large social gatherings in genera,l but will be fine, and then dinner tomorrow with her immediate family, siblings, sibling's partner, mum, all of who I've met several times and will enjoy spending christmas with. then a week of doing very little

Have a few hours to kill this afternoon before things get busy later, so getting in the filming of the Christmas special of my cable access show at one of my legacy regular spots

I don't know, Aimless, are you playing dumb for effect or did you not read my post?

In an hour I head to my aunt's house (really my first cousin once removed, but Cubans acknowledge no such distinctions) for a round of catered food, a welcome relief after many years enduring her mediocre cooking. My nieces, sister, and bro in law are in Ohio visiting his parents, so with the exception of my cousin's brood it'll be a small and quite kid-free affair.

Brad, Neanderthal, Dowd, et al., – my best wishes.

I went to visit my folks yesterday, as I'm with in-laws on the 25th. My dad's managing decently with Parkinson's. My mom is going blind very, very rapidly, and she's in denial. She still drives during (eek!) daylight hours ("but only to places I know!") She tripped four times while walking the dog. My wife, father, and I chipped in to buy her an iPad so she can read National Geographic, since there's no large-print edition. However, she can't see/find the home button to turn the device on. And she can't get the timing right so that she can log in. It's unclear how much of this is vision-related, and how much is some kind of dementia. There are lots of neurology visits planned for the near future.

My parents were planning to spend the day with my sister, but they're feuding. This means my elderly folks will be alone, and won't get to see their only grandkid. My sister's miserable because she's poor, trapped in her house with the kid, and her partner works on X-mas day. I can't really do anything for any of them.

Eleven years ago I started the other thread to vent about how (especially) annoying my parents' behavior had become. From the vantage of the present, though, it's clear that their eccentricity was the onset of the illness / neurodegenerative conditions that're now defining characters in their lives.

Done with work now. CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE, poxy fules!

working tomorrow ;_;

Remy, my sympathies. (I made my recent post before reading through today's replies.)

gbx, I hope it's a short day!

drove down sat afternoon. visits since:

college friend home from aussie life with aussie wife, 8/10, little mermaid princess 4 yo 10/10

sick aunt, sick uncle, 8/10 black humour is good

her aunt her uncle, 6/10 but lego collection demo from lunatic 6 yo 8/10

emergency overnight at the in-laws after last minute development of rare f-i-l good humour dictated it wise to maximise exposure while the grinning-and-bearing was good 6/10 and only then because i am happier to raptly listen to why black fellas are bad for football than most ilxors iirc

/sat

sun

got away lightly by only having all the cooking, cleaning and shopping to do ably assisted by one (1) niece and one (1) brother. also installed one (1) problematic ssd into one (1) struggling laptop before an evening visit to kiwi-english aunt and cousin 8/10 they think im a smartarse but i left with a trifle

/sun

mon

right

on road for eleven for the island visit run, hit island at midday and rota read:

1. old friend #1's parents- 9/10 the aul fella was home and let us off after the bare minimum ten mins. no food.

2. school friends who married, he fixes my car when i have one, once upon a time i was almost hitched to her cousin, my aul fella was once upon a time almost hitched to her mother-7/10 she only wanted to badmouth friend #1 above, kids seem nice, hes given up survivalism training and sold the speedboat, theres hope yet. tea offered, declined.

3. old friend #2's parents- 7/10. the aul fella and various generations of offspring. tea, biccies, an hour discussing how bad the darts team has gone. brough a box of quality street, departed empty handed, which would never have happened if his mammy had been home.

4. family friends, parents generation- 8/10. packed full of kids, dogs and itinerant granduncles, mayhem and goodnatured killings at all angles, bonus old friend from house #3 above was there, recovering from a wedding. chicken wraps (dyou mind, wraps) offered, declined and served regardless with tea and biccies. dropped off a tin of shortbread left with a box of toffees.

5. maternal homestead- 9/10. 7 first cousins, two uncles, one matriarch aunt, 28 (i counted) various resultant offspring, three sittings of dinner (all declined and respected), several outrageously poorly lit tales of yrs truly and brothers for the benefit of flagging-but-enthralled niece, three rounds of tea, porter cake and biccies, brought the big m&s tin of posh biscuits (go big for the home house) left with a christmas cake that nearly broke the back axle of the rental and the niece feathered with notes of various euro denomination.

6. upon arrival back from the island, summonsed to uncles- 8/10. six shots of good whiskey and facetimes with various globetrotters until we pled santa preparation deadline

/sun, i hope

wait its now /mon right

right?

gbx, I hope it's a short day!

― Groove(box) Denied (Raymond Cummings), Monday, December 24, 2018 5:25 PM (ten minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

should be --- I'm on call, so I just gotta round on patients in the morning, and be available to the residents by phone for the rest of the day/night, I'm anticipating a quiet one

you’d think by now everyone would be sick to fucking death of the same four carols over and over and over and over and over and over again

not to mention that snow motifs have no bearing whatsoever bang in the middle of summer

We watched kingsman. It ends with an anal sex joke and then text comes up “dedicated to the memory of my mother Kathy”

perfect

Going to my sister's tomorrow morning, where our mother will join us. I have completed my Christmas Eve ritual of watching The Thin Man, and am considering how drunk to get.

skyped w family in Aus
live from mum’s ipad, 8 ppl shouting hellos/jokes/stories/insults w delay in the uncarpeted family room makes for a very boisterous/confusing hallmark card w bonus long shots of the ceiling while mum orients the ipad & dad telling me joeks & stories 90% off camera bcz he doesnt quite get how it all works

<3 those buggers

nice. love is the best stuff.

so tired of chipper mormon idiots and their broods. i came back to my sister's house where i'm staying and the cheerful yokels were out of sight in the dining room playing some ungodly board game, loudly and soberly of course. it took all i had not to turn around at the front door and go to the bar but i'm on the wagon myself so i managed to sneak downstairs to my room with no one noticing. cannot wait until this godawful fucking holiday is over and i get to drive back to my weirdo isolated red rock paradise with another 365 days in between me and the shittiest time of year.

weirdo isolated red rock paradise sounds awesome I’d rather be there too

^gets it

my god they will not stop giggling and singing dumb shit like pimply hormonal byu students

i wish you quick and safe passage back to bedrock maps.

in other alarming observations, my ‘nips’ have become alarmingly long and voluminous with years.🙁

cheerfully allowed my sister to show the “greatest showman” movie and it wasn’t the worst thing i’ve seen this year. wins seeing the kingsman ending with the epilogue is making me laugh

I'm sorry to hear that, remy, much love.

The pub in Dublin contained DV and a former minor ILXoR* - it was a very good time, and then we headed off to the bus station, at which point we got a text saying that I'd left a bag with all of the wedding invites in the pub. And then a taxi and then the same taxi back to where my sister works, to take her up on an offer of a lift back (which we were sure we'd be too early for).

And today I've had to figure out how to detach the 12-bullet magazine for a Nerf rifle (which is a Nerf pistol with an attachable stock and scope, which makes me think of some Nerf Assassin) and how to program a 'smart watch' which has exactly one button.

*and a friend that stars in a story I'd been telling for a decade - very validating to confirm that I'd actually been getting the details right (though fuck him if I hadn't - print the legend)

So my (mixed race) sister got a pair of boots for Christmas from her (white) husband and uhh

https://i.imgur.com/9ooGD1J.jpg

😳

good mourning!

Where's the gift return receipts?

how does that happen

country of origin = ?

racism

Spain

Where's the gift return receipts?

just me and the 3 relations; escape in nine hours

B&N was sold out of The Princess Bride, so happily i got the 12yo niece Some Like It Hot instead!

In my local drinking snowballs and random East European shots, it's a good day

love to celebrate xmas at laguardia airport

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DvRTPbpX4AAOZG7.jpg

it's beginning to look a lot like christmas... and someone has wanged their tree in the bin already!

I’m not sure what the problem with boots is upthread?

Partner and I will be telling the family kid #2 is on the way later today. I never wanted a second and I’m not sure I have the energy to pretend to be excited (or, tbh, happpy in general). My mother and sis will be over the moon tho.

Home now watching The Return of the King as part of Starz' LOTR marathon, cleaning the apartment in preparation for my folks coming over mid afternoon for early dinner. I hope to join friends after dinner.

merry christmas to those who celebrate pic.twitter.com/4XDqIOezys

— bran, like the muffin (@kungfulasers) December 24, 2018

oh dear

I’m not sure what the problem with boots is upthread?

COLOR: CRAZY OLD NEGRO

I thought maybe that that name was an infelicity of translation or of truncating some other part of the style name but at least one online retailer gamely reports the color as “crazy old negro” so

Ooohhh - I didn’t realize that colour was for the boots! Yikes

xp
I was thinking similar but I figured if they got the "crazy old" part right they would have done "black" too. And also, how does "crazy" modify "black" as a color?

I started out being annoyed with the little one running around pushing buttons and issuing edicts but I've become sympathetic. we all need saving from ourselves. I got some mushroom powder and the k-punk book and have been allowed to slope off and bask in the warm feeling of recognition

Found a cool local flyer for Mr Veg’s fave the Toy Dolls from 1985 & got it framed for him for xmas, on a wild hunch that he probably was at the gig.
He totally remembered the gig & was there (yay) but the best part: one of the bands on the lower billing was his brother’s band & I didn’t even know!

Cool

ah my 4yo is a big fan... of their 'nellie the elephant'

yeah that one goes over great with little ones! that and james bond lives down our street were guaranteed hits at my niece’s birthday parties when she was a kid

i have reached my mom’s house; it is of course a mess

npr-stylee xmas music is depressing the fuck out of me and i wish i could get jon solomon’s show instead

for those in your position, the thought that Christmas comes but once a year should provide a small amount of relief. just hang on a bit longer and it will all be over.

My spouse and I very rarely have conflicts. Except today, apparently.

cannot wait until this godawful fucking holiday is over and i get to drive back to my weirdo isolated red rock paradise with another 365 days in between me and the shittiest time of year.

i don’t live in a red rock paradise but otherwise I am feeling this. i feel like i’m dying here. uh for real my in-laws have the painting with the republican presidents - with trump, it’s the updated one - sitting around the poker table hanging above the mantle. not even that though it is more just the non-stop social obligation going from 7am to 10pm and feeling so distant from the routines that ground me otherwise. get me the fuck out of here. i feel so worn down.

Oy. Sorry dude. Merrrrry Xmas

Please tell us in a few days that you surreptitiously went around the GOP presidents painting with a pin, putting pinprick holes in all the presidents’ pupils. I so would.

We didn’t even leave the house and have no guests and me and my partner still managed to get upset with each other; Christmas is extremely terrible

Suzy were fapping on the 3rd if you’re in London, come!

it's almost over

maybe three more hours and then i can not think about this cursed holiday for another 12 months

One of my neighbors played loud bass-heavy music from about 8 last night till 5:30 AM. Three of my neighbors, none of whom are usually upset by loud music late at night, called the police. The police did not come. I thought about going out into the building's parking lot and stabbing his tires, but did not.

more just the non-stop social obligation going from 7am to 10pm and feeling so distant from the routines that ground me otherwise
Feeling this. Successfully kept my cool through the morning micromanaging of gift-opening and furniture moving and the myriad other confusing conflicting chores but now getting worn down by the continuous chatter that never seems to want to stop.

It’s like some Spanish Prisoner/Nigerian Prince con game that the extroverts use against us introverts to take away our time and good will.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oPMEW2klP6U

it's over!! i drove through a blizzard and made it out the other side to my quiet little trailer in heaven.

it's nice to be home at the end of it all

not even that though it is more just the non-stop social obligation going from 7am to 10pm

oh god yes. i actually snapped last night. everything about the holiday, the enforced merriment, the shitty traffic, the control freak relatives etc. had made me absurdly grumpy. i was in bed waiting for my sister's husband's relatives, who were upstairs, to leave so i could get some leftover snacks. i waited until 11 pm and they weren't gone so i walked upstairs with my headphones on and started getting some food from the kitchen. everyone at the dining room table adjacent to me waved very cheerfully and said "hi matt!", i lifted up my headphones and said "i'm not in the fucking mood" and put them back on, got my food and went back downstairs. 😬 i'm emailing them an apology.

xp omg it feels incredible.

we didn't have overly stressful plans or anything but the whole thing w/family is work for sure and i'm delighted to be back home drinking whiskey, watching basketball, and hanging with my cats while having no obligations for the next 3 days or so.

wooooot

We have evolved a Christmas routine that makes a virtue out of the potential tensions of shared-custody holidays. The kids always spend Xmas Eve with their mom at her mom's house, so they wake up and have Christmas morning there. That means my wife and I can sleep as late as we want on Christmas, then get up and make coffee and/or cocktails, do our own gift exchange, and then wait for my in-laws and the kids to all arrive sometime after noon. This makes for a relaxed day that still has enough family buzz about it to feel like a holiday.

Sing with me! "It's the mooost pass-aggro tiiiiime, of the yearrrr"

My daughter came home for Christmas. It was good, if a bit nerve-wracking. It's never easy to predict the state of her health or whether a crisis might arise. We had some good, quiet time exchanging gifts and some minor difficulties getting her fluids into her. After she was safely snugged into the wheelchair van and on her way home again, my wife and I each had a slug of scotch whiskey and exchanged a long hug.

hi!

xp <3 aimless

i can't sleep because of im guessing calories im guessing hi

Cripes, good morning

Am now on day 5 of flu, with symptoms mostly abated, and feeling comfortably exhausted but with no stamina or appetite. I managed to miss the whole Xmas shebang! I might actually get up to day.

Glad to hear your daughter’s visit went well Aimless.

Between Trump and Brexit, 2019 is going to be a hot mess. So why not start early? My family's usual Boxing Day leftovers lunch has taken a Zeitgeist predicting turn. Instead of the usual practice of serving up bubble and squeak made with the leftover sprouts and potatoes, we had microwaved baked potatoes topped with grated cheddar cheese alongside the cold turkey, stuffing, sausages wrapped in bacon, cranberry sauce, and gravy. Well whatever - some random shit thrown on a plate fits the tenor of the times. Also we had a trifle that looked like it had passed through a liquidiser. Not to mention the crackers. Including this prophetic joke:

Q: what kind of ball doesn't bounce?
A: a snowball

seriously considering having a kid just so I can justifiably ditch the wider fam christmas obligations from here on out

so tiring

ha see I feel like having kids makes it harder to ditch everybody! perpetually envious of those without kids who can just say “yea we’re not participating this year”

i got two full days left at my in-laws and then an 8 hour drive back to the great lakes. i can’t wait to wake up in my own house

Right, came to reply to that post about having kids “um, I’m not sure it works that way.”

when you move overseas w kids it works that way! flights for five are $$$ so we just stay put. My oldest is 18 now so really we are the family now, rather than our parents.

ugh there’s no way out

at the risk of sounding grim, christmas is for children
therefore, if there aren't any, you don't have to celebrate it if you don't want to (many people seem to want to from what i can tell)
i endured yesterday by cooking all day

I found family invites actually became a thing of the past having a kid with classic autism type behaviours. But once I got over the outrage and disappointment I just thought: fuck every last one of 'em and realised it was actually a blessing!

A surprise addition to our family meal was my brother's girlfriend from when they were in their mid-teens -- they were young and rebellious and wound up having a kid together when they were 16, and weren't together long. Their son, my nephew, OD'd and died this past summer and my brother has been really supportive and solicitous in all the ways he didn't know how to be 25+ years ago. Anyway my brother invited her to dinner with his current girlfriend's blessing so his ex wouldn't be quite as alone for the holidays. My wife and mother thought it would be weird and strained, but it turned out very nice, and I was really proud of my brother -- he's matured into a real human in the past few years.

Since we're currently based in the UK, my wife decided to take advantage of France's geographical proximity by spending the holidays with her side of the family for the first time in eons. I prefer avoiding my in-laws when at all possible and am closer to my parents than my wife is to hers so it's nice to be back in Canada for a suitably low key nuclear family Christmas (I have no brothers or sisters or uncles or aunts and even if I did, they'd probably be in Romania).

Lovely story WmC.

Seconded.

at the risk of sounding grim, christmas is for children

counterpoint: when someone buys your child a robot minion(tm) controlled by a tablet, dear god

lol

A surprise addition to our family meal was my brother's girlfriend from when they were in their mid-teens -- they were young and rebellious and wound up having a kid together when they were 16, and weren't together long. Their son, my nephew, OD'd and died this past summer and my brother has been really supportive and solicitous in all the ways he didn't know how to be 25+ years ago. Anyway my brother invited her to dinner with his current girlfriend's blessing so his ex wouldn't be quite as alone for the holidays. My wife and mother thought it would be weird and strained, but it turned out very nice, and I was really proud of my brother -- he's matured into a real human in the past few years.

― Juul Haalmeyer Dancers washout (WmC), Wednesday, December 26, 2018 9:44 A

Best thing I've read in this thread

my youngest will be a teen this coming year so the toy days are done & that is a blessing in itself. what a bunch of dumb plastic crap we bought/were given over the years. RIP

nothing niece received managed to get the phone out of her hand for more than 30 minutes

at the risk of sounding grim, christmas is for children

This is not my experience except in the way that everything is "for" children when they're around.

One thing about having kids that does contribute to improving this situation is that they themselves are fun to be around during the holiday longueurs.

This is very definitely not my experience - I love my niblings but they are at their worst during the competitive consumption that is Christmas.

i endured yesterday by cooking all day

with delicious results, I'm sure.

yes indeed

christmas is a good argt against the view that mental illnesses exist primarily within individuals

Please tell us in a few days that you surreptitiously went around the GOP presidents painting with a pin, putting pinprick holes in all the presidents’ pupils. I so would.

Pinpricks? Okay, good first step but... Red LED lights! Conveniently plentiful at Christmas time IMO. WKIW Demon GOP poker game painting.

For me, so far, children have helped distract from awful Trumper in-laws. Children have offered alternative conversation topics.

The specific ppl involved? It's complicated. My own personal children are very digital and pretty much don't play with toys. But relatives with 20th century ideas of childhood want to give them things. So we navigate that.

Personally I only want booze and music gear. Both of which I could easily just buy for myself.

I was gearing up for the religion vs science discussion with my father-in-law after his recent pilgrimage to the Creation Musem, but welfare ended up being the argument du jour, with his twin brother. Plot twist: my father-in-law ended up on the right side of that one! He's a strange and often self-contradictory man.

uh dude him and his twin swapped places to mess with you

lol

I've averaged at least two desserts per meal, including breakfast, the last couple of days. kids didn't go overly crazy, all is good.

the dumb plastic crap enslaught beginneth

I didn’t even know Jordan had gotten married to have in-laws

I'm exhausted. I'm fat. I have a mouth ulcer. my liver hurts. my mood swings between cheerful sentimentality and mild upset. it's definitely Christmas

protip: get some adjustable pliers to work those leftover almonds from seasonal nut selections, and wrap it in a towel so you might actually find some almond remains amongst the debris.

^^^

sending this one back in time to myself.

my brother (right) and me (left) doing our annual "ridiculous gift" exchange

http://i68.tinypic.com/2i6dph3.jpg

pistachios>>>>>>almonds

counterpoint they’re both amazing

The holidays never live up to what we want them to be.

(The best part has been my son getting a keyboard from us and watching him play it. Nothing else measures up to that. So I shouldn't complain.)

my mom is randomly listing her years- and even decades-old grudges against people i don’t know

friend of mine publicly posted a Christmas card on FB that her estranged mother sent. her mother apparently forged it to make it look like it was from the friend's grandmother, guilting her for not calling more often. they're now beefing on FB for all to see.

I feel fairly grateful not to have that kind of relationship with my own folks.

My dad looks a bit down. He's had a series of TIAs and doesn't speak well anymore, though his thought processes are all fine. he just has trouble finding words. and needs knee surgery and doesn't want to use a cane.

my mother is unduly hard on him though and I think that is where his stubbornness comes from. I stayed over an extra day so I could spend more time with him. trying to get my mom to ease off a bit as there were definitely plenty of times where the tables were turned where she wouldn't have liked it if he was that harsh on her.

don't get me wrong tho she has her own share of health problems and I love them both dearly.

still have a weird unarticulated animosity toward my sister, but y’know I love her. like it’s a button-pushing contest that I seldom play these days, but earlier this year I snapped at her without explaining myself. she showed up at the parents’ griping about stuff in a fair manner, but I’d been slowly reflective before then because one of my immediate coworkers had died days earlier

there’s this weird cross-judgmental thing where we don’t actually know each other’s shit but judge based on what we wrongly infer, imo

also I’m mostly aging better, or would be if I drank less. we were’t exchanging gifts at the gathering but she gave me a grab bag of beers. willful sabotage imo

we're all getting older; if you love people then show them imo

that wasn't meant judgementally

Ugh, funeral today, which is my worst possible social occasion. But it’s over now.

I mean, of course funerals suck, but it’s also family I haven’t seen for years asking what I’m up to, etc.

I loathe "what are you doing" smalltalk, especially from snidey cunts who already know your circumstances are not currently good.

they quit bothering to ask me about 10 years ago

I just say 'nothing' and stare through them

idk what ppl are meant to ask tho

i mean

what would ye like ppl to ask ye

imo ppls aptitude for conversation is inversely proportional to their interest in the surface details and contingencies of the lives of ppl they know. there is no worse conversationalist than the person who is always talking about what they and ppl they know have done recently. and yeah it's also a deal-breaker for a lot of ppl who are having truly shit times, they don't want to talk abt themselves with you. there's everything else in the world

fuckit ive to meet a man now i dont know what ill say to the cunt

Ask if he owns a dog.

you have to put out feelers and gently sniff for interest obv. i am sure you cld pull off an opening gambit of "i was just having this chat online on my way here..."

"get a load of these opinions from my internet associates!"

what's your favorite situation comedy

"How you doing these days pal? I'm on't pan-crack myself and slowly drinking myself to death!"

"hey I got a right a reet bargain earlier, 108 bog rolls for £15.40 on e-bay. Gtf in!"

hah, I was just venting after some less than furtive nips. definitely taking my sister up on dropping by her place soon to meet her new kitten (kitten!)

I'm not in love with small talk either, but it does enable me to figure out who is a good conversationalist/decent person and who is not based on whether the person talks entirely about themselves vs. asking questions of others

you have to put out feelers and gently sniff for interest obv. i am sure you cld pull off an opening gambit of "i was just having this chat online on my way here..."

― ogmor, Thursday, 27 December 2018 16:09 (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"get a load of these opinions from my internet associates!"

― ogmor, Thursday, 27 December 2018 16:09 (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

all a total failure

We rented a place in Santa Cruz and family from all over the place (MA, WA, Toronto, ATL) have all gathered here. My kids have had fun playing Smash Bros with their cousins, walking on the cliffs near Pleasure Point, and relaxing in the hot tub. The good thing about their screen addiction is that they are not materialistic (other than wanting in-game currency, which I refuse to purchase), and I guess they’re a bit old for whiny meltdowns anyway, at this point. For the most part, we haven’t had much family strife or annoying behavior, other than the normal clueless messiness that young children and their distracted parents leave in their wake.
https://flickr.com/photos/35468153631@N01/sets/72157674890163397

Time-delayed greetings from the other side of the bay, given I was in Carmel.

At home and sharing a TV. That thing I watched the first 7/8ths of gets dismissed in favour of repeats of who wants to be a millionaire. (The PVR will pick it up or I can iPlayer it if I don't want to wait a week)

Inherited pedigree cat apparently pisses in the kitchen at nights.

Mother has asked, for 2nd time in 3 years, for a holocaust related book for Christmas (Anne Frank this year, previously that striped pajamas book.)

for some reason I read that as holocaust-related recipe books

Christmas Eve I get to be Polish Catholic with my wife's family: three kinds of pierogis (potato, cheese, sauerkraut), fried shrimp, and fried scallops. Twenty or so in tight quarters including a bunch of kids and dogs running around, none of them ours. But I love it.

Christmas Day with my family: Much quieter affair with just my parents, sister, aunt, and her boyfriend. Mom will make a great Thanksgiving meal. A fire and a few cocktails.

Only downside is I sleep poorly at my parents and the 3-4 drive each way.

My octogenarian, Parkinsonian, father totalled his car on "masonry that jumped out of nowhere," and wants me to take him to buy a new one. He says he's fit to drive (I think he's definitely not), and that he "likes to take wide turns." I told him I wouldn't help, because he should surrender his license. Hence, X-mas at home.

rrrrrrrough day with my parents today : \

(I realise I have it mild when my biggest problem is sharing the TV)

Dad had a minor stroke a couple of weeks ago, spent 4 days in hospital. He seems fine but lost some peripheral vision and has been told to not drive until he's been assessed (next month) so Christmas prep has been curtailed slightly. Might be good though - they usually buy way too much food.

This house is a lot darker and quieter than my flat. And damper.

yikes soda :/

i sympathise wth that story a lot

Sorry soda, that sounds rough. Hope you get some time to decompress at the least.

Time to watch the Skywalker thing with friends.

It worked out this year that my partner is spending this week out of state but I’m stuck working all week... gonna be somewhat lonesome puttering around the xmas-decorated homestead alone all week. BUT upside is that my parents, who haven’t been in town for xmas in years, are going to be in town so going to get to head over there and have a nice low key xmas with just the three of us. Looking forward to that.

I was trying to think of wild single-guy “when the cat’s away” type things I that could do while I’ll be home alone all week, but all I could think of so far was that I might finally sit & watch all 5-hours of this ‘einstein on the beach’ dvd that Ive had for years. I’m such a fucking dork.

The local hunt used to be a good day out according to my dad.

And those shows about Australian / Irish / uk immigration services that are on endlessly are just poison.

Trying to subvert it slightly by buying biscuits from the polish shop / licorice from tiger / making excuses not to pick up his copy of the sun from the shop but...

I've just finished listening to a Texas drone comp and an Adam Basanta LP for pitch purposes, and now I'm jamming the latest Beck for capsule review purposes. Wondering if I should load and run the dishwasher (I should).

Tomorrow will head to Virginia for the family Christmas extravaganza. I have almost no gifts for anyone - not out of miserliness, just that gifts aren't necessarily expected and I have little idea what to get anyone these days - and it's surprising how guilty I feel about that. But then, I don't expect anything myself beyond quality family time, laughs, and delicious food. Fellowship.

this is my first year being properly open (not hiding) and fully reconciled as queer, and right now we’re driving to a family thing (i’m still not out to family) that i really don’t want to go to, and mentally i am not coping at all. sorry, just wanted to voice this somewhere

It's okay not to be okay with it - wishing you resilience!

my brother-in-law's stepfather, who I've only met once before and is relatively new in the family history, showed up yesterday for dinner with a fucking "blue lives matter" shirt on. thankfully it was absent at the dinner today. 3 more dinners to go. FML.

oh jeez

andrew: thank you! the attitude here is 100% that i should turn up and behave for other people in a performative way that completely disregards whether i’m having a good xmas (i’ve already been glared at once for some arcane reason)

One nice thing about spending the holidays entirely in my own home is that my nips of liquor need not be furtive. However, I have been working most of the past two days getting everything prepared for a roughly 150 minutes-long 'informal' family get-together tomorrow afternoon. If figure about 3 more hours of work before anyone arrives tomorrow should do the trick.

Since my sister is doing Christmas with her husband's fam, we're all converging at the family homestead this weekend, which means I'm doing my first-ever solo Christmas in the city. Spending it getting daydrunk at the movies.

I’m going to a great syrian middle eastern rest for trad xmas dinner. Just had one ridiculous and seriously performative fam argument with a youngster, in which my main point was “STOP BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE,” but she’s 13 so instead.... furtive nips.

Thanx AA, wishing you the best as well, hang in there

<3

so far they’ve only denied global warming and perpetuated an offensive jewish stereotype for no apparent reason, but they’re only 2/3 drunk so

fuuuuck

at least blue lives guy doesn't spout off (or mention politics at all, my BIL may have said something)

AA at least this sounds exactly like every Christmas you have ever posted about before

just spend the year contriving an excuse to not go next year, like honestly take a trip somewhere else

otm sic, my mental health should always come first

There are four small dogs running about at my parents house this week, thanks to my sister bringing 3 of them

Retreated to e kitchen to fry bits of pig after my Japanese Christmas jazz album was rejected in the living room. Eyeing up the shochu for furtive nips.

Huge selection of family and extended family squeezed into one medium-sized bungalow for Xmas.

Called my Bro in law five minutes ago to ask a question and he sounded like he was standing in the catbus room at the Ghibli museum, gonna be loud today :(

the volume always kills me, just people yelling over other people until someone cracks 95 db

good morning!

Where's the tax returns - er, the spiked egg nog lattes?

It’s a beautiful day here so I went for a walk in the East Anglian village where my mum lives. Turns out the pub is open so I took the opportunity for a furtive pint before I head back for Christmas lunch. Cheers!

https://i.imgur.com/XR08eOR.jpg

Who is unpiking your egg nog so it has to be respires in a latte?

Kill me now.

my day is going to be extremely quiet, I have around 8 hours before we go to an Xmas dinner with family friends, thankfully free of neo-fascist inlaws

Anticipating my mother and sister at 10 or 10:30am. About as ready as I'll ever be. Don't feel the need for a furtive nip...so far.

AA, I hope things are reasonably chill on your end.

Between having a major piece of writing due at the end of January that I’ve barely had time to start on and some health scares in the family over the last month, it has been a more exhausting holiday season than usual. Finally had to sent the husband out to finish Christmas shopping yesterday, while I stayed home to recoup (ended up watching the truly bizarre holiday drama Beyond Tomorrow).

Hallmark Channel?

TCM (it’s from 1940)

oh wait with Deanna Durbin and Gene Kelly? In New Orleans or something, noirish Xmas?

No, sorry, that’s called Christmas Holiday, directed by Robert Siodmak. I recommend.

Sister’s brother, the one who wrote a holistic algorhythm to make him judge everyone else eating a mince pie and threw away my last beer (“I thought you were finished” after I took one sip and let the dog out to wee) spent the whole Christmas meal telling us his breakdown of what he made of Stargate SG1 as an iconic tv series.

While I was letting the puppy go for a piss, I discovered a pub that’s open, I just need to figure out how to escape

Oh I just downloaded Christmas Holiday last week, I heard it’s pretty wild.

On the couch watching Johnny cash 1977 xmas special with parents, enjoying some coffee which they don’t realize has been fortified with.......... a furtive nip!

Successful first Christmas dinner in our house (ie not mooching off either family), no thanks to me

AA, I hope things are reasonably chill on your end.

cheers raymond, i’m clearly in trouble for not being ebullient enough but at least it’s over now

btw good luck to everyone who’s struggling with it atm — it’s something the people around you probably don’t understand, but please know that you are not alone x

you too AA :)

I have mostly been getting high and watching Cheers. Just me and the dog; went to the pub at lunch time but wasn’t feeling it. Not the worst Xmas.

binge watching something is an excellent way to transport you out of isolating/lonely days (mine was an ‘only connect’ marathon)

my dad is telling inappropriate stories about neighbor’s family. Somehow hard to find the sweet spot between this kind of talk and complete inanities.

obviously not a patch on the pants on what is going on on the other thread but still

now onto solving the world’s problems through engineering: “you have to find a prototype that works and reproduce it!”

Perhaps only annoying to me after decades of sensitization.

Nah

I'm having a relatively good time. People seem to have slotted into roles which don't involve critique of myself and we went for a walk where we agreed about things.

It has not always been thus.

AA I can only guess what yr situation must be like. Have you got enjoyable alternatives to the family Xmas?

there are, but the problem is the incredible anger and resentment when i don’t go to something. so i really am in a lose-lose situation.

Hang on in there. How many days does it have to last before you can escape? Having the exits clearly marked can be helpful

Nah

xp yeah, i just need to work out what the exits are. there’s another family thing next week with even more of the same people and i can’t really get out of it.

Negronis at my place for everyone.

oh done, see you in 15 mins

likewise

Just let me finish the dishes, and I'll join you.

just found a parking spot

Cubed ice is ready!

Walking it off 🚶‍♀️. You can go ahead and start without me.

actually my friend Jesús made me a mojito.

I had lots of wine. I watched Spike Jones dvds with my dad.

the entire fam went to my bro's g/f's fam's house. it was a nice time.

and now some kind of literary cocktail 🍹

Jesús walks!

Indeed. My personal savior and bartender. Um Añejo Daquiri.

he’s Cuban like you, Alfred, although I think he has a girlfriend now.

he’s probably read as much as you and James Morrison combined

lol you're setting up the final b-boy battle in You Got Served only with books

My secret Santa prez was a book on Japanese Graphic Design which is insanely specific and prescient and I'm told whoever it was, they didn't get a steer from my other half, so now I'm worried someone has cameras in my house.

*phew* What I dream I had last night.

My Trumpy in-laws had a car accident on the way here - no one injured, but a hassle with paperwork, trying to get insurance estimates and find a rental car, all on Christmas Eve. Shortened their visit from three days to one and a half.

It's a strange feeling, trying to put on a somber look of disappointment when inside I was dancing with joy.

Seasonal whine:

Thanksgiving: My wife and I showed up at my parents' house to host Thanksgiving for fourteen of *their* guests. My parents refused all help, even to clear out a shelf in the fridge. They actually forbade us from using the kitchen until after they'd prepared their mid-morning snack. Because my wife and didn't get started cooking until ten-ish, I asked a cousin to drive over and assist. He agreed, as long as he could bring his LEGITIMATE THERAPY ANIMAL, and keep it dog-pen in my parents' yard since he'd be volunteering for a whole day. My parents – who have not used the pen in over a decade - refused to allow its use, because "he's so entitled for asking," and therefore my cousin could not help. During the meal, my father made fun of me for the amusement of the table. Notably, my sibling showed up ten minutes before the meal with a brand-new boyfriend. They'd been together for four weeks. However, we didn't have to spend a lot of time with them, because disappeared into the bathroom together for twenty minutes mid-meal, and left right after food was served. My wife and I spent hours cleaning and putting the house back afterward long after my parents after my parents had gone to sleep. Later, I received a brief 'thanks' email from my dad, inc. a 'did you borrow a Tupperware please return it A.S.A.P.' P.S.

Christmas: Burnt out, my wife and I spent the holiday in our own home. My sibling showed up at my parents' house with a regifted pot roast from the local food pantry, and my parents called to tell me how wonderful and thoughtful and caring a child they have. In exchange for the pot-roast, they wrote my sibling a big check, and extended the free rental agreement they're providing on their beach house.

NYE: I called to check in and see how/what my parents were doing, and my mother answered. She told me that my father, eighty, had purchased a brand new car after totaling his old one. Mom asked if we'd be around next weekend to drive them to a party at my aunt's house. I said maybe, but they should ask my sibling, who lives closer, and has done nothing for them in a year (save for regifting them a pot roast). "Oh, you know, it's you who helps us out with things," she said. I pretty much hung up the phone.

I just ... I don't understand why people who are consistently badly-behaved are rewarded when they evince even the tiniest bit of decency, and people who are consistently generous are punished for taking. breather from their responsibilities.

Yeah, funny how that works

Ugh, that sounds awful.

Being the better person is its own reward, right?

I watched Spike Jones dvds with my dad

for 3 seconds, with that spelling, i assumed it was the 1940s comedy band guy

Being the better person is its own reward, right?

I doubt I’ll have any fun stories this holiday season, but reviving the thread because I know *someone* will.

This will be my second year sober - so in lieu of furtive nips I will have, I guess, a comfort blanket woven from small strategic doses of edible thc

unticked all the intrusive privacy options on the new tv, ai this, personalised adverts that.. and stopped it turning off automatically after 4 hours. (they are slightly immune to the worst of it as the tv is just a screen to watch sky on)

can't do anything about the casual games ma always plays. "They're all adverts". well, yes.

more alarming is the story they told me about the mysterious women that came around doing "a survey" who they gave internet provider details to, even as far as showing them the modem in the bedroom. "they said engineers would come around but they never did". just who were these women?

Local singles in their area, probably?
Sorry - that does sound very odd.

i figure on rival internet providers, but we will never know. they apparently had 'accents'. so i told them 'russian spies'.