GOTTA GO FAST: come uhh' anticipate' the SONIC THE HEDGEHOG movie with me i guess

god is dead and nothing matters

https://youtu.be/FvvZaBf9QQI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FvvZaBf9QQI

a few thoughts:

1) man, hollywood never really figured out what to do with james marsden, huh? enchanted was the only movie that really harnessed his absurd handsomeness properly
2) how did we end up in the timeline where there's gonna be a pikachu movie and a sonic movie released within like six months of each other
3) er...
4) that's it

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5Z6JFJXkAAjdhW.jpg

The movie will be action-focused. There were several script rewrites, due to the original movie having a more comedy focus.

According to Van Robichaux, a scene of Eggman owning a coffee machine labeled "Mean Bean Machine" was cut before filming commenced.

It is currently unknown if Sonic's friends such as Amy Rose, Cream and Cheese, Knuckles & Tails, will appear in this movie. As Sonic is the Only Main animated character to be confirmed.

According to SEGA, the Sonic the Hedgehog movie will help the character reach a world wide fame never seen before for the series.

When the first teaser poster for the movie was released showing Sonic's redesign for the movie, Sonic the Hedgehog's original character designer Naoto Ohshima and the former head of Sonic Team, Yuji Naka, both made public statements showing their high distaste of the movie redesign for Sonic, with Yuji Naka even making jokes at the expense of the redesign on his twitter account.

Sonic is the 6th character voiced by Ben Schwartz to be associated with the colour blue. The other 5 had been Skidmark in the DreamWorks Animation film Turbo (2013), Stuffy the Dragon in the Disney Junior series Doc McStuffins (2012), Steve the Troll in the Nick Junior series Wallykazam! (2014), Dewey Duck in the Disney XD series DuckTales (2017), and Leonardo in the Nickelodeon series Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2018).

My skepticism would sharply decrease if it weren't for the 'Gangsta's Paradise' background loop. There are less incongruous ways to evoke nostalgia for the 90s.

"from the man who brought you skidmark"

Very strong Howard The Duck vibes from that trailer.

Just glad I've lived this long tbh

And here I thought ‘MIB: International’ was the worst trailer I was going to see this week.

MIB:I isn't even a bad trailer!

Honestly the only reason that you could end up with a Sonic character that janky looking in the year of our lord 2019 is if you were SPECIFICALLY responding to a studio note that read “Sonic must NOT be fuckable.”

— Keanu Beeves (@JoeTheDough) April 30, 2019

ok I literally laughed out loud when Jim Carrey appeared

this has the potential to be hilariously bad but I'm afraid they're gonna neuter it

it was pretty painful to watch imo. These two would make a hell of a double feature

alternate thread subtitle: POST HOG

I can't believe you guys were right pic.twitter.com/5PrpobudZx

— Jenny Nicholson (@JennyENicholson) April 30, 2019

jesus why

alternate thread subtitle: POST HOG

There were several script rewrites, due to the original movie having a more comedy focus.

I was sitting at “might watch half an hour of this on TV sometime” for the last couple of years due to Susser and Van Robicheaux, downgrading that to three minutes now

Well I hope it’s at least as funny as the Adam Sandler video game ghostbusters movie

When Jim Carrey showed up and did his "who cares who you are" bit, I thought this would be one of those movies with one star and absolutely nobody else you've ever heard of -- like the second Jack Reacher movie. But I recognize james marsden's name, if not his face.

i was like "i almost certainly love something with james marsden in it, what could it be"

it's the box

also disturbing behavior which is like five different teen movies at once

http://i65.tinypic.com/29uvuwg.png
http://i65.tinypic.com/kd0kk7.jpg

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/e7/b6/1c/e7b61c3f168fed7d5a64bc633cf8cbd1.jpg

all i know is that this is going to be responsible for some truly disgusting memes

Maybe the plan was to make the memerificest film all along.

as awful as humanity has been and currently is, i feel like the punishment this movie represents is nonetheless not remotely proportional to our many crimes

You must learn to stop worrying and learn to love the healthy BMI Dr. Robotnik.

nice to see col. tigh's still getting mileage out of being a grumpy guy in uniform

Ugly Dolls movie regretting not going live action.

goddamn smirky eyebrow-raised badass hedgehogs from 28 yrs ago nowadays

eh you gotta hand it to them it takes some real effort to design a hedgehog that isn't remotely cute or appealing

oddly it's "the military chases a poochie" that feels like the biggest piece of 90s nostalgia in that trailer; sonic is incidental

i don't even know what movies i'm thinking of but i swear it was every movie

even the bit with carrey constantly interrupting the other guy feels like something out of a 90s movie

The Mask for example

Eggman is described as a certifiable genius with an IQ of 300.[14] His fondness for machines has also made him a renowned authority on robotics.[29] Ultimately, his goal is to conquer the world and create his ultimate "utopia", the Eggman Empire (alternatively known as the Robotnik Empire, Eggmanland, Robotnikland, or Robotropolis).[30] He selfishly never gives up on this matter and does not care for others' opinions.[14][31]

#goals

The existence of this movie is justified by the following:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hd3_k-OF_aU

i'm still laughing about this, quietly, to myself

I honestly thought that bizarre poster that went viral a month ago was a spoof

I maintain that you will never find anyone who so truly and deeply loathes the very existence of humanity as those who voluntarily work to create the bulk of (non-Pixar) computer-animated kids movies. That trailer is one of the more stark expressions of fathomless misanthropy I've ever encountered.

Also the CGI is so bad it just so obviously looks like a computer graphic superimposed on everything else. The difference between that and, say, Paddington, where its possible to completely suspend disbelief and forget you're watching a CGI character, is massive. TBH even the Detective Pikachu looks more convincing.

Yeah the ca. 2002-level cgi really is the cherry on the sundae of abject contempt. Like they're almost aggressive in their refusal to exert effort.

you're underestimating the outrageous and abusive number of person-hours required to create even bad CGI

Looks dope

i don't even know pic.twitter.com/1hXiGthNGj

— Patrick Gill (@Pizza_Suplex) April 30, 2019

Piiiiiiiiiiissssss

Just checked my suspicion and, yep, the 8-bit Master System version of Sonic from 1991 looks better than this one.

https://wiimedia.ign.com/wii/image/article/896/896255/sonic-the-hedgehog-sega-master-system-virtual-console-20080804003529833.jpg

But don't just take my word for it, feel free to compare and contrast:

http://66.media.tumblr.com/6f2d2759ba2438d72896e1a028f34310/tumblr_muzbwoRcsb1qfn715o1_500.jpg

itt: every fool who ever painted their face blue

Critical support for Jim Carrey, anti-fascist.

His cartoons are somewhat terrifying, as they should be given the subject-matter. Too bad he's an anti-vaxxer.

bad news: were all helpless cogs doomed to ceaselessly perpetuate a machine
good news: the machine is a Sega and were all sonic the hegehog

— wint (@dril) October 18, 2013

Yes but

https://i.redd.it/eghknk0amiv21.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5afN8WWsAEu2ln.png

That's Super Sonic, right?

2019 Sonic looks like Dr. Seth Brundle attempted to teleport a toilet brush without checking to make sure that a relatively-fresh (yet rapidly-moldering) corpse hadn't snuck into the first pod at the last moment. You always have to double check, Seth. This isn't a game.

Someone on Reddit calculated precisely how many babies Sonic kills in the trailer.
Jesus Christ pic.twitter.com/TKt5Efyjt9

— Sonic SCANF (@sonicscanf) April 30, 2019

the hero america deserves

And that's not even counting the babies that thing almost certainly ate along the way.

a friend calculated that sonic's EMP blast requires output (over a few seconds) of c.20,084,610kW = 48,203 kWh storage

and that the same could be achieved (give or take the technology), with 183,112,560 lbs of potatoes

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5aJdfsW4AAHA6h.jpg

the potato america deserves

I live in the densest hospital district in the PNW, and our building still has power when it goes out in the rest of the city, bcz of backup routing for the medical facilities on every other block

try harder next time, blue dude

P sure it's canon that Sonic's powers overcome even backup systems in order to ensure 100% infanticide wherever he goes.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/D5b89MNXsAERmld.jpg:large

i don't even know pic.twitter.com/1hXiGthNGj
— Patrick Gill (@Pizza_Suplex) April 30, 2019

― ciderpress, Tuesday, April 30, 2019 7:24 PM (yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lmaooooooooo

the first reply

I don’t get either of those tweets, but I also had not seen the movie Sonic before and am now on the side of any incel manbaby triggered by their childhood being defiled

my bad, I assumed every ilxor has seen this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vUz9xCTOPRw

In a time so plagued with divisiveness, I'd like to think we can all overcome our differences and come together as one to declare Movie Sonic an abomination in the eyes of whatever deity one may claim (and also an affront to reason and basic sanity, for those of us on the secular train).

gang, can I just say that the Ready Player One thread got me through some rough patches last year and I'm really sensing promise from this one, so I'd just like to say "thanks ILE"

It's been a while since we had an abject failure like Fyre Festival to bring us all together. This could be the one. Doing God's work, Sonic movie team

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OUkF4yRtTyE

CHECK OUT SANIC'S TETS

scene from move has leakde

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4MWN48V0Oac

"Dr. Keller added that the film, unfortunately, appears to present yet another unrealistic depiction of James Marsden."

https://entertainment.theonion.com/experts-praise-upcoming-sonic-movie-for-accurate-depi-1834426041

pic.twitter.com/2ln3Fo2Usl

— Memes 😈 (@memetiddies) April 30, 2019

lmao

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_4yDVKidRqA

this man is the only person whose opinion I will listen to about this movie

i think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room here tho

the sonic games are all bad games

gang, can I just say that the Ready Player One thread got me through some rough patches last year and I'm really sensing promise from this one, so I'd just like to say "thanks ILE"

― the public eating of beans (Sparkle Motion), Wednesday, May 1, 2019 9:20 PM (yesterday)

It's been a while since we had an abject failure like Fyre Festival to bring us all together. This could be the one. Doing God's work, Sonic movie team

― Vinnie, Thursday, May 2, 2019 1:05 AM (thirteen hours ago)

This is what I'm here for.

just spent a couple of minutes googling this movie's execs to see if there's anything there to back up my hunch that this entire enterprise is a producers-style box-office-suicide tax-dodge and somehow ended up on the imdb page for donnie yen's forthcoming enter the fat dragon which uhh

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BNzI0NzVlY2UtZjQ0Ni00MDc5LWE3ZTgtMjBhNTFmMzk5ZmIwXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyNzM3NDU4Njk@._V1_.jpg

A cop is assigned to a case of escorting a criminal to Japan while dealing with relationship problems, and his enormous change in appearance as a result of being dumped.

Whereas I was indulging a delightful tour through the world of terrible CGI last night and came across a videogame adaptation that had somehow passed me by completely:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5MKLNyKGUUI

We really are nearing cultural heat death, aren't we.

can't stop thinking about this lately

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZDGud3o0Nrc

Speaking of which, I'd like to see a CGI reconstruction of Christ's Passion in the style of the Ecce homo from the Sanctuary of Mercy church in Borja, Spain.

can’t believe they went with that musical choice when there’s a completely cromulent ear worm that exists
https://youtu.be/yXmonb23VUU

i think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room here tho

the sonic games are all bad games

― michael keaton IS jim thirlwell IN ‘foetaljuice’ (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, May 2, 2019 10:00 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

man I was just thinking how great it would be if the movie used that ridiculous "GOTTA FOLLOW THAT RAINBOW" song instead of Gangster's Paradise

Tonight, the investors will sleep soundly, safe in the knowledge that they've put the fate of this film in the hands of someone who's demonstrated both consistently sound judgment and steadfast courage in his convictions.

Thank you for the support. And the criticism. The message is loud and clear... you aren't happy with the design & you want changes. It's going to happen. Everyone at Paramount & Sega are fully committed to making this character the BEST he can be... #sonicmovie #gottafixfast 🔧✌️

— Jeff Fowler (@fowltown) May 2, 2019

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/e/ea/Everything_Is_Going_to_Work_Out_Fine.jpg

Like okay, if you start inadvisably installing a toilet on your own with zero plumbing knowledge, there are plenty of steps in the process where you can sober up and acknowledge that you're in way over your head and should never have even begun such a clearly disastrous undertaking in the first place. You absolutely do not and should not plow through regardless of your intense misgivings. But...what do you even do if you've been deeply involved in making a Sonic the Hedgehog movie and you eventually realize how deeply fucked you are? You can't just...run away and hide, can you?

At any rate, hope you enjoyed those nights and weekends while you had them, hundreds of people who will be redoing a ton of work that they probably already felt kind of sick about having done the first time.

i think it's time we addressed the elephant in the room here tho

the sonic games are all bad games

― michael keaton IS jim thirlwell IN ‘foetaljuice’ (bizarro gazzara), Thursday, May 2, 2019 2:00 PM (yesterday)

i can't really get behind this, the early sonic games are stone cold classics w/ mostly great soundtracks

that said i wouldn't disagree if someone argued that sonic himself is kind of a bad character, he's pretty much the poochie of his era

https://thecomicartwebsite.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/IMG_6311.jpg

fowler: "we've had the feedback. it's… not good news folks"
everyone at paramount & sega: *sighs, stays silent*
fowler: "they… they… they REALLY want to fuck the hedgehog"

that’s the thing, tho - we’re living in perhaps the most polymorphously perverse period in human history, where people take to twitter to express their longing to fuck pretty much anything imaginable, and NO-ONE wants to fuck this hedgehog despite there being a colossal pre-existing base of desperately horny deviantart posters whose desire for all kinds of sonic-based sex knows no bounds

That's making me start to like this Sonic and his new theme music U Can't Fuck This

the ivo in dr ivo "eggman" robotnik is short for "i, volcel"

Just watching this trailer again, the worst thing isn't Sonic, it's the scene with Jim Carrey and the general, how can you have such an unfunny comedy scene which obviously doesn't work and drags so much, played in full, in the trailer?

one has to assume it's because it's one of the best scenes in the movie

which is... troubling

Also those were probably the highlights of the full 25-minute scene.

one has to assume it's because it's one of the best scenes in the movie

Lol yep

Seems a waste to fix the character design, that's the main reason this is getting so much attention. Makes me want to see it less, anyway. IMO should just go full-on Super Mario Bros. movie and release this weird trainwreck. They've clearly had no input from the fans thus far, why start now

tbfttl, if they'd had input from the fans this would be 90 minutes of pregnant sonic having his toes sucked by tails, while in the background a fetishwear-clad dr robotnik bursts balloons with his spike heels

the only good film

i'm not gonna lie, i'd prefer that to what it looks like we're getting

You’d have to recast eggman in that case

...right?

why, is jim carrey allergic to rubber?

Yes that’s why it was so cruel that the uk press constantly referred to him as “rubber-faced funnyman jim carrey”

the cruellest of ironies when u think abt it

this would be 90 minutes of pregnant sonic having his toes sucked by tails, while in the background a fetishwear-clad dr robotnik bursts balloons with his spike heels

they haven't released the red band trailer for the movie yet, so I still have hope

*unzips*

Message Bookmarked

Seriously though, if the director wasn't a clearly desperate man who will entertain any advice which might serve to quell the endless flop sweat and nervous diarrhea, I'd be concerned with the precedent this sets re: suggesting to fans that petty bitching might actually be an efficacious superpower.

this movie's reported budget is a trim $90m

i wonder how much extra it'll cost to fix ('fix') sonic's design

What if

Now hang with me here for a sec

These folks who created the Sonic we saw in the trailer and thought 'yes, perfect, that looks ready for public consumption'? Presumably the same folks now tasked with 'fixing' Sonic in a fever pitch based on the thoughts and opinions of random Twitter users?

What if they somehow make Sonic even worse.

What if that.

What if.

We can only hope so

i wonder how much extra it'll cost to fix ('fix') sonic's design

not just re-rendering it for the movie bug also presumably changing a ton of planned marketing materials for all regions....can't be cheap, I'd guess it tacks on another 10-15mil maybe

*but

What if this is the film that destroys Paramount?

So many tantalizing what ifs.

Seriously pity the CG people working on this thing.

the Mouth Squad has to be pretty demoralized right now

speaking of the mouth squad, here's an exclusive peek at the redesigned movie sonic

https://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/sonic-toilet.jpg

https://c8.alamy.com/comp/PM8TDB/studio-publicity-still-from-heavens-gate-christopher-walken-1980-united-artists-all-rights-reserved-file-reference-31715204tha-for-editorial-use-only-PM8TDB.jpg

I'm just endlessly fascinated by these instances wherein someone pays a lot of money for the rights to adapt a well-known intellectual property with an established fanbase where there's a pretty clear path for making something that at least a portion of that fanbase and general audiences will enjoy but they instead decide to just say 'nah' and do their own barely-related thing that nobody asked for and few people will enjoy. Over and over and over this happens.

Why is everyone assuming they are just going to redo the CGI on the Sonic design? I assume they will go and redo all the ugly CGI characters in the entire film. Like that unfunny character that looks a little like Jim Carrey? Totally unconvincing CGI, do it again.

Did one of the execs have a weird kid who's mutually obsessed with Sonic and James Marsden and decide based on that evidence that that was a pairing the world was clamoring for?

Seriously, that Carrey routine in the trailer was a carbon copy of the shit he did in his prime 20+ years ago when I was a dumb teenager with no taste who still was all like 'ugh, this shit again' every time he got started on his 'ALLLLLLRIGHTYTHEN!' trip. You're inching up on 'Jerry Lewis in Hardly Working' territory here, Jim.

RIYL Kangaroo Jack

I guess it's kind of admirable that studios are willing to make movies for people with traumatic brain injuries. They certainly deserve entertainment, too.

I'm with OL

Jim Carrey doing the looking-aside, fast-talking monologue in that tone of voice followed by a pause and some ridiculous catchphrase or non-sequitur was this shtick he trotted out too many times, but apparently the director's entire concept here is "play this genius Doctor like he's Ace Ventura, evil scientist"

Thankfully he's displayed a broader and more appealing range over time, but I was frankly over his 'Carrey cranked to eleven!!!' shtick by halfway through the first season of In Living Color (by which point I was only barely of a double-digit age) and will never understand why the rest of the world kept hungrily scarfing it down and asking for seconds.

it was a very different time

then 9/11 happened and of course everything changed

ace ventura is funny you are all cancelled, also the new sonic is good now

idk I prefer all this to the horrorshow that is woke carrey tweeting his dumb pictures at the president, as though writer and activist russell brand weren’t already crucified for our sins

I begrudgingly went with friends to see Ace Ventura 2, which is still the only time I've ever fallen asleep in a movie theater. Although I woke up for the part where he erupted from the rhino's anus and I'll admit that that was p funny.

(Although tbf emerging from a rhino's anus has been a reliable gag since time immemorial.)

exiting the vampire's castle 2: when hyoerstition calls

funnier w/o the typo i admit

Ace Ventura is funny but also viciously transphobic and racist so I have to get my “guy makes his bum talk” fix elsewhere sadly

https://www.geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/buff-sonic.jpg

and you get that fix now from donald trump press conferences amirite xp #resist #itsmuellertime #orangemanbad

I get it from my upcoming novel about le petomane

I still don't see how Danny DeVito didn't get the Dr. Robotnik role

Probably had something to do with the state of intense inebriation which led to him stumbling into the audition in the first place against the slurred advice of his drinking buddies as they implored him to think about his career.

Now I want to see a Sonic movie with a constantly-drunk DeVito. Preferably starring in all of the major roles.

i like jim carrey and thinks he's funny.

alrighty then

I'm sure he's a total douche irl - see anti-vax stuff and his "i do not exist" schtick

It's all subjective but I find that I only really tend to like comedians who act like they've never witnessed actual human behavior when there isn't a patina of self-satisfaction slathered across every exaggerated expression and odd turn of phrase.

I sort of liked zany 90s Jim Carrey, and genuinely liked him when he did The Truman Show and Eternal Sunshine, and this is a lot worse than a step backwards from that. Also it doesn't help that he has the worst script of all time to work with and is compensating for the lack of jokes with extra gurning.
His drawings are horrible, it was good that they annoyed Mussolini's granddaughter, but that's about it.

Jim's "Dark Crimes" era didn't pay off well

https://www.slantmagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/darkcrimes-2.jpg

That film is so bad

this was the nadir

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/static/sys-images/Guardian/Pix/pictures/2013/8/11/1376223731535/Jim-Carrey-in-The-Number--010.jpg?width=620&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=3a0241aa940b6ab61ea22b16d273511b

First look at revamped Sonic is promising

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/VkrHEYKSirg/hqdefault.jpg

this was the nadir

🖼

Is it possible that an exec on the UglyDolls movie plays golf with some higher-up at Paramount and was all like 'yeah bro this thing is gonna be huge, better look out Sonic!' knowing full well that it was 80 minutes of dumpster runoff but still spooking the other dude into pushing out the Sonic trailer this week in hopes of dominating the shitty CG conversation? Because if so, it was totally successful. I had no idea a goddamn unnecessary UglyDolls movie was even in the works let alone being released, uh, today.

just ducking in to say that I was listening to Fun House while browsing this thread and "L.A. Blues" came on just as I hit play on that youtube vid of the "you all ruined sonic" kid and those two things playing simultaneously matched up just... perfectly. Mashup of the year, I highly recommend it.

pic.twitter.com/LloVK8V3B7

— James Urbaniak (@JamesUrbaniak) May 3, 2019

I'm so sorry pic.twitter.com/wGP0B6jNN2

— Fred Delicious (@Fred_Delicious) May 3, 2019

improves both

this movie has already unleashed so much horror into this world

https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/newsfeed/000/367/205/22e.png

https://i.imgur.com/Ivqq0WM_d.jpg?maxwidth=640&shape=thumb&fidelity=m

http://www.funnysigns.net/files/dr-hedgehog-whoever-keeps-adding-og-to-the-end-of-my-doorsign-stop-it.jpg

*whoever

https://i.redd.it/n4fwysiiy4w21.jpg

gaaaaaaahhhh

per this thread: aggrieved pissbabies 10 inadequate fan service 0

that last image alone is worth more than the whole of bret easton ellis and will self combined (caveat: i have read very little of either)

in addition i have never played a computer game more complicated than tetris*

*(the only good trilogy)

never to late to get deep into the lore of the dead or alive beach basketball series imo

I'd recommend Shaun Shouting Simulator myself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DAhG9D9UO7c

https://66.media.tumblr.com/79f91c31aabcf3a989709ba341a87256/tumblr_pr0pqrBzz91qhqrd6_540.jpg

credit where credit’s due, they’ve nailed the redesign

Has psychoanalysis gone too far?

https://i1056.photobucket.com/albums/t366/sonikkusong/25403113_1280x960_zpspypaa5dg.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/bzbuphj.png

this is truly the most cursed of all the threads

This should fix things

https://i.redd.it/6oqfkbklndw21.jpg

#gottafixfast is evil:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=losBbRx_4iM

Sneak peek at the (unannounced as of yet) third episode of this upcoming trilogy:

https://i.redd.it/v0j2rs4pmpy21.jpg

Sometimes I wonder if I might have died a while ago, and what I thought were the past few years were in fact an increasingly incoherent phantasia desperately wrought by my battered synapses' last gasps. It's a comforting thought and I thank the internet for reinforcing it like this.

Wonder no longer, my friend. And take comfort that we're all of us in the same boat.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rh5eis0sMHI

https://66.media.tumblr.com/4d609e775c5a1b9ea22b717dca3c09b1/tumblr_pqs6w9kFrt1x0bvwko1_500.gif

After they're done re-creating Sonic I predict a loud online outcry and/or petition to bring the weird teeth back.

Now with less Unheimlichkeit:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szby7ZHLnkA

dying on a hill of human teeth

i'm less horny for this version

do not want

at the end of the day "CARTOON CHARACTER FALLS INTO OUR WORLD" is one of the worst plots because nothing beats the Roger Rabbit/Detective Pikachu approach of just making them part of the world fabric already to a) skip the bad science and b) skip the GASP :o faces

— Ewafina Pekkala (@EwaSR) November 12, 2019

Well, when the movie still flops, at least they can take pride in the fact that they tried

this has the potential to be hilariously bad but I'm afraid they're gonna neuter it
― frogbs, Tuesday, April 30, 2019

The only acceptable employment of the 'cartoon character manifests in the real world' plot is as a showcase for the sheer existential terror/dread which would be stoked by said character's manifestation. Can hope ever exist in a world where Garfield walks among us draped in something which approximates flesh? No. No, it cannot.

what if they shaved him tho

https://i.redd.it/sk0jrvig97a11.jpg

noooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

lol

https://i.imgur.com/lxpmdTr.jpg

okay i’m hornt up again, cheers pom

My pleasure, bg. The retinal blood vessels are a superlative touch.

the cursed images thread should just redirect here

This is one of those films - like *Star Trek: The Motion Picture* and *Fant4stic* - where the behind-the-scenes story is (probably) more interesting than the actual film. Ignoring the horrible design, the original trailer felt flat and looked cheap. The pacing was off. It looked empty. This is vastly better because it actually has some characterisation, but it still feels like a low-budget film. The set design reeks of the early 2000s.

Is the shot of Sonic on the bed, in the towel, meant to be romantic? It feels odd to pair Sonic with just one person. Does the main human good guy have an ex-wife? Will Sonic help him get back in touch with her? Why did the studio decide to make the human good guy a middle-aged man? I'm not complaining, I just wonder why the studio decided to do that. The human good guys are usually a young man and a woman, or kids.

Why a single middle-aged man? Is Sonic meant to be the child he never had, or a surrogate middle-aged friend? Is this *Planes, Trains, and Automobiles* or *ET* or what?

Will Sonic die? Will his buddy will bring him back to life?

Sonic is not actually real, he is just a figment of this man's imagination which he tragically realizes about two seconds after drilling into his mustached neighbor's skull in search of Chaos Emeralds

Eternal Sunshine of the Sonic Mind

The only acceptable employment of the 'cartoon character manifests in the real world' plot is as a showcase for the sheer existential terror/dread which would be stoked by said character's manifestation.

This is pretty much OG Howard the Duck, where the existential terror/dread was felt by the character itself.

pom I meant Garfield, jesus

https://i.redd.it/ovogemms8iy31.jpg

Okay, that is awesome.

Pictured: the Sonic redesign process.

https://i.redd.it/vjdk8qcyujy31.jpg

sonic is good again

Happy birthday, @DannyDeVito!

— Sonic the Hedgehog (@sonic_hedgehog) November 17, 2019

recent apropos of nothing text with a friend of mine:

growing up my sisters and I had hedgehogs as pets so I am esp fond of them. My father bought them for us from a black market Amish dealer behind a long John silvers restaurant and they did nothing but birth babies. Their in-home population at one point hit a critical mass such that the mother consumed the heads of about half a dozen runty ones. V. Formative experience for us

GOTTA BREED FAST

i have suggested she may have been gaslit into nurturing hushpuppies

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCuCpVPkWDY

Sega Cinematic Universe looking marginally more classy than the Marvel one

I was watching TV with one of my kids, and after the Sonic trailer she said "didn't this come out already?"

it has come out already

it is out now

it will be out soon

it will never come out

I stopped at a gas station on the way home after the holidays and, while digging through a bin of cut-rate DVDs, I happened upon a sun-bleached VHS copy of this movie. At first, I felt a sense of deep existential despair toward this thing that should not be, but as I held it in my hand, a warmth washed up my arm and conferred a sense of comfort unlike any I had previously experienced. The Sonic videocassette and I are one now, bonded, an amalgam of flesh and plastic sent forth to deliver the word of Sonic unto the heathen masses. Gotta go fast, my children. Gotta go fast.

Guys.

We got a sequel.

I guess this isn't hell like I thought it was and instead it is heaven.

So, uh, how's the first one?

Well look, they wouldn't make a second one if the first was anything less than stellar. What more do you need to know, really.

Hymen Roth from Godfather 2 is in it

I didn't think the first one was unredeemable to be honest, it sort of hung together well enough. Carrey's level of overacting was just about pitched right, Sonic was just annoying enough, Marsden competent playing against a bit of greenscreen.

A solid 5.5/10. A sequel could go either way.

aldo OTM; the original was tolerable, which basically meant it was about a billion times better than it had any right to be

https://i.imgur.com/LWlewI1.png

sonic had better be pregnant in this one ffs\

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSu6i2iFMO0

only if James Marsden is the dad

Saw Sonic 2 in the cinema with the kids and am praying that I don't need to take them to see Sonic 3.

I really hope my son’s anime obsession means he no longer gives a shit about Sonic because the second movie was astonishingly bad and this one doesn’t look much better

Why bother with Sonic 3 in theatres soon when you can have Sonic: The Comic (UK) now on archive.org?

sonic 2 is underappreciated for its weirdness - why is half of it focused on preparations for the destination wedding of a character who was not in the first film?! this is supposed to be a movie about a submissive and breedable hedgehog that goes fast ffs

lol that was supposed to be a strikethrough not bold text but i stand by it

I hate that I know this but that character WAS in the first film

ashamed that i didn't remember that despite having seen the first one on multiple occasions, handing in my sonic fan club membership card in penance