RIP Boris Johnson

I hear he's in a ditch now

drowned iirc

*cough*

*gasps*

cough the fuck away from me

Keeping the thread warm, good maintenance

One thing the US libs and the UK hard left can agree on

shakey u hero

RIP, may heaven grant you hair that doesn't look like a shit

Boris Johnson, great-grandson of Ali Kemal Bey, is now "the sick man of Europe."

— Gary Alexander (@grylxndr) April 6, 2020

boom

That's worth a LOL tbh.

salute to Comrade COVID

Goodbye England's rose ... y gammon ass.

Is there a protocol for what to do with this thread if he does drop off the perch?

You dowse it with your favorite sparkling wine.

COVIDEO Killed the Brexito Star (but not really unless it's a covincidence)

oops https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-52192604

just in time to be resurrected on Easter

Nooooooo, when shakes does these threads they don't come true ffs

they always come true, eventually

well, not the part where I wish them a peaceful rest, that's just a joke

It's very weird to wish ill health on someone, however, it's hard to think of him as an actual person and not a blight on society.

nothing weird about wishing bad on ppl at all imo

i'm always very impressed at how hard and uncompromising shakey is. he crosses lines others wouldn't dare to cross, so amazing.

vital content, truly

If the "worst" should come to pass maybe they'll keep him like this till the vaccine comes through

https://i0.wp.com/www.pinkink.media/wp-content/uploads/2016/02/hitlers-brain-4.jpg

treesh

trís a mhic

not only is this a beloved shakey thing

but this is boris johnson

this is not the hill

Where's that Keegan jpeg?

I think we're reaching peak corona threads now this one's edged into the mix

#pray4boris

https://youtu.be/z0jw5qBgUuo

Albini otm

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VOti1xX8fdI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_3oFRcTNHo

Like every other person in the world who gets infected, whether BoJo lives or dies will depend entirely on his own body's ability to overcome the virus, since the only thing the ICU can do for him is force oxygen into his lungs via a ventilator. The rest is up to his immune system and major organs.

of state

Hoping his major organs make the right choice

Did they toss someone else out of bed to replace them with him y/n

thats the question

was this ward at capacity

is he of a similar profile of illness to take up a scarce bed as anyone else

etc

St Thomas & Guy’s has a private ward.

private ward, major organs

general hilarity

I feel very conflicted on this. I had money on Bolsonaro to be the first to go.

I think Bolsonaro is in considerably better physical shape than Boris... at the best of times.

+1 for herd immunity

Awesome:

well im going to keep this brief. i overexerted myself while responding to emails and got put up in the hospital. i basically need lungs now

— wint (@dril) September 9, 2013

this is not a dril?

the biggest tragedy here is the death parties will need to be held remotely or postponed

for obvious reasons, if the unthinkable happens, I have dibs on "BoJohnsonDeadverdrive"

this is a horrible thread

I agree, we need more optimism.

xpost good to have you cocking it up

the man is a racist, misogynistic, homophobic bigot. The party he leads has continually made decisions designed to make people like me suffer. His denial of the severity of the current pandemic situation has sent a message that this isnt serious and his shamelessness around shaking hands and seeing his family on Mothers Day is a key reason why people arent social distancing - that is going to lead to people making bad decisions and it's only a matter of time before someone I love contracts it and suffers badly or worse. He signed off on a plan that amounted to the Harold Shipman "they were going to die anyway" approach to pensioners and didnt care that these will be people's loved ones because they're not useful to the economy.

The world will not be a worse place with one less hateful, ignorant monster in it.

if he does die it will be easy to show how it is a result of his own actions. It might scare some folk into taking stronger precautions and help protect vulnerable people that I actually care about whose lives are endangered by the recklessness of other people.

if you think about it, dying of coronavirus is really the most selfless act of public service he could perform

So of course he will fuck that up too no doubt

if i understand it correctly, if he dies coronavirus gets to be PM?

It would be terribly sad if our tory cunt of a prime minister who pushed the idea that we should just all go out and get covid so as not to disrupt the economy too much via enacting social distancing measures dies from same.

Pfft at these naysayers - the very best doctors are on the case. Trump opened his press briefing today by announcing he'd dispatched 'two of the leading companies, these are brilliant companies' to go to the UK and help treat Boris Johnson (without naming the companies), and reassured the press that he’s offered a 'complex set of treatments' to Boris Johnson, and that 3 people from drug companies are at his London hospital with 'everything with them should it be needed.'

Let's hope it's not til Friday as I can't afford a nice bottle of pét-nat til I get paid

If he were to pass away from this that is definitely something that would jolt a lot more people into taking Covid more seriously.

On the flip side, there is a very real risk that should this happen he will be replaced with another Conservative, who may also be unsuited to the role and possibly worse

Hell yeah, gonna kill Boris by shooting him up with some mercury leftover from a 19th century syphilis treatment

Heartbreakingly I think he's gonna pull through

if he did die his death certificate should ascribe it to hubris

A funeral service probably the only way to learn how much offspring he has. At least give your kids that ffs.

Heartbreakingly I think he's gonna pull through

A funeral service probably the only way to learn how much offspring he has. At least give your kids that ffs.

― Hey, let me drunkenly animate yr boats in about 25 to 60 days! (Le Bateau Ivre), Tuesday, April 7, 2020 5:41 PM (twenty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I’m sure the limit on funeral attendees will thwart any attempt to count children.

I’ve heard 12 including the current oven bun.

say what you like about the man but you can't doubt his commitment to avoiding sensible prophylaxis in all parts of his life

Just living his life.

I’ve heard 12 including the current oven bun.

Now that's more than I would have thought.

I don't especially want to experience what will happen to this country if he dies. Britain does orgies of performative public grief, outrage and stupidity like no other country.

Obviously every human life etc etc and this is a horrifying thing for anyone to have to go through but thousands of people are dying right now as a consequence of stupid complacent decisions made by him and his advisers. And nearly all of those didn't make a public point of going round a coronavirus hospital and shaking hands with all the patients to win an argument.

I would be very interested in who made the decision for him to that.

I don't especially want to experience what will happen to this country if he dies. 

I would be very interested in who made the decision for him to that.

domcum has been an agent of the kremlin the whole time and saw his chance to snuff out bojo using the 'rona

fair play to the lad tbh

I got a letter from the government dead boris
The other daythis morning
I opened and read itI wanged it straight into the bin

the cumming is culling

Yeah I said this elsewhere but the prime minister sonning himself over a herd immunity beef is just an OD of Events and the national mood is psychotic enough as is

This morning at virtual smoko our CEO asked me and the other Brit on the team if we thought Boris being in hospital would ‘bring the UK together’. Oh how we laughed.

irl lol @ cazino

"I don't especially want to experience what will happen to this country if he dies. Britain does orgies of performative public grief, outrage and stupidity like no other country."

I don't care either way but I'm not seeing performative grief or celebration. People are stuck inside, the funeral will have to be a quiet affair.

Gofundme for emergency flight for the lads in Accra?

https://imagez.tmz.com/image/bb/o/2018/03/03/bba02ef835095b4191c4ec711b58b80c_md.jpg

lol

bump

Did he die?

yes

maybe, someday

rip

he's still resting fitfully.

this thread will see a great revive
when boris johnson is not alive

To be clear, I don't really want him or Trump or any of their pals to die from COVID-19.

Guillotine in the public square would be much better.

I was looking at some fairly accurate hospital data earlier today and his demographics give Boris right about a 50-50 chance. So there is plenty of room for hope for everyone in UK.

i can't figure out how to make my joke about a 4% swing in the most accurate predictions

Aimless if that’s the data based on COVID-19 vs viral pneumonia in the ICU, 2/3 of the COVID patients in the data are still in ICU. So yes there is a 50-50 split on the remaining third, but the deaths are only 15% of the total number admitted.

iirc odds get significantly worse once you are actually put on a ventilator. No illness>no symptoms>mild symptoms>worse symptoms>hospital>ICU>ventilator. With age, gender, general health and so on somewhere in the mix.

disgusting vile behaviour from these people pic.twitter.com/N0GLxAyE4N

— lewis (@lewisxzxz) April 7, 2020

omg absolute genius

iirc odds get significantly worse once you are actually put on a ventilator.

why do they keep doing it so

he dead yet

how bout now?

update?

Schroedinger's Pillock

https://i.redd.it/cy9gnkntkhr41.jpg

Ash...no

"He’s a son, a father, he’s a human being. Politics is immaterial at this point.”

Ash Sarkar and Martin Daubney put their differences aside as they discuss the Prime Minister's illness.@AyoCaesar | @MartinDaubney | @TheJeremyVine | #JeremyVine pic.twitter.com/OuwW29NZYD

— Jeremy Vine On 5 (@JeremyVineOn5) April 7, 2020

you know who else was a son, a father and a human being?

This is the correct take:

why the fuck should that dissembling racist prick - the embodiment of posh English arrogance - use one of the ventilators or ICU beds that he's taken away from so many others? Stop with the sympathy, let the bastard splutter.

— michael (@Sisyphusa) April 6, 2020

the old Trotsky quote about "papist Quaker babble" applies here I think!

this one goes out to my boy boris, get well soon king

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-DSVDcw6iW8

That’s Daubeney’s quote. Ash stuck to empathising with Carrie Symonds.

Daubney does care more about men than women - boys especially tbf.

you know who else was a son, a father and a human being?

Vardymir Putin?

Tbh I have sympathy with Ash Sarkar considering the volumes of racist abuse and death threats she gets for saying anything critical. Not her hill to die on.

All Lives Matter

brb love bombing a racist

mods can we pls have an i love bombing a racist board

No 10 has provided an update on the prime minister’s condition, sent by St Thomas’ hospital. It said: “The PM remains clinically stable and is responding to treatment. He continues to be cared for in the intensive care unit of St Thomas’ hospital and is in good spirits.”

Day 2 of bozza hijacking an IC bed and care he doesn't need. Fuck that immensely fit fuck forever.

He is going to be in that bed for weeks.

is anyone offering any odds on the outcome at the moment?

Basically when Paddy Power pays out on him having died you know he's going to pull through.

It's fifty-fifty, I guess

Assuming 100% he'll pull through, life just isn't this good.

The rona comes on in waves every few days, he will get the next one soon enough - then we will find out whether he's going to make it or not.

Your going home in an envolope!

if i were prime minister boris johnson infected with the novel virus covid-19 i would simply not get better

If there was a choice I'd take my chances with the fictional version of civid 19 as well.

Lol prefer civ xi actually!

ok so of all my pals across the UK internet listening gloomily for any borisclapping last night, only one reported hearing anything at all, a pal in nhs admin in south london. Her description reminded me of this:

this is a sick country pic.twitter.com/jX8YbP5obC

— boomsday prepper (@AliceAvizandum) April 8, 2020

When she saw it just now she said: "YES that's him! It's exactly what it sounded like."

Happy to report there was complete silence at 8 where I live, barring some karaoke action coming from a flat.

shirtless pan man boris fan still less deranged than this guy

Earlier this evening, I took part in the #ClapForBoris. I was joined up and down our United Kingdom by those who wanted to show their appreciation to our Prime Minister.

His response to the #COVID19 pandemic has been nothing short of heroic! pic.twitter.com/VCL0lY7uOt

— Jordan Jacobs (@jordanjacobs180) April 7, 2020

is his hair growing out of his brain

What brain?

Are they saying "boo" or "Boo-ris"?

Dressed like a cross between an amateur magician and a wine bar waiter who has had to provide his own tuxedo.

#clapforbots

This Govt is so inept it can’t even gaslight us without getting busted: pic.twitter.com/JuyUHKWEpU

— Winston Smith (@2019_winston) April 8, 2020

Sometimes I start to think that my perception is distorted by unexamined prejudice

harder than ever to penetrate the fog of garbage but if this is true (ffs don't bother with the thread, merrick is famously terrible):

The World at One have just played @BorisJohnson’s favourite song, Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles, “in the hope that it might reach him”. A simple yet very moving moment of radio. #wato

— Stop socialising = save lives (@janemerrick23) April 7, 2020

playing a favourite sonf is what you do with ppl in comas that you want to call away from The Light™ and back towards wakefulness.

plus "stable" and "comfortable" are also both perfectly compatible with coma, induced or otherwise. "in good spirits" less so if my mum's non-induced coma of 2004 is any guide -- lol i have never seen someone in such a snorting fighting temper while also unconscious, they never show THIS on the hospital soaps -- but it's not like they're all sat ministering at his side. a torrent of frightened jostling serpents tbrr

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_eIZ7tWhak

I don't care how unimpeachably-terrific he is, I'm not contracting the clap for any PM, sorry that's just how I feel

the tweets BG has put in other threads, i will never stop posting them here

why restrict yourself to just this thread

had to read 'stop socialism = save lives' a few times there

is he actually dying?

why what have you heard

https://pics.onsizzle.com/Facebook-%C2%B7-3ef579.png

not as good at reading between the lines of news reports of some people here. would like some primo ilx analysis. xp

ilx exclusive: he’s been dead since november

force ghost bj

thanks 4 new screen-name

His essence was squirted out into his innumerable offspring years ago, the devil child currently being incubated by the fragrant Carrie is the Final Programme of a centuries-long war between competing gangs of angels.

We need to be more careful about electing disheveled caricatures as world leaders when they can be so successfully replaced with crude, life-sized puppets without anyone noticing.

what the hell is a blowgob

Life imitates Spitting Image.

xpost

or was it

it's sad. he is a scene from ghostbusters now.

he’s been slimer for a long time tbf

If the British Prime Minister dies of coronavirus, war with China is inevitable.

Let’s pray he recovers. https://t.co/RB8oBZo7hJ

— Zachary Miller (@_ZacharyMiller) April 6, 2020

whos this some maga

Oh cool, this guy is from Waco.

that tweet has one like, is there a reason i have to see it

If we all work together, we can take it viral

There should be a thread for Zachary Miller tweets

I judge people who claim we’re living in 1984 rather than Brave New World harshly

— Zachary Miller (@_ZacharyMiller) April 6, 2020

send Zachary Miller thread to dead Boris!

I’m going to delete the original tweet, because the first part of it was wrong and I shouldn’t have said it.

— Zachary Miller (@_ZacharyMiller) April 8, 2020

"...doctors have described his condition as 'satisfactory'.
the funeral will be held tomorrow at blah blah blah blah"

Trump says Boris Johnson is doing "much better...at least better...he seems to be doing better, and that's good, and we send our regards to Boris and his family and his friends...He's become a very popular -- before this happened...very popular..."

— Daniel Dale (@ddale8) April 8, 2020

What a stupid person. Though I do love the hedge on "much better." Did I say "much better?" I mean, "better." That is, he *seems* to be doing better. Wait, did I say better? I meant to say "dead."

much deader

Daniel Dale must be exhausted. He seems to spend half his life reporting everything Trump says and the other half explaining how each thing is a lie/exaggeration/wrong.

Is there a 'last famous person you were not surprised to discover was actually still alive' thread we can stick Boris on?

whatever daniel dale thinks he's doing (fact checking?) is part of the problem IMO

Quoting?

He’s a New York Times article that leads with the lie, but a twitter account.

wow, my eyes just rolled so hard it broke my brain

Anyway the say it’s bad news if you do more than 3-4 days in ICU. This is day 4. If they don’t announce a discharge you can safely assume they’re lying about his condition

— Your Mum (@judeinlondon2) April 9, 2020

boris has historically tried to keep his discharges quiet tbf

No cadaver no cred. He needs dragging off that bed if he isn't dead by the end of the day.

Debatable re ICU - thereve been people walking out of there after two weeks. Though he will likely not be ready to work if/when he emerges.

I don't debate what Jude says here because I'm a Boris is faking it truther to the death now!

PM 'accessible' and 'mentally able to make decisions' from hospital https://t.co/vDLFghBZbV

— Sky News Politics (@SkyNewsPolitics) April 9, 2020

I mean that’s a change too - you have to be really sick to reach the stage where it has to be stated you’re “mentally capable” of making decisions.

What if he's discharged but then just has a heart attack on the toilet next day.

Look we're all trying to stay optimistic

Though he will likely not be ready to work if/when he emerges.

He'll just do what he's done his entire life, get someone else to do the work for him.

Big fan of Dominic Raab completely destroying the government's PR cause he's too dumb to lie properly https://t.co/03DyCLFs3F

— Loki (@Lokinash06) April 9, 2020

ya that stuck out like a sore thumb to me in the guardian liveblog too - that does not... seem good

define "not good"

I'm torn between yay he's toast! and grr! drag that malingering posh cunt out of that bed by his fucking ear.

Boris at his return to work interview pic.twitter.com/iYhgCkJUCG

— Guybrush Tweetgood (@Gordopolitz) April 9, 2020

Dig deep, friends.

Even worse than the proposed ‘whip round’ for Dominic Grieve pic.twitter.com/ZCpYVQDu7s

— Sophia (@final__girl) April 9, 2020

yes now more than ever what we must do is spend four figures on some fucking cufflinks

Starting a rival one to see if we can raise six grand for Dignitas.

irl lol

same

He dead yet?

Apparently he was engaging positively with his scrotum yesterday whilst gargling blood and shitting his kecks

Either he's much worse than is being claimed OR he thinks that Dominic Raab is too stupid and unreliable to be running the country properly in his absence and therefore the less he knows the better.

He is now out of ICU and will almost certainly live to tell the tale.

"get up yer bastard, there's nowt wrong with thee!"

RIP

UPDATE: British PM Johnson has been moved out of ICU.

"The Prime Minister has been moved this evening from intensive care back to the ward, where he will receive close monitoring during the early phase of his recovery,” Downing Street says.

— NBC News (@NBCNews) April 9, 2020

You win some, you lose some.

can’t believe they misspelled ‘morgue’ as ‘ward’ ffs

There's still tomorrow, you never know.

great revive

ffs

I suspect the enforced mourning will be prolonged indefinitely regardless

These threads never work I blame shakey

nothing good comes from putting the death cart before the horse. When will you ppl learn!

shakey is a psy op

Was he actually ill or was it aristocratic japes and tomfoolery?

i don’t believe shakey was ill, no

Ey I cannae believe that they put him in some brandy barrels. He must really be worse Dan I say . https://t.co/fOwMQOdVL2

— RobertoPesto (@PestoRoberto) April 9, 2020

Johnson never had the rona
merely 5g morgellons

hoping for a reverse Jesus this weekend

Was he actually ill or was it aristocratic japes and tomfoolery?

I don't believe it's the case at all, but it would really be something if he ducked out of the spotlight for a week or so to avoid scrutiny, ended up being taken to hospital and having to play along, then had to spend several days surrounded by poor bastards dying on ventilators while inevitably picking up the virus for real himself.

I mean he looked pretty fucking ill before they hauled him in, not that he doesn't usually mind. Still time for a relapse by the way folks #fatchance

‘It Was, For, Uh, Medical Reasons,’ Says Doctor To Boris Johnson, Explaining Why They Had To Give Him Haircut https://t.co/WzKHHwqENf pic.twitter.com/DIj9lAkN6q

— The Onion (@TheOnion) April 9, 2020

The fat fuck is not only not dead he is out and posting video messages.

At least his forthcoming child will get to know his father, unusually

I've got to say for a guy who was supposedly at death's door a few days ago he's bearing up well.

who thinks he wasn't ill enough to be hospitalized and this was some sort of scheme from cummings?

i really wanna think that but shurely there's no way?

I absolutely subscribe to that theory. I mean it isn't exactly Icke territory, he's a born liar and has a history of hiding when the going gets tough.

doesn't take a lot of subterfuge, just need him to say he's feeling worse, the hospital isn't going to refuse to admit the prime minister.

i think they could tell if he was breathing properly or not

I could imagine him bullshitting that it would be good theatre to show the seriousness of the situation blah blah and give him the opp to evade scrutiny.

Death would've been the ultimate evasion of scrutiny.

I think there are plenty of people who have some minor breathing difficulties and aren't admitted to hospital right now. the grim tone of the way they announced it was the main sleight of hand here.

Surely there's a lower bar for hospitalization when it's the PM, deserved or not.

this is all shakey’s fault

otm, turns out all he needed was to rest peacefully for a stretch

he's probably dead, video was recorded years ago along with thousands of others in the event that he somehow became PM and came down with something called covid-19

there's other videos where he survives being murdered by the ghost of blackbeard, falling into a pit of spikes and losing all his coins, etc

he's actually been replaced by Paul McCartney in a mask

I blame myself for not pushing him into traffic when he cycled past me c.2009

I am a Boris truther AMA

He was nearly admitted several times before he was actually admitted, but the ICU admittance was down to extra caution because of his position. I know this for absolute fact, but can’t say how.

RIP Boris Johnson

mike t-gove morelike xp

i knew it!