Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2020

Such a depressingly dire pile of cinematic barf.

Fantasy Island is probably the one of these whose existence is most baffling, but the Disney live action bonanza remains the biggest cinematic nuisance of recent years, so I'll go with Mulan.

i believe bill & ted and the candyman remake will be good, or at least not abominations

i am very excited for venom 2, the sequel to the only good superhero movie

voted ghostbusters in a heartbeat

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It

i'm voting for this, there are way too fucking many of these movies

i can't believe they're rebooting the grudge what the hell

runner up vote to Trolls World Tour, the preview for which was somehow the most horrific element of my Cats screening

but as with the candyman remake i looked at who was involved and now i'm like.... maybe it'll be good. andrea riseborough!

xp

Bad Boys II is the worst film ever made, so

the Disney live action bonanza remains the biggest cinematic nuisance of recent years, so I'll go with Mulan.

― Maria Edgelord (cryptosicko), Thursday, January 2, 2020 12:07 PM (six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I have a feeling that this will be the Solo that makes them think twice about the path they're hurtling down so recklessly. Wouldn't be at all surprised if they cease preproduction altogether on the live-action remakes of Brother Bear and Meet the Robinsons.

as with the candyman remake i looked at who was involved and now i'm like.... maybe it'll be good. andrea riseborough!

I made this mistake with Pet Semetary, right down to getting excited about the lead actress. not doing it again

I have crossed-finger hopes for Bill & Ted Face the Music, The New Mutants, Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway, Scoob!, and The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run.

Don't care a lick about any of the others, but reserve special antipathy for Ghostbusters: Afterlife, which just please stop making Ghostbusters films that aren't the original team!

https://i.ytimg.com/vi/iSj1ooBM3P0/hqdefault.jpg

Dolittle

... actually, this one

The second most horrific trailer in front of Cats, though the fact that I'd seen it already dulled the impact

Yeah, I saw a trailer for that last week. It looked pretty dire.

Feels like we've reached the point where there's no real interest on the part of many rightsholders in whether people are asking for a particular sequel or remake or adaptation. Just like 'shit, this goddamn Cookie Crisp IP is just sitting here gathering dust, let's get those 'Johnny Johnny Yes Papa' fuckers from the YouTubes to blast a feature-length CGI dook for us'.

wow the dolittle trailer starts off with a moody cover of "what a wonderful world" lmao i hate music AND movies

Dolittle will at least produce some amusing behind-the-scenes fodder, given how cursed its production has supposedly been

Dolittle feels very much like Downey asking himself the question 'what kind of bullshit would I be doing right now if my career hadn't been miraculously revived a decade back?'

He has to be rich as hell rn. I just...don't understand it. At all.

I may have said this elsewhere but it's incredible the extent to which it feels like one of the fake trailers from Tropic Thunder, right down to the dodgy accent.

I like how off-the-wall some of these titles are if you don't know the original, e.g. Brahms: The Boy II, The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

i have voluntarily seen the boy twice and not even i noticed that a sequel was on this list. v excited for whatever absolute garbage it is though

XPS RDJ has gone full Dolittle. You don't go full Dolittle.

Predict ppl will find it hard to resist voting for morbius

katie holmes apparently stars in brahms: the boy ii, so i will be there opening night

The trailer for Scoob! implies that Scooby-Doo is named after Scooby Snacks and not the other way round, which is infuriating

I have no idea what The Boy is. I had to read a bit of the entry on The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard a bit before including it; The Hitman's Bodyguard sounded vaguely like something I remembered existing, but I couldn't be sure.

I expect to like West Side Story.

The existence of Morbius is stupid as hell but brace yourself for Sony's future forays into even stupider and more pointless adaptations of tertiary Spider-Man characters.

The trailer for Scoob! implies that Scooby-Doo is named after Scooby Snacks and not the other way round, which is infuriating

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Thursday, January 2, 2020 1:03 PM (seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Particularly if the movie fails to identify them as Scoobert Snacks.

Based on the trailer, I've got less than zero anticipation of Ghostbusters: Afterlife.

Bill & ted seems to be the one that the most ppl have decided they need to believe will be good; I’ll be pretty surprised if it is, but that goes for most of these

this is the only morbius I know about

http://www.doctorwhotv.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/The-Brain-of-Morbius.jpg

xp: yeah to clarify I will be surprised if the new Bill & Ted is any good, but I do want it to be.

same

the old ones are bad

Me being me, I'm hesitantly excited for Black Widow and Eternals but the MCU thus far was wrapped up in a perfectly satisfactory fashion and I've come to accept that the endeavor can't be maintained forever so I'm happy to move on if subsequent entries turf out.

Literally not one single other thing on this list that conjures more than a 'maybe I'll watch that 5-10 years from now if I happen upon it while flipping through channels' from me.

I mean I want to like them/indulge my fond memories but I tried rewatching the first one recently and it's just not well made, the jokes are clumsy and very obvious etc

xp

Have ppl noticed the same amount of goodwill/benefit of doubt against the odds for coming 2 America?

if you're not excited for the croods 2 i dunno what to tell you

the only one of these I'm remotely interested in seeing is Wonder Woman tbh

worst is def Top Gun

Is The Hitman's Bodyguard that Samuel Jackson/Ryan Reynolds flick? If so, I remember it getting very good word of mouth but barely managing 45 minutes of it before turning it off

The ones I have least animus towards are the 9th sequels to cheap horror properties cause they’re just part of the genre and although rooted in the same kind of cynicism are less grotesque to me than the megabudget monstrosities

I feel like we've had the notion of Top Gun as a pop classic imposed upon us because I don't know that I've ever heard anyone talk about it in glowing terms or cite it among their faves of the era or, like, anything. It's cited ironically quite a bit and that's about it. It's just a thing whose existence people are aware of without having anyone having actual feelings about that awareness. It's the deviled ham of film.

I know top gun stans (my sister for one, in the 90s anyway)

Bill & Ted 3 is pretty much guaranteed to flop which is why I suspect it'll actually be pretty good

last saw the original about 8 years ago, idk I still think it's got some pretty funny bits. 2nd obviously isn't as good but I give 'em credit for doing something adventurous and weird. comedy in general just doesn't age well. maybe I should take this to the challop thread but I bet if you showed Airplane to a 17 year old today they'd probably say something like, "this sucks"

i didn't see airplane! for the first time until maybe eight years ago and few things have made me laugh more but i know that's not the same thing

I expect to like West Side Story.

― temporarily embarrassed thousandaire (Eric H.), Thursday, January 2, 2020 11:08 AM (thirty-three minutes ago)

same

i didn't see airplane! for the first time until maybe eight years ago and few things have made me laugh more but i know that's not the same thing

― american bradass (BradNelson), Thursday, January 2, 2020 11:43 AM (thirty-two seconds ago)

Brad how is it that Airplane made you laugh, I tried to watch it around age 19 and we turned it off because it was so bad, should I try again now that I'm old (30)?

I mean even if I should I probably won't

anyway voted Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard because that's a worse name than Ruth's Chris Steakhouse

I'm honestly struggling to think of a theoretical remake/sequel/adaptation I could potentially get excited about these days. A resurgence of George Miller's franchises, maybe (a third Babe would be delightful)?

https://i.imgur.com/BsNxbK8.jpg

Brad how is it that Airplane made you laugh, I tried to watch it around age 19 and we turned it off because it was so bad, should I try again now that I'm old (30)?

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Thursday, January 2, 2020 12:44 PM (twenty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

idk it's possible we have different senses of humor. the recurring "looks like i picked the wrong day to stop [x]" joke is the peak of all comedy for me

When I saw it I was 15 and the film itself was 20 years old, I thought it was hilarious

The other Komedy Klassik that left me completely utterly cold as a teenager was Animal House, what a turd

Oh I’m with you there

The guitar smashing bit made me laugh, found the rest tedious as hell

Now all entertainment is owned by like 3 companies maybe we could have a moratorium on all sequels/remakes/franchises every other year.

I saw a comedy double bill of Airplane 2 the sequel/Monty Python Holy Grail in 1986. When I was laughing at stuff I kept catching this ugly glaring spectre just out of my line of sight - it wuz me!

Wouldn't have thought Airplane/Police Squad/Top Secret et al would have aged particularly badly as the comedy is daft/silly rather than timely

Hot Shots! > Top Gun

I have very little memory of what happens in Airplane from my attempt to watch it but I do remember when we turned it off during a flashback(?) to a dance sequence(?) in a tropical locale(?), possibly before any airplanes had taken off

my kids liked Airplane - they're still laughing at the "what's the vector victor"/"Roger Roger" exchanges

Sonic, probably. I don't care how much better they made him look, this is easy Razzie material. I'd much rather have a Mega Man movie.

Purge 5, because its politics are stupid and the movies are a damn drag

Mulan may be great

Keep wanting to revisit the Naked Guns and then remembering that one cast member whose presence is likely to make revisitation much less fun.

The Doolittle "What a Wonderful World" cover is hilarious because it understands 0% of what made the tune great

Purge 5, because its politics are stupid and the movies are a damn drag

The last one, the only one I've seen, was good!

looking forward to Mulan's working in of PRC talking points about Uighurs and Hong Kong

not that it'll be the worst, but I have no idea why they're bothering with another Green/McBride Halloween

The guitar smashing bit made me laugh, found the rest tedious as hell

― Baby yoda laid an egg (wins), Thursday, January 2, 2020 8:12 PM (seventeen minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I don't remember much about Animal House, but Donald Sutherland sweater scene is all-time.

The third one was decent only because it embraced its stupidity up until the horrible ending.

The 2nd one was doodoo.

I stopped going

Xxxpost. To what film? Ill never tell

You mean Simpson xp? idk I can still watch lost highway (& nordberg(?) is p hilarious in the few scenes he’s in iirc)

God the Halloween reboot was so forgettable, it’s smash status is almost as baffling as it to me

the Mulan trailer played in front of Ip Man 4 and the title card blindsided me. So at least they're not Xeroxing the original for a change, I'll give 'em that.

Aw there's an Ip Man 4?

there is! (it's fine)

I have no clue what the Impractical Jokers movie is even gonna be but if it's like the Jackass movies in that it's just a bigger & more explicit version of the show then it'll probably be pretty funny

Airplane! is my favorite comedy film as well

this is honestly too hard

My favorite comedy film is probably "A Hard Day's Night" but "Airplane!" is in the pantheon for me.

I voted for The Conjuring 2: The Devil made Me Do It, in anticipation of it being 100% unwatchable, but among the big-studio huge-budget contenders I expect the Dr. Doolittle movie to be the most dreadful-per-dollar-spent.

I have very little memory of what happens in Airplane from my attempt to watch it but I do remember when we turned it off during a flashback(?) to a dance sequence(?) in a tropical locale(?), possibly before any airplanes had taken off

― Swilling Ambergris, Esq. (silby), Thursday, January 2, 2020 1:27 PM (thirty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

silby! this is so goddamn early in the movie

It felt like years

not that it'll be the worst, but I have no idea why they're bothering with another Green/McBride Halloween

― Number None, Thursday, January 2, 2020 1:32 PM (twenty-eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

bc it made a ton of money

too bad as it's the worst possible use of both Green and McBride's time

These yearly threads don’t even cover a phenomenon that is even more weird (and weirdly dispiriting) to me, which is 10-40yo films rebooted as shows as the various streaming platforms desperately pan for content: exorcist, lethal weapon, rush hour, scream, get shorty... really feels like these things are selected by dartboard

i agree! the dgg halloween is a movie i like less the more i think about it. also the editing was godawful xp

Yeah - in my head I associate it with the it remake cause they were both instantly among the most successful horror films *ever* despite not being very good (and very similar faults: you can feel the 50 or so scripts badly stitched together over the years of development, way too long, whole characters just disappear from the film)

It's The Conjuring 3, keep up!

No Time to Die wins my award for 'title that sounds the most like one of the fake movies from Seinfeld.' Runners up: P.S. I Still Love You and Halloween Kills.

Craig looks so fucking tired in the poster, like even more than usual

"I wish I had time to die"

Is this the first year without a star war since these threads started? That’s normally my default pick, dunno what to plump for now. Maybe 2020 golden bear winner birds of prey

bill and ted could be fun, i think. i'd probably see the bob's burgers movie tho i'm not sure why it needs to exist.

saw trailers for ghostbusters and peter rabbit the other day and couldn't decide which i hated more, ghostbusters for existing entirely to pander to the worst ppl on the internet or peter rabbit for pissing so obnoxiously all over the legacy of beatrix potter.

Brahms: The Boy II

I have no idea what this is, but I've decided it's a series of biopics that depicts the life story of the German composer with a Robert Caro like obsession with detail. This is actually the fourth Brahms film after Brahms: The Ancestors, Brahms: The Parents and Brahms: The Boy I. The big thing this time is Brahms learning to play the piano. It's four hours long, of course. And the hands of Brahms is portrayed by Hyung-ki Joo, who really has remarkably small hands.

Oh, and I voted for Dolittle.

i can't help but imagine "wonder woman 1984" as either a bizarro mashup where wonder woman visits the world of orwell's 1984 or a lame reboot from the actual year 1984, like "GODZILLA 1985."

Halloween Kills is setting the stage for Halloween Fucks

fuck off

Bad Boys for Life
Fantasy Island
The Purge 5
Sonic the Hedgehog
Mulan
The King's Man
The Invisible Man
Ghostbusters: Afterlife
Dolittle
Birds of Prey
Black Widow
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway
Wonder Woman 1984
The Eternals
Morbius
Godzilla vs. Kong
Venom 2
Scoob!
Tom and Jerry

what is this shit

Escape Room 2
Brahms: The Boy II
The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard
Impractical Jokers: The Movie
P.S. I Still Love You
Trolls World Tour

don't give a shit

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It
Minions: The Rise of Gru
A Quiet Place: Part II
Bob's Burgers: The Movie
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run
West Side Story
The Croods 2

hyped

Bill & Ted Face the Music
- pro: great premise, Reeves has waited for the script to be right and is having a really solid run of choices rn, Winter has waited for the script to be right and is returning to acting especially for it, Parisot seems to be an ideal director for the property and especially a return decades later, and Solomon's work on Mosaic was really impressive. con: Now You See Me 1 was v stupid

moderately hyped

n/a

loosies

Coming 2 America
- never dug the first one or made it all the way through, had kids in the playground act out "the royal penis is clean" scene enough times to outweigh the running time though. Murphy is talking like this deserves to be his followup to Dolemite Is though, so for his sake I hope it works

Top Gun: Maverick
- won't give money to someone who uses slave labour, especially while they are shilling for the US military, but have become fascinated by McQuarrie's work as a commercial story technician so will watch this on a TV set sometime, or buy a ticket to an indie and slip into the Maverick theater on a late screening

Fast & Furious 9
- the last two of these (inc Hobbs & Shaw) were very not-good but Justin Lin is back back BACK!!! baby, so my heart swells with optimism

Candyman
- saw the original for the first time last Halloween, Peele seems the ideal producer for a reboot

Halloween Kills
- just saw the first Hallogreen at Christmas. it's a really well-conceived 40-year-later sequel to a horror classic, and the centering of trauma is an important subject for such a project to take on. I can't see that TWO more back-to-back sequels aren't going to undermine that entirely, but on the other hand nearly everything else he & McBride write is good and I'm happy for the Jamieleenaissance

The New Mutants
- I hope this stays on these threads every year forever

No Time to Die
- the last one was the worst Bond movie ever, including the TV Casino Royale and the Woody Allen one, and replacing a new director & screenwriter with the guys that have written most of the bad ones for the last 20 years can't be a good move. however, Craig hiring Waller-Bridge for rewrites hopefully mitigates this slightly, and I expect to be able to read relief on his face that he can bugger off and make more Benoit Blanc mysteries.

additionally, I just started reading Donald Westlake's hefty novelisation of a Bond script he was commissioned to do in the '90s but wasn't used, and it appears to be about a billionaire taking advantage of a British regime change to fuck over a citizenry's lives, and deliberately accelerating climate change on the east coast of Australia to catastrophically destructive levels, so wheeeee

least promising is probably Mulan, bcz the CGI remakes of their previous animated output is somehow the most craven & repugnant & regressive of all Disney's output, across their mega-IP portfolios. but I don't know anything about the previous Mulan so it's not really a degradation.

These yearly threads don’t even cover a phenomenon that is even more weird (and weirdly dispiriting) to me, which is 10-40yo films rebooted as shows as the various streaming platforms desperately pan for content: exorcist, lethal weapon, rush hour, scream, get shorty... really feels like these things are selected by dartboard

― Baby yoda laid an egg (wins), Thursday, January 2, 2020 3:02 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'd have to scan the last several years' lists to be certain but I think it's fair to say that I've enjoyed Cobra Kai more than 95% of the sequels/remakes/reboots released during the timeframe of its two seasons.

But yes, the trend is generally just as bad if not worse than its cinematic equivalent.

How does the new Ghostbusters movie look so unfun, even with Paul Rudd's involvement?? It's downright impressive

The new Mulan looks like it will have very little in common with the cartoon, stylistically

unlike the other cartoon remakes

you know what disappoints me about the Sonic movie is that the original game actually does have an environmentalist-themed plot which you'd think could be pretty relevant in 2020 but instead it's gonna be about a wisecrackin' blue alien with magic powers and in the end it'll be about the magic of friendship or some shit that completely ignores the fact that Sonic levels half a city in the film's climax

I like how off-the-wall some of these titles are if you don't know the original, e.g. Brahms: The Boy II, The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard

― jmm, Thursday, January 2, 2020 10:34 AM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Brahms: The Boy II

I have no idea what this is, but I've decided it's a series of biopics that depicts the life story of the German composer with a Robert Caro like obsession with detail.

This is the thing I love about this yearly thread-- the ever-increasing spiral of inane & bizarre names for these half-baked film properties. The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard has a real "come the fuck on" quality to it.

What I'm dismayed about is the lack of shoehorning of the number 2 into any of these titles.

you missed Coming 2 America!

goddamn! so I did! horrible title, movie seems like an opportunity only for embarassment. Eddie was already a little long in the tooth the first time around.

The Ghostbusters trailer is so teal & orange that you'd think they were trying to bust the Miami Dolphins.

Bustin' makes me teal good.

You rule.

lmao

this thread finally got me to watch that trailer and wow what a product of cowardice and unearned nostalgia

but enough about jason reitman

Finally a Morbs biopic

I will see Fasts and the Furiouses 9 and 10 partly bc I love the series, and partly out of my deeply held hope that its all been leading up to them somehow going to space. they've raced cars on land, sea, and air, space is the only environment that remains unFurioused, it just makes sense

Given that Ghostbusters is one of my all-time favorites, you'd think that I might have at least one infinitesimally tiny wisp of interest in this new one, at least enough to check out the sequel. But, as it turns out...nope.

'enough to check out the trailer' rather

Genuinely looking forward to West Side Story

Having now seen the Dolittle trailer, I can't in good conscience vote for anything else.

Tentatively looking forward to Wonder Woman 1984 (Steve Trevor in a Members Only jacket?)

was it ever confirmed that there's a Russia/Cold War angle to that? cause if so I might have to change my vote

fingers crossed for a thatcher cameo, maybe an exchange of steely but loving nods

West Side Story is the one of these that I'll most likely end up seeing, though I don't have any real expectations for it.

Also, I can't guarantee I won't end up watching P.S. I Still Love you on Netflix, because there are far worse ways to fritter away two hours than looking at Noah Centineo.

xxpost Have been avoiding spoilers, so couldn't say. This past summer I was on a bus that went past the "reconstructed" Commander Salamander in Georgetown. That's how I found out they were shooting in and around DC.

Better a Thatcher cameo than a reenactment of Nancy Reagan going "Just say no."

ghostbusters for existing entirely to pander to the worst ppl on the internet

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Thursday, January 2, 2020 9:40 PM

Really? I'm pretty sure this one is going to piss them off too.

I saw most of the recent reboot on tv recently and it was only slightly better than the Starksy & Hutch reboot (not good at all). Either the ending is really brilliant or people couldn't bear admitting it wasn't good.

? I thought it was a big flop, quite aside from dumb culture war stuff

If Siskel & Ebert were still around, this would be every week's episode in 2020:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwSt66H-G04

Missing from the list: Downhill, a remake of Force Majeure starring Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AY5SrKf_2ic

I hope Maverick dies in the first ten minutes of Top Gun and the rest is just Miles Teller trying to solve his murder

voted for fantasy island, because idk who is asking for it or what a good fantasy island movie could conceivably look like

Tattoo played by Cole Sprouse

I voted for Tom & Jerry. I haven't looked into it at all, but I assume it's shitty CGI and they probably make them talk and just, just Fuck off because the original cartoons are so perfect and filmed from an animal's/kid's eye view and such a dialectic between the tormented and the one who torments

Downhill, a remake of Force Majeure starring Will Ferrell and Julia Louis-Dreyfus

OK this is pissing me off so much right now. Fucking US remakes, fuuuuuuuck

Ugh. Saw that on the release schedule, but didn't bother to investigate what it is.

I wish I had picked this year to expand the poll to include series as well, if only so I could include Disney’s upcoming High School Musical: The Musical: The Series.

Such a depressingly dire pile of cinematic barf.

pls how do i vote for this?

Cinematic Barf 3 was the superior sequel

The new New Mutants trailer looks dope even though Roberto should be darker and Cecilia Reyes should be darker and not evil

I'd like New Mutants to be good as some of the casting is amazingly on-point but I don't have any reason to think it will be good.

I watched both Airplane! and Bill and Ted EA with my elementary-school + middle-school kids and they both died laughing. The jokes still hit (well, in Airplane! there are a lot of parodies of 70s stuff which are meaningless to kids but there are SO MANY jokes that the density of ones that hit still exceeds that of most contemporary comedies.)

I love the idea of revisiting Fantasy Island as horror and hope they do something interesting with it.

The trailer for the new Top Gun was so dire it made me wonder retrospectively whether it was a mistake to think of Tom Cruise as an actor who could carry an action movie.

He surely had the sway to jettison most of the tired baggage and turn this into a full-on McQuarrie 'not actually Mission: Impossible...but let's be honest, basically M:I in every way that counts' film. But instead he chose to give the director of Oblivion another shot.

There could be an entire season of On Cinema at the Cinema based on just this list. I can already hear Gregg Turkington lamenting the lack of Jack Nicholson in Impractical Jokers: The Movie.

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard asks the question, 'Did you like The Hitman's Wife? Did you like The Bodyguard? Well, how about both of those worlds, on screen together.' And it really is the best of both worlds, although sadly they weren't able to get Whitney Houston to return to her role. This is the kind of cinematic mash-up I hope we see more of from Hollywood, and something film buffs have been clamoring for. Like many other Hobbit-heads, I know I'd like to see as many films as possible featuring my hero, Bilbo Baggins. So that's why I've started a petition for a crossover which is a remake of the first Christian Bale Batman movie, but better because it takes place in Middle Earth. Please go to the VFA website and add your signature to the growing list of people demanding Batman Baggins.

The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard is actually set in the same cinematic universe as The Wife, not to be a pedant about it

xp I give your post five bags of popcorn and a Whitney Houston cassette single.

The Hitman, The Thief, His Wife & Her Bodyguard

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/5/57/Hitman2_large.jpg/220px-Hitman2_large.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/6/65/Thief_1981.jpg
http://www.impawards.com/2018/posters/wife_ver6.jpg
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/8f/The_Bodyguard_1992_Film_Poster.jpg/220px-The_Bodyguard_1992_Film_Poster.jpg

But which one of them eats a dead man's penis at the end, is the real question

where are my fellow Croodheads

thats my pick for oscar

As much amused as I am by the "eh, fuck it"-ness of simply adding a 2 to a film's name, wish more of them would go for the cheesy title. Why settle for A Quiet Place: Part II when you could go with A Quiet Place: Listen Harder or Sequels are Golden? Although I suppose studios have run out of titles for something like Fast & Furious by now:

The franchise isn’t slowing down anytime soon. Fast 10 is already in the works; Hobbs & Shaw looks destined for sequels; an animated series is coming to Netflix; and Diesel previously revealed that a female spin-off is being planned. And for all those Ludacris and Tyrese fans, Morgan tells EW that they have a “fun idea” for a Tej and Roman spin-off.

As much amused as I am by the "eh, fuck it"-ness of simply adding a 2 to a film's name, wish more of them would go for the cheesy title.

You are gonna love next year's "Do a Little More"

Peter Rabbit 2: You Fucking Deserve This

How Peter got his powers

Poochie-fying Beatrix Potter is such a truly hateful endeavor. That honestly might get my vote.

I just assume, based on the soiled fruits of their labors, that many of the people producing entertainment for children are among the biggest misanthropes walking the earth.

https://www.biography.com/.image/t_share/MTE5NDg0MDU1MTUzNTA5OTAz/mark-twain-9512564-1-402.jpg

One would assume IP is purchased to capitalize on the name recognition, but like, are there many parents who still read Beatrix Potter to their kids? Are people going to see it specifically because it's Peter Rabbit, rather than just a kid's movie with talking animals? That puzzles me about Hollywood's determination to constantly remake Doctor Doolittle. What public is clamoring for an adaptation to will do it justice? Surely if anyone knows Doolittle these days, it's as a property that reliably turns out awful, not as a children's book series.

People, particularly upper-middle class and wealthy educated people, still read to their kids.

I'm not crazy about Disney having rights to Winnie the Pooh but at least it keeps, like, Illumination or Dreamworks from creating adaptations that would inevitably focus heavily on the Pooh.

Christopher Robin: Why do they call you Pooh?
Winnie: Whyncha pull mah finger and find out, m'broham?!
Tigger: (starts rapping about Domino's Pizza)

kids movies are especially lucrative in the streaming era since kids between say 3 and 6 really do just wanna watch the same things over and over and over again.

for example my 5 year old son absolutely loves Stuart Little and wants to watch it every single day (at least, the first 15-30 minutes of it). all because my Mom showed it to him while she was babysitting once. so I would imagine that's part of the decision, right? some grandma remembers reading Peter Rabbit to her kids and knows there's a movie out there, so that's what she's gonna show them, and then they're hooked. you wouldn't believe how popular these things are. there are like, Arabic versions of Stuart Little on YouTube that are put through crazy filters and have audio that doesn't sync up, all to fool the copyright detectors, which rack up like a million views a week.

I had to rewatch the Disney Winnie the Pooh over Christmas as my nephew loves it, and I’m reminded of just how jarringly wrong it is. The characterisations and voices are so wrong, and why did they add in the gopher?

At least it isn’t 3D, I presume peter rabbit will be 3D

i feel like peter rabbit is one of those things where most people experience it as "name recognition" but if pressed wouldn't actually know what it is or why they know it, same w/"puss in boots" etc.

I know nothing about these "Hitman's etc" movies but I hope they just make more sequels and just add an extra person for every movie:

The Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Bodyguard
The Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Gardener's Bodyguard
The Hitman's Wife's Daughter's Gardener's Bodyguard's Mailman
etc.

Whyncha pull mah finger and find out, m'broham?!

Dying at this, by the way.

xpost If they did that and each successive movie focused on the mundane activities of the titular character while the real action took place somewhere off in the distance or just out of frame, leaving the audience to piece together the putative plot based on scant and intermittent information, that is a movie franchise I would wholeheartedly champion.

i feel like peter rabbit is one of those things where most people experience it as "name recognition" but if pressed wouldn't actually know what it is or why they know it, same w/"puss in boots" etc.

― warn me about a lurking rake (One Eye Open), Tuesday, January 7, 2020 7:08 AM (nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Not sure if this is universal but both of those resonate pretty strongly as a Brit. I could give you a plot synopsis of either one as a much loved children’s book and one as a panto staple.

xp

oh that would be so good

kind of similar to an idea I had years ago about making a movie which would be some kind of serious family drama, but at the same time there would be some kind of Avengers style superhero fights happening all around the city but you'd only get bits of this here and there when a TV is left on or whatever.

there was a movie called Big Man Japan that was kinda like that

movie focused on the mundane activities of the titular character while the real action took place somewhere off in the distance or just out of frame, leaving the audience to piece together the putative plot based on scant and intermittent information, that is a movie franchise I would wholeheartedly champion.

so basically Twin Peaks: The Return

Yes, like what Lynch would probably do if given a job directing, I dunno, the next Jack Reacher.

'Wait, was that Tom Cruise who just rappelled from the top of a football stadium in the background of that shot where a bald Laura Dern hatched from a glowing egg?'

From the OPs wiki list, I'm vaguely interested in The Turning, First Cow, Saint Maud, The Woman in the Window, Tenet, Last Night in Soho, Deep Water, and Dune. Pleased to see Ana de Armas and Anya Taylor-Joy are keeping busy (3+ films each), though I'll take a hard pass on most of their roles. A24 please save us.

With so many tedious options, hard to choose which will be worst. I'll give it to Mulan, as Disney live-action remakes are among the most dispiriting things about the modern studio era.

Which reminds me of something that's missing from the list: Jungle Cruise! Just when we thought the era of Disney turning their theme park rides into movies was over. Can't wait for Carousel of Progress!

Well, I guess it doesn't technically fit the thread purview, but you better believe I'll pitch a fit if Jungle Cruise 4: Jungle in the Bunghole is omitted from the 2029 poll.

I always wanted to see a movie from the POV of the guy who owns the fruit stand that gets wrecked in the big car chase. Just a regular day at work interrupted by a moment of inexplicable chaos, then having to clean it all up, not knowing what the hell just happened.

Ronin are Fuckin Cunts (2023). I'd see it.
https://youtu.be/mvMVfICBC-U?t=199

Sean Bean's labour of love

lolling at Jungle In The Bunghole tbh

Although I suppose studios have run out of titles for something like Fast & Furious by now:

The franchise isn’t slowing down anytime soon. Fast 10 is already in the works;

Fast Ten: Zip Fastener

He surely had the sway to jettison most of the tired baggage and turn this into a full-on McQuarrie 'not actually Mission: Impossible...but let's be honest, basically M:I in every way that counts' film. But instead he chose to give the director of Oblivion another shot.

Mission Impossibles aren't things that McQuarrie wants to make, and he's already making a third & fourth back to back, so a second-and-a-halfth wouldn't really be necessary. He just can't get any of his own projects funded, and decided to stop doing studio rewrite jobs in 2005, approx. nine seconds before his first meeting with Cruise. He's said every time he finishes a $300-750million-making movie for a studio he pitches his own scripts, gets turned down, and says yes to whatever gig Cruise is offering him next, because they collaborate well. Whatever Maverick is (idk) is obviously what Cruise wanted to do with it, not something Cruise has been tricked into.

Maverick is about how Scientology can help the Navy

Go faster. Aim higher. Get clear.

Just for the record, McQuarrie is credited as a writer on Top Gun 2: Another Gun That's On Top of the Gun That Was Formerly On Top

says yes to whatever gig Cruise is offering him next, because they collaborate well

He's a producer on it, too.

I'm sure most of these will be bad but this was a surprisingly easy vote for "Bad Boys For Life" to me.

^ turns out this is not by Bay by the way

Mulan, between the director of Whale Rider and the trailer's indications that it will not be a musical with a wisecracking dragon sidekick, has a good chance of being the best movie on this list! be a bummer if it is indeed really good but nobody goes because of their experience of these other disney remakes. less of a bummer if that brings an end to that project, but c'mon, that's not gonna happen til they run out of viable properties for it (which might actually happen soon enough).

recently rewatched the original Freaky Friday and THAT is something that should basically be remade for every generation of teenagers: great premise, but no particular incidents or characters or songs that you'd "have" to include and inevitably ruin.

tempted to vote for New Mutants out of tradition but there's a lot of dreck here. Ghostbusters looks particularly awful but it's at the disadvantage of its unappealing trailer already being out. i gotta think about this one.

How many more of these remakes are they going to make? Hercules I guess, Pocahontas too.

Next up apparently are Peter Pan, The Sword in the Stone, Pinocchio and The Little Mermaid as well as some live action spin offs like Cruella, Tink and Rose Red

i doubt very much they'll do Pocahontas. somebody (Lindsay Ellis maybe?) made the case that Moana let them stealth-remake everything you'd really want to remake about that story, and flip the script on all the really uncomfortable historical overtones... makes sense to me.

Knew about The Little Mermaid, suspected Pinocchio was coming, though it's kinda funny that there's two or three other Pinocchio projects underway iirc. Peter Pan of course! The last one did so well. The Sword in the Stone sounds horrible...

http://www.killermovies.com/images/movies/Pinocchio_screenshot_001.jpg

The Little Mermaid may wind up being the final nail in this particular coffin (for dumb and sad and racist reasons).

where are my fellow Croodheads

― frogbs, Monday, 6 January 2020 18:26 (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

the first one is not good but it has some surprisingly trippy visuals

Those 'visuals' were actually just a trick of the senses as portions of your brain were being destroyed from exposure to The Croods.

The only live action Little Mermaid anyone needs is The Lure.

Pinocchio will be played by Justin Bieber

"Yesterday 2 - Yesterday's Papers..."

About a young singer/songwriter who wakes up and realizes nobody knows the Eagles's music...and lives the rest of his life happy that the Eagles no longer exist

Mulan at least has the promise of nice costumes. Some of these films cant even muster that much promise.

Has anyone seen the 2009 Mulan? Looks like a boring epic but would be interested to hear any experiences.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9eQBl3_6FKA&feature=emb_title

hmmm, dud link but that should be the teaser trailer for MORBIUS (2020)

Apparently Sony has decided to start making their unnecessary Spidey-adjacent projects more MCU-adjacent, so Keaton's Vulture is in this thing.

Why u do this to me, Sony.

this looks great, can't wait to torrent it

What If? the first shot of Blade remake is Mahershala burying a stake in Leto's chest? Like over and over for twenty minutes?

Brahms: The Boy II

^^
who gives a fugue?

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

voted Dolittle, respect to Hugh Lofting

saw the peter rabbit 2 trailer in front of little women -- wtf, sony

Can I just say I much more enjoy this stage of proceedings than the bit where, later in the year, half these films get their own threads and people start to unnaccountably say positive things about them?

a quick squiz at last year's list and it seems this only (mainly?) happened with Marvel flicks and the Star War

Yeah, I'm gonna be real surprised if more than like 3% of these things get the ILX 'I somehow refrained from scooping out my eyes!' seal of approval.

Our second least promising S/R/F flick of 2019 is a Best Picture nominee.

Universal release schedule for the first half of 2020 is just really fuckin funny to me. pic.twitter.com/qJRhADXR3J

— 𝕮𝖔𝖒𝖊 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝕲𝖊𝖙 𝕸𝖊, 𝕮𝖔𝖕𝖕𝖊𝖗𝖘 (@NickPinkerton) January 14, 2020

I wish it was actually called Ninth Chapter in Fast & Furious Saga, just like that

Oof. That shit is like the movie studio equivalent of drunkenly flipping through yr high school year book and weeping copiously over all your unrequited crushes.

Gotta check out all the new chapters

Isn't it generally true that sequels make less money than earlier installments? Isn't a slate comprised of nothing but basically just courting likely failure?

Let's see, choosing something with a built in audience that will provide a more predictable return than starting fresh with a new idea.

Sequels are cinematic money market funds

Haha, looks like the Dolittle embargo just lifted.

I want a separate review for that awful bloated "What a Wonderful World" cover

Once the film wears out jokes with dog Jip (voiced by Tom Holland), discussing butts and scooting on the floor, you’d think the film would’ve reached its capacity. But no, there’s still more in store, as the film stoops to include a disgruntled tiger (Ralph Fiennes) getting kicked in the crotch and a dragon (Frances de la Tour) getting an enema.

sounds like a winner

Proctologist Dolittle

The question remains: why, Robert? Why?

OL, I believe that was true once upon a time, but hasn't been the case for a while -- maybe since the home video era made it easier for people who didn't catch the first one theatrically to catch up? not sure. But if you look at year by year lists of the top 20 box office performers, it's gonna be sequels and remakes and franchise flicks out the wazoo.

I'm already eagerly anticipating 2Little

I mean there's definitely some blockbuster franchises that are consistently big business. I just want so badly to live in a world where the 18th movie featuring the Minions is an obvious act of suicidal desperation rather than a surefire jackpot.

on the bright side, a dragon farts in Downey's face

https://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review-dolittle-like-its-animals-is-flashy-but-dead-behind-the-eyes/

A Thing Made Animate through the Use of Computers 4: Ring-a-Ding-Ding broke box office records this weekend, as audiences were once again spellbound by a screen full of screaming and shitting things screamed and shat throughout the uncanny valley for 75 minutes until the film abruptly cut to credits and a brand new Kelly Clarkson song vaguely related to things that have been animated.

I know everyone hates South Park now but I can't help keep thinking of the "Duck President" bit when I see new trailers for awful kids' films.

The amount of care I put into constructing that POS sentence is roughly equivalent to what you can expect from the stewards of A Thing 4.

Duck President and the related trailers are super otm. 'Or a dog. Whatever. Fuck you!'

I wish any of these would be 75 minutes

Why are there dragons in Dr. Dolittle?

Dr. Dolittle! He talks to the animals! And dragons, for some reason? Why are there dragons? Fuck you, that's why!

There better be at least one animal/dragon doing this dance in the movie or I'm asking for my goddamn money back, goddamn it

https://media1.tenor.com/images/2da1ba1038792dc4771df86ec65442ad/tenor.gif

on the bright side, a dragon farts in Downey's face

before, after, or during the enema? actually nevermind I don't want to spoil the experience

Hollywood studios tend to wait until January to release their worst stinkers, when people are a bit desperate to get out of the house and lower their standards on what movies they'll pay to see.

Oh! Hi there, Dolittle! I didn't see you. How's it going?

btw, a duck would make a really lame president.

we regret to inform you president duck is racist

lol

I was trying to remember where I knew Stephen Gaghan's name from, then I remembered he directed Syriana and wrote Traffic.

where's Traffic 2?

Following the trajectory of the Speed series, Traffic 2: Jammed will be slow crawling into theaters this fall.

I think you mean 2RAFFIC: JAMM'D

would make sense if the movie was actually about driving

2raffic Gump

xpost It's about drug traffic via mules, do u see. JAMMED.

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Who ya gonna call

mainstream american movies had a good run. but now it's gone the way of top 40 radio.

Movies are in the gutter

My reflexive vote for bond could maybe have been better used but i) bond is shit ii) it can count as a vote for the bourne tv show also

The Bourne tv show was (quelle surprise!) kinda shit.

Oh it already came out? I just saw an ad for it and thought it was upcoming

Yeah, the first season has already aired in the US. It's an incredible use of your time, really something to look forward to.

Adverts for Bad Boys For Life everywhere today including the side of the bus, I hated Bad Boys II so much that I had to cancel a night out, still consider it the worst film ever made, on a moral level as much as anything else, wish I could skip forward a month so I didn't have to hear about it.

i love how many movies got one vote. voted bobs burgers bc thousands and thousands upon minutes of it already exist, why do we need 85 more

hadn't realized nu-Bad Boys isn't even directed by Michael Bay, which renders it even more pointless.

i just realized that too!

just chortled at the concept of old bastards being "boys" when I saw on the side of a bus.

For this Martin Lawrence comes out of retirement? He couldn't have just stuck with his A+ appearance in The Beach Bum?

I wondered who voted for bobs burgers! People are well disposed toward the show and I liked what little I’ve seen but yeah the thing of making a slightly longer episode of a sitcom and releasing it to theatres is its own kind of cynicism

I wouldn't want to engage in hyperbole in any way, but I would like everyone who was involved with BBII in any way, extras, dolly grip, set catering, cinema ushers, DVD production plant workers, to be locked up in alcatraz and the key thrown away, also anyone who watched it and doesn't agree with this course of action should go there too.

And giving good reviews to its sequel, even if it's brilliant and nothing like the last one, this also lands you in jail.

thinking of possible gimmicks for The Half Invisible Man 2: Get some troosers on before you get arrested you diaphanous flasher!

Haha I thought bb2 was meant to be c21 action canon (I haven’t seen it, or hot fuzz which I understand to have contributed to its canonisation)

simon pegg will be one of the first ones shipped out to alcatraz, yes.

actually on second thoughts instead of alcatraz we should use guantanamo bay

hadn't realized nu-Bad Boys isn't even directed by Michael Bay, which renders it even more pointless.

― bold caucasian eroticism (Simon H.), Friday, January 17, 2020 12:22 AM (forty-six minutes ago)

i just realized that too!

― american bradass (BradNelson), Friday, January 17, 2020 12:27 AM (forty minutes ago)

^ turns out this is not by Bay by the way

― don't care didn't ask still clappin (sic), Thursday, January 9, 2020 8:28 AM (one week ago)

couldn't convince Smith and Lawrence to be played by giant CGI robots (apparently he has a cameo though)


For this Martin Lawrence comes out of retirement? He couldn't have just stuck with his A+ appearance in The Beach Bum?

― Dr. Teeth and the Women (Old Lunch), Friday, January 17, 2020 12:32 AM (thirty-five minutes ago)

...he retired after The Beach Bum? for how long, two weeks?

Just watched Beach Bum last week btw and he was entertaining, though it felt like a Happy Madison scene floating in the middle of a Korine film

i sorta wish i'd voted for "Minions: The Rise of Gru." haven't seen any of these but if i'm not mistaken, this is the fifth film and Gru is the main character --- they're just now getting around to his rise?? it's a rare achievement for the fourth sequel to actually make all previous entries seem even more pointless, just by its title.

I haven't seen one second of anything Minion-related beyond trailers and the like but the entire enterprise just feels to me like an animated adaptation of chronic depression.

i've experienced both chronic depression and the minion movie and if i had to do one of them again i'd 100% choose the former over the latter

https://i.redd.it/3ty5ok8xsowz.jpg

Even in this bullshit field, anything with “the rise of” in the title is going to be extra bullshit

https://images-na.ssl-images-amazon.com/images/I/51vd9xGPJ0L._SY445_.jpg

The Originator?

Should make a sequel to Dick called Rise of Dick

Any original property hoping to be a contender in this brave new world is gonna need to have the balls right out the gate to call itself ___ Part 1: The Rise of (character you've never heard of and about whose rise you have no reason to care).

Jungle Cruise 2: Rise of Ecks vs Sever

https://i.imgur.com/bhOWbK7.jpg

xxp Ready Player One did that. Spielberg truly is the preeminent director of our time

Chopin: Rise of The Boy Part III

I was v confused by Brahms the boy 2 but I was confusing the boy (which I know literally nothing about” with Disney’s the kid

The Rise of The Boy’s Kid

Closing a parenthetical with a quotation mark is what all the cool kids are doing in 20 btw

IIRC The Boy is a quasi-sequel to Disney's The Kid.

The K2d's Hitman's Bodyguard's Wife: The Boy

just chortled at the concept of old bastards being "boys" when I saw on the side of a bus.

― calzino, Thursday, January 16, 2020 8:32 AM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

they are "boys for life," which is bad

They get killed in this one and then have to fight crime in the aft- oh wait, been done

https://i.imgur.com/aFrPqaF.jpg

o shit waddup: rise of dat boi

Didn't even notice the Minions sequel, would have voted that. Probably my brain was trying to protect me. Minions must be among the top 5 worst movies I've seen in a theater

I saw Parasite yesterday in a packed 6:00pm screening and the previews were:
Ghostbusters Afterlife
Top Gun Maverick
some kind of Bourne-related tv show on amazon (doubly wtf)
Black Widow
In the Heights

I'm allergic to Lin Manuel Miranda's whole deal, but it seemed quasi-miraculous after the others. Part of Parasite's surprising success in N America must be related to how thoroughly demoralizing sitting through those trailers felt. Top Gun in particular played like a witless parody of the thread phenomenon.

This new Scooby-Doo looks like quite a departure.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P8R2zAhEwg

ok lol

Yesterday I saw a trailer for Wonder Woman 1984 that makes me more optimistic--soundtracked to "Blue Monday" and featuring gloriously lol-80s graphic effects. I think I'm going to have to see this for the art direction if nothing else.

Studios will look at the success of Parasite and the failure of Terminator and they will still say, hmmm, looks like nobody has made a film adaptation of the beloved '80s sitcom Small Wonder, let us throw $800 million at that idea and see how much of it winds up straight in the toilet.

I saw that trailer too, but was disappointed that it had some weird version of Blue Monday with rock guitars. :(

(xpost)

US election

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fjjzVbTBF8o

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBa9lELOOoo

Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise Flick of 2020

fuck off

Bad Boys for Life

watched this for free and: it's aight. the absence of Bay leaves the filmmmakers vaguely enabled to make the film about something and to not invade another country for lols. it's not about much: just aging, and growing apart, and the value of retaining some capability to change and adapt in your later years. but these themes are woven into the plot, events and action, not smeared hastily on as an afterthought. handing over the reins to younger fans works in a similar way that it did on American Wedding, or the Gibbons bros' crossmedia revitalisation of Alan Partridge, but can't get much deeper than Bad Boys already had room for. solid 3/10.

Literally every single trailer I saw before it was for a sequel or franchise flick though.

My brother sent a WhatsApp at 1am just to say that Emilio was gonna be in a mighty ducks tv show

xxp ha whoops!

I saw the trailer for peter rabbit 2 going to see the mr Rogers movies last night. I’m speechless it is absolutely dire and what it has to do with the beloved children’s book I don’t know.

mr McGregor buys a local footie team

My reaction to the Peter Rabbit movies is basically the same reaction I would've had if they'd cast Rob Schneider as Mr. Rogers.

luckily i'm busy with actual grown-up paid writing work currently (not enough! commission me ilx!) but as someone who as a kid read and reread the many dolittle books many many times i am kind of intrigued enough by this i'm guessing ghastly zombie franchise to want to watch it all from scratch and write it all up

(i saw the rex harrison as a kid and i guess quite liked it, i like that windward islands locals in st lucia's marigot bay keep bits of the shattered fragments of the giant pink sea snail as exotic-ironic decoration in their garden)

also this is terrible-great obv:

doctor doolittle is *the worst*, yet it contains cinema's greatest minute pic.twitter.com/nZRgY3Db9b

— 💎 Katie Stebbins 💎 (@_katiestebbins_) September 17, 2019

https://deadline.com/2020/02/honey-i-shrunk-the-kids-reboot-rick-moranis-1202858344/

Son is aspiring to be a great scientist like his father, but accidentally shrinks the kids.

Did u mean to post that in the 'depressing phrases' thraed

I mean...yay for the return of Moranis! But otherwise

Shrinking the kids is an intergenerational cycle.

All will be forgiven if they include one 'I learned it from watching you!' joke.

Funny that long-delayed "The Hunt" is finally being released, but "The Purge" series has just kept churning along, movies and tv.

Sonic did $58 million over the weekend, so expect next year's list to be that much more horrifying.

It got good reviews, not that I'll ever watch it.

Which is to say it got SOME good reviews, for a movie that looks like it should have received NO good reviews.

I for one welcome our new Sega Cinematic Universe. The Columns film gonna be off the hook.

Altered Beast: starring John Cena

lol i also immediately thought "an Altered Beast movie could be cool." but it's also something that really should have come out in the mid-90s, with effects and vibe basically equivalent to Spawn crossed with idk Dragonheart.

sonic v. shadow: genesis of megamix

Toejam & Earl featuring Jamie Kennedy and Seann William Scott, all practical make-up fx and unwieldy costumes. Let's make it happen.

most likely: an Ecco the Dolphin movie that just punts everything about its vibe and unfulfilled ambitions, and is just, yknow, a cgi kids movie about a dolphin

we need a grittier, sexier reboot of Sonic

Honic the Sedgehog

Sonic the Sex Doll

Sonic's Huge Hog

Hedgecock

Remove Bookmark from this Thread

It's been done

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OaztMwvFj7I

(Should say this is not technically NSFW, but it is an advert for porn, so might be technically NSFW)

Invisible Man was actually really good

yeah that's what I've heard.

the only possible bright point of Ghostbusters: Yesanotheronewhy is the presence of Paul Rudd

fuck off

The Invisible Man

did not know this was the bloke off Recovery's followup to Upgrade, absolutely gonna see it this week

No Time To Die, Peter Rabbit 2 and Mulan all postponed. Maybe it'll be COVID-19 that finally kills off the franchise era.

WORTH IT

i liked the invisible man. quite an experience in a movie theatre. don't watch the trailer, it gives away every big scene.

Except the success of TIM apparently has inspired Universal to take another crack at the Dark Universe: http://epicstream.com/news/TinyDiapana/Universal-Developing-New-Dracula-Movie-For-Its-Dark-Universe.

Scoob! has been dumped to VOD, and is apparently not merely bad, but another failed universe-starter:

I’m not really spoiling anything, but the movie switches from being a Scooby-Doo movie to a vehicle to introduce various “B” level Hanna Barbera characters. Scooby and Shaggy join forces with Blue Falcon and Dynomutt: The Dog Wonder to fight Dick Dastardly, who is hunting for three skulls that open Alexander the Great’s tomb and along the way they go to Dinosaur Island and fight Captain Caveman.

I will fight anyone who calls Dynomutt a B-level character.

Alexander the Great is totally A-level

Since childhood, Shaggy Rogers, Fred Jones, Velma Dinkley, and Daphne Blake have been solving mysteries across the globe accompanied by Shaggy's pet dog, Scooby-Doo. But their greatest mystery together comes in a turn of events when they run into the Blue Falcon, who is trying to prevent his arch-rival, Dick Dastardly from causing a global "dogpocalypse" by unleashing the Great Cerberus on the world.

dog

pocalypse

For a better HBCU, watch the mystery solvers club episode of mystery inc instead.

truly struggling with this use of "HBCU"

looool

So many goddamn universes and they still haven't made my Captain Crunch/Count Chocula Cereal Mascots cinematic universe yet

Well, there is this...

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/d/d4/Foodfight%21_DVD_cover.jpg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foodfight!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kcHGo2nfWXs

adogalypse imo

I was just being silly but now that I've learned of the existence of that movie I kind of want to watch it xp

Did any of these come out

Doodoolittle did

Did any of these come out

Ghostbusters: Afterlife - bumped until after pandemic
Dolittle - RELEASED BEFORE PANDEMIC
Scoob! - have a feeling this was in cinemas and went to 'vid on demand
Morbius - bumped until after pandemic, most recently rescheuled yesterday
Sonic the Hedgehog - RELEASED BEFORE PANDEMIC
Minions: The Rise of Gru - dunno
Bad Boys for Life - RELEASED BEFORE PANDEMIC
Mulan - came out mid-pandemic, was Disney+ exclusive in USA iirc
Trolls World Tour - dunno, think it came out sometime?
Tom and Jerry - dunno, prob bumped
Top Gun: Maverick - bumped until after pandemic
The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It - dunno, prob bumped
The King's Man - bumped iirc
Bob's Burgers: The Movie - dunno, prob bumped
Impractical Jokers: The Movie - dunno, prob bumped
No Time to Die - bumped until after pandemic, currently scheduled for first weekend in April, entire studio trying to sell itself to cover losses
Peter Rabbit 2: The Runaway - dunno, prob bumped
A Quiet Place: Part II - bumped until after pandemic
Candyman - bumped until after pandemic, to open at Halloween. was moved again when pandemic was still happening at Halloween.
The Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard - dunno, prob bumped
Halloween Kills - bumped until after pandemic. scheduled for Halloween 2021
The Grudge - dunno
Godzilla vs. Kong - bumped until after pandemic
Coming 2 America - bumped until after pandemic
Fast & Furious 9 - bumped until after pandemic
Fantasy Island - dunno, prob bumped
The Croods 2 - may have come out?
Venom 2 - bumped iirc
Brahms: The Boy II - dunno, prob bumped
The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run - I think maybe this came out in Canada only, ROW is waiting until after pandemic?
West Side Story - bumped until after pandemic, now scheduled for 60th anniversary of first film adap
The Purge 5 - dunno, prob bumped
Bill & Ted Face the Music - came the fuck on out mid-pandemic. screened at 4 out of 5 Washington drive-ins iirc, was day-and-date VOD in US, causing aggravation for other countries who wanted to not risk death by going to cinema
Birds of Prey - RELEASED BEFORE PANDEMIC
P.S. I Still Love You - dunno, prob bumped
The New Mutants - came the fuck on out mid-pandemic. huge box-office success at $21 million, probably would have been regarded as expected disaster if it had made more than that in non-pando times.
Black Widow - bumped until after pandemic
The Invisible Man - RELEASED BEFORE PANDEMIC, bangs
The Eternals - bumped until after pandemic
Escape Room 2 - dunno, prob bumped
Wonder Woman 1984 - bumped until after pandemic. pandemic was still happening at Christmas so just came out anyway.

Coming 2 America - bumped until after pandemic

except in the US where it will be direct-to-Bezos iirc, currently scheduled for release juuuust after the crest of the pandemic, dunno if its Bezorelease is legally tied to cinema release in countries or states with cinemas

Pretty sure Fantasy Island came out and (unsurprisingly) got abysmal reviews

New Bond just got bumped again to Autumn

Fantasy Island was theatrically released in the United States on February 14, 2020 by Sony Pictures Releasing to overwhelmingly negative reviews. Despite this, the film was a box office success, grossing $48 million worldwide against its $7 million production budget.

Scoob! has been dumped to VOD, and is apparently not merely bad, but another failed universe-starter:

I’m not really spoiling anything, but the movie switches from being a Scooby-Doo movie to a vehicle to introduce various “B” level Hanna Barbera characters. (etc)

― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, May 19, 2020 12:10 AM (seven months ago)

Yesterday I saw a trailer for Wonder Woman 1984 that makes me more optimistic--soundtracked to "Blue Monday" and featuring gloriously lol-80s graphic effects. I think I'm going to have to see this for the art direction if nothing else.

― Life is a banquet and my invitation was lost in the mail (j.lu), Tuesday, January 28, 2020 1:04 AM (eleven months ago)

monkey's paw twitches

Can I just say I much more enjoy this stage of proceedings than the bit where, later in the year, half these films get their own threads and people start to unnaccountably say positive things about them?

― Tsar Bombadil (James Morrison), Wednesday, January 15, 2020 1:08 PM (eleven months ago)

monkey's paw spasms uncontrollably for eighteen months or more

I saw Fantasy Island, The Grudge and Brahms the Boy in the cinema so they were released in the UK at least. I wouldn't recommend them.

The Fantasy Island film is a prequel and Jimmy O Yang becomes Tattoo.

I didn't see the WW trailer but that sounds infinitely better than the actual movie xp

damn, good work sic.

i'm pretty sure Croods 2 and Trolls World Tour both came out during quarantine. there must have been some general studio calculus that lost box office bucks were a fair trade for streaming service loyalty from frazzled parents, desperate for their kids to put something DIFFERENT on for twenty times in a row.

yep, sic is surely the James Brown of ilxor.com

I mean, minus the controversial James Brown stuff

hey, the Impractical Jokers movie came out, it was okay

actually no I was really irritated by it, all they had to do was follow the Jackass template and it would've been great but they tried to shoehorn a plot into it

so it was half good

i liked trolls world tour

Saw The Invisible Man (very good) and P.S. I Still Love You (already forgotten it). Haven't seen the new Bill & Ted yet, but I've heard good things.

I don't know if I should even bother doing one of these polls this year, considering that a lot of this stuff was/is pushed back. Let's meet here again in 2022.

Bill & Ted is at least as good as you reasonably could hope for a 30-years-later threequel, while obviously showing seams of losing 1/3 of their budget immediately before production, and then losing the ability to shoot a planned ending and pickups due to pandemic.

(You can also see the edges of a planned plotline that got cut for budget before the shooting script.)

agree it’s not v good

it's v not bad though

Personally would not go as far as “v” even with 4 layers of special pleading tbh

it's a Bill & Ted sequel imo

here we fuckin go

Warner Bros. has set a date for 'Wonka,' an origin story focusing on the storied chocolate factory ownerhttps://t.co/S2UgVSzuqg

— The Hollywood Reporter (@THR) January 19, 2021

I've always wondered what was going through the heads of the guys who poured the foundations, did the brickwork, etc. How did that wacky factory get built, is what I wanna know!

Hopefully this sets the stage for more prequels about famous fictional buildings. Film audiences are hungry for effortlessness!

haha yeah, the whole movie is just gonna be wonka meeting with city officials to get the permits.

"ok, so the building will be 5-square miles in area, 500 feet tall, and will go even further underground. also, there will be a nightmare cave."

climax scene is inspectors telling Wonka his buildings aren't up to code as they're made up entirely of food.

and Wonka killing them

Oh, lol, I overlooked the word 'owner' in that tweet. But let's just keep pretending that it's about the factory, that's fun.

And anyway, wasn't Burton's remake already a goddamn Wonka origin story? Chrrrrrist, just fucking try for once, Hollywood.

There's racist stuff in the book about him going to a foreign country to get oompa loompa slaves.

Not clicking that link. So, who is the person in the photo? Looks like a third Edgerton brother created from the toenail clippings and bodily wastes of the other two...

Netflix is currently working on its own Wonka content, with Taika Waititi (Thor: Love and Thunder) writing, directing, and executive producing two animated series based on Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. One will be a more traditional adaptation, while the second provides a wholly original take on Wonka's singing factory workers: Oompa-Loompas.

It's Wonka-mania out there.

The kids are screaming for it. Incessantly.

it's paul king of paddington/the mighty boosh

I'm expecting Coming 2 America to be an experience a little like The Force Awakens -- I will have an involuntary wide-eyed smile and reflexively chuckle throughout the movie but it will be purely a pavlovian response to various cues in the film. I will walk away remembering almost none of it.

It should be a fun movie to find via voice-activated remote.

NOOOO, not Coming to America! Coming 2 America! 'Two', not 'to'!... GODDAMMIT, NO!

Not a flick but

The CW has ordered a pilot for ‘THE POWERPUFF GIRLS’ live-action series.

The series follows the trio as “disillusioned twentysomethings who resent having lost their childhood to crime fighting.” pic.twitter.com/P1BddfDgjX

— DiscussingFilm (@DiscussingFilm) February 9, 2021

Um.

Fucking ideas, how do they work?

HBO MAX announces 'VELMA,' an adult animated comedy series telling the origin story of Velma Dinkley, the unsung and underappreciated brains of the Scooby-Doo Mystery Inc. voiced by Mindy Kaling.

Stunt casted v.o. is taking food out of the mouth of actual voice actors!

A Pup Named Scooby-Doo was about the kids in primary school, already friends and solving mysteries together.

Velma was mostly the same as her older incarnation—intelligent and soft-spoken with thick eyeglasses. The most evident change to her character was that she owned a briefcase-sized mobile computer that could determine who the culprit was in any particular episode. Velma also owned an oversized engine-propelled skateboard with a color scheme similar to the Mystery Machine, which all the characters could ride on. She had a distinctive gait during longer walks or runs (rapidly-shuffling feet), and a distinctive dance style borrowed from Peanuts character 5 (as he appears during the dance scene in A Charlie Brown Christmas)

The subsequent series What's New, Scooby Doo? included

a flashback to Velma's fifth birthday, using the character designs from A Pup Named Scooby-Doo, albeit with some modifications, such as Daphne wearing purple rather than pink. Fred and Velma were the only returning characters to speak in the flashback

So if it properly respects Scooby canon, this "adult-focused comedy" will be about the adventures of a four-year-old or younger girl.

The show follows how she loses her briefcase-sized mobile computer that can determine who the culprit is

and it winds up in the hands of.....

Inspector Gadget

who then also loses it

Adam Wingard's Not Making a Face/Off Remake—It's a Sequel https://t.co/QBlQVazq1x pic.twitter.com/y8d6mdXyxb

— io9 (@io9) February 12, 2021

Face/...ON!

Face/Lift, more like.

Face/Swap

Face/Butt

there shld be a Face / Off every two years by a different director and with two different leads

or just use Statham every time

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wLGD8g7pTfo

I'm gonna put your face....back on your face

here's that scene without most of the jokes cut out

there shld be a Face / Off every two years by a different director and with two different leads

i would prefer this over the biennial freaky friday movie

Hello, Cruel World. New Trailer Tomorrow. pic.twitter.com/oAFK0epmbB

— Walt Disney Studios (@DisneyStudios) February 16, 2021

they’re jokerfying cruella de vil

"Let me get this straight - you think dogs are only good for fur for coats?"
"They are - and I'm tired of pretending that they're not"

The hits just keep on coming

Netflix just announced the project, featuring the coming-of-age story of one #WednesdayAddams from director Tim Burton. https://t.co/Qr5obu0nIQ

— Tor.com (@tordotcom) February 17, 2021

finally we'll know how Wednesday got her powers

lol I came here because of Cruella, glad to see I was not first. At least maybe finally we will learn how Cruella got so cruel.

wednesday is the strongest addams family member to build a story around, but tim burton, ugh

Ooh, ooh, let me see if I can guess the next announcement! Let's see...perfunctory + edgy reboot of secondary (if not tertiary), decades-old character that literally no one was asking to see again, featuring the creative input of someone with a recognizable name who really needs a new boat, from a platform in desperate need of literally any content whatsoever...

The Roku Channel announces Ferguson Explains Nothing, a dark new take on the younger brother of Clarissa and his blood pact with the Dark Lord, from visionary auteur Baz Luhrmann

Was this posted?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ezhm_9ehXU4

I just soiled myself.

I...yes, I'm still soiling myself. Goddamn it.

A SpaceX rocket exploding isn't going to have the same emotional impact as Challenger.

― Joe Biden Stan Account (milo z), Friday, February 12, 2021 2:48 PM (five days ago) bookmarkflaglink

xxp the Onion's video division keeps getting better.

i'm guessing most people who grew up with punky brewster have kids who are too old for this

I have absolutely no idea who they think that show is for.

Hey why not Webster except Webster is fifty and unemployed and going back to finish his college degree and there's a wacky tween vlogger who he befriends and also no one under thirty knows who Webster even is and no one over thirty has particularly fond memories of the third-rate '80s sitcom called Webster and even the few who might aren't exactly doing flips about seeing Webster: The Depressing Middle-Aged Years.

I just soiled myself.

I...yes, I'm still soiling myself. Goddamn it.

― The Mandolinrainian (Old Lunch), Wednesday, February 17, 2021 4:51 PM bookmarkflaglink

Butt Lunch

They could reboot Small Wonder as a Robot Out of Water story, where the robot kid from the '80s, still the same "age," is discovered in 2021. Hijinks, anachronisms and malapropisms ensue.

that Punky Brewster looks like a very, very, very, very poor man's Pamela Adlon/Better Things

EXCLU: Timothee Chalamet to play Willy Wonka in WB origin pic WONKA https://t.co/7iRDNk8Qa9

— Justin Kroll (@krolljvar) May 24, 2021

lol

omg, hatewatch time

WONKA: THE MAN AND HIS DREAM

4 hours, Zak Snyder directed

i'm not sure how i feel about such a smashable wonka

Mr. Chalamet yearns to be seen so much more than smashable; he wants to break free and see more scripts that exhibit his darker, edgier side. His next obvious move is to play The Joker.

plot twist: timothee chalamet IS the joker AS willy wonka IN: wb's rebooted dark universe reboot, little orphan bruce wayne and the chocolate factory 2: rebootier

Ok, so going from the reviews, Top Gun: Maverick might actually be good?

the first one wasn't good

The twist is it’s a sequel to Maverick, not Top Gun.

they should have called it Top Gun: Iceman to go for that marvel money