Tea With the Flames: A QUEER New Year to Keep You Warm in WINTER 2020

https://static01.nyt.com/images/2018/09/21/arts/21teawithdames2/21teawithdames2-articleLarge.jpg?quality=75&auto=webp&disable=upscale

Let the games begin.

thank you for being a fiend

jeez Sarah Jessica needs some work

lol @ you both

i just finished redecorating my apartment, it's beautiful! now i just want to get a bar cart . . . . . . . . . this is gonna be a full on bach pad imma tell you right now

― surm, Monday, January 6, 2020 11:44 AM

i suggest modeling it on Rock Hudson's in Pillow Talk

omg. so hot. now i just need a party line!
also: i've been listening to a LOT of Doris Day. in the morning when i get ready. gay much?

que sera sera

queer sera sera!

We missed a bet not calling this thread FEAST OF THE ASS.

#culo

hieeeee

hey girl hey!

i'm having a situation with a coworker and i'm about to lose it on his straight white male ass
good morning!

that was super uncomfortable.

i'm about to lose it on his straight white male ass

I am sure we're all reading this the correct way.

Also, remind me what day again the Feast of the Ass is? I think I'm out of town.

January 14th is the FEAST OF THE ASS

Tuesdays are bad for me.

ummmmmmmm so when are you getting married!??!??!?!?!?

(not on a Tuesday i guess)

No but I hope to make Feast of the Ass the reception theme!

We're looking to do it in late September or early October.

Ass hysteria!

i'm glad you waited to do it, v quaint

Quaint misbehavin'

perfect time for a wedding. October weddings are my absolute favorite. perfect time to wear a jacket.

Hi queers. Holidays were a shit-show for me emotionally but I’m excited to be alive and mobile on this dreary day

what happened flambo?

Rather not focus on the bad but instead focus on the good, tbh?

There is something so appealing about a man with an enormous dick who is really only interested in touching the previously untouched, not about the nut or about showing off.

i like that image

my new fling has an enormous d. he wants to put it in me. i'm not sure about it.

what did y'all do this weekend?

Fighting a light infection and some latent depression, slept a lot. You?

talked to a visiting British pop journalist at Julius'

went to a party and chatted up an adorable hetero man i have a hopeless crush on

saw a couple old restored movies at MoMA

that sounds glorious, when were u at Julius? i was there on Friday night.

also been fighting a cold. i hooked up with a friend and watched some good movies. INSIDIOUS is great!!!!!!!!!! that was some scary shit. and yesterday i finally got around to playing/recording some music thank goodness.

what do you do when you get depressed to fight it flambo?

i was there Saturday around 7. pre-SRO

an unusually quiet weekend except for a happy hour. Saw 4K Trouble in Paradise yesterday.

@ surm, I ask for extensions on my deadlines, I go for walks, I cook, I smoke weed and watch movies in the evening.

<3 love those remedies. extensions, weed and movies are all part of my arsenal too.

went to the desert with my husband. a lovely time, got in some hiking and a li’l hot tub canoodling

sounds great, big desert fan here

i'm moving into a (really cute and nice) trailer with my bf next month.

donna where did you guys go?

also: I had a really fucking powerful gummy bear for the Lubitsch film

tsk tsk

if you can't get high on Lubitsch alone...

I'm in Boston, enjoying the skyline somehow?

that sounds nice! the skyline in Boston is indeed mesmerizing. donna your vacation sounds p much perfect.

i can't recall any detail of Bos skyline aside from Citgo sign next to Fenway

has anyone here ever gotten a nose job?

is that like a blow job

you know that's not the first time we've made that joke
lol

i think i routinely think about a nose job every 7 years so, makes sense
blowjobs otoh i think about every 7 minutes

i remember your nose surm, it's A+

<3 awwwwwwwwww
wow you really know how to make the boys weak in the knees huh

map: place we stayed was in yucca valley, we went hiking in the park near 29 palms

I've thought about going on a korean plastic surgery trip with a friend. He makes me watch a lot of plastic surgery videos when I am over. I was very interested in the nose thread lift (non-surgical) videos that we recently watched. I could see doing that instead of like, taking my ear cartilage or rib meat to build up my bridge.

I just described getting fucked up the ass as being “driven to hell”

that's how i describe it, never having experienced it

"date" 3 with the newbie. our 2nd sleepover. i like him.

also i've honestly never looked better in my whole life but the boys aren't biting, none of it adds up. really doesn't make any sense. like, i'd do me.

one seems to be biting, hon

right, true

you're like my fairy godmother this week, thank you

lol, just need a tiara

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KzgaqB2hFio

omg you know i was thinking of that when i typed it, i was OBSESSED with that production lol

IMPOSSIBLE! THINGS ARE HAPPENING EEEEEEEVERYYYYYY DAYYYYYY!!!!

i'd prefer to duet on the Stepsisters Song

um
the stepsisters are among my most hilarious characters in all of film history
my mom and i used to die watching them

i'm having a double header horror feature with a coworker tomorrow night. may be my first straight guy friend in years. !

I've been smoking weed with friends on the reg, that's pretty queer I guess, is it? maybe not. We're all gay while we do it though

New thread name.

i have to tell you though, that I can't smoke weed with people anymore
i mean the level of social anxiety and paranoia is just beyond
but when i'm alone it's really a marvelous thing

I like it alone and with friends. I like taking video! So nice to have video of yourself and your friends blasted out of your minds like a That 70s Show moment

so cute!

i have to tell you that this weekend was a travesty for my self-esteem.
i had one of those moments when i looked in the mirror and promptly picked apart everything about physical appearance. at the very least it inspired me to go to the spa. it's amazing what it takes sometimes to make you go to the spa.
also i had an awkward run-in yesterday. an acquaintance of mine is always on my Grindr grid, and one day months and months ago i sent him a message saying it was good to see him recently and just making light of how we're both on the app so much. totally fine and we laughed it off. then the other night i sent him a message like totally in the middle of the night just being like "go to bed! haha" and he didn't respond! like is that just not ok? a 4am Grindr message between friends? and now i have to see him at parties and stuff. i don't want him thinking i'm THAT GUY!

just for a little bit of perspective, the range of weird human behavior is like the size of the solar system compared to that little detour. i try to tell myself that whenever i wake up at 4 am with my mind racing about how weird, embarrassing and not self-aware i am.

ok so true. thx

I bet he doesn't even remember! Remember that Grindr is not the place to ever expect a reply.

for shizzle, tbh i never do
maybe he didn't even see it until later!

I'm so happy I don't use Grindr (or any app). You tell somebody you're not interested in anything tonight thank you, and then they message you again an hour later "IF YOU'RE NOT INTERESTED THEN WHY ARE YOU STILL ONLINE" and it's like... I hate blocking people.

Somebody did build a profile with my face and info, it got back to me that it existed, very scary

Always seems so crazy to

Help.... I am talking to a guy on there who is way out of my league. Like way. What do I do

Keep talking? Go have sex with him? I swear I think Grindr has changed (for the worse) the way gay men interact w each other, feel about their own bodies and the bodies of others, and conditioned its users to be in a constant state of feeling rejected. (Not projecting, this doesn’t apply to all, just many of my observes Grindr-addict faggo friends)

I got in an argument a few months ago because I proposed to one friend that he remember (when feeling bad about his body) all the great sexual experiences he’d had with people who were by-society’s-metrics “undesirable”— another friend got mad at me for suggesting that one can “shrug off the mantle of body capitalism”, which wasn’t what I was suggesting; the implication that “hot =/= good at sex” was offensive to my second friend

well, it's also this weird sort of animalistic thing. you know like, there's only so much self-esteem you can have before the primal laws of attraction kick in. like you can't circumvent attraction. and there do seem to be some dominant characteristics of desirability when it comes to most sexual orientations.

BUT i think you're right that Grindr is an extremely slippery slope. as evolved persons, and can be very toxic. i like to think that these days most people in our culture at least understand the beauty of being human and the differences between humans. loved the usage of the expression "dad bod" that hit it big a few years ago bc dad bod is p much my aesthetic, without the kids. lol.

oh hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

i have met a couple of new people online and they're cute, i'm excited to meet them this week or so, i need to like go to the gym

one guy is excited to teach me how to top . . . . . . . . . . . .

what online service you use most these days, surm?

I've been away from the gym for, now, months. I am a parody of a partnered gay man.

you know, it's usually grindr for me. i find that bc i'm scruffy the opposites attract thing usually works on grindr. on scruff i'm just just one man in a see of scruffy men.

Last weekend, my bf came home around midnight and said he was hungry
I just plopped together fresh homemade pasta and a tuna-tomato sauce with an arugula salad in 25 minutes
He got emotional and said,
"Remember when you said 'it's weird that you fell in love with me without having tasted my cooking yet' well I get what you mean now"

omg
that's so sweet
my ex used to do that for me, midnight pasta
always amazed me and made my heart sing <3

so liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiike i'm going to the gym tonight you know to lift a few weights, but i've decided that i can't be the type of person who does cardio at the gym. like i would feel ridiculous. i'll just keep playing tennis against the wall.

The overheard conversations at MoMA before the Fred Halsted arty '70s p0rn films were quite something...

"Hi, Daddy."

"I was hooking up on gay.com when I was 15, but those guys, including the local cop, knew what they were doing..."

"He's hot for a 22-year-old dom."

Eric, i've been away from the gym since 1985 and never looked back.

there is a guy at every gym who is petite but jacked, around 50, wears bootie shorts and an american eagle/abercrombie shirt, trails a cloud of noxious cologne, who is always trying to make eye contact with me. sorry but i don't care that you exist and please go away because i literally cannot breathe when you're within twenty feet of me

people at the gym who are aggressively not minding their own business make me want to kill or be killed. so i'm just going to share my bitchy psa here with absolutely no particular person in mind: please focus on your workout and don't spray yourself with cologne, thank u.

ok so i had a new idea

i'm going to start using the ROWING MACHINE at the gym

!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also i would like to tell you that my topping lesson last night went real bad
at least i was able to have a chuckle with the guy after but like
i don't think i'm into penetration anymore, it's just not my thing

i mean there is some similarity between topping and using the rowing machine so maybe you still have hope ;)

LOL

i don't think i'm into penetration anymore, it's just not my thing

stop b4 you turn into me

lol i think we have more in common than you may realize
what's on tap for the weekend y'all

the remastered version of the queen - as in mother flawless superior, not the british lady - is on netflix
https://www.netflix.com/title/81220949

What are our thoughts on Queen Latifah?

I made penne-and-cheese at 1am from scratch last night because bf was like "I am craving Kraft dinner".

I made penne from scratch and threw a clomp of grana padano in a saucepan with some butter and cheese, and sliced the rind up finely and let it gooeify the proceedings. The whole affair took 20 minutes.

He was very moved by the fact that I was able to do this for him, just produce the food he wanted with a snap of his fingers.

Today: the fragrancy of the flatulent effects of late-night dairy consumption.

the recipe you describe (minus the rind) is one of my fav things to eat in the world

the fragrancy of the flatulent effects of late-night dairy consumption.

best thing on earth

i ORDERED penna a la vodka last night at 1am! great minds!

What are our thoughts on Queen Latifah?

excellent in Set It Off

I probably should see Last Holiday.

The ALEC GUINNESS version? (also queer)

the flatulent effects of late-night dairy consumption

my new screenname in a nutshell

did i tell u guys that i noticed a new line on my body? yes. during my bimonthly physical evaluation of myself in my 80" tall mirror, i noticed something. at first i thought it was fat and I was looking pudgy, but then i looked closer and it was A LINE. like A MUSCLE. i was shocked. it seems to be a pectoral muscle, and it's barely visible to the naked eye, but it's there. this is shaking my world.

put some pesto on it!!

honey, i said pectoral muscle, not pestoral muscle

i need a pecture of yr pectoral

oh no
i am definitely not a picture pec
what a beautiful day of rain here in NY today

Met a dude last night after I blasted a karaoke crowd into submission with my cover of Blondie's "Atomic." The hair in the back was rather long for my taste, but we chatted at the bar, bought each other beers, and tongued quietly.

Overheard: Girl to boyfriend: "They're having more fun than we are."

:) i just discovered the Blondie Autoamerican album on my own and i'm really into it

did you make out at the bar? i always wonder if people are judging me when i do that. i wouldn't judge you. been there plenty and it does sound fun :P

A gin and tonic and two beers and I'm ready to make out gladly with Elizabeth Warren.

lol. i just found out that apparently red lighting makes you look really good, which is probably why i always wind up in somebody's arms at the local bar.

three-drink slut eh

i'll keep red light in mind if i make it to Nowhere tnite

i am talking to this guy online who likes to be "obedient"
you know, i really can get into this thing of like ordering people around and being really mean lol
it's not really in line with my brand but i find it super fun in the BR

Send him down to scrub my stall.

lol. i also...like to smack people sometimes and get really rough with them! who knew! i mean, OBV if that's what they want.

have we already talked about what are our thoughts on w/s in here

we dont use I Love TMI anymore, eh?

omg sorry lol

i don't really care, but it depends what ppl think of their employers' monitoring

totally. :P eek! my lifestyle is too much for people to handle!

I bet not!

Morbzy are you seeing anything at BAM this season?

Every dollar I spend that isn't rent or medical bills is... debt

so no

feel you <3
STILL adjusting to paying double the rent ever since my life partner of 18 years left the nest
sorry just feel the need sometimes to spell it out to remind myself that i'm like going thru some shit and i'm allowed to take a minute with it

i've been taking almost two years with it

(not intentionally)

i know and i certainly don't mean to compare my empty nest with your battle. i'm glad you've been posting here for at least a diversion.

well, i need to kill time while doctors and social workers aren't calling me

(btw the medical shit has been going on 7.5 years; my accelerating poverty just the last two)

ugh. you're so strong my dear. we love you.

well, you know, my week really sucks so if anyone wants to tell me about how their week sucks it would be appreciated

My week doesn’t suck, but my anxiety has been acting up. Cutting back on coffee. Smoking much less, down to 8 a day yay

ok that definitely counts as commiseration, thank you
i quit coffee for three years and it definitely helped
i'm still using the Juul device, whatever
anxiety is my life but i've come to like, not let it bother me as much
still, it's bitchier than Michael Kors on Project Runway on a bad day so, i feel ya

hi!

my week is looking up cuz i'm moving into a nice place with my boyfriend on friday! he's like really clean and he doesn't mind that i'm a slob (!?!?)

amazing! congratulations!!!

thank u :)

as the neat freak in my former life, i can say it's definitely nice for the other person. i kept our house spotless. but i would make sure you do some cooking or dishes or whatever you can offer to keep things balanced :P not that you need my advice but there it is

I've only had one drink since January 3, the day I started back to work after a particularly stressful holiday. Not fun, but I rarely actively miss it. However, my husband and I just arrived back home where we'll be staying for a week to look after some stuff for my in laws, and there's no way I'll be able to make it through this week without booze.

My problem drinking miraculously evaporated post-breakup. Weird, huh. A relationship-gone-bad will make you DRINK.

I've been enjoying my time with this new guy, though. The sex continues to be unspeakably good. He made dinner for me last night-- ravioli with sausage and rapini. We talked today about me going to visit a long-time on-again off-again lover next month, and he's cool with it. I'm cool with him continuing to see his own side-piece once every couple of weeks. It's all so blissful.. and a little boring? Like, I'm so used to relationships feeling like I'm teetering on the edge of a precipice at all times, not this comfort and safety.

map I hope you're prepared to do the cooking in exchange for the cleaning! (It's such a good trade-off)

that's so nice, flambo. i aspire to find a new relationship like yours some day! the guy i was hanging out with just moved to Hell's Kitchen (he was right in my hood in BK). before he moved he reached out and said he missed my giggles <3 so i think maybe we'll hang out more. i continue to be really happy with how big his d is and how skillful he is between the sheets.

cryps don't beat yourself up for having a few necessary drinks

A gay friend: "I had this vegan boyfriend once who was so committed that he didn't eat honey or swallow my jizz"
Me: "Did he at least let you pour honey all over his face"

wow, is the jizz not vegan??? had no idea tbh

o like bc it comes from a mammal?

Do people with annoying laughs bother you at work? If you hear them several times a day? There's one here I silently label "Gay Hyena."

oh yes. i had a gay hyena. it was awful. i have a loud laugh but people can't resist it.

Is there a drink cart update?

Also, I am very into rowing. Watch videos on proper form, most people at gyms are doing crazy things on it and I wonder about them.

UM

weird timing because i FINALLY tried the machine last night after watching videos. IT. IS SO. FUN. i had no idea!!!!!! what a fucking cool machine! i never knew moving your body could be that cool. totally want one in my home.

yeah, i splurged and got the concept2 and have it in front of the netflix. There are lots of resources online about rowing and people get competitive about posting times. When I get back home home I am going to work on the Pete Plan (here's one https://thepeteplan.wordpress.com/beginner-training/ ) because I hit a plateau awhile ago and cannot get my times down.

Pete has a plan for that?

the only plan he has.

i love. that you have. a machine.

bad news, bears

https://www.wate.com/news/cdc-recommends-men-shave-their-beards-to-protect-against-coronavirus/

waht

i shaved yesterday... getting a little tired of the look tbh. i'm djing a gay ski-in brunch this saturday and kinda stressed about it tbh.

wait what's a ski-in brunch??

it's at a venue on p4rk c1ty sk1 resort mountain during their lgbtq weekend. though i guess 1-4 pm isn't really brunch. it's a party for rich boys afaict. i have to rent a sub and some other stuff. sub as in subwoofer. and get more kylie songs i guess. i'm just nervous about it. also i got laid off last week and i'm looking for aanother job :|

omg oh no! did you see it coming?? i'm so sorry

i have to rent a sub

oh hi!

sub as in subwoofer

nvm

I got your subwoofer.

lol you guys. i didn’t see it coming but only because i’m a dumbass. i didn’t really like the job anyway. kind of hoping the stock market goes down in flames tbh. can’t wait to smile thru kylie and carly playing over my janky budget equipment on the slopes while the boys do shots tho. appreciate everyone’s patience while i cash in my meager venting chips thank u

the stock market can go down in flames *after* i get a real job w/ benefits

(it's almost been 2 years and i'd move if i have to)

fuzzwise i’ve been going for mustache w/ beard-stubble (ie not fully clean-shaven) lately. prepping for incipient daddy-dom I guess

sorry about yr job loss, map, hope you rebound soon. you too morbs ❤️

I’ve been occasionally DJing at a gay happy hour in my neighborhood these past few months. it’s been fun but the bar where it’s taken place is closing next month so I gotta find something new soon. there was one night that turned out to be a Bowie tribute night and I was only given a few days notice of this fact, but the host/venue was otherwise pretty laissez-faire about what I play, which is nice

thanks donna. i saw your night on fb - looked like lots of fun and i wish i could have made it! do you have any idea if you have any upcoming possibilities for gigs?

so i haven't been with a guy in like a month. there's something going on with my body and it's really not fun. i'm going to the doctor for like the sixth time today. i keep preemptively accepting the fact that i will never love again. WHO KNOWS . . . . . . . . .

thx donnadear

i had a phone pre-interview for a staff job yesterday; the interviewer was a recent college grad. I felt like Mickey Rooney (if he was still breathing).

like how recent? i mean was he over 21?

she was 23, acc to l1nked 1n

baby

I don't really read the thread any more but I did need somewhere to share these somewhat surprising photographs of Oliver Sacks when he was in his twenties. Yr welcome!

https://i.guim.co.uk/img/media/2f4ca6ebe07900044895e0c3284af5deb55beaa0/0_17_1570_1503/master/1570.jpg?width=700&quality=85&auto=format&fit=max&s=ec400b103095bff7ffc25736fe67a2f9

https://i.pinimg.com/originals/6c/8d/42/6c8d42755c421513e837534872e38df1.jpg

omg

The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Bike

The absolute wrong thread for this but ... wedding planning suits me (literally).

i'm sorely in need of a double income; my planning would end there

Lead with that.

dress as Oliver Nut Sack

Eric do we get to see any pictures??!

what color is the suit??

Haha, it's still a ways away, but I'll share the cutest engagement pic when we've had them taken

Oh this asshole: https://www.instagram.com/p/B9W8bGvjTp-/

umm that motorcycle pic of oliver sacks... whewwww

sorry they are both motorcycle pics i now realize, sorry i was a little distracted. i guess i meant the one with the leather jacket and jeans

really i'm into the other one lol
i love guys who look that ripped but also like a little puppy dog

so like rly what if i go celibate

could i still lead a happy life

I did it for basically a decade more or less.

The answer is no.

great

i've been drumming up things i can do with my life moving forward given the sudden realization that i'm a silly grown fey gay man who may not be having sex for a while

i've come up with:
playing the keyboard
wearing more eccentric clothes
walking around my house
watching movies
discovering new ambient music

it's not a terrible list, i dunno

To be fair, playing the keyboard was one of the only things that really got me through the celibacy.

u know what you're practically glowing through the computer screen, i am very happy for your new life!

don't do it, surm, it'd be a deprivation for you and whoever else

then again as someone who usu indulges via... parties... i wonder if coronavirus should change that

hmmm, no

o right u like the parties

that's very sweet of you, what you said, i'm really juggling the options. it feels weird so far, you know it's only been a month. i look kinda disastrous so i probably need to plan like a salon day.

oh shit i’ve only just realised these threads are full queer now. hello fellow queers!

oh snap! i didn't know you were queer! weeheeeeeeee!!!

(by that, i mean i didn’t feel right posting in what were nominally gay threads)

yes we're very queer now
i never liked the word gay tbh, i don't even identify as gay even though i'm a man who likes men!

xp yeah, i went through a whole bisexual coming-out process last year, complete with counselling and therapy groups

that's amazing! so proactive and positive.

oh i completely get that, the label thing can be frustrating when attraction/identity are so much more complicated

<3 are you like seeing people now?

no change to my life at all, i just didn’t want to keep hiding who i am (although it’s properly grand to see a staggeringly hot dude at a carnival and grab my mate and say “just don’t talk to me for the next 20 seconds, just don’t”)

:D :D :D love it

<3

It would be presumptive of me to identify as queer tbh. But luckily this thread welcomes all kinds!

Instead of celibacy, I gorge on Muriel Spark novel.s

Welcome, Autumn! We need to expand the membership.

thank you!

and let's talk about Hawt Guys You Have Seen.

have you done the deed yet?

“done the deed” bahahahaha

fwiw i identify as queer because sometimes it’s easier than having to explain things (including the 1990s)

Lately I've been really enjoying mangling Twitter slang irl. "I enjoy to see it." "I hate to see that." "And that's the that on it, question mark."

i'm back on twitter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You picked quite a time to make your return!

why, has sumthin been happnin

Same thing, just more of it and infinitely worse.

oh no

the cancelled f1 grand prix is in my neighbourhood, lewis hamilton suddenly has three days off, and so do i

godspeed

do any other singles over the age of 40 think you've had sex for the last time?

Because of COVID? I don't think that's gonna be the case at all, I think once the virus starts to go into remission there'll be a massive sex party

I had funtime with a guy who left Seattle two weeks ago!

End times!

not a good time in my life for there to be a sex strike

captain trips has obliterated my queer connections

SPRING already

worst spring ever

How is everybody holding up?

I'm finally out of my depression and getting some work done! Hooray!

Dunno how I'll survive without a man's arms around my cock for the next six months.

Grindr should start an offshoot app called Sheltr that's specifically for gays looking for a quarantine buddy

(I would prob use Sheltr regardless of quarantine, all I want is somebody for whom I can cook breakfast)

not even thinking about sex much

Work is keeping me occupied roughly 80% of my waking hours these days, which is to say I am holding up.

Following a routine has been pretty easier.

I have been waking up at 8/9am, making coffee, blinking and realizing it's 3:30pm. I don't know where my days are going. Ugh!

Omg guys

How are we, do we have a spring thread

I'm a month sex-free!

sex appreciates it

atm i’m so deprived of humans that every person i see on the street is unusually hot

OMG
Same
It’s gotten to the point where literally at the grocery store today I was checking out guys with face masks on

I have been banned from the streets

self-isolating LGBTs of SPRING 2020