There Will Not Be Blood: What Menopause Means to You

Let's talk about the pause that refreshes!

I turn 50 in 3 weeks so will age out of this thread. I'm here to offer an alternative view on "women have it better in their 50s", because no one seems to be addressing menopause and how fucking awful it can be for a lot of women.

Its fucking awful. I've never been so fatigued/incapable/fogbrained/angry since I had mono in my 20s. Yay.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:00 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

But on a more positive note, my silver hair looks pretty neat!

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:00 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

xp That's horrible, and I'm so sorry to hear it! This is a huge topic I'm always up to discuss. I'm having minimal symptoms/side effects but I'm also only mid-way through. If there's enough interest, should we start a thread?

― Ima Gardener (in orbit), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:06 PM (fifty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I'm in the early stages of "the change" -- and a number of my female friends my age are like, "is it covid or is it menopause?" in terms of trying to make sense of the symptoms ... i have had [show hidden text]

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:08 PM (fifty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Xpost - You should. I’m not there yet but it’s of interest to me and I have some resources I’ve been bookmarking for friends/fire that I can share. The biggest single predictor of age of menopause is your mom’s age when she went through it which means I’m looking at another 10 years. Joy.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:10 PM (fifty-two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Perimenopause is a whole thing on its own S and from things I’ve read it can be the worst part for some people!

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:11 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah I dont want to crap up this thread with health woes haha. But yes, we prob can do so if we have enough of us lady-presenting types!

I remember my mother being constantly angry/weepy/weird/dropping things when she was in her late 40s (we get it early in my fam). So much I didnt know were symptoms. Dry eyes! Flu symptoms! Constant headaches!

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:11 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my mom was about 50 when she started, but apparently if you are a regular/heavy smoker you are likely to start earlier ... so 46, for me, I guess.

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:12 PM (fifty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

xpost - yes E I've read the same, I guess thats whats happening. Lot of hormonal BS.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:12 PM (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Perimenopause is a whole thing on its own S and from things I’ve read it can be the worst part for some people!

yeah that's where I'm at ... I am definitely having to pay more attention to those issues that when I was in my 20s/30s my biggest concern was accidentally forming babby

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:14 PM (forty-eight minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah I bet it is. :/ Def think it’s warrants a thread. Trayce do they call it “the menopause” in Australia? That’s what they call it here in England and it makes me cringe every time because it makes me think of “the curse” or “the change” lol.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:14 PM (forty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

hahah I remember when I first heard the term "Aunt Flo" and immediately thought of the tv show Alice! and so at some point I associated grits, and the kissing thereof, with menstruation.

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:16 PM (forty-six minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

At least in school they show you a little movie about periods. Nobody tells you anything about menopause! It’s only from reading a bunch of stuff in a Facebook group I’m in that I started realizing how little I knew about it and started reading more.

― Benson and the Jets (ENBB), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:17 PM (forty-five minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my hippie aunt apparently said "the trick is eating root vegetables rich in vitamin E" ... but ... hippie aunt is not always otm

― sarahell, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:19 PM (forty-three minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

I won't be in my forties for another few years, but I'm already dreading menopause because birth control pretty much made me lose my mind and so I have this lurking fear that menopause will mean being whomped by mental illness.

― Lily Dale, Monday, February 22, 2021 9:25 PM (thirty-seven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

Trayce do they call it “the menopause” in Australia? That’s what they call it here in England and it makes me cringe every time because it makes me think of “the curse” or “the change” lol.

IKR? Yeah older ladies do seem call it that, it sounds anachronistic to me.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce), Monday, February 22, 2021 9:41 PM (twenty minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

my friends are abuzz about perimenopause
i don't think i have any symptoms yet but i was a late menarcher

My mother was in her 30s when she started perimenopause, and was done by the time she turned 40. I started around 42 iirc? That was 2-3 years ago. I've had the hot flashes, the night sweats, the DRY AS FUCK eyes, the period that lasted for 2 weeks, and more. Also my body changed how it holds weight, which is not really what I was looking for in a "getting older and wiser" experience.

Now I have a period about every 6 months or so? Just long enough to re-set the clock and remind me that I'm still at the mercy of my hormones.

What do I have to look forward to? How are you doing? Normalize menopause.

Same LL. I was 15 when I got my period. And because of some tv show I saw I was convinced I was secret balls but that’s another sorry.

Even though I don’t think I’m peri yet I find all of this really interesting and I want to be prepared for when I am! It’s crazy how little this is talked about. Thank you for making this thread IO.

When I turned 43 my mom said oh you might start menopause because that’s when I did. Thanks for the heads up!!!

I really haven’t noticed anything different except my arms ache a lot a day or two before.

i was 9 when i first got my period (though it was really just one day before my 10th birthday ... pretty sure this anecdote is on the no boys thread somewhere).

just finishing a period that came early -- and was fairly normal -- but I did have the two months without a period in the fall, followed by the period that lasted 12 days. Over the summer, I had a backyard hang with a friend and his wife -- they're in their mid-50s and live in the suburbs. I mentioned that I needed to go Walgreens and get tampons, and A. (the wife) was like, "you need tampons? I have a large bag of them that I don't need anymore. Do you want them? Please take them? Do they have a shelf life? I think they should still be good." ...Anyway, on day 8 of the 12 day period, I was so immensely grateful for A's tampon stash.

I only know mine was 50 when she started because I asked!

i asked my mom a couple months back about it -- and she was like, "I don't remember. It was so long ago." ... so I guess, if I make it to 75 like my mom, my menopause experience might be as untraumatic as hers, considering otherwise her memory is quite good.

yeah my mom hasn't brought it up at all. i think she forgets i have a body

my mom generally only thinks of bodies in terms of food and pregnant y or n?

*raises hand*

(That's strange. I was just discussing menopause with a bunch of British sixtysomethings on FB.)

My period has been stopping and starting for about seven months now. This is the first full (but light) period I've had in three months--the last few ones were just a little bit of dried blood. I think I've been having hot flashes--I get hot a few times an hour, but it's not all that uncomfortable, and it doesn't make me sweat.

Oh hi. I think I probably started up the perimenopause train in my late 30s, early 40s (no wonder getting pregnant was such a challenge). I breast fed for 16 months, maybe, and that kept my period at bay. I remember the first one I had when it returned was a nice, short manageable cycle and I was like "NICE having a baby fixed everything." HA HA NO. After that, it was blood, everywhere blood, ten day periods every two weeks, can't leave the house, have to sit on a towel, two of those Always super overnight pads back to back when I slept so I basically had a pad that extended from my belly button to the top of my butt crack. Then hot flashes and night sweats and my favorite, major depressive symptoms/suicidal ideation the week before my period started! Which was happening every two weeks!

Anyway, I have a great OB/GYN and she was like, "This is not a normal way to feel. We can do something about this." Cue massive emotional breakdown in the exam room. But I take Lo Loestrin birth control pills (with no breaks - fuck you period!), and a big old dose of Zoloft and that makes it relatively manageable.

My mom started menopause at around 40 and was done with it by 50, so fingers crossed I only have two more years of this bullshit.

I have temporarily put this off by getting pregnant, but I should find out when my mom had it...

those extended periods, guys, I’m so sorry. that is some bullshit.

Pregnant, you say?

wait, it lasts TEN YEARS? i'm not kidding i thought it was like 6 months. i'm not gonna think about it anymore.
xp congrats?!

I've never used hormonal birth control, and I don't know if that will change my experience or not.

Oh, and congratulations.

haha thanks guys. yes, I am knocked up, but don’t let that distract from the topic at hand.

PMDD is the absolute total WORST
I can't wait to get rid of it. Hormonal bc helps a little bit, only enough to allow me to not detonate every 3 weeks

congrats horseshoe!

(thanks, LL!)

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

Yay, baby horseshoe! Congratulations!

I am obviously excited about this news.

horseshoe that is so exciting! How are you feeling?

Thank you! To keep on topic, it took a few years of fertility treatments, and I did wonder vaguely if I was racing menopause toward the end.

Horseshoe I totally saw that on fb and flipped the fuck out inside because I was so happy for you but then I wasn’t sure if I should say anything but omgiamsohappyforyou!

Thanks for running with this in orbit - love the title <3

So yeah, dry eyes is the one I never knew, dear god it is irritating esp because I already have frequently blurry vision anyway from not getting used to my multifocal glasses.

My last period was *thinks*.. maybe August last year? So yeah I'm well on the way at this point, as far as I can tell.

Am seriously considering HRT. It isnt dangerous anymore, right?

Carl, hi! I feel really good tbh; second trimester has been chill! I hope you and Ivy and Jeff are doing well!

fertility treatment high five. Ivy is the product of the best reproductive technology (our) money could buy. We are good! I'm so happy about baby horseshoe.

Oh and congrats horseshoe! Gah Im working cant keep up

And yeah I haven’t ruled out having a kid. I had my AMA tested two years ago because I was curious and my egg reserve was very good but I know at this point it is depleting every day. But that’s another good example - I didn’t even know that was just a test you can ask for!

Wait AMH

(thanks, E!) I have been weird about announcing bc it was so hard to get pregnant and I was scared of stuff going wrong, and also because being publicly pregnant is so fraught, and because I know people who want to get pregnant can’t always and it’s just annoying being a woman fin.

Luckily I never wanted kids, though my partner keeps jokingly demanding "GIVE ME A BABY GIRL" (he has 2 teen boys, he is joking)

But it is happy news and fertility treatment high five back at you, carl

It’s wonderful. The world needs more moms like you tbh. That’s a lucky kiddo right there. :)

re: the birth control pills and the PMDD, last hear at around the time of the Cavanaugh confirmation hearings (aka that week when everything was a trauma trigger), my GP took me off the birth control because of blood pressure concerns and my whole mental health state spiraled. I probably only got more or less back to baseline last August maybe? I do feel much more stable now, but I will not be coming off the pill to see if I'm done with this process any time soon.

year not hear

Aw, thanks!

But back to the thread topic - one of my colleagues was out a lot last year because of really bad menopause symptoms and the management was not happy. That’s actually one of the things that made me interested in it - she was suffering so badly and I was like oh wait? Can it be that rough? And it looks like it can and it should absolutely be talked about more often.

That was an xpost to E; I’m so sorry that PMDD was such a bear, Carl, but I’m glad the pill is working!

ugh it sucks so much when women’s health things affect attendance at work bc the workplace sucks about it, as it does about so many things

Here’s another symptom I didn’t know was a thing - itching! My boss was itching like crazy last year. She is 47 so went to the doc and the itching was hormonal! She’s perimenopausal but she thought she was too young and was shocked.

sadly the kavanaugh shit was fall 2018! i completely lost it around then too and went back on the HBC shortly afterward. i don't plan to ever stop taking it bc the PMDD is still there it's just not as bad. i am actually quite worried about what menopause will do to my emotional state.

She went out after work with girlfriends for a drink and mentioned that her dry skin was driving her nuts and they were all like oh uh . . .

xp esp as i am trying to rebuild life after losing my longtime job that i felt very strongly about
i guess we'll see!

i do have a weird itch on my head that won't go away!!!

Thankfully that’s one factor I won’t have to wonder about. I’ve had a copper IUD since 2006 and haven’t been on hormonal birth control since college.

Good grief, so that took two years (there were other complicating factors, so it wasn't just menopause). I do remember us losing it together. <3 xp

My mom was really good about prepping me for it because she felt rough through hers, and I had really bad fibroids starting in my late 30s which were so awful/huge I had to have a hysterectomy three years ago (kept the ovaries though, for the hormones).

I was dreading menopause because my aunt got such bad hot flashes she steamed up the windows of any car she was in when it happened. Even after the hysterectomy I would have ridiculous hot flashes but they seem to have stopped.

Symptoms I have known:

- CONSTANT fatigue and something I learned is called "crashing fatigue" where I have to just go lie down because I'm overwhelmed to the point of feeling drugged
- hot flushes/being overly hot esp at night
- copious, heavy sweating (i suspect alcohol aggravates that)
- dry eyes to the point they feel like there is grit in them
- phantom cramps
- really sore boobs
- occasional flashes of irrational, uncontrollable anger and/or upsetness a la PMT
- aching joints (this one might just be general poor fitness/too much drinking heh)

Vitamin D, zinc, magnesium. All helped me.

I also had the breast tenderness for the whole summer of 2019 (I thought I was pregnant trr).

Re flashes of irritation: How would you know?? I'm irritable at the best of times. :D

Aching joints were a horrible problem for me all last winter & spring & summer. I just started getting better recently by dealing with the inflammatory effects + moving and stretching more. I'm taking daily turmeric & Vit D now.

I'll def give the supplements a go, certainly cant hurt.

Magnesium did actually hurt me; apparently some people are sensitive to it. It made my heart skip like crazy and I couldn't exercise for a summer until I figured out what was going on. I think that's pretty rare but just a heads up.

Way to bury the lede, horseshoe!!!! So happy for you <3 <3 <3 if anyone is going to parent I'm glad it's you and your partner (who I don't know but I trust you implicitly).

thanks, io! wanting to get pregnant is so weird and vulnerable and also seems totally irrational given...the world. and yet! he and i feel v lucky/happy.

IO right? That’s how I felt when I realized. :)

When I was a kid it seemed unbearably embarrassing to me to think about being seen to be pregnant bc it would force everyone to acknowledge that you had had sex. :D

I don't know how long I was in the peri part, maybe 6 years? I would get horribly painful skin eruptions in the weirdest places a day or two before flow would start (tentative diagnosis: testosterone influx) and it was (oddly for me) copious. I switched to cloth pads and period underwear to see if I was reacting to something in tampons and commercial pads, which helped some. But then things went off the rails and those outbreaks got more frequent. Nothing helped prevent them. Mystified doctor. Hair started thinning dramatically (this freaked me out more than anything else for some reason). Hot flashes and dramatic blushing at nothing, always worse when I drank. Husband is diabetic and wanted to try a Whole30 and paleo eating, so we did that. And the hot flashes stopped and no outbreaks for multiple months.

No idea if it was no more alcohol or what but the relief was worth just sticking with it. A year later I had a knee injury and at the doctor for that she asked when my last period had been...and had been 6 months. She wrote down post-menopausal. I was 53 then and that was that. No more periods.

7 years later and now I have my first IUD because last April I had some odd discharge that turned out to be pre-pre-endometrial cancer and a little direct progesterone can keep that at bay. I had to use estrogen cream for a few weeks prior to insertion and felt like absolute crap from it but all's good now. I like the basic even-keel-ness of postmenopausal existence after so many years of mood swings.

Congratulations horseshoe!!!

I mean that’s why I still feel weird when people say they’re trying. I know I shouldn’t but there will always be a part of me that’s like hee hee you’re doing it!

thanks, Jaq!

i resent menopause in advance for trying to take booze away from me!

It can take booze out of my hot, flushed, sweaty fingers. Fuck that.

Haha thats my eternal struggle. Ive cut back a lot on drinking, but yeah.

Now that recreational weed is legal, I don't miss it (much). But yeah.

It's not taking my nightly glass or two of wine, that's for sure.

My mother sailed smoothly through menopause. Hopefully, I will too.

Here’s another symptom I didn’t know was a thing - itching! My boss was itching like crazy last year

I did not know this was a thing until now ... i had awkward itching/rashes this past summer/fall (which, I guess I am grateful to covid because no one could see me scratch/avoid it ... I am now a natural fibers snob when it comes to bedding and sleepwear (mostly) ... I have been 100% cotton only in re underwear for several years because prior to that I would have a WAP of the monistat required variety

omg congrats horseshoe!!

Sarahel - yeah I had no idea but I’ve seen it mentioned since this came up with her. Apparently it’s a real thing!

See I know my mom took HRT and that it helped but she also got post menopausal breast cancer which I think had a link to HRT? This is what I need to research.

A paternal aunt was the only immediate family member of mine to go through non-surgical menopause - my mom and her 3 sisters all had hysterectomies while in their late 30s. She was thankfully easy to talk to about it. I've tried to be open with my daughter so hopefully it won't all be a surprise.

I wouldnt know if I had meno related itching, I have such bad eczema... which hang on, started flaring up about 18 months ago. hm.

Sarahell's ref to monistat reminded me - the thinning hair for me turned out to be related to seborrheic dermatitis caused by an overgrowth of some scalp-loving yeast. This resolved by using shampoo containing ketoconazole, which is similar to another azole found in monistat etc. And in addition to killing yeasts, azoles also make hair grow.

I guess I've been peri for a couple of years now and...is there any diagnosable or physical marker of when you're "done"? Aiui medically you're considered "menopausal" when you simply haven't had a period for a year, which seems like quite a backward way to ascertain what's happening inside our bodies??

actually according to my medical provider -- yes, it is pretty much backwards in just that way

Yeah same. Maybe an egg count? My last was during an internal ultrasound and I was told I had "2 left, but some might be hiding" (!? I assume he just meant the scan cant always see everything)

Dont know if that is a medically viable approach though.

Enbb inspired me to ask my mum some questions - she was around 50 and it was uneventful, just much heavier bleeding. The dr wanted to get her a mirena iud to help with that but then it stopped before the appointment was arranged. This has turned out to be very helpful info bc I was considering getting a tubal ligation after my iud is due to come out at the end of this year but now I think I’ll just get another one put in.

Congrats horseshoe!

No one has ever offered or tried to measure my remaining eggs. I mean I never asked either but it would be cool to know?

I feel like maybe the last one deserves a going-away party? That is what I would do if I had that information.

thanks kinder and just1n3!

I find the idea of a last egg going away party delightful!

Is the egg count an invasive test? I’d be curious to know mine too, just for the sake of it

omg last egg bon voyage party!! ... now I'm thinking about the thematic menu for said party ...

this is a great idea, it's like the antithesis of gender reveals

Husband is diabetic and wanted to try a Whole30 and paleo eating, so we did that. And the hot flashes stopped and no outbreaks for multiple months.

Oh I also wanted to say, in relation to Jaq's post, that my hot flashes also seemed stress-affected. I was having them way more while I was working but since I got out of that job they're negligible & infrequent. More likely to be me throwing off the duvet if it gets too warm than "need to stand literally in a freezer to compensate."

xp haha I know! I was just pondering how many eggs it would be healthy to consume on one occasion.

Le ultimate oeuf at least deserves a fruit basket for making it to the last train out of town.

And deviled eggs. There should definitely be deviled eggs.

omg yes!

That reminds me: I need to make a gynecologist appointment. My sister just had a hysterectomy for fibroids and I'm almost envious of her. I had endometrial ablation a couple years ago to cope with fibroids and really heavy flows, but my endometrium grew back like a weed. Our mother didn't complete menopause until 58; I could be in for several more years of this.

The one i had (and I didnt know they'd count them either! it was a more general gyno checkup) was an internal US and those are... quite invasive and unpleasant. Not painful, but embarrasing for sure.

Eh I have to get that type of ultrasound when I get an iud put in anyway. Maybe I’ll ask about it then.

Justine - there are non-invasive ways to test egg reserve. The levels of AMH (anti-mullerian hormone) indicate the size of your egg reserve. It measures quantity not quality but it can be added to any blood panels and is a good thing to know imo. I want to get it done again soon.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/rmanetwork.com/blog/anti-mullerian-hormone-amh-testing-of-ovarian-reserve/amp/

Thanks E! I’m def on the no-kids side of the fence now and have been for a couple years so quality isn’t an issue now.

Now that recreational weed is legal, I don't miss it (much). But yeah.

― Jaq, Monday, February 22, 2021 11:56 PM (three days ago) bookmarkflaglink

OTM. I just... stopped drinking when lockdown started (but to be fair, it was in the works for a bit because hangovers became untenable (depression/anxiety hangovers - wtf)) but I have definitely appreciated legal weed. Ivy asked me this morning about "the medicine" we keep in the orange (Sunnyside Dispensary) bag on top of the cabinet. Unfortunately she won't take, "It's 8 am and I'm not ready for this conversation" as an answer.

Anyway, as I'm reading/thinking I've realized that my hot flashes have decreased which could be as a result of not drinking or stress reduction (different job, better meds, better president) or maybe I'm heading towards the end of it.

I did try to get a Mirena IUD for period control when my period came back with such a vengeance but I literally bled for 10 weeks straight and then the fucking thing just fell out.

omg how terrible (re IUD)!

also, how old is Ivy now?

Le ultimate oeuf at least deserves a fruit basket for making it to the last train out of town.

It is kind of weird that it's such a huge event in your life and you can only really see it in the rearview mirror.

I successfully had an IUD for years before it was babby time! So that was a terrible surprise.

Ivy is 7 years old, but has the sass levels of a teen.

ie Jeff accidentally turned off all the lights via an Alexa mishap, and Ivy yelled "What the FUCK just happened?" Cue conversation about curse words and how to navigate a world that is not ready to hear a seven year old drop F bombs, and the importance of never saying "fuck" at school or in front of her grandparents. About a week later, I pissed her off because I told her to brush her teeth (smdh) and she held steady eye contact with me and said, "F." And I said, "What was that again?" And she said, more emphatically, "F."

At which point I just said, "You know what, fair enough. Now go brush your teeth."

I sometimes wonder if I should have had a kid or two. Maybe I would have actually ended up as a functioning adult if I did. Oh, well. I don't think it would have really mattered in the long run.

It is kind of weird that it's such a huge event in your life and you can only really see it in the rearview mirror.

― trishyb, Thursday, February 25, 2021 5:41 PM (one hour ago) bookmarkflaglink

This is really striking a chord with me. We're supposed to anticipate menstruation, anticipate pregnancy (with a huge industry built up around preparation and publicity) and then menopause is kind of the hidden, shameful transition? I mean I trust that I and my fellow gleeful crones itt and irl reject this framing but the big blank spot on the map is definitely there.

* I guess it only merits attention if someone can sell us HRT or something to mimic youth & fertility for as long as possible.

haha yeah ... as much as we like to trash baby boomers, I am definitely appreciative of the women of that generation pushing for (even just on a consumer level) options and technological and scientific improvements for dealing with menopause in an empowering way.

Omg Ivy <3 I can’t believe she’s 7 she sounds awesome!

F story made me giggle :D

Dry eyes huh? That would explain so much.

Yes I'm glad others are sayig they have it, I was going insane.

I am 48 and I started having perimenopausal symptoms maybe two years ago, but I didn't realize that's what it was. I thought I was just incredibly depressed and also not able to sleep anymore. I addressed these problems through mental health meds, but at some point I realized perimenopause could be contributing. I didn't get my period for about a year and then the past few months it has returned again. Things calmed down for awhile but then I noticed a few months ago that my hair was falling out. I wasn't sure if it was covid stress or menopause. My joints also hurt and they crack all the time. I am also incredibly out of it now. My brain is like full of air. I'm not sure if this is menopause or a side effect of medication. I went on reddit one day and learned things that I probably shouldn't have. Every possible symptom is covered there. Doctors insist I am not in menopause because I haven't gone one full year without a period. I don't think I have hot flashes but I run much warmer than I used to. Everyone at work will be freezing and I will be so comfortable. The hard thing for me is always wondering if what I am experiencing is perimenopausal related or just some other fucked up health thing. I think we're lucky though that there is so much more information out there now and it's not really taboo anymore. I don't know how women went through this on their own. Solidarity!

Doctors insist I am not in menopause because I haven't gone one full year without a period

I hope they are helping you, though, and not shrugging off your symptoms.

I was very lucky, in a way, because my perimenopause presented itself quite clearly as a painful, month-long period. When i went to my GP for my regular blood tests, I told her about it. She just threw in the blood test for perimenopause and confirmed that's what it was. I only had a couple of years of it before it was all over.

The scary thing about menopause symptoms is that so many of them can be symptoms of something so much worse, and they happen during the night when you can't really call anyone. Nothing more fun than standing in your kitchen at 3am with a racing heart and sweat pouring off every bit of you, with your mind going "is this cancer? Am I dying?" while everyone else in the house is asleep.

That sort of happened to me one night about six months ago when I woke up at 3am with an intense stabbing pain in what felt like my upper abdomen and back. I assumed and hoped it was just bad gas and just endured it alone for about 30 or 40 mins, alone in the family bathroom - to not inconvenience or wake anyone else of course. But deep down I was a little scared. Like, was it my heart? It subsided after a while and later I did follow up with a doctor. Still have some more tests to do, but now seems most likely it was actually a gall bladder attack. wtfffff

https://www.guernicamag.com/darcey-steinke-how-to-be-in-a-body/

Steinke: At the beginning, I struggled. I was disoriented. I was like, outside of cycling, who am I? I was having hot flashes; I was having trouble sleeping. And then when you look around, when you Google it, the list of symptoms is unbelievably depressing. Occasionally you’ll hear somebody in the press talk about it, or some celebrity, but it was hard for me to find something positive that I could admire and latch on to. So, when I found the whales, that was the first positive thing about menopause I had found—which is weird, that I had to go away from the human world and find an animal.

I got obsessed with these animals, and the matriarchs helped me move through my own menopause. The way that the fifty-plus-year-old females lead is just so inspiring. That to me was the first really purely joyful, positive thing that I had been able to latch on to about menopause. Being a writer, I was trying to read all these books about it—there are two I like: The Change by Germaine Greer and Break of Day by Colette—but so many books I found misogynist, either internalized misogyny or outright misogyny. So that was another thing that turned me inward. What am I going to do? How am I going to figure this out? It was like, you’re on your own if you want to go through this in a positive way. You’re completely on your own.

hello, just wanted to say thanks for starting this thread. I feel like most of the last year has been "is that bad thing or feeling COVID or anxiety or perimenopause?" which is a fun game for sure.

We're supposed to anticipate menstruation, anticipate pregnancy (with a huge industry built up around preparation and publicity) and then menopause is kind of the hidden, shameful transition?

What would the Judy Blume of menopause read like?

According to my GYN exam last week, my private parts do not show any sign of estrogen withdrawal. The doctor suggested my periods rebounding so significantly after endometrial ablation several years means my fibroids were not completely removed, or also have regenerated. Right now I'm planning several months of watchful waiting--I'd prefer NOT to do another pelvic ultrasound scan, if possible.

Thank you apoemabouteverything for linking to this elsewhere:
https://chicagoreader.com/arts-culture/youre-not-allowed-to-just-be-old-and-embrace-it/

Very informative -- from earlier this year. The URL is deceiving because it's not about that question as much as it's straight up informative https://www.npr.org/2021/08/05/1025184743/why-does-menopause-give-us-pause

only 31 min and you will know more about menopause than many other people you know. the experts are good too.

Definitely worth a listen, thanks! I can also recommend Dr. Jen Gunter's book (she's one of the podcast experts) The Menopause Manifesto. I wish I had been able to read it 15 years ago when in the throes of the menopause transition. I also read Deborah Copaken's Ladyparts recently - while not specifically about only menopause (and a memoir of someone who has led a VERY exciting life) it had info I wish I had known about MHT (menopause hormone therapy, preferred term over HRT now).

I can also recommend Dr. Jen Gunter's book (she's one of the podcast experts) The Menopause Manifesto.

Just put this on my shopping list--my last full-on period was in February but since then I've had almost continuous spotting. Tell me to make a gynecologist appointment NOW.

Several years ago I was hoping to phase off of Prozac. Then the world I know it went to hell and I increased my dosage. At the time the nurse practitioner claimed there were indications that it helped with menopause symptoms. Has anyone heard of RELIABLE findings supporting that?

Good news: I have an appointment with a gynecologist on Friday.

Bad news: My "almost continuous spotting" has become almost continuous soaking through the heaviest tampons in 60-90 minutes, during the last couple of days. My body image has been shitty as long as I have been aware of such things, but I'm plumbing new depths right now.

I was hoping to have sex at least once again before my mother's health takes a turn for the worse and I'm trapped in full-time caregiving. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that the only men who notice me want money more than anything else.

has anyone experimented with prempro (a combo pill) or a progesterone pill or a patch (estriadol)? a few friends have reported really good results and i am interested in more anecdata so i can be informed when i finally get to talk to a gyn

I finally got a couple pairs of "period underwear" for those days when

soaking through the heaviest tampons in 60-90 minutes

i had never experienced a heavy flow THAT heavy until last week - i was changing tampons every two hours, it was crazy!

my whole cycle has been a crazy rollercoaster since feb, no flow, late flow, light flow, insane flow, and cycles from 14 days all the way to 48 days
i’m seeing ob/gyn in a couple of weeks, i assume it’s all premenopause wackiness but just in case

if its gonna stop just stop ffs, all this wild unpredictability is really a drag

my rollercoaster began last year ... I used to have my "mynstrual calendar" (yes, that is what my anarchist dayplanner calls it) look very tidy with a minor shift here and there in the columns of "x"s ... now it looks a bit more like "things cats type" or something ... if the cat could hit the down arrow and have blank rows.

My particular variety of (early stage) breast cancer is exquisitely estrogen sensitive, which means I am about to be tossed abruptly into chemically-induced menopause courtesy of tamoxifen. I already feel like my brain power has taken a noticeable dive in recent years; definitely feeling concerned about the cognitive impacts of being estrogen-deprived.

:(

had some abnormal bleeding over the past few months & am on factfinding journey for what we think is just regular old menopause.

had endometrial biopsy today … technically straightforward and it was over lightning-fast but jesus literally everything about that superfast procedure was deeply unpleasant. yuk no thank you dnw.

if results come back normal i think i’m just going to opt for a do-nothing/monitor for now. i could do iud or birth control if i needed to but i dont really need it yet i dont think? i dont have much other menopausal hormonal craziness so far luckily

plus i’m on like 75 other meds for other things and appointments galore lately and adding another feels like too much even for me

we’ll see

Perimenopausal brain fog, or not giving a fuck any more?

"why not both?" ... i had my period last week for the first time in 3 months ... also apparently another "great" symptom is the onset of lactose intolerance! I'm not that intolerant, like, I'm not bloating and puking but ... if I ever go back to seeing movies in the theater, I should not have ice cream otherwise I will be the annoying person climbing over everyone in the race to the bathroom

Went to a new GP last week and mentioned how the last one I saw immediately dismissed the very idea of HRT without even asking my symptoms. The new GP was horrified. She says HRT is fine. She gave me a symptom checklist. I checked almost every single one lol.

Still have brain fog, dry eyes, insane hot flashes which frequently wake me at night (not with sweating - just SO HOT). Things feel compounded right now by the recent head injury I had, my bad knees, and the dread I could have Type 2 Diabetes but havent been tested for it

Uuuugh why do so many things have to be wrong. I'm just exhausted.

my anxiety has been off the scale recently - i don't feel overly anxious but my body goes into overdrive, heart racing etc at the mildest of "triggers" if that makes sense? since December. I'm wondering if it's peri. I'm only 41 tho.

stupid man chiming in to say I am glad you guys have this thread.
my wife is past the menopause now, but when she was going through it she really did not have anyone she felt she could talk to about it, and trying to understand what was happening was a real challenge for us at first.

Yeah I think I’m starting peri menopause. My period has been a bit weird - due to an IUD I’ve been mostly having invisible periods the last couple years (symptoms but no bleeding) but I had an invisible period then 2 weeks later starting bleeding a lot and it’s gone on for like 10 days at this point. It’s very annoying.

Yea Justine I had the same issue - I was on Implanon so no periods anyway. It was all the other shit that made me notice. PMTesque moodswings/anger, overheated, sweaty, clumsy. Remembering what my ma was like when she was my age (she became a bit of a psycho hosebeast til she got on HRT).

And I know we dont all need reminding but always advocate for yourselves with doctors! Fuck that last GP telling me I couldnt go on HRT.

Went to a new GP last week and mentioned how the last one I saw immediately dismissed the very idea of HRT without even asking my symptoms. The new GP was horrified. She says HRT is fine. She gave me a symptom checklist. I checked almost every single one lol.

― Stoop Crone (Trayce)

i'm not surprised but it's... probably one of the more shocking things to me, the extent to which a lot of doctors just don't listen to or respect women. since my body doesn't make T anymore, if i'm not getting hormones my body does go into menopause - i switched my hrt to patches earlier this year and for whatever reason it didn't work, and i sort of had a lot going on and didn't notice for a couple months, so i've had the privilege of experiencing the symptoms firsthand, and menopause is some fucking bullshit. not as much bullshit as some asshole doctor dismissing you out of hand when you brought up the topic, but bullshit, for sure.

anyway hope you get on hrt soon, if you haven't started yet. i feel guilty about asking this because i could just google it, but what are the typical administration methods for hrt in cis women? and is it just estrogen, or do y'all take like progesterone sometimes as well? i know sometimes menopausal cis women will microdose testosterone, which seems weird to me but the ones who do it seem to like it ok?

Playing a fun game atm of "what is causing the brain fog today?"
Could it be depression, anaemia, trauma, thyroid, or the onset of perimenopause?

haha i know that game! occasionally i think, "what about thermonuclear war?" ... speaking of games you don't win

have had two heavy periods in one month ... at first the brain fog was like, "oh, maybe it just feels like it was two weeks ago since you had the last one?" ... for the last couple years I have actually been tracking them on a calendar and I could verify, no, actually, it was just two weeks ago ... so I guess, before there is no blood, there is a lot of blood at random times.

yeah my last one was a two-week cycle, it had been normal for about 6 months, but yeah not looking forward to these starting up again

also the shorter cycles are WAY heavier
makes me feel like i’m 14 again having to stash pads & tampons in every bag/purse/backpack

like i used to be under the misapprehension that menopause meant NO period, not fuckin MORE periods
biology sucks i hate it

hating biology rn for sure

also I forgot if I mentioned this upthread but I sing "night sweats" to the tune of "Night Shift" by Siouxsie ... eventually I will cram all my annoying menopause symptoms into alternate lyrics for that song, and it will be my menopause anthem

i think i literally just had my first hot flash
while i was standing in the kitchen making coffee

my review: yuk, hated it

but it also might have been hypoglycemia
so yay thats fun

This is the problem I am having! Is it a menopause thing or a diabetes thing? I wake up every single night feeling hot and crappy.

I'm going to a film festival this weekend--will I once again be dashing to the restroom between each film because I've soaked through yet another tampon?

I've still never experienced anything that I would recognize as a hot flash. I may be lucky, but my doctors are always weirded out when I tell them this.

After I get back from NYS, I need to make a gynecologist appointment.

today i burst into tears in the middle of a zoom meeting (luckily mostly passive companywide monthly thing)
they were playing taylor swift cruel summer over a photo slide show & i had to turn my camera off bc i was fucking SOBBING for no reason like i like tswift but i have no personal connection to the song or the slideshow

like my hormones were like LETS FUCKING GOOOOOOOO

wee

my darlings, you will each get through this in your own way, and it might be very difficult at times, but then the other side is so, so free. i love it here.

I gotta say the cessation of periods has been *chefs kiss*.

This thread <3

The phrase "blood, sweat and tears" pretty much covers what I am experiencing all the time right now. Just make it all stop already :-(

like i used to be under the misapprehension that menopause meant NO period, not fuckin MORE periods
biology sucks i hate it

― werewolves of laudanum (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, August 5, 2023 5:15 PM (five days ago) bookmarkflaglink

It is! Technically I don't think you're considered menopausal until you've gone a year without one.

I still haven't had any peri symptoms though a lot of my friends are really struggling. Sounds terrible tbh.

I'm getting cold flashes at night, which is actually quite welcome since I only have one of those little bedside swamp coolers for air conditioning. (Other than the fans that are all over the house.)

*I gotta say the cessation of periods has been *chefs kiss*.*

For some people the mini pill has this effect...

10 years of no periods has been great, and also not having wild mood swings. It's tough to recognize how hard we are driven by hormones until we aren't.

If y'all aren't following Dr. Jen Gunter, I highly recommend. Her newsletter The Vagenda is menopause and repro science-y goodness.

The mood swings are what I’m most looking forward to gtfo. Bleeding is messy and aggravating but it doesn’t make me utterly lose my shit every 4 weeks. Saying goodbye to dramatic mood fluctuations will feel like a zillion bucks.

*I gotta say the cessation of periods has been *chefs kiss*.*

For some people the mini pill has this effect...

― kinder, Friday, August 11, 2023 6:51 AM (three hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Mirena IUD too.

xp - kinda wish i could just "skip" them, like a "not feeling this, thanks" track on an album lol. I feel like the mood swings in the past year have been more intense than when I was "regular" ...

this year for me: no periods for 3 months, definitely not babby ... I'm cool with this; two regularly timed but incredibly heavy periods ... not great, Bob; two heavy periods in one month plus crazy mood swings ... ughhh.

meanwhile I am becoming like my mother, who at one point in her late 40s, read somewhere that aluminum cookware is linked to alzheimers so she got rid of all her aluminum cookware ... instead, I am diligently investing in clothing made of natural fibers that are "breathable" because that will make the night sweats less awful.

also apparently UTIs are much more common during & after "the change" ... on the bright side, all the Covid-inspired virtual medical appointments made it astonishingly easy to get a prescription for antibiotics

For me, the swings amped up to 11 through perimenopause, so frequent and intense. About a year in to the post-pause, it hit me that wasn't happening any more. Then when Trump got elected and I was 100% rage all the time, it was a different flavor - more focused, like laser-rage instead of exploding supernova.

the most annoying thing for me rn is the "brain fog"

Had a long overdue eye exam today cos I need new glasses and also diabetes = gotta get that checked. I asked about the insanity-enducing dry eyes Ive suffered from for like a year or more now and the opto immediately said "yeah sorry thats caused by hormonal changes" ie from menopause. Yugh. I hope that settles eventually! At least she recommended some drops that Actually Work for a change (Cationorm if anyone's interested).

I'm dealing with dry eyes from taking duloxetine - lotsa drops including these gel ones at night plus a silicone sleep mask from EyeEco that helps. Glad you found some drops that work!

Cool, cool, cool, so awesome, love being a woman:

https://www.cambridge.org/core/journals/bjpsych-bulletin/article/severe-mental-illness-and-the-perimenopause/8D072AACBCD3C7888C173B36635C08C3

Perimenopausal hormone fluctuations lead to an idiosyncratic array of physical and psychological symptoms, which may lead to new-onset mental disorders as well as affecting pre-existing conditions. Patients with severe mental illness going through the perimenopause may expect changes in their symptomatology and response to treatment.

stoked for the madness

wait no not stoked, the other thing

i was looking forward to not bleeding through my fucking clothes every other month but yeah, okay, better put the suicide hotline at the top of my favorites again

forewarned is forearmed at least

weeee

I honestly found breast cancer easier to deal with than this menopause shit. A lot of women find it nbd; I am not one of them.

sorry quincie :(

Yeah - just given my age I assume I'm peri but I haven't noticed any symptoms to do with my actual period or otherwise whereas I have friends who are GOING THRU IT. I feel quite lucky right now but also scared because what they're going through sounds, quite frankly, horrible.

Anyone have tips/recommendations re bedding and sleep stuff to mitigate the night sweats? I am afraid to ask on social media because too many of my friends are woo-woo and I don’t want to be mean

All too timely a threadbump. WHY AM I STILL GETTING PERIODS AT MY ADVANCED AGE?

I am finding helpful to wear light PJs (top and bottom) so I can strip them off if they get damp. And I keep a large beach towel by the bed and put that down if the sheets are also damp.

I have an appointment at a specialized menopause clinic, but it is not until July. In the meantime I am simply losing my mind.

Hey I went on HRT and I recommend it!! I'm taking estrogen via a patch (so, so helpful--it hasn't reversed everything but it's making a difference in some uh very personal things that are useful), and supposed to be taking progesterone to balance out uterine tissue something something, but I noticed a slight correlation in nights that I took the progesterone + having some stomach issues, so I've been skipping it most days so basically I'm only taking the estrogen part of my Rx.

Since the start of this thread I completely finished going thru it all by the age of like 46! Pretty early. Apparently average age in American women is 51, or so my doc said. I'm reasonably sure that my height of psychological symptoms was 2020-2021 and indistinguishable from covid anxiety and frustration around other things that were happening? For instance, that was not a good time for my boyfriend to decide to have his kitchen renovated so we lacked cooking facilities for 3 months while his boorish friend came stayed over!!! In retrospect.

Anyway. Welcome to the other side!

I didn't go anywhere specialized, I just asked my regular gyn for HRT and she did an assessment and prescribed it to me.

Apart from the sweating and fatigue and muscle aches … I am actually not that bad? Except for i am becoming mildly lactose intolerant maybe?

My mynstrual tracking calendar is completely blank for 2024 so far

I mean if you got to your big age without being lactose intolerant, you've had like 30 good years post-childhood that many of us didn't get! lol

I can’t/shouldn’t have HRT thanks to good old estrogen/progesterone positive breast cancer. Though I might beg for it because I do not want to live this way.

My brain has turned into I don’t even know what. Doesn’t feel like me anymore

I'm so sorry.

Thanks IO. Good to have you back around these parts :)

Glad for both of you being around

I have one of these on my pillow, but once the gel shifts, you can't shift it back, so don't roll it up and put it in the freezer, like I did!

The sweating drives me bonkers. I mean ffs yesterday I was sweating even though it was not warm in my room and my feet were cold. Also, because of this, BO control has beocme really difficult, I end up only being able to wear every top once only, or else I stink :(

My GP has been so occupied with my T2D, I havent got round to asking about/getting onto HRT. I mus remember to mention it.

I thought about trying black cohosh/vitamin supplements, but the bottle I bought gives the indication I shouldnt take it if there's liver issues - which I have to watch cos of my cholestorol meds and drinking, so I DONT KNOW.

Trayce, if you’re not already doing so, use a cleanser like Hibiclens or Panoxyl (not all over, as they’re both drying, but in your main sweat areas). It’ll minimize the smell.

I shall indeed try that thanks for the tip!

Oh yes, I have been using hibiclens (generic version) followed by glycolic acid solution from The Ordinary, followed by by a WIDE (like, up my arms and down my sides) swath of antiperspirant/deoderant, followed by a sprinkle of antibacterial foot powder. Definitely helping.

I wonder how menopause brain compares to pregnancy brain? I've never experienced pregnancy at all, and I didn't have that kind of menopause experience. The, like...plasticity? of women's bodies throughout our lives is truly wild, we really are like 3 or 4 different people at different times. The whole "maiden/mother/crone" thing is way more literal than I ever realized.(Duh, stupid, say several millennia of women before me.)

I wonder how menopause brain compares to pregnancy brain? I've never experienced pregnancy at all, and I didn't have that kind of menopause experience. The, like...plasticity? of women's bodies throughout our lives is truly wild, we really are like 3 or 4 different people at different times. The whole "maiden/mother/crone" thing is way more literal than I ever realized.(Duh, stupid, say several millennia of women before me.)

I meet all of the criteria for PPD and PMDD, except for the pregnancy and period parts. So I would say there can be much in common!

The sweating drives me bonkers. I mean ffs yesterday I was sweating even though it was not warm in my room and my feet were cold. Also, because of this, BO control has beocme really difficult, I end up only being able to wear every top once only, or else I stink.

Important to note that I fall on the extreme end of the perimenopausal symptom spectrum, and don’t want others to think this severity is typical. Also the gold standard treatment (HRT) is complicated because of my cancer status.

I definitely notice the differences between BO severity and different fabrics… though maybe it’s just me idk but polyester increases the stink, and cotton doesn’t

Also I definitely prefer menopause symptoms to cancer.

While I know there are some Ilx women who have reproduced (I can think of at least 5) this website is the largest collection of nulliparous women I’ve ever encountered and for that I’m extremely grateful.

I actually taught some coworkers about the maiden/mother/crone thing bc I had to explain what a crone is. Because I was trying to make cronecore happen lol. Hasn’t happened yet but I’m not done trying!!

Ugh, the sweats. I get them every so often but nothing like as horrible as when fibroids hijacked my body (I had a hysterectomy because they were huge and embedded in the uterine walls). You won’t want to wear wool unless it’s a coat/really cold. I wear a lot of cotton and almost no polyester/viscose.

Family lore says my aunt’s hot flashes were so bad, if she got them while driving, the windows of her car would fog up. Compared to that, I’m not having a hard time.

Reading posts by Rushomancy and other trans women also really puts the whole thing in perspective even more

My roommate is a trans man and said he and his mom went through essentially menopause at the same time when he started taking T! Which is funny. Sadly for him they were not on speaking terms (and still kind of aren't). Our links to the knowledge that we need get broken in so many ways.

_ Our links to the knowledge that we need get broken in so many ways.

In my experience, pregnancy brain and menopause brain were very similar, this weird dullness and recognition that my thoughts were just so slow, not enough attention to learn new things or take in a large amount of info. I'm 10 years post menopause now and things are good. But I skipped MHT when it could have helped a lot, due to the scary study that had come out.

Did y'all see the new Vagenda from Jen Gunther about very low doses of gabapentin for hot flashes?

Ugh, the sweats. You won’t want to wear wool unless it’s a coat/really cold. I wear a lot of cotton and almost no polyester/viscose. .

I actually take gabapentin for anxiety and I don’t get hot flashes so maybe that’s what’s going on with me?

Haven’t really tried either (I think Muji incorporate bamboo into some of their fabrics) but I like some of the Airism things from Uniqlo, which are supposed to be ‘wicky’.

Good to know! It definitely reinforces the fact that so much of women’s fashion is focused on youth … though I do see more brands having more prominent fabric information and the option to filter by fabric. … of course in my 20s I wore tons of polyester and rayon, so many cute vintage dresses that were polyester and rayon … now I just think of the sweating from menopause and smell and will only buy something in those fabrics if it’s really awesome

Polyester not only can be less breathable but also PROVEN BY SCIENCE holds odors more than natural fibers!

Rayon is pretty breathable compared to polyester.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that I almost never wear tights anymore because of the overheating potential.

I always always always wear a tank top under whatever other shirt I'm wearing (generally a v-neck tee) because at some point in the day everything is going to have to come off except for the tank. I no longer wear a bra because I no longer have breasts (flat closure), which is a mercy because that would have been even worse with DDs to house.

My cancer experience was that it was easier to navigate than menopause. It's well understood, there is a straightforward protocol to fixing it (at least in early stages, such as mine), you get tons of support from friends and family and health care providers and support groups and even strangers. Insurance covered a lot of what was needed.

None of this has come with my menopause experience.

I was writing something in the pandemic lookback thread and I remembered signing up for shifts in 2020 to answer phones and take requests and give out assignments for a community group, and I had SO MUCH ANXIETY and brain fog, and there were so many chapters of documentation in Google docs that we were supposed to retain and I just felt confused ALL THE TIME. So maybe it wasn't as easy as I thought. Hard to say because the person who created those docs also thinks totally differently to me, as I know now.

I always always always wear a tank top under whatever other shirt I'm wearing (generally a v-neck tee) because at some point in the day everything is going to have to come off except for the tank. I no longer wear a bra because I no longer have breasts (flat closure), which is a mercy because that would have been even worse with DDs .

Xps linen is expensive but really good for keeping cool

I have one linen dress. It comes out in high summer, at the exact point that I’m too damn hot to care about it being heavily creased the second I sit down.

Since we’re talking about boobs, I’m an A and resent the extra layering required purely to prevent comments about peanut smuggling.

Xps linen is expensive but really good for keeping cool

Hmm I haven’t heard of it causing itchiness (that’s usually wool). Does it feel like an allergy type of itchy or is it more sensory?

Sensory. I have the same thing with some types of wool.

Maybe look for cotton-linen blends, they’ll probably feel a little softer/smoother

Thank you! Yes! I have a few and love them, also in re blankets

Having a very hard time of it lately. I'm convinced most of my symptoms are menopause related - I feel constantly on the verge of a PMT-esque meltdown lately agitated, anxious, angry. Sleep bad. Hot flashes, sweating. Aching. Forgetful, clumsy. The whole freaking nine yards.

But my GP - who is good, thorough and thoughtful - is erring too far on the side of caution and doenst want to let me go on HRT because she thinks it'll be a heart risk for me, because I have elevated cholestorol, liver enymes and diabetes. GAHHHH.

It feels like my panolpy of symptoms all contraindicate each other and I can treat anything without effing up something else. I am going bananas.

Hearing you on this. My oncologist was pretty anti HRT but couldn’t cite any evidence for why. Major university menopause clinic was fine with it despite estrogen/progesterone positive breast cancer (with specifics that make it low risk for recurrence).

I start on Duavee next week and hopeful that I get some of my brain and body back.

x-post

WHAT a time to be perimenopausal. I still haven't experienced anything I would recognize as a hot flash, but the other symptoms track. Well, I probably am due for a checkup.

I started to have hot flashes last month … maybe it’s a later onset symptom… it felt like a cool breeze just stopped… idk maybe it was just summer weather.

I used to wonder if I knew what a hot flash would be, but you really KNOW once they kick in proper. You'll be just sitting there doing nothing and suddenly its like someone's turned on an airfryer in your insides, and you just want to peel all your clothes off. Which if you're sitting at a desk at work is quite awkward lol.

Whats weird is, 15 mins later I can be back to COLD. Nuts.

Strange to reread this thread and find out that I started peri three years ago--I was thinking that it started in late 2022. It's all over now--my one year noperiodversery was in April, and the hot and cold flashes (all I can remember happening during peri) were over by then. It looks like yet another thing that I skated through that should have affected me more but didn't.

That's kind of how I felt too, Christine. Like I knew I didn't feel GOOD but it wasn't that bad (also it was 2020 and there were a lot of reasons to feel anxiety and anger). The hot flashes made me sweat and flush and fan myself but it wasn't like being dipped in lava or whatever.

I found out from Tiktok about a symptom that I didn't even know WAS a symptom: apparently due to changing saliva glands and some other stuff you can HAVE TROUBLE SWALLOWING. I did. I totally did. And I thought something was wrong with me and IT WAS MENOPAUSE ALL ALONG.

Sorry to those who don't get HRT :( a friend of mine is in that category, stupidly due to an incomplete diagnosis from an unrelated scan that doesn't even have a treatment plan for what they think she might have/might not have, but they won't give her HRT with this thing in her records. Not sure what the options are, go to a different doctor and not reveal the scan maybe.

Having been off it and back on HRT, the biggest change to my quality of life is the lessening of chronic muscle and joint pain. :/

I read about the swallowing thing recently. Isn't that just insane? Apparently some women have it really bad and think they're choking all the time. Wtf??

I'm still waiting for things to start. Based on age and years I must be peri but still like clockwork and no symptoms yet. A few of my friends are going through it really bad. Genuinely hoping that I skate thru it too. Apparently age at menarche can impact age of menopause insofar as women who got their period early tend to go through it earlier etc. I didn't get my period until the end of Freshman year in HS.
Read something recently that said there is basically some form of HRT for almost everyone even people who years ago wouldn't have been prescribed. I think if I were your friend I'd get a 2nd opinion if poss.

I thought it was if you got yr period early, then you hit menopause late and vice versa? Idk. I was watching one of those nice British shows on PBS set in the last century, and one of the characters was having mood swings and lost interest in sex w her husband w/ whom they had 4 kids … and I was like … Kathy is probably just starting “the change” … yep. Three episodes later, I was correct.

one of the characters was having mood swings and lost interest in sex w her husband w/ whom they had 4 kids

The problem here is that both of those symptoms are also explained by having 4 kids.

Yeah I am not sure they really know. Some studies say what I heard, others what you said and others where they find no correlation who who fucking knows.

What I do know is that the best predictor of when a woman will hit meno is when her mother did.

Xpost - lol seriously

My mother went through menopause in her mid-forties, just before I started menarche at 9 or so.

Having been off it and back on HRT, the biggest change to my quality of life is the lessening of chronic muscle and joint pain.

As in the HRT helped this? I'm so desperate for this! And my GP knows it and she's so torn because she doesnt want to give a high-heart-risk woman HRT. Maybe now I've found a cholestorol med that doesnt make me feel like I have the flu, things will be better...

Yeah I am not sure they really know. Some studies say what I heard, others what you said and others where they find no correlation who who fucking knows.

What I do know is that the best predictor of when a woman will hit meno is when her mother did.

I find the estrogen part of HRT enormously helpful for chronic pain. Sometimes I forgot to replace my patch for a day or two and I notice I wake up with more aches esp in my feet and ankles (which as a New Yorker I over-use every day, basically, so they're always sore).

Wait so my achy hands might be due to menopause?????

First it came for my feet and now that it’s affecting my hands I’m at my wit’s end.

I would at least say it's possible? :( But maybe :) if HRT will help!

Xp LL … Otherwise it’s arthritis…not sure what’s worse. I got aches in knees and lower back… Idk if the different parts that ache during menopause are like the sneak preview of where the arthritis will hit in 10+ more years… otoh, men as they age are more prone to needing adult diapers so … definitely prefer hot flashes and aching knees to that

i have annual physical coming up, doc is going to get my bullet list of ailments now that my bp is under control. i fully dread the thought of having arthritis/losing functionality in my hands/feet.

I had hand and lower spinal/hip xrays recently cos of my aches, checking for Ankylosing spondylitis (cos I have the marker in my bloodwork). I dont have AS as far as they reckon but I am getting mild osteo in my knees and right hand ugh.

I get that classic "it aches when its cold" thing.

My journey to try and get put on fucking HRT is still ongoing! I feel like I'm in a GRRM novel at this point, it is taking sooooo long. I had to tick off all the "high risk" shit which meant seeing a cardiologist, controlling my diabetes, losing weight, and getting a mammogram. Thanks to waiting lists, thats taken me over 12 months. And now today at the final hurdle they tell me the frigging cardio never sent my results to my GP grrrr. But once thats sorted it looks like I may FINALLY get to try HRT. And not a moment too soon, I am over the tired, sweaty, cranky, clumsy, foggy lot.

Oh and not to mention the constant aches and pains. Just getting up off the couch is a trial.

I learned recently about menopausal tendonitis and it explained so much about the general aches and pains all over. Lower estrogen levels make the collagen in your tendons go crosswise instead of in a nice smooth line - this makes tendons stiff and inflexible. Counter with more stretching than seems reasonable.

Yesterday I stood on a chair… the process, the amount of time it took … I was like, do I go in the kitchen and get the stepladder? Nah, I could totally get on this chair no problem, faster than getting the ladder … in retrospect… the ladder would have been faster.

Trayce, yeah, they won't give it me here in Canada either. Frustrating because from what I've read, the latest research shows that most of the risks they thought were associated with it are more accurately only risky if your levels are depleted and then suddenly replaced, but maintaining is relatively much more safe. So *if* that is true, seems like a poor level of care to actively create the worse scenario. I saw my family dr, a private clinic, and a specialist and still got nowhere. It's ridiculous.

Meanwhile, in Big Pharma USA, even a person with a history of estrogen-receptor-positive breast cancer (e.g., me) can get HRT.

I've been on it (albeit at very low dose and combined with a protective SERM) for months. I still feel crap, but not quite as crap.

Oh we can get it fine its just the GPs are exercising an abundance of caution because of the supposed heart risk (bcs of my comorbidities). I mean I guess thats good but yeesh.

I have to say if this doesnt help the sleep/heat/aches thing I'll be pretty frustrated.

did y'all see that video of the woman's head literally steaming while she had a hot flash and was sitting on some bleachers watching a game?!
classic

My aunt’s hot flashes used to fog up her car windows when she was driving!

Its so weird! It isnt at all like fever heat. Its like ones skin has taken on hotplate qualities. Also I can be hot all over andsweating and still have freezing cold feet. FUN.

Itching! So much itching! Also managed to fog up some car windows today while sweat-soaking through a t-shirt.

It was never steaming nor uncomfortable heat, for me. I just had to be prepared to take off all of the covers or my coat a couple of dozen times a day.

Effexor completely halted my hot flashes and night sweats! It was rather astounding. I added estrogen for anxiety snd mood madness along with GSM.

Oh and if you are not already using vaginal estrogen cream, DO IT! It is not absorbed systematically so any doc who says it is contraindicated does not know wtf they are talking about. Which is unfortunately the case for far too many docs, including gyns, when it comes to menopause !

Effexor completely halted my hot flashes and night sweats!

Interesting, cos both the lady GPs I see suggested SSRIs and I was extremely wary because I had a Very Bad time on effexor and prozac back in the 90s (shot my anxiety levels thru the roof) so I'm not sure thats an option.. who knows.

I just 5 mins ago got called by the GP... I hve to get one last boob ultrasound to make 300% sure a minor blop on my last mammo is nothing to worry about before they'll start. GAH! there is zero BC in my family!

Is vaginal estrogen still $100+ a tube?

Not sure, my insurance pays for some of it—it is totally bullshit that it would cost more than, like, 20 bucks—cheap generic drug mixed with vaseline. Honestly they should give it out for free to everyone over 45.

Sorry to all who are pushing for HRT. It was easy to get mine but possib because I have no warning signs or medical hist issues. Also I was fully finished with menopause by the time I started, so I was already no longer having hot flashes etc. But I super super appreciate the improved joint flexibility and reduced chronic pain of taking HRT! Along with some other changes that I won't put here but suffice it to say the results are an improvement.

My hot flashes were like the feeling of wearing several coats in a hot room, nothing more or less than that. Definitely bothersome but not life-disrupting! Right before covid was a thing, I had one on a PACKED subway train one morning and I must have looked horrible because people were inviting me to sit down and like I might pass out! lol how you do you say thanks but I'm just SO HOT RIGHT NOW.

When do we know menopause is over?

My situation is different: end of 2017 I had a hysterectomy because of an entire fruit bowl of fibroids in there, kept ovaries. I sometimes have flash sweats and flare-ups of tendinitis (including in my Achilles for most of the past year). I did not realise that tendinitis is linked to menopause at all; my GP (who is great in every other way) has never drawn my attention to this. Not on HRT - because of childhood cancer, I have always ruled it out. Had to artificially stop periods as a first effort to treat the fibroids maybe 10 years back. What I do?

I take effexor for depression/anxiety reasons and still have all the sweating

I haven’t had a uterus since 2015, so I had to go by symptoms and ES/LH/FSH testing. All of which indicate I’m still in peri.

A year after your last period.

Gabapentin (which i take for anxiety) also is prescribed for hot flashes. Idk if that’s why I have only had one in the last year, the same number of periods I had in the last year fwiw. The sweats aren’t as bad as they were a year ago, but the joint pain has increased, as well as new un-fun digestive issues. Considering how mild my symptoms are, I haven’t considered HRT …

Apparently I have fairly significant fibroids, and since the periods are only irregular but have not actually stopped yet, the sheer blood loss is somewhat alarming sometimes. Need to get bloodwork done again to check but it's almost certainly making me anemic. Pelvic floor and skin issues too, but the advice I got for all this was to take naproxen for pain, maybe try sessions with at a "kegel throne" clinic (v expensive I think - anyone ever done one?) and to just wait for full menopause because "that should solve most of the problems" ... and that was two years ago and still waiting. Unfortunately put my own needs completely on the back burner because of typical being a caregiver stuff, but it seems that is going to be easier now, so it's a good time to push harder with some self care. Just feeling very shitty and so tired of it.

Menopause Is Having a Moment
If you’ve got ovaries, you’ll go through it. So why does every generation think it’s the first to have hot flashes?

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2025/03/10/menopause-is-having-a-moment

https://archive.is/giTm4

(nb i have not yet read this and know nothing of these things; just posting a link)

She seems to think that no one had ever thought to track menstrual cycles until the invention of period tracking apps.

Ugh ugh. I am someone who just DOES NOT exercise, right? I used to, when I was a lithe teen - Jazz ballet, gymnastics, skating. Since my 20s, nada bar walking, for various reasons.

Anyway I've started seeing a new physio for my crappy knees/hips and shes thrown me into pilates, which I've never tried before. The actual session was fine, I could feel the burn, but it wasn't insanely taxing.

...until I sat up on the refomer bench after my last set and felt like I was going to faint. WTF is with that!? Should I have eaten something? Had more water? Am I just that unfit and it'll be better next time? It was so embarrasing. They even checked my blood pressure for the next 10 mins which was very nice of them and it was a bit too high (esp considering I am on BP meds).

I really hope that doesn't happen to me next time because that aside, it felt like such manageble exercise (no strain on my shit joints).

(I dunno if that's a particularly meno-related problem to be having so much as an "I am old and really fucking unfit" one... but anyway...)

My stamina has definitely taken a hit. I just get tired more easily in general, despite good exercise/diet/sleep. And uppers! I take adderall now in a (mostly failed) attempt to cut the brain fog, which should really go by another name because "brain fog" sounds way too benign for what it feels like.

Oh! I should also have mentioned that my neverending quest for HRT is finally at an end! I started on an Estrogel/Prgesterone tablet combo as of last night.

No change to my night flashes so far but I'm expecting it'll take a while?

I have felt like complete shit the last 2 weeks but its because yet again a statinlike med is NOT agreeing with me. I've tried atorvastatin, rosuvastain, eztimibe and fenofibrate and they all make me almost instantly feel like I have CFS. It is so weird. So I have permission to stop taking it (yet again) while I see how I go with the HRT for a month. Between that and the physio heres hoping I can feel like less of a malfunctioning Jabba the Hutt.

I have been feeling SO MUCH BETTER the last day or 2. Wether its the HRT, the ceasing statins or a bit of both who can tell but man it is nice to be able to get out of bed and walk downstairs without having to crab-walk clutching the stair rail.

Fabulous news, Trayce!!

I've just started pilates too which'll be tough; the first session I got really faint afterwards from the lying down/standing repeatedly and the next day my muscles were farrrrkin sore. I'm just really unfit.

I still haven’t conclusively determined what food(s)/ingredients are fucking with my digestive system and causing “LNG” but I have been having fewer problems since I switched to putting soy milk in my coffee instead of milk or half&half . I do kegels more often but not in any disciplined routine… though I think they have improved my sex life a bit so idk