making our way back: reclaiming queer space in the SPRING of 2021//LGBTQIA+ Vaccine ed.

how we all holding up?

surely this will be a better year to be queer ☮️

updates? life musings? thoughtful dialogue? hookups? betrayal? creation? a path less traveled by? take a load off, stay awhile, drop in, drop out, shake it all about.

from the other thread, looking forward to a late april palm springs vacation thx to the stimmy bucks. it's already a better year than last year imo. lots of pent up energy and i have to make sure it doesn't turn sour. i have a very sweet and normal boyfriend after having 'problematic' ones and i love him dearly.

🖤 I can’t believe I missed that entire last thread! I kept thinking how much I miss you guys.

I’ve been trying to focus on music more than boys in the past three months but spring fever has officially set in. Been playing a bit with the whole daddy thing lately because it seems I’ve started to get that kind of attention which is funny.

got my first jab on Monday. I'll wait until early April before I start manhandling again -- my first attempt since March 13, 2020.

Same, despite now being married.

(I kid ... mostly.)

lol. i meannnnnn. I just feel like I need to have a sleepover stat, like for my mental health

Been playing a bit with the whole daddy thing lately

i'll just say i have mixed feelings about this. i truly despise the patriarchy on the streets but in the sheets i love being called "daddy" "sir" etc (i hate getting called sir at the grocery store or w/e). not to get too tmi but i'm the 'daddy' in my relationship and he's 9 years older than me! hehe. we might also try a little tinkering with a third or fourth in ps if we meet some friendly people. i need a romp iykwim

i am growing into daddydom, at least in the sense that my hair is rapidly graying and i’ve gained a bunch of weight in the last year (not that i intended to)

I am 33 and am always wondering when my Daddy DaysTM will start, though I shaved my beard several months ago and ppl say I look so much younger now :( otoh I hate "daddy" and calling people "daddy" I imagine I would also hate being called "daddy" so tbh I am in no rush, it's more of a curiosity thing than anything.

My boyf and I split about a month ago but are still besties and talk all day every day, we joke that it's more of a "rebranding" than a breakup, we just got to a point where we were good friends trying to force a romantic relationship that neither of us were really feeling. We were so on the same page that the actual breakup convo felt like more of a clearing-the-air formality than anything else and honestly v little has changed in our day to day behavior, if anything it feels nicer to just keep being friends w/o this weird cloud looming over everything. Also, neither of us have any desire to start dating again, so it's nice that we can keep being good friends for a while and cool things off slowly and gradually.

I just got my second vaccination shot on Monday and it was a DOOZY but I bounced back quickly, it's been surreal to think about how I can, like, re-enter the world, go run errands, take trips downtown, etc. without worrying about death!!! This + beginning of spring and springtime weather + daylight savings in 2 days feels v like R E N E W I N G and it is a feeling that I am embracing and running with

I am so fucking excited to get a haircut, you guys my hair is so so so awful rn

maybe I should shave my head again??????

congrats, Stevie. Which vaccine?

:) :) :)

xp Laura Moderna

Congrats on the vaccine, also I’m glad you are navigating your breakup in the best possible way

Hi! Work has been so busy. Stevie if I didn’t already say so congratulations!!! So exciting. Did you get your haircut

News on my front is that this guy who I had one wild night with years ago found me on grindr and asked me out. This is coming at an epic dry spell so feeling slightly excited

Surm!!! I was thinking of you the other day, specifically about how rigatoni was once your fav pasta shape and how I think I started buying rigatoni bcz of you, and whether or not it was still your favorite pasta shape.

I tried to book a haircut with the barber I saw last time but he's unavailable for A MONTH, and I can't decide if I should book a spot with the local "alternative salon" in my neighborhood that I've had great success with, or just buzz it and figure out how to make sideburns work with a buzz cut.

actually the salon is v good at dyeing and I could get a haircut + dye my hair in some fashion, which I've never done at an establishment before????

Oh you definitely have to do that. It’s a life changer. Talk about self-care! If only for the experience.

Also regarding rigatoni, I’ve had to confront this recently. It’s a tossup between spaghetti and rigatoni with spaghetti having with the slight edge. Also trying to get into penne for the first time…
🖤

I've been into bolognese a lot lately, so rigatoni is right up there on my grocery list.

You know, I've never been fond of standard spaghetti. We were an angel hair household growing up but apparently angel hair is unanimously hated??? I still love it though. I've also become quite fond of bucatini, which I imagine, surm, you would love

Angel hair has to be cooked for no more than about 7 seconds for it to be good.

and is imho best served with a v light accompanying sauce, like diced tomatoes and garlic and fresh herbs

i finally acquired the family “gravy” recipe recently and i just about die of pleasure every time i make it

literally hundreds of pasta shapes out there, it’s mind boggling. i had this kind recently from a takeout place near me that were shaped like little envelopes! stuffed with creamy ricotta. bonkers good

I mean, since we're on the topic: POLL: Which is the best basic Italian pasta sauce?

Omg

I mean rigatoni Bolognese is one of my favorite meals literally of all time
Also as you can imagine I have all the thoughs on angel hair and bucca. Love both! But both very fickle. You’re in for a challenge if you fuck with spaghetti.

Angel hair: good in soups

I love pasta talk

Today I got a surprise FaceTime from a man I adore who lives far away with whom I hooked up years ago and he told me he just got vaccinated and wanted to know where I was and he said conspicuously proposition-y things and etc.

We had a moment of fantasizing about driving mopeds around Italy and that was the FaceTime

I will be up to full power in three weeks.

Nice!!!!! Great news

XP, that sounds lovely. I also had a moment of fantasy with a new beau last night and the fantasy took place in Italy ...

There's been a lot of wistful reconnections over the past year! Next week I'm going to Montreal to visit my ex for his birthday, gonna be staying in the house we used to share (and where he still lives)

It is kinda crazy, he and I would've celebrated our 18th anniversary this month had we stayed together. Maybe we'll get back together before our "20th"

trying to figure out why i ever thought lockwood51 was cool. "stay queer as fuck" okkkkk it's not like i have to try???

lol i get sponcon from them on FB a lot and most of it looks pretty bad to me

'sponcon' - a perfect word haha

I only just realized that the inversion of "holy shit" is "shitty hole"

Or maybe devilish douche.

i'm feeling gay today.

i was in the leg equipment section of the gym today and goddamn i have never seen so many rudely staring motherfuckers in my life. like cats eyeing each other.

can i be a little bit insufferably edgy and say that this is like really hot?

Taken in 1967 by Rocco Morabito, this photo called “The Kiss of Life” shows a utility worker named J.D. Thompson giving mouth-to-mouth to co-worker Randall G. Champion after he went unconscious following contact with a low voltage line https://t.co/vW6QidVvA4 pic.twitter.com/6kpu1N6j52

— Cory Doctorow (@doctorow) March 26, 2021

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bOqxI97CoDM

watched this the other night, a documentary about Glitterbox, which is a clubnight based in Ibiza but travels all over the world. First five mins and last five mins are standard "woo our club is the best" hagiography, and some of the material about the birth of disco and Larry Levan feels too familiar for anyone with a passing interest - but I otherwise really enjoyed this. It's about the dancers and their personal journeys as LGBT+ individuals, and it's got Billy Porter talking about how clubbing saved his life.

Oh cool, thanks for sharing. Saving for later.

That looks amazing

Just put a hefty down payment on my trip to fire Island this summer, I think it’s so weird that I am becoming a fire Island person,
But I am feeling good about it

Appointment with J&J on Thursday

i have some questions about basic suburb gay fashion

does volcom code as gay?
does hurley code as gay?

do they mean gay-but-not-out? gay-but-trying-to-pass?

so y'all gonna require tricks to flash their jab cards before inviting them over

jab card 4 jab ONLY

mask4mask

i'm not on them anymore but i heard it's a thing on the apps now, stating whether or not you've been vaxed. not happy about that development tbh.

Philosophically yes, sexually no.

No Johnson & Johnson, no johnson and johnson

You got to have a J-A-B / If you wanna be with me

Get into that Pfizer, before you get into my thighs-zer.

If you like Piña Moderna / and jabs in the vein

No head, no backstage vaxxes.

ooh stick you
your mama, too
and your DADDY

Test

I had a date thing the other night that didn’t go so well. We had hooked up years ago and then found each other again online, so I was excited to see him. Well I invited him over, and it turns out there was a bit of a drunk goggles situation. It got kind of awkward and he stayed a reallllllly long time. He’s super nice it just wasn’t the right chemistry. I have to get better at my prescreen

Fully vaccinated (i.e. second jab + two weeks) tomorrow.

💜

i got the J&J shot yesterday and i'm still reeling from it. awful throbbing headache going on about 18 hours now, and last night i had full-body chills and aches all over

I am not particularly looking forward to my second shot but the first one was largely uneventful. Just a low-level all-day headache and fatigue.

sorry donna hope you feel better soon. i felt a little "off" after the first shot but nothing major.. just kind of weak and emotional tbh. also not looking forward to the second one.

To be clear, y'all may feel nothing after the second. I didn't other than cottonmouth.

Happy D Day, Alfred

Donna I had my J&J on Saturday and subsequently had the second-worst "flu" I've ever experienced, it was brutal

I felt 50% better after 24 hours and 100% better after 48, fwiw :)

hey, fuck these companies
https://popular.info/p/these-rainbow-flag-waving-corporations

Duke Energy has donated $75,200 to the sponsors of S514 over the last three years. That makes Duke Energy the top corporate donor to the politicians pushing this anti-trans measure.

Duke Energy has donated $16,800 to Senator Ralph Hise (R), who authored S514, including $10,800 last year. Hise also vocally supported North Carolina's notorious "bathroom bill," which prohibited trans people from using the bathroom that matched their gender identity, in 2016. Hise voted against the successful repeal of HB2 the following year.

Popular Information asked Duke Energy if the company supported S514 and would continue to provide financial support to its sponsors. A company spokesperson sent this statement:

We remain firmly committed to supporting diversity, equity and inclusion in the workplace and in the communities we serve. We support policymakers on both sides of the aisle to ensure our customers and communities have a voice on key energy topics. We do not always agree with their positions on each and every issue. Our primary focus is on how North Carolina can continue its clean energy transition in a reliable, affordable way to benefit all customers.

Johnson rejected Duke Energy's ambiguous response as self-serving and counterproductive. "Being silent for the sake of your business interests is detrimental to North Carolina," she said. Johnson said that Duke Energy and other corporate donors have an obligation to "stand in opposition" to a bill that is "wrong, harmful, and damaging."

yeah fgti i feel much better today - just vaguely sniffly, no more headache

fgti, are you still in Ontario? The vaccine rollout has been awful here--one guess why--so good for you if you managed to secure the shot, even if I'm wondering how (no need to answer that, of course).

Here in Ontario, my wife and brother have been booked for a first shot on 1 May, but it was a lot of trouble sorting out where to look for it.

(just chiming in to agree that the aftermath of Johnson and Johnson vaccine sucked big-time)

@ crypto, no, I'm working in USA rn. I do live in one of the hot zones that was supposed to get vaccinations presently, but I heard that they've bungled that, even

I'm sorry I kept posting in the old thread! Lol why did no one tell me, you guys are mean.

I slept for most of the day after my second shot, and then I walked downstairs and Theo was cooking shirtless and I became aroused...that was when I knew I felt better! Ha.

Also Stevie, the one time I went to the salon you mention, they gave me a horrible cut :-( I go to that place at 16th and Pine, whatever it's called. My hair also looks awful right now, though it's the longest it's been since 2007.

Omg o no that you were posting to the other thread!
We should have a WDYLL soon no?

Post-pandemic? Perish the thought.

Hahaha ok point taken

I’m trying to set up a “date” soon and let’s just say I hope it’s like riding a bike

Picked up my first dude eating outdoors last week. A waiter. He asked about the Octavia Butler I was reading. A Yale guy! We're having coffee next week.

ka boom, back in business

Oooh I wonder how the Yalees r in bed

I hope to jab him next week.

just another manic monday

good morning only to Stanley Tucci in an ‘80s jeans commercial pic.twitter.com/xaMjLGlTvp

— carly jordan (@carlyforshort) April 23, 2021

Lol i just watches that!

*watched

map how was your week?

A date -- a real one -- this Wednesday.

Oh! Dinner? Who is it?

my boyfriend and i stayed in palm springs for a few days over the weekend. we had a really good time overall. we stayed at one of the older, smaller clothing optional places. i found it really easy to relax there. the room was a little older, apparently the last on the property that hasn't had a remodel. 8 rooms total.

the majority of the other guests were 60+. we chatted with just about everyone. had a more extensive chat with a couple from seattle. nice enough but it was sort of weird to have a conversation where the other couple has more hang-ups / is generally more conservative than you are. i used to be the uptight one, lol. i always forget that, outside of utah, gays perk up when they find out that you were mormon, it's a turn-on, i think it must be the magic patriarchal cult vibe. i'm so over it, though, i refuse to talk about it in that way so i just clam up or change the subject.

other things: it's fun to get attention! this is not bragging but i lift a lot, i'm muscular, and the boys notice. i wore these short mesh gym shorts everywhere. someone stopped their car to compliment them. we went to world gym on sunday morning - super old gym with the non-round plates that you can't deadlift with (but i made it work anyway). tvs were playing bodybuilder footage which was hilarious. i felt a little bit like i was a sausage thrown into a dog park haha.

a few impressions about palm springs: the desert there is very beautiful. we saw a stunning exhibit (agnes pelton) at the art museum that had just opened up. the main drag is too bougie for my tastes. all the restaurants are mediocre. i've been to palm springs 3-4 times now over the last 15 years or so and it seems to be a rule. they all get 4.5 stars or whatever but they're all bad. it's really weird tbh.

i feel lucky to be able to have gone since i've had a few years of bad breaks before this last one. it's kind of breathtaking how much wealth there is there. coming back to utah felt particularly grim. the slc airport did an expansion during covid and it's a total nightmare. we had to take a shuttle from the plane and then walk 20 minutes to get out.

oh, we went out on friday night, to the toolshed. it was a mistake tbh. everyone at tables all spaced out in the rear parking lot, cliques staring at each other. no one wanted to talk and the ones that did were bores. we both drank too much and flirted with the barback then stumbled home.

and the dj was awful

i have friends who went to that agnes pelton exhibit over the weekend, it looks amazing. i love that museum!

if i've eaten in PS i have literally no memory of it so you're probably right about the food. the gay bars can be fun/trashy. although i went to their equivalent of the eagle once (forget the name) (xp ha it was the toolshed) and def saw some leather gays rocking 'blue lives matter' paraphernalia, which ugh. we went to one of the clothing optional resorts there once but the day we went it was a ghost town.

i really wanna get more into lifting but i'm afraid to attempt it by myself. my workouts have been pretty blah lately, except for the ones i do at home by zoom with a teacher. have truthfully been pretty unhappy with my body over the past year and would like to put more work into it. turns out nine straight months of drinking every single day has deleterious effects on your physical and mental health? who knew? (since the new year i've cut my drinking down to weekends only)

On my first weekend out as a fully vaccinated gay, I went to my favorite bar, sat outside, and watch the crowd for a while. Then I texted my buddy and his fiancee, dining a few blocks away with a friend of theirs. This friend was a rangy thirtysomething with shaved head and we hit it off immediately. He mentioned he's been down, though: he and his wife just divorced. "Oh, that sucks, sorry," I said. He shrugs and says, "Guess she didn't think I meant it when I said I was bi."

At that point I was like haiiiiii. I texted my buddy seated across from me: would Bi Guy mind at all if I...? "Not at all. Think he wants it" came the response. By the end of the night, we'd exchanged social media info and, after I was home, made plans to meet for drinks tomorrow night.

That was Friday. On Saturday I went out, this time solo, and got my first blowjob in 14 months. We need to figure out a post-COVID argot, gays. I had to ask, with all the phony cheer I could muster, if he was jabbed. He smiled archly and pulled out a folded crinkled vac card from his wallet.

Having hands on you feels nice.

yay!

Fitness wise, I gained some weight over the winter because I simply wasn't bicycling as much and was drinking much more, but now that it's warmer out, I'm shedding it. Strangely, though, some of my shirts have become too tight around the shoulders, which I think is because of the pull-up regimen I was sticking too for a while?

In any case, I've been bicycling and going to the climbing gym again, and feel great about it.

living within easy biking distance of a gym with an outdoor area has been my major saving grace over the past year

The trouble I've had with Bi guys is that heterosexuality is the single biggest turnoff.
On a hypothetical level, it's no problem. I've had that happen where Bi Guy says "did I ever tell you I'm bi?" and it seems like he wants it and soneone says "let's hang out" and this is going well. But then at some point i see Bi Guy engaging in heterosexual behavior with a girl and ewwww no, i can't anymore, you ruined it.
idk what's wrong with me.

No I totally get that! It's a weird combination of turned on and off. Also I am very glad to see such content updates around here.

map, your trip sounds fun. Today is the first day I feel like anything that anyone should look at in months so I appreciate the self-appreciation.

I guess I'm supposed to start meeting guys in person now?? Oof...

I was excited that USA trip might involve "lots of exercise and socialization" but no, I was a studio rat the whole time, and gained 10 pounds in a month (I love soft-shell crab)

Absolutely zero hrony feelings these days but I'm looking forward to going home this weekend, having my dude cuddle me through the night

On a hypothetical level, it's no problem. I've had that happen where Bi Guy says "did I ever tell you I'm bi?" and it seems like he wants it and soneone says "let's hang out" and this is going well. But then at some point i see Bi Guy engaging in heterosexual behavior with a girl and ewwww no, i can't anymore, you ruined it.

idk what's wrong with me.

― Adoration of the Mogwai (Deflatormouse)

otm. My failed date last night had this ewww at its root.

Ah sorry to hear about a failed date!

Well I’m not that excited to go from “socializing reasonably in a largely vaccinated city” to “entirely quarantined for two weeks in my home city”. The price of travel!

Ouch yea, I have to plan a trip soon. I haven't been out of the country since I got my citizenship last year, I think I might go to Mexico City. flambo did you at least get a lot of work done in the studio? Remind me where home is?

I did, I was a total studio rat for the past months ot lots done, didn't socialize much at all. I did go to a mall with a couple of friends! It was hilariously overwhelming, I was exhausted after being there for 30 minutes. I live in Toronto for now but I'm planning a relocation this year, the city's amenities do not justify its ridiculous cost of living

*the past month, got lots done

Oh i totally hear you. I had a panic attack at lunch the other day and i knew i needed to brush up on my social skills in a hurry. My job is very social and we are in the middle of spring performances
But yes, i will also concur that the past year has allowed for a new sense of connection with my own studio (if you can call a full size Yamaha keyboard, an amp and a tuner a studio. Oh and a set of chimes) which was sort of life changing
Seeking that balance of being s total klutz and introvert and being able to function in society...

I go to the mall on the reg, it's one of my happy places

What have you been working on?

Brass and string arrangements, the opening credits music for something for the BBC. It's actually been a lot of good music, good exciting stuff!

I have weird thoughts right now but I'm quarantined by myself in a shitty quarantine hotel so I guess it's OK if the thoughts are weirder than normal

Tell me about your thoughts

Well, the biggest thought I had was this, I guess:

I read an article on them. and they were repeating the oft-spoken assertion that "when all of ~this~ is over, we're gonna pop OFF, we're gonna be MAKING OUT IN PUBLIC," and so on. I think the opposite is true. I think we're all going to have a really hard time adjusting back to normalcy. I think most of us will be having to overcome dependence on internet-based connections, overcome new or renewed social anxieties, and so on. I think it's gonna take a long time for us to get back to normal and it's not gonna be people entering into party mode right out of the gate, that's all

Mmmm
Yeah i mean I'm going to fire island in July and I'm wondering how that's gonna go
I hope people don't act like idiots
I m thinking I'll go to my regular bar in a couple of months to see what that's like but probably not before then
I had my first hookup since months today but sadly the chemistry wasn't so hot!
Almost worse than going without...

I'm only a few weeks away from a long-delayed wedding reception/party and I'm putting together a play/do-not-play list for the DJ. But I basically said to him, "Whatever they'd be playing at Pride where all the older folks are gathered? That's what I want played."

haha. tea dance aesthetic 💯

i'm trying to prepare for a little dj set in june where i don't embarrass myself too much. i'm starting with that basically.

LOL yeah, your post reminded me to mention that in the gay thread because it's really the only gay thing in my life atm.

"Tea dance aesthetic" is probably perfect but the DJ is straight, so I'm already pushing it.

putting the playlist together was definitely one of the best parts of wedding planning. i actually really loved picking the songs we *didn't* want played lol

the funny thing is i only remember like, five songs that actually got played on the dance floor at my wedding because that day was such a blur (in a good way!). but robin s' "show me love" and bruce's "dancing in the dark" were highlights.

Yeah, the do-not-play list is pretty fun to pick too. Resisting the urge to put each and every ABBA song on it because I know one of my best friends is a huge ABBA fan so I'll allow ... one. So long as it's "The Winner Takes It All."

i love ABBA and "dancing queen" was on our do-not-play list iirc

also i really, really miss DJing for a crowd and hope i can somehow do it again soon

I didn't realize we had so many DJs around here! So sexy 😎

it would be really cool to do a b2b with donna rouge some day

that would be a dream!!

😎

♥️

Hey this is more downtempo but, have u guys ever heard of casino v japan? Highly recommend!

I also used to DJ, though now I mostly traffic in mixes of weird music. Here's my mixcloud: https://www.mixcloud.com/deepbreakfast/

(Not too much there recently, but I have some things planned for this summer)

Djs unite! I’m doing this guest mix for the local crew and they want to ask me if I consider myself a queer dj and what i think about lgbtqia+ culture in dance music and I have no idea how to respond lol. Like idk i like loleatta holloway?? Haha. Thinking of just saying i myself am pretty basic but everyone should read terre thaemlitz on the subject, or something.

Grrrrrrl you name droppin' folks i haven't even heard of! Queerer than It

Queerer than I*

I don't think It was queer 🙂

haha i forget how it comes off to do that. my answers to this q$a are long and rambling and i've got to trim them down. don't want to be "too much."

terre thaemlitz is interesting on identity and capitalism in djing but she's a little doom and gloom imo.

i'm getting older and i'm cis and masc presenting so i can't really claim to represent a larger queer culture which is sort of sus anyway. i'm really inspired by the freedom younger people are claiming in presenting flexible gender identities. for me, it's as simple as i like gender trouble in songs and avoiding toxic masc in my sets.

what i think about lgbtqia+ culture in dance music

I have a lot of thoughts on this! Twenty years ago I was made fun of at school for being into house and techno and disco, now I go clubbing and see coked-up hetero lads starting fights and being mad aggressive in venues and it doesn't feel like a culture for LGBTQIA+ any more

^^^ exactly why mainstream club culture fucking sucks

yeah totally. why does brutality have to claim every peaceful little niche nowadays. the second i encounter that vibe i'm out tbh. the local crew has had their moments of not-very-welcoming behavior ime so i'm a little wary. it would be really nice to find a situation at a bar where the owners are like-minded about this kind of stuff but that seems very rare, i don't know that i've ever seen it. i feel too old, burnt out and broke to be throwing my own parties tbh.

hey. I have no idea where to post this so, I hope this alright.

So...I have this friend. We've been buddies since middle school, so probably about 20 years at this point. We've drifted apart over the years but we were really close at one point - we were roommates, we had all the same hobbies, we did everything together. Anyway at some point about 7 years ago he calls me up and says he wants to chat. I know exactly what it's about - he's coming out to me. We all kinda knew it about him but he never wanted to say anything. I was really proud of him in that moment, not just for accepting who he was but also because he was using it as a springboard to change his life...he was 26 and always intended to go to school and make a career but things always got in the way. He told me he was applying to schools and was planning to move to a more liberal area like Madison because he wanted to be accepted. He also swore me to secrecy because his parents could not find out - they were deeply religious and he felt they would disown him if he came out.

Unfortunately, we had a very good mutual friend who overdosed a few months later, and it kinda threw things into chaos. We all took it hard but he good it especially hard, probably because he had the same substance abuse issues, and they actually knew each other since 4th grade. He became insular and odd, never really talking about his feelings or really saying much at all. When he did, it was these bizarre manic episodes he'd have, where he'd look you in the eye and claim he was the second coming of Christ...real freaky shit. He was living with another friend of mine and eventually got booted out for being so eccentric and unreliable - basically was told he had to go back to his parents, something wasn't right with him, I don't know what you need but I can't give it to you (is this a Pet Shop Boys tune?). Which he did, and he actually got his life together...somewhat. He got clean and healthy but also became deeply religious, like his parents. His Facebook has been virtually nothing but Bible quotes for the last few years (fwiw, he hasn't gotten into the Christian propaganda social media sphere, and actually has been weirdly ignorant about world events in general).

Anyway, flash forward to yesterday. We're at our monthly poker game (which just started up again thanks to the vaccine) and at some point late at night the conversation gets weird and spiritual. He never talked a whole lot about his religious beliefs at the game but he really started opening up. And at some point the topic of homosexuality came up (I was the only person there who he'd come out to) and he went off, talking about how immoral and sinful it was, and how it was a sign of bad character, and what's to prevent people from identifying as a guy who robs banks, blah blah blah. And at this point the whole table starts arguing with him, like hey I know gay people, who gives a shit, there's nothing wrong with two consenting adults, etc. And I kinda go off on him, telling him to stop equating that with morality, that people are just wired different, and that's why SOME of us had substance abuse issues and others didn't, even though we all did the same shit. It's not that we have better morality or willpower it's that people have certain genes and that's just the way it is (I'm also like 7 beers deep at this point). And he talks about his struggles with homosexuality, that he thought he was gay and realized he was just giving into temptation, and it occurred to me that he probably thought ALL men had those feelings at some point, and that his indulgence (or whatever he's done?) was some grand failing. I basically tell him (in a thousand words) to go be gay, that being at war with yourself is only going to lead to ruin, that he's never going to find peace if he's trying to deny who he is. And now I feel kinda awful, because I feel like I crossed a line, and that maybe he's NOT gay after all, and maybe he thinks we're all judging him for how he feels. But nobody else is going to say anything to him! He's surrounded himself entirely with religious people outside of this one monthly poker game (which is the only remaining semblance of his past life)! He's been a line cook for 15 years and I know damn well he has the potential and the desire to do so much more, and I think now this may be the thing holding him back. He still has this plan to get married to a woman and have kids and there's just no fucking way. In my opinion as a straight guy who should probably keep his mouth shut, if he doesn't confront this he's gonna be miserable his whole life. What do I do in this situation???

I don’t know that there’s much you can do really, unless he wants to keep talking about it, but it sounds like you said the right thing to me. Hope he keeps going to the poker games.

sad as it is, he's going to be miserable regardless of what he does - there's no way he can reconcile his sexuality and his faith, if he comes out he'll have the shame and guilt lingering over him.

also this sounds like an excrutiating situation to be in for you frogbs. I wonder how different it would have been if one of your poker buddies was out-and-proud gay.

Excruciating, boxedjoy. All you can do is ensure he knows you're there for him, and you've done it.

yes Alfred excruciating is the word isn't it

i went to a garden party yesterday at someone's very cute downtown yard attended by many be-shorted and well-manicured men. honestly don't know how anyone finds the time to host such a nice party and make such excellent quacamole, i can't even sweep the floors.

i attended two (!) parties yesterday, back to back. out like a light by 10pm.

i am keen to start having guests over again but our apartment is so filthy right now, and has been for months

I have a crazy four days: back to pre-2020. Happy hour on Thursday; another on Friday with a pal in town for the first time since '19, plus bar hopping and, uh, smoking later; backyard party with that pal and my hometown cronies. Still sticking with outdoor activity but we're all fully jabbed.

we want to have parties too but we live in a fucking trailer park lmao

I went to a club this weekend (I'm fully vaxxed, everyone in my house is too, I don't have any kids in my bubble, the CDC said I could, etc) and holy FUCK I missed being in a room full of varied homos putting up with a stale playlist in order to touch each other and vibe. didn't even drink anything, danced for hours and made out with the tallest femme there, felt liberated and fully alive in a way I hadn't in over a year!

(PS hi gays, used to post intermittently like a decade ago under my deadname, now I'm out as trans/gay, and back on ilx as a twitter methadone)

sounds incredible. hi nicole!

Hi Nicole! We had friends over this past weekend. They're a younger dyke couple. It was great, but I also cleaned all day Friday and part of the day on Saturday. Our house was *disgusting*.

I wonder how different it would have been if one of your poker buddies was out-and-proud gay.

lol yeah I remember thinking "if anyone wants to come out this would be a real good time to do it"

ultimately I'm just gonna leave it alone. perhaps he really is happier or more fulfilled this way. I'm worried that he's surrounded himself exclusively with weird religious people and he's just never gonna reckon with this and be unhappy forever. but what can I do?

NYT, hay!

what is that in reference to, Eric?

Also, it isn't public yet, but I just found out that my friend Kevin, aka Phatima Rude, one of San Francisco's most legendary drag performers, my husband's former roommate, and any number of other things, has passed away. Phatima was a very complicated person, as we all are, but was always very kind to me, and very approving of my relationship with Theo, my husband. Theo did many of his tattoos from his bedroom in the anarchist collective where they both lived in the Mission.

We lost a real one. As Kevin used to say, "Blessed be."

Here is a short documentary made about Kevin.
https://vimeo.com/98603600

ugh, table, my condolences

Sorry, I was being passive-aggressive about the NYT op-ed that's been making the rounds today on why the LGBT community needs to support police.

xp also, sorry to hear, tabes

sorry to hear, T ❤️

i no longer read the NYT if i can help it

I just read that Times piece. What utter shit.

Anyway, thanks for your well wishes. It's strange, as I haven't seen Kevin in some years— but for a while, we worked together, and s/he officiated my dear friend's wedding, and so on and on. I don't know what happened, but I hope s/he is at peace.

always enjoy a nice hola papi pep talk

https://holapapi.substack.com/p/i-think-im-ugly

um so idk if this is the right place but the whole kink at pride thing is flaring up again on social media and while i don't go to pride or want to do kinky stuff in public it's still a little disturbing seeing what feels like textbook homophobic rhetoric coming from so many (apparently) young gays online- claiming leather daddies are predatory threats to The Children and such. idk how common this sentiment is, it feels like the kind of wedge issue certain groups like to use against queerness in general but i'm sure some of it is genuine. i don't really understand who these people are, where they're getting this stuff, whether they have a point, i know this is an ongoing debate but it seems way more intense than usual for whatever reason

i don't know too much about it, everyone is publicly taciturn where i am and always has been, it's just ingrained here, the level of repression is to-the-eyeballs. i did see the guy who runs the local lgtbq rag say something like "i wonder if everyone screaming about too much corporate sponsorship at pride would actually do a parade themselves" or something though. and like, no, fuck parades haha. if i had a penny for all the brutal retrograde often self-directed and self-policing opinions i've encountered among the gays i'd have a couple of bucks tbh. something weird about this year, it was supposed to be a let loose summer but it feels like it already wants to sour. i guess what people really missed during the pandemic is punishing people with less power than them or something sheesh.

one thing that i will always hold on to if i can is the sort of free field of pleasure that opened up for me when i discovered my sexuality in my teens. it's so important to me, some times it's one of the only things that holds me up, you know? it feels harder and more complicated to access as i grow older, but when it's there, holy shit do i make a meal out of it haha. and fuck anyone who tells me i shouldn't.

Left, there's a whole generation of young people who know a lot about gender but nothing about kink or fetish culture, and they think that because they're more enlightened in the former arena that they have any insight into the latter. They don't, and that's fine-- I just don't think they should be making rules.

that makes sense. not saying anyone needs to like kink or that it defines queerness or that it's always unproblematic or anything. but it would be nice if these people would at least learn something about the history of the movement(s). and it's v sad seeing them (whether they realise it or not) sharing targets and talking points with the far right and the anti-trans crowd. even though i'm not explicitly the target in this case it's like part of a general wave of repression that seems to be coming from all directions right now, i hate it, i internalise it anyway

My thing is that I have always thought of Pride as being a celebration of sexuality and, as such, there will likely be things seen there that you may not be ready to talk to your kids about

My other thing is that I get irrationally angry at people who whip other people for pleasure in public because the main way that has impacted my ancestors has not been associated with sexy fun times and it’s gross to me that people are bored/privileged enough to want that done to them

I solve this dichotomy by not going to Pride

This is the most ghoulish conversation!

kink is weird, i probably don't get 90% of it. i've realized i'm pretty vanilla for the most part. someone loving my emotional side is my kink haha. i do get off on some power dynamic stuff but i switch that off pretty fast when sex is over. my fetish these days is the smell of cottonwood trees fruiting idk.

My fetish these days is smelling fruits.

i am troubled by some things about kink/fetish culture as i understand it but i do kind of want to be hurt in ways that i worry perpetuate the kinds of power dynamics i know should be dismantled and i'm unconvinced by the arguments that it's some kind radically free space where this stuff doesn't apply or is necessarily deconstructed or just make believe... at the same time "normal" sex whatever that means also perpetuates a lot of shit so idk where i'm going with this. i started off souding pro-kink and now i sound anti which i'm not really and i'm also worried about playing into the lines i was bothered by to start with from the anti-kink-at-pride crowd which seem to be in line with a broader repressive agenda (like how many of these people also support police action against sex workers i wonder). not that i care about pride myself but some people i care about do. i have confused myself now more than usual and this post doesn't make much sense probably i'm very drunk

Lol ♥️💙💜💗🖤

Well, I can get into some kink. It's embarrassing, it's like I become a totally different person. Of course afterward I'm ready to cuddle with my teddy bear and watch murder she wrote. I'm in the middle of a 20 year long identity crisis.

Speaking of being gay and abusing substances, I had a strange experience with coke recently. I hadn't done it in a really long time, and then I got some for a party and it was in my house for a while after. Well I quickly found out that working from home with coke in the house is quite eventful. I guess it got out of hand because for a couple of days I just wasn't really eating, and then one night I started drinking and getting drunk by myself and taking selfies. which was all fine until I woke up on my back in the street in front of my house shaking violently not knowing how I got there. I skinned myself all over and was bleeding but I recognized that I was at least in front of my building so tried to go in, as one does. Well then I found myself on my back again in the vestibule, shaking violently and clutching my phone which I had cracked on the sidewalk. Super trippy! Finally, my diner order got there because that was the one smart thing I did b4 I blacked out, except they forgot my donuts. So I guess I learned my lesson. Coke = no donuts. Anyway, dumb is as dumb does. Hoping i at least get some gnarly scars out of it.

No judgment, but I will say that coke is a nasty drug that turns people into nasty people, ime as both a former regular user and now observer...

There are problematic aspects of BDSM culture, absolutely. I just don't think that arguing with some 20-year-old enby whose never been in a leather bar is worth it, because they don't know what the fuck they're talking about. Everyone's opinion is valid, but not everyone's opinion is worthwhile.

I will also say that it is rich that these sorts of arguments are taking place around an event that has been so thoroughly corporatized that it is essentially toothless. Afaic, if you can't take some dudes dancing around to bad house music wearing leather and flashing whips during a parade, then I don't give a fuck who you are, you need to grow up. (I think DJP's comments and those of people like Bersani against aspects of leather and BDSM culture are the most salient, whereas the often younger queer's argument follows the logic of safe spaces which has been shown to be so easily recuperable as to be dangerous to subversive behavior and thinking)

yeah i don't know why this has troubled me so much, it's not really my thing and pride at least here is now thoroughly commodified, a celebration of capitalism imperialism etc none of which is threatened by BDSM or anti-BDSM sentiment i guess i feel an irrational affinity for both parties here in an broad sense in as much they can be called parties. way beyond the pride context or BDSM context. and maybe i am more like 20 year old enby more than i am 50 year old leather daddy which gives me some cognitive dissonance here, like maybe enby has legitimate reasons to be wary. including of the notion of invoking 20 year old enby as hypothetical kid who doesn't know shit. even (especially?) if they don't in this or any case. because niether do i

drugswise i have no right to advise shit but would gently suggest to go easy on the coke it sounds a bit scary. however i am coming up on edibles and mushrooms and i do appreciate the ♥️💙💜💗🖤 they are very nice thank you. in fact i can repeat them ♥️💙💜💗🖤♥️💙💜💗🖤♥️💙💜💗🖤♥️💙💜💗🖤♥️💙💜💗🖤 and it just goes on like that forever

do i need a therapist to tell me why i never come on the queer thread sober

surm i'm just glad you're ok tbh.

i have the impression that bdsm / kink people are generally more experienced / better versed in establishing consensuality than most but i'm sure it varies enough irl to not actually hold true.

i feel like part of the discomfort with kink is that a lot of it (though not all of it) is essentially patriarchy or colonialism fetishized (dom/sub stuff, daddy/son, master/slave). the reality is that stuff has a huge affect on desire imo. when people discover that i think they're like wtf which is understandable. but i think a more powerful take is that like there isn't any pure, scrubbed-clean desire, like it doesn't exist. so exploring and playing with it, giving it articulation and space can be really liberating and healing imo.

like, do i want to exploit and make people miserable irl without their permission? hell no. do i want to enact the thrill of being someone's god in a context of mutually expressed pleasure? hell yeah. doing the latter can help eliminate the draw of the former imo. just my two cents.

i definitely think kink has pitfalls / drawbacks which is why i don't really latch on to one "scene" or another. there is too much object attachment and literalism going on for me in a lot of cases.

I definitely think repression is far more dangerous than allowing oneself to indulge in fantasy behind closed doors.
And yes absolutely RE edibles and shrooms. Got both in the spice cabinet RN. Shrooms r maybe the one thing I'v found that help with my social anxiety.
It may sound dense, but it took me years to figure out that some of my self-destructive tendencies had a direct correlation to my sexuality or the way I grew up. I don't like crutches, but I have found there is some truth to that. Sometimes helps to clarify things. but that isn't to say that I shirk responsibility for occasionally being a straight up moron.

we exist in a world that tells us as non-heteronormative people: that we are unacceptable, that we should be constantly vigilant of our own safety, that our narratives of struggling for peace and tolerance are so common to be entertainment tropes, that we are not worthy of being taken seriously or affording respect towards. I don't think it's self-destructive to feel challenged and defeated and nihilistic as a result of trying to navigate through a world that sometimes seems designed to set us up for failure.

Very much agreed. Lately I have been thinking about self respect, and what its ties are to one's experience in life. If u didn't go through life with the knowledge that you deserve respect and a fair shake, what is that journey like? How do you find your voice? I guess for me it's finding people "like me". I feel happy to have found some of those ppl in NYC, which is why I moved here in the first place. But it was years until that happened. Like 35 years. Which, u could say, is the origin of this thread, seeing as its first iteration when Dr Morbs was around was "I have like, no gay friends in town" IIRC. cycle of life. And I'll make sure to pour one out for Morbs tomorrow.

Y'all got coming out stories? I'll share mine.

I came out to my dad the night of my grandfather's funeral. His whole extended family had converged at my grandparents' house, and we were allotted a space to sleep on the floor.

He said, sympathetically, that he'd always worried that I might be, but hoped I wasn't. Because it meant that I was going to have a very difficult life.

I didn't know how he'd react. He was a volatile, moody and temperamental guy who could be incredibly tender at times. On other occasions previously, he'd told me that he always wanted me to have a difficult life. He'd also given me reason to think he'd take this particular news very poorly.

I don't think we ever discussed it again. A couple of years later he had a massive stroke and lived the rest of his life in a compromised state.

That night he was on the tender side, which was a huge relief.

I don't even know if i'm gay anymore, or wtf I am. Not that there is any interest in the opposite sex, more like I'm schizoid or something.

Not to diminish the struggles of others, which I've also shared in. But when I think of what my dad said, I feel like gay would have been a lot easier than whatever the fuck this is.

💜 I'm so glad you're posting here
I too have no idea where I stand on the sexual meridian anymore
Going single and getting started on the first years of my life as an independent and reinvigorated adult only to be sequestered off to an isolated existence while my x moves into the Brooklyn equivalent of a mansion with his new boof, while at this point old news, has put me in a limbo of sorts with sex, identity and whatever approximation of self actualization in supposed to be fighting for
You're not alone 💙

anyway, i know i'm among the youngest on here but....

any suggestions for coming out to the 'rents? within the next few days it is happening, and while i'm not too nervous at this point, they aren't the most...fag-friendly people around.

― the table is the table, Saturday, October 20, 2007 4:21 PM (thirteen years ago) bookmarkflaglink

why in the next few days?

a) sick of them asking if i've met any nice girls
a1) sick of tip-toeing
b) it is fall break, and i happen to be at my parents' house for a few days

the thing is that my parents are very loving, wonderful people in a lot of ways, and i'm certain things will be fine within a few months. it's just that there were some...uh...'struggles' when i was younger about being gay, and we haven't talked about it since because i've been afraid of upsetting them. now i'm not. (i also figure that telling them last fall that i had been seriously thinking about killing myself was the upset of a lifetime). given this fact as well, i'm confident that they won't display too much upset for fear of upsetting me? who knows.

― the table is the table, Saturday, October 20, 2007 5:41 PM (thirteen years ago) bookmarkflaglink

an update:

post-dinner, i told them. and after the expected conversation ("at least it's easier now," "you need to be safe," "how do gay people have kids," etc), we all went outside and smoked cigarettes and made jokes. and i was the only one who cried.

― the table is the table, Tuesday, October 23, 2007 5:48 PM (thirteen years ago) bookmarkflaglink

so in other words, it was much better than i could have ever anticipated.

:-)

― the table is the table, Tuesday, October 23, 2007 5:49 PM (thirteen years ago) bookmarkflaglink

it took me a long time to find that thread, but I did.

In any case, I didn't really need to come out to my friends. It was really my parents I was worried about.

I do think my mom still holds out hope for grandkids.

But T and I have been together for ten years, we own a house together, we have two dogs, under most metrics we're pretty "normal," lol...

WELCOME

I'm not a big fan of the concept of "coming out" in that it implies once I've done it that's it complete. Every time I start a new job or similar, I need to do it, and for all it's not fraught with anxiety and tension the way it was when I was 15, it's still something I'm cautious around. I might be secure in my own identity and I might know rationally that I should be telling anyone with a problem with it to simply fuck off, but there's always that element of risk that it's going to alter the way I'm perceived and treated.

When I started at uni, I became quickly aware that for like 90% of people I met, I was the first real-life gay man they had ever encountered. I was quite casual about it - I did all my horrible awkward stuff years before that - and learned to quickly treat as "oh by the way I like men" as opposed to making it a big deal. But... it still has to be done, doesn't it?

On my 17th birthday my friends gave me some joke presents and one was a copy of a gay magazine. I got home and tossed it under my bed and didn't think anything of it. My stepdad found it a few weeks later, hit the roof and threw me out for two days. I came home after my mother calmed him down. My parents stayed together for another year after it. He basically told me that I could be gay but not "in your face," to tone down my mannerisms and not to ever be seen with a guy or bring anyone home to meet them. He was more concerned with the embarassment of what his friends might think than any of the pain and shame and fear I felt. My mother stayed with him another year, I hated him even more than I did before and cemented my plans to move on as soon as possible. I'm nearly the age my parents were when this happened and it's only really as I get closer to it I realise just how shitty this whole thing was, I try not to be bitter and angry but it's a struggle.

I'm not a big fan of the concept of "coming out" in that it implies once I've done it that's it complete.

It does? No snark intended, but I know no one who thinks this way (even if the month enforces it).

coming out to my family was a slowly unfolding, years-long nightmare that i'd rather not go into. as documented elsewhere on here they're basically very far removed from my life at this point.

i understand what boxedjoy is saying, though it would make sense that it happens less and less when your social milieu becomes more or less settled, which it is for me at this point.

lots of dysphoria these days and no one is alone, hang in there everyone <3

I think that anyone who has lived the experience of being gay knows it's not an accurate narrative of in/out binary division, and I think straight people find it easy to understand once they think about it. It's just, they don't really have to think about it because they don't have to live it. Narratives about "coming out" (especially in mainstream media) still often frame it as a decision and a process, rather than an ongoing navigation through social situations.

I've known a lot of gay men who've been out in certain areas of life and closeted in others and exist in a weird liminal zone. Being out to family and friends is different to being out to colleagues and different to being out in the sense that you can casually refer to "my boyfriend" in everyday small-talk. I know that I push and pull myself in and out of my perceived sexual identity constantly. Just last week I caught myself referring to a "flatmate" instead of my boyfriend because it felt uncomfortable to do so in that specific situation but I wouldn't say I'm "not out."

I didn't feel fully unclenched until I told my parents nine years after my bros knew, and even so, as my link explains, it took another four years for them to wake the fuck up, which took an ultimatum.

it's true, there are definitely people i don't want to come out to. i feel like if i don't have to see them again and they're obviously conservative or even predatory (like cops) then it's best to pass or leave it unspecified if possible.

i still get a little uncomfortable when we drive through small-town utah. i was pleasantly surprised when we stopped in a coffee shop in green river and the owners made a point of making us feel relaxed and welcome. (then a little less pleasantly surprised when they complained about the push to raise the minimum wage.)

my way of 'coming out' to conservative people i don't have to see again is being a grumpy bitch to them, lol

i still do the thing where if we're driving through small towns and we stop at a gas station, i keep a studied distance from my boyfriend.

so i never actually came out to my parents, in the sense of sitting them down and telling them "so, um, i'm gay." i love my parents and get along with them* but we've never really had a "sit down and have a heart-to-heart" kind of relationship. they ended up figuring it out for themselves when i brought a "friend from college" (ie my first bf) home with me for thanksgiving and my mom walked in on us cuddling. i later learned from my mom's now-ex-best friend that she spoke to her about it shortly after it happened, and i guess my mom expressed some worry, to which her friend countered "but even if he was gay, he's your son, and you still love him no matter what, right?" and she said "well, of course." my dad was more emotionally reticent and we never really explicitly talked about it but he was never anything other than welcoming and loving to my now-husband. to this day i feel i was a little bit cheated out of the experience, even if i know that i was relatively fortunate and that that process doesn't go great for a lot of gays (will always remember my college roommate's very turbulent coming out to his conservative texan parents).

before my parents found out though, i came out to my friends on livejournal when i was 17 lol

*dad's now deceased going on two years but couldn't think of a non-awkward way to refer to both my alive parent and my dead parent here

Thanks surm and everyone for the reassurance xx

Coming out for me was significant mostly in that marked the end of a long period of a sort of denial. There was a point where it became undeniable, and the reaction from friends at the time was "yeah, we've known that for years already, what took you so long?"

It's been about 6 years since I even halfheartedly looked for a date. There's no formal diagnosis, but it seems likely that I have ScPD. My insatiable need for alone time has strained relationships of all kinds. Most friends have given up calling me, at this point. I almost never wanna hang. There is still a yearning for some kind of companionship- I've developed a very animistic world view.

Good posts, boxedjoy. Ongoing navigation is OTM. I think it's okay to be bitter and angry. You're not wrong for what you feel.

Obviously have empathy for what y'all are talking about, particularly as I now have to navigate life with a sexual zone off-limits due to cancer, but while I don't mention it at first meeting or whatever, it hasn't been my experience to code-switch or that coming out is a process. Maybe I've just been lucky or maybe I just don't care, or maybe a bit of both. If someone has a problem with me being gay and married to my partner, then that's their issue.

I think the only thing that's changed for me in Philly is I don't dress like as much of a total slut, but that's also because I'm older and the east coast has very different mores about this stuff than the west, from my experience.

My coming out story involves me being shitty and my ex moving my kids halfway across the country after our divorce so I don’t really like to think about it

Although my parents are already much nicer and warmer to my new male partner than they ever were to my ex-wife so that part of things was not a problem, although I guess when your kid is about to hit 50 and has been effectively self-sufficient since graduating college, there’s not all that much you can do about how they’re going to live

xxp i kind of want to hear more about west coast vs east coast social mores tbh.

I always thought it was the other way around honestly, like I can tell you that New Yorkers on the whole are very eager to shed our winter layers, and will do so the moment the thermostat hits 72. It's like a cathartic thing, almost. Maximum skin exposure from the first nice day in April as a rule.

I haven't spent enough time on the west coast, but my sense is that in Southern California it's mostly just the tourists who dress that way in milder weather. Californians might have fewer opportunities to wear that favorite sweater or jacket.

I got ugly stares and called an ugly name when I wore my DICK BINGE shirt with cut-off sleeves on the east coast. I'd wear that shirt into shopping malls in conservative parts of California and no one would look twice. Sometimes I'd even get a compliment!

There are other personal anecdotal tales, I just find that people on the east coast are much more likely to straight up call me a faggot to my face if I dress a certain way, and I literally had that happen once, maybe twice, the entire time I lived in California.

That sucks :(
NYC isn't going to be the most representative sample of the east coast as a whole. New Yorkers are famously desensitized to pretty much whatever and anything more conventional than a bologna sandwich as hair accessory (at least 1 documented occurrence) is unlikely to turn heads.

I def experienced quite a bit of that in Long Island when I visited friends in the 90's, not that I wore anything too out there. But I later lived in a couple of pretty conservative towns in northern Nassau County (and one very small town that's really hippie) and it wasn't an issue. I don't know if times changed, or if it's the age difference.

So I know what you mean, it totally sucks, it's just been a while since I personally encountered that so maybe I've become overly optimistic about the state of things.

Actually living in these quite affluent parts of Long Island, my lifestyle and living conditions were very incongruous, more or less like a squatter. Car-free, at other times heat and plumbing-free also. I probably looked more 'different' than I realized at the time, but it was very conspicuous in other ways too, and I was constantly surprised at how tolerant the neighbors were.

To what extent I encountered resistance... It was mostly young kids who were obnoxious.

grew up just outside nyc and lived there for a time before moving to LA. pretty sure the first time anyone ever called me a faggot was when i was visiting SF for the first time.

i tend against ostentation generally but i've thought a lot about my clothes this year and how boring they all are and how i want to change that. but i also find clothes shopping fundamentally stressful - i know some people love it and are super-good at it but i have never really been one of those people. i just want some fun, stylish, durable clothes that are like...not fast fashion but not bank-breaking either.

What's convenient for you to get to in terms of stores? What general silhouette r u thinking?

It's summer y'all

texting with a beautiful boy I met at a friend's political debut

I see - and what age does boy mean nowadays?

Anyone know what this one's about?

holding poppers while posing for pictures with pop starts isn't a personality but y'all really stay in love with a mediocre white man who said racist shit in the past

— the morally corrupt juan barquin (@woahitsjuanito) July 19, 2021

from a followup tweet: this guy (no, me neither):

lol @ dumb bitch jordan firstman being a super spreader https://t.co/0htv0ZNYFS

— the morally corrupt juan barquin (@woahitsjuanito) July 19, 2021

lol that Tweet's by a friend/former student/local film writer

(no, me neither)

Truly.

Apparently it's this https://www.distractify.com/p/jordan-firstman-tweets

tbh I'm just glad I'm old now

Hello! Do we have a summer thread yet? Cuz it's summer y'all, and "my hair is comin' down" (name the movie and actress without googling and win a fun gif of what I think best represents your posting style! 🌈💰

hi surm! i have no idea but i'd appreciate a gif

New thread?

yes plz

is there a new one

haha you do it i suck at titles

Lucky for you, I got all these daddy issues: Queer Summer, 2021 (LGBTQQIAAP+++)

fill er up!