Worst Movie Ever?

The most unwatchable movie, though, is Dying Young. The only reason I watched it was in hopes that Julia Roberts would bite it. Not only did she live, but NO ONE died. Similar, in many ways, to Riding With Death, except without the invisibility and the violence and the 70s clothing and the inexplicable ending where they just ditch the whole riding-with-death thing and become race car drivers.

Forehead-slapping, cringe-inducing, pathetic, atrocious dialogue. I mean, just embarrassing on a massive scale... ugh, that film...

Oh yeah, Keanu in Dracula: "I know where the BARRRSTED sleeps!" Actually I find the - all round - bad acting quite enjoyable. It's a fun flick.

I cannot comprehend the fact that enough people went to go see "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" to warrant a sequel...

For a sit down so bad its fucking hilarious night in I recomend a double bill of End Of Days (Miriam Margolyes beats up Arnie - Arnie is Second Coming) and Stigmata (get possessed by post). For a so bad it is stupidly dull on the same theme stay well clear of Lost Souls.

Both of last years Mars movies were duds, but I think the stinkiest movie from the last three years or so has to be EnTRAPment. Trap, geddit? Even CZJ's arse doesn't help it out (and now that has unpleasant Michael Douglas connections - ugh).

Oh and to be all contentious and art-housey here I thought Beau Travail was the cine definition of the Emperor's New Clothes.

Or maybe I read the movie all wrong cause I'm film deaf...

give me Ferris Bueller's day off any day of the week, come to think of it any teen comedy in that sort of vein.

I used to be really rude to people who said the didn't like NBK because of all the violence. I'm much more mature now, mostly because my wife did explain how that is a valid criticism (paraphrase: "If you're so turned off by the fountains of blood and beheadings that you miss the points Stone is trying to make, the story has failed. It's hard to see the forest if someone's jabbing you in the eye with a stick.").

GAWD I hated that movie! I haven't felt that unconnected to characters in a film in YEARS. I felt a stronger connection with the butler from friggin' "Tomb Raider" than I did with anyone in "The English Naptime". It was "Gandhi" times 800, because at least Gandhi could hook you with its "retelling of history" angle had some involving scenes. All that I remember from "The English Cockfarmer" is an overabundance of beige.

Hey, at least I've never seen "Far and Away". Though I did see "Eyes Wide Shut" which may well be the worst movie ever.

but i think the piano may actually be the worst movie ever, though i have trouble explaining why. farinelli was, of course, atrocious but it was more incompetent than evil, which is easier to forgive.

Of course, I have a problem with _Tommy_ the album as well. Touch me? Ah, go touch this with your stupid supple wrist, you blind bastard.

Anyway, you know how people say "this movie requires multiple viewings"? "Lisztomania" is a movie that requires one viewing. And for anything after that, your entertainment will come from introducing the movie to unsuspecting friends and watching their reactions.

Since I've just reviewed his rubbish latest (High Heels Lowlifes = must to avoid, despite good script idea by Spiceworld/SClub7 writer Kim Fuller) ought to mention Mel Smith's THE TALL GUY w.Jeff Goldblum.

The insane K.Russell movies are IMDO less worse than i. the one's where he's trying to be a bit respectable (Lawrence, Nijinsky etc), ii. has an Important Message for us re Sexual Mores Today (Crimes of Passion, and the one where Theresa Russell plays a hooker — Hooker? Whore?... Yes I have seen it: I am a professional with responsbilities)

Highlight of CoP is of course the Rick Wakeman musical interlude.

---

Worst? Anything with Nic Cage in it (other than 'Leaving Las Vegas' or the semi-mediocre-betterintheory 'Bringing Out The Dead' - everything else from Nic in the 90's was a disgrace). The reason why I feel so strongly about this one is: because Nic (at one time) was to be one of the saviors in the borderline Hollywood (as in Coen Bros types, where the flicks are a mix between indie and Hollywood) actor movement (which is where Johnny Depp picked off from). Back then, he was interested in weird techniques and/or concepts of "Impressionistic acting" from the Germans way back when and such. Then, he started taking it up the ass and...obviously loved it so much that...now, that's nearly ALL he does.

I rest my case, Your Honors.

xoxox

Beautiful Creatures is the exception which proves this rule btw.

Would it be rude to tell someone to shut up while you're online?

Big Daddy is a terrible film. It'd be vasty improved if it had either Jared Leto getting beat up or Judd Nelson in it. Preferably Judd Nelson beating up Jared Leto.

OK, but also any Tom Hanks film of the past, say, 10 years, and any of these Hollywood "issue" films that are cowardly set in the past (and, and especially if they hide behind the "based on a true story tag.") "Remeber the Titans" springs to mind: Bruckheimer bravely tackle racism! Ooh, I can't believe people really treated minorities like that way back when, how awful of them! I'm glad we don't have any of that terrible racism these days.

Are you nuts? The Tall Guy is probably my favorite comedy films of all time. It's one of the only comedies I've ever wanted to watch multiple times.

As for Ken Russell, I liked Mahler, and didn't he do The Boyfriend too? I enjoyed that quite a bit. Lair of the White Worm is rather more so-bad-it's-good, but it's good fun.

Recent irredeemably terrible ones: Eyes Wide Shut, Artemisia, Bad Lieutenant, and Manos: the Hands of Fate.

Question for Johnathan (upthread): what part of the ending of Buffalo 66 left you in stitches?

Was no one else weirdly affected by 'Eyes Wide Shut'. I wasn't completely sure at the time, but in retrospect I really want to see it again.

Pre-Emptive Worst Movie Candidate: _Jeepers Creepers_. Yet ANOTHER teen-centric horror flick. The trailer seemed plausible enough, but when the Generic Movie Voice came on after the Generic Violin Crescendo and intoned JEEPERS CREEPERS, everyone in the audience actually guffawed.

And what's up with Moneybags Lucas making the newest Star Wars turd sound like a cheesy 50s B-movie? There'd better be some metallic bikinis in this bitch.

My nomination is the Redgrave sisters' remake of Whatever Happened To Baby Jane? I stayed up until about 4 in the morning to watch it when it was on TV a while back. It was compulsive viewing

haha Driller Killer's lead actor IS the director but since he's also a notorious walking petri-dish this is probably still spot-on

anyway everyone is wrong: the worst film ever is blake edwards's A Fine Mess starring ted danson and howie mandel

the difficult second movie in trilogies can really struggle. the matrix is the best example of this, but the two towers also sucks quite hard.

here's where i piss off anyone who's left by saying anything by woody allen, and most of the tripe mel brooks throws out.

fight club does not deserve to be in this discussion, but it is ridiculously overrated, like titanic.

the worst movie ever made, btw is actually the b movie to end all b movies, the kingdom of the spiders starring shatner from the 70's. it transcends 'so bad it's good' and comes all the way round full circle to the ' no it's so bad it's just really really bad'.

anyone who has ever seen this movie will back me up. i have no doubt.

I went to a film recently and one of the previews they showed before the movie was for that Baby Geniuses sequel. I flipped off the screen the whole time. Such a useless waste of resources.

Lifetime seems to be the home of Worst Movies Played on TV Ever. On occasion they will play a film that doesn't suck (well, IMHO, 28 Days is pretty good), but for the great majority of the time, the movies that are on any of the Lifetime channels are just... indefensible. I can't even be in the same room when one of those stinkers is on.

I kept thinking I'd missed something. It was so jumpy, and there was so little character development I totally couldn't really follow it, who anyone was, why any of them did anything. B-b-but Morgan Freeman! Harry Dean Stanton! The guy who made Grosse Point Blank! How could they all be so wrongheaded about what constitutes a good movie?

As I said elsewhere recently, Battle Royale 2 was dreadful too, but the exaggeration to a candidate for "worst movie ever" is just in comparison to the first one, which was great.

Other likely candidates for worst film ever I forgot about:

Before The Big Bounce, there was a trailer for Barbershop 2. I haven't even heard of Barbershop 1, but this looked horrible. It involved someone whose name was "Cedric the Entertainer". And a whole host of singer-turned-actors - Ice Cube, Queen Latifah, Eve. And nothing that made me think it looked any good.

The Whole Ten Yards. Just, NO!

"Bad Boys 2" awful awful movie, it's odd how mean spirited the humor is, too, and how sadistically violent it gets for a Summer popcorn blockbuster affair. Mind you, the mean spirited humor provides its one and only redeeming moment: when Will and Martin team up to freak out the young guy who's dating what'shername.

Second "Matrix" totally worthless (well done on the lame-o religious subtext, too); "The Two Towers" easily the weakest link in the LOTR triology, but light years better than the second "Matrix" (probably on the same level as the first, actually.)

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/henrypooleishere/trailer/

lol for the first minute i was like "this looks lame but not the worst movie EVER" then came the part with the little girl touching the wall

The worst movie ever was probably shot on 8mm. Or Super8.

yeah this looks terrible

Buffalo 66/Forrest Gump/Paycheck

The worst movie ever was probably shot on 8mm. Or Super8.

-- Aimless, Monday, May 5, 2008 4:16 AM (49 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

highly doubt that

i think the worst movie ever may be "the lady in teh water"

I keep changing my favorite movie ever picks, but I think I'll probably be alright calling The Sunshine Boys the worst movie ever forever.

i really like 'ordinary LA' movies though but i don't know the lighting is all wrong and etc. i did the two middle-fingers up against the screen when the shot of him in the light blue shirt and shot from slightly low came up. and then again when they showed band names at the end.
xposts i have already given this too much though i'm guessing..

I remember Lost in Space making me feel ANGRY, which usually doesn't happen to me even after a bad movie.

i remember really hating 'doom generation' when i was 19 and thinking it was the worst movie ever. don't think i've felt that kind of dislike for a movie since but am not sure; there've gotta be some. but probably i didn't sit through more than 10 min of them, which obv eases the dislike and vitriol.
xpost
yeah it's the ANGRY thing that is the worst. i don't want to be angry at movies! i love movies!

i think the worst movie ever may be "the lady in teh water"

-- s1ocki, Monday, May 5, 2008 5:08 AM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

See that one is really bad but it's kind of amusing as a trainwreck. It's like a document of the biggest ego ever finally going completely off the rails.

I mean The Village was close enough but with Lady in the Water it's just jaw-dropping. Shyamalan goes from putting himself in brief cameos in his first couple movies to an extended role in Signs to becoming THE WRITER THAT WILL SAVE THE WORLD in Lady.

http://i28.tinypic.com/256sewy.gif

http://image.allmusic.com/00/avg/cov200/drv000/v001/v00149pprds.jpg

Great cover though.

The worst movie ever was probably shot on 8mm.

http://www.cinemacom.com/posters/8mm-380.jpg

I enjoyed every single movie mentioned in this thread (of the ones I've seen) more than "Southland Tales."

Henry Poole = 'lol Messicans are suspicious'

god it looks so awful

the big knee-slapper joke at the end of the trailer.... holy shit

- It's All About Love
- Petulia
- Closer

Why doesn't he paint over the damn thing?

xp

someone should paint over the movie

ME.

I SHOULD.

I can't watch trailers here at work, but if it looks worse than "The Bucket List" trailer, I guess I'm glad.

do movies that are lol-inducingly bad like lady in the water count, or are we talking about movies that are both bad and dreary and boring and you dont even want to remember them?

Empirically, this is the worst movie ever made:

http://ak.buy.com/db_assets/prod_lrg_images/931/40232931.jpg

For serious, guys, it is an insult yr all even saying things like 'Forrest Gump' when this movie exists.

A fantasy, it tells the story of a boy named Albert Franklin, the son of a Las Vegas magician's assistant who dies in a car crash. The boy is sent to New Jersey to live with his mother's foster sister, Harriet, who has trouble coping with sudden parenthood. Albert invents an imaginary friend named Bogus, a French magician, who helps the boy cope with his transition. Gradually Harriet, who can also see Bogus, also comes to terms with her new situation as well.

holy shit i just watched that trailer... the new pay it forward, maybe? but with religion?

how many times do they repeat that same shot of radha mitchell behind the fence???

Abbott - I've never seen that I can assure that you you're wrong and that this:

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c287/expatrica/NBT.jpg

is actually the worst movie ever. It does have Digital Underground in it which is kind of awesome but if it's not the worst then it might be the most WTF.

That one is terrible but it is not MIND NUMBINGLY DULL.

wtf at "Bogus"

Haley Joel throws a tantrum at his mom's funeral.

I think because people were crying.

x-x-post -- ^ what he said

do movies that are lol-inducingly bad like lady in the water count, or are we talking about movies that are both bad and dreary and boring and you dont even want to remember them?

-- s1ocki, Monday, May 5, 2008 2:37 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

lol-inducingly bad movies are never the worst... this is why ive made like 5 difft ppl watch 8mm

I gave somebody a $.50 used VHS of "Bogus" for the office Secret Santa. They gave me a $40 gift certificate to Best Buy. Who made out like a bandit here? //?

Of course, Goldberg's character says she never clapped for Tinkerbell, so it's only a matter of time before she sees Bogus and rediscovers her Inner Child. At this point, Bogus drives right off the road, veering off into a deluxe Astaire-and-Rogers dance routine between Goldberg and Depardieu, two actors who appear to have one left foot between them.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0115725/usercomments?start=0

These user comments are o_O

I reckon Nic Cage could do a whole Top 10 worst films ever made. And still I sucker myself into watching his shit.

lol-inducingly bad movies are never the worst... this is why ive made like 5 difft ppl watch 8mm

-- and what, Monday, May 5, 2008 6:47 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ya for sure... it's totally more fun to talk about lol bad movies than just straight bad bad movies. cuz those are the ones you're better off forgetting.

http://www.imdb.com/video/screenplay/vi1874526489/

WTF WTF WTF WTF WTF

well theres some shit thats bad but so forgettable you cant hate it - the worst shit is like this luke wilson joint or some garbage like juno or thank you for smoking that gets a cultural hold with its badness

AAAAAAAA xp

btw the worst movie I've ever seen part of was "I Accidentally Domed Your Son", a movie so awful I turned it off after 30 minutes.

what is that, some lifetime movie or something?

DP I think you need to watch "Bogus."

there are some movies i thought it would be lol-bad to return to and the were just depressing as fuck - batman forever is one of these

lol bogus... 2 years later norman jewison was making
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/74/The_Hurricane_poster.JPG/200px-The_Hurricane_poster.JPG

This offbeat dark comedy take place when four friends (Bisco, J-Rob, Pedro, and Hay Love) have a backyard bar-b-q and decide to come up on some bud. Not knowing where to turn, because the streets have been dry for a few months, they end up scoring from the son of a over protective mob figure by the name of Fredrico, who vows, if anything should happen to his son, their will be hell to pay. After a tragic accident, the four friends are on the run with only one person to turn to, Krego (Kurupt), Brisco's (Ryan Combs) long time friend. Krego confirms to them, Fredrico is a very powerful man, and there is no escaping his fury. Their only option is to change their appearance through underground plastic surgery, which would take them on a five hundred mile road trip. Along the way, they will have to avoid Fredrico's beautiful assassin, Venus (Jonnie Dia Renzo), and other unsavory characters, leaving them to ponder the question, was it just dumb luck, or was it the bud?

btw if anybody loves to lol i recommend the fuck out of
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/9/93/Sixth_day.jpg/397px-Sixth_day.jpg

Gerald Depardieu at his most average is better than many other actors at their very best. Well this isn't necessarily true. However as an actor, Depardieu has attempted everything, not all of them good but what he always manages to convey on the screen is a presence that is strong and full of conviction, no matter what the circumstances, as a viewer this is hard to fault. In the movie Bogus we see one of these performances. What we should also mention is fine support from Whoopi Goldberg and a sublime Haley Joel Osment.

Beyond Bedlam was some buuuuullshit, Nostradamus is very very dull indeed, but once again our boy Nic - who looks like David fucking Gest now - takes it to the next level with this crock of moldy donkey carcass, a film that left me shaking my head in stunned disbelief for the rest of the evening after I saw it.

Reality is our Worst Enemy; Imagination is Our Greatest Friend - Albert Einstein
10/10
Author: Andrew (Dacies19) from United States

This Movie really changed me A lot; it showed me that Imagination is Very important, and doesn't let anyone tell you different! I know a lot of you did not really care for this movie, but if you go back, and look from you Child's point of view, you might just see what I did. A very fun and loving movie that made me fell really good about myself! Whoopie dose an excellent job playing a new mother, she is a great mother in real life so I know this was hard for her. And Bogus could not have been cast better! I love this movie and can not wait to own it, (when I have money 8 ) )

I can't find one panning of this on the internet!

I am glad the trailer fully displays how f'ed up it is.

IADYS was immortalized via this epic liveblogging effort: John Justen and Fluffy Bear will watch it.

Unfortunately, it is WAY WAY WAY more fun to read someone else's horrified reactions to the movie than it is to actually watch the movie.

Whoopie dose an excellent job playing a new mother, she is a great mother in real life so I know this was hard for her.

this is true, usually when movies need someone to play a bad mother they just find an actress who sucks at raising her kids

Whoopi works as a restaurant supplier and doesn't have any toys, so she brings the kid home spoons and gravy tureens to play with.

lol-inducingly bad movies are never the worst... this is why ive made like 5 difft ppl watch 8mm

I love this.

It's why I make everyone watch Grease 2! (NB that movie is actually the fucking shit and not bad in any way.)

guys i'm seeing speed racer tomorrow and i have a feeling it might be up there.

what about like phantom menace or matrix 3 or something... those are up there too.

funneist part of 8mm is still when joaquin phoenix's character
http://us.movies1.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/movie_pix/columbia_pictures/8mm/_group_photos/joaquin_phoenix2.jpg
is taking nic cage into the seedy underworld of snuff films, and right as he says something like 'you dont wanna fuck with anybody in this part of town' they walk past a huge, clean shepherd fairey OBEY poster

kinda still cant belive i havent seen that

i only saw phantom menace when i was like 15 and it blew.... never saw matrix 3

se7en was on tv the other day & i thought maybe it would be lolful but it was just boring

I have to say, the worst of the worst movies are bad comedies ... not stupid comedies, but ineffective comedies. Not only are they not funny, but they aren't "funny in a bad way" because they're trying way too hard to be funny.

I remember I was roasted out of my gourd and was dragged to see Adam Sandler's "The Waterboy" or something ... not a single laugh. I spent the whole time making fun of the meathead with the unibrow who dragged us to see it. That jackass was laughing like a maniac, though.

probably at your stoned ass

guys can we S/D lol-bad movies

such as "kill and kill again" or "the car," for example

Lol-bad nirvana: The Principal. Tough-guy inner-city school administrator James Belushi says "NO MORE!"

USA Up All Night and late night HBO in the late 80s / early 90s had the definitive bad movie playlists.

Meatballs 4

- Closer

^^^. Also Jack.

http://images.killermovies.com/m/materialgirls/gallery/poster.jpg

No Kogan, but I have a pretty good tolerance for shitty tween movies (I've seen A Cinderella Story about six times). But this... it's just incomprehensiblely bad.

i saw new york minute in the theater no kogo and thought it was pretty good

guys I saw "deception" starring hugh jackman and ewan mcgregor and it was just the most awful thing

USA Up All Night and late night HBO in the late 80s / early 90s had the definitive bad movie playlists.

Oh hell yes.

Second worst tween flick of the decade:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/c/c5/John_Tucker_Must_Die.jpg

wow the material girls look so poor there

http://www.vinylzart.com/images/AlbumCovers-Loverboy-GetLucky(1981).jpg

i saw new york minute in the theater no kogo and thought it was pretty good

-- and what, Monday, 5 May 2008 20:23 (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

A Cinderella Story has a more sympathetic central character and better support (Dan Byrd should be a bigger star, he was gonna be in the Revenge of the Nerds remake). But NYM has the better "characters try on lots of costumes in quick succesion to an new wave pop track" scene.

what the blank do we know

ugh. this new intelligent desing one with ben clear eyes might top it. i don't think i've got the strength to see it tho.

There's a couple of West African movie channels on Sky now and all they show are these...things...shot on cheap-ass looking video, with dudes who can't be bothered to act and background music so loud you literally cannot hear the dialogue at times. The best part is the descriptions of the films when you click on the info button, they usually say something like "He was a nice man and then some things happened to him in his life".

ugh. this new intelligent desing one with ben clear eyes might top it. i don't think i've got the strength to see it tho.

-- andrew m., Monday, May 5, 2008 3:28 PM (3 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

going to see that this week : D

what the bleep do we know seems lolworthy tho i gotta check that one of these days

xpost -- Haha you must report back immediately on that one.

There's a couple of West African movie channels on Sky now and all they show are these...things...shot on cheap-ass looking video, with dudes who can't be bothered to act and background music so loud you literally cannot hear the dialogue at times. The best part is the descriptions of the films when you click on the info button, they usually say something like "He was a nice man and then some things happened to him in his life".

-- Noodle Vague, Monday, May 5, 2008 7:31 PM (48 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

nigerian ("nollywood") movies are amazing

off-the-rails mystical lsd freakout self-help bullshit >>>>>> chicken soup for the soul pay it forward self-help bullshit

POOTIE TANG

Told the kids today their mum would have to take them to Speed Racer becos no way in hell am I watching cartoon cars jumping about in the air for 2 bleeping hours.

xxpost Yeah one of the channels is called Nollywood and the other is AIT Movistar, they must knock them out in about 3 hours.

guys I saw "deception" starring hugh jackman and ewan mcgregor and it was just the most awful thing

-- elmo argonaut

oh yeah

it truly had no redeeming qualities other than one lol cougar moment

I'll go with Requiem for a Dream.

Or:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/4/46/Bitter-Moon-Poster.jpg/200px-Bitter-Moon-Poster.jpg

POOTIE TANG

-- Beatrix Kiddo, Monday, May 5, 2008 2:34 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

rongest of the rong

Bitter Moon is grebt.

no way that movie is awesome! xp with bitter moon

Manos: the Hands of Fate

This.

yeah, charlotte rampling seriously underused
(would smash michelle williams tho)
xposts to elmo

phantom menace sucked but i thought it looked pretty cool, at least. matrix 3 was just a dour, dull piece of shit. 8mm is hilarious and fun, like when nic cage first sees the snuff film and you know he's disturbed because he twitches and blinks a lot as he views it, and the snuff films dudes are so, so evil. a must see imo.

Or possibly Bats, a 1999 movie starring Lou Diamond Phillips and Dina Meyer, together at last.

^^^ Would smash. Not Lou.

Almost as bad as Bitter Moon:
http://www.sofacinema.co.uk/guardian/images/products/9/10739-large.jpg

well theres some shit thats bad but so forgettable you cant hate it - the worst shit is like this luke wilson joint or some garbage like juno or thank you for smoking that gets a cultural hold with its badness
OTM

and also, sometimes within this, there are these movies that are more 'smart domestic drama' than 'smart quirky comedy' that are trying to be both woody allen at height of woody allen or even not-height crossed with god i don't know godard, but have no smartness, no drive, uninspired lighting, angles, intonation, etc and are pretty much coma-inducing if you aren't swift enough to turn off the late-night tv or duck out of the film-festival-mistake moment or admit it's just not worth the price of the rental/time of the d0wnload.
so bad my only emotional response is the equivalent of telling a newly introduced stranger "no, no i do not want to hear your poetry"

wait, "Nollywood"?????????

Yeah, Nigerian Hollywood, ya see? It ain't no Bollywood, believe me.

o_O O_o

http://www.naijarules.com/

Nollywood is subscription now so we can't see it but AIT Movistar is still broadcasting for free hooray.

wait, who is Nadia Buari and how do I convince her to make sweet sweet love to me

WAIT WAIT forget Nadia Buari, who is Jackie Appiah and etc etc sweet love

I'm a Mercy Johnson man m'self.

I feel like I've stumbled into a wonderland

"I’m Not Perfect, But I Try Not To Cheat On My Wife –Francis Duru"

Classic.

Word of advice Dan don't actually try and watch the films.

Actually that's a lie, a lot of them are jaw-droppingly entertainingly WTF.

“The King Of Boys” - The Richard Mofe-Damijo Interview

Great message board thread:
http://www.naijarules.com/vb/love-family-singles-marriage-sexes/27689-im-tayad-being-single-oooooo.html

I'm a Mercy Johnson man m'self.

-- Noodle Vague, Monday, May 5, 2008 4:49 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

damn good call son

http://www.naijarules.com/thumbnail.php?file=mercy_johnson_small_880038436.jpg&size=article_medium
thats whats up

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lVfr3ZIV3fo

these are generally best consumed in trailer form

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmbby4oBXvE

^^^ the kid in this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g1OqgqV5SUA

Jane Austen's Mafia is the worst film ever. No contest at all. I defy anyone to watch it and not find themselves changed in a detrimental manner afterwards.

and in that of course xp

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZohUICLZyGk

...hitler?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6qC8T1AO-lM

an "emotional blockburster"

Re: Nollywood. The video is the most off-putting thing to me, it looks like bad 80s soap opera. But once you get into the rhythm of them, the long rambling scenes that feel like they're going nowhere, there's a Ken Loach/Vittorio di Sica vibe to bits of it, almost. Almost. The historical dramas seem to work best for me, the story-telling is usually tighter, they have a plot. Maybe there's some genuinely good films in amongst all the madness, but the whole thing is incredibly amateurish and gung ho.

I've been thinking about Nollywood a lot for the last couple of months, and I've talked myself round a bit here. I realise I don't think they're awful, tho they are, generally, in many ways. But in lots of other ways, genuinely cool.

the "obeah" films are generally the craziest.

i really admire the fast & cheap ethic here tho... made for no money in a matter of days, sold in the markets the next week...

And other rubbish-y but kind of endearing point is the way all the films are so correct, they have to have happy endings and be morally uplifting and I guess we're a few years away from Nollywood exploitation flicks or slasher flicks or anything.

Jane Austen's Mafia is the worst film ever. No contest at all. I defy anyone to watch it and not find themselves changed in a detrimental manner afterwards.

-- jim, Monday, May 5, 2008 5:05 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

this was pretty funny

i wanna see hitler!! THE THING BECOMES A FLESH EATERS AFFAIR

ya!

i mean...

hitler!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=B_RgEYVGQqc

BABY POLICE 2

There were tons of Britishes B-movies made mostly between the 2 world wars called "quota quickies". made because there was a law that cinemas had to show a certain percentage of home-grown movies so they shot them fast and cheap to meet this quota so they could carry on showing American movies that were actually good and popular. Nollywood reminds me of that, a bit.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=B_RgEYVGQqc

BABY POLICE 2

-- s1ocki, Monday, May 5, 2008 5:13 PM (44 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

whaaaat

i find it cool that there's actually like a star system at play here too

i had never ever heard of "nollywood" before this thread btw gj team

baby police 2 is CRAZY

btw slocki u my fav movie critic working now i aint bullshittin

fuck man baby police 2 trailer is like welcome to the terrordome for me

aww thanks dude :D xp

Oh wow on that Baby Police page check out the Jadon the Gangster clip.

just the name baby police 2 is really... i can't stop thinking abotu it

ya the jadon one is nuts

Jadon the Nigerian Tycoon/Gangster looks for love. However, he has to settle for shallow African GOLDDIGGERS!!

tycoon-slash-gangster

http://youtube.com/watch?v=N9QCyRGcVyA

THIS

that's an obeah, i'm pretty sure

I like African movies but a gangster child is ridiculous. I would not watch or buy this stupid movie. Talk about corrupting the world's youth. Ya'll need Jesus and Olodumare and any other gods you can think of. Damn!!!

They never seem to show any of these fun ones on AIT, I'm gonna watch out for them tho.

i miss living in hackney east side of london with all the african dudes theres like no african dudes in america

btw the trailer voiceover guy on these >>>>>>>>>>> "in a world..."

"DRY SCORPION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

just to bring it all back around i really wanna get the nollywood trailer guy to re-record the voiceover from the shitty folksy "henry poole is here" trailer

HENRY POOLE!!!!! IS HERE!!!!!

i think what's even more alienating than the picture quality is that terrible on-camera-mic echo-y sound recording

http://youtube.com/watch?v=e-bRhW6Kz_Q

baby police 1... maybe even more intense than 2

kerry predicted where this thread was going

I would have to nominate "Titanic" as well. The worst part is when the boat sinks and they're sliding down into the water and whaddya know? The lead couple miraculously hangs on and survives that. Please, die already! Only Leo has to die eventually so that Celine can sing that "her heart will go on." It was a little boys' "blow stuff up" flick in Edwardian disguise. And throwing that necklace in the water, when it could easily feed 40,000 African children for a year. Kate Winslet had some nice clothes, though.

-- Kerry Keane, Friday, June 22, 2001 8:00 PM (6 years ago) Bookmark Link

http://youtube.com/watch?v=e-bRhW6Kz_Q

baby police 1... maybe even more intense than 2

-- s1ocki, Monday, May 5, 2008 5:20 PM (7 seconds ago) Bookmark Link

wait wtf at 0:18 does that woman have a dress with a cellphone pattern

"the greatest offense.. offense #5!"

"who is the YOU"

lol OKEY BILLY BANIFACE

whoa she does!

i love that like 8 new stars were "introduced" in baby police!

who is the you deserves meme status

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Oci8-5XjOf0

"this interesting blockbuster"

wait what country uses dollars as currency

did that dude just say WHEN YOU WAS CLAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSY

http://youtube.com/watch?v=Q4vnHirfw8M

njeriwajudi (1 month ago) Show Hide
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i promise yu she looks like beyonce or rather she is the black beyonce

Dangerous Blind Man

From: akoko26
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This excellent video

vs.

"this interesting blockbuster"

he has been cheating on me. cheating on me incessantly.

This stuff really doesn't belong on this thread.

These are completely fucking amazing trailers.

Someone start/revive a Nollywood thread.

yeah these transcend categories of 'best' and 'worst' and 'watchable' and 'eye-stabbingly bad'!

Sadly not Nigerian, but if you want a good trailer I can heartily recommend Strike Commando

Dammit that's a cut version.

I really need to actually go into that African greengrocers in town one day and pick some of this stuff up.

hurray for NOLLYWOOD

"Little Monsters", with Fred Savage.

-- Dave,

GLACK ACK FLAGHK SPUTTER

Dave OTM ;_;

Srsly, "Little Monsters" stars a glue, gloppy, Howie Mandel at his most asphyxiatingly manic and grating. It is like BOGUS in that a young boy who is lonely in new town attains pseudo-imaginary friend. Young boy in this case: "Wizard"-era Fred Savage (toddler-age "Boy Meets World" star Ben Savage is here too). And after being blamed by his divorcing parents for wacky house mess-ups (melted ice cream all over kitchen, arbitrarily broken knick-knacks), MONSTORB Mandel comes from under the bed. All looking as bad early '90s marketing vision of 'rebel teen.'

Monstorb takes young Kevin Arnold Fred Savage to under the bed land of shitty monsters. Shitty like if Cirque d'Soleil tried to do some Garbage Pail Kids thing in a giant plywood warehouse with floating sawdust. Monsters all looking like some post-apocalyptic "Big Comfy Couch" characters, clowns and Dickensian orphans with arbitrarily placed holes and warts. Then in some Pleasure Island fantasy sequence, Fred Savage gets to do all the things people who don't remember their childhood think kids DREAM of doing: junk food gluttony that consummates in food fights, roulette, and some peep show. (!!!)

The film has a lot of adult content. I mean at one point Monster Mandel suggests in a double entendre that young Fred Savage eat his prepubescent girl-crush's pussy. (He turns his hand into the head of a dog to eat her homework when she's away and makes some joke like "you need chew that kitty like this dog" wtf.) They also say "Holy shit!" in a number of distressingly inappropriate ties. (PG rated)

In the end Ben Savage is held hostage by an Edwardian-little-boy monster named Boy whose head explodes.

It's just so gruesome, and insulting, and trying to suffocate you with its FUN, and and and it commits the number one bad movie offense of being super fucking BORING. I rewatched it recently and was appalled it ever got made, and that it was shown to me at age six. wtf! It is so uncomfortable a movie.

Ugh... little monsters. AWFUL. Thanks for the memories.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_AGPFa1khtE

O_O AT 0:42

did victor salva direct this?

Yeah, it is sexually fucked up in about a million ways.

It's no Basket Case 3

Frank Henenlotter is a hero.

Was that intended to be a kids' movie, too?

xp

Nah but it has a cool selection of freaky looking monsters.

Bloody hell: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mI808JK6-Q

Either

Freddy Got Fingered

or

Incubus; a fairly recent, awful Tara Reid horror/thriller that makes no sense at all

lol @ nollywood trailers.

BABY POLICE 2

I reckon Nic Cage could do a whole Top 10 worst films ever made. And still I sucker myself into watching his shit.

-- Noodle Vague, 05 May 2008 18:51 (4 days ago) Bookmark Link

yeah, i went out and rented 8mm the night after i returned snake eyes and got my money back. i may even have used my refund to rent it. WTF is Nic Cage some type of visual crack or something?

this has been around for a while but says it all, really:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=e6i2WRreARo

Surprised no one has mentioned the abomination that is Soul Man:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0091991/
Bad in so many ways.

LITTLE MAN

I tried to watch The Avengers yesterday, thinking from the trailer that it looked purty and might be silly fun and can pretty much just watch Uma Thurman with the sound down but it was OMG SO UNBEARABLY BAD AND RONG AND TWEE IN THE WORSTEST RONGEST POSSIBLE RONGBOMB OF RONGITUDE EVER that I had to turn it off after just under half an hour. Makes Mary Poppins look like Cathy Come Home.

http://youtube.com/watch?v=-MQqaV2LDgI

The Lawnmower Man

Ready to Wear (aka Robert Altman's Pret a Porter)

Meet the Fockers

the avengers is a good shout alright. did i mention down periscope yet?

The Lawnmower Man

Ready to Wear (aka Robert Altman's Pret a Porter)

Meet the Fockers

Lawnmower man had a POV cam from a super monkey, ergo it cannot be the worst movie ever. The other two are strong contenders.

A View from the Top

let me renom big mama's house

or possibly Malpertuis

Closer. Cos it thinks it's amazing, and it's just shit.

njeriwajudi (1 month ago) Show Hide
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i promise yu she looks like beyonce or rather she is the black beyonce

― and what, Monday, May 5, 2008 5:27 PM (8 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol i forgot this thread was the origin of BLACK BEYONCE

"Little Monsters", with Fred Savage.

― Dave, Sunday, June 24, 2001 12:00 AM (7 years ago)

From seven years ago comes THE TRUTH.

10000bc was like when yr watching discovery channel and they have a 10 sec reenactment to demonstrate how cavemen lived except it lasted for a lot longer

Films which may qualify as camp can be immediately disqualified, as they will be usually contain at least a few lols. Lowest common denominator, quick-buck crowd pleasers like Little Man or the _________ Movie series are usually innocuous enough not to really incite disgust or anger, with exceptions being made for Norbit et al, which uphold damaging stereotypes.

To my mind, the worst offenders are those films which prime themselves as Oscar bait, but whose affectations of IMPORTANCE often overlook the essential basics of good storytelling in lieu of maudlin acting and lots of directorly hand-wringing. At one time, such films generally starred Tom Hanks. These days its Sean Penn (not saying anything about Milk here, which I haven't seen). Bonus points for shitting all over a perfectly good historical narrative/novel/play & even more bonus points for being boring as fuck. By this rational, the worst film of all time is 2001's The Shipping News.

I've seen undistributed stuff at film festivals that's worse than anything I've seen in a movie theater, though Requiem for a Dream is pretty bad.

xpost - all that otm, include Shipping News, A Beautiful Mind...

Strange Days is one of the worst movies I ever saw. But I saw a test screening so I'm not sure what I saw was the final cut.

Too much material to choose among. The mind boggles.

Tim Robbins' "Cradle Will Rock" is an especially horrendous version of what Pillbox is talking about, except it's a 'totally outsider, man' version: the story of performing artists with radical politics in the days of the New Deal's Federal Theater Program.

Requiem for a Dream is my all-time tops, closely followed by Demonlover.

the recent pacino deniro vehicle righteous kill is seriously awful

Not that I think too hard about this question and not that I've seen the following in over twenty years but my stock answer has long been Heavy Metal.

I have decided that my answer is Pretty Woman. That is one fucked up movie.

I've yet to see anything worse than Bob Dylan's finest moment Hearts Of Fire, although Scoop ran it close.

Basic, starring John Travolta & Samuel L Jackson.

Summary. Something happens, someone tries to find out what happens. They ask one bloke, his version is shown in flashback. They ask another bloke, his version is shown in flashback (it bears no resemblence to first bloke's story). So they ask a third bloke. His story, bearing no resemblence to the first two stories, is shown in flashback. Lather, rinse, repeat for the entire cast for what seems like about three years (is actually about two hours, probably). Then at the end, oh, look, none of these things we've seen actually happened, it was something else entirely. Which we never get to see.

Wank.

i remember the Little Monsters commercial rap

Little Monsters... On video...
Little Monsters... On-on-on video

aww basic. friend threw a chair across the room after we watched it.

Basic, starring John Travolta & Samuel L Jackson

Summary. Something happens, someone tries to find out what happens. They ask one bloke, his version is shown in flashback. They ask another bloke, his version is shown in flashback (it bears no resemblence to first bloke's story). So they ask a third bloke. His story, bearing no resemblence to the first two stories, is shown in flashback. Lather, rinse, repeat for the entire cast for what seems like about three years (is actually about two hours, probably). Then at the end, oh, look, none of these things we've seen actually happened, it was something else entirely. Which we never get to see.

Is this a remake of Rashomon or something?

No, it's just a shite really-badly-written war film.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Basic_(film)

I mean, I think someone thought it was clever and playing on the M Night Shamalamadingdong "oh look at this clever twist, you didn't see this coming" thing, but FFS, spending two hours showing things in flashback that didn't even happen is not clever.

Yeah, "bad twist" movies really are in a class of their own. The best (worst) examples of this I can think of are Identity & Haute Tension: otherwise serviceable thrillers entirely compromised by lazy and/or ludicrous twist endings. This is especially the case with the latter, which was shaping up to be one one fucking awesome horror movie until (paraphrasing The AV Club here) the ending opened a plot hole which was not only large enough to drive a truck through, but which literally had a truck driven through it.

That description of Basic makes it sound like something I'd really be into. Like a not-quite-as-complex-or-interesting Saragossa Manuscript, or hell, even like B.S. Johnson's House Mother Normal. I'm sure it's crap, though, dammit.

Doesn't the phrase "starring Samuel L Jackson" give you a hint? Never has a guy's film career been so far removed from the expectation of his film career. I keep thinking that films with him in it will be good because he's Samuel L Jackson, but, er, Snakes on a Plane apart (where he was basically playing the concept of Samuel L Jackson), this never actually happens.

trying to work out how to combine "ailsa" and "challops"

anyway the worst movie ever is Apollo 13 or The Perfect Storm srsly ppl

Aye, I figured it was a bit challopsy, maybe I'm just picking the wrong films.

To be fair, I was ignoring the 'starring John Travolta & Samuel L. Jackson' bit.

Not that I'm ever going to see it, but I strongly suspect Bride Wars might be the worst film ever made.

I thought Black Snake Moan was killer.

Black Snake Moan is one of the ones I haven't seen, but I think it's on Sky Movies this month so I'll give it a go. I do like Christina Ricci.

xpost, LOL @ newspaper ads for Bride Wars. The ad quotes like 2 pretend good reviews from TV entertainment channels, & one of them says "bring your BFF, bring your frenemies!" BARF.

Black Snake Moaned is redeemed by Ricci in Daisy Dukes.

Best scene from Hearts of Fire is Dylan weakly trashing a hotel room before felling a be-mulleted Rupert Everett with the lamest movie punch ever:

Malpertuis?
Malpertuis?!

in a world with Troll 2 and Because I Said So and Dr. T and the Women and Fool's Gold and the remake of The Women, someone actually nom'ed Malpertuis? we're through the looking-glass here, people.

Troll 2 is hilarious & should not be mentioned anywhere near this thread.

I was shocked and a little distressed last week when I found out that the guy who wrote Basic also wrote Zodiac. It made me re-think my Zodiac love. Briefly.

Love Potion No. 9, with Sandra Bullock, is probably actually the worst movie I've ever seen.

boondock saints

i watched "i know who killed me", last night. what a total suckfest.

Saw 2

^^ syringe pit & broken glass box trap sequences save it from the dungheap imo. Saw movies are usually good for at least two or three quality scenes (if you enjoy that sort of thing).

Albino Alligator, directed by Kevin Spacey, was not good.

if you view IKWKM as an American giallo, it's really no worse than any Bido or Martino film. you have to love the cobalt-glass knife. maybe LiLo will turn out to be the new Anita Strindberg.

I'm going to say A VIEW FROM THE TOP. It's not enjoyable bad, it's just a huge waste of space. An hour and a half of uninspired, unfunny and boring.

(again, i mean, i know i mentioned it above)

Doom Generation.

Films like Norbit and Big Mommas House don't deserve to be near these lists, if only for Tracy Jordan redeeming them.

Ocean's 12, Match Point, ooh, ooh, that one I saw last year, oh yeh, Eagle Eye, and Wanted couldn't really be left out.

They'd all quite happily take top spot depending on what I was feeling like. They all have that slight element of ill-made strangeness that marks out the really bad from just the not very good or tiresomely mediocre.

Like the clay pots I used to make in pottery.

Hal, I'm equally aghast at the nomination of Malpertuis - not as great as Daughters of Darkness, but still near my top ten.

Oh, Ocean's 12 was dreadful as well, the "ooh, Tess, you look like Julia Roberts" thing...just, no.

many many xposts - Basic is HILARIOUS, I could watch it on a daily basis. Sometimes I think it's all tongue-in-cheek, it's so dumb. It's a classic Travolta performance, full of his brainless self-satisfied fat-faced posturing. When he gets his partner to be the 'bad cop' then pulls the rug out from under her feet - lolz. The crucial switcheroo - lololololol. The ending - loooooooooooooool. The fact that you can't make head or tail of any of the stories or what the 'real' story is supposed to be is exactly why it's so classic.

Oh, Ocean's 12 was dreadful as well, the "ooh, Tess, you look like Julia Roberts" thing...just, no.

― ailsa, Sunday, January 11, 2009 1:22 PM (9 minutes ago)

Yes, and what was all that Albert Finney thing at the end? Very strange. The whole thing was odd in fact. No plot whatsoever. Slightly surreal, as I say, as was...

Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull.

So bad it seemed at times like it might be a spoof. Just escapes being really terrible because the chase through the jungle wasn't entirely awful.

I thought Crystal Skull was fun. Depends on how seriously you take the original movies, which I though were kind of spoofs anyway.

I thought the originals were fun, but Crystal Skull was just plain weird. Strange continuity errors. Scenes nonsensically going from one to the other, bizarrely obvious continuity errors (shirt collar in, shirt collar out, shirt collar in, shirt collar out), strange texture to it, curiously cheap (that crystal skull - bacofoil in a clip together plastic jobby), great sense of dislocation.

The continuity errors obviously made an impression.

a clip together plastic jobby

missed this bit

Worst movie I ever saw.

I saw Bio-Dome on HBO as a late teenager because:
1. I liked the first run of Pauly movies when I was a kid, so I thought it would be a little bit of nostalgia
2. I was old enough to have "ironic distance" or whatever, and me and my best friend were getting in the habit of watching shitty movies for ironic larfs, so I was planning on maybe a "so bad its good" experience.

But mainly i felt really bored. I kind of cringed at what passed for "jokes" because they were more like placeholders for where a joke should go. And I felt sad that Joey Lauren Adams and Kylie Minougue were in it. It was really like a bunch of 13-year olds sitting around saying "boner." Vry, very sad.

if i look at my IMDB my movies database (neeerdyy)

*300 (didn't need a parody at all)
*North (though Bruce Willis in a rabbit costume, or whatever it was, maybe I underrated it)
*Swordfish (bizarre computer programming skills)
*Wanted (glad this was mentioned, worst film I saw in 2008)
*Ask the Dust (this hurts, love the books)
*Even Cowgirls Get the Blues (WTF)
*Naqoqatsi (loved Koyaanisqatsi)

also in general, what I really hate is a comedy which gained good reviews and i am watching and not even grinning. Comedies are tough, or maybe I'm really hard to please ;) (for example Raising Arizona or Knocked Up)

Basic is HILARIOUS

seriously, it's a terrible movie but the ending made me lol

> shaping up to be one one fucking awesome horror movie until (paraphrasing The AV Club here) the ending opened a plot hole which was not only large enough to drive a truck through, but which literally had a truck driven through it.

― Pain don't hurt. (Pillbox), Saturday, January 10, 2009 5:32 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

See also: "Frailty" which I believe I started a thread on because the ending sucked so badly and the rest of the movie showed such promise.

Intolerable Cruelty
Match Point
Northfork

"Frailty" has a great ending!

Just watched max payne and i'm not too happy.

Intolerable Cruelty is down there in the first 10 minutes, but gets better after that.

# Worst Movie Ever? [Started by David Raposa in June 2001, last updated 2 minutes ago by Eazy on I Love Everything] 61 new answers
# Bride Wars (2009) [Started by The boy with the Arab money (The stickman from the hilarious 'xkcd' comics) in January 2009, last updated 2 minutes ago by Surmounter on I Love Everything] 8 new answers

too easy

Ha, just posted that to Thread Connections.

intolerable cruelty is nowhere near. watch more shitty movies.

lost my shit hard at the hitman + inhaler scene :(

Jane Austen's Mafia is the worst film ever. No contest at all. I defy anyone to watch it and not find themselves changed in a detrimental manner afterwards.

― jim, Monday, May 5, 2008 10:05 PM (8 months ago)

still true

The Illusionist is some fucking bullshit but I guess it's not the worst movie ever.

See also: "Frailty" which I believe I started a thread on because the ending sucked so badly and the rest of the movie showed such promise.

― The Way of the Diamond Spirit (Oilyrags), Sunday, January 11, 2009 10:37 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

"Frailty" has a great ending!

― Simon H., Sunday, January 11, 2009 3:06 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I fall somewhere in between. (SPOILER - I don't want to ruin Frailty for anyone, as I consider it to be a great, underrated horror/suspense film). I thought the first twist, the brother switcheroo, was clever Hitchcockian sleight of hand. But then they had to up the ante for the "see, they really were servants of God, killing evil demons" angle & that was just needless gimmickry. I can forgive Frailty that, though, whereas the twist at the end of Haute Tension spoils the whole thing for me, b/c it is just so WTF physically impossible (not to mention needless, tacky, desperate, etc), that it completely compromises the gritty realism of everything which preceded it.

intolerable cruelty is nowhere near. watch more shitty movies.

I've seen plenty of shit movies. I take back Intolerable Cruelty though, Ladykillers was worse.

god should be scary.

burn after reading is even worse!

Because Mrs V was watching Cast Away I've just seen the Worst CGI Whale Ever.

SPOILING WHY FRAILTY GOT SPOILED OR NOT DEPENDING ON WHO YOU ASK

Yeah, the problem is not that the McCaunneghy is the younger brother, it's that the evil demons are real thing runs utterly counter to the early, good part of the movie for me. The kid caught between his psychokiller of a dad and his blindly faithful younger brother when he himself knows better and is the only person aware of his situation is fantastic, and one of the most utterly terrifying and believable kid in a movie dilemmas ever. Maybe it's just my antireligiousness coming through that I consider that to be a twist that switches the genre of the movie from 'realistic' to fantastic' and, I guess, instantly reduces my emotional investment in the characters.

I'm eight miles away from Tape Store: I'm very fond of VIEW FROM THE TOP, except the crap bits with her stodgy bf, unless we're talking about another movie.

Worst film I've ever seen = Roy Chubby Brown's UFO. But I can take that as read and still ponder other candidates beyond it like

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE

THE HISTORY BOYS

MARGOT AT THE WEDDING

-- all incredibly dire.

I nominate RIGHTEOUS KILL. Never seen it, but should win on name alone. What a turd this thing must be.

And there are certainly a lot of worse movies out there, but RADIO deserves a nomination for being such a pandering pile of shit.

if i remember my MTV Cribs correctly Lil Jon is a huge fan of Radio.

anyway it's hard for me to come up with movies I saw all the way through that I really couldn't stand. I had a "oh fuck this movie" reaction to boondock saints but I only saw 20 minutes of it.

One intriguing contender = FINAL DESTINATION.

"Alex and a group of high school students take a flight to Paris for a French class trip. Before they set off, Alex has a premonition of the plane bursting into flames minutes after take off. He tells everyone to get off the ill-fated aircraft. Moments later in the departure lounge the student see the plane explode before their very eyes. Now the FBI thinks that Alex had something to do with it and follows his every move. His friends start to believe he had something to do with it also and slowly fade out of his life. But now, each one of his friends is mysteriously being killed by something that appears to be the Grim Reaper. Alex starts to believe that fate is starting to taking its toll."

What this synopsis doesn't capture is the complex, Rube Goldbergian ways in which these ill-fated characters die. For instance there's one scene in a kitchen where a domino effect of collapsing fixtures & appliances leads to a big pointy knife hurtling through the air & impaling a girl. Also since the Grim Reaper isn't a person in the movie, they signify that "death" is on the scene by having this, like, blue water start seeping all around. Just ominous blue water, seepin' and seepin'.

Those Final Destination movies are great, I've only see part two and three on television but the rube goldberg deaths are wonderful.

David Cronenberg's "Crash" was easily the worst movie I ever paid to see - and I LIKE Cronenberg! (Or should that be "liked"?) The only thing close was "Howard The Duck" (which I was more-or-less FORCED to watch, long story.)

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.

FINAL DESTINATION is awesome; it develops its own eerie atmosphere separate from pretty much every other teen-slasher-ish movie from that time. I need to watch again, but I'm pretty sure there's some really great filmmaking going on there...

I've seen plenty of shit movies. I take back Intolerable Cruelty though, Ladykillers was worse.

don't take it back. (they both suck, but Burn after Reading sucked more especially considering all the praise and hype it got)

(liked Margot at the Wedding though)

Another vote for Human Traffic - the drug movie for people who get tipsy after half a lager top.

Some genuinely awful films:

Best Defense (1984)
Gothika (2003)
Paycheck (2003)
Sahara (2005)
The Break-Up (2006)

Late Night Shopping. I thought Human Traffic was bad but LNS is a billion times worse.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0250491/quotes

Underdog.

final destination is pretty good, this comes from a guy who HATES modern horror movies.

i still haven't seen anything to top kingdom of the spiders, but in terms of paid-to-see then gothika and down periscope are awesomely bad.

final destination was pretty good, i thought. didn't see either sequel though.

Is Down Periscope a submarine farce wannabe-Airplane! movie? When I was 9 or 10 a friend told me all about it and I wanted to see it so much I kept asking my parents if they could buy it for about a month. They didn't.

frasier crane takes on the navy, how could it fail?

I only saw Coppola's "Jack" dubbed into spanish while on a train, but I was pretty sure I was witnessing true awfulness.

Oh man, how could I have forgotten:

Larry Clark's pervorama-disguised-as-hard-hitting "Kids." Truly awful.

THE HISTORY BOYS

This has GOT to be some sort of sick joke! What's the complaint about this one? It was too . . . good?

"Go back and be a play, ya jerk?"

Also, National Lampoon's "Class Reunion" is quite bad.

David Cronenberg's "Crash" was easily the worst movie I ever paid to see
Are you sure you didn't see Paul Haggis's Crash by mistake, cause that one really is an abomination...

Underdog.

My dog has been BEGGING me to buy this movie today on Blu-Ray or DVD. I will show him this thread.

8 Mile. I gave it 20 minutes but vacuuming the carpet was more appealing.

paycheck sucked but it had a great car chase in the middle

...but don't see 'Ciao! Manhattan' if you're actually expecting a good film.

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Thursday, March 4, 2004 12:36 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark

Watched it for the 1st time tonight.

Far worse than I expected.

this thread is like some sort of amazing inescapable black hole vortex for the "challops" crowd btw

my boyfriend just saw an old bud cort movie called "son of hitler" from 1979 that is some kind of deeply shoddy failed attempt at a "day the clown cried" style holocaust comedy (holocomedy?) produced in germany that he said was perhaps the worst film he'd ever seen. And not in a "in other words, HILARIOUS" kind of way either, just bad bad bad unwatchably bad.

"Doom"

caught zombie strippers on tv last friday night, excruciatingly bad. I know its low budget how hard can it be to get some jokes/dialogue in somewhere. reminded me of the dreadful troma films i used to sit through cos they were on channel 4 in the middle of the night hoping for some nudity/splatter.

The Armageddon Appreciation Thread

i have a feeling that Lesbian Vampire Killers is this movie.

Are the vampire killers lesbian or do they kill only lesbian vampires?

A question I have also asked, however I'm not prepared to watch it to find out.

My feeling based on the poster is that the vampires are lesbians, i'm still shaky on how the killers determine the sexuality of their prey though.

'The Room' by Tommy Wiseau

Based on the 10 minutes I saw of the Charlie's Angels sequel this weekend, that has to be up there. I understand it was supposed to be campy, but OMFG is the movie horrible, horrible, horrible.

lol I love CA2 a lot because it's so ridiculously silly

also I have had ridiculous crushes on all 4 of those actresses (including Demi) at different points of my life

I was in the room while Mrs V watched Tube Tales yesterday jesus that was offensively bad.

CA2 is terrible, but if it finds you in the mood you'd watch it because of the glitz and yeah crush actress bonanza.

special nomination for cast away. i like my amateur dramatics from the rowing neighbours two doors down, not on tv thanks.

Killing Me Softly. Just appalling. And that's despite all the Heather Graham nudity.

Lisztomania looks amazing!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HWOWLXHAUhc

"Doom"

― Ant Attack.. (Ste), Monday, March 30, 2009 8:43 AM (7 months ago) Bookmark

i mean, it's based on video game to start with and even then they fuck it up.

Roger Ebert says, "Doom is like some kid came over and is using your computer and won't let you play."

i have a feeling that Lesbian Vampire Killers is this movie.

― Jarlrmai, Monday, 30 March 2009 14:44 (7 months ago)

^proved right.

thread is 14 years old! there must be some new contenders for the Worst Movie Ever canon.