thread for KING CHARLES III (regnal name george vii)

it's time fellow subjects

gnna kick off with this: https://travelmakertours.com/why-prince-charles-considers-transylvania-his-second-home/

This is how it's gonna go - A prophecy upon CHARLES the Third, and two Kings after him (1661)

"Since oor true king was sent awa'.
A doited German rules us all"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g7y6rekD7cY

Signalling at an aide through clenched teeth to move something out of his way pic.twitter.com/SSe8j8VeUz

— Emma Devlin (@theactualemma) September 10, 2022

wait i thought his regnal name was charles iii i’m confused

this is one of literally dozens of hills i am setting up to die on currently

suspect that elderly tantrum-boy here is gnna turn out to be very bad at a lot of similar things the recently departed was in fact better at

― mark s, Saturday, 10 September 2022 16:38 (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Yeah, I think that's he'll be a force for republicanism in form and content! If he carks it in the next week and we move smoothly on to William the Bald, the window will have closed.

AIUI, bumping off Andrew is now his job, Harry is William's problem but can still be attempted while William is the Prince of Wales.

The lipless equine grimace is so quintessential

a deeply ugly man indeed

The whole succession process being televised has been a great advert for republicanism. The more people see of the behind-closed-doors workings of the royals and their intersection with government, the more they'll want rid of the whole lot.

pic.twitter.com/piuD2NQ6LH

— HappyToast ★ (@IamHappyToast) September 11, 2022

I saw that King Charles addressed a compliant Parliament today.

A week or two ago I went round Oliver Cromwell's house in Ely. I am aware that the events of the 1640s are controversial but I wonder how far we have progressed in coming from executing King Charles I and establishing a republic, to Parliament abasing itself before King Charles III.

went there once when I lived in Ely in 2016/2017, enjoyed the bedroom at the end which is "haunted" by some concealed lighting & speakers and a device which makes the bed move slightly.

A week or two ago I went round Oliver Cromwell's house in Ely.

Was he in?

"Yeah, I think that's he'll be a force for republicanism in form and content! If he carks it in the next week and we move smoothly on to William the Bald, the window will have closed."

Where is the assumption that William might be better coming from?

The Prince of Wales

Yes, I don't see it at all. How is he in any way better? Nothing I have seen goes beyond the utterly superficial and ephemeral...he is young and has an attractive young wife. Oh, and he occasionally speaks vaguely like the people we converse with on a day-to-day basis, in Estuary English, rather than in an antiquated upper class way to rhyme 'home' with 'game' and 'perhaps' with 'crepes'.

Like, hello? People with normal accents, young people and attractive people can still hold (C/c)onservative views.

Other than that, it is just the MSM editorialising by linking anything vaguely charitable he does or says with the "caring nature of his late mother".

William is much more agreeable for most actual Royalists who think Charles is too much a weird boat-rocking hippie (think Farage and the like) plus that William has always felt to them more Diana's son than Chuck's.

William's statements are usually about conservation, climate change & mental health, which is a bit more palatable than architecture and alternative medicine.

he is young and has an attractive young wife.

He's 40. Charles has got increasingly crankier and unpleasant as he's got older - not that he was ever not cranky and unpleasant - I fully expect William to go the same way.

My wife and I (both Americans, FTR) discussed this weekend the idea that maybe it would be a good thing if Chuck were to say "Fuck this shit, I'm the king, I'm gonna be the fucking king" and rescind your new prime minister's position, dissolve Parliament by royal edict, and turn your little island back into an absolute monarchy. I mean, how much worse could he shit the bed than your last three leaders have done? And before you say "constitutionally, he can't" I say that it would be highly amusing for the prime minister and Parliament to be forced to deploy the military against a rebel king, and I genuinely wonder which side the population would land on.

Don't 'your little island' us you cheese-murdering ingra---ahaha I mean why yes that would be splendid good sir.

Population would side w/ the military, as they would not want to get shot.

But of course Charles also has zero motivation to embark on this fantasy scenario - why would he want the headaches of ruling, he's got the royal veto to maintain the family fortune and that's all that really matters.

"My wife and I (both Americans, FTR) discussed this weekend the idea that maybe it would be a good thing if Chuck were to say "Fuck this shit, I'm the king, I'm gonna be the fucking king" and rescind your new prime minister's position, dissolve Parliament by royal edict, and turn your little island back into an absolute monarchy."

I hope you were both really drunk during this convo.

its not really that small of an island, ranks in the top ten biggest iirc

You can still indulge in silly speculation while sober, xyzzz. Ain't against the rules.

He's 40.

That's still 'young' in terms of the mean & possibly also median age of the UK populace, Tom D., and also in the eyes of the Tory-voting, Countryside Alliance supporting, on-shore wind vetoing, curtain-twitching types who are the only people the govt/MSM care about the opinion of these days.

btw ppl saying in his defense that charles is an environmentalist i assume its just some neoliberalfeudal bs but i havent looked into it

environmentalist in the organic-farming-and-maintainance-of-parks sense.

well parks are nice

his type environmentalism is like Attenborough's, all about eugenics and thinning out the population - "they breed like rats". He talks a lot about food waste while his servant ends up boiling 43 eggs if he decides on a whim to go on a 3 hour morning walk.

lol perfect

Did unperson divorce his curvy Colombian wife or did she just pick up his shitty sense of humour along with her citizenship application

How about a revolution instead

Sky News just challenged the public to overthrow the monarchy pic.twitter.com/QyAiceIDVk

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) September 12, 2022

xp

"You can still indulge in silly speculation while sober, xyzzz. Ain't against the rules."

Sounded like the kind of chat you'd be saying while drunk or brain dead.

Sounded like the kind of chat you'd be saying while drunk or brain dead.

...if you lacked an imagination, maybe! :-P

Where is the assumption that William might be better coming from?

William seems to more capable of following his grandmother's example of never saying or doing anything interesting in public ever, and therefore remaining a popular 'apolitical' figure. Some of the royal reportage in Private Eye painted him as quite a ruthless and effective operator behind the scenes, as opposed to Charles who dithers and equivocates, e.g. they credited William with making sure that Andrew was fully cast out into the wilderness when the Queen was more inclined to be forgiving.

the uk press have been sitting on stories about will's alleged infidelity for years now, so wills' ramrod compliance may be lubricated by a fear of being thrust onto tabloid front pages under straplines about his bedroom preferences

Yeah seems like a bit of a shoogly peg for the institution

sad to see royalty forced into a prostate position like that

A far cry from the previously dominant position.

i think he's just really anal about details

just a square peg in a round hole I guess

I confess that this american is (with some guilt) delighted with the lol opportunities presented by KCIII. Sorry, UK, really I am, but also good god the tragicomedy. . .

I mean we gave you Trump (also sorry about that), surely it was your turn.

tabloid features from the 80s make the best heads of state, trust us

lol i fucking told you

'Judging the right moment for a joke is always tricky...'

My latest cartoon for tomorrow's @Telegraph

Subscribe to my weekly newsletter to receive my unseen cartoons: https://t.co/JNDhrYJMFH pic.twitter.com/AhAJmld9TB

— Matt Cartoons (@MattCartoonist) September 12, 2022

that's the power you wield when you are the UK's richest sketcher of cock-noses

nashwan otm, William will be more palatable to the average subject (because he is more palatable to the papers, as evidence: the last decade of papers)

move fast! break things!

King Charles’s staff given redundancy notice during church service for Queen

Exclusive by ⁦@PippaCrerar⁩ and ⁦@ccdavies⁩ https://t.co/nAcSngcBAI

— Owen Gibson (@owen_g) September 13, 2022

psyched for some wild stories from disgruntled former employees

this man hates pens

How is this real? How is this public?! pic.twitter.com/dZlsNOVREI

— Nooruddean (@BeardedGenius) September 13, 2022

He is going to machine gun the rest of the Royals

he has wanted this for 60+ years and already he hates it *so much*

*prepares the popcorn*

imagine taking the King to a fucking employment tribunal, you'd end up having to pay his legal fees and 10 years of your paltry wages back to him and then get birched for having the effrontery

maybe charles will take the monarchy to a tribunal for constructive dismissal

Lol, what a loser.

Wonder if support for the Monarchy will collapse, he clearly can't keep his mouth shut.

doesnt exactly have the common touch does he

His Majesty is not used to getting ink on his fingers, and it's ruined his entire bloody day.

You can see exactly why his mother stayed in post till her literal death, can’t you

Amazing, simply amazing.

Camilla doing a much better job at this stuff

So the Duchy of Lancaster passes to Charles, and that of Cornwall to Prince William. Did they observe proper protocol, which is to pass the duchy on the left-hand side?

He probably thinks hating pens makes him seem down to earth

xpost This generation
Rules the nation

Ps the amount of people going WELL HE’S JUST LOST HIS MUM as though the guy didn’t literally give interviews saying he was “running out of time”.

All true heads of state use Sharpies.

Fucking pens, how do they work?

the most amazing video I've watched this year

I was working at a recruitment company in Piccadilly when the Queen Mother died, and even before her funeral, the staff were on the phone asking if we had vacancies for cooks, dressers, gardeners, you name it. They were all about to be made homeless. https://t.co/zLSH592cXW

— Elvis Buñuelo (@Mr_Considerate) September 13, 2022

The Duke of York will be a Counsellor of State for the new king. pic.twitter.com/qZPdhjwUjM

— PoliticsJOE (@PoliticsJOE_UK) September 14, 2022

You know what, this is a fair point. Does Charles not bleed? does he not weep at the moonlight? Does his heart not soar when listening to Coldplay? He is one of Us, a flawed, scared sack of bones trying to make the best of existence on this rainy fascist island https://t.co/XKs34NkeD7

— Y (@tinshh) September 14, 2022

King Charles, died 2022 by literally not being able to breathe for being criticised

I'm curious about how the 2 videos of Charles looking grumpy got released. Leaked by a disgruntled member of staff?

can't have 24-7 adoring rolling coverage if you keep binning the material

also i'm guessing there wasn't a need until now to have a full-time tantrum editor keeping a watchful eye, his mum was a seasoned professional who self-edited like a beast -- while her son is a self-important crank weirdo who thinks he knows everything and badly wants to be as beloved but is also angrily terrified he never will be (clue: he never will be)

i also think there's a strong dose of "at last i can be myself!" -- he's spent like forty years biting his lip to not blurt -- and he's discovering this is not going to play at all well, the uninterrupted performance of low-key naturalness is harder work than it looked! turns out laurens van der post doesn't prepare one!

its true the queen was a real pro she encountered tens of thousands of people in her role and seemingly all of them were like she was gracious she asked me about myself and seemed to actually care credit where its due

throwing multiple public fits about pens in your first week on the job is pretty far on the other end of the spectrum

each finger segment a Fall Guy, racing to drown itself in the inkwell

Is there going to be a separate ten day mourning period to mourn the crowning of Charles

He's already causing trouble with the royalty of other nations

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/8/8b/Conversations_with_Queen.jpg

Reading the Wikipedia page for Diana’s funeral (which I didn’t watch)

Alastair Campbell later revealed in his diaries that the government and the royal household feared for the security of Prince Charles, believing that he would possibly get attacked by the crowd, thus they ensured that he would be accompanied by his sons. Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh, initially opposed the idea of William and Harry taking part in the funeral procession, but ultimately decided to walk besides them, telling his grandsons "I'll walk if you walk."William later described the experience as "one of the hardest things I've ever done", and Harry mentioned no child "should be asked to do" what they did. Nevertheless, William saw the act as a necessity to maintain "balance between duty and family" and Harry said that he was "very glad" that he took part in the procession.

In other words everyone knew it was brutally wrong but they did it anyway because of the tampon thing.

Does Charles not bleed? does he not weep at the moonlight? Does his heart not soar when listening to Coldplay? He is one of Us,

What if Charles was one of us

Just a stranger on the bus

nice piece by owen hatherley in jacobin abt how C3's poor understanding of architecture is party shaped by his never once being on a bus (or alone walking round a building or a city unchaperoned)

is the coffin taking visitors so everyone can whisper into the side of the coffin 'i'm glad yer dead'

its true the queen was a real pro she encountered tens of thousands of people in her role and seemingly all of them were like she was gracious she asked me about myself and seemed to actually care credit where its due

I encountered her once in a line-up greet-the-staff at work, made the mistake of speaking before she'd spoken to me; she gave me a look like Medusa, still haunts me.

not captured on the camera tho, there's her skill right there

I was commissioned to write this on Charles and architecture and rather than put the boot in I've tried to work out whatever the hell was actually going on https://t.co/zj40YDcohH

— Owen Hatherley (@owenhatherley) September 14, 2022

good piece by Hatherley, all the stuff about his huge property portfolio in Transylvania and his nightmare model village, Poundbury is new to me.

when i was at crafts magazine our printers was very near poundbury and once when we visited (to see what printers did, i guess a kind of diplomatic gladhand) we were told lots of local stories about how unappealing it is to live in: for exmple that many of the streets were built quite narrow -- to look old fashioned and quaint and possibly also to discourage heavy traffic -- which means the county bin lorries can't navigate them and everyone in the relevant streets has to crossly drag their bins for several blocks to the nearest actual pick-up point

authentically peasant-like except your actual peasants wd've just dumped their rubbish wherever

Pound Town

Poundbury is so weird, an uncanny valley of a town plonked down on the edge of Dorchester like some kind of bulbous egg sac adhered to the corpse of British town planning. Owen Hatherley should run psychogeographic tourist buses there.

Poundbury Doh! Boy

I once worked on the Creswell Model Village. Lots of open space and attractive houses with quite big rooms and high ceilings. CIII is more about building houses out of contempt for the people that live in them.

it is ironic that charles has (supposedly) been fuming his whole life about the indignities imposed on him by mummy (apparently) re not being allowed to be himself and quickly discovering this week that the job is exactly as advertised

tbf he's extremely dim

Heavy is the head

well yeah that too xpost

i love how bad he is at just BEING anywhere, socially or otherwise

kind of wild to think that if this were a couple hundred years ago charles would have been put in charge of an army or two, no questions asked. imagine this dude grimacing as he inspects the formation of your cavalry

“no charles we insist, your regiment should have the honour of leading the charge”

yeah funny system if the current guy isnt good at army your whole shit gets burned down

"into the valley of death rode the 600!"

i think george ii was the last uk royal to head an actual army

william iv captained a ship as a young man but was sidestepped for higher (non-ceremonial) office after he fell downstairs drunk and broke his arm

he was removed even from ceremonial naval office after he put to sea with a squadron of ships for ten days after telling no one senior where they would be -- they did not see action (or intend to) but on his return the duke of wellington (then prime minister) told him to quit, which he did

i just looked all that up abt william iv aka the "sailor king" bcz he did not exactly leave a mark as monarch (his older brother was a legendary wastrel, his niece was victoria)

yeah tbf there were plenty who demonstrated from the beginning that they weren’t cut out for it - but they were always given a shot! my favourite probably charles louis, eldest son of king james’ eldest daughter (she who the gunpowder plotters imagined would assume the throne after they blew up de ting). his first and i think only campaign resulted in a headlong flight from the scene in someone else’s carriage, which he attempted to steer across a river - and which promptly sank - and he only escaped with his life thanks to a serendipitously placed tree branch that was jutting out over the water and which he was found clinging onto for dear life

"William attracted criticism both from reformers, who felt that reform did not go far enough, and from reactionaries, who felt that reform went too far. A modern interpretation sees him as failing to satisfy either political extreme by trying to find a compromise between two bitterly opposed factions, but in the process proving himself more capable as a constitutional monarch than many had supposed."

powerful analysis

when everyone hates you you must be doing something right --me when everyone hates me

I do love that 11-year old Charles sent a letter to MAD Magazine, in protest of their frequent Alfred E. Newman comparisons. ("...So jolly well stow it! See! - Charles P.")

"Legendary wastrel" = my life goals. Thxbye

Some members of the crowd can be heard booing as King Charles and the Queen Consort arrive at Cardiff Castle.

Follow live updates here: https://t.co/zri53jSvDB pic.twitter.com/s0Y7OuVG2Z

— ITV Wales News (@ITVWales) September 16, 2022

theyre shouting yr a c*nt with a sh*t boo-ear

They're really shouting, "Booooooockingham Palace (is where you'll be living)"

pic.twitter.com/GqIUkWMzCc

— Mental Headlines (@MentalHeadline) September 17, 2022

BREAKING King Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles are expecting a child. pic.twitter.com/lbnR55kp1Z

— Andy Churnwell (@churnwell) September 16, 2022

...to be served to them at dinner?

it's from a book by tom bower so there's literally no reason to believe it BUT

The story goes that the then prince is said to have "shrieked" and "trembled" when first coming into contact with cling film https://t.co/rD9yeS9Ap2

— Liverpool Echo (@LivEchonews) September 16, 2022

This is like going from Hank Williams to Hank Williams, Jr.

hey at least hank jr had a few bangers, chuck could never have done anything as good as "family tradition"

Posting as much as they can get away with.

NEW: Prince Andrew issues a statement about The Queen’s death: “As our book of experiences closes another opens…and I will tread gladly into the next with you as my guide.” pic.twitter.com/qaWhkYHhzn

— Lewis Goodall (@lewis_goodall) September 18, 2022

Could be worse..

Dear everybody

... And I will tread gladly into the next with me as your guide.

God save the king, and me”

hey come on, we've all shrieked at cling film

yelled at, yes. shrieked tho?

^^^important distinction!

Fuckin' cling film, how does it work?

who knows what was going on with the clingfilm, maybe the freak was trying to eat it or even wear it around his balls

I can see why he'd find it triggering, tbh

https://www.scobiesdirect.com/scobiesdirectimages/MainPictures/BG-2D-G.jpg

😭😭😭 pic.twitter.com/IdwmCzJmbL

— Mukhtar (@I_amMukhtar) September 19, 2022

Dude prolly waited in line 3 days and 3 nights for that skip 😂😂😂😂 pic.twitter.com/BSBTeEdWmv

— DJ P👀H (@DJPooh) September 19, 2022

http://i1.sinaimg.cn/lx/2010/1202/U5475P622DT20101202150534.jpg

i figure if you've waited for hours to see a notoriously cranky fascist you'd be more disappointed if they acknowledged you

TIL that sausage fingers is a symptom of syphilis so

we studied the symptoms of syphilis in gcse English literature, as part of a project on Maupassant's short stories. one of my best ever teachers.

Also all kinds of organ failure 🙏

King Charles will never die!!

he'll never even be king!

im a lizobite

god shave the king (before applying ointments and cremes)

gobsmacking photo going round on twitter today.

I was wondering if Charles had ever met Bob Dylan. It spawned this image which just gets stranger the more you examine it. pic.twitter.com/x3ogRWNvVg

— Fearghas Kelly (@FearghasKelly) September 21, 2022

the fellas

at first look, thought roger and pete were hugh grant and mark knopfler

the famous blues brothers

Prince Andrew top right?

the moral equivalent of nonce

Who are these two...

Top row, fourth from left.
Top row, third from right.

third from right is zak ringoson

zak starkey, yes

drummer with the who at that point iirc

My god what a photo.

Producer probably thought he was booking Prince Charles and the City Beat Band, must've been gutted when that jug-eared cunt turned up

The mystery figure is apparently Steve Balsamo, Welsh musical theatre performer, who opened that 1996 Hyde Park Prince’s Trust show. Missing is Alanis Morissette, also on the bill!

Genuinely unsure if that's Ade Edmondson or Level 42's Mark King between Fry and Daniels

I appreciate the neat symmetry of Townsend and Glitter bookending the whole gang.

All still alive apart from Entwistle, I think.

keep yr hands off my lovely mark king, why wd he appear w/o lindup or the gould bros

that is ade (never funny)

https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/6/65/John_Franklin_1845.JPG/1024px-John_Franklin_1845.JPGhttps://pbs.twimg.com/media/FeKZoNkXkAEfKrA?format=jpg

thought it was Harry Secombe for a minute

Neddy Seagoon surely?

icy seadoom

Charles has just hired Pipe Major Paul Burns, who played the bagpipes at Queen Elizabeth's funeral, to be his personal piper, and play for him every morning. Ostensibly, Burns is the King's human alarm clock

I would rather clean razor sharp swarf off dirty dangerous machines with an oily rag for a penny a day than be a fucking "human alarm clock" for one of these freaks!

KING CHARLES GET PIPED DOWN EVERY MORNING

keeping it real

The temptation for Major Paul Burns to install a recording of himself piping and slack off each morning must be considerable, one might think.

does hes just come into his room and starting playing right in his ear or what sounds horrible, maybe if he started far away tho and got slowly closer

yeah hopefully it's the reverse of the piper they got for my grandmother's funeral who got further and further away when we were at the cemetary

reminds me of my favorite joke

q: why do bagpipe players walk while they play?

a: to get away from the sound

lol

I should like to be piped in

yo chuck, they must be on the pipes right?

Who says these fucks are out of touch

A well aimed punch from Chuck = snooze button.

I hope he wakes him with this every morning...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8vNENUEK0W0

Truss: “Your Majesty… Lovely to see you again.”

King: “Back again. Dear oh dear. Anyway…”

This is one of the greatest things I’ve ever seen. 😂😂pic.twitter.com/ENP8pPl9kO

— Brendan May (@bmay) October 12, 2022

... is he going to die tomorrow?

An open secret of a type that is depressingly common in Britain, here pic.twitter.com/Co55C3Qy6Q

— Flying_Rodent (@flying_rodent) October 16, 2022

i got into a minor wikipedia edit war last year over whether another of chuck's mentors laurens van der post raped a girl (he did, which the article now acknowledges).

Doesn't the King's "back again" basically mean "oh, dear, we're meeting again for the first time since the difficult and awkward times after the death of my mother" ?

that's not how it's being interpreted

he means *turns impossibly ancient and woebegone face to viewers* thanks i hate it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWotptfPnBU

So are we saying 'speaking the King's English' now instead of the Queen's English or what?

Out on the king's highway we are.

well we would be if she'd died but

Surely someone has a "why isn't it King's College Belfast now" take

Doubt he'll get to his own coronation at this rate.

Who was Prime Minister when King Charles III ascended to the throne is going to be a really hard pub quiz question in about 20 years

— Joanna Taylor (@JoannaRTaylor) October 20, 2022

got him

Video posted on social media showed two activists from Britain's Just Stop Oil group covering a waxwork model of King Charles III with cake at Madame Tussauds London pic.twitter.com/SBXEOihrOR

— Reuters (@Reuters) October 24, 2022

The moment eggs were thrown at the royal party as King Charles arrived in #york today. Video from Henry TB pic.twitter.com/OuGMpDlJdC

— DavidDunninguk (@daviddunninguk) November 9, 2022

some very disappointing egg throwing skills here, ffs aim for the parasite's head. hilarious replies: "this is treason" ha ha!

good to see the mayor in the apu-takes-a-bullet role

has the royal egg boiler guy finally lost his patience with him?

I just saw a long ITV news item about King Charles on an official visit to Luton.

Visiting a Sikh kitchen he remarked of the dough: "It's wonderful how it rises". The presenter repeated that he had said: "It's wonderful how it rises".

I'd say it must be a slow news day if we still had those.

tbf bread rising is technically wonderful

King Charles dies in a tragic sourdough accident.

It was the best of times, it was the yeast of times

Think he got egged again yesterday

https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/homemade-egg-bread/

that's not eggy bread

Read that as Eggy Beard - who as we all know was violinist with Scotland's greatest rock group, Chou Pahrot.

https://i.imgur.com/RylK6hs.jpg

ha! what an awesome photo. kelvinrove bandstand?

Yes.

lots of folded-arms guys in that crowd

First look at new King Charles banknotes https://t.co/Wvenu63JF2

— ITV News (@itvnews) December 20, 2022

added a few inches to his "see-through" hairline

The Bank of England have found a cure for male pattern baldness.

no more follicle declines, an end to recession!

Merry Wokemass guys 😡 pic.twitter.com/tbJhnKq6ge

— The Good Christian Benjamin Hair ✝️🙏 (@Viral_Ben) December 22, 2022

Wow, I forgot about this guy.

🚨 | BREAKING: General Llywelyn Fortwilliam has cast doubt over Prince Harry's claim to have killed 25 Taliban fighters.

"By my count it was 24. One insurgent was mangled and paralysed from the neck down but he could still have triggered an IED if he'd bitten down hard on it." pic.twitter.com/brHbdS3aVz

— BAZAKE (@BazakeMedia) January 6, 2023

I'm not sure if this is as funny as I found it this morning!

It's bonkers how the military and others are saying "Prince Harry mentioning killing people is making other soldiers from that war a target".

They were a target during the war. They could be a target now if the Taliban, terrorists, or whoever wants to target them, for having fought in Afghanistan - never mind anything that Prince Harry says. It's not as if it was a secret that UK soldiers killed Afghans during the Afghan war.

if anything you'd be quite fair to suspect that the soldiers that served with him could have been closer to a branch of Spar than any Taliban. More like an executive babysitting platoon than Taliban hunters.

Bizarre threads of media pros saying "by golly my grandfather murdered 80 Germans with his bare hands, but he never spoke a word of it, he bottled those feelings up and only expressed them by beating us with his belt, it's the British way and any suggestion of anything else is a grave insult to our brave troops and our nation"

Agree.

I suppose saying "military secrets should remain secret because this helps our military power" is one thing, and makes its own sense.

But saying "the Taliban will be outraged when they learn that British soldiers killed people in Afghanistan!" doesn't.

tbh the omerta was always largely abt british ppl being outraged that british soldiers were killing people in afghanistan

Pretty sure I remember the little cunt talking about killing ppl at the time and how it was jolly good fun like a video game

obv i don't care about being fair to guillotine-fodder but i've just seen this

The extent to which the British media have misrepresented what Prince Harry wrote about his Afghan war experiences in ‘Spare’ is disquieting. https://t.co/FGlZbC9jRr

— Ian Fraser (@Ian_Fraser) January 7, 2023

xp
the mofo was a certified killing machine in Afghanistan, but heh, not so kool & deadly against a feeble sucker punch attack from his pathetic loser brother.

I'm too hungover to even work out what that Telegraph front page is supposed to be depicting or what it means. At first I thought it was a parody and now it seems like the British establishment is fucking insane.

Agree!

my first thought was that it seemed like trolling, like the Maxwells were intentionally being offensive and crass as an act of bravado, but maybe they really are weird and disconnected enough that they think the general public will find this convincing evidence of Andrew's innocence? After all, Andrew was weird and disconnected enough to think the Matlis interview was a good idea. It was probably impossible to be one of Robert Maxwell's kids and not end up somewhat insane.

story and image being so evidently idiotic (= retweetable) somewhat masking that this use of the actual image of giuffre's face is p abusive imo

It's harassment of Giuffre. Why is this coming round again?

— last year's settlement (feb 2022) included the stipulation that giuffre not publicly tell her story for a year
— maxwell is prepping her own court arguments for her appeal

so i imagine this is early skirmishes in the next round :(

re king george

https://www.spellingmistakescostlives.com/product-page/commemorative-beheaded-king-coin-preorder

Fat chance.

Surely someone can pay me to write about this problematic environmental appropriation??? https://t.co/lhcuyKprZa

— Rebecca Tamás (@RebTamas) April 5, 2023

lol genuine sleeping beauty /briar rose days

ideally at the moment when they say should anyone here present know of any reason that this couple should not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now or forever hold your peace the green man will burst into westminster abbey and turn all there present into like moss or brambles and thus bind the heart of the kingdom into freedom for 1 x 1000 yrs

this is my politics now: war between the plants and the windsors

not sure I understand Rebecca Tamas's problem, tbh! Problematic environmental appropriation, wtf? Foliate heads are common enough on CoE churches. There's probably at least one on the stonework of Westminster Abbey!

Can imagine Charles being interested in all that Green Man stuff tbh.

Grandpoint Genie I don't think Tama has a "problem" I think they are making a "joke".

"being interested" was the basis of the colonial expansion tom!

the design of the invite is very "teaching nature to children 1955-61" btw, as a tiny i was the recipient of several little books that looked exactly like that

design style is the new elizabethan heraldry: the items being thus organised depicted via a brightly coloured realism

Grandpoint Genie I don't think Tama has a "problem" I think they are making a "joke".

if that's "the case" then it wasn't very "funny"!

everyone's a critic

"Problematic environmental appropriation, wtf?"

Didn't see this as a joke. I think it is problematic because Charles attaches himself to the green movement for different reasons than other people who have left/environmental politics would. I'd like to see Tamas write a about this.

But she will get paid badly/not at all. Or so I guess.

Mark S seems to want the coronation to be a marriage.

I get the impression that ms Tamas is genuinely annoyed at the appropriation of the Green Man, though not very serious about writing about it at length.

She seems like a serious person..

You can read an extract from my essay 'Season' here, a meditation on the connections between ritual and nonhuman life.

The full essay is in issue 113 of the brilliant @WasafiriMag this month, in print & through their online portal.https://t.co/cpGU9vmiq1

— Rebecca Tamás (@RebTamas) March 4, 2023

and the briar rose story is a christening so yes i'm just lumping all the churchy stuff into one, after all it's not like the green man is bothered by such mortal distinctions

"30. The Coronation ring, known as 'The Wedding Ring of England' was placed on The Queen's fourth finger of her right hand in accordance with tradition"

^^^ !!!

tbf the site this is from opens with this warning: "Some of the information on this website may be out-of-date following the death of Queen Elizabeth"

either way the coronation shd absolutely include the "should anyone here present know of any reason" line (content to follow adjusted for the ceremony) and we can then work to smuggle calzino into the ceremony

i'm trying to remember exactly which children's illustrator it reminds me of...it's a bit Quentin Blake, a bit Janet Ahlberg.

Kit Williams

https://m.media-amazon.com/images/W/IMAGERENDERING_521856-T1/images/I/91FOfmEe3-L.jpg

Gotta love The Guardian's "The Cost of the crown", just another useless campaign that tells us that there is a cost to keeping these people alive, as if we didn't know.

I dunno, I think lots of people still don't know this.

Cost arguments about monarchy have never changed anybody's mind ever

but I still hear bollocks about "the monarchy bring so much money to Britain" all the time, it's the main pro-monarchy argument I hear

what would we do without great knots of gawkers shoving money into the tills of the Hyde Park Londis and washing down their Leon wrap with a pint or two of Carlsberg on their way back to St Pancras, it would be literally a nightmare on earth

xyzzy there does appear to be an acknowledgment of the royals' role in the slave trade imminent? which seems positive? not that i've actually read the articles

but I still hear bollocks about "the monarchy bring so much money to Britain" all the time, it's the main pro-monarchy argument I hear

and it's not convincing either!

i mean i guess i'm down a hungover rabbit hole of "winning political arguments by debate is a lie" so it doesn't really matter

best arguments are made at the handle end of the guillotine

guillotines are way too humane, these parasites should die slow agonising deaths (just as hundreds of millions of their subjects did) as opposed to the institution of monarchy dying way too slowly. I used to think as a kid that by the time we get to the 2000's everything will be dystopian and ruined, but in a cool way and there will be no tolerance for a constitutional monarchy and we'd be laughing at how preposterous it was that the UK one even lasted until the 20th century.

xyzzy there does appear to be an acknowledgment of the royals' role in the slave trade imminent? which seems positive? not that i've actually read the articles

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 6 April 2023 bookmarkflaglink

I've not read them either but it's just that lot working the angle a bit more strongly because their founders had a role in slavery (which is good to see them admitting to it), so I've seen a few items like this.

if you want a super-fun time look up the stories abt how long the heads of guillotined ppl possibly stay conscious and aware

(there is much debate plus some of the truth-seekers very much sidestepped the norms of ethical research IMO)

https://www.robertolenbutler.com/short-short-stories/severance/23/

this book has been lurking on my kindle for a while but tbh i'm too scared to read it

best arguments are made at the handle end of the guillotine

Good info for the next S&S poll thread.

if you want a super-fun time look up the stories abt how long the heads of guillotined ppl possibly stay conscious and aware

0.0 seconds I'd imagine but willing to see it put the test, starting with some minor royals then working up

for full grim journey inc.debate start here: the french revolution

Cost arguments about monarchy have never changed anybody's mind ever

Indeed, you either agree with Saint-Just or not.

I find the whole idea that Charles supports research into the royal family's connections to slavery, and the idea that this is some kind of liberal or magnanimous gesture, utterly symptomatic of a national problem.

— Christienna Fryar (@seefryar) April 7, 2023

Cost arguments aren't of much use, but the "what are they hiding?" might go further - being open about their wealth is very much the point.

Very funny.

https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/apr/25/charles-undermined-late-queens-plan-to-sue-news-uk-murdoch-sun-prince-harry-tells-court?

Very funny.

We’re unveiling our Chocolate Charles ahead of the Coronation next week. 👑

The sculpture took 4 weeks to create and weighs over 23KG😲 – the equivalent of 2,875 individual Celebrations chocolates.

Which of your faves can you spot on Charles’ bust? 👇

*disclaimer in thread* pic.twitter.com/qQt2mU3ibj

— Celebrations (@UKCelebrations) April 26, 2023

The shocking news that members of the British aristocracy and its literal monarchy owned slaves…https://t.co/dwQCNzA1n4

— Zoé (@ztsamudzi) April 27, 2023

It's 10pm guys.

Air Chief Marshal the Lord Peach has been appointed to carry the Sword of Mercy.#Coronation pic.twitter.com/SUQhvUkEqq

— Royal Central (@RoyalCentral) April 27, 2023

how does his sister the princess feel about this

https://t.co/EQFzYCQH7h pic.twitter.com/78GOsh2NFC

— Duncan (@ketaminedrams) April 29, 2023

i bought coronation branded sliced bread in the supermarket this morning.

had a bunch of Colin sweets as an Easter present, thank fuck it was before this shambles

if I had a tedious anecdote that doesn't go anywhere about the time I met KC III at some public event years ago, then I'd simply not fucking talk about it at great length on r4. The only good one was when John Davidson met him and yelled "Parasite!" + "Camilla's a shite ride!"

I don't want to undermine your country's rich history or anything but I don't think the Stone Of Scone is made of scones.

It's made of scoones

I'd rather it was made of sconces, the oil lamp ones.

For centuries, the King's Champion challenged in battle anyone who dared to question the right of a newly crowned monarch to rule.

The crowning of Charles III will be no different, with Francis Dymoke having the honour 👇 https://t.co/4XgXkVI2Bi

— Royal Central (@RoyalCentral) April 27, 2023

i've googled this cunt, he's 68, i think i can take him

I would pay good money to see a Noodle/Dymoke smackdown.

Make it a benefit for slavery reparations, I'm totally there

I could live with the infamy of defeating a frail old looking King's Champion in battle for the cause, but life wouldn't be worth living if it turned out he was pretty handy for an old bastard and totally paggered me!

i'm definitely not ruling out that possibility but more importantly if somebody does give him a beating do they have to call off the coronation?

it probably reverts to the next in line

fuck that let Charlie have it

Originally the champion’s function was to ride, clad in full armour, into Westminster Hall during the coronation banquet. Flanked by the high constable and the earl marshal, he threw down the gauntlet three times, challenging to mortal combat any who would dispute the king’s right to reign. There is no record that the challenge was ever accepted.

cowards

Yeah much as we might like it to be, this is not the strategy to abolish the monarchy

I think most of this shite was either invented or introduced in the Victorian/Edwardian era.

... re-introduced, that is.

A lot of it was as much made-up as it was revived, you're right

so they haven't done this ceremonial clownery since George VI, they didn't have a Queen's Champion.

Well y'know your man will love any cosplay fairy tale they can think up

george iv! the victorians skipped it altogether (too twee)

"The next and 35th Champion will be the 34th Lord of the manor of Scrivelsby, Thornton and Dalderby and patron of the living of Scrivelsby-cum-Dalderby, Francis John Fane Marmion Dymoke, DL (b. 19 January 1955), a chartered accountant."

The Hanoverians have generally been so unpopular with their subjects that they've periodically had to pump up the pomp and pageantry just to keep people interested.

TIL victoria is not a hanoverian monarch* bcz the line passed via semi-salic law (agnatic-cognatic)

*viz she was queen of here but not of hanover

thank God for 1776. we may complain about life in the US but at least we are not swearing allegiance to a ridiculous "king" who did nothing but manage to get born. https://t.co/6DHjARDdS6

— Joyce Carol Oates (@JoyceCarolOates) April 29, 2023

the 34th Lord of the manor of Scrivelsby, Thornton and Dalderby and patron of the living of Scrivelsby-cum-Dalderby, Francis John Fane Marmion Dymoke

Sweet merciful Christ on a popsicle stick. My beloved friends who are Britishes, either admit you live in fucking Narnia or don't. Embrace a non-fairy-tale existence or don't. Just make up your goddamn minds.

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Fu8LNMfWYAEIayO?format=jpg&name=large

sorry but I've already pledged an allegiance to both Al Qaeda and the RA

If I was trying to convince people that the institution of monarchy was in any way normal or acceptable I would try to avoid coming out with insane shit like this

Yeah, I don't think The Queen would be coming out with shit like this.

She knew what they are, which is basically a mafia style outfit who are there to make money, protect their own (most brutally displayed with Andrew: I will keep him out of jail but also keep him out of public life for our greater good) and keep some kind of show on the road. But to do so in the background. A quiet presence for most of the time.

Charles has previous on this.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Investiture_of_Charles,_Prince_of_Wales

Note that, as I said previously, this nonsense was basically invented in the Edwardian era.

jesus, he's such a busy cunt. His dad was as well but he takes it to the next level.

he has the reluctant default respect of the right-wing nutcases right now, but any kind of culture wars conspiratorial nonsense could blow up & change that at a moment.

maybe it will be this

"Did you know that Prince Charles has converted to Islam. Yes, yes. He is a Muslim. I can't say more. But it happened in Turkey. Oh, yes, he converted all right,” the late Nazim Al-Haqqani said. https://t.co/4Z4w15VUhFhttps://t.co/Pdzej44Zje pic.twitter.com/EfPeZPZsKI

— airborne assault services (@Wayne57072607) April 20, 2023

This is the Archbishop of Canterbury who recently made a public statement viciously attacking the former LOTO on false grounds.

Nein danke.

There is no doubt that the longer Charles is on the throne the better it is for republicans, nobody likes him. After the charmless but unobtrusive void of the Queen, we're about to return to the good old days of people hating the monarch.

the Queen mum had her Wombles, the Queen had Paddington, what does Charles have?

wasn't in the minions movie, hasn't been on Peppa Pig. he needs to get on it.

he's been famously associated with Noddy

Holder?

We are indeed entering a golden era for people with big ears, what with the King and the Prime Minister.

heavy Claudian vibes

willigula is my emperor (and i am his horse)

Troops will begin firing at the exact moment when the crown is placed on the monarch's head.https://t.co/SkcRz8VAB5

— BBC West (@BBCBristol) April 29, 2023

please god

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kscmk_dusLc

in the clip: air chief marshal the lord peach and the 34th lord of the manor of scrivelsby, thornton and dalderby and patron of the living of scrivelsby-cum-dalderby, francis john fane marmion dymoke, a chartered accountant

pic.twitter.com/20Fo9iRtRH

— Sussex2020💙🌊😎💃🏾🇨🇺🇺🇸 (@sussex2020) April 30, 2023

1) In 1952, Charles didn't die.
2) In 1953, Charles didn't die.
3) In 1954, Charles didn't die.
4) In 1955, Charles didn't die.
5) In 1956, Charles didn't die.
6) In 1957, Charles didn't die.
7) In 1958, Charles didn't die.
8) In 1959, Charles didn't die.
9) In 1960, Charles didn pic.twitter.com/LhaafMtqna

— Samplo Corvodina (@TreborRhurbarb) May 1, 2023

(xp) Proud to be a Celtic fan

a new contender emerges

Would you pledge your allegiance to King Sooty? 👑 pic.twitter.com/0GweFevQgY

— The Sooty Show (@Sootyandco) May 2, 2023

^ Sweep wins that thread

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-65458470

While reading out the oath, the archbishop will call upon "all persons of goodwill in the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and of the other realms and the territories to make their homage, in heart and voice, to their undoubted King, defender of all".

The order of service will read: "All who so desire, in the abbey, and elsewhere, say together:

"I swear that I will pay true allegiance to Your Majesty, and to your heirs and successors, according to law. So help me God."

The oath will be followed by the sound of a fanfare.

The Archbishop of Canterbury will then proclaim: "God Save The King", and those willing will be asked to respond: "God Save King Charles. Long live King Charles. May the King live forever."

Totally normal behaviour in a democratic country in the 21st century oh wait...

He’s really modernising the institution just like they said

what's the fanfare going to play, the monty python theme?

This...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RVM0uhjFlA

The Archbishop of Canterbury will then proclaim: "God Save The King", and those willing will be asked to respond: "God Save King Charles. Long live King Charles. May the King live forever."

Totally normal behaviour in a democratic country in the 21st century oh wait...

― you gotta roll with the pączki to get to what's real (snoball), Tuesday, 2 May 2023 17:09 (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

I remember L.Olivier shouting that on the official film of the Queen's coronation. It sounded bats even then!

Spain abolished coronations in 1494, Norway in 1908, the Benelux countries have never had them, just to give an indication of how behind the curve we are.

Disestablishment would effectively end coronations as they are religious ceremonies, so if the CoE continues on its current trajectory it might mean Wills doesn't have one, let's see...

£250M i saw someone quoting yesterday

charles iii caving to wokery before the crown has even touched his head, this country is going to the dogs mate

It's a centuries-old tradition to present new British monarchs with lamprey pie. But the fish pie for the coronation of King Charles III on Saturday will contain no lampreys.

The jawless, eel-like creatures are endangered. https://t.co/58oxCVR14d pic.twitter.com/PXM3wXcT73

— The New York Times (@nytimes) May 2, 2023

you'd think there would be enough jawless, eel-like creatures among the ranks of the royal family to make up for any shortfall

Chinless rather than jawless tbf.

Uhoh https://t.co/gQXuwa2Z0w pic.twitter.com/5qwhGSoqZX

— thierry ennui (@alexeptable) May 3, 2023

[Westminster Abbey]
Me: [chanting] surfeit, surfeit
Others attending: surfeit, SURFEIT
Archbishop of Canterbury: [pounding his er chasuble] SURFEIT, SURFEIT, SURFEIT!

What Nick Cave thinks about all this has now become a thing, and it sucks shit.

This, from Nick Cave, is a magnificent and superfluous justification for curiosity and nuance and holding competing thoughts. pic.twitter.com/qYUR6z50gv

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) May 3, 2023

Nuance is it

More nuance to be found here,:

the queen only gets one coronation per lifetime. And you just jacked off to it

— irish hog man (@dril) May 3, 2023

the only bizarre thing is how idiots nod along to this tawdry pantomime

Don’t understand why Nick Cave is calling the coronation the ‘most important historical event of our age.’ It’s an elderly man getting to wear a crown at last. It’s ridiculous. And Brits are paying 100mill for this vanity parade when the country is broke.

— JEANETTE WINTERSON (@Wintersonworld) May 3, 2023

I'm feeling a powerful and quite positive appreciation for why the coldblooded murderous excesses of revolutions have frequently got out of control throughout history. Oh yes, it's another fucking royal weekend.

Most European countries have inbred royal families running about the place, Nick, it's not really any kind of evidence of a deeply eccentric naturr at all. Acknowledging them officially is embarassing yes but even there the UK's not the only one.

Albania's King Zog never got this kind of treatment, despite having a properly regal name

kneel before zog

Maybe it was the lighting, but she actually glowed

https://i.postimg.cc/7LFzxjpG/AB4417-EC-A9-AC-46-F2-B24-C-3-E40-E8-F023-A2.gif

Having an inexplicable attachment to the status quo isn’t remotely interesting or worthy of all those words. It makes you a fucking middle Englander.

I think it makes him what he is - a posh Anglo-Australian.

A cunt

Well, I don't know, I've met some OK posh Australians!

Yeah no I have no opinion on that, I was just responding to “it makes him what he is” And I just filled in from there

I know, just joking. Also remembering an old boy I used to know, Colin, who literally went to the poshest school in Australia, what a character he was.

Calz is going to come in here and make some joke about you adjusting your monocle as you typed that, you know

I wouldn't have been surprised if Colin had worn a monocle at some point tbh.

Stig is really sucking up to Australia these days.

Hello to folk in Australia and New Zealand, one of my favourite parts of the world. So pleased that Death Under a Little Sky is published today. I hope a bit of UK rural, romantic crime fiction is up your collective alleys. https://t.co/0LBTWQn6vA pic.twitter.com/ZM7b0mLc5R

— Stig Abell (@StigAbell) May 3, 2023

Boy, a double first from Emmanuel College sure does open a lot of doors.

Look who else is asking big questions.

when you know you've asked an excellent question pic.twitter.com/yQzjWkCRUn

— hippo king archibald (@SamuraiApology) May 3, 2023

perhaps it's time for a rethink about the drivel that you are frequently posting when you get the pensive "excellent question" nod from Lolico!

Thinking is not something Bastani does.

Yes I know you are a bunch of cunts.

Our tolerance for any disruption, whether through protest or otherwise, will be low.

We will deal robustly with anyone intent on undermining this celebration.

🧵🔽

— Metropolitan Police (@metpoliceuk) May 3, 2023

I was surprised the fascism was quite so open

Not going to read it but lol

Where Prince Charles Went Wrong https://t.co/zxOfR1xF0I via @NewYorker

— Joyce Carol Oates (@JoyceCarolOates) May 4, 2023

Today on Extremely Normal Island: my 9-year-old was threatened with being put into solitary 'reflection time' if he didn't sing the coronation song and the national anthem.

— Ali Phipps (@alisonphipps) May 4, 2023

fucking heil. And UK politicians have the nerve to condemn the authoritarian excesses of the PRC.

i know where i'd rather live

What in the actual fuck?

I also think if they're going to have that King's Defender position at all they should really allow people to actually challenge him. What's he for if nobody's allowed to take him on? Would bite his ankles until he submitted.

https://www.scotsman.com/news/politics/alister-jack-standing-guard-over-stone-of-destiny-to-stop-nationalists-stealing-it-again-4124523

there's a coronation song?

yeah Nick Cave wrote it

my 8-year-old has just told me that he thinks it's silly to have a king and we shouldn't have one any more. he says 75% of his class agree with him.

Good times to come.

The king of England is going to make a killing from climate change. The crown owns most of the seabed around England, meaning off shore wind farms have to pay rent through leasing programs. The Crown’s renewable assets are worth £4.3bn, with the seabed accounting for much of it. pic.twitter.com/V6Gc8DNLvm

— Nicholas (@_nic_beuret_) May 4, 2023

Every new detail of the Chucky coronation seems more nuts than the last, are other European monarchies more chill?

Solitary 'reflection time' for any member of the shadow cabinet that doesn't bellow along to the coronation song too

I’m pretty sure no other European monarchies live off the public dime or own “public” land but happy to be disabused if like, Andorra has inbred grifters too

according to wikipedia it's the little ones that have cornered the most cash: lichtenstein luxembourg and monaco

juan carlos of spain (abd.2014) has apparently squirreled away billions in swiss banks lol, there is scandal and controversy!

gustav of sweden is also very wealthy but doesn't make the top 14 bcz the windsors are currently on it twice

land holdings are harder to google and anyway i'm watching star trek

A world of plenty for all at a push of a bitton

https://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2015/11/03/16/2E11E13900000578-0-image-a-5_1446568543276.jpg

Lol

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/2023/may/04/david-starkey-says-pm-uninterested-in-coronation-as-he-is-not-grounded-in-our-culture

Rishi Sunak's background is that he was the Head Boy at fucking Winchester College and then did fucking PPE at Oxford.

a bistory podcast I like sometimes quotes this cunt and I wish they just wouldn't

What's the pic in the tweet?

The #Coronation is the ultimate showcase for the authority of both Church and state, but what makes it deeply weird is that there's a third element entwined - an impossibly ancient, improbably persistent idea of royal sacrality that's older than either Church or state pic.twitter.com/40Zf4A9GMM

— Dr Francis Young (@DrFrancisYoung) May 5, 2023

Edward the Confessor https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Edward_the_Confessor

Cheers

the airport have erected a big screen right outside our shop and am wondering whether we're going to be expected to stop serving and start oathing at some point tmrw.

came home thru the city centre tonight and they were setting up a big screen, what an insult to our history

Edward was the son of Æthelred the Unready and Emma of Normandy. He succeeded Cnut the Great's son – and his own half-brother – Harthacnut.

a royal cuntity that's older than either church or state

they ordained the cnut a saint as well, just for being a showy pious prick ffs!

I went through a semirural middle-class part of Wakefield in a taxi earlier and a lot of houses had union flags up. Was shaking my head and muttering phrases like "fucking dickheads" a lot . Taxi driver was a total bellend as well.

xp
That's cnutity to you, peasant!

https://t.co/uInF7j4lmB

— Adam Bienkov (@AdamBienkov) May 6, 2023

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FvbbqV3XwAE1Ath?format=jpg&name=large

it's looking good already, people from a toothless and soft protest org getting arrested with zero cause.

even a functional liberal party should be able to draw out the narrative of the rapidly authoritarian turn the UK has taken, and mobilize public opinion against it. what does the UK in fact have? zero opposition

if you let it get to you this isn't just crushingly depressing, it's sometimes terrifying

There are moments of light relief.

she is wearing the collar pic.twitter.com/dWLULhlWKf

— Ben (@cinemashoebox) May 6, 2023

The scene at Princes Street garden Edinburgh for the coronation https://t.co/xzQuAbiyZn pic.twitter.com/iNGlgP3fTH

— The Scotsman (@TheScotsman) May 6, 2023

It’s truss’s day as much as anyones, she’s the one who made it all happen

KS's reference to 'hands' is strange.

atm the American news coverage might be even more obsequious than the UK pres.

xp
yes, he's a weirdo - but not a good one!

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/av/uk-65507464
Listen to Stephen Fry talk absolute bollocks about how having a monarch that no-one voted for is somehow better than having an elected president because "half the nation (...) would loathe them".

so much impractical clothing

atm the American news coverage might be even more obsequious than the UK pres.

No surprise there tbh.

the funeral was more cheerful than this service

Abolish Stephen fry

Sunak's got a right lisp on him. A bit unfortunate considering he's reading "St Paul's Letter to the Corinthians"

(I would have written that in lisp-language but my spellcheck-corrector would have had a fit)

Looks happy.

pic.twitter.com/hkAH2E7Tf3

— Kristi Yamaguccimane (@wapplehouse) May 6, 2023

god bless Tony

I THINK THIS OS THE FIRST TOME IN LIVING MEMORY WE HAVE A LABOUR MONARCH.

— TONY BELL #TONLYFANS 😻 (@altgazza) May 6, 2023

Let’s never forget, Liz Truss made Penny Mordaunt Leader of the House of Commons to keep her out of the limelight pic.twitter.com/xX5dWO5MxJ

— Richard Morris (@richardmorrisuk) May 6, 2023

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FvcehWPWAAEdPkS?format=jpg&name=medium

Paddington they’re wearing bearskins https://t.co/2aN6TZ37c6

— Hannah Rose Woods (@hannahrosewoods) May 6, 2023

call me a snob but nothing says classy celebration of heritage and tradition like having Ant and Dec at your church do

It’s just a shame liz killed liz too late for charlie to have his hero savile in attendance. In spirit, in spirit

Fact of the Day: Soldiers on guard at Buckingham Palace balance on their right foot during the #Coronation as the transfer of power is moved to King Charles III, once the King is crowned their left foot will lower to signify the completion of power transfer

📸 from a Canberra pic.twitter.com/QpAZqXpZ1F

— RAF_Luton (@RAF_Luton) May 6, 2023

you look fucking ridiculous lads, you'd have more dignity doing a minimum wage packing job

That’s another gag I’m afraid

….or is it (it is)

Yeah, it's a parody account but eminently believable with all the other dumb shit going on today

often the UK parody stuff seems very close to real

The phrase "Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch" is trending over here and I can immediately guess why.

Please let it be because someone threw a hand grenade at the royals while I was out at the shops.

Charles' magic Cloak of Power protected him iirc

In the (well advised) absence of a Celtic game to day, it was up to Hibs fans to carry on the good work.

Easter Rd message to the Royal parasites #GGTTH pic.twitter.com/ta3yzv3CzX

— Kevin Williamson (@williamsonkev) May 6, 2023

James Connolly himself would be proud of the old Hibees.

Hibs fans banner this afternoon pic.twitter.com/WV6ncrIONV

— Patrick McPartlin (@p_mcpartlin) May 6, 2023

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRN4xcPTS_M

The fucker looks like a VAR decision has just gone against him and he knows it's going to cost him his job pic.twitter.com/DUgtx1dtiY

— Peter (@pickyouredge) May 7, 2023

He's looked about 40 from the age of 3 onwards.

I haven't watched this with the sound on.

Did they think we wouldn’t see this?!
In return for Katy Perry & Lionel Richie agreeing to perform at the coronation concert, Charles & Camilla had to do a turn on American Idol.

Desperate stuff. Cringe me a river 😬😬😂#Coronation #notmykingorqueen

pic.twitter.com/GL2IfF2IGP

— Snow (@Lookinupatstars) May 8, 2023

He's got cancer btw.

I have to say I honestly hope he doesn't die, as it would simply be too much of a pain in the arse right now

No he is cancer.

He's got some of that rescue remedy, should clear it up

A "form of cancer", to be precise.

Tumorregnum

i expect this will have subdued media coverage and i won't hear anything else about it for months

Anglicancer

Interested to see if he’s going to treat it with homeopathy tbh

let's hope so, we'll get another bank holiday

Btw I thought of Tumorregnum first, then Anglicancer, then Cancerbury Cathedral, then Saxe-Coburg and Goiter, then the Royal House of Tumor.

Of these, I don't think I can improve on Anglicancer.

But Royal House of Tumor has potential. Thoughts welcome.

Pray for the Regal Colon

One more bank hol!

God save our gracious :
May it not become a ;

Sorry that's one more day off because of the extra coronation

his grandad had the right idea - stay in the pink, with ciggies and drink. If I was his doctor I'd prescribe him 30 cigarettes and a bottle of Glenlivet a day.

rip big man, heaven needed a sausage-fingered racist

Live: View of Buckingham Palace after King Charles cancer diagnosis announced
https://t.co/dIDxnlYUAQ

— The Independent (@Independent) February 5, 2024

Can't wait to go through all of this again 🤩

pls tell me someone left an alf

better start queuing

Okay maybe we need to keep him on a... wait for it.. short reign

I agree with all those world leaders who are wishing him a speedy recovery ... so I don't have to listen to this fucking shite 24/7 for the next God knows how long.

The best thing these people can do is die so we can have more coronation holidays.

Then we'll get William, who's likely to live for another 60 years and who most people prefer to his unpleasant wanker of a father.

He'll be murdered.

By Harry.

Going to be a real letdown if this guy lives for another 15-20 years

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nepalese_royal_massacre

(xp) William's exact words on hearing the news.

A government-appointed inquiry team named Crown Prince Dipendra as perpetrator of the massacre. Dipendra slipped into a coma after shooting himself in the head. Dipendra was declared King of Nepal while comatose after the death of King Birendra.

Now that's a scenario. Shooting your family, then yourself in the head, and continuing to reign in a comatose state for 15-20 years. Really ups the ante on anti-monarchic sentiments, just behind xyzzzz's wish for a string of 3-day reigns resulting in a year of bank holidays.

This thread is very death metal

The Nepalis abolished the monarchy a few years later.

Gawd bless you sir

I can't stop thinking about #PrinceWilliam right now. His mother died when he was young. His lovely wife has been sick. His father now has Cancer. And now he has to deal with his jealous brother scheming around. Continue to be strong my great future King. #PrinceWilliamIsAKing pic.twitter.com/uGwTCSoSDT

— stormy seas (@BillyDouglass7) February 5, 2024

... the big C indeed.

https://rlv.zcache.co.uk/i_hope_you_die_thank_you_card-rcc70edb1dab349058dba6769cfc9e854_udf2n_492.jpg

I've already sent him a card (with anthrax spores in it)

xxxp re Nepal it was probably thought best to leave it after all that unpleasantness, which in a better world would also be the approach taken with the British monarchy

love the tasteful crop on that pic of wills which carefully elides his upsetting baldness

it doesn't work, because he is spiritually bald

credit where credit's due, the royals' multi-generational experiment to create increasingly awful forms of baldness is really paying off on the scalp of the heir apparent

no hair apparent amirite

ilxor dot com poster DESTROYS william, prince of wales

it's sad because we do it to ourselves

tracer you need stay out on this imo you have a full thriving head of locks

men should go back to periwigs

I reckon they're snuffing him out to save the monarchy from itself. probably the same crew who did diana

Really ups the ante on anti-monarchic sentiments, just behind xyzzzz's wish for a string of 3-day reigns resulting in a year of bank holidays.

― Nabozo, Tuesday, 6 February 2024 bookmarkflaglink

We've had 3 x PMs in a year. Don't think this is a lot to ask tbh

The line of Royal Succession as it stands:

1. The Prince of Wales
2. Prince George of Wales
3. Princess Charlotte of Wales
4. Prince Louis of Wales
5. The Duke of Sussex
6. Prince Archie of Sussex
7. Princess Lilibet of Sussex
8. The Duke of York
9. Princess Beatrice, Mrs. Edoardo Mapelli Mozzi
10. Miss Sienna Mapelli Mozzi
11. Princess Eugenie, Mrs. Jack Brooksbank
12. Master August Brooksbank
13. Master Ernest Brooksbank
14. The Duke of Edinburgh
15. Earl of Wessex
16. The Lady Louise Mountbatten-Windsor
17. The Princess Royal
18. Mr. Peter Phillips
19. Miss Savannah Phillips
20. Miss Isla Phillips
21. Mrs. Michael Tindall
22. Miss Mia Tindall
23. Miss Lena Tindall
24. Master Lucas Tindall

Did that from memory

nerd

Wonder what number I am

King Noodle, Vegas lounge singer

25. Master Bloby

32. Mr. Gareth "Gaz" Coombes

Just need to get rid of numbers 1 to 4 for a full-on popular revolution.

wait, there could be a "King Archie" someday?

There's been one of those already.

https://i2-prod.dailyrecord.co.uk/incoming/article1429521.ece/ALTERNATES/s1200b/Archie%20Gemmill%20scores%20for%20Scotland

Princess Royal is no.8, she and her progeny are ahead of Prince Andrew and his now, it got changed a few years back, because of Woke

And missed off 25. John Goodman

26. Sir Mixalot

the banter timeline demands that king charles iii (regnal name king george vii) dies within a month, king william dies falling down the stairs of westminster abbey immediately after he is crowned, and the boy king george begins his reign of terror before the year is out

I'm on Team Savannah

Princess Royal is no.8, she and her progeny are ahead of Prince Andrew and his now, it got changed a few years back, because of Woke

Seemingly not retrospectively applied? Or not so far up the chain anyway. Davina Windsor and Rose Gilman's kids (born early 2010s, girl then boy in each case) got flipped in order after the new rule, but John ReidAnne didn't get bumped up. I have no idea who any of these people are.

they're our betters iirc

I like how they all have stupid titles and Zara is basically "Mike Tindall's missus"

What if Sienna Mapelli Mozzi went on a murderous rampage, like Alec Guiness in "Kind Hearts and Coronets"?

I have no insight into the constitutional or political repercussions, but. That would be pretty fucking badass.

feel like alec guinness was the one (or many) NOT going on a murderous rampage tbrr

Unfortunate n-word usage in the final scene of Kind Hearts and Coronets too, a perfect template for multiple regicide*.

* Is it regicide when you're bumping off the presumptive heirs and not the regent?

I don’t know who most of these ppl are, but thread has delivered excellent lols nevertheless. Keep up the good work, britishes!

Pregicide

The royals should capitalize on the success of Netflix’s The Last Kingdom and bring back Aethlings. And people whose names use that ae character.

Wiliæm

Kæþerine

Ændrew

PÆdophile

Unfortunate n-word usage

Not an uncommon occurrence in the British Royal Family I'd have thought.

lol (xp)

Question: Am I reading the list correctly that William's children are ahead of Harry in succession? Is that because he "bowed out" of the royalty or is that the way it normally works?

That’s the way it normally works

Yeah, it's how William and Harry were always ahead of Charles's siblings when the queen was queen.

Bring back the good old days when jealous uncles would murk little shits who stood in their way.

King Charles trying to cure cancer https://t.co/cWEIJ2u1UV pic.twitter.com/BQT9JaTibR

— Micky D (@DeMickyD) February 7, 2024

https://www.itv.com/news/2016-06-07/noel-edmonds-tells-cancer-patient-he-may-have-caused-illness-through-negative-attitude

Genuine lol at that Oblivion tweet

i for one fully support king charles iii (regnal name george vii)'s all-natural approach to cancer treatment

a daily regime of green tea with ginseng and a splash of non-GMO honey, and you'll be right as rain old lad!

don't forget the adrenochrome glands of some young children

now we the sinister truth about what goes on in Poundbury

*know*

it worked for Steve Jobs after all

My aunt knew a homeopathy 'practitioner'. She came down with breast cancer, caught early.

Refused medical treatment. Died earlier this year, in her early 40s.

I thought the Duke of Edinburgh and the Earl of Wessex were one and the same?

Fun fact: if Charles had had a fatal polo accident back in the 70s, we'd now be the subjects of King Andrew

glandrew

sad to see royalty forced into a prostate position like that

― manic pixie dream shatner (bizarro gazzara), Monday, 12 September 2022 14:55 (one year ago) bookmarkflaglink

Prescient.

thoughts and prayers

King Charles has reportedly begun work on his succession plan, sparking fears his cancer diagnosis may be ‘more dangerous than we have been led to believe.’

Earlier this month Charles revealed he had been diagnosed with cancer after being admitted to hospital for a separate issue regarding an enlarged prostate.

The type of cancer has not been revealed to the public, but it was reportedly caught early and the King has been undergoing ‘regular treatments’ ever since.

Nevertheless, the issue has reportedly prompted the King to start formalising his succession plans earlier than intended and ensure that Prince William is at the heart of them, sparking rumours that his illness could be more serious than we have been led to believe.

fuckin hell some twist if he gives it all to the heir and first in line

Rumours are that he is just taking herbs and homeopathy and refusing chemo, it would be very much in character and there's nobody around to tell him not to do that, I guess.

Only God.

king charles iii (regnal name george vii) pondering whether to adopt the steve jobs approach to cancer management

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/FK33vhpWYAUZQlE?format=jpg&name=medium

almanach de saxe-gotha to include explanatory midichlorian levels

God will save him if we sing loudly enough and don't boo instead at, say, the league cup final.

Head of (pro)State

King Charles III revealed an unexpected source of spiritual relief after cancer diagnosis

The monarch sought for spiritual guidance from Greek Orthodox monk in these difficult times.

In a surprising turn of events, King Charles III has reportedly turned to a Greek Orthodox monk for spiritual advice following his recent cancer diagnosis. The monarch, known for his spiritual sophistication, has sought counsel from Archimandrite Ephraim, whom he has been friends with for over 25 years.

The King's friendship with the monk deepened after the death of Princess Diana in 1997, and it is believed that Charles contacted Elder Ephraim, 67, for guidance shortly after receiving his diagnosis earlier this month. The Abbot has spoken out about their friendship for the first time, stating, "We have a very good rapport."

Charles, 75, has his own quarters at Vatopedi on Mount Athos in Greece, where he has visited several times since his diagnosis. The King is said to have a deep appreciation for ancient rituals and spiritual practices, often rising at 4am to follow the liturgy.

Despite the diagnosis, sources close to the King are optimistic about his recovery. One source told The Sun, "Charles has a spiritual sophistication, a spiritual life... I believe he'll overcome it."

men will literally become greek orthodox to avoid going to chemo

spiritual sophistication is a hell of a euphemism

Well, just as long as it isn't a Catholic monk I guess...

"The King is said to have a deep appreciation for ancient rituals and spiritual practices."

reaching spiritual enlightenment by having a boiled egg and then getting jerked off by one one of his servants every day

regnal name coddled egg

the rumour I heard was that he got a servant to hold the royal member when he had to give a urine sample

xp

Can't be too careful with the crown jewels.

Need a Kate Middleton thread

cant find one

a classic one for her sister though

BREAKING: Queen Camilla is taking a break from public duties for some "downtime", which means that NONE of the four most senior royals - King Charles, Queen Camilla, Prince William and Kate Middleton - are working right now.

All is not well with the Royal Family. 💁‍♂️ pic.twitter.com/2sgSrM0Otz

— Cillian (@CilComLFC) March 2, 2024

Workshy layabouts.

hope they can show the proper documentation so they can continue receiving benefits

"Have you done any work paid or unpaid in the last two weeks?"

The shortest-reigning monarch was Lady Jane Grey who ruled for 9 days from 6 July until 15 July 1553 (although she was only proclaimed queen by the Lords of the council on 10 July). Her husband Lord Guildford Dudley was her consort for the entire reign, making this the shortest tenure of the male consort of a female monarch. Note: Jane's reign is disputed.

The king with the shortest definitively known reign was Edgar the Ætheling who ruled for 2 months, 12 days in 1066 before submitting to William the Conqueror. Some records indicate that Sweyn Forkbeard reigned for only 40 days in 1013–4.[7]

Well he's got past all that at least

Can I just say Sweyn Forkbeard is a pretty badass name?

his son was a Cnut

Not for the last time either.

Æthyll do it

Sweyn Forkbeard is really not much different to being called Steve Mullet tbh

It's good to see Charles' latest spiritual advisor is (probably) not a paedophile

Dead yet?

the royal family is a gigantic bloodsucking organism which can never die, no matter how many limbs abscise

Gotta say this is the closest it's ever been to death. Queen gone, Charles dying, Kate possibly gone.

Whole it's called establishment for a reason these things can all be swept away quickly.

What if the end of the monarchy is just all of them kind of wandering off https://t.co/OC8kUeHmWq

— the federalist stinks!!!! (@rajandelman) March 3, 2024

you don't gotta hand it to qe2 except you kind of do: i don't believe the thing she was doing is something others will be able to do or will actually want to do

ie committing to the bit

Thank you Liz for showing us the way (by dying)

God help you all if these fuckos are no longer paraded around to be the center of attention at various “ceremonies” and shit

I'll take the risk.

Just get Ant & Dec in.

If you don’t appreciate essential workers don’t be surprised when they start leaving in droves

"The royals have got a youth problem. Or more to the point, a lack-of-youth problem. That was even more painfully visible this week without William or Catherine when the royals gathered for the memorial service in Windsor. They looked older and frailer. Not to say paler."

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68446337

Paler, you say?

Nicholas Witchell is retiring this year

William is 41 btw.

Gotta say this is the closest it's ever been to death. Queen gone, Charles dying, Kate possibly gone.

Whole it's called establishment for a reason these things can all be swept away quickly.

― xyzzzz__, Sunday, 3 March 2024 17:28

https://i.ibb.co/58mgmKC/800px-The-Execution-of-Charles-I-of-England.jpg

(this is both a counter to your first point and a confirmation of your second)

how is there "a youth problem" ffs they keep breeding

I can't see the death of the monarchy at all within the next 25 years. There's no political will for it at all, it is key to all the main parties' ideology now, even the snp if it came to the crunch. If one of the main parasites dies or goes senile they'll just swiftly find another hamfaced cypher to fill their place, and the media will bow and scrape and call it the most important things that's ever happened in history etc. Since 1997 there has been a pact between the establishment, the general media, the press barons and the main parties through their security handlers about this, it's not going to change.

I suppose there's not many of them over 10 but under 40.

the "would you prefer President Johnson/Corbyn/Ant & Dec" argument is bullshit like all pro-monarchy arguments, but it probably doesn't hurt the cause of bootlickers that there are no figures in the UK's current political landscape that anybody would want to elect as head of state

"Since 1997 there has been a pact between the establishment, the general media, the press barons and the main parties through their security handlers about this, it's not going to change."

erm, one of the main parties did break with this for a while, and there was a referendum on breaking up the union. It didn't go the way a lot of us wanted but it's hardly like some sort of post-97 conspiratorial consensus at work here that can't be ever broken up. We are seeing the cracks all around us.

the "would you prefer President Johnson/Corbyn/Ant & Dec" argument is bullshit like all pro-monarchy arguments, but it probably doesn't hurt the cause of bootlickers that there are no figures in the UK's current political landscape that anybody would want to elect as head of state

https://news.stv.tv/politics/king-charles-to-be-scottish-head-of-state-as-long-as-people-desired-it-after-independence

https://www.thenational.scot/news/21401066.future-monarchy-scotland-independence-not-huge-question-says-minister/

On Monday, deputy first minister John Swinney told BBC Radio 4 that the SNP would continue to argue in favour of keeping the monarchy.

“It's what we argued in the referendum in 2014, and it's what we will continue to argue,” he said.

The closer any independence party gets to power the more likely it is they will keep the establishment line on the monarchy, imo.

in their origin days the SNP was more concerned with BE having a more Anglo-Scottish identity than anything to do with independence.

Edward VIII doesn't really count, and I don't reckon he's going to make it as far as William IV

https://i.imgur.com/31r5Sq3.png

what do the bookies say?

You could choose to elect some cunt or you could elect people like Mary Robinson or Michael D.

well sure, i guess what i'm thinking is the pantomime of being a monarchy is not conducive to producing those kinds of people

The closer any independence party gets to power the more likely it is they will keep the establishment line on the monarchy, imo.

There's stuff going on in Scotland re the monarchy that's unique to Scotland that the SNP has decided to tiptoe around for electoral reasons. Having a King of Scotland again would be quite amusing though.

Idi Amin apparently had 40 official offspring so plenty to choose from!

the Bolsheviks got a bit carried away with the spring cleaning at times, doing in their parasites in a messy cellar execution deserves top marks imo. One of the great moments of 20th c history that alas never happened in the UK.

So Kate’s uncle Gary is now in Celebrity Big Brother. Perhaps that’s why they’ve all gone to ground.

So Kate’s uncle Gary is now in Celebrity Big Brother. Perhaps that’s why they’ve all gone to ground.

So Kate’s uncle Gary is now in Celebrity Big Brother. Perhaps that’s why they’ve all gone to ground.

Oh ffs apols!

Katy’s uncle Gary has a Big brother Larry in five days from he’s gonna marry

If Charles croaks soon enough (odds look favorable) y'all will be rid of a wanker & crank notorious crank. That's great. But when his kid takes over the throne Charles is keeping warm don't be surprised if there's a much warmer response to his ascension than the synthetic enthusiasm the media drummed up for Charles. Because he's young and he will succeed Charles, who would make anyone look good by comparison.

Katy’s uncle Gary has a Big brother Larry in five days from he’s gonna marry

Prince William is set to take almost two weeks off from royal duties again with the royal diary showing zero engagements for William until the middle of March.

William, 41, made just one engagement last week after pulling out of two major events at the last minute over what Kensington Palace called a “personal matter”.

The last-minute scratching of engagements sparked a media frenzy and renewed concerns about his wife Princess Catherine’s health.

Since the Princess underwent abdominal surgery at the London clinic in January, coincidentally the same hospital where King Charles underwent the prostate surgery that showed he had cancer, the palace has provided little update on Kate’s condition.

here's an update: she's dead

They're all dead, prove me wrong

They’re transferring Chuck’s brain into Kate’s body obv

the palace are still processing the terrible news that she died on the crapper ;;

CyberKate undergoing final testing, unfortunately it keeps making racist comments in public instead of in private

She's wearing sunglasses, which is a bad sign, e.g. Princess Margaret at the Queen mother's 101st birthday.

not necessarily a negative in the torrid political environment of 2024-era britain xp

The Chinese are currently denying all reports of a royal family-targeted virus

Windsoritis

chinese scientists working around the clock to target the virus on one of the world's shallowest gene pools

They’re transferring Chuck’s brain into Kate’s body obv

https://variety.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/08/Willem-Dafoe-Poor-Things.png

Anyone know a good Hanover cure?