Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2023

I often default to voting for Disney live-action remakes, but The Little Mermaid appears to be pissing off the right people, so I'll leave it alone (still won't see it, though).

I guess I'll vote for Indiana Jones because a) I can't imagine it being good, and b) there's a decent chance I'll get suckered into watching it anyway.

scream 6, 5 was so depressing that rushing out a sequel makes me think it could be even worse

Scream 6: Scrote

poster for 6cream is great

lol there's a Gran Turismo movie but i'm sure it can't be as bad as some of the routine emanations from stuff i'd already forgotten is a franchise

untitled ghostbusters afterlife sequel may get my vote tho

Saw X

wtf, how are there so many of these?

This is my favourite annual thread. :)

Renfield actually makes me lose the will to live before i finish saying the title in my head

House Party loved the first two, this looks like it could actually be stupid fun
Teen Wolf: The Movie - why
Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey - really over this 'edgy' trend of lazily turning innocent children's characters into horror antagonists
Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania - I'm a bit Marveled out but I'll see it
Creed III - I'm amped for this, can't lie
Scream VI - will probably suck balls
Shazam! Fury of the Gods - didn't like the first one, won't see this one
John Wick: Chapter 4 - hellz yes
The Super Mario Bros. Movie - looking forward to being told that I, an Italian-American, am problematic for seeing Chris Pratt in this
Renfield - really excited for this one
Evil Dead Rise - moderately looking forward to this one
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 3 - see note on Antman
Transformers: Rise of the Beasts - who fucking cares
The Flash - meh
The Equalizer 3 - first two were terrible, fuck this
The Nun 2 - lol why
Untitled The Exorcist film - i would be ok with exorcism films being banned forever, Blatty-universe or otherwise
Saw X - this is my vote
Dune: Part Two - soooooo excited for this
The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes - wait, was there another book, or is this just a bonus movie
Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom - fuck Aquaman

Saw X. I hate this franchise. the torture porn era was a dire period of mainstream horror, and the filmmakers seemed to be thinking they were asking complex questions each time they added a layer to Kramer's character, but his ethos didn't make any sense, he seemed more like a bitter man dying of cancer who found an excuse to kill people.

first two were decent, Saw 3 was hilarious.

if Wonka is an origin story, I may regret my hasty vote

I am most puzzled by the existence of Book Club 2 – The Next Chapter.

Saw X

wtf, how are there so many of these?

I can only imagine it's because a lot of people...... saw them

see i googled Wonka and altho i'm against the concept if anybody can make it worthwhile it will be that crew

tbf I googled Renfield after i posted about it and it doesn't look like it'll be the worst even tho i have no fucks to give

The Nun 2

Huge missed opportunity not calling this "Nun 2 Good"

Bad news, Neanderthal: Wonka is an upcoming musical fantasy film directed by Paul King from a screenplay written by Simon Farnaby and King. The film serves as a prequel to the 1964 novel Charlie and the Chocolate Factory by Roald Dahl and stars Timothée Chalamet as the titular character, following his early days as an eccentric chocolatier.

Something about Wonka origin story seems like a variety of bad movie which is a few years out of date.

otoh, it's the Paddington director

Shart of the Furious will probably be entertaining as usual

I mean, there's actually plenty of Wonka origin story in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, at least insofar as his early years as a candymaker and subsequent betrayal. so it's not like they're drawing from an empty well here.

guess we'll see.

"Gimme Back My Gobstopper" might be the musical hit of the century

Paddington crew gives me hope. I don't want another "daddy issue" Wonka

Renfield - really excited for this one

― fentanyl young (Neanderthal), Friday, January 13, 2023 12:52 PM (eleven minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

For any reason other than the prospect of Nick Cage as Dracula chewing wholesale on the scenery in the background?

shazam and wonka are the most troubling of this batch on first glance

The sheer cheek of calling it "Teen Wolf: The Movie"

the former because i wasnt even aware there was a first movie

is Shazam an adaptation of the music identification app?

Shazam! was released in the United States in RealD 3D, Dolby Cinema, IMAX, 4DX, and ScreenX on April 5, 2019. The film was a box office success, grossing $366.1 million worldwide, and received positive reviews from critics,

this sounds fake i simply don't believe it existed. the poster looks fake too

I voted Shazam! without hesitation.

oh it's a remake of the 90s film with Sinbad

First Shazam was a pretty decent (and fun) family friendly superhero movie.

Second one seems to have become part of the mostly terrible DC Universe and looks pretty bad from the trailers.

Shazaam with Sinbad is way more memorable than this

For any reason other than the prospect of Nick Cage as Dracula chewing wholesale on the scenery in the background?

― Infanta Terrible (j.lu), Friday, January 13, 2023 1:08 PM bookmarkflaglink

Nope that's about it.

oh it's a remake of the 90s film with Sinbad

― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, January 13, 2023 1:26 PM bookmarkflaglink

Irl lols

The sheer cheek of calling it "Teen Wolf: The Movie"

― Camaraderie at Arms Length, Friday, January 13, 2023 1:16 PM bookmarkflaglink

Lol I had that thought too.

Okay, The Son looks like probably the last movie I'd watch on this list.

is the next prequel going to be The Embryo?

This list looks like the Hollywood equivalent of the cutout bin.

yeah I usually get a sick thrill out of this thread, but this year's is a mostly flat plateau of yawn

John Wick 4 is the only one I'm unambiguously going to watch the fuck out of (at Xmas ofc). Is this new Spider-Verse animated the same way as the first one? If so I'd be tempted there too despite being a confirmed Marvel hater (in all cases except where comic-book rotoscoping is involved)

untitled ghostbusters afterlife sequel may get my vote tho

― flamenco drop (BradNelson)

I voted for this, Ghostbusters is pointless

Very stoked for Barbie and for Mario tbh

ghostbusters and ghostbusters fandom/nostalgia are cultural poison

Ghostbusters movie about an infestation of ghosts of ghostbusters movies past

Dune Part Two will almost surely be worth seeing. Not sure it belongs on this list.

movie is just one person saying "who ya gonna call?" and two people trying to remember the name of the service that used to exterminate ghosts for the remainder of the movie.

very waiting for G(h)o(st)dot

xpost i think crypto was just listing every movie they could think of that fit this description as opposed to curating.

I mean, Dune is technically part of a franchise, though in general I try to stay away from adaptations of novels: I did not include, for example, the upcoming musical version of The Color Purple on the basis that it, like Dune had been filmed before. So that one was a bit of a snap judgement call.

Film on this list most likely to top ILXs Top Movies of 2023 list: Barbie.

voted Dune 2

With Dune, unlike The Color Purple, I think of it as akin to something like the Lord of the Rings films, which I think at this point we would definitely consider a franchise (I think I said something about whether or not to include "potential franchises" in an earlier year's poll). At the very least, I think it's safe to say that Dune is something of a brand name at this point.

I get that; on the other hand, it's just the continuation of the first film.

At any rate, it will almost surely be substantially better than anything else on this list.

lol no it won’t

otoh, it's the Paddington director

And the Paddington 2 writer. Really bummed that they’re going off for something as spiritually moribund as this instead of getting to make something new (or The Bear Movi3).

Would be fascinated to see all the live-action footage that was rotoscoped for Spidey-Verse 1.

What were the good parts of Dune I, the bagpipes and the ornithopters?

Room-temperature-ass movie

I guess, apart from the cast, the script, the direction and the visuals. And the soundtrack.

I assume no-one's mentioned Detective Knight because they're never heard of it, but having googled, fuck me, it's that.

I saw the Magic Mike trailer before The Menu and it looked very bad.

The Son

eagerly anticipating the third film in the trilogy, the holy ghost

That’s literally an on cinema Oscar special joke, Tim does a satirical takedown of the nominees (without having seen any of them) & it’s this note perfect parody of conservative comedy + like daily show type garbage where you read a thing and pull a face and go ”really?!”

& he’s like “the father - oh yeah, what’s next, the son? The Holy Ghost?”

Anyway turns out that is what’s next

saw the trailer for Quantumania in front of Glass Onion in November and that was dire as hell, this Marvel shit is all two (2) jokes and then some greenscreen weird object ballet that has deadly serious implications for the next movie

Nothing properly hackle-raising here, just mostly meh-sville. Blood and Honey might be my vote, if only because, as Neando notes, this edgelord-y 'ooh, what if this children's character was a murderer?!?!' bullshit is so junior high.

never discount soderbergh

re: magic mike 3

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

quantumania seems so drab and dour for a film with theoretically limitless visual possibility

xxpost lol, I was legit about to check to see if Soderbergh was directing the dark Pooh flick.

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

― rob, Friday, January 13, 2023 3:38 PM (two minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

First one that comes to mind:
https://m.media-amazon.com/images/M/MV5BYWVjMGI4ZTAtOTJjYS00NjZkLWEzZGUtNDMxZTEyMjE5ODdjXkEyXkFqcGdeQXVyMTczNjQwOTY@._V1_.jpg

what are the previous iterations of the children's character murdering phenom? is Detective Pikachu grim?

― rob, Friday, January 13, 2023 4:38 PM bookmarkflaglink

"You're a Mean One" from last December.

oh yeah, ugh

I like killer Santa movies only because dude has the worst job on the planet

https://uproxx.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/07/biff-grid-uproxx.jpg?resize=460

YOU GUYS SUCK

Eat bullets fuckers!

I asked my sister if her kids still believe in Santa, and she said it's sort of yes-and-no. But she also said that thanks to movies like Arthur Christmas (which presents Xmas as a logistical problem solved through technology and an exploited and cult-like labor force) combined with the banal existence of Amazon Prime, believing in Santa is easier/more persistent than when we were kids, when logical consideration of the task could destroy the illusion faster

This was a tough decision until I saw Aquaman hiding at the bottom

I hope the Exorcist film stays untitled

hope it's Exorcist vs Ghostbusters

Hugh Jackman and Laura Dern devastated the Venice Film Festival with the world premiere of Florian Zeller’s “The Son,” which earned a 10-minute standing ovation.

Honestly, watch the trailer for this and tell me you wouldn't rather watch a murderous Pooh bear

i don't get ten minute standing ovations, I've seen movies and/or theatre and/or musical performances that I've found incredible, but there is no way in hell you're going to convince me to spend ten minutes clapping

Do they electrify the seats at Venice and Cannes to make them stand for so long? Or is it just to drunk film journalists on a paid junket to regurgitate press releases that the standing only seems like 10 minutes?

idk probably coke + vibes

saw the trailer for Quantumania in front of Glass Onion in November and that was dire as hell, this Marvel shit is all two (2) jokes and then some greenscreen weird object ballet that has deadly serious implications for the next movie

Don’t watch trailers but the other Ant-Mens at least genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them, and have at least five jokes each plus both good + funny action scenes. And the first one only has one 3-minute scene with another MCU character in, that could be satisfyingly excised in whole*

* prob bcz the previous Wright + Cornballs script hadn’t allowed for scheduling any other MCU actors with their own careers

otherwise otm ofc

Peer pressure - everyone not wanting to be the first person to stop applauding. When enough people start collapsing from exhaustion, the ovation loses critical mass and ends

seems fair enough to clap if people who made the movie are in the auditorium

standing up and cheering US colonialism in yr local multiplex not so much

‘Untitled Ghostbusters Afterlife sequel’ = a phrase absolutely dripping with inertia, so I choose that.

I actually watched Afterlife on a plane a few weeks ago, I didn’t hate it but nor did I experience any other recognisably human emotion while watching.

bringing back Gozer/Shandor and the original cast ruined what was going to be a feelgood story about the young, shy girl who finds something she excels at.

Finn Wolfhard completely wasted. I still had a good time, but why couldn't they have invented a new ghost rather than saying "we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

Bc of the creative bankruptcy of everyone involved presumably

genuinely feel like Peyton Reed made them

and are both legit episodes of the On Cinema universe

"we didn't defeat Gozer enough last time"

more like Ghosthalfbusters

by Fairport Convention

Whatever the results are, Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny will garner too many votes, and Dune: Part Two not enough.

sure they will... on backwards day! [now imagine that i'm hi-fiving myself]

Automatic thread bump. This poll is closing tomorrow.

The book Charlie and the Chocolate Factory had an actual, real sequel by Dahl: The Great Glass Elevator

Never knew why no one has ever attempted this

Bc it’s weird as fuck

hah yeah I read that. the President of the US is named something like President Gilligrass or something and he appears in the book

it'd be a good cronenberg movie to get high to

Yeah, iirc there's some bullshit with a space station or something? I sometimes get the feeling with Roald Dahl that after he pitched a good premise his editor asked "and then what happens!?!" and then he just improvised some stuff. "um, and then they talk about witches for 100 pages, and then they turn into mice," or "they talk about the life of giants and then ... they visit the Queen?"

Vermicious Knids that shape their bodies into letters!

Vermicious Knids that shape their bodies into letters!

Automatic thread bump. This poll's results are now in.

Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey creator wants a cinematic universe with Bambi and Peter Pan

They must be stopped

mad handclaps for John Wick 4 using "Seasons in the Sun" in its trailer and looping the "it's hard to die" lyric over and over at one point

Walter Chaw on the latest Potterverse thing basically sums up my feelings on the IP-ification of Hollywood: https://www.filmfreakcentral.net/ffc/2023/03/fantastic-beasts-the-secrets-of-dumbledore.html

These movies aren't socially destructive in the sense that there's something offensive about them thematically--mainly because there's not a lot about them thematically. They're all second acts in competing Telenovelas: breathless melodramas in which one thing bleeds into the next like cells ravaged by Ebola. There's no hope for an end to the suffering so long as there's money to be squeezed thick from its black buboes: another amusement-park attraction, another opportunity to be relevant in an era where tentpoles are the only currency. Was a time a film with ten sequels was regarded as a cheap joke. That time is now.

not that I disagree, but wow that is a dense thicket of mixed metaphors

Some nice lines in that piece.

There's a scene where the Scamanders are running away from a bunch of scorpions when the biggest scorpion suddenly starts shooting lava out of its stinger. It's magic, I don't care where it learned to do this, I don't need the backstory of it as a larva barely through its first moult trains with a bearded Oriental master on the finer points of shooting lava out its ass. But how can one understand the stakes in an action sequence if there was no establishment of geography and weaponry? If anything can happen at any moment, then nothing matters. There are no terms of engagement. It's a lot like the rules J.K. Rowling made for her Quidditch game: garbled nonsense that is the product of, as time has shown, a disorganized mind incapable of recognizing contradictions and averse to being told otherwise

Coming next year:

The Fall Guy is an upcoming American action thriller film directed by David Leitch, written by Drew Pearce, and starring Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt. It is an adaptation of the 1980s TV series of the same name created by Glen A. Larson, which starred Lee Majors. The Fall Guy is set to be released on March 1, 2024, by Universal Pictures.

"John Wick" director, writer of a "Mission:Impossible"/"Hobbes and Shaw." Kinda weird, because as far as recognizable IPs go, "The Fall Guy" has gotta be scraping the barrel. Don't see why these people bothered resurrecting it when they could have just written an action movie about a stunt man and no one would have made the connection.

Anyway, we can't be that far from an "Automan" reboot.

The director of Deadpool 2 and of Hobbs & Shaw, not the director of John Wick 2, John Wick: Parabellum, John Wick 4, or the credited director of John Wick 1.

Glad we cleared that up, thanks.

Since one guy has directed all four John Wicks, and no other movies, some readers may have thought you meant him (as opposed to a guy whose only directorial credits are in fact for making sequels and adaptations)

haha THE FALL GUY? wow.

next up, do The 100 Lives of Black Jack Savage

leitch is a hack

there was apparently a Fall Guy board game

Bullet Train was fun though

And imagine most people of a certain age (in the UK at least) could sing along to all of "The Unknown Stuntman"

Also isn't Leitch himself a former stuntman?

bullet train… i’d maybe go as far to say it’s diverting…. but fun? it was like sub-guy ritchie

yeah it was very clearly Guy Ritchie pastiche but without the Vaughan-era Ritchie's technique of including actual jokes (or editing to give the impression of them)

also it's 50 minutes longer than those

I really disliked Bullet Train. The film sucked everything out of the book that made it interesting/entertaining.

Anyone who still thinks reboots are stupid needs to watch this NOW. 👇👇👇pic.twitter.com/myeBm9XruR

— Jeremy (@jeremylevick) March 13, 2023

Lego Zapruder

I’m patiently awaiting grimdark Grizzly Adams.

Grizzly

The Apple Dumpling Gang...as you've never seen them before.

Getalong Gang featuring Montgomery "Mayhem" Moose, a 'Nam vet

Come on y'all, Grisly Adams is such a gimme

bullet train… i’d maybe go as far to say it’s diverting…. but fun? it was like sub-guy ritchie

― flamenco drop (BradNelson), Monday, March 13, 2023 6:25 AM (yesterday) bookmarkflaglink

as cool as the John Wick movies are, any attempts to replicate the films' style and self-contained universe have been almost completely bad. i think they're kind of a terrible influence on action movies, just bc they walk a knife's edge: they're pretty reasonably coherent visually despite being "busy" and they're pretty interesting in terms of character dynamics (despite the characters being types and not people per se...) and it takes a lot of skill to have them not be completely dumb and actually next-level. there's a lot of Walter hill in those movies, just the surreal take on a genre picture like The Warriors or Streets of Fire.

Didn't realize there was a Tetris movie until I saw a review just now, but I guess I'm mildly relieved that it appears to be a movie about the making/marketing of the game (with some Cold War intrigue thrown in) rather than a world-building sci-fi drama set in the Tetris universe or some such shit.

It's ok to think either outcome is shit

I got maybe 20-30 minutes into the first John Wick, then gave up, realizing this is just not for me. Which made me a little sad, but having been briefed on the plot/larger world of these movies, it seems like it *should* be for me. But it was a shrug, and the notion of spending hours and hours in this universe didn’t appeal.

Normcore iterations of 80s Hong Kong movies are the best

a world-building sci-fi drama set in the Tetris universe

How quickly we forget Minesweeper: the Movie

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LHY8NKj3RKs

I'm not annoyed at the existence of the John Wick movies, they just aren't for me. I'm happy that people are happy.

having been briefed on the plot/larger world of these movies

The larger world doesn’t really manifest until the last 90 seconds of Wick 1, so you could skip straight to 2 if that’s what you’re looking for - the camp aspect fully blossoms from there

ob: ScreaVI is a good Scream 2 to Scream 2022 btw

I did like it, even if the ending was bloated

That wonka film looks like cold piss

Oompa loompa doompa de piss

Absolutely insane that King and Farnaby would go from the most beloved modernisation of a childrens book series in film history to something so profoundly misconceived as this

Chalamet seems... not right for this

https://64.media.tumblr.com/fc63ce7a327215128caacd7d7b199934/f1c1de3186f99c8d-5d/s500x750/450ca1127866cf3398e058aed582465b9f7cef24.gif

Is there a better burn (or at least description) than Gretchen felker-martin calling him a “total coke nail”

very jay leno voice

ya hear how they pushed Dune 2 but not Wonka because of the strikes?

it's not on the list but I was dragged to My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 today and although I didn't like the first two, this one was a complete pile of shit, conflict-free tourism film.

We doing one this year or are we just deciding it’s pointless cause Biden v trump would win in a landslide

Oh that has to be an option plz

Our normal pollrunner for this stepped back from ILX back in August.

winner of this year's poll is ghostbusters: FROZEN EMPIRE

just as it was last year apparently lol

Wonka was apparently not terrible?

Also lolz that Quantumania is at the very bottom of this list too

Oh wow. Just been looking at what's coming this year and it's a strong list.

As well as the forthcoming Road House remake, we'll also be treated to a movie of 80's series The Fall Guy, what must now be the third reboot of Planet of the Apes, various sequels years after the original (Beetlejuice 2, Gladiator 2, Twisters) plus things like The First Omen, Bad Boys 4, Joker 2, Venom 4, Ghostbusters etc.

Let's gooo

bring on 2024, yes lol

IIRC the new Planet of the Apes is a continuation of the recent reboot trilogy, which was much better than it had any business being. Buuuut the franchise is with Disney now so let's see what happens.

Glower, Disruption & Pies (kingfish) at 12:53 6 Feb 24

Wonka was apparently not terrible?

Saw Wonka with my kids last week. It is exceedingly whimsical in a way that surely isn't to everyone's taste, but imo they managed to thread the needle with a pretty delicate tone of magical realism, kept the character likeable (much credit to Chalamet), some good dance numbers. Biggest criticism was it's very sanitized and tidy, doesn't really stake any sort of unique and memorable identity. The songs were eminently forgettable. And the plot was pretty ridiculous but they make it pretty clear you shouldn't worry too much about that. All in all, as a kids' movie, I enjoyed it!

I'm gonna be real interested to see if another Exorcist actually happens after the most recent one got ripped to shreds and David Gordon Green immediately split. I can't Believe(r) they committed to an entire trilogy before waiting to see if the first one was a total POS. Just keep flushin' that money down the toity, Hollywood.

a huge blow for the Christianity Cinematic Universe

we'll never get our God's Not Dead/Exorcist crossover now

so wanted to see Kevin Sorbo's head twist off

Least promising Sequel/Remake/Franchise/IP-based flick of 2024

It's a Wonderful Life II, the Revenge of Clarence