welcome to the ILX Teambuilding conference call

Just going to give another minute or two for everybody to join.

Let's...all make sure to mute our mics, we'll do an icebreaker in a few minutes.

My name is....hi, guys, hearing some background chatter, if we can mute our mics.

My name is Neanderthal, I've been with ILX for....

Hi, again, I'm hearing some background noise, and the conversation I heard was not appropriate for this meeting. Let's please make sure to mute our lines.

I've been with ILX for 17 years, and I enjoy....

alright, I've muted everyone temporarily. anyway, enough about me. who do we have on the line?

can you hear me? I can't hear you

This is going to be a win-win situation.

sorry, there's a guy with a weed whacker outside the window, let me mute for a second

you're on mute

you're frozen

Ok ok one at a time everybody let's....

ok...can we

can we raise our hands if we're unable to hear me?

wait that won't work.

*typing* plz raise hand if you can't hear me

https://miro.medium.com/v2/resize:fit:1100/format:webp/1*sY4AkvSu5pa1T2rNryysQw.jpeg

they're laughing at YOU

Hi everyone sorry about this, I need to take Andy into a side chat real quick, be just one moment.

while you're gone, I want you to type in the chat what your favorite DISNEY MOVIE is

alright we're back. I think Andy has something they want to say to the group

I have to answer the door and check on something on the oven, be right back.

conscious of time...let's wrap this up

*sorry* for being disruptive

OK, we'll go around, and everyone tell us what you're most excited about having achieved this month.

Understanding our common touchpoints will help this team to navigate the end-to-end framework, yeah?

^^^^^^(from an actual email I received today)

I’m in a meeting.

I don’t know where the keys are. Have you looked in the usual place?

Sorry, that was my wife. What were you saying?

I'd like to piggy back on what Andy said and say I'm proud that we achieved global cloud intransfusional culpability.

I'm not a cat.

kinda cool & grey here, heard you guys are getting some real heat down there

hold on, I need to go let the FedEx guy in the front gate.. BRB

*Pinned post*

Whomever is putting duct tape between the cracks of the third floor men's room stall, please stop. It is damaging to the paint on the stall doors. I know you may be squeamish about people seeing you making business, but it's nothing none of us haven't seen before.

Can anyone one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one one....

alright fuck this. Fuddruckers made me a higher offer and I can't take this shit anymore. outtie.

SHREK

Guys, I have another meeting now, gotta jump. Thanks for a good one!

wait what time is it there?

It's eleven at night.

gonna need to drop soon, sorry

Get down, Cheddar! Sorry about my cat, everyone.

So anyway this is my cat Leo and he’s obviously very interested in what you all have to say and responding. Aren’t you, Leo? No dammit get off the keyboard

Ha! Cat jinx! Cat jinx of cat hijinx!

I think you're still on mute

We already did this!

http://conferencecall.biz/

can everyone read it ok? do i need to zoom in?

Can you share your screen?

(anyone else havin a little drinky-winky? I wont tell lol haha)

if I go off camera it’s because I’m vaping

hi so remember when I said I had a better offer from Fuddruckers, yeah, well, 72 hours later I no longer have it. it fell through, there's an appeal going on regardign sample collection.

anyway I apologize for saying fuck

Aww, my CBD vape is blinking.

Maybe we can all take a bio-break.

You're frozen again.. maybe turn off the camera

Remember the slogan

Hongro with Purpose

LET'S CIRCLE BACK NEXT WEEK

I have a hard stop in two minutes.

We already did this!

http://conferencecall.biz/

― emil.y, Thursday, August 3, 2023 3:24 PM (forty-nine minutes ago) bookmarkflaglink

i heard that a famous venture capitalist and former ILX exec bought this company for a crazy amount of money and so the guy who made it got to retire and just makes paintings all day. (1) is that true? (2) is he on the call and if so can he please mute his mic (3) is that why i can only post from the philippines now

I know we’re over time but…

Sorry everyone! I was traveling from a conference last week when I was accepting the invite and had the wrong time zone, hehehe. What'd I miss? Can you bring me up to speed?

Who keeps muting me? I’m speaking

Is anyone else besides me having trouble seeing the screenshare?

Anyone going into the office next week?

Yeah I'm driving right now

I don’t see Ned on the call. We’ll wait a few minutes to see if he shows up and then start without him.

He did accept….

Understanding our common touchpoints will help this team to navigate the end-to-end framework This is gold, it basically says "if we know how to do our job we'll get our work done". Nice.

And like emil.y said, we did this already. Voices and all!

Guys my connection is unstable, so I think I will turn off video to see if that helps.

I can't read that, it's backwards

I make it one minute past the hour. We’ll start now and anyone else can catch up.

So it seems like nobody has started tracking action items yet, which ... is no problem at all, you guys have had some great discussion going, let me just pull up my template ...

Hi Marcia, o wow....what a great kitchen!

Gotta hop, will watch the recording later.

hi i'm matt i've worked here [?] years

[immediately starts doing totally unrelated work - eyes darting around endlessly, never returning to the call]

good chatting!

Well why don't we give everyone back three minutes here...

I just heard that Rosalind is in Dusseldorf all next week. I can see that there is a requisition meeting penciled in for Thursday, will Cameron be able to deal with the people from Linear Network Systems on his own?

can everyone rename yourselves with full name and department please

lol how does she even afford a kitchen liek that????!!

you posted that in the meeting chat

(Ha, was just trying to think of how to do that one)

James Redd has left the meeting

guys if you're going to share a GIF let's make sure it's work appropriate, I don't want to see T&A, I am a deacon at my church.

and on that note, I meant T&B

To others in chat: what is he talking about that was a GIF of Elmo

Hello?

Yeah no now's fine.

Yeah thanks.

Yeah the toilet keeps doing it.

All brown.

Yeah.

There's more brown in the back.

It's still coming up.

Uh huh.

Hold on.

OK.

No.

I tried t-WHAT'S THAT FLUFFY?

Good boy!

NoNoNoNo fluffy get out of here-HONEY CAN YOU CALL FLUFFY OVER?

It's bubbling now.

Yeah.

More brown, yeah.

you should not be logged into this meeting as a Guest or Externally. Please log in using your ilx MS Teams account. I cannot repeat this any more.

Shoot, I had this entered in my calendar with the wrong date and time zone, what did I miss?

I can't hear you guys, can you hear me? Just a minute, I think I'm using the wrong headphones

restarting

hi, sorry to interrupt the session. this meeting isn't tailored to my exact personal needs, so I'm going to do this often.

Is there another conference room free?

someone keeps farting

Keep hearing an echo. Can everyone please mute when they are not talking?

Unless it was just an interesting stylistic choice by Tommy Ramone since his hearing was going.

#Onethread!

Can someone send me the lunch menu?

why can't I share a PDF? mf teams...

Hmm. I can see it on my corporate laptop, but not on my personal laptop or my phone.

i was sucking her toes a little and then omg....I guess that was definitely something she wasn't in-

*mute in a rushed panic*

*shares screen, frantically closes open tabs*

oooooo jon, yr in troubllllleeeee

I've locked the meeting and turned off video and audio until we can make sure we have removed all the bombers.

can we have a summary of everybody who's been laid off and the reasons why?

Looks like we have a quorum now

That's a good question, but I don't think this is the appropriate forum for that discussion. I'll circle back with you once I ping the top floor folks and get the all clear to proceed.

inaudible

Well, it looks like the Discord recruiting drive is on hold, because most of them are too smart to want to post here...oh, no, the cat got out again, and I'm the only one in the family that can crawl under the trailer to get him.

Recording has now stopped

Jon, let's take that offline.

Happy Friday

you should probably blur your background

Sorry, you go, go ahead

No no no, you go ahead.

Can people mute when you're not talking? I'm getting a lot of background noise.

Sorry I'm late! I just stepped out to water the plants, and lost track of time!

Sorry, my dog thought he saw a squirrel

ATTICUS, GODDAMMIT, I TOLD YOU TO QUIT PLAYING WITH THAT STICK, NOW YOU BROKE YOUR MOTHER'S VASE.

why is everybody upset

Guys there's some leftover food in the pantry from an earlier meeting. Head over if you can before it's all gone.

For those that are in office today of course.

Can we please discuss equity versus equality some more?

Sorry I'm late can someone please summarise what I missed

Don't like those clouds outside the window, may have to head out as soon as this finally finishes.

Hot enough for you? Ha

Sorry, my wifi's been buggy, kids are home and on their screens all day

How's the weather where you are?

Ohhh really? My wife's great great great great great great grandparents were from Scotland/Ireland/Wales.

(Lol)

Apologies, I double booked this slot so I'm calling in from another meeting. Please get started, I'll be paying attention. ::proceeds to leave microphone on, broadcasting the other meeting:: (someone actually pulled this move on me once)

hi someone just uploaded an excel file, that has customer data and should only be transferred through secure email or encrypted.

I assume everyone has read the announcement this morning.

can we have a summary of everybody who's been laid and the reasons why?

Who is the lady that's really good with Trint? Is it Hilary on the 7th floor?

Please do the needful.

They are starting to chase people so please complete the training as soon as possible, they are already sending lists of the non-compliant to senior management.

what evidence do we have that this was syndicated and approved by the stakeholders?

I notice that many of you are not marking your tasks as completed in Asana. Please start setting calendar reminders to do so and if you need a refresher on Asana functionality all you need to do is reach out to IT support via Asana.

enough with the GIFs everyone. we need to act like adults and some of you are inserting images in the chat that are not work-appropriate.

a quick note regarding the holiday party, we already have more than enough people signed up to bring plates and napkins – if not enough people sign up to bring actual food we will be forced to cancel

also please make sure the egg nog is non-alcoholic, we don't want another Bert scenario

XP - Yeah but can we somehow make sure Jean Paul doesn't do the salad this year, guy has a massive terrarium in his kitchen and never washes his hands after using the restroom.

Sorry my camera isn't on, I just woke up and I look like hell.

Odjge9uf9uwg

Oop, cat just walked across my keyboard.

thank you for clarifying, our guest speaker James Odjge9uf9uwg thought you were addressing him

We also request that only one person that brings food to the Holiday thing brings a party-sized bag of store brand potato chips. I know that the particular mental skill set of our business means that half of us has ADHD and will forget to get something more fitting for the occasion, but pies, cookies and cakes are also available at whatever grocery store you drive by on the way to the office.

Are we okay on red Solo cups?

RHONDA

goddammit rhonda

“It’s 5 o’clock somewhere… and that place is my house!”

Pro tip: blow on your coffee mug so people won't think there's wine in it.

https://i.imgur.com/HuDeL7s.png

This is not a cup of coffee

frankly surprised rhonda still drawing a salary

after the rumours

I thought she was on gardening leave

What we have here is a win-win situation.

But we can discuss that in the new year.

Thank god Boss is off today amirite

Did anyone post an agenda for this meeting, cuz I can't find one.

I thought you retired

Aimless, you're on mute

(looks confused and mouths some words)

i love this company!!!

permission to speak freely? i love the entire commercial bounce house sector

that's not related to what we do here, of course, but the advances are really flying under the radar

As Neanderthal was saying last time we met, we really need to leverage the synergies, proactively and reactively.

How is everyone doing on drafting their performance goals for next year?

hi guys I can't share my screen because you have me listed as an attendee, please make me presenter

Hey can you folks hear me?

Oh wait, now I'm getting an echo.

Also, SOMEONE needs to put on some pants. You know who you are.

Andrea, are you taking notes?
Andrea?

holy shit I just saw a cow break into my neighbor's h-

*hits mute button*

If you change your . . . yeah . . . if you change your view to gallery, you'll be able to see all of us. Yes. Gallery view. Upper right hand corner.

God I had a call like this today... I was at home, they sounded like they were spread across four airplane hangers

Zoom started to charge us, so we moved to MS Teams which is appalling

No, no, upper right.

Your other right

Dude, blur your background. No one needs to see that. Sheesh.

DAMN IT ANDREA

omg stop

let me know when you can see the presentation

You're on mute... Carol, you're on mute

*Leaning over to speak into my laptop microphone because the docking station doesn’t recognize my headset mic.*

can you hear me?

I only see your desktop

sorry to remind again but if you pledged for young Kieran's walkathon I need your money now.

it is not his fault that you didn't anticipate he would walk 29 miles, you committed!

accidentally shows the entire meeting what I’m playing on Spotify

(I actually did that in a big public meeting on a planning application)

Have trouble connecting rom this remote vacation locale, sorry

We're using MS Teams now, and the 'stop share' button is right next to the 'end meeting' button, that's caused some hilarity

I have my camera off because I look terrible

Paul you’re too close to the camera. Bacdafucup

I have my camera off, I'm in the car

I have my car off, I'm in the camera

Neando, can’t tell if you stepped away for a minute because your camera’s off, but everyone else went to the breakout rooms. you’re stupid to go to room 4. just let me know if you’re having an issue accepting the invitation

From a fly on the wall, junior analyst point of view, it’s quite entertaining to witness all you higher ups quibbling and quietly jockeying for position on this call

I d . . . important that . . . ight.

incredibly unflattering freeze frame

for the last time, mute yourself if you take your laptop into the bathroom.

also...recommending you prunes, rn

This mf got his proctologist on speed dial

"I know we're scheduling a double-click into this topic..."

[one person has a microphone next to their nose so we have to hear the movement of phlegm around their sinuses as they speak but nobody is brave enough to tell them]

I think I've been on hold this entire time, did I call in to the right number?

*has camera off and is muted for entire meeting*

*meeting ends*

"Thanks everyone!"

"Does anyone know if Harold has joined yet? He's the one who insisted on this time."

GERALD GET DOWN OFF THE GODDAMN COU-....

oh my god I'm sorry. I'll mute

"I'll remind folks once again that the chats are not private."

Gerald is adorable! Sorry that’s just how i feel.

He's getting rather old, but he's a good mouse.

hate to see what a bad zing looks like

*has camera off and is muted for entire meeting*

*meeting ends*

"Thanks everyone!"

*farts*
“Oh sh…”

‘I like your profile picture. Is that your cat?’

‘Yes, that’s Mr Tibbs. Loved Sydney Poitier.’

‘Cute pic. That's me bungee jumping in my pic. I did it in New Zealand last year .’

... ......... .. ..... ........ .. .... .. ....... ... . .. .....?

From an actual conversation where people switch off their camera when not presenting.

.., ....! ...'.. ....... .... ... ...... ......... ... ........ .. .. ... .........

lol

ok i am recording the meeting, let me know if you object

A little bit about me.. When I was 7 my father was stationed in the Punjab and that's where I discovered a I had a talent for violin

Tracer you sent that as a direct message, I think you meant it to go to everybody

Sorry if this has already been mentioned... I'm late to the call, but does anyone remember that very funny, weird website an Ilxor* made where they got different people to send voice messages of themselves pretending to be on a conference and it just cycled randomly through them with ambient music and images?

*Karl Malone maybe?

definitely KM

We already did this!

http://conferencecall.biz/

― emil.y, Thursday, August 3, 2023 4:24 PM bookmarkflaglink

(original thread is 77'ed)