has your aptitude at matters of the heart (to put it queasily) improved since your teens?

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i feel i'm at about the same stage. i fall fast, i don't trust my judgement re. whether someone is interested in me or not, i scarcely know how to make a move, i drop silly hints to her friends, i ask her about herself nearly to the point of irritation, i daydream, but little more.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:38 (twenty years ago)

i have a terrible urge to confess. and to drink.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:38 (twenty years ago)

(it's hard to live in the coun-try)

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:39 (twenty years ago)

i may have had something to drink already.

please no brits with tales of shaggy haired bassists or whatever.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:41 (twenty years ago)

god yes

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:44 (twenty years ago)

about 100000000000000x more improved

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:45 (twenty years ago)

i am happy for you

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:47 (twenty years ago)

more complicated, more "adult," but little improved.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:50 (twenty years ago)

gah kenan she is so awesome

she wears ascots

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:51 (twenty years ago)

i don't know how to react to that.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:52 (twenty years ago)

well actually not ascots

scarves

but i like typing "ascots"

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:53 (twenty years ago)

well shit, *I* wear scarves. It just has to be cold, is all.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:54 (twenty years ago)

i scarcely know how to make a move

This key point has not changed for me much since high school, sadly.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:56 (twenty years ago)

ornamental scarves with lots of colors you know girly scarves

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:56 (twenty years ago)

i am going to get drunk in 1taly and accost her

p.s. no i'm not

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:56 (twenty years ago)

hey, when in rome, man.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:57 (twenty years ago)

or even near it.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:57 (twenty years ago)

Great line one of my friends used to convince a girl to go to Rome with him: "I want to make love to you in ancient places."

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:58 (twenty years ago)

exactly the same. its ok though. i found someone as impaired as me.

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:59 (twenty years ago)

I've grown to be good at bad chicks but I'm still very bad at good chicks. Hence the health!

― LC, Sunday, 3 October 2004 06:59 (twenty years ago)

gaz has found the key to happiness.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:00 (twenty years ago)

what if your mutual incompetence just prevents what should happen from happening?

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:01 (twenty years ago)

Then you attack her.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:02 (twenty years ago)

A little adolescent lust and guilessness goes a long way. Most girls just want to be liked, same as anybody.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:03 (twenty years ago)

I know it's not that simple, but still.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:05 (twenty years ago)

do they want to be liked by an ogre like me?*

*i am not actually convinced i am an ogre, but i am convince that others think me an ogre.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:06 (twenty years ago)

...

i am amazed at her smartness.

this is significant, because i tend to think everyone is stupid and boring.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:08 (twenty years ago)

i am going to go listen to the smiths and the fall in alternation

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:10 (twenty years ago)

"ogre" is a great word. better than "ascot," even.

seriously, relax, dude. This is why alcohol is the great social lubricant. It turns off your brain enough that you can do what needs to be done. Be a teenager! For initiating sexy activity, this is not a bad plan.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:11 (twenty years ago)

wait... she doesn't own a chihuahua, does she? You should ask that first.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:12 (twenty years ago)

she speaks russ1an

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:14 (twenty years ago)

Am, I was having this *exact* same thought on my way home tonight.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:16 (twenty years ago)

Actually, I take that back: it wasn't exact.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:16 (twenty years ago)

But I was thinking about me and relationships and various barriers to them in my life.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:17 (twenty years ago)

I actually think I developed an emotionally sustainable approach to love for the first time last week.

It made me feel about a million times smarter, and happier to boot.

― Laura E (laurae55), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:18 (twenty years ago)

Jessa speaks a little Russian. Enough to get around, anyway. We have these ass-old "learn Russian!" records laying around somewhere.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:18 (twenty years ago)

she likes arch1tecture

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:19 (twenty years ago)

otm

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:19 (twenty years ago)

she doesnt seem like the drinking type, but we'll see

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:20 (twenty years ago)

i barely even know her

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:21 (twenty years ago)

I guess I did think, when I was dancing toward the end of the night, how I always feel so sheepish dancing around attractive women: that whole kind of flirty dancing makes me nervous -- and in that sense, I haven't "improved." I would have no idea how to "pull" women at bars/clubs. (This despite alcohol.)

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:21 (twenty years ago)

it only takes the once.

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:21 (twenty years ago)

if it means anything coming from me, am, you seem like a pretty lovable guy. nothing like an ogre at all.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:22 (twenty years ago)

she is a huge nerd, i think i really ought to stick with the huge nerds as far as crushes go

thanks k3nan

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:23 (twenty years ago)

haha killco is kenan? i am so lost these days. he's right again!

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:24 (twenty years ago)

how would you know gaz?

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:25 (twenty years ago)

i'm in constant identity flux.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:25 (twenty years ago)

my ears are not symmetrically aligned

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:25 (twenty years ago)

haha

yeah, you must be unworthy of human contact, then.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:27 (twenty years ago)

you seem like a pretty lovable guy ???

you do seem like a nice guy ams. am i wrong?

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:28 (twenty years ago)

i shift in my seat a lot

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:29 (twenty years ago)

are you easily excited?

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:30 (twenty years ago)

he's very nice, and even pretty confident about himself. he'll be fine. i'm not at all worried about him.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:30 (twenty years ago)

i am a total shrinking violet when it comes to the opposite sex though

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:32 (twenty years ago)

does he look like an ogre?

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:32 (twenty years ago)

xpost so am I! sometimes that works. *especially* with nerdy girls.

I would post a picture of him, but I have been specifically forbodden from doing so.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:33 (twenty years ago)

i kinda find that attractive too. unless i get the idea its an act.

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:35 (twenty years ago)

i am sort of chubby and nondescript

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:37 (twenty years ago)

like me!

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:37 (twenty years ago)

she is petite and pretty

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:38 (twenty years ago)

does she know it?

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:39 (twenty years ago)

ogres are ugly and buff.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:39 (twenty years ago)

i haven't tried 'do you know you're pretty?' since the 2nd grade

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:40 (twenty years ago)

and that was in a snoopy card

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:40 (twenty years ago)

ha! you know what i mean. does she have tickets on herself?

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:41 (twenty years ago)

even so, it's hard for a woman to misinterpret "you're pretty." It always means you think they're pretty.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:41 (twenty years ago)

as long as you don't begin any sentence with, "Baby, that ass..."

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:42 (twenty years ago)

she doesn't seem like the sort of person who imagines themselves irresistable, no

she could be dating someone for all i know

there was something about the way she stuck with our conversation though that made me think otherwise

i dunno

i want to make it with her while she tells me about her dissertation idea

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:43 (twenty years ago)

*hic*

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:43 (twenty years ago)

i want to make it with her while she tells me about her dissertation idea

!!!!

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:44 (twenty years ago)

ugh.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:44 (twenty years ago)

well maybe after

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:44 (twenty years ago)

How do you know this gal?

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:44 (twenty years ago)

jaymc i hope you don't mind if i don't say

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:45 (twenty years ago)

AND WHAT IS HER DISSERTATION ON???

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:46 (twenty years ago)

Can we rename this the Chicago 4AM Commiseration Thread (Plus Gaz for Laffs)?

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:46 (twenty years ago)

actually she is sterling clover

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:46 (twenty years ago)

jaymc i hope you don't mind if i don't say

No, that's cool.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:46 (twenty years ago)

her dissertation topic is very interesting

please do not prod me for details

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:46 (twenty years ago)

if you do it'll be like the end of thief with james caan

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:48 (twenty years ago)

complete with the tangerine dream soundtrack

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 07:49 (twenty years ago)

this thread took a wrong turn at "dissertation"

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 08:01 (twenty years ago)

No, you just reminded me that I still need to see Thief.

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 08:02 (twenty years ago)

I AM DRINKING OLD STYLE AND LISTENING TO THE AVALANCHES, NO LADIES NEARBY THO

― jaymc (jaymc), Sunday, 3 October 2004 08:05 (twenty years ago)

the dissertation wrong turn was excellent.

― gaz (gaz), Sunday, 3 October 2004 08:12 (twenty years ago)

in answer to the thread question: no. well, maybe a bit, sporadically. generally no.

― m. (mitchlnw), Sunday, 3 October 2004 10:06 (twenty years ago)

Am - just be a bit more forward than you are really comfortable with, each time. Now is the time.

(I am tons better than when I was a teen, which only means I am now acting something like a sixteen-year-old, as opposed to at eighteen, when I acted nine)

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Sunday, 3 October 2004 11:08 (twenty years ago)

if you do it'll be like the end of thief with james caan

you're going to kill everybody?

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Sunday, 3 October 2004 16:15 (twenty years ago)

I am much better at this than I used to be. Alas, these talents go to waste as I am very much spoken for.

― Tous Les Garcons S'Appellent Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Sunday, 3 October 2004 16:44 (twenty years ago)

Okay, I just read the thread.

Good luck, amateurist!

― Tous Les Garcons S'Appellent Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Sunday, 3 October 2004 16:45 (twenty years ago)

sorry i was drunk last night

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 16:59 (twenty years ago)

do not apologize.

― Tous Les Garcons S'Appellent Little Lord Travolta (nordicskilla), Sunday, 3 October 2004 17:08 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, good luck. Lord knows it ain't easy.

When I got divorced at 29, I was amazed and chagrined at how quickly I reverted to feeling like an insecure 15-year-old around women. That only lasted a few months though -- and was partly related to the divorce itself, which isn't an experience that does wonders for self-confidence.

The second marriage is going much, much better.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Sunday, 3 October 2004 17:12 (twenty years ago)

i still don't have a clue.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Sunday, 3 October 2004 18:57 (twenty years ago)

i am still a teenager. but it hasn't improved really since i was about seventeen.. that was the beginning of the plateau.

― Ian c=====8 (orion), Sunday, 3 October 2004 19:15 (twenty years ago)

I'm another member of the "still clueless" brigade.

― caitlin (caitlin), Sunday, 3 October 2004 19:25 (twenty years ago)

uh oh i think her friend likes me (but i asked about her hair!)

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago)

How can I get the cute girl sitting a couple tables away from me in the library to make eye contact?

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Sunday, 3 October 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago)

my thread's better than yours

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 3 October 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago)

Just cross-referencing!

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:00 (twenty years ago)

Add me to the list of the clueless. As I alluded to on another thread, I usually miss most of the hints and all of the body language. Any woman who wants me pretty much has to beat me with the cluestick, and I've actually had girlfriends say things like "I was about to ready to give up on you", or "I thought maybe you didn't like girls because we kept going places together and you kept not hitting on me". (!!!) The flip side of this is that the few times I've been upfront with someone who really struck my fancy, it's never gone my way.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:23 (twenty years ago)

As you can tell from the other thread, my tactic is to wait until I am TOTALLY sure I won't get rejected. I'm also really clueless to signals from girls and tend to be oblivious (unless I'm paying attention).

― Aaron W (Aaron W), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:26 (twenty years ago)

I'm only 21 and I've probably improved one thousand fold since I was a teen.

― Andrew (enneff), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:26 (twenty years ago)

If my teen aptitude was 10%, it's doubled since. I never get to hang out with random girls anyway.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:39 (twenty years ago)

When I was 18 a girl took me back to her apartment after we'd been out drinking... and I completely missed all signals and ended up talking until dawn. This happened twice with the same girl. I'd like to think I wouldn't be that oblivious now, so I must have improved slightly.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:40 (twenty years ago)

Stories like that make me go "aruasfbuiahfsjhejewjjqe!!!@#$!@#"

― Andrew (enneff), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:41 (twenty years ago)

(internally - I don't really know how to pronounce that)

― Andrew (enneff), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:41 (twenty years ago)

That happened to me once when I was 18. We walked all the way back to her halls from town (leaving others to get the bus) and then we talked about her past eating disorders in her room and eventually I got up to go home and said "Definitely see you at the My Bloody Valentine concert next week" but I didn't go.

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:44 (twenty years ago)

I don't know.

― RJG (RJG), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:45 (twenty years ago)

I had a conversation with a girl I had a wrongful infatuation with (that she knew about) about her relationship with "my conversation" - in my bed. This seemed to happen with other girls too, though never in my bed.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:47 (twenty years ago)

Ray Parker Jr. could have helped.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:48 (twenty years ago)

That's my reaction to thinking about it, too, Andrew.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:48 (twenty years ago)

I had a conversation with a girl I had a wrongful infatuation with (that she knew about) about her relationship with "my conversation" - in my bed.

I am struggling to follow this.

― Alba (Alba), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:48 (twenty years ago)

OK, I am obviously not awake. I meant "my competition" and that she came into my room, got into my bed and chatted about the guy who was supposedly my rival and now her boyfriend. The key point being, why me?

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Sunday, 3 October 2004 23:50 (twenty years ago)

Compared to my teens I had nowhere to go but up.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 4 October 2004 00:02 (twenty years ago)

I know a lot more now than I did then, but I'm not sure it makes much difference. I'm still pretty stupid.

― luna (luna.c), Monday, 4 October 2004 04:42 (twenty years ago)

haha yipe! i get a rare ilx namedrop and it hasta be on this!!

anyway y'all aren't even ready for my dissertation idea.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 4 October 2004 04:57 (twenty years ago)

are you all sober yet?

― gaz (gaz), Monday, 4 October 2004 04:59 (twenty years ago)

i am

sober

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:05 (twenty years ago)

i think she thinks i like her friend! i can see why, unfortunately.

why do i always feel more comfortable getting to know girls i'm not terribly attracted to? (actually this isn't always true, but it is in this case.)

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:06 (twenty years ago)

i am 100 percent clueless, useless.

amateur!!!st. you gotta go for it, and make us useless folks proud, give us some hope!

― todd swiss (eliti), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:11 (twenty years ago)

and the dissertation thing is hawt. for serious.

― todd swiss (eliti), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:12 (twenty years ago)

stop you are embarrassing me

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:13 (twenty years ago)

fine, i was just agreeing with you though

― todd swiss (eliti), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:16 (twenty years ago)

I was better - way better - at the pickup routine in my teens and mid 20s (the period in between being with one partner). Since the laste 90s it all went to shit and I dont really know why. I handled rejections a hell of a lot more badly.

I like to think I'm ok again now tho, but I have a partner again now so its hard to know.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:34 (twenty years ago)

i think she thinks i like her friend!

ams is a playa

― gaz (gaz), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:44 (twenty years ago)

she will be so surprised when i start licking her neck

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:45 (twenty years ago)

seriously though...games are fine if games is what you and she like. if - like me - you're an honest straight up guy looking for someone who will respect and love you and you in turn want to do the same...then games are pretty silly. you could still blow it of course, but you don't want to end up with someone who thinks you're something you don't want to be.

― gaz (gaz), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:48 (twenty years ago)

love, gaz, pissed as a newt est time

― gaz (gaz), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:50 (twenty years ago)

i was just joking

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 05:50 (twenty years ago)

janet kay--"silly games" classic or dud?

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:07 (twenty years ago)

Some girl on Friendster just randomly messaged me and said she was "intrigued by my profile"!! She is 20 and goes to Columbia College ... jeez.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:14 (twenty years ago)

It is amusing/sad how my heart skips a beat, though.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:16 (twenty years ago)

I forgot to mention she looks very pretty and is apparently Polish!

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:19 (twenty years ago)

i think i made a "people still use friendster?" joke six months ago

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:24 (twenty years ago)

I don't anymore! I just had a little notice in my e-mail box, "you have a Friendster message." Oh, except I guess I did set that photo that Kenan took of me yesterday as my new Friendster photo.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:26 (twenty years ago)

At least I don't still read Salon! Ha ha! Pfft.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:28 (twenty years ago)

were you naked?

― gaz (gaz), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:28 (twenty years ago)

Um, no.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:29 (twenty years ago)

eventually I got up to go home and said "Definitely see you at the My Bloody Valentine concert next week" but I didn't go.

A few months ago, there was one bloke at my (then) local pub who would always snog me in an alleyway after closing time, then say "I'll see you on Wednesday?" - Wednesday being the pub's Goth Night. I'm not sure why he always said that, because I never, ever went to the pub on Wednesdays (because it was always crush-level packed).

(well, most people would say that every night in my local pub was Goth Night, but Wednesday was the official one)

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 4 October 2004 06:31 (twenty years ago)

Amateur!!!st hasn't really changed since his teens? Really? I hadn't noticed.

God, for fucks sake... and people tell *me* to GROW UP.

― Danger Whore (kate), Monday, 4 October 2004 08:14 (twenty years ago)

Of course it has, hugely, but then again I suspect most people would say that.

Actually, my teens weren't that bad when it came to 'matters of the heart' - the real slump came between the ages of about 20 and 23.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 4 October 2004 08:19 (twenty years ago)

did you go to my high school kate? i don't remember you...

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 08:38 (twenty years ago)

the real slump came between the ages of about 20 and 23.

I'm still hoping that my entire life so far has been the slump.

― caitlin (caitlin), Monday, 4 October 2004 11:08 (twenty years ago)

We should have talked about this at the party on Saturday instead of music criticism again. am., jaymc, and Ben could have been emo about their infatuations and insecurities, and those of us in long term relationships could've counseled and provided Kleenex. Then we would all eat chocolate and watched Waiting to Exhale. But I'm not making fun of you guys. Threads like this remind me of how bad I was at being single and make me even happier to be with Sarah.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 4 October 2004 14:00 (twenty years ago)

One of the biggest changes is that, now as opposed to then, when the signs are OBVIOUS I don't have the self-shooting-down preset anymore. Like, since my high school days, my confidence in my own likability has risen to where it's not inconceivable to me anymore how someone could be attracted to me.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 4 October 2004 14:13 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, it doesn't totally baffle me that someone could be attracted to me -- but now I'm way more scared that they won't like me once they really get to know me.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 14:26 (twenty years ago)

Until I realize "whatever, everybody's fucked up, get over yourself."

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 14:27 (twenty years ago)

I think I understand myself a lot better than in high school, and therefore understand guys/relationships a bit better. But not much, considering the state my life is in now. Amateur!st-tell her you like her ascots, tell her you like her eyes, whatever. Many times I've been talking to a guy who seems very sweet, but then the chat just sort of ends and I think "Oh well, he's just not interested" and drop it instead of pursuing things. The idea of pursuit makes me uncomfortable. If it's any consolation all of you worriers seem like nice, smart guys to me. (from Ilx postings, anyway)

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 4 October 2004 14:54 (twenty years ago)

amateur!!!st, just learn how to say, "I like your architecture," in Russian, while giving her a hungry once over.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 4 October 2004 15:05 (twenty years ago)

Then smile and say, "Especially the ascot on the entablature."

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 4 October 2004 15:08 (twenty years ago)

Yes, but mostly in the sense of being in a long-term relationship and learning how to live/deal with another person. I'd still probably be crap at being single, albeit more confident.

― Jordan (Jordan), Monday, 4 October 2004 15:12 (twenty years ago)

i have traded my teenaged eagerness for distance and aloofness, which means i am now exponentially more successful with girls when i know they like me (i wasn't that bad to begin with) however much, MUCH worse at the preliminary flirting thing. as a strategy this is generally dud, since i invariably resign myself to who comes to me rather than vice-versa.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 4 October 2004 15:13 (twenty years ago)

I still listen to Skid Row's "I Remember You", shrug and think oh well, it's just not meant to be.

Read into that what you will.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 4 October 2004 15:39 (twenty years ago)

all i know how to say in russian is "peace and freedom."

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 17:27 (twenty years ago)

that's all you NEED dude!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 4 October 2004 17:31 (twenty years ago)

btw last night i had a dream that i was hanging out with the whole ilx: chicago crew!! but i had to go home because my ex-gf was trapped at my parents' cottage. i think she wanted me to come pick her up but i was all "wow, that's shitty. how're you going to get home?" because i wanted to go back and hang out with you guys.

also i was making an "underwater mockumentary."

also i woke up with a song in my head that went "i'm so proud of baby, and baby's proud of me!"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 4 October 2004 17:36 (twenty years ago)

that was no dream.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 17:47 (twenty years ago)

Fundamentally I'm the same just without the optimism and any patience.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 4 October 2004 17:48 (twenty years ago)

amateur!!!st,

Phonetically, something like this: "Mne nravit'sya tvoya arhitektura"

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:11 (twenty years ago)

An underwater mockumentary!

― Gravel Puzzleworth (Gregory Henry), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:26 (twenty years ago)

Now I understand that women find me attractive, sometimes. But I still can't actually do anything until they say say something like 'I want to have sex with you now'. It seems rude.

― Ally C (Ally C), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:30 (twenty years ago)

!!!

Seriously, s1ocki, you are one of the ILXors I would most like to meet (that I haven't already), so it's nice to know we've already met IN YOUR MIND.

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:31 (twenty years ago)

I had a dream with Ian Williams in it last night.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:32 (twenty years ago)

well, during my teens i was pretending to be interested in girls, whoops, so in that sense, i guess i've made a minor improvement, or not i suppose, depending on the way you look at it. but im still pretty clueless about meeting guys. i usually have no problem going up to random cute strangers and asking them out on dates, but if someone actually seems interested and my friends are like "ooh phil, he's totally checking you out.", i panic and run away. so stupid. for some reason, i have it in my head that i'm only attractive (in a dating and/or sucky-sucky sense) to dirty old men.

― phil-two (phil-two), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:35 (twenty years ago)

hahah jaymc it was so close! you weren't actually there but people said you were coming and i was all, "oh cool!" then i had to go home and deal with my trapped ex-gf! and i was sad

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:56 (twenty years ago)

i had an anxiety dream about getting incompletes in my college courses--the same anxiety dream i've head every few months for the past five years. :-(

girl in question said something to me when we ran into each other at an event which i didn't hear properly at the time partly because i had that familiar feeling of anxiety when she approached me, but i'm pretty sure it was to the effect that she thought i was using her to get to her friend or something. but then a bunch of us went out to dinner and i spent most of time chatting with her so maybe she no longer has that conviction. anyway my first job next week is to dissuade her that i have any intentions on her friend.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:57 (twenty years ago)

at the time i thought she had said "oh so we meet again without my intervention," which is just weird, but now i think she said, "oh so you've met [x] again without my intervention," which is bad news. if i had had my wits with me i would've been like, "oh that's not it at all!" but i didn't.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:58 (twenty years ago)

i am clueless. i actually mentioned her friend in my email to her because i didn't want to seem like i just wanted to hang out with her (seemed a little soon, as i'd only really met her once before), but i think i was more effective than i had wished.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 18:59 (twenty years ago)

"Ian Williams"? Or was it Jon Johnson?

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:00 (twenty years ago)

or don johnson? or billie dee williams?

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:01 (twenty years ago)

am!! ASK HER OUT!! SHE WANTS YOU TO!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:03 (twenty years ago)

the friend thing has forced the moment to its crisis!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:04 (twenty years ago)

s1ocki do you think so?

i will be in 1taly with her (and her friend and other folks) so perhaps i can get her to have an espresso w/me on the sly

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:06 (twenty years ago)

No, it was NOIZE DUDE Ian. He was one of many people that I was trying to rescue from an impending natural disaster by getting them to go into the surprisingly large, luxurious cellar of a nearby house.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:07 (twenty years ago)

Oh just quit thinking about it and blatantly ask the girl out already.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:07 (twenty years ago)

and then you doused them with gasoline and dropped a match à la the dirty dozen

xpost

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:08 (twenty years ago)

(you googleproofed 1taly?)

but yes, i do think so. i think you have so much more to gain by going for it (and that comment you said she made seems to seal it for me)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:08 (twenty years ago)

You should eat some spaghetti with her, Lady-and-the-Tramp-style, if you know what I'm sayin'.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:11 (twenty years ago)

slocki otm

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:15 (twenty years ago)

Results 1 - 10 of about 190 for italy ascots architecture. (1.01 seconds)

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:17 (twenty years ago)

Results 1 - 10 of about 52,400 for stop dicking around on the internet and ask her out already. (0.50 seconds)

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:24 (twenty years ago)

i'll see her next week

i'm just marking time really

(i should be studying for gres)

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 4 October 2004 19:25 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but this thread reads to me as the equivalent of kate's horny comiseration thread. Which isn't exactly bad, either, but y'know.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:15 (twenty years ago)

In what way?

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:18 (twenty years ago)

they kinda read the same. Two lonely people, looking for something, etc.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:19 (twenty years ago)

x-post
You'll be abroad with her? It sounds like it's in the bag. I'm sure she likes you. You're cute! Now you just need to focus on what to wear during your trip and how to do your hair. ha ha

By the way, thanks for the present. I need to give it a really good listen and get educated in soul music.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:27 (twenty years ago)

Sarah, he is not a girl. He shouldn't be thinking about clothes and hair, he should be thinking about dorky mix cds to make for her or bumbling yet charming pick-up lines. That is what dudes do.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:33 (twenty years ago)

I'm sorry if this sounds rude, but this thread reads to me as the equivalent of kate's horny comiseration thread.

Everybody wants somethin'.

I started the horny thread, BTW. It did quickly get taken over by Kate, tho.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:55 (twenty years ago)

oh sheesh, my bad. Still.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:57 (twenty years ago)

She carried it further toward its logical conclusion than I would have. I think it belongs to her now.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:59 (twenty years ago)

narcissim, small differences, etc.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 4 October 2004 20:59 (twenty years ago)

all the way around, yes.

― Gold Teeth II (kenan), Monday, 4 October 2004 21:07 (twenty years ago)

i drop silly hints to her friends

this is so OTM it's painful, but kind of a relief to discover I'm not the only one.

― Matt (Matt), Monday, 4 October 2004 21:11 (twenty years ago)

FWIW, I don't really get crushes any more. Ephemeral erotic fantasies, yes. Crushes, no.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 4 October 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago)

(this is something of a bittersweet blessing)

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 4 October 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago)

sarah you are most welcome

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 00:37 (twenty years ago)

back on topic: i'm WAY more neurotic now. i just internalize it more.

― pfeffernuesse (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 01:42 (twenty years ago)

I don't know what it's like to be single really. I've always been in a long-term relationship. But realisticly, I doubt I would be out partying with my six closest female friends, getting wasted on fruity drinks and hooking up. If I wanted to meet guys I'd probably, uh, start a band?

I'm a lot less melodramatic than I used to be. After one breakup in high school, I vowed never to be in a relationship again. I think that lasted about a month. But anyway, there was that bit of time when I wrote horrible poems about never being able to find my soulmate my whole life, then dieing alone. You know, the usual.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 12:55 (twenty years ago)

you should set them to music and make a concept album!

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 16:58 (twenty years ago)

It would work a lot better if I were goth.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 17:10 (twenty years ago)

you can go goth for one album only, sort of like garth brooks

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 17:10 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, because that was a big success.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 17:11 (twenty years ago)

you too can be in cut-out bins throughout the far northwest side!

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 17:13 (twenty years ago)

this thread has strayed far from ascots and neck-licking

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 17:14 (twenty years ago)

You don't associate those with garth (I mean, Chris??)?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 17:17 (twenty years ago)

Garth goth.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 5 October 2004 17:33 (twenty years ago)

At risk of digging back up something which probably should stay burried, but still, I wasn't here to comment at the time.

Yeah, seriously, hstencil on the money. Two lonely people dealing with it in different ways.

I mean, what *should* I be doing? Lying around being all twee and whinging about how I'm too romantically incompetant to get a date or get over my broken heart? Does that really make me, or anyone else around me any happier? What actually gives me that kind of a serotonin kick that makes me get out of bed and take the razor from my fucking vein? Lying around living out Smiths lyrics and being neurotic, or looking at NME scenester pr0n? Guess which one works better for me.

I've wasted too much of my life being depressed and I'm sick of feeling sorry for myself. You know what? Yeah, my teens *were* a long time ago, and I don't have to be that person any more. Are you gonna wallow in your own self pity or are you going to transcend it? OK, so I have a bit of a strange way of transcending, (the path of excess leads to Willesdon) but you know, whatever works for you.

― the path of excess leads to Willesdon, Wednesday, 6 October 2004 09:39 (twenty years ago)

anyway

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Wednesday, 6 October 2004 15:50 (twenty years ago)

two weeks pass...

i've reached that stage where after devoting too much thought to the matter and having finally achieved step one (getting a "date" more or less/being somewhat confident that she likes me), i start wondering why i devoted so much thought to it when i don't really know the person all that well. it's like your eyesight clears up and you realize it wasn't your eyesight, the person actually is kind of a blur to you. i guess that's what the date is for.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 24 October 2004 17:07 (twenty years ago)

this repeats a familiar pattern for me: crushing on someone, getting them to notice you, then idly (disastrously?) wondering if their friend with whom you share a laugh more easily and spontaneously isn't the person you should be attracted to.

life is weird.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 24 October 2004 17:08 (twenty years ago)

I don't know but I don't think so.

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 25 October 2004 02:27 (twenty years ago)

I don't think so either.

― Cathy (Cathy), Monday, 25 October 2004 02:29 (twenty years ago)

i haven't had a crush in twelve years, and i'm a eunuch.

life is wonderful here.

― John (jdahlem), Monday, 25 October 2004 02:34 (twenty years ago)

aim?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 October 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

When I was a teenager, girls threw themselves at me, so I learned nothing. No really. Now women barely look twice at me, except desparate ones, so I still know nothing. And it's frustrating, because there's a certain dating aptitude I suspect you're supposed to have I don't. It's either straight to bed (too infrequently unfortunately) or more typically complete ineptitude with the sophisticated women I'd like to hang around with.

― joey lawrence, Monday, 25 October 2004 02:35 (twenty years ago)

I haven't had a date since the year 2000.

― battlin' green eyeshades (Homosexual II), Monday, 25 October 2004 02:36 (twenty years ago)

nope. i've always been completely shitful at matters of the heart. it's not something i expect to improve at to be perfectly honest.

― gem (trisk), Monday, 25 October 2004 02:38 (twenty years ago)

:-)

― amateur!!st, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 23:44 (twenty years ago)

sarah have you listened more to t hat soul cd???

now that i have a cd burner i can copy you guys some more stuff. like, lots, if you so desire. i have like 200 soul cds.

― amateur!!st, Tuesday, 2 November 2004 23:57 (twenty years ago)

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