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Margaret Atwood- I'm not a feminist. Except I am. Aaaaah.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

Chuck Palahniuk- Y'all don't know what it's like, being male middle class and white.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

Sylvia Plath- Y'all don't know what it's like, being female middle class and white.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:16 (twenty-one years ago) link

Charles Dickens- How about them Jews, huh?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

Terry Pratchett- Look at the footnote. Hysterical, isn't it?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:17 (twenty-one years ago) link

John Irving - bears. wrestling. death.

― Mark C (Mark C), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:33 (twenty-one years ago) link

Zadie Smith: Isn't multiculturalism great? PS genetic engineering is bad

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

Enrico Brizzi- Wouldn't it really shock your senses if I ended this book in the middle of a.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

Mick Foley- Throughout my life, I've met many people who've criticised me. None of these are on the New York Times bestseller list, though, so I'm right and they're wrong.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

John Irving - Wrestling is good, Vienna is decandent and vaguely connected with the sexuality of woman, which is beautiful and deserving of punishment.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Phillip Pullman - There are other words they have not told you of.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:43 (twenty-one years ago) link

Tolkein - Had they only invented D&D 80 years earlier I'd have avoided cramp in my writing hand.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Naomi Klein: Businesses can be bad and teenagers often follow trends. Bet you didn't know that.

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Orwell - Y'all don't know what it's like being a middle class white socialist in a capitalist economy.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Tony Harrison- Did I mention I was working class?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Easton Ellis - Y'all don't know what it's like dismembering models whilst listening to Genesis in a very expensive restaurant while full of cocaine and wearing a hideously exensive suit and I know I live like this but it's OK, it's satire.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

Joanna Trollope - I really wish I cold write Black Lace novels but mother would be terribly upset; so back to the Aga it is, vicar.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

Iain Banks - I don't care, I live in a farm and work six weeks of the year.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Douglas Coupland- They were playing an old Buzzcocks song on the radio today. One of the characters said something profound, and then another came out as gay, and then one of the minor characters died. Oh, why does this pop cultural lifestyle leave me cold?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jane Austen- I'm a feminist. Except I'm not. Aaaah.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

Christopher Brookmyre: Terrorism can be funny and we have a hero inside us all. An' cunt owf, ya bawbag.

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

David Baddiel - I'm the smart one of the duo - look, I can write.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

Irvine Welsh - Buy mah book, yah doss middle-class English cunt.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Spike Milligan- Aren't Indians funny?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ethan Hawke- I'm the smart one in Hollywood- look, I can write.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 08:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Bronte sisters: There's a dark passionate fire inside me that yearns to be free! Except I'm not a feminist. Aaaah!

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

William Shakespeare- You know the play you saw a couple of years back? Wouldn't it be great if I rewrote it, except I randomly shoved in a comic monologue in the middle?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:01 (twenty-one years ago) link

Angela Carter: I'm a feminist, but I like dirty jokes and fantastical gore too. Heh heh.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

Douglas Adams. I have terrible writers block you know. But then I'm a terrible writer. (42).

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

Agatha Christie. Somebody dies. The least likely person did it (because they were a dirty commie).

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

PG Wodehouse. Aren't posh people stupid? And hence funny.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

JG Ballard - Climate-controlled condo, eh? Let's lock everyone in and turn up the heat to 150 degrees and watch what happens!

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

JD Salinger. Everybody is a sonofabitch. But things could be worse, I guess. Oh woe!

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jim Thompson - Haha made ya look! PS you're dead

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Carl Hiaasen: No things like this really do happen! And no people like this really exist! Aren't we Americans crayzee!?!!?!!?!!??

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Virginia Woolf: What was that I saw over there O! The light on the sea is a bit like life don't you think?

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Philip K Dick - Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'? Trick question, btw

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

David Foster Wallace - "Dude, you can get meth in grad school???"

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

Richard Littlejohn: I really hope I don't accidentally-on-purpose fall backwards onto a black man's erect penis.

― j0e (j0e), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:11 (twenty-one years ago) link

Norman Mailer - the American's lot is a life of noisy desperation, trapped twixt the cup and the nutsack

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Tom Clancy - make the books really long, lifting them is the only real-life exercise the Spartan military enthusiasts who read them ever get

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:18 (twenty-one years ago) link

Paul Auster - "I'm better-educated and better-travelled than you; I've lived more and seen more; I've been shoehorned into tiny apartments with more books than the Strand and Powell's combined, so many that I couldn't even walk to the bathroom to take a shit most days. My depression is relevant; yours is moot. Goodbye."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

WS Burroughs - wildboys chose lose it way this never

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

make the books really long, lifting them is the only real-life exercise the Spartan military enthusiasts who read them ever get

"Selling Michener by the pound!" -The Simpsons

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:40 (twenty-one years ago) link

Don DeLillo - The day Nathans Famous ran out of mustard was etched forever on the mind of the Bikini Atoll islander, if not on his retinas, which were already etched pretty deeply with a bunch of radioactive shit

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Anthony Powell - I've met a lot of people who are more interesting than I am. Except they're not interesting either.

― Skottie, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

Mark Twain - I'm not a racist, exept that I am. Now chuckle...aaahhh.

― Skottie, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:48 (twenty-one years ago) link

Philip Roth - "Naomi, get off your fat ass and put on my Yanks."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 09:53 (twenty-one years ago) link

Early Stephen King: Nothing happens in a sleepy Maine town for five hundred pages. Then something creepy happens. Nearly everyone dies.

Late Stephen King: Nothing happens in a sleepy Maine Town for five hundred pages. Then something that is definately not supernatural or creepy happens. The end (can Kathy Bates be in the movie?)

Stephen King Short Stories: Great titles, shit stories. Still we only need the title for a film.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 10:03 (twenty-one years ago) link

JM Coetzee- My back is killing me. (End novel)

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 10:44 (twenty-one years ago) link

Martin Amis - You don't know what it's like being an ugly midget with bad teeth? Then I shall tell you.

― Sam (chirombo), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 10:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

Thomas Hardy - there once was a woman, she fell in love, she got crushed by society and possibly by the bloke of her dreams and died tragically, while the man who loved her and would have cherished her looked on/ or woman was a complete bitch and broke the good guy's heart

― Vicky (Vicky), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 11:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

Robert Jordan -- "I'm the Dragon Reborn! I have such power but I worry!" To be continued.

Frank Herbert -- Gnomic made up quote. "Can I maintain the purity of messiahdom in this evil world?" "No."

Philip K. Dick -- "This isn't reality?" "No, and you're not real either." "Oh well -- can I fuck you?"

Isaac Asimov -- "If it's the future, why does it keep feeling like the 1950s?" "Who cares, let's talk about annotated limericks."

Tanith Lee -- The darkly handsome semi-vampire ceased his seductive activities for one night to get caught in a tangle of purple-prose bushes, ending up impaled on one particularly mythic looking thorn.

Fritz Leiber -- Fahfrd and the Grey Mouser walked down a street and killed some gods. "Hm, Fahfrd." "Yes, Grey Mouser." They had a drink.

Robert Heinlein -- "I'm all for free love and I really hate religious manipulators." "Oh, so you're a hippie commie." "NO I'M NOT GODDAMNIT,"

Orson Scott Card -- one time there was a kid who ended up destroying a civilization at the cost of his own soul, but then he started having long philosophical conversations with people and bored the universe to the death

William Gibson -- "I was all about silicon and now I'm about the reinvention of humanity." "But but but I liked the silicon better!"

Neal Stephenson -- "So there's this really crazy involved idea that ends up determining the fate of humanity and everything around it is funny and weird and surprising and you look at things in a new light as people try to harness this power for themselves." "That's fantastic! How does it end?" "Um...some dog barks or something."

Robert E. Howard -- Conan's rippling thigh muscles brushed past the Kendorian love-slave as he thewed a Zingul beast-man in twain. He did this again later.

Dorothy Dunnett -- Lymond looked up from his seeming debauchery. "This is all an act, I hope you realize. I'm really just untangling my family tree."

Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman -- "Can't we write something else please?" "Nope, sorry, more dragons, then you can write something else."

Ray Bradbury -- Kindly Lester Zenheim looked up from his newspaper as he sat on his porch in the late evening summer gloaming. "You mean the Smith boy, the one who was playing around with demons? You'll find him in the swamp."

Caleb Carr -- "I am TRYING to make a POINT about SOCIAL MORES AND HYPOCRISY!" "No, shut up, tell us more about how people dressed in 1890s New York."

Lloyd Alexander -- "I figured my interpretation of Wales in the Prydain cycle was so good you'll want to read endless variations on it." "Uh, okay."

Katherine Kurtz -- The SCA members talked excitedly to each other about what a real medieval kingdom should be like.

David Foster Wallace -- (Please read appendices.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 11:50 (twenty-one years ago) link

Actually, someone did Dick and Wallace already, didn't they? Alternate readings, then. ;-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 11:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Lewis Carrol: "Come sit on my lap, little girl, and I'll tell you a story."

V. Nabokov: "Come sit on my lap, little girl, and I'll tell you about the anatomy of the Western Hybrid Gypsy Butterfly while making punning allusions to Russian emigre authors that everyone has forgotten about by now. Fancy a game of chess?"

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 12:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ernest Hemingway: I woke up and went for a long run and came back and made love and it was fine and good.

Jean Rhys: Dominica was warm and nice, London is cold and it sucks. Let's go get drunk and have sex with strangers.

― cybele (cybele), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 12:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

Paul Theroux's travel books: "I hate everyone but me, and I fucking hate traveling."

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 12:06 (twenty-one years ago) link

Graham Greene: The world is a tragicomic battlefield of wills. Conveniently, everything about it can be understood via analogies with the personal characteristics of bureaucrats and Englishmen.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

Evelyn Waugh: "I would write satire but this is too funny to even care."

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

Gaddis: One unidentified person talks to another unidentified person for 150 pages, then I cut and paste out of legal texts for the next 300 pages, and voila!

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Dave Eggars: Too bad I wasted talking about all of my fucked-up life in my first book. What the hell am I going to write about now?

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

Pynchon: is that cock real or is it made of plastic?

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

Marcel Proust: That reminds me...

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

Neal Pollack: "Dear Mr. Eggers: ~~All~~ My classmates in the Gotham Writers Workshop said I was funny. ~~My mom too.~~ I would like very much to write for your publication. Enclosed please find my NYU thesis on how funny I am. The whole thing's in scare quotes."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

Elizabeth Wurtzel: Where's my cocaine? Goddamnit, where's my cocaine?!

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

Elizabeth Wurtzel: "Oh, depression is a designer drug!"

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

Dennis Cooper - "I wanna fuck you in the ass"

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jean Genet - "Hey, me first!"

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

Michael Moorcock - "Hello Tabitha, I can introduce you to some rock stars later"

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jonathan Franzen - "Take care of yourselves, and each other!"

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

Russell Smith: Yeah, my prose is weak and my characters are cliche'd, but LOOK AT MY SHOES DAMMIT!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:54 (twenty-one years ago) link

Murakami - the phone rang it was Yuki, I drank a lot of whiskey, then she disappeared.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:55 (twenty-one years ago) link

Michel Houellebecq - "Honest monsieur film usher, that wasn't me jerking off in the balcony, that was my clone"

― dave q, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:58 (twenty-one years ago) link

Bukowski: Look mommy, I made poo-poo.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 14:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

Jack London - woof woof, it's a bit cold out here.

― jel -- (jel), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Scott Fitzgerald - we are rich, fabulous, drunk and unhappy. Mint julep?

Hunter S Thompson - I am poor, fabulous, drunk and manic. Mint julep? Whisky sour? Random drug? Hell, boy I'll take them all, I'm from hill country Kentucky and Playboy.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Terry Southern - "Ditto."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

Tom Robbins: "Stuff smells good, chronological shmronilogical, nanny nanny boo boo, reality."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

Erica Jong - Women like sex. I am a feminist, but creative life and daughters don't mix - arrgh.

Fay Weldon - go to work on an egg.

― Anna (Anna), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

Point Dave Q.

― nabisco (nabisco), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

Wally Lamb: "TS: The Guess Who vs. Spandau Ballet"

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

Kerouac: "So hey, we're just kinda wandering around America being whimsical and shit. Care to hear about it?"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:28 (twenty-one years ago) link

Kerouac: "Sure, I'm a sexist, quasi-racist football jock, but I bet you ten bucks and a pack of Lucky Strikes I can become a 'counterculture icon' to all those little commie pinko pussies. Gimme six months."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

Kerouac: "But I love my mom."

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Kerouac: "Mom, you know I love you, see it says to right above this post, and by the way, can you give me some money, I need to catch a ride with this cat who's driving to mexico and his soul is so big I can hear to mountain lions stalking down from the canyons into part of San Francisco where the Spanish girl lives with her kids and I go to see her and open up a bottle of wine and we dance but the music is next door and her father comes in with those cats from the jazz club..."

― Skottie, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:46 (twenty-one years ago) link

Louisville is not hill country Kentucky.

― hstencil, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:49 (twenty-one years ago) link

did anyone ever think that being a mama's boy was possibly the bigger reason for Kerouac being a counter-culture icon than any of that other crap?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 15:51 (twenty-one years ago) link

Italo Calvino - You are reading the auto-summarised version of my career.

― Lynskey (Lynskey), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

Robert Anton Wilson - "Pigeonhole this, fuckers."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ian Fleming - "Your 30s can last forever."

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:09 (twenty-one years ago) link

or maybe...

Robert Anton Wilson - "Quantum psychology fiction-non mish mash fnord sex drugs and Eris and magik and Aleister Crowley, Albert Einstein, and James Joyce fnord walk into a bar. 23 skidoo."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:10 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ayn Rand -- A is for Asshole

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Kurt Vonnegut: "This is a picture of my asshole"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

Noted Novelist L. Ron Hubbard - "Hey, wanna see me play a really cruel joke on some Hollywood celebs?"

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:15 (twenty-one years ago) link

David Foster Wallace: Oh yeah? Well try to finish THIS one!

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:21 (twenty-one years ago) link

I always think of Dallas Fort Worth

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:22 (twenty-one years ago) link

David Foster Wallace: Oh yeah? Well try to finish THIS one!

a friend: "I give up. I've been reading this thing for three months."
me: "Haha I finished it in two weeks."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:25 (twenty-one years ago) link

Haha I finished WITH it quicker than that.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:30 (twenty-one years ago) link

Most people do.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:34 (twenty-one years ago) link

Nicholson Baker: Sex is in the details.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

I just have absolutely no interest in anything DFW has ever had to say. I'm probably the fastest reader I know, I just found him incredibly...like every guy I've ever dated. It was so obnoxious to read, I wanted to throw the book off a balcony. BRING ON THE RUSSIANS.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:36 (twenty-one years ago) link

Ally needs to write a book.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:38 (twenty-one years ago) link

BRING ON THE RUSSIANS.

If I wanted never-ending winters, unfulfilling sex, pat philosophy, and too much vodka, I'd go back to college!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

Thank god I'm not going to yr college, jesus.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:45 (twenty-one years ago) link

Umberto Eco: I know much more than you ever will, and it's all interconnected.

Enid Blyton: Middle-class public-school children always go camping and foil the plans of a nasty gang of smugglers. On EVERY SINGLE school holiday.

Alasdair Gray: Glasgow is a microcosm of the universe. And look, I'm a painter too.

Douglas Adams: Ooops, there goes my deadline - better just rewrite an old Doctor Who script and hope noone notices.

Julian Barnes: Isn't France a lovely place.

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 16:57 (twenty-one years ago) link

Don DeLillo: The plot. I forgot to put. I forgot to put the plot in the fucking. But they're not calling it a plot anymore. They're calling it a Simulated Event Paradigm.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

W. Somerset Maugham: Whoops, that person is screwed for life! Oh well, whatever.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Thank god I'm not going to yr college, jesus.

God? Jesus? No, I left Loyola middle of freshman year.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

...for the sanctuary of a nice godless state college!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Gertrude Stein- I am a writer am writer a I a am writer I.

J.G

― brg30 (brg30), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:39 (twenty-one years ago) link

Brion Gysin - I WRITER WRITER I I WRITER WRITER WRITER I I

― hstencil, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 17:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

Banana Yoshimoto -- Dream of past. Cooking in a spare, white, warm kitchen. Kinky sex with strangers - possibly relatives. Sleep.

― Kitten With A Whip, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 18:23 (twenty-one years ago) link

Philip Pullman (II)

Your parents hate you. God hates you. There is no god.

― Skottie, Tuesday, 1 April 2003 18:32 (twenty-one years ago) link

Alastair MacLean: I was the secret Nazi double agent all along! Mwhahahah!

M. R. James: It seemed like eighteenth-century engraving, but in the antiquarian's eyes I saw a look of pure terror.

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:47 (twenty-one years ago) link

Nice one for James there.

Franklin Dixon: "Look out, Joe!" "That was close!" "Well done, boys."

Ed Wood: He wondered if he was truly a man -- a wonderful gorgeous bra-wearing man!

Alan Hollingshurst: "Is being a gay a sign of eternal struggle against a cruel universe?" He sighed and leafed through the latest Wallpaper.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:52 (twenty-one years ago) link

I'll have to go to barnes and noble after work to buy some of Ed Wood's novels, they sure sound interesting.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Bah, I should have proofed that a bit better. It seemed like *an ordinary* eighteenth-century engraving.

― caitlin (caitlin), Tuesday, 1 April 2003 19:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

Gore Vidal: Wouldn't it be great if politicians REALLY talked like this?

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 01:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Bret Easton Ellis: This one time, in band camp...

Dostoyevsky: Young Fyodor, born to a sickly mother and a murdered father, left the small school of M____ in 1843 to wander the dusty streets, finding himself the center of scandal in St. P_____, banished to Siberia. After returning from exile, Mikhailovich found solace in his writing and Dostoyevsky was a famous man. Throught debt and love Mikhailovich saw all. Unfortunately, he died anyway, so what does it matter.

Anne Rice: I LISTEN TO SISTERS OF MERCY!

― Ally (mlescaut), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 03:04 (twenty-one years ago) link

Does this thread make me hate books, or just authors? It makes me hate something.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 03:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

fun?

― Skottie, Wednesday, 2 April 2003 03:31 (twenty-one years ago) link

Milan Kundera: Here come the tanks!

― Douglas (Douglas), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 03:56 (twenty-one years ago) link

Nick: Ed Wood's novels are actually pretty dull and unreadable (or at least the one I have tried to read, which I think is called "Killer In Drag"). Better to stick to the movies.

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 03:59 (twenty-one years ago) link

What Chris said. I've read snippets of them in Rudolph Grey's biography -- they are truly trash.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 04:02 (twenty-one years ago) link

The Onion did this for Harlan Ellison: "Not everything coming out of the lab is good and beautiful and why can't they do a good radio show like The Mysterious Traveller you bastards."

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 04:07 (twenty-one years ago) link

Joan Didion: Some people ask me, why do you hate fun? I never ask.

― Justyn Dillingham (Justyn Dillingham), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 04:08 (twenty-one years ago) link

Bill Bryson: Their clothes are different to my clothes, and this is funny.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:05 (twenty-one years ago) link

Roald Dahl: Grown-ups are either evil weirdos or happily married angels.

― Sam (chirombo), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:13 (twenty-one years ago) link

Nicholas Fisk: No one will ever believe you when you save the world.

― Sam (chirombo), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:14 (twenty-one years ago) link

Willard Price: What is this animal, Hal? Roger, this is a snake. Let us call some natives.

― Sam (chirombo), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:19 (twenty-one years ago) link

Robert Rankin: Vegetables are funny.

― Sam (chirombo), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:20 (twenty-one years ago) link

Anne Tyler: There's this thirty something guy from an eccentric family who lives in Baltimore. He finds love, and then finds out it is bittersweet. Someone has a really stupid name like Weezy.

Nick Hornby:
1. London
2. 30-something
3. Obsessed
4. Self-indulgent
5. Lists

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:24 (twenty-one years ago) link

''What Chris said. I've read snippets of them in Rudolph Grey's biography -- they are truly trash.''

I need to track this down (r. grey is the guitarist in the blue humans). is the biog any good ned?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:26 (twenty-one years ago) link

John Barth : The reader is subject to etc and then our filling in the ______ which describes my initiating this sentence to create a story about the reader of this myth, and I imagine it may all come to an

― Dr. Annabel Lies (Michael Kelly), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 08:41 (twenty-one years ago) link

H.P. Lovecraft - New England is awash with ancient blasphemous tentacled horrors from the depths of the ocean. Mankind is doomed to madness and death. Foreigners and non-euclidean geometry should be feared.

― robster (robster), Wednesday, 2 April 2003 09:00 (twenty-one years ago) link

one year passes...

This was a great thread.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 18 September 2004 19:42 (twenty years ago) link

Ditto(as Terry Southern would say). Thanks for reviving.

― lovebug starski (lovebug starski), Saturday, 18 September 2004 20:05 (twenty years ago) link

Why didn't this get picked up the London media, hmmm?

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Saturday, 18 September 2004 20:56 (twenty years ago) link

James Joyce: Yes (maybe)

― Leeeter van den Hoogenband (Leee), Saturday, 18 September 2004 21:04 (twenty years ago) link

Martin Amis: I'm really awfully clever, you know. Don't know why I bother with you people.

― Wooden (Wooden), Saturday, 18 September 2004 21:33 (twenty years ago) link

China Mieville: Marxism's pretty cool, but badass monsters are cooler.

― Wooden (Wooden), Saturday, 18 September 2004 21:49 (twenty years ago) link

Ernest Hemingway: There's quite a lot of adjectives in that last bit - what if people think I'm gay? I'll take them out, cos I'm a tough hunter and not something girly like a writer.

Yeah, this was a good thread.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Saturday, 18 September 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago) link

Dave Eggers - Actually, this is Pleasant Plains writing this. Just because I'm not summarizing Egger's career in an auto-summarization here doesn't mean that I don't enjoy a good metalization in literature.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Sunday, 19 September 2004 01:20 (twenty years ago) link

JRR Tolkein: Here are some languages I've made up.

― Wooden (Wooden), Sunday, 19 September 2004 02:11 (twenty years ago) link

Michael Crichton: "Don't worry, we know what we're doing. Nothing can go wrong, we have everything under control. Oops."

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 19 September 2004 02:46 (twenty years ago) link

H.P. Lovecraft: The unnspeakable horrors that await mankind, mere primitive savages we are in comparison to those beings who crush us as we do ants...

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 19 September 2004 02:48 (twenty years ago) link

Franz Kafka: Judge - "Have you stopped beating your wife?"

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Sunday, 19 September 2004 02:51 (twenty years ago) link

Robert Anton Wilson: sex, drugs, conspiracies and i wish i was james joyce goddammit lee harvey oswald who was stil living lit his ciggarette but instead the fire consumed him in the corner of the room during the riot simon moon smoked oswalds ashes while receiving a hummer from a veluptuous blonde her hair shimmered as she wispered into his ear, "i am not really orally plaesuring you, you are actually in an illumnati submarine in a long lost post of atlantis located underneath radio city music hall, we are removing implants the discordians put in you would you like me to lick your ball sack hon?" yes simon said as a rat scurried across the room into a hole where it disappeared into the void i go, fnord.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 19 September 2004 02:59 (twenty years ago) link

Aldous Huxley: This drug is the way to achieve happiness in a hypermediated and hypersexualised environment which shows every sign of worsening. Except it's not.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 20 September 2004 19:08 (twenty years ago) link

Nathaniel West: (shoots self)

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 20 September 2004 19:24 (twenty years ago) link

Edith Wharton: All the women in high society think I've gone to the wrong, but fundamentally I'm more decent than any of them. And here's the man/woman I didn't marry back when we were both single.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 20 September 2004 19:24 (twenty years ago) link

Magnus Mills - I could see a distant Jenkins through the Rose & Crown window, he was blowing about in the wind, trying to erect some sort of tent shaped object.
I supped the rest of my pint then left the pub to fetch my rifle.

― mzui, Monday, 20 September 2004 21:41 (twenty years ago) link

Kinky Friedman: Some people died, but Kinky saved the day. The Cat, of course, said nothing.

Raymond Chandler: The Police will never find her now. Politicians are criminals. Booze helps.

Martin Amis: I like wanking

Conan-Doyle: Watson is a spastic. But I want him so.

Paul Auster: Crazy premise makes crazy man do a crazy thing for ever until dead. But maybe that's all of us too. Or maybe they're just menkos.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 20 September 2004 22:26 (twenty years ago) link

Anthony Burgess: I posess a vocabulary of Brobdignagian proportions.

― Wooden (Wooden), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 00:24 (twenty years ago) link

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