The ILX Company

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Imagine that the ILX regulars started their own company. What would we make or sell? What jobs would we do within it?

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:09 (twenty-two years ago)

We could be the oddest and most versatile of odd job men and women. I'm staying away from setting up the company hierachy, though - ph34r...

― Mark C (Mark C), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:11 (twenty-two years ago)

We'd sell Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Ain't he cute?

http://www.ansi.okstate.edu/breeds/swine/POTBELLY/potpig1.jpg

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm management. That much I know. I have a proven reckord in running a multimational.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I am a salesman. I work on the Rio Rancho deal.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Sigh. I'd probably end up in accounts receivable. Stuck in a basement somewhere with no one taking any notice of my FEELINGS or ARTISTIC NEEDS because I'm good at maths and I don't actually get to keep any of the beans that I count. :-(

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to be the maintenance man. "The eyes and ears of this institution."

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm all for selling little pigs as pets, but not for slaughter.

I think the management should be called "Moderators." And sometimes us non-Moderators will bitch and moan about them and other non-Ms will be all appreciative of them.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Can't I just get paid to surf the Net all day, plz? My partner Dan and I feel this would make an extremely efficient office.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Mom, Dad - I wanted you to know that I'm leaving my job to start a Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs business with these people I met online.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

PC load letter? What the fuck does that mean.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm glad you and Dan feel able to come out of the closet at last, Mr Raggett, but could you leave your personal life at home?

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I wanna be a secretary!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd be the receptionist.

Boss: "Uh, Jody, phone's ringing."
Me: "Whaddya want me to do about it?"
Boss: "You could answer it fer starters."
Me: "Fine, fine. Christ." *quickly picks up phone, puts it down again, goes back to ~~posting on ILX~~ doing TRULY IMPORTANT WORK*

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

But who will be the evil Human Resources Director?

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I MUST PROTEST at JtN's strictures.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

lumberg fucked her.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

But who will be the evil Human Resources Director?

Graham. "You're fired for ONE HOUR!"

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:27 (twenty-two years ago)

(I have an idea for a software product, actually, but I don't know how to go about getting funding to develop it or where I should look to find info on the available market share. PHEAR MY IMPOTENT BUSINESS ACUMEN.)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Can't we just run a cute little coffee/book/record-shop/venue? I'm sure we'd make loads of money that way.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Who wants to congregate around the water dispenser for light hearted analysis of the previous evenings television

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:29 (twenty-two years ago)

PHEAR MY IMPOTENT BUSINESS ACUMEN.

You can't spell "acumen" without "cum"!

― Beavis (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

and "men"

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Can I be the pig greaser?

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry, I've fucked up all your paychecks and NONE of you are getting paid. Whoops, except I've overpaid myself triple time for the whole week. BE NICE TO THE ACCOUNTS DEPARTMENT OR PH34R THE RESULTS!!!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Thats alright Kate, I have installed spy cams in your bathroom.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd be the one to burn down the office because I hate you all and one of you stole my stapler.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Whoops, sorry, yer spy cameras have been reposessed because someone forgot to pay the supplier's invoice... WHOOPS! My bad!

Stationary bills are too high! You must all share staplers! I will SIT upon the Staples catalogue so none of you can order anything!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to be Kate's boss so that I can overrule her office supplies junta for my flash new computer.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:38 (twenty-two years ago)

ahhh Nicole, we're going to have to ask you to move your desk.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I also have a stack of 1970's earth mama bush nudie mags im my maintenance closet and a 10 gallon jar of crisco.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck with my stationary junta, and I will move your ass into a higher tax-bracket, boss-man Dan!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Who's going to be the cafeteria lady with the big moles?

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey! That's my crisco!

― RickyT (RickyT), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I will be the one embezzling the pigfeed funds while the rest of you argue about trivial day-to-day office stuff!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:44 (twenty-two years ago)

No one embezzles in this company without giving me a cut to turn a blind eye to the crazy double accounting!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:44 (twenty-two years ago)

That's okay, since you are creaming off penny from the entire corporation's paychecks thus making huge amounts of profit for yourself.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I am going to play golf with the boss.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Ssshhhh!!! No one has yet noticed the 10% KMF tax that they've all been paying for years!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Shush. Everyone knows that the most powerful person in the office is the STATIONERY TROLL. Ie. ooh, ME!

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:50 (twenty-two years ago)

How can you be the stationary troll when I am SITTING ON THE STAPLES CATALOGUE!?!?!?

Unless YOU are the evil person stealing everyone else's staplers and holepunches!!! Open up that secret draw in your desk, I bet there's, like, ten staplers and seven sets of highliters in there!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Eep, am I Ronan's boss, too? Because I suck at golf.

Someone schedule some golf lessons for me on Wednesday afternoons.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:52 (twenty-two years ago)

WHO STOLE MY SPECIAL GREEN TIPEX?!?!?

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:53 (twenty-two years ago)

*sniff*

Woah.... *giggle*

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay you lot, play-time is over. We have an important pot bellied pig business to run and you know Ilike fun as much as everyone else but if we don't all pull together not only are we in serious danger of going under but the cute ickle pigs'll die. And we don't want that.

Kate - there are some nice policemen from the Offcie of Serious Fraud here to see you.,

If anyone needs me I'll be in my office frowning at the computer.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a feeling this company is going to end up like Enron.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

The Offie of Serious Fraud! Woooo! No need to go down the pub, then if they Offie is delivering...

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 12:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate has scared me with her special green tippex. Until she's behind bars I'm not Stationery Trolling any more - you can all go crazy and get like 10 red biros at ONCE!

― Archel (Archel), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

We're gonna blow Enron out of the water, man!

*sniff* So, if it's different colors, is it still "white-out"? Like, can there be yellow white-out, or is it yellow-out? *sniff*

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate - I believe you are well aware of this companies equal opportunities policies (and if you are not I can organise Sterling to ram them down your throat) and having a go at my dyslexia is tanatmout to discrimination.

At least it would be if I was dyslexia. Bah!

By the way Dan, when we called it dress down Friday, we didn't mean THAT dressed down.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh wow, is Dan's idea a frown operated computer interface? That's awfully clever.

― Graham (graham), Friday, 4 April 2003 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah Dan you managed to beat me at golf yet again, you are quite a player boss, it was your first time? My god!

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

GRAHAM YOU'RE GIVING AWAY MY SECRETS!

You know, Ronan, I like your style; you're an enthusiastic worker and you aren't concerned about playing golf with a short black guy wearing nothing but a thong. You've got management written all over you (at least, you will once I find my permanent marker).

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm the one who hasn't been to work for six months but nobody noticed and I'm STILL GETTING PAID. Get in!

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, dude, it has taken me YEARS to accumulate a collection of Tipex every colour of the rainbow! Stop sniffing my whiteout!

I cannot be sacked! Not ever! Not even for discrimination for lysdexia or slapping Ally about! I own you all! I KNOW TERRIBLE SECRETS ABOUT THE CEO WHICH MEAN THAT I CAN NEVER BE SACKED EVER!!!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm Head of Marketing!

I have just emailed a picture of a cute pot-bellied pig to every primary school classroom in the UK, and we now have 2,428,024 hysterical children demanding that their parents buy them one as a pet THIS WEEKEND. Pester power rules.

How many pigs do we have in stock? Who is in charge of distribution? How much should we charge for the pigs? How long will it take to breed more of them? What is the gestation period for pot-bellied pigs? Would someone be kind enough to make me a cuppa tea? I'll share my packet of chocolate Hob-Nobs.........

― C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

(BTW, who is our CEO?)

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes I meant to say Mr Perry, the thong was a fantastic idea! No of course it's not unusual, all golfers wear them, it helps the swing.

― Ronan (Ronan), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:05 (twenty-two years ago)

(Isn't a thong supposed to *prevent* swing)

― C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

It won't last - especially at a time when the Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig market is stagnating. The bubble will burst any moment now. Sell your shares - get out while you still can! Put all your money into Bernie's Pork Scratchings plc now!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

our ceo: hstencil, so we can all throw darts at a life-size poster of him when we get laid off

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, hstencil is our CEO! That way I can never be sacked, cause I'm, like, sleeping with The Big Boss. Hey, hstencil, honey, can I be promoted to CFO? Pretty please, honey?

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Can someone please get the cleaners in here sharpish - there's pig shit all over the carpet in Reception!

― C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

::slurping sounds from the CEO's office::

An hour later:

I'M CFO!!! WOOOO, I'M CHIEF FINANCIAL OFFICER, AND YOU CAN ALL KISS MY DIRTY DRONEROCK ASSSS!!!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Wouldn't hstencil be the best boss? "I don't really wanna be here, you know..."

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

What's the company called? Do we have a name yet?

― C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

ILVP-BP

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm ordering gold-leaf-embossed invoice paper with ILVP-BP in inch high letters at the top!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

do we have to take a pay cut for this?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Jess Harvell is the guy who's been at the company for years and keeps banging his desk in frustration and threatening to resign but never actually doing it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:13 (twenty-two years ago)

We need to have a company picnic! Hire bands, lets pass around suggestions, which bands do we want to play our picnic? We need beer!

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Erm, sorry, but margins are too thin right, now, we can't afford to give anyone even cost-of-living payrises this year!

::orders platinum-plated letter opener and leather-bound accounts receivable ledgers::

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:15 (twenty-two years ago)

50 cent?

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all go at the Customer Helpline! I'm being bombarded with calls. What do Vietnamese pot-bellied pigs eat, they ask me? Should I have my pig neutered? My pig just shat on the carpet, what should I do? Blah, blah, blah. I'm compiling a list of FAQs for Web Services to put on the website so i don't get *quite* so many calls, but where *are* those Web Services guys this afternoon????

― MarkH (MarkH), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Ooh yes! A picnic! Strawberries and champagne, and music from Bi-Curious George. We need a Team Building Exercise!

― C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Im going to get so drunk at the company picnic.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Who gets to be the...

http://www.nic-inc.com/pics/postcards/pc-245.jpg

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey! We don't have the BUDGET for a company picnic! Everybody is going to have to chip in to the tune of £20 a head to pay for it all!

Office Tramp = ALLY. Do you have to ask? ;-)

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

ATTN: The company picnic will be potluck/BYOB.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Office Tramp = ALLY. Do you have to ask? ;-)

You read my mind.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

The CEO/CFO/Bossman Dan (and Ronan the brown-noser) Special Hospitality Tent of the company picnic will, of course, feature complimentary champagne and strawberries!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't want a job.

― RJG (RJG), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

my buddy used to have one of those pigs as a pet. that little fux0r was a pain in the ass. it would eat just about anything - it ate the woofers out of the speakers! and the squealing, oy

― ron (ron), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

When the CEO/CFO/Bossman Dan (and Ronan the brown-noser) are in the Special Hospitality Tent at the company picnic scoffing all the complimentary champagne and strawberries, I will surreptitiously cut all the guy ropes for a laugh.

― C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Geeta will be the "face" of ILVP-BP -- the one you see in all the commercials.

"Dude!! Pigs!!"

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, can we organise our private lives OUTSIDE THE OFFICE? There are some phones ringing off the hook down there, we've got ten times as many pig orders as we've got pigs and no-one has worked out how to equalise the supply and demand.

Well okay, Dan Perry - Chief of Production gave us a really detailed diagram of where pigs come from, and yes the pig porn he produced has improved reproduction rates by 10%. But we need big ideas people.

I'm just going to go back to my office and look stressed while staring at my computer. I'm doing my job, can you do yours.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Pig porn! Yay!

― C J (C J), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Hello. I'm a carpetbagger from an outside consultancy firm. I'm here to help your struggling company become a major player in the competitive world of pot-bellied pig distribution. I intend to do this by streamlining and synergising your processes to fall in line with the current on-demand paradigm as well as helping you to right-size and rebalance your workforce to maximise resource-spread. I will also re-brand the company with a cool new name like 'Conpignia' and an easy-to-draw logo. You will give me £2,000,000.

― robster (robster), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm going to wear black socks and sandals to the picnic.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

(how do I waste company time on ILX when ILX is the company?)

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

that's how they getcha

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Robster, you are a fraud and I am paying you nothing. Unless you give me some bloody GRATE kickbacks to make it worth my while approving that check! Bribe-taking commences NOW!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, guys, get busy delivering those pigs! Profit margins are DOWN, don't make me go switching the Dom Perignon in me and hstencil's bathtub with cheap old Moet or anything...

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Workforce right-sizing should begin in the accounting department. I recommend a number of staff cutbacks.

― robster (robster), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Well okay, Dan Perry - Chief of Production gave us a really detailed diagram of where pigs come from, and yes the pig porn he produced has improved reproduction rates by 10%

I hope you appreciate the restraint I'm showing here.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm gonna dip my balls in the potato salad.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Matt, I appreciate it more than the restraints I was in while they were filming th epig porn!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Uh, Robster you clearly MISSED the bit where I am sleeping with the CEO, and unsackable. And that goes for my accounting minions, too. *Someone* has to recconcile all those pig production invoices, and it aint' gonna be me!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

[looks up from sweeping floor] what's going on? nobody tells us janitors anything....

― M Matos (M Matos), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm the guy robster just brought in to hand out copies of "Who Moved My Cheese".

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Matos is a janitor like me! Dude, where's my squigee?

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, most of these incredibly fearful posts make me glad I work in a nonprofit with nobody near my desk.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Matos should be the office tramp.

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry, your squigee fails to conform to ISO9001 standards. A numbered and documented mop can be found within the hygene-management cupboard.

― robster (robster), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:41 (twenty-two years ago)

(OK, the ISO9001 standards thing actually caused me to spit coffee over my monitor. I used to have to actually document ISO compliance! Yuck!)

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Hi, they've hired me to come up with some new slogans for you ad campaigns. We're going to run a few ideas past some focus groups. Are we all ready?

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

"Conpignia: We Sell Tomorrow, Today."

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

You're a sick man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I am the too-young-looking security guy at the front desk who never looks you in the eye.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Dude I'm the janitor I have no hygene. Besides I just masturbated in that cupboard.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

"Conpignia: A Subcontinent Of Values."

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread has single-handedly raised me from poster 13 to poster 12 on the statscock. Hah!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

But who will be the evil Human Resources Director?

Tom Millar. I'm not allowed to talk in-depth about his complete military record, but...let's just say that he's doubling as Chief of Security. The pigs will be very safe.

In the meantime, I head up corporate communications, including the official Web page. Come by my office if you want to see by just how much page hits jumped after I made Dan's pig porn available online.

Also, here at ILXCorp we have a very generous personal Websurfing policy, as long as your work is completed, but I must protest the use of company computers for p2p filesharing. Apart from the copyright infringement liability, the network is slowing to a standstill!

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Conpignia: Do Not Buy If You Hate Us."

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I want all those new slogans and logos mocked up in gold-leaf-embossed invoicing paper!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

It's all a plot to cause your status to RISE, Kate.

j.lu's vision of Tom M running HR is a beautiful thing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:47 (twenty-two years ago)

"Conpignia: We Don't Sell Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pigs, We Sell Smiles."

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

"Conpignia: Catch The Wave!"

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I strongly recommend we go with "Conpignia: We Did Your Mom."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I want all those new slogans and logos mocked up in gold-leaf-embossed invoicing paper!

I'm right on it chief, but if you want gold leaf and embossing we're going to have to revise my budget. Right now I've got...*empties out wallet*...$15.14. Also, I've got several different samples of gold leaf, with slightly different tones; which do you think coordinates best with pig shit?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

"conpignia: you sure do got a pretty mouth, now squeal like a pig."

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:56 (twenty-two years ago)

"Conpignia: We Don't Have No Trouble With You Fucking Us, But We Have a Little Problem With You Not Fucking Us."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

"Conpignia: For The Discrete But Active Woman."

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah, what a good little accounting minion you are, J.lu! A raise for you! Have some bubbly! I think nouveau riche gold leaf goes best with pigshit, yes, don't you?

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

ron, do you hate fun?

Kate, NO!!! You won't take over my number 12 standing! I must get it back! (damn me for actually working at work this morning *sigh*)

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Can these little piggies get SARS? Someone, do some research, quick!

― Sarah McLUsk (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally can be the naughty office tramp, but I still get to be a secretary. I'll be the one that looks all hoity toity but I'm really ultra hottt in bed.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

OK, now we're going to find our spokesperson. Now we think this first option will test high with the focus groups..

Conpignia: Oh Fuck Yeah
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39027000/jpg/_39027407_abfab-bbc-203index.jpg

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Fabulous! I'll roll it out on the Web page pronto!

People! I'm not right now going to name the person who's downloading Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, but stop that so I can put the new Conpignia campaign online! Try downloading it after work tonight.

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, what happened to my post? Have I been CENSORED??!?!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 14:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Conpignia: Lick It. Lick It Good.
http://www.nottinghamevents.org/goosefair/images/lollipop.jpg

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I might even start wearing my glasses all the time!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Oops...sorry, Kate. But that's what happens when the network is overloaded.

(BTW, Kate, I may be able to recover those e-mails you accidentally deleted. However, we're going to have to review the Corporate Communications budget again.)

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Mutter mutter mutter. OK, I'll approve that 17" powerbook that you were salivating over if you RESTORE MY BLOODY INBOX THAT WAS "ACCIDENTALLY DELETED" RIGHT THIS MINUTE!!!

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

*types in a series of commands* Check it now -- is everything back?

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Bloody sys admins think they own the universe! I'll sack you and replace you with Mr. Noodles if it happens again! I mean, erm, good work, keep it up, etc. etc. ::shudders::

― kate, Friday, 4 April 2003 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

You may be laughing about this ILX business thing, but little do you guys know I've been making some big $$ off ILX for some time now.

(in my dreams)

― Andrew (enneff), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:15 (twenty-two years ago)

sometimes i do hate fun. but with the little piggy, there was precious little fun to be hated! YOUR PETS SHOULD NOT EAT THE WOOFERS!! actually, it wasn't so bad for me personally cuz i didn't have to live with it 24hrs a day

― ron (ron), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Excuse me, who asked for the gold-leaf embossed edition of "Who Moved My Cheese?"

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey! Why is a certain someone (who I'm not going to name right now) downloading the pig porn from a p2p site? We house that stuff on our corporate Web page, you can check it out whenever you want!

Besides, in that part of the corporate site I've sold advertising space for a number of products that might be of interest to our customers -- Purina Hog Chow, Cedars of Lebanon Pet Bedding, Febreze, Crisco....Page hits, people, page hits!

― j.lu (j.lu), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm not right now going to name the person who's downloading Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

But this is what I'm paid to do!

Oops, found out. *flees*

(*actually in real life right now must flee for a dental appointment, see everyone in a couple of hours*)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Ta-ta, Ned.

http://www.pigs4ever.com/PotBellyPigPictures/dotflwrsleep.jpg

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Excuse me, Mr. Raggett? This book is for you. Please go with these gentlemen from security and read it at home.

― Colin Meeder (Mert), Friday, 4 April 2003 14:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm gonna turn up late everyday, and wonder what's going on.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 4 April 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Data entry. We don't know what we're doing. We don't care.

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 4 April 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Piggly-wiggly!

(I am back and they lurve my teeth, they do.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Hi, the temp agency sent me. Feel free to give me the shittest jobs, patronise my intelligence, and then fire me after three days for no obvious reason.

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

hey Dom, can you photocopy 350 copies of the Vice Thread, and then my shoes could do with a polish, and that's two sugars in my tea, thanks.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned! Your :-) ratio is really down today, pick it up man, what are we paying you for?

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

"Excuse me, do you take DICK-tation?" - Bobby Jimmy, "Weinie Whistlers"

― dave q, Friday, 4 April 2003 16:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate this place. I'm totally gonna quit...tomorrow.

― Nick A. (Nick A.), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:29 (twenty-two years ago)

is Tom in today? he didn't reply to my memo...

― mitch lastnamewithheld (mitchlnw), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Does Bob Sugar work here?

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

(ILX slash *titter*).

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll use up all the post-it notes with drawings. more post-it notes. who's in charge of the office supply?

― Erik, Friday, 4 April 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Conpignia: I Kiss You And Give You Babies
http://larryavisbrown.homestead.com/files/Malfi/death.jpg

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Chris V. is the office "Oh" face-guy.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Can I be the one who works in the copy room and gets to beat the shit out of the office machines when the company inevitably goes bankrupt?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to work in the IT dept. I can send messages about the servers going down.

― jel -- (jel), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Thats right. Like I said above. "Lumbergh fucked her."

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm a very unfriendly customer service rep.

― Mandee, Friday, 4 April 2003 16:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I just stand by the water cooler all day, waiting for my next victi...er, conversation. All. Day. Long.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 April 2003 16:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow. I quit, and I'm suing you all for Accounts Payable and REception referring to me as office whore in public. I have the documentation. Ta ta, I own you all, assholes.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Obviously ILXCO should be a branding firm that develops marketing strategies for things like dust, the sun, and the letter "N."

I will be the office jester, the company-sanctioned deliverer of mirth to the cubicle masses. Only the company won't have any cubicles, see, 'cause we're so avant-garde and shit. But you know what I mean.

― Michael Daddino (epicharmus), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

As I try to say "Ally don't go I LOOOOOOVE YOOOOOOUUUU!!!!", she slams the door and only hears "Ally D'oh!"

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:13 (twenty-two years ago)

*meanwhile I plot my course for stealing her now-vacant window office....muahaha!*

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I have the world's most asininely huge desk in real life, do you want it? It's like the size of 4 cubicles, Tracer Hand has seen it. It's a total monstrosity, a blight against good taste.

― Ally (mlescaut), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Dang it, someone already grabbed IT Manager, so I obviously have to be the Outside Consultant that streamlines the obviously piss poor network strategies already in place. For gawd sakes, you only have a 15% buzzword compliance rate!

― Chris Barrus (Chris Barrus), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

http://crazy4cinema.com/Review/FilmsO/imgs/stills/office02.jpg

― Chris V. (Chris V), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I have an insanely huge desk too Ally. What's funnier is that, during a renovation where they turned this big wide open space into a bunch of offices, they built around this desk, and now there is literally no way it will ever leave this office in one piece.

And I should point out that I did just cuss viciously at and smack my fax machine twice since I last visited this thread.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

I got a delivery here, "CONPIGNIA R0X0RS! U R ALL GAY" letterhead. Someone's gotta sign for this.

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Friday, 4 April 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been thinking hard about what I can contribute to ILVP-BP. I suspect I might be the only one here with a background as a butcher, so any that die before we can sell them, I'll chop them up for sale as meat.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 4 April 2003 18:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Mmmm, pot-bellied bacon, aaaah. < /homer>

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 April 2003 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Martin, we paid a lot of money for our new name and we'd appreciate it if you used it in all company writings.

Conpignia: Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pigs Just Like Gramma Used To Breed.

― Chris P (Chris P), Friday, 4 April 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

our new name

Who approved this?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Friday, 4 April 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Duh, me.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 4 April 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

* averts eyes at last second, jangles enormous keychain *

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 4 April 2003 18:53 (twenty-two years ago)

THIS IS A HOSTILE TAKEOVER BITCHES! KNEEL BEFORE ZOD!

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 4 April 2003 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

wait, the bank denied my loan. are there any openings in ladies' lingerie?

― James Blount (James Blount), Friday, 4 April 2003 19:10 (twenty-two years ago)

For pigs??

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Friday, 4 April 2003 19:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes James, for the legs and stuff. Have you never seen any?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Friday, 4 April 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Whew, that was a close one! Pintsize Prosciutto LLP nearly completed a hostile takeover of Conpignia!

I got a delivery here, "CONPIGNIA R0X0RS! U R ALL GAY" letterhead. Someone's gotta sign for this.

*inspects samples* Hmmm, these all have the wrong tone of gold leaf...hey, this isn't gold leaf, it's crayon! What, did you have 5,000 toddlers write "CONPIGNIA R0X0RS! U R ALL GAY" on each sheet? I am not signing for this; take it back to the printers and don't return until you've got a product that matches the specifications I sent you.

― j.lu (j.lu), Saturday, 5 April 2003 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I traded in all my shares for a sandwich.

― Nate Patrin (Nate Patrin), Saturday, 5 April 2003 01:48 (twenty-two years ago)

I will tell you all what you are doing wrong. You will ignore me.

However, I will have one of the best offices in ILXCO.

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Saturday, 5 April 2003 02:14 (twenty-two years ago)

"and stuff"

― James Blount (James Blount), Saturday, 5 April 2003 02:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't work on Saturdays, okay?

― jel -- (jel), Saturday, 5 April 2003 09:06 (twenty-two years ago)

From: Independent N'Overpaid Overseas Consultant
To: ILVP-BP
Sent: Saturday, April 05, 2003, 14:05 CET
Subject: U&K:Graham's Salary Increase

Yo! You PigFarmers & Farmeresses,
If Wanna Avoid The Slipping Of Yer Shithot P'Farming Enterprises Into Cold Cockfarming Bankruptcy, Graham's Salary Increase To Be Implemented Immediately!!
Do You P'People Nevah Learn?!

Yer Indespensable Overseas Consultant

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Saturday, 5 April 2003 10:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah, fuck.

Slept in.

― mark p (Mark P), Saturday, 5 April 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

memo from HR dept: clocking in & out to be introduced with immediate effect!

― MarkH (MarkH), Saturday, 5 April 2003 20:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Accounting has a hangover. File yer requests for payrises with servings of Alka Seltzer and the CFO *might* just approve them!

― kate, Monday, 7 April 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Dumb yet perky PR girl please.

Press release:

Conpignia! Vietnamese Pot-Bellied Pigs Just Like Gramma Used To Breed!

Introducing the Conpignia pigs! Just like a pig crossed with your own best friend!

Here's Willard the pig (see attatched photos). Hes a pig with personality and a pot. He just loves rummaging through leaves and playing with all the staff here at Conpignia! But Willard is only one of our lovely playful pigs carefully sourced from the finest pig breeders. Here at Conpignia we have a huge, huge range of perky pig pals just for you. Conpignia pigs are pigs and playmates!

For more info email press@conpignia.com

(you can phone me for the recommended retail price, but I won't get back to you until your deadline's gone. I will whoop your ass if you forget to put the stockist number in)

Right i'm off to take a load of men's mag staff oout to lunch to flirt, sorry, discuss coverage of pigs.

― Anna (Anna), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:17 (twenty-two years ago)

The focus group hated the Conpignia name. Is it too late to change the stationery?

― robster (robster), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:21 (twenty-two years ago)

We can burn all the old stationery on the barbecue at the company picnic. Mmmm barbelued pork ribs. Num.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

We can burn all the old stationery on the barbecue at the company picnic. Mmmm barbecued pork ribs. Num.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

(there's an echo in here)

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

And the burning ink will get us high.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

(or kill us?)

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

We don't have toxic letterhead, do we? Who authorised that???

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Um, hello. I'm the tedious one from accounts that no-one's ever bothered to talk to despite my having been at this company for....oooh....twenty three times three hundred and sixty five.....minus two thousand three hundred and ninety two days for weekends....and one hundred and sixty one public holidays.....plus paid overtime......and leap days.....um....er.....that's six thousand one hundred and seventy two days net.

― SittingPretty (sittingpretty), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:51 (twenty-two years ago)

today i changed all the little mint smelling thing in the urinals.

― Chris V. (Chris V), Monday, 7 April 2003 12:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, we have something in the urinal that smells mint?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 7 April 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

OK folks, the 'Conpignia' debacle has cost us a heavy chunk of customer mind-share so I need as many of you as possible to brainstorm up some new names for the company. I've asked Dom the temp to walk slowly around the office for the rest of the day with a suggestion box you can pop your ideas in. No need to write your names as the company owns all your ideas anyway. If anybody needs me I'll be hotdesking in the corner and occasionally tapping my PDA.

― robster (robster), Monday, 7 April 2003 13:04 (twenty-two years ago)

*kicking vending machine* GOD DAMN IT! ASSLDK@# @#$#@#$ $ % %DF'N FKELWK#L$L!!!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Monday, 7 April 2003 13:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Er....were they not really complimentary breath-freshening mints in the ladies' loo then? Oh no!

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 13:58 (twenty-two years ago)

hotdesking?

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

*folds up a scrap of paper and puts it in the suggestion box*

I don't know why you are all tittering like that. I think "Pigs'R'Us" is a great name.

*pouts*

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Anna: after lunch, when all the lads' mag editors are (a little?) tipsy, bring them back to the office and I'll show them the online pig porn...that should get them thinking pork.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:02 (twenty-two years ago)

"The Swine Team"

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm just brainstorming here, but "Pig Luv"? Dan, why are you snickering like that?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Hello, people? I just got a v.v. worrisome call. You know that we were working on a promotional DVD about our pigs...a short film showing a cute perky girl and her pig Willard and their day in London? It's up on the Web page. Well, somehow the DVDs that were mailed out to a number of schools...instead contain the pig porn.

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ms. Halloway, come into my office."

― E. Edward Grey (nickalicious), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, the pig porn thing? that was me - my bad

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Pigs'R'Us: Us'R'Pigs

I dunno, I don't think this one will go over so well with the focus groups. What about Porcia?

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuck.

Slept in again.

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

"Swine, Women & Song"? If we want to specialize in the lad market?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

'Now You're Porking'.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 7 April 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

^
|
that's great.

Porcineco. Pork-co. Cochonco. Cerdoco. Le Twee Cochon.

― JuliaA (j_bdules), Monday, 7 April 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Our slogan might be:
This little piggy stayed home.

― Sarah MCLUsky (coco), Monday, 7 April 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

The Little Piggy Company: Not For Internal Use

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 7 April 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Hi, I'm hear for an job interview with the CFO. Take a seat? Thanks very much.

[drums fingers nervously on chair edge, waits patiently]

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 7 April 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

*poking head in the door* Would you like some coffee, sir?

― Sarah MCLUsky (coco), Monday, 7 April 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Would you please describe in 17 words or less the best way to apply rouge to a monitor?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 7 April 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Listen, I just deliver what they give me and I can't leave without a signature. I don't care if you change it or burn it or...hey, lemme ask you, are those real pigs hanging on those hooks in the foyer?

― weatheringdaleson (weatheringdaleson), Monday, 7 April 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Could we sell Piggies in a Blanket too?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Monday, 7 April 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Pigs hanging from hooks in the lobby? Did we lose another litter? *checks* Hey who takes care of the pigs in this sty anyways? What did the pigs die of this time? I'd like to holler "Barbecued ribs for everyone," but is this lot safe to eat?

Anyways, we're not Conpignia; we do business as This Little Piggy. Unless the focus group also rejected that name?

― j.lu (j.lu), Monday, 7 April 2003 19:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I liked Conpignia.

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 19:19 (twenty-two years ago)

slugs is our business, and business is good.

― jel -- (jel), Monday, 7 April 2003 19:27 (twenty-two years ago)

This Little PIggy: Melts In Your Heart, Not In Your Hand

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 7 April 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Awww!

― C J (C J), Monday, 7 April 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Coffee? Um (thinks: oh god, is this a test? What should I do?), er, yes please, one sugar, thanks!

[practises self-motivational speech, tucks in shirt yet again, perspires]

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 7 April 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I liked Conpignia
Vicky to thread?

― Mark C (Mark C), Monday, 7 April 2003 21:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Conpignia: The Little Piggy That Could

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 7 April 2003 21:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Some bleeding-heart animal rights cockists cut the wire last night and we have all of three live piggies left over. Hey! Don't shoot the messenger! Should've hired a night watchman other than Mark P!

― Millar (Millar), Monday, 7 April 2003 22:37 (twenty-two years ago)

This Little Piggy: Have You See The Little Piggies?

― Chris P (Chris P), Monday, 7 April 2003 23:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Um Tom, you're Chief of Security, wasn't Mark P. your hire?

Also, you know this company's standards and practices -- it's "bleeding heart animal rights cockfarmers."

― j.lu (j.lu), Tuesday, 8 April 2003 00:39 (twenty-two years ago)

JBR's Office Tramp book is by Sidney Porcelain.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 8 April 2003 00:52 (twenty-two years ago)

We need to ask Mark C about his knowledge of pig sex.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 8 April 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know why I know, and I probably shouldn't admit that I know this, but male pigs have curly penises and pig orgasms last half an hour.

Can I have a raise?

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 05:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Conpignia: This Little Piggy Had A Corkscrew Penis

― Chris P (Chris P), Wednesday, 9 April 2003 05:44 (twenty-two years ago)

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