Masterbation:morally worng addiction or new olympic sport ?

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I was given advice on the bus today on how to quit masterabting. It involved getting a buddy . so do i need a buddy to quit ?
Do i need to quit at all ?

― anthony, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think the first question is how the topic came up in the first place! Was someone like, "Ew, stop that! Go get a buddy or something! Yuk!"

At any rate, getting a buddy might not stop the masturbation; it may escalate it.

― Dan Perry, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

All depends on the buddy, surely. And how well lubricated said buddy is.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

no no you have it along wrong.
according to the book " The Lords Way to Stop Lust" you need a same gender person to "check in" with
they also recommend a catchphrase, like : "Still Pure"
The guy on the greyhound from vancouver was reading it and i foolishly asked him about it.
He then asked about my masterbation habits
i told him and he is offering to be my email buddy.
nutters they are

― anthony, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Masturbation: class....sorry, I can't read the question, my eyes aren't so good.

― Tom, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

RSI, here we come...

― DG, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Must be awfully hard to type what with those hairy palms.

― michele, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Masturbation is GRATE. BUT the first person to quote Woody Allen on this thread is a monstrous DUD.

― Richard Tunnicliffe, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

So if you're gay are you supposed to get a different-gender 'buddy' to 'check in with'? (Now thinking of: the non-masturbating contest on Seinfeld.)

I suppose in that case he'd just pull out a different book, and attend to the whole self-abuse problem later.

― Josh, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Masturbation as an olympic sport? Damon Albarn wins the gold for Britain!!

― Michael, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Isn't it a health fact that regular ejaculation allows men to stave off prostate cancer when they're older? This topic (for whatever reason) was broached @ work a couple of weeks ago. I didn't really need to see my father miming a chicken choke.

Plus, it keeps you primed & ready for that blessed day when you don't have to rely on yourself to get your rocks off. (Oh, blessed day...)

― David Raposa, Tuesday, 26 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Why are there no women on this thread? Are we allowed to masturbate to our hearts content?

― masonic boom, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

As a woman, I personally don't care if men masturbate themselves silly for the rest of their lives. My theory is, it teaches them how to be more disciplined as far as holding out longer. Practice makes perfect, you know. Even in orgasms.

― michele, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I can't believe that anyone thinks masturbation is morally wrong. Next thing they will be telling us that having a shit is bad karma. All the boys in the Big Brother house had a wanking amnesty last night and got knuckle shuffling under the covers, so it can't be morally wrong.

― Pete, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

you know that other forum "i love music.not!" that someone mysteriously started? i went to have a look, but it had been taken down. i had a look at the other forums and there was one called "masturbation"! mysteriously that ones gone as well now...

― gareth, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

chicks wanking rocks - but as my female flatmate found out in her studies, the word wank means a stong blow....so, go figure.

― Geoff, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

How do you wank a rock? Does it come with a lava flow or something?

― Pete, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DAMN YOU PETE for stealing my joke!

― Dan Perry, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I think men "wank", or "jerk off". Women "get off". Involving rocks is just a bad idea. Unless you're getting your rocks off - even then, though, that's a messy notion. And, really, can't rocks just get themselves off?

― David Raposa, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Getting off with rocks wouldn't be so bad, provided it was a pretty large boulder type thing and insertion wasn't part of the equation. It would be your basic dry humping.

― michele, Wednesday, 27 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Somebody should correlate the responses here with the "do you wear glasses" thread.

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Thursday, 28 June 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey, don't knock masturbation, it's sex with someone I....oh, sorry Richard. Does it count if the buddy does it for you?

― Ally C, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Blimey.

Madchen!

― the pinefox, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Did somebody call my name? See, Ally C and I live at opposite ends of the country and only get to see each other for a few days every month. So, er...

― Madchen, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You people have dirty minds.

― Ally C, Wednesday, 4 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

Its a question really. We were all talking at work today and one of the guys says yeah I am going to wank off tonight. I said well you should n't need to because you have a girlfriend. I nearly died every one laughed at me, I thought men wanked off if they didn't have sex my boyfriend claims he never wanks off is that normal?

― Jenny Stapleton, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

okay, who's gonna tell her?

― ethan, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's simple, really. Men wank off. In general. With girlfriends, without girlfriends, in front of girlfriends. Men wank off. Regardless of the amount of sex they're receiving. They wank. Has nothing to do with their attraction to the woman they're seeing, of course - please understand that. Men just wank. If you think that this need to wank (regardless of their state of coupledom) means they're hard-up and constantly over-sexed, IMAGINE IF THEY DIDN'T WANK.

Scary thought, isn't it?

Be thankful that most Christian men (or the Catholics, at least) know better than to listen to that dogmatic drivel in the Bible. Otherwise... Truthfully, a nation of hard-up, under-sexed men afraid to enjoy themselves is a VERY frightening concept. Bad enough most are all thumbs around ladies...

An addendum - MOST men wank, I should say. Not all. I'm sure some of you beautiful male specimens will step up & say that you're in a relationship and, no, the bishop stays in his pew when the congregation is off on a mission. I'd just like to make all the posts from you types irrelevant with this disclaimer.

But, yes - men wank off. Should I go into the benefits, or has that already been touched upon? (heh heh..."touched"...)

Man, all I talk about is sex & music. I need to start doing drugs to complete the cliche.

― David Raposa, Saturday, 28 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Doomintroll & Missus are obviously a right pair of wankers.

― DG, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Its good for us all. Puts us in charge of our horns and holes.

― Mike Hanley, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

> Its good for us all. Puts us in charge of our horns and holes.

Is that why you chase Ally around all these threads, Mike?

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Sunday, 29 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one month passes...

It's a tricky one,that's for sure. Am I the only one who receives a strange sense of guilt whenever I finish it and then try to swear that I should stop? This may just come from myself being a Catholic. I don't know whether I regret it.... but to say I don't enjoy it would be a lie. One thing for sure,it hasn't taken over my life and that's what I consider to be important.

― Jerffrey Jimson, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Catholic sex guilt = DUD. Unless it involves an all-girls school and short, pleated skirts.

All you doubters out there should scroll up & read Michele's response to this thread. It'll save your life.

― David Raposa, Thursday, 6 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

three weeks pass...

I have been practising wanking for years and looking forward to cum the time when I'm an expert,meanwhile I can recomend it's a great pastime.

― Ian Wood, Friday, 28 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-four years ago)

one month passes...

Well i started when my father showed me and i havent looked back since i especially prefer rubbing cheese over it first do u?

― Calum Morton, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Brilliant! Another thread to aid my thesis!

Q1. Do you think that love and sex inextricably linked? Q2. Regardless of your answer to Q1, do you think self-love and masturbation are inextricably linked?

Personally, I'm a chronic masturbator and I make no apologies for it, it helps keep my fingers supple for typing, playing guitar, and working my mojo ;) I recently received a booklet from Jehovah's Witnesses with two whole chapters devoted to the perils of wanking. It was hilarious.

― Mascara, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Anyone who touches themselves has got to be gay.

― Irwin Petoir Daly, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Okay, this is slightly, *ahem* awkward for me. But. I read somewhere that men can actually 'in-jaculate'--come without the mess. You are supposed to apply pressure to the 'perenium' in the pre-cum moments of the wank. Not that I'm a big expert about this or anything. Well, Ok, maybe I experimented a couple a times. Anyone else hear about this/ practice it?

― turner, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

turner - a friend of mine bought a book about it when he stayed with us insydney, all about men having multiple orgasms...it is possible, apparently.

― Geoff, Saturday, 10 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

A guy told me about it once. Apparently ejaculating and orgasming are two different things but they usually happen at the same time. He reckoned you could learn to have an orgasm without ejaculating - he claimed to be multi-orgasmic. Based on the fact that another guy I knew claimed he had only ever had a couple of orgasms in his life and that the rest of the time he was just ejaculating without orgasming, I reckon it might be true.

― toraneko, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

There was an interview with Woody Harellson a while ago in some mag or another where he discussed that very issue in-depth - he's a pro apparently. I can't remember the tag line, but under the circumstances I'm sure it was good.

― Tim, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Erm, I can do that.

― AP, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm so disappointed. I thought... "Finally! A real sport was recognized by the Olympic committee!". You've all shattered my crystal palace.

― Brian MacDonald, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We're all going to hell!

― Ally C, Sunday, 11 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Based on the fact that another guy I knew claimed he had only ever had a couple of orgasms in his life and that the rest of the time he was just ejaculating without orgasming

'The rest of the time' - woah! Like 'the gush' you mean? What a mess!

― Nick, Monday, 12 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Woody Harrelson's dad shot JFK, you know

― mark s, Monday, 12 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Shooting up your squit to death... squit to death... squit to death..."

― Sam, Monday, 12 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Crikey!

― DG, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I have some handy literature on the subject from my 1960's christian manual on 'Everything a Teenage Boy should know' Perhaps I should type it up and purvey it to the public

― Menelaus Darcy, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It lets off steam.

― Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

but has anthony stopped

― Geoff, Thursday, 15 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If you masturbate with a turnip, you never know what will turn up

― Mike Hanle y, Friday, 16 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two weeks pass...

Q: Why is pee yellow and sperm white?

A: So you can tell if you are cumming or going.

― Paul, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

four weeks pass...

I love to MASTERBATE!!!! I can jerkoff for hours & hours at a time. YES it is a sport the best sport every one has done it at one time ore another. I'm not ashamed it is my favorit thing to do ever day. it's fun lots of fun!!

― frank fitch, Wednesday, 2 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

DG, that's wonderful. I wonder if Aztek_mummy could be Anthony's buddy - if all else fails, Anthony can have a go at resurrecting the dead (ahem)...

― Mark C, Thursday, 3 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

three weeks pass...

what the fuck is the matter with you all. dont you have anything better to do then talk about masturbation on the internet

― blah, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

of course we don't. idiot. if we did we'd be doing it.

― electric sound of jim, Thursday, 24 January 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

Well, from a christian perspective, I have no clue what God actually thinks out it, but I think if done for the right "reasons" it might actually be a good idea for christian men who are trying to be pure before marriage... you know keep from being a crazed-horndawg, HOWEVER who on earth does it for the right reasons. -Mark Henry.

― Mark Henry, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

its true, when you masterbate for the right reasons it helps your mind in many ways. I do it for the right reasons. When i drop off the children at the pool, i feel relieved physically and mentally. when i dont release my man juice, I feel really horny and all i think about is sex and when i see a good looking girl, all i see is her with no close and how big her breasts are underneth her shirt and how hard i can give it to her. In many men this might lead to rap. masterbating clears my mind of these thoughts.

― Alpha-Skull, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In many men this might lead to rap

ethan to thread!

― mark s, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But i jack off twice a day some days and i liten to cabaret !

― anthony, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I prefer to masturbate in silence.. less distracting

New thread idea: good songs to wank to

― electric sound of jim, Tuesday, 26 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

i think maasterbation is very fun. i do it every chance i get.

― spidey, Tuesday, 2 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

three weeks pass...

i once used to masterbate, but then you get addicted, then obsessed, then you go around looking for anything that can make you hot. Man, it tears you up. I prefer good vision and unhairy palms.

― VJ, Tuesday, 23 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, what a job it would be to work at a demasterbation tank.

― Brian MacDonald, Tuesday, 23 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.anaxified.com/images_03/1657_godkills.jpg

― bnw, Tuesday, 23 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

JOKE OLD.

And if I had the response photo showing the kittens attacking the monster, I'd post that too. ;-)

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 23 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nob cancer! That is only way you guys are going to stop stroking the donkey. Try it! It is good for the Mrs. as well as the growths usually add extra weight in different directions.

― Bob "the bob" Bob, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I do have a partner(s) (my husband, and any girlfriends that occasionally show up), but I still masturbate. Why? Because it's a completely different sensation from intercourse. I like different sensations.

― Christine "Green Leafy Dragon" Indigo, Friday, 26 April 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

In sept of 2001 a man named Jeff posted here that he felt guilty afterwards. A lot of the other posts here are just chatter and jokes which is fine but guilt is not something to be ignored as if it were a joke. Mo matter what you think about masterbation, if you are doing it (or anything else) and you feel guilty, there has got to be a reason why. Guilt should not be ignored and those who feel guilty should not be brushed off as if they have something wrong with them.

The other fact that I don't see posted anywhere on this thread is that we are not animals who are helpless against our own desires.

For example, my dog goes into heat and among other things she licks her crotch raw. It doesn't matter who's around or what else is going on. Her desires of cleanliness and lust controls her to the point of nothing else mattering at all.

I'm as horny as the next guy (if not more) but there's a time and place for everything and unlike my dog (and some of you it sounds like) I can hold off on yanking off if I feel like there are more important things to do.

There's nothing wrong, bad or unhealthy about NOT masterbating. It's a choice like so many other things we all face.

I know most will poke fun at this post and thats fine too but for those of you who are reading this for opinion and are looking for some answers, there's my two cents.

E-me with any questions.

M-

― Mark, Tuesday, 28 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Right, I can't go to the store or the bank or anywhere without seeing a ILx'er masturbating right out there in the street in front of everybody.

But seriously, do you really think that we're a bunch of compulsive masturbators? Most people who feel guilty about masturbation don't have compulsion problems.

Or is it that you really don't approve of masturbation, but don't want to actually come out and say so?

― Christine "Green Leafy" Indigo, Tuesday, 28 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh, and if you're not planning to breed that dog, you should get it fixed.

― Christine "Green Leafy" Indigo, Tuesday, 28 May 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

one month passes...

Fart and then you can sniff it. it smells good :)

― John, Wednesday, 3 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

Can someone tell me why my guy seems to prefer masterbating than having sex with me? Not always, but too often for my ego/feelings. Is he a bit too obsessed with it (while looking at porn), is it just because it's easier, less of a hassle or what? It kind of hurts my feelings, and he kind of hides it from me,(tho' I usually know or find out). But I wouldn't mind so much if he'd share it with me, I'd love to watch, but he says it's too personal. I know we have good sex,and he loves me, but why do I feel like he's sort of cheating on me? Is he more attracted to the girls in the porn? Advice, anyone?

― Juliette, Thursday, 18 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It sounds like he's using masturbation as a form of "private time". I'd suggest trying to get him to read instead, but beyond that I would say that you should worry a little less about it.

― Dr. Dan, Thursday, 18 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Juliette I suggest YOU start masterbating in front of him then tell us how it is.

― Chris, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Juliette I suggest YOU start masterbating in front of him .

― Chris, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

chris, suddenly you dont wanna know how it is anymore? Why?

― vic, Friday, 19 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

did no one notice the guy who said his dad showed him? man, masturbation is great and all, but i figured it out on my own with the help of our really old encyclopedia. imagine your dad going "that's my-boy" while your beating your meat to one his yellowed copies of Penthouse. shudder.

― Super Hate, Monday, 29 July 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

two weeks pass...

WHEN I MASTERBATE AT HOME AND MY GIRLFRIEND ISNT AROUND I CANT HELP MYSELF FROM LOOKING OUT THE WINDOW AT THE GIRLS COMING IN AND OUT OF THE COLLAGE ACROSS THE STREET.AFTERWARDS I FEEL REALY GUILTY.AM I A PERVERT

― Jason brett, Tuesday, 13 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Thats one hell of an imagination you got there. Girls coming out of a collage is pretty cool. Sort of a "Weird Science" thing you got going on.

― Chris, Tuesday, 13 August 2002 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I have a point to make.

In theory, we have all heard that if you masterbate too much you will bald, blind, hairy, whatever. But the truth is.......it's all misleading.

Just like common sense may tell you that if you pick up a toad....you will get warts on your hands. So......why should u go blind if you masterbate?

I bet you someone just said it as a joke because they wanted to ridicule someone they knew masterbated too much.....and since then i guess people have kept it alive.

― Joshua Parker, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 02:23 (twenty-three years ago)

Phew, for a second i was worried i'd willed this thread back into existence with too many listenings of 'Orgasm Addict' lately.

― petra jane (petra jane), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 03:59 (twenty-three years ago)

listenings?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 04:03 (twenty-three years ago)

Listenings, plural of listening - the gerund of to listen, also sometimes called a verbal noun.

― toraneko, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 10:48 (twenty-three years ago)

http://www.simonbarne.com/oddsandends/assets/gerund2.gif

― Dan I, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 12:02 (twenty-three years ago)

Hi,I was searching and trying to learn if masturbation is a sin, and I arrived to this forum, anyway, I am more interested to know if one can live without it for a long while, and I believe it is really possible, and I felt really good about not needing to do it, but one of the things that gave me the energy to go through with it was being in love, I don't know why, but I think it is about respecting the girl that I love, and longing to be with her that kept my thoughts away from masturbation.
I wrote this out of a need to write, perhaps I should reconsider the need of masturbation (hehehe)

― Learning to love without need of masterbation, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:08 (twenty-three years ago)

bollocks man, wank away!

― chris (chris), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:11 (twenty-three years ago)

chris- why do you assume its a man?

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:39 (twenty-three years ago)

oh yeah, never crossed my mind.

ok then:

bollocks man/woman, wank away!

― chris (chris), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 13:41 (twenty-three years ago)

Lol, I am a man alright, I know what u mean Chris,
but really, it is great when u feel u got a grip on urself.
And for those who have feelings of guilt, I think they would
appreciate this feeling, and they can go and meet with their
friends of opposite sex with a clear mind that they did not
use them in their imagination while masturbating, since one
usually fantasizes on the women(girls)/Guys who he/she see's every day. to reach a clear mind is not easy but when u get there, the feeling is great.(perhaps, this does not apply to everyone) this is just how I feel.
I personally like to share my body with only one person, whom I am
devoted to, and with whom only I can reach the peak because love really makes a difference in the physical relation.(I hope I am not subject to too much mockery in this forum)

― Learning to love without need of masturbation, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 18:30 (twenty-three years ago)

''(I hope I am not subject to too much mockery in this forum)''

I really think your sermon demands that you be mocked right away.

Though I won't do it now. I must have dinner. Its spaghetti tonight you understand.

― Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 18:40 (twenty-three years ago)

it is great when u feel u got a grip on urself

It is hard to believe that this is accidental.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 18:45 (twenty-three years ago)

Maybe it's really Jet Black.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 21 August 2002 18:47 (twenty-three years ago)

I myself would have mocked me.. u r right..
but Thank God we both have to eat ;-) so.. we spared me a bit.

― Lwnom, Wednesday, 21 August 2002 18:49 (twenty-three years ago)

See, if you jacked off about your friends of the same gender, you wouldn't have to worry about impure thoughts when you go out and talk to foxy ladies.

I'm in a sharing mood - I once masturbated with cooked spaghetti.

― Queen G of the festering neighbours pestilence, Thursday, 22 August 2002 06:30 (twenty-three years ago)

not penne?

― boxcubed (boxcubed), Thursday, 22 August 2002 06:50 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't believe there's so many people interested in NOT masturbating...

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 22 August 2002 07:04 (twenty-three years ago)

Queen G, u can't imagine how relieved I am to know that u didn't forget to COOKED the spaghetti first.
But u know, this doesn't seem to make u any less sick for masturbating with spaghetti!!!
But hey, have fun with it :-)))

― Lwnom, Thursday, 22 August 2002 12:42 (twenty-three years ago)

That gerund was so cute!

On the subject of masturbation I would like to say that you should be careful about what you fantasise about during masturbation, because if it's not something sexual you can accidently condition yourself out of responding sexually to sexual stimuli and it's really hard to recondition yourself back into responding sexually to sexual stimuli and it's kind of inconvenient.

― toraneko (toraneko), Thursday, 22 August 2002 12:54 (twenty-three years ago)

Toraneko is quite correct - you can also have disturbing accidents everytime you pass through the pasta section of your local supermarket.

― Queen Geeth to the ecketh, Thursday, 22 August 2002 17:51 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought not masturbating was supposed to increase your stamina when it came to...erm...the main event. I tried this for a while, and it certainly seemed to work. Have since fallen into bad habits though.

― D, Thursday, 22 August 2002 19:54 (twenty-three years ago)

D(bavarian...) what kind of bad habits if I may ask?

― Lwnom, Friday, 23 August 2002 04:22 (twenty-three years ago)

It might increase your stamina but it reduces your endurance, if you know what I'm saying.

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Friday, 23 August 2002 05:39 (twenty-three years ago)

four months pass...

Guilty conscience, I want to get rid of it, but its really hard... I feel much better if I just dont jerk off... Give me the powers to stop!

― Newb, Sunday, 12 January 2003 01:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to get rid of it, but its really hard

Perry!

― Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 12 January 2003 01:18 (twenty-two years ago)

He then asked about my masterbation habits
i told him and he is offering to be my email buddy.

BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA okay, now for the rest of the thread...

― Curtis Stephens, Sunday, 12 January 2003 01:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Now, does masturbation burn calories the way sex does? What's up with that physiologically? Because then we could tie this into the dieting thread, and all those who want to lose weight could take up more wanking for a bit of exercise.

― ae, Sunday, 12 January 2003 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

You only lose fat off your wrist, which is replaced by extra muscle there. Try to switch hands occasionally or you become lopsided.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Sunday, 12 January 2003 23:16 (twenty-two years ago)

ILX is one big mass debate.

― , Sunday, 12 January 2003 23:51 (twenty-two years ago)

You only lose fat off your wrist, which is replaced by extra muscle there. Try to switch hands occasionally or you become lopsided.

*tsk* spot fat reduction doesn't work! but how much fat does one tend to have around their wrists anyway?

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 13 January 2003 00:22 (twenty-two years ago)

It's almost as if I wasn't expounding scientifically proven truths there, isn't it?

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Monday, 13 January 2003 00:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Heck, I just wanted to post on this thread again

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 13 January 2003 00:26 (twenty-two years ago)

This is the perfect Google-sustained thread, attracting wankers who can't spell.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 03:04 (twenty-two years ago)

but it's only the 25th top thread for 'worng'

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 13 January 2003 03:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Astonishingly worng masterbation gets 22 hits.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 13 January 2003 03:10 (twenty-two years ago)

LOL its threads like this that make me wonder, when they keep coming up unexpectedly, about whether we really have any choice about what we are posting to...the arbitrary nature of what random Googlers are searching for dictates the conversational patterns around here, we are all subject to their whim and are compelled to post on threads like this which pop up again and again beyond our control

― Vic (Vic), Monday, 13 January 2003 03:35 (twenty-two years ago)

And back to the subject...

― Newb, Tuesday, 14 January 2003 04:52 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

Morally wrong? Absolutely not, and anyone who tries to tell that it is is both repressed and a vehement enemy of fun. Addiction? Maybe so. New Olympic sport? Hmmmmmmmm.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Monday, 17 February 2003 19:30 (twenty-two years ago)

People who spell masturbation as "masterbation" have been masturbating too much as they have clearly already gone blind.

that dogmatic drivel in the Bible

As far as I know (help here?) the only time masturbation is mentioned in the Bible is the Old Testament story of Onan--hence Onanism. Onan's sin was not masturbation, but rather that by not engaging in standard sexual intercourse with his brother's widow, instead "spilling his seed" or something, he deprived his sister-in-law, and by extension his dead brother, of an heir. So Onan could have done the nasty with his sister-in-law, made her happy, made God happy, and then retired to the lavatory with the periodical of his choice and let his fingers do the walking.

The danger here is, as always, and in all religions, mistaking what is preached and taught with what is actually expressed in the respective putative scriptures, or ur-sources.

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:15 (twenty-two years ago)

jess' tAtu pic to thread!

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:17 (twenty-two years ago)

The Bible tells us it is our moral duty to impregnate our sisters-in-law if they are widowed.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

or passed out on the couch

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan, that was the Old Testament. In the New Testament, which for Christians must ultimately take precedence, we are taught to love our neighbors as ourselves. Now this clearly means to impregnate your neighbor, esp. if that person is your sister-in-law, or possibly simply to masturbate said neighbor, hence "as yourself." The specifics are somewhat fuzzy, probably because of an excess of masturbation. The main point, however, is that the Bible doesn't really come out one way or the other on the issue of masturbation.

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous. Spilling your seed through your own means is beneficial to your health when a wench is unavailable to draw it out of you.

― Mustard, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

You misspelled "wrench".

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.

WHAT HAPPENS??

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:33 (twenty-two years ago)

a watermelon grows in your stomach

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/iraq_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:37 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/cum_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.

Depends on how you got it in you in the first place.

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/bush_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:38 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.masturbateforpeace.com/images/trout_banner.gif

― mark p (Mark P), Monday, 17 February 2003 21:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Masturbation: morally wrong addiction or dud?

― JeremyZag, Monday, 17 February 2003 21:50 (twenty-two years ago)

well this thread has certainly got better since last time i looked

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.

WHAT HAPPENS??

Your girlfriend gets pregnant. BY ANOTHER MAN.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I do think keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.
That's why I bought an extra refrigerator.

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

>Keeping sperm inside you for too long is dangerous.<

>>WHAT HAPPENS??<<

I can think of a number of things that might happen you could call dangerous. Three right off the top of my head are:

1. Spontaneous emission during important job interview.
2. Testicular swelling that may inhibit bloodflow.
3. Temporary lapse in reasoning which leads to sex acts with fat, disfigured or felonious females.

― Slappy Johnson, Monday, 17 February 2003 22:49 (twenty-two years ago)

...speaking of masturbation... what are your favorite terms for the sport? Here are some of mine (male masturbation terms):

1. Rubbing one out
2. Polishing the pud
3. Spanking the monkey
4. Choking the chicken
5. Turning the knob
6. Beating the meat
7. Yanking the crank
8. Meeting the bishop
9. Taking care of business
10. Throwing a load
11. Dropping a nut
12. Slapping the Johnson

― Slappy Johnson, Monday, 17 February 2003 22:56 (twenty-two years ago)

pereing the ubu

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)

miking the skinner

― James Blount (James Blount), Monday, 17 February 2003 22:59 (twenty-two years ago)

manuvering the root

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:01 (twenty-two years ago)

cleaning out the pipes

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:03 (twenty-two years ago)

HAVING A WANK.

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

ruling your ja

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:04 (twenty-two years ago)

500m freestyle

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

you must get pretty good distance

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:06 (twenty-two years ago)

bombing iraq

― gareth (gareth), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:07 (twenty-two years ago)

tracing the hand

― jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

pereing the ubu
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 17th, 2003.
miking the skinner
-- James Blount (littlejohnnyjewe...), February 17th, 2003.
manuvering the root
-- Tracer Hand (tracerhan...), February 17th, 2003.

Pretty funny....
The funniest sex related terms I remember are:
"Talking to the canoe driver." and "Let's talk about Uganda." The first is code for cunnilingus and the second is a coded invitation or request for the same act.

― Greaseball, Monday, 17 February 2003 23:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"cleaning out the pipes"

in the same vein: "Changing the oil."

― SINISTAR 7, Monday, 17 February 2003 23:11 (twenty-two years ago)

"cleaning out the pipes" can be used both literally and euphemistically

― oops (Oops), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:13 (twenty-two years ago)

What's your favorite wanking technique? "The White Knuckler", "Fists of Fury", or the "Over the Shoulder Boulder Holder"?

― Mr. Diamond (diamond), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

the "gentle walk through the fields"

― electric sound of jim (electricsound), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Boulder Holder?? Ha!

― Lara (Lara), Monday, 17 February 2003 23:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"What's your favorite wanking technique?"

Right over left.

"...speaking of masturbation... what are your favorite terms for the sport?"

Five knuckle shuffle
Jacking off
Jerking off
Waxing it
Buying balloons for the dog

― Jacques Auff, Tuesday, 18 February 2003 00:42 (twenty-two years ago)

speaking of technique... to lube or not to lube? And if you lube, what is your lubricant of choice?

― Bob the Priest, Tuesday, 18 February 2003 00:45 (twenty-two years ago)

term/phrase: Terning Yapaneeze

― orca, Tuesday, 18 February 2003 00:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Lubricant of choice:

http://www.pennzoil.com/penn/images/new_promo.jpg

― Skottie, Friday, 21 February 2003 00:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Hi tech pleasure

http://www92.thomasregister.com/olc/endura/cover2.jpg

― JeremyZag, Friday, 21 February 2003 10:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Rebooting your hard drive.

― Skottie, Saturday, 22 February 2003 08:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Tickling the clam is great. Mutual masturbation is EVEN BETTAH!!!

Love, peave, love, peace, love love love love love love self love makes the world go round, the world go round...

― kate, Saturday, 22 February 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Roughing up the suspect.

― nickn (nickn), Sunday, 23 February 2003 05:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Pleading with the Cosmic Life Hose

― Mike Hanle y (mike), Sunday, 23 February 2003 08:20 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

"Remain calm and tell yourself, 'You don't own me, masturbation! I'm taking my life back!' (or something of that nature)"

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Thursday, 20 May 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

five years pass...

this thread is all over the place with lulz

― Aerosol, Friday, 19 March 2010 22:01 (fifteen years ago)

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