In Eastenders after Shane Ritchie has one of his 'moments' with Kat and she seemingly fails to twig that he's attempting to declare his undying love for her and bustles away from him in a huff, he te

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He's not just the DAZ CLOWN, y'know. It's really really great that he's getting a chance to prove it.

― Alex in Rotherham (Alex in Doncaster), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm sorry. It's been a long day.

― Alex in Rotherham (Alex in Doncaster), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Eastenders is a disgrace - that is all.

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

this is funny cos it's true. EastEnders still has a way to go. This is not unlike Sharon's twitchy mouth and sardonic asides which was rightly ripped into on one of the Big Impression shows. It should be on the script editors "no no" list alongside:

* "Ere, I wanna word wiv you"
* "It's sorted"
* Barry

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 12:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Sharon's 'twitch eyes rapidly to the left to indicate great emotional torment' schtick to thread!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

others that should be on the black list:

"faaaaaaaaammmly"
any character attempting to write poetry
peggy

also can i take a moment to say, "SEE, SEE, I *TOLD* YOU DEN (Snr.) WASN'T DEAD, THE BODY THEY FOUND DIDN'T HAVE A HEAD"

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Vicki's string vests and her angst that Martin won't hang around with her!

― Sarah (starry), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I only realised the other day that 'Derek' used to be in "Dads Army".

How astonishingly acute of me

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 14:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I will never understand how there are no manifestations of non-race-specific-back-seat-of-bus-london-yout' patois on this show when the real east end is a stronghold of this particular accent-nouveau. also why does no one swear on eastenders? this area of london is full of people with absolutely foul mouths irl...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

7.30 EastEnders - Soap opera so transparently fictitious it may as well be set on the fucking Moon (Subtitles 888)

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Alfie's one of the few characters in Eastenders I like.

Along with Sonia, Derek and all the Slaters.

The Mitchells can fuck off though - they sum up everything that's bad about Eastenders.

― James Ball (James Ball), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

where do you think Walford East tube station actually would be on the tube map? i figure its on the District/Hammersmith & City lines between Stepney Green and Bow Road - but none of them ever talk about Mile End so it could be as far out as Bromley/West Ham - it wouldn't be on the Central line as the tube line is overground and elevated (aren't The Arches garages underneath it supposedly?)

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Walford has a proper train line AND a Tube, Steve. A train went over it once at someone's funeral - mark of respect, like.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

they make out Walford's quite big i.e. as big as Bow but there's surely no room for both of them in that vicinity

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Isn't this like asking what they all watch at 7.30 in the evening on BBC1? (Obviously the answer to this is nothing because they're all in the pub every single night despite being mostly skint).

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

And Jack Dalton used to be James Shelley when he was 50lbs lighter and didn't have black hair. How odd.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

i remember once Arthur Fowler was watching Postman Pat on TV one time (when he was jobless and depressed) and i wished they'd show Postman Pat watching Eastenders on TV...thus triggering a eschatalogical spacetime paradox and subsequent fatal reality inversion

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

for fricking crying out loud man, arthur had that mondo breakdown and everything wasn't that enough for you...
also has anyone noticed that wehenever anyone has a breakdown on tv, they always sweep whatever is on the tabletop/mantelpiece/sheves onto the floor in a gesture of inner tumult and despair... do you have to do this if you have a mental collapse or are there other way to go about it?

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

i think the way Arthur exited the show was dreadful - there's no way he shouldve gone to prison after being framed by Willie Roper...how many injustices have beset the Albert Square residents? why does no-one innocent ever go to court and actually win?

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:14 (twenty-two years ago)

i tried drawing a diagram of how everyone in eastenders was related to eachother once, but i got a headache and had to stop

― Robin Goad (rgoad), Wednesday, 28 May 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

surely someone out there on the wibbly wobbly web has managed to do this (possibly not using MS Organisation Chart though...)?

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 08:13 (twenty-two years ago)

There's one here, but it's out of date ALREADY!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 08:21 (twenty-two years ago)

hey i was going to do that once, i also toyed with devising an Eastenders Drinking Game e.g. everytime someone unwittingly sleeps with their in-law, thats a double shot at least

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:15 (twenty-two years ago)

everytime Pauline Fowler chews a wasp, chug chug chug!

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:16 (twenty-two years ago)

the overground line is surely the one from liverpool street up past hackney marshes etc etc

(some of the overground lines round these parts are vestigial and grassed over: there is a cool scene one this grass in otherwise the utterly worthless LOW LIVES HIGH HEELS dir.m.smith)

the irl people of fassett square off graham rd, hackney, all insist that they are living in the real actual albert square

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:26 (twenty-two years ago)

ie eastenders needs more vietnamese characters to be "realistic"

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been to Fasset Square! It looks exactly like the Eastenders set - only without the Vic and the market.

As far as I'm aware there has never once been any kind of east Asian character in Eastenders whatsoever.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 09:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Fuzzy - did u only realise that Derek was in Dad's Army due to a terrible program about british sit coms? My boy told me about 2 mins before & I was like 'wow'!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't beleive in all of this there isn't an eastenders one...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:39 (twenty-two years ago)

As far as I'm aware there has never once been any kind of east Asian character in Eastenders whatsoever.

erm...Sanjay? Geeta? Mina? or do you mean Far East?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

i can't imagine the Far East quotient in East London is greater than in the West (esp. Acton and surrounding area) - so by the ratios determined by the Eastenders team, what with there ever only being ONE SOLITARY black family in Eastenders at any one time, there would only be 0.06 Chinese/Korean/Japanese characters in the show...which amounts to old Mr Miyagi-esque guy ambling around the market once every six months

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

IT'S A FUCKING SOAP OPERA NOT A FUCKING DOCUMENTARY.

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry for shouting

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

and swearing

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

but you're not sorry for shattering my belief system?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Bah. You are all being such total men about it ie trying to make maps and draw diagrams etc. It's not a documentary and it's not a role playing game either. grrr.

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

no its a steaming pile of crap, and thus we are fools for trying to polish it

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

EASTENDERS THE ROLE PLAYING GAME!!!

that's genius.

Main characteristics:

gruffness, drinking, sterotypicalness, caprice, fidelity and charm

― Alan (Alan), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Can I roll my drinking again?

― Tim (Tim), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Alan do you now see why I didn't want to involve myself in this so-called 'thread'?

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

also there has never been a storyline about the skinned bears in the marshes

also it lacks vampires/goblings etc

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

you walk into a 10 by 10 room to find peggy mitchell, please all make saving throws vs "didn't they used to be famous for something else"...

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:53 (twenty-two years ago)

i hate all soaps now, but Eastenders i loved deeply for years...i can't remember the exact point where i just gave up with it but nominations would include the Arthur Fowler decline, Grant/Michelle tryst and subsequent sprog, the Grant/Tiff's mum thing, Ian/Melanie, Matthew Rose murder trial (ok this was quite good but still too predictable) and the endlessly disturbing Pat/Frank/Peggy love triangle putting the sex in sexagenarian (shudder) - i just couldnt enjoy any of that shit

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Taking Sides: Ozcabs vs Patcabs

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Dagmar vs E20

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

stevem in calumspasm shockah!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 11:58 (twenty-two years ago)

ha ha, i think i am insulted

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

E20 vs Angie's Den, shirley?

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Ed and I walked past Wendy Richards on Sunday; she was going home from Marylebone Waitrose.

My friend Georgina, an artist, wants to know when they're going to get AN ARTIST in The Square due to East London having highest concentration of same per capita in Europe, if not the world.

― suzy (suzy), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:03 (twenty-two years ago)

don't those artists live as close to the City as you can get but still be in East London tho i.e. Shoreditch? the only creatives slumming it in Bow are the professionals who moved from Essex i thought ;)

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:06 (twenty-two years ago)

An artist in Albert Square would be dead boring - they'd only end up having A) a posh-type-slumming-it affair with Kat Slater/Phil Mitchell followed by B) a posh-on-posh couple with another slightly boring character leading to both characters being written out after eighteen months and never spoken of again.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Diane Butcher was an artist, remember her crappy mural? i think Nick Cotton should've come back as a web designer to rectify matters

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyway, going back to the roleplaying game - I choose to FITE Peggy Mitchell, using The Slap (the only weapon I have as yet having not been to pick up other weapons including the Snooker Cue, The Frying Pan and the Dead Sharp False Nails).

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

of course the smart thing to do would've been to bring a few of the Eldorado characters into the Square - i wanted to see Marcus Tandy fall on hard times and have to relocate to the East End where he would spend his days drafting up ill-faited get rich again quick schemes, a pre-cursor to Steve Owen basically

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha - amazingly Bianca actually defied the natural tide of things by moving OUT of the East End to go to art college.

I think you're just getting plain silly now Steve ;)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

only now?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

pinkpanther - yes, and also Alistair McGowan did a sketch the day before with the Dads Army blokes in the Queen Vic, I twigged something then but the 'dodgy sitcoms' programme confirmed it.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Thursday, 29 May 2003 12:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Den is still alive? Sorry I haven't watched in 10 years. Did he come back?

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Thursday, 29 May 2003 13:10 (twenty-two years ago)

no asymmetric haircuts or loft space either...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Thursday, 29 May 2003 13:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Speaking of Derek/Ian Lavender (no one was lately, but so what)... last Sunday afternoon was a virtual Lavender Time Machine. First up, Dad's Army; directly followed by an episode of Keeping up Appearances where he played an alarm salesman; directly followed by the EastEnders omnibus. 30 years in a couple of hours! Spooky.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Thursday, 29 May 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I always feel even more sorry for him in Dad's Army when I watch it, knowing that the success and popularity of Pike as a role will render him more or less unemployable for nearly three decades!!

(Ditto poor old Rodney Bewes)

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 29 May 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I noticed that, Christine, I thought perhaps he'd died and it was a hastily cobbled together tribute. I also worried who was going to look after the stall what with Martin going off the rails and that.

― Emma, Thursday, 29 May 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh no! The Minute Mart security systems! Oh NO!!

(My sentiments exactly re: Ian Lavender tribute).

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 29 May 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Den Senior has yet to return but shall be shortly, caused, at least in part, by the emergence of Den Junior [that and Leslie Grantham could only live off of being a Panto Baddie for 6 months a year]

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Thursday, 29 May 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Is Leslie Grantham really a convicted murderer or is this just some scurrilous rumourmongering courtesy of, erm, some bloke I was talking to in the pub?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Thursday, 29 May 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Yep, he did time for murdering a cabbie, I think.

My respect for Eastenders will be massively increased if they have a shot of Charlie Slater looking uneasily at Den as he walks through the square.

― James Ball (James Ball), Thursday, 29 May 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

so will he have lost his memory and be a changed man or will he waltz back in with a sly grin, say 'sorry luv' to Sharon and take over the pub with absolutely no fuss whatsoever?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 29 May 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Eastenders is great u r all wrong.

There were strong hints at some sort of incestuous lust on the behalf of Dennis (towards Sharon) at the end of tonight's episode.

― Cozen (Cozen), Friday, 30 May 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

My major gripe with Eastenders is this, and nobody else seems to have ever noticed it:

None of the characters commute to work in the mornings.

A central part of the 'living in London' experience, and yet Eastenders ignores it. In the words of the Audio Bullys, whaa tha faaack?

― James Mitchell (James Mitchell), Saturday, 31 May 2003 03:52 (twenty-two years ago)

To explain further:

In real life, people in London generally have to travel to work, whereas in Eastenders most of characters travel nowhere. Does this make them unemployed, or something? If so, what are they doing spending every night drinking in the pub, eating in Ian Beale's chippie and buying cups of tea from the cafe?

Not many people I know work where they live, and yet in Eastenders the characters with jobs all seem to work on the local market, in the local pub or at the local car lot.

It's these reasons that lead me to conclude that Hollyoaks is more realistic as at least during my time as a student in a provincial town, I lived within walking distance or a bus journey of my university and college.

TV people are bastards, every single last one of them.

― James Mitchell (James Mitchell), Saturday, 31 May 2003 03:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I watched Eastenders for the first time in ages on Sunday and wow it was good. Except Phil and his boring girlfriend - they suck.

But I love Dennis.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 2 June 2003 12:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, it's better than stupid Corrie. At least EE gives its more preposterous stories some dramatic quality, as opposed to being just plain preposterous.

― ChristineSH (chrissie1068), Monday, 2 June 2003 13:41 (twenty-two years ago)

dennis sort of reminds me of the ian curtis character from 24 hour party people, except surreally transposed into jack the lad-ism.

― pulpo, Monday, 2 June 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

James, good point - what annoyed me is how everyone in Albert Square regards everywhere else as being so far away and exotic e.g. heading up to the West End is 'a big deal' or 'a real treat' and in the past, characters like Lenny or Dr Fonseca relocating to Leytonstone, Hackney or wherever is a prompt for teary laments on how they'll be sorely missed and people will never see them ever again.

the reason they dont commute tho is because they all work in the immediate locality - the market, pub and three shops there (cafe, newsagents, chip shop) provide the whole cast with jobs so no need to look elsewhere (unless god forbid they want to 'better themselves' by having actual career type jobs uptown)

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:17 (twenty-two years ago)

oops i forgot the launderette.

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

leytonstone = beyond the end of the world to anyone living in hackney (there's A MARSH FULL OF SKINNED BEARS and a MOTORWAY in between)

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Natalie used to commute... somewhere to do... whatever it was she did.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Just to point out that everyone + his dog + his mother + his mother's dog + the fleas on his and his mother's dogs has at some point said 'ha ha have you ever noticed how everyone in Eastenders works in Albert Square, it's SO unrealistic'. Use other criticisms please.

― Emma, Monday, 2 June 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Nick, Phil has handed over his mortal soul to The Evil East End Gangstas in order to save that boring girlfriend's life so have a little more respect please.*

*Of course it's realistic. This happened to me just the other day.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

IT'S NOT UNREALISTIC ENOUGH!!

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, giant kittens trampling the launderette with Pauline Fowler inside please.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Use other criticisms please.

we already did

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 2 June 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

to pick up on cozen's point vis a vis sharon + dennis = incestuous, can i just point out that as sharon was adopted they actually have no blood relation to each other, not that this stops it being somewhat creepy...

also meg pointed uot that when dennis jnr was evicting the yobs from the club he jumped over the bar JUST LIKE HIS DAD USED TO, which is quite subtle by 'stenders standards, i thought.

― CarsmileSteve (CarsmileSteve), Monday, 2 June 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Dennis is the most gorgeous man currently alive.

― Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 2 June 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

also meg pointed uot that when dennis jnr was evicting the yobs from the club he jumped over the bar JUST LIKE HIS DAD USED TO, which is quite subtle by 'stenders standards, i thought.

That was a terrific scene. His effortless cool and Sharon's shock by the feelings and memories it stirred.

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 2 June 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

i didn't notice this cos I didn't really watch it back in the day.

All new Ferreiras family TONITE. Which house is going? Is that what was Mark's?

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:12 (twenty-two years ago)

the glory that was mark s

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry to backtrack, but if Albert Square was real then no way could the fictional residents afford to live there. It would be all estate agents, City fliers and young upwardly mobile Essex families who hold lingerie and fake cock parties.

There'd be no launderette, the cafe would be a Ruby In The Dust, the Minute Mart an over-priced Bangladeshi corner shop, the market only open on Wednesdays, Fridays, Saturday mornings and Sundays, and the Vic would be owned by Wetherspoons.

PS. Barry rocks

― ss, Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes it is Mark's old house, were you not paying attention to Nana Moon's interest last night?

Almost all of the criticism of Eastenders in this thread is straight from some lame observational 'comedy' stand up routine ie 'hey have you ever noticed blah blah...'. sigh.

― Emma, Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I know it's like people criticising Nazism is always like 'hey have you ever noticed they killed loads of Jews blah...'. Lame.

― ss, Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:41 (twenty-two years ago)

That is a rubbish comparison. See Jerry the Nipper on hipsterism in politics. Emma is right and you are all being v.boring.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:52 (twenty-two years ago)

hurray!

― Emma, Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:53 (twenty-two years ago)

there shd at least be borribles

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:54 (twenty-two years ago)

What's wrong with criticising something's most obvious faults? Or criticising something one likes? The acting on Eastenders is some of the best on British telly, the script writing is second to none and it has a great set, have i licked enough arse yet? God you ILE lot are snarky cunts.

― ss, Tuesday, 3 June 2003 08:56 (twenty-two years ago)

If ILE was an Eastenders character you'd be um, Pat Butcher.

― ss, Tuesday, 3 June 2003 09:02 (twenty-two years ago)

if ss was an observational comedian he wd be on never mind the buzzcocks surprisingly often

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 09:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Why do they call it OVALtine? The mug's round... what's oval about it? They should call it ROUNDtine. etc

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 09:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Blimey, Alan's turned into Phil Jupitus

― RickyT (RickyT), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 09:07 (twenty-two years ago)

proving i do indeed laugh at anything, i laughed at alan's joke (yes i have heard it before, no it is not funny) (i am just put together wrong)

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 09:08 (twenty-two years ago)

its pretty obvious this thread is about hating Eastenders so why Eastenders lovers comeon here to moan at everyone is a bit odd don't you think? why not start an 'actually Eastenders is great and u r all gaye' and just be down with it?

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 10:04 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is about whatever the posters want it to be about.

And the title seems to suggest that whoever posted it watches it quite a lot which is a pretty stupid thing to do if you hate it. Unless this thread is for masochists.

― Emma, Tuesday, 3 June 2003 10:06 (twenty-two years ago)

emma's point is surely that the hate is feebly based

viz i hate thomas the tank engine bcz actually trains don't have faces etc

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 10:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't watch it that much really, but this one featurette of the Alfie/Kat thing kept leaping out at me every time I did. I don't hate Eastenders.

― Alex in Rotherham (Alex in Doncaster), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 10:10 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is about whatever the posters want it to be about.

okay, but its hard to think of new ways to dislike the programme as the show tends to repeat itself. i outlined my reasons for hating earlier adequately i think (also pointing out i used to love it) - i personally can't watch the same storylines over and over again, half the time involving the same characters, and i find the scriptwriting totally lame/cliched at times, and i think there could be a better attempt at representing real life in a part of London pulsating with multiculturalism (interesting juxtapositions of growth and decay (Docklands vs old town etc.). they do make a big deal about the fact its the East End when there is really nothing in the characters, location etc. to really promote and enforce that well. you could take all the characters and their storylines and move them to another area of London easily and nothing would really change. thats not a major criticism tho as i could do without the hammering home of whatever cliches and stereotypes are attached to the East End (and its not like i slag off Brookside because they're not being Scouse enough). then again it might be quite funny if there was always a Pearly King scoffing jellied eels in the Queen Vic every night, or people wearing West Ham shirts having a knees up round the joanna and harping on about how their Dad was at Violet's funeral. half-serious suggestion in there tho - the show could just be called Londoners and cover a wider area, possibly expanding the scope of things. it seems like its always going to get top ratings and will not change, most people who grew up watching it will probably keep watching and enjoying it for most of their lives so obviously what i think matters very little but there you go.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

i should also point out i try to avoid watching/hearing the show but my relatives will always watch it while i'm working on this PC in the same room (COS I AM A NERD) so i catch enough of it to know where its at these days.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

the show could just be called Londoners and cover a wider area, possibly expanding the scope of things

Perhaps this is what you are after.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 10:39 (twenty-two years ago)

"Graham Norton, Dale Winton and Burt Reynolds will also make appearances in the movie"

now thats a menage a trois i'd like to see - somebody hose me down

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 3 June 2003 11:17 (twenty-two years ago)

what annoyed me is how everyone in Albert Square regards everywhere else as being so far away and exotic e.g. heading up to the West End is 'a big deal' or 'a real treat' and in the past

As evident from last night's episode, even minor no-mark Eastenders characters like Asif think Hoxton is crap. Rah!

The Ferreiras, classic or dud?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

have any of them made any records lately?

"gonna make something outa nothing!"

― MarkH (MarkH), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:26 (twenty-two years ago)

The Eastenders of today is very different to the Eastenders of lastyear / two years ago ... This is a good basis for disliking its current incarnation without necessarily bringing up the lame-o criticisms that it isn't like real life.

But as Emma will tell you - I don't watch it.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:28 (twenty-two years ago)

It's definitely been through a bad phase, and now it's in transition. Lots of major characters are on their way out (has Barry gone yet?, can I peek out from between my fingers) and the new family, Dennises Junior/Senior.

― Alan (Alan), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:37 (twenty-two years ago)

"Everybody, over the Vic and feel united..."

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Junior Senior could rejuvenate the programme greatly if brought in as 'krazy Danish second-hand records shop owners also running a gay porn trade on the blackmarket, controlled as ever by the shifty Tyler Brothers and Franky Two Fingers...oh no wait that was Lock Stock the TV series

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Lots of people get those muddled, it's fair to say!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 10 June 2003 14:54 (twenty-two years ago)

How long has Shaun Duggan been doing Eastenders scripts? Anyone else notice Dennis's 'Eighteen months hard labour' last week?

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 16 June 2003 10:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Almost as long as Andrew Collins.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 16 June 2003 10:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Andrew Collins is in prison?

― N. (nickdastoor), Monday, 16 June 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

fingers crossed

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 16 June 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Its a shame though cos he went down for a crime that Stuart Maconie commited.

I think he's doing time in Quantico.

― Pete (Pete), Monday, 16 June 2003 10:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Vicky gets preggers...at same age as Michelle did. sigh, its all happening again...again...

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 16 June 2003 11:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahahahaha. Thank you, Mark S.

― Venga, Monday, 16 June 2003 19:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Best EastEnders ever!

― Cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 26 June 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

aaaargh!! i will never open my eyes again!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 26 June 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

ooh what happened?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 26 June 2003 19:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Entire episode = Shane Ritchie running about London looking for a condom!

― Cozen (Cozen), Thursday, 26 June 2003 19:05 (twenty-two years ago)

pity he didn't ring me, i have fucking loads of em.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Friday, 27 June 2003 07:23 (twenty-two years ago)

It was classic, only because it was alfie. I really dont think you would have been endeared if it had been Phil Mitchell!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 June 2003 07:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Comedy classic.

― James Ball (James Ball), Friday, 27 June 2003 08:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Phil Mitchell wouldn't have bothered anyway, resulting in another hilarious unwanted pregnancy

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 27 June 2003 09:54 (twenty-two years ago)

YEah, I've got a drawer full.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 27 June 2003 10:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Of unwanted pregancies Pete?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 June 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

disturbing...

― stevem (blueski), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Indeed! I mean I could understand if he had a drawer full of condoms!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Those abortions have got to go somewhere. You can't flush 'em down the toilet you know.

I subcontract for"Backstreet wiv a Coathanger". I can reek a bit in the summer, and he bunged a colostomy bag in there without me noticing last week.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Bloody cutbacks.

― Sam (chirombo), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:36 (twenty-two years ago)

That's not all they cut Sam.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 27 June 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

two weeks pass...

I watched it on Monday for the first time in a couple of weeks. Why does evil gangland boss Hywel Bennett want to kill Dennis? And why is Dr Trueman in Estonia?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Anthony has gone travelling to find himself after sacrificing his whole life to fulfil his mother's dream of him becoming a doctor then killing someone. Shelley wants to kill Dennis cos Dennis wants Shelley to give him £££s to compensate for him doing time for Shelley and also as a device to bring back Dirty Den at some point (speculation only).

― Emma, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Is this the sort of travelling that means he will never come back (see also Marlene's cruise in Neighbours)?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

'the door is still open' ie when he gets fed up with The Bill he can come back. Like Lisa whose return is imminent.

― Emma, Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Lisa should never have left Press Gang.

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

who should?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:37 (twenty-two years ago)

So when is Dirty Den due to come back? (Prob last night as I missed it!)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:38 (twenty-two years ago)

I believe it is next month, well they had to find him some work seeing as though Fort Boyard got axed

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Nyaar do you mean to say the rumour I heard about Laura Beale giving birth to a black baby and Anthony taking the blame thus taking the rap for Paul, the real father, and then disappearing wasn't true? Gah! The tabloids have LIED to me!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:45 (twenty-two years ago)

My boy was convinced that she was gonna have a black baby! And what is going on with Paul & Janine? eurgh!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:46 (twenty-two years ago)

i think Den's return will be a disappointment - if you love Eastenders i doubt you're gonna love it anymore when he's back, and if you hate it then there's no hope for you either way

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

You just reminded me - anybody else know that bloke who hangs around Covent Garden with no shoes and a broken 1970s television set? Last night he was singing "Janine, Janine, Janine JERN-EEEEEEEEEENE" to the tune of Jolene. I like him.

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

should read 'any more' rather than 'anymore'

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Please tell me he was doing the 'Jer-neeeen' bit in the style of Frank Butcher?

I've worked out what bothers me about Dennis now... the actor is far too middle-class.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

yep he was Mike Reid-tastic

― j0e (j0e), Wednesday, 16 July 2003 10:59 (twenty-two years ago)

one month passes...

I've missed it for the last few episodes, and because EastEnders moves so bleedin' quickly these days its impossible to catch up having watched the first five minutes.

Who exactly is that bloke threatening Billy for doing his own club over? And why was there a comedy middle-class couple living in Phil's house?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 29 August 2003 14:23 (twenty-two years ago)

two months pass...

BEST EASTENDERS EVER!

(No, really this time)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:38 (twenty-two years ago)

It's like Sodom and Gomorrah!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw about a minute and it looked great

"Wha' ah thay tahkin' abaht?"
"Ah dunno, Zoop?"
"Zoop? Why ah they tahkin' abaht zoop?!"

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

bbc america cancelled eastenders the week before Den came back so I've had to resort to internet piracy.

― anthony kyle monday (akmonday), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

This cockney accent was brought to you by a boy from the "little English town of Devon."

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I like seeing Shane Ritchie get punched, but I hate seeing Alfie Moon getting punched. Punch him! No, don't punch him!
And while we're on the subject of Stenders, Phil Mitchell as the best Hook evah!

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:47 (twenty-two years ago)

'S all the rage in 'ackney...

― William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, come on - the prospect of Alfie Moon escaping getting bumped off by EVIL GANGSTAS again and again in all kinds of scary and comical ways is miles more appealing than weeks and weeks of Lisa getting drunk and Den telling her to sort herself out and Den telling Lisa how he'll sort anything out and then failing to do any such thing and then Phil threatening to sort Den out and doing no such thing and then Sharon going up to both of them and doing that eyes-right thing to indicate GRATE EMOTIONAL TORMENT!

Which is what EastEnders has basically consisted of for months on end, interspersed with rubbish stories about the Ferreiras who no one cares about because they have zero relationship with any of the other characters in the soap except for that equally rubbish put-upon tormented neighbour woman who no one cares about because she was only bought in to be a slightly rubbish love interest for the entire family, including probably the girl at some point.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Incidentally, this is apparently the REAL reason for Barry leaving EastEnders, which is funny because its exactly the sort of shite belligerant excuse the real Barry Evans would come up with.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:02 (twenty-two years ago)

yeh but the one with the condom huh?

― athos magnani (Cozen), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I missed it.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I was a little disappointed by the lack of cliffhanger tonight. I mean, it is Friday, after all.

― Madchen (Madchen), Friday, 14 November 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Tonight they were having a party in the Vic to celebrate Kat and Alfie's engagement and a record came on. "I love this" squealed La Slater and turned it up full volume. The record? "I'm Your Man". (The Wham! version).

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 24 November 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

so clever!

i was mildly enjoying Den's return actually, but i missed the episode where he reveals himself to the Square again e.g. Dot and Pauline (being as they are the only two characters who would know him although i'm sure even the Ferreiras's jaws probably dropped when they saw him even though they would have no idea who he was)

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Hold on, Barry's LEFT?!

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

A friend of mine told me that Barry was going to get shot dead by Janine on their honeymoon but this struck me as being too implausibly ridiculous even for Eastenders.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 11:47 (twenty-two years ago)

remember Vanessa? the woman who stitched Barry up and ran off with all his and Roy's money (they were quite successful until they shacked up with Pat) around ten years ago? you'd have thought ~~the writers~~ he'd have learnt his lesson.

― stevem (blueski), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I watched the omnibus purely to see Lynn Slater's Elvis impression, which Harry Hill hilariously pointed out on his show last week.

― Fuzzy (Fuzzy), Tuesday, 25 November 2003 14:52 (twenty-two years ago)

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