Wimbledon 2003

Ouch, indeed.

Perhaps, it is. He should be saying something like, "Ooh, you're going to have a stretch a bit to reach my volleys" or "My first serve percentage has a tendency to rise as matches go on, so fear that" or "You have literally no idea how cross I can get when my backhand isn't working. Grrr."

Pathetic. He'll probably win it now.

Wimbledon 2001 - best Wimbledon ever?

He hasn't failed to realise his potential, I think he's partially exceeded it. Being the best British-born player in a generation still doesn't make him a world-beater. 1998 was his best shot: beating reigning GS champs Korda and Rafter en route to a genuinely competitive match with Sampras in supreme form.

2001 was great, yes - you can't really beat it when the last three men's matches all go to the wire. 1992, too, was pretty extraordinary.

Also Anna Kournikova is out - ALREADY - still it'll save the woman her usual embarrassment of being trounced by a Spanish 15-year-old in the first round

Actually, I can't remember whether or not he played last year, but hey, there was a World Cup on.

I may be going to Wimbledon next Tuesday, and will Report Back if I do.

Mark C: explaining them takes the fun out of it, but Victoria Wine = Liquorsaver = Likhvotseva. Lady P and I are also planning a post-5pm grounds visit, poss next Thursday.

Word from the Anti-Podes is that the Leyt who Greyts can look forward to spending at least the second half of week two sightseeing and working on his golf this time round, although there is still a good chance his slightly better-looking half won't be available to caddy for him.

Like Gorka Fraile, a 25-year-old Spaniard, whose career prize money amounts to $77k and who has an all-time win/loss record on the main tour of 1/1 (he went out in R1), or American Jack Brasington, who didn't turn pro until he was 24 and surely has some other form of income even now, or veteran Big Dick Norman, the six foot eight Belgian who wasted 12 break points vs Hewitt in the final set at Queen's last week, destined forever to be hovering on the fringe of the big party with a world ranking of 111. Or Marie-Eve Pelletier, a 13-11 deciding set loser in the opening round of the women's event, who'll be kicking herself all the way back to Quebec. Severine Beltrame, Aniko Kapros, Gisela Dulko... where will they be next week?

I think you should take your racket just in case.

Shame though. Perhaps next year?

Same cinematographer as Se7en and Delicatessen, so he should capture the incessant rain and gloom just right. Is Kirsten Dunst playing in it, or just the love (DO YOU SEE) interest?

It can't possibly be as good as Players from 1979, with Ali McGraw, the late Dean Paul Martin and Steven Guttenberg. Guillermo Vilas wins the title in that one (spoiler, sorry).

My players of the day (or, perhaps, yesterday) are:

Todd Larkham - 29-year-old Aussie whose career earnings are no more than mine would be in this job if I stuck at it for another 9 years, a ranking best of #168 for singles *and* doubles, but who has scrapped and scrambled his way into the main draw by way of a 5-set win over Harel Levy in Roehampton... and now faces James Blake.

Talking of On The Buses, Jim's unsister Maureen Blake, the Canadian veteran, has also edged a final round qualifier for a spot in the Merton Mains. She gave Venus a torrid time last year; surely worth another run to the last 32, where Chandra Rubin will clip her ticket.

"Ticket".

Men's QF:

Bjorkman-Ancic
Federer-Schalken
Henman-Blake
Arazi-Agassi

Greg R beats Roddick in their 2nd round clash (50 aces between them and a new world record serve), but falls to Ancic in the last 16. Lleyton loses to Bjorkman from two sets up in R4. Malisse-Draper in R3 is the longest men's match: Xavier wins it 15-13 in the 5th, then flops miserably vs Andre in the next round.

Women's QF:

S Williams-Myskina
Henin-Kuznetsova
Davenport-V Williams
Rubin-Sugiyama

Kim C has a nightmare v Pistolesi in R3 and slumps out; Venus given hellacious scare by Indonesia's teenage sensation Widjaja in same round but survives.

Can't say who'll win either event, though.

In the real world, you may or may not be aware that Kreaky, TonyLeMauresmo and Alex Corretjaja have pulled out. It's a bit of a shame.

I'll be lucky if I get the chance to say "doesn't she look mannish?" at Pam Shriver during the highlights programme

I find myself with stacks of annual leave owed to me, but little opportunity to take much of it for Wimbledon-watching due to everyone in our department having the same idea. I've left it a bit late to strategically chum up to the afternoon receptionist downstairs in an effort to steer her away from her daytime soaps, allowing us the occasional sneaky peak at the odd tie-breaker or two.

The Jones Kiss of Death is about to strike on court six: projected quarter-finalist Mario Ancic already two sets down to somebody called Nadal. Bugger. Roddick-Sanguinetti is a very watchable affair, A-Rod (what *does* that mean, btw?) playing with some flair to season the powerstrokes, Davide S a strikingly handsome greying chap, with more fire in his veins than his name suggests. The Roddick speedometer has touched 141mph so far today.

The Croat giant (he's 6'10"!) facing the Defending Ball of Hate seems to have got his act together - he conceded his serve three times in the opening set, on each occasion with a double fault. The Centre Court crowd looked away and shuffled its feet.

Ooh, ooh, Lleland a mini-break down in the 2nd t/b...

Lleylo's vein is *this* far out of his forehead now.

I'm taking a day off too (along with all the other days off unemployment affords me) and I'm very much enjoying it. When I lived with my parents we would be besieged by thousands of tennis tourists (and most of them did seem to be foreign) for a fortnight a year - they live just next to Southfields station. I kind of miss the bustle and the feeling of smugness that I actually *lived* there and had a perfectly good drive to park in, hahaha. I was less pleased when I was going out of an evening and had to queue behind 2,000 to get the tube.

there was an article in the observer yesterday where b*ris b*cker said he thought federer might win, haha, he's your best mate jonesy :)

As for me as Mr Predicto, I'm typing this from inside the paper bag I got into last year, and the imminent demise of Ancic means I have little chance of immediate escape.

Is Hewitt going out here or WOT?

SUCK IT YOU (mildly) RACIST BASTARD!

hey, mr jones, that is rafael nadal, a 16 year old from mallorca (nephew of miguel angel nadal, infamous football player from fc barcelona). don't miss this kid, he'll be up there soon.

and, hmm, the spanish tennis player from the 70's is manolo santana.
carlos santana is someone else ;-)

No adverse reaction from Mrs Lleyla - Kimsters followed the fallen champ on court and won 6-0 6-0 in fourteen seconds. Big Karlovic was just interviewed on the Beeb - the guy has a serious stammer but coped admirably with the horror of the Inverdale Q&A. I think I've watched a few too many episodes of Open All Hours recently - I needed to be jolted out of my comedy speech defect mindset.

Unluckiest of the day: Jon van Lottum, playing brilliantly for a set and a bit vs Kuerten on Centre, gets injured, retires, weeps in his chair at the calamity of it all.

Greg R through in three tight sets, looking good for a battle royale with Roddick on Wednesday. Easy for Venus, bit of a struggle for Lindsay.

(Joan: I know Manolo... "Grass is for the cows", etc)

I'll be the provincial Americain here and say I expect big things from Roddick and (ok, not really) Dent.

If I was Pete I'd be cursing the late Andy Warhol for shortchanging my fame allowance by about 14 minutes.

I may be developing a fancy for Roddick.

It's good to have Wimbledon around. I just wish I could actually watch it.

Overawed presenters 1
Sensible tennis experts 0

I know, I know - "See, the big tall man won! See?!"

Senor Delgado sneaked a set off AA; Jamie, who was once a Junior Prospect, but is now a Journeyman Pro, looks like a slightly crap Brit version of Agassi five or so years ago before Wilkinson Sword persuaded him to lose the beard. If Simon Pegg is Tufnell Park and Andre is Las Vegas, Jamie D is just off the west coast of Ireland.

Elena Baltacha went down fighting to Dock Itch; I think the LTA should step in on the subject of her ongoing mystery ailment and simply force one of her less talented compatriots to donate their liver to speed her recovery. Perhaps there could be a round-robin tournament to decide who gets to avoid the operating theatre.

Let's see how badly I'm doing on my predictions: Malisse, Arazi, Hewitt, Ancic all gone from the men's, Pistolesi out in the women's. I'm rubbish.

I've seen about a set of tennis so far this year :o(

Mardy Fish two sets and a break to the good vs Gambill, Ai Sugiyama two points away from round three, Federer breaks Koubek on Centre just as he was in danger of dropping the first set (I hope this is a long-ish one, actually - I need 'ski vs 'dick to still be on when I get home), Paradorn getting battered by Mutis (oh, no, I meant to used that for Fish), and teensensationweneedtoknowabout Nadal currently outclassing Plucky LeeSpeakLikeAChilds. I wish I was watching Kuerten serving against Todd M on Court #1, just to see how The Mummy Returns.

Today I Am Taping Over: five episodes of This Life, second series.

About 33? We were talking in the pub last night about tennis stereotypes who are represented in every era. Todd M is the 'New England Ivy League nice guy'. Tim Mayotte was a predecessor.

Latest genre of Henman-talk:

"John, do you think we talk too much about Henman?" "Yes, we talk about Tim far too much. It piles pressure on the guy. And tennis is all about pressure. Tim is out there on his own, and I don't care what you say, that makes for pressure. And we've just got so many hopes resting on this one guy, the pressure is massive. I don't care what you say." "But doesn't he seem to thrive on that pressure?" "Yes, he does. Tennis is all about pressure and how you handle it. I don't care what your name is, but if you're Tim Henman, walking out on Centre Court at Wimbledon, you've got to *take* that pressure... and *use* it!" "But maybe we're putting too much pressure on Tim by the way we talk about him every year?" "Yes, we are. The question is, what's Tim going to *do* with that pressure?"

[extracted from a 48-page document in similar vein]

Greg snatches the initiative early in the 3rd with the frist break of the match; Roddick serves at 2-5 30/15 and a *fan* calls one of his groundstrokes long - Greg stops playing (dinks backhand over net and walks away), so does Andy (dinks backhand over net and looks puzzled) umpire awards point to Roddick. Greg explodes, goes to pieces, is broken to love and sets a new record for swearing on BBC2 before 6:30pm. Roddick breaks again and serves out with an ace.

And that's that.

My dad's considered opinion on the Rusedski affair: "Big soft girl".

Ivo Watts-Karlovic is through to round three, pounding 29 aces in four sets vs Baccanello; Sjenga is still struggling in the half-light... 8:51pm and he's 4-3 up vs Lapentti in the fifth on court one.

Honorable mentions: Sluiter, who was fantastic vs Kafelnikov in another late-nighter yesterday that the BBC didn't stay with (Asagoe-Hantuchova seems to have prised The Way We Cooked (AKA Obvious Filler) out of the schedule) and (whisper it) Roger F, who was devastating vs Koubek this afternoon.

Probably off to SW19 after work tomorrow; fingers crossed for a swift Henman win (he's first on Centre vs Llodra) - that way all the flag-waving Last Night of the Pigging Proms filth can clear out by 4pm and leave lots of nice grounds space for people who aspire to something more than sitting on a hill in facepaint looking at a big telly.

Sebastian B. John may underestimate him, as most tend to, at his considerable peril. Unlike a few years ago, the point now remains alive even after the receiver manages to navigate that booming serve back over the net.

If Philippousis goes down tonight, the Big Poo will have to live with the ignominy of becoming the first Australian ever to lose at anything to someone called Cyril.

i heard two wankers and a shit.

The two wankers would be Kafelnikov and Gimelstob and the shit is definitely Pat Cash.

Didn't Nick Tate lose his deposit in the '74 general election in Rochdale? Standing on some kind of Moonbase Alpha free-comlocks-for-the-kiddies ticket.

Rusedski: definitely some fuckings before moving, quite endearingly, on to the wankers. As British as bacon.

Capriati has just stomped on Mikael Ian for a place in round three. Timbo has just sneaked the first set vs Llodddddra and Nalbandit is showing what a freak I was for expecting him to be out 12 days earlier than last year by making short work of Andre Sa.

More comprehensive British defeats in the doubles, I see. They really are throwing themselves on the fire in an effort to clear a path for Hensy as the sole UK anything. Only one home player in either singles as of 7pm, first Wednesday - is this 1989 or something?

Had a premonition last night, and on the way home am putting a fiver on Maria Sharapova to take the title.

Meanwhile, Princess Anastasia Myskina (10th seed) has just seen off 1 and 4 a compatriot whose given name is Lina and two of the multitudinous syllables in her family name are Krash and Rout.

Sexton needs to settle or he could drown in the wide Sargsian sea.

Mary Pierce has tipped out the 14th seed. She hasn't made it past Round 2 of too many slams recently. Well done Hawkeye.

Younes vs Massu the one to watch now, Phil Poop not currently troubled by Mr Regis, Henman through (who cares?).

Agassi a break up in the first, Queen Justine about to start on Centre. I might nip out for a gawp at that backhand.

I hope so.

I'm off to Southfields to see if I get elbow my way onto a bench for Mullards-GreasyJean on court five.

Ta-ra.

It's 100 posts for the Wimbledon 2003 thread!

More tomorrow when I get sick of subtitling Teachers.

Few surprises yesterday means some great-looking last 32 matches:

Karlovic-Miryni
Srichaphan-Nadal (Joan's right - he's looks a heck of a prospect)
Robredo-Roddick
Federer-Fish
Sargsian-Ferrero
El Aynaoui-Agassi

and

Petrova-Venus
Dokic-Sharapova
Henin-Molik
Myskina-Martinez

Andrew Lincoln's really starting to get on my nerves.

Anyway, this thread isn't about my job. It's about Tommy Redrumo and his chances of putting the skids under Hot Rod, etc.

Here's to a return to the commentary box for affable old codgers who haven't picked up a racket in 40 years.

(er, I'm not sure - should that be disinter?)

Atrocious.

Too neat, too polite, too modest, just too damn well brought up for the modern Britain of rap and road rage, Tim Henman has always seemed to be a man out of time, and yesterday he went all the way by giving the Centre Court a match from another era entirely. No heavy artillery. No baseline rallies (well, just one, actually, in the course of three sets). No obscenities, audible or otherwise. Just the kind of tennis to which words such as nuance and finesse could be applied.

It was a contest full of delicately angled stop-volleys and drop- shots feathered over the net to die exquisitely on the lush grass. It was about touch and angles and anticipation. It was like a beautiful dream, or the product of some wonderful drug.

Anyone who failed to leave the Centre Court with a feeling of warm satisfaction afterwards was probably born after 1980 and has never heard of Ken Rosewall, Manuel Santana or Adriano Panatta. It was the sort of afternoon on which, if you half-closed your eyes, all the women in the crowd looked like Grace Kelly.

Dan M, sadly, has gone to the Robinson's Barley Water factory in the sky. I quite like the calm, reassuring tones of Mark Cox. With Chris Evert alongside him, oddness could occur.

JtN OTM. Chilton didn't seem to understand what was going on, just that some people were shouting and the pretty European lady was sniffly. Garbage.

Sugiyama going along nicely, as is Todd Martin who, while wearing long trousers, playing with a wooden racket and smoking a pipe, is leading Scuttler by a set.

Karlovic-Mirnyi goes to a tiebreak in the first, and could be very interesting, but my lunch hour's just about finished. Bugger.

So much for Petrova's challenge - dumped out double-quick by the retrograde sis. It's crunch time for Ivo the Engine - t/b approaching in set four vs Jerry's poster boy.

Federer Fenomenal vs Fish at the mo'; Ivo seemed harshly done by vs Miryni the Sleeveless: overrule on a Max serve in the t/b.

Bea Bielik - c/d?

I don't know what's happened to Hingis, maybe you could elucidate Michael. She is surely still very young yet nowhere.

The 18 year old Monica Seles is a memory worth remembering

But the real stories: the brilliance of Sharapova on court one, a set and a break up vs Dokic, and Mary 'Peters' Pierce - she's back and she's as mad as hell - on the verge of squaring matters vs Raymond Baxter on court 18.

Agassi has won the second set vs El Aynaoui and just survived a couple of break points at 1-1 in the third after a blatant bad line-call, which Hawk-eye showed was wrong but, Barry Davies - spatial relations being his poorest section on the General Studies A-level - completely misinterpreted. Bazza was on about his son's Russian language skills yesterday, correcting Tracy Austin's (and the umpire's) mispronounciation of Petrova. It's Solskjaer all over again.

Come on, The Underdog!

Agassi - El Ay shaping up as a very good match. Poor El Ay is visibly weak though.

Rubber-lipped Stepanek seemed to have the measure of Australia's Mr Burly, but he blew both breakers.

Ooh - Ronnie Barker's on the telly.

Mike, did you see (hear) Barry talking PRONUNCIATION with Tracy Austin yesterday?? It was parody Barry. Possibly one for archives that don't yet exist.

Nipper: I thought you'd quit.

On the rest - I mean... the Tennis: I will try to resume normal service next week. Right now, I don't even know the... results.

I meant 'his ear' in the Becker-as-comic-genius bit above.

Second Monday: should be the best day of the championships, so, of course, it's chucking it down. And Michael Fish had the gall to use the incendiary word 'unsettled' in reference to the rest of the week. Fourth year in a row the second week will be rain-wrecked?

I'm backing Ted Bundyian to finally stop all this tedious Henmuurrgh baloney. As the Pinefox said above, it really is meta-to-the-nth discussion now; 15 mins of every hour of coverage must, by law, be given over to Timmy Talk, Talk about Timmy Talk and Are We Talking Too Much About Timmy Talk Talk?

It's a shame, cos a Henman-Agassi semi would be a delight, but I can't stand another four days of this drivel. Can't they fill the gaps with endless replays - Hawk-eye used to its fullest - of Federer's backhands vs Fish? Get a fluid dynamics prof in from the Open University to really go to town on analysis of his topspin.

This week - Virginia Wade spots a Mo Tucker looklikey in the fourth row during the Serena Williams quarter final?

Anyway, it's all going rather uninspiringly to form at the mo': Davenport, Serena, Venus and Clijsters all a set and a break to the good vs Asagoe, Zvonareva, Iris Dementieva and Sugiyama.

Paradorn-Rrrrod and Justine-BigLass didn't even get their first game in before the heavens opened. I see Phyllis has already smacked a 134mph ace past former Chorley FM DJ.

(NB the view from Putney is considerably lighter, plus the weather seems to be coming from here towards Spouthfields. Should be back playing soon, I reckon)

Popp and Miryni about to level their matches.

Pop is winning over Rock, Bjorkman on the a brink of a lead vs Mad Max, not the width of a cigarette paper between the combatants on Centre and #1 (Srichaphan and Agassi winning second sets), Federer off to a flyer vs Lopez.

I'm off home. Pray for the weather!

Oh, well, at least Tag will be happy.

Sjeng has disappeared from the latest scores page, so I presume he's through. If the BBC cared about screening a tennis event instead of Trooping the Colour with Rackets they'd now switch to the Sharapova-Kuznetsova humdinger. I think I'll go and smash my telly.

They've now just decided they will deign to show the end of the Andre v Marky game, but due to "technical problems" aren't managing it. Just as well, I don't think I could bear to watch it.

Oh God, now I understand what they talk about when they talk about PRESSURE. I'll, erm, think about it... (and you are very kind).

The Tammy-Nalbo match turned out to be huge fun; I was yelling for PeachFuzz and he obliged with several spectacular breaks of serve. Surely Henmank's number is up on Wednesday - whether it's Geraldine Ferrero or Derek Jarman, he'll find Christmas is over when it's time to receive, and either one of them will stomp on his own delivery with gay Nalbandon.

Off to bed now, thinking of Federer's aching back. It may be a fitful sleep.

Venus a set up vs Davenport, but Nigel is fighting back, trying to consolidate a break in the second set. Farina Elia astonishes herself by sneaking the first set vs the previously impermeable Clidge, but is 0-5 in the second.

The weather still looks grim here in W1W tho'. I hope SG and JCF get their set(s) in.

Funky Seb has break points at 4-4 in the 4th vs Rocher!

(I'm not very good at this.)

Heavy rain in South London but not before Grosjean built a 4-1 first set lead vs TedIuM with blazin' returns and four aces in three service games. Good. Popp-Pppo 1-1 when the wetness smothered them.

It was supposed to be fine today. Who the hell does the BBC five-day weather forecast? Criswell?

Y'know, I've scoured every Supergrass album for that song and I can't bloody find it.

TH and SG returned to court for long enough for SuperSeb to blitz Henners again and move ahead 5-1. I don't think Popp and Oppo even bothered to leave the couch.

In place of real live tennis, played by real people, the BBC have bunged on the ghostly images of 1993 - Sampras and Courier ushering in an era of very bad men's finals - to a soundtrack of The Last Splash. Which surely came out in August of that year - I expect Chris Gorringe got a pre-release promo. Lucky dawg.

I have scoured the BBC's website for some mention of their super-bizarro vignettes featuring Greg Rusedski's wife and her sister, but have found nothing.

The BBC (yes, yes, this is a continuing whinge - I should probably just write a letter) have withdrawn their little treat of the Williams sisters doubles from last night to show cabbies and coppers reciting Shakespeare as a prelude to Thimble frothing back on court.

And Seb starts with an ace! Allez!

Sorry, it's just not the same thing at all. I surely don't have to explain why.

That was almost the most excruciating set of tennis since Agassi-Becker, 2nd set, '95 semi. A double-break squandered by suddenly errant tennis; Groggy prevails in the t/b from 3-6 down tho'.

And...he's just broken at the start of the 2nd. And Popp up a set vs C3PO.

With the interactive telly service I imagine there's a way to turn off the commentary and just have the crowd; is there any way I can turn off the crowd and just have the commentary? That could be the clincher for me.

Oh, Fred! If folks are going to stamp on every minor gag I make I'm just going to give up.

Phil the Greek fighting back on court one - takes the third set 6-3.

Kuznetsova/Navratilova a set to the good in the women's doubles QF. Respec' to anyone with a ground pass who's stayed in the standing area on court 2 for that one.

TH-SG* 6-7 6-3 1-1 (0/15)
AP-MP* 6-4 6-4 3-6 1-0 (0/0)

Counter-argument: do I really want to see AA losing, dramatically or otherwise?

I am backing the Belgians, naturally.

Nipper: the Lou story is unbelievable. It sounds like one of your vintage sinister extrapolations.

Mike: 1) ow, yes, I was logged on for all of 5 minutes the other day and didn't even read the post that said exactly what I thought it remained necessary to say. Nevertheless, truly archetypal Barry.

2) I am surprised that you aren't making Popp - I think, or imagine, that his breakages of MP have been heroic.

Cozen's question: well, presumably there is a difference - but it's true that we have not explained to him what it is. (Possibly someone has while I'm writing this.)

I think Mike should write not some computer program thing but a book. It could be about tennis, or railways, or cafeterias for instance. It might begin, for instance, I have only ever seen one dead body in my life. It belonged to Ivan Lendl during a tennis match near the middle of 1988. The body was deadly alive, or likely dead. It wasn't literally dead but it was definitely dead in the water and it hadn't even been raining. In truth though the book that I'm imagining would be more slightly original than that, and also more sveltely thrilling.

First of all, outside of the Federation and Davis Cups, tennis isn't a team sport along national boundaries.

There was a 23-year gap between British male quarter-finalists at Wimbledon - it was in this 'lean' time that I developed my love for the game and for this event in particular. The arrival on the scene of a home player who might conceivably win it hasn't really enhanced my enjoyment of the tournament - for some people, I'll concede, it's probably where their interest begins and ends.

The BBC's single-track approach to coverage this year (and for the last few years, but this year it seems especially acute, or I'm especially sensitive) has just depressed me a bit, and the only way it's gonna change is if Henman's out of the event. I know it's a selfish view, but - hey - I like Nalbandian and Grosjean a lot too, so that's a bonus.

The jingoistic build-up, the constant interviews revolving around the same subject - might all be understandable if it were an England-Brazil WC qf we were talking about, but it's a tennis match between two individuals and there are OTHER MATCHES going on at the same time which are, arguably, of a higher quality, similar signficance and between better players. I grew up with Maskell, Kramer and Jones purring over the skills of Gerulaitis, Goolagong, etc - I don't get this kind of coverage. It bores me.

I probably haven't answered your question. Well, there we are.

(All this during changeovers in a match which has finished for the can't. What a miserable day. Grosjean takes the third set 6-3, Philp levels on court one at two sets all - where they appear to still be playing.)

Finished for the night above. Dodgy new keyboard + cut'n'paste + frequent trips to the living room + general drizzly gloom + galloping levels of irritability = garbage.

Plus, I heart Tim Henman for no sane nor rational reason. : )

I think constantly being fed the "We're all backing xxx, aren't we?" line is easier to swallow when it refers to a national team, perhaps even the concept of England/Scotland/whoever, rather than an individual to whom one's own attitudes are probably going to be a bit more complex.

Plus I tend to love these events above and beyond the local interest anyway - Euro2000 was fabulous, despite (or perhaps partially due to the bizarre nature of) England's failure.

Centre: Williams vs Belgian, then Henman vs Grosjean to finish
#1: Williams vs Belgian, then Phil'sis vs Popp to finish
#2: Schalken vs Federer
#3/#18: Bjorkman vs Roddick

A good day to get a ground pass.

I want exactly the opposite, but I expect you knew that. I suspect neither of us will get what we want, but I can't decide in which precise fashion we'll be disappointed.

'Crush' *is* the word. Nobody likes crushing.

Besides, Serena looks like a thumb.

Come on HRH Justine Henin-Hardenne!

(Note: I don't like Kim Cloisters either. I mean, Lleyton Hewitt, COME ON!)

(The preceding was the sound of the hypothetical introduction of a single me to Serena's breasts.)

Venus is ridiculously graceful (except for her serve lately, oops).

For the same reason nobody over here could get too excited about Martina Navratilova winning her 4th...5th...6th...etc titles. Maybe it's a British thing - "let someone else play!" I agree than Serena is a bit gorge.

The order of play is actually (noon start all courts):

Centre: Serena-Justine; Tim-Seb to finish; Venus-Kim
#1: Jonas-Andy; Mark-Alex to finish
#2: Sjeng-Roger

If it's anything like today, four of the above players won't get on court at all and that's the schedule up the spout.

Eye of the beholder and all that. Someone find that pic of her in sleeveless Cameroon colours at last year's French. Rowr.

I'd also like to draw attention to the fact that I got 10 out of 16 quarterfinalists right. Getting more than half means I get a wildcard into the quallies next year and lunch in a noodle bar in Deptford with Ion Tiriac. Mr Nipper, fancy a knockabout in Southwark Park say, late next May?

I used to be vehemently anti-Williams sisters for the simple reason that I didn't think they quite earned their standings: they made enough money on endorsements that, unlike many players, they could afford to sit out when they were injured -- even for minor injuries many players would just live with. They'd rate high after playing only a fraction of the tournaments of other players on the tour -- they'd play only at their best, which many people thought skewed things, and at the time I agreed with them.

That only lasted about a year, and it was before Serena came into her own. Since then ... fuck it. Serena's good. Really, really good. (And unlike Cozen, I like her because she plays like McEnroe.) Venus I'm not as sure of -- luck of the channel-flip, I've only caught a few of her matches that didn't have the commentators saying, "Well, she's struggling a little today, she's not in her usual form..."

I don't want both Williams sisters to win, because it's boring when they play each other.

Federer also a set up vs Schalken, Roddick serving for the first vs Bjorkman.

I hope the organisers don't end up to regretting their optimism in scheduling both women's semis for Centre. The spectre of a Third Monday feels me with dread.

(I feel a twinge of guilt saying this with Mike watching.)

serena dances all over JHH, A-Rod beats bjorkman and federer beats schalken

also in the ladies doubles:

[15] ELENA DEMENTIEVA (Rus) and LINA KRASNOROUTSKAYA (Rus) beat Maria Vento-Kabchi (Ven) and Angelique Widjaja (Ina) 3-6 6-2 6-1

is that a doubles partnership or a very bad scrabble hand???

They all train in the US, don't they?

Sorry I wasn't around this afternoon to state the bleedin' obvious - a complete PC rebuild less me adrift in reformatted C: drive hell and I couldn't even get into ILX.

Grosjean was just astonishing at times: the hook-flick to secure the break, the fierce baseline smash and nippy pass like a fishmonger's blade to fend off the break-back points. Wonderful stuff. Aside from the odd flub return, Henman didn't do a lot wrong. If we wanted to build this into another rain-tragedy we could: after all, the only portion of the match where Timbo had control was the lengthy spell played in the sunshine late yesterday afternoon. The short bursts after weather delays were all Sebba.

Serena sublime vs Justine and a deserved winner; have yet to see footage of Venus-Kim and I'm not sure I want to. Kim just seemed to implode after the rain break. Interest in Saturday's tennis (unless it rains tomorrow) = close to zero. Sorry, Dan.

Mark P looks so much like the Goran of 2003 that, now we've stated it, restated it and got it engraved on a slightly fey bracelet, means it can't happen. Federer-Roddick is a match-up we'll all get sick of between now and 2012, but relish it for its magical qualities now.

Rafter is gone, Sampras as good as, Hewitt is in a trough and two nights ago Agassi went to the well again and, for one of very few times since #162, came up dry.

The cliche deemed appropriate by the brain-dead Oz media contingent(complete with clever English sub-references, wot with the real thing happening not even a half-hour Tube ride away and all), will be 'Changing of the Guard'. It might give the oldest of the four (that's you, Mark) a one-tournament Window of Opportunity to snatch a major. But most likely it will provide the most pre-raved-about of the four (that's you, Andy) with a slightly overdue first of many.

Re Rene v Vene: I'm with you, Mike. Vienna awaits.

Anyway, the first semi is a very frustrating affair so far. MP can barely get near SG's serve for 40 mins, then suddenly Seb's forehand goes AWOL and he's down a set and a break. His opportunities to fight back have been, inevitably, snuffed out by giant Oz serves - 7-6 6-3 to Philippoussis. Grosjean hitting the ball off the ground so meekly - I don't know what's up with him.

Martina N has just gone out of the women's doubles. Billie Jean punches the air.

Except we're not going to get that it seems... Grosjean has just double-faulted to go 3-5 down in the 3rd...

(Julio: Mark's right. But you don't care.)

I blame Christine Trueman on R5. Midway through the first set t/b, she was wittering on about how marvellous it would be to go dancing with Grosjean - at which point he developed two left feet.

A really flat match. I doubt the next one will be.

I read this as Goran. I wish it had said that, it seemed such a timely reminder of his majesty.

RF-AR very high quality so far, Rog seemingly having no trouble dealing with Roddick's 130mph+ deliveries but still no breaks: 5-4 in first.

Oh. MY GOD.
Consider me a tennis fan, is James Blake playing in this tournament?

Roddick has break points at the start of set two but doesn't take them - Federer does, finally, take his in the next game; consolidates to fifteen: 7-6 3-0. It's masterful. It *is* like watching Sampras, but even smoother, more instinctive.

2nd set Federer 6-3 and the sound of crowd on the last point was extraordinary - a kind of "Awwwww - bloody hellfire!" If nothing else this performance (not that we can count Roddick out just yet) will banish the myth of Henman being the best volleyer in the game.

I'm trying to think of similarly immaculate Centre Court performances: perhaps McEnroe vs Connors in the final in '84, or Sampras vs Stich in the '92 qf, Mecir vs Wilander in the '88 qf. It was that good.

As a result of Poo's semi-final victory he will, in 48 hours time, have appeared in twice as many GS finals as Pat Cash. If MarkiPhilliPoo wins, the Einsteins of the Oz media will have a big decision to make: should we, the public, now see MPP as the new Rafter, or a very slightly less annoying version of Lleyton? (If he loses, the decision is easy. Mark returns to his former role as Whipping Boy.)

On BBC this am: Wimbledon's Greatest Hits: tremendous memories of the extraordinary 2001 tournament, but with background music in the VERY LOUD FOREGROUND.

I think it was two years ago that Mike warned us all to fear, not the Reaper, but the Philippoussis. Probably we still should.

Much gravitas has been attached to the stat of all 11 games the sisters have played, the winner of the first set has been the winner of the match. It's a shame this match will probably (hopefully not) ruin that.

Serena goes a break up in the second.

Most of the above mainly refers to the print boys. On TV, Fred Stolle is as boring as batshit, Newk is still up himself (OK, with some reason, and he has mellowed a bit), Pat C just grates, the Channel 7 and 9 general sports hacks like Sandy Roberts and co love to shit-stir but otherwise add nothing.

Give me Bud Collins or the late Doug Heywood over that mob of hacks any time. McEnroe wins a lifetime supply of brownie points for his refusal to rave up that Ch 7 show imported from the US despite pressure from 7 hacks Brucie and Sandy, and he can commentate without stating the bleedinobvious.

But one thing about tennis on TV: the commentators crap all over their cricket colleagues.

you read this?

http://www.theaustralian.news.com.au/common/story_page/0,5744,6700409%255E12270,00.html

*holds breath*

You've really got in it for Patsy ClimbIntoThePlayersBoxAndHugYourDad, haven't you?

PC reached the Aussie finals in '87 and '88 (Kooyong and Flinders [as was] Park, grass and Rebound Ace*), losing to Edberg and Wilander in five. Great matches they were too - in fact, I don't there's been an Aussie final to touch the Wilander match since. I think he also got as far as match point in a US Open semi vs Lendl in '84: up 6-5 40/30 in the 5th he hit a perfect fading volley only for old skullface to loop a gobsmacking topspin lob. Ivan the Lovable won the breaker.

(* - I do like the way the name of this surface combines a physical prerequisite with something you'd hope to achieve. I believe the track at Monza has been relaid with Griptyre Notcrash.)

I'd say something about the women's final but I was at Ikea while it was on.

Also, MP seems to send down a whole lot more untouchables; Roddick's celebrated WR-equalling 149mph delivery at Queen's last month was straight into Agassi's hitting zone and came back fizzing. I still think Federer in four, but Scud has this whole IronMind thing going on which scares me. It could be an excruciating two and a half hours of fleeting break point opportunities earned by free-flowing genius obliterated by an ace machine and then horrid Swiss mental collapse in tie-breakers.

Nice to see Bjorkman/Woodbridge win the doubles again; Todd W's got a busy day tomorrow - a maximum possible three matches if it stays light till late and he and Kuznetsova reach the final.

Should I be alarmed by Sue Barker's claim that wheelchair tennis is Britain's fast-growing sport?

the williams sisters => didn't watch first two sets, watched bits of the third but you it was just a bit dull from what i saw.

I remembered the Wilander game five minutes after posting (just hoped like hell it was a semi not a final) and the Edberg match when you mentioned it. So chalk up one unforced error to Nerk.

Yes, it's true that Pat Cash has to try less hard than most to get thoroughly up my nose. My Pat is your Boris.

Cash may have been riding on that one Wimbledon his whole life, but, if you're only going to win one major, you may as well do it in some style. Beating Forget, Wilander, Connors and Lendl without dropping a set is some way to go. I well remember his wildcard QF loss to Leconte twelve months earlier - my first encounter with the phrase 'keyhole surgery'. I use it all the time now.

The Aussie media sounds appalling, btw. Thank goodness we've got chaps like Williams with his tripping on the needle-bliss celebration of Henman's second round win above.

but so far federer is too good.

Pick of the commentary moments:

Andrew Castle: "Philippousis is very proud of his Greek heritage...but not of that volley."
(later, with a view of Federer's girlfriend): "She's warming up those dimples for a very big smile."

At times it was like having Robin Askwith and Leslie Philips in the box. "Purrrr, a pretty girl..."

Talking of records, Woodbridge's doubles win was, I think, the 77th title of his career. McEnroe has 78 and Tom Okker 79, so Mac has suggested, once Woody wins another tournament, they team up and try to equal Okker's mark.

Talking of Tom Okker (I'm on fire here), he was a semi-finalist the last year the last three men's matches were decided in straight sets: 1978. It didn't feel like a let-down then either, Borg was just a class apart from Connors in the final. I watched much of that year's tournament on a black'n'white portable above a florist's on Poulton Road listening to John Denver LPs.

Talking of John Denver... no, I can't go on.

And, until Melb Park Jan 2004, it's goodnight from me, and it's goodnight from him....

navratilova has just won her 20th title.

Hats off to Mardy Fish - who can now join the hallowed ranks of Florin Segarceanu, Todd Martin, Paul McNamee and, er...Paul McNamee as Men Who Took A Set Off An Untouchable Champion Elect.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/olmedia/1960000/images/_1960677_jensen150.jpg vs http://www.pjede.de/208/images/jocks/jensen.gif

hey dan i love 'em too (they get me going on 'all levels') but they shouldn't play in finals against each other, that's all.

It would be a shame not to make the 300-posts mark, so I'm going to keep this fella chugging along until it's a bit gnarly and rotten - a bit like those courgettes that went liquid next to the cooker last week. We thought something had died in the kitchen wall.

Did the men's event suffer slightly from Hypertension Hewitt's early dismissal? His potential QF with Roddick could've been a furious affair, Centre Court so much scorched scrubland afterwards. Instead we got one man who could serve his way out of a steel box heading inexorably towards a chap whose ranking should probably be in minus figures (like The Black Hit of Space). Goran vs Pete in '94, really.

And the 'return of grass-court tennis' line is laughable; the last serve-volley final was only two years ago. We always need a mix. I wonder if the Aussies basically developed the serve-volley game, or was it those post-war Americans: Kramer, Falkenberg, Seixas? I've never seen enough footage of them to make it out.

I renounce my initials.

Have they ramped up the absorbency? The sweat streaming off the peak of Roddick's cap was faintly nauseating. We're back to those courgettes again.

Re Flushing Meadow? Never grabbed me. Andrew Bolt or his British equivalent (from the Daily Mail?) would probably use it as an indicator of my ever less 'healthy' or 'helpful' or 'mature' attitude towards our shared Mecca (that's America, of course), and he would most likely not be far wrong. Something about the atmosphere of the US Open puts me off, I've never been able to put my finger on what it is. Mind you, put an Australian or two in the final and I'll watch.

And urge next years Wimbledon to be presented by Mr Michael Jones instead of birds nest bonce bird.

I cannot agree at all with Mike about Hewitt's exit being a bad thing. That exit was the thing which, along with one or two other things, made this one of the best Wimbledons I can remember. I was surprised at how reticent and becalmed Inverdale, Lloyd, Cash and even Becker ultimately were about the tournament - they have a professional interest in building it up, yet seemed less enthused about it all than I did.

Great things: Hewitt's exit; the fact that people still talk about Roddick-Rusedski as a great thing, though I didn't see it (it's nice somehow that Greg R's early defeats can be as momentous as Tim, um, H's late ones); Henman beating Nalbandian was probably an achievement, but what do I know; Agassi- MP was an epic though naturally I didn't like the score; Federer fulfilling the isolated outburst of passionate partisanship with which Mike began the whole thread - in such quiet, cautious fashion; the Oxbridge heights of Federer-Roddick; the sudden, superfluous backhand volley past MP from a yard inside the court; the notion that the right man may have won; the 'sentimentality' (Becker: interesting word) with which he received the trophy (Nipper and Barthelme to thread); McEnroe's at least occasional magnificence in the studio; Becker's gradual verbal redemption of past physical crimes; and the late late victory for my bovine wholegrain fruitjuice favourite Kijm C. (Someone post a picture of her!)

yes, very much so, a beautiful thing

I know that no one else will have been crass enough to notice that her nipples erected at the very moment of victory.

It struck me that if this thread was ever to reach 300 posts, I really should have split my above post into c.15 separate instalments.

I think this is 300.

also, I'm sure Michael is heartily relieved by finally being vindicated re Federer after umpteen previous thread humiliations. Hats off to Mr Jones ... and er to Roger of course.

(my favourite headline from yesterday)

I'd seen him play breathtaking stuff on clay and hardcourt and '93 Wimb would see the full flowering of his gifts. Yes, he won, but not very interestingly and thereafter won so often that those chums came to regard my punditry with open hostility - some changing their phone numbers to avoid me and, in one case, undergoing plastic surgery and joining the British Antarctic Survey.

This can't be allowed to happen again.

I miss this Wimbledon.

Great things: Stepanek's promise directly proportional to his receding hairline; the graceful turns Boris Becker spun in his grave as Hot-Rod and The Elephant rocketed into the last four; the return of grass tennis, wha?; Hantuchova's lips' quivering like a sea gently mussitating against the shore as Asagoe kept on proving too much too much; Henman generally; Kim Cloisters you'll never win a slam; I wish Federer was like a mercury tilt switch but I don't know what one of them is; the drive volley from just inside the baseline (oh! yes!); replay of the French semi-final cauldron of red raw seething hatred from a rained out London on sunny day in Glasgow; pints and points: outside with Henman and Grosjean; I love tennis.