Aaaarrrrr! It's the bootylicious Pirates of the Caribbean thread!

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Saw this Monday night with modest hopes and low expectations. Man, was it ever better than I thought. Bruckheimer/Verbinski/writers Ted Elliot & Terry Rossio (pretty good scripts!) involved make the wise choice of invoking pretty much every pirate movie cliché ever, really the best route to go. This movie has:

Swordfights
Cannon fights
A parrot
A monkey
Treasure chests
An ancient curse
The "code of the pirates"
A pirate with a missing eye
Mutinies
Walked planks
A desert island
Rum
Skeletal ghost pirates
Many one-liners

Plus Johnny Depp in really, one of the great, puzzling & hilarious performances of his career as "Captain Jack Sparrow," resembling a drunken club promoter or something.

Also very pretty Keira Knightley. And stoic Orlando Bloom. And Geoffrey Rush in full hamming-it-up mode. Thank god this movie doesn't take itself too seriously, unlike certain summer movies I could mention.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

This week (T3 + Pirates) has somewhat redeemed this summer.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

You forgot the final necessary element (for straight males at least) -- heaving bosoms.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Plus Johnny Depp in really, one of the great, puzzling & hilarious performances of his career as "Captain Jack Sparrow," resembling a drunken club promoter or something.

I heard he based the character on Keith Richards (really! I'm not making this up).

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

This movie has:

Slutsky has made me so happy.

I cannot wait to see this movie. Unfortunately I am busy tonight.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

This sounds like the best film of all time.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I just watched Burt Lancaster (whatta side of beef wow) in The Crimson Pirate the other day (which is fucking absofantastalutely great BTW) and was hankering for another pirate movie. I wish I knew someone who would actually consent to go to this with me. My friends are no fun.

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I totally want to see this.
http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0325980/02_c427-16.jpg
Aaaarrrrr! indeed!

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

this sounds huge amts of fun, hope the nice bootleggers get me a copy soon

― H (Heruy), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

To wit, The Crimson Pirate's inventory:

Swordfights
Cannon fights
~~A parrot~~
~~A monkey~~
~~Treasure chests~~
~~An ancient curse~~
The "code of the pirates"
~~A pirate with a missing eye~~
Mutinies
Walked planks
A desert island
Rum
~~Skeletal ghost pirates~~
Many one-liners

but also:

Revolution
Heaving bosoms
"Dancing girls" (ahem)
Evil colonial overlords
Bumbling colonial overlords
Labyrinthine pirate conspiracies
Hilarious anachronisms (submarines, hot air balloons, tanks)
A mute pirate sidekick
Burt motherfreaking Lancaster

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm so fucking stoked to see this. Some see-which-celebrities-you're-compatible-with website told me I was 100% compatible with Keira Knightley, which is definitely okay with me.

I love Geoffrey Rush in full "hamming-it-up mode". If we could get him and John Lithgow together in a movie ever...wow.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Also:

A ragged pirate who inexplicably peppers his pirate-speak with the King's English
A mad scientist
Sea chases
Fish barrels

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

The bosoms heave! They heave! Like the swells of the wine-dark pirate seas!

I forgot. This movie does have:

Heaving bosoms ('course)
Nasty colonial commodore
Bumbling colonial overlord
And a mute pirate sidekick too!

But no good anachronisms (TANKS?) and unfortunately no Burt Lancaster. Would that they could. Actually, they probably could.

Also:

Ghost ship!
The Interceptor, "fastest ship in the Caribbean!"
Several tumbles from cliffs
Escape from the noose

(x-post)

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyone notice how in the trailer they call it Pirates of the Caribbean? Bugs me.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

That's how we say it in old Blighty - is the trailer voiceover English accented?

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Calling yr pirate ship "The Interceptor" ticks the anachronism box nicely I think. What is this, Blakes 7??

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

harf

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

("matey")

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

They gotsta Murkinize it fo' us. If they called it Pirates of the CaRIBbean, most Murkins would be all like "huh? let's go see that thar Dumb and Dumbererererer instead maw".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

THASS SHEW STANKS

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

(rifle is fired at screen)

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

every summer when i was little i'd go visit my relatives in los angeles and go to disneyland. every summer my cousin and i would argue about how to pronounce "caribbean."

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll go see it with you amateurist. Oh wait we live a long way away from each other. I live a long way away from everybody. Bugger.

But I can always attend this, my new favorite movie I haven't yet seen, with my brother. We'll eat two tubs of corn and scream madly. We love pirates.

― Neudonym, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

popcorn I hope

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I ate so much popcorn at T3 last night my lips are still puckered.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

(to save you wiseacres the trouble: "THAT WASN'T POPCORN")

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

So should I go see it this afternoon?

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes. Go since I cannot.

― Nicole (Nicole), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok. And should I just skip lunch and eat a bag of popcorn at the movies instead?

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:26 (twenty-two years ago)

You'll feel crappy afterwards. Don't do it.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, I'll sneak some syrup and sausages into the theater instead.

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Aaaaaaaarrrrrr

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

-gggghhhhhhh!

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe just a hunk of honey glazed ham. No wait, I'll get enough of that from Geoffrey Rush.

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

how do you pronounced "keira"?

is it like "keh-rah"?

or "kee-air-ah"?

or "kee-rah"?

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:44 (twenty-two years ago)

it's "llllUUUUUUUUURRRRRRVVVVVV-LY"

― Neudonym, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Every critic seems to really like this movie, except for that hack Michael Wilmington and that sourpuss Kenny Turan.

My workmate (who I like a lot) complained about Keira Knightley being sucked into the Hollywood machine after being so wonderful in that "indie" film Bend It Like ~~Bruckheimer~~ Beckham!!

Market potential for feel-good ethnic-celebration-cum-ugly-ducking-makes-good movie: check.

Market potential for pirate movies based on antiquated theme park rides: ?????

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

CHECK BABY!!!!!!!!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

(apologies all around)

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, this was quite entertaining.

(Ha ha, and they are making a movie of the Haunted Mansion ride? Oh dear.)

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

S1utsky in The Robert Evans Story

― amateurist (amateurist), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm glad the crits are liking it, though that seems to doom blockbusters these days. Ebert correctly points out the somewhat excessive running length and semi-pointless sword fights (which I enjoyed, but I do have the same problem--also kinda bugged me in T3 and Blade 2)

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I was listening to Robert Evans's CD(s) recently on a road trip and man does that guy have a great, hilarious way of talking.

"Did I get fucked? You bet your sweet ass I did."

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Evans is dating Paris Hilton, I have heard. Ew ew ew ew ew.

― rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:51 (twenty-two years ago)

A former co-worker of mine is one of the pirates! He's the one with the bad teeth.

― Andy K (Andy K), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Rosemary, that is the nastiest thing I have ever heard.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 21:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I love pirate movies. I'll definitely enjoy this. I think
Martin Scorsese could make a good pirate movie. _Gangs
Of New York_ was such an insanely ornate and stylized movie.
He could have done Lord Of The Rings so much better, visually,
I mean, but he'd probably ruin the spirit of the movie by
making the characters too deep.

― Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 22:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I bet Roman Polanski could make a good pirate movie!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 23:45 (twenty-two years ago)

um, are you, like, being ironic?

http://www-compat.tf1.fr/bouge/cinema/cesars/images/pirates.jpg

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 23:48 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.preparedfoods.com/archives/1999/9901/images/meats.gif
http://www.planetquake.com/beatdown/bd10/wrapup/piratelead.jpg

― Dada, Wednesday, 9 July 2003 23:49 (twenty-two years ago)

um, are you, like, being ironic?

No, I was in character.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

The only good thing about Chocolat was watching Depp pretend he was a pirate, so this movie seems damn promising.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Gotta like a film with sweaty chests exposed and tight breeches...

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 23:50 (twenty-two years ago)

That's the way I like all films. Get some funny looks though.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Wednesday, 9 July 2003 23:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Plus Johnny Depp in really, one of the great, puzzling & hilarious performances of his career as "Captain Jack Sparrow," resembling a drunken club promoter or something.

A friend of mine calls him "Han Solo with a nervous disorder meets Peter O'Toole," which I think is an excellent sum-up. Depp really ... yeah, what you said. This is one of his all-time performances.

I think I'll just second everything slutsky said. This is one of my favorite pirate movies ever (technically I don't know that until I see how it holds up to multiple viewings), up there with the Fairbanks and Flynn stuff, and it has A ZOMBIE PIRATE MONKEY FOR GOD'S SAKE.

Could have done with a little more Flynn-style swashbucklery, but I'm not complaining. And they didn't overuse the special effects, which I was afraid they might after seeing the trailer.

This was pretty much everything I want to see when I leave the house with the intent of seeing "a summer blockbuster."

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 10 July 2003 02:10 (twenty-two years ago)

U&K that I see that Burt L. movie.

Robert Evans = Paris Hilton

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Thursday, 10 July 2003 02:18 (twenty-two years ago)

pirats know about how to steal things.

― TIM@KFC.EDU, Thursday, 10 July 2003 02:21 (twenty-two years ago)

But Tep, there may be a zombie monkey, but there's no pineapple zombie blowjobs.

― rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 10 July 2003 02:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I loved it and it confirms my notion to lick Johnny Depp like a lollipop. That blanket also extends now to Orlando Bloom.

Dear lord.

Plus, yeah, zombie monkey, lots of eyeliner, treasure, even an 'avast' - how could you go wrong?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 10 July 2003 04:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Jonathan Pryce has kinda filled out though hasn't he?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 10 July 2003 05:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I always had highh hopes for this. Verbinski has had an interesting "studio" career and I had a feeling that ll he needed was the right hammy actors to make something special. Looking forward to it immensely.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually the Mexican was stillborn piece of rubbish. But Mouse Hunt was great.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 10 July 2003 09:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw it tonight. Jonny Depp performance was godlike, as
I knew it would be. The Keith Richards/Ozzy Osbourne/24 Hour
Party People/ comparison was just right.
The eyeliner was unneccesary but forgivable.
Depp and Rush both did as only great actors can do: added
zest and humor to what could have been stock characters.

It's actually a shame that Depp was so good -
a character of this caliber doesn't deserve to be locked
into such a silly, mechanical plot. The love angle was
totally flat and boring - when you look at the young
lovers and Depp side by side it's like they don't belong
in the same movie. They should have ditched the flat
Bloom character and had Keira fall in love with the insane
pirate - now that would have been nice.

Jack Sparrow is such a great character, the cinematography
was gorgeous, the action scenes were good (though
often pointless, as you have pointed out); this movie
had so many good qualities but the story sucked and it
didn't come together for me. Still worth watching.

― Squirrel_Police (Squirrel_Police), Thursday, 10 July 2003 10:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Without Johnny Depp, you'd still have some nice performances by Bloom, Knighley and Rush, and that script (Oh dear god, I want to put it all in my mouth!), and it would probably be the best blockbuster I've seen this year. With him - Well, I'd have to see it again, but my immediate impression is that I've seen a better film than Raiders of the Lost Ark.

One thing is clear though: Johnny Depp must be the next Doctor Who.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Andrew, are you some sort of genius?

― RickyT (RickyT), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

People have been saying Johnny Depp should be the next Doctor since "Sleepy Hollow" came out.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe this movie will give me the opportunity to work the sentence "Avast ye scurvy dogs!" into a conversation.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Nicole, you just screamed that to me the other day!

I want to see this, but I still haven't seen Matrix2 but this looks like it'll be more worth it.

― Vic (Vic), Thursday, 10 July 2003 13:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I would pick pirates over Keanu any day.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:03 (twenty-two years ago)

This goes without saying!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 10 July 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

I'll admit that Orlando & Keira were a bit on the dull side, but you sort of need an earnestly bland hero to balance Depp, I think.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

This film will be great, I shall watch it twice or more, I haven't read this thread.

― jel -- (jel), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I am increasing convinced that Orlando is just a pretty boy with the acting skillz of Joey Tribbiani. I will have to see this movie to confirm or deny this theory.

― Nicole (Nicole), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think it'll help much--he doesn't really have enough to do in this movie, chops-wise, to judge his acting skill.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 10 July 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

But Tep, there may be a zombie monkey, but there's no pineapple zombie blowjobs.

Apparently there are 30 seconds of additional movie, or clips, or outtakes, or something, after the credits (the girlfriend just had me look up the next showing of the movie when she learned this), so I will not yet accept this as gospel.

Besides, there's always the DVD extras to consider.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:00 (twenty-two years ago)

And I refuse to be the pineapple zombie blowjob guy! Dammit, it's someone else's turn. buttch, tag, you're it.

(zombie blowjob tag = the best playground game ever not played.)

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 10 July 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Sorry sug, it's your game, set, match. There's no escaping it once you put the ball into play.

You ARE that guy.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 10 July 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Apparently there are 30 seconds of additional movie, or clips, or outtakes, or something, after the credits (the girlfriend just had me look up the next showing of the movie when she learned this), so I will not yet accept this as gospel.

Aaaah!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:08 (twenty-two years ago)

who is this buttch you speak of?

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:09 (twenty-two years ago)

RickyT: no, really, it's true! He's just this careening force of curiosity shot through with intelligence and hair.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 10 July 2003 19:17 (twenty-two years ago)

who is this buttch you speak of?

Aaaarrr, did you change your name again or did I forget that you had done so already?

I'm just gonna call you Slim.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:27 (twenty-two years ago)

oh yes one of my friends has consented to see this (actually his exact words were "pirates? hell yes!") so it's the plank to-night!

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

but I AM slim...call me Illinois Fats

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

You got it, Slim.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 10 July 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.utexas.edu/students/cjso/Chabad/gallery/rebbe/glance.gif

― Dada, Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I was this close to being a jolly buccaneer tonight! Instead I shall be gleefully enjoying the antics of Cameron, Drew and Lucy again = I STILL WIN!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 10 July 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

that movie was awesome. i just went to see it because it had pirates and orlando bloom, and orlando bloom was actually NOT the best part...he had rotten lines. sparrow was the most theatrical pirate ever.

then i came home and the power was all out, so i wrote a letter by candlelight and thought it'd be a good time to read my library book sale book from the twenties called "elizabethan sea dogs"...i thought it was about pirates, but it wasn't. grr.

― Maria (Maria), Friday, 11 July 2003 03:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow, so much better than I expected! I'd even call it a less funny Princess Bride. Adventure and humor is all I need.

It was funny how Orlando Bloom just disappeared next to Johnny Depp. Orlando could definitely lead a movie if he wanted to, but Johnny Depp is just so over the top the whole movie. He is Inigo Montoya mixed with the charm of Wesley, and er.. Orlando Bloom is the remainder (Maria is right about rotten lines).

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Friday, 11 July 2003 04:30 (twenty-two years ago)

pretty good. i'm beginning to appreciate these long, drawn-out climaxes-upon-climaxes that are ever-present in contemporary blockbusters (drawing them out to the requisite Titanic length). sometimes people stuck on classical hollywood fetishize concision. although it'd be nice if these movies took up just a bit less of my life in total, i suppose.

johnny depp was consistently funny, not a single false note despite the archness of the performance. the bits about the corset (obligatory Titanic-esque patriarchal satire) fell totally flat but thankfully were few and far between.

as for heaving bosoms: has anyone else noticed how the sex objects in contemporary movies are often introduced in a shot that emphasizes their cleavage? a convenient way to do this is have them waking from a bed, turned on their side. this was seen in "the italian job" as well. it seems rather to the point to introduce her in a sort of sexy synecdoche. "look, we are introducing ms knightley/theron via the part of her that should give you a sense of her role in this film!" it doesn't bother me, but it's interesting that in an earlier era the part that stood for the whole might be bare ankles, or an exposed shoulder, or a toss of the hair, and now it happens to be cleavage.

the chicago crowds are too sophisticated. everyone laughed when jerry bruckheimer's name came on the end credits?

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

that last sentence should have concluded with a period, not a question mark.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 06:17 (twenty-two years ago)

One thing is clear though: Johnny Depp must be the next Doctor Who.

but it is not to be.

― angela (angela), Friday, 11 July 2003 07:00 (twenty-two years ago)

>>"Jack Sparrow is such a great character, the cinematography
was gorgeous... this movie
had so many good qualities but the story sucked and it
didn't come together for me. Still worth watching."

I'm with you, Squirrel. I kept waiting for it to get *really* epic and fun and it was only so-so. Depp was funny and Kiera Knightley is sooo nice to look at but I thought the effects were crappy (what's happening to ILM?) and the fight scenes were often sloppily directed and edited. Plus, a lot of the slapstick-y stuff seemed forced - I guess I'm damaged after having watched half of Altman's "Popeye" the other night and just seething at the awful slapstick shit in there. - I sorta expected more.

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Friday, 11 July 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.defectiveyeti.com/images/corsair.jpg

― Richard Jones (scarne), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:29 (twenty-two years ago)

[A keyboard for pirates]

― Richard Jones (scarne), Friday, 11 July 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Headline on Salon today:

Pirate CDs now one-third of market

If only...

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

What was the rating of this film by the way?

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drc900/c938/c9385173t2c.jpg

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

In the US, it is PG-13.

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Some people....

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Or did you want me to say it was rated "arrrrrr"? *ducks*

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

My friend came up with an alternate answer to that joke: "In Sea-17"

― Vinnie (vprabhu), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

as for heaving bosoms: has anyone else noticed how the sex objects in contemporary movies are often introduced in a shot that emphasizes their cleavage?

Not just women; most romcoms now seem to include a scene where the lady stumbles across the man with his shirt off (or in the process of taking his shirt off). Usually she sort of half-smiles wistfully and/or shakes her head. This is used to signify the beginning of the female lead's realization that she is attracted to the male lead.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah but that's different as it is explicitly to do with the story. what i'm talking about is nothing but a signal to the audience that the woman now onscreen is there for the ogling.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah but it does also seem to signal the man noticing the woman. Male gaze and all you know. WE ARE THAT MAN

― s1utsky (slutsky), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

no it doesn't because none of the male characters had yet been introduced into the movie! it's guiding the audience by synechdoche! it's like introducing nazis via boots stomping on pavement.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:47 (twenty-two years ago)

anyway this discussion is less interesting to me than the fact that several movies have used basically the same shot to serve this purpose.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, but when you see the boots stomping usually there's some Nazi fetishist hanging around and watching.

OK OK YOU'RE RIGHT I'M WRONG

― s1utsky (slutsky), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

OK then let's talk about the fake tit-shot (see Tomb Raider) where the woman turns around about 3/4 so you can make out the breast but the nipple is only partially revealed. I blame the MPAA.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Why did Roger Ebert drop Dave Eggers' name in his review? Did he have a hand in writing the movie or something?

― Dale the Merciless (cprek), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:56 (twenty-two years ago)

also bruckheimer should make a movie entirely consisting of shots of cleavage, people flying from colorful explosions, and pert one-liners voiced by wizened character actors.

― amateurist (amateurist), Friday, 11 July 2003 15:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Movies should just involved hapless extras being launched over railings.

― Nicole (Nicole), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:01 (twenty-two years ago)

No wonder you love Hal Needham.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 11 July 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I love that you guys are talking about cleavage and ranting about synecdoche. ah ile.

― Maria (Maria), Saturday, 12 July 2003 03:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Am I wrong for finding a dread-headed, bearded, gold-toothed Johnny Depp with eyeliner kinda hot?

― Mandee (keckles), Saturday, 12 July 2003 04:40 (twenty-two years ago)

If that's wrong, baby I don't want to be right.

― luna (luna.c), Saturday, 12 July 2003 04:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Dave Eggars sells pirate type stuff. I read about it in Chickfactor. Zip!

― David R. (popshots75`), Saturday, 12 July 2003 06:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I fully intend to find him hot tomorrow!

And I'm wearing my Momus tshirt to the movie, too.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Saturday, 12 July 2003 06:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I loved this movie!

The fact that I was kind of drunk does not negate the fact that I enjoyed it immensely! Slutsky was pretty much on the money in his review, and even the dude from This Life and Coupling was pretty good in it.

The parrot rocked.

― Nicole (Nicole), Saturday, 12 July 2003 12:36 (twenty-two years ago)

The fact that I was kind of drunk does not negate the fact that I enjoyed it immensely!

Surely some grog beforehand would only increase the joy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 12 July 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw this last night, and while it is better than the run-of-the-mill Hollywood action film, I'd say it still falls a fair bit short of being a great movie. To wit: it's too long, the plot is a little too full of twists, by the end of the movie you no longer really care how it ends as long as it ends, for all its frenetic choreography it doesn't really have any notable original visual effects, the big-money effects are pretty much warmed over cliches (skeleton pirates anyone?), even the decent stunts seem to be repeated too many times, and the swordfights are dull, dull, dull. Too bad they couldn't John Woo or someone with real visual style to direct. On the positive side, Johnny Depp and Geoffrey Rush were very fine, but they were about the only multi-dimensional characters in the movie. The romantic angle was also completely by-the-numbers. I think if I were about 12 years old I would have loved this movie, but I've seen too much of this stuff before to really get excited about it.

― o. nate (onate), Saturday, 12 July 2003 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

What did the pirate bring back from China? SAAARRS!

― Scaredy cat (Natola), Saturday, 12 July 2003 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

if john woo directed the parrot would be replaced by doves, no doubt.

― amateurist (amateurist), Saturday, 12 July 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

harf

I agree with o. nate that PoC is no great movie; it's got tons of flaws, some very badly edited action sequences and it's too long. Still I enjoyed it heartily; I could look past them. Because pirates, you know. And all the other stuff I mentioned.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Saturday, 12 July 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Reuters: Pirates wins weekend, LXG in second place, T3 fading, Hulk falling fast

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 13 July 2003 19:38 (twenty-two years ago)

... God in heaven, all right with world (except that League took in any money at all)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 13 July 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm pretty surprised it got the number two.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 13 July 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.cris.com/~oakapple/gasdisc/images/pirmovie.jpg

― Mary (Mary), Sunday, 13 July 2003 21:18 (twenty-two years ago)

That is what my wedding photos should have looked like.

― Lars (Nicole), Sunday, 13 July 2003 21:19 (twenty-two years ago)

*notes male identity of poster* So Dan looks like Kristy McNichol?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 13 July 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Most fun I've had all summer. Man, what a silly movie. What, you have something against grinning?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 01:26 (twenty-two years ago)

As good as Johnny Depp was -- and he was very good -- I think I enjoyed Geoffrey Rush even more. He would have been a fool not play the part of the evil pirate. He brings such meat and lust and... and... BAD TEETH to the role! He even says "Arrrr!" It's a thing of pure luminescent beauty.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 01:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Not only does he say "Arrrr!", he does it convincingly! I'll second Kenan on the Rush props, but I liked Depp more (they were great together, especially).

I'm assuming a sequel is at least a possibility, right, or they wouldn't have the subtitle? It'll be a challenge to cast a villain who brings as much to the table.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 17 July 2003 01:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Next movie: Gary Oldman, obviously.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 01:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I would really like to see Jim Caviezel (sp? -- Count of Monte Cristo, upcoming Jesus, Frequency) play a pirate. He could so pull off the swashbuckling thing.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 17 July 2003 01:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Caveziel is maybe too earnest (tho I love him).

By the way Geoffrey Rush not only says Arrr but also Yarrr.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 02:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Caveziel is booked for the Jesus sequel.

The sequel to Pirates should be a female pirate, duh. Like Pam Grier or something.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Sophia Loren

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:49 (twenty-two years ago)

sequel (maybe 2) has been confirmed

http://asia.reuters.com/newsArticle.jhtml?type=entertainmentNews&storyID=3102622

i like the idea of Pam Grier as pirate queen

― H (Heruy), Thursday, 17 July 2003 03:58 (twenty-two years ago)

A whole ship full of women!

Remember the John Belushi sketch? "We're from the Raging Queen! Say, do you have any men aboard?"

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:00 (twenty-two years ago)

could this be johnny depp's first ... franchise? (i mean excepting dead man 2: dead man takes vancouver.)

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:08 (twenty-two years ago)

"Dead Man you're off the case!"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

"I thought I could straighten out the system ... from within. But now I know, I'll have to go ... alone. Nobody?"

"Yes Dead Man?"

"Fetch me my coat."

"Yes kemosabe."

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Nobody: "I'm too old for this shit!"

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I think we should take a moment away from the hilarity that this thread has become, and remember those brave men without whom it would not have been possible ... pirates. Long may their parrots spout irreverant asides.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:30 (twenty-two years ago)

We should lobby for a pirate minute of silence on the anniversary of Blackbeard's death or something.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Is it just me or does that first Dada pic look like Ned?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Jean Lafitte's my main man. I'm actually related to him, distantly.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Thus you must change your name to Kenan Hebarrrrr.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:36 (twenty-two years ago)

(everybody laughs)

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(a toast in my honour is proposed)

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(after some self-deprecatory protest I modestly accept)

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

That;s not far off the pronunciation as it is. Both the 'h' and the 't' are silent.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:42 (twenty-two years ago)

That's what I figured. A little forethought makes a great joke even better!

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Just geeking out a bit: that double cannonball with the chain in the middle that can spin and take out the main mast... well, it rules. That's all.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah I was into that too! You think they really had those?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I am ten again

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't see why not.

And firing forks and sppons out of a cannon = genius.

See, here's the thing. It's not a great movie. It goes on too long, and there's 15 minutes of laborious resolution at the end, and it's a kid's movie, which makes these sins all the worse. Bit it's little touches like the forks and spoons that make it all worthwhile. And they way the sneak up on the ship from underwater. And the way Johnny Depp kepps getting out of chains. And... oh, it's just magic.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:49 (twenty-two years ago)

sppons = spoons

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:50 (twenty-two years ago)

My only major complaint is dude doesn't know how to shoot an action scene, and how much better would it've been if he had?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Or how to pace one... they go on far too long. Some economy was in order, fer shure.

Did you see the preview for "Haunted Mansion" before the movie? Doesn't that look HORRID?

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I saw that. I'd be a little less wary of it if it wasn't all Eddie Murphy + loveable family.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Or if it was a surprise Cube sequel

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, but it's not. It's Eddie Murphy cracking wise, or should I say, "cracking wise." It just looks dreadful.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:55 (twenty-two years ago)

But I will always be scared to death of this guy:

http://www.snopes.com/disney/graphics/bust.gif

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm afraid that no matter what I'm going to end up seeing this.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, shit. They figured out my linking habits. It still fits, though: when I was a kid, I was terrified of Mr. Yuck. When the Mr. Yuck commercial came on, I would run screaming.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 04:59 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't follow.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Here's the guy I'm still scared of:

http://giganticmag.com/images/scaryguy.bmp

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:02 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't follow.

The green guy? That's Mr. Yuck. He was a sticker in the 70's that you were supposed to put on poisonous things around the house, and he was coupled with an ad campaign designed to scare kids. The jingle was "Mr. Yuck is mean," and I believed them wholeheartedly.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:04 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.jatero.com/imgs/scary.gif

― Dada, Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Yowza.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:05 (twenty-two years ago)

You summoned him with your image posting

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:07 (twenty-two years ago)

And they way the sneak up on the ship from underwater.

That was stolen from The Crimson Pirate actually.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:07 (twenty-two years ago)

You mean the marching underwater bit?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, really. The skeletons marching underwater bit? I doubt that's been done before.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:09 (twenty-two years ago)

If it has I'm seeing this Crimson Pirate movie even faster.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I actually saw it in the store the other day for $18 or so & was tempted, but then remembered I am not allowed to buy DVDs.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:11 (twenty-two years ago)

the walking underwater inside the little boat part is from the crimson pirate, as are a few other bits. c'mon, it's a pirate-movie touchstone.

if anyone wants to buy the dvd off me for about $15 i'm game, i just need to watch it once more.

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:18 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.matthewmodine.com/pictures/cutthroat_4.jpg

― Dada, Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh the walking under the overturned boat bit! Now everything makes sense.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I hope you're not complaining that they ripped stuff off, amateurist. Cause that would be missing the point by, like, fifty miles.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:25 (twenty-two years ago)

of course it's not a complaint!

― amateurist (amateurist), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Just checking.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:30 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.nytheatre-wire.com/pirates.jpg

― Dada, Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:30 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.porkster.com/asshole.gif

― Dada (kenan), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Did anyone notice that when Depp wakes up on the beach after getting drunk he kind've mumbles "ugh...Dirty Sanchez..." to himself? I had to have someone point it out to me afterwards, but I'm pretty sure I remember it too.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Thursday, 17 July 2003 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

FASSYMAN!

― Tad (llamasfur), Thursday, 17 July 2003 06:08 (twenty-two years ago)

AN SLUTSKY I DONT WANNA HEAR A PEEP OUTA YOU COS U RATE APHRODITE AND THAT JUST SHOWS U FOR DA CHICHI U ARE. U WAN COME TEST ILL DICE U UP FASS. TRUS.

― Tad (llamasfur), Thursday, 17 July 2003 06:21 (twenty-two years ago)

(well this thread does have a caribbean theme ...)

― Tad (llamasfur), Thursday, 17 July 2003 06:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Aphrodite?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Thursday, 17 July 2003 19:13 (twenty-two years ago)

i just copy posts ... i don't read 'em

― Tad (llamasfur), Friday, 18 July 2003 03:01 (twenty-two years ago)

decent flick. If it hadn't been Disney it could have been so much better, like with cusswords. I mean these are PIRATES for the sake of fuck. They're SAILORS and VIOLENT CRIMINALS ROLLED INTO ONE.

also I know the movie ties in with the ride & thus zombies etc. but frankly pirates + zombies = bland mixology, like chocolate & peanut butter; I would have been more impressed and entertained by perhaps, say, pirates and rapping, or maybe pirates and a fake computer world we all live in. Pirates and time travel however is a shitty idea and it's a god thing they didn't try to go there.

If Keira burned all my rum I'd get pissed too, I don't care how hot she is

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 20 July 2003 00:44 (twenty-two years ago)

how come everyone on ILX seems to be against chocolate & peanut butter these days? are you all crazy?

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 20 July 2003 00:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Peanut butter/chocolate = divine, but Millar is sorta like Khan in Star Trek, he plays by his own rules.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 20 July 2003 01:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Khan was never so depraved as to deny himself that most sumptious of unions.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 20 July 2003 03:12 (twenty-two years ago)

but frankly pirates + zombies = bland mixology

No way.

http://www.geocities.com/wintermute_v031/somi-a1.txt

― Sommermute (Wintermute), Sunday, 20 July 2003 03:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, it took me a while to realise it, but that is one of the reasons I loved the film: It is more or less Monkey Island The Movie.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Sunday, 20 July 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

what I was trying to get across re pirates and zombies and chocolate and peanut butter is that it's not insane enough, it's just basically satisfying but I want to see somebody take it a step FURTHER, like maybe a robot comes back in time to assassinate a famous pirate captain, or how about a guy develops a split personality and doesn't realize that every night when he goes to sleep he becomes a PIRATE? See, like that. Of course my suggestions can be quickly shot down by pointing out that if you carry my foods metaphor a little further they are all a bit like adding fruit flavoring to beer.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 20 July 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

You should never visit Europe.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 20 July 2003 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Why was JD so campy? It that a particular movie pirate trait?

― Mary (Mary), Sunday, 20 July 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Was anyone else bothered by the physical anomalies in this film? Like, would walking underwater inside an overturned boat work? What about the buoyancy of air pushing the boat to the surface?

Or in the beginning when Depp slides down a taut rope using the chain of his handcuffs -- doesn't basic topology make that impossible, as he wouldn't be able to get the rope threaded inside the closed circle of his cuffed arms?

I found the whole crew-of-the-undead thing totally believable, though.

― Paul Eater (eater), Sunday, 20 July 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

As long as you weigh the boat down well enough you could totally pull off the underwater boat thing. I am assuming that Messrs. Sparrow & Turner were wearing big lead belts and chainmail undershirts.

the topological question is really making my head hurt, though. I didn't even think of that.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 20 July 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Mary

― Paul Eater (eater), Sunday, 20 July 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

We used to do that underwater boat thing with the canoe all the time when we were kids (although I don't think we managed to pull it all the way underwater for very long). Then we'd get yelled at, and warned that catfish would sting us. (To this day I don't know if catfish actually sting).

I wish this movie had been out when I was a little kid, cause I would totally have been all, "I'm playing Jack Sparrow, YOU have to be the blacksmith!"

― Tep (ktepi), Sunday, 20 July 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Has anyone ever made a pirates vs. robots movie? if not, why? that would be the best thing ever..

― daria g (daria g), Sunday, 20 July 2003 18:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Last night, we went to see the movie AGAIN, with a group of TWENTY, dressed as PIRATES. Standing in line outside the Cinerama as TWENTY SCURVY PIRATES was possibly the most fun EVER.

Sudden realization: costume-wise, pirates = gypsies + goth!

Best line: "Arrrr. We named the monkey Jaaack."

And then we went out for Mexican food. 'Cause, you know, pirates could sail to Mexico for burritos if they wanted.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Sunday, 20 July 2003 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

you could never make a successful pirates vs. robots movie without setting off a global catastrophe. The subject of who won versus who SHOULD HAVE won the final battle at the end would split millions of loving families apart and leave massive amounts of children abandoned.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 20 July 2003 19:41 (twenty-two years ago)

If you end it like PotC ends then "who won" will not be an issue. Pirates and robots all living in harmony.

― Paul Eater (eater), Sunday, 20 July 2003 19:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Has anyone ever made a pirates vs. robots movie?

Yes.

― Sommermute (Wintermute), Sunday, 20 July 2003 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Ice Pirates is a fantastic film. I don't really think of it as Pirates Vs. Robots, though.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 20 July 2003 20:14 (twenty-two years ago)

The problem is that Ice Pirates is set on the robots' turf. An "original swashbuckling pirates VS white ceramic steamboat robots from outer space" movie that takes place in the 17th century Caribbean would clearly be the best film ever, but alas, the days of mindless budget-wasting in Hollywood are over.

― Sommermute (Wintermute), Sunday, 20 July 2003 20:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Call Japan.

― Millar (Millar), Sunday, 20 July 2003 20:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Best part of the Pirates movie was, as Paul previously noted, the ending. I mean, they went through a lot of fucking trouble killing each other and running about like loons for them all to just go, "Eh! Nice show chaps, see you tomorrow right?" WTF?

― Ally (mlescaut), Sunday, 20 July 2003 20:59 (twenty-two years ago)

ha, i was just reading the New Yorker review and came across this line from the screenwriter

“We wanted it to be a very classic, Jane Austen-style, bodice-ripping romance.”

― H (Heruy), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

“We wanted it to be a very classic, Jane Austen-style, bodice-ripping romance.”

Obv. he is either confused or semi-illiterate.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

There was bodice ripping involved though!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

The Austen influence seems to have survived only in the form of two or three lame jokes about binding corsets!

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

(x-post)

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I was having this discussion the other night and really I think the film should be renamed "Orlando Bloom: He's Hotter Than You And Better Than You" because clearly that was the point of the whole thing.

And they are right, I mean jesus christ that man is hot.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:12 (twenty-two years ago)

But he was kind of shunted aside for much of the picture, and Depp had the last lines. Although they really should have used an iris to close the picture.

― amateurist (amateurist), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

He really wasn't shunted aside though, I thought it was Depp who was the peripheral character. I mean he had a commanding presence but it was Bloom who was always sitting about being all dreamy and arguing Depp. And also he got the girl!!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Orlando Bloom came across as The Most Pathetic Wuss to Have Ever Wussed. All he did was make big sad puppy dog eyes and look earnest.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, except for the part where he was kicking people's asses, wtf? Did I see a different film?

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

He was still wussy. Even if he had gold teeth and was knawing people's heads off he would still look like a wuss.

That said, I am probably projecting.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I never knew you hated Orlando Bloom so much!

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't used to, I just realized he reminded me of somebody that I don't like.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on guys, he was the straight man.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

apparently, near the end of the film, you can see my girlfriend's exflatmate's sister's exboyfriend through a porthole saying something like "I think we should go and look for them."

― RJG (RJG), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

I know, as I said my OB dissing is probably an irrational prejuidice.

― Larcole (Nicole), Monday, 21 July 2003 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on guys, he was the straight man.

Hey, somebody had to be.

He was pretty and brave and solid, as the boy who gets the girl ought to be. But I'm willing to bet Captain Jack Sparrow has a hell of a lot more fun, overall.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 06:15 (twenty-two years ago)

So, let's be clear here: Of these two guys:

http://romanticmovies.about.com/library/graphics/piratespubn.jpg

It's all about the guy on the right?

(obviously my actual problem is that Orlando is actually younger than me)

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 08:37 (twenty-two years ago)

German IMDB rocks.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 09:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Right after I insulted Orlando Bloom ilx went kaput for several hours. Coincidence? I think not. He is clearly more powerful than I imagined. Sorry Orlando!

― Larcole (Nicole), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

OBEY THE ELF.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 12:19 (twenty-two years ago)

ORLANDO BLOOM WILL DESTROY US ALL FOR YOUR SINS!!!

(ps I forgive him cos he's fucking hot)

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Good topology point, Paul. That bugs. I am wondering, does that magic trick with the chain links upset you, too? It upsets me for the same reason.

I have a severe weakness for Orlando Bloom, but even more so when he is playing a straight-arching elf who doesn't sink into the snow.

Keira Knightly is very pretty but can she make her face into any other expression?

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Have you seen Bend It Like Beckham? 23 facial positions at the South-East Stand.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Ooh, no I haven't but I always experience the echolalia of having people say "Bend It Like Beckham!" reflexively whenever I mention my soccer playing.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

It is my opinion that Orlando Bloom is a complete and utter dud. Just look at his name, Orlando Bloom. What kind of name is that?

― Mary (Mary), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

a flowery name that's what

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I sure if he had shown up at MGM ca. 1930 Louis B. Mayer would have tossed out "Bloom" as being too pansy-no-pun-intended.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

He can't help it. That is his name! Does he go around criticizing our names? I don't think so.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Doesn't help what literary character he's named after does it?

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Is that his fault? I don't care if he's a time traveling pansy, I like him.

― felicity (felicity), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Then again I got no right making fun of someone else's name.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I have to say he didn't leave an impression either way with me. Likewise the pretty girl who always seems to have cotton balls in her cheek.

― amateurist (amateurist), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, I don't see what's so wonderful about any of our names that we're making fun of his, it's not his fault his parents are mentalists who name their children stupid things like "Orlando".

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 16:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Orlando Bloom : POTC :: Cristian Bale : Reign Of Fire
Johnny Depp : POTC :: Matthew McConaughey : Reign Of Fire

same old story really

― Millar (Millar), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Except Johnny Depp is a lot cooler than Matthew McConaughey, I hate that bastard.

― Ally (mlescaut), Tuesday, 22 July 2003 20:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Just to say that the thing I was talking about on Rules & Attributes is when Barbossa kills Jack Sparrow, but it doesn't matter, because while Jack has the medallion, he's affected by the curse, or something. But they don't stop to explain this, they just continue on with the rocking. Which rocks.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 26 July 2003 20:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Gotcha -- I think that wasn't so much something that wasn't explained (it did follow the rules of the curse as they'd been given to us) as something that wasn't painfully spelled out. But it's still a good contrast to the other two movies on that thread, yeah.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:06 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing that struck me watching this a second time -- um, didn't Orlando Bloom basically kill his own pop? Bootstrap Turner was sent to the bottom of the sea with a cannon strapped to his feet ... but they're all immortal, so he didn't die. So he's this part-time skeleton chilling at the bottom of the sea ...

... until his son ends the curse, and he turns human and mortal again, with a cannon still strapped to his feet. At the bottom of the ocean.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:10 (twenty-two years ago)

It followed the spirit of the rules (in that Jack was of the crew but not in the crew), but Barbossa didn't think of it, and it seemed to be a surprise to Jack too (particularly since I'm assuming he has to be holding the gold - I think we saw him in moonlight previous to that). But this kind of discussion is contrary to my own point :(

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I think they didn't think of it because they didn't realize the curse-trigger (so to speak) was still active -- Jack takes gold from Place Where Gold Is, Jack gets cursed. He doesn't need to be part of the crew -- same thing would've happened if Will had taken it, or Elizabeth. (Will and Elizabeth, despite having the gold before, weren't affected by the curse because it wasn't by their hands that the gold was parted from The Rest Of The Gold -- unless I'm forgetting that part? In which case I'm wrong about how the curse worked.)

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:16 (twenty-two years ago)

right, the curse only functions on you if you take the gold out of the box. At that point it doesn't matter whether you have the gold or not until all of the gold is returned and Orlando Bloom bleeds on it.

What this also means is that Turner Sr. spent quite a lot of time standing at the bottom of the ocean attached to a cannon, until the curse was finally lifted, at which point he presumably drowned.

― Millar (Millar), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm still not sure why Will's blood exactly was needed to lift the curse.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Because Buffy hadn't been invented yet.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

The blood of each of those responsible for taking the gold away was needed to undo the curse -- and they sunk Bootstrap (without marking where they'd put him, presumably) before figuring this out, so had to find his descendent as a surrogate.

Presumably this means somebody bled that fucking monkey at some point, so yay.

They don't explain -how- these guys bleed, exactly, since I thought that the flesh-and-blood was just an illusion ("the moonlight treveals what we truly are," or something). Maybe not, though.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

because blood is necessary in a movie of this sort?

― H (Heruy), Saturday, 26 July 2003 21:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Not just blood, blood spilling. Blood should never ooze or run or flow in a movie like this. It must be spilled.

― Kenan Hebert (kenan), Saturday, 26 July 2003 23:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Aren't intestines supposed to bubble out from slashed stomachs too? I mean, if you're going all the way here.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 27 July 2003 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I was at a wedding this weekend and had the pleasure of sitting next to a bespectacled 9-year-old for part of the time, and he was enthusing over this movie. When I asked what his favorite part was he said, "The part where...Jack Sparrow and...um...that other guy...were fighting the skeleton pirates."

That is the last word on Orlando Bloom.

― amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:23 (twenty-two years ago)

This is a great movie for the 9-year-olds of this world.

― s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 27 July 2003 19:25 (twenty-two years ago)

9-year-old boys probably aren't there for the Orlando Bloom hottness factor, you know.

I just wanted to say that someone just IMed me that Johnny Depp's performance was like "Keith Richards if he dressed like Adam Ant". It blew my mind.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 02:42 (twenty-two years ago)

"half Keith Richards, half Pepe Le Pew"

http://washingtontimes.com/upi-breaking/20030710-120423-6746r.htm

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 28 July 2003 09:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Pepe Le Pew is NOT Adam Ant, lest you've forgotten.

― Ally (mlescaut), Monday, 28 July 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

PEOPLE I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU ALL.

Depp rather conspicuously put both of his hands together, flipped the doubled chain over the rope, grabbed the middle part (which was now the other end) and did his slide. When he reached the ground, all he had to do was let go of the doubled chain and he was instantly off the rope.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 July 2003 13:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Just saw this last night...

Hurrah! All the way home I talked in pirate speak. How could I not? Personally, I Loved Johnny Depp's eyeliner. And Rush was SO good!

Some confusing bits:
* I totally did not get why Johnny Depp suddenly was cursed at the end when we saw him in the moonlight before. So now you guys are saying it's because he took some gold...? But why would he do that? I guess so he could be more powerful for a wee bit... hmmm...

* I agree about the ending. It is totally unbelievable that the general/fiancee dude would be all, "Oh, it's cool. Never mind that you stole my fiancee and became a pirate. The heart wants what the heart wants." PUH-LEASE!

But like someone else mentioned, the zombie pirates were totally believable. ha ha

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 31 July 2003 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't think he took the gold to be more powerful, I think he took it to stop/delay the ceremony. He seemed as surprised as anyone when he didn't die.

Argh eight whole days until this comes out over here. Argh.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 31 July 2003 13:42 (twenty-two years ago)

It is pretty U&K that more men start dressing like Johnny Depp in this film.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:10 (twenty-two years ago)

I will second that!

― Larcole (Nicole), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Or Adam Ant, but that's sort of the same thing anyway -- it's all good.

― Larcole (Nicole), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:12 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, the only way men should dress is as follows:

1) like pirates, good proper ones though not Momus pirates
2) Adam Ant circa Kings of the Wild Frontier
3) Military uniforms
4) Mod suits (except not all the time as this will get quite annoying)
5) Maybe Hawaiian shirts on the weekends

Now, how do we enforce this rule?

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:13 (twenty-two years ago)

You forgot boater hats!

Enforcement would be the tricky part.

― Larcole (Nicole), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Mod suits:
http://ia.imdb.com/media/imdb/01/I/62/12/43m.jpg

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:20 (twenty-two years ago)

That's N. suits, you fool.

OK boater hats too, let's throw in a whole thing for boat/sailor culture and dandy culture that will catch all. I think we should enforce this rule through strict logic.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.erasofelegance.com/pirates21.jpg

I loved the introduction to his character!

Ok, on to more important things.

How come the main girl wasn't totally excited to have a bunch of rum and a pirate on her little island?? She's like, "Whatever. Where's my Bloomie?" What a dumbass!

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Obv. because she was totally and completely mad.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I think the least Nick could do is teach one of the kitties to perch itself on his shoulder as he walks around the house.

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:31 (twenty-two years ago)

i loved this movie when i saw it in the states, i cant wait to see it again here in the uk. i mean the fact is, pirates are really really cool arent they. and johnny depp is like the coolest pirate ever. with these 2 facts in mind, this movie couldnt fail to be great.

Sarah OTM on the introduction to depp's character, as soon as i saw him i had a huge grin on my face, and the boat sinking, and walking onto the dock, it was just so class. just the way he walks, before he had even spoken i knew i wanted to be him.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:33 (twenty-two years ago)

How come the main girl wasn't totally excited to have a bunch of rum and a pirate on her little island?? She's like, "Whatever. Where's my Bloomie?" What a dumbass!

I for one would not have passed up the opportunity to get wasted on rum and pirate sex (if not elf pirate sex). She was a fule.

― Larcole (Nicole), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:34 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, Disney should redo the ride to make the robots more resemble Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom and then it'd be the only ride I'd be willing to ride.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I would be kicked out of Disneyworld.

― Larcole (Nicole), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

i can see "pirate sex" is gonna be my catchphrase for the next few weeks

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

What Ally and Larcole are ignoring is that they are assuming that the world needed Marion Berry, Trent Lott and Dick Cheney in pirate outfits.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

They could be the pirates in jail.

― Larcole (Nicole), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Those people can wear the mod suits, Ned.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

id love to see cheney get sodomized with a pirate sabre or something. let johnny depp sort him out.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 31 July 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

I suppose that I would indeed pay money to have Cheney discovered one day dressed up in a pirate suit dead in a bedroom, having apparently thrown himself backwards on about twenty salad forks.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 31 July 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I saw it again, and remembered this post and specifically watched/waited for it - he did too say it.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 31 July 2003 16:23 (twenty-two years ago)

A guy in my office that saw the movie just said, "Johnny Depp is the Rodney Daingerfield of pirates!"

― Sarah McLUsky (coco), Thursday, 31 July 2003 18:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Johnny Depp, pirate or not, is extra lickable and I want to bear 20 of his children.

Failing that, I'd settle for a weekend of hot, sweaty, nasty, wake-up-sticky-with-my-hair-fucked-up-legs-sore-not-really-sure-where-I- am sex with him.

IS THIS REALLY SO MUCH TO ASK?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 31 July 2003 18:42 (twenty-two years ago)

hey im a straight man, and fuck it, id shag johnny depp. he is mr sex. mr pirate sex in fact.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 31 July 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Get in line, pal.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 31 July 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

It's hella long line. I hope they'll be giving out numbers or something.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Thursday, 31 July 2003 20:35 (twenty-two years ago)

jeez its like getting a burger from jack in the box...

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 31 July 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

This is when having super powers would come in handy.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 31 July 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

speaking of jack in the box restaurants, has anyone living permanently in american unlike me tried this as a part time job:
http://www.jacksguest.com/
sounds like the kind of thing i could do pretty full time really. especially if depp was there.

― Bob Shaw (Bob Shaw), Thursday, 31 July 2003 20:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Since he starred in a film based on a comic written and drawn by two old friends of mine, maybe I could get near him...

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 31 July 2003 20:46 (twenty-two years ago)

I smell a remake of Heartbreak Hotel.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 31 July 2003 21:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Tep, you are a genius. I kiss you, really.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 31 July 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I disavow all knowledge should Operation HH 2 go into effect, though.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 31 July 2003 21:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Well of course.

Besides, should it happen, do you think anyone's going to hear from me for the next 2-5 years?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 31 July 2003 21:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, you'll release JD after he's taken you to the sock hop, taught the town the true meaning of rock-n-roll, and punched out your ex, though. That's how it always goes.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 31 July 2003 22:02 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, ok, that's true, but I plan for that to take a long time. Plus sex. I'm not aiming for a G rating here.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 31 July 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

four months pass...

Right up through the hour mark, it was one of the best movies I've ever seen. After that it drags a little, and goes too long, but is still great great great.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Sunday, 7 December 2003 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

>If it hadn't been Disney it could have been so much better,
>like with cusswords. I mean these are PIRATES for the sake of
>fuck. They're SAILORS and VIOLENT CRIMINALS ROLLED INTO ONE.

Amen. I can't believe this hasn't been picked up by more of you;
the flesh-and-blood pirates were free of the barest whiff of
controversy; I mean, it's kinda cute and funny that they were
going to hang Jack for the crimes of "lawlesness" and "defecation,"
but surely they could have at least MENTIONED rape, pillage, and
murder, hallmarks of any pirate worth his salt?? Even minor
sins like lust and drunkenness were subtly discouraged by the
prude and proper screenwriters.

― squirlplise, Saturday, 24 January 2004 10:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Who goes into a movie bearing the Disney imprint (based on a RIDE FFS) expecting tales of rape and pillage to dog the heroes?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Saturday, 24 January 2004 18:08 (twenty-one years ago)

there was precious little sodomy either, totally compromised the film imo

― g--ff (gcannon), Saturday, 24 January 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

That's why I'm disappointed that apparently in the Haunted Mansion movie there are no scenes of slow dismemberment or protracted impalings. Sellouts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 24 January 2004 18:12 (twenty-one years ago)

four months pass...

Arrr! Keith Richards has signed to play Jack Sparrow's father in the sequel!!!!!

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 24 May 2004 10:45 (twenty-one years ago)

i heard this too - but is there real (internet) proof anywhere?

― Jaunty Alan (Alan), Monday, 24 May 2004 10:50 (twenty-one years ago)

AAAAAHAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGH me hearties! What fantastic news.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Monday, 24 May 2004 10:51 (twenty-one years ago)

this will be great as long as Keef's only lines are 'what is this morning you speak of?', 'corkscrew ya bastardrdrdrdr' and 'it gives me an enormous sense of...satisfaction' before then winking at the camera gamely. actually scratch all of that.

― stevem (blueski), Monday, 24 May 2004 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)

At least, Stevem reveals his bathroom mirror routine

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:02 (twenty-one years ago)

It was on the xfm news just now, so it must be true.

― Dave B (daveb), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:04 (twenty-one years ago)

"That report from XFM Film Correspondent Pete B@rang"

― robster (robster), Monday, 24 May 2004 11:12 (twenty-one years ago)

three months pass...

johnny depp's as a drunk tommy cooper.

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 11 September 2004 07:39 (twenty-one years ago)

haha I feel so bad for noticing this too. : /

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 11 September 2004 07:51 (twenty-one years ago)

PEOPLE I AM DISAPPOINTED IN YOU ALL.

-- Dan Perry (djperr...), July 28th, 2003. (link)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Saturday, 11 September 2004 12:19 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah I read that and have no idea what you are going on about. descriptions of peoples' physical movements in print always flummox me though.

― cºzen (Cozen), Saturday, 11 September 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Hand ----------|middle|------------- Hand

That's how he was at first. He put his hands together so that it looked like this:

Hand -----------|middle
Hand -----------|

Both hands are now on one side of the chain. He can throw the chain over the rope, grab the other end, slide down and let go.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Saturday, 11 September 2004 14:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i've always regretted not calling this "Aaaarrrrr! Here be the bootylicious Pirates of the Caribbean thread!"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 11 September 2004 15:12 (twenty-one years ago)

The sequels are coming.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 11 September 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

one year passes...

Do we have a Pirates 2: Even More Pirates thread yet? I went to see it on Thursday. It was mad stupid fun. Pirates! Sword-fights on a giant hamster wheel! It was really long, perhaps too long, but really Proper Good Fun.

I hate ILX because I kept referred to Orlando Bloom as Ornaldo Bloom and I can't actually get myself to pronounce it as Orlando any more.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 July 2006 13:46 (nineteen years ago)

Clearly we found the proper pronunciation.

It's weird -- for all the ads around and everything this one feels like the preordained blockbluster for this summer which kinda snuck up on folks. "Oh yeah, we're finally out."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:07 (nineteen years ago)

referred = referring, obviously. No wonder I struggle with Orlando.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:09 (nineteen years ago)

Quite a poor crop of blockbusters all round this summer - it's only this and Superman I'm even halfway interested in seeing. Or maybe I'm just getting older and more jaded.

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:09 (nineteen years ago)

There were some laughably bad trailers on before PoTC2 - Superman was about it for me too.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

I love AO Scott

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:19 (nineteen years ago)

it sends Elizabeth Swann (Ms. Knightley) and Will Turner (Mr. Bloom), their wedding day ruined in an opening sequence that seems to pay tribute to the old Guns N' Roses "November Rain" video

Now if this movie had Depp playing a guitar solo on top of a cliff...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

Meantime, Nicole's disdain reaffirmed:

Mr. Bloom, as is his custom, leaps about, trying to overcome his incurable blandness, and is upstaged by special effects, musical cues, octopus tentacles and pieces of wood.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:30 (nineteen years ago)

He basically suffers from not being Johnny Depp. He's not that bad, really. Actually, he gets somewhat upstaged by Jack Davenport as well. But he's miles less annoyingly bland than Keira Knightley.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:34 (nineteen years ago)

In that gag in the trailer ("We can't leave Jack! Ok leave him!") he shows all the comic timing of David Blunkett on mogadon.

(p.s. - don't you hate it when you go to the cinema and loads of morons laugh hysterically at a joke that was featured heavily in all the promotional material for the film? Almost as bad as the dickheads who piss themselves at the Orange ads.)

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:38 (nineteen years ago)

(On a similar note, I went to see The Wind that Shakes the Barley last night, and there were loads of people laughing at really inappropriate moments, like when someone's getting tortured and stuff. It was weird.)

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:42 (nineteen years ago)

(It's okay to say things only tangentially related to the thread if you say them in brackets.)

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:46 (nineteen years ago)

New Orange ad featuring Steven Seagal made a laugh a little. I am a BAD WOMANG.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 July 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

i heard this was unexciting and meandering. should i see it?

― lf (lfam), Saturday, 8 July 2006 15:26 (nineteen years ago)

It's like a bigger longer faster version of the first one. It's good silly fun. See it.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 8 July 2006 15:34 (nineteen years ago)

biggest opening day evah, box office-wise.

― timmy tannin (pompous), Saturday, 8 July 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

I hate ILX because I kept referred to Orlando Bloom as Ornaldo Bloom and I can't actually get myself to pronounce it as Orlando any more.

otm! my husband keeps saying "hey there's...what do you call him?"

"ornaldo"

"hahaha, and why?"

"the internet made me"

― teeny (teeny), Saturday, 8 July 2006 15:47 (nineteen years ago)

New Orange ad featuring Steven Seagal made a laugh a little. I am a BAD WOMANG.

I let out a moderate chuckle. Best one in forever...or ever ever? forever-ever?

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Saturday, 8 July 2006 16:09 (nineteen years ago)

I have not seen Pirates 1, is 2 okay on it's own or should I try to see 1 first?

― miele kitty (miele), Sunday, 9 July 2006 02:08 (nineteen years ago)

Does the sequel have really funny awful-on-purpose lines like, "I'd rather see her at the bottom of the ocean than in the hands of a pirate!" and "You like pain? Try wearing a corset!" and "I train three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can kill it!"?

― Mr. Snrub (Mr. Snrub), Sunday, 9 July 2006 03:04 (nineteen years ago)

I was totally emotionless watching this pic. It was silly and meandering and so totally "2nd of the trilogy" by numbers - a 100% set-up movie.

― Headspin (Barima), Sunday, 9 July 2006 03:26 (nineteen years ago)

okay, enough dithering: will i like this if i am stoned?

― lf (lfam), Sunday, 9 July 2006 03:43 (nineteen years ago)

yes.

― Dan I. (Dan I.), Sunday, 9 July 2006 06:00 (nineteen years ago)

x-post

probably!

i saw this today...PACKED. i forgot how popular the first one was/is.

awesome F/X! keira knightly lookin' hot in a pirate outfit! too long!

while i was actually pretty entertained, it does drag in the last act though...and it doesn't even resolve everything because it has a cliffhanger ending leading into the next one (coming out next summer presumably). it's pretty funny though.

so yeah, basicaly Headspin OTM.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 9 July 2006 06:00 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, it was a two-and-a-half-hour-long trailer for Pirates 3, but it was still fun. It was kinda long, but anyone actually bored by Krakens and swashbuckling on runaway wheels and Johnny Depp being turned into a kebab and Orlando Bloom getting whipped to within an inch of his life (ha!), big swinging cages and, well, campy pirates, actually really does HATE FUN.

Miele, you'd probably need to see the first one first. It probably works on it's own, but it is so much a set-up for the third, and leads on from the first in a way, that it does kind of scream "this is a trilogy" at you.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 9 July 2006 09:51 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, I also agree with Headspin. Technically all the elements were the same in both movies - all the characters acted the same, they substituted heavily CGI'd fish men for the heavily CGI'd ghost pirates, and there were the same overlong impressive action sequences - but it didn't seem as consistently funny or interesting. It was still fun, though!

And all is forgiven for the "surprise" at the very end of the movie. I won't spoil it, but it immediately made me much more excited about the third movie than I would've been otherwise. I don't care how contrived or nonsensical it was, I love love love (spoiler).

Also, I liked that they kept the continuity of the monkey being undead from the tiny scene after the credits of the first movie. I liked the post-credits scene in this one too, although you could kind of see it coming.

― reddening (reddening), Sunday, 9 July 2006 10:01 (nineteen years ago)

I don't have any complaints about this movie; it was exactly what I was expecting it to be. Thumbs up!

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 9 July 2006 12:01 (nineteen years ago)

i really liked the FX a lot, the davy jones guy was creepy. Cthulhu-esque!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 9 July 2006 12:15 (nineteen years ago)

His sub-Shrekian accent was a bit odd.

― ailsa (ailsa), Sunday, 9 July 2006 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

Stet and I went to see it last night in a cinema full of bams in Parkhead (a part of Glasgow where lots of bams live). They were hilarious - running around the aisles, CONSTANTLY chomping and shrieking and EEEWWWWing at the gross bits. The perfect atmosphere for a film like this.

There were some utterly classic bits - getting dizzy after the hamster wheel and the swinging cages spring to mind. POTC makes me adore Johnny Depp for reasons that still feel quite unexpected. Yeah sure, it was a bit long, but I forgive it.

And the Seagal/Orange advert took things forward a step rather nicely, we thought.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Sunday, 9 July 2006 12:41 (nineteen years ago)

Depp-kebab was tops. Davy Jones-as-Cthulu was not quite as kool as it should have been. The "ending" was horrible, and brought back memories of Back to the Future Part II.

Overall, I had an okay time.

― J (Jay), Sunday, 9 July 2006 21:01 (nineteen years ago)

Some of us have written things here.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 10 July 2006 09:10 (nineteen years ago)

Wrong thread, sorry!

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 10 July 2006 09:11 (nineteen years ago)

Bah, I did not see this. But my thread has a better title. Clearly.

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 09:18 (nineteen years ago)

I loved its over the topness. It was like, every time they thought "Let's have a sword fight! let's have a sword fight on top of a ruined chapel! Wait, how can we make this even MORE over the top? Add a water wheel, and have a fight on a waterwheel? Wait, even BETTER!!! Have a swordfight on a ROLLING waterwheel!!!"

And it had KRAKEN and CTHULHU playing a giant whalebone organ. If you don't like that, you hate fun.

It was long, but I didn't notice how long it was. Honestly, there was narry a boring moment, from beginning to end, I just got utterly swept up in the ridiculousness of it. Honestly, the first time I noticed how long it was, was at the very end, when they were setting up the new adventure and I was all "Oh, hang on, hasn't it been a while already? We can't have MORE..."

And then my friend and I got in an argument about what would happen in the next one. Would you be killed if you were eaten by a Kraken? because Captain Jack kind of leapt over the teeth and into it. His hat survived, so he might, too. Also, since CTHULHU is involved, the Kraken might be a gate to a non-Euclidean dimension.

I thought the Star Wars rip-offs were part of the wink and the nod. "Join me, Will, I am your father..." etc.

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 09:22 (nineteen years ago)

It was a little too long, but it was a lot of fun. All of the other summer movies have been a bit too emo.

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Monday, 10 July 2006 09:59 (nineteen years ago)

One of my favourite things about the film was spotting the venue for the next swordfight. Like, the minute I saw the chapel, I KNEW they were going to be standing on either side of the ruined rose window flashing steel at each other, and then you notice the water wheel and think hmmmm.... yes... and lo! Water wheel fite! And then it turns out even better than you thought it would. I would see this film again if it wasn't so darn long.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 10 July 2006 10:10 (nineteen years ago)

Why is everyone saying it was so long? It didn't feel long to me. But then again, I don't see a lot of films usually so I've not got the idea in my head that all films should be 90s minutes long. I'm going to see it again anyway.

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 10:12 (nineteen years ago)

150 mins.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 10 July 2006 10:19 (nineteen years ago)

And worth every minute of it!

There's not a scene I would cut!

Just makes me wonder what on earth they've got saved for the third one. Well, apart from Keith Richards.

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 10:21 (nineteen years ago)

I was actually pretty disappointed by it, even though I thought my expectations were low enough that that was impossible. I expected a lame plot and reliance on over-the-topness, sword fights, and explosions, and I would've been quite happy with it if they'd resolved it. But they didn't, and the lame plot is too lame to carry yet another movie (I've seen enough ghost ships crewed by the undead, thank you). And the "surprise" at the end really seemed like grasping at straws due to lack of imagination.

Good bits: the return of bitter and driven Norrington, Elizabeth's sexual manipulation, and the early resolution of the Bootstrap Bill inconsistency from the last movie.

Also, I was really excited at the beginning when Jack popped out of the coffin, because I suspect it was a salute to Moby Dick. And Moby Dick is pure awesomeness.

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 10 July 2006 10:39 (nineteen years ago)

Count me in the disappointed crew too. I didn't think it had any of the vim or energy of the first film, and there were several points where I was actually really bored (the interminable nonsense with the island tribe being typical of this). Admittedly the FX were stupendous throughout, and there were some exciting action sequences but the script and plot were so meh that I didn't engage with it at all. Plus, Depp has really very little to do in this one.

With that said, the two climactic shots of Captain Jack facing down the Kraken, where it's first rearing in front of him and then he takes his leap at it were quite, quite beautiful. But it still didn't make up for the rest of this overlong load of old cobblers.

― Bill A (Bill A), Monday, 10 July 2006 11:41 (nineteen years ago)

Gosh, people actually *do* hate fun.

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 10 July 2006 11:42 (nineteen years ago)

We knew this, though!

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 July 2006 12:27 (nineteen years ago)

I *know*, but WHY? Who on earth could hate a camp pirate and Inigo-Montoya-esque swordfightery? You people are weird.

― ailsa (ailsa), Monday, 10 July 2006 12:29 (nineteen years ago)

Captain Jack has been taking the "Gay For Johnny Depp" thing a bit too seriously.

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 12:34 (nineteen years ago)

b-b-but I *love* fun. And I really liked the first Pirates film. I just thought this one was a bit plop in comparison...

― Bill A (Bill A), Monday, 10 July 2006 13:48 (nineteen years ago)

The first one was better but that in no way diminishes the fact that I also enjoyed the second one (which had much better fights).

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 July 2006 13:50 (nineteen years ago)

The second one was waaaaay better.

I mean, walking cursed skeletons vs. Cthulhu and a Kraken? No contest!

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

Also, the pure hypocritical joy of seeing a Disney film starting to venture into "oh no, the incipient globalisation in the form of the East India Company is bad, and no good for happy go lucky little pirates...!" territory was hilarious.

Oh yeah, plus the idea that the British Empire owed its power to Cthulhu's heart... heh heh heh.

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 13:53 (nineteen years ago)

I can see that but I've never really been into Lovecraft, so all of I didn't find those allusions particularly affecting.

I thought the creepiest part of the movie was the part where Davy Jones was forcing Bootstrap Bill to watch the Kraken eat the Black Pearl and you could see new barnacles sprouting on Bootstrap's face; the palpable despair mixed in with the acceleration of his assimilation into the ship was just... brrr.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 July 2006 13:58 (nineteen years ago)

(But yeah, I think I cared a lot more about the story/plot in the first one; this one was all about the spectacle for me although I'll bet the plot will hold up remarkably well upon subsequent viewings.)

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 July 2006 14:00 (nineteen years ago)

Um, potentially a dumb question but ... what is the East India Company doing in the Carribean (West Indies)? I thought they just controlled (or ended up controlling) India.

― Mädchen (Madchen), Monday, 10 July 2006 14:01 (nineteen years ago)

They weren't in the Carribean in this one. I distinctly heard them say they were going to Malaysia to look for the Black Pearl. (though those canibals didn't look very Malaysian at all.)

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 14:04 (nineteen years ago)

At the start of the movie, they are definitely in the same town as the first movie, plus the pirate hangout (Tartufa?) is the same in the two movies.

There was a good amount of dialogue about how Norrington had chased Jack around the world but most of the movie action took place in the Carribean as far as I could tell. Ergo, POETIC LICENSE!

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 July 2006 14:06 (nineteen years ago)

Tortuga!!! I could not remember the name of that place, despite seeing it in 2 foot tall flaming letters.

I seem to recall that Jack was somewhere really out of the way when he beached himself.

The only bit that seemed non-continuous to me was... what the heck was that place that Jack escaped out of at the beginning of the film What was it? Where was it? What was he doing there?

― If I Were Dreaming, There'd Be Rum (kate), Monday, 10 July 2006 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know what it was or where it was but that's where he got the drawing of the key to ~~Peter Tork's~~ Davy Jones' locker.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Monday, 10 July 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

He was getting the cloth, no? Didn't really matter where it was, just some hellish island.

― permanent revolution (cis), Monday, 10 July 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

ok this movie would have been so much better if it hadn't tried to set up the next one at all and killed all the exposition following jack confronting the kracken (which coulda just gotten tacked onto the next film).

the bit about the east india company following coulda been moved slightly earlier tho and saved too, i guess.

i wonder if it wasn't reedited with the dumb ending coz otherwise it woulda been too much of a downer?

not enough twists and sparkly dialogue and clever/dumb jack as the first one i think. but yeah it only dragged in the cannibal part where it seemed they needed waaay too much stupid exposition just to set up a few awesome chase scenes that were also a bit overlong.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 10 July 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

in retrospect, one of the things that made the first one great was just how in media res the whole thing was

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 10 July 2006 19:15 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know about the East India Company, per se, but I thought it was an actual historical reference to the expansion of global trade and the British navy's hardcore crackdown on piracy in the 1720s. I was like "Dude! historical awareness!" and then out came the organ-playing beard of prehensile tentacles :)

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 10 July 2006 21:05 (nineteen years ago)

the films are actually historically not bad, supernatural silliness aside.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Monday, 10 July 2006 21:13 (nineteen years ago)

A few scenes of admirable slapstick mayhem aside, it was frightfully dull and overlong. Gore Verbinski is a complete hack.

― The Ultimate Conclusion (lokar), Monday, 10 July 2006 22:08 (nineteen years ago)

Director - filmography
(In Production) (2000s) (1990s)

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007) (filming)
2. Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)
3. The Weather Man (2005)
4. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)
5. The Ring (2002)
6. The Mexican (2001)
... aka Mexicana, La (Mexico)
7. Mousehunt (1997)
8. The Ritual (1996)

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 10 July 2006 22:18 (nineteen years ago)

The Ring is one of the better contemporary horror movies, but I guess that's damning with faint praise.

― milo z (mlp), Monday, 10 July 2006 22:19 (nineteen years ago)

I was like "Dude! historical awareness!" and then out came the organ-playing beard of prehensile tentacles :)

And this is a bad thing... how?

― Tangerine Machine (kate), Tuesday, 11 July 2006 09:24 (nineteen years ago)

"Dad you've got a bit of... starfish on your cheek there"

Just me or does Johnny Depp do his twitchy fey thing in every single movie now? Ed Wood, Fear and Loathing... it's the same bag of tricks for every character.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 02:01 (nineteen years ago)

Which is fine - we all love it - but I think talk of "Depp's brilliant characterization" - not that anyone here has said that - can really be put to rest!

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 02:03 (nineteen years ago)

i didn't think it was as fun as the first and it was definitely definitely too long. but i liked mr squidface! and there was definitely some enjoyable silliness. jack sparrow less charming i found though--maybe i'm just used to the shtick by now. also i kinda hate the movie's pallette, all those blueish grays and grayish blues.

also orlando bloom SO boring.

ps i don't think depp's performance in ed wood is like his one in the potc movies at all.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 02:08 (nineteen years ago)

Definitely too long, and Knightley got bugger all to do but smoulder saucily. All the spooky natives were a bit eh - what is this, King Kong? - but I liked the Jafaican witch.

Way better than Supeman or X-Men III as far as summer blockbusters go.

What was the deal with the sand?

― milo z (mlp), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 02:15 (nineteen years ago)

But Sparrow is growing as a human being, and a character! He actually CAME BACK to help his friends instead of running away like the selfish twat he's always been. (Which got him chained to the mast and swallowed by a Kraken for his efforts, but still.)

I don't like the Elizabeth-Jack love triangulation one bit. No, no, no.

― Margarine Machine (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 08:42 (nineteen years ago)

Did she chain Jack to the mast just to rid of herself of the temptation of his hott kisses??

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 11:58 (nineteen years ago)

I certainly think so.

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 11:59 (nineteen years ago)

Also... why was the monkey undead?

If the rest of them had had their curse lifted, why not the monkey?

Or will this be explained in the third one, whenceforth the mutinous Captain from the first one is also raised from the dead?

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 12:10 (nineteen years ago)

The monkey was undead for sight-gag reasons.

In retrospect I really really really liked this movie.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 12:18 (nineteen years ago)

The monkey steals a piece of the gold again in a post-credits scene at the end of the first film, thus becoming cursed again.

― Flyboy (Flyboy), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 12:20 (nineteen years ago)

A-ha! I didn't catch that when I saw it! Excellent! I was hoping it would be something like that.

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 12:21 (nineteen years ago)

Here's something I didn't get (among 1,000,000,000 other things, like what was actually SAID half the time, although this may be a function of shitty Ritzy Cinema soundsystem) -

Whoever has tentacle-man's heart can compel his will, correct? So why on earth are Jack and Ornaldo fighting over it?? "I need it for the Kraken!" "I need it for my dad!" - "boys, boys - there's enough magically beating heart for the both of you!"

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)

could they control his will magically or just use it as a bargaining chip?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 13:09 (nineteen years ago)

I think it was the bargaining chip thing - that if you stabbed the heart, you killed the Cthulhu, thereby by having it you could make the Cthulhu do whatever you liked.

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 13:10 (nineteen years ago)

If the rest of them had had their curse lifted, why not the monkey?

Because monkeys are horrible, nasty little creatures that deserve to be DOOMED.

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

Here's something I didn't get (among 1,000,000,000 other things, like what was actually SAID half the time, although this may be a function of shitty Ritzy Cinema soundsystem)

OTM, I thought it was just me and my premature hearing loss.

― Billy Dods (Billy Dods), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 13:22 (nineteen years ago)

The only thing I didn't catch was the "...and the RUM!" bit. Which I had to ask my date to repeat for me. And then got shouted at by the people sitting next to me. Even though my date told me after the film that all down his side of the row, other people went "Oh!" after he explained, like they hadn't heard it the first time either.

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 13:23 (nineteen years ago)

so Jack and Bloomps really HATE each other - they would deny the other hugely important things that, with the heart in hand, are just there for the taking

yet moments later Bloomps says he'll sign up for a suicide mission to the end of the earth just to get Jack back!! and so does Knightley, who moments before had lashed Jack to the mast in order to have him out her her life forever ... ???

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:00 (nineteen years ago)

Knightley so clearly has the massive throbbing clit-on for Jack, so that explains her behaviour.

Ditto Will, I suspect, though substitute the appropriate part of his anatomy.

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

i think it's more a case of script draft #14 vs. script draft #22

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:07 (nineteen years ago)

OK so she feels remorse for her hugely selfish act of, well, murder, basically. that i can understand. but Bloomps (also selfish: would doom entire ship to Kraken in exchange for releasing his father from servitude - WHEN BOTH CAN BE ACHIEVED FOR THE SAME EFFORT) - Bloomps would deny Jack the power to get rid of the Kraken just well, cause he hates him I guess, AND has just seen him KISS his FIANCEE - and now is like "sign me up dudes, let's go find Jack"

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

Peer pressure?

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

yeah everyone else seemed pretty excited about it, maybe he just got swept up in the moment.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

i actually totally agree with tracer. this was not a very well-scripted movie.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:20 (nineteen years ago)

How can you say it's not well scripted when it's got ROLLERCOASTER RIDES OF SWASHIBUCKLING ADVENTURE AND SWORDFIGHTS ON TOP OF A MOVING, ROLLING MILL WHEEL?!?!?

Continuity is a bit shit, but who cares about continuity when you have SHIP EATING KRAKEN MONSTERS CONTROLLED BY CTHULHU HIMSELF?!?!??

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:21 (nineteen years ago)

Will doesn't trust Jack to use the bargaining chip of the Chest to free his dad as well as get the Kraken off Jack's back - and who can blame him at that point in the movie? Jack has left him to rot on the Dutchman (probably knowing/hoping he'd get the key and escape, but he didn't clue Will in on his plan). But he doesn't want Jack dead, exactly - and don't forget that at the end of the film, Will still hasn't freed his dad either, so he needs all the help he can get.

― Flyboy (Flyboy), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:25 (nineteen years ago)

how can you say this movie IS well-scripted when it's two and a half hours long

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:28 (nineteen years ago)

BECAUSE I WANTED IT TO BE TWO AND A HALF HOURS LONGER!!!

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:31 (nineteen years ago)

so even by your standards it's not well-scripted!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:32 (nineteen years ago)

Wait, all long movies are poorly scripted?

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

(Also it is 2.5 hours longer, we just don't get to see the rest until summer 2007.)

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 14:33 (nineteen years ago)

Carib fortune teller: "i can tell where the Kraken poos"

all: "TMI"

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 16:07 (nineteen years ago)

So, is General Zod in this one?

― Alfred, Lord Sotosyn (Alfred Soto), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 16:18 (nineteen years ago)

most movies 1 hour longer than they should be are poorly-scripted.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 16:41 (nineteen years ago)

I thought he said he'd do anything to get Jack back because he is just 100% virtuous. Right before that he gave Elizabeth this very significant look, and she said she'd do anything to get Jack back, so I think he was going along on the premise that he really loves her and will do anything to make her happy, even if it involves setting her up with an affair.

― Maria (Maria), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 20:50 (nineteen years ago)

Well, I enjoyed that quite a bit. An absolute mess, but a damned exuberant one. Great stunts, effects and art direction.

It wasn't badly scripted, but it was quite badly structured.

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 20:58 (nineteen years ago)

(Maria OTM, BTW)

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 22:02 (nineteen years ago)

'These clothes do not suit you... you should either be in a very pretty dress or naked; you should come on board where i have no very pretty dress...'

― Jimmy Mod: NOIZE BOARD GRIL COMPARISON ANALYST (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 22:10 (nineteen years ago)

it was good fun, and quite exciting, but even more exciting and thrilling was the

TRAILER TO THE TRANSFORMERS MOVIE

7.4.07

fuck YEAH.

― AaronK (AaronK), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 23:29 (nineteen years ago)

i'm depressed and have no friends -- will this cheer me up?

― gbx (skowly), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 23:36 (nineteen years ago)

not necessarily.

― AaronK (AaronK), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 23:37 (nineteen years ago)

"i love moments like that. i like to wave at them as they go by"

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 23:58 (nineteen years ago)

Maria - OK that is the only thing that makes sense!

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 12 July 2006 23:58 (nineteen years ago)

"i love moments like that. i like to wave at them as they go by"

Douglas Adams rip innit

― kit brash (kit brash), Thursday, 13 July 2006 01:04 (nineteen years ago)

I saw this without seeing the first, and I was pretty high, so I was probably missing a lot. But I just thought Elizabeth chained Jack to the mast so the rest of them could get away because the Kraken was only really after Jack. That's way off?

― Sundar (sundar), Thursday, 13 July 2006 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

that's totally why!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 13 July 2006 01:56 (nineteen years ago)

how much is there to really miss? it must have been great fun!

xpost

― AaronK (AaronK), Thursday, 13 July 2006 04:10 (nineteen years ago)

That was great fun. Although i can't see the point of Olando bloom; whilst everyone else is out there producing grade A Ham, buckling swash, and having a jolly good time going ARRRGH (or being evil english), he is there as wooden as the plank we like him all to walk. I think I'd like a pirate vince vaughn in the next one, i'm not sure why.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 14 July 2006 09:28 (nineteen years ago)

But that is the whole point of Bloomps in this film! To be the stiff, wooden Straight Guy because you know he will have some serious growing/loosening up to do in the third one. HE's kind of like the film's keep that keeps its course steady while everyone else bounces off the walls around him. He's like Big Bird or something.

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Friday, 14 July 2006 09:33 (nineteen years ago)

x-post

ornaldo is the "straight man" i guess

― l'bloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 14 July 2006 09:34 (nineteen years ago)

I said, after the last one, pirate Owen Wilson is the only way they could improve. I'm pleased to be wrong.

I liked the way that you could see the money spent on screen, like the beautifully detailed crew of the Flying Dutchman, who spend most of their time skulking in shadows wearing CGI that in a lesser film would be put front and center.

Similarly I loved that most of the first ten minutes of the swordfight are background.

I thought it was a stellar performance from Neil Tennant as the East India Company rep. Who was his Hoskins-like right hand, I didn't catch his name or recognise the actor?

I was impressed that the living villain of the first film was such a big part of the second. I also though he might have been silently upgraded to Clive Owen or someone, but apparently it's the same actor.

And in the Total Reuse vein, I liked seeing the Guards from the first film reappear as sailors.

Highpoints: demonstrating the undead monkey, Jack's reintroduction into the swordfight, anything with the voodoo lady.

Lowpoints: Nothing really. You could _maybe_ take 20 minutes out of the cannibal section if you hated fun, and there's a bit of not-immediately-relevant Johnathan Pryce, but come on, it's Johnathan Pryce!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 14 July 2006 09:50 (nineteen years ago)

But come on! The whole cannibal section is one giant funny setup for the JOHNNY DEPP KEBAB which is the funniest thing ever to be captured on celluloid!

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Friday, 14 July 2006 09:53 (nineteen years ago)

But he could be stiff and straight without being a plank.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 14 July 2006 09:55 (nineteen years ago)

Everything was over the top in that film - including his woodenness. It was supposed to be that way.

― Thom Yorke Is My Spirit Guide (kate), Friday, 14 July 2006 09:59 (nineteen years ago)

I went to look at the IMDB for the next one, and there isn't any Owen Wilson in it, but I am giddy with excitement all the same:

pirate chow yun-fat!

Pirate Chow Yun-Fat!

PIRATE CHOW YUN-FAT!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 14 July 2006 11:55 (nineteen years ago)

I think I'd like a pirate vince vaughn in the next one, i'm not sure why.
The idea of this just brought tears of joy to my eyes.

― milo z (mlp), Friday, 14 July 2006 16:28 (nineteen years ago)

At the end of this movie I felt like I was watching a band who had just left the stage to a tepid response and had overeagerly rushed out anyway and was about to play an encore.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 15 July 2006 04:29 (nineteen years ago)

Script seemed to have been written by a committee - historical consultant and "serious" writer interested in sexual psychodrama each obviously got to write one short scene.

All I wanted going in was some good silly fun, honest! But this movie strained so hard to throw in more *complex* elements without ever developing ANY of them that the whole thing just became tedious. Admittedly, I liked the waterwheel swordfight, and the fruit kebab thing was funny, though not as funny as it obviously thought it was.

Finally, did anyone else notice how all the colored people are conveniently in the cage that drops into the chasm? And what the fuck was up with the po' plantation worker black folk standing around in the swamp with candles? I'm not even going to get into the natives, cause I already complained enough about that after King Kong.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 15 July 2006 04:59 (nineteen years ago)

THIS WAS SO BAD, I HATE YOU DAN I., YOU CAN NEVER REGAIN MY TRUST

― lf (lfam), Saturday, 15 July 2006 05:40 (nineteen years ago)

AND YES, I WAS

― lf (lfam), Saturday, 15 July 2006 05:40 (nineteen years ago)

http://atypically.net/smilies/vomit.gif
http://www.white-wave.com/piratesnpoppets/i010.jpg

― lf (lfam), Saturday, 15 July 2006 05:45 (nineteen years ago)

"all the colored people are conveniently in the cage that drops into the chasm?"

Yes, despite enjoying the film immensely, I did notice this as a sour note. Slightly earlier on, I was thinking, 'actually, it's pretty cool and a bold move to have an arab pirate in the current climate . .' Nope, off down the chasm with you!

I'm not asking for a rigorous diversity policy on fictional pirate ships, but . . this is supposed to be the Carribean, y'know?

― Soukesian (Soukesian), Saturday, 15 July 2006 08:23 (nineteen years ago)

Oh fuck you, allegedly enlightened dude who calls minorities "colored" and black people who are nowhere near a plantation "plantation workers".

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Saturday, 15 July 2006 12:19 (nineteen years ago)

PIRATE CHOW YUN-FAT!

So the third one WILL be the greatest movie ever. I'm fine with that!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 15 July 2006 12:36 (nineteen years ago)

no! they are basing the success of these movies on our collective tendency to embellish the past! they are banking on us forgetting how much this sucked, just like how we forgot that the first one sucked and thought this would be good.

NEVER FORGET

― lf (lfam), Saturday, 15 July 2006 14:35 (nineteen years ago)

the first one didn't suck, tho.

― gbx (skowly), Saturday, 15 July 2006 15:42 (nineteen years ago)

And what the fuck was up with the po' plantation worker black folk standing around in the swamp with candles?

Being creole is a motherfucker, I guess.

― Jimmy Mod: NOIZE BOARD GRIL COMPARISON ANALYST (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Saturday, 15 July 2006 17:34 (nineteen years ago)

don't succumb to their mind games gbx!

― lf (lfam), Saturday, 15 July 2006 17:38 (nineteen years ago)

Oh fuck you, allegedly enlightened dude who calls minorities "colored" and black people who are nowhere near a plantation "plantation workers".

-- Jesus Dan (djperr...), July 15th, 2006.

Aw come on, I was obviously using colored in implied quotes. Give me a break.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 15 July 2006 20:27 (nineteen years ago)

Almost every single non-white face in this movie either represented "magic" or "evil."

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Saturday, 15 July 2006 20:31 (nineteen years ago)

ok to be fair the film probably dates roughly in the mid-1600s (judging by french presence in haiti, letters of marque, extent of british colonization, tortuga as a pirate hangout, etc.) and really you weren't going to find any haitian blacks at the time who weren't plantation workers. on the other hand, what the fuck was up with them standing around with candles? they were praying and stuff, i'd imagine. which isn't that odd really.

interesting etymological fact -- buccaneer comes from the french "boucan" which comes from a way of preserving meat that came from taino natives of the caribbean, who likely transmitted it via maroon escaped slave communities to the pirates, who did loads of trading with them. pirates were horrible people, but actually likely far more integrated than just about any other group in the world at the time.

the tortuga scenes i thought were decently and not in-yr-face multiracial in this one i thought, just like the first.

i do think the film was tough on kraken tho. sea squid are gentle contemplative creatures, shy and sensitive. one day the barriers of prejudice will come down.

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Sunday, 16 July 2006 01:47 (nineteen years ago)

Squidist.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 16 July 2006 01:50 (nineteen years ago)

sterling, you're insane. kraken would quickly eat you and all you hold dear, and you know it. you can't plead with it, you can't reason with it, it'll just keep coming, and coming, until you've been ensnarled in its kraken tentacles.

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 16 July 2006 02:11 (nineteen years ago)

y'all are kraken me up

― The power of latebloomer will burn brighter than ever before (latebloomer), Sunday, 16 July 2006 02:15 (nineteen years ago)

looks like something fishy is happening at ILX

― Sterling Clover (s_clover), Sunday, 16 July 2006 02:22 (nineteen years ago)

a rather odd but interesting interview with the screenwriters

― the power of latebloomer compels you (latebloomer), Sunday, 16 July 2006 15:05 (nineteen years ago)

HI WE'RE THIS FAR INTO THE REVIVAL OF THREAD AND NO ONE HAS POINTED OUT THAT THE REASON THEY GO BACK FOR JACK IS BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS IN EMPIRE STRIKES BACK TOO??? DISAPPOINTED WITH YOU ALL.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:38 (nineteen years ago)

Also lots of general Sparrow - Solo parallels. Will Bloom and Knightley turn out to be brother/sister? Doesn't seem impossible.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

"My dear, I have something to tell you. You were adopted." Etc.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:53 (nineteen years ago)

OMG that would be awesome (because it's impleid that they've already slept together; THANKS FOR THE INCEST, DISNEY)

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:55 (nineteen years ago)

One of the wooden planks is Orlando's father.

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Sunday, 16 July 2006 16:56 (nineteen years ago)

I bet the East India Company's biggest shipping vessel has an inexplicable chasm that leads directly to the very thing that will explode the entire fleet, easily accessible by a tiny pirate longboat.

PS This movie was too long but I still enjoyed it very much. "Look! An undead monkey!" was like the funniest thing in the world also THE MONKEY IS UNDEAD STILL BECAUSE HE STOLE GOLD THAT KEEPS YOU UNDEAD REMEMBER? I don't understand why that is confusing to some but no one mentions that Geoffrey Rush was actually killed, I thought, in the first one yet is now playing the role of Billy Dee Williams?? A little weird.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

GOOD JOB JACK, KILL THE KRACKEN!!!
http://www.bbspot.com/Images/News_Features/2003/02/sarlacc.jpg

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:10 (nineteen years ago)

And, uh, Generation X too apparently. Did not notice that when I looked at it on GIS.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:11 (nineteen years ago)

Generation X is apparently the taint of Tattooine.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:19 (nineteen years ago)

(Also I missed the secret ending credits scene on BOTH of these movies so I didn't know that the monkey stoled some pilates gold at the end and I don't know what everyone was "AWESOME!"ing about upthread.)

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:22 (nineteen years ago)

PIRATE CHOW YUN FAT?

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:43 (nineteen years ago)

I will be sorely disappointed if the third film does not include a massive armada of pirate vessels engaging a massive armada of EIC/British seacraft. I have been a bit peeved at the short shrift being given by these movies to naval artillery and the art of the broadside barrage.

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:53 (nineteen years ago)

Other things to expect in P of the C III:

- We learn that Jack has been frozen in a giant block of ice by a notorious pirate. Will returns as an uber-confident sword master and rescues him.

- Jack and a bunch of pygmies struggle on a remote island base to destroy the kraken's "voodoo shield generator" while Will and Elizabeth and a ragtag band of pirate ships trade cannonballs with the East India Company's fleet

- Will battles for his father's soul in a chilling final game of Yahtzee

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:57 (nineteen years ago)

After careful consideration of the relative levels of enjoyment I personally receive from naval artillery vs overcomplicated swordfights, I've decided that, as far as I'm concerned, a massive armada of pirate vessels can juggle deez nuts.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:57 (nineteen years ago)

Jack and a bunch of pygmies struggle on a remote island base to destroy the kraken's "voodoo shield generator" while Will and Elizabeth and a ragtag band of pirate ships trade cannonballs with the East India Company's fleet

If this happens I am holding YOU personally responsible. DAEREST DISNEY: INCEST >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> EWOKS

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 16 July 2006 17:59 (nineteen years ago)

Is it really implied that they already slept together? I guess I don't remember the first one too well, which is part of why I find the whole trilogy thing so ridiculous.

"Whoa, it's, uh, some dude from the first movie!"

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:04 (nineteen years ago)

I'm going off the the line she has in the second one about being all over him and giving him the business if they weren't seperated by bars and her dad wasn't standing RIGHT THERE looking like he wanted to be fed to the Kraken.

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:07 (nineteen years ago)

I kept half expecting LeChuck to turn up.

― chap who would dare to start Raaatpackin (chap), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:20 (nineteen years ago)

I'm going off the the line she has in the second one about being all over him and giving him the business

Maybe they're like one of those Evangelical "virgin" couples that rationalizes that oral sex isn't sex.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Sunday, 16 July 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

xp - Didn't Keira have a line about Will teaching her how to use a sword as well?

― milo z (mlp), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:13 (nineteen years ago)

Yes, but that was delivered in a semi-innocent context (ie, she was trying to warn off Jack with threats of cutting and ended up sounding like she had had extensive training in how to expertly manipulate a penis).

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:16 (nineteen years ago)

I call that an implied fuckage.

― milo z (mlp), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:17 (nineteen years ago)

minus the 'an'

― milo z (mlp), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:19 (nineteen years ago)

Is there a talking skull in this one?

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Sunday, 16 July 2006 19:59 (nineteen years ago)

I'm going off the the line she has in the second one about being all over him and giving him the business if they weren't seperated by bars

That line's referring to how their WEDDING was interrupted though, so they have been unable to enjoy their inaugural consummation, thus leaving Knightley with a severe case of blue balls.

― kit brash (kit brash), Sunday, 16 July 2006 21:11 (nineteen years ago)

I am so happy other people caught that "he taught me how to handle a sword" shit, because I think it was meant innocently but it was such a double entendre.

But yeah, she mentions a couple times about being denied her wedding NIGHT (not just her wedding!) which made me cringe a little and look around for small children in the theater.

― taco freebie (mike h.), Sunday, 16 July 2006 22:24 (nineteen years ago)

No way that was meant innocently, it was for the adults in the audience all the way. I can't remember the line before, but Jack's line after was 'show me' or something.

― milo z (mlp), Sunday, 16 July 2006 22:32 (nineteen years ago)

Shit...what did I miss with the ending? Can someone please help me out?

― Damn 2.5 hour movie...I had to PISS! (Big Loud Mountain Ape), Monday, 17 July 2006 05:21 (nineteen years ago)

Jack turned out to be a pirate

― the power of latebloomer compels you (latebloomer), Monday, 17 July 2006 07:54 (nineteen years ago)

There are other ways to, ahem, handle a sword without consummation.

― Roz (Roz), Monday, 17 July 2006 10:40 (nineteen years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v485/Suedey/captainjackcoloursmall.jpg

HI THAAAAAAAR

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Tuesday, 18 July 2006 23:27 (nineteen years ago)

OK lashing Jack to the mast SORT OF makes sense if the Kraken was going after Jack specifically. (Knightley's still a tool to do that, especially after kissing him. after everything they'd been through you'd HOPE she'd try to come up with a way to get out of there; it's a swashbuckler for christ's sake - would Leia handcuff Han to the side of an Imperial Cruiser?? all for one and one for all g*ddammit!!) But then that makes Jack's flight on his rowboat the ultimate act of self-sacrifice, not selfishness as Knightley is so quick to believe - and Jack's return becomes the abdication of that selflessness (one last chance to kiss Keira?)

Anyway, I dunno how i'm supposed to keep track of Kraken psychology if the characters in the movie can't! ("it's not SUPPOSED to makes sense etc.") I could be totally confusing the timeline here; i think i actually missed half this movie because i wasn't paying attention.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:06 (nineteen years ago)

lashing Jack to the mast

Really, my favorite phrase out of this whole thing.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:08 (nineteen years ago)

Speaking of double entendres, I found the whole "Don't you want to know - what - it - tastes - like" somewhat too unsubtle and evocative for this sort of film.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:19 (nineteen years ago)

She kissed Jack specifically to back him up against the mast, it was the only way to take him off guard and thus chainable.

Jack took off in the rowboat because he thought he had Davey Jones' heart, ie bargaining chip. And he'd assume (rightly) that Davey Jones would think he was still on the Black Pearl and attack it.

― milo z (mlp), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:21 (nineteen years ago)

xp - I don't even remember that.

― milo z (mlp), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:22 (nineteen years ago)

from the link w/the screenwriters, in re: "was written by a committee" comments above:

"There are things I would change. ... They amount to quibbles. I'd say it's 90 percent of what we wanted."

"One of the techniques we learned while working in animation [on Shrek] is to work in sequences. For me, it's easier to attack a three-page thing than the entire script."

"I know writers who actually work in the full draft and I can't figure out how they do it. If you have a hundred pages, if you want to get to a scene in the middle, you have to go through all that other stuff. Whereas, if you've broken it up into sequences, you only have to deal with exactly the part you need to work on."

"Truth be told, sometimes, you don't get that view of the Big Picture until opening day."

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:23 (nineteen years ago)

milo if Davy Jones still thought he was on the Black Pearl, why does Keira need to make with the mast-lashing? ARRRGH

I guess I thought Cthuluface was just sort of able to UNLEASH the Kraken, and maybe GUIDE it, roughly, towards destruction-worthy targets. I didn't realize he could steer the damn thing like a videogame.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:26 (nineteen years ago)

Jack didn't think he had Davy Jones heart when he went off in the rowboat, because it wasn't in his "I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT! I'VE GOT A JAR OF DIRT!" when it smashed before he did that.

I agree with the screenwriters and the way they work.

― Suedey (John Cei Douglas), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:27 (nineteen years ago)

If you have a hundred pages, if you want to get to a scene in the middle, you have to go through all that other stuff. Whereas, if you've broken it up into sequences, you only have to deal with exactly the part you need to work on.

I mean, I don't even understand this. What is he talking about? Is he one of those people that clicks and holds down on the little arrow at the end of the scroll bar when he's like 20 pages away from what he wants to get to???

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 00:28 (nineteen years ago)

what is wrong with Keira Knightley that she can't even properly act like Johnny Depp gets her hot? in all their sexual tension moments, she just seemed like she was in pain. I hate her.

I still don't entirely get why Orlando Bloom signs on for rescuing Jack at the end. he doesn't strike me as 100% virtuous.

― horseshoe (horseshoe), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:14 (nineteen years ago)

Perhaps he's hoping to win the heart of Mizz Knightley once and for all?

― milo z (mlp), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:31 (nineteen years ago)

Perhaps he entertains self-humiliating fantasies of watching them in action.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:34 (nineteen years ago)

P of the C III: C on the T

I guess I'm tired enough to find that funny.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:38 (nineteen years ago)

Stretching the definition of T mightily.

― milo z (mlp), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:41 (nineteen years ago)

Ha, true.

― Abbadavid Berman (Hurting), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 03:44 (nineteen years ago)

man this was a great entertaining movie, just what i needed! First half hour seemed a bit struggly and I'm not sure why, but it all soon got going and I thoroughly enjoyed it right until the end.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 07:37 (nineteen years ago)

I think it's that Keira thinks 'once the kraken has et Jack, it will go away and Davy Jones will stop chasing us', so by cuffing Jack to the mast while the kraken's already after the black pearl she can make the whole thing be over, whereas it would drag on if Jack kept getting away. Also she believes in Codes of Things and the Captain is supposed to go down with his ship, isn't he, so she'll Make Him do it (but this is not a primary reason).

― permanent revolution (cis), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 07:55 (nineteen years ago)

I don't think she believes in the Code of Things much at all, that's Ornaldo you're thinking of. I am looking forward to seeing her da reborn as a pirate in the third one.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 08:00 (nineteen years ago)

This was so disappointing and flawed. I thought the first was an amazingly clever, delightfull fun adventure movie - and this one was a belaboured, dumb, but yeah sometimes v fun adventure movie. Loved the kebab running-away sequence and the beasties' look. Hated the plot-that-made-no-sense and the total lack of comprehensible character motivation. Also, I realised halfway through the movie that Orlando Bloom was awful (this is something I had never noticed before), and then I could only cringe every time he opened his mouth.

I was hoping for something wicked cool in that reveal at the end (Chow Yun Fat? Keith Richards?), but what? the bad guy from #1? who the fuck cares?

and it was absolutely not worth waiting through the credits for a lame one note 'cute animal' gag.

― sean gramophone (Sean M), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 08:35 (nineteen years ago)

cis to the rescue! That works for me Miss Pontine. It is sort of like Keira is standing in for the authors, at that moment.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 10:35 (nineteen years ago)

I don't really get how Bloomps can be so damn bland in every movie yet almost always appears like an interesting and enthusiastic person in interviews.

And wtf, to me Kiera didn't even seem like she was remotely attracted to Jack until Norrington mentioned it.

But hey, I'm totally looking forward to the return of Captain Barbossa - I thought the chemistry between Depp and Rush totally made the last movie.

― Roz (Roz), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 12:37 (nineteen years ago)

Hellllloooooo, the reason why Ornaldo agrees to go back and rescue Jack is because everyone else says aye to the idea. He'd look like a right tool to turn around and be like, "No, fuck him, I refuse to go to the end of the earth, you're all on your own." It's peer pressure isn't it. Also maybe he doesn't want to confront Keira re: kissy kissy bang bang and is going along with the rescue to keep up appearances (it'd be very obvious that he is angry with her if he turns around and is like etc).

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Wednesday, 19 July 2006 16:03 (nineteen years ago)

Finally saw this last night. I thought it was terrific and exhilirating for the most part.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 20 July 2006 09:26 (nineteen years ago)

He took down that octopus thing HARDCORE. DAMMMNNN

― Jesus Dan (Dan Perry), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:45 (nineteen years ago)

They should get Matthew Barney to direct the last one, it might make more sense.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:49 (nineteen years ago)

Bjork could play a snail.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:50 (nineteen years ago)

You really felt the editing of this long film esp. when they were searching for things (Jack, the Pearl etc.)/travelling places. It was like 'let's go!' then cut to them at their destination.

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:57 (nineteen years ago)

I could have done with more ships a sailing shots, myself.

But I suppose the point was, Jack had to stay on land.

― Kaet (kate), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:45 (nineteen years ago)

i was a little disappointed at the brief cannon battle, i wanted a bit more mast bashing.

― Ste (Fuzzy), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

i wanted a bit more mast bashing.

I can't say as I've ever heard it put that way.

― M. White (Miguelito), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:49 (nineteen years ago)

HOO WILL PLAI SECOND FEMALES LEAD IN PIRATES #3?

― Jimmy Mod: NOIZE BOARD GRIL COMPARISON ANALYST (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Thursday, 20 July 2006 15:18 (nineteen years ago)

BEYONCE

― Konal Doddz (blueski), Thursday, 20 July 2006 15:21 (nineteen years ago)

WOE

― Jimmy Mod: NOIZE BOARD GRIL COMPARISON ANALYST (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Thursday, 20 July 2006 15:44 (nineteen years ago)

ok what are you people even talking about

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 20 July 2006 15:46 (nineteen years ago)

THERE AS TO BE 2ND FEM LEAD IN PIRATES 3!

― Jimmy Mod: NOIZE BOARD GRIL COMPARISON ANALYST (The Famous Jimmy Mod), Thursday, 20 July 2006 15:48 (nineteen years ago)

WHY? I SEE NOTHING TO INDICATE THIS.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 20 July 2006 15:49 (nineteen years ago)

I'm starting to think that the writers ONLY thought about this in terms of scenes and as a full plot, not how the scenes would fit together or whether some should have been reduced or cut. The escape from the cannibals scene took forever, and the chase on the beach / swordfight on the water wheel / chase on the beach / swordfight on the beach thing took what seemed like a half hour and, in true chase scene style, did nothing for the plot other than some slight of hand about who had the heart.

So, is there any real reason that Davy Jones would be chasing any of the remaining people in the last film? I don't see how the East India Company really has that much of a beef with anyone who's going after Jack Sparrow and that's who controls him now..

― mike h. (mike h.), Thursday, 20 July 2006 15:51 (nineteen years ago)

You really felt the editing of this long film esp. when they were searching for things (Jack, the Pearl etc.)/travelling places. It was like 'let's go!' then cut to them at their destination.

This is every Bruckheimer film, I think.

― milo z (mlp), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:22 (nineteen years ago)

two months pass...

POTC2 is now the third film to gross a billion dollars worldwide. (And you can have it.)

― Dr Morbius (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 21 September 2006 15:14 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

Well, the night before, we saw POTC1.

Last night, we saw POTC2

And tonight, all being well, POTC3.

me hearties.

I do have to say, the first film was well measured pacewise, lots going on but not ridiculously plot switchy. Film 2, during loo breaks and customary "don't pause it, I'll be quick" always lead to "OK, you were, but you have to see this bit otherwise you'll be lost"...

― Mark G, Wednesday, 2 January 2008 10:56 (seventeen years ago)

OK, now we are done having seen "At Worlds End"

What are they on about, it being the "worst" film of last year? I thought it fine, great even.

I am glad it's over though.

― Mark G, Monday, 7 January 2008 10:35 (seventeen years ago)

nine years pass...

Arr, etc.

http://www.eonline.com/news/846433/johnny-depp-heads-to-disneyland-as-captain-jack-sparrow-to-surprise-pirates-of-the-caribbean-riders

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 27 April 2017 17:39 (eight years ago)

two weeks pass...

There is, perhaps, irony here

https://gizmodo.com/report-new-pirates-of-the-caribbean-being-held-for-ran-1795240158

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 16 May 2017 02:26 (eight years ago)

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