'Star Wars' hate thread

Jedi Master Mace Windu; "This party's over."

as for Star Wars...awful scripts and acting in all the films for a lot of the time, but why should i give a shit about that when the films also contain some of the greatest most vivid designs and scenes in western action/adventure cinema?

Having come up with perhaps the greatest cinematic vision of all time, made this vision tangible by first plagiarising, plundering and appropriating the work of much greater artistic minds than yours and moulding and amalgamating these ideas into a trilogy of infinitely inspiring and entertaining films, making billions of pounds from the merchandising and spin-off deals as a result of its surprise success, cementing your place in movie-making history, launching a thousand imitators and through the whole process revolutionising the concept of movie marketing, re-writing the rule book on feature film production and converting a generation to your fantastic visions, going on to have a hand in several other successful films only to return to the arena of your greatest success and embarking upon a mammoth further trilogy of prequels to your original project, the first film of which was almost universally reviled by fans and critics alike as the work of a ham fisted egomaniac who had quite clearly lot his touch and succumbed to
his own hype, do you:

A: Take these criticisms of your life’s work with disarming good grace, admitting that perhaps the weight of responsibility to the legion of fans who adore your work coupled with your attachment to the material may have clouded your vision and thus your ability to translate your initial ideas to the screen, resolving for your next picture, to hire the best people in the business to make your next film a piece-de-resistance, getting David Mamet and John Milius on the phone to work up your by your own admission pisspoor preliminary plot outlines into a workable script then asking Michael Mann to direct with a further directorial advisory panel consisting of Francis Ford Coppola, Jim Jarmusch, David Lynch, David Cronenberg, Luc Besson and Hal Hartley and featuring a brand new orchestral score written by Don Van Vliet, Richard D James, John Williams, Syd Barrett and Trent Reznor, before holding extensive cast auditions and hiring, in no particular order, Al Pacino, Monica Bellucci, Robert de Niro, Christopher Walken, Gary Oldman, Sean Connery, Elias Koteas, Gabriel Byrne, Uma Thurman, Donald Sutherland, Kate Blanchet, Jack Nicholson, Julianne Moore, John Turturro, F. Murray Abraham, Geoffrey Rush and Elina Lowensohn to join the cast before stepping aside yourself, taking a hard back-seat and letting the all-singing five-star team you have assembled take over and keeping your mouth shut throughout the filming, post production and editing process, graciously ensuring upon the film’s release that the critical plaudits are given to those due as the critics rave and fans queue around the block to see what is perhaps the greatest movie of all time again and again and again.

B: Quietly resolve to make the critics eat their words and strive night and day to come up with a script and plot to rival that of your original creation, collaborating with the best scriptwriters and cinematographers money can buy whilst all the while chiding yourself and your regular crew to really strive for the best this time since the last film was such a half-hearted effort, working closely with your cast and effects team, pushing them to deliver convincing performances and sequences that are drenched in humanism and the dirt of the everyday rather than the bombast and gloss that marred irredeemably your last feature, refusing this time to make any concessions to child audiences, recognising that plausibility and grit was what made people fall in love with your original works and that children are able to see through patronising with alarming insight, this time erasing computer generated characters rendered with disturbing stereotypical personas from your project and concentrating instead on the human aspects to your characters and returning to the organic puppetry and costumes that were so convincing in your original trilogy of films, labouring to build upon the mythology that was so intriguing in the original three films you made instead of attempting to produce a two hour advert for your merchandising; continuing rather the investigation you began the first time around into the profound nature of good versus evil and how the two concepts are irrevocably interlinked via a Nietzschean psychodramatic tale which marries myth, magic and man in a manner never before presented so seductively on the silver screen.

C: Hole up in your 10 million acre desert ranch, refuse to give any interviews, surround yourself with whispering sycophants who repeatedly tell you that you are the genius you always thought you were until you irrefutably believe it more than ever and snort coke until you can no longer see for the angels floating around your head, in the midst of this self-indulgent world that you have created for yourself with you as its God, in half an afternoon, sketch out the plot for what you loudly insist to be your next great masterpiece on the back of a napkin, which is immediately and even more loudly proclaimed as sheer and total profundity by those same sycophants who stroke your beard and wank you off, all of you laughing heartily as you calculate how many zeros the project will add to your bank balance, before calling up your studio and demanding a budget of $500 million and pulling together your usual team and crew to set to work on the next instalment in your series, taking the helm though you know the general perception is that your ability as a film-maker is fundamentally lacking, throughout filming ignoring utterly the advice of those who have worked on your films right from the beginning and the complaints of the fans who made your project such a financial success but who were disillusioned with your money-spinning last effort and instead take up where you left off on the last film, jettisoning dialogue and plot in favour of vast, bombastic special effects sequences each interlinked with the next by short snatches of ham-fisted, rushed plot, strung together with the kind of dialogue more at home in a Mr Men book, your ego bloated beyond the point of reason and your precious pride at stake forcing you to include one of the most universally hated and unnecessary characters in movie history who had caused such consternation upon his advent in your last movie, that hundreds of thousands of fans backed internet campaigns launched to ensure his absence from the next film, while dreaming up a half-baked love story involving the main protagonists of the story with the express aim of hooking your last resistant audience, namely that of girls aged between 11 and 25, and deciding at the last minute that the film needs a bit of weight since it is in the main schlock-lite balderdash and with this aim in mind convince an elderly statesman of the screen to climb on board and reprise a role he essayed not twelve month previously in another fantasy blockbuster, whilst at the same time ensuring that even as the evil forces included in the story have the combined screen-time of a bit-part player, the forces of good come across like a bunch of whooping red-neck cowboys, given to exclaiming such gung-ho slogans as "this party’s over" and loving nothing better than a good fight into which they leap rashly with mindless abandon (and where, incidentally, large numbers of their ancient declining order will be needlessly scythed down in laser fire) rather than behaving like the meditative mystics and pacifists that so enthralled audiences the first time around, wrapping the whole project in such saccharine schmultz and shine in a shallow attempt to cover over the gaping holes in the plot and characters, hoping to buy off critical acclaim by ploughing more and more lucre into post-production in a desperate but ultimately futile last attempt to purchase for your project some sense of creative sincerity.

No, I've been amused.

(the major point of Mel Brooks's underrated lampoon Spaceballs)

Erm. Definitely better than just about everything else from the eighties and nineties from Brooks, maybe History of the World Part I aside, but please.

Bullshit. Big Trouble in Little Motherfucking China, Bitch.

what's even better? the plot for the flick was reworked from its original idea, that of being the sequel to Buckaroo Banzai!

Lord John Whorfin: Where are we going?
Red Lectroids: Planet Ten!
Lord John Whorfin: When?
Red Lectroids: Real soon!

see i just grew up with the conditioning that Star Wars was the greatest thing ever and its so hard to shake that off. i was even sympathetic to Lucas with regards to The Phantom Menace - the ol' cliche 'well it's a great kid's film' still holds up.

John what do you think of The Hidden Fortress, then?

Loved the dazzling special effects, moved to tears by the Burger King tie-ins and Alan Dean Foster's novelization of the film! Or to say it directly, if Lucas were half the director Kurosawa is, we wouldn't be having this conversation

I don't much care for the Star Wars movies, though I have to admit Empire stirs up some pathos. If the rest of the series had been as dark as that, the center, it would approach art. As it is, well... it's essentially a 30's adventure comic in space, but nowhere near as entertaining as Raiders of the Lost Ark. It lacks a proper sense of humor about itself. The dialogue goes clunk, the acting is ham-fisted at best (Alec Guiness notwithstanding), and the haircuts are downright shameful. It's cheesy space opera, a bad hack job of a plot... the first one especially. It's a... wait for it... shitty movie.

I've always liked that, at it's core, with the whole shpiel about the Force and the Darkside and all that (ie connecting with and appreciating underlying energies [all-ness] as opposed to persuing individual emotional achievments [one-ness]), it comes off kinda like an old Buddhist proverb or something.

BTW...me, born 1978, like Star Wars.

x-post: I still have my Sonny Corleone pillowcase

Rank Title Weekend Total Gross
1 S.W.A.T. (2003) 37.0m 37.0m
2 Freaky Friday (2003) 22.2m 33.1m
3 American Wedding (2003) 15.4m 65.2m
4 Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003) 13.0m 232.5m
5 Seabiscuit (2003) 11.9m 69.5m
6 Spy Kids 3-D: Game Over (2003) 9.7m 87.1m
7 Bad Boys II (2003) 6.0m 123.9m
8 Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003) 5.2m 53.7m
9 Finding Nemo (2003) 2.5m 324.1m
10 Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003) 1.6m 145.8m

But I know people who will go see anything Pixar does, and they do have a definite recognizable style.

"Star Wars" was just one part of a general trend in this regard.

Oh, crosspost, I see what Horace means. Star Wars was already really, really successful before that, but video gave it longer legs, I guess.

I can't help picturing Lucas getting all grumpy about this.

"Porn, hrmph, porn, who cares about porn? What did porn do? Did porn have Wookiees? I had Wookiees, dammit! And a love triangle, only it turned out two of the points in the triangle were siblings! I ask you, did porn ever do that? HUH, DID IT?"

[Charlie Brown teacher noises]

"It did?"

[Charlie Brown teacher noises]

"... could I ... borrow that?"

Obi-Wan on a superbike.

But public displays of hate for it seem to me perverse. It's not as though it's culturally dominant or inescapable. It's really a fan niche kind of thing. Fans must deal in their own way with the new generation of films. Probably they can maintain a sense of what they liked in the first place, what they do or don't like about the new stuff. They don't take up huge amounts of space doing any of that. They're not hurting anyone.

Nor in general do I buy notions of its reactionary character, which are usually third-hand and unthinking. (Some may not be.)

If you don't like it, don't worry about it - concentrate on something you do like.

Perhaps that suggestion is unreasonable.

It's funny, because a lot of the way that Star Wars is shot - long takes, relatively few close-ups, use of zoom lens, natural light and overlapping dialogue - is entirely of a piece w/ early 70s American auteurship (Altman etc)

I love Star Wars

and I don't believe in that Golden Age.

1.) It wasn't the first modern summer blockbuster 'event' film, "Jaws" was. Why isn't Spielberg as culpable as Lucas?
2.) In his book, Peter Biskind tags the "failure" of Apocalypse Now/Raging Bull/Heaven's Gate as the end of '70s cinema. AN = artistic failure (not that _I_ think so, but PB does), RB/HG = commercial flops.
3.) Lucas himself was part of that "Golden Age," and his subsequent career, the disgrace of the nu-SW films, et al, doesn't change that. As Andrew L says "Star Wars" itself is very much a part of the '70s auteur tradition.
4.) People get so focused on the (admittedly fine) works of Altman Scorsese Coppola et al that they forget that most of the top-grossing films of the decade were pretty awful. It was the age of the disaster flick, after all.
5.) SW came out in '77; the so-called "Golden Age" had a few years to go.
6.) A lot of SW criticism seems to be responding more to the film's effect on the public than the film itself. Not that it's a perfect film by any means, but criticism along the lines of David Brin's bizarre contention that the redemption of Darth Vader amounts to glamorizing Hitler just seems snobbish and perverse.
7.) Basically, I like the film, and that's why I don't care much for that argument. There's a grain of truth in it, but it's also a gross overstatement.

It's funny as well, given that Brin's contention -- often beautifully phrased, admittedly -- that it's a Spielbergian 'robust citizenry' that attracts him more in SF stories than the elite. Unfortunately -- and it has to be said, like many other libertarians -- Brin's rhetoric usually applies to a suspiciously elite robust citizenry.

Star Wars is fine as a goofy space opera, & the more serious one takes it, the worse it gets. I guess it IS exactly like the Matrix in this respect. In fact, I Googled for something on Campbell and Star Wars, in order to continue this rant I suppose, and found a table pointing out the really, really vague mythic "blueprint" that maps onto SW and the Matrix. .

However I do like that Smog song "I Am Star Wars!"

(uhm, re campbell, not disaster movies, which are fun)

This could be a new thread.

Hey, wait!

"my main beef now is with ppl who know Star Wars is ass but who still shelled out decent coin for those abominable fuckin' Lord of the Rings movies"

Unless "abominable" is somehow supposed to mean "ridiculously great" in this context, the above above quote makes absolutely no sense.

if it'd be like those old "What If..." comic books where the characters just made fun of and then killed each other, i'd probably really enjoy it.

http://film.guardian.co.uk/features/featurepages/0,4120,1477031,00.html

I quite liked the first trilogy (esp Empire, and Ewoks and Mark Hamill notwithstanding), but most when it accents the Saturday morning serial over the savior mythology. Obv the cultural ramifications (Schrader, #4) are the worst thing about it.

The first film was a surprise hit; the rest have been sledgehammers.

True and not true. I don't think everyone expected Empire to succeed as well as it did (commercially OR critically), especially considering that it in many ways didn't simply follow the template of the original. After it DID do smash business, then that was that, to be sure.

(i hate ALL the films btw but c'mon 70s fans, get one new meme kthxbye)

7) The meals

The meals are one of the blokiest things about the original trilogy. From the moment Luke's home is blown up, there aren't any. In space, no one can hear your tummy rumble.

Hahahaha...no. ("Hey, that's my dinner!" "Bleah! How you get so big eating food of this kind?")

"When all was said and done," Peter Biskind wrote in Easy Riders, Raging Bulls (1998), "Lucas and Spielberg returned the 1970s audience, grown sophisticated on a diet of European and New Hollywood films, to the simplicities of the pre-1960s Golden Age of movies ...

Yeah, this explains why Burt Reynolds was the number one star of the decade, the American audience saw him as encapsulating the spirit of Last Year at Marienbad. Hal Needham, the heir to Resnais!

-- J0hn Darn1elle (edito...), April 18th, 2004.

otfm!

George Lucas didn't get where he is today without certain controlling tendencies. The latest example comes in the novelisation of the new film. The first surprise is that it's in hardback. The second is that the author, a sci-fi novelist named Matthew Stover, dedicates the book not to his wife, his parents or his kids, but to George Lucas. Turn back a page or two and you find the copyright line: © Lucasfilm. The dedicatee is the owner. Somehow it spoils the effect.

If George Lucas allowed me to get in on the royalties buffet of Star Wars, I'd fucking name my first three children after him.

! Do please tell more. Like, when and where and in what context this exchange took place.

Slocki sez That Review will have a link put to it for our perusal late tonight.

! Do please tell more. Like, when and where and in what context this exchange took place.

it was at the bar - i think he must've been somebody important cuz s1ocki didn't beat the guy up like he usually does

(and by "slept through" i mean "i woke up at 8 and i was still drunk so i made an executive decision and now i am in trouble")

(s1ocki oh no!)

I take it you don't enjoy anime at all

(no, I don't enjoy much anime)

SPACE CASE
by ANTHONY LANE
“Star Wars: Episode III.”
Issue of 2005-05-23
Posted 2005-05-16

Sith. What kind of a word is that? Sith. It sounds to me like the noise that emerges when you block one nostril and blow through the other, but to George Lucas it is a name that trumpets evil. What is proved beyond question by “Star Wars: Episode III—Revenge of the Sith,” the latest—and, you will be shattered to hear, the last—installment of his sci-fi bonanza, is that Lucas, though his eye may be greedy for sensation, has an ear of purest cloth. All those who concoct imagined worlds must populate and name them, and the resonance of those names is a fairly accurate guide to the mettle of the imagination in question. Tolkien, earthed in Old English, had a head start that led him straight to the flinty perfection of Mordor and Orc. Here, by contrast, are some Lucas inventions: Palpatine. Sidious. Mace Windu. (Isn’t that something you spray on colicky babies?) Bail Organa. And Sith.

Lucas was not always a rootless soul. He made “American Graffiti,” which yielded with affection to the gravitational pull of the small town. Since then, he has swung out of orbit, into deep nonsense, and the new film is the apotheosis of that drift. One stab of humor and the whole conceit would pop, but I have a grim feeling that Lucas wishes us to honor the remorseless non-comedy of his galactic conflict, so here goes. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Ewan McGregor) and his star pupil, Anakin Skywalker (Hayden Christensen), are, with the other Jedi knights, defending the Republic against the encroachments of the Sith and their allies—millions of dumb droids, led by Count Dooku (Christopher Lee) and his henchman, General Grievous, who is best described as a slaying mantis. Meanwhile, the Chancellor of the Republic, Palpatine (Ian McDiarmid), is engaged in a sly bout of Realpolitik, suspected by nobody except Anakin, Obi-Wan, and every single person watching the movie. Anakin, too, is a divided figure, wrenched between his Jedi devotion to selfless duty and a lurking hunch that, if he bides his time and trashes his best friends, he may eventually get to wear a funky black mask and start breathing like a horse.

This film is the tale of his temptation. We already know the outcome—Anakin will indeed drop the killer-monk Jedi look and become Darth Vader, the hockey goalkeeper from hell—because it forms the substance of the original “Star Wars.” One of the things that make Episode III so dismal is the time and effort expended on Anakin’s conversion. Early in the story, he enjoys a sprightly light-sabre duel with Count Dooku, which ends with the removal of the Count’s hands. (The stumps glow, like logs on a fire; there is nothing here that reeks of human blood.) Anakin prepares to scissor off the head, while the mutilated Dooku kneels for mercy. A nice setup, with Palpatine egging our hero on from the background. The trouble is that Anakin’s choice of action now will be decisive, and the remaining two hours of the film—scene after scene in which Hayden Christensen has to glower and glare, blazing his conundrum to the skies—will add nothing to the result. “Something’s happening. I’m not the Jedi I should be,” he says. This is especially worrying for his wife, Padmé (Natalie Portman), who is great with child. Correction: with children.

What can you say about a civilization where people zip from one solar system to the next as if they were changing their socks but where a woman fails to register for an ultrasound, and thus to realize that she is carrying twins until she is about to give birth? Mind you, how Padmé got pregnant is anybody’s guess, although I’m prepared to wager that it involved Anakin nipping into a broom closet with a warm glass jar and a copy of Ewok Babes. After all, the Lucasian universe is drained of all reference to bodily functions. Nobody ingests or excretes. Language remains unblue. Smoking and cursing are out of bounds, as is drunkenness, although personally I wouldn’t go near the place without a hip flask. Did Lucas learn nothing from “Alien” and “Blade Runner”—from the suggestion that other times and places might be no less rusted and septic than ours, and that the creation of a disinfected galaxy, where even the storm troopers wear bright-white outfits, looks not so much fantastical as dated? What Lucas has devised, over six movies, is a terrible puritan dream: a morality tale in which both sides are bent on moral cleansing, and where their differences can be assuaged only by a triumphant circus of violence. Judging from the whoops and crowings that greeted the opening credits, this is the only dream we are good for. We get the films we deserve.

The general opinion of “Revenge of the Sith” seems to be that it marks a distinct improvement on the last two episodes, “The Phantom Menace” and “Attack of the Clones.” True, but only in the same way that dying from natural causes is preferable to crucifixion. So much here is guaranteed to cause either offense or pain, starting with the nineteen-twenties leather football helmet that Natalie Portman suddenly dons for no reason, and rising to the continual horror of Ewan McGregor’s accent. “Another happy landing”—or, to be precise, “anothah heppy lending”—he remarks, as Anakin parks the front half of a burning starcruiser on a convenient airstrip. The young Obi-Wan Kenobi is not, I hasten to add, the most nauseating figure onscreen; nor is R2-D2 or even C-3PO, although I still fail to understand why I should have been expected to waste twenty-five years of my life following the progress of a beeping trash can and a gay, gold-plated Jeeves.

No, the one who gets me is Yoda. May I take the opportunity to enter a brief plea in favor of his extermination? Any educated moviegoer would know what to do, having watched that helpful sequence in “Gremlins” when a small, sage-colored beastie is fed into an electric blender. A fittingly frantic end, I feel, for the faux-pensive stillness on which the Yoda legend has hung. At one point in the new film, he assumes the role of cosmic shrink—squatting opposite Anakin in a noirish room, where the light bleeds sideways through slatted blinds. Anakin keeps having problems with his dark side, in the way that you or I might suffer from tennis elbow, but Yoda, whose reptilian smugness we have been encouraged to mistake for wisdom, has the answer. “Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose,” he says. Hold on, Kermit, run that past me one more time. If you ever got laid (admittedly a long shot, unless we can dig you up some undiscerning alien hottie with a name like Jar Jar Gabor), and spawned a brood of Yodettes, are you saying that you’d leave them behind at the first sniff of danger? Also, while we’re here, what’s with the screwy syntax? Deepest mind in the galaxy, apparently, and you still express yourself like a day-tripper with a dog-eared phrase book. “I hope right you are.” Break me a fucking give.

The prize for the least speakable burst of dialogue has, over half a dozen helpings of “Star Wars,” grown into a fiercely contested tradition, but for once the winning entry is clear, shared between Anakin and Padmé for their exchange of endearments at home:

“You’re so beautiful.”
“That’s only because I’m so in love.”
“No, it’s because I’m so in love with you.”

For a moment, it looks as if they might bat this one back and forth forever, like a baseline rally on a clay court. And if you think the script is on the tacky side, get an eyeful of the décor. All of the interiors in Lucasworld are anthems to clean living, with molded furniture, the tranquillity of a morgue, and none of the clutter and quirkiness that signify the process known as existence. Illumination is provided not by daylight but by a dispiriting plastic sheen, as if Lucas were coating all private affairs—those tricky little threats to his near-fascistic rage for order—in a protective glaze. Only outside does he relax, and what he relaxes into is apocalypse. “Revenge of the Sith” is a zoo of rampant storyboards. Why show a pond when C.G.I. can deliver a lake that gleams to the far horizon? Why set a paltry house on fire when you can stage your final showdown on an entire planet that streams with ruddy, gulping lava? Whether the director is aware of John Martin, the Victorian painter who specialized in the cataclysmic, I cannot say, but he has certainly inherited that grand perversity, mobilized it in every frame of the film, and thus produced what I take to be unique: an art of flawless and irredeemable vulgarity. All movies bear a tint of it, in varying degrees, but it takes a vulgarian genius such as Lucas to create a landscape in which actions can carry vast importance but no discernible meaning, in which style is strangled at birth by design, and in which the intimate and the ironic, not the Sith, are the principal foes to be suppressed. It is a vision at once gargantuan and murderously limited, and the profits that await it are unfit for contemplation. I keep thinking of the rueful Obi-Wan Kenobi, as he surveys the holographic evidence of Anakin’s betrayal. “I can’t watch anymore,” he says. Wise words, Obi-Wan, and I shall carry them in my heart.

also, the dinner scene on Bespin("We would be HONORED if you were to join us"), the cantina scenes in SW/AotC, and the ewoks are fixin' to have 'em all for dinner during Jedi...

Ha!

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2009/sep/18/jedi-religion-tesco-hood-jones

ok the kicker to that story is A++++++++++++++

do you guys even have real news in England

this happened in Wales you clod

PWNED!

that is fantastic

Tesco spokesman is my new hero.

Tesco said: "She hasn't been banned. Muslims are very welcome to shop in our stores although we would ask them to remove their hoods."

makes u think

The store has the right idea.

b-b-but there's no reason Jedis can't remove their hoods (note: I have never seen Star Wars, I am just believing Tesco guy because (s)he seems to have thought this through more than is reasonable)

yeah exactly, tesco person >>>smarter>>> than stupid jedi nerds

actually-

tesco store spokesperson >>>> smarter >>>>>> jedi pope

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FxKtZmQgxrI

part 1 of 7

I really enjoyed that, it perfectly articulated a number of points that everyone feels made the first remake so damn horrible compared to the rest of the series. Could have done without the 'funny' segments about the narrator raping and murdering his wife or whatever. Also if he talked at a regular pace this thing could have been a 3 parter.

It did make me look on youtube for the official 'The Making of the Phantom Menace' that came out on the DVD. Never seen it before. First off they show the test for young Anakin and they try three kids, two of which do an OK job and the third of which overACTS like he's trying out for the middle school Christmas pagent. Guess which one Lucas picked.

Secondly, every time they show Jar Jar, it really is a bizarre thing. It's such a grotesque design, and such a weird character. It really is like a cartoon rabbit. The thought that this would sell toys, that it would be anything than a scary looking generic alien is just strange. He looks ungodly.

Also everyone looks very weary during this, like they knew how bad it was going to be.

If I had the book on me I'd post excerpts from John Simon's original reviews of the first two films. Both v funny.

that was amusing but there's another whole hour of this?!

lack of protagonist = good insight, could be said in 1/5 of the time.

Admittedly, beginning of this one is good:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZG1AWVLnl48&feature=related

Cunga, here's your John Simon. This is rich.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rB3V3qyZiFM

lack of protagonist = good insight, could be said in 1/5 of the time.

― Bay-L.A. Bar Talk (Hurting 2), Tuesday, December 22, 2009 2:23 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

there was a lot more good insight than this! the light saber battle analysis was particularly astute imo!

Yeah I always repped for the fight choreography in phantom but now mine eyes have been opened to its hollowness.

1/2/6/7 of that series are definitely worth watching, 6 made a lot of good points. i can't believe i watched an hour of that, but still...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpxQMl7jrD8&feature=related

I'm watching the making of part 3 now. George acts completely different than he did in the making of part 01. Like the financial success of 1 and 2 made him realize how big a genius he is. Maybe they just picked clips that made him seem like more of an asshole.

The guy is way too long-winded and his rape jokes are not funny, but he really does have a lot of good points.

George Lucas could have done almost absolutely anything with that film, provided it was big-budget had the requisite amount of spectacle, and it would have been a hit. Every dollar the second trilogy made is a result of the first trilogy.

Thank you, Nate. That is hilarious.

lol @ John Simon unwittingly predicting the phenomenon of adult Star Wars fanboys.

lol even more at suggesting taking kids to see "Tender Mercies."

I'm watching the making of part 3 now. George acts completely different than he did in the making of part 01. Like the financial success of 1 and 2 made him realize how big a genius he is. Maybe they just picked clips that made him seem like more of an asshole.

― Adam Bruneau, Tuesday, December 22, 2009 11:04 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

seems like he assy in the p1 ones too tho no?

is that a jar jar binks quote?

I still occasionally fantasize that, like, 20 years from now someone actually talented will "remake" the prequels completely differently.

also xpost to self - I also think that in the long run the prequel trilogy would actually be worth much MORE had it been better - I doubt that the generation of kids who saw Phantom Menace is going to be imprinted by it the same way ours was by Star Wars.

I love the clips in that PM review of everyone after the first screening obviously thinking it's shit.

lol "obviously." Sergei Eisenstein, do a shot.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLRPGJ8sDbU&feature=player_embedded

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRhGZ27cYIQ

The guy is way too long-winded and his rape jokes are not funny, but he really does have a lot of good points.

he pretty much ruins it with the stupid rape/murder shit but yeah. his breakdowns of certain scenes are hilarious tho

his review of star trek: nemesis is pretty funny too

p.s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vUk_qxkIuY

From what I remember of Simon's review that made me laugh:

pointing out that Carrie Fisher's every line delivery and facial expression betrays a hint of iciness or hostility.

Luke Skywalker is a play on George Lucas, Yoda is the words yoga (Eastern practice) and soda (American commerce) combined into one idea, Princess Leia is a good lay (eh), and the mystic figure Kenobi shares a root word with cannabis.

And he does predict the Star Wars fanboy craze. the review ends with "Lucas has started a religion and corporation in which he is God and CEO, so parents, please, avoid Star Wars before this man lands you in bankruptcy court."

is it only me or is there something ominous about all those evil characthers opening the stock exchange today?
http://www.starwars.com/fans/events/news20091221/nyse_sm.jpg

Geithner is part of the rebel alliance and a traitor!

haha!

I can't be bothered loading, on dialup here, could someone give me an example of his rape/murder stuff? Sounds annoying

Simon calls Leia an "organic lay."

Well that's true enough, if somewhat analytical

I like the long-winded fellow's attempt to explain the podrace betting.

Oh yes, that's right about Leia. My favorite moment in his book on 70s films is when he calls the director and producers of a certain film "this group of retards," because it's so unexpected and out-of-place with his usual, more elegant and witty, put-downs.

The long-windedness is part of the joke, I think. His Star Trek movie reviews made me laugh so hard I was crying. The "I killed my wife" stuff sucks, but everything else is hilarious.

I like the long-winded fellow's attempt to explain the podrace betting.

― Simon H., Tuesday, December 22, 2009 6:39 PM

^^ also him calling out qui-gon's (ewan macdonald lol) moral shittiness

i love how he points out that the midichlorian thing was not only ridic stupid and un-necessary (lots of other people have made that point) but that it's mentioned NOWHERE ELSE IN THE ENTIRE SERIES so WHY EVEN BOTHER... it's just like hey let's make the entire point of this whole saga a whole lot shittier for no reason at all

For some reason thought I already posted this, but I realized today that I actually COULD NOT REMEMBER whether I had seen all three, and if not, which ones I had seen. That's how unmemorable they were. (Turns out I saw the first two and not the third).

his best point imo is the lack of main character & story arc as explanation for why its such a chore to watch the damn thing

is there a transcript of this anywhere so i dont have to listen to an hour of some autists youtube rants to engage with my fellow nerds about how much the prequels sucks]

just watch it, you'll be better for it

Watch #2 and 7

#2 has a good thing where other people talk about the characters

#7 has the footage from the 'making of' bits that are *96 tears*

He could have used an editor.

i'm assuming the voice is fake? if he narrated at a normal pace it would've been 3 parts at most

is there a transcript of this anywhere so i dont have to listen to an hour of some autists youtube rants to engage with my fellow nerds about how much the prequels sucks]

― max, Tuesday, December 22, 2009 11:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

seriously watch it, the way he weaves in the BTS footage and stuff really makes it worth it

I liked the editing gimmick of cutting himself off in the middle of explaing something that is patently unexplainab

^^ also him calling out qui-gon's (ewan macdonald lol) moral shittiness

Yeah, OK, but as opposed to what? Alec Guinness's Obi-Wan, who tells Luke like 27 lies in the first ten minutes of seeing him?

TS: a few white lies vs using mind tricks on unsuspecting innocents to get your own way.

Who the fuck cares

― The reverse TARDIS of pasta (Niles Caulder)

"Vader killed yr dad" vs. "Vader IS yr dad" not exactly a white lie. Kind of a whopper.

Also, "Hot chick that you lust after is actually yr sister" would've been nice to know before retro-uncomfortable deep french kiss.

"Vader killed yr dad" vs. "Vader IS yr dad" not exactly a white lie. Kind of a whopper.

Not a whopper, though. Vader TOOK OVER Anakin. So in a way...

Ok actually you're right. That's a giant awful lie.

Yeah, but it's supposed to be one of those non-literal but spiritual truths. And at least it's a worthwhile plot device.

ya he feels he's obviously not ready for the whole truth and seems to have a coherent plan!

hey kid yer real pop is the evillest guy in the universe LOL

go fight him

i mean obvs obes was worried and rightly so about luke turning to the dark side, it's no wonder he didn't want him to know the truth

the point is there's a morally and logically coherent reason he done what he did.

Also, "Hot chick that you lust after is actually yr sister" would've been nice to know before retro-uncomfortable deep french kiss.

After spending a few days watching this and the making of the originals on youtube (btw I highly recommend seeing the Making of Empire), it seems more and more to me that he really didn't have the '9-part Epic Saga' in mind at all until box office receipts/toy companies/etc came breathing down his neck after the first one. You watch these 'making of' things and they are calling lightsabers light swords. The Luke-is-Vader's-son and all the soap opera subplots don't have anything much to do with the first movie at all.

Except for Vader remembering Obi-Wan. And in that case, why does he sound wistful, even nostalgic, when he says 'Sense the presence of someone I've not felt since...'. Oh, since your best friend and mentor cut of your legs and left you to die on the side of a volcano?

arguing about Star Wars on the internet = i am a supreme nerd

After spending a few days watching this and the making of the originals on youtube

i have a soft spot for the making of star wars, presented by c3po, that they made in 78 or something, with footage of their graumann's chinese premiere - i think i wore our vhs of that out in the early 80s...

That's on youtube! And in high quality!!

i managed to download a divx somehow a while back, but thanks! ain't the interwebs awesome?

Sorry for posting several Jpegs in a row, but it's Sunday night and I keep finding gold.

http://i50.tinypic.com/2d0b22p.jpg

fukc stars war

why bother?

It's gunna hurt me

because this movie has so many cool fans, this is gonna be on tv

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yRNXFhboBI&feature=player_embedded

oh no the makers of the worlds greatest children's movies are taking over a movie franchise made for and marketed to children

haha

big tragic 40 year-old children

episode III was made for no one

only in bizarro world did disney make 'the world's greatest children's movies'

...

god yeah Dumbo and Finding Nemo such shit

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves, more like Shit Fuck and the Shitty Fucks

had to force my kids to watch Disney flicks they found them so unmemorable and uninvolving

Pinocchio, what an ugly-ass piece of hackwork

Cinderella, more like Reinforcement Of The Male Patriarchy On Defenseless Orphans

when i was 8 i literally put my foot thru the screen at the cinema whilst watching Mary Poppins

I stopped talking to my fish after watching Finding Nemo.

haha ok ok i really only meant the 'disney' of like the last 4 decades, i actually love all of those films

i realize that this is not at all what i actually wound up saying above but throw me a bone here ppl

y'know i think i'd still take Lilo and Stitch over most of Dreamworks' cartoons

haha ok ok i really only meant the 'disney' of like the last 4 decades

http://i69.servimg.com/u/f69/16/09/70/40/walle010.jpg

wow some of the Disney movies in the past 40 years

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Squanto:_A_Warrior%27s_Tale

^^^ did anyone actually see this? the synopsis makes it seem uniquely horrible

hey even as a kid i knew most Disney live action movies were crappy

they've kind of been their own asylum films for most of my adult life, if checkout endcaps at target are anything to go on

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Rescuers

OTOH this was the bomb

xp

god yeah Lion King 3 and shite like that

Yeah anyone talking shit about The Rescuers can step off.

one of the Lion King "sequels" was just like a cut and paste of the original flick

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Fox_and_the_Hound

this was super mega upsetting

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdLM1iSSThU

Often felt there's room for a book/analysis of the interregnum years at Disney between Walt's death and Eisner's arrival. That was when I was a kid so those movies -- The Rescuers, Pete's Dragon, The Fox and the Hound, etc. -- all have a certain resonance.

The other day I asked friends if they'd defend the pre-Little Mermaid eighties films (The Fox and the Hound, The Great Mouse Detective, and so on).

this was super mega upsetting

GOD yes.

haha xpost Ned, we've done this all day.

Having watched all of Something Wicked This Way Comes on youtube friday night, I'm bullish on live action Disney at the moment.

The Great Mouse Detective! Forgot about that one, that's good too.

The Black Cauldron on the other hand...

Something Wicked has a great source text and a great actor playing the villain tho tbf

oh yeah I remember The Black Cauldron being terrible, which really upset me because I LOVED those books

or The Black Hole! Was that Disney?

"gurgi's munchings and crunchings" was some proto-Gungan for sure

Black Cauldron is bad but like Return To Oz it has that 'for kids? seriously?' fascination

xxxost yeah I was trying to say i fkin love Something Wicked despite its flaws and J Pryce ftw

I have zero memory of Oliver and Company, probably because I was old enough by that point to know that no good would come of me watching that movie

"gurgi's munchings and crunchings" was some proto-Gungan for sure

Gurgi's Munchies and Crunchies was the name of a Fantasyland snack shop in the eighties.

saw The Rescuers when it came out, don't think it was a fave tho

really enjoyed The Princess and the Frog when i took Hannah to see it, kinda cool that they were still doing un-Pixary animation

Oliver & Company! Wow.

lol Whiney's "DISNEY. IS. AWESOME" position on all fronts is so fucking weird forever

not when you consider that he's 30-something

Oliver and Company is one fucked up film. Even setting aside Billy Joel for Christ's sake.

most of my friends in that age range were deeply affected by the nu-golden age and love Disney to bits (including one dude who has visited every Disney theme park multiple times)

The film was well-received by critics during its initial release, including a "two thumbs up" rating from critics Siskel and Ebert.[5] The film also maintains a 80% "Fresh" rating on Rotten Tomatoes, based on 15 reviews.[6] London's Time Out magazine wrote, "As usual with film noir [...] it is the villain who steals the heart and one is rooting for in the breathtaking showdown high up in the cogs and ratchets of Big Ben."[7]

This film did fairly well at the box office, garnering around $38,625,550[1] over a budget of $14 million during its initial release. Its moderate success after its predecessor's failure gave the new management of Disney confidence in the viability of their animation department. This led to creation of The Little Mermaid, released three years later, which signaled a renaissance for the company.

it's the Oliver Twist remake with dogs, yeah?

I think we've discussed the phenomenon of adoring Disney theme parks and staying in their hotels yet not giving a flying fuck about Mickey and company.

Alfred this is Whiney's opener here:

oh no the makers of the worlds greatest children's movies are taking over a movie franchise made for and marketed to children

I had to take my sister and my younger cousins to go see Oliver and Company, and they were all acting up and being bratty. I was struggling to keep them under control, but I was losing my temper so the only thing I remember about it is this lady scolding me for dropping the f bomb in front of kids. I was temperamentally unsuited for supervising children.

also you have no idea how much Mickey Mouse swag this particular friend of mine has

he brings mouse ears with him to wear to the park, then buys another set of mouse ears to wear on his next trip

I mean don't get me wrong, I hate the shit out of Star Wars and hope Disney makes something 1,000,000,000x worse than whichever one is generally conceded to be the worst one, but the idea that "hey George Lucas is awesome at kids' movies and so is Disney what are people bummed out!" is a good take is like...lol

No, I saw Whiney's post; I was importing/alluding to a discussion from another thread.

he brings mouse ears with him to wear to the park, then buys another set of mouse ears to wear on his next trip

this friends rules btw

I know!

I think I've spent about $10 million in Disney parks the last twenty years.

you are history's greatest monster

I didn't end up going to a Disney park until I was an adult, and I was profoundly disappointed and surprised they didn't show Captain Eo anymore.

It's back now, as the Captain EO Tribute

soto, we gotta take aero on the the rock n roller coaster sometime

lol i went on that one in Paris

much prefer the Mexico boat ride for pure wtf-ness.

I remember having an Oliver and Company sticker book but nothing about the film itself. I presumably saw it? But who knows. Basil the Great Mouse Detective was a forever-rewatched favourite, Rescuers Down Under too, so I'm guessing that Oliver stunk even within that less venerated company.

Judge for yourself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jb7kJ-j_dKA

you guys are building a case for me to watch The Great Mouse Detective.

Great Mouse Detective has a v v catchy latter-day Mancini score

Also Vincent Price having the time of his life.

when wasn't he?!

Vincent Price is having fun

http://pixel.nymag.com/imgs/daily/intel/2012/10/30/30-vader-disney.o.jpg/a_610x408.jpg

Oliver & Company opening made me cry so much, age 8ish.

soto, we gotta take aero on the the rock n roller coaster sometime

even if aero jr. gets a disney bug it'll be his aunt in Nebraska (a person who takes Disney World vacations) who takes him, I won't be setting foot in that place for love or money

what if we could drink gin and tonics on a monorail tour around the Seven Seas Lagoon

robards and pryce are kinda breathtaking in something wicked plus the novel is one of my favorite american novels of the 20c but the kids who play the kids are pretty :/ and i actually don't remember a single scene from the whole movie that isn't pryce torturing robards by diminishing his offer of restored youth by a year every few seconds

great mouse detective has that one song w vincent price where he says he's gonna commit his most evil crime of all and his henchmen sing

EVEN MEANER
YOU MEAN IT?
WORSE THAN THE WIDOWS AND ORPHANS YOU DROWNED?!

I just want to throw out there the fact that I bought a super alcoholic blue drink at a Disney restaurant with a glowing ice cube in it and it was the raddest fucking thing

DAN BOUGHT A BLUE GLOW-TINI!

http://i1.disneyfoodblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/Blue-Glow-Tini-close-up.jpg

^^^^ seen oozing out of Battery Park sewer system this morning btw

who should direct the new starwarses

I was there when Dan bought that, and it was truly a remarkable sight.

I don't even know if I ever saw The Black Cauldron, but I loved the Sierra computer game.

I thought Dan bought REAL martinis

*ducks behind garbage can, snickering*

i couldn't get through TBC when i tracked it down recently but i looooooooooooved those books as a kid. specially the third one w the miserable giant living underground and the fourth one where taran tries to find his dad and spends several chapters laboring honestly w a peasant who is supposedly his dad but eventually turns out to have made the whole thing up so that he'd have someone to labor honestly with. spoilers sry.

We've got some Lloyd Alexander talk on here somewhere, those books rule.

lol u guys are just talking abt disney well in that case i dont think its fair to call pixar movies from before they were bought by disney disney movies

thanks for the suggestions

I'm not going to read all of today's worth of this thread but my take is that this is an incredibly smart buy for Disney and probably a bargain; they will make a billion dollars in box office on every movie, potentially more b/c 3-D. Disney is in so much better shape now than it was when Comcast was offering a $50B unsolicited bid for the company.

srsly everyone is just talking abt 80s disney movies and some blue martini w/a light bulb in it

what else is there to discuss?

let's discuss Disney's verticals strategy with Star Wars VII-IX

if it were possible I'd watch The Great Mouse Detective tonight with a lightbulb-emulsified blue martini tonight but instead am watching Shepard Smith's lavender lipstick while I drink a meh shiraz.

Comic-Con teases likely to start as early as next year, wouldn't be surprised if they hire a writer tomorrow.

By Friday, Iger will have exclusive rights to all of New Zealand thru 2021

not complaining its just a lil funny

pryce torturing robards by diminishing his offer of restored youth by a year every few seconds

totes the best thing in the whole movie!

42? GONE.

4 billion dollars on 3 movies amounts to 1.33 billion per movie. and not in box-office, in profits. this deal is only a bargain if you REALLY squeeze every penny out of this already pretty squeezed franchise.

I dunno man they own all of lucasarts now, that's a lot of royalties from a lot of things

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=rmRdHVkqS_k#t=214s

star wars makes zillions every year in merchandising

Millions of people exposed to a different natural disaster yesterday when one of the cable channels played Attack of the Clones twice.

Yeah Disney could probably do nothing other than renew existing merch contracts and make money on this deal; three guaranteed billion-dollar wwg films, each in turn generating new licensing opportunities, makes it a killer deal

Kotor, the original Clone Wars mini show, and the Dark Horse SW: Legacy comics all show that compelling narratives can still be delivered in the universe, just with the right people working on them.

And Something Wicked traumatized me as a young'un just do to the damage that happens to hands in that film.

The 6 films grossed 4 billions on their own. Pretty sure the next three will do at least a billion each. 4 billions will look like a bargain in 10 years.

s'what I'm sayin

I wonder what Lucasarts had to gain from the sale?

Or Lucasfilm, whatever, Lucas Corp.

Lucas is the 100% owner of LucasFilm, Ltd., so what he had to gain was $4B

2 billions in cash, 2 billions in shares.

Lucas is the 100% owner of LucasFilm, Ltd., so what he had to gain was $4B
--www.toilet-guru.com (silby)

Yeah but what else?

Hmm I always think of Star Wars as a license to print money but $4B is lot, yah

…what else could he want? free plastic surgery for the thing on his neck? xp

I guess George just didn't have anything else to say

Unless he returns to direct for Disney *fingers crossed*

a pretty good retirement plan, IMO

Yeah okay. I underestimated the revenue made from merchandise already. But still. 4 billion is the same amount paid for Marvel, which is also a merchandising powerhouse, and had a lot more films in the future. I think my point is, that this deal wasn't made just for continuing merchandise deal, or just for finishing the trilogy. It was made to make many many more, until nobody comes to see them anymore, and then beginning the reboot.

I'm pretty sure a massive SW theme park is on the plans.

I'm guessing Disney purchasing this is the same reason they bought Marvel; to aim at boys not signed up for the usual Disney crap

Marvel got robbed too

http://www.statisticbrain.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/star-wars-sales.jpg

and they haven't even released the DVDs that everyone wants yet

toy company

the only thing i understand from this graph is: people should reprioritize their spendings.

yeah this is the Star Wars hate thread, let's cut it out with this caring about these shitty movies talk

more glowing drink talk

here, dan: http://www.disneyfoodblog.com/2010/06/17/blue-glow-tini/

fuck yes

btw I do enjoy a genuine martini as much as the next person but if there is a blue or green drink on the menu there is about a 95% chance I'm ordering it, especially if it has a glowing ice cube in it

I don't so much hate Star Wars as I hate having to think about hating Star Wars.

what if the glowing ice cube had a fly trapped in it

If it was Brindlefly

unless it was made of actual glowing ice I wouldn't care, and if it WAS actual glowing ice I would have a host of deeper concerns

next fap should look like:

http://media3.onsugar.com/files/2010/05/20/5/192/1922195/4ea6148732672f88_satc/i/10-Food-Trends-Featured-Sex-City.jpg

I'm pretty sure a massive SW theme park is on the plans.

― Van Horn Street, Tuesday, October 30, 2012 10:00 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

in space??

And Something Wicked traumatized me as a young'un just do to the damage that happens to hands in that film.

― the max in the high castle (kingfish), Tuesday, October 30, 2012 7:57 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

SO OTM

Often felt there's room for a book/analysis of the interregnum years at Disney between Walt's death and Eisner's arrival. That was when I was a kid so those movies -- The Rescuers,Pete's Dragon,The Fox and the Hound,etc. -- all have a certain resonance.

―Ned Raggett,Tuesday, October 30, 2012 5:51 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I knew that there was just such a book and I've found it in storage forever later: Disneywar by James B. Stewart.

Oh Disneywar is great but that actually kinda picks up WITH Eisner's arrival. I'm talking about the period before it.

Oh, hmm. That's disappointing. I haven't read it yet but I had assumed that it picked up more or less right after that great Disney biography by Gabler.

the name disneywar makes me think of something dystopic future conflict where corporate-states war it out with mickey-shaped battlemechs

That was actually the first draft of "John Carter."

the name disneywar makes me think of something dystopic future conflict where corporate-states war it out with mickey-shaped battlemechs

― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Monday, November 5, 2012 2:01 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

guys, if most of the star wars universe uses the aurabesh alphabet (pictured below), HOW and WHY are rebel ships like the x-wing and a-wing designed and named after characters from the ROMAN alphabet

https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/starwars/images/7/7d/Crane_Aurebesh_sheet.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20141030183749

fuck star wars, this is bullshit

Herf nerder

look i value your contributions jmm but let's stay on topic here this is important

The High Galactic alphabet was a form of writing in the galaxy. While not as common as Aurebesh, this alphabet was frequently used in signatures and by nobles,[1] and was often associated with snobbery.[2] It was most commonly used to write Galactic Basic Standard. High Galactic letters came in two forms: a printscript, in which all letters were separate glyphs; and a handwritten, cursive form, in which the strokes of successive characters were joined and the angles rounded.[3] While the High Galactic alphabet normally distinguished between the letters that were in larger uppercase and smaller lowercase,[4] many logos were written entirely in capital letters.[5][6]

Origins and historyEdit
CSAcolor
The logo of the Corporate Sector Authority incorporated both the High Galactic alphabet and Aurebesh.

"Does the weapon begin with the letter A?"
―Weequay bodyguard, speaking to his quay[src]
The alphabet originated as part of the High Galactic language, which was spoken by the colonists of Alsakan prior to 17,000 BBY, and originated during the war between the Galactic Republic and the Tion Cluster. The alphabet entered widespread galactic use in approximately 17,000 BBY, during the Alsakan Conflicts. The Alsakanese borrowed characters from Tionese language and introduced others of their own invention, creating a writing system with no ties to the Aurebesh or related scripts.[1]

Millennia later, the alphabet continued to see fairly widespread use. By circa 22 BBY, Republic Census figures showed that the High Galactic alphabet was used by nearly one third of Galactic Basic speakers when writing, and by over half of upper-class Basic speakers. As a result, Aurebesh and the High Galactic alphabet were often presented side by side.[1] Nearly all Basic advertising was presented in the High Galactic alphabet, as were corporate logos that incorporated written language, such as those of Industrial Automaton, the Corellian Engineering Corporation, and Sienar Fleet Systems.[1]

The High Galactic alphabet was also used for naming many starship models (such as the T-65 X-wing starfighter) and droid models (such as the R2 series of astromech droids).[1]

Texts written in this alphabetEdit
"Dhannut Logistics. Dee, aich, ay, double enn, yoo, tee."
―Besany Wennen[src]
Although this alphabet was less common than Aurebesh, there is indication that whole (although few) texts were written in it. Following are several examples:

AshiiNermani
Ashii Nermani delivers an Imperial HoloVision newscast with headlines in both this alphabet and Aurebesh.

Aro logo[7]
Bureau of Ships and Services logo[5]
COMPNOR logo[6]
Corellian Security Force (CorSec) hovercraft
CSA logo[8]
Declaration of a New Republic[9]
Dhannut Logistics logo[10]
Interstellar Parcel Service logo and signage (Non-canonical appearance)[11]
Jedi Code[12]
R-Duba police hovercraft[13]
Sienar Fleet Systems logo[14]
Sunburst Mining logo[15]
Technical Specifications: Spacecraft of the Imperium and the Rebel Alliance[16]
Trade Federation logo[17]
Offworld Mining Corporation logo[18]
SignaturesEdit
Many Humans—and some non-Humans—used this alphabet in their signatures, instead of the more common Aurebesh, perhaps by tradition. Those individuals included:

Bront Autin[6]
Shepprd Barron[19]
Garm Bel Iblis[20]
Doman Beruss[20]
Mal Biron[21]
Thame Cerulian[22]
Darth Sidious[22]
Dooku[22]
Leia Organa Solo signature
The signature of Leia Organa Solo, written in a cursive form of this alphabet

Arhul Hextrophon[23]
Obi-Wan Kenobi[22]
Rejlii Mithel[24]
Mon Mothma[20]
Ral'Rai Muvunc[25]
Voren Na'al[8]
Leia Organa Solo[20]
Mirash Peet[25]
Lesan Ramier[26]
Obo Rin[27]
Anakin Skywalker[22]
Luke Skywalker[22]
Roark Slader[28]
Ahsoka Tano[22]
Yoda[22]
Droid names examplesEdit
SienarCargoFerry-TF
A Sienar Fleet Systems transport decorated with the alternate Basic alphabet

Droid names often derived from letters in this alphabet:

Atedeeate
Artoo-Detoo
See-Threepio
Emtrey
Emkay
Fourex
Geenine
Ninebeedee
Teethree
Too-Onebee
Other examplesEdit
The Imperial I-class Star Destroyer Gnisnal had corridors named Q and R.[29]
C-beams
The display in Barb Mentir's Flarestar-class attack shuttle contained High Galactic letters.
Behind the scenesEdit
Aurebesh 2004
The tractor beam information gauge, as it appears in the original A New Hope (top) and the 2004 DVD version (bottom)

The High Galactic alphabet is identical to the real-world English alphabet, the alphabet of the English language, which itself is essentially identical to the in-universe language Galactic Basic Standard. This alphabet is derived from, and sometimes referred to, as the Latin or Roman alphabet, the most common alphabet family of Western nations.

This article describes the occurrences of the English alphabet in the Star Wars universe. Although canon and Legends have both established the fictitious writing system of Aurebesh, it is somewhat unsurprising that this alphabet, especially its American English variant, appears in the Star Wars universe, as the Star Wars movies and most Expanded Universe materials are of American origin.

CanonicityEdit
"Well, actually, they do use the Roman alphabet in the Star Wars universe."
―Pablo Hidalgo[src]
The Latin alphabet has appeared in several instances of the original trilogy and the Expanded Universe, but its appearance was unexplained before it was dubbed the "High Galactic alphabet" in the Hyperspace-exclusive article The Written Word.[1] Roman labels in Star Wars: Episode IV A New Hope were edited into Aurebesh in the 2004 DVD release, suggesting that George Lucas believed that real-world Roman letters don't belong in the Star Wars universe.

However, in the way that Galactic Basic is English, Roman letters were seen in some in-universe inscriptions (such as the Jedi Code) or emblems, like that of the Jedi Order. The text seen on viewscreens in The Star Wars Holiday Special is in Roman, rather than Aurebesh, due to the fact that Aurebesh had yet to be invented at the time in the real world. Aurebesh was introduced later, in The Empire Strikes Back (when R2-D2's conversation with Luke Skywalker in the X-wing on the way to Dagobah is translated on the ship's dashboard readout).

In The Clone Wars episode The Gungan General, a display in Barb Mentir's Flarestar-class attack shuttle shows High Galactic letters; it says "WHATEVER 123467-RR."

Some instances show both Roman and Aurebesh alongside each other (such as the Corporate Sector Authority logo), showing that the two coexisted. Various starfighters (X-wing, Y-wing, A-wing, etc.) were named for characters from the Roman alphabet, as the shapes of these craft do not match the shapes of the corresponding letters in Aurebesh. Other craft were named after letters in the Aurebesh alphabet (Aurek-class tactical strikefighter) or real-world Greek alphabet (Lambda-class T-4a shuttle).

Droids, too, are named with the alphabet, such as R2-D2 being called "Artoo-Detoo" rather than "Reshtoo Dorntoo," and C-3PO being See-Threepio and not Cresh-ThreePethOsk. Clone Troopers are also sometimes code-named in games such as Star Wars: Battlefront.

The Tokyo Disneyland queue videos for both Star Tours and Star Tours: The Adventures Continue contain English writing using both Roman lettering/"High Galactic" and Aurebesh, along with Japanese writing. The Disneyland Paris version of the former ride used French writing and speech.

Non-canon appearancesEdit
The Happy Nerf Herder's signage was in Basic, as were various other Coruscant signs around 50 BBY.[30] Darth Vader wrote his diary in this script.[31]

Wheeeeeee what a fun saga.

x-wing is short for xesh-wing you're welcome

fuck star wars, this is bullshit

Darth Vader wrote his diary in this script.

'dear diary, today i tried to kill my son and then i had beans on toast for tea it was good'