God bless the goddamn Onion

I had a weird sensation reading some of the pieces, laughter and sadness at the same time. The tone is slightly different than usual Onion (the sidebar piece on the Arab 3rd grader), a bit less clever and more in-your-face (see the God clarifies position piece). You can feel the gravity in what they are doing here.

but i still find them very funny

to be honest i cant really think of many sources of comedy which dont use tired old formulas, or rather come up with totally new and hilarious joke formats every time....

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news1802.jpg

roffle

In the same edition, the TV guide spoof made me totally lose my shit (in the slightly unhinged mood of the time, obv)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38450

Especially CBS: "Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air / Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit / Medicating Dan Rather"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/95_96_prayers_finally

I was laughing at this until the very end. That last joke seems unusually mean-spirited for the Onion.

um, the christopher reeve snipe was hardly cricket.

True. I guess that somehow escaped me when I first read it.

i liked this one because is not jello a foods

[a hrarf = this is my internets link] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/conceptual_terrorists_encase_sears[/a hraf linkthing]

I have to say, for having webbed toes you are impressively skilled at typing.

a hrarf!

I don't get why everybody's blaming the puppy for not being Socialist Realism or somethink.

I don't even know what that means and I am a hu-man.

who blames a puppy
i am lerning better, promise
the psyientests are teaching me

I didn't express myself very clearly.

Anyway, if y'all thought the "95-96 Prayers Backlog" was cold, look what I stumbled across:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29919

okay that is awesome

the onion's had a hardon for superman for awhile - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30382

whose balls are you, i am lookinf for mine

http://fanaticking.com/photos/Michael_Vick_Dog.jpg

i kinda forgot abt the onion but this was posted on the quantum mechanic thread and it is funnee
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_ask_congress_to_fund_50

They've really been on a roll with the cartoons - they're probably my favorite thing in the Onion now.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Cage-Free-Eggs.jpg

One of my more flattering caricatures.

Ha.

I also really love that every so often there will be an editorial cartoon about the cartoonist's ex-wife.

lol
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Freak-Dancing.jpg

I read the last word wrong and thought this was gonna be about
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Teens-Turning-Backs.jpg

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg
who's that on the right? Jabba the Hutt?

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mel_brooks_starts_nonprofit

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyKlassicMujahideen.article.jpg

o shi i hadn't seen these cartoons before -- awesome.

"After my baby didn't babble or gesture after 12 months, I hoped the cause was autism. I've since learned he's dead."

Haha OMG:

First Indian-American Governor Elected

With his swearing in as governor of Louisiana on Monday, Republican Bobby Jindal became the first Indian-American to head a U.S. state. What do you think?

Dave Piedmont,
Systems Analyst
"His parents must be so close to being proud."

Steven Seagal is...

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my

story of my life

lol "Skeepers"

haha deja vu

me: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my
Sent at 4:31 PM on Wednesday
Jordan: haha
lol "skeepers"

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/act_now_oped.jpg

: /

that's totally the lowered-standards look

... anonymous sex with me that I'll begin to regret it as it's happening?
oh double-edged zing

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75350

Haha, i worked at the Skeepers in Ann Arbor from '98 - '00.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_101a.jpg

"Microwave Quietly Encouraged"

the onion magazine + editorial cartoons are my fav shit now

Kelly is a genius.

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/you_know_whats_stupid

One of my fave pieces for a long time, great concept.

Bob can go fuck himself for those shoes/boots.

wow that link is one of the least funny Onion pieces I've read. Diff'rent strokes.

I think it's funny.

that craig kilborn bit they did a few months ago (which i conveniently cannot find a link to right now) was one of the best things they've ever done

wow that link is one of the least funny Onion pieces I've read. Diff'rent strokes.

-- wanko ergo sum, Saturday, 15 March 2008 17:25

Think it's because this character = almost everybody I work with.

They have trouble understanding complex, intellectual ideas like "Maybe not every problem with the UK today can be blamed on asylum seekers."

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_is_the_government

I think it's funny.

yeah, i like it too. I usually enjoy their "explicitly deconstructing thoughtless everyday habits" bits.

Haha this joke would appear to be entirely coincidental, and yet ...

COLUMN: Smoove B signs off -- "Girl, there comes a time when even a strong, well-dressed man must admit defeat."

AMERICAN VOICES TOPIC: "Farmers Planting Less Corn"

i'm dying here.

cherry coke all over my monitor

The Onion Movie is surprisingly terrible

surprisingly

""

Oh, I didn't know we don't like the Onion here anymore.

ILX = It's the British press for your iphone!

yeah wtf happened with the onion movie. The books were always great.

liking the onion and thinking that "onion: the movie" is a terrible idea are two completely different things. that's probably what Hurting 2 meant since he usually states the obvious, don't act dense and butthurt about it If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport.

If Assholes Were Butthurt This Place Would Be A Butt Hospice

If arseholes were Robbie Williams's last CD this place would be a road in China.

Onion movie = not actually made by The Onion, who disassociated themselves from it long ago..

Ah, I did not know that. Figures...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obamas_hillbilly_half_brother

lolz "chicken-killing school"

In the past two weeks, Obama has lost support from such groups as PETA, which withdrew its endorsement when Cooter punched a swan in the face, claiming it was "one of them mean ones"; the Clean Energy Group, which protested Cooter's recent attempt to fry a squirrel in a flaming 20-gallon barrel of diesel fuel; and Sen. John Kerry (D-MA), whom Cooter mistook for an outhouse Monday and urinated on for 35 seconds.

Man, the magazine is great sometimes.
http://www.theonion.com/content/magazine/another_small_town_with_fucked

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_144a.jpg

the current print copy full of archival stuff is hilar

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/DNC_archive.jpg

old I know, but it keeps cracking me up

This is my favorite this week.

Witnesses said they first detected a difference in McCain's demeanor yesterday, when he paused suddenly in the middle of a speech about Obama's tax policies, shook his head and demanded to know what year it was. Others were reportedly confused when McCain abruptly left the stage to find a mirror and softly touched his face while whispering to himself, "Oh, boy. Who am I this time?"

QL references get me every time.

Ever notice how if you read too much Onion at once, actual news starts to resemble it more and more?

QL references get me every time.

^^^this

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_win_causes_obsessive?utm_source=embedded_video

lol, look at who's posting most to ilx about it

Blagojevich Just Getting Started

January 14, 2009 | Issue 45•03

SPRINGFIELD, IL—Hoo, boy, if you thought Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich had finished soliciting bribes from state officials, shamelessly defying federal investigators, and generally acting like a megalomaniacal lunatic, you'd better think again. The crazy bastard, sources confirmed Monday, is just getting warmed up. "I will not relinquish my position as governor, and I will continue to fight these outrageous allegations," Blagojevich said Tuesday, referring to the multiple counts of fraud and extortion being leveled against him, and hinting at a range of other insanely illegal activities you wouldn't believe if he told you. "I know the good people of the state of Illinois support my complete and total exoneration, and look forward to my possible 2016 presidential bid." As of press time, no one could believe the stones on this guy.

the onion is on fire lately...is anyone else noticing this? so fucking funny day in day out. I dream of working there one day.

omg at this, the magazine is so dope

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_162a.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_143a.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_145a.jpg

yeah love those covers...is the mag content all on the website? it seems like it isn't.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/asian_teen_has_sweaty_middle_aged

^^^is that Martin Jol on the wall?

rush limbaugh?

Funny as the Japanese girl story is, the merciless dissection of middle-aged losers makes me die a little bit inside.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_147a.jpg

"It's not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men," said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity.

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i191/fluxion23/Picture1-1.png

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34138

stone classic

*forwarding to people I know have a subscription*

*pausing, noticing it's 6 years old*

*acknowledging its stone-classic status, despite its un-forwardability*

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/plan_to_start_little_stationery

Didn't even read the story, headline is gold.

I lol'ed on the train home reading this

err..."reading this on the train home."

I guess it's not online, but I lol'd like a nut reading the print edition I picked up at the train station that had the headline, "Sasha Obama Keeps Seeing Creepy Bush Twins While Riding Tricycle Through House."

Whith a shopped pic of the twins in knee-high socks, with the caption, "The ghostly former first daughters, shortly after a White House elevator reportedly overflowed with cherry daiquiri."

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lovecraftian_school_board_member

"Charles sure likes to bang on that madness drum," fellow school board member Danielle Kolker said. "I'm not totally sold on his plan to let gibbering, half-formed creatures dripping with ichor feed off the flesh and fear of our students.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_166a_0.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_105a.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_152a.jpg

Kenan's Bush Twins: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sasha_obama_keeps_seeing_creepy

It has been good lately. Current issue has lots of good stuff.

For my $, they'll never top "Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb"

Holy shit this ones a punch in the guts

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/son_its_time_we_have_a_talk

jesus

That's horrible. Also, important to remember about our new friends and creditors.

Man, is it ever not funny, though.

Obama Outfitted With 238 Motion Capture Sensors For 3-D Record Of Presidency

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_outfitted_with_238_motion

(there's one missing from the first picture, under his left ribs)

http://pitchfork.com/news/34809-billy-corgan-speaks-before-congress/

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/stephon_marbury_embroils_celtics

^^^ I bet it was a lot of fun to write this

sports = most constantly good section

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29938?utm_source=most_pop_dugg

Yeah, that was funny when I read it 12 years ago.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/renowned_hoo_ha_doctor_wins_nobel?utm_source=a-section

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists?utm_source=a-section

Bobbie Battista now works for The Onion? (in that clip Billy linked to)

Yup, she sure does.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/pragues_franz_kafka_international

This is my favorite since the schizophrenia one.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Auction-Won-fp.frontpage_features_thumbnail.jpg

Auction Won By Crab With $20 Stuck In Claw

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

ya that was amazing

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/three_fingered_on_class_trip_to?utm_source=c-section

(lots of great material lately)

so perfect that it started as a student paper in madison. even though they're long since huge and located in new york now still it's like a weekly refresher on the town's attitude

Besides setting the literary community abuzz, Salinger's decision to come out of seclusion has allowed scholars access to his massive archive of unpublished work for the first time. So far, critics have examined three never-before-seen novels, eight novellas, and more than two dozen short stories—all of which appear to be Terminator fan fiction.

:D

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_90_of_waking_hours_spent?utm_source=a-section

It's not funny because it's true

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/awful_article_large.article_large.jpg

"Wow, this is going to look really candid since I'm always hanging out by scaffolding," says the terrible human being.

And this headline: 60-Year-Old Hippie Pitied By 40-Year-Old Punk (link). "According to nearby sources, both the 60-year-old hippie and the 40-year-old punk were later pitied by a 30-year-old raver sitting barefoot in the grass."

Not brand new, but omg funny.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_slog_through_40_000

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gap_unveils_new_for_kids_by_kids

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_axes_pentagon_plan_to_build?utm_source=a-section

Well then.

!

It's so good. Love the goddamn Onion.

amazing!

http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/home/elements/4530/middle_china_warning.png
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/son_its_time_we_have_a_talk

Yao Ming, who at 28 will soon be the only active player ever to be inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame, learned to play basketball when he was 3 years old after finding an untamed cobra in the mountains, a cobra of ancient legend whose very breath was poisonous. The cobra was taller than a full-grown tree, and beat Yao in one-on-one basketball competition every day for 19 straight years. Then, the very night before their final game, Yao prayed deeply to his ancestors and ingested more than 20 pounds of Yu Wan Mei fish by-products, and behold! Yao grew three feet while he slept.

Yao beat the cobra 11-0 the following morning, beheaded it with a great spear, fashioned a graceful sailing vessel from its colossal body, and rode this vessel across the Pacific Ocean to play professional basketball in the United States. There, Yao Ming became leader of the Rockets after receiving the Mandate of Heaven from previous team captain Hakeem Olajuwon.

It is worth repeating, sources confirmed, that Tracy McGrady should always pass the ball to Yao Ming.

when these guys do dumb, it is so so beautiful

...and then he swallowed the ocean.

the Yu Wan Mei spin-off site is quite something too

http://www.yuwanmei.com/img/yuwanmei_device_large.jpg

Code 41-Virtue-00B

This is kind of a step up for The Onion, I think -- instead of just parodying dumb-ass Americans, they're throwing some poo in a direction that no one else seems to be throwing it. "Hey, guys, let's not forget. China is still pretty fucking evil."

They should do way more themed issues.

Pretty dark, you guys.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_still_searching_for?utm_source=a-section

The sheer amount of LOL in this whole project is incredible. (scroll down for the subsidiaries: http://www.yuwanmei.com/products )

For some reason "Hu-Hu Poisonous Treats" just cracked me up.

the spoken ad at the end of the "Workers Protest Over-Ventilation Of U.S. Factories" radio bit!

Do not remove the Loyalty Bracelet.

I love the comments for an article on their Shawn Johnson Put Down After Breaking Leg video:
http://blogs.suntimes.com/sportsprose/2009/06/onions_shawn_johnson_dead_vide.html

loool "I AM CONFUSED.... IS SHE DEAD OR NOT?"

"Wow, this is going to look really candid since I'm always hanging out by scaffolding," says the terrible human being.

This picture is killing me.

That woman-missing video is like the cherry on the icing

Funniest racist jokes I've read in literally days!

^new ILE handle, thanks mods

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/american_children_like_me_are

:)

It's not a coincidence that the Missing Woman story is set in Grand Rapids, MI. I'm just sayin'.

have to say I don't find the china stuff hilarious, it is good but I prefer regular onion. I love the onion.

anyone capable of translating 'yu wan mei'?

'you want me'

i was hoping for better than that :(

my chinese ex told me that "yu wan mei" = "fish meal carbon"

and that the text running along the bottom of the andy rooney video is basically total gibberish

the only thing about this that is a bit sad is that they're trying to make #fishtime a trending topic on Twitter and it doesn't seem to be working. Pretty crap tag imo. Also wrt that stuff that was in the media earlier this week, or last week, about them being in a bit of trouble this might be like an attention grabbing gambit and that's sad. Some quality material though and nice for a change from usual stuff.

There's even a site for the parent company: http://www.yuwanmei.com/

鱼完美 = yú wán měi

鱼 = fish
完美 = perfect

fishy perfection!

a chinese translation blog entry about this used the title "Putting the 洋 in 洋蔥," which is... funny

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Sino_American.jpg

Okay I gotta give 'em this -- go to the home page and click on the Op-Ed link for this piece:

"The Internet Allows For A Free Exchange Of Unmitigated Information

Dana Lechter"

I was waiting for these

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyChinaIssue.jpg

i love this one

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyHSReunion.jpg

TV Listings »

2009 World Series Of Poker

ESPN

10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST

The Vietnamese guy with the upside-down sunglasses won't show his cards, drawing a passive-aggressive rant from the fat Lebanese guy with the headphones.

Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care

Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

Ha! I just linked this on Facebook, right before I clicked on this thread. Big lol.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Malpractice.jpg

hahahahh

I love the Onion when it's dark. Because it's VERY dark.

Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care

There tho, they simply do reportage

That's the dark part. :(

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/is_using_a_minotaur_to_gore?utm_source=videoembed

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/8237558.stm

Two Bangladeshi newspapers have apologised after publishing an article taken from a satirical US website which claimed the Moon landings were faked.

The Daily Manab Zamin said US astronaut Neil Armstrong had shocked a news conference by saying he now knew it had been an "elaborate hoax".

Neither they nor the New Nation, which later picked up the story, realised the Onion was not a genuine news site.

Both have now apologised to their readers for not checking the story.

"We thought it was true so we printed it without checking," associate editor Hasanuzzuman Khan told the AFP news agency.

"We didn't know the Onion was not a real news site."

The article said Mr Armstrong had told a news conference he had been "forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos and reading several blog posts" by a conspiracy theorist.

"It took only a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to realise I had been living a lie," the fake article "quoted" Mr Armstrong as saying.

The made-up quote went on to say that although the journey had felt real, in fact "the entire thing was filmed on a sound stage, most likely in New Mexico".

"I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind."

'Numerous hits'

The story was published on the Onion's website on Monday and on Wednesday, the Daily Manab Zamin translated it into Bengali, attributing it to the Onion News Network in Lebanon, Ohio. It then ran in New Nation on Thursday.

Daily Manab Zamin, the only tabloid newspaper in Bangladesh, published an apology to its readers on Thursday, saying the report had "drawn a lot of attention".

"We've since learned that the fun site runs false and juicy reports based on a historic incident," it said.

"The Moon landing one was such a story, which received numerous hits on the internet.

"The truth is that Neil Armstrong never gave such an interview. It was made up. We are sorry for publishing the report without checking the information."

ha ha!

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/americans_observing_9_11_by?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

"the fun site runs false and juicy reports based on a historic incident"

thats a rather quaint way of describing the Onion.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/next_tarantino_movie_an_homage_to

"I really can't think of another living director who has made as large a contribution to the evolution of world cinema, and I feel it is my duty as a filmmaker to remind people of that."

LOLLL @ "5,000 great places to spit"

Self-Defense Instructor Simulates Attacker Right Down To Erection

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/my_living_nightmare_of?utm_source=b-section

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nadir_of_western_civilization_to

WASHINGTON—An international panel of leading anthropologists, cultural critics, biologists, and social theorists announced this week that Western civilization will reach its lowest conceivable point at 3:32 p.m. Friday.
"From the prehistoric Lascaux cave paintings to the stirring symphonies of Mozart to today's hot-dog eating competitions and action films with comical gerbils, culture has descended into a festering pool of mass ignorance," said Yale sociologist Paul Riordan, who has spent his career analyzing western civilization's fall into the depths of depravity. "If our calculations are correct, this complete erosion of all that is enlightened and unique will reach absolute rock bottom on the afternoon of Sept. 25, 2009."
Added Riordan, "It is scientifically impossible for civilization to sink any lower than it will this Friday."
The panel said the upcoming nadir will be precipitated by a string of smaller devastating events.
At 9 p.m. Wednesday the ABC sitcom Modern Family will premiere, marking the least-inspired creative endeavor ever attempted by modern man. This will reportedly be followed at 12:52 p.m. Thursday by the release of a new energy drink marketed exclusively to U.S. troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Experts predict that the penultimate catastrophe will occur at approximately 7:15 p.m. Thursday night, when the social networking tool Twitter will be used to communicate a series of ideas so banal they will instantaneously negate the three centuries of the Renaissance.
"The sciences, the arts, the humanities—all aspects of society as a whole will reach their respective low-points in just a matter of days," said anthropologist Robert Davidson, gesturing toward a nearby line graph illustrating western society's collapse. "We've been charting this cultural descent for generations now, from the advent of New Wave music, to the rise of scientific creationism, right through to the trampling death of several Wal-Mart greeters on the morning after Thanksgiving. Everything has been leading up to this Friday."
According to the panel, the final event will occur at 3:32 p.m., when a tourist, believing the impressive structure to be a giant mall, will enter Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art, and, not finding what he is looking for, ask where "the damn Radio Shack is supposed to be."
The man, dressed in Crocs and sweatpants and determined by researchers to be the final catalyst in humanity's epic downfall, will then loudly expel gas.
"This horrible but inevitable day has been a long time coming," said Davidson, before picking up a black marker and, seemingly without thought or intent, drawing a long, thick phallus on his chart. "And by the looks of things, it's almost here."
Some analysts believe the coming cultural sinkhole—the most intellectually and spiritually degrading moment conceivable by science or philosophy—will signal the end of mankind's decay and lead to a steady upward climb. Still, they warned, the event itself could be catastrophically lowbrow.
"With each passing minute, we're getting closer to a second Dark Ages," said noted art critic Mark Lefevre, tearing out pages from his report, folding each into a paper airplane, and tossing decades of hard work around the room. "Unless something is done to protect what little sophistication and refinement we have left, Western society may soon regress to a point of no return. We need to act, and act fast."
"Come on," added the two-time MacArthur "genius grant" recipient, before stripping down to his undergarments and brandishing an automatic assault rifle. "Let's get 'er done!"
Despite the panel's findings, many are skeptical that humanity will reach its lowest depths on Friday, claiming the humiliations are likely to continue as ever-smaller terrier breeds begin to outsmart their owners, and disgraced former congressman Tom DeLay appears in the new season of Dancing With The Stars.
Most chillingly, many agreed, is that while Michael Crichton's death has been a positive step, Dan Brown remains very much alive.
"We're talking about a society in which the name Newton is now more often associated with a fig-filled dessert than the scientist who revolutionized modern thought," biologist Howard Thurston said. "The human mind is endlessly inventive, and our species will always find new ways to completely discredit and embarrass itself."
As of press time, boobs

omg boobs!

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_series_of

The scrolls at the bottom of the newscast are great.

this is great:

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/if_god_had_wanted_me_to_be

that is excellent. almost makes me wish i knew more and not less jane kendrickses, just to maximize the pleasure associated with sending this to them.

Yeah, that piece is awesome

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_dies_after_secret_4_year

haha man that's great

awesome.

Mrs. Seaborne said she's used most of her husband's life insurance payout to start the David Seaborne Foundation, an organization dedicated to raising awareness of those battling gorillas or other great apes. According to the foundation's website, the growing problem affects one in every 29 million Americans, and one in every 80 Congolese.

It's in the proud tradition of "Supreme Court Overturns Car".

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/michael_vick_fails_to_inspire_team

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obamas_declaration_of_swine

lol @ rush limbaugh

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident

"a good friend who hated glenn beck and loved to dance."

my housemate came out of her room and said 'why u be cackling'

The phrase "Supreme Court Overturns Car" makes me laugh every single time I see it.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/united_airlines_exploring

HAHAH.

"EMT Craig Anton was first on the scene."
"I jumped out of the ambulance and I ran to the wreckage to make sure that the victim was still breathing or else was Glenn Beck."

Hahah yes "radio host Rush Limbaugh, who made a point of dying of the virus during his show on Wednesday" was hilarious.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyFH-a-XoQ

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/timeless_masterpiece_liked

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

The choice of Escondido as the setting = utterly OTM.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyNewspapers.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Obama_wh.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/boy_finds_own_real_life_e_t

Love the presenters.

My adolescence in a nutshell. (Warning: Plays audio.)

You know, I'm surprised this hadn't been done yet:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_music_snobs_protest

haa

I saw it earlier but I've been mad busy today

was also prevented by personal wretchedness felt when catching myself thinking 'hmm, I don't really imagine that Sasha Frere-Jones would big up Dream Theater in this situation, somehow'

Every Onion music story must reference Steely Dan now, it's a rule.

A small but especially vocal contingent tirelessly lobbied for the inclusion of at least one selection from Steely Dan's 1977 tour de force Aja, preferably the song "Peg."

"Blatantly dismissing what the U.S. government has done to these men is an unconscionable miscarriage of justice," Pitchfork.com contributor Andy Ragazzo said. "I've been here for nearly six hours, and I haven't heard one person other than myself so much as mention the groundbreaking work of minimal techno and microhouse artist Ricardo Villalobos."

"It almost makes me ashamed to be an American," Ragazzo added

OK who's the ILX inside man at the Onion... fess up!

the funny thing is that I am one of those music snobs who has complained about the predictable use of metallica to torture prisoners

Little Bummer Boy

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyXmasDecor.jpg

http://www.last.fm/music/Part+Chimp/_/Li%27l+Bummerboy

I like that the obvious label requires a parenthetical aside.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_device_desirable_old_device

^^ came here to post that; it describes me to a tee -0-

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_study_reveals_most_children

Heartbreakingly OTM

got two onion compilation for christmas, happy days.

http://www.theonion.com/content/ourannualyear09

loving this whole thing

The one about the Sumerians is killing me.

Hahah this is great. The "long elaborate timeline" with "15 year old enlightened by Nirvana" in 100BC and again in 1991.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSt1m4NFUl8

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

They're on to ILX: Man Who Enjoys Thing Informed He Is Wrong

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/as_much_as_i_hated_putting_my

has everybody seen the dedicated Jean Teasdale site? http://hometowns.cyber-net-village.com/Orlando/7302/Rick/sportzone/misc/folders/Jean/index.php

;_;

xpost

i went out with jean teasdale in school i think.

dog story hits a little too close to the bone to bring the lols. :'(

(I'm still waiting for my little guy to wake up too.)

I think we all did, darraghmac.

dog story seem mean spirited :(

reminds me of that scene in dumb and dumber where they behead the blind girls parrot and put it back on with foil. and the girl just sits there and pets it and waits for it to talk. made me all sad in fifth grade.

going out with jean teasdale made me sad in 5th grade

that dog story is almost perfect in its commitment to cruel comedy

http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/feb-01-2010

Editorial cartoons are back, though this one seems out of character for a true, America-lovin' Dem-hatin' patriot like Kelly.

OMG the Jean Teasdale site. I love the URL, that just makes it perfect.

Massive Earthquake Reveals Entire Island Civilization Called 'Haiti'

more otm and sad than funny.

"Allowing gays to serve openly in the Army is a long overdue reform, but it must be accompanied by an assurance that heterosexuals will be able to serve openly in the Navy."

holy lol

NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission

Hahahah @ all the Major toms.

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyNasaBudget.jpg

lol @ "'red' alert"

GULP!

lol @ Spock's boneyness, Kirk's stoutness, and Uhura as Lady Liberty (skirt is too long, though).

liberty's got olive oyl knees!

So does Kirk. And so are the elbows and shoulders.

Wal-Mart Cuts Over 13,000 Of What It Calls Jobs

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bill-later.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/20_000_tons_of_pubic_hair_trimmed

i love it when they go gross

"Bzzzzzzzz," he added. "Timber!"

megalols

haaa i came to post that magazine cover

"I'm not going to let corporate America dictate the date or time at which I choose to groom my genitals," said Denver resident Marcus Shannon, adding that Valentine's Day was "invented by the razor industry" to sell grooming devices. "If you really love somebody, you should shave your pubes year-round."

A1

this made me LOL

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/rise_in_teen_pregnancy_proves

yeah i've had "coming back with so much thunder it's like they never left" as a phrase in my head all day

I lold at the very NSFW video about the 2am computer virus.

lolz: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/latest_sarah_palin_speech_opens

About right:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/former_prom_king_now_living

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_bought_an_awesome_gun_that

bunch of NRA guys all going "how did you get my diary"

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/money_0.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/paleontologists_weve_been

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sierra_leone_diamond_miner

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/senator_dikembe_mutombo_blocks

this is my favorite onion article in a long time: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daytime_nighttime_7_11_clerks_have

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/denmark_introduces_harrowing_new

Tiger Woods article is the best they've done in a long time.

von trier is awesome; this is also killing it:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/report_baby_skull_jewelry_may_be

Von Trier ads A+++++++

lolll the club scene

it kind of weirds me out how The Onion now has sponsored links to stories on CNN and other legitimate news sources, like i'll look over to the sidebar and think "Death toll in Afghan war nears 1,000...wait that's not funny at all"

http://infinitesummer.org/images/ij_weekender.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_some_bullshit (via)

"I'm just some fucking guy."

"I talked to this random expert on the subject who told me this thing you're about to hear him say right after he points at a piece of paper."

hahaaa

"and free-associate about what's going on"

"this is some footage of congress"
"i can see that"

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/houseguest_just_going_to_lie_there

extra credit for subject's name

R.I.P.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mytron_the_fifth_illuminati

That houseguest one! A++++

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_blowjobless_rate_at_all_time

looool at bullshit video

I'm an old man so you can trust me!

Hahah that houseguest one is awesome, been there done that (from both sides!)

TL;DR
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_shudders_at_large_block_of

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_on_internet_almost_falls_into

^^ pretty much gets the measure of awe and horror that makes up the internet

ROFLMAO@ "That's when I realized the mustard had come between us."

i have a friend who is exactly like that dude.

does he post to the internet about mustard a lot?

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

The historically fluid blowjob market reached its climax in 1996, when millions of wives and girlfriends vigorously stimulated the privates sector.

thumbs up

Well they say that helps it along!

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

― ksh, Sunday, March 14, 2010 4:25 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont think u get why the article is funny

Pope Forgives Molested Children

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

― ksh, Sunday, March 14, 2010 4:25 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont think u get why the article is funny

― n00b jack city (deej), Wednesday, March 17, 2010 7:56 PM (3 days ago)

explain?

it's funny because mustard is a funny word

Boy's Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he6O9nZ3CZs

A+++ Bone-dry deadpan perfection. "Today Now" is so brilliant.

Someone should put together a DVD set of the best of the ONN. They've completely raised their game since the movie.

^^^ pitch perfect mapping onto of this:

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/toddler-dies-mistaking-gun-wii-controller/story?id=10056190

They've completely raised their game since the movie.

The Onion didn't make The Onion Movie

Hasan, my man, if you don't give me a high five right now, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-government-to-save-billions-by-cutting-wasteful,17171/

A+! Were they doing real news on April 1st? Sounds quite plausible, tbh.

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/1808/Bob-Marley-Jump-C.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/articles/freakonomist-keeps-close-eye-on-ge-stock-versus-he,17202/

I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment

http://www.theonion.com/video/cosmopolitan-institute-completes-decadeslong-study,14257/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-flag-recalled-after-causing-143-million-deaths/

(143 mil a bit low, but nice to see)

oh, this is the correct link:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-flag-recalled-after-causing-143-million-deaths,17248/

Glee
FOX 9 p.m. EST / 8 p.m. CST
Romance is in the air and that can only mean one thing: GWAR week on Glee.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/exhausted-noam-chomsky-just-going-to-try-and-enjoy,17404/

lol x2

Today, I'm just going to kick back and enjoy some much-needed Noam Time.

http://www.theonion.com/video/semiliterate-former-gold-prospector-given-own-cabl,17408/

Laughing so hard.

BRILLIANT

oh god, please make that a series

Someone should just post this on like 75% if the ILM threads.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/not-very-good-album-takes-a-little-while-to-get-in,17425/

Also this:

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/17433/lumberjack_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heckled-christian-rock-band-knows-how-jesus-felt,17446/

(when you click the above link and you get an error -> just add the / yourself in the address bar)

That prospector is genius, and not too far removed from reality. Kind of like when Fey played Palin by simply repeating whatever stupid things Palin had said.

New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It

aunched last year, Foursquare is unique in that it not only allows users to broadcast their whereabouts, but also offers a number of built-in incentives, including some innovative new crap The New York Times surely has a throbbing hard-on for.

In fact, why don't we just let them report on this garbage and call it a day?

"Foursquare is a little bit of everything—a friend-finder, a local city guide, an interactive mobile game," said company cofounder Dennis Crowley, as if reading from the same tired script used by every one of these Web 2.0 or whatever-the-fuck-they're-called startups. "But more than that, Foursquare is an [endless string of meaningless buzzwords we just couldn't bring ourselves to transcribe]."

zang
i love the times piece at the end

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-actually-shouting-at-other-man-to-get-jennifer,17498/

OK, this, right here, is one of the best Onion articles I've seen, because it makes you want to high five it for laying out for you the reasons something pisses you off that you were never able to clearly orchestrate. Like that last sentence sort of.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-social-networking-site-changing-the-way-oh-chr,17465/

Linked a couple of posts back there...

Oh crap I looked right past it. I can always count on you to point out my mistakes, Ned.

God bless the goddamn Onion

:D

killer final line

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/17591/Jazz_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

that's pretty awesome, even though i can't imagine nyt magazine using stock images

dont think thats the point

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-grandmother-comes-forward-as-banksy,17604/

dont think thats the point

― its like why GROCERY BAG and not saddam? (deej), Saturday, June 12, 2010 5:30 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark

disagree, seems the true intention of the joke is not lost on dell, in fact if i may be so bold as to suggest that it appears he is a viking at 'getting it'

obviously its a joke about stock images -- i dont think that means its explicitly parodying the ny mag's use of stock images though

OK this is weird, I know the guy in this photo!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/eons-of-darwinian-evolution-somehow-produce-mitch,17635

(And actually, Mordy does, too. Turns out the photo was taken when he was touring the Onion offices with a group of ¥3$h1v@ students last year.)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/

"This is an abhorrent waste of federal funds," Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform said of Obama's May 13 video, timestamp. "How can a man overseeing the largest deficit in history justify spending our hard-earned money on some artsy video of him signing the same bill over and over again for 14 straight hours as the distant sound of children's laughter grows in intensity until it becomes unbearably loud and then the entire thing ends with footage of an atom bomb going off? It's just despicable."

"Do we really want our tax dollars going toward something so clearly derivative of Sadie Benning's early works?" Norquist added.

http://www.theonion.com/video/alqaeda-calls-off-attack-on-nations-capitol-to-spa,17688/

I don't know how old this is but I laughed hard and hearty

lol @ "Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa" in the related vids

http://www.theonion.com/articles/recently-single-al-gore-finally-able-to-listen-to,17824/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/florida-marlins-delay-game-until-their-fan-shows-u,17891/

CORRECTIONS: Actor Peter Sarsgaard's name was misspelled in a photo caption accompanying a story about the upcoming release of Green Lantern. We were unaware that our readers knew how to spell his name correctly. The Onion regrets the error.

Desperate Pandora Employees Scrambling To Find Song Area Man Likes

"It's called 'Steely Dan Radio,' for Christ's sake—why does he keep skipping over Donald Fagen's 'The Nightfly'?"

"Here's a guitar. Go write your own damn song, but don't come back crying to us if it sucks."

Awesome and timely.

Man Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About Muslims

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/17990/Man-Already-large.jpg
Gentries made a conscious decision to stop learning anything new about the Muslim faith on May 22, 2005.

barely sitirical though :/

I never liked that damn Tipper Gore - anyone with a name like Tipper must be a bitchtard.

lol

http://www.theonion.com/articles/84-million-new-yorkers-suddenly-realize-new-york-c,18003/

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/6200/NIB-Giuliani-Spotted-R_jpg_630x463_pad-black_upscale_q85.jpg

that article kind of almost made me move yesterday.

15+ people on my facebook feed all shared it

stuff is always less funny when other people find it funny

"nobody goes there any more, it's too popular"

lol NYC slideshow

the funniest quote is Woody Allen's

Hmmm, where previously there would be one "Continue to The Onion »" advert on first entering the site, I'm now having to click through this on every link to a text article. I understand they need to advertise, but this really annoying. (AV Club is affected by this too).

"IS really annoying".

I clicked the last 5 links above here and did not see this - I'm using Firefox & Adblock Plus

Yeah - it's ok again on mine too (Firefox, no Adblock though). Must have been a glitch - every ad was for the Onion Store, and whilst I love the "chocaholic but for booze" t-shirts it was a little grating.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/archaeologists-unearth-lousiest-civilization-ever,18049/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-carrying-guitar-case-on-elevator-envied-by-eve,18053/

Pay-off line is great.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-more-colleges-offering-dickaround-abroad-pr,18092/

Needs to be a prospectus-style promotional video soundtracked by the obvious Sparks song

(youtube probably best not listened to on speakers at work, as if you couldn't guess)

major lolz

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/18276/onionmagazine_web_4642_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

true, except with the letter setting rather than landscape.

this week's print edition has an article about a guy bragging about his special biking socks that gets really weird and awesome about 2/3rds of the way through, but it doesn't appear to be on the website?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cyclist-friend-explains-necessity-of-35-socks,18259/

keep reading

ok lol

i started to read that in the paper version the other day and stopped about a third into it because i was like "i get it, cyclists are gear dweebs who believe in special socks" and figured it would do the usual "onion spends a lot of column inches on a joke that works better as a headline" thing

it took a minute to figure out where it was going.

HOLY SHIT at Satra Paich here

haaa

Moral of the story: read all of it.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/

he's back!

http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-fears-genetic-modification-cause,18433/

Yay! "We're gonna resort ta cuttin'"

nvr seen that guy before. amazing.

Would watch a full length movie about him.

nrq see

http://www.theonion.com/video/old-grizzled-thirdparty-candidate-may-steal-suppor,14264/

and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlJdsX181QU

and http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-nasa-honeyfuggling-america-with,18140/

i think that's it

"She's purty for a chinee"

yeah that's the best one i think

the nasa one has some good lines too

I like it when something's funny, but I have no idea why.

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/10451/Craig_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

because his name is craig

My friend came up with this concept, and may have written it, too. It's his first Onion News Network video! Hoorah!

http://www.theonion.com/video/excitement-growing-among-beatles-fans-for-paul-mcc,18590/

Based on the reaction this is getting already, your friend's done good!

The only thing that bothered me about that were all the man-on-the-streets had American accents. http://www.macbrosplace.com/wp-content/plugins/yahoo-messenger-emoticons/emoticons/nerd_big.gif

Fuck you, Macbrosplace! http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gifhttp://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gifhttp://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gifhttp://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gifhttp://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gif

oh my fucking god that $35 socks story made me giggle like a retarded little girl

http://www.theonion.com/articles/manmohan-singh-the-first-sikh-prime-minister-ofoka,18629/

that craig t. nelson cover is exactly the kind of almost-not-a-joke joke we used to do at the campus weekly I worked for

e.g. we did a cover with the headline "The Reform Party's Quadruple Threat" with pictures of Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Jesse The Body Ventura and Balki Bartokamous (I mean it was Bronson Pinchot, but the names read "Perot // Buchanan // Ventura // Bartokamous"

news without mercy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnZOCrxzWyU
everything you have been told is a lie; the only truth is here

I did like this one.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/jan-brewer-not-afraid-to-do-what-the-federal-gover,18631/?utm_source=recentnews

Actually the whole year in review is excellent.

tv show is :-/

espn spoof on comedy central

Don't know if this is wrong to laugh at, but loved this:

http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-covers-gathering-of-crying-peopl,18983/

NASA Completes 52-Year Mission to Find, Kill God

lol^d hard when i saw that

absolutely love, as a journalism major, being able to read this stuff as assignment. totally allowed as well.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/honey-im-not-going-to-stand-here-and-debate-the-me,18952/

i posted about this on ILV earlier but my store made it into the onion this week!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/variety-of-unsustainable-business-models-make-up-e,19261/

^Seems like one of the more sustainable business models to me, given the neighborhood.

yeah we do fine.

take out 'extremely hip' and you can attach a picture of any street in manhattan south of harlem

lol academy

Found via the "Is This Racist?" thread, the real punchline is at the end: http://www.theonion.com/articles/conde-nast-launches-the-new-yorker-for-black-peopl%2C19708/

Industry sources reported that if the magazine is a success, Condé Nast may move ahead with plans for other niche publications, including Kurdish Wired and GQ For Men.

if i was famous, i would totally do this:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/keira-knightley-answers-fan-letter-way-too-quickly,19733/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/dead-teenager-remembered-for-great-hand-jobs,19356/

ouch: http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/

Oh man, that autistic reporter at the funeral. So much guilty laughter.

"grown adult" looks like a skinny louis ck

http://www.theonion.com/articles/texans-elect-gun,874/

xpost ha had the same thought

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorgeous-25yearold-dead-at-79,19809/

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gop-completely-fixes-economy-by-canceling-funding,19897/

http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/

NYT fooled by fake "Tiger Beat" cover from The Onion: http://www.editorandpublisher.com/Headlines/the-onion-fools-the-new-york-times-with-fake-obama-tiger-beat-cover-64875-.aspx

i can't imagine the sense of pride floating around those offices when shit like that happens

http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/

he's back

http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/

:D

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fiscally-im-a-rightwing-nutjob-but-on-social-issue,20486/

http://www.theonion.com/video/cashstrapped-pbs-releases-nova-special-on-physics,20508/

http://i.imgur.com/p4CFW.png

The online reaction to that has been kind of funny. I've noticed that some right-wing folks recognize that it's satire but think it's satirizing Planned Parenthood -- as in, "See, even The Onion thinks Planned Parenthood has gone too far!" Which doesn't really make sense rhetorically, but I can sort of understand how a pro-lifer might accidentally work it out that way.

Or they think that it makes fun of both sides equally, like this guy:

While I think the partial goal is to poke fun at how prolifers supposedly view Planned Parenthood, there's also a good deal that hits abortion clinics like the floor plan where a day care center promises that young children can play "while their unborn siblings are being terminated elsewhere in the facility"

Like, how is that not ALSO poking fun at how pro-lifers view Planned Parenthood?

http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llkditPaSk1qkt6yoo1_500.jpg

wau

never work in its satan life and this is why america is being destroyed.

ahahaha <3 u, internet

lady's profile pic is very
http://i.imgur.com/Ro7aY.jpg

we shouldn't bother masking these idiot's names.

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001948873802

Favorite Teams: Dallas Cowboys
and yeah that is some amazing trollface likealook

Holy shit her face is identical!

"We have libertine and degeneratrd the USA."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-just-going-to-grab-guitar-and-old-fourtrack-go,20682/

The extremely convincing audio clip is what really makes it.

The story of my life

I like the chord progression a tiny bit. Am I doomed? Snare drum is the most hilarious detail.

Well it couldn't be simpler so I think that makes it alright.

Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard

is this about Bon Iver

Oh wait it kinda is obliquely NEVER MIND

wanted to post it in US Politics, because hey, what couldn't happen. then i realized...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/tim-pawlenty-shaves-off-every-hair-on-his-body-in,20730/

The Onion OTM.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoeCV8QBax0

forbeck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9nG5D3iFb8

afashb

Al-Qaeda Claims U.S. Mass Transportation Infrastructure Must Drastically Improve Before Any Terrorist Attacks

i loved this: http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/manager-pitcher-go-through-entire-bottle-of-wine-d,20983/

I drift in and out of noticing them, but they seem to be on a roll lately.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-turns-50-despite-republican-opposition,21061/

lol

Scientists Trace Heat Wave To Massive Star At Center Of Solar System

fuck is this fucking paywall bullshit my life is ruined /canadian

incognito mode

whoa. thx dude

http://www.theonion.com/articles/visa-exposed-as-massive-credit-card-scam,21136/

<3 this oldie

http://www.theonion.com/articles/just-wait-til-i-get-these-fucking-rubber-bands-off,10678/

So you have to PAY MONEY to read the Onion now. Golden age of the net is over.