God bless the goddamn Onion

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Bookmark Removed

It suddenly occurred to me that they were finally going to update today, so I went. Jesus H., I do love those clowns.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

sexy answer to put this in the sexy dirty sex sex sex new answers.

― Mr Noodles, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd wondered how they would address this, and I have to say they got it right. It comes at the perfect time, too, when the feelings are still raw but laughter is possible. More than anything, it brings to light how instructive their humor is.

I had a weird sensation reading some of the pieces, laughter and sadness at the same time. The tone is slightly different than usual Onion (the sidebar piece on the Arab 3rd grader), a bit less clever and more in-your-face (see the God clarifies position piece). You can feel the gravity in what they are doing here.

― Mark, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Quite right. It's a hard thing to pull off, but I think they did it very well indeed. Taking the week off was the right thing to do, and it made everything just come across that much better, methinks.

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 25 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Surprisingly unfunny. Or not surprisingly, I think. Seems so... average... in light of news coverage of minutae of recent events and span and style of already extant coverage.

― Sterling Clover, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

For the first time in a long time it is actually funny, even if they are wheeling out some of the tired old forl\mulas again. very well handled I think. Still not private eye though.

― Ed, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I thought it was v.good. Esp. the cake one - strangely poignant. And the 'Hell sources' phrase.

― Nick, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

One of the best pieces of commentary I've seen. Somehow, even while being totally tasteless and tacky and completely hypocritical (the Gen X bit), somehow it's the most spot on thing I've seen. I sent the bit about God clarifying His no-kill policy to my priest mum.

― Kate the Saint, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I LOVE the ''Terrorists surprized To Find Selves In Hell'' one. The Onion is genius.

― rezna, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i think the onion is like private eye re tired old formulas.

but i still find them very funny

to be honest i cant really think of many sources of comedy which dont use tired old formulas, or rather come up with totally new and hilarious joke formats every time....

― ambrose, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

What is "private eye"?

― Mark, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I liked the article about Jerry Bruckheimer films. Photo caption: "An actual scene from real life".

― Ally, Wednesday, 26 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And blessed be the current TV Go Home.

― suzy, Friday, 28 September 2001 00:00 (twenty-three years ago)

five years pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/53599

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Monday, 9 October 2006 19:46 (eighteen years ago)

Ned completely OTM in the first post here, by the way, and now after some time lost in the archives the whole issue is available again. Though the front page is missing its graphic:

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onion_news1802.jpg

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:11 (eighteen years ago)

Also, it's the September 11th issue.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:12 (eighteen years ago)

I love that Security Upgrades graphic so, so much. I remember the sporks line, especially.

― Laurel (Laurel), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 16:22 (eighteen years ago)

Seriously, the whole thing should have been up for a Pulitzer.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 18:11 (eighteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30604

roffle

― Young Fresh Danny D (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 10 October 2006 18:29 (eighteen years ago)

I remember going through that phase

― Curt1s St3ph3ns, Wednesday, 11 October 2006 02:30 (eighteen years ago)

we get print versions in la now btw!!

― chaki (chaki), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:30 (eighteen years ago)

bitter young dude in a deli off times square tried to sell me a copy the other night. he had swiped a whole stack from somewhere (from the deli, for all i know). i declined. he stalked out of the store muttering sotto voce, "goddamn i'm just tryna work, earn a little money tonight, doesn't nobody want to help me out, what the fuck." i hope the onion cheered him up.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:42 (eighteen years ago)

I thought this article was probably the single best thing said in the days after Sept 11th.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 03:44 (eighteen years ago)

Yeah, that one was brilliant.

In the same edition, the TV guide spoof made me totally lose my shit (in the slightly unhinged mood of the time, obv)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/38450

Especially CBS: "Dan Rather's 83rd Straight Hour On The Air / Dan Rather Seriously Loses His Shit / Medicating Dan Rather"

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 11 October 2006 04:06 (eighteen years ago)

one year passes...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/95_96_prayers_finally

I was laughing at this until the very end. That last joke seems unusually mean-spirited for the Onion.

― Nathan, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:42 (seventeen years ago)

um, the christopher reeve snipe was hardly cricket.

― darraghmac, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:44 (seventeen years ago)

True. I guess that somehow escaped me when I first read it.

― Nathan, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:45 (seventeen years ago)

i liked this one because is not jello a foods

[a hrarf = this is my internets link] http://www.theonion.com/content/news/conceptual_terrorists_encase_sears[/a hraf linkthing]

― a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:48 (seventeen years ago)

I have to say, for having webbed toes you are impressively skilled at typing.

― Abbott, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:53 (seventeen years ago)

a hrarf!

― G00blar, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:55 (seventeen years ago)

I don't get why everybody's blaming the puppy for not being Socialist Realism or somethink.

― Noodle Vague, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:56 (seventeen years ago)

I don't even know what that means and I am a hu-man.

― Abbott, Thursday, 18 October 2007 21:59 (seventeen years ago)

who blames a puppy
i am lerning better, promise
the psyientests are teaching me

― a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:01 (seventeen years ago)

I didn't express myself very clearly.

Anyway, if y'all thought the "95-96 Prayers Backlog" was cold, look what I stumbled across:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29919

― Noodle Vague, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:01 (seventeen years ago)

okay that is awesome

― HI DERE, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:02 (seventeen years ago)

the onion's had a hardon for superman for awhile - http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30382

― balls, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:14 (seventeen years ago)

whose balls are you, i am lookinf for mine

― a puppy, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:18 (seventeen years ago)

http://fanaticking.com/photos/Michael_Vick_Dog.jpg

― balls, Thursday, 18 October 2007 22:22 (seventeen years ago)

i kinda forgot abt the onion but this was posted on the quantum mechanic thread and it is funnee
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/scientists_ask_congress_to_fund_50

― rrrobyn, Friday, 19 October 2007 03:02 (seventeen years ago)

two weeks pass...

They've really been on a roll with the cartoons - they're probably my favorite thing in the Onion now.

― Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:24 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Cage-Free-Eggs.jpg

― Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:25 (seventeen years ago)

One of my more flattering caricatures.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:26 (seventeen years ago)

Ha.

I also really love that every so often there will be an editorial cartoon about the cartoonist's ex-wife.

― Hurting 2, Friday, 2 November 2007 03:29 (seventeen years ago)

lol
http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Cartoon-Freak-Dancing.jpg

― Curt1s Stephens, Friday, 2 November 2007 04:02 (seventeen years ago)

I read the last word wrong and thought this was gonna be about
http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg

― James Redd and the Blecchs, Friday, 2 November 2007 04:55 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Teens-Turning-Backs.jpg

― Frogman Henry, Friday, 2 November 2007 09:02 (seventeen years ago)

http://content.answers.com/main/content/wp/en/thumb/3/37/250px-Vina.jpg
who's that on the right? Jabba the Hutt?

― Heave Ho, Friday, 2 November 2007 10:41 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/mel_brooks_starts_nonprofit

― El Tomboto, Friday, 2 November 2007 16:32 (seventeen years ago)

two months pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyKlassicMujahideen.article.jpg

― Billy Dods, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:29 (seventeen years ago)

o shi i hadn't seen these cartoons before -- awesome.

― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:36 (seventeen years ago)

"After my baby didn't babble or gesture after 12 months, I hoped the cause was autism. I've since learned he's dead."

― That mong guy that's shit, Wednesday, 16 January 2008 16:47 (seventeen years ago)

Haha OMG:

First Indian-American Governor Elected
With his swearing in as governor of Louisiana on Monday, Republican Bobby Jindal became the first Indian-American to head a U.S. state. What do you think?
Dave Piedmont,
Systems Analyst
"His parents must be so close to being proud."

― nabisco, Thursday, 17 January 2008 01:01 (seventeen years ago)

one month passes...

Steven Seagal is...

― Kerm, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:09 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my

story of my life

― and what, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:45 (seventeen years ago)

lol "Skeepers"

― Jordan, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:47 (seventeen years ago)

haha deja vu

me: http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/act_now_to_take_advantage_of_my
Sent at 4:31 PM on Wednesday
Jordan: haha
lol "skeepers"

― deej, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:50 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/act_now_oped.jpg

: /

― Bodrick III, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 22:56 (seventeen years ago)

that's totally the lowered-standards look

... anonymous sex with me that I'll begin to regret it as it's happening?
oh double-edged zing

― rrrobyn, Wednesday, 5 March 2008 23:00 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/75350

― Dr Morbius, Friday, 7 March 2008 21:38 (seventeen years ago)

Haha, i worked at the Skeepers in Ann Arbor from '98 - '00.

― kingfish, Saturday, 8 March 2008 03:22 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_101a.jpg

― That one guy that hit it and quit it, Saturday, 15 March 2008 13:13 (seventeen years ago)

"Microwave Quietly Encouraged"

― calstars, Saturday, 15 March 2008 13:42 (seventeen years ago)

the onion magazine + editorial cartoons are my fav shit now

― and what, Saturday, 15 March 2008 14:13 (seventeen years ago)

Kelly is a genius.

― Bodrick III, Saturday, 15 March 2008 14:37 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/you_know_whats_stupid

One of my fave pieces for a long time, great concept.

― Bodrick III, Saturday, 15 March 2008 14:39 (seventeen years ago)

Bob can go fuck himself for those shoes/boots.

― wanko ergo sum, Saturday, 15 March 2008 17:18 (seventeen years ago)

wow that link is one of the least funny Onion pieces I've read. Diff'rent strokes.

― wanko ergo sum, Saturday, 15 March 2008 17:25 (seventeen years ago)

I think it's funny.

― chap, Saturday, 15 March 2008 17:26 (seventeen years ago)

that craig kilborn bit they did a few months ago (which i conveniently cannot find a link to right now) was one of the best things they've ever done

― the sir weeze, Saturday, 15 March 2008 18:18 (seventeen years ago)

wow that link is one of the least funny Onion pieces I've read. Diff'rent strokes.

-- wanko ergo sum, Saturday, 15 March 2008 17:25

Think it's because this character = almost everybody I work with.

They have trouble understanding complex, intellectual ideas like "Maybe not every problem with the UK today can be blamed on asylum seekers."

― Bodrick III, Saturday, 15 March 2008 20:50 (seventeen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/in_the_know_is_the_government

― C0L1N B..., Saturday, 15 March 2008 21:32 (seventeen years ago)

I think it's funny.

yeah, i like it too. I usually enjoy their "explicitly deconstructing thoughtless everyday habits" bits.

― kingfish, Saturday, 15 March 2008 21:39 (seventeen years ago)

two weeks pass...

Haha this joke would appear to be entirely coincidental, and yet ...

COLUMN: Smoove B signs off -- "Girl, there comes a time when even a strong, well-dressed man must admit defeat."

AMERICAN VOICES TOPIC: "Farmers Planting Less Corn"

― nabisco, Wednesday, 2 April 2008 20:09 (seventeen years ago)

i'm dying here.

― s1ocki, Wednesday, 2 April 2008 20:22 (seventeen years ago)

cherry coke all over my monitor

― balls, Wednesday, 2 April 2008 20:24 (seventeen years ago)

two months pass...

The Onion Movie is surprisingly terrible

― If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport, Monday, 23 June 2008 02:37 (seventeen years ago)

surprisingly

― Hurting 2, Monday, 23 June 2008 02:41 (seventeen years ago)

― J0rdan S., Monday, 23 June 2008 02:42 (seventeen years ago)

Oh, I didn't know we don't like the Onion here anymore.

ILX = It's the British press for your iphone!

― If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport, Monday, 23 June 2008 02:43 (seventeen years ago)

yeah wtf happened with the onion movie. The books were always great.

― Matt Armstrong, Monday, 23 June 2008 03:44 (seventeen years ago)

liking the onion and thinking that "onion: the movie" is a terrible idea are two completely different things. that's probably what Hurting 2 meant since he usually states the obvious, don't act dense and butthurt about it If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport.

― strgn, Monday, 23 June 2008 04:19 (seventeen years ago)

If Assholes Were Butthurt This Place Would Be A Butt Hospice

― s1ocki, Monday, 23 June 2008 04:22 (seventeen years ago)

If arseholes were Robbie Williams's last CD this place would be a road in China.

― moley, Monday, 23 June 2008 04:42 (seventeen years ago)

Onion movie = not actually made by The Onion, who disassociated themselves from it long ago..

― energy flash gordon, Monday, 23 June 2008 05:07 (seventeen years ago)

Ah, I did not know that. Figures...

― If Assholes Could Fly This Place Would Be An Airport, Monday, 23 June 2008 05:33 (seventeen years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obamas_hillbilly_half_brother

― felicity, Wednesday, 13 August 2008 18:02 (sixteen years ago)

lolz "chicken-killing school"

― Shakey Mo Collier, Wednesday, 13 August 2008 18:04 (sixteen years ago)

In the past two weeks, Obama has lost support from such groups as PETA, which withdrew its endorsement when Cooter punched a swan in the face, claiming it was "one of them mean ones"; the Clean Energy Group, which protested Cooter's recent attempt to fry a squirrel in a flaming 20-gallon barrel of diesel fuel; and Sen. John Kerry (D-MA), whom Cooter mistook for an outhouse Monday and urinated on for 35 seconds.

― HI DERE, Wednesday, 13 August 2008 18:08 (sixteen years ago)

one month passes...

Man, the magazine is great sometimes.
http://www.theonion.com/content/magazine/another_small_town_with_fucked

― Everything is Highlighted (Hurting 2), Friday, 10 October 2008 22:46 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_144a.jpg

― Everything is Highlighted (Hurting 2), Friday, 10 October 2008 22:47 (sixteen years ago)

the current print copy full of archival stuff is hilar

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 10 October 2008 22:48 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/DNC_archive.jpg

― Everything is Highlighted (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 October 2008 02:20 (sixteen years ago)

old I know, but it keeps cracking me up

― Everything is Highlighted (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 October 2008 02:20 (sixteen years ago)

This is my favorite this week.

Witnesses said they first detected a difference in McCain's demeanor yesterday, when he paused suddenly in the middle of a speech about Obama's tax policies, shook his head and demanded to know what year it was. Others were reportedly confused when McCain abruptly left the stage to find a mirror and softly touched his face while whispering to himself, "Oh, boy. Who am I this time?"

― crusty but benign (kenan), Wednesday, 15 October 2008 04:25 (sixteen years ago)

QL references get me every time.

― ☑ (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 15 October 2008 04:34 (sixteen years ago)

Ever notice how if you read too much Onion at once, actual news starts to resemble it more and more?

― crusty but benign (kenan), Wednesday, 15 October 2008 04:42 (sixteen years ago)

QL references get me every time.

^^^this

― Johnny Fever, Wednesday, 15 October 2008 04:59 (sixteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_win_causes_obsessive?utm_source=embedded_video

― Dr Morbius, Thursday, 6 November 2008 20:21 (sixteen years ago)

lol, look at who's posting most to ilx about it

― gabbneb, Thursday, 6 November 2008 20:23 (sixteen years ago)

two months pass...

Blagojevich Just Getting Started

January 14, 2009 | Issue 45•03

SPRINGFIELD, IL—Hoo, boy, if you thought Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich had finished soliciting bribes from state officials, shamelessly defying federal investigators, and generally acting like a megalomaniacal lunatic, you'd better think again. The crazy bastard, sources confirmed Monday, is just getting warmed up. "I will not relinquish my position as governor, and I will continue to fight these outrageous allegations," Blagojevich said Tuesday, referring to the multiple counts of fraud and extortion being leveled against him, and hinting at a range of other insanely illegal activities you wouldn't believe if he told you. "I know the good people of the state of Illinois support my complete and total exoneration, and look forward to my possible 2016 presidential bid." As of press time, no one could believe the stones on this guy.

― Eddie Funnie (special guest stars mark bronson), Thursday, 15 January 2009 10:34 (sixteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

the onion is on fire lately...is anyone else noticing this? so fucking funny day in day out. I dream of working there one day.

― Local Garda, Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:05 (sixteen years ago)

omg at this, the magazine is so dope

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_162a.jpg

― special guest stars mark bronson, Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:08 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_143a.jpg

― twitty milk (deej), Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:11 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_145a.jpg

― twitty milk (deej), Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:11 (sixteen years ago)

yeah love those covers...is the mag content all on the website? it seems like it isn't.

― Local Garda, Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:12 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/asian_teen_has_sweaty_middle_aged

^^^is that Martin Jol on the wall?

― Peter Andre Test Tube Babies (DJ Mencap), Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:18 (sixteen years ago)

rush limbaugh?

― Local Garda, Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:19 (sixteen years ago)

Funny as the Japanese girl story is, the merciless dissection of middle-aged losers makes me die a little bit inside.

― This is ILXOR, we do what we like (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:22 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_147a.jpg

― twitty milk (deej), Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:30 (sixteen years ago)

"It's not uncommon for Asian girls to be fascinated with these types of men," said Dr. Yasuhara, who found in a recent survey that three out of 10 Japanese teenage girls list Paul Giamatti as the most attractive American celebrity.

― William Bloody Swygart, Saturday, 31 January 2009 13:40 (sixteen years ago)

http://i72.photobucket.com/albums/i191/fluxion23/Picture1-1.png

― mose def (kenan), Saturday, 31 January 2009 17:32 (sixteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34138

stone classic

― "olympics rings" (special guest stars mark bronson), Saturday, 21 February 2009 09:08 (sixteen years ago)

*forwarding to people I know have a subscription*

― Bad Banana On Broadway (kenan), Saturday, 21 February 2009 12:40 (sixteen years ago)

*pausing, noticing it's 6 years old*

― Bad Banana On Broadway (kenan), Saturday, 21 February 2009 12:43 (sixteen years ago)

*acknowledging its stone-classic status, despite its un-forwardability*

― Bad Banana On Broadway (kenan), Saturday, 21 February 2009 12:46 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/plan_to_start_little_stationery

Didn't even read the story, headline is gold.

― King Boiled Potato (Noodle Vague), Saturday, 21 February 2009 14:05 (sixteen years ago)

I lol'ed on the train home reading this

― Capitaine Jay Vee, Thursday, 5 March 2009 02:20 (sixteen years ago)

err..."reading this on the train home."

― Capitaine Jay Vee, Thursday, 5 March 2009 02:22 (sixteen years ago)

I guess it's not online, but I lol'd like a nut reading the print edition I picked up at the train station that had the headline, "Sasha Obama Keeps Seeing Creepy Bush Twins While Riding Tricycle Through House."

― kenan, Thursday, 5 March 2009 02:24 (sixteen years ago)

Whith a shopped pic of the twins in knee-high socks, with the caption, "The ghostly former first daughters, shortly after a White House elevator reportedly overflowed with cherry daiquiri."

― kenan, Thursday, 5 March 2009 02:26 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/lovecraftian_school_board_member

― Henry Frog (Frogman Henry), Thursday, 5 March 2009 02:56 (sixteen years ago)

"Charles sure likes to bang on that madness drum," fellow school board member Danielle Kolker said. "I'm not totally sold on his plan to let gibbering, half-formed creatures dripping with ichor feed off the flesh and fear of our students.

― Henry Frog (Frogman Henry), Thursday, 5 March 2009 02:57 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_166a_0.jpg

― Bonobos in Paneradise (Hurting 2), Thursday, 5 March 2009 03:05 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_105a.jpg

― Bonobos in Paneradise (Hurting 2), Thursday, 5 March 2009 03:06 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/onionmagazine_archive_152a.jpg

― Bonobos in Paneradise (Hurting 2), Thursday, 5 March 2009 03:10 (sixteen years ago)

Kenan's Bush Twins: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sasha_obama_keeps_seeing_creepy

― •--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Thursday, 5 March 2009 03:12 (sixteen years ago)

It has been good lately. Current issue has lots of good stuff.

― Bonobos in Paneradise (Hurting 2), Thursday, 5 March 2009 03:16 (sixteen years ago)

For my $, they'll never top "Suicide Bomber Killed En Route By Car Bomb"

― Myonga Vön Bontee, Thursday, 5 March 2009 09:36 (sixteen years ago)

Holy shit this ones a punch in the guts

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/son_its_time_we_have_a_talk

― one art, please (Trayce), Thursday, 5 March 2009 10:04 (sixteen years ago)

jesus

― circa1916, Thursday, 5 March 2009 10:08 (sixteen years ago)

That's horrible. Also, important to remember about our new friends and creditors.

― kenan, Thursday, 5 March 2009 10:18 (sixteen years ago)

Man, is it ever not funny, though.

― kenan, Thursday, 5 March 2009 10:18 (sixteen years ago)

Obama Outfitted With 238 Motion Capture Sensors For 3-D Record Of Presidency

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_outfitted_with_238_motion

(there's one missing from the first picture, under his left ribs)

― koogs, Thursday, 5 March 2009 11:52 (sixteen years ago)

http://pitchfork.com/news/34809-billy-corgan-speaks-before-congress/

― and how (omar little), Tuesday, 10 March 2009 22:25 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/stephon_marbury_embroils_celtics

^^^ I bet it was a lot of fun to write this

― iatee, Tuesday, 10 March 2009 22:46 (sixteen years ago)

sports = most constantly good section

― iatee, Tuesday, 10 March 2009 22:47 (sixteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29938?utm_source=most_pop_dugg

― corps of discovery (schlump), Tuesday, 31 March 2009 12:48 (sixteen years ago)

Yeah, that was funny when I read it 12 years ago.

― •--• --- --- •--• (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 31 March 2009 13:54 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/renowned_hoo_ha_doctor_wins_nobel?utm_source=a-section

― bidfurd, Friday, 3 April 2009 22:27 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/hot_new_video_game_consists?utm_source=a-section

― featuring Strawberry and the Shortcakes (Billy Dods), Tuesday, 7 April 2009 17:44 (sixteen years ago)

Bobbie Battista now works for The Onion? (in that clip Billy linked to)

― StanM, Sunday, 12 April 2009 23:49 (sixteen years ago)

Yup, she sure does.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 13 April 2009 00:02 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/pragues_franz_kafka_international

This is my favorite since the schizophrenia one.

― Fetchboy, Monday, 13 April 2009 10:02 (sixteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Auction-Won-fp.frontpage_features_thumbnail.jpg

Auction Won By Crab With $20 Stuck In Claw

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

― EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Wednesday, 29 April 2009 12:15 (sixteen years ago)

ya that was amazing

― s1ocki, Wednesday, 29 April 2009 13:47 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/three_fingered_on_class_trip_to?utm_source=c-section

(lots of great material lately)

― StanM, Saturday, 9 May 2009 09:03 (sixteen years ago)

so perfect that it started as a student paper in madison. even though they're long since huge and located in new york now still it's like a weekly refresher on the town's attitude

― kamerad, Saturday, 9 May 2009 13:48 (sixteen years ago)

four weeks pass...

Besides setting the literary community abuzz, Salinger's decision to come out of seclusion has allowed scholars access to his massive archive of unpublished work for the first time. So far, critics have examined three never-before-seen novels, eight novellas, and more than two dozen short stories—all of which appear to be Terminator fan fiction.

― EMPIRE STATE HYMEN (MPx4A), Monday, 8 June 2009 13:47 (sixteen years ago)

― the England guy that throws the balls (country matters), Monday, 8 June 2009 14:39 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/report_90_of_waking_hours_spent?utm_source=a-section

― chap, Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:51 (sixteen years ago)

It's not funny because it's true

― The "Confirm" button from the hilarious Suggest Ban page (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 18 June 2009 15:53 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/awful_article_large.article_large.jpg

"Wow, this is going to look really candid since I'm always hanging out by scaffolding," says the terrible human being.

― FREE DOM AND ETHAN (special guest stars mark bronson), Monday, 22 June 2009 09:43 (sixteen years ago)

And this headline: 60-Year-Old Hippie Pitied By 40-Year-Old Punk (link). "According to nearby sources, both the 60-year-old hippie and the 40-year-old punk were later pitied by a 30-year-old raver sitting barefoot in the grass."

― sciolism, Monday, 22 June 2009 11:33 (sixteen years ago)

Not brand new, but omg funny.
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_slog_through_40_000

― Hot Heineken (kenan), Monday, 22 June 2009 22:07 (sixteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/gap_unveils_new_for_kids_by_kids

― funky house sceptic system (Curt1s Stephens), Wednesday, 24 June 2009 03:57 (sixteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/obama_axes_pentagon_plan_to_build?utm_source=a-section

― chap, Wednesday, 15 July 2009 17:43 (fifteen years ago)

Well then.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:08 (fifteen years ago)

― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:11 (fifteen years ago)

It's so good. Love the goddamn Onion.

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:26 (fifteen years ago)

amazing!

― Roz, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:33 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/onion/home/elements/4530/middle_china_warning.png
http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/son_its_time_we_have_a_talk

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:40 (fifteen years ago)

Yao Ming, who at 28 will soon be the only active player ever to be inducted into the NBA Hall of Fame, learned to play basketball when he was 3 years old after finding an untamed cobra in the mountains, a cobra of ancient legend whose very breath was poisonous. The cobra was taller than a full-grown tree, and beat Yao in one-on-one basketball competition every day for 19 straight years. Then, the very night before their final game, Yao prayed deeply to his ancestors and ingested more than 20 pounds of Yu Wan Mei fish by-products, and behold! Yao grew three feet while he slept.
Yao beat the cobra 11-0 the following morning, beheaded it with a great spear, fashioned a graceful sailing vessel from its colossal body, and rode this vessel across the Pacific Ocean to play professional basketball in the United States. There, Yao Ming became leader of the Rockets after receiving the Mandate of Heaven from previous team captain Hakeem Olajuwon.
It is worth repeating, sources confirmed, that Tracy McGrady should always pass the ball to Yao Ming.

when these guys do dumb, it is so so beautiful

― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:43 (fifteen years ago)

...and then he swallowed the ocean.

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:45 (fifteen years ago)

the Yu Wan Mei spin-off site is quite something too

― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:47 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.yuwanmei.com/img/yuwanmei_device_large.jpg

― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 22:54 (fifteen years ago)

Code 41-Virtue-00B

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 22:56 (fifteen years ago)

This is kind of a step up for The Onion, I think -- instead of just parodying dumb-ass Americans, they're throwing some poo in a direction that no one else seems to be throwing it. "Hey, guys, let's not forget. China is still pretty fucking evil."

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:00 (fifteen years ago)

They should do way more themed issues.

― Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:06 (fifteen years ago)

Pretty dark, you guys.

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/police_still_searching_for?utm_source=a-section

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:16 (fifteen years ago)

The sheer amount of LOL in this whole project is incredible. (scroll down for the subsidiaries: http://www.yuwanmei.com/products )

― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:17 (fifteen years ago)

For some reason "Hu-Hu Poisonous Treats" just cracked me up.

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:20 (fifteen years ago)

the spoken ad at the end of the "Workers Protest Over-Ventilation Of U.S. Factories" radio bit!

― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:21 (fifteen years ago)

Do not remove the Loyalty Bracelet.

― StanM, Monday, 20 July 2009 23:24 (fifteen years ago)

I love the comments for an article on their Shawn Johnson Put Down After Breaking Leg video:
http://blogs.suntimes.com/sportsprose/2009/06/onions_shawn_johnson_dead_vide.html

― My vagina has a dress code. (milo z), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:27 (fifteen years ago)

loool "I AM CONFUSED.... IS SHE DEAD OR NOT?"

― (I'm white, btw.) (kenan), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:30 (fifteen years ago)

"Wow, this is going to look really candid since I'm always hanging out by scaffolding," says the terrible human being.

This picture is killing me.

― Your heartbeat soun like sasquatch feet (polyphonic), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:33 (fifteen years ago)

That woman-missing video is like the cherry on the icing

― stop envisioning Kristin Scott Thomas with a yeast infection (country matters), Monday, 20 July 2009 23:41 (fifteen years ago)

Funniest racist jokes I've read in literally days!

― Snorks is worst cartoon in america and world plus fuck Snorks (iiiijjjj), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 00:51 (fifteen years ago)

^new ILE handle, thanks mods

― k3vin k., Tuesday, 21 July 2009 01:04 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/american_children_like_me_are

― Not the real Village People, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 22:43 (fifteen years ago)

It's not a coincidence that the Missing Woman story is set in Grand Rapids, MI. I'm just sayin'.

― Like most people my age, I am 33 (Laurel), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 22:46 (fifteen years ago)

have to say I don't find the china stuff hilarious, it is good but I prefer regular onion. I love the onion.

― I for one welcome this new Nazi ILX (Local Garda), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 22:48 (fifteen years ago)

anyone capable of translating 'yu wan mei'?

― thomp, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:00 (fifteen years ago)

'you want me'

― hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:25 (fifteen years ago)

i was hoping for better than that :(

― thomp, Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:28 (fifteen years ago)

my chinese ex told me that "yu wan mei" = "fish meal carbon"

― hallmark race cards (donna rouge), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:41 (fifteen years ago)

and that the text running along the bottom of the andy rooney video is basically total gibberish

― hallmark race cards (donna rouge), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:43 (fifteen years ago)

the only thing about this that is a bit sad is that they're trying to make #fishtime a trending topic on Twitter and it doesn't seem to be working. Pretty crap tag imo. Also wrt that stuff that was in the media earlier this week, or last week, about them being in a bit of trouble this might be like an attention grabbing gambit and that's sad. Some quality material though and nice for a change from usual stuff.

― De Mysteriis Dom Passantino (jim), Tuesday, 21 July 2009 23:45 (fifteen years ago)

There's even a site for the parent company: http://www.yuwanmei.com/

― the kid is crying because did sharks died? (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 22 July 2009 00:12 (fifteen years ago)

鱼完美 = yú wán měi

鱼 = fish
完美 = perfect

fishy perfection!

a chinese translation blog entry about this used the title "Putting the 洋 in 洋蔥," which is... funny

― dylannn, Wednesday, 22 July 2009 03:10 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Sino_American.jpg

― the heart is a lonely hamster (schlump), Thursday, 23 July 2009 13:30 (fifteen years ago)

Okay I gotta give 'em this -- go to the home page and click on the Op-Ed link for this piece:

"The Internet Allows For A Free Exchange Of Unmitigated Information

Dana Lechter"

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 23 July 2009 19:55 (fifteen years ago)

I was waiting for these

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyChinaIssue.jpg

― master of karate and friendship for everyone (musically), Thursday, 23 July 2009 20:52 (fifteen years ago)

i love this one

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyHSReunion.jpg

― master of karate and friendship for everyone (musically), Thursday, 23 July 2009 20:53 (fifteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

TV Listings »
2009 World Series Of Poker
ESPN
10 p.m. EST / 9 p.m. CST
The Vietnamese guy with the upside-down sunglasses won't show his cards, drawing a passive-aggressive rant from the fat Lebanese guy with the headphones.

― William Bloody Swygart, Sunday, 16 August 2009 00:43 (fifteen years ago)

Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care

― depressed is a hugoholic (sciolism), Saturday, 22 August 2009 20:49 (fifteen years ago)

Afterbirthers Demand To See Obama's Placenta

― StanM, Friday, 28 August 2009 15:27 (fifteen years ago)

Ha! I just linked this on Facebook, right before I clicked on this thread. Big lol.

― or have I become completely absurd? (kenan), Friday, 28 August 2009 15:41 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Malpractice.jpg

― peter falk's panther burns (schlump), Friday, 28 August 2009 15:52 (fifteen years ago)

hahahahh

― Mad Men on the BBS (some dude), Friday, 28 August 2009 15:53 (fifteen years ago)

I love the Onion when it's dark. Because it's VERY dark.

― or have I become completely absurd? (kenan), Friday, 28 August 2009 15:59 (fifteen years ago)

Congress Deadlocked Over How To Not Provide Health Care

There tho, they simply do reportage

― Indiana Morbs and the Curse of the Ivy League Chorister (Dr Morbius), Friday, 28 August 2009 16:08 (fifteen years ago)

That's the dark part. :(

― or have I become completely absurd? (kenan), Friday, 28 August 2009 16:12 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/is_using_a_minotaur_to_gore?utm_source=videoembed

― go Nick go! Scrub that paint! Scrub it!! Yeah!! (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 28 August 2009 17:54 (fifteen years ago)

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/south_asia/8237558.stm

Two Bangladeshi newspapers have apologised after publishing an article taken from a satirical US website which claimed the Moon landings were faked.
The Daily Manab Zamin said US astronaut Neil Armstrong had shocked a news conference by saying he now knew it had been an "elaborate hoax".
Neither they nor the New Nation, which later picked up the story, realised the Onion was not a genuine news site.
Both have now apologised to their readers for not checking the story.
"We thought it was true so we printed it without checking," associate editor Hasanuzzuman Khan told the AFP news agency.
"We didn't know the Onion was not a real news site."
The article said Mr Armstrong had told a news conference he had been "forced to reconsider every single detail of the monumental journey after watching a few persuasive YouTube videos and reading several blog posts" by a conspiracy theorist.
"It took only a few hastily written paragraphs published by this passionate denier of mankind's so-called 'greatest technological achievement' for me to realise I had been living a lie," the fake article "quoted" Mr Armstrong as saying.
The made-up quote went on to say that although the journey had felt real, in fact "the entire thing was filmed on a sound stage, most likely in New Mexico".
"I suppose it really was one small step for man, one giant lie for mankind."
'Numerous hits'
The story was published on the Onion's website on Monday and on Wednesday, the Daily Manab Zamin translated it into Bengali, attributing it to the Onion News Network in Lebanon, Ohio. It then ran in New Nation on Thursday.
Daily Manab Zamin, the only tabloid newspaper in Bangladesh, published an apology to its readers on Thursday, saying the report had "drawn a lot of attention".
"We've since learned that the fun site runs false and juicy reports based on a historic incident," it said.
"The Moon landing one was such a story, which received numerous hits on the internet.
"The truth is that Neil Armstrong never gave such an interview. It was made up. We are sorry for publishing the report without checking the information."

― pfunkboy (Herman G. Neuname), Saturday, 5 September 2009 16:32 (fifteen years ago)

ha ha!

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Saturday, 5 September 2009 17:20 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/americans_observing_9_11_by?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

― Like BANG! Bust 'em in the wang like it aint no thang (a hoy hoy), Thursday, 10 September 2009 16:57 (fifteen years ago)

"the fun site runs false and juicy reports based on a historic incident"

thats a rather quaint way of describing the Onion.

― Dearth Disco (Trayce), Thursday, 10 September 2009 23:19 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/next_tarantino_movie_an_homage_to

"I really can't think of another living director who has made as large a contribution to the evolution of world cinema, and I feel it is my duty as a filmmaker to remind people of that."

― A Patch on Blazing Saddles (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 03:15 (fifteen years ago)

LOLLL @ "5,000 great places to spit"

― send a hilarious message or make a "wild" statement (Whitey on the Moon), Tuesday, 15 September 2009 03:23 (fifteen years ago)

Self-Defense Instructor Simulates Attacker Right Down To Erection

― Eugene Sander-Rygar (MPx4A), Wednesday, 16 September 2009 13:45 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/my_living_nightmare_of?utm_source=b-section

― StanM, Friday, 25 September 2009 15:23 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nadir_of_western_civilization_to

WASHINGTON—An international panel of leading anthropologists, cultural critics, biologists, and social theorists announced this week that Western civilization will reach its lowest conceivable point at 3:32 p.m. Friday.
"From the prehistoric Lascaux cave paintings to the stirring symphonies of Mozart to today's hot-dog eating competitions and action films with comical gerbils, culture has descended into a festering pool of mass ignorance," said Yale sociologist Paul Riordan, who has spent his career analyzing western civilization's fall into the depths of depravity. "If our calculations are correct, this complete erosion of all that is enlightened and unique will reach absolute rock bottom on the afternoon of Sept. 25, 2009."
Added Riordan, "It is scientifically impossible for civilization to sink any lower than it will this Friday."
The panel said the upcoming nadir will be precipitated by a string of smaller devastating events.
At 9 p.m. Wednesday the ABC sitcom Modern Family will premiere, marking the least-inspired creative endeavor ever attempted by modern man. This will reportedly be followed at 12:52 p.m. Thursday by the release of a new energy drink marketed exclusively to U.S. troops stationed in Iraq and Afghanistan.
Experts predict that the penultimate catastrophe will occur at approximately 7:15 p.m. Thursday night, when the social networking tool Twitter will be used to communicate a series of ideas so banal they will instantaneously negate the three centuries of the Renaissance.
"The sciences, the arts, the humanities—all aspects of society as a whole will reach their respective low-points in just a matter of days," said anthropologist Robert Davidson, gesturing toward a nearby line graph illustrating western society's collapse. "We've been charting this cultural descent for generations now, from the advent of New Wave music, to the rise of scientific creationism, right through to the trampling death of several Wal-Mart greeters on the morning after Thanksgiving. Everything has been leading up to this Friday."
According to the panel, the final event will occur at 3:32 p.m., when a tourist, believing the impressive structure to be a giant mall, will enter Chicago's Museum of Contemporary Art, and, not finding what he is looking for, ask where "the damn Radio Shack is supposed to be."
The man, dressed in Crocs and sweatpants and determined by researchers to be the final catalyst in humanity's epic downfall, will then loudly expel gas.
"This horrible but inevitable day has been a long time coming," said Davidson, before picking up a black marker and, seemingly without thought or intent, drawing a long, thick phallus on his chart. "And by the looks of things, it's almost here."
Some analysts believe the coming cultural sinkhole—the most intellectually and spiritually degrading moment conceivable by science or philosophy—will signal the end of mankind's decay and lead to a steady upward climb. Still, they warned, the event itself could be catastrophically lowbrow.
"With each passing minute, we're getting closer to a second Dark Ages," said noted art critic Mark Lefevre, tearing out pages from his report, folding each into a paper airplane, and tossing decades of hard work around the room. "Unless something is done to protect what little sophistication and refinement we have left, Western society may soon regress to a point of no return. We need to act, and act fast."
"Come on," added the two-time MacArthur "genius grant" recipient, before stripping down to his undergarments and brandishing an automatic assault rifle. "Let's get 'er done!"
Despite the panel's findings, many are skeptical that humanity will reach its lowest depths on Friday, claiming the humiliations are likely to continue as ever-smaller terrier breeds begin to outsmart their owners, and disgraced former congressman Tom DeLay appears in the new season of Dancing With The Stars.
Most chillingly, many agreed, is that while Michael Crichton's death has been a positive step, Dan Brown remains very much alive.
"We're talking about a society in which the name Newton is now more often associated with a fig-filled dessert than the scientist who revolutionized modern thought," biologist Howard Thurston said. "The human mind is endlessly inventive, and our species will always find new ways to completely discredit and embarrass itself."
As of press time, boobs

― Henry Frog (Frogman Henry), Friday, 25 September 2009 15:34 (fifteen years ago)

omg boobs!

― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Friday, 25 September 2009 15:57 (fifteen years ago)

Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_series_of

― StanM, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 17:05 (fifteen years ago)

The scrolls at the bottom of the newscast are great.

― Bill Magill, Tuesday, 29 September 2009 17:34 (fifteen years ago)

this is great:

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/if_god_had_wanted_me_to_be

― Darin, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 16:19 (fifteen years ago)

that is excellent. almost makes me wish i knew more and not less jane kendrickses, just to maximize the pleasure associated with sending this to them.

― iiiijjjj, Tuesday, 13 October 2009 17:24 (fifteen years ago)

Yeah, that piece is awesome

― kingfish, Wednesday, 14 October 2009 01:32 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_dies_after_secret_4_year

― MPx4A, Monday, 26 October 2009 16:13 (fifteen years ago)

haha man that's great

― President Deez (some dude), Monday, 26 October 2009 16:39 (fifteen years ago)

awesome.

― FC Tom Tomsk Club (Merdeyeux), Monday, 26 October 2009 16:41 (fifteen years ago)

Mrs. Seaborne said she's used most of her husband's life insurance payout to start the David Seaborne Foundation, an organization dedicated to raising awareness of those battling gorillas or other great apes. According to the foundation's website, the growing problem affects one in every 29 million Americans, and one in every 80 Congolese.

― cialis morissette (goole), Monday, 26 October 2009 16:45 (fifteen years ago)

It's in the proud tradition of "Supreme Court Overturns Car".

― MPx4A, Monday, 26 October 2009 16:49 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/michael_vick_fails_to_inspire_team

― cee-u-en-tee (some dude), Monday, 26 October 2009 22:39 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/obamas_declaration_of_swine

― StanM, Wednesday, 28 October 2009 21:03 (fifteen years ago)

lol @ rush limbaugh

― (: (: (: (Curt1s Stephens), Wednesday, 28 October 2009 21:41 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/victim_in_fatal_car_accident

― smashing aspirant (milo z), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 06:25 (fifteen years ago)

"a good friend who hated glenn beck and loved to dance."

my housemate came out of her room and said 'why u be cackling'

― my bach penises and their contrapuntal technique (the table is the table), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 06:31 (fifteen years ago)

The phrase "Supreme Court Overturns Car" makes me laugh every single time I see it.

― adamj, Tuesday, 3 November 2009 10:06 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/united_airlines_exploring

― a 40-foot-long electrified pickle (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 14:31 (fifteen years ago)

HAHAH.

"EMT Craig Anton was first on the scene."
"I jumped out of the ambulance and I ran to the wreckage to make sure that the victim was still breathing or else was Glenn Beck."

― Adam Bruneau, Tuesday, 3 November 2009 17:08 (fifteen years ago)

Hahah yes "radio host Rush Limbaugh, who made a point of dying of the virus during his show on Wednesday" was hilarious.

― i obtain much semillon (Trayce), Tuesday, 3 November 2009 23:27 (fifteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gEyFH-a-XoQ

― Bobby Wo (max), Thursday, 5 November 2009 16:32 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/timeless_masterpiece_liked

― BIG STROON aka the santaclara drug (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 5 November 2009 16:36 (fifteen years ago)

Area Man Passionate Defender Of What He Imagines Constitution To Be

― circa1916, Monday, 16 November 2009 19:18 (fifteen years ago)

The choice of Escondido as the setting = utterly OTM.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 16 November 2009 19:27 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyNewspapers.jpg

― luol deng (am0n), Monday, 16 November 2009 19:32 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Obama_wh.jpg

― Darin, Friday, 20 November 2009 17:24 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/boy_finds_own_real_life_e_t

Love the presenters.

― Not the real Village People, Friday, 20 November 2009 19:44 (fifteen years ago)

My adolescence in a nutshell. (Warning: Plays audio.)

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Friday, 20 November 2009 21:11 (fifteen years ago)

You know, I'm surprised this hadn't been done yet:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_music_snobs_protest

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 23 November 2009 19:28 (fifteen years ago)

haa

― my fave thing to do on the computer is what im doing right now (acoleuthic), Monday, 23 November 2009 19:44 (fifteen years ago)

I saw it earlier but I've been mad busy today

― 9-1 changed everything (DJ Mencap), Monday, 23 November 2009 19:48 (fifteen years ago)

was also prevented by personal wretchedness felt when catching myself thinking 'hmm, I don't really imagine that Sasha Frere-Jones would big up Dream Theater in this situation, somehow'

― 9-1 changed everything (DJ Mencap), Monday, 23 November 2009 19:50 (fifteen years ago)

Every Onion music story must reference Steely Dan now, it's a rule.

― Of course I want frosting. I'm a Scorpio. (kenan), Tuesday, 24 November 2009 00:57 (fifteen years ago)

A small but especially vocal contingent tirelessly lobbied for the inclusion of at least one selection from Steely Dan's 1977 tour de force Aja, preferably the song "Peg."

"Blatantly dismissing what the U.S. government has done to these men is an unconscionable miscarriage of justice," Pitchfork.com contributor Andy Ragazzo said. "I've been here for nearly six hours, and I haven't heard one person other than myself so much as mention the groundbreaking work of minimal techno and microhouse artist Ricardo Villalobos."

"It almost makes me ashamed to be an American," Ragazzo added

OK who's the ILX inside man at the Onion... fess up!

― hulk would smash (Trayce), Tuesday, 24 November 2009 04:24 (fifteen years ago)

the funny thing is that I am one of those music snobs who has complained about the predictable use of metallica to torture prisoners

― berberbrebreerbbrerberereerb (Curt1s Stephens), Tuesday, 24 November 2009 04:29 (fifteen years ago)

Little Bummer Boy

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyXmasDecor.jpg

― Henry Frog (Frogman Henry), Tuesday, 24 November 2009 07:58 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.last.fm/music/Part+Chimp/_/Li%27l+Bummerboy

― 9-1 changed everything (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 24 November 2009 08:05 (fifteen years ago)

I like that the obvious label requires a parenthetical aside.

― Of course I want frosting. I'm a Scorpio. (kenan), Tuesday, 24 November 2009 10:06 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_device_desirable_old_device

― audacity, hubris, overweening pride! (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Friday, 4 December 2009 12:51 (fifteen years ago)

^^ came here to post that; it describes me to a tee -0-

― 囧 (dyao), Tuesday, 8 December 2009 02:21 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_study_reveals_most_children

Heartbreakingly OTM

― You treat your step-mother with respect, Pantera (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 10 December 2009 16:07 (fifteen years ago)

got two onion compilation for christmas, happy days.

― stop grieving, it's only a chicken (darraghmac), Thursday, 10 December 2009 16:08 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/ourannualyear09

loving this whole thing

― super sexy psycho fantasy world (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 18:03 (fifteen years ago)

The one about the Sumerians is killing me.

― just a moonful of sugar (Abbott), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 18:18 (fifteen years ago)

Hahah this is great. The "long elaborate timeline" with "15 year old enlightened by Nirvana" in 100BC and again in 1991.

― millivanillimillenary (Trayce), Wednesday, 16 December 2009 22:15 (fifteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSt1m4NFUl8

― un(!)registered (unregistered), Tuesday, 5 January 2010 23:37 (fifteen years ago)

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian

― StanM, Wednesday, 13 January 2010 14:41 (fifteen years ago)

They're on to ILX: Man Who Enjoys Thing Informed He Is Wrong

― what of the fuck you talkie bout (Pancakes Hackman), Monday, 25 January 2010 16:47 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/as_much_as_i_hated_putting_my

― MPx4A, Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:20 (fifteen years ago)

has everybody seen the dedicated Jean Teasdale site? http://hometowns.cyber-net-village.com/Orlando/7302/Rick/sportzone/misc/folders/Jean/index.php

― Lee Dorrian Gray (J0hn D.), Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:36 (fifteen years ago)

;_;

xpost

― koogs, Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:37 (fifteen years ago)

i went out with jean teasdale in school i think.

― genial anarchy (darraghmac), Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:39 (fifteen years ago)

dog story hits a little too close to the bone to bring the lols. :'(

― FC Tom Tomsk Club (Merdeyeux), Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:43 (fifteen years ago)

(I'm still waiting for my little guy to wake up too.)

― FC Tom Tomsk Club (Merdeyeux), Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:44 (fifteen years ago)

I think we all did, darraghmac.

― dyao, Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:46 (fifteen years ago)

dog story seem mean spirited :(

― dyao, Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:46 (fifteen years ago)

reminds me of that scene in dumb and dumber where they behead the blind girls parrot and put it back on with foil. and the girl just sits there and pets it and waits for it to talk. made me all sad in fifth grade.

― dyao, Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:48 (fifteen years ago)

going out with jean teasdale made me sad in 5th grade

― genial anarchy (darraghmac), Thursday, 4 February 2010 14:53 (fifteen years ago)

that dog story is almost perfect in its commitment to cruel comedy

― PIES! PIES! PIES! PIES! PIES! (HI DERE), Thursday, 4 February 2010 15:25 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/feb-01-2010

Editorial cartoons are back, though this one seems out of character for a true, America-lovin' Dem-hatin' patriot like Kelly.

― a black white asian pine ghost who is fake (Telephone thing), Thursday, 4 February 2010 23:50 (fifteen years ago)

OMG the Jean Teasdale site. I love the URL, that just makes it perfect.

― millivanillimillenary (Trayce), Friday, 5 February 2010 00:20 (fifteen years ago)

Massive Earthquake Reveals Entire Island Civilization Called 'Haiti'

more otm and sad than funny.

― dyao, Friday, 5 February 2010 06:23 (fifteen years ago)

"Allowing gays to serve openly in the Army is a long overdue reform, but it must be accompanied by an assurance that heterosexuals will be able to serve openly in the Navy."

― MPx4A, Friday, 5 February 2010 12:55 (fifteen years ago)

holy lol

NASA Launches David Bowie Concept Mission

― sleepingbag, Monday, 8 February 2010 22:05 (fifteen years ago)

Hahahah @ all the Major toms.

― millivanillimillenary (Trayce), Monday, 8 February 2010 22:11 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/KellyNasaBudget.jpg

― am0n, Monday, 8 February 2010 22:14 (fifteen years ago)

lol @ "'red' alert"

― wall•egina (s1ocki), Monday, 8 February 2010 22:17 (fifteen years ago)

GULP!

― am0n, Monday, 8 February 2010 22:24 (fifteen years ago)

lol @ Spock's boneyness, Kirk's stoutness, and Uhura as Lady Liberty (skirt is too long, though).

― nickn, Tuesday, 9 February 2010 00:37 (fifteen years ago)

liberty's got olive oyl knees!

― international slackness (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Tuesday, 9 February 2010 02:38 (fifteen years ago)

So does Kirk. And so are the elbows and shoulders.

― you gone float up with it (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 9 February 2010 03:56 (fifteen years ago)

Wal-Mart Cuts Over 13,000 Of What It Calls Jobs

― international slackness (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 10 February 2010 11:46 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/Bill-later.jpg

― Darin, Friday, 12 February 2010 19:41 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/20_000_tons_of_pubic_hair_trimmed

― goole, Friday, 12 February 2010 19:43 (fifteen years ago)

i love it when they go gross

― goole, Friday, 12 February 2010 19:43 (fifteen years ago)

"Bzzzzzzzz," he added. "Timber!"

megalols

― you gone float up with it (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 12 February 2010 21:23 (fifteen years ago)

haaa i came to post that magazine cover

― V-E-R-Y (history mayne), Tuesday, 16 February 2010 18:29 (fifteen years ago)

"I'm not going to let corporate America dictate the date or time at which I choose to groom my genitals," said Denver resident Marcus Shannon, adding that Valentine's Day was "invented by the razor industry" to sell grooming devices. "If you really love somebody, you should shave your pubes year-round."

― Jarlrmai, Tuesday, 16 February 2010 18:46 (fifteen years ago)

this made me LOL

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/rise_in_teen_pregnancy_proves

― amuse-douche (s1ocki), Tuesday, 16 February 2010 18:48 (fifteen years ago)

yeah i've had "coming back with so much thunder it's like they never left" as a phrase in my head all day

― V-E-R-Y (history mayne), Tuesday, 16 February 2010 18:49 (fifteen years ago)

I lold at the very NSFW video about the 2am computer virus.

― mayor jingleberries, Tuesday, 16 February 2010 18:55 (fifteen years ago)

lolz: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/latest_sarah_palin_speech_opens

― Neil S, Wednesday, 24 February 2010 16:41 (fifteen years ago)

About right:

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/former_prom_king_now_living

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 24 February 2010 16:45 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/i_bought_an_awesome_gun_that

bunch of NRA guys all going "how did you get my diary"

― MPx4A, Friday, 26 February 2010 14:51 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/files/images/money_0.jpg

― caek, Friday, 26 February 2010 15:54 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/paleontologists_weve_been

― StanM, Saturday, 27 February 2010 22:05 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sierra_leone_diamond_miner

― ('_') (omar little), Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:00 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/senator_dikembe_mutombo_blocks

― FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:05 (fifteen years ago)

this is my favorite onion article in a long time: http://www.theonion.com/content/news/daytime_nighttime_7_11_clerks_have

― Luz, a saucy taco slinger (hmmmm), Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:11 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/denmark_introduces_harrowing_new

― StanM, Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:24 (fifteen years ago)

Tiger Woods article is the best they've done in a long time.

― can it compete with the wagon wheel (Eazy), Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:29 (fifteen years ago)

von trier is awesome; this is also killing it:
http://www.theonion.com/content/video/report_baby_skull_jewelry_may_be

― forksclovetofu, Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:35 (fifteen years ago)

Von Trier ads A+++++++

― FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT! FIST FIGHT IN THE PARKING LOT! (milo z), Saturday, 27 February 2010 23:51 (fifteen years ago)

lolll the club scene

― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Sunday, 28 February 2010 00:00 (fifteen years ago)

it kind of weirds me out how The Onion now has sponsored links to stories on CNN and other legitimate news sources, like i'll look over to the sidebar and think "Death toll in Afghan war nears 1,000...wait that's not funny at all"

― dora the explaro (some dude), Sunday, 28 February 2010 02:56 (fifteen years ago)

http://infinitesummer.org/images/ij_weekender.jpg

― caek, Wednesday, 3 March 2010 21:57 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/breaking_news_some_bullshit (via)

― ksh, Tuesday, 9 March 2010 18:26 (fifteen years ago)

"I'm just some fucking guy."

― Il suffit de ne pas l'envier (Michael White), Tuesday, 9 March 2010 18:31 (fifteen years ago)

"I talked to this random expert on the subject who told me this thing you're about to hear him say right after he points at a piece of paper."

― ksh, Tuesday, 9 March 2010 18:36 (fifteen years ago)

hahaaa

"and free-associate about what's going on"

― mind crystals over matter (rrrobyn), Tuesday, 9 March 2010 18:37 (fifteen years ago)

"this is some footage of congress"
"i can see that"

― max, Tuesday, 9 March 2010 18:40 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/houseguest_just_going_to_lie_there

extra credit for subject's name

― sometimes I feel like throwing my glands up in the air (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 9 March 2010 19:00 (fifteen years ago)

R.I.P.

http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/mytron_the_fifth_illuminati

― StanM, Tuesday, 9 March 2010 19:23 (fifteen years ago)

That houseguest one! A++++

― Not the real Village People, Tuesday, 9 March 2010 19:54 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/u_s_blowjobless_rate_at_all_time

― goole, Tuesday, 9 March 2010 19:59 (fifteen years ago)

looool at bullshit video

I'm an old man so you can trust me!

― noted schloar (dyao), Wednesday, 10 March 2010 01:12 (fifteen years ago)

Hahah that houseguest one is awesome, been there done that (from both sides!)

― ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 10 March 2010 02:02 (fifteen years ago)

TL;DR
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nation_shudders_at_large_block_of

― ABBAcab (Trayce), Wednesday, 10 March 2010 02:03 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/man_on_internet_almost_falls_into

^^ pretty much gets the measure of awe and horror that makes up the internet

― werewolf congress (schlump), Friday, 12 March 2010 13:02 (fifteen years ago)

ROFLMAO@ "That's when I realized the mustard had come between us."

― Fetchboy, Friday, 12 March 2010 13:28 (fifteen years ago)

i have a friend who is exactly like that dude.

― n00b jack city (deej), Sunday, 14 March 2010 21:02 (fifteen years ago)

does he post to the internet about mustard a lot?

― ksh, Sunday, 14 March 2010 21:22 (fifteen years ago)

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

― ksh, Sunday, 14 March 2010 21:25 (fifteen years ago)

The historically fluid blowjob market reached its climax in 1996, when millions of wives and girlfriends vigorously stimulated the privates sector.

thumbs up

― :( (Curt1s Stephens), Sunday, 14 March 2010 21:32 (fifteen years ago)

Well they say that helps it along!

― ABBAcab (Trayce), Sunday, 14 March 2010 21:50 (fifteen years ago)

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

― ksh, Sunday, March 14, 2010 4:25 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont think u get why the article is funny

― n00b jack city (deej), Thursday, 18 March 2010 00:56 (fifteen years ago)

Pope Forgives Molested Children

― ned ragú (suzy), Saturday, 20 March 2010 18:51 (fifteen years ago)

if only they had written that article about music instead of mustard

― ksh, Sunday, March 14, 2010 4:25 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

i dont think u get why the article is funny

― n00b jack city (deej), Wednesday, March 17, 2010 7:56 PM (3 days ago)

explain?

― ksh, Saturday, 20 March 2010 19:19 (fifteen years ago)

it's funny because mustard is a funny word

― iiiijjjj, Saturday, 20 March 2010 19:22 (fifteen years ago)

Boy's Tragic Death Could Have Happened To Any Family With 20-Foot Pet Python

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=he6O9nZ3CZs

A+++ Bone-dry deadpan perfection. "Today Now" is so brilliant.

Someone should put together a DVD set of the best of the ONN. They've completely raised their game since the movie.

― Cricket riding a tumbleweed (Plasmon), Sunday, 21 March 2010 09:38 (fifteen years ago)

^^^ pitch perfect mapping onto of this:

http://abcnews.go.com/Technology/toddler-dies-mistaking-gun-wii-controller/story?id=10056190

― 丫 power (dyao), Sunday, 21 March 2010 09:48 (fifteen years ago)

They've completely raised their game since the movie.

The Onion didn't make The Onion Movie

― parm goin' ham (sic), Sunday, 21 March 2010 10:15 (fifteen years ago)

Hasan, my man, if you don't give me a high five right now, I don't know what I'm gonna do.

― kenan, Sunday, 21 March 2010 10:44 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-government-to-save-billions-by-cutting-wasteful,17171/

― The Reverend, Saturday, 3 April 2010 01:52 (fifteen years ago)

A+! Were they doing real news on April 1st? Sounds quite plausible, tbh.

― StanM, Saturday, 3 April 2010 03:55 (fifteen years ago)

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/1808/Bob-Marley-Jump-C.jpg

― ✌.✰|ʘ‿ʘ|✰.✌ (Steve Shasta), Saturday, 3 April 2010 04:23 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/freakonomist-keeps-close-eye-on-ge-stock-versus-he,17202/

― rip sarah silverman 3/19/10 never forget (history mayne), Monday, 5 April 2010 16:52 (fifteen years ago)

I Won't Have My Daughter Bringing A Black Man Into This House Until I've Tidied Up And Created A Welcoming Environment

― peter in montreal, Wednesday, 14 April 2010 16:07 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/cosmopolitan-institute-completes-decadeslong-study,14257/

― StanM, Wednesday, 14 April 2010 21:14 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-flag-recalled-after-causing-143-million-deaths/

― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 15 April 2010 02:57 (fifteen years ago)

(143 mil a bit low, but nice to see)

― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 15 April 2010 02:58 (fifteen years ago)

oh, this is the correct link:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/us-flag-recalled-after-causing-143-million-deaths,17248/

― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 15 April 2010 02:59 (fifteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

Glee
FOX 9 p.m. EST / 8 p.m. CST
Romance is in the air and that can only mean one thing: GWAR week on Glee.

― Darin, Friday, 7 May 2010 17:15 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/exhausted-noam-chomsky-just-going-to-try-and-enjoy,17404/

― Sweet Sister Raistlin (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 10 May 2010 20:16 (fifteen years ago)

lol x2

― planes/octaves/dimensions of existence (rrrobyn), Monday, 10 May 2010 21:15 (fifteen years ago)

Today, I'm just going to kick back and enjoy some much-needed Noam Time.

― goole, Monday, 10 May 2010 21:16 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/semiliterate-former-gold-prospector-given-own-cabl,17408/

Laughing so hard.

― i would rather burn than spend eternity with god and rapists (chap), Tuesday, 11 May 2010 20:21 (fifteen years ago)

BRILLIANT

― StanM, Tuesday, 11 May 2010 20:46 (fifteen years ago)

oh god, please make that a series

― Sweet Sister Raistlin (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 12 May 2010 06:02 (fifteen years ago)

Someone should just post this on like 75% if the ILM threads.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/not-very-good-album-takes-a-little-while-to-get-in,17425/

― Darin, Friday, 14 May 2010 15:35 (fifteen years ago)

Also this:

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/17433/lumberjack_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

― Darin, Friday, 14 May 2010 15:36 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heckled-christian-rock-band-knows-how-jesus-felt,17446/

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 18 May 2010 17:03 (fifteen years ago)

(when you click the above link and you get an error -> just add the / yourself in the address bar)

― StanM, Tuesday, 18 May 2010 17:34 (fifteen years ago)

That prospector is genius, and not too far removed from reality. Kind of like when Fey played Palin by simply repeating whatever stupid things Palin had said.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 18 May 2010 17:56 (fifteen years ago)

New Social Networking Site Changing The Way Oh, Christ, Forget It

aunched last year, Foursquare is unique in that it not only allows users to broadcast their whereabouts, but also offers a number of built-in incentives, including some innovative new crap The New York Times surely has a throbbing hard-on for.
In fact, why don't we just let them report on this garbage and call it a day?
"Foursquare is a little bit of everything—a friend-finder, a local city guide, an interactive mobile game," said company cofounder Dennis Crowley, as if reading from the same tired script used by every one of these Web 2.0 or whatever-the-fuck-they're-called startups. "But more than that, Foursquare is an [endless string of meaningless buzzwords we just couldn't bring ourselves to transcribe]."

― all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Friday, 21 May 2010 23:31 (fifteen years ago)

zang
i love the times piece at the end

― forksclovetofu, Saturday, 22 May 2010 18:20 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-actually-shouting-at-other-man-to-get-jennifer,17498/

― hope this helps (Granny Dainger), Wednesday, 26 May 2010 01:00 (fifteen years ago)

OK, this, right here, is one of the best Onion articles I've seen, because it makes you want to high five it for laying out for you the reasons something pisses you off that you were never able to clearly orchestrate. Like that last sentence sort of.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-social-networking-site-changing-the-way-oh-chr,17465/

― Evan, Wednesday, 26 May 2010 04:48 (fifteen years ago)

Linked a couple of posts back there...

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 26 May 2010 04:55 (fifteen years ago)

Oh crap I looked right past it. I can always count on you to point out my mistakes, Ned.

― Evan, Wednesday, 26 May 2010 14:14 (fifteen years ago)

God bless the goddamn Onion

― Fetchboy, Monday, 7 June 2010 16:46 (fifteen years ago)

killer final line

― Mark Ronson: "Led Zeppelin were responsible for hip-hop" (acoleuthic), Monday, 7 June 2010 16:49 (fifteen years ago)

http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/17591/Jazz_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

― Darin, Friday, 11 June 2010 18:06 (fifteen years ago)

that's pretty awesome, even though i can't imagine nyt magazine using stock images

― dell (del), Friday, 11 June 2010 22:45 (fifteen years ago)

dont think thats the point

― its like why GROCERY BAG and not saddam? (deej), Saturday, 12 June 2010 17:30 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-grandmother-comes-forward-as-banksy,17604/

― gay sauna manthems (LOLK), Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:42 (fifteen years ago)

dont think thats the point

― its like why GROCERY BAG and not saddam? (deej), Saturday, June 12, 2010 5:30 PM (4 days ago) Bookmark

disagree, seems the true intention of the joke is not lost on dell, in fact if i may be so bold as to suggest that it appears he is a viking at 'getting it'

― del griffith, Wednesday, 16 June 2010 17:55 (fifteen years ago)

obviously its a joke about stock images -- i dont think that means its explicitly parodying the ny mag's use of stock images though

― its like why GROCERY BAG and not saddam? (deej), Thursday, 17 June 2010 05:37 (fifteen years ago)

OK this is weird, I know the guy in this photo!
http://www.theonion.com/articles/eons-of-darwinian-evolution-somehow-produce-mitch,17635

― jaymc, Monday, 21 June 2010 15:59 (fifteen years ago)

(And actually, Mordy does, too. Turns out the photo was taken when he was touring the Onion offices with a group of ¥3$h1v@ students last year.)

― jaymc, Tuesday, 22 June 2010 03:47 (fifteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/

"This is an abhorrent waste of federal funds," Grover Norquist of Americans for Tax Reform said of Obama's May 13 video, timestamp. "How can a man overseeing the largest deficit in history justify spending our hard-earned money on some artsy video of him signing the same bill over and over again for 14 straight hours as the distant sound of children's laughter grows in intensity until it becomes unbearably loud and then the entire thing ends with footage of an atom bomb going off? It's just despicable."

"Do we really want our tax dollars going toward something so clearly derivative of Sadie Benning's early works?" Norquist added.

― C.R.E.P.E (Trayce), Friday, 2 July 2010 03:35 (fifteen years ago)

four weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/video/alqaeda-calls-off-attack-on-nations-capitol-to-spa,17688/

I don't know how old this is but I laughed hard and hearty

― Vlad the Inhaler (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 1 August 2010 22:51 (fourteen years ago)

lol @ "Jennifer Aniston Adopts 33-Year-Old Boyfriend From Africa" in the related vids

― r|t|c, Monday, 2 August 2010 00:01 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/recently-single-al-gore-finally-able-to-listen-to,17824/

― joygoat, Monday, 2 August 2010 15:03 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/florida-marlins-delay-game-until-their-fan-shows-u,17891/

― StanM, Saturday, 14 August 2010 13:12 (fourteen years ago)

CORRECTIONS: Actor Peter Sarsgaard's name was misspelled in a photo caption accompanying a story about the upcoming release of Green Lantern. We were unaware that our readers knew how to spell his name correctly. The Onion regrets the error.

― he's always been a bit of an anti-climb Max (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 20 August 2010 00:37 (fourteen years ago)

Desperate Pandora Employees Scrambling To Find Song Area Man Likes

"It's called 'Steely Dan Radio,' for Christ's sake—why does he keep skipping over Donald Fagen's 'The Nightfly'?"

― diamonddave85, Saturday, 21 August 2010 19:26 (fourteen years ago)

"Here's a guitar. Go write your own damn song, but don't come back crying to us if it sucks."

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Saturday, 21 August 2010 21:25 (fourteen years ago)

Awesome and timely.

Man Already Knows Everything He Needs To Know About Muslims

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/17990/Man-Already-large.jpg
Gentries made a conscious decision to stop learning anything new about the Muslim faith on May 22, 2005.

― Jaw dropping, thong dropping monster (kingfish), Monday, 30 August 2010 18:15 (fourteen years ago)

barely sitirical though :/

― FORTIFIED STEAMED VEGETABLE BOWL (schlump), Monday, 30 August 2010 20:54 (fourteen years ago)

I never liked that damn Tipper Gore - anyone with a name like Tipper must be a bitchtard.

― Latham Green, Tuesday, 31 August 2010 03:03 (fourteen years ago)

lol

http://www.theonion.com/articles/84-million-new-yorkers-suddenly-realize-new-york-c,18003/

― gross rainbow of haerosmith (underrated aerosmith albums I have loved), Friday, 3 September 2010 14:48 (fourteen years ago)

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/6200/NIB-Giuliani-Spotted-R_jpg_630x463_pad-black_upscale_q85.jpg

― caek, Friday, 3 September 2010 14:58 (fourteen years ago)

that article kind of almost made me move yesterday.

― this isn't STRAWBERRY 0_o it's RAWBERRY (forksclovetofu), Friday, 3 September 2010 15:01 (fourteen years ago)

15+ people on my facebook feed all shared it

― max, Friday, 3 September 2010 15:03 (fourteen years ago)

stuff is always less funny when other people find it funny

― max, Friday, 3 September 2010 15:03 (fourteen years ago)

"nobody goes there any more, it's too popular"

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Friday, 3 September 2010 15:05 (fourteen years ago)

lol NYC slideshow

― StanM, Friday, 3 September 2010 15:09 (fourteen years ago)

the funniest quote is Woody Allen's

― kind of shrill and very self-righteous (Dr Morbius), Friday, 3 September 2010 15:10 (fourteen years ago)

Hmmm, where previously there would be one "Continue to The Onion »" advert on first entering the site, I'm now having to click through this on every link to a text article. I understand they need to advertise, but this really annoying. (AV Club is affected by this too).

― Bill A, Thursday, 9 September 2010 10:39 (fourteen years ago)

"IS really annoying".

― Bill A, Thursday, 9 September 2010 10:40 (fourteen years ago)

I clicked the last 5 links above here and did not see this - I'm using Firefox & Adblock Plus

― StanM, Thursday, 9 September 2010 13:57 (fourteen years ago)

Yeah - it's ok again on mine too (Firefox, no Adblock though). Must have been a glitch - every ad was for the Onion Store, and whilst I love the "chocaholic but for booze" t-shirts it was a little grating.

― Bill A, Thursday, 9 September 2010 19:32 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/archaeologists-unearth-lousiest-civilization-ever,18049/

― rhythm fixated member (chap), Saturday, 11 September 2010 15:14 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/guy-carrying-guitar-case-on-elevator-envied-by-eve,18053/

Pay-off line is great.

― Neil S, Sunday, 12 September 2010 12:16 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-more-colleges-offering-dickaround-abroad-pr,18092/

― ljubljana, Wednesday, 22 September 2010 03:29 (fourteen years ago)

Needs to be a prospectus-style promotional video soundtracked by the obvious Sparks song

(youtube probably best not listened to on speakers at work, as if you couldn't guess)

― patapon pataphysics (a passing spacecadet), Wednesday, 22 September 2010 08:48 (fourteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

major lolz

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/18276/onionmagazine_web_4642_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

― Darin, Saturday, 16 October 2010 02:22 (fourteen years ago)

true, except with the letter setting rather than landscape.

― Antoine Bugleboy (Merdeyeux), Saturday, 16 October 2010 02:27 (fourteen years ago)

this week's print edition has an article about a guy bragging about his special biking socks that gets really weird and awesome about 2/3rds of the way through, but it doesn't appear to be on the website?

― congratulations (n/a), Saturday, 16 October 2010 02:31 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cyclist-friend-explains-necessity-of-35-socks,18259/

keep reading

― caek, Wednesday, 20 October 2010 20:12 (fourteen years ago)

ok lol

i started to read that in the paper version the other day and stopped about a third into it because i was like "i get it, cyclists are gear dweebs who believe in special socks" and figured it would do the usual "onion spends a lot of column inches on a joke that works better as a headline" thing

― BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Wednesday, 20 October 2010 20:19 (fourteen years ago)

it took a minute to figure out where it was going.

― Brick Frog! (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 20 October 2010 21:05 (fourteen years ago)

HOLY SHIT at Satra Paich here

― Fetchboy, Wednesday, 20 October 2010 22:07 (fourteen years ago)

haaa

― george pimpton (s1ocki), Wednesday, 20 October 2010 22:09 (fourteen years ago)

Moral of the story: read all of it.

― Pinktits, Wednesday, 20 October 2010 22:29 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obamas-weekly-video-addresses-becoming-increasingl,17649/

― dayo, Tuesday, 2 November 2010 03:17 (fourteen years ago)

he's back!

http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-fears-genetic-modification-cause,18433/

― caek, Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:18 (fourteen years ago)

Yay! "We're gonna resort ta cuttin'"

― A brownish area with points (chap), Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:46 (fourteen years ago)

nvr seen that guy before. amazing.

― rip whiney g weingarten 03/11 never forget (history mayne), Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:48 (fourteen years ago)

Would watch a full length movie about him.

― A brownish area with points (chap), Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:49 (fourteen years ago)

nrq see

http://www.theonion.com/video/old-grizzled-thirdparty-candidate-may-steal-suppor,14264/

― caek, Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:51 (fourteen years ago)

and https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jlJdsX181QU

― caek, Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:54 (fourteen years ago)

and http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-nasa-honeyfuggling-america-with,18140/

― caek, Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:55 (fourteen years ago)

i think that's it

― caek, Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:55 (fourteen years ago)

"She's purty for a chinee"

― A brownish area with points (chap), Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:56 (fourteen years ago)

yeah that's the best one i think

the nasa one has some good lines too

― caek, Wednesday, 10 November 2010 11:58 (fourteen years ago)

I like it when something's funny, but I have no idea why.

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/10451/Craig_jpg_445x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

― Bull fighting, Paris, hunting, suicide (kenan), Friday, 12 November 2010 17:47 (fourteen years ago)

because his name is craig

― irritable bol syndrome (s1ocki), Saturday, 13 November 2010 19:56 (fourteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

My friend came up with this concept, and may have written it, too. It's his first Onion News Network video! Hoorah!

http://www.theonion.com/video/excitement-growing-among-beatles-fans-for-paul-mcc,18590/

― Cunga, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 07:14 (fourteen years ago)

Based on the reaction this is getting already, your friend's done good!

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 13:47 (fourteen years ago)

The only thing that bothered me about that were all the man-on-the-streets had American accents. http://www.macbrosplace.com/wp-content/plugins/yahoo-messenger-emoticons/emoticons/nerd_big.gif

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 15:29 (fourteen years ago)

Fuck you, Macbrosplace! http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gif http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gif http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gif http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gif http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/3818/nerdbig.gif

― Pleasant Plains, Wednesday, 8 December 2010 15:30 (fourteen years ago)

oh my fucking god that $35 socks story made me giggle like a retarded little girl

― irish xmas caek, get that marzipan inta ya (a hoy hoy), Wednesday, 8 December 2010 15:45 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/manmohan-singh-the-first-sikh-prime-minister-ofoka,18629/

― o tannenbaum, o judge (crüt), Thursday, 16 December 2010 19:20 (fourteen years ago)

that craig t. nelson cover is exactly the kind of almost-not-a-joke joke we used to do at the campus weekly I worked for

― mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Thursday, 16 December 2010 20:01 (fourteen years ago)

e.g. we did a cover with the headline "The Reform Party's Quadruple Threat" with pictures of Ross Perot, Pat Buchanan, Jesse The Body Ventura and Balki Bartokamous (I mean it was Bronson Pinchot, but the names read "Perot // Buchanan // Ventura // Bartokamous"

― mandatorily joined parties (Hurting 2), Thursday, 16 December 2010 20:02 (fourteen years ago)

news without mercy
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gnZOCrxzWyU
everything you have been told is a lie; the only truth is here

― kamerad, Monday, 20 December 2010 11:28 (fourteen years ago)

I did like this one.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/jan-brewer-not-afraid-to-do-what-the-federal-gover,18631/?utm_source=recentnews

― Strange Crüt (Trayce), Saturday, 1 January 2011 03:52 (fourteen years ago)

Actually the whole year in review is excellent.

― Strange Crüt (Trayce), Saturday, 1 January 2011 03:53 (fourteen years ago)

tv show is :-/

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, 12 January 2011 05:37 (fourteen years ago)

espn spoof on comedy central

― J0rdan S., Wednesday, 12 January 2011 05:37 (fourteen years ago)

one month passes...

Don't know if this is wrong to laugh at, but loved this:

http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-covers-gathering-of-crying-peopl,18983/

― hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 February 2011 17:40 (fourteen years ago)

NASA Completes 52-Year Mission to Find, Kill God

― Du Musst Calamari Werden (Phil D.), Thursday, 24 February 2011 23:26 (fourteen years ago)

lol^d hard when i saw that

absolutely love, as a journalism major, being able to read this stuff as assignment. totally allowed as well.

― mamma mia pizzeroni (kelpolaris), Thursday, 24 February 2011 23:42 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/honey-im-not-going-to-stand-here-and-debate-the-me,18952/

― Telephoneface (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 25 February 2011 02:06 (fourteen years ago)

i posted about this on ILV earlier but my store made it into the onion this week!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/variety-of-unsustainable-business-models-make-up-e,19261/

― not everything is a campfire (ian), Saturday, 26 February 2011 02:51 (fourteen years ago)

^Seems like one of the more sustainable business models to me, given the neighborhood.

― Josefa, Saturday, 26 February 2011 08:55 (fourteen years ago)

yeah we do fine.

― not everything is a campfire (ian), Saturday, 26 February 2011 19:15 (fourteen years ago)

take out 'extremely hip' and you can attach a picture of any street in manhattan south of harlem

― iatee, Saturday, 26 February 2011 19:20 (fourteen years ago)

lol academy

― bang-proof-bling-mans (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 27 February 2011 00:17 (fourteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

Found via the "Is This Racist?" thread, the real punchline is at the end: http://www.theonion.com/articles/conde-nast-launches-the-new-yorker-for-black-peopl%2C19708/

Industry sources reported that if the magazine is a success, Condé Nast may move ahead with plans for other niche publications, including Kurdish Wired and GQ For Men.

― Ian Curtis danced like a tortured chicken DO U SEE (Phil D.), Thursday, 17 March 2011 16:28 (fourteen years ago)

if i was famous, i would totally do this:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/keira-knightley-answers-fan-letter-way-too-quickly,19733/

― I just want to give a shout-out to Buzzy Beetles (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 17 March 2011 19:06 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/dead-teenager-remembered-for-great-hand-jobs,19356/

― StanM, Thursday, 17 March 2011 19:17 (fourteen years ago)

ouch: http://www.theonion.com/articles/grown-adult-actually-expects-to-be-happy,19442/

― CharlieS, Friday, 18 March 2011 17:24 (fourteen years ago)

Oh man, that autistic reporter at the funeral. So much guilty laughter.

― Pop is superior to all other genres (DL), Friday, 18 March 2011 18:28 (fourteen years ago)

"grown adult" looks like a skinny louis ck

― I just want to give a shout-out to Buzzy Beetles (forksclovetofu), Friday, 18 March 2011 19:19 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/texans-elect-gun,874/

― gr8080, Friday, 18 March 2011 23:13 (fourteen years ago)

xpost ha had the same thought

― CharlieS, Saturday, 19 March 2011 04:50 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorgeous-25yearold-dead-at-79,19809/

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

― Elegant Bitch (Jimmy The Mod Awaits The Return Of His Beloved), Wednesday, 23 March 2011 20:19 (fourteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gop-completely-fixes-economy-by-canceling-funding,19897/

― jay lenonononono (abanana), Tuesday, 12 April 2011 21:42 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/today-now-interviews-the-5yearold-screenwriter-of,20188/

― Darin, Tuesday, 26 April 2011 15:06 (fourteen years ago)

NYT fooled by fake "Tiger Beat" cover from The Onion: http://www.editorandpublisher.com/Headlines/the-onion-fools-the-new-york-times-with-fake-obama-tiger-beat-cover-64875-.aspx

― Paul McCartney and Whigs (Phil D.), Tuesday, 26 April 2011 15:07 (fourteen years ago)

i can't imagine the sense of pride floating around those offices when shit like that happens

― frogbs, Tuesday, 26 April 2011 15:15 (fourteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/budget-mixup-provides-nations-schools-with-enough,20350/

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 May 2011 22:07 (fourteen years ago)

he's back

http://www.theonion.com/video/autistic-reporter-train-thankfully-unharmed-in-cra,20098/

― caek, Wednesday, 11 May 2011 22:16 (fourteen years ago)

― until you can see right thru (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 11 May 2011 22:45 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fiscally-im-a-rightwing-nutjob-but-on-social-issue,20486/

― Neil S, Friday, 20 May 2011 15:14 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/cashstrapped-pbs-releases-nova-special-on-physics,20508/

― StanM, Saturday, 21 May 2011 04:37 (fourteen years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/p4CFW.png

― Princess TamTam, Saturday, 21 May 2011 05:14 (fourteen years ago)

The online reaction to that has been kind of funny. I've noticed that some right-wing folks recognize that it's satire but think it's satirizing Planned Parenthood -- as in, "See, even The Onion thinks Planned Parenthood has gone too far!" Which doesn't really make sense rhetorically, but I can sort of understand how a pro-lifer might accidentally work it out that way.

― jaymc, Saturday, 21 May 2011 06:23 (fourteen years ago)

Or they think that it makes fun of both sides equally, like this guy:

While I think the partial goal is to poke fun at how prolifers supposedly view Planned Parenthood, there's also a good deal that hits abortion clinics like the floor plan where a day care center promises that young children can play "while their unborn siblings are being terminated elsewhere in the facility"

Like, how is that not ALSO poking fun at how pro-lifers view Planned Parenthood?

― jaymc, Saturday, 21 May 2011 06:32 (fourteen years ago)

http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/

― We need to talk about Bevan (DL), Friday, 27 May 2011 09:24 (fourteen years ago)

http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_llkditPaSk1qkt6yoo1_500.jpg

wau

― tamari teenage riot (schlump), Friday, 27 May 2011 09:36 (fourteen years ago)

never work in its satan life and this is why america is being destroyed.

― cee-lo v. city of new london (get bent), Friday, 27 May 2011 09:50 (fourteen years ago)

ahahaha <3 u, internet

― ban drake (the author in the military science fiction subgenre) (history mayne), Friday, 27 May 2011 09:53 (fourteen years ago)

lady's profile pic is very
http://i.imgur.com/Ro7aY.jpg

― circa1916, Friday, 27 May 2011 10:28 (fourteen years ago)

we shouldn't bother masking these idiot's names.

― kate78, Friday, 27 May 2011 11:23 (fourteen years ago)

http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001948873802

― nuclear power, jet propulsion, radar, laser beams, cordless phone (abanana), Friday, 27 May 2011 12:57 (fourteen years ago)

Favorite Teams: Dallas Cowboys
and yeah that is some amazing trollface likealook

― he he he what would i not eat? (forksclovetofu), Friday, 27 May 2011 14:33 (fourteen years ago)

Holy shit her face is identical!

― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Friday, 27 May 2011 14:42 (fourteen years ago)

"We have libertine and degeneratrd the USA."

― LL Coolna (absolutely clean glasses), Friday, 27 May 2011 14:45 (fourteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-just-going-to-grab-guitar-and-old-fourtrack-go,20682/

The extremely convincing audio clip is what really makes it.

― hated old moniker, too tired to think of a clever new one (Hurting 2), Sunday, 12 June 2011 03:42 (fourteen years ago)

The story of my life

― coffeetripperspillerslyricmakeruppers (Latham Green), Sunday, 12 June 2011 03:50 (fourteen years ago)

I like the chord progression a tiny bit. Am I doomed? Snare drum is the most hilarious detail.

― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Sunday, 12 June 2011 03:55 (fourteen years ago)

Well it couldn't be simpler so I think that makes it alright.

― Wacky Way Lounge (Evan), Sunday, 12 June 2011 03:59 (fourteen years ago)

Man Just Going To Grab Guitar And Old Four-Track, Go Out To Cabin In Woods, Make Shittiest Album Anyone's Ever Heard

is this about Bon Iver

― Concierto Para Bongo (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Sunday, 12 June 2011 04:45 (fourteen years ago)

Oh wait it kinda is obliquely NEVER MIND

― Concierto Para Bongo (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Sunday, 12 June 2011 04:55 (fourteen years ago)

wanted to post it in US Politics, because hey, what couldn't happen. then i realized...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/tim-pawlenty-shaves-off-every-hair-on-his-body-in,20730/

― whenever the vein was to throb (the table is the table), Wednesday, 15 June 2011 16:43 (fourteen years ago)

The Onion OTM.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-massive-wildfires-geopolitical-crises-aids,20830/

― StanM, Monday, 20 June 2011 16:38 (fourteen years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GoeCV8QBax0

― all the pretty HOOSes (gbx), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 01:37 (fourteen years ago)

forbeck
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v9nG5D3iFb8

― reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 13:22 (fourteen years ago)

afashb

― reggie (qualmsley), Tuesday, 21 June 2011 13:27 (fourteen years ago)

one month passes...

Al-Qaeda Claims U.S. Mass Transportation Infrastructure Must Drastically Improve Before Any Terrorist Attacks

― The Reverend, Friday, 29 July 2011 06:28 (thirteen years ago)

i loved this: http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/manager-pitcher-go-through-entire-bottle-of-wine-d,20983/

― shannon goon (symsymsym), Friday, 29 July 2011 08:02 (thirteen years ago)

I drift in and out of noticing them, but they seem to be on a roll lately.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-turns-50-despite-republican-opposition,21061/

― something of an astrological coup (tipsy mothra), Friday, 5 August 2011 00:10 (thirteen years ago)

lol

― Artist TamTran (brownie), Friday, 5 August 2011 00:47 (thirteen years ago)

Scientists Trace Heat Wave To Massive Star At Center Of Solar System

― peter in montreal, Monday, 8 August 2011 15:57 (thirteen years ago)

fuck is this fucking paywall bullshit my life is ruined /canadian

― shannon goon (symsymsym), Tuesday, 9 August 2011 02:24 (thirteen years ago)

incognito mode

― caek, Tuesday, 9 August 2011 02:30 (thirteen years ago)

whoa. thx dude

― shannon goon (symsymsym), Tuesday, 9 August 2011 02:36 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/visa-exposed-as-massive-credit-card-scam,21136/

― StanM, Monday, 15 August 2011 19:29 (thirteen years ago)

<3 this oldie

http://www.theonion.com/articles/just-wait-til-i-get-these-fucking-rubber-bands-off,10678/

― cloud computing, robotics, 3G wireless connectivity, Skype, (history mayne), Tuesday, 16 August 2011 11:12 (thirteen years ago)

So you have to PAY MONEY to read the Onion now. Golden age of the net is over.

― Inevitable stupid samba mix (chap), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 06:53 (thirteen years ago)

five posts up

― Ellen Allien ... in my urethra? (sic), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:18 (thirteen years ago)

what are you people talking about - everything loads as usual for me

― pathos of the unwarranted encore (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:22 (thirteen years ago)

there was a great one a few months ago titled 'NYTimes.com's Plan To Charge People Money For Consuming Goods, Services Called Bold Business Move' so

― creatively bankrupt newish posters whose dns are just lil b puns (history mayne), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:25 (thirteen years ago)

i think there's a us/outside of us thing at the mo, but you get a window saying you've had your fill of free news after a certain point i think. & then you can just refresh & keep reading?, idk

― (using no way as way) (schlump), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:26 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nytimescoms-plan-to-charge-people-money-for-consum,19847/

still not seen the afforementioned window, but maybe the modifyHeaders fix for getting to see the daily show from the uk works for this too...

― koogs, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:30 (thirteen years ago)

"If this fails, I'd honestly rather The New York Times not exist in a world where people are unwilling to pay the price of a fucking movie ticket for a monthly online subscription."

― koogs, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:30 (thirteen years ago)

& then you can just refresh & keep reading?, idk

5 pages per month, then it pops up a "cough up or fuck off" screen blocking everything on the page

― Ellen Allien ... in my urethra? (sic), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:42 (thirteen years ago)

I just clicked on 8 or 9 pages on onion.com in a row and it hasnt done that to me.

― Silent Hedgehogs (Trayce), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:50 (thirteen years ago)

it happened to me

― creatively bankrupt newish posters whose dns are just lil b puns (history mayne), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 11:52 (thirteen years ago)

it's already been mentioned upthread, but opening onion pages in incognito mode will get you around the "cough up or fuck off" screen

― peter in montreal, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 13:23 (thirteen years ago)

how might one do that?

― creatively bankrupt newish posters whose dns are just lil b puns (history mayne), Tuesday, 23 August 2011 13:32 (thirteen years ago)

put on trilby, dark glasses, turn up coat collar

― ledge, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 13:38 (thirteen years ago)

it's a browser option. Start Private Browsing in firefox.

― koogs, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 14:13 (thirteen years ago)

(it's even been advertised on the tv, at christmas as part of the windows 7 thing, a bloke using private mode to order wife's christmas presents)(also known as Porn Mode)

― koogs, Tuesday, 23 August 2011 14:14 (thirteen years ago)

or you can block onion cookies

― caek, Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:25 (thirteen years ago)

how might one do that?

― some jock-bully out to take down the hipsters (history mayne), Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:35 (thirteen years ago)

what browser/os do you use?

― caek, Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:35 (thirteen years ago)

safari

― some jock-bully out to take down the hipsters (history mayne), Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:36 (thirteen years ago)

i don't think you can block cookies by site in safari

i would just stick to porn mode ("private browsing" under the safari menu)

― caek, Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:38 (thirteen years ago)

thankig u

― some jock-bully out to take down the hipsters (history mayne), Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:39 (thirteen years ago)

or after you've reached your 5 article limit, preferences > security and then search for "onion" and delete anything that comes up. that's a bit tedious, but it should reset the count.

― caek, Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:39 (thirteen years ago)

oh great now only nerds will read the onion!

― Kerm, Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:40 (thirteen years ago)

idk im OBVIOUSLY not a nerd bc i had to ask my lab partner to explain it to me

― some jock-bully out to take down the hipsters (history mayne), Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:41 (thirteen years ago)

it's the same trick that works with the NYT

presumably someone will make it more user friendly with something like http://euri.ca/2011/03/get-around-new-york-times-20-article-limit/

― caek, Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:43 (thirteen years ago)

this is part of a new initiative to combat massive email traffic resulting from exasperated aunts forwarding Onion articles they think are real news.

― Kerm, Wednesday, 24 August 2011 12:44 (thirteen years ago)

lol: http://www.theonion.com/articles/failing-us-economy-no-reason-at-all-to-stop-invest,21251/

― sktsh, Friday, 2 September 2011 13:56 (thirteen years ago)

for the final punchline
http://www.theonion.com/articles/circus-train-wreck-not-funny-investigators-emphasi,21252/

― thank got forks showed up (forksclovetofu), Friday, 2 September 2011 14:32 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/aide-interrupts-event-to-inform-bush-about-10th-an,21330/

― shake it, shake it, sugary pee (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Sunday, 11 September 2011 20:46 (thirteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

ongoing twitter congressional hostage crisis is p lol

― ice cr?m, Thursday, 29 September 2011 18:47 (thirteen years ago)

TheOnion The Onion
Reports from those who know Congress say the legislative body had seemed desperate as of late #CongressHostage
1 hour ago

― ice cr?m, Thursday, 29 September 2011 18:47 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.slate.com/blogs/weigel/2011/09/29/don_t_panic_capitol_police_investigating_onion_stunt.html

― ice cr?m, Thursday, 29 September 2011 19:14 (thirteen years ago)

Note to Capitol Police,Jim Demint, etc...:

If you don't get satire, it's 'cause you are fucking idiots

― What does one wear to a summery execution? Linen? (Michael White), Thursday, 29 September 2011 19:45 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/historians-politely-remind-nation-to-check-whats-h,26183/

this is brilliant

― Dios mio! This kid is FUN to hit! (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 29 September 2011 19:54 (thirteen years ago)

Protip: paywall can be avoided by using Opera or whichever other browser you use that disables stylesheets on command. I disable when the ad comes up, can read full article.

― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Thursday, 29 September 2011 19:58 (thirteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/this-sure-is-a-spooky-time-for-the-economy,26442/

― wrestlingisreal420 (crüt), Tuesday, 25 October 2011 18:01 (thirteen years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/video/celebrity-chef-ted-allen-cooks-his-favorite-preten,26571/

― bear has little fear of hades (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 9 November 2011 10:26 (thirteen years ago)

is it just me or has the website itself (not the content) gone totally to shit? i'm not just annoyed with the out-of-US paywall, but stuff like headlines on the front page that lead to pages like this:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/harleydavidson-jack-daniels-to-collaborate-on-felo,26569/

feels like some SEO/efficiency "expert" has taken over the site or something

― the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Wednesday, 9 November 2011 14:53 (thirteen years ago)

i mean that is just pointless and looks like garbage

― the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Wednesday, 9 November 2011 14:54 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-it-all-some-kind-of-sick-joke,26592/

xpost: some headlines are just telex style one-liners, that's the "newswire" section

― StanM, Thursday, 10 November 2011 21:29 (thirteen years ago)

The magazine is consistently my favorite thing in the Onion.

― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Thursday, 10 November 2011 21:47 (thirteen years ago)

two months pass...

Man Breaks Neck, Both Arms In Attempt To Take Off Jacket In Car

― caek, Tuesday, 24 January 2012 17:49 (thirteen years ago)

lol i nearly did that an hour ago

― summer sun, something's begun, but uh-oh those tumblr whites (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 24 January 2012 18:01 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-pins-up-guitar-lesson-flyers-on-white-house,27148/

another hesher biden bit

― Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Tuesday, 24 January 2012 18:24 (thirteen years ago)

Scientists: 'Look, One-Third Of The Human Race Has To Die For Civilization To Be Sustainable, So How Do We Want To Do This?'

― You got to ro-o-oll me and call me the tumblr whites (Phil D.), Thursday, 26 January 2012 15:31 (thirteen years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/CQorc.png

and more

― radiant silverfish (diamonddave85), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 21:08 (thirteen years ago)

yes!

http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-immigrants-who-survive-arizona-d,27376/

― caek, Wednesday, 15 February 2012 14:02 (thirteen years ago)

Next politics thread should be named "Congrass: A Rancid Cunt"

― joygoat, Wednesday, 15 February 2012 17:22 (thirteen years ago)

got more american in em than these quimboys in congress

― caek, Wednesday, 15 February 2012 17:27 (thirteen years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/spike-lee-tweets-wrong-george-zimmermans-address,27797/

third one

― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Friday, 30 March 2012 21:43 (thirteen years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/roger-goodell-tells-junior-seaus-family-to-throw-b,28157/

― ♆ (gr8080), Friday, 11 May 2012 20:36 (thirteen years ago)

http://www.bizjournals.com/houston/blog/drilling-down/2012/05/houston-pr-pro-contemplates-the.html?page=all

When a colleague forwarded a story to me under the headline, “Fracking Industry Now Largest Employer of Recent PR Graduates,” I was intrigued, mostly because the oil and gas sector isn’t known for its proactive public relations strategies.
Perhaps such an embrace wouldn’t be a bad idea, but it turns out it’s not one rooted in reality. Scrolling down to find the source of the story, I saw that it was The Onion, a parody news site.

― ♆ (gr8080), Wednesday, 16 May 2012 01:36 (thirteen years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/physicists-discover-our-universe-is-fictional-sett,28429/

― Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 6 June 2012 17:41 (thirteen years ago)

this may be some kind of first?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nude-man-who-locked-self-out-of-house-delivers-mov,28439/

2nd pic on this, in the print version: penis

― goole, Wednesday, 13 June 2012 00:57 (thirteen years ago)

one month passes...

Luvvvv

http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-year-volunteering-as-a-teacher-helped-educate-a,28803/

― scott seward, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 00:47 (twelve years ago)

onion otm

― Will Chave (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 03:15 (twelve years ago)

reminds me of one of my favorites:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nigeria-may-be-a-developing-nation-but-it-is-rich,11539/

― Will Chave (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 03:20 (twelve years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/articles/in-1992-green-day-only-made-100-a-night,83005/

― kate78, Thursday, 26 July 2012 22:10 (twelve years ago)

But...that's real.

Then again, this is definitely real:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/horrible-couple-really-wants-wedding-to-reflect-th,28924/

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 26 July 2012 22:11 (twelve years ago)

Luvvvv

http://www.theonion.com/articles/my-year-volunteering-as-a-teacher-helped-educate-a,28803/

― scott seward, Tuesday, July 17, 2012 7:47 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is so fucking OTM it kills.

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 26 July 2012 22:23 (twelve years ago)

"...and fucking mason jars"

― diamonddave85, Thursday, 26 July 2012 22:31 (twelve years ago)

"forcibly lighthearted"

so much of what I hate about (certain corners of) SF in two words

― hot slag (lukas), Thursday, 26 July 2012 23:01 (twelve years ago)

two weeks pass...

'sex house' is incredible

― johnny crunch, Saturday, 11 August 2012 21:33 (twelve years ago)

Completely agree, love the way it is slipping into No Exit territory.

― I dont even know that I think this sucks per se (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 12 August 2012 00:35 (twelve years ago)

haha wow, i hadn't noticed the existence of "Sex House" but it is pretty amazing just in terms of convincing parody, all the stupid editing details and acting tics are just dead-on.

― Doctor Casino, Sunday, 12 August 2012 14:05 (twelve years ago)

forks otm
I was not expecting half the humor to come from the house itself being a malfunctioning hellscape
I think the hardest lol for me was the host rebuffed the 'indie' girl and then said he was asexual

― drawings by teen cultists (Crabbits), Sunday, 12 August 2012 19:11 (twelve years ago)

the banana contest was incredibly dark and funny too

― drawings by teen cultists (Crabbits), Sunday, 12 August 2012 19:11 (twelve years ago)

there really are 5 episodes btw

― get you ass to mahs (abanana), Sunday, 12 August 2012 19:27 (twelve years ago)

I'VE DRAWN THE MUSLIM PROPHET MUHAMMAD ON MY FOREHEAD

― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Sunday, 12 August 2012 20:18 (twelve years ago)

otm

― johnny crunch, Sunday, 12 August 2012 20:21 (twelve years ago)

76.

Completely agree, love the way it is slipping into No Exit territory.

Thinking it'll probably end more like "I Have No Mouth, and I Must Scream" or, on a happier note, The Holy Mountain.

― Michael Daddino, Sunday, 12 August 2012 21:07 (twelve years ago)

right now its salo

― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Sunday, 12 August 2012 22:01 (twelve years ago)

desperate 'indie girl' is pitch perfect btw

― kanye shiwen (dayo), Monday, 13 August 2012 02:10 (twelve years ago)

also love the part in the first ep when tara is hugged by her two roommates and her eyes just stare straight ahead

― kanye shiwen (dayo), Monday, 13 August 2012 02:11 (twelve years ago)

New episode up.

― Fetchboy, Thursday, 16 August 2012 23:12 (twelve years ago)

omg this is painfully funny

― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Thursday, 16 August 2012 23:52 (twelve years ago)

i hope settlers of catan will feature prominently in some major plot twist

― Philip Nunez, Friday, 17 August 2012 00:53 (twelve years ago)

Just burned through all six eps of Sex House. Brilliant.

― Johnny Fever, Friday, 17 August 2012 01:56 (twelve years ago)

the malnourishment make-up is a nice touch

― obliquity of the ecliptic (rrrobyn), Friday, 17 August 2012 02:51 (twelve years ago)

low hanging fruit but it worked for me
http://www.theonion.com/articles/phelps-drowns,29059/

― "Batshit crazy," the foam clog tycoon said. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 17 August 2012 15:53 (twelve years ago)

wow holy shit sex house. I guess there are five eps up now? It gets kind of sickening, like I don't even know if I want to watch anymore.

― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Saturday, 18 August 2012 03:19 (twelve years ago)

oh, six eps, nm. Is that it or are they making more?

― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Saturday, 18 August 2012 03:19 (twelve years ago)

it's kind of amazing in a way that goes beyond Onion style at this point; it's more like a fringe festival play or something

― bert yansh (Hurting 2), Saturday, 18 August 2012 03:21 (twelve years ago)

I assume more Sex House eps are coming (there are teasers for the next one at the end of #6).

― Chick-on-Chick-fil-A (Johnny Fever), Saturday, 18 August 2012 03:42 (twelve years ago)

dark!

― Mordy, Saturday, 18 August 2012 04:30 (twelve years ago)

Here's the convenient playlist, btw: http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL622682EF88B3C077

― Chick-on-Chick-fil-A (Johnny Fever), Saturday, 18 August 2012 04:32 (twelve years ago)

i wonder if the series is sponsored by settlers of catan because the name isn't obscured like twister is.

― Philip Nunez, Saturday, 18 August 2012 04:34 (twelve years ago)

it should be a real tv show, i can't really think of a faux-reality show in its vein that's so good; there's obviously like the office at a tangent from that concept but playing with the archetypes of contestants is so funny.

― very sexual album (schlump), Saturday, 18 August 2012 11:07 (twelve years ago)

burning love is pretty funny

― Mordy, Saturday, 18 August 2012 15:33 (twelve years ago)

I stand by my original post/thread title:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-misspokewhat-i-meant-to-say-is-i-am-dumb-as-dog,29256/

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 21 August 2012 01:26 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/pregnant-woman-relieved-to-learn-her-rape-was-ille,29258/

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 21 August 2012 01:41 (twelve years ago)

Yeah both those were an impressive one-two punch.

― frances boredom coconut (Trayce), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 01:57 (twelve years ago)

Love it when the Onion goes real, real dark

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 02:41 (twelve years ago)

well played

― "Batshit crazy," the foam clog tycoon said. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 03:35 (twelve years ago)

the needy indie girl is killing me

― mellow, groovy, chilled out, cool (k3vin k.), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 04:04 (twelve years ago)

Guilty lols.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ugandan-powerball-jackpot-hits-31-grains-of-rice,29208/

― nickn, Tuesday, 21 August 2012 05:08 (twelve years ago)

reminds me of this

― ljubljana, Tuesday, 21 August 2012 21:13 (twelve years ago)

am I the only person who thinks the "what I really meant to say..." article wasn't funny at all?

― LeAnn Grimes (crüt), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 21:45 (twelve years ago)

it is about as funny as those articles M4rc L0i wrote for The Spoof

― LeAnn Grimes (crüt), Tuesday, 21 August 2012 21:52 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/holy-shit-i-just-realized-people-want-to-kill-my-d,28891/
^missed this earlier

― "Batshit crazy," the foam clog tycoon said. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 22 August 2012 03:43 (twelve years ago)

dark dark dark hilarity
http://onion.com/NEz69k

― for reasons of sass (the table is the table), Wednesday, 22 August 2012 18:27 (twelve years ago)

NEW EPISODE OF SEX HOUSE OH JESUS GOD OH GOD.

― Three Word Username, Thursday, 23 August 2012 19:05 (twelve years ago)

the frog special effects on this are so great

― very sexual album (schlump), Thursday, 23 August 2012 19:23 (twelve years ago)

sexy game of settlers of catan!

― get you ass to mahs (abanana), Thursday, 23 August 2012 20:46 (twelve years ago)

jesus, this got darker than i would've guessed

― "Batshit crazy," the foam clog tycoon said. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 23 August 2012 21:17 (twelve years ago)

ahahaha, mannnn, this is really chugging along nicely. "Those days are just lost to me."

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 23 August 2012 21:54 (twelve years ago)

"sex house" deserves its own thread, frank deserves an emmy

― Guayaquil (eephus!), Friday, 24 August 2012 15:11 (twelve years ago)

/!\~incoming sext~/!\ thread of sex house

― johnny crunch, Friday, 24 August 2012 15:14 (twelve years ago)

I don't know if I can sit through the rest of it. My wife already bowed out.

― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 24 August 2012 15:38 (twelve years ago)

Cloudy drink kills frog: the Onion's "Sex House"

― Three Word Username, Friday, 24 August 2012 16:08 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-celebrates-full-week-without-deadly-mass-sh,29293/

― Three Word Username, Friday, 24 August 2012 17:19 (twelve years ago)

uh...

― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 24 August 2012 18:20 (twelve years ago)

UPDATE: Never Mind

― your native bacon (mh), Friday, 24 August 2012 19:22 (twelve years ago)

Whenever a news item says "this sounds like something straight from The Onion", it rarely actually does.

― Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 00:05 (twelve years ago)

They are kicking arse with the dark satire recently, its amazing. The video one of the astronauts dying a "painful high pitched death" choking on helium was just... jesus christ.

― frances boredom coconut (Trayce), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 00:09 (twelve years ago)

Somehow I had never seen this:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/shaq-misses-entire-second-half-with-pulled-pork-sa,2895/

― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 4 September 2012 18:21 (twelve years ago)

Ten episodes of the 60's Batman show

http://www.avclub.com/articles/10-episodes-that-find-the-60s-batman-at-its-campy%2C84592/

Philip Baker Hall on playing Seinfeld's "Bookman"

http://www.avclub.com/articles/10-episodes-that-find-the-60s-batman-at-its-campy%2C84592/

God bless the AV club.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 6 September 2012 16:32 (twelve years ago)

Bookman link: http://www.avclub.com/articles/philip-baker-hall-on-the-chicago-8-seinfeld-and-pa,84611/

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 6 September 2012 17:53 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/911-truther-convinced-government-destroyed-past-11,29520

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 11 September 2012 17:18 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-murdered-because-of-this-image,29553/

loooooool

― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 14 September 2012 00:48 (twelve years ago)

LOOOOOOOOOOL

― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 14 September 2012 00:49 (twelve years ago)

That is beautiful.

― This Whole Fridge Is Full Of (Old Lunch), Friday, 14 September 2012 01:22 (twelve years ago)

And yet ... Mohammed conspicuously absent from the fray.

― Josh in Chicago, Friday, 14 September 2012 01:30 (twelve years ago)

it's almost as if...that's the point of the fucking story

― balls, Friday, 14 September 2012 01:32 (twelve years ago)

lol balls!

― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 14 September 2012 01:32 (twelve years ago)

Oh, I get it now.

― Josh in Chicago, Friday, 14 September 2012 01:48 (twelve years ago)

hahahaha

― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Friday, 14 September 2012 02:51 (twelve years ago)

Theyre on fucking fire lately:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/googles-911-homepage-design-stirs-controversy,29524/

― frances boredom coconut (Trayce), Friday, 14 September 2012 03:06 (twelve years ago)

ganesh some

― mookieproof, Friday, 14 September 2012 03:48 (twelve years ago)

is it just me or have they been really daring lately?

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 14 September 2012 10:44 (twelve years ago)

I think a lot of this is angry writers who didn't make the move to Chicago and figure their days are numbered, so why not go for it?

― Three Word Username, Friday, 14 September 2012 10:46 (twelve years ago)

I think the angry Onion writers who did not make the move are no longer writers.If anything, maybe it's an attention getting move from the writers who did make the move, as well as the new writers the old, ex writers prematurely denigrated.

― Josh in Chicago, Friday, 14 September 2012 14:03 (twelve years ago)

I kinda feel like its a cyclical thing with The Onion, they get kinda stale for awhile and then every so often they'll unleash a string of stuff that pushes the limits.

― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Friday, 14 September 2012 14:06 (twelve years ago)

that sounds right

― This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 14 September 2012 16:47 (twelve years ago)

what is this move you speak of?

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 14 September 2012 19:44 (twelve years ago)

the onion moved their editorial offices to chicago (where their corporate hq has been for some time) this summer

http://www.theatlanticwire.com/business/2012/03/onions-bumpy-ride-chicago/50149/

― 1staethyr, Friday, 14 September 2012 19:51 (twelve years ago)

1 group that hasn't moved yet: video. that move is going to happen, though. enjoy sex house while you've got it.

― hot slag (lukas), Friday, 14 September 2012 22:29 (twelve years ago)

It ended yesterday, so perfect timing!

― Johnny Fever, Friday, 14 September 2012 22:32 (twelve years ago)

Although the video dept. was still based in NY at the time, Sex House was shot in Chicago with Chicago actors. So you neeeever knoooooow.

― Old Lunch, Friday, 14 September 2012 22:47 (twelve years ago)

ohhh

― hot slag (lukas), Friday, 14 September 2012 22:51 (twelve years ago)

where had they been located?

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 14 September 2012 23:26 (twelve years ago)

When the sex house writers were on reddit they were saying they'd been onion writers for a while who didn't want to move to Chicago and wouldn't be doing so. I think normal onion video (the spoof news and sport stuff) has all moved to chicago, but the 'onion digital studios' stuff like sex house is funded by youtube and will be staying in nyc?

― sktsh, Sunday, 16 September 2012 17:29 (twelve years ago)

Surprised me that they're not still in Madison, actually!

― Doctor Casino, Monday, 17 September 2012 03:24 (twelve years ago)

The Onion is in the midst of the biggest upheaval in the newspaper's 24-year history.

Holy shit, I feel really old. 24 years!?

― frances boredom coconut (Trayce), Monday, 17 September 2012 04:21 (twelve years ago)

yeah`, onion for me has always been a madison thing. feel good about them moving back to the midwest.

― how's life, Monday, 17 September 2012 11:58 (twelve years ago)

xpost

If it helps, The Onion was largely a local phenomenon for the first half of its existence. It wasn't until the implementation of the website and mass distribution around the turn of the century that the world-at-large knew anything about it.

― Old Lunch, Monday, 17 September 2012 12:16 (twelve years ago)

think the "creative economy," to use a loathsome but I hope descriptive term, is much stronger if everybody isn't operating out of the same town

― Inconceivable (to the entire world) (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Monday, 17 September 2012 12:53 (twelve years ago)

I got into it through my brother in the mid-to-late-90s, but he had been in college (in Georgia) and presumably it had a decent college-town alt-weekly type circulation. I remember he had the one with "Christ Returns to NBA," which is dated 1996. So it was a "thing" before the internet although obviously it's way way bigger now.

― Doctor Casino, Monday, 17 September 2012 13:13 (twelve years ago)

I first discovered it when I started my freshman year at Illinois in 1994, with one of my all-time favorite covers with the Thompson Changes Title from 'Governor' to 'Sexecutioner' with an awesome cust and paste job showing Wisconsin Governor Tommy Thompson in full S&M gear.

― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 17 September 2012 13:31 (twelve years ago)

96 was around when their website started - I'm pretty sure I remember that headline (though I may have been backtracking)

― Andrew Farrell, Monday, 17 September 2012 13:34 (twelve years ago)

Yeah, when they started the website they put up a lot of their old covers. I'm 99% sure that was from the fall of '94 because I remember my roommate's mom getting offended upon seeing it up in our floor lounge.

― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 17 September 2012 13:36 (twelve years ago)

Ah no sorry, I meant "Christ Returns to NBA" - if I saw the other at any point then blessed forgetfulness has robbed me of it.

― Andrew Farrell, Monday, 17 September 2012 13:38 (twelve years ago)

Oh gotcha, that was a great one too.

― heated debate over derpy hooves (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Monday, 17 September 2012 13:39 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-lutheran-minister-loves-to-fuck-his-wife,854/

pretty sure this is the first issue of the onion i ever saw? i remember it being like samizdat smuggled in by someone's cool brother who went to school in wisconsin

― catbus otm (gbx), Monday, 17 September 2012 17:10 (twelve years ago)

"cool brother" and "went to school in wisconsin" are mutually exclusive

― barthes simpson, Monday, 17 September 2012 17:13 (twelve years ago)

boom, take that midwesterners

― barthes simpson, Monday, 17 September 2012 17:13 (twelve years ago)

when in doubt, go to stout

― goole, Monday, 17 September 2012 17:15 (twelve years ago)

i am always a little amazed by how many fucking UWisc campuses there are --- like it's weird how it even affects how ppl talk about it, if you told someone that you went to the university of wisconsin you'd just get a blank look.

i want to say that california has a bigger system (they must, they have to), but i think for real that sconny is in the running

― catbus otm (gbx), Monday, 17 September 2012 17:28 (twelve years ago)

Wisconsin has fewer than Univeristy of California, but California also has the separate California State University system.

― how's life, Monday, 17 September 2012 17:36 (twelve years ago)

Sorry, I meant Wisconsin has more than UC.

― how's life, Monday, 17 September 2012 17:37 (twelve years ago)

does WI have only one system? MN has the U branches but also the whole MNSCU system

― goole, Monday, 17 September 2012 17:39 (twelve years ago)

The University of Wisconsin system merged with the Wisconsin State University system in 1971 to create today's University of Wisconsin System. The 1971 merger law approved by the State Senate combined the two higher education systems in Wisconsin under a single Board of Regents, creating a system with 13 universities, 14 (now 13) freshman-sophomore centers (now colleges), and a statewide extension with offices in all 72 counties.

― catbus otm (gbx), Monday, 17 September 2012 17:44 (twelve years ago)

no shit, there's a UMN campus in rochester??

― catbus otm (gbx), Monday, 17 September 2012 17:48 (twelve years ago)

I thought there was just IBM and stuff

― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Monday, 17 September 2012 17:55 (twelve years ago)

yup it's a new one. "STEM" only i think. plus nursing.

― goole, Monday, 17 September 2012 17:59 (twelve years ago)

i drove through rochester once, i waved at the mayo

― catbus otm (gbx), Monday, 17 September 2012 18:16 (twelve years ago)

Man Drives Through Rochester, Makes Cursory Gesture To World-Famous Institution

― catbus otm (gbx), Monday, 17 September 2012 18:18 (twelve years ago)

Area Man Literally Salutes Medicine

― goole, Monday, 17 September 2012 18:38 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/newborn-loses-faith-in-humanity-after-record-6-day,29588/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:quote:default

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Monday, 17 September 2012 18:46 (twelve years ago)

they are just on fire lately, to the point that i am tempted to actually subscribe as i feel they deserve it.

― Know how Roo feel (LocalGarda), Monday, 17 September 2012 18:46 (twelve years ago)

me irl

― goole, Monday, 17 September 2012 18:57 (twelve years ago)

Yeah, I figure (and this is of course the point) that if I get forwarded more than 5 articles in a month where there's more going on than just the headline, then I might as well pony up.

― Andrew Farrell, Monday, 17 September 2012 19:46 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/stephen-a-smith-thinking-son-is-finally-ready-for,29589/

Stephen A blowing his top on Twitter over this...

― Jean-Luc Poncey (lpz), Monday, 17 September 2012 21:15 (twelve years ago)

@stephenasmith

I thought I'd heard enough despicable lies about myself. Now there's some article out that I have a 9-yr-old son and I'm going to have a

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Monday, 17 September 2012 21:16 (twelve years ago)

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

I thought I'd heard enough despicable lies about myself. Now there's some article out that I have a 9-yr-old son and I'm going to have a

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

Conversation with him about Sex. Mind you, I neither have a son nor a 9-Year-old. Some ppl are beyond despicable. No end! Sad what extent

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

People will go to. Amazing how folks try to tear cats down, primarily due to perceived power of the spoken word. Damn Shame, but too bad.

Stephen A Smith ‏@stephenasmith

Because I don't intend on going anywhere. Really, Really sad, though!

― Jean-Luc Poncey (lpz), Monday, 17 September 2012 21:17 (twelve years ago)

oops!

― Jean-Luc Poncey (lpz), Monday, 17 September 2012 21:17 (twelve years ago)

HAHA

― Johnny Fever, Monday, 17 September 2012 21:18 (twelve years ago)

A+

― This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 17 September 2012 23:36 (twelve years ago)

I *love* it when people are taken in by the Onion as real. Love it. Wasnt one of the harry potter/satanist ones a big stir amonst some christians groups?

― frances boredom coconut (Trayce), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 06:34 (twelve years ago)

Your every "taken in by The Onion" need catered for:
http://literallyunbelievable.org/

― Arvo Pärt Chimp (Neil S), Tuesday, 18 September 2012 09:42 (twelve years ago)

The Planned Parenthood $8 billion abortioplex was the best. People even put up reviews for it on Yelp. Grade A+ IRL trolling.

― shaane, Tuesday, 18 September 2012 11:51 (twelve years ago)

Just unstoppable these days:

Romney Apologizes To Nation's 150 Million 'Starving, Filthy Beggars'

SALT LAKE CITY—Seeking to limit the fallout from a videotaped speech in which he asserts 47 percent of Americans “pay no taxes” and do not take “personal responsibility and care for their lives,” Mitt Romney hastily called a press conference today to apologize personally to the “150 million starving, filthy beggars (he) might have offended.”

Saying that he deeply regretted his choice of words at a private $50,000-a-plate fundraising function in May—during which he argued “(his) job is not to worry” about the lower-earning half of the nation’s populace—Romney personally appealed to the country’s “dirt-caked garbage pickers and toothless street urchins” for forgiveness.

“First and foremost, I would like to offer a heartfelt apology to all the whores, junkies, bums, and grime-covered derelicts out there who make up nearly half our nation,” a visibly contrite and solemn Romney said outside a campaign stop at a local high school. “Let me assure you that I in no way meant to offend any of the putrid-smelling, barefoot masses out there. My campaign is not about dividing this nation, but about bringing all sides together—the rich, elegant members of the upper class, as well as the 47 percent who are covered in flies and eat directly from back-alley dumpsters.”

― Old Lunch, Wednesday, 19 September 2012 13:47 (twelve years ago)

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_macxh1aWpm1qkt6yoo1_500.png
last comment explains so much...

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Wednesday, 19 September 2012 14:07 (twelve years ago)

otm

― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Wednesday, 19 September 2012 14:11 (twelve years ago)

omgggg

― goole, Wednesday, 19 September 2012 14:11 (twelve years ago)

ha jesus

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-an-auctioneer-revealing-he-was-molested-as-a-c,29601/

― goole, Wednesday, 19 September 2012 14:27 (twelve years ago)

damn, that is DARK

― This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 19 September 2012 15:42 (twelve years ago)

Something that actually looks like it's from The Onion:
http://i.i.com.com/cnwk.1d/i/tim/2012/09/27/benjamin_netanyahu_AP800809689368_fullwidth_620x350.jpg

― Spencer Chow, Thursday, 27 September 2012 19:27 (twelve years ago)

lolbibi

― Mordy, Thursday, 27 September 2012 19:28 (twelve years ago)

glad to see that Israel's christmas ornament sale fundraiser has almost met its goal

― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 27 September 2012 19:37 (twelve years ago)

lol

― let's get the banned back together (schlump), Thursday, 27 September 2012 20:12 (twelve years ago)

front page of the NYT that one

― EVERYONE COOKING SCMABLED EGGS,CHEESE WITH TOASTER!! (forksclovetofu), Friday, 28 September 2012 15:04 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/textingwhilefielding-causes-record-number-of-outfi,29735/

lol @ last line

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Sunday, 30 September 2012 02:34 (twelve years ago)

two weeks pass...

Argh - the 'you have reached your limit' message now comes up in incognito mode in Chrome.

― ljubljana, Sunday, 14 October 2012 19:08 (twelve years ago)

fwiw there's no article limit ON IPHONE

― caek, Sunday, 14 October 2012 19:13 (twelve years ago)

a well-timed click of the stop loading button can get you the article but not the subscription overlay.

― Perfect Chicken Forever (Merdeyeux), Sunday, 14 October 2012 19:43 (twelve years ago)

If you're reading it that much, pay them.

― Andrew Farrell, Sunday, 14 October 2012 21:15 (twelve years ago)

doesn't seem that much - 5 clicks through Infographic and the like...

― ljubljana, Sunday, 14 October 2012 22:29 (twelve years ago)

this just made me lose my fucking mind.
http://www.theonion.com/video/nauseatingly-precious-nyc-couples-to-walk-around-i,29751/

― for reasons of sass (the table is the table), Thursday, 18 October 2012 08:53 (twelve years ago)

hahaha that was awesome!

― Una Stubbs' Tears (Trayce), Thursday, 18 October 2012 09:20 (twelve years ago)

Onion TV has a new Ted Talk spoof. Didn't think the first one was that funny. Meanwhile:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Cwxl_-DHqKo

― michael bolton's reckless daughter (Hurting 2), Thursday, 18 October 2012 14:53 (twelve years ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=Cwxl_-DHqKo

― michael bolton's reckless daughter (Hurting 2), Thursday, 18 October 2012 14:53 (twelve years ago)

I'm also fond of the lake dredge appraisal program

― michael bolton's reckless daughter (Hurting 2), Thursday, 18 October 2012 14:53 (twelve years ago)

and this is also good:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwQns6vGfj4&feature=relmfu

― michael bolton's reckless daughter (Hurting 2), Thursday, 18 October 2012 14:57 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/okay-lets-cut-to-the-chasewhich-people-do-i-know-w,29937/

― sktsh, Wednesday, 24 October 2012 15:21 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/trump-announces-hes-a-very-sad-man !

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 24 October 2012 16:19 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-endorses-john-edwards-for-president,29989/

― let's have sex and then throw pottery (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 24 October 2012 16:36 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-mary-was-essentially-raped-mourdock-says-wh,30083/

'Mother Mary Was Essentially Raped,' Mourdock Says While Digging Self Into Deeper Hole
OCTOBER 24, 2012 | ISSUE 48•43 | MORE NEWS IN BRIEF

...At press time, multiple male Senate candidates in their 60s remained divided between those who believe pregnancies resulting from rape are biologically impossible and those who believe they are the divine will of God.

― the max in the high castle (kingfish), Thursday, 25 October 2012 01:43 (twelve years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/blown-opportunity,30439/

― paula boradwell (crüt), Monday, 19 November 2012 16:56 (twelve years ago)

FRIEND-
LESS
NAGS

― goole, Monday, 19 November 2012 16:58 (twelve years ago)

5-Hour Energy CEO: Deaths Just Collateral Damage In War On That 2:30 Feeling

― paula boradwell (crüt), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 19:15 (twelve years ago)

Apparently this one - 8-Year-Old Palestinian Boy Pleasantly Surprised He Hasn't Been Killed Yet - has the morons over at Beetbort.com crying anti-Semitism.

That’s the ticket, Onion. Buy into the “plight” of the Palestinians and ignore the fact that Hamas started the violence, that Hamas has fired on Israeli cities, that there are strong rumors that Hamas now has chemical weapons it can launch. Ignore the fact that Hamas deliberately places its rocket sites in civilian areas in an attempt to force Israel to kill civilians for left wing media consumption. Ignore that Hamas deliberately targets civilians while Israel takes great care not to.
Here’s one for you, Onion:
As their print version dried up with the last issue on November 1, 2012, the Onion, the celebrated satirical publication, decided to sell out to anti-Semitic propagandizing. “We noticed that Jews are becoming an easy target for vilification,” explained the editor, “and we just couldn’t resist the impulse to jump on the bandwagon. I mean, look at history; some of the most successful publications in history, like the Protocols of the Elders of Zion, vilified the Jews too.”

Make sure to read the comments, they're a gem!

― super perv powder (Phil D.), Tuesday, 20 November 2012 19:23 (twelve years ago)

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/28/world/asia/chinese-news-site-cites-onion-piece-on-kim-jong-un.html

When Mr. Tracy was asked Tuesday whether he had any concerns that the misinterpretation of these articles could provoke international incidents, he said, “The Onion fully intends to provoke international incidents.”

― (alternatively, “Respec’”) (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 21:05 (twelve years ago)

Mr. Tracy added that The Onion had issued a formal statement. “We are pleased that one of our many fine Communist subsidiaries, the People’s Daily in China, has received accolades for its coverage of our Sexiest Man Alive announcement,” the statement said. “The People’s Daily has served as one of The Onion’s Far East bureaus for quite some time, and I believe their reportage as of late has been uncommonly fine, as well as politically astute.”
People’s Daily could not be reached for comment on Tuesday night.

― (alternatively, “Respec’”) (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 21:06 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/slideshow-the-9-most-scandalous-rihanna-photos,30516/
i admit it; i clicked thru all

― (alternatively, “Respec’”) (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 28 November 2012 21:08 (twelve years ago)

i clicked through half and then they wanted me to register

― abanana, Wednesday, 28 November 2012 22:25 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/?ref=auto

― ledge, Tuesday, 4 December 2012 10:02 (twelve years ago)

omg

― before and after broscience (goole), Tuesday, 4 December 2012 16:41 (twelve years ago)

Fuck Everything, Nation Reports

Right To Own Handheld Device That Shoots Deadly Metal Pellets At High Speed Worth All Of This

― Tarfumes The Escape Goat, Friday, 14 December 2012 22:42 (twelve years ago)

Feels like they had that written and ready to go huh

― THE NATIONS YOUTH DANCED TO THE MACARANA (innocent) (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 15 December 2012 03:14 (twelve years ago)

Rihanna thing was nonsensical to the point of inanity yet hilariously on the nose

― Raymond Cummings, Saturday, 15 December 2012 03:50 (twelve years ago)

click click click click

― THE NATIONS YOUTH DANCED TO THE MACARANA (innocent) (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 15 December 2012 06:57 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-it-okay-to-spend-rest-of-day-curled-in-feta,30741/

Report: It Okay To Spend Rest Of Day Curled In Fetal Position Under Desk

December 14, 2012 | ISSUE 48•50 | More News in Brief

WASHINGTON—Following reports of a mass shooting at a Connecticut elementary school that left 20 children dead, sources just confirmed that it is totally fine to spend the entire rest of today curled up in the fetal position underneath your desk. Early reports also indicated that sitting on the floor while holding your knees to your chest and slowly rocking back and forth is not only acceptable, but, sources said, absolutely understandable. According to officials, it is furthermore fully okay should you want to simply stare at nothing in particular for several minutes in total silence, get under the covers of your bed and bury your face in a pillow, or weep uncontrollably with your head in your hands. At press time, sources reported that you should also feel free to call your loved ones at some point in the day, if you think that will help.

― "It's the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Drunk!" (kingfish), Saturday, 15 December 2012 07:02 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/north-korea-returns-to-normalcy-with-synchronized,27147/

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Monday, 17 December 2012 18:26 (twelve years ago)

Have they had another redesign?

― sktsh, Monday, 17 December 2012 23:29 (twelve years ago)

n korea?

― well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Tuesday, 18 December 2012 03:40 (twelve years ago)

four weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-6-best-dresses-at-the-golden-globes,30897/#slide-1

ouch

― Heterocyclic ring ring (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 15 January 2013 09:40 (twelve years ago)

wow

― Neil S, Tuesday, 15 January 2013 09:50 (twelve years ago)

I think of that as something they do on a regular basis?

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 15 January 2013 10:51 (twelve years ago)

i heard about this one just recently:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/lance-armstrong-wants-to-tell-nation-something-but,17973/

check the date, damn

― goole, Tuesday, 15 January 2013 21:22 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sponsored-the-taliban-is-a-vibrant-and-thriving-po,30910/

― Gukbe, Tuesday, 15 January 2013 21:28 (twelve years ago)

Ha! That was quick.

― for the relief of unbearable space hugs (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 15 January 2013 21:51 (twelve years ago)

that was fast! xp

― abanana, Tuesday, 15 January 2013 21:52 (twelve years ago)

lmao

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, 15 January 2013 21:53 (twelve years ago)

beautiful

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 15 January 2013 23:19 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/8yearold-accidentally-exercises-second-amendment-r,725/

― 乒乓, Friday, 18 January 2013 16:40 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/we-raise-all-our-beef-humanely-on-open-pasture-and,30983/

I was eating when I read this :(

it was chicken and bacon though so that's alright

― Sgt. Biscuits, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 12:48 (twelve years ago)

http://store.theonion.com/p-5045-cheat-to-win-bracelet.aspx

― koogs, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 12:54 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/teenage-girl-blossoming-into-beautiful-object,31061/?ref=auto#pq=0AYP2b

― goole, Tuesday, 29 January 2013 22:50 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/top-9-black-plague-fails,31103/

― Matt Armstrong, Thursday, 31 January 2013 22:20 (twelve years ago)

THESE GUYS HAVE BOILS ALL OVER THEIR BODY! SMH

― goole, Thursday, 31 January 2013 22:42 (twelve years ago)

I could barely get through the hilariously, defiantly stupid article on dog politics, it was so funny.

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 31 January 2013 22:45 (twelve years ago)

^^^^^^^had me rollin

― Gukbe, Friday, 1 February 2013 00:29 (twelve years ago)

"rebarks"

― caek, Friday, 1 February 2013 06:30 (twelve years ago)

hahahaha http://www.theonion.com/articles/look-im-just-going-to-say-it-i-collect-antique-naz,31172/

― schlump, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 05:15 (twelve years ago)

that one was partic funny to headread in his voice

― a permanent mental health break (difficult listening hour), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 05:17 (twelve years ago)

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/19/19400/original/700.hq.jpg?0490

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 05:21 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-a-boyfriend-who-just-might-dig-himself-out-of,31062/

this kinda killed me

― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 05:21 (twelve years ago)

that obama one is great.

― s.clover, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 05:47 (twelve years ago)

That boyfriend one is awesome. A bit too painfully "funny cos its true" as well, heh.

― Manti and the Catfish (Trayce), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 05:54 (twelve years ago)

captured the bam voice pretty perfectly

― it was very clear that it's a sarcastic song (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 15:53 (twelve years ago)

the "and gay people" addendum rang true.

― pplains, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 16:22 (twelve years ago)

this one was good too:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-a-closeted-homosexual-riverboat-captain,30838/

― Ballboy to Afghanistan (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 16:29 (twelve years ago)

And I always have to listen to you talk about your job

looool

― ron paulstretch (crüt), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 16:45 (twelve years ago)

Painfully close to home

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 16:56 (twelve years ago)

by which I mean the closeted riverboat captain obviously...

except I'm not gay, haha!

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 16:56 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-an-elderly-black-woman-as-depicted-by-a-sophom,29855/

― goole, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 18:30 (twelve years ago)

^ all time

― 乒乓, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 18:31 (twelve years ago)

wow

― it was very clear that it's a sarcastic song (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 18:46 (twelve years ago)

that was too painful for me to finish reading.

― s.clover, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 18:54 (twelve years ago)

Final answer the best one

― Gukbe, Wednesday, 6 February 2013 19:00 (twelve years ago)

American Citizens Split On DOJ Memo Authorizing Government To Kill Them

― silverfish, Thursday, 7 February 2013 20:09 (twelve years ago)

http://literallyunbelievable.org/post/42518714478/ive-never-seen-a-news-station-post-an-onion

Onion posts article about a PR firm urging the US to disown the state of Alabama. Reporter at the NBC station in Montgomery sees a real PR firm name used and contacts them LIKE IT IS REAL NEWS. Internet erupts. The Onion even comments on the station's fb page: http://www.facebook.com/WSFA12/posts/374043562693617?comment_id=1914203&offset=0&total_comments=67

The Onion In over 240 years of journalism, The Onion has never made a mistake in its reporting, and we regret to hear that Hill + Knowlton is publicly reneging on their prior statement.
The Onion suggests that, in the future, Hill + Knowlton consider hiring a PR firm to help them navigate situations such as this one.
about an hour ago · Unlike · 22

― Johnny Fever, Thursday, 7 February 2013 20:29 (twelve years ago)

The Onion used the name of a real PR firm? Next thing you'll be trying to tell me that Joe Biden is a real politician.

― mh, Thursday, 7 February 2013 20:35 (twelve years ago)

This is good stuff

― The New Jack Mormons! (kingfish), Thursday, 7 February 2013 20:43 (twelve years ago)

It is a joke. A VERY DIS TASTEFUL AND DIS RESPECTFUL JOKE.

― Gollum: "Hot, Ready and Smeagol!" (Phil D.), Thursday, 7 February 2013 20:51 (twelve years ago)

I assume that was you who just linked to the Hustler vs. Falwell case. Good job!

― Johnny Fever, Thursday, 7 February 2013 20:57 (twelve years ago)

It was!

― Gollum: "Hot, Ready and Smeagol!" (Phil D.), Thursday, 7 February 2013 20:58 (twelve years ago)

They went on the air with it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8K1t4uGHhxo

― Johnny Fever, Friday, 8 February 2013 03:41 (twelve years ago)

"Alabama seceding from america because we give the rest of the country a bad name..."

That's not what the article was about.

― pplains, Friday, 8 February 2013 03:45 (twelve years ago)

Serious lols at that news segment's typo in the quote from the onion editorial staff.
Learn how to C&P, Alabama.

― Fetchboy, Friday, 8 February 2013 04:08 (twelve years ago)

"I guess you have to live outside of Alabama to find that fake article funny."

It was a real article, Brainy Smurf. It might have been satire, but the article was real.
And the first three people I saw post it on Facebook yesterday live in Alabama.

― Johnny Fever, Friday, 8 February 2013 04:11 (twelve years ago)

the anchor came off as genuinely hurt by the article

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Friday, 8 February 2013 04:13 (twelve years ago)

"I guess it's funny if you live in NEW YORK CITY ...*sniff*"

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Friday, 8 February 2013 04:14 (twelve years ago)

Here's the back and forth I had with the anchor today:

Mark Bullock - WSFA 12 News I love The Onion! Follow it on Twitter. But this post was a bit much. Quoting an actual PR firm and real people for a fictituous article is irresponsible. Since the whole thing is fake, why didn't they just use fake names?

JF Mark, great point! Why don't they also just refer to Jim Boden and Borak Otama and Greg Boosh when doing their political stories?

JF i.e. go brush up on the definition of satire again, MEDIA PERSON.

Mark Bullock - WSFA 12 News Hi [JF]! To answer your post, no, if one's satire is critical of the president, you would not use a fake name like Borak Otama. That's silly. Similarly, The Onion satire that criticized Alabama did not use a fake name like Alattama. But for some reason, it did use a real PR firm's name.

JF Right, the Onion consistently uses real names/businesses/cities/states/countries/et al. Why would they, just this one time, create a fake PR firm instead of just going on google and looking for a real one based in the state? SATIRE!

JF The line between satire and fiction is pretty simple. In fiction, you can either draw inspiration from real world things and cleverly alter the names or make things up altogether. In satire, you utilize real world things/persons to critique whatever it is you are critiquing. The Onion doesn't traffic in fiction. It traffics in satire, hence the use of a real PR firm as the story's main player instead of a made-up one.

Mark Bullock - WSFA 12 News The PR firm is not based in Alabama.

JF Fair enough, then. Whether it is or isn't a firm based in Alabama is not a chief detail here. It's why a reporter for WSFA felt the need to reach out to, what we now know is, an out-of-state PR firm to get a reaction on a satirical article that she must've believed was legitimate at some point. If they'd been an in-state business, like I think was mentioned somewhere earlier, I might buy some of the "aw shucks" replies from the station so far, but now it's clear that the firm's relationship to the state is tenuous at best and ONLY connected through the piece on The Onion. That's enough to make me believe Jenn Oravet got good and hoodwinked this morning.

Mark Bullock - WSFA 12 News Thanks for the exchange of ideas, [JF]! Hopefully our viewers who would not normally have seen The Onion's satire were enlightened by this thread and by Jennifer Oravet's story. It's always good to know how you are viewed from the outside. Good luck in the biz!

Just saving this for posterity.

― Johnny Fever, Friday, 8 February 2013 04:27 (twelve years ago)

textbook pass-aggery to sign off from Mark there, respect

― Julian-Joachim Roedelius (DJ Mencap), Friday, 8 February 2013 08:37 (twelve years ago)

Haha, right?

― Manti and the Catfish (Trayce), Friday, 8 February 2013 08:44 (twelve years ago)

Demerits for using 'reach out', though. Whenever I see that in correspondence, it creeps me out.

― karl lagerlout (suzy), Friday, 8 February 2013 08:50 (twelve years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO17B-ACRn0

― Gollum: "Hot, Ready and Smeagol!" (Phil D.), Friday, 8 February 2013 11:52 (twelve years ago)

What if the actual target of the satire wasn't Alabama but.... PR firms?

makes you think

― mh, Friday, 8 February 2013 14:44 (twelve years ago)

I do wonder why they used a real PR firm, not that it matters. Would the effect been lost had they said "Harper + Phillips"?

I've only noticed it a few times, but every time I've noticed my home state mentioned, they say the guy works in a screen-door factory. There are no screen-door factories here. There isn't even a "Hope Springs."

http://www.theonion.com/articles/miracle-of-birth-occurs-for-83-billionth-time,775/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-settled-for,4037/

― pplains, Friday, 8 February 2013 14:57 (twelve years ago)

Is there a submarine factory? Maybe it's a two-level joke.

― mh, Friday, 8 February 2013 15:26 (twelve years ago)

Now that's satire!

― pplains, Friday, 8 February 2013 16:28 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-it-wouldnt-surprise-you-if-this-headline,31210/

― sleepingbag, Friday, 8 February 2013 21:51 (twelve years ago)

man it looks like wsfa deleted their status update so the onion post is lost

― max, Saturday, 9 February 2013 13:10 (twelve years ago)

You mean this one?

http://i.imgur.com/Rt4TKV9.png

― pplains, Saturday, 9 February 2013 20:27 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/reculisive-terrence-malick-of-the-beltway-to-relea,31238/

― Cunga, Saturday, 9 February 2013 20:29 (twelve years ago)

That news broadcast upthread is one of the funniest things I've ever seen.

― Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 9 February 2013 20:33 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/meth-actually-not-that-bad-for-you-report-doctors,31319/

'Meth Actually Not That Bad For You, Report Doctors Dismantling Stereo'

― The New Jack Mormons! (kingfish), Friday, 15 February 2013 19:28 (twelve years ago)

Double Amputee Proves He's Capable of Anything

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Friday, 15 February 2013 19:37 (twelve years ago)

Yeah good job there guys.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 25 February 2013 16:21 (twelve years ago)

Still, something:

https://www.facebook.com/TheOnion/posts/10151500974969497

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 25 February 2013 16:46 (twelve years ago)

Twitter's reaction to tweet (i.e. calls for tweeter to lose their job) also reveals twitter users' envy over those who get paid to tweet.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Monday, 25 February 2013 17:01 (twelve years ago)

Tina Newman Well, all the men on here were OBVIOUSLY raised by a bunch of worthless cunts. Guess their mothers squatted, squirted them out then when back to whoring on the street.
Anyone who thinks it's appropriate or "funny" to call a CHILD a "cunt" is just telling the world that his mother is a worthless piece of shit.
2 minutes ago · Like

getting mixed signals off this one

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Monday, 25 February 2013 17:37 (twelve years ago)

whole thing is frustrating because the joke was bullshit and an apology is warranted and plenty of the critique is right-on imo but the people who're maddest about it (among whom, nobody'll be surprised to learn, are people I dig a lot and consider friends) are going into the "an apology is not enough!" mode which is social-justice-web for "I'm glad to have another thing to talk at length about"

― available for sporting events (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Monday, 25 February 2013 17:50 (twelve years ago)

This seems in the category of actually funny ideas that should never have been realized.

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Monday, 25 February 2013 17:51 (twelve years ago)

truth bomb xp ^

― Mordy, Monday, 25 February 2013 17:52 (twelve years ago)

I mean I think it's pretty funny as a send-up of vapid and catty entertainment industry tweeting, but the grossness of it kind of outweighs that

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Monday, 25 February 2013 17:52 (twelve years ago)

you just can't pull off a joke like that on a medium like twitter, imo. takes a lot more skill, trust, and even intimacy.

― ryan, Monday, 25 February 2013 17:52 (twelve years ago)

it's not a particularly funny joke but the lolz are obv supposed to occur in the intersection between saying something vile about the most unexpected/most undeserving target.

― Mordy, Monday, 25 February 2013 17:53 (twelve years ago)

you just can't pull off a joke like that on a medium like twitter, imo.

Understatement of ever. The only thing that works on Twitter is self-promotion.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Monday, 25 February 2013 17:56 (twelve years ago)

I'm LOVIN all the straight, white dudes who are all offended about the Onion's apology

― kate78, Monday, 25 February 2013 17:56 (twelve years ago)

The only thing that works on Twitter is self-promotion.

no, that's not true, but it's a medium where persona and authorial voice can be tricky

― available for sporting events (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Monday, 25 February 2013 17:57 (twelve years ago)

appreciate the quickness/sincerity/gravity of the onion's apology

― 乒乓, Monday, 25 February 2013 17:59 (twelve years ago)

but children are the third rail of american anything, everybody should know better than to joke about children

― 乒乓, Monday, 25 February 2013 17:59 (twelve years ago)

I'm LOVIN all the straight, white dudes who are all offended about the Onion's apology

― kate78, Monday, February 25, 2013 12:56 PM (1 minute ago) Bookmark

now i know yall be lovin this shit right here

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:00 (twelve years ago)

ilx is super good at getting offended about stuff

― Mordy, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:01 (twelve years ago)

Weird how people pick and choose what offends them in the Onion. I'm sure they've made fun of children before in far more offensive a manner than this twitter drive-by.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:02 (twelve years ago)

well, again, part of the problem is that twitter doesn't really provide any adequate, or controllable, context for the tweeter. if your feed was a 1000 "anne hathaway sux i hate that bitch" tweets then i can see how that particular joke popped into the tweeter's mind.

― ryan, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:05 (twelve years ago)

the apology is not enough. if the onion wants to make this right they need to kill the offending employee

― Mordy, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:07 (twelve years ago)

I'm LOVIN all the straight, white dudes who are all offended about the Onion's apology

I love that straight, white dudes and lesbians of color all had their opportunity to bond getting super butthurt over this episode.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:08 (twelve years ago)

has that kid ever done anything particularly cunty? like was she being divaish at the time

is there any other context than the send-up of vapid and catty entertainment industry tweeting

― слабоумие и отвага (cozen), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:08 (twelve years ago)

seems 100% clear that the object of the joke was wannabe inside-hollywood bitchiness, but i'm not a dolt so

also seems quite a bit over the line in a basic "no rough stuff about kids" unspoken rule kind of way.

case closed!

― goole, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:08 (twelve years ago)

yeah pretty much.

― ryan, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:09 (twelve years ago)

though it's still an interesting "times we live in" kind of episode!

― ryan, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:10 (twelve years ago)

I'm sure they've made fun of children before in far more offensive a manner than this twitter drive-by.

This remains a high water mark for The Onion in both tastelessness and hilarity.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:11 (twelve years ago)

Seems obvious that the joke is that she is the farthest thing from a bad kid, a total innocent. It's pretty much boilerplate irony. Better or worse than Gawker's sleazy rundown of all the not child friendly swag in her gift bag.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:11 (twelve years ago)

also sorta funny (not haha funny) that if the object of the joke was at least in part the weird rage people direct at celebrities for no good reason then that rage kinda got turned on the onion itself.

― ryan, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:12 (twelve years ago)

let's not overlook the dark power a c-bomb still holds

― goole, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:12 (twelve years ago)

Naked Condoms (6 pack, $20.00). Shouldn't Quvenzhané Wallis' introduction to prophylactics be with "the finest condoms in the world"?
Bonita Platinum Tequila ($99.00). This premium tequila (manufactured by a company partially owned by Xzhibit) is distilled five times before bottling, making it smooth enough for even a 9-year-old's sensitive palate.

Etc.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:12 (twelve years ago)

also that link is totally hilarious and sorta the same genre of joke--pulled offed infinitely better.

― ryan, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:13 (twelve years ago)

This remains a high water mark for The Onion in both tastelessness and hilarity.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Monday, February 25, 2013 1:11 PM (49 seconds ago) Bookmark

this one's my fav, they took it down from the site more than 10 years ago but i never forgot:

http://www.petting-zoo.net/~deadbeef/archive/1687.html

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:14 (twelve years ago)

"Dying 13-Year-Old Gets His Wish,
Will Pork Janet Jackson."

One of the infamous headlines to actual attract legal menace.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:15 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/pedophile-nervous-for-first-day-of-school,2519/

It's about a pedophile!!!!!

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:16 (twelve years ago)

!!!!!!

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:16 (twelve years ago)

lol

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:23 (twelve years ago)

feel like the amount of times they've properly dropped the ball like this in nearly 20 years and x thousand articles is... remarkably low, really

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:24 (twelve years ago)

(25 years if you count the paper but I don't really know much about that tbh)

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:27 (twelve years ago)

"an apology is not enough!" mode which is social-justice-web for "I'm glad to have another thing to talk at length about"

huge otm.

― s.clover, Monday, 25 February 2013 18:52 (twelve years ago)

The Onion's job is to produce shocking, sometimes tasteless humor, so firing someone for going past the boundary of good taste would be a bit unfair. If you're going to fire anyone, fire the whole company.

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:55 (twelve years ago)

i feel like this seriously dents their credibility as a news org

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Monday, 25 February 2013 18:59 (twelve years ago)

guys you can't have an opinion about this if you're a white dude

― Matt Armstrong, Monday, 25 February 2013 19:01 (twelve years ago)

eric's link has me in stitches

― k3vin k., Monday, 25 February 2013 19:04 (twelve years ago)

anyway this was obv over the line, they apologized, goole otm

― k3vin k., Monday, 25 February 2013 19:07 (twelve years ago)

It's when I get to this line -- "Discovered strangled with a length of nylon cord on Jan. 4, reported to the police Jan. 15, and finally investigated two days ago" -- that I lose it.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Monday, 25 February 2013 19:10 (twelve years ago)

goes on maybe a liiiiittle too long but the conceit is great

― k3vin k., Monday, 25 February 2013 19:11 (twelve years ago)

guys you can't have an opinion about this if you're a white dude

― Matt Armstrong, Monday, February 25, 2013 2:01 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark

holy shit a white dude won't be able to talk about something on the internet

― 乒乓, Monday, 25 February 2013 19:12 (twelve years ago)

taking down white privilege one twitter firestorm at a time

― Matt Armstrong, Monday, 25 February 2013 19:13 (twelve years ago)

on the internet no one knows you're a white dude

― Mordy, Monday, 25 February 2013 19:14 (twelve years ago)

alyssa rosenberg over at thinkprogress has a good take on this whole situation, maybe someone could link to it for me? (i'm on my wonky phone)

― says a future man to his crystal son (reddening), Monday, 25 February 2013 19:15 (twelve years ago)

alyssa: http://thinkprogress.org/alyssa/2013/02/25/1633981/why-seth-macfarlane-and-the-onions-jokes-about-quvenzhane-wallis-are-so-gross/
freddie: http://lhote.blogspot.com/2013/02/actually-onions-tweet-and-mcfarlanes.html

― Mordy, Monday, 25 February 2013 19:16 (twelve years ago)

freddie's on the right track i think; i still think the onion tweet was over the line but it's at least smart in a way mcfarlane's work will never be mistaken for.

― k3vin k., Monday, 25 February 2013 19:19 (twelve years ago)

Baratunde R. Thurston
I missed the Oscars last night, and so I missed the live tweeting, and so I missed The Onion's tweet about Quvenzhané Wallis (just use google if you don't know what i'm talking about). I've been flooded with questions about what they were thinking and why didn't I stop it, and "SERIOUSLY BARATUNDE YOU ARE BLACK HOLLA AT YOUR BOYS WTF!!??"

First, I haven't worked there since May so don't KNOW anything about this incident from an insider perspective. I'm not a spokesperson. I'm not an advocate or defender. I'm not their official black friend. I'm just writing this as ME though I'm clearly in a position to have some perspective since I tweet hard and used to do so with/at The Onion and do/love comedy and satire and also amazing child actors.

Second, I think I understand the underlying target of the joke: The Onion largely satirizes media and the general public. Everyone fawning over a clearly lovely and innocent little girl presents an opportunity to go the opposite direction with something contrasting and clearly false. It was also a take on tabloid media extremism. (I'm remembering the headline about the media's struggles in covering Obama's double homicide) but it was an extremely high risk move and missed that target by WIDE margin. Limited upside. HORRIBLE downside.

It wasn't necessary and was loaded with horrible language. In the context of what I've read about Seth McFarlane's jokes, I feel especially bad for Wallis and her family who won't "get" or care what the comedic idea was and only know that some comedy news organization called their little girl a disgusting, sexist name. It just comes across as mean. Intention does matter, and based on my time there, I'm sure the intent was not, "Hey let's call this little girl a cunt. Ha. Ha." However, RECEPTION and context matter as well, and this utterly failed in that regard.

I'm glad The Onion removed the tweet (which BTW for that outlet is a massive massive decision).

Also FYI, this is not some new practice of "Baratunde Tries To Explain Place He No Longer Works At," and due to time constraints and other priorities, I'm unlikely to get into back and forth commentary beyond this post for now. I don't like explaining jokes. I don't like overly deconstructing art in general or The Onion in particular, but this was an extraordinary situation, and I wanted to share some of my thoughts and try to address the scores of questions people have been asking me.

Also, I believe the children are the future.

― rap steve gadd (D-40), Monday, 25 February 2013 19:22 (twelve years ago)

If you're going to fire anyone, fire the whole company.

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Monday, February 25, 2013 6:55 PM (54 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yes please

― lex pretend, Monday, 25 February 2013 19:53 (twelve years ago)

lol I thought you might be into that!

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Monday, 25 February 2013 19:55 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-just-going-to-grab-guitar-and-old-fourtrack-go,20682/

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Monday, 25 February 2013 19:57 (twelve years ago)

hahahahaha

there's a thread for that, right?

― Doctor Casino, Monday, 25 February 2013 20:01 (twelve years ago)

i figured lex might like that one

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Monday, 25 February 2013 20:01 (twelve years ago)

Listen: 'Miles Between (Song For Sarah)' by Tom Ruskin

In addition to his guitar and analog recording equipment, Ruskin said he is bringing for lyrical inspiration several books of classic poetry, the thematic content of which he will badly misinterpret and bastardize while writing the words for his unbelievably shitty songs.

Ruskin added that he plans to grow a beard during his sojourn so he will look especially pretentious and annoying when he returns from making his laughably bad album.

― Doctor Casino, Monday, 25 February 2013 20:02 (twelve years ago)

at the library without headphones, someone please tell me the song is as great as i'm imagining

― Doctor Casino, Monday, 25 February 2013 20:02 (twelve years ago)

the only onion thing that ever actually kinda offended me was that one where they made fun of weird al's parents dying -- way unnecessary and mean imo.

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Monday, 25 February 2013 20:04 (twelve years ago)

Rosenberg's piece was laying it on a little thick at the end.

― All kinds of heinous things, Monday, 25 February 2013 20:42 (twelve years ago)

"baby can feel daddy kicking" was the worst previous one I could recall

― crazed lerner fan (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 25 February 2013 20:43 (twelve years ago)

the thing is its not too different from weird al's sicker jokes. so it feels not-so-horrible in that sense.

― s.clover, Monday, 25 February 2013 21:10 (twelve years ago)

I think the problem with Seth MacFarlane's humor and The Onion's joke are both parodic in a way that assumes familiarity with institutions or source media, but they're consumed or delivered by audiences that aren't aware.

There is such a thing as crossing the line within that parody, and there's bad parody. I think that twitter commentary on the Oscars isn't deep enough to throw out such a barb about a child actress, and it might fall flat regardless. MacFarlane's issue is that his parody isn't that good without the shock value, and without the parodic understanding it is too shocking. So basically the humor and shock rely on each other to a point where it's so weak it just sucks.

I mean, then there's the "haha, in the future we KNOW Seth is gay!" joke that I saw in gawker's lowlights reel. I mean, is this supposed to be commentary on people who think calling people gay is funny, or is it just "hah hah, you are gay?" I think the former is nonexistent without acknowledging the latter's appeal, which is nonexistent to me.

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Monday, 25 February 2013 21:49 (twelve years ago)

the onion joke could have worked, i think, in the context of a lengthy gossip column that created a proper context. the problem with ironic tweets in general is someone just retweets the one, and other people see it without the surrounding conversation. i'm basically afraid to make jokes there.

― s.clover, Monday, 25 February 2013 21:52 (twelve years ago)

yeah -- i follow onion on twitter, and a lot of times the lines they excerpt from articles when linking them aren't as funny out of context until i click and read the whole thing

― luaka boppa flame (some dude), Monday, 25 February 2013 22:17 (twelve years ago)

sorry, should have posted half of that to the oscars thread, but I really can't stop posting everywhere that macfarlane is bad

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Monday, 25 February 2013 22:18 (twelve years ago)

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Monday, February 25, 2013 4:49 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

when macfarlane hosted a comedy central roast, there were a hundred jokes about "lol this guy who loves showtunes is clearly on the down low," and he seemed to happily play along with it, so he prob just thinks that's a go-to way to make fun of himself

― luaka boppa flame (some dude), Monday, 25 February 2013 22:19 (twelve years ago)

You realize this is basically the argument humorless old idiots make when claiming that "young people get all their news from The Daily Show", right? People who read The Onion are aware that there is a larger culture which The Onion is parodying, I assure you.

― 誤訳侮辱, Monday, 25 February 2013 22:20 (twelve years ago)

I think he meant that the Onion is often taken out of context, with a single article or something being read by an audience that isn't familiar with the Onion's status as satiric paper of record. And that these people may not also be aware that the target of satire is, uh, worthy of being targeted? Which is just another way of saying they don't get the joke, the joke doesn't even exist for them to get. "Bitchy celebrity gossip Twitter" isn't a thing, it barely registers as a meaningful string of words. So, double humorless whammy, the Onion is read seriously, AND finding out that it's satire STILL doesn't make it funny. Maybe this is just a strawman propped up by smug progressive internet young people, but I'm pretty sure that there are people that find out that this isn't true, and still conclude that there's nothing funny about it, at all. You just don't joke about some stuff. Then you have this situation, where people DO get what the satirical target is (bitchy celebrity gossip Twitter), and still think that calling 9yo girls cunts is pretty atrocious.

― well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Monday, 25 February 2013 23:10 (twelve years ago)

the people who're maddest about it (among whom, nobody'll be surprised to learn, are people I dig a lot and consider friends) are going into the "an apology is not enough!" mode which is social-justice-web for "I'm glad to have another thing to talk at length about"

haha this is so otm

this tweet was shitty and all but salon.com having like three cover stories on it seems like overkill

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Monday, 25 February 2013 23:28 (twelve years ago)

The tweet was hilarious, but whoever posted it is an idiot for not anticipating the storm that was sure to follow. It was a joke too sub rosa even for the Onion. I'm sure every one of you has heard, told or retold a joke like that.

― MV, Monday, 25 February 2013 23:34 (twelve years ago)

My mind was kind of blown today when I saw the official apology thing earlier without knowing exactly what they were referring to right away. I read it three times trying to figure out what I was missing.

― sleepingbag, Monday, 25 February 2013 23:36 (twelve years ago)

They were apologizing for Seth McFarlane's existence.

― Ned Raggett, Monday, 25 February 2013 23:43 (twelve years ago)

it's really kind of amazing that someone besides MacFarlane is taking most of the heat today. i assumed as soon as he was announced as host that he would say something that wouldn't raise any eyebrows on Family Guy that if said on the Oscars would dominate the news cycle for the rest of the week.

― luaka boppa flame (some dude), Monday, 25 February 2013 23:45 (twelve years ago)

I thought the onion's thing was pretty whatever until that gif of quvenzhane flexing at the oscars was posted a bunch of places and there are TONS of comments along the lines of "that girl needs to learn some humility, i saw her on leno and she was so full of herself, I HATE HER" and the tone just seems a little off? like, veering close into "uppity" territory? and in that context the onion's calling her a cunt feels less like "haha, it's funny because she's obviously not a cunt" and more like what a ton of assholes are saying for real

― ehkarl, Monday, 25 February 2013 23:51 (twelve years ago)

i wish there were an app that automatically hid online comments, seriously get so depressed by shit like that

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Monday, 25 February 2013 23:53 (twelve years ago)

The Onion's satire is usually so painstakingly perfect but obviously comes in longer form, not sure Twitter is really a medium for them. That tweet was always going to be too on the nose to avoid condemnation, and you could probably find a better way to make the joke they were trying to make.

They still are a massive force for good generally, whether they're being overtly political or just surreal, the site uses language in a more interesting way than most other publications and it's always refreshing as a result.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Monday, 25 February 2013 23:53 (twelve years ago)

i feel kind of bad for the onion really, because it is a poor medium for them but what are they going to do, not have a twitter? post shit like "site updated, check it out!" sympathy could probably be better expended elsewhere i guess but it is kind of a bummer for them

― ehkarl, Monday, 25 February 2013 23:56 (twelve years ago)

maybe if they had distinct accounts for various characters or something that would help. i mean novelty twitter is a terrible unfunny mess, but if anyone could do it right...

― s.clover, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 00:53 (twelve years ago)

Is cunt still a really offensive and shocking word in the US, or someting? I feel like that tweet could have been made here and would have raised eybrows/ire but not anywhere like this level.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:00 (twelve years ago)

In fact something similar happened at one of our local shitty awards things - some comedienne tweeted somwthing sexist and clearly OTT about Bindi Irwin, and... now I think about it, that did get an ass kicking as well, so.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:01 (twelve years ago)

yes xp

― Mordy, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:01 (twelve years ago)

in the non-US english-speaking world it's generally directed at men, right?

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:02 (twelve years ago)

Oddly enough, yeah I think so. If I say "youre being a complete cunt" I'm likely to say it to a guy, i think.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:03 (twelve years ago)

wait

It was crude and offensive—not to mention inconsistent with The Onion’s commitment to parody and satire, however biting.

we've been trolled

― well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:04 (twelve years ago)

they've satirized public non-apologies, we are through the looking glass

― well if it isn't old 11 cameras simon (gbx), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:06 (twelve years ago)

― ehkarl, Monday, February 25, 2013 6:56 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ehh most of their tweets ARE just links to full-length articles. there's nothing wrong with having one or two dedicated writers just do tweet-length jokes for the twitter but it's hardly essential.

― luaka boppa flame (some dude), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:08 (twelve years ago)

Is cunt still a really offensive and shocking word in the US, or someting?

yes totally

― железобетонное очко (mookieproof), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:35 (twelve years ago)

my thanks to gbx for more eloquently explaining my words above, in the spirit I meant them

I also immediately thought, having not seen the original tweet, that The Onion's apology was possibly a barb aimed at MacFarlane. Regardless of whether it was meant that way, it still is.

Surprised you've never noticed the discrepancy before, Trayce -- "cunt" is for some reason probably the most obscene word in the US! Not sure how we got there, but you could drop a "motherfucker" in the middle of a sentence and get less of a reaction.

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:39 (twelve years ago)

one or two dedicated writers just do tweet-length jokes for the twitter but it's hardly essential.

― luaka boppa flame (some dude), Monday, February 25, 2013 8:08 PM (29 minutes ago) Bookmark

I disagree it's absolutely essential and also I am looking for a job right now

― 乒乓, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:39 (twelve years ago)

i've seen your tweetfolio, i don't think you're ready for the big leagues son

― luaka boppa flame (some dude), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:50 (twelve years ago)

you don't even know about my secret account @JODYHiGHROLLER

― 乒乓, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 01:51 (twelve years ago)

in case it needs piling on, I'm an AmE speaker who will happily say "fuck" in mixed company but never "cunt" in a million billion years.

― my god i only have 2 useless beyblade (silby), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 02:03 (twelve years ago)

(which incidentally just a couple days ago I had to tell my boss, whose first language was not English, why "Tosser", while a cute variation on our team's name, would not be a suitable name for a mascot. He was amused.)

― my god i only have 2 useless beyblade (silby), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 02:05 (twelve years ago)

anyway if the Onion were ever going to break character to apologize for something I'm glad it was this.

― my god i only have 2 useless beyblade (silby), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 02:05 (twelve years ago)

yeah i'm fine with this being the occasion where that happens, even if i think the joke was more horribly formed than shocking per se, and that the blowback has been disproportionate

― luaka boppa flame (some dude), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 02:11 (twelve years ago)

I recently read a few books about the compilation of the first Oxford English Dictionary that were rather boring. The one thing I did take away was that while the OED's strivance for exhaustiveness and comprehensiveness was often compromised for the sake of contemporary Victorian morality, with words like 'masterbaton' and euphemisms for various body parts/functions either left out or given short shrift, the editors and lexicographers refused to compromise on 'cunt.' This due to the fact that it was to them, a noble word had such a rich & storied history in the language and otherwise aesthetically pleasing. I'd love to read something informative about how 'cunt' came to be the most vulgar & offensive word im North America.

― All kinds of heinous things, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 02:26 (twelve years ago)

just want to take a brief moment to say walloginas

― administrator galina (Matt P), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 02:33 (twelve years ago)

Yeah, in the US, there are two words that are suffixed with "-word," and that's the c-word and the n-word. Nothing else.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:15 (twelve years ago)

And it's very interesting to see the discrepancies about how people here approach the two of them, also. They are equal but incredibly separate in power.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:16 (twelve years ago)

f-word

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:29 (twelve years ago)

A lot of people liked the L-Word...

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:30 (twelve years ago)

the c-word dialogue in this thread

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:34 (twelve years ago)

I definitely don't count The L Word.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:36 (twelve years ago)

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:44 (twelve years ago)

I definitely don't cunt The L Word.

― :C (crüt), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:46 (twelve years ago)

hahaha

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 03:47 (twelve years ago)

http://i50.tinypic.com/2a6mnva.png

― sleepingbag, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 04:58 (twelve years ago)

oh pleeeease rmde 4ever

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:01 (twelve years ago)

lol

― :C (crüt), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:04 (twelve years ago)

Am I supposed to laugh at the absurdity of the statement? Am I supposed to look at my daughter and think, wow, it would be really really funny and smart if someone jokingly called her the c word? How ironic.

Some people are more ironic than others........ life isn't fair but isn't that ~the opposite of what u expect~ ◑.◑

― sleepingbag, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:10 (twelve years ago)

True or false: the c word in the UK is as common as "motherfucker" is here, and the word "motherfucker" is as rare there as the c word is here.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:14 (twelve years ago)

(Apparently true, if Sting's '80s concert doc is to be believed).

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:14 (twelve years ago)

the people who're maddest about it (among whom, nobody'll be surprised to learn, are people I dig a lot and consider friends) are going into the "an apology is not enough!" mode which is social-justice-web for "I'm glad to have another thing to talk at length about"
haha this is so otm

this tweet was shitty and all but salon.com having like three cover stories on it seems like overkill

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Monday, February 25, 2013 6:28 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a t-bomb in re the c-bomb

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:24 (twelve years ago)

I throw the c-bomb around like the f-bomb...Mr Veg FREAKED the first time I said it, which was weird & amusing. I had no idea how verboten it was til I clocked his horrified look.

I thought the tweet was kinda funny. Ill-advised more than anything. Some of the reaction I understand...the rest of it is just ott handwringing to me, but whatever.

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:37 (twelve years ago)

wish i could post this here:

http://www.thecomicstrips.com/store/add_strip.php?iid=85085

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:38 (twelve years ago)

this tweet was shitty and all but salon.com having like three cover stories on it seems like overkill

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Monday, February 25, 2013 6:28 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

4 at last count

― Matt Armstrong, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:39 (twelve years ago)

lol JD

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:40 (twelve years ago)

they're just thrilled they found something to cover that isn't lena dunham, unhappy mothers, or JFK

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:40 (twelve years ago)

ironically, the people who are overdoing the reaction to this actually are being cunts

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:43 (twelve years ago)

*thread now gets interesting*

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:44 (twelve years ago)

;)

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:46 (twelve years ago)

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 05:52 (twelve years ago)

True or false: the c word in the UK is as common as "motherfucker" is here, and the word "motherfucker" is as rare there as the c word is here.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, February 26, 2013 5:14 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

US English bleeds into UK English way more than vice versa (that dumb BBC article a while back notwithstanding) so that probably isn't precisely accurate but close enough

the in-my-head stat (based obviously on deep and scientific research) I have is that 90% of the time in the UK, an individual being called a cunt will be a man; 90% of the time in the US, a woman

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 08:03 (twelve years ago)

yeah, they effectively mean different things. "mean" - express or whatever.

― Fizzles, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 08:30 (twelve years ago)

Cunt is def ~the worst word~ in Eng (Scotland is a diff matter) but in the right context it wouldn't raise an eyebrow. I think a man calling a woman a cunt is still pretty verboten here. Other situations, it's not taboo enough that you can't use it jokingly between friends, but has enough power that you can use it and mean it and it's effective

― lex pretend, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 09:29 (twelve years ago)

It's not the reason the tweet sucked though, if the Onion had used "bitch" instead it'd have been just as awful

― lex pretend, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 09:31 (twelve years ago)

everytime i think of the us use of it, i'm reminded of that alleged john mccain freakout at his wife.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 09:55 (twelve years ago)

US usage of it always makes me think of Patrick Bateman for some reason

anyway, wd the poor kid probly have been unaware of this if the commentocracy hadn't gone crazy blogshit over it?

― tochter tochter, please (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 09:57 (twelve years ago)

that's the environment in which it was released tho, regardless of whether it's perceived as good or bad, it was clearly designed to get a reaction.

― Fizzles, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 10:15 (twelve years ago)

oh i think it was v crass don't get me wrong i'm just noting the amplificatory properties of concern commenters

― tochter tochter, please (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 10:16 (twelve years ago)

Ehh, every joke is designed to get a reaction, I'm not sure that in the place the writer was at, it was supposed to ignite the internet.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 10:53 (twelve years ago)

Motherfucker is used quite a lot in the UK, but if it's a white person saying it then 80% of the time they're consciously thinking of Samuel L Jackson while they say it.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 10:55 (twelve years ago)

yeah, it wasn't so much joke not designed to get reaction, more onion + twitter + cunt + child = c'mon. but agree that noisy fussing has never done any good whether its yr local rotary club or the twitterglob.

― Fizzles, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 10:58 (twelve years ago)

Lex otm about English usage of the word. I use it too much day to day I think.

Are Americans REALLY touchy about it? That bit in Curb when the guy has therapy because Larry calls him a cunt etc.

― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 13:27 (twelve years ago)

Definitely. It is seen as much cruder and shocking than it seems to be anywhere else. Not sure of the reasoning behind it.

― Ulna (Nicole), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 13:36 (twelve years ago)

The American pronunciation is much more...forceful?

― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 13:38 (twelve years ago)

omg "most beloved *unt" episode is all-time

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 13:39 (twelve years ago)

seconding the poster up there a little saying they'd like to read an article (book even?) about the history/geography of its taboo-ness

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 13:54 (twelve years ago)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?&v=znYJXIw2UKw

all you need to know

― caek, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 13:55 (twelve years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=znYJXIw2UKw

― caek, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 13:56 (twelve years ago)

I called my co-worker a cunt last week. Not to her face but to another co-worker/friend because I was angrier at her than I can remember being at anyone else in recent time. The friend I said it to got all offended and said she hated that word so I had to apologize and explained that I rarely use it and then I felt bad. There's my super interesting cunt story for you.

― go to party leather (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 14:01 (twelve years ago)

Do not take that last line out of context please.

― go to party leather (ENBB), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 14:01 (twelve years ago)

c-word here almost as shocking as n-word. In some situations, more shocking, which is perhaps why it's making a resurgence. Shockers gotta shock, etc.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 14:02 (twelve years ago)

I'd say that British people use 'pussy' less frequently than 'cunt'. Somehow, the blanket US dread of the word does not cover my mom's house - where we say it A LOT to annoy my sister.

― karl lagerlout (suzy), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 14:28 (twelve years ago)

There's a ballot poll somewhere in here.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 14:34 (twelve years ago)

Are You Being Served? has probably killed 'pussy' for another generation or so yet.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 14:35 (twelve years ago)

I never knew how bad "cunt" is supposed to be because NOBODY ever says it, because it is that bad.

― :C (crüt), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 14:39 (twelve years ago)

kind of think that this is a word if used in an actual sexual context would be dirty enough to actually still be dirty

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:10 (twelve years ago)

there are some words tha t people feel very emotional about - like fuck - but why - the future will be fucky - fuck will finally be allowed in all places

― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:12 (twelve years ago)

kind of think that this is a word if used in an actual sexual context would be dirty enough to actually still be dirty

Yeah. Try prefacing it with the word "boi."

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:13 (twelve years ago)

haha

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:14 (twelve years ago)

is "fanny" still incredibly rude in the UK?

― This beat is TWEENCHRONIC (DJP), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:14 (twelve years ago)

I didn't realize it was any more offensive than fuck, certainly not on the same par as nword.

I mean, I've heard dudes in the bar call each other cuntface before. I mean, c'mon. If that's supposed to be the second-most offensive word in America, it's news to me.

― pplains, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:16 (twelve years ago)

i don't think it was ever incredibly rude, it was more coy/twee than anything else and now just seems outdated

― lex pretend, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:17 (twelve years ago)

xp I'm arguing it's the first-most offensive.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:18 (twelve years ago)

To the extent that "some would argue" some people get to use the n-word. Whereas no one gets to use the c-word.

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:19 (twelve years ago)

what about this crowd >>> thread of ballroom chants, vogueing beats, and associated cuntiness (MikeQ, B. Ames, Vjuan Allure, Jay Karan, etc.)

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 15:30 (twelve years ago)

Nah, 'fanny' is, and I say this as someone with four brothers but no sisters, what parent's get their daughters to call their privates - 'willy' is the male equivalent.

I think.

I have kown two girls from the same greater london sphere who called it a 'minnie' - how localized is that?

― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:48 (twelve years ago)

*known

― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:48 (twelve years ago)

Mingey were the borogoves

― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:51 (twelve years ago)

Cunt is def ~the worst word~ in Eng (Scotland is a diff matter)

yeh but in scotland swearing is often more of an expressive form than a serious means of being offensive. cunt would probably be the worst word but only on a plane where cuss words generally don't mean very much.

also in scotland 'fanny' is still in common use as a fairly general insult.

― hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 17:57 (twelve years ago)

I've got a teacher friend in the Brighton area who got asked in class what sort of car she drove and all the girls apparently cracked up when she told them she had a Mini.

Fanny I only ever use as a fairly mild term of abuse in the same way that you might call someone a plonker.

― acid in the style of tenpole tudor (NickB), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:00 (twelve years ago)

"fanny" is a verb. it's kind of like "to tip" or "to open a bottle"

― caek, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:08 (twelve years ago)

I still think the c-word is exceptionally powerful...I reckon if you were having a row with someone and were accused flat out of being a cunt you'd struggle to find something to come back with, no?

― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:13 (twelve years ago)

What's a plonker?

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:13 (twelve years ago)

somewhere between a fanny and a doowally.

― hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:14 (twelve years ago)

xp Nah, that's where 'suppurating testicular chancre' comes in.

A plonker is a knob is a willy is a todger is a tool is a cock.

― karl lagerlout (suzy), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:16 (twelve years ago)

that's such an unnuanced way to think of our beautiful rich language.

― hot young stalin (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:17 (twelve years ago)

iirc plonker is an onomatopoeia for Tommy Lee's genetalia

― No, not sinister (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:20 (twelve years ago)

do yiddish loan words for weeners get albionized in ways they don't in the US? like schvantzadilly circus or dorkadello road?

― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:27 (twelve years ago)

I still think the c-word is exceptionally powerful...I reckon if you were having a row with someone and were accused flat out of being a cunt you'd struggle to find something to come back with, no?

In an angry context yeah but equally you could say offhandedly of someone "oh he's such a cunt" without it being an expression of deep hatred. We all have That Friend, right?

Prick vs dick vs cock vs pussy vs cunt vs twat, all have different connotations and i love them for it

― lex pretend, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:48 (twelve years ago)

Several of my (female) friends have recently used it as a descriptor of my (female) roommate. I didn't/wouldn't use it myself, but I didn't disagree. Which is weird, because I almost certainly would've been all vehemently "whoa, whoa" if the friends in question were male.

― Coke Opus (Old Lunch), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 18:58 (twelve years ago)

I KNEW it was all an elaborate sham!

― Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 19:01 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bob-dylan-lays-off-2000-workers-from-songwriting-f,31407/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 22:43 (twelve years ago)

Calling someone a twat is funny. Using it to describe genitalia is ... gross.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 26 February 2013 22:50 (twelve years ago)

a dude I knew in high school did a few times and I was just like... ugh

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Tuesday, 26 February 2013 22:55 (twelve years ago)

from what i can tell britishers use it way more often and often male-to-male; it sort of reminds me of odd future's "fa----" use or when dumb ass kids use the n-word with each other. it's pretty stupid but, you know, britishers. in america it's RARELY used and i guess ime used against women more often, which is why it's so gasp-inducing when it is used

― k3vin k., Wednesday, 27 February 2013 00:15 (twelve years ago)

oh didn't see DJ mencap's post

― k3vin k., Wednesday, 27 February 2013 00:18 (twelve years ago)

I have an interesting cunt story!

Let's just say the last time I saw someone call a little girl a cunt, she got her clock cleaned by said little girl's mother immediately thereafter.

― kendrick delmar - good kid, f.U.C.k. you (The Reverend), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 00:43 (twelve years ago)

fellas can be called cunts and it's not a big deal (but it can be), but callin a woman a cunt is Baf Word territory. We all do it over here, i'm not gonna put a figure of 90-10 on it like me uk chums, but you'd know the difference alright.

― bbag bbag my nebby shot me down (darraghmac), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 01:28 (twelve years ago)

Bad Word obv, phone keyboard's cuntish

― bbag bbag my nebby shot me down (darraghmac), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 01:28 (twelve years ago)

See because calling a woman a cunt seems odd to start with, I take the Onion's tweet as funny at least on the "it is clearly completely ridiculous to call a sweet little child a cunt" angle, which has been mentioned above.

But then I feel weird because I realise my logic could be used to defend rape or racism jokes, which I would never do.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 02:52 (twelve years ago)

Though the Onion has certainly had rape and racism jokes.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 02:53 (twelve years ago)

Thats true. Somehow they work their satire in a way that shocks but doesn't offend, I dont know how to phrase it. There've been times I have gone "omg this is DARK and HORRIBLE" at their stuff but still admired it.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 03:03 (twelve years ago)

there have been a bunch of times when I've thought they've gone too far, but this wasn't one of them tbh.

― :C (crüt), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 05:35 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theon1on.com/

― forks is lucky he didn't get stabbed over a marilyn monroe cd (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 05:42 (twelve years ago)

I think it's more if someone specifically uses "cunt" in anger about a woman, it really stands out. I'd even say that it's never really used in the jokey way about women, not in my experience in uk/ireland.

With men it could be used in all sorts of ways, with the right adjective even as a term of endearment.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 07:39 (twelve years ago)

Well, you'd be wrong. I mean, I accept that I have what Americans might call a potty mouth, but I use it all the time to anyone. I have no qualms about calling someone a dick or a prick, why would I have any qualms about calling them a cunt?

As for the original piece, I can't even believe this is causing controversy. FFS it was a pretty obvious extension of commentary, it's just some countries seem to be extremely weird about one specific term...

― emil.y, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 07:50 (twelve years ago)

Women calling other women cunts is more common and acceptable for sure, though still not par for the course, and ime never in a joking/friendly way - usually more in a bringing out the big guns way

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 09:43 (twelve years ago)

K3vin how in the world is British people saying cunt remotely equivalent to str8 kids saying faggot o_0

― lex pretend, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 09:44 (twelve years ago)

yeah fair enough, it probably would stand out particularly if a man used it about a woman, really. my point was that it has a certain way of being used in misogynist anger that is really nasty, like "bitch" but up a few levels.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 09:50 (twelve years ago)

The British use of "cunt" seems equivalent to the American use of "asshole", which reminds me of a joke about a golf game and a Japanese hooker.

― how's life, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 09:56 (twelve years ago)

Awesome and interesting: http://www.slate.com/articles/life/explainer/2013/02/quvenzhan_wallis_and_the_onion_tweet_why_is_the_c_word_so_offensive.html

The earliest instance of the word recorded in the Oxford English Dictionary is actually from the name of a 13th-century London street, Gropecuntelane. The name appears to have been quite literal, and there was at least one other red-light district of the same name, in Oxford.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:24 (twelve years ago)

well if people are going to saunter up gropecuntlane what do they expect?

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:25 (twelve years ago)

Casovthuclap Street.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:28 (twelve years ago)

Jumpedfrombehind Alley

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:28 (twelve years ago)

Bele Wydecunthe, Robert Clevecunt, and Gunoka Cuntles.

― Gunoka Cuntles (Matt P), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:28 (twelve years ago)

That's not funny.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:29 (twelve years ago)

>:(

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:29 (twelve years ago)

I challenge anyone to say any of those names out loud without laughing.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:30 (twelve years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2K8_jgiNqUc

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:32 (twelve years ago)

K3vin how in the world is British people saying cunt remotely equivalent to str8 kids saying faggot o_0

― lex pretend, Wednesday, February 27, 2013 4:44 AM (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

again, the british usage totally confuses me. the word is gendered and seems to be rooted in hate and oppression in the same way "faggot" or the n-word is, which is why it's never used here! seems kind of obvious to me!

― k3vin k., Wednesday, 27 February 2013 16:55 (twelve years ago)

Ha:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/retiring-pope-vows-to-continue-drawing-papalpuss-c,31458/

Retiring Pope Vows To Continue Drawing 'Papalpuss' Comic Strip

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/19/19661/original/700.jpg?6327

― The New Jack Mormons! (kingfish), Wednesday, 27 February 2013 17:31 (twelve years ago)

Community Mourns Death Of Beloved Drunk Driver

http://www.theonion.com/articles/community-mourns-death-of-beloved-drunk-driver,31476/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

― k3vin k., Thursday, 28 February 2013 19:12 (twelve years ago)

Two local high school children also perished in the accident, while a third was permanently paralyzed.

“The overwhelming feeling I’m left with is anger,” said Junction mayor Joel Sutter, who described the 1996 Chevy Impala Dehaene died in as “a really, really cool car.” “I keep thinking: It’s not fair. It’s not fair that Chris should die while that prick teenager gets to survive, happily rolling around in his little wheelchair.”

“What were those kids even doing on the other side of the road at 3:30 in the goddamn afternoon?” Sutter continued, his voice breaking. “They knew Chris. They knew he would be drunk.”

― k3vin k., Thursday, 28 February 2013 19:19 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/arianna-huffington-unveils-new-huffington-man-aggr,31477/

― Neil S, Thursday, 28 February 2013 21:05 (twelve years ago)

"By: Benedict" signature is still cracking me up

― sktsh, Thursday, 28 February 2013 22:43 (twelve years ago)

Dammit the site is being assy about not being subscribed again. Is there any way around that? I could just pay I suppose.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Thursday, 28 February 2013 22:48 (twelve years ago)

iphone

― caek, Thursday, 28 February 2013 23:24 (twelve years ago)

incognito mode

― zero dark (s1ocki), Friday, 1 March 2013 13:40 (twelve years ago)

whoever the new management is has REALLY shitted up the site in the last year btw

― zero dark (s1ocki), Friday, 1 March 2013 13:40 (twelve years ago)

The website's been horrible for years, IMO, especially the AV club - just way too much content all over the fucking place and all this other stuff that you wouldn't even know was there without clicking on the teeny tabs that take you to the subsections (film, tv).

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 1 March 2013 16:46 (twelve years ago)

Ya but now it's all SEO-Ed and pay walled to shit

― zero dark (s1ocki), Friday, 1 March 2013 17:50 (twelve years ago)

it's kinda lol but mostly sad considering how great some of their satire of stuff like huffington post has been

― some dude, Friday, 1 March 2013 18:24 (twelve years ago)

okay it's not like I actually like the AV Club layout but complaining about the tabs in the era of tabbed browsing really just strikes me as willfully refusing to put 2 and 2 together

― my super interesting Kant story (DJP), Friday, 1 March 2013 18:57 (twelve years ago)

They're so small! They look like they're part of the banner ad! I didn't notice them for ages. Also note that you for some reason can't get to the film section by clicking on the word "Film" in current reviews. Which is under another ad for the same thing, not to mention the entire site is sandwiched between two vertical ads for...the same thing. Major features like Dan Savage are buried way at the bottom so that they look like more ads, or maybe part of a web-ring. The whole thing is just desperately ugly and cluttered.

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 1 March 2013 19:10 (twelve years ago)

AV Club works supremely well in Google Reader, so i rarely visit actual page.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 1 March 2013 19:31 (twelve years ago)

the Community handwringing is doing more to drive me away from AV Club than the layout ever could

― my super interesting Kant story (DJP), Friday, 1 March 2013 19:42 (twelve years ago)

i think the sepinwalling of every single TV show is kind of OTT but they still have good content, particularly as it relates to film and tv pieces like 'random roles'.

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Friday, 1 March 2013 19:43 (twelve years ago)

The AV Club newswire is still my main reason to continually visit

― The New Jack Mormons! (kingfish), Friday, 1 March 2013 19:45 (twelve years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeqwDLsZJn8

― s.clover, Friday, 1 March 2013 22:03 (twelve years ago)

Well played chaps http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-study-finds-the-onion-has-never-been-more-popu,31505/

― fun loving and xtremely tolrant (Billy Dods), Friday, 1 March 2013 23:50 (twelve years ago)

Did anyone see the Onion movie? That was hilarious!

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Sunday, 3 March 2013 15:14 (twelve years ago)

i never really visit av club but ya random roles & stuff like that is p cool

― zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:01 (twelve years ago)

random roles is my shit

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:11 (twelve years ago)

Risky Business (1983)—“Barry”

Bronson Pinchot: We didn’t know it was going to be a big hit. We thought Tom [Cruise] was the biggest bore on the face of the Earth. He had spent some formative time with Sean Penn—we were all very young at the time, Tom was 20, I was 23. Tom had picked up this knack of calling everyone by their character names, because that would probably make your performance better, and I don’t agree with that. I think that acting is acting, and the rest of the time, you should be you, but he called us all by our character names. He was tense and made constant, constant unrelated homophobic comments, like, “You want some ice cream, in case there are no gay people there?” I mean, his lingo was larded with the most… There was no basis for it. It was like, “It’s a nice day, I’m glad there are no gay people standing here.” Very, very strange.

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:13 (twelve years ago)

i like commentary of the damned too, and sometimes my year of flops. i rarely bother with their normal reviews tho

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:17 (twelve years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-boondock-saints-ii-all-saints-day-2009,43714/

In the solo half of the second commentary, Duffy talks a lot about how the real test of a good sequel is whether it “throws a curveball” at the audience by putting a twist on the first film instead of just repeating it. He goes on to describe practically everything in BS2 as a curveball. The FBI investigator is female rather than male this time? Curveball. This one focuses on her crime scenes by putting in earplugs instead of listening to music? Curveball! A third Boondock Saint who is Hispanic? Also a curveball! Delving into Il Duce’s history instead of leaving it entirely unexplored? Total curveball. That said, he seems to be pretty sure his audience isn’t bright enough to handle all these curveballs, particularly during the flashback scenes:

“The reason I was concerned is because it’s so foreign to Boondock fans. To suddenly be in 1958 New York where everything’s different. It was another curveball that we were throwin’ atcha, yes, but this time, it was visual. And it was sound, and every—you could just take these out of this movie and put them in some other movie that was a period piece, and it would look, y’know. It was something Boondock fans were not used to, suddenly being thrown back 50 years into the past. So I was extraordinarily concerned about that.” But the fans really wanted to know about Il Duce’s past, he says: “That’s another cue I took from the fan base, and another curveball that they provided for me, sort of free of charge.”

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:21 (twelve years ago)

those Random Roles interviews are some of my favorite on the internet, but the TV coverage...Jesus. the Community reviews especially, I looked at one lately and it seemed like the writer was trying to get it all out before he burst into tears at the loss of Dan Harmon

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:42 (twelve years ago)

The TV coverage is all awful and all in desperate need of harder length limits IMO. Or just an editor demanding that you have something to say rather than systematically listing every joke in an episode of the Simpsons and explaining why it proves that it was the most cutting-edge show on TV at the time or whatever.

― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:45 (twelve years ago)

yeah, the 'classic tv' pieces i've read there are pretty useless.

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:46 (twelve years ago)

I will make an exception there and say they had a couple pieces on old Sopranos episodes that were pretty good, but yeah by and large it's just so superfluous, especially for the 20-minute comedy shows they spend so much word length on. kinda think Todd Van Der Werff is one of the worst writers on the internet

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 04:52 (twelve years ago)

boring recaps are really the bread and butter of online entertainment journo these days tho.

― s.clover, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 06:45 (twelve years ago)

very true. fucking sepinwall

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 07:04 (twelve years ago)

The TV reviews are all just larded with these horrible space-filling J-school personal journalism intros. I don't read Pitchfork, but I assume that's an influence?

― Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 12:10 (twelve years ago)

Random Roles is fun but i hate the intro paragraph that always says "The catch: They don’t know beforehand what roles we’ll ask them to talk about" like it's not going to be their 4 most famous roles plus one obscurity from their imdb page that has a funny title or character name

― Shuwopley (some dude), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 12:13 (twelve years ago)

that's not really true.

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 12:27 (twelve years ago)

I think it's frequently "We've heard you have a great story about this film" and frankly I'm fine with that. The Johnathan Rhys-Davies one is great at giving the impression that you would not regret an evening in the pub with him.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 12:30 (twelve years ago)

xp yeah, there's 25+ separate roles in the JRD interview.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 12:32 (twelve years ago)

i'm just saying, it's not like the thing where they put their iPod on shuffle and any of thousands of possibilities could pop up, you can generally guess what roles they're gonna talk about with one or two wild cards

― Shuwopley (some dude), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 12:44 (twelve years ago)

the template is the same in that they always open with whatever the actor is promoting and then proceed semi-chronologically through their career while getting in at least one iconic role along the way, but theres been a lot of them where i havent even heard of the majority of the stuff they talk about

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 12:58 (twelve years ago)

ehh ime they cover every iconic/famous role, unless the actor's got too many to fit

― Shuwopley (some dude), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 13:15 (twelve years ago)

If only there was some link to hand that we (or you) compare your experience to...

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 13:38 (twelve years ago)

there's been a bunch of instances where they skip some of the actor's biggest parts, usually because they were saving them for the end and they ran out of time

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 13:40 (twelve years ago)

People who complain about the AVClub layout clearly have not seen Pitchfork lately, which looks like several layers of subway posters in various states of peeling decay arrayed in the most unreadable format possible. Maybe it's a generational divide, and if I were 16 it make perfect sense, like Raygun at the time, but I find it so user unfriendly it's ridiculous. AVC is a model of restraint and organization in comparison, esp. considering it is constantly being updated with useful content.

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 5 March 2013 13:54 (twelve years ago)

the funniest AV Club Community fan support club thing was the listicle of "shows that recovered from bad seasons" that didn't say anything about Community but was totally like implicitly 'look guys it might be ok!'

― Shuwopley (some dude), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 14:23 (twelve years ago)

tv writing these days is really pretty bad, particularly "recap culture," which i find kind of odious for some reason

― zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 15:15 (twelve years ago)

― Shuwopley (some dude), Tuesday, March 5, 2013 9:23 AM (52 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha when i saw that pop up on twitter i assumed it would be somehow hopefully pegged to community, hilarious that it turned out to be the structuring absence of the piece

― zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, 5 March 2013 15:16 (twelve years ago)

hahahahahaha that. when exactly DID the AV Club become Community's biggest supporter/fanbase source? it didn't seem that way early on and then seemingly overnight it was everywhere on there

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 00:58 (twelve years ago)

Somewhere in the indeterminate future, Walter White has a full head of hair (or a wig?) and a beard. He’s got a New Hampshire driver’s license in the name of Lambert. He may not have come from New Hampshire, but he’s solid enough in his backstory that he doesn’t hesitate when asked the driving time—30 hours. (It’s about 2200 miles from NH to ABQ, so that’s pretty close if you stipulate 70 mph highway driving.) He idly arranges his bacon in a mirror-image S pattern...

― pplains, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 01:35 (twelve years ago)

update: sharp-eyed commenters with long memories point out that this is a 52, indicating that it has been two years since Walt's 50th birthday in the pilot

― pplains, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 01:36 (twelve years ago)

tv writing these days is really pretty bad, particularly "recap culture," which i find kind of odious for some reason

― zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, March 5, 2013 10:15 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i raise you amateur behind-the-scenes-ism

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 02:14 (twelve years ago)

haha pp

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 02:23 (twelve years ago)

tv writing these days is really pretty bad, particularly "recap culture," which i find kind of odious for some reason

― zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, March 5, 2013 10:15 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i raise you amateur behind-the-scenes-ism

― lag∞n, Tuesday, March 5, 2013 9:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, 100%. i think u said something about that on some other thread, basically i long for the days before people knew the term "show runner"

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 06:17 (twelve years ago)

I'm pretty broken up abt Dan Harmon t wd, not sure things will ever be the same

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 06:20 (twelve years ago)

I feel like the attention and analysis can have a debilitating effect on some shows too, like suddenly they become gripped with a certain self consciousness, like they're playing to the recap seats.

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 06:21 (twelve years ago)

any examples of that? I see it more with playing to show's fanbases, like there's definitely been lots of scenes on Parks & Rec in particular that seem made for tumblr gifsets and whatnot

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 08:07 (twelve years ago)

(and, of course, Community, but that's par for the course I guess)

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 08:07 (twelve years ago)

tv writing these days is really pretty bad, particularly "recap culture," which i find kind of odious for some reason

― zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, March 5, 2013 10:15 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i raise you amateur behind-the-scenes-ism

― lag∞n, Tuesday, March 5, 2013 9:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, 100%. i think u said something about that on some other thread, basically i long for the days before people knew the term "show runner"

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 1:17 AM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

its really weird how people are so into how the sausage gets made, this amateur professionalism, like if thats your job or youd like it to be fine, otherwise youre just ruining the magic

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:04 (twelve years ago)

and its always on a very hack level, like whos the audience surrogate here folks whats this characters arc, not that quality professionals dont think about those things, but you have to have artistry along w the craft, and thats not so easy to express as screenwriting for dummies

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:07 (twelve years ago)

The TV coverage is all awful and all in desperate need of harder length limits IMO. Or just an editor demanding that you have something to say rather than systematically listing every joke in an episode of the Simpsons and explaining why it proves that it was the most cutting-edge show on TV at the time or whatever.

― Doctor Casino, Monday, March 4, 2013 11:45 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol rabin doesn't even do that much with the simpsons reviews! they're so drab and shallow and it sounds like he really doesn't want to do it

― This is called money bags. (zachlyon), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:23 (twelve years ago)

i hear u lag**n except for 'ruining the magic', bc thats kinda bs plus it supposes that there's a magic to ruin, they're just sitcoms

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:26 (twelve years ago)

i've come to really despise van der werff, who i think heads their TV coverage and just, at some point, decided to go ALL IN on the tv-recaps-are-a-super-important-art-form business. like i think he said to himself "this is your life now, this is what it will always be, you must become the greatest of all time (at tv ep recaps)". and he actually seems very knowledgeable about the history of television. if you want to know why there's no limit on their length, it's cause he's in charge of the thing and his recaps are always like a bare minimum of 2k words.

and yet i can't say the tv reviews are any less necessary than the movie/book/music reviews. those just spend a lot less time being totally pointless.

― This is called money bags. (zachlyon), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:32 (twelve years ago)

(his recaps are also horseshit, forgot to mention)

― This is called money bags. (zachlyon), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:33 (twelve years ago)

i haven't studied on it much - would mean reading recaps - but i've always had the sense that 'recap culture' happened because no one knows how to write about tv.

at least back when recapping was more the province of shippers and fanfic readers/writers, the recappers were self-consciously DOING something with the shows, relating to them in certain ways. now it's more like a pure joyless consumerist time-filler.

suspect recap culture is a late symptom of generation-limbo-style credentialized compulsory 'middle class' college education. hunger for INTERPRETATION of culture-consumables. somehow tv-recaps are like the worst version of it, worse than yelp.

― j., Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:40 (twelve years ago)

it would be easier to deal with television writing if the standard for pop culture crit in general weren't so strict

everything has to be on the right schedule, can only write about thngs right after they come out or end of year, etc

― This is called money bags. (zachlyon), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:50 (twelve years ago)

i was previously unaware of recap culture, sounds like that's a good thing, cd somebody explain roughly what it is?

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 09:58 (twelve years ago)

culture of recaps

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:09 (twelve years ago)

now right now, but we can put up a stub until a full recap is ready

― j., Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:10 (twelve years ago)

so it is just telling people what the plot of an ep was, like it sounds?

jfc

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:14 (twelve years ago)

why is it a thing?

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:14 (twelve years ago)

not to come over all Finnish, i googled this stuff but the links looked like dark alleys i didn't want to wander down

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:15 (twelve years ago)

It's a thing because it's free content, flows smoothly from keyboard to eyeballs.

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:26 (twelve years ago)

*sigh* i guess i just wasn't made for these times

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:33 (twelve years ago)

anyone who reads tv recaps needs to reconsider their life IMO. Same with anyone who has ever posted .gifs from american sitcoms.

― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 10:36 (twelve years ago)

Verging on internet hardmanning there - is there anything else on that list?

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 11:37 (twelve years ago)

XKCD fans

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 12:12 (twelve years ago)

i remember when i first found Mighty Big TV, before it became TV Without Pity, and read some recaps that were absolutely HILARIOUS and functioned like, if not satire, then supplemental entertainment, like Mystery Science Theatre running commentary. it's a shame that format has evolved into something more po-faced. the only time i ever go out of my way to read recaps is if i'm dense or inattentive enough not to understand some plot development or line of dialogue on a show and want to see if anyone can explain it for me (they usually don't).

― Shuwopley (some dude), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 12:46 (twelve years ago)

i hear u lag**n except for 'ruining the magic', bc thats kinda bs plus it supposes that there's a magic to ruin, they're just sitcoms

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 4:26 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

every sitcom is magical in its own way

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 12:55 (twelve years ago)

I don't think there's anything wrong with recapping, just the writing quality is so uniformly poor. Van Der Werff's writing has really infected the site -- it used to be a lot more idiosyncratic. Also, they're running out of oddballs to interview.

― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:11 (twelve years ago)

I really love lots of TV comedy, and am interested in comedy writing to some extent professionally, so I fell into the trap of reading everything about the various shows and their writers and the process that I came across but in the end it really is better to have some mystery to the ones you really love and just let them stand as they are

― kinder, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:14 (twelve years ago)

remember when i first found Mighty Big TV, before it became TV Without Pity, and read some recaps that were absolutely HILARIOUS and functioned like, if not satire, then supplemental entertainment, like Mystery Science Theatre running commentary. it's a shame that format has evolved into something more po-faced. the only time i ever go out of my way to read recaps is if i'm dense or inattentive enough not to understand some plot development or line of dialogue on a show and want to see if anyone can explain it for me (they usually don't).

Yes, agreed. I don't read recaps anymore, but Mighty Big TV & early TWOP managed to do something very fun & funny with it.

― Ulna (Nicole), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:35 (twelve years ago)

― lag∞n, Wednesday, March 6, 2013 4:07 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ya it all kind of just feels like tv fantasy camp if that makes any sense

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:38 (twelve years ago)

I remember when it was Dawson's Wrap.

― tokyo rosemary, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:39 (twelve years ago)

i can think of at least three reasons not to read "Onion A/V Club 'Community' TV Recaps" so I'm shocked to see that they are letting people down itt

― man wii u (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:43 (twelve years ago)

i dont think anyone is being... let down... by them?

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:44 (twelve years ago)

is anyone reading them

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:45 (twelve years ago)

the Community handwringing is doing more to drive me away from AV Club than the layout ever could

― my super interesting Kant story (DJP), Friday, March 1, 2013 2:42 PM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the Community reviews especially, I looked at one lately and it seemed like the writer was trying to get it all out before he burst into tears at the loss of Dan Harmon

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Monday, March 4, 2013 11:42 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― man wii u (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:45 (twelve years ago)

i see only evidence of 'handwringing' and 'looking' case dismissed

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:48 (twelve years ago)

i remember maybe the one time last year i sought out a tv recap was the Eagleheart episode where the last five minutes was just a parody of the ET Ride at Universal Studios, which I thought was such a surreal topic for a TV show that I just wanted to see if anyone had something to say about it. The EXPERT at the onion who recaps 15 minute Adult Swim shows didnt even recognize the ride and the comments savaged him and it was like "What is the point of all this?" but then I guess I technically googled it so

― man wii u (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:49 (twelve years ago)

i tried to find a recap of a house of cards episode cause i totally forgot one of the plot threads and was confused but then i couldnt

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:51 (twelve years ago)

i've found recaps useful as service-y things for when i didn't pay attention to some episode because i was reading or something and it didn't seem that good or interesting, so i'm not going to watch it again, but i may want to know continuing plot points or something or remind myself who some character is that all of a sudden ends up dead or something. so on the one hand they're these service-y, useful things that are handy to have around.

on the other hand, they're really intern fare at best and i can't imagine how miserable it would be to have to write them all the time for an actual living.

(loved hamilton's gawker recaps of girls season one though, which were pure foam flecked bile)

― s.clover, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:55 (twelve years ago)

i looked at the vulture rss feed recently and some poor guy was still recapping, in extensive detail, recent episodes of 'the office,' and it was like, poor guy

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:58 (twelve years ago)

"the one guy made a creepy sex joke again and then the main dude looked into the camera."

― man wii u (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 13:59 (twelve years ago)

but like, 1500 words of that. can you imagine

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:00 (twelve years ago)

with a lot of like, musing, about jim's character and stuff

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:00 (twelve years ago)

it was like 95% musing

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:01 (twelve years ago)

"the one guy made a creepy sex joke again and then the main dude looked into the camera."

― man wii u (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 8:59 AM (1 minute ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ha i would read them if they were in that voice

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:01 (twelve years ago)

the receptionist is perky, so perky, plz let me go

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:04 (twelve years ago)

tv recaps are like if every record review was like the ones that just describe what happens on the album, as if you can't pull it up on Spotify.

"Then the galloping drums stop on a dime and bixler-zavala lets out a bone chilling howl. The bass sputters for air."

― man wii u (Whiney G. Weingarten), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:05 (twelve years ago)

with a lot of like, musing, about jim's character and stuff

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 9:00 AM

it was like 95% musing

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 9:01 AM

I bet they don't even pay that well! That's sad.

― Ulna (Nicole), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:09 (twelve years ago)

Vulture let Patton Oswalt recap "American Idol" a few seasons ago and it was pretty hilarious.

David Sims's recaps for the Kevin Bacon show, "The Following" have been funny because he clearly hates the shit out of the show. e.g.,

…wait a second. That FBI agent? The one who’s not (R.I.P.) Reilly? Or Debra? Or Shawn Ashmore? The other one? Played by Dean Alai, apparently? Well he goes by the name of DAVID SIMS. WITH ONE M. I found this out when checking the IMDb credits for this episode while writing this review. Has anyone said this guy’s full name on screen? I’m genuinely frightened and also impressed with Kevin Williamson’s forethought. How did he know I’d be reviewing this show/that I’d hate it so much?

― ARE YOU HIRING A NANNY OR A SHAMAN (Phil D.), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:11 (twelve years ago)

yeah i mean i'll post on an ilx thread about a show sometimes right after the episode, but i can't imagine having DEADLINES of "oh, the episode ended 20 minutes ago, gotta finish this 3k-word treatise on it!"

― some dude, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:13 (twelve years ago)

the seven best ways to kill jim shoot darts into his eyes when he looks at the camera ep5 s12 office recap

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:15 (twelve years ago)

i can't imagine spending more than 5 seconds reading one of those hate-recaps

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:16 (twelve years ago)

I don't want to dwell on the shows I hate, like Girls.

― Ulna (Nicole), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:19 (twelve years ago)

you know what else bugs me, is those posts, usually in the awl, that are in a "conversational" or IM format, with lots of exclamation marks

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:21 (twelve years ago)

gah. I'm starting to have opinions about tv recaps

― No, not sinister (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:21 (twelve years ago)

Wait, it wasn't Patton Oswalt, it was Paul F. Tompkins: http://www.vulture.com/2011/01/american_idol_paul_f_tompkins_1.html

― ARE YOU HIRING A NANNY OR A SHAMAN (Phil D.), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:24 (twelve years ago)

PFT is hilarious but im still not gonna read those

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:25 (twelve years ago)

so it is just telling people what the plot of an ep was, like it sounds?

jfc

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 4:14 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

why is it a thing?

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 4:14 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's for people who sat through an entire hour of a program and somehow, didn't catch on to a single detail of the plot.

"The episode reached a crescendo when Miss Kitty told Marshall Dillion in the third act that she 'had some girls waiting' for her in Topeka. This marks the first time in the show's history that a direct implication has been made that Kitty runs a brothel in Dodge City. (Editor's Note - Turns out she was talking about her sisters. Nevermind.)"

― pplains, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:27 (twelve years ago)

suspect recap culture is a late symptom of generation-limbo-style credentialized compulsory 'middle class' college education. hunger for INTERPRETATION of culture-consumables. somehow tv-recaps are like the worst version of it, worse than yelp.

― j., Wednesday, March 6, 2013 1:40 AM (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Hang on let's not go crazy here

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 15:34 (twelve years ago)

now it's more like a pure joyless consumerist time-filler.

this has to be the description for some board

― ☠ ☃ ☠ (mh), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 15:36 (twelve years ago)

"some"

― a phenomenological description of The Eagles (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 16:06 (twelve years ago)

you know what else bugs me, is those posts, usually in the awl, that are in a "conversational" or IM format, with lots of exclamation marks

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 14:21 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Yeah, that recent George Saunders interview, argh. And when writers put "(laughs)" in an interviewee's response.

― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 16:57 (twelve years ago)

They were re-capping Arrested Development lately and it seemed odd cos i thought they had already gone through every episode, and were now doing so again.

I read the classic Simpsons ones. They aren't particularly good but I haven't seen most of those shows in years, and having a recap reminds me of a particularly amazing joke that i would otherwise wouldn't exactly come to mind when reading the title "Deep Space Homer" or whatever. Those old episodes are so jam-packed with things going on.

But yeah he is kind of bored, you can tell. At the end of every single episode review he never strays from saying "The next one is ____________. That's a good one, if memory serves."

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 17:23 (twelve years ago)

ok now i really want to read an epistolary novel written in the form of a series of tv recaps.

― s.clover, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:37 (twelve years ago)

with important developments occurring in arguments in comment sections.

― s.clover, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:39 (twelve years ago)

Yeah, that recent George Saunders interview, argh. And when writers put "(laughs)" in an interviewee's response.

― Chuck_Tatum, Wednesday, March 6, 2013 11:57 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

(laughs)

― 乒乓, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:39 (twelve years ago)

its great because it shows you made a good joek and they laughed at your joke and you are a funny writer!

― s.clover, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:43 (twelve years ago)

show, don't tell

― s.clover, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:43 (twelve years ago)

(laughs, thanks interviewer for bringing a ray of sunshine into his life)

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:43 (twelve years ago)

(laughs)
(gazes down throat)
(oneness)

― lag∞n, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:49 (twelve years ago)

The only good tv recapping is when Jon Wurster asks if you've seen the last episode of Archie Bunker's Place, the one they only showed once.

― Three Word Username, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:58 (twelve years ago)

(laughs, but later goes home and cries)

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 18:58 (twelve years ago)

oh i like IM-format articles, so easy to read

― max, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:37 (twelve years ago)

also there isn't a single "Laughs" in the saunders intvw

― max, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:37 (twelve years ago)

oh sorry there is a [laughter] and a [laughing] but its saunders laughing at his own jokes

― max, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:38 (twelve years ago)

the saunders interview isnt even like an IM, it's like a regular q&a

― max, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:39 (twelve years ago)

you guys are baffling

― max, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:39 (twelve years ago)

[laughter]

― 乒乓, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:39 (twelve years ago)

(baffs)

― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:39 (twelve years ago)

Can't spell save a ho without A&V.

― pplains, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:40 (twelve years ago)

i would never ride for av club, im defending the awl here

― max, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:41 (twelve years ago)

i like q&as/interviews, particularly with an interesting subject, but when it's two writers riffin' on like, the oscars or something, i hate it

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 19:59 (twelve years ago)

They usually end up making me hate at least one of the writers.

― Ulna (Nicole), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 20:00 (twelve years ago)

oh i like those almost always, i just skip the ones w/ writers i dont like. i love the sicha/scocca ones and the bustillos/roth ones

― max, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 20:03 (twelve years ago)

television recaps are only good for really terrible shows, preferably near cancellation

― Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 21:19 (twelve years ago)

the one good thing the av club's tv recap section did: point out the bizarre surrealist final season of "til death"

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 21:53 (twelve years ago)

and apparently that was just an article on their site, not the (god) "tv club." r.i.p.

― ta-nehisi goatse (fadanuf4erybody), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 21:56 (twelve years ago)

the AV Club is just horrible, the whole thing can just fuck off

― This is called money bags. (zachlyon), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:01 (twelve years ago)

u tell em

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:08 (twelve years ago)

Some real haters here

― Gukbe, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:08 (twelve years ago)

some of the writer are actively awful and the comments are nothing but a sustained horrorshow but it's still miles and miles better than Television Without Pity (except for Potes, Potes is hilarious)

― "Bellini." (DJP), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:11 (twelve years ago)

The film part (which is the only bit they's released an app for) is alright - hates fun a bit but who doesn't?

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:12 (twelve years ago)

pretty sure every section has an app? I keep getting asked if I want to download the TV app when I browse on my phone

― "Bellini." (DJP), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:15 (twelve years ago)

thats the worst

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:15 (twelve years ago)

actually o'neal's news coverage is good, the rest can fuck off

― This is called money bags. (zachlyon), Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:15 (twelve years ago)

Possibly the only one they've released an app in other regions for?

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 6 March 2013 22:18 (twelve years ago)

i dont read recaps so their existence doesnt bother me

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Thursday, 7 March 2013 03:00 (twelve years ago)

hth

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Thursday, 7 March 2013 03:00 (twelve years ago)

That's like saying I don't live in Syria so the atrocities there don't bother me

― zero dark (s1ocki), Thursday, 7 March 2013 05:18 (twelve years ago)

I have a higher tolerance for the avclub than most but I cannot stand the weekly "random minor celebrity tells us what video game they're playing this weekend" thing. I don't even know why exactly, just seeing it on the sidebar makes my skin crawl.

― JoeStork, Thursday, 7 March 2013 05:27 (twelve years ago)

i'm fine w/ avclub really, some of their writers i like a great deal (tobias, murray, bowman)(admittedly weird personal reasons for this), several problems w/ recaps at avclub and recap criticism in general but i think the main one is that very very very little tv is worth examining w/ this kind of scrutiny. and also that then the type of worthwhile scrutiny that can be yielded from these few shows is very difficult to churn out a half hour after endcredits. i think this (as much as general recapping, which dates back to mightybigtv as attraction anyway) is maybe the big negative sepinwall influence, that ppl could come to expect that take within the hour after the show ended and that then that standard - 'what someone can whip up an hour after a show ends' - becomes the bar. when you combine this w/ someone writing about big bang theory or whatever ye gods. what's disappointed me about them lately (and part of me wonders how much of this is change in personnel - they changed editors recently i think and i know they've had writers poached by other surely better paying outlets, grantland etc) is that, going back to the 90s even, they used to have clever ideas for arts features, random roles the obv example, and lately they have the laziest stuff like 'watch this'.

― balls, Thursday, 7 March 2013 05:45 (twelve years ago)

tv writing these days is really pretty bad, particularly "recap culture," which i find kind of odious for some reason

― zero dark (s1ocki), Tuesday, March 5, 2013 10:15 AM (10 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i raise you amateur behind-the-scenes-ism

― lag∞n, Tuesday, March 5, 2013 9:14 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah, 100%. i think u said something about that on some other thread, basically i long for the days before people knew the term "show runner"

― zero dark (s1ocki), Wednesday, March 6, 2013 1:17 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^^^

It's funny what a fine line this is, for me, cause I am totally with you as far as AV Club reviews go, but then I also totally dig things like the RedLetterMedia reviews for their attempts to break down what works/doesn't work at these kind of "one step halfway behind the curtain" levels that do have to do with "arcs" and "blocking" and so on. I don't know what it is that things like AV Club are missing here - maybe it's just not a lesson that needs beating in over the course of hundreds of episodes of dozens of shows.

xpost totally agreed re: the difference between a clear premise for a feature and "say something about this show." Dunno how much of it is that TV doesn't hold up to commentary - I think the "within the hour after the show ended" is the problem, or more specifically the "for each and every episode." I'm sure whatchajiggy could pull together a really interesting piece about, you know, an entire season of the Simpsons, or even various episodes from that season pulled together to illustrate overarching themes, changes going on in the undercurrent of the show, characters coming into focus over time, who knows what it would be but it would be a story with an argument and you could leave out shit that didn't relate to it. But then there wouldn't be a billion words a week to dump in between all those ads, I guess.

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 7 March 2013 05:52 (twelve years ago)

redlettermedia works (when it works) as comedy, as criticism it's garbage really. funny youtube eviscerations of fanboy garbage ain't exactly manny farber.

― balls, Thursday, 7 March 2013 06:04 (twelve years ago)

it's weird to think that the smart kind of macro tv crit like tom carson or james walcott do or did (or even stuff like j hoberman on the honeymooners, which really changed the way i viewed a show i already knew and loved, the hallmark of good crit imo)(and PAULINE KAEL'S FWIW) is less possible now despite tv crit being bigger than ever (seriously is there a music crit now as big as sepinwall? one that could self publish a book on amazon, about his field, and have it succeed like that?). avclub does halfheart gestures at this from time to time but it's clearly beyond there reach, just totally out of there comfort zone. vaguely reminded of when gawker does their longform things and you're like 'guys, this would fit in the readings section in harpers. step it up.'

― balls, Thursday, 7 March 2013 06:16 (twelve years ago)

That's like saying I don't live in Syria so the atrocities there don't bother me

― zero dark (s1ocki), Thursday, March 7, 2013 12:18 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark

they dont tbh

and also that then the type of worthwhile scrutiny that can be yielded from these few shows is very difficult to churn out a half hour after endcredits.

yeah. i dont buy that only a handful of shows 'deserve' scrutiny, but the problem with recaps is the turnaround is too rapid for them to say anything interesting - about subtext, about filmmaking, about storytelling. they can only, well, recap. and if the writer is sharp sometimes you get some kernels of insight, but it's a thin reward for reading every week

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Thursday, 7 March 2013 08:04 (twelve years ago)

quality tv

― buzza, Thursday, 7 March 2013 08:11 (twelve years ago)

If nothing else at least we can thank the AV Clin for unleashing the inimitable ZODIAC MOTHERFUCKER on the Internet.

http://www.ifc.com/fix/2009/11/in-praise-of-zmf

― ARE YOU HIRING A NANNY OR A SHAMAN (Phil D.), Thursday, 7 March 2013 11:40 (twelve years ago)

Not saying anything one way or the other about the quality of RLM's criticism - just saying that I find some edutainment value in the little bits and pieces of film school 101 (or summer camp before film school) that they throw around, or how they made me able to articulate all the ways the Star Wars prequels were bad beyond the obvious stuff I'd been citing for years. And this is an edutainment value that I don't find in the AV Club stuff. That's all.

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 7 March 2013 13:21 (twelve years ago)

Their piece on how Adam Sandler movies are basically working as piggy banks for him was pretty smart too. Yeah yeah low bars, but Youtubes that cost $5 to make have possibly not found their Kael just yet.

― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 7 March 2013 13:31 (twelve years ago)

The song hating section is one of the most repeatedly obvious things ever. I would have never guessed dudes in supremely hip bands don't like Nickleback.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 7 March 2013 13:43 (twelve years ago)

A number of the heavier dramas send screeners out to the recappers for each episode, except perhaps the finale (which often leads to a significant delay in the posting of the recap). They've usually written it before the episode has even aired. Myles McNutt had a good article about recaps v reviews etc a few years ago, but I can't remember where it was.

I don't generally read recaps, but I like having them if there's a really interesting episode of a show. Not to defend all the writers there or anything, but I don't think they're en masse as terrible as has been made out itt. I much prefer Todd Van Der Werff's individual articles than I do his recaps (partly because I pretty much never read the recaps), and the dude is incredibly knowledgable about televisions, its workings, and its history. I can get how his writing might rankle as it's very apparent he came up through the MZS/House Next Door school, and that ain't for everyone.

― Gukbe, Thursday, 7 March 2013 16:09 (twelve years ago)

quick turnaround is almost certainly a thing.

as well, there's what david simon complained about: instantly weighing in on something that's just one piece of a larger whole.

but i think what bugs me the most is the way they're written, as basically chronological, play-by-play descriptions of the episode with a little bit of peanut gallery commentary. imagine movie reviews were written like that...

― zero dark (s1ocki), Thursday, 7 March 2013 16:50 (twelve years ago)

There is quick turnaround, but it's usually a couple of hours I think. Certainly for things like Mad Men etc, for which they usually have screeners anyway.

I agree with David Simon to an extent, and that's certainly an issue for something like The Wire, but I don't think there are many shows that really consider each episode as a piece of the whole to that extent. One of things I've liked about recaps that I've read over the years has been breaking down each episode and highlighting the "episodic" elements. Nowadays I think they're less about individuals stories and more about thematic cohesion.

Film criticism is fundamentally different from this sort of thing though, so I'm not sure that's a useful comparison.

― Gukbe, Thursday, 7 March 2013 16:58 (twelve years ago)

The Guardian did recaps of the Wire a couple of years after it ended, if I remember correctly.

― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 7 March 2013 18:03 (twelve years ago)

I think the only recaps of a show I've read all the way through on the avclub were the first two seasons of Deadwood that they revisited a few years ago. I thought they were quite good.

― Gukbe, Thursday, 7 March 2013 18:14 (twelve years ago)

there was a cool thing on slate where they had mafia experts recapping sopranos episodes

― lag∞n, Thursday, 7 March 2013 18:25 (twelve years ago)

Robyn Hitchcock's song-hating piece was really thoughtful and intelligent and non-obvious, almost all the others are awful though.

― JoeStork, Thursday, 7 March 2013 18:40 (twelve years ago)

Rabin's Simpsons recaps were more fun when they had multiple grammatical errors in each paragraph and were clearly written in under an hour, probably while hungover.

― JoeStork, Thursday, 7 March 2013 18:43 (twelve years ago)

― turds (Hungry4Ass)

this is otm and also i think often their scrutiny when it attempts to delve into "what it all means" is often simply wrong-headed speculation about what's going to happen to a character, or something obvious and dumb like "well call me crazy but i think that thoughtless comment about rape made to so and so certainly affected her considering she was raped last season."

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Thursday, 7 March 2013 19:42 (twelve years ago)

ya there's a lot of hunting and pecking for meaningful signs & symbols

― zero dark (s1ocki), Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:09 (twelve years ago)

The EW recaps of Lost were some of the most insane symbol hunting things ever. That Doc Jensen dude is certifiable.

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:14 (twelve years ago)

ya was kind of a megaburn on him when the show ended and everybody realized it had all been make-it-up-as-you-go-along bullshit

― zero dark (s1ocki), Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:19 (twelve years ago)

i feel like sometimes the recaps break down into some kind of tearful sincerity about the show's quality, 'goddammit this is why it's great and means something, when they do things like this.'

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:26 (twelve years ago)

wild speculation on lost recaps were p awesome and kind of better than the show itself tbh

― lag∞n, Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:28 (twelve years ago)

yeah it was the main reason i kept watching

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:37 (twelve years ago)

Robyn Hitchcock's song-hating piece was really thoughtful and intelligent and non-obvious, almost all the others are awful though.

― JoeStork, Thursday, March 7, 2013 1:40 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

oh god i forgot this feature is literally called "Hatesong"

steve albini's made me hate steve albini a lot more than i usually do, which was an accomplishment

― This is called money bags. (zachlyon), Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:45 (twelve years ago)

The Posies actually have a song called "Hate Song," AVC missing out on some real synergy here.

― ARE YOU HIRING A NANNY OR A SHAMAN (Phil D.), Thursday, 7 March 2013 20:55 (twelve years ago)

I never watched Lost but I will say that wild speculation was really fun when it was episodes of Survivor ten years ago and there really was this a real creative energy put into sifting through a show that seemed to have been deliberately crafted for the clue-hunters at a number of levels. There was actually fun for the fan community in reverse-engineering the likely winner based on the editing cues. Don't know if they kept that stuff going, I bailed after season ten or eleven but it was pretty great dorky fun.

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 7 March 2013 23:11 (twelve years ago)

thats kinda awesome

― zero dark (s1ocki), Thursday, 7 March 2013 23:30 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/video-of-man-weeping-becomes-viral-hit,31710/

― ❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Monday, 18 March 2013 20:14 (twelve years ago)

yep, watched the whole thing

― i petted a bodega cat today. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 18 March 2013 20:50 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/find-the-thing-youre-most-passionate-about-then-do,31742/

― s.clover, Wednesday, 20 March 2013 17:04 (twelve years ago)

I had never seen this old one that got tweeted this morning:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/slightly-upset-woman-declared-insane,341/

― pplains, Wednesday, 20 March 2013 17:07 (twelve years ago)

dying

― Darth Icky (DJP), Wednesday, 20 March 2013 17:08 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/find-the-thing-youre-most-passionate-about-then-do,31742/

― s.clover, Wednesday, March 20, 2013 1:04 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark

hahaha *feels intense stabs of pain in lower abdomen*

― 乒乓, Wednesday, 20 March 2013 17:10 (twelve years ago)

haha, perfect.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Wednesday, 20 March 2013 17:22 (twelve years ago)

And on the "Onion goes dark" front,

Christopher Walken

― nickn, Wednesday, 20 March 2013 17:26 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/find-the-thing-youre-most-passionate-about-then-do,31742/

― s.clover, Wednesday, March 20, 2013 1:04 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark

hahaha *feels intense stabs of pain in lower abdomen*

― 乒乓, Wednesday, March 20, 2013 1:10 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

;_;

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 20 March 2013 17:28 (twelve years ago)

this one confused the hell out of me until i saw the byline
http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-am-old-and-confused-and-paralyzed-with-sexual-fr,31680/

― i petted a bodega cat today. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 20 March 2013 22:30 (twelve years ago)

every so often the Onion do pieces like that 'find a thing you're passionate about etc' one that pull off the dual trick of having a (near enough) universal resonance while also reading like whoever wrote is blowing off some personal anguish

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Wednesday, 20 March 2013 22:51 (twelve years ago)

It has been incredibly good for the last year or two. Wonder if the pay wall has helped boost quality.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Thursday, 21 March 2013 00:11 (twelve years ago)

Okay that pope one had me in tears, genuinely biggest laugh in a long, long time.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Thursday, 21 March 2013 00:14 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gaypride-parade-sets-mainstream-acceptance-of-gays,351/

"They kept chanting things like, 'We're here, we're queer, get used to it!' and 'Hey, hey, we're gay, we're not going to go away!'" Orosco said. "All I can say is, I was used to it, but now, although I'd never felt this way before, I wish they would go away."

― k3vin k., Thursday, 21 March 2013 03:51 (twelve years ago)

Like half my fb friends have shared that "nights and weekends" piece. seems to have really struck a chord.

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 04:11 (twelve years ago)

Yeah same here. And I think it really does with all of us, which if you think about it is fucking depressing!

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Thursday, 21 March 2013 05:47 (twelve years ago)

would be more depressing to not have those nights n weekends

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, 21 March 2013 06:06 (twelve years ago)

yeah I dunno I had a solid 18 months of having no school and almost no work encumbering my time and I was pretty miserable and wasn't achieving any dreams.

― my god i only have 2 useless beyblade (silby), Thursday, 21 March 2013 06:30 (twelve years ago)

good point.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Thursday, 21 March 2013 08:21 (twelve years ago)

well, poverty is probly a bit worse than pishing yr life away at pointless unsatisfying drudgery but i don't think that undermines the article any

― oh god is it still 1992? (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 21 March 2013 09:10 (twelve years ago)

obv some people will disagree but i don't think they're being more realistic

― oh god is it still 1992? (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 21 March 2013 09:11 (twelve years ago)

it is a bit depressing but it's also possible to make a real commitment to a hobby in the evenings and weekends. if you do find yourself wishing you could do it all the time that's not necessarily a negative. still a great wry laugh tho, most of us still need to work.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Thursday, 21 March 2013 09:21 (twelve years ago)

I think what it means to me is this:

I used to do music, and it was something that I gave a large percentage of my time to.

Now, similarly to the article, the best I could hope for would be 30 mins every other day, maybe a couple hours a weekend.

This is not enough time in bursts to get back to proficiency, or to produce anything worth the effort.

So, I don't.

My brane still writes songs / music unfettered, they are the finest songs ever, as long as I don't actually commit them to physical media.

― Mark G, Thursday, 21 March 2013 09:37 (twelve years ago)

I think more why I found it depressing was less the "I only spend X a week on my passion" than the "I spend most of my hours on this shitty job that I hate" part. I can think of very few people who genuinely love their job to the point they leap out of bed for it/put in extra hours/do it all the time cos theyre obsessed with it. The rest of us do what we do because it pays the bills, and for whatever fucked up reason, creative pursuits don't do this.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Thursday, 21 March 2013 10:11 (twelve years ago)

I think it's verisimilitude doing the work more than anything else, the article seemed very mid-period Onion in that they've never actually dropped off from having A+ funny ideas but they don't always have more in the article than "The Headline, Expanded". It seemed like they were acknowledging this when they brought in the front page stuff that was just headlines.

― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 21 March 2013 10:12 (twelve years ago)

Trayce have you considered being Amanda Palmer, I am genuinely surprised at how many people don't consider this as a career option.

― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 21 March 2013 10:12 (twelve years ago)

I think if I spent significantly longer on my creative endeavour, I'd want some sort of progress to happen to them...

― Mark G, Thursday, 21 March 2013 10:30 (twelve years ago)

i don't think the bigger issue is whether you should be able to make a living from your personal creative interests, what the piece nails is the relative time and energy people feel they're able to allot to what they have to do and what they want to do. for some people that's not problematic, it's LYFE, and for others it's terrible but you can disagree with where the fault lies, yrself or the society you belong to or some combo of both

i just think its good to remember that no side has a monopoly on truth there as to what's effed up with the world and if your world doesn't seem too effed up then good for you, carry on

― oh god is it still 1992? (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 21 March 2013 10:41 (twelve years ago)

Trayce have you considered being Amanda Palmer

Haha. I'd rather die.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Thursday, 21 March 2013 10:46 (twelve years ago)

i liked and vibed w/ that article but lets b/h its a slightly more subtle/less earnest version of the stuff we make fun of on the facebook artist thread

― max, Thursday, 21 March 2013 10:53 (twelve years ago)

that tends to be laughed at for the manner in which it's said more than what it's saying though I think?

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 21 March 2013 11:00 (twelve years ago)

ie obvious truisms presented as 'insight'

― an average girl realizing that leggings aren't helping the cause (DJ Mencap), Thursday, 21 March 2013 11:01 (twelve years ago)

yeah there's nothing deep in that Onion bit but it's delivery twists the knife in just right, plenty of wisdom is just reminding you of shit you already know

― oh god is it still 1992? (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 21 March 2013 11:02 (twelve years ago)

it's not even a particularly well written one imo, by their own v high standards of rhythm, but it is a good topic.

― Tioc Norris (LocalGarda), Thursday, 21 March 2013 11:37 (twelve years ago)

the fb thread is 'follow yr dreams' (rainbow font, misspellings, improper period usage, other goodies aside). this is more 'lool this is is what happens when you follow yr dreams, sucker.'

― s.clover, Thursday, 21 March 2013 12:35 (twelve years ago)

it's more "your dreams mean nothing, stop dreaming" imo

― Easter Humphreys (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 21 March 2013 12:41 (twelve years ago)

i wonder if this thing "connecting on facebook" has anything to do with the whole tail-end-of-gen-x-thru-gen-y helicopter parenting developing into entitlement issues for a bunch of kids who were told they were gonna live their dreams but instead now we have a fiscal crisis and an engineer shortage and a bunch of 20/30-somethings who didn't live their dreams but ultimately live cushy enough lives inherited from their middle-to upper-middle-to-upper-class upbringings to be on the internet all day and dominate the discourse with things like forwarding onion articles and upvoting "harlem shake" videos.

― îron swanson (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 21 March 2013 12:55 (twelve years ago)

in short, this was a funny onion piece and i enjoyed it.

― îron swanson (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, 21 March 2013 12:55 (twelve years ago)

in its entire history there are like 7 onion articles total that are strong reads from headline to byline... i really liked it when they switched to the headline/one paragraph format, less chance to fuck it up

― 乒乓, Thursday, 21 March 2013 12:58 (twelve years ago)

man that is some harsh judgement...

Bylines are traditionally placed between the headline and the text of the article

― Another turning point, a stork fuck in the road (ledge), Thursday, 21 March 2013 13:02 (twelve years ago)

Find The Thing You're Most Passionate About, Then Do It On Nights And Weekends For The Rest Of Your Life

hahaha!

COMMENTARY • Opinion • ISSUE 49•12 • Mar 20, 2013
By David Ferguson

ok you lost me at ISSUE 49•12

― Another turning point, a stork fuck in the road (ledge), Thursday, 21 March 2013 13:03 (twelve years ago)

haha you know what i meant, and irealizd that the onion places its authors right below the headline as i wrote that but i didnt give a fuccccckkkk

― 乒乓, Thursday, 21 March 2013 13:05 (twelve years ago)

the 20/30-somethings experience

― schlump, Thursday, 21 March 2013 13:26 (twelve years ago)

― îron swanson (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, March 21, 2013 8:55 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah I think this is very much about being a generation raised by dreamy boomers but without the boomer economy/job market to back up those dreams. I just heard some reasonably established middle-aged journalist on NPR saying "When I started my career, all the papers had some kind of paid entry level position that you could get with no experience and it paid the bills and you could feed yourself and build a portfolio" and I was like YEAH RIGHT BULLSHIT THAT NEVER HAPPENED...really?

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 13:51 (twelve years ago)

They would have 'one' position like that.

(I remember C-Man ranting on about being turned down as a school leaver for such a placing, in favour of some 'pretty girl' apparently, and the daft thing was, I'd applied for one as well and also got turned down and had completely forgotten about..)

― Mark G, Thursday, 21 March 2013 14:09 (twelve years ago)

IDK though, I feel like you hear a lot more older journalists talk about working their way up through a single paper, and starting in a paid job (if not a paid writing job, maybe copy editing). This "internship" concept didn't exist, let alone doing a series of four or five unpaid internships. And there were more papers, with more money, and probably less competition too because fewer people graduated college. Of course you're still getting the selection bias of people who made it when you listen to those interviews, but I definitely think we face a combination of a larger generation of people who feel that they should have "interesting" work combined with a lower availability of that kind of work (unless you're in computers).

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 14:47 (twelve years ago)

Well, I hope those paths still exist, as Amber is keen on doing Jnlsm...

― Mark G, Thursday, 21 March 2013 15:20 (twelve years ago)

Oh man. Tell her to go into Telemarketing or some other more lucrative career.

― pplains, Thursday, 21 March 2013 15:26 (twelve years ago)

well no, the decidedly do not still exist. that's my whole point.

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 March 2013 15:27 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-rachel-goldstein-really-hitting-it-off-on-gr,31753

― Mordy, Thursday, 21 March 2013 18:10 (twelve years ago)

This may be obvious, but surely part of the appeal of the ''do what you love'' bit is that it's expressly sending up a popular theme OF the facebook macro industry, and the specific uncritical glibness that imagines that anybody doing something they don't love must just not be trying hard enough or loving life enough, or whatever?

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 21 March 2013 18:45 (twelve years ago)

yesss

http://www.theonion.com/articles/youtube-reaches-1-trillion-racist-comments,31766/

― goole, Thursday, 21 March 2013 20:18 (twelve years ago)

^ does kinda make me wonder how many terabytes of server space are occupied by the word "faggot"

― Heyman (crüt), Thursday, 21 March 2013 20:29 (twelve years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/tr5Zdu2.png

hah

― lag∞n, Thursday, 21 March 2013 20:31 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-time-for-watereddown-and-effectively-meaningle,31751/

― k3vin k., Thursday, 21 March 2013 22:18 (twelve years ago)

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/21/21461/original/700.hq.jpg?8475

― space phwoar (Hurting 2), Monday, 25 March 2013 19:33 (twelve years ago)

aww the birthright article is beautiful

― From the home of the underground railway and stuff (symsymsym), Tuesday, 26 March 2013 06:53 (twelve years ago)

On the old school paid journalism note, Bryson does a nice turn in his UK travels book about his time at one of the London papers just before Murdoch came in and tipped it all upside down and he speaks of 3 hour lunches and people starting at 11 and bailing at 5, and it sounded like a magical unionised fairyland to me.

― a kissed out red popemobile (Trayce), Tuesday, 26 March 2013 09:13 (twelve years ago)

I worked in Fleet Street on 'location' (not in the journo industry, t'was insurance), and yes I 'vaguely' remember the Friday afternoons...

― Mark G, Tuesday, 26 March 2013 09:59 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ad-for-drummer-personally-attacks-old-drummer,31911/

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 3 April 2013 15:57 (twelve years ago)

hahah, was just about to post that

― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 3 April 2013 17:33 (twelve years ago)

Ned, is it me or do you seem to find a way to make references to Peruvian things some how? Have you ever been?

― c21m50nh3x460n, Wednesday, 3 April 2013 17:39 (twelve years ago)

It's usually jaymc who does the perusing.

― pplains, Wednesday, 3 April 2013 17:40 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-rachel-goldstein-really-hitting-it-off-on-gr,31753

― Mordy, Thursday, March 21, 2013 2:10 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i don't think i get this one

― some dude, Wednesday, 3 April 2013 17:43 (twelve years ago)

The choice of bandname is amusing coincidence. I have not been, but I have reasons to appreciate the country.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 3 April 2013 17:44 (twelve years ago)

sd: it's a birthright trip thang

― I offer about as much diversity as a saltine cracker. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 3 April 2013 17:49 (twelve years ago)

Ned, so do I.

Lima itself has turned into a nice city, but the real treat is traveling through the provinces, depending on what you enjoy.

― c21m50nh3x460n, Wednesday, 3 April 2013 17:52 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-rachel-goldstein-really-hitting-it-off-on-gr,31753

― Mordy, Thursday, March 21, 2013 2:10 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i don't think i get this one

― some dude, Wednesday, April 3, 2013 7:43 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

iirc its common for jewish american youth to take an extended trip to israel at some point, usually with a group of other youth, which can result in a summer-camp-like environment, occasionally yielding romance/crushes

obama's first trip to israel, etc

― ❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Thursday, 4 April 2013 15:14 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/syrians-lives-are-worthless-obama-tells-daughters,31934

― Mordy, Thursday, 4 April 2013 19:07 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/south-carolina-defends-right-to-fly-hardees-flag-f,31881/

― Chuck E was a hero to most (s.clover), Thursday, 4 April 2013 22:51 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/roger-ebert-hails-human-existence-as-a-triumph,31945/

― infirm neophytic child (zachlyon), Thursday, 4 April 2013 23:12 (twelve years ago)

much nicer than their response to siskel's passing

― balls, Friday, 5 April 2013 01:32 (twelve years ago)

ah ok thnks for explaining the israel thing -- i mean i was aware of that aspect but didn't realize it was the crux of the comedy, was like is this just a lol what if obama was a pedo thing?

― the drummer for gay Daddy Yankee (some dude), Friday, 5 April 2013 01:41 (twelve years ago)

huh, your post was how i heard ebert died.

― I offer about as much diversity as a saltine cracker. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 5 April 2013 03:28 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/coworker-with-fluorescent-bike-vest-treats-office,31980/

spot on. we had someone here who had blindingly bright red strobing lights on his backpack and he'd turn them on before leaving office

― koogs, Monday, 8 April 2013 16:41 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/taco-bell-launches-new-morning-after-burrito,918/

this infographic is killing me:
http://media.theonion.com/images/articles/article/918/onion_news2180_jpg_250x1000_q85.jpg

― I, rrational (mh), Wednesday, 10 April 2013 20:44 (twelve years ago)

Taco Bell officials are excited about the offering. "In the past, before Roe v. Wade, young women literally had to 'make a run for the border' to terminate an unwanted pregnancy," Taco Bell public relations director Grant Lesko said. "But now, women can make that same run for the border at over 7,300 convenient locations right in their own hometowns."

― @GracieLoPan #fyi (Display Name (this cannot be changed):), Wednesday, 10 April 2013 20:58 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/leading-social-media-site-harvardconnection-now-va,32011/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

― some dude, Thursday, 11 April 2013 01:48 (twelve years ago)

lol

liked thi sone too http://www.theonion.com/articles/fasttalking-computer-hacker-just-has-to-break-thro,32000/

― zero dark (s1ocki), Thursday, 11 April 2013 04:49 (twelve years ago)

me irl

― I, rrational (mh), Thursday, 11 April 2013 14:20 (twelve years ago)

Haha oh holy shit they have been killing it on the music front lately

http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-band-expects-things-to-take-off-following-gl,32027/

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:43 (twelve years ago)

dying

― 乒乓, Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:47 (twelve years ago)

ow that one hurts

― --808 542137 (Hurting 2), Thursday, 11 April 2013 20:51 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/this-is-a-tragedydoes-it-really-matter-exactly-how,32076/

― sktsh, Tuesday, 16 April 2013 23:46 (twelve years ago)

would be good if it didn't make the same point ten times, which I know it fits the guy being satirized, buy yknow brevity is the soul of wit well next to the soul of wit actually. Works best w headlines; "Marilyn Manson Now Going Door To Door Shocking People" purrfecto

― dow, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 00:14 (twelve years ago)

yeah but the whole Desert Ashes item indeed rools, not just the headline.

― dow, Wednesday, 17 April 2013 00:16 (twelve years ago)

Study: Majority Of Americans Not Informed Enough To Stereotype Chechens

― silverfish, Friday, 19 April 2013 21:15 (twelve years ago)

Next level IMO:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-no-news-breaking,32113/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-still-nothing,32114/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-has-the-word-breaking-lost-all-its-meanin,32115/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-can-anyone-ever-truly-know-anything-what,32116/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-we-might-be-doing-a-bad-job,32118/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-do-you-think-were-doing-a-good-job,32119/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-were-doing-a-bad-job,32120/

― H-E-double-s1ockisticks (forksclovetofu), Friday, 19 April 2013 21:23 (twelve years ago)

Those are great.

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 19 April 2013 22:29 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/taylor-swift-now-dating-watertown-boat,32161/

― Pope Frank is the messenger of your doom (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Monday, 22 April 2013 23:58 (twelve years ago)

so on point:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/shocked-dzhokar-tsarnaev-always-thought-classmates,32158/

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 23 April 2013 00:00 (twelve years ago)

oh man vicious:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/romney-drops-by-to-see-how-downandout-family-he-me,32185/

― Chuck E was a hero to most (s.clover), Wednesday, 24 April 2013 20:33 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/islamic-extremist-gives-up-on-radicalizing-dimwitt,32189/

― Mordy, Wednesday, 24 April 2013 23:43 (twelve years ago)

The title is pretty much all of it.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-man-now-checks-inside-boat-in-driveway-every,32186/

― nickn, Thursday, 25 April 2013 00:21 (twelve years ago)

Is this also the thread for talking about Onion TV shows?

I just watched the pilot of Onion News Empire on Amazon Prime and thought it was pretty solid, didn't blow me away, but a lot of good laugh lines skewering both the news and the genre of the newsroom drama. Was hard not to think about the fact that the criticism of Big Corporate Media was being funded by a Big Corporate something else that is trying to compete with Big Corporate Media, and that took a little of the bite out of it for me.

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Sunday, 28 April 2013 01:27 (twelve years ago)

we kind of use this thread for onion tv shows fyi Cloudy drink kills frog: the Onion's "Sex House"

― ְ֮֠֓֟֬֩ (gr8080), Monday, 29 April 2013 22:32 (twelve years ago)

that's for their web shorts more tho. i think other showlike things (like the half hour ifc dealie) deserve their own thread?

― Chuck E was a hero to most (s.clover), Tuesday, 30 April 2013 03:02 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/article-about-one-world-trade-center-building-incl,32262/

Yes

― Evan, Wednesday, 1 May 2013 20:55 (twelve years ago)

Dick Cheney Vice Presidential Library Opens In Pitch-Dark, Sulfurous Underground Cave

― Huston we got chicken lol (Phil D.), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 23:52 (twelve years ago)

Writing anything beyond the headline was unnecessary (they used to leave things that way more often) but this is still funny:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/rescue-chip-sent-in-to-save-broken-tostito-submerg,32292/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Thursday, 2 May 2013 20:57 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/secretary-of-interior-takes-presidential-oath-of-o,32264/

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Monday, 6 May 2013 20:16 (twelve years ago)

http://livewire.talkingpointsmemo.com/entry/onion-mocks-syrian-electronic-army-after-twitter-hack

― balls, Monday, 6 May 2013 20:16 (twelve years ago)

damn they are the coldest

― we're up all night to get (s1ocki), Monday, 6 May 2013 23:03 (twelve years ago)

as noted on the other thread, pretty brutal

― four Marxes plus four Obamas plus four Bin Ladens (Shakey Mo Collier), Monday, 6 May 2013 23:38 (twelve years ago)

Wow.

― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 01:28 (twelve years ago)

which other thread xp?

― caek, Tuesday, 7 May 2013 08:54 (twelve years ago)

rolling middle east 2013 thread I guess

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 7 May 2013 09:08 (twelve years ago)

― caek, Tuesday, 7 May 2013 09:15 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heartbroken-chris-brown-always-thought-rihanna-was,32340

― ְ֮֠֓֟֬֩ (gr8080), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 17:54 (twelve years ago)

Love the Lindsay Lohan one linked to that page

― Sir Lord Baltimora (Myonga Vön Bontee), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 17:57 (twelve years ago)

man, onion going dark with some of these

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 18:37 (twelve years ago)

my feminist/anti-racist radical outlier friends are very very very pissed about that Chris Brown story

― not feeling those lighters (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:17 (twelve years ago)

they would though

― there is no special cathexis with mini fried donuts (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:18 (twelve years ago)

true

― not feeling those lighters (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:19 (twelve years ago)

i don't like that chris brown story. in addition to the possible offensiveness it is just uninspired and lame.

― Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:21 (twelve years ago)

the incessant focus on chris brown and relative lack of attention given to olde worlde wite culture heroes with similar domestic violence proclicvities is racially dubious as has been said elsewhere, but that doesn't mean the onion should refrain from clowning him

― there is no special cathexis with mini fried donuts (Nilmar Honorato da Silva), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:22 (twelve years ago)

lol the onion

― surm, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:22 (twelve years ago)

i mean... ugh the onion :(

― surm, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:23 (twelve years ago)

i don't understand the point of that joke except "lol this awful thing happened."

― Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:26 (twelve years ago)

yeah not funny at all imo, reads like something any hack could come up with

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:26 (twelve years ago)

i don't understand the point of that joke except "lol this awful thing happened."

― Treeship, Wednesday, May 8, 2013 12:26 AM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the joke is that the media reports on the status of chris brown and rihanna's relationship like it's any other celebrity couple instead of a sad and terrifying thing, so the Onion wrote a satirical article with that same tone

― Matt Armstrong, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:36 (twelve years ago)

It's also a take on the old "this is the woman I knew I'd spend the rest of my life with" thing.

― nickn, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:46 (twelve years ago)

umm... duh. but to matt, i don't think the media treated their relationship like any other relationship so that satire is sort of irrelevant. like, if anything i was uncomfortable with the critiques of rihanna's decision to get back with brown because they seemed to come more from a place of victim blaming rather than concern ("can you believe it??" etc). in general i just wish that celebrity gossip wasn't a thing

― Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:51 (twelve years ago)

although i get that this situation was an important instance to talk about the problem of domestic violence and so in that sense it was worth talking about. so yeah, i get what you are saying: their relationship shouldn't have just been another source of gossip. i still don't like the onion article though.

― Treeship, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 00:53 (twelve years ago)

Niche Online Message Board Takes Issue With The Onion
The Internet

― surm, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 01:06 (twelve years ago)

I LOL'd at this

http://www.theonion.com/articles/snooze-button-time-traveler-sets-coordinates-for-5,32339/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 01:11 (twelve years ago)

i don't quite get why ppl would be pissed about the chris brown story? i guess its one of those 'dark humor trivializes bad things' sort of reactions? sigh

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 01:58 (twelve years ago)

I LOL'd at this

http://www.theonion.com/articles/snooze-button-time-traveler-sets-coordinates-for-5,32339/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, May 7, 2013 9:11 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

yeah liked that one, but again an example of the whole joke being in the headline, no further text needed

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 02:02 (twelve years ago)

Nah I enjoyed the breakdown of the space-age time travel gear and traveler set against a mundane slacker groaning at what feels to him like instant time jumps. I enjoyed the body but yeah it would have worked as headline only too.

― Evan, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 03:04 (twelve years ago)

lol hurting's point reminds of this mad magazine parody of the onion roughly 12 years ago, odds are the last time mad magazine will make me laff -

http://www2.warnerbros.com/madmagazine/files/onthestands/ots_424/images/bunion.jpg

― balls, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 05:47 (twelve years ago)

that reminds me, anyone know the story behind the turnover going on at av club?

― balls, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 05:49 (twelve years ago)

i think a bunch of them are leaving together to start a new site, or something.

― turds (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 06:00 (twelve years ago)

interesting, i knew the longtime av club editor either quit or was fired (it felt like fired) months ago and then hyden split for grantland then i noticed scott tobias left (that guy along w/ noah murray and donna bowman had a weirdly large influence on my film taste and education when i was in high school and they were in college), then rabin who fbow is their defining voice or whatever and i thought 'ok something is definitely going on'. wondered if it was just high visibility and new eic prompting mass consideration of other pastures or if there was something more organized going on.

― balls, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 06:11 (twelve years ago)

the chris brown thing belongs in the daily mash

― caek, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 07:39 (twelve years ago)

A friend in the know tells me that Phipps was let go and that the others then jumped ship to join him, in solidarity, on a new site he's starting.

― jaymc, Wednesday, 8 May 2013 12:53 (twelve years ago)

I like that mad parody. It reminds me of my college weekly paper days, when we (the pretentious/artsy weekly) did a parody issue of the daily, and then the other weekly (sort of a ziney/gross-out thing) did a great parody of us, nailing in particular our jargon-laden reviews of obscure indie music.

― huun huurt 2 (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 8 May 2013 15:34 (twelve years ago)

That was like the only thing the Medium did that was funny

― los blue jeans, Friday, 10 May 2013 19:37 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/24yearold-receives-sage-counsel-from-venerable-27y,32515/

actually has a punchline even

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 20:24 (twelve years ago)

Think I'll put this in the American Politics thread as well.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/our-thoughts-go-out-to-oklahoma-says-congressman-m,32514/

― nickn, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 20:44 (twelve years ago)

lol @ punchline xp

― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 21 May 2013 21:07 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/father-excitedly-tells-10yearold-son-about-new-vid,32518/

― Hockey Drunk (kingfish), Tuesday, 21 May 2013 21:36 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-derives-depressing-amount-of-pride-from-hometo,32510/

Man Derives Depressing Amount Of Pride From Hometown Burger Chain

it's funny because it's true.

― koogs, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 08:25 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-who-cracked-3-separate-iphone-screens-expect,32538/

PHILADELPHIA—Samantha Curtis, a 29-year-old sales clerk who has reportedly cracked three separate iPhone screens over the years, is due to give birth to a baby boy this coming August, sources confirmed.

The expectant mother, who has accidentally damaged a trio of smartphone displays by either dropping her iPhone, allowing it to collide with other items in her purse, or losing control of it when absentmindedly spinning it on a tabletop, said she is “thrilled” to bring her new child into the world.

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Wednesday, 22 May 2013 17:35 (twelve years ago)

lmao

― caek, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 18:54 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-fed-grapes-while-urging-press-conference-to,32540/

― goole, Wednesday, 22 May 2013 19:53 (twelve years ago)

I read quite a bit (maybe all) of Infinite Jest believing Whataburger was a made-up restaurant.

― 0808ɹƃ (silby), Thursday, 23 May 2013 05:27 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gay-kid-excited-to-be-made-fun-of-for-second-thing,32562/

― my mans ray manzarek (some dude), Sunday, 26 May 2013 15:44 (twelve years ago)

accompanying picture selling the story
http://www.theonion.com/articles/kate-middleton-suffering-from-morning-sickness,32544/

― klaus dingeldore's rhinelander monkey keeper father (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 26 May 2013 18:28 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ancient-egyptian-agriculture-revolved-around-3-sea,32604/

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 21:22 (twelve years ago)

^ I think these kinds of Onion articles are kinda lame tbh

― crüt, Tuesday, 28 May 2013 21:24 (twelve years ago)

it has a punchline

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 21:28 (twelve years ago)

yeah I saw it

― crüt, Tuesday, 28 May 2013 21:29 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-events-depicted-in-star-wars-actually-happened,32560/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 22:31 (twelve years ago)

Yes, it is true that I grew up a loner, tinkering in the garage, wishing I could escape the moisture farm outside of Modesto, California, where my only real friend was my kindly Aunt Beru. Yes, it is also true that all I wanted to do was get off that farm and join the Academy at USC Film School like my best friend Wedge had done the year before. And, sadly, it is true that one day I left the homestead to look for some missing droids and when I returned, my Aunt Beru was dead—killed by stormtroopers of the Galactic Empire.
All of those events actually happened to me. And I guess making the Star Wars movies really helped me get my feelings about that stuff off of my chest.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 28 May 2013 22:32 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/buzzfeed-writer-resigns-in-disgrace-after-plagiari,32616/

― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 29 May 2013 18:07 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/19-tweets-from-the-audubon-societybarack-obama-twi,32625/

― Fetchboy, Thursday, 30 May 2013 18:31 (twelve years ago)

INTERESTING - http://blogs.wsj.com/digits/2013/05/30/music-reviewer-pitchfork-to-launch-film-site/

― balls, Friday, 31 May 2013 02:54 (twelve years ago)

ugh! if you want some sort of "new" approach to film crit ("like pitchfork" lol) why would you grab a bunch of crix from the most average and generic mass appeal site ever? and when's the last time p4k's actually posted a scathing review?

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Friday, 31 May 2013 03:28 (twelve years ago)

lol the most mass appeal site ever right

― balls, Friday, 31 May 2013 03:32 (twelve years ago)

maybe this will finally get the AVC to just shut down their awful film coverage and meanwhile drop all the other coverage and convert to a full-time TV episode review site

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Friday, 31 May 2013 03:32 (twelve years ago)

The Onion ~~AV Club~~ presents Random Roles

― 0808ɹƃ (silby), Friday, 31 May 2013 05:02 (twelve years ago)

maybe this will finally get the AVC to just shut down their awful film coverage and meanwhile drop all the other coverage and convert to a full-time TV episode review site

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Thursday, May 30, 2013 9:32 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

god their tv stuff is so bad yet so irresistible sometimes after watching a show, just as a thing to do that's a mild extension of that show

― sleepingbag, Friday, 31 May 2013 08:01 (twelve years ago)

Haha, yes, after I watch even the stupidest piece of genre TV, I cannot wait to find out, "How did Donna Bowman get 600 words out of this?" David Sims's hate-watching of The Following is hilarious, though.

― Huston we got chicken lol (Phil D.), Friday, 31 May 2013 09:34 (twelve years ago)

i don't think their TV coverage is any good, but it's the only regular feature anyone puts any stock in and the only reviews the site itself seems to care about. when a standard episode of a middling tv show none of their readers watches gets 4x the words as every single album or film review, the album and film review sections start to appear a little token

in actuality it should all be shut down urrrrrggggghhhhh

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Friday, 31 May 2013 12:27 (twelve years ago)

I used to read the TV capsules after an episode, thinking I'd gleam some trivia or a plot point I missed, but most of the time, they don't even know what the hell is going on.

Random Observations
• Hawkeye seems so bothered by the chicken that by the end of the episode, he imagines it's a crying baby. Who knew the good doctor was so paranoid about poultry?

― pplains, Friday, 31 May 2013 13:36 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-on-cusp-of-having-fun-remembers-every-single-o,32632/

― Evan, Friday, 31 May 2013 14:15 (twelve years ago)

That made me want to cry for the rest of my life

― kinder, Friday, 31 May 2013 15:59 (twelve years ago)

ugh yeah pretty much

― some dude, Friday, 31 May 2013 16:04 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/after-careful-deliberation-baby-goes-with-homosexu,32627/

A little long, but worth it for getting to “If I wake up one day and don’t want to be gay anymore, then I can just switch to being heterosexual, easy as that.”

― Huston we got chicken lol (Phil D.), Friday, 31 May 2013 16:07 (twelve years ago)

i get that it's trying to satirize the idea that homosexuality is a choice but on the other hand, "no one would EVER choose to be GAY amirite? HI 5 BRO" haha go fuck yourself

― ⚓ (elmo argonaut), Monday, 3 June 2013 20:39 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/oh-shit-i-totally-forgot-that-happens,32673/

― Neil S, Tuesday, 4 June 2013 19:17 (twelve years ago)

should probably mention massive GoT spoilers there

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Tuesday, 4 June 2013 21:39 (twelve years ago)

While the barbeque’s host chatted with Platt about how excited he was to see the upcoming Superman movie, sources confirmed that all Platt could think about was the fact that his recently married sister was coming to town next weekend and was supposed to stay with him, which reminded him that he needed to clean his apartment, which reminded him he needed to buy extra bedding for his sister to sleep on, which reminded him that he had to make an after-work trip to Bed Bath & Beyond, which reminded him that he would be tired after work and wouldn’t want to go to Bed Bath & Beyond, which reminded him that he also needed to go to the grocery store because his sister would think he’s irresponsible if she saw his empty refrigerator, which reminded him that he and his sister aren’t as close as he’d like, which reminded him that his parents already had a house and two cars by the time they were his age, which reminded him that he’s been with his girlfriend for over five years and that while everything was going fairly well, he felt overwhelmed by the prospect of marriage and the mounting pressure to propose.
“Yeah, Man Of Steel looks good,” said a smiling Platt, who was only thinking about how he graduated from college over 10 years ago and still owed $86,000 in student loans. “Can’t wait to see it.”

― IM ME, I DO ME, AND I CHILL (CompuPost), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 00:24 (twelve years ago)

That one is pretty much my life right now, hurrah.

― "Turkey In The Straw" coming from someplace in the clouds (Sparkle Motion), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 04:55 (twelve years ago)

This thread becomes significantly less fun after I use up my 5 gratis pages. Is there some easy way round the onion's paywall?

― Random .mdb Memories (NotEnough), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 07:38 (twelve years ago)

Pay for it?

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 07:50 (twelve years ago)

Granted, that looks like easiest (and the snarkiest) solution.

― Random .mdb Memories (NotEnough), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 07:59 (twelve years ago)

I didn't mean to be snarky, I just didn't understand why it wouldn't be the answer - if you are using it that much, and not using it is something you don't want to do, that's pretty much the sweet spot for 'pay for it'.

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 08:40 (twelve years ago)

wait the onion has a paywall

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 08:52 (twelve years ago)

for us benighted non-Americans, yes.

― Neil S, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:05 (twelve years ago)

http://adblockplus.org

― oxygenating our wombspace (abanana), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:07 (twelve years ago)

I've seen it pop up a couple of times but usually I seem to be immune to it xpost maybe that's why

― Just noise and screaming and no musical value at all. (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:10 (twelve years ago)

tbf you only need to read the headline anyway

― ty based gay dead computer god (zachlyon), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:12 (twelve years ago)

Can someone explain what this one is satirising? idgi

http://www.theonion.com/articles/asian-guy-has-separate-group-of-just-asian-friends,32681/

― Just noise and screaming and no musical value at all. (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:14 (twelve years ago)

tbf you only need to read the headline anyway

This has been increasingly not the case recently, which is what's led to me paying up.

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 09:25 (twelve years ago)

You can bypass the Onion paywall by using incognito mode (in Chrome, or its equivalent in other browsers).

― Eyeball Kicks, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 11:24 (twelve years ago)

xp I suppose 1 page view a week puts me over what the onion thinks they should be giving away for free. It just seems weird to pay for obvious, mediocre satire when I've got ILX for that.

― Random .mdb Memories (NotEnough), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 11:34 (twelve years ago)

Ah ha, cheers Eyeball.

― Random .mdb Memories (NotEnough), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 11:34 (twelve years ago)

Can someone explain what this one is satirising? idgi

http://www.theonion.com/articles/asian-guy-has-separate-group-of-just-asian-friends,32681/

― Just noise and screaming and no musical value at all. (Colonel Poo), Wednesday, June 5, 2013 5:14 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Its satirizing clueless ppl who see everything in racially tinged terms and also white ppl thinking that if they aren't invited to everything ever thats racism.

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 14:13 (twelve years ago)

My Korean girlfriend kinda does this, though. Different circles of relationships are a thing. It's just not really that funny :/

― Millsner, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 15:38 (twelve years ago)

Couldn't tell you how often I notice myself hanging out with only white people.

― pplains, Wednesday, 5 June 2013 15:39 (twelve years ago)

My Korean girlfriend kinda does this, though. Different circles of relationships are a thing. It's just not really that funny :/

― Millsner, Wednesday, June 5, 2013 11:38 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

right, its people being bothered by them thats funny

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 5 June 2013 18:07 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-on-cusp-of-having-fun-remembers-every-single-o,32632/

― Evan, Friday, May 31, 2013 10:15 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That made me want to cry for the rest of my life

― kinder, Friday, May 31, 2013 11:59 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ugh yeah pretty much

― some dude, Friday, May 31, 2013 12:04 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

had a real life version of this yesterday hanging out at a deck party when my dad called to talk about my money problems

― treeship journey to stars hollow (some dude), Monday, 10 June 2013 00:22 (twelve years ago)

Really want to share this one on FB just to see the shitstorm it would start with my family.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nelson-mandela-admits-thoughts-prayers-of-millions,32853/

― This amigurumi Jamaican octopus is ready to chill with you (Phil D.), Tuesday, 18 June 2013 17:05 (twelve years ago)

‘Whitey Bulger Ordered The Murder Of 19 People,’ Reports Anonymous Rat Bastard

― goole, Tuesday, 18 June 2013 18:00 (twelve years ago)

every headline on the site is killing me

― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Thursday, 20 June 2013 03:51 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fully-leveledup-video-game-character-marvels-at-ho,32883/

― Neil S, Thursday, 20 June 2013 10:28 (twelve years ago)

Rupert Murdoch, Donald Trump, Idi Amin, Joseph Stalin Celebrate Heat Victory

― mookieproof, Friday, 21 June 2013 04:03 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/usa-renews-burn-notice-royal-pains-burn-collar-cov,32954/

I love hating these kind of shows.

― Evan, Tuesday, 25 June 2013 20:22 (twelve years ago)

omg these slideshows lately...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/13-adorable-photos-of-baby-farm-animals-but-with-e,32988/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:2:Default#1

― Darin, Thursday, 27 June 2013 21:26 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/dying-kid-in-houston-holding-on-until-astros-devel,33022/

― Mr. Mojo Readin' (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, 2 July 2013 20:11 (twelve years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/new-wearable-computer-also-sucks-your-dick,33017/

― molly ratchet (crüt), Saturday, 6 July 2013 16:46 (eleven years ago)

Would beta-test.

― nickn, Saturday, 6 July 2013 17:33 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kids-tired-of-hearing-boring-stories-about-how-fat,33025/

― even the beatles had a coinstar machine in their living room (Crabbits), Saturday, 6 July 2013 17:41 (eleven years ago)

haha noooo

― goole, Monday, 8 July 2013 05:18 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/george-zimmerman-wins-florida-state-lottery,33139/

― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Tuesday, 16 July 2013 22:45 (eleven years ago)

it's total lolcollege, but i love this one
http://www.theonion.com/articles/rock-apparently-factors-into-girlfriends-shower-ro,33138/

― how bad could it be to be stuck to the couch, forever... (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 17 July 2013 19:11 (eleven years ago)

I had a cackle at this headline: http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-who-couldnt-defeat-george-w-bush-attempting-to,33149/

― Gukbe, Wednesday, 17 July 2013 19:13 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/deepak-chopras-epic-twitter-meltdown,33170/

― Cap'n Conserv-a-pedia (Hurting 2), Friday, 19 July 2013 20:37 (eleven years ago)

uh oh

http://www.theonion.com/articles/everyone-in-improv-troupe-balding,29492/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/generous-improv-troupe-performing-for-free,33204/

― goole, Monday, 22 July 2013 16:25 (eleven years ago)

whoops

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:28 (eleven years ago)

what

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:37 (eleven years ago)

hola, amigos, maybe it's a running gag?

― pplains, Monday, 22 July 2013 16:44 (eleven years ago)

yah otm, the group has the same pic and same name, so it's just two stories about the same group, nbd

― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:46 (eleven years ago)

I guess I'd have noticed that if I'd read the stories. Jeez, goole!

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 16:47 (eleven years ago)

yes, as in, uh oh, a running gag

― goole, Monday, 22 July 2013 17:34 (eleven years ago)

http://runninggagimprov.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/Running-Gag-Man-Logo-094-299x300.jpg

― pplains, Monday, 22 July 2013 17:38 (eleven years ago)

running keep on truckin' hobo improv

― goole, Monday, 22 July 2013 17:43 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-born,33171/

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 19:50 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-already-crawling,33174/

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 20:19 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-eats-first-meal,33191/

― Ⓓⓡ. (Johnny Fever), Monday, 22 July 2013 20:23 (eleven years ago)

Looking forward to the baby's first public appearance.
These articles must be really confusing for people browsing with images turned off.

― Øystein, Monday, 22 July 2013 20:40 (eleven years ago)

I think it's reasonable to assume that, any time one of the Onion writers makes a series of decisions which ends with them watching improv, we'll see that picture again.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 23 July 2013 07:08 (eleven years ago)

i think they realized they missed this and just had to do one more

http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-baby-has-fathers-eyes,33216/

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 02:22 (eleven years ago)

literally could not breathe

http://www.theonion.com/video/judge-rules-white-girl-will-be-tried-as-black-adul,18896/

― surm, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 02:28 (eleven years ago)

wooooow

― some dude, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 11:14 (eleven years ago)

I woke up all anxious in the middle of the night, and thinking of those baby royal stories really creeped me out, in the same way ghost stories did at age 10. !!!

― even the beatles had a coinstar machine in their living room (Crabbits), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 15:47 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-novelist-no-good-at-describing-hands,33239/

― Number None, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:01 (eleven years ago)

didn't realize how long they'd been doing the baby thing http://www.theonion.com/articles/royal-family-releases-kate-middleton-ultrasound-im,30613/

― stefon taylor swiftboat (s.clover), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:13 (eleven years ago)

yeah this was the first I believe, still my fave - http://www.theonion.com/articles/cut-this-monster-out-of-me,30602/

― balls, Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:15 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/frustrated-novelist-no-good-at-describing-hands,33239/

― Number None, Wednesday, July 24, 2013 3:01 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

omg im dying at this. those terrible hand descriptions should be a poll thread.

― neil degrasse (m bison), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 20:18 (eleven years ago)

“Sometimes I hide the hands by saying characters had really long sleeves or having them stand behind tables, but that starts to feel awkward,” said Milligan, adding that no matter how much he practices writing about hands, “they always come out weird.” “I’ve also tried to avoid doing hand descriptions altogether, but you can only put a few amputees in your stories before people start to notice.”

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Wednesday, 24 July 2013 22:24 (eleven years ago)

So I read this one today - http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-at-salad-bar-has-to-say-every-item-aloud-as-he,33238/ - then I actually caught myself doing this while putting condiments on a burger at a cookout. ;_;

― it itches like a porky pine sitting on your dick (Phil D.), Thursday, 25 July 2013 00:48 (eleven years ago)

Hahahaha

http://www.theonion.com/articles/biden-has-guy-named-worm-sit-in-for-him-at-cabinet,33250

"Biden Has Guy Named Worm Sit In For Him At Cabinet Meeting"

Worm, White House sources confirmed, remained silent for most of the meeting other than occasionally saying, “How you doing, I’m Worm.”

― Your Own Personal El Guapo (kingfish), Thursday, 25 July 2013 22:37 (eleven years ago)

Last print issue came out in Madison today, boooooooo

― Guayaquil (eephus!), Thursday, 25 July 2013 23:01 (eleven years ago)

The hands! Killing me.

― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 25 July 2013 23:05 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-fiercely-divided-over-completely-blank-bi,33256/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 26 July 2013 00:33 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unambitious-loser-with-happy-fulfilling-life-still,33233/

― loosely inspired by Dr. Dre (crüt), Saturday, 27 July 2013 15:22 (eleven years ago)

incredible

http://www.theonion.com/articles/45589321-healthy-kale-recipes-to-try-this-summer,33406/

― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Wednesday, 7 August 2013 20:57 (eleven years ago)

oh my god

― R'LIAH (goole), Thursday, 8 August 2013 16:18 (eleven years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/articles/jay-lenos-reign-over-the-tonight-show-draws-to-its,101486/

Sean O'Neal consistently kills it in these pointless news-itemicles

there are still so many questions to be answered as the finale approaches. Will Leno pay for the lust for power that’s led him again and again to lies and betrayal? Can any man’s soul retain its innocence, after having seen all this, after having heard all about this?

― sleepingbag, Monday, 12 August 2013 18:13 (eleven years ago)

* (otherwise) pointless

― sleepingbag, Monday, 12 August 2013 18:14 (eleven years ago)

Onion editors not making many cop friends
Insecure, Frustrated Bully With Something To Prove Considering Career In Law Enforcement

― Bnad, Monday, 12 August 2013 20:44 (eleven years ago)

Kind of a gimme, but still: Whitey Bulger Verdict Interrupted By Ben Affleck Shouting Commands From Director’s Chair In Balcony

― Here's the storify, of a lovely ladify (Phil D.), Tuesday, 13 August 2013 19:13 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-onion-encourages-israel-and-palestine-not-to-g,33473/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default

― k3vin k., Tuesday, 13 August 2013 20:28 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/8-of-the-hottest-celebs-without-their-flesh,33505/

― R'LIAH (goole), Friday, 16 August 2013 15:58 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/4-copy-editors-killed-in-ongoing-ap-style-chicago,30806/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 17 August 2013 20:12 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-crazy-optical-illusions,33472/

"This one is only possible to see if you have pancreatic cancer. It’s an apple."

― some dude, Saturday, 17 August 2013 20:49 (eleven years ago)

''Leave wherever you are right now and get prescription glasses that make your eyes hurt and everything blurry."

― Doctor Casino, Saturday, 17 August 2013 22:38 (eleven years ago)

I think they went a little too dark for their audience this time

― Coming Out Of Elton John's Mouth (crüt), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 21:14 (eleven years ago)

This is pretty fucking dark, yeah.

― 誤訳侮辱, Tuesday, 20 August 2013 21:57 (eleven years ago)

i saw a headline on twitter about a step-daughter and did not click on it.

― pplains, Tuesday, 20 August 2013 21:59 (eleven years ago)

perfect picture

http://www.theonion.com/articles/the-week-in-pictures-week-of-august-19-2013,33533/#12

― R'LIAH (goole), Tuesday, 20 August 2013 22:01 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/elmore-leonard-modern-prose-master-noted-for-his-t,33559/

― socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 21 August 2013 00:45 (eleven years ago)

strangely lovely, like a Will Eno play

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-middle-east-conflict-not-solved-today,33571/

― i too went to college (silby), Thursday, 22 August 2013 01:19 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-desktop-folder-created-for-sad-little-creative,33592/

― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 22 August 2013 20:29 (eleven years ago)

that one hit a little too close to home

― polyphonic, Thursday, 22 August 2013 20:34 (eleven years ago)

have they been doing this for awhile?
http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-reviews-lee-daniels-the-butler,33517/

― YOU FOOLS PAY OVER $2.50 for a comic book (forksclovetofu), Friday, 23 August 2013 02:13 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mother-surprised-son-needs-so-much-ammunition-for,33591/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:2:Default

yow

― k3vin k., Friday, 23 August 2013 03:46 (eleven years ago)

sometimes i think they're just testing to make sure they really can go as dark as they want

― "Dave Barlow" is the name Lou uses on sabermetrics baseball sites (s.clover), Friday, 23 August 2013 03:54 (eleven years ago)

every now and then they'll do something that goes so far that it sort of leaves the snark behind and turns into something else. like this one, which kind of reads like a sick parody of an onion article to me:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/awkward-new-international-student-saw-his-entire-f,33589/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:2:Default

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Friday, 23 August 2013 04:03 (eleven years ago)

yeah that isn't funny. not in the scolding "that isn't funny!" way. it just isn't funny.

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 23 August 2013 07:53 (eleven years ago)

that international student one is solid onion. you've got kids being assholes to each other, kids being assholes in particular to a kid with a troubled home life - exaggerated case here obv, that doing the satirical effort - and 'first world problems' teenage edition. the intention isn't always to be funny, except maybe in the most wry, desert dry way possible i guess. sometimes they are just shining a light or sticking a knife. this one is the former and that creative project one i linked is the latter, both v well executed imo

― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 23 August 2013 10:44 (eleven years ago)

The second-last paragraph is a pretty solid punchline.

― Andrew Farrell, Friday, 23 August 2013 15:55 (eleven years ago)

RS otm

― 乒乓, Friday, 23 August 2013 16:29 (eleven years ago)

i do think it's funny but the details included are so OTT that it feels different than the usual stuff they do, like they've gotten fed up with their usual limits and they're pushing into lenny bruce territory.

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Friday, 23 August 2013 23:31 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/our-annual-back-to-school-issue,33614

i guess they are really going all in on this one

― Roberto Spiralli, Saturday, 24 August 2013 00:07 (eleven years ago)

That international student piece is straight from the Michael O'Donoghue playbook.

― 誤訳侮辱, Saturday, 24 August 2013 00:12 (eleven years ago)

"they are just shining a light or sticking a knife"

on what, though? does that sort of thing happen all the time?

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Saturday, 24 August 2013 03:56 (eleven years ago)

old but i just saw it http://www.theonion.com/articles/evangelical-scientists-refute-gravity-with-new-int,1778/

― "Dave Barlow" is the name Lou uses on sabermetrics baseball sites (s.clover), Friday, 30 August 2013 01:34 (eleven years ago)

yeah that's well done

― mookieproof, Friday, 30 August 2013 01:39 (eleven years ago)

video report but excellent work http://www.theonion.com/video/fans-flock-to-lollapalooza-to-see-all-of-the-bigge,33344/

― "Dave Barlow" is the name Lou uses on sabermetrics baseball sites (s.clover), Monday, 2 September 2013 04:46 (eleven years ago)

I think that int student one is brilliant in its dry, harsh reality tbh.

― It is like ganging up on Enya (Trayce), Monday, 2 September 2013 05:02 (eleven years ago)

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/23/23402/original/700.jpg?1695

― Darin, Friday, 6 September 2013 20:50 (eleven years ago)

SUBWAY Restaurants @SUBWAY
Like everyone, we are deeply offended by the fake story and ad created by The Onion.

― mookieproof, Friday, 6 September 2013 21:57 (eleven years ago)

sick burn subway

― One burly voice screamed and that was one of many. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 6 September 2013 22:02 (eleven years ago)

they defo cross some kind of line there. did subway fuck their mother?

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Saturday, 7 September 2013 05:42 (eleven years ago)

2 subs, 1 bag of pentagonal chips

― Matt Armstrong, Saturday, 7 September 2013 06:03 (eleven years ago)

This one is utterly "funnny because its me" killing me right now

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-puts-glass-of-water-on-bedside-table-in-case-h,33751/

― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Monday, 9 September 2013 01:13 (eleven years ago)

i thought that was really funny too.

― zingon grammar (Treeship), Monday, 9 September 2013 01:55 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-reasons-falling-for-shameless-click-bait-makes,33858/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:Week1:Default

― sleepingbag, Sunday, 15 September 2013 15:22 (eleven years ago)

also: http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-jawdropping-moments-from-the-miley-cyrus-wrecki,33845/#1

― Doctor Casino, Sunday, 15 September 2013 16:41 (eleven years ago)

good day to resurrect this gem:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mr-autumn-man-walking-down-street-with-cup-of-coff,29866/

― global tetrahedron, Tuesday, 17 September 2013 21:03 (eleven years ago)

"According to reports, Mr. Fall will then put on a down jacket with a fur-trimmed hood, buy a lift ticket at a local ski slope, and start getting short with people at work because the early sunset “affects his mood,” thus signaling the completion of his metamorphosis into Mr. Wintertime Asshole Man"

Hahahaha.

― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 06:02 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/desperate-nation-tries-getting-on-board-with-mass,33894/

onion at its most amazingly dark

― socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 18 September 2013 18:18 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/grandmother-shown-around-retirement-home-where-she,33904/

also this one

― i too went to college (silby), Thursday, 19 September 2013 05:25 (eleven years ago)

oof that one hurt

― One burly voice screamed and that was one of many. (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 September 2013 08:31 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-just-a-free-spirit-who-is-entirely-financially,33905/

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:10 (eleven years ago)

good day to resurrect this gem:
http://www.theonion.com/articles/mr-autumn-man-walking-down-street-with-cup-of-coff,29866/
― global tetrahedron, Tuesday, September 17, 2013 4:03 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that article is kind of aspirational for me

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:16 (eleven years ago)

According to sources, Tellinder showed an interest in the various watercolor paintings posted on the facility’s Community Art Wall, surveying the spot where her charcoal drawings of the Brooklyn Bridge will appear briefly before being taken down, recycled, and replaced by another resident’s art following her death.

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:21 (eleven years ago)

Jesus, that one is DARK.

― Marlo Poco (Phil D.), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:27 (eleven years ago)

yeah, I had a brief existential moment reading that one

― Spectrum, Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:29 (eleven years ago)

it's DARK but it's kind of pedestrian compared to some of their other dark shit

http://www.theonion.com/articles/adolescent-girl-reaching-age-where-she-starts-expl,33551/?ref=auto

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:31 (eleven years ago)

i can't even handle that one

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Thursday, 19 September 2013 15:32 (eleven years ago)

bwahahaha http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-mans-intelligence-probably-just-too-intimidat,33916/?ref=auto

― The Reverend, Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:16 (eleven years ago)

the picture really makes it

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:17 (eleven years ago)

yes

― The Reverend, Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:22 (eleven years ago)

I’m a sophisticated guy, I like sophisticated music

― I’m a sophisticated guy, I like sophisticated music (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:50 (eleven years ago)

Egads, I know a woman who's a dead ringer for the one in that photo!

― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:54 (eleven years ago)

What's her face look like when you say things like "egads" in front of her.

― pplains, Thursday, 19 September 2013 20:56 (eleven years ago)

Exactly like in the photo:

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/23/23515/original/700.jpg?8930

― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Thursday, 19 September 2013 21:01 (eleven years ago)

i wonder if they had the picture first and the headline later. its so good.

― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Thursday, 19 September 2013 21:19 (eleven years ago)

That one could almost just be picture-plus-headline, it doesn't really develop any further. But brilliant.

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 20 September 2013 00:14 (eleven years ago)

Ugh, I thought the nursing home one was bad (biiiiit too close to home for me tbh, sorry Nan). But that teen girl one made me feel strongly put off and gross, the Onion's never done that to me before.

― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Friday, 20 September 2013 02:13 (eleven years ago)

oh man i thought that area man intelligence article was classic onion, didn't realize it was released today

― 乒乓, Friday, 20 September 2013 02:43 (eleven years ago)

so perfect - the hair, the craft beer glass

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:03 (eleven years ago)

is it mark kozelek?

― caek, Friday, 20 September 2013 03:04 (eleven years ago)

wrapped cutlery casually brushed off to the side since they're eating bruschetta (which i'm sure he has educated her on the proper pronunciation of)

― 乒乓, Friday, 20 September 2013 03:06 (eleven years ago)

I always wonder if they shoot photos like that for the story or just put the story to the photo

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:08 (eleven years ago)

i imagine the former, i dont think the onion just stages pictures at random and then later decides to figure out stories to go with them??

― socki (s1ocki), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:37 (eleven years ago)

other way is kinda oblique strategy brainstorming

― @twitizensforlemonlipbalm (schlump), Friday, 20 September 2013 03:43 (eleven years ago)

wrapped cutlery casually brushed off to the side since they're eating bruschetta (which i'm sure he has educated her on the proper pronunciation of)

― 乒乓, Thursday, September 19, 2013 11:06 PM (48 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

onion fanfic

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Friday, 20 September 2013 03:55 (eleven years ago)

otp! <3

― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Friday, 20 September 2013 04:02 (eleven years ago)

I posted that story to my lookalike friend's fb and she replied a couple minutes later with "Close! But the nose is off!" (my friend does have a bump in her nose, but not as prominent as the model's). Other than that, it's uncanny, down to the fashion sense.

― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 20 September 2013 04:35 (eleven years ago)

Oh man

http://www.theonion.com/articles/hell-now-a-thriving-epicenter-of-gay-culture,33928/

― The Reverend, Friday, 20 September 2013 06:20 (eleven years ago)

― I’m a sophisticated guy, I like sophisticated music (forksclovetofu), Friday, 20 September 2013 18:00 (eleven years ago)

Film critic looks oddly like Rod McKuen.

― les nessmonster (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 25 September 2013 06:43 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/11-amazing-photos-of-doug-bramowski-as-he-slowly-r,33917/

― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Thursday, 26 September 2013 04:54 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/dude-with-knit-hat-at-party-calls-beer-libations,32433/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 26 September 2013 21:22 (eleven years ago)

i love how on the Doug Bramowski set none of his co-workers so much as flicks an eye in his direction throughout

― Tyskie in the giro (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 26 September 2013 21:30 (eleven years ago)

it's not the first doug bramowski article!

http://www.theonion.com/articles/meteorologists-report-sky-just-a-little-bluer-toda,33247/

(h/t, a friend of mine)

(would it be too aspie to nitpick the narrative inconsistencies here)

― goole, Friday, 27 September 2013 17:42 (eleven years ago)

funny, sad, true
http://www.theonion.com/articles/bullied-eighthgrader-incorrectly-thought-classmate,34030/

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 27 September 2013 18:35 (eleven years ago)

that 'adolescent girl' one is seriously fucked up.

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Friday, 27 September 2013 18:38 (eleven years ago)

Kind of old school:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/president-cruz-fondly-recalls-21hour-speech-that-s,34005/

― A Made Man In The Mellow Mafia (C. Grisso/McCain), Friday, 27 September 2013 19:01 (eleven years ago)

Another with a solid photo

http://www.theonion.com/articles/lack-of-sexual-tension-with-coworker-almost-unbear,34012/

― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Saturday, 28 September 2013 19:04 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/sponsored/advertiser-thought-this-sponsored-post-was-good-id,41/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:Week1:Default

also really liked the tweet that i got to it from:

@TheOnion 2m
Which deception is greater: This ad posing as regular content, or not yielding to corporate America? http://onion.com/160uLcr #SPONSORED

― Jean-Claude Brand Ambassador (some dude), Saturday, 28 September 2013 20:35 (eleven years ago)

Now that they're on clickbait attack, they keep dipping into the 9-11 well...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bullied-eighthgrader-incorrectly-thought-classmate,34030/

Can someone read that entire thing and decode what the fuck the last graph is about?

― smangerz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:40 (eleven years ago)

i think 'the horrors of modern capitalist society are rooted in the primitive senseless cruelty of adolescence'

― Mordy , Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:42 (eleven years ago)

HAHAHAHAHAHA

― smangerz (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:48 (eleven years ago)

that doesn't really account for 'inoperable skin deformities' tho so maybe it's just 'children are horrible but karma'

― Mordy , Tuesday, 1 October 2013 23:53 (eleven years ago)

the idea is it's the bullied kid's fantasy of what's going to happen to his bullies someday.

― (The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 00:05 (eleven years ago)

Yeah its his wishful thinking, seems pretty clear to me.

― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Wednesday, 2 October 2013 00:38 (eleven years ago)

Not the Onion, but for an imitator, it's not bad:

http://www.duffelblog.com/2013/07/soldier-facebook-profile-picture/

― pplains, Friday, 4 October 2013 13:25 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/meat,34090/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

― Darin, Friday, 4 October 2013 16:14 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/david-bowie-asks-iman-if-they-should-just-do-lasag,34097/

― Fetchboy, Friday, 4 October 2013 18:47 (eleven years ago)

cute concept, but... "ethnic supermodel"?

also really needed the punchline to be "His new album is said to be a return to form."

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 4 October 2013 19:17 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/creepy-statistician-starts-softwetfootballfactscom,34096/?ref=auto

― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Friday, 4 October 2013 19:46 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nfl-switches-to-allpink-mri-machines-for-breast-ca,34108/

― Roberto Spiralli, Sunday, 6 October 2013 19:04 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/tea-party-leaders-announce-support-for-deal-in-exc,34101/

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Sunday, 6 October 2013 19:33 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/highpowered-washington-fixer-tells-bloodsoaked-oba,34115/

― sktsh, Monday, 7 October 2013 22:39 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-pumpkin-spice-channel-to-offer-fallthemed-hard,34175/

― My question is primarily riparian (Phil D.), Friday, 11 October 2013 18:17 (eleven years ago)

honestly could not get through this one

http://www.theonion.com/articles/michelle-obama-opens-up-in-marie-claire-our-sex-li,34160/

― goole, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:04 (eleven years ago)

Kind of a re-tread of a previous one they did about a dad that always talked about how good he was in bed, much to his children's (and presumably, our) embarassment.

― everything, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:28 (eleven years ago)

naw

― schlump, Friday, 11 October 2013 19:41 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/internet-rocked-by-blogger-with-sarcastic-sensibil,34212/

― Saul Goodberg (by Musket and Pup Tent) (s.clover), Tuesday, 15 October 2013 06:02 (eleven years ago)

ah, the onion's eaten itself

― HAVE YOU SEEN ME? Please don't hesitate (imago), Tuesday, 15 October 2013 10:50 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/how-to-find-a-masculine-halloween-costume-for-your,14378/

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 20:06 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heroic-broken-sewage-pipe-floods-congress-with-hum,34237/

― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Wednesday, 16 October 2013 21:22 (eleven years ago)

AV Club newswire can compete with the main site occasionally

http://www.avclub.com/articles/the-wire-star-idris-elba-hasnt-watched-the-wire-ye,104399/

― zanana rebozo (abanana), Saturday, 19 October 2013 01:12 (eleven years ago)

you can just say "sean o'neal", it's always weird reading another newswire writer not being funny or likable in any way and remembering he isn't the only one

― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Saturday, 19 October 2013 02:48 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG-kike-owner-refuses-to-change-teams-offens,34292

― mookieproof, Monday, 21 October 2013 20:37 (eleven years ago)

oh my god

― shiny trippy people holding bandz (m bison), Monday, 21 October 2013 23:24 (eleven years ago)

Why does 'http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG' get replaced with a cat?

― eats, roots, manuvas (S-), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:20 (eleven years ago)

http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG

― eats, roots, manuvas (S-), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:20 (eleven years ago)

because you keep typing it

― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:21 (eleven years ago)

http://www.mod16.org/imagemacros/emot-iiam.gif

― mookieproof, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:22 (eleven years ago)

http://images.chron.com/blogs/askacat/hatcat.JPG-kike

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:34 (eleven years ago)

best anti-semitic slur eva

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 October 2013 01:35 (eleven years ago)

http://31.media.tumblr.com/17b78b2406d9ee2377e417b53b51dfa4/tumblr_mmup0sXTnd1qzw499o1_500.png

― 乒乓, Tuesday, 22 October 2013 23:31 (eleven years ago)

looooooooooool

― ^^ post obviously honoring and supporting Qualcomm (zachlyon), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 00:07 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-reviews-12-years-a-slave,34261/

― Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Wednesday, 23 October 2013 00:09 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/eric-clapton-wows-audience-with-even-slower-versio,34325

― Immediate Follower (NA), Thursday, 24 October 2013 23:34 (eleven years ago)

One for the all-time book: http://www.theonion.com/articles/panicked-newborn-didnt-realize-breathing-would-be,34333/

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 24 October 2013 23:37 (eleven years ago)

xp to dayo -- another one where the perfect picture makes it work

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Friday, 25 October 2013 02:49 (eleven years ago)

Sources confirmed Clapton followed “Layla” up with a vigorous, electric double-time version of “Tears In Heaven.”

still lolling at this

― bizarro gazzara, Friday, 25 October 2013 11:20 (eleven years ago)

the sheer absurdity of this one kills me:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/who-said-it-kanye-west-or-an-instruction-manual-fo,34344/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

― Darin, Friday, 25 October 2013 20:29 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-we-will-have-a-mass-shooting-on-the-moon-by-2,34345/

― Dave Froglets (Phil D.), Monday, 28 October 2013 18:14 (eleven years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/articles/kevin-devine-exorcises-his-hate-for-collective-sou,104838/

I don't know what it is, if it's this particular article or just the idea in general has grated on me, but the Hatesong feature is probably my least favorite music writing ever.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 17:58 (eleven years ago)

No, they all suck. Cheap shots, lame generalizations, too damn long, broad appeals to assumed consensus and just generally a stupid premise. Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?

― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 29 October 2013 18:36 (eleven years ago)

Why not try to get me to like something that I don't?

this is essentially my experience with ILM

― "Turkey In The Straw" coming from someplace in the clouds (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 29 October 2013 23:23 (eleven years ago)

I like this as a Lou Reed tribute http://www.theonion.com/articles/today-particularly-rough-day-for-east-village-junk,34367/

― eris bueller (lukas), Wednesday, 30 October 2013 00:35 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/red-sox-fan-dedicates-garbage-can-hes-lighting-on,34399/

― eclectic husbandry (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:04 (eleven years ago)

Oh shiiii
http://www.theonion.com/articles/5yearold-reluctantly-lets-crying-mom-sleep-in-his,34315/

― taxi tomato or bag tomato (Trayce), Thursday, 31 October 2013 11:19 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nbc-cancels-piven-after-5-seasons,34407/

― there's no camera to capture that yelping moment! (forksclovetofu), Friday, 1 November 2013 17:47 (eleven years ago)

lol @ kumail nanjiani

― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Friday, 1 November 2013 17:58 (eleven years ago)

Family Braces As Autistic Son Discovers Amtrak’s ‘Track A Train’ Webpage

― fit and working again, Friday, 1 November 2013 18:24 (eleven years ago)

"Piven" pretty brilliant IMO for approaching the pure, generic article. No gimmicks, no stunts, no wacky over-the-top jokes, just a pure dose of how pointless it is to read most sections of most newspapers.

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 1 November 2013 22:35 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/im-kind-of-ocd-about-always-serving-white-customer,34383/

― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 4 November 2013 20:26 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/advice-to-enjoy-being-young-came-out-way-sadder-th,34451/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default

NEW YORK—An attempt Monday to impart a piece of upbeat, life-affirming wisdom about enjoying one’s youth reportedly conveyed a desperate, melancholy tone that made the message feel considerably sadder than intended, sources confirmed. “Enjoy all the freedom and all the options you have now because you can never go back,” a well-meaning Jeff Gibbons, 48, told Eric Portman, 24, in what observers said sounded far less like a motivational appeal to seize the day, as he meant it to, and more like a naked cry for help. “Sooner than you think you’ll wake up and you won’t have your whole life ahead of you. And those carefree days when it seemed like anything was possible will be over. So enjoy it while it lasts.” At press time, instead of coming across as playful and lighthearted, Gibbons sounded like he would absolutely kill somebody if it meant he could be Portman’s age again.

― twist boat veterans for stability (k3vin k.), Monday, 4 November 2013 21:01 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nabisco-snack-physicists-develop-highly-unstable-q,34421/

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Monday, 4 November 2013 21:04 (eleven years ago)

oh man

http://www.theonion.com/articles/financially-ruined-executive-still-piecing-life-ba,34452/

― some dude, Monday, 4 November 2013 21:07 (eleven years ago)

lol at "fig-newtonian"

― caek, Monday, 4 November 2013 22:38 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/kidnapped-teen-freed-though-freedom-is-its-own-kin,34454/

― diamonddave85, Thursday, 7 November 2013 02:41 (eleven years ago)

feeling this

http://www.theonion.com/articles/giant-burrito-to-solve-all-of-area-mans-problems-f,34479/

― sleepingbag, Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:11 (eleven years ago)

burrito one similar to the one about the man on the verge of him enjoying himself story that ran over the summer but still a solid 8/10

― the Shearer of simulated snowsex etc. (Dwight Yorke), Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:12 (eleven years ago)

good stuff, reminiscent of my favorite onion article ever (which I've probably already posted to this thread):

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-crispy-snack-cracker-to-ease-crushing-pain-of,1021/

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, 7 November 2013 17:17 (eleven years ago)

LOL

http://www.theonion.com/articles/console-wars-heat-up-as-zenith-unveils-gamespace-p,34551/

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 14 November 2013 20:11 (eleven years ago)

Going full dark once again: http://www.theonion.com/articles/cowardly-refugee-running-away-from-problems,34542/

― Ian from Etobicoke (Phil D.), Thursday, 14 November 2013 20:20 (eleven years ago)

Report: 92% Of Divorced Parents Get Back Together If Children Ask Enough Times

― Viceroy, Monday, 18 November 2013 23:01 (eleven years ago)

lol at this ad accompanying that piece
http://images.pinchme.com.au/7BB23A1912D5A6E114CB90E363E8C6A9.jpg

― ill never click this homo erotic site again (forksclovetofu), Monday, 18 November 2013 23:25 (eleven years ago)

http://www.avclub.com/ the latest contestant in the who-can-redesign-their-already-incomprehensible-websites-into-humanity's-greatest-interpretation-of-hell competition

― my whole family is catholic so look at the pickle i'm in (zachlyon), Wednesday, 20 November 2013 03:49 (eleven years ago)

aww, took that as a url, thought it was going to be a funny onion article

― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:07 (eleven years ago)

kind of love the dauntless stupidity of adding a progress meter for reading an article to make your eye dart away instinctively from the text every time you hit the down arrow key

― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:13 (eleven years ago)

more of that tablet/mobile-ready reactive design shit or whatever they call it that autosenses browser size and completely changes layout.

― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Wednesday, 20 November 2013 04:36 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/11-steps-for-cooking-a-perfect-thanksgiving-turkey,34625

― Ian from Etobicoke (Phil D.), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:31 (eleven years ago)

hahaha

― veneer timber (imago), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:40 (eleven years ago)

sometimes goofy simplicity is the way to go

― veneer timber (imago), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:40 (eleven years ago)

dying

― i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:56 (eleven years ago)

Reminds me of a line I like to quote from an Italian friend. "This is my Uncle Vinny's recipe for eggplant: 'Preheat your oven to 375. Halve the eggplant, rub it with olive oil, salt and pepper, wrap it in foil, and throw it in the fucking garbage.' My Uncle Vinny hates eggplant."

― i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 16:58 (eleven years ago)

lol

― ᶓ͠סּᴥ͠סּᶔ ᶓͼ᷆ₓͼ᷇ᶔ (gr8080), Thursday, 21 November 2013 17:17 (eleven years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/L1hVytM.jpg

― Number None, Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:13 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-employers-created-40000-new-jobs-for-existi,34622/

― Insane Prince of False Binaries (Gukbe), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:14 (eleven years ago)

dying again at the gettysburg address feature

― i wish i had a skateboard i could skate away on (Hurting 2), Thursday, 21 November 2013 19:19 (eleven years ago)

only thing missing is 'amirite?' after 'More like Jefferson Doofus'

― When you popped Apollonia, it kinda popped my brain. (weatheringdaleson), Friday, 22 November 2013 02:41 (eleven years ago)

http://25.media.tumblr.com/0d40d8336fd30bab7c6f86f685b0ae43/tumblr_mwsquzE5kM1qzb8z0o1_400.png

should i just make a "fuck the avclub" thread

― my whole family is catholic so look at the pickle i'm in (zachlyon), Monday, 25 November 2013 02:00 (eleven years ago)

wait that's not an onion article proper!?

― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 25 November 2013 03:13 (eleven years ago)

http://ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=98014#unread

― socki (s1ocki), Monday, 25 November 2013 15:38 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/professor-sees-parallels-between-things-other-thin,5692/

― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 25 November 2013 17:56 (eleven years ago)

ouch

― caek, Tuesday, 26 November 2013 01:19 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nation-has-to-sell-lake-house,34686/

― Tip from Tae Kwon Do: (crüt), Tuesday, 26 November 2013 17:08 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bizarre-scifi-novel-posits-world-where-natives-inh,34720/

― 乒乓, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 02:49 (eleven years ago)

idgi

― Mordy , Wednesday, 4 December 2013 02:52 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/deformed-freak-born-without-penis,34732/

― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Wednesday, 4 December 2013 03:38 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/employee-slowly-realizes-boss-attempting-to-have-n,34739/

Could have just run this one with the headline only

― 乒乓, Wednesday, 4 December 2013 19:14 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/every-parents-worst-nightmare-is-losing-a-child-to,34762/

― Kim Wrong-un (Neil S), Friday, 13 December 2013 15:40 (eleven years ago)

The last print edition of the newspaper came out yesterday, btw. Lots of articles on the front page about print revenues going up and Onion reporters happy about not having to chase web traffic and the ascendency of digital media still being decades down the road, etc.

― Sandwich Slobber (Old Lunch), Friday, 13 December 2013 15:45 (eleven years ago)

love both of these

http://www.theonion.com/articles/worldwide-jewish-conspiracy-worried-it-came-down-t,34815/?ref=auto

http://www.theonion.com/articles/30yearold-has-earned-11-more-than-he-would-have-wi,34824/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default

All in all, the countless hours Patrick spent stressing about getting into school and then working hard to succeed in college have been more or less a financial wash.” The study noted, however, that one cannot ever truly put a price on the 12 Post-WWII European History lectures Moorhouse attended junior year.

― k3vin k., Friday, 13 December 2013 16:30 (eleven years ago)

uh, ha ha?

http://www.theonion.com/articles/thousands-of-americans-to-notice-first-signs-of-de,34828/

― cristalnacht (lukas), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:19 (eleven years ago)

sometimes the onion just wants to watch the world burn

― VENIET IMBER (imago), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:20 (eleven years ago)

It definitely has a powerful mean and misanthropic streak

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:24 (eleven years ago)

yeah that's just a fail. it isn't doing anything.

― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 16 December 2013 21:30 (eleven years ago)

thanks for making me worry about my mom tho

― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 16 December 2013 21:39 (eleven years ago)

Take it from me, forks, your mom's doing great.

― pplains, Monday, 16 December 2013 22:43 (eleven years ago)

ricocheting from one horror to another here

― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 16 December 2013 22:56 (eleven years ago)

oh, you can take it from me too.

― From the Album No Baby for You! (Matt P), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 00:26 (eleven years ago)

Its funny because youre a douchebag

― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 05:33 (eleven years ago)

anyway

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 15:13 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/pudgy-doughboy-with-rosy-red-cheeks-presses-nose-u,34792/

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 17 December 2013 15:14 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obnoxious-friend-wont-stop-attaining-major-life-mi,31528/

― Mordy , Thursday, 19 December 2013 13:39 (eleven years ago)

christ that punchline

― VENIET IMBER (imago), Thursday, 19 December 2013 13:40 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/top-2-tsarnaevs-of-2013,34810/

― mitch hedberg and kevin hart (sleepingbag), Friday, 20 December 2013 08:45 (eleven years ago)

no.

― Porto for Pyros (The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall), Friday, 20 December 2013 17:25 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/7-most-unbelievable-autocorrect-wins,32454/

― Strangers look on with a discernible, barely contained ‘wow’. (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 21 December 2013 07:03 (eleven years ago)

The Onion going "brutally dark" thing is getting tedious. It's just smug and hateful. Satire without humor, just bitter misanthropy.

That "noticing the first signs of dementia in your parents" article was kind of the last straw. Har har.

― circa1916, Saturday, 21 December 2013 09:24 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/modernday-caligula-orders-everything-bagel,34822

This one slays me.

― Lambo Sedan (Whitey on the Moon), Tuesday, 24 December 2013 23:39 (eleven years ago)

The Onion going "brutally dark" thing is getting tedious. It's just smug and hateful. Satire without humor, just bitter misanthropy.

I couldn't disagree more. The darker they go, the funnier it gets.

― Humorist (horse) (誤訳侮辱), Wednesday, 25 December 2013 02:20 (eleven years ago)

the onion's been 'brutally dark' for a long time (this is from 97 - http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-educators-alarmed-by-poorly-written-teen-s,1007/ - and remains a fave)

― balls, Wednesday, 25 December 2013 02:33 (eleven years ago)

Wow:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/local-church-full-of-brainwashed-idiots-feeds-town,34860/

Local Church Full Of Brainwashed Idiots Feeds Town’s Poor Every Week

NEWS IN BRIEF • Local • Religion • Charity • ISSUE 50•01 • Jan 3, 2014

MACON, GA—Sources confirmed today that the brainwashed morons at First Baptist Assembly of Christ, all of whom blindly accept whatever simplistic fairy tales are fed to them, volunteer each Wednesday night to provide meals to impoverished members of the community. “Unfortunately, there are a lot of people in town who have fallen on hard times and are unable to afford to put food on the table, so we try to help out as best we can,” said 48-year-old Kerri Bellamy, one of the mindless sheep who adheres to a backward ideology and is incapable of thinking for herself, while spooning out homemade shepherd’s pie to a line of poor and homeless individuals. “It feels great to share our blessings with the less fortunate. Plus, it’s fun to work alongside all the members of our [corrupt institution of propaganda and lies] who come out each week.” As of press time, the brainless, unthinking lemmings had donated winter clothing they no longer wore to several needy families and still hadn’t opened their eyes to reality.

― An Android Pug of Some Kind? (kingfish), Saturday, 4 January 2014 00:17 (eleven years ago)

so good

― Mordy , Saturday, 4 January 2014 00:37 (eleven years ago)

Oooh, that one'd piss off a few atheist mates of mine.

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Saturday, 4 January 2014 01:45 (eleven years ago)

The one rightwinger who reads my stuff posted part of the Sermon on the Mount as a response.

― An Android Pug of Some Kind? (kingfish), Saturday, 4 January 2014 02:28 (eleven years ago)

hahahahaha that's awesome

― VENIET IMBER (imago), Saturday, 4 January 2014 03:12 (eleven years ago)

That rules.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 4 January 2014 16:59 (eleven years ago)

http://s.mlkshk.com/r/WK3G

― Dan I., Thursday, 9 January 2014 02:20 (eleven years ago)

Holy shit

― 龜, Thursday, 9 January 2014 02:25 (eleven years ago)

Being the owner of this dog:

https://fbcdn-sphotos-e-a.akamaihd.net/hphotos-ak-prn2/1047897_508569509216428_788260726_o.jpg

this one kinda stung:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-this-descended-from-wolves,34898/

― Darin, Thursday, 9 January 2014 19:34 (eleven years ago)

especially loved the church one because it was kind of throwing it back in the faces of a significant chunk of the onion's likely readership

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Thursday, 9 January 2014 19:46 (eleven years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/07kq6Bi.png

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Thursday, 9 January 2014 19:46 (eleven years ago)

dying

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Thursday, 9 January 2014 19:48 (eleven years ago)

Must be the coolest job in the world being a Onion photoshopper.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 9 January 2014 19:58 (eleven years ago)

a an

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 9 January 2014 19:59 (eleven years ago)

Knocking it out of the park with this one:

Adopted Child Sick Of Gay Parents Forcing Him To Watch Them Have Gay Sex

http://www.theonion.com/articles/adopted-child-sick-of-gay-parents-forcing-him-to-w,34904/

...."They're raising me as one of their own," Brown continued, adding his belief that his parents' homosexuality is also eroding the spiritual identity of the larger community....

― An Android Pug of Some Kind? (kingfish), Thursday, 9 January 2014 20:23 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/pilot-tells-passengers-hes-about-to-try-something,34934/

― lollercoaster of rove (s.clover), Monday, 13 January 2014 23:02 (eleven years ago)

hahaha

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Monday, 13 January 2014 23:22 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unemployed-miserable-man-still-remembers-teacher-w,34955/

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Thursday, 16 January 2014 02:03 (eleven years ago)

too sad :(

― rhyme heals all goons (m bison), Thursday, 16 January 2014 02:34 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/and-yet-is-not-beef-itself-an-expression-of-wanton,34968/

― Mordy , Saturday, 18 January 2014 05:32 (eleven years ago)

Better serious ad than the new iPad one.

― barranca jagger (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Saturday, 18 January 2014 06:01 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-shows-hairstylist-example-of-haircut-she-wan,35000/

― Mordy , Tuesday, 21 January 2014 00:40 (eleven years ago)

lol ENBB to thread

― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 00:52 (eleven years ago)

ouch
http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-american-dream-now-an-outofcourt-settlement,34972/

― this harmless group of nerds and the women that love them (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 00:56 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/genius-magazine-editor-does-it-again-with-marilyn,35003/

― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 21 January 2014 02:34 (eleven years ago)

kinda wish they'd left that one at just the headline but it's still great

― balls, Tuesday, 21 January 2014 02:54 (eleven years ago)

Its often amusing reading the Onion's page on FB. People take so many of the posted articles seriously!

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 02:57 (eleven years ago)

trayce you know about literally unbelievable? http://literallyunbelievable.org/

― balls, Tuesday, 21 January 2014 02:59 (eleven years ago)

Hah yeah Ive seen that. smdh at the idjits out there.

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 03:00 (eleven years ago)

Ta for reminding me tho, something to read on my sickbed!

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 03:01 (eleven years ago)

Better serious ad than the new iPad one.

― barranca jagger (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Saturday, January 18, 2014 1:01 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

That iPad ad is actually one of the saddest, most cheapening, anti-poetic things I've ever seen

― signed, J.P. Morgan CEO (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 03:21 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-confusingly-tells-area-man-shes-not-interest,34984/

"Woman Confusingly Tells Area Man She’s Not Interested In Him"

― even the beatles had a coinstar machine in their living room (Crabbits), Tuesday, 21 January 2014 03:30 (eleven years ago)

nation-back-on-board-with-seaworld...

― nickn, Wednesday, 22 January 2014 22:20 (eleven years ago)

Has the Onion been charging for a subscription for long? I was linked to a story earlier and read that, then went onto a couple of others. I then got a pop up message thing which I didn't read initially cos I just thought it was spam of some kind, when i clicked on its close I got dumped on the title page. Apparently you can only look at 5 pages per month for free.
Never came across that before.

― Stevolende, Thursday, 23 January 2014 00:00 (eleven years ago)

for a few years, yeah.

browsing with Adblock on gets around it easily.

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Thursday, 23 January 2014 03:09 (eleven years ago)

I thought i was browsing with adblock on. Think I reinstalled it before Xmas. THis isn't a stepping up on their rattling the cans front or something is it?
Not sure if I have gone through various pages of the site at the same time before but certainly never encountered that.
If you're not going to subscribe you can't even look through the site? Not sure what I would have assumed a subscription would get you but to not have one means you can't look. Think I've only seen taht on actual newspaper sites before & archives for music press.

― Stevolende, Thursday, 23 January 2014 11:58 (eleven years ago)

I have adblock and it still appears. You get a re-up of free articles every month or w/ev. Easier to view under the block on a mobile, ime...

― kinder, Thursday, 23 January 2014 13:00 (eleven years ago)

Opening articles in incognito mode (in Chrome) or equivalent solves the Onion problem.

― Eyeball Kicks, Thursday, 23 January 2014 13:34 (eleven years ago)

You can disable the popup that covers content pretty easily in Opera, too

― she started dancing to that (Finefinemusic), Friday, 24 January 2014 01:52 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/woman-takes-short-halfhour-break-from-being-femini,35026/

― Mordy , Friday, 24 January 2014 04:14 (eleven years ago)

Opening articles in incognito mode (in Chrome) or equivalent solves the Onion problem.

― Eyeball Kicks, Thursday, January 23, 2014 7:34 AM (Yesterday)

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Friday, 24 January 2014 23:04 (eleven years ago)

^what i meant to say instead of Adblock

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Friday, 24 January 2014 23:04 (eleven years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_f9oJikx0-I

― polyphonic, Monday, 27 January 2014 19:36 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/6day-visit-to-rural-african-village-completely-cha,35083/

― Mordy , Tuesday, 28 January 2014 22:17 (eleven years ago)

came here to post that

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Tuesday, 28 January 2014 23:15 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-everyone-youve-ever-had-a-crush-on-secretly,35080/

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Tuesday, 28 January 2014 23:22 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-throws-small-business-owner-into-seat-tells,35091/

This shit just kills me

― Beatrix Kiddo (Raymond Cummings), Wednesday, 29 January 2014 17:09 (eleven years ago)

“If poor people had more money, they’d just blow it on buying things.”

― A True White Kid that can Jump (Granny Dainger), Thursday, 30 January 2014 20:08 (eleven years ago)

Does anyone else worry about the mental health of the Onion staff?

― Beatrix Kiddo (Raymond Cummings), Friday, 31 January 2014 01:58 (eleven years ago)

No.

― pplains, Friday, 31 January 2014 02:42 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/newly-tenured-professor-now-inspired-to-work-harde,35169/

― eric banana (s.clover), Tuesday, 4 February 2014 23:25 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/huskies-unstoppable-during-coldweather-puppy-bowl,35142/

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Tuesday, 4 February 2014 23:28 (eleven years ago)

tbf I've had a lot of professors who have been tenured for decades and are still workaholic publishing machines

― Dan I., Wednesday, 5 February 2014 04:59 (eleven years ago)

Like, I think most of em are like that

― Dan I., Wednesday, 5 February 2014 05:00 (eleven years ago)

gah, why am I pedantically arguing against the Onion

― Dan I., Wednesday, 5 February 2014 05:01 (eleven years ago)

tbf I've had a lot of professors who have been tenured for decades and are still workaholic publishing machines

― Dan I., Tuesday, February 4, 2014 11:59 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

but that was exactly what the article suggested was the case! was there some subtext i missed?

― eric banana (s.clover), Wednesday, 5 February 2014 05:15 (eleven years ago)

― Dan I., Wednesday, 5 February 2014 06:12 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/russian-officials-promise-low-death-toll-for-olymp,35201/

― Ian from Etobicoke (Phil D.), Friday, 7 February 2014 16:59 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/reallife-nancy-drew-traces-source-of-her-hpv,35297/

― goole, Tuesday, 18 February 2014 23:01 (eleven years ago)

I like this because I know guys who shoot games and it's funny because it's true.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/nfl-camera-operators-prepare-for-challenging-year,35274/

― Virginia, Plain and Tall (C. Grisso/McCain), Tuesday, 18 February 2014 23:05 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-stating-current-year-still-leading-argument,35288/

― nickn, Tuesday, 18 February 2014 23:22 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-fucking-dammit-youre-a-stupid-fucking-moron-wh,35305/

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Wednesday, 19 February 2014 19:18 (eleven years ago)

^^^ close to the bone

― ljubljana, Thursday, 20 February 2014 01:41 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/german-leaders-quietly-confident-they-could-pull-o,35345/

“get [a second Holocaust] going”

― cristalnacht (lukas), Friday, 21 February 2014 21:55 (eleven years ago)

where to now the onion?

― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 21 February 2014 21:58 (eleven years ago)

― cristalnacht (lukas), Friday, February 21, 2014 4:55 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark

― Mordy , Friday, 21 February 2014 22:01 (eleven years ago)

ouch, you're right

― ugh (lukas), Friday, 21 February 2014 22:06 (eleven years ago)

the combination i guess

― ugh (lukas), Friday, 21 February 2014 22:07 (eleven years ago)

Reverend Al Sharpton Takes Time Off From Holy Duties To Make TV Appearance

― real myst opportunity (sleepingbag), Tuesday, 25 February 2014 18:36 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/god-fucking-dammit-youre-a-stupid-fucking-moron-wh,35305/

― |$̲̅(̲̅ιοο̲̅)̲̅$̲̅| (gr8080), Wednesday, February 19, 2014 7:18 PM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

^^^ close to the bone

― ljubljana, Thursday, February 20, 2014 1:41 AM (5 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol yeah that felt a little too familiar over here

― imago bantz and the deems context (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 25 February 2014 19:29 (eleven years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGonCxJrcs0

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Wednesday, 26 February 2014 22:13 (eleven years ago)

THEN SHE ATE IT LIKE BUGS BUNNY

― PSY talks The Nut Job (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 26 February 2014 22:19 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/political-cartoonists-wife-finds-disturbing-nude-d,35402/

― goole, Saturday, 1 March 2014 00:24 (eleven years ago)

omfg iwo jima

― balls, Saturday, 1 March 2014 05:42 (eleven years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2PbHo205M_U&list=PL4NL9i-Fu15iZLbSfrxZCpZfKchWr9Vna&feature=c4-overview-vl

"Robocop, a futuristic sci-fi thriller about a cyborg policeman, and, a remake of the classic 1924 film, 'The Robotic Police Officer'"

― james franco tur(oll)ing test (Hurting 2), Saturday, 1 March 2014 05:51 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/new-marijuana-study-says-everyone-knows-youre-high,35386/

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Tuesday, 4 March 2014 18:04 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cam-girl-has-ash-on-forehead,35448/

― pplains, Wednesday, 5 March 2014 22:20 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-only-20-minutes-until-introverted-man-gets,35507/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default&recirc=technology

little too close to home, this one

― k3vin k., Wednesday, 12 March 2014 17:57 (eleven years ago)

otm

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 12 March 2014 18:58 (eleven years ago)

there are no jokes, only truths

― rhyme heals all goons (m bison), Wednesday, 12 March 2014 20:52 (eleven years ago)

Obama Spends Afternoon In Garage Restoring Classic Drone

― Humorist (horse) (誤訳侮辱), Friday, 14 March 2014 18:09 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mischievous-koch-brothers-trick-beautiful-woman-in,35581/

― coops all on coops tbh (crüt), Thursday, 20 March 2014 18:53 (eleven years ago)

Apparently the fake Fred Phelps obituary, like the best Onion articles, fooled all kinds of idiots, including the Vice Mayor of Maricopa County, AZ who completely tripped over his own dick.

― bi-polar uncle (its OK-he's dead) (Phil D.), Friday, 28 March 2014 18:33 (eleven years ago)

haaaaaaa

― IKEA metaballs (Spottie), Friday, 28 March 2014 19:09 (eleven years ago)

wow that story got really good

― socki (s1ocki), Monday, 31 March 2014 16:47 (eleven years ago)

After mentioning he has “many, many” gay and lesbian friends, Farrell states he read the article with no prior knowledge of Phelps or The Onion. “If you read the article, it mentions nothing about him being anti military, which by the way, I support our troops 100 % and thank God every morning for the ones that put their lives and their families on the line for America,” Farrell writes. “All the article mentions is how this guy fought against Gay rights on a biblical platform that God set before us.”

― christmas candy bar (al leong), Monday, 31 March 2014 16:52 (eleven years ago)

Do you think people at the Onion have a potluck lunch to celebrate these wins?

― IKEA metaballs (Spottie), Monday, 31 March 2014 17:15 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-58-of-worlds-japanese-speakers-white-23year,35690/

― 龜, Thursday, 3 April 2014 06:06 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/12-xtreme-slides-just-for-teens,35709/

w00t!

― Evan, Monday, 7 April 2014 20:43 (eleven years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/9OpUjuQ.jpg

― smhphony orchestra (crüt), Wednesday, 9 April 2014 19:08 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/exit-from-apartment-delayed-20-seconds-to-avoid-pl,35765/

― 龜, Saturday, 12 April 2014 00:58 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/tour-becoming-oneonone-between-guide-and-man-who-k,35759/

― Mordy , Saturday, 12 April 2014 22:29 (eleven years ago)

Yeah, that was pretty OTM, been on that tour mannnny times.

― Doctor Casino, Saturday, 12 April 2014 23:06 (eleven years ago)

So otm

― Belgian Flanders Albums Chart (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 13 April 2014 03:06 (eleven years ago)

FBI Uncovers Al-Qaeda Plot To Just Sit Back And Enjoy Collapse Of United States

― silverfish, Tuesday, 15 April 2014 19:04 (eleven years ago)

This one is too good, almost not funny

http://www.theonion.com/video/george-w-bush-debuts-new-paintings-of-dogs-friends,35799/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 18:40 (eleven years ago)

oh my god

― goole, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 19:20 (eleven years ago)

dead. fucking. on.

― sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 19:29 (eleven years ago)

onion at its best

― lauded at conferences of deluded psychopaths (Sparkle Motion), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 19:40 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/its-been-a-while-since-someone-wrote-a-hit-song-ab,35784/

― smhphony orchestra (crüt), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 20:20 (eleven years ago)

best piece of music writing ever

― smhphony orchestra (crüt), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 20:20 (eleven years ago)

George W. Bush Debuts New Paintings Of Dogs, Friends, Ghost Of Iraqi Child That Follows Him Everywhere

http://www.theonion.com/video/george-w-bush-debuts-new-paintings-of-dogs-friends,35799/

― Angkor Waht (Neil S), Thursday, 17 April 2014 10:27 (eleven years ago)

Posted just above! It's a great one, though.

― Evan, Thursday, 17 April 2014 13:46 (eleven years ago)

hah yeah, it's pretty amazing

― Angkor Waht (Neil S), Thursday, 17 April 2014 14:05 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/how-to-solve-a-rubiks-cube,35827/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:3:Default&recirc=mens-fashion#22

― k3vin k., Monday, 21 April 2014 16:57 (eleven years ago)

Here is is starting from the beginning and not from the last panel: http://www.theonion.com/articles/how-to-solve-a-rubiks-cube,35827/

― pplains, Monday, 21 April 2014 17:02 (eleven years ago)

whoops sorry

― k3vin k., Monday, 21 April 2014 17:11 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/activists-release-horrifying-video-showing-how-mea,35861/

― Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 19:45 (eleven years ago)

perfect

― k3vin k., Wednesday, 23 April 2014 19:50 (eleven years ago)

Autopsy Determines Total Loser’s Corpse Contained No Traces Of Drugs, Alcohol

― bi-polar uncle (its OK-he's dead) (Phil D.), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 20:01 (eleven years ago)

too real

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-hoping-people-notice-how-many-folding-chairs-h,35929/

― chinavision!, Friday, 2 May 2014 13:35 (eleven years ago)

i loled @ all the people tagging their friend Ashley in the fb comments

― smhphony orchestra (crüt), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 00:07 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/hurricane-ashley-expected-to-strike-several-bars-t,35951

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 17:09 (eleven years ago)

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― estela, Wednesday, 7 May 2014 08:26 (eleven years ago)

Open link in incognito window

― smooth hymnal (m bison), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 10:31 (eleven years ago)

yeah i get that all the time now. their website has just gotten uglier and more money-getty and SEO-ish over the years

― socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 12:50 (eleven years ago)

yes, it is very reminiscent of Estelle "Money" Getty

― some dude, Wednesday, 7 May 2014 13:04 (eleven years ago)

irl lol

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 13:10 (eleven years ago)

i dont getty it

― socki (s1ocki), Wednesday, 7 May 2014 13:13 (eleven years ago)

Bea Arthur she does what she pleases.

― pplains, Wednesday, 7 May 2014 13:18 (eleven years ago)

Study: Most Serial Killers Did Not Receive Toy Every Time They Went To Store As Kids

― silverfish, Thursday, 8 May 2014 19:20 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/un-report-on-magical-realism-warns-of-increased-in,35985/

― the pinefox, Saturday, 10 May 2014 09:36 (eleven years ago)

^^^ good one

― Doctor Casino, Saturday, 10 May 2014 12:28 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/13-most-common-questions-employers-will-ask-at-a-j,35996/

― Diddley Hollyberry (Phil D.), Monday, 12 May 2014 18:58 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/stonehearted-ice-witch-forgoes-exclamation-point,36005/

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Monday, 12 May 2014 19:02 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/furious-maitre-d-can-only-assume-hostess-didnt-rea,35992/
heh, this is my life

― sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Monday, 12 May 2014 19:10 (eleven years ago)

lol Gerardo

― Οὖτις, Monday, 12 May 2014 19:14 (eleven years ago)

he's very nice

― sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Monday, 12 May 2014 19:16 (eleven years ago)

very particular about his souffle though

― Diddley Hollyberry (Phil D.), Monday, 12 May 2014 19:22 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/10-things-your-parents-were-right-about,36017/#1

― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Monday, 19 May 2014 21:13 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/christ-article-a-video,36101/

BOOM

― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 22 May 2014 18:32 (eleven years ago)

and i sat through a fucking ad for that goddamn mcfarlane western for that too

― Look at this joke I've recognised, do you recognise it as well? (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 22 May 2014 18:52 (eleven years ago)

actually had to take a deep breath when i saw this one

http://www.theonion.com/articles/date-rapist-tossing-his-mortarboard-into-air-3-row,36088/

― goole, Thursday, 22 May 2014 18:55 (eleven years ago)

Nails it:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/revealing-spring-attire-reminds-man-he-nothing-mor,36104/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

― Doritos Loco Parentis (Hurting 2), Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:09 (eleven years ago)

Yep.

― overwhelmed with sweat (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:38 (eleven years ago)

Reminds me of http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-students-prepare-breasts-for-increased-spring,20014/

― pplains, Thursday, 22 May 2014 21:38 (eleven years ago)

Came after the not a damn video one:
Ohio executions

― nickn, Friday, 23 May 2014 05:22 (eleven years ago)

So what do those letters mean? I'll tell you, but as a knowledge-hungry ENTJ, I'm a tiny bit annoyed that you didn't look up the answer yourself.

― conrad, Friday, 23 May 2014 08:54 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-reluctant-to-cut-funding-for-tank-that-ju,36099/

― axe douche for men (silby), Saturday, 24 May 2014 03:10 (eleven years ago)

lots of bummer stories with no jokes lately

http://www.theonion.com/articles/elderly-dog-can-already-tell-owner-doesnt-think-sh,36135/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/retired-factory-worker-had-no-idea-earnings-from-5,36069/
http://www.theonion.com/articles/college-rape-victim-pretty-thrilled-she-gets-to-re,36129/

― macklin' rosie (crüt), Wednesday, 28 May 2014 17:08 (eleven years ago)

the 2nd and 3rd are vaguely aiming for some kind of social commentary. i get those even if i maybe they are week. the first one tho? it's just like a little sad short story. area man's heart broken by pointlessly tragic 100 word sidebar.

― Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 28 May 2014 19:36 (eleven years ago)

Contemplating spending $3K on hip surgery for my dog tomorrow, wish that piece had never been written.

― lauded at conferences of deluded psychopaths (Sparkle Motion), Wednesday, 28 May 2014 20:56 (eleven years ago)

:-(

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Wednesday, 28 May 2014 21:01 (eleven years ago)

i just don't know if "not enough jokes" is an accurate diagnosis there

― ♛ LIL UNIT ♛ (thomp), Wednesday, 28 May 2014 21:10 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this,36131/

― ciderpress, Saturday, 31 May 2014 17:17 (eleven years ago)

This is so dumb but kills me:
http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-looks-back-at-saving-private-ryan,36211/

― Spencer Chow, Thursday, 5 June 2014 19:41 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/bill-simmons-ventures-into-interdimensional-vortex,36205/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:1:Default

― Prince Kajuku (Bill Magill), Thursday, 5 June 2014 19:56 (eleven years ago)

Absolutely hilarious.

― Prince Kajuku (Bill Magill), Thursday, 5 June 2014 19:56 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ask-an-elderly-black-woman-as-depicted-by-a-sophom,29855/

― Evan, Friday, 6 June 2014 16:18 (eleven years ago)

yeah that one is a classic

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 6 June 2014 17:47 (eleven years ago)

Hadn't seen it before

― Evan, Friday, 6 June 2014 18:04 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/breakfast-in-bed-served-to-mom-who-just-got-eaten,32401/

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Saturday, 7 June 2014 19:43 (eleven years ago)

New Charter School Lottery System Gives Each Applicant White Pill, Enrolls Whoever Left Standing

― Disagree. And im not into firey solos chief. (Phil D.), Tuesday, 10 June 2014 14:29 (eleven years ago)

http://www.clickhole.com/video/video-seems-silly-it-makes-good-point-264

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Thursday, 12 June 2014 16:40 (eleven years ago)

Wow, that whole http://www.clickhole.com/ site is great

― StanM, Thursday, 12 June 2014 18:33 (eleven years ago)

it really is

http://www.clickhole.com/article/want-feel-old-movie-high-fidelity-would-be-sexy-14-234

― balls, Thursday, 12 June 2014 19:48 (eleven years ago)

Best part is that the paid adverts are indistinguishable from the articles

http://i.imgur.com/nwynblH.png

― 龜, Thursday, 12 June 2014 19:56 (eleven years ago)

i'm curious how long they can pull it off but then again i never would've predicted the onion could reliably make me laugh doing what they do for nearly twenty years now

― balls, Thursday, 12 June 2014 20:06 (eleven years ago)

I'm still not convinced that AV Club isn't a very ambitious extension of the The Onion's satire.

― pplains, Thursday, 12 June 2014 20:11 (eleven years ago)

i dunno who wrote the 'Friends' bit but Jesus that's one unfunny piece; i'm all for the idea but it didn't even raise a smile.

― piscesx, Thursday, 12 June 2014 22:55 (eleven years ago)

http://www.clickhole.com/article/top-12-game-thrones-inspired-baby-names-280

This ones great. "Ned". hahaha.

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Thursday, 12 June 2014 23:44 (eleven years ago)

this one reminds me of classic Viz:

http://www.clickhole.com/article/5-iconic-movie-scenes-were-actually-fake-201

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 12 June 2014 23:55 (eleven years ago)

http://www.clickhole.com/article/meet-most-powerful-man-youve-never-heard-72

― balls, Friday, 13 June 2014 00:06 (eleven years ago)

James O'Thrones

― lauded at conferences of deluded psychopaths (Sparkle Motion), Friday, 13 June 2014 00:09 (eleven years ago)

i hope ppl are actually using the post-to-reddit buttons

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Friday, 13 June 2014 00:37 (eleven years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/mktg4no.png

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:31 (eleven years ago)

My first thought was also "how long can they possibly keep this funny?" But I guess they can always just shift the content in response to the ever-shifting nature and prevalent of clickbait.

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:47 (eleven years ago)

sorry that was supposed to say "nature and prevailing style"

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 15:47 (eleven years ago)

fans of this site should also participate in my "from around the web" thread which I put on 77 for no good reason

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 16:00 (eleven years ago)

cant click it if u dont link it

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Friday, 13 June 2014 16:10 (eleven years ago)

http://ilxor.com/ILX/ThreadSelectedControllerServlet?boardid=77&threadid=93805

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Friday, 13 June 2014 16:11 (eleven years ago)

this is pretty much the trump card
http://www.clickhole.com/video/what-adorable-little-girl-says-will-melt-your-hear-286

― Look at this joke I've recognised, do you recognise it as well? (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 15 June 2014 17:25 (eleven years ago)

Nah this is

http://www.clickhole.com/video/if-you-grew-calvin-hobbes-you-need-watch-right-now-318

― 龜, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:27 (eleven years ago)

yyyyyyyyyyyeah no

― Look at this joke I've recognised, do you recognise it as well? (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:30 (eleven years ago)

HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

― Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:30 (eleven years ago)

I have never in my entire life wished I could un-see something as much as I wish I could un-see that.

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:30 (eleven years ago)

this is the greatest website in the universe

― Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:41 (eleven years ago)

I concur.

― Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:43 (eleven years ago)

Damn

― Stephen King's Threaderstarter (kingfish), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:51 (eleven years ago)

i am queasy now

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:56 (eleven years ago)

irl guffaws

― macklemorange is the new wack (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 17:58 (eleven years ago)

it seriously is the most genius website on earth since they can game the click economy in any way they feel AND not be held ethically accountable for any piece of sponsored content they do. it's a license to print money

― macklemorange is the new wack (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:02 (eleven years ago)

I have never in my entire life wished I could un-see something as much as I wish I could un-see that.

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, June 17, 2014 1:30 PM (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You do use the internet, don't you?

― Evan, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:03 (eleven years ago)

oh god poor calvin and hobbes

― smooth hymnal (m bison), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:07 (eleven years ago)

Fav so far: http://www.clickhole.com/article/16-incredible-gifs-we-would-make-if-we-knew-how-296

― Evan, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:09 (eleven years ago)

The one about Lebron is great.

― Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:12 (eleven years ago)

http://www.clickhole.com/blogpost/lebron-james-should-not-have-go-jail-losing-nba-fi-309

― Johnny Fever, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:13 (eleven years ago)

http://www.clickhole.com/article/stanley-tuccis-racist-tirade-our-take-if-it-ever-h-314
lmao

― smooth hymnal (m bison), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:14 (eleven years ago)

xp the random pull quote repeating something from something 2 lines up is a nice touch

― smooth hymnal (m bison), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:15 (eleven years ago)

cross last something

― smooth hymnal (m bison), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:15 (eleven years ago)

we should start a dedicated clickhole thread

― macklemorange is the new wack (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:21 (eleven years ago)

6. A skeleton does a crazy dance, but then the GIF stops and asks the user to enter his or her credit card information to see more fun skeleton dancing
Doesn’t really matter what the dance is, as long as the skeleton looks funny.

post animated gifs of dancing skeletons

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:22 (eleven years ago)

clickhole has its moments but i'm not getting how "hey everybody, look how ironic it is that this is what it is, do you get it, i get it" can survive past the initial first week or two

― Look at this joke I've recognised, do you recognise it as well? (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:31 (eleven years ago)

onion coasted on that for 25 years bruh

― macklemorange is the new wack (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:32 (eleven years ago)

i didn't think non-satire clickbait would last either but here we are

― macklin' rosie (crüt), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:35 (eleven years ago)

― 龜, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:39 (eleven years ago)

A friend of mine pointed out that 90% of Onion articles are just truth in the format of news.

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:39 (eleven years ago)

http://matablog.matadorrecords.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/harvey_head_big.jpg

― macklemorange is the new wack (Whiney G. Weingarten), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:42 (eleven years ago)

most news is like that too iirc

― socki (s1ocki), Tuesday, 17 June 2014 18:43 (eleven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/sonny-corleone-would-still-be-alive-today-if-he-ha,36297

― polyphonic, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 19:16 (eleven years ago)

10. Not sure how we’d do this or what would be in it, but the idea is that the first time you view the GIF, it’s not funny at all and is very confusing. None of the pieces seem to fit together. You can’t discern the whole image. But the second time you view it, it becomes very funny. Your laughter is sudden, irrepressible and hard to explain. You feel liberated and even cruel. The third time, however—and for reasons just as obscure to you—the GIF makes you terribly sad. During the third iteration, you desperately want to cry, but you feel that doing so would ruin something fleeting.

Again, we don’t know what’s in this GIF, but it’d repeat every 4 or 5 seconds. Blue background.

total karl malone vibes

― schlump, Tuesday, 17 June 2014 23:48 (eleven years ago)

Haha yes I was just coming here to say the same about that :)

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 02:00 (eleven years ago)

12. Stephen Hawking dunking a basketball from the free throw line, then pumping his fist

NOTE: Should be clear in the GIF that we’re NOT making fun of Stephen Hawking. If anything, we are on his side, laughing with him.

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 03:08 (eleven years ago)

gtfo

― sinister porpoise (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 14:27 (eleven years ago)

i'm late on this but that clavin and hobbes video, whoo boy

― Every post you make is dripping with failure (stevie), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 14:33 (eleven years ago)

calvin and hobbes. clavin and hobbes would be something else altogether.

― Every post you make is dripping with failure (stevie), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 14:34 (eleven years ago)

now imagining a version of that video with norm fucking cliff

― Every post you make is dripping with failure (stevie), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 14:34 (eleven years ago)

You say that as if we probably can't Google one up right now.

― Disagree. And im not into firey solos chief. (Phil D.), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 14:38 (eleven years ago)

whats even funnier abt the calvin and hobbes video is how it spits out when shared on facebook:

http://i.imgur.com/ZgcvUBD.png

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 14:41 (eleven years ago)

ha! pvmic

― Every post you make is dripping with failure (stevie), Wednesday, 18 June 2014 14:42 (eleven years ago)

I made a thread Bait My Clickhole

― 龜, Wednesday, 18 June 2014 20:05 (eleven years ago)

OK lol
http://www.clickhole.com/quiz/aerosmith-angry-you-328

― the Bronski Review (Trayce), Friday, 20 June 2014 11:26 (eleven years ago)

Trayce you're not baiting my clickhole

― 龜, Friday, 20 June 2014 11:31 (eleven years ago)

and now for an awesome non-clickhole slideshow:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/names-for-william-h-macy-around-the-world,36336/

― Darin, Monday, 23 June 2014 21:17 (eleven years ago)

A Croatian friend explained to me that Kevin Costner is Croatian for "your mother's chiropractor."

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 24 June 2014 01:01 (eleven years ago)

That may be the single greater fact I know.

― Hier Komme Die Warum Jetzt (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 24 June 2014 01:02 (eleven years ago)

two weeks pass...

Breaking: LeBron James Leaning Toward Joining Al-Qaeda

― Queef Latina (Phil D.), Wednesday, 9 July 2014 00:46 (ten years ago)

Thought for sure that would have something to do with Binyam Mohammed
http://o.aolcdn.com/photo-hub/news_gallery/6/4/649107/1265844393775.JPEG

― tsrobodo, Wednesday, 9 July 2014 03:24 (ten years ago)

whoa

― 'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 9 July 2014 03:26 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/the-onion-reviews-dawn-of-the-planet-of-the-apes,36436/

― 'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Friday, 11 July 2014 15:23 (ten years ago)

ha ha awesome

― Darin, Friday, 11 July 2014 18:44 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-finds-humans-only-animals-capable-of-recogni,36444/

― da croupier, Friday, 11 July 2014 21:56 (ten years ago)

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/26/26592/original/700.jpg?8037

― mattresslessness, Tuesday, 15 July 2014 16:44 (ten years ago)

*gasp*

― goole, Tuesday, 15 July 2014 16:45 (ten years ago)

lol @ clarence thomas

― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 15 July 2014 16:59 (ten years ago)

genius

― a biscuit/donut hybrid called “bisnuts” (stevie), Tuesday, 15 July 2014 19:13 (ten years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwSzuIW_Klc

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Wednesday, 16 July 2014 17:33 (ten years ago)

Oh my god, that's great.

― oblique blasphemies (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Thursday, 17 July 2014 03:20 (ten years ago)

haha that is great

― balls, Thursday, 17 July 2014 03:31 (ten years ago)

yeah love that

― gbx, Thursday, 17 July 2014 13:35 (ten years ago)

Lol'd at Lance Armstrong with the N64, also respect for importing the JDM version of Mario Kart 64 instead of waiting for the American release, cause otherwise they would have had to say 1997 ;)

― 龜, Thursday, 17 July 2014 13:42 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/comiccon-exclusive-michael-bay-gives-fans-sneak-pe,36528/

― goole, Thursday, 24 July 2014 17:52 (ten years ago)

wish their vid player wouldn't crap out on me every time

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Friday, 25 July 2014 00:38 (ten years ago)

that's real funny tho

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Friday, 25 July 2014 00:40 (ten years ago)

The crawl/ticker on that is pretty funny: "Hollywood community shocked, saddened that Charlie Sheen was found alive in his home."

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Friday, 25 July 2014 02:23 (ten years ago)

That was in one of those not-quite-The-Onions right after Phillip Seymour Hoffman died.

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/02/02/charlie-sheen-found-alive-in-his-new-york-apartment-aged-48/

― pplains, Friday, 25 July 2014 03:00 (ten years ago)

BuzzFeed Writer Resigns In Disgrace After Plagiarizing ‘10 Llamas Who Wish They Were Models’
NEWS • Our Annual Year 2013 • News Media • Internet • News • ISSUE 49•22 • May 29, 2013

BuzzFeed Politics Writer Is Fired Over Plagiarism
By RAVI SOMAIYA JULY 26, 2014

― 龜, Sunday, 27 July 2014 00:33 (ten years ago)

so... you're saying the *next* TMNT movie will actually have CGI peni?

― poop will eat itself (S-), Tuesday, 5 August 2014 03:40 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-law-requires-welfare-recipients-to-submit-swea,36626/

― Vinnie, Wednesday, 6 August 2014 17:06 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/dates-flaws-coming-at-woman-faster-than-she-can-ra,36629/

― 龜, Wednesday, 6 August 2014 22:41 (ten years ago)

last paragraph ftw

― mookieproof, Thursday, 7 August 2014 00:42 (ten years ago)

so good.

― °ㅇ๐ْ ° (gr8080), Thursday, 7 August 2014 00:47 (ten years ago)

That Ninja Turtles bit was hilarious.

― schwantz, Thursday, 7 August 2014 19:58 (ten years ago)

I miss when their videos were of this caliber:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t8fnoZXrmdU

― global tetrahedron, Sunday, 10 August 2014 16:08 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/homosexuality-only-thing-parents-can-accept-about,36622/

― Johnny Fever, Sunday, 10 August 2014 16:17 (ten years ago)

xp I've never been called anything worse than a big black fuck ox.

― Johnny Fever, Sunday, 10 August 2014 16:20 (ten years ago)

that line kills me every time. i love it when they pull off something genuinely hilarious but couple it with genuine insight and commentary. doesn't always happen, but when they're on, man are they on!

― global tetrahedron, Sunday, 10 August 2014 17:03 (ten years ago)

I take it this is how the onion announces they're getting into the sponsored content game or has it been going on for a while?

The Onion ‏@TheOnion 11m
If you believed some websites still had the integrity not to shill for sponsors, you’re as dumb as we thought http://onion.com/1uiMUi2 #SPON

― anonanon, Monday, 11 August 2014 16:36 (ten years ago)

remember: if you're glib and knowing about it, it doesn't count

― go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 11 August 2014 16:37 (ten years ago)

/trenchant

― go ahead. make vid where u rap about this new TMNT movie. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 11 August 2014 16:37 (ten years ago)

there's been sponsored crap on the onion dot com for a while, usually like product-integrationy news in brief bits.

― Forks I'd Clove to Fu (silby), Monday, 11 August 2014 17:21 (ten years ago)

yeah sounds like they started last summer

http://www.cjr.org/behind_the_news/clickhole.php?page=all

I like that clickhole's sponsored content section is called CashHole

― anonanon, Monday, 11 August 2014 17:28 (ten years ago)

I like how their free article limit blocked the sponsored content for me.

― alanbatman (abanana), Monday, 11 August 2014 19:52 (ten years ago)

pure silliness, good chaser for today

http://www.theonion.com/articles/busch-gardens-unveils-new-9600milelong-endurance-c,36691/

― heck (silby), Friday, 15 August 2014 05:06 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/onion-talks-hypothetically-it-would-be-okay-to-hav,36687/

― ╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Friday, 15 August 2014 14:54 (ten years ago)

"No matter how deep you go..."

― i was a downy lad, and twee (stevie), Friday, 15 August 2014 15:07 (ten years ago)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BvGXN7nIUAA1OJW.jpg

― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 15 August 2014 18:27 (ten years ago)

[Not Satire] http://www.fastcodesign.com/3033865/the-look-of-funny-how-the-onions-art-department-work

― sktsh, Friday, 22 August 2014 19:30 (ten years ago)

http://www.clickhole.com/video/amazing-boy-saw-heaven-during-his-near-death-exper-830

― 'arry Goldman (Hurting 2), Friday, 22 August 2014 19:46 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/were-going-to-enjoy-this-cocainefueled-mason-jar-r,36779/

― ╲╱\/╲/\╱╲╱\/\ (gr8080), Tuesday, 26 August 2014 17:11 (ten years ago)

Fucking died at 'jar-powered god slaughterers'

― Peeking at Peak Petty (Sufjan Grafton), Tuesday, 26 August 2014 21:00 (ten years ago)

http://s24.postimg.org/a6fs127vp/gop.png

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Tuesday, 26 August 2014 21:09 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/unpopular-police-officer-thinking-about-committing,36790/

― LIKE If you are against racism (omar little), Wednesday, 27 August 2014 23:43 (ten years ago)

✓

― mookieproof, Wednesday, 27 August 2014 23:46 (ten years ago)

xp I know a young dude like that. He told me a joke about 'his ex wife' when he was 17

― post...aftermath (Sufjan Grafton), Thursday, 28 August 2014 04:12 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/leaving-dorm-room-door-open-to-play-large-role-in,36774/

― 龜, Sunday, 31 August 2014 17:59 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/chase-executives-fondly-recall-financial-companys,36863/

― everybody loves lana del raymond (s.clover), Tuesday, 9 September 2014 04:08 (ten years ago)

This headline is cracking me up: http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-huggers-announce-plans-for-you-to-get-over,36896

― Immediate Follower (NA), Wednesday, 10 September 2014 16:55 (ten years ago)

yeah that got actual lols from me

― gbx, Wednesday, 10 September 2014 16:59 (ten years ago)

lol that's great

― goole, Wednesday, 10 September 2014 16:59 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/family-unsure-what-to-do-with-dead-hipsters-posses,929/

― the other song about butts in the top 5 (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 11 September 2014 16:30 (ten years ago)

two weeks pass...

I might be overthinking but I love the Kelly cartoons that don't seem to spring from political opinion but instead some event in Kelly's personal life, like you could piece together an implied backstory: http://o.onionstatic.com/images/27/27478/original/700.jpg?2112

― Immediate Follower (NA), Monday, 29 September 2014 20:03 (ten years ago)

no that's def part of the appeal

― the other song about butts in the top 5 (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 September 2014 20:05 (ten years ago)

yeah I think there are also cartoons that make indirect reference to a failed marriage or soemthing

― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Monday, 29 September 2014 21:08 (ten years ago)

Love that too, I'm sure I've said this before but it makes them a more pitch-perfect sendup of, for example, Mallard Fillmore dedicating itself to the creator's dissatisfaction at the cancellation of Veronica Mars. And just general regular-newspaper-columnist stuff, "regular readers will know I have little patience for," miscellaneous name-drops of family members, etc.

― Doctor Casino, Monday, 29 September 2014 23:05 (ten years ago)

the kelly view on women is painfully note-perfect and my favorite element of the strip

― mattresslessness, Monday, 29 September 2014 23:21 (ten years ago)

^all of this otm

kelly def the richest and best drawn character they have

― sktsh, Tuesday, 30 September 2014 10:29 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-dad-just-wants-to-watch-one-7hour-block-of-te,37082/

they really need to do a father's day card with this one on the front

― soref, Saturday, 4 October 2014 23:52 (ten years ago)

may 5 1999

Brutality-Desensitization Process Nearly Complete

http://www.theonion.com/articles/brutalitydesensitization-process-nearly-complete,734/

― i also enjoy in line skateing (spazzmatazz), Sunday, 5 October 2014 06:36 (ten years ago)

Pretty good forecasting by The Onion.

― Johnny Fever, Sunday, 5 October 2014 06:41 (ten years ago)

A good favotie onion article brings such joy forever

I remembered this article today and it's so wonderful

http://www.theonion.com/articles/fiscally-im-a-rightwing-nutjob-but-on-social-issue,20486/

"Marxism should be taught in schools. But there should be no public schools. And everyone should be required by law to participate in women's empowerment seminars. But the heavily armed stormtroopers enforcing this law should be independent contractors."

― Walter MIDI (Crabbits), Tuesday, 14 October 2014 04:38 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-crispy-snack-cracker-to-ease-crushing-pain-of,1021/

― #fomo that's the motto (Hurting 2), Thursday, November 7, 2013 12:17 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

posted above, my favorite onion article ever and I think possibly the first I ever read, or the first that really grabbed me

― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 14 October 2014 05:19 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/lifelong-dream-no-match-for-first-brush-with-adver,37186/?fb_action_ids=10152313606332261&fb_action_types=og.shares

― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 15 October 2014 23:35 (ten years ago)

Does anyone have a link to the Onion story about the guy who raises his daughter with cultural reference points that mean she can't communicate with her peers?

― NYC if you didn't know was taken over by skeleton hipsters in the past (stevie), Monday, 27 October 2014 15:38 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cool-dad-raising-daughter-on-media-that-will-put-h,26132/

― Doctor Casino, Monday, 27 October 2014 23:25 (ten years ago)

once met a guy who swore he'd never let his future children watch disney movies and that he was gonna raise them on kurosawa instead

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 02:30 (ten years ago)

I'll never let my future children exist

― Spirit of Match Game '76 (silby), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 02:38 (ten years ago)

Disney movies are kinda fucked

― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 02:40 (ten years ago)

I have nothing against mainstream kids' media as a rule but disney movies have a weird disturbed streak that runs through most of them.

― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 02:41 (ten years ago)

*makes fun of your progeny*

― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 02:44 (ten years ago)

So we have to watch either Disney or Kurosawa?

― pplains, Tuesday, 28 October 2014 03:07 (ten years ago)

Ozu is for poseurs

― Οὖτις, Tuesday, 28 October 2014 03:11 (ten years ago)

My kid loves Frozen so much

― u2 removal machine (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 03:48 (ten years ago)

i just hung out with a five year old who was totally into star wars and his folks have only let him see the original three

― Steve 'n' Seagulls and Flock of Van Dammes (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 04:07 (ten years ago)

my bro and i were never interested in disney movies growing up. feel okay about it

― global tetrahedron, Tuesday, 28 October 2014 04:15 (ten years ago)

Almost said Star Wars while ago as a compromise, but thats Disney now too.

― pplains, Tuesday, 28 October 2014 04:31 (ten years ago)

Thanks so much, Doctor Casino!!

― NYC if you didn't know was taken over by skeleton hipsters in the past (stevie), Tuesday, 28 October 2014 13:47 (ten years ago)

no prob!

― Doctor Casino, Tuesday, 28 October 2014 13:52 (ten years ago)

sensational

http://www.theonion.com/articles/pathetic-washedup-rock-star-on-fifth-decade-of-doi,37299/

― piscesx, Wednesday, 29 October 2014 13:47 (ten years ago)

I've been forgetting to check the Onion because of Clickhole, but
http://www.theonion.com/articles/white-house-receives-letter-addressed-to-gerald-fo,37334/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

― my jaw left (Hurting 2), Friday, 31 October 2014 15:02 (ten years ago)

The Onion Verified account
‏@TheOnion
In Focus: Keira Knightley Answers Fan Letter Way Too Quickly http://onion.com/1u6CwJB

Reply to @TheOnion
s.s. lark ‏@louiedadawg 2h2 hours ago
@TheOnion how about she is very polite!

Home Bunch ‏@HomeBunch 2h2 hours ago
@TheOnion Cry me a river! What a big problem he got in his hands! Gee... "5 minutes of fame", much?

sawseegirl ‏@sawseegirl 2h2 hours ago
@TheOnion hhmmm--pretty strange

Hungry Fillbe ‏@HungryFillbe 2h
@TheOnion I'm sure there's some irony or something in there, but I liked reading it just at face value :)

graham dempsey ‏@ArtistSurf3r 2h2 hours ago
@TheOnion If this is accurate and if true man should have kept this to himself . Shows no respect & is just tacky . GJ pfft .

― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 7 November 2014 18:37 (ten years ago)

Ira Glass Exhausted From Doing Every Single Voice On ‘This American Life’

― I'm In The Mood To Munch! (Old Lunch), Friday, 7 November 2014 18:42 (ten years ago)

(My girlfriend sent that to me in light of my asking, almost every time I overhear NPR, "why is that guy doing an Ira Glass impersonation?". Although, TBF, there's also a show with some dude who does a mean Keillor.)

― I'm In The Mood To Munch! (Old Lunch), Friday, 7 November 2014 18:46 (ten years ago)

two weeks pass...

lolling hard

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-tentatively-takes-shot-at-badmouthing-girlfrie,37443/

― piscesx, Monday, 24 November 2014 02:39 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/heavy-police-presence-in-ferguson-to-ensure-reside,37528/

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Tuesday, 25 November 2014 00:46 (ten years ago)

Also this one: http://www.theonion.com/articles/ferguson-pool-supply-store-overestimating-how-badl,37525/

― nickn, Tuesday, 25 November 2014 01:34 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/cia-admits-role-in-1985-coup-to-oust-david-lee-rot,37570/

― goole, Tuesday, 2 December 2014 19:59 (ten years ago)

“The last thing we wanted was to have another ‘Panama’ on our hands,” he added.

― you say tomato/i say imago (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Tuesday, 2 December 2014 20:01 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/overworked-prosecutor-thinking-of-taking-police-br,37597

― mookieproof, Thursday, 4 December 2014 19:31 (ten years ago)

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/543150444919660544

― goole, Thursday, 11 December 2014 22:32 (ten years ago)

perfect

― bizarro gazzara, Friday, 12 December 2014 12:00 (ten years ago)

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/28/28147/original/700.jpg?2073

I think this is one that really benefits from the implied backstory thing discussed above, imagining kelly being a churlish dick about having to make conversation with people

― soref, Sunday, 14 December 2014 12:34 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-dont-see-race-i-only-see-grayishbrown-vaguely-hu,37667/

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 19 December 2014 14:18 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/temple-university-receives-anonymous-donation-to-b,37500/

― joygoat, Sunday, 28 December 2014 03:59 (ten years ago)

two weeks pass...

as narrow-audience onion knockoffs go, the hard times is pretty good

http://thehardtimes.net/2015/01/05/iggy-azalea-clarifies-she-only-listens-to-early-skrewdriver/

― celfie tucker 48 (s.clover), Saturday, 17 January 2015 19:08 (ten years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/articles/dubai-unveils-plans-for-worlds-largest-human-right,37979/

― Keith Moom (Neil S), Thursday, 12 February 2015 16:27 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/government-official-who-makes-perfectly-valid-well,20499/

― touch of a love-starved cobra (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 25 February 2015 19:53 (ten years ago)

Ikea CEO Wants New Desk On His Desk By End Of Day

― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 27 February 2015 19:31 (ten years ago)

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B_XLxpxWcAIyAPp.png

― mookieproof, Thursday, 5 March 2015 21:10 (ten years ago)

ouch

― Οὖτις, Thursday, 5 March 2015 21:11 (ten years ago)

three weeks pass...

http://i.imgur.com/TrHOB1m.png

― 龜, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 17:03 (ten years ago)

“Sia sings it? Which one is she again?”

― gr8080, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 18:18 (ten years ago)

c'mon, i'm pretty sure there's no one named Sia

― the increasing costive borborygmi (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 18:30 (ten years ago)

Nighthawks repro in the back is a key touch

― 龜, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 18:31 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-thinking-about-just-packing-up-and-making-exac,38342/

― 龜, Wednesday, 8 April 2015 11:40 (ten years ago)

;_;

― Roz, Wednesday, 8 April 2015 11:44 (ten years ago)

ikr

― mookieproof, Thursday, 9 April 2015 01:31 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/video/sony-releases-new-stupid-piece-of-shit-that-doesnt,14309/

― creaks, whines and trife (s.clover), Thursday, 9 April 2015 18:30 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/belt-looks-weird-on-child,38404/

― goole, Thursday, 9 April 2015 18:50 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-reluctantly-deletes-video-of-friend-trying-to,38407/

http://www.theonion.com/articles/petsmart-manager-does-morning-sweep-of-enclosures,38401/

― creaks, whines and trife (s.clover), Friday, 10 April 2015 21:38 (ten years ago)

guilty but hearty looool

― difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 10 April 2015 21:43 (ten years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://41.media.tumblr.com/cd43086e5c395dc54cc373c4d72d2c3c/tumblr_nnmv40zD8E1qkt6yoo1_540.png

― mizzell, Friday, 1 May 2015 13:52 (ten years ago)

three weeks pass...

vintage god damn blessings

http://www.theonion.com/article/attempt-to-recreate-incredible-night-out-from-yout-20319

― gr8080, Thursday, 28 May 2015 18:04 (ten years ago)

holy shit richard yates imho

― entry-level umami (mild bleu cheese vibes) (s.clover), Thursday, 28 May 2015 21:50 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/urban-polling-centers-recommend-voters-start-linin-50365

― Kiarostami bag (milo z), Thursday, 4 June 2015 20:32 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/tanned-exquisitely-coiffed-bernie-sanders-tells-su-50589

― joygoat, Saturday, 6 June 2015 17:36 (ten years ago)

I love this so much.

http://www.theonion.com/article/owner-tearfully-releases-american-pharoah-after-tr-50605

― pplains, Tuesday, 9 June 2015 15:44 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/experts-say-best-option-now-keeping-nation-comfort-50617

― nickn, Wednesday, 10 June 2015 03:24 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/new-law-determines-bullets-no-longer-responsibilit-50623

― Jim Gillette's unused octave (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 10 June 2015 20:17 (ten years ago)

Relate to this so hard

http://www.theonion.com/article/man-forced-come-45-seconds-facial-expressions-whil-50650

― Immediate Follower (NA), Friday, 12 June 2015 17:42 (ten years ago)

definitely not where i saw that headline going

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 12 June 2015 22:22 (ten years ago)

the URL i mean

― Doctor Casino, Friday, 12 June 2015 22:22 (ten years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/serial-killer-admits-hes-lost-track-pattern-he-was-50705

― e-bouquet (mattresslessness), Wednesday, 24 June 2015 04:07 (ten years ago)

four weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/article/long-john-silvers-introduces-new-golden-fried-abom-50894

― example (crüt), Thursday, 23 July 2015 12:25 (nine years ago)

lmao

http://www.onionstudios.com/videos/beyond-the-brink-how-the-israeli-occupation-has-made-it-impossible-for-palestinians-to-score-drugs-3070

― global tetrahedron, Monday, 3 August 2015 17:11 (nine years ago)

i just lol'd hard at: Dancing 7-Year-Old Looks To Expand Fan Base From Parents To Parents' Friends
https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/629256884495593472

― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 6 August 2015 11:48 (nine years ago)

two weeks pass...

Holy shit:

New SeaWorld Show Just Elephant Drowning IN Large Tank Of Water With No Explanation

http://www.theonion.com/article/new-seaworld-show-just-elephant-drowning-large-tan-51139

― the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Friday, 21 August 2015 15:28 (nine years ago)

That last line...

― not a garbageman, i am garbage, man (m bison), Friday, 21 August 2015 16:24 (nine years ago)

https://twitter.com/TheOnion/status/634803513139286020

― usic ally (k3vin k.), Friday, 21 August 2015 19:17 (nine years ago)

that's a new classic

― where the sterls have no name (s.clover), Friday, 21 August 2015 20:24 (nine years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/isis-operatives-destroy-hofner-bass-guitar-signed--51189?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Default

ILM will get a kick out of this.

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 28 August 2015 18:59 (nine years ago)

Ha, just came here to post that. Brilliant, though it's hard to pinpoint just how.

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 31 August 2015 19:13 (nine years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/nasa-deploys-congressional-rover-search-funding-51231?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:1:Default

― Οὖτις, Wednesday, 2 September 2015 19:56 (nine years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/new-subway-promotion-to-honor-subtember-11-33768?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:NA:InFocus

*laughs nervously*

― usic ally (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 9 September 2015 18:27 (nine years ago)

https://scontent-hkg3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpa1/v/t1.0-9/12009638_10104599970678693_4412498355279813165_n.jpg

― écorché (S-), Monday, 14 September 2015 08:37 (nine years ago)

http://images1.browardpalmbeach.com/imager/via-twitter/u/original/6459080/marriott_911.jpg

― écorché (S-), Monday, 14 September 2015 08:38 (nine years ago)

^ shit that looks like an onion article but isn't

― pplains, Monday, 14 September 2015 13:32 (nine years ago)

these two are LOL

http://www.theonion.com/article/ethical-hunter-throws-duck-he-shot-back-sky-51355?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Pic:1:Default

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/trees-planted-poor-neighborhood-mature-just-time-g-51281

― my cheeriness amazes me (rip van wanko), Monday, 21 September 2015 20:35 (nine years ago)

‘No Way To Prevent This,’ Says Only Nation Where This Regularly Happens

― silverfish, Friday, 2 October 2015 13:29 (nine years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/obama-follows-white-stallion-moonlit-rose-garden-51554

― Neil S, Friday, 16 October 2015 12:19 (nine years ago)

two weeks pass...

The best thing about the "No Way To Prevent This" article is that they seem to be re-posting it nearly verbatim, with just the locations changed, when a new mass shooting happens.

http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-36131

http://www.theonion.com/article/no-way-prevent-says-only-nation-where-regularly-ha-51443

― Dan I., Monday, 2 November 2015 00:32 (nine years ago)

Published on my birthday: http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/shit-i-was-supposed-have-learned-something-having--51778

― pplains, Thursday, 5 November 2015 01:34 (nine years ago)

two weeks pass...

Onion-esque sites not run by the Onion are usually terrible, but I sometimes find The Hard Times to be pretty good:
http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/19/west-oakland-punks-hold-vegan-bake-sale-end-gentrification/

― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Saturday, 21 November 2015 04:41 (nine years ago)

"Am i missing how a bake sale help ends gentrification?"

― koogs, Saturday, 21 November 2015 16:16 (nine years ago)

The Hard Times has some great ones. A recent one I'm partial to is Punk Dad Prefers Son's Earlier Stuff.

― JRN, Saturday, 21 November 2015 18:06 (nine years ago)

http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/23/mans-tattoo-a-constant-reminder-of-time-of-time-he-stabbed-panther-in-face/

― on entre O.K. on sort K.O. (man alive), Tuesday, 24 November 2015 04:18 (nine years ago)

i'm still non-onion onions but the hard times has definitely made me laugh

http://thehardtimes.net/2015/05/06/mid-twenties-hardcore-fan-enters-liking-hockey-phase/

― balls, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 22:48 (nine years ago)

Oh man that punk dad one - I saw the pic and thought "that's not Eugene!" as I was right near the spot where that was taken in Spokane yesterday (with my son, whose earlier, colic-influence work I definitely do not prefer):

http://i0.wp.com/thehardtimes.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/10/poppy.jpg
http://i.imgur.com/YIbnDja.jpg

― joygoat, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 23:26 (nine years ago)

Colic is the noise of children.

― nickn, Tuesday, 24 November 2015 23:32 (nine years ago)

if we're allowed to do hard times articles, this one started out slow but had a few great moments halfway in:

http://thehardtimes.net/2015/11/20/mixed-bill-show-creates-opportunity-new-people-meet-share-ideas-fist-fight/

― big WHOIS aka the nameserver (s.clover), Thursday, 26 November 2015 18:57 (nine years ago)

ska jokes may be a low form of humor, but they work

― big WHOIS aka the nameserver (s.clover), Thursday, 26 November 2015 18:58 (nine years ago)

yeah i think it's gonna take a LOT of ska jokes for me not to find ska jokes funny

― balls, Thursday, 26 November 2015 21:18 (nine years ago)

They need to pick it up

― joygoat, Friday, 27 November 2015 02:00 (nine years ago)

lol

― goole, Monday, 30 November 2015 18:20 (nine years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/frustrated-gunman-cant-believe-how-far-he-has-driv-51923

― mookieproof, Monday, 30 November 2015 21:58 (nine years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/article/reince-priebus-forced-back-into-ancient-puzzle-box-29803

― The Male Gaz Coombes (Neil S), Friday, 15 January 2016 14:53 (nine years ago)

The fuck ... ?

http://www.nytimes.com/2016/01/20/business/media/univision-buying-large-stake-in-the-onion.html

― Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 19 January 2016 16:41 (nine years ago)

two weeks pass...

I hope the Onion homepage has a keypad and "PRESS ONE FOR ENGLISH" on it for a week

― we salute you, our half-inflated dark lord (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Monday, 8 February 2016 19:16 (nine years ago)

https://twitter.com/the_intercept/status/699700005628674053 hmmmmmm

― lazy rascals, spending their substance, and more, in riotous living (Merdeyeux), Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:14 (nine years ago)

well it is pretty weak

― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 16 February 2016 22:30 (nine years ago)

Feels like there have been a bit too many of these kind of things lately:

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/top-advantages-ditching-cable-52372

I get that they have to make money and it feels weird to complain about the journalistic objectivity of the onion, but still

― silverfish, Wednesday, 17 February 2016 15:06 (nine years ago)

three weeks pass...

dying: http://www.theonion.com/article/noam-chomsky-announces-las-vegas-residency-52508

― i like to trump and i am crazy (DJP), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:09 (nine years ago)

ok i lol'd @ “I’m so excited—I’ve been into Chomsky since college,” said 49-year-old Boise, ID social worker Karen Wenning

― Mordy, Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:12 (nine years ago)

Wow:

Drone Places Fresh Kill On Steps Of White House

― the top man in the language department (誤訳侮辱), Thursday, 10 March 2016 20:18 (nine years ago)

i guess Hil's big donor hasn't trussed em up yet

http://www.theonion.com/article/clinton-throws-flash-grenade-divert-attention-ques-52499

― we can be heroes just for about 3.6 seconds (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 10 March 2016 21:24 (nine years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/i-would-die-2-know-52896

― ejemplo (crüt), Monday, 9 May 2016 19:29 (nine years ago)

like rupert murdoch, the onion's scott dikkers is calling it for captain combover ~ seriously

http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/confidential/onion-founder-thinks-trump-faked-lawyer-article-1.2644422?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link

― reggie (qualmsley), Sunday, 22 May 2016 20:11 (nine years ago)

I really like The Hard Times:

http://thehardtimes.net/2016/05/26/crust-punk-squatting-in-white-house-for-15-years-now-legally-president/

― a man a plan alive (man alive), Thursday, 26 May 2016 22:12 (nine years ago)

lol

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Friday, 27 May 2016 23:52 (nine years ago)

three weeks pass...

are there several levels of satirical remove here or are the onion really just letting angry nerds go on goofy rants

http://www.starwipe.com/article/fuck-3151

― lazy rascals, spending their substance, and more, in riotous living (Merdeyeux), Friday, 17 June 2016 13:29 (nine years ago)

It may be a 'sex house'-style thing? Or not.

http://www.starwipe.com/article/seriously-what-are-we-even-doing-3137

― Andrew Farrell, Friday, 17 June 2016 13:34 (nine years ago)

those were helpfully informative stories.

― thrusted pelvis-first back (ulysses), Friday, 17 June 2016 13:47 (nine years ago)

Hits too close to home:
Coworker With Two Computer Screens Not Fucking Around

― Dan I., Friday, 17 June 2016 21:25 (nine years ago)

They even got me on the tabs, jesus

― Dan I., Friday, 17 June 2016 21:26 (nine years ago)

I'm getting RSI just by looking at that elbow position

― kinder, Friday, 17 June 2016 21:33 (nine years ago)

The genius of the onion has always been the ability to spot a cliche before you did

― blazed carrot (rip van wanko), Friday, 17 June 2016 21:34 (nine years ago)

one month passes...

they're really going to miss joe biden, three nibs in one day!

http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-chokes-while-describing-hardworking-american-53364

http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-regales-dnc-story-80s-girl-band-vixen-breaki-53366

http://www.theonion.com/article/biden-busted-dnc-parking-lot-selling-bootleg-im-he-53360

if you've never done so, i highly recommend reading every article in the onion's joe biden tag.

― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Thursday, 28 July 2016 12:14 (eight years ago)

I will miss Diamond Joe

― circa1916, Thursday, 28 July 2016 14:25 (eight years ago)

me too, i fucking love all those pieces.

― Bein' Sean Bean (LocalGarda), Thursday, 28 July 2016 14:33 (eight years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/onions-full-coverage-joe-bidens-2016-dnc-speech-53368

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 28 July 2016 14:48 (eight years ago)

yeah i just toured through a few, they're so frikkin funny

― jason waterfalls (gbx), Thursday, 28 July 2016 15:43 (eight years ago)

four weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/article/37-year-old-makes-absolutely-heartbreaking-last-di-53535

― 龜, Thursday, 25 August 2016 11:30 (eight years ago)

Lol yes

― the last famous person you were surprised to discover was actually (man alive), Thursday, 25 August 2016 12:05 (eight years ago)

ha so many of my students like 21 pilots and play it in my room at club meetings and im like *waiting for an opportunity to play beyonce again*

― 6 god none the richer (m bison), Friday, 26 August 2016 02:54 (eight years ago)

two weeks pass...

http://www.theonion.com/article/case-mr-kerry-give-me-case-demands-malaysian-ambas-53916

pretty sure whoever does the photoshop work at the onion has the most fun job in america

― iatee, Monday, 12 September 2016 14:36 (eight years ago)

six months pass...

this kind of dark pathos is my favorite onion layer:
http://www.theonion.com/graphic/kid-with-rough-home-life-gives-mickey-extra-long-h-34788

― Spencer Chow, Friday, 31 March 2017 20:56 (eight years ago)

I still laugh the hardest at mundane shit like this (which they seem to be doing less of these days, what with Trump and all):

http://www.theonion.com/graphic/dogs-eye-gunk-wiped-back-dog-55523

― some sad trombone Twilight Zone shit (cryptosicko), Friday, 31 March 2017 21:15 (eight years ago)

that's amazing

― Spencer Chow, Friday, 31 March 2017 21:49 (eight years ago)

two months pass...

Have been giggling over this for a good five minutes now:

http://theonion.tumblr.com/post/161320306119/maybe-shell-be-attractive-later-say-citizens

― some sad trombone Twilight Zone shit (cryptosicko), Thursday, 1 June 2017 17:05 (eight years ago)

What is wrong with the left that they think these sorts of things are funny? https://t.co/sAxON5xxmh
— Sean Hannity (@seanhannity) June 1, 2017

― Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 1 June 2017 21:40 (eight years ago)

one month passes...

U.S. Flag Recalled After Causing 143 Million Deaths https://t.co/sGdpBBF7WI pic.twitter.com/YzdPH8Ioin
— The Onion (@TheOnion) July 4, 2017

― Supercreditor (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 5 July 2017 19:59 (seven years ago)

i have to say, it's pretty amazing that a humor institution like this has kept up a fair level of quality for so long. SNL has kind of always been crap but it's especially bad now, Simpsons are obviously awful now, etc. it's not quite as acerbic as it used to be but still

― global tetrahedron, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:01 (seven years ago)

i think their peak was when they really devoted themselves to the videos a few years ago

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8wHMaJ6AtNs

― global tetrahedron, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:02 (seven years ago)

Sometimes I think of an old Onion headline and google it to remind myself and they're pushing 20 years old at this point.

― joygoat, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:12 (seven years ago)

i dunno maybe i'm getting out of touch, i remember national lampoon seeming pretty dated when i had some of their stuff as a kid

― global tetrahedron, Monday, 10 July 2017 17:28 (seven years ago)

one of my favorite ever headlines, and possibly my first encounter with the onion, is "local lutheran minister loves to fuck his wife" and that'll be 20yrs old in november and it's still funny to me

― gbx, Friday, 14 July 2017 23:52 (seven years ago)

they're over 20 for sure! I just looked up the earliest I remember my brother bringing home from college - "Christ Returns to NBA" and it's 1996. hard to believe that photoshop lolz are older than college students now.

― ﴿→ ☺ (Doctor Casino), Friday, 14 July 2017 23:58 (seven years ago)

two weeks pass...

you've all seen this right

http://www.theonion.com/trumpdocuments

bannon and carson pages have just about ended me. daily briefings too

― imago, Wednesday, 2 August 2017 22:26 (seven years ago)

three weeks pass...

Ugh, AVClub assimilation into Kinja is a mess.

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 24 August 2017 12:07 (seven years ago)

otm rip an era

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Thursday, 24 August 2017 22:13 (seven years ago)

Feel like I could probably autogenerate an AV Club comment section for an article by now, tbh.

― Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 August 2017 07:00 (seven years ago)

Day three and it's still a travesty.

― Josh in Chicago, Friday, 25 August 2017 13:54 (seven years ago)

http://i.imgur.com/M5qDkQRl.png

lol i was reading an article on a new movie and realized the main text was taking up less than 1/4th the available screen space

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 30 August 2017 21:14 (seven years ago)

that's some good-ass kinja

― -_- (jim in vancouver), Wednesday, 30 August 2017 21:15 (seven years ago)

one month passes...

http://www.theonion.com/blogpost/shooting-isnt-about-gun-control-we-refuse-pass-its-57095

― DJI, Wednesday, 4 October 2017 04:29 (seven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/article/white-house-not-geologic-era-debate-gun-control-57108

― the general theme of STUFF (cryptosicko), Wednesday, 4 October 2017 14:46 (seven years ago)

two weeks pass...

WHY MIGRATE THE ARCHIVES TO KINJA WHY WHY WHY

― bodak horseman (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 24 October 2017 14:05 (seven years ago)

I was reading a thing about how PG Wodehouse is funnier in some fonts than others, and that would seem to hold for CMSs too

― Chuck_Tatum, Tuesday, 24 October 2017 14:42 (seven years ago)

three weeks pass...

this struck a real nerve, look at these numbers:

Popular New Amazon Service Just Comes To Your House And Kills You https://t.co/PkJ10jGkMM pic.twitter.com/QRZNd4I4f4
— The Onion (@TheOnion) October 27, 2017

― goole, Monday, 20 November 2017 22:51 (seven years ago)

three weeks pass...

Senator Anita Hawkins is good but Reductress is the best of the satire sites:

http://reductress.com/post/here-are-some-pictures-of-big-dogs-meeting-little-dogs-since-you-cant-afford-therapy/
http://reductress.com/post/how-to-microdose-so-youre-always-a-little-bit-fucking-weird-to-people/
http://reductress.com/post/white-women-thank-themselves-for-thanking-black-women-today/

― louise ck (milo z), Wednesday, 13 December 2017 23:54 (seven years ago)

two weeks pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MqR9IOrVFPU

The Onion Reviews "Film Standard with Peter K. Rosenthal" youtube series is killing me rn. he has the gravitas to pull it all off without seeming too goofy. it is a nice balance of pretentious and silly. imo this stuff is up there w Sean O'Neal news posts.

his Batman V Superman review has him directly comparing Batman and Superman fighting to his parents' divorce and him wishing they would stay together and going through this silly/serious self analysis that closely mimics the childish Freudian subtext of the film. in another one he reviews Rogue One and most of that review is him talking about a horrible Star Wars puzzle that he is completely baffled by.

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 30 December 2017 21:24 (seven years ago)

omg his Captain America: Civil War review is him wanting all the secondary characters and extras in the film to have origin story films and tv series and zooming in on random people in the background and asking about them lol

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 30 December 2017 21:34 (seven years ago)

lol wow yeah that one is amazing consumerist satire. he spends the entire review saying "How can we make sense of any of this? There are only 12 origin story films! The viewer needs more context. Who is this SWAT soldier that Captain America drop-kicks off the roof of a car? Where is his origin story?"

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 30 December 2017 21:37 (seven years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fm5OimXqoXw

love the Die Hard review, where he mourns the office Christmas party that was meticulously planned and never happened

― AdamVania (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 30 December 2017 23:34 (seven years ago)

http://thehardtimes.net/news/breaking-lana-del-rey-ordered-pay-want-radiohead-lawsuit/

― IF (Terrorist) Yes, Explain (man alive), Wednesday, 10 January 2018 20:00 (seven years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://politics.theonion.com/fbi-warns-republican-memo-could-undermine-faith-in-mass-1822639681

― ice cream social justice (Dr Morbius), Friday, 2 February 2018 20:07 (seven years ago)

two weeks pass...

The Peter K. Rosenthal review of Fifty Shades Freed has some things to say about the relationship between reviewer and audience

https://youtu.be/N8OMMMsONf4

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 18 February 2018 15:00 (seven years ago)

that's one of the better late Lynch riffs I've seen

― Simon H., Sunday, 18 February 2018 15:27 (seven years ago)

Lucky Bastard Gets To Be In Coma

― Simon H., Sunday, 18 February 2018 18:05 (seven years ago)

Ugh reminds me uncomfortably of the uncomfortably fond lack of memory I have about being under general anesthesia.

― direct to consumer online mattress brand (silby), Sunday, 18 February 2018 18:11 (seven years ago)

general anastasia

― mh, Sunday, 18 February 2018 19:37 (seven years ago)

two months pass...

It's Official: Onion Inc.’s Groveling, Ungrateful Staffers Unionize pic.twitter.com/XVYFYbcU19
— Onion Inc Union (@OnionIncUnion) April 20, 2018

― mookieproof, Friday, 20 April 2018 21:24 (seven years ago)

God bless the goddamn Union

― bhad bhabie...you gon' hurt your bhack (voodoo chili), Friday, 20 April 2018 22:59 (seven years ago)

there is strength in an onion

― while my dirk gently weeps (symsymsym), Saturday, 21 April 2018 00:17 (seven years ago)

It doesn't get any better than the title (so the URL's enough), but it's a great title.

― clemenza, Saturday, 21 April 2018 21:57 (seven years ago)

http://www.theonion.com/supreme-court-agrees-to-hear-new-jack-white-album-1825391171

― clemenza, Saturday, 21 April 2018 21:57 (seven years ago)

three weeks pass...

They've been doing some absolutely brutal stuff lately

https://www.theonion.com/idf-soldier-recounts-harrowing-heroic-war-story-of-kil-1826048745

― my dreams in the hell-pits (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 16 May 2018 08:18 (seven years ago)

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-fascinated-by-israeli-cultural-tradition-of-mass-1826014445

― my dreams in the hell-pits (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Wednesday, 16 May 2018 08:21 (seven years ago)

Sources confirmed Netanyahu concluded the solemn ceremony with a 21-gun salute fired directly into a group of Palestinian protesters.

https://www.theonion.com/netanyahu-announces-day-of-mourning-for-fence-damaged-i-1826046925

― Neil S, Wednesday, 16 May 2018 08:32 (seven years ago)

two weeks pass...

https://www.theonion.com/coffee-cultivation-merely-extends-the-system-of-coloni-1826427318

― Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 30 May 2018 22:34 (seven years ago)

https://www.theonion.com/try-this-filling-superfood-smoothie-to-power-you-throug-1826259036

― louise ck (milo z), Thursday, 31 May 2018 00:24 (seven years ago)

two weeks pass...

https://www.theonion.com/immigrant-child-still-hoping-to-achieve-american-dream-1826839711?rev=1529004587757&utm_campaign=SF&utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_content=Main

― nickn, Friday, 15 June 2018 02:54 (seven years ago)

"Everyone in pride parade straight"
https://i.kinja-img.com/gawker-media/image/upload/s--N7licUa4--/c_scale,f_auto,fl_progressive,q_80,w_800/ksbxzmd1di9mftehkcuy.jpg

― valorous wokelord (silby), Monday, 25 June 2018 16:55 (seven years ago)

still exhausting: the cycle of a media site getting acquired/starts a hiring spree, inevitably meaning a two-year countdown until people lose their jobs

https://www.thedailybeast.com/the-onion-clickhole-av-club-brace-for-layoffs

― aloha darkness my old friend (katherine), Saturday, 7 July 2018 16:47 (six years ago)

Peter Strzok Summoned Before Congress Again For Texts Calling Trey Gowdy ‘A Pissy Little Shithead’

There are dozens more messages just like this, calling our distinguished colleague a ‘pointless fuckwad’ and a ‘moronic scumbag’ that I would like submitted for the record.”

― Roomba with an attitude (Sanpaku), Friday, 13 July 2018 07:36 (six years ago)

Have we talked about how Morrissey and Onion film critic Peter Rosenthal are slowly becoming the same person?

― Spencer Chow, Saturday, 21 July 2018 02:22 (six years ago)

The Rosenthal videos are fantastic

― wayne trotsky (Simon H.), Saturday, 21 July 2018 02:24 (six years ago)

yes thy are so classic.

― Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:37 (six years ago)

this is great too:

The Onion's Future News From The Year 2137

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKC21wDarBo

― Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Saturday, 21 July 2018 14:38 (six years ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFABajBNDJg

so good

― Hazy Maze Cave (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 25 July 2018 14:44 (six years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://local.theonion.com/local-dipshit-planning-on-fighting-trump-administration-1819580140

― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 16 August 2018 14:56 (six years ago)

lol I have actually seen quite a bit of this on local press

earnest btu futile

― Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:11 (six years ago)

Morbs knows all about the pleasures of futility

― faculty w1fe (silby), Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:12 (six years ago)

as useless as tweeting against his giant wall of angry anti-tweets he will obviously never read

― Rabbit Control (Latham Green), Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:13 (six years ago)

I still fall back on this one. There are at least a couple people I know who sound just like this. https://resistancehole.clickhole.com/excuse-me-mr-trump-sir-but-respectfully-dr-trump-1825886973

― mh, Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:15 (six years ago)

People who talk like that probably un-ironically read "X absolutely DESTROYS Trump in scathing twitter takedown" style clickbait

― Evan, Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:34 (six years ago)

they follow "Occupy Democrats" or w/e on facebook and unironically repost the images

― mh, Thursday, 16 August 2018 15:53 (six years ago)

the US equivalent of The Canary!

― calzino, Thursday, 16 August 2018 19:40 (six years ago)

The Canary has also been criticised by some political pundits on the left, such as Owen Jones, who told PR Week that the website "really promotes conspiracy theories and a lot of things that just aren't right. I worry about the Canary-isation of the left, where it ends up in a bizarre sub-culture that anyone who doesn't agree is seen as part of a conspiracy. But then you do get those blogs on left and right."

haha omg it really is

― mh, Thursday, 16 August 2018 21:31 (six years ago)

if you posted that to the OD group they'd ask if Owen Jones was russian

― mh, Thursday, 16 August 2018 21:31 (six years ago)

This headline made me laugh pretty hard:

Biblical Scholars Find Evidence Church Covered Up For 3 Wise Men Who Molested Baby Jesus

― grawlix (unperson), Thursday, 16 August 2018 23:35 (six years ago)

Enjoying medieval onion and clickhole today

https://www.theonion.com/hotshot-peasant-has-window-1828356941
https://www.clickhole.com/6-ways-to-avoid-the-bubonic-plague-this-fall-1828143388

― silverfish, Friday, 17 August 2018 13:25 (six years ago)

"It's right there in the Book of Leviticus."

https://local.theonion.com/christian-pornographer-refuses-to-film-sex-tape-for-gay-1828084176

― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 26 August 2018 14:35 (six years ago)

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-disapproval-rating-reaches-all-time-none-of-this-1828751716

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 2 September 2018 21:08 (six years ago)

one month passes...

https://politics.theonion.com/chuck-schumer-relieved-he-s-never-taken-stance-meaningf-1829972180

― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 31 October 2018 11:38 (six years ago)

Their coverage of the domestic terrorism stuff this past week has been of a high standard generally

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-slams-worldwide-jewish-conspiracy-for-not-doing-m-1830077401

https://www.theonion.com/fox-friends-denounces-bombing-suspect-as-overenthus-1830074653

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 31 October 2018 11:48 (six years ago)

Oh and

https://politics.theonion.com/man-just-knows-hillary-clinton-going-to-have-opinion-on-1829977759

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 31 October 2018 11:50 (six years ago)

two months pass...

https://local.theonion.com/pretentious-woman-refers-to-slam-piece-as-partner-1831803116

― Evans on Hammond (evol j), Wednesday, 16 January 2019 18:46 (six years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-M4HNvkPtlg

― Spencer Chow, Thursday, 7 February 2019 20:07 (six years ago)

"...a film that bravely explores the theme of mental health in affluent Asian communities"

― Spencer Chow, Thursday, 7 February 2019 20:09 (six years ago)

one month passes...

Liberal Feels Like Idiot For Placing Entirety Of Hopes On Mueller Probe Instead Of New York Prosecutors’ Investigation https://t.co/ZlzzG7LLF9 pic.twitter.com/ry3ClO8dFz
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 26, 2019

― Neus Anneus (voodoo chili), Tuesday, 26 March 2019 17:47 (six years ago)

Tucker Carlson Challenges Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez To A Date

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Wednesday, 3 April 2019 09:49 (six years ago)

one month passes...

Abused 12-Year-Old Alabama Girl Doesn’t Think She Can Handle Being A Mom On Top Of Everything Else

― nonsense upon stilts (Sanpaku), Thursday, 16 May 2019 13:06 (six years ago)

I was just coming to post this.

― Plinka Trinka Banga Tink (Eliza D.), Thursday, 16 May 2019 13:29 (six years ago)

one month passes...

Taylor Swift Inspires Teen To Come Out As Straight Woman Needing To Be At Center Of Gay Rights Narrative

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 23 June 2019 21:27 (six years ago)

one month passes...

Tucker Carlson Insists Every White Supremacist In America Could Fit In Stadium But That Tickets To TuckerCon Won’t Last https://t.co/mGwgJpOeRU pic.twitter.com/uepMRRyIab
— The Onion (@TheOnion) August 7, 2019

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 9 August 2019 13:19 (five years ago)

two months pass...

the onion has been churning out lots of really lazy and overly wordy headlines lately. it's like they got so used to people sharing unfunny stuff and saying "not the onion!!" that they just decided any old headline would work

― Lucky Pierre Delecto (crüt), Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:02 (five years ago)

Should really post this before anyone else does

https://local.theonion.com/music-buff-pissed-come-josephine-in-my-flying-machine-1839170604/

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:05 (five years ago)

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=TsslRWdgVTI

― koogs, Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:36 (five years ago)

Miles is an idiot, the version by Billy Murray & Ada Jones is clearly superior

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eFZDB6DqAnA

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:39 (five years ago)

lol I was thinking "it you" when I read that!

― calzino, Sunday, 27 October 2019 17:43 (five years ago)

Would like to imagine it was, but Jonathan Bogart worked out the piece was researched here at his blog

https://justonesongmore.com/blog/1910

This means that the song he calls "crowd-pleasing crap" is Bert Williams!

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Sunday, 27 October 2019 18:05 (five years ago)

https://politics.theonion.com/msnbc-poll-finds-support-for-bernie-sanders-has-plummet-1839538968

― a Mets fan who gave up on everything in the mid '80s (Dr Morbius), Friday, 1 November 2019 19:45 (five years ago)

like i said...

― esempio (crüt), Friday, 1 November 2019 23:42 (five years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://entertainment.theonion.com/frozen-2-creators-confirm-that-elsa-gay-but-also-tran-1839981134

― mfktz (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 22 November 2019 12:39 (five years ago)

Unfunny

― Mordy, Friday, 22 November 2019 14:28 (five years ago)

three weeks pass...

New Aetna Wedding Registry Lets Guests Purchase Medical Procedures Couple Picked Out https://t.co/PhJB5QWD8y pic.twitter.com/hAyfeCf1rh
— The Onion (@TheOnion) December 18, 2019

― Pete Swine Cave (Eliza D.), Wednesday, 18 December 2019 15:59 (five years ago)

two months pass...

https://politics.theonion.com/trump-administration-rolls-back-hunting-regulations-for-1841839546

― Darin, Sunday, 23 February 2020 19:48 (five years ago)

two weeks pass...

Is The Onion machine generating headlines or something now? They keep having weird grammatical errors (or typos)

Woman Adopts Second Cat For First One To Terrorize While She At Work https://t.co/R0nqjKufTH pic.twitter.com/496lxnB7Ig
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 10, 2020

― Greta Van Show Feets BB (milo z), Tuesday, 10 March 2020 22:17 (five years ago)

You mean the "she at work" bit? That's not an error, that's just cod headline-ese.

― the grateful dead can dance (anagram), Wednesday, 11 March 2020 07:42 (five years ago)

one month passes...

Not the Onion, but relevant.

https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/s960x960/93550462_3157763694256248_2744408931626385408_o.jpg?_nc_cat=109&_nc_sid=110474&_nc_ohc=HNW9Zlq7JUEAX-Wf-zw&_nc_ht=scontent-lax3-1.xx&_nc_tp=7&oh=ee4e76a1efdbfe22d00d04b3c204ca03&oe=5EBA0599

― nickn, Tuesday, 14 April 2020 20:26 (five years ago)

one month passes...

Protestors Criticized For Looting Businesses Without Forming Private Equity Firm First https://t.co/rbdfMJOiQ8 pic.twitter.com/YHY3sZaxAU
— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 28, 2020

― mookieproof, Thursday, 28 May 2020 19:08 (five years ago)

one month passes...

harking back to the op

https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/onion-911-issue-oral-history

― mookieproof, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 20:05 (five years ago)

Thanks for posting that, a really interesting read

― kinder, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 20:49 (five years ago)

Seriously, the whole thing should have been up for a Pulitzer.
― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, October 10, 2006 7:11 PM (thirteen years ago) bookmarkflaglink

― Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 22:46 (five years ago)

Chad Nackers, The Onion graphics editor/writer 1997 to 2017; Editor in Chief, 2017 to current:

Is that really his name? Really?

― trishyb, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 23:28 (five years ago)

It is a very good article.

― trishyb, Wednesday, 1 July 2020 23:31 (five years ago)

I just cackled way too loud after reading that rejected "America Stronger Than Ever" headline.

― pplains, Thursday, 2 July 2020 01:55 (five years ago)

well worth reading, thanks!

― Doctor Casino, Thursday, 2 July 2020 02:15 (five years ago)

two months pass...

New Subway Promotion To Honor Subtember 11 https://t.co/SXZwp3tkxe pic.twitter.com/QJjHj6KGRr
— The Onion (@TheOnion) September 8, 2020

― calzino, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 18:43 (four years ago)

That's a classic.

― Spencer Chow, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 18:54 (four years ago)

omg

― kinder, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:01 (four years ago)

one of their best

― Number None, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:23 (four years ago)

Right up there with:

Horrified Subway Execs Assumed People Were Buying Footlongs To Share With A Friend
https://www.theonion.com/horrified-subway-execs-assumed-people-were-buying-footl-1819595719

― Spencer Chow, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:42 (four years ago)

and of course:
https://www.theonion.com/frustrated-subway-marketers-scrap-150-million-jeffrey-1836215976

― Spencer Chow, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 20:43 (four years ago)

i think theres just something inherently funny about subway. i cant explain it.

― methinks dababy doth bop shit too much (m bison), Tuesday, 8 September 2020 21:25 (four years ago)

Did the 9/11 one originally have Jared?

― Donald Trump Also Sucks, Of Course (milo z), Tuesday, 8 September 2020 21:33 (four years ago)

no it was always that dude

― Number None, Tuesday, 8 September 2020 22:24 (four years ago)

There are amazing Jared posts like this one DATED MAY 2017
https://www.theonion.com/subway-drops-jared-fogle-as-spokesperson-1819579883

― Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 9 September 2020 19:52 (four years ago)

and:
https://www.theonion.com/no-one-in-prison-sure-how-jared-fogle-still-eating-subw-1825829806

― Spencer Chow, Wednesday, 9 September 2020 19:52 (four years ago)

Stephen Miller Enraged After Discovering Cantaloupe He’s Fucking From Mexico https://t.co/9IUvSBGQ76 pic.twitter.com/mkCAeBx4EN
— The Onion (@TheOnion) September 17, 2020

― error prone wolf syndicate (Hadrian VIII), Thursday, 17 September 2020 22:19 (four years ago)

two weeks pass...

https://www.theonion.com/rudy-giuliani-tests-positive-for-slew-of-obscure-bat-di-1845255014

― StanM, Friday, 2 October 2020 21:08 (four years ago)

one month passes...

lmao

https://www.theonion.com/newly-elected-qanon-congresswoman-worried-she-selling-o-1845574440

― frogbs, Wednesday, 4 November 2020 20:09 (four years ago)

two months pass...

https://www.theonion.com/d-c-police-lose-control-of-rioting-trump-supporters-af-1846002738

― Montgomery Burns' Jazz (Tarfumes The Escape Goat), Wednesday, 6 January 2021 22:33 (four years ago)

Serbia Deploys Peacekeeping Forces To U.S. https://t.co/9OrohtoKAu pic.twitter.com/3oXoTfLbIE
— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 6, 2021

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 22:52 (four years ago)

🐦[Serbia Deploys Peacekeeping Forces To U.S. https://t.co/9OrohtoKAu🕸 pic.twitter.com/3oXoTfLbIE🕸
— The Onion (@TheOnion) January 6, 2021🕸]🐦

That’s a rerun from 2000! I remember the Onion’s coverage from that well.

― Boring United Methodist Church (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 6 January 2021 23:44 (four years ago)

Lol. because I was working there back then!

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 6 January 2021 23:52 (four years ago)

two months pass...

jfc these folks do not pull any punches

Sympathetic Police Know What It’s Like To Have A Bad Day And Kill 8 People https://t.co/O6MCzgA4Ii pic.twitter.com/agbbcv3S1h
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 17, 2021

Atlanta Police Rule Out Mass Shooting As Cause Of Death After Suspect Says He Didn’t Shoot Anyone https://t.co/0J5FzYSxtb pic.twitter.com/xTqhFme4eK
— The Onion (@TheOnion) March 17, 2021

― frogbs, Wednesday, 17 March 2021 21:15 (four years ago)

three weeks pass...

https://entertainment.theonion.com/bugs-bunny-explains-how-lebron-helped-him-get-sober-for-1834816124

― Li'l Brexit (Tracer Hand), Friday, 9 April 2021 09:25 (four years ago)

eleven months pass...

https://www.theonion.com/please-like-me-1848674003

― Critique of the Goth Programme (Neil S), Thursday, 24 March 2022 15:14 (three years ago)

one month passes...

https://www.theonion.com/louisiana-police-officer-plants-aborted-fetus-on-black-1848892165

― StanM, Tuesday, 10 May 2022 03:19 (three years ago)

two weeks pass...

Tearful Uvalde Residents Thank Police For Protecting Parking Lot From Gunman https://t.co/nngdJBrsN1 pic.twitter.com/t9ajmIhgmo
— The Onion (@TheOnion) May 26, 2022

― frogbs, Thursday, 26 May 2022 20:46 (three years ago)

they've been going hard lately

Texas Passes Mandatory 24-Hour Waiting Period Before Police Can Engage Active Shooters https://t.co/UVZeprK1vp pic.twitter.com/26vK7Ie4Pf
— The Onion (@TheOnion) June 3, 2022

― frogbs, Saturday, 4 June 2022 04:03 (three years ago)

https://www.theonion.com/unsettling-peta-ad-features-sobbing-burger-giving-man-b-1848956134

― an icon of a worried-looking, long-haired, bespectacled man (C. Grisso/McCain), Saturday, 11 June 2022 16:05 (three years ago)

At the risk of outing myself as a snowflake who can't handle "edgy" humor: the new Kelly comic ('Pay Palm Bomb') is kinda gross & I'm not feeling it.

― Attached by piercing jewelry (bernard snowy), Thursday, 23 June 2022 12:20 (three years ago)

Seemed rather benign to me?

― pplains, Thursday, 23 June 2022 13:09 (three years ago)

I guess what's tasteless about it is the reference to the famous photo of Phan Thi Kim Phuc, even if it is "ironic"? It's say it's too offensive to be funny, but not offensive enough to be "offensive".

― Halfway there but for you, Thursday, 23 June 2022 14:04 (three years ago)

lol fuck

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Thursday, 23 June 2022 15:16 (three years ago)

Ok, that went past me.

But now in context with Kelly's commentary in the corner, it is a little much.

― pplains, Thursday, 23 June 2022 15:22 (three years ago)

stuff like this is what makes it so brilliant though, it's a reflection of the mindset that causes people to show up wearing yellow Stars of David to city council meetings to protest vaccination requirements

― frogbs, Thursday, 23 June 2022 15:23 (three years ago)

Pay Palm... ok, ok.

why even draw the barrel then.

― pplains, Thursday, 23 June 2022 15:24 (three years ago)

Kelly is another one of the Onion's self-deluded editorial characters. He's a bitter self-absorbed old fuck who's driven his family and friends away and treats everything that's even a slight inconvenience to him as if it's a major outrage.

― Christine Green Leafy Dragon Indigo, Thursday, 23 June 2022 15:31 (three years ago)

if you're in the mood for livid sarcasm the homepage is pretty remarkable right now

― rob, Friday, 24 June 2022 20:15 (three years ago)

Supreme Court Votes 5-4 To Drive Slowly Alongside Woman Walking Home Alone At Night

6-4 actually, Kavanaugh voted twice.

― nickn, Friday, 24 June 2022 20:19 (three years ago)

This is quite far down the page but oof

https://www.theonion.com/kavanaugh-thomas-champion-creating-better-future-for-n-1849106105

― Portrait Of A Dissolvi Ng Drea M (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 24 June 2022 20:33 (three years ago)

two months pass...

https://www.theonion.com/dying-polar-bear-has-to-admit-owning-a-private-jet-woul-1849435124

― nickn, Tuesday, 20 September 2022 22:02 (two years ago)

Oops, meant to post as a title:

Dying Polar Bear Has To Admit Owning A Private Jet Would Be Fucking Sick

― nickn, Tuesday, 20 September 2022 22:04 (two years ago)

So, @TheOnion filed an amicus brief before the Supreme Court in defense of parody under the First Amendment… and it’s exactly what you’d expect. https://t.co/1JFfSqUJFA pic.twitter.com/efapgFF7dx
— Anthony Michael Kreis (@AnthonyMKreis) October 3, 2022

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Monday, 3 October 2022 18:55 (two years ago)

Brett Favre Makes Amends By Sending Photo Of His Penis To Every Mississippian On Welfare

― immodesty blaise (jimbeaux), Monday, 3 October 2022 20:26 (two years ago)

three weeks pass...

I feel like this is one headline that will keep coming up again and again:

Something Called ‘Guacamole Donut’ Burying News Of Dozens Of School Shootings https://t.co/TacilAGlyC pic.twitter.com/jUhmf2hRV9
— The Onion (@TheOnion) October 26, 2022

― silverfish, Wednesday, 26 October 2022 17:24 (two years ago)

one month passes...

The Onion > ClickHole. I said it, fite me.

https://www.theonion.com/best-bios-from-the-conservatives-only-online-dating-sit-1849642523

― recovering internet addict/shitposter (viborg), Friday, 2 December 2022 06:04 (two years ago)

I’m gonna go ahead and walk that back a lil bit.

It’s Women Of Color Visibility Month! And Even If It Isn’t, It Should Be, And Let’s Be Real, Are You Gonna Try To Argue It’s Not? https://t.co/mITLjGZEQa pic.twitter.com/SOkdExDIxf
— The Onion (@TheOnion) December 1, 2022

The replies smh

― recovering internet addict/shitposter (viborg), Friday, 2 December 2022 06:41 (two years ago)

No the second one is good, whereas the first is just more evidence that they're better the shorter they are, and it keeps going past the point where you think it might loop back around to good - but it never does.

― Andrew Farrell, Friday, 2 December 2022 23:21 (two years ago)

two months pass...

https://www.theonion.com/it-is-journalism-s-sacred-duty-to-endanger-the-lives-of-1850126997

― la vie wokisme (voodoo chili), Friday, 17 February 2023 20:18 (two years ago)

Boiling the piss of the right people.

It’s a source of wonder to me that this guy once made a living out of writing comedy. Now he’s… this. Transphobia rots the brain, kids. pic.twitter.com/DHmSxABvoo
— Paul Duane 🏳️‍⚧️ (@paulduanefilm) February 17, 2023

― Dan Worsley, Saturday, 18 February 2023 11:32 (two years ago)

https://www.theonion.com/evangelical-leaders-announce-j-k-rowling-finally-bigot-1850129128

― Liz D. (Eliza D.), Tuesday, 21 February 2023 02:02 (two years ago)

loll

― ꙮ (map), Tuesday, 21 February 2023 02:47 (two years ago)

A meme from somewhere that I saw on discord.

https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/886401332460793896/1081998660407136380/IMG_4542.png

― nickn, Monday, 6 March 2023 02:34 (two years ago)

one month passes...

https://www.theonion.com/texas-bans-consensual-sex-1848631845

― StanM, Thursday, 27 April 2023 09:01 (two years ago)

four weeks pass...

https://www.theonion.com/j-k-rowling-announces-she-no-longer-transphobic-after-1850432981

― ꙮ (map), Thursday, 25 May 2023 14:46 (two years ago)

two months pass...

kelly reaching the stars

https://www.instagram.com/p/CvIsExgu4RJ/

― ꙮ (map), Tuesday, 25 July 2023 22:20 (one year ago)

Is that on the Onion, or somewhere else publicly viewable?

― serving bundt (sic), Wednesday, 26 July 2023 08:00 (one year ago)

https://www.theonion.com/curbed-emissions-1850673988

― Critique of the Goth Programme (Neil S), Wednesday, 26 July 2023 10:51 (one year ago)

Kelly watch the stars

― serving bundt (sic), Wednesday, 26 July 2023 16:05 (one year ago)

It’s great that through all the ownership and editorship changes of the Onion he is still there. Ward Sutton did a great cartoon (Ward’s Cleaver) under his real name for alt weeklies when those existed. And he went to my Alma Mater!

― Moritz von Oswald von Wolkenstein (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 26 July 2023 16:29 (one year ago)

two months pass...

https://www.theonion.com/the-onion-stands-with-israel-because-it-seems-like-yo-1850922505

― the world is your octopus (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Friday, 13 October 2023 15:40 (one year ago)

good shit

https://www.theonion.com/report-free-dead-bodies-buried-underground-seemingly-f-1850942454

― ꙮ (map), Tuesday, 24 October 2023 12:58 (one year ago)

six months pass...

no clue what's happening here but "Global Tetrahedron" has been The Onion's default fake name for generic corporations for a quarter century now https://t.co/U8kn5HN4vD https://t.co/6hlnVa65QS pic.twitter.com/7uwtqymc6J
— Eric Harvey (@ericdharvey) April 25, 2024

― Never fight uphill 'o me, boys! (President Keyes), Thursday, 25 April 2024 18:46 (one year ago)

The new owners include tech guy Jeff Lawson and former NYT writer Ben Collins.

“Our goal is to be stewards for this thing,” he said. “We’re keeping all the writers, we’re going to work with the union, we’re going to make it so they can hopefully get paid a little bit more money, and we’re going to give them the room to grow.”
The new owners said they planned to improve user experience on the website and expand into multimedia, but otherwise wanted The Onion’s staff members to continue to do the work they’ve been doing.
Mr. Lawson and Mr. Collins, who were in Chicago Thursday to meet The Onion’s editorial staff, declined to disclose the deal price. Noah Shachtman, the former editor in chief of Rolling Stone, has advised on the project, according to two people with knowledge of the deal.
“The Onion is just an institution,” Mr. Lawson said, adding: “It should be preserved and it should be great.”

― Instead of create and send out, it pull back and consume (unperson), Friday, 26 April 2024 00:14 (one year ago)

Wow. Collins was at NBC, not NYT, but really curious how a youngish journalist ended up in that position.

NEWS: My friends and I now own and run The Onion. I’ll be the CEO.

We’re keeping the entire staff, bringing back The Onion News Network, and share the wealth with staff.

Basically, we’re going to let them do whatever they want. Get excited.https://t.co/CQtWzFHn4A
— Ben Collins (@oneunderscore__) April 25, 2024

― jaymc, Friday, 26 April 2024 00:26 (one year ago)

“Our goal is to be stewards for this thing,” he said. “We’re keeping all the writers, we’re going to work with the union, we’re going to make it so they can hopefully get paid a little bit more money, and we’re going to give them the room to grow.”

thought this was an Onion article at first

― c u (crüt), Friday, 26 April 2024 01:01 (one year ago)

but really curious how a youngish journalist ended up in that position.

Turns out he skeeted his way into it:
https://bsky.app/profile/bencollins.bsky.social/post/3kr2kcufdxf2t

― jaymc, Monday, 29 April 2024 21:49 (one year ago)

i've noticed a lot less bite in their insta posts lately?

― he/him hoo-hah (map), Monday, 29 April 2024 21:53 (one year ago)

well this acquisition might ruin my online 'handle'. at least they're clearly superfans as global tetrahedron is almost completely a reference in articles from 1999

― global tetrahedron, Wednesday, 1 May 2024 16:57 (one year ago)

Lost it at the photo

https://www.theonion.com/annoying-teen-on-train-has-girlfriend-s-whole-face-in-m-1851439456

― Dan Worsley, Friday, 3 May 2024 22:07 (one year ago)

https://www.wired.com/story/plaintext-give-this-rich-dude-jeff-lawson-dollar-the-onion/

― Marten Broadcloak, mild-mannered GOP congressman (Raymond Cummings), Sunday, 5 May 2024 10:46 (one year ago)

Things that sound like an Onion article

― pplains, Sunday, 5 May 2024 13:57 (one year ago)

three months pass...

Returning to print (on a subscription basis):
https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/16/business/media/the-onion-print-paper.html

https://static01.nyt.com/images/2024/08/16/multimedia/16onion-vmzc/16onion-vmzc-mobileMasterAt3x.jpg?quality=75&auto=webp&disable=upscale&width=600

― jaymc, Friday, 16 August 2024 13:03 (ten months ago)

https://web.archive.org/web/20240816131415/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/08/16/business/media/the-onion-print-paper.html

― budo jeru, Friday, 16 August 2024 14:45 (ten months ago)

three weeks pass...

the knives are out today

FACT CHECK
TRUMP: “People don’t leave my rallies.”
TRUE: They’re carried out in body bags.
— The Onion (@TheOnion) September 11, 2024

― frogbs, Wednesday, 11 September 2024 03:43 (nine months ago)

two weeks pass...

Comedy news outlet the Onion — reinvigorated by new ownership over this year — is bringing back its once-popular video parodies of cable news. But this time, there’s someone with real news anchor experience in the chair.
When the first episodes appear online Monday, former WAMU and MSNBC host Joshua Johnson will be the face of the resurrected “Onion News Network.” Playing an ONN anchor character named Dwight Richmond, Johnson says he’s bringing a real anchor’s sense of clarity — and self-importance — to the job.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/style/media/2024/09/30/the-onion-news-network-joshua-johnson-host/

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 30 September 2024 18:31 (nine months ago)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qUb0JnEsOHQ

― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 30 September 2024 18:32 (nine months ago)

Wow, local guy (would love to see Kojo Nnamdi lend his soothing voice to the onion too.

― Bedrich Smetana's Ma Wife (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 30 September 2024 18:43 (nine months ago)

xpost: just below that clip, there's "The Onion is back in print. Get the paper. Become a member.

― StanM, Monday, 30 September 2024 18:52 (nine months ago)

one month passes...

https://theonion.com/america-defeats-america/

meh

― StanM, Friday, 8 November 2024 00:21 (seven months ago)

ha ha

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/14/business/media/alex-jones-infowars-the-onion.html

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 14 November 2024 14:04 (seven months ago)

https://theonion.com/heres-why-i-decided-to-buy-infowars/

― John Backflip (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 14 November 2024 14:06 (seven months ago)

I am in awe

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 14 November 2024 14:13 (seven months ago)

lmao how do they have the money for this

― frogbs, Thursday, 14 November 2024 14:17 (seven months ago)

all hail to the Global Tetrahedron

― StanM, Thursday, 14 November 2024 14:26 (seven months ago)

xp they belong to someone v rich https://techcrunch.com/2024/04/26/area-man-twilio-co-founder-jeff-lawson-buys-the-onion/

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 14 November 2024 14:36 (seven months ago)

ha ha

https://www.nytimes.com/2024/11/14/business/media/alex-jones-infowars-the-onion.html

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, November 14, 2024 9:04 AM (two hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

Onion articles that look like Onion articles amirite

― Evan, Thursday, 14 November 2024 16:18 (seven months ago)

he looks genuinely shook to the core, just delicious.

Infowars is being shut down now! pic.twitter.com/nb4loGvL12
— Alex Jones (@RealAlexJones) November 14, 2024

― John Backflip (Camaraderie at Arms Length), Thursday, 14 November 2024 16:45 (seven months ago)

I don’t think you have constitutional right to an internet show

You have a constitutional right to not be jailed for disliking the government but no protection for selling steroids by making fun of dead kids

― DJP, Thursday, 14 November 2024 16:49 (seven months ago)

I like the idea of AJ holing himself up in the Infowars office while the Onion's shock troops break down the doors.

― Grape Fired At Czar From Crack Battery (President Keyes), Thursday, 14 November 2024 16:52 (seven months ago)

haha, him pretending not to have heard of the Onion

― jmm, Thursday, 14 November 2024 16:53 (seven months ago)

I thought a bunch of reporters bought the Onion last year?

― papal hotwife (milo z), Thursday, 14 November 2024 16:54 (seven months ago)

It was purchased by the ex-CEO of Twilio, who put Ben Collins in charge.

― Grape Fired At Czar From Crack Battery (President Keyes), Thursday, 14 November 2024 16:58 (seven months ago)

I believe Collins (who used to work for NBC News) and Lawson teamed up to buy it, but I assume Lawson fronted most of the money. I don't think any other reporters were involved.

― jaymc, Thursday, 14 November 2024 17:01 (seven months ago)

i wouldn't put it past AJ to just burn the building down.

― scott seward, Thursday, 14 November 2024 17:03 (seven months ago)

he'll never damage all The Onion"s layers

― StanM, Thursday, 14 November 2024 17:04 (seven months ago)

He and RFK should have a gravel voice-off.

― Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 14 November 2024 17:06 (seven months ago)

collins strikes me as a bit of a lib grifter type, but honestly good for him.

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 14 November 2024 18:15 (seven months ago)

they should keep the office open and just leave AJ in there... don't kick him out, just allow him to mill about the place in perpetuity

― Andy the Grasshopper, Thursday, 14 November 2024 18:30 (seven months ago)

Area Man livestreams himself shitting in corner

― Grape Fired At Czar From Crack Battery (President Keyes), Thursday, 14 November 2024 18:38 (seven months ago)

I am in awe

― Ned Raggett, Thursday, November 14, 2024 9:13 AM (four hours ago) bookmarkflaglink

truly amazing stuff

― lag∞n, Thursday, 14 November 2024 18:42 (seven months ago)

lol

https://bsky.app/profile/websitehomepage.bsky.social/post/3lawiqx4ct22g

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Thursday, 14 November 2024 19:28 (seven months ago)

Should I know who that is?

― Andrew Farrell, Friday, 15 November 2024 00:46 (seven months ago)

Apparently Tim Heidecker wants to get involved, that would make my fucking year

― frogbs, Friday, 15 November 2024 02:49 (seven months ago)

dril heidecker not really onion style but would be cool for sure

― lag∞n, Friday, 15 November 2024 02:51 (seven months ago)

clickhole has occasionally had heidecker/dril energy, could see it.

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Friday, 15 November 2024 16:42 (seven months ago)

I saw an AP story this morning that said Jones's lawyers have succeeded in getting a judge to block the sale temporarily, by claiming the bidding process was flawed.

― more difficult than I look (Aimless), Friday, 15 November 2024 19:53 (seven months ago)

The Washington Post story said that "the Onion did not have the highest bid." So that does seem a little bit weird for an auction.

― bbq, Saturday, 16 November 2024 03:30 (seven months ago)

Does it offer an explanation for why they won the auction?

― tobo73, Saturday, 16 November 2024 03:52 (seven months ago)

suspect it may have to do with the creditors aka the sandy hook families wanted the onion to win because theyre going to take all info wars stuff offline ben collins said something about working with the families re the bid

― lag∞n, Saturday, 16 November 2024 04:00 (seven months ago)

why would jones or his lawyers have any input into this process? he lost. it's not like any of the money is going to him

― mookieproof, Saturday, 16 November 2024 04:09 (seven months ago)

Yeah my understanding is that the families could have got more from splitting it up, but that would have increased the chances that some of it would find its way back to Alex Jones. If that's the basis of the challenge, then I trust the judge will tell Jones's lawyers to eat shit.

― Andrew Farrell, Saturday, 16 November 2024 12:47 (seven months ago)

i don't think they did; the onion did

xpost

― Humanitarian Pause (Tracer Hand), Saturday, 16 November 2024 12:47 (seven months ago)

I saw an AP story this morning that said Jones's lawyers have succeeded in getting a judge to block the sale temporarily, by claiming the bidding process was flawed.

Collins says

I wanted to give a quick update on The Onion’s purchase of InfoWars, which we can’t wait to relaunch as the dumbest site on the internet.
Long and short of it: We won the bid and — you're not going to believe it — the previous InfoWars folks aren't taking it well.
On Thursday, the person overseeing the auction told us that The Onion’s bid for InfoWars, along with the Connecticut Sandy Hook families, won.
We haven’t heard anything that changed that — except, of course, from the guys currently running InfoWars, doing InfoWars stuff.
There was a status conference with the judge overseeing the auction on Thursday shortly after we were deemed winners.
The judge had some questions about process and assets. We’re glad he’s doing that, since our bid with the families is clearly the best and transparency is even better.
There was a status conference with the judge overseeing the auction on Thursday shortly after we were deemed winners.
The judge had some questions about process and assets. We’re glad he’s doing that, since our bid with the families is clearly the best and transparency is even better.
Obviously, when the current operators of InfoWars went back to operating as a business, they used that to falsely say the auction had been overturned and allege some truly wacky stuff. Something about Saul Alinsky? God bless ‘em.
We expected all of this, obviously. Buying this site was always going to be fun later on, but annoying right away.
Anyway, we look forward to completing this process at the next scheduled court date — which, at present, is a week from Monday.
We think it’s all worth it to make a better, funnier future possible. As always: Tu Stultus Es.

― et a earwig (sic), Saturday, 16 November 2024 22:52 (seven months ago)

If there's one thing these people hate it's being made fun of...I wonder if that's why Alex Jones took it so hard. or maybe he doesn't know what The Onion is and just reacts that way to everything

― frogbs, Sunday, 17 November 2024 04:34 (seven months ago)

prob just mad about losing his empire, huge stash of scam supplements, and so forth

― lag∞n, Sunday, 17 November 2024 04:37 (seven months ago)

two weeks pass...

https://theonion.com/opinion/from-global-tetrahedron/

... there is (was) an ILXor called global tetrahedron!

― StanM, Friday, 6 December 2024 19:22 (six months ago)

judge blocks infowars sale to The Onion

https://www.cnn.com/2024/12/11/media/infowars-onion-lawsuit-block-hnk-intl/index.html

― StanM, Wednesday, 11 December 2024 10:25 (six months ago)

We can't have anything.

― nashwan, Wednesday, 11 December 2024 10:45 (six months ago)

four weeks pass...

https://theonion.com/jealous-trump-throws-own-state-funeral-to-upstage-carters/

― StanM, Friday, 10 January 2025 01:27 (five months ago)

Leading Democratic Party Chair candidate Ken Martin says that Democrats won't take money from "those bad billionaires" but will take money from "good billionaires" pic.twitter.com/dkJbzM2Xss
— Matt Stoller (@matthewstoller) January 19, 2025

― vodkaitamin effrtvescent (calzino), Monday, 20 January 2025 05:05 (five months ago)

lol

― a ZX spectrum is haunting Europe (Daniel_Rf), Monday, 20 January 2025 10:46 (five months ago)

three weeks pass...

was reminded of this one on bsky: https://theonion.com/fbi-uncovers-al-qaeda-plot-to-just-sit-back-and-enjoy-c-1819576375/

― rob, Monday, 10 February 2025 14:43 (four months ago)

I receive the paper edition and it is excellent - many little jokes that I suspect are paper-only as they take advantage of the layout. like a full-page ad for Tyson chicken tenders with the tagline "Eat Around the Tumors!"

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 10 February 2025 14:50 (four months ago)

a couple of times they've filled space on an inside page by printing a continuation of an article supposedly from the front page but which actually doesn't exist, and the continuation is some horrific detail. look I'm a Mad Magazine fan. i bought boxes of Croonchy Stars. i live for this shit.

― Tracer Hand, Monday, 10 February 2025 14:52 (four months ago)

Okay, that is awesome.

― Andrew Farrell, Tuesday, 11 February 2025 11:01 (four months ago)

oh yeah that was a common thing when i used to get the print edition regularly, maybe 25 years ago. They would fill space with some gory repeating sentence… searched and found it!: “Passersby were amazed by the unusually large amounts of blood.”

― Lavator Shemmelpennick, Thursday, 13 February 2025 03:43 (four months ago)

https://bsky.app/profile/theonion.com/post/3lii64umprk2c

― 𝔠𝔞𝔢𝔨 (caek), Tuesday, 18 February 2025 23:00 (four months ago)

https://theonion.com/stephen-miller-enraged-after-discovering-cantaloupe-he-1828172700/

― joey crack, aka kaiser saucer (sic), Wednesday, 19 February 2025 00:20 (four months ago)

one month passes...

Pure magic:

https://theonion.com/tiger-woods-claims-that-in-time-he-will-fuck-everyones-ex-wife/

― Clever Message Board User Name (Raymond Cummings), Sunday, 30 March 2025 20:34 (three months ago)

New book about the origin and history of the Onion is excellent.

― Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 2 April 2025 11:02 (three months ago)

you guys I’m sure the Onion has gone through some down periods before with it being around so long and all but

when did it become so bad, it’s so bad now

― Murgatroid, Sunday, 13 April 2025 13:32 (two months ago)

did it change after the 11th of February?

― Nancy Makes Posts (sic), Sunday, 13 April 2025 14:08 (two months ago)

i think the Onion is still funny

― frogbs, Thursday, 17 April 2025 20:16 (two months ago)

I think the best way to enjoy the onion is to just follow them on your social network of choice and have an occasional onion article mixed in with all the other news/opinion stuff you are following. In that way, even something dumb like

https://theonion.com/jd-vance-rushes-to-put-wifes-head-back-on-after-fumbling-second-lady/

gets a silent chuckle from me

― silverfish, Thursday, 17 April 2025 20:34 (two months ago)

Seeing stories about Russell Brand and Katy Perry in their breaking news section makes me wonder if I'm still living in 2011.

― Iza Duffus Hardy (President Keyes), Thursday, 17 April 2025 20:37 (two months ago)

one month passes...

Vanity Fair interviews Tim Onion (Onion CEO Ben Collins):
https://archive.ph/Ojezk

― jaymc, Tuesday, 20 May 2025 23:04 (one month ago)

If you quote someone in yr piece and then go “…he exclusively tells Vanity Fair,” i think you should be flung into a lake of fire. unless you are using the onion’s house style ironically in an article about something onion-related.

― Theodor W. Adorbso (Hunt3r), Wednesday, 21 May 2025 02:40 (one month ago)

They don’t call it vanity fair for nothing

― I am the stranger, killing the Boer (Boring, Maryland), Wednesday, 21 May 2025 02:54 (one month ago)

one month passes...

https://theonion.com/letter-to-congress/

― Dan Worsley, Sunday, 22 June 2025 22:08 (one week ago)

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