Having a crush on someone for an extended period of time but never having the guts to say anything - c or d?

Classic because it's quite an interesting, safe state to revel in.

Dud because they'll probably say no if you ever ask them because after all that time you'll make a pig's ear of it and also dud because it indicates that you are a thinker and a dreamer and not a doer and as a result your youth will always be a bit crappy and you'll end up looking back and think 'hmm - that was a bit rubbish'.

Dud because they'll probably say no if you ever ask them because after all that time you'll make a pig's ear of it and also dud because it indicates that you are a thinker and a dreamer and not a doer and as a result your youth will always be a bit crappy and you'll end up looking back and think 'hmm - that was a bit rubbish'.

Hah! My life in a nutshell!

Person one: five years, at a stupid age, longing. Eventual answer = "No" (as delivered to proxy asker-outer; "He's a pervert"; what is a pervert age 15?)

Person two: two years longing. Eventual answer = "No" (different proxy asker; no reason given)

Person three: two years longing. Eventual answer = "No" ("Not even if you hadn't been so drunk")

Person four: two years longing. Eventual answer = there wasn't one, I didn't bother to ask. She was twenty years older than me, and married. But I still think I would have had a good chance.

Person five: three years wanting. Initial answer = "No". But there was cause to believe it wasn't as simple as that. Two more years longing. Final answer = she disappeared.

So, classic. I have not given up on any of these.

Remember the Darwin Cheer:

Sperm and egg! Sperm and egg!
Ram 'em! Cram 'em! Let 'em mate!

http://www.unitedmedia.com/comics/peanuts/meet_the_gang/images/meet_charlie_brown_big.gif

Well obv. this is a tremendously good sign. Thank your lucky stars you don't instead start falling in love with her paininthearseness.

ok, seriously, how do you STOP having a crush on someone if you'd just prefer to move on?

Hypnotherapy?

how do you stop having a crush on a person you emphatically DO NOT want to have a crush on?

Fuck you guys.

No guarantees about the direction in which this humanization occurs, but no matter how it occurs, you won't have a crush any more. Either you'll develop a realistic relationship, or you'll suffer revulsion. Hurrah! No more crush.

Five years. And dud X 10. Especially dud if one drunkenly confesses said crush and the object of affection decides that they do not want to be one's friend anymore.

Sadly, humanizing is only possible when the person in question is not screening your calls.

Unless, like, you enjoy the angst of it all. Which I generally do. And you know what? The crushes that went on the longest were actually the ones that *were* returned. And, sort of five years later, the bloke in question would say something like "Dammit, I thought you were hot, why'd you never say anything?" or, erm, "You were hot but I thought you were a psycho or something. You just had a CRUSH on me?"

Jason Pierce to thread!

Oh, and it's gotta be both; really it's a question like 'breathing - c/d' or 'drinking water - c/d'. Isn't it?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am just playing, BTW!

Ah! Yes. When I was a lurker I think I saw something along those lines; but if you were presumably you'd be having money burnt on you, not ILXing.

Because really. Unrequited crushes? Don't actually hurt anyone (except the crusher) and honestly. Sounds like YOU need to "get over it" because some people - believe it or not - actually get something out of the experience.

I've had one more crush since then but the girl in q had a boyf already.

Julio, you should never assume that! Maybe either was waiting for you to ask her...

its the kind of thinking that haunts me vic but its too late now.

It's been a while. I need a new one. I'm just sick of having crushes on musicians because I'm so disillusioned with music.

So as N said way above: both

Tom, that's just shot my entire perception. It's really strange how someone gives you a piece of advice, you think about it, go "hmm, that's quite good" and you follow it, and have these interesting experiences and they're good. And then the person that you thought gave you that advice comes along and says THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!!!

I'm so disappointed.

I can laugh about it now but at the time it was terrible...

Enrique I think that the pleasures are wrong and unhealthy in much the same way as any recovering addict thinks of their particular pleasures, i.e. I would never suggest I was 'above all that', I've just been 'clean' for a while now and I'm loving it. I did spend most of my youth doing it and as N. said right at the top of the thread all it meant was that I had a bit of a crummy youth.

Maybe the good experiences were indirectly the results of the crushes... or the results of my trying to make my crush known without actually having to come out and say it (writing popsongs, making art, etc.). I don't think my youth was shite because of my crushing - if anything, if I ever *had* got the attentions of the object of my affections, my life wouldn't have been half so interesting and diverse as it has been. I could have ended up a suburban housewife or something! Blessing in disguise!

The thing you have to let go of is the idea that a crush has to be REQUITED in order to be good or useful or whatever. Not the crushing impulse itself.

how about, "becoming more like a distant emperor, bored of his toy"?

This is the most fucked up thing ever posted to ILX.

(ha ha X-POST HILARITY!)

My friend the other day suggested putting "a moratorium on [her] crush". I think this is a good idea.

This is bullshit because it's making the assumption that all unrequited crushes never go beyond the level of longing from afar and twee romantic comedy lusting. You just have to search on ILE to see really creepy examples of this not being the case.

This is not directed at anyone in particular lest anyone get paranoid again, though I know that is a Kate quote I'm replying to.

But you can't admit this to yourself or allow it to fester or become true.

I think the same is true of people who are single and constantly whine about it, if you make being single a public issue and whinge endlessly about it then you become a single person. It fulfills itself.

I don't claim to be an expert on relationships but I am fairly certain that all the above is good advice and that the old cliche of be yourself or more pertinently stay yourself, is a good one if you really want to be happy. Really happy I mean. It is about focussing on the positive.

Not all people who drink alcohol become alcoholics. Not all people who have unrequited crushes turn stalker. Generalisation is dangerous.

I think I've just complicated my point, but you know...not a stalker, okay? honest.

So basically, Kate, what you are saying here is that there is absolutely no middle ground between harmless behavior and full on stalking? Black and white viewpoints are far more dangerous than so-called generalizations...

I'm not naming names, but rest assured the specific examples I'm thinking of are NOT stalkers. They are, however, creepy, obnoxious, and upsetting when they crop up in my life. They are in no way threatening me or showing up at my doorstep or following me around (well in most cases) but it still impacts me in a negative way nonetheless.

basically bnw OTM upthread, unsurprisingly. I've never had a long-term unrequited crush so I don't know how "rewarding" that is.

The funny thing is, a lot of crushees who claim that the attention is negative - still somehow manage to encourage the crush. Maybe it's because they feel they want to be "nice" and not hurt the crusher, maybe it's because secretly they ARE getting something out of the arrangement, in the form of an ego boost.

I'm not confusing that with *geniune* stalking - where the stalker is genuinely disturbed and interprets encouragement where there is none.

But my experience of crushees is that if they are aware of the crush and do nothing to stop it, often it is because they are complicit. If you don't make it clear that the attention is unwanted, then to a certain extent, you warrant the attention that you get.

Yeah, I know I'm treading dangerously close to Camille Paglia ground here, but really.

Funny thing is, 80% of crushes of the sort we are describing, the crushee is probably oblivious to the fact that there is a serious crush. So no, there really is no harm.

If someone is paying you unwanted attention and you ask them to stop, and they continue, there is no "oh, they're NOT stalking but crushes are still bad" - legally they are harrassing you. It's gone beyond a crush.

There is a large grey area. Some people have more imagination, there are mixed messages, etc. etc. etc. I never said there was a hard and fast line between unrequited crushing and stalking, but they are NOT the same thing.

And please, Ally, I'm not trying to discount or dismiss your experiences. I've been on the receiving end of stalking, and I've also been on the giving end of crushes that went too far - I know how scary and how powerful both experiences can be.

But I interpreted your post to say that all unrequited crushes are potential stalker situations, and that's just ridiculous.

But if it's serious then it's rubbish (but not so rubbish that you want to stop).

Especially if you've liked someone for over a year and then you just give up on it and start going out with someone else, but within the safety of another relationship you decide you're going to tell your former crush and it turns out that he's disappointed and fancied you all that time. And even though you've both finally admitted you like each other. Still nothing happens.

Some people you make moves on. Some people make moves on you. But there are some times when you ought to and they ought to but neither does and you both keep floating on in this weird little nether world and that's all there is. And sometimes it turns into a very nice friendship that you probably couldn't have with anyone else, if you hadn't both fancied each other once and never done anything about it.

There are a lot of people who fear confrontation. I don't think the failure to confront someone or tell them to stop should always equal being consciously or subconsciously complicit in the crush.

Nicole OTM.

Change 'discussion' to 'janitor' and you have an episode of Hong Kong Phooey.

(j/k, honestly)

Who's there?

Interrupting Sheep.

Interrupting Sheep Wh-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

(also I have an amazing jetpack, fuck off everyone)

Well have you ever had to get up early in the morning? Have you ever had to do the gross dishes? Have you ever had to clean a toilet? How about get a job, or make a doctor's appointment, or get a haircut? Some of these things might seem easy and some of them might be the kinds of things you avoid at all costs. But eventually you do them because eventually you realize that you HAVE TO. And once you realize that, somehow it gets done!!! It's like sorcery!!!

Getting over a crush is just like that. You go 'I have to get over this person, this is making me behave like a ridiculous chimpanzee' and then you go and discipline your mind to stop thinking of the crushee as the best thing that could ever possibly happen to you in your entire life and go about the business of living.

I wouldn't be nearly as terse about all this if I hadn't spent such a great deal of my youth as well acting the fool for some girl I had no chance with. It's absurd behavior and I still don't buy a word of Kate's arguments that it does any good, if you need to always be thinking about some random infatuation to improve yourself or be creative then there are other issues at hand which fortunately don't belong in this discussion.

1. It's not easy(a.)

a. I never said it was anyway.

Don't tell me what's right for me, and I won't tell you what's right for robots.

-- N. (nickdastoo...), October 7th, 2003. (later)

Only the other day? It's more like "the other minute" with me.

And having just spoken to my own personal heroin, I'm changing my vote to dud dud dud dud dud. Absolute drain on time, effort, and emotion, leaving the crusher pretty much dead to the world and unable to operate functionally with other human beings.

Anyway:

Hearing far more than is there in a piece of music because of wacked-up emotional life - c/d

For anutha day, perhaps.

be one of those people, maybe people will have crushes on you then. in fact, maybe your own crush will stop seeing you as an irritant, trying to get a piece of their life, and start seeing you as a cool person with an exciting life of their own, they might even want a piece of that

lead a life that others want to be a part of.

Thats it!!! I'm going to become a real-lfe bon-fide pirate!

Sure, but if the FAT thinks that he can tell me that I am empowered to do the same, he's talking out of his shiny metal ass.

Andrew, for a minute there you had me thinking you had read the Mo'Nique book.

Oh look I'm sorry, I really didn't feel teased for what it's worth since I didn't actually think this was really an argument or you were really bothered. I'm surprised you mind but I suspect and hope you don't really mind too much. I just criticised what the thread had become in that it was boiling into argument but now it has even moreso.

I really don't know what else to say, I could argue more but I don't want to really cos normally we get along and it seems fairly trivial now.

I think this thread is quite a sensitive subject with people and not the easiest thing to discuss. That's why I felt it had gone wrong. I don't speak for N or have no idea what he thinks or why he thinks what he posted, just for the record.

"Worth crossing the street to avoid", while sprinting across

As for getting over it - just stop torturing yourself by interacting with the other person as often (or at all, if outside of crush-status, they aren't your friend). Sooner or later, the crush will fade.

More distance = more objectivity, so it's easier to see his or her flaws, too.

Sexual display is all, sexual display is everything.

You get over the crush when you no longer need whatever it is that the crush is representing (that you feel you are missing in your life).

Are you kidding? That wd *rool*. That's the whole point of crushing! It never happens, though, obv. Or does it? Maybe, just maybe... No: a heads-up is in order: it's *never the case*. Unless, who knows...?

Like I said, I've had at least two situations in my life where I had a crush on a person, did nothing cause I was too shy, and found out ages later that the crush was returned. So maybe that's why I'm a little bit more forward about finding out now.

(Whore!)

The idea of love at first sight is one of the most damaging myths ever to install unrealistic expectations in people's romantic relationships.

so i can't see that i'm doing any worse than people who go through boyfriends like tissue (one this year, one the next etc)

It bears thinking about how one measures a "successful" relationship.

Please provide an example of where I have gone on at length about how they were not happy. I have not done so. You are being presumptuous.

You're right, I don't know you well. I'm just going by the attitude that (I infer) you project on this board.

Everything you write on ILE is filtered through your own lense, as shown by the advice you are giving to the person on this thread, AS YOU YOURSELF ADMIT, (as with your "been there, done that" part of your post) so why are you having a go at me for reading and responding to ILE through my own filter?

Hypocrite.

Whoa! Oh boy, who's making assumptions now, Chelsea? My impression of you is formed more by YOUR OWN BEHAVIOUR on this board than any pre-existing knowledge about your previous relationships.

You are a total fucking hypocrite.

I have had many people privately email me expressing the exact sentiment that everything I post is somehow related to Chris. I am glad if no one is dwelling on it, but some evidently are. As I said, those who are dwelling on it should get over it. Those who aren't are much appreciated.

The ironic thing is, when I met you I actually liked you a lot, we had a great time and I came away with a very positive impression of you. Online, I get a quite different impression.

Fair enough, the internet does strange thing to people's personalities and the perception thereof. There are a number of people on ILX that I get along fine with IRL, yet have a bad reaction to on ILX, and vice versa.

You assume that I am responding negatively towards you because I've got a "Chris Filter" when the truth is, I am responding negatively towards your posts and your posting style. I don't presume to tell other people how they should or shouldn't post on ILE (beyond simple nettiquette) and I know that there are a number of people who object to my posts, and *my* posting style.

You rant on that people who are "dwelling on it should get over it" but you know what? Perhaps you need to get over the giant "Chris Chip One Your Shoulder" and stop making assumptions about us.

I don't want to debate about this, and I don't want to fight about it. We are different people, we have had different experiences and we have different approaches towards relationships. That's why there's chocolate AND vanilla.

I agree about chocolate and vanilla.

ANYWAY I have had crushes but they they are never ever long term crushing situations cos I forget about them if I don't end up dating the person. Also 80% of them have been on, for example, Batman or the leader dude from Voltron so I guess that isn't really the same thing as what this thread is talking about.

http://www.dpo.uab.edu/~marcus/cels/voltron/voltron-keith2.jpg

Thing is, and I don't know quite how I'm going to break this to myself...but...she's...fictional!

I don't want the actress, I want Amelie. The things she does and the way she thinks.

Oh, my love will never be requited!

If a crush is intolerable (I find ones with famous people and people you don't have to deal with kinda nice. A reminder there are people out there you still dig plus you can have many at the same time), either let 'em know and/or get cooler about your life without them. Most of the time I spent pining away for somebody was in part because I didn't like the way things were for me. That said, I will marry Kelly Osbourne and our children will be named Maverick and Anastasia. Peace out.

Let me tell you how my mind works in re: one of my "silly celeb crushes" (in this case, I'll be describing the one I have on Nick Rhodes):

Well, I think Nick Rhodes is gorgeous, right? And if I were to actually befriend him* and then he were to express any interest in me**, I'd definitely go for him. But at the same time, I can be a third-party viewer of his relationships and root for him to find a decent, lovely girl (a la Madeleine Farley), feel a bit noncommittal about a female I'm not 100% sure about (a la Lady Victoria Hervey), and boo and hiss over a female who is clearly not worth his while (a la Tara Palmer Tompkinson). Plus, I can swoon and stare at photos of Nick without feeling that I *must* have that sort of feeling reciprocated. I'm generally realistic about my thoughts of how any interaction between him and me should be like.

*: The chances of this happening are slim to none, sure, but certainly larger than my chances of winning the lottery.

**: The chances of this happening are even slimmer and more nonexistent, but again, certainly larger than my chances of winning the lottery.

Now, I have had a real, true crush on someone else for awhile, btw, someone whom I've viewed as a friend, and have admitted it to him, but it's only been now that I've been able to figure out what to do with it. I figure that it's pointless to try to deny my feelings for him, but it's also pointless to expect anything to develop from it. Plus, he's involved with someone else at this point. So I figure I'll compartmentalize my feelings for this person -- I'll keep my friendly feelings toward him separate from my "crush" feelings, and I'll treat this crush like I would a "silly celeb crush", except with benefits because a friendship's already there (so yay for that!).

There. All out in black and white. Ta-daaaaa.

(If this thread has 244 serious responses has Fugs won or lost?)

I have had 'love at first sight' but must agree with Kate. It's crap. Real, lasting love takes a lot more work than that. It's not instantenous. (and if you think it is it's pretty much destined to let you down.)

What, Amelie?

Sure she _looks_ cute, but of the way the film is narrated and yr told what she's thinking you get to know the unusual way she thinks.

The things she does bring magic into the world. She goes to so much trouble.

Hence corny indie fuckers having crushes on her, natch. TOMBOT

Oh no! I'm indie! Why didn't anyone tell me?

Her pupils dilated (I guess mine did too) and she smiled in a _very_ interesting way. I thought she was gorgeous and I'm pretty sure she liked the look of me too.

We politeley exchanged money for goods, and smiles for smiles.
In soft voices we cordially thanked each other and I left.

Made my day, week and month. Need to go back there soon.

*******************************************************
It may not be love, but that's 'love at first sight' :-)

Funnily enough, the only true "love at first sight" experience that I feel I had that was positive was the longest-term crush I've ever had, and the long-term crush that turned out to have been reciprocated. What would you call that? Mutual long-term unspoken crush at first sight?

(And does "at first sight" count if you've already been primed with a phone conversation first?)

There is a point that you can build rejection into such a big, awful thing in your head that would really be a whole lot better for you if you got it over with.

But there's also a point where, if you've never experienced anything *but* rejection, you can give up even wanting to try. Because you've never got a reward.

You just seem to be reviving/posting on an awful lot of these threads, Cozen, and I wondered if something was up.

must be becuz "its never enough"

i had emotions for her because she was a good candidate/rough outline of the type of person i thought i desperately needed in my life -> my infatuations picked up from there and i subsconsciously extrapolated her into a hyper-idealized crush. conversely, because i had no grasp on my own agency in literally creating her, the crush felt so strong and so imposing that i feebly identified it as the beginnings of love.

actually, physically *being* with her forced me back into the reality of who she was (nothing bad, just nowhere near what i'd envisioned) and the crush burst like a bubble.

based on not doing any of these things.

Gone back and read the old answers and it sure is weird. I'm trying to remember what was going on in my life at the time, and I can't, really. What a long time ago.

I still think that crushes are more good than bad, courtly love and all that. Better when not acted upon.

And Enrique, it is actually worth reading - there are some hillarious bits on this thread. (Some funny at the time, some funny with perspective.)

But you won't all fit in my bed! :-(

she crushes on them, then she shags them, or not, if they've any smarts.

I blame the drugs.

Love Vigilantes was about the Fawlkands War, wasn't it?

In the end, you will submit, it's got to hurt you, a little bit.

And 1963 - what the HECK was going on in this song? Did someone get shot? I'm so confused by it.

('thieves like us' [='they live by night'] and 'in a lonely place')

The difference between fancying someone and having a crush on them is interesting me at the moment. When does one morph into the other?

i spose it's about how much time u spend building up their character over long teenage sundays spent listening to example given 'pet sounds'.

JFK!

I take that back

For “funny” (and for “unchristian”), read instantly effective, or atmosphere-charging, or ludicrous, or self-denying, or generally wrong-footing of such of the world as obtains in one’s immediate vicinity. When you have no opinion on an issue, it cannot be ‘wrong’ to invent one, simply to explore what happens when you make it known.

yeah, i had this, and then one lasting about 5 years.

ok fuck i just wrote one amazing love-letter. leaving it in her pigeonhole tomorrow morning. may divulge contents at later date. jeez am i nervous.

i wanna c on d baby

you probably should've just put it in her mailbox

if you value your soul do not divulge anything here.

have you learned nothing

Yep, they're right. Don't dare say anything here.

I've been grappling with this of late, but I've just decided it's best not to speak to the beloved in real terms. I will never tell them I love them. Ever. They are just going to have to figure it out.

ok no divulging. but the deed is done. gonna need a bit more sleep to think on things.

can you post the letter in this thread? we can offer constructive criticism and encouragement : )

"leaving it in her pigeonhole"

Someone start a "fave names for vagina" poll.

Oh baby don't it feel like heaven right now
Don't it feel like something from a dream
Yeah I've never known nothing quite like this
Don't it feel like tonight might never be again
We know better than to try and pretend
Baby no one could'a ever told me about this
I said yeah yeah

CHORUS
The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you see one more card
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Well yeah I might have chased a couple women around
All it ever got me was down
Then there were those that made me feel good
But never as good as I'm feeling right now
Baby you're the only one that's ever known how
To make me wanna live like I want to live now
I said yeah yeah

CHORUS
The waiting is the hardest part
Every day you get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Oh don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you
Don't let it kill you baby, don't let it get to you
I'll be your bleeding heart, I'll be your crying fool
Don't let this go too far
Don't let it get to you

As long as you didn't end it with "PS I am wanking as I write this".

lool

the wanking is the hardest part

Gawd, even reading the name of this thread makes my stomach crawl. If I could meet myself when I was 15 I would beat my own face to a pulp and perform roundhouse kicks to my younger spleen, with intermittent elbow drops thrown in for good measure. If you ever experience the other perspective, where someone obviously likes you but is too shy to say anything, it comes across as 30% cute and 70% pathetic.

. If you ever experience the other perspective, where someone obviously likes you but is too shy to say anything, it comes across as 30% cute and 70% pathetic.

I've heard that.

the wanking is the hardest part

Bahahaa. Someone *needs* to do a cover of that song and change the lyrics around.

holygeez there are like five million damn crush threads
so i'm just going with this one
wait
love letters?
pigeon holes?

maybe i should do parallel experiment
and we could see who wins

haha noo
but really what is awesome is that i have minor crush on someone i really don't even know and who is obv prob rong and yknow am too busy/uh for crushes/things anyway so i'm just going to keep listening to his wacked out radio show that's all!
/sharing

u drunk?

no
i am just like this today

well 1.5 beers

2

3

5

7

11

13

17

19

23

damn you are in prime crush territory

All hail rrrobyn!!!

Dud, and even worse when you're watching it from the sidelines.

I once asked Friend X if she was aware of this thing I had for Friend Y and she went "dude, it's kinda obvious. Everybody knows except her."

;_;

24

going out
maybe he will be there and we can have awkward conversation! lol

i don't have awkward conversation anyway
forward
leeward
skyward

26

547

otm

I think love letters are like CVs -- any longer than two sides of paper and you're likely to put the recipient off.

it was just under one side, written with short sentences and direct prose. the way these things should be.

You and me baby we ain't nothing but mammals.
So let's do it like they do on the Discovery Channel
Yours,
Louis

P.S. I am wanking as I write this.

I too think love letters are like CVs -- though getting references can be awkward.

I'm always saying there should be some system for obtaining references from past lovers!

BANG LOUIS JAGGER

Yours,
Louis

looooool

only thing worse: saying something

If you ever experience the other perspective, where someone obviously likes you but is too shy to say anything, it comes across as 30% cute and 70% pathetic.

Those numbers are only true if the feeling isn't mutual.

Yeah, but come on - what are the chances of both people being pathetic?

in a matter of hours i shall know whether this is a thing. if it is, a twee-er and more overtly 'hullo sky, hullo clouds' LJ will grace these boards. we're talking nuvvieworld-levels here.

if it isn't, the lol britpop zing crew have no idea what's hitting them.

the important thing to note is that i've regarded this girl as well out of my league for over two years now.

scourage!

di^^^ment ain't what i need

good luck, hopefully she has a thing for zingoholics.

was supposed to be encouragement, homes. good luck. xpost

hey dude I know! i was just making an over-elaborate muse. cheers bro!

I have a new bf as of last week, and the moment I said so to ppl, a dear friend of mine I had quite a crush on and had given up any hope of having a dalliance with admitted to me he wanted to go out with me.

Let this be a lesson to you, shy men of the world. Grrr grumble.

i had a huge crush on my best friend. i dropped not-so-subtle hints until he finally told me HE had a crush on me. in retrospect it's now obvious he felt the same way, but at the time i couldn't come right out with it because i was sure he was way out of my league. luckily, he is far braver than me.

ps. YAY FOR TRAYCE! so that's why your fb status is all about not getting enough sleep... ;)

she has the note. the die is cast. also, i have had a brief chat with one of her friends over the issue. the next six or so hours will be nerve-racking.

White girls from rich families do tend to have something for black guys, so maybe start wearing blackface around campus?

I think my former roommate (girl) had a thing for me (dude) because we had a ton in common and she'd flirt with me pretty ridiculously. She has a daddy complex, so the minute I ask her out she'll probably disappear with some 34 year old dude. Sometimes crushes are best kept to yourslef when it comes to psycho chixxxx. Also, why do girls in their early-mid twenties onyl date older guys?

http://d.yimg.com/us.yimg.com/p/60minutes/20061020/7f5e6cc75ec0e9b9cae9ad26968340bc.jpg

ok dom i can normally enjoy yr 'lol rich' shizzle, but she's from a lower-middle class background if that. wealthy girls are generally a turn-off for me. tend to be up themselves/spoiled/irritatingly precious/unlovable. this girl is genuine, down to earth, fun, everything the toffish ones often aren't. i know you have beef with my uni, and fair enough, but we're not all banker's children with trust funds and affiliations to exclusive 'clubs' which are actually an excuse to get semi-willing girls dressed unsexily in tiny sheafs of fabric really rat-arsed, take advantage of them and then buy them an expensive meal the next day to take their mind off the sordid union. not all. just some.

guys who get crushes on girls they hardly know for years

=

not the sort of guys those girls would go out with anyway

HARSH

but she's from a lower-middle class background

rickjameslyrics_ghettolife.txt

dude i'm not saying she's from a deprived background, i'm just saying that your strawman is faintly ridiculous.

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sprung

exclusive 'clubs' which are actually an excuse to get semi-willing girls dressed unsexily in tiny sheafs of fabric really rat-arsed, take advantage of them and then buy them an expensive meal the next day to take their mind off the sordid union. not all. just some.

-- Just got offed, Monday, October 22, 2007 2:35 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

wait what

He's talking about the debating society

hawks' club's really gone downhill /cantab zing

xpost

And Louis, I mean this sincerely, if you DO get on a date with this girl, just don't talk about music.

most 'clubs' are like that, enrique, notably the P1tt club. urgh.

sprung is a fair description.

haha, i've made THAT mistake before, dom! things about which i am an aspie (i.e. music, cricket, football) are DEFINITE no-gos.

you have no chance, forget about her.

so anyway, moved to a flat in camden a couple of weeks ago, thought it would be better for my music career to be part of the "scene". my friend tarquin needed a new bassist for his band "the costellos" so, here i am. my dad sorted my out my the place, a rehearsal room, bought me some furniture and musical equipment: a fender jazz bass and a marshall amp, not to mention a strat so i can work on my songwriting.

problem is: dad's only hooking me up with £600 a week, after rent bills, etc.. not really enough to live the rock and roll lifestyle, keep up with the latest fashions and keep a girlfriend in tow, it's really unfair.

so could anyone sort us out with some gigs? you get well paid for them, right?

our drummer went to boarding school with a couple of guys from the horrors, so they might be able to help out, but the music biz is a tough game and any help at all would be appreciated.

-- max r, Thursday, October 18, 2007 4:16 AM (8 hours ago) Bookmark Link

you will have to think of some more imaginative ways of suggesting that i be banned than that, quitney.

-- max r, Monday, 22 October 2007 13:19 (38 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

OK now it's the worst thread ever.

-- Matt DC, Monday, 22 October 2007 10:26 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Link

That can't be real. Please tell me that's not real?

it's a game of 'guess who's trolling'.

would saw PEW but he seems to know england too well.

i kid because i love

why do girls in their early-mid twenties onyl date older guys?

hint: think about guys who are younger than early-mid twenties

I don't wanna. Girls on the other hand....

wealthy girls are generally a turn-off for me. tend to be up themselves/spoiled/irritatingly precious/unlovable.

jesus. way to steareotype. unlovable? harsh

i didn't say all of them!

who doesn't love money? hot + rich = even better.

Given that these things tend to happen for me in weekends, then

-Charlton losing to Wolves
-Worcestershire signing basket-case Simon Jones
-England losing the RWC final

will be followed by a Hamilton cock-up tomorrow.

Just sayin'.

-- Just got offed, Saturday, 20 October 2007 21:03 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

-- Just got offed, Sunday, 21 October 2007 17:43 (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

my love-letter will also fail to accrue a positive response. it's inevitable. :(

-- Just got offed, Sunday, 21 October 2007 17:53 (Yesterday) Bookmark Link

pretty comprehensively, not a thing.

What was the response?

her friend called me and said 'yeah she didn't seem very keen...and the bit about forgetting about it and moving on if it wasn't going to happen? do that.'

ow, fuck. sorry, dude.

she'd do well to keep the letter, mind. when i'm famous... ;)

thats the spirit

that's the spirit!

FUCKING HELL, X-POST!

Okay LJ. Go out tonight, get hammered, do regrettable shit. DON'T POST ABOUT IT HERE.* In the morning have a shower and a huge breakfast and remind yourself that there's a world of stuff out there still waiting to happen to you, and that in x years time you won't even remember what this shit was about. Line: drawn.

*okay go on then if you want.

In the morning have a shower and a huge breakfast after shagging the Swedish twins you took home for the half-dozenth time

yeah NV i'll be fine! tonight, however, i have to stay in and write an essay. gah, maybe i'll re-evaluate come 10 pm.

Oh that sucks - can you rush the essay? Develop a sudden stomach flu meaning you get an extension? (It's amazing I ever got a degree really.)

Louis, what Noodle said is pretty good advice. However, what were you thinking doing this when you had an essay to get done? She calls, she says, "yes, I love you, poppage will ensue, get in bed, I'm on my way over wearing nothing but a g-string and a smile" and you have to say "sorry, love, not tonight, got an essay to write"?!?!? TIMING, DUDE.

if it had been a thing, the essay would have been delayed until tomorrow morning. now, however, i have the chance to make a half-decent job of it. like i say, depending on progress, i might head off somewhere a little later on.

poppage will ensue

hey man bummer but at least you made your fuck-want known

^^^this

lj = a responsible upstanding bro who i would have all this drinks with

would suggest consoling pint but am writing an "essay" of world-historical import.

HOOS, should either of us cross the big water there will doubtless be a means to an end.

NRQ, fair enough, your dissertation comes first, but considering we're in the same city a pint or two would probably be a good idea at some point.

and please, can we stop referring to ALL sex as 'poppage'. it only relates to the very first time! learn yr ILX vernacular, innit.

...or else gain an intimate knowledge of what you've been up to.

you've already popped this girl whom you wrote the love letter for?

my phone's locked in a trunk right now but i will make it happen eventch.

lol

jeez, ken!

anyway, i prefer 'em a bit more experienced (based on an admittedly meagre sample of two).

^^^just lost all sympathy

Nah, jokes

I didn't have any sympathy in the first place

:D

that actually got quite a laugh out of me, a pretty fine achievement given my mood!

hey man bummer but at least you made your fuck-want known

-- max, Monday, 22 October 2007 16:34

YES. i recently confessed to a long-standing crush on one of my best mates. luckily she said "oh well then, i'd better break up with my boyfriend and we'll just get married and live happily ever after, m'kay?" and gave me a very old-fashioned look that said "really, after all this time, what did you think i'd say?"

we're better friends than ever since then. still fancy her, mind...

smooth move, charlieno4.

luckily she said "oh well then, i'd better break up with my boyfriend and we'll just get married and live happily ever after, m'kay?" and gave me a very old-fashioned look that said "really, after all this time, what did you think i'd say?"

this is not a fun thing to have said to you.

sorry homes. empathies.

Don't forgot to get pissed and phone her at 3 in the morning. Women love that.

Most behaviours you see in romantic comedies are perfect normally ways to ensnare women. Try some.

classic you're 14, pathetic if you're an adult

die

You wanna know the real moral of this story? Don't act on things you dream about. Sure, the reverie (on Thursday evening) unlocked a suppressed passion, and sure I was right to at least ascertain where I stood, but in the cold light of day, anything happening between us would be pretty goddamn far-fetched. She's two years older than me, vastly more experienced in matters of love, extremely good-looking, and nigh-on unattainable. Mentioning the dream (I hasten to add, a fully chaste affair) in the letter may or may not have been an error.

i don't think you can expect a full-on positive response from a letter. you have to be in the room.

yeah, that's kinda what I've realised. can't pull any captain wentworth shit unless the feeling's clearly mutual. should have played it cooler and asked her for a drink. curse this impetuous passion of mine.

Don't act on things you dream about

DUDE. this is so wrong.

it sounds like you just came on too strong. once the girl can sense your desperation, you're done for.

i want to say that works both ways.

DUDE. this is so wrong.

i know it is. i'm trying to convince myself that i made a mistake when i didn't. if you dream about asking a girl out, and the wish is fulfilled, it's pretty goddamn clear your subconscious is telling you something.

and hey, this is now a challenge, to act as maturely, as unflappably, and as genuinely around her as i can. who knows what might change.

(not that I can try anything. that would be a stupid, stupid error. i'm actually srsly considering hitting the town tonight, just to draw a line under the whole weekend.)

Wait, while there's an argument to be made for not chasing your dreams, your story here doesn't seem to give any evidence towards it. You got rejected, sure, but that's... like, that's just not so bad. I've certainly had worse happen to me when I've been in your situation.

yes. go out. get pissed. DRAW THE LINE.

better to get it out dude. worst case you can at least move on. limbo's no place for a bro to be.

1. say it in person
2. play it cool, no 'i dream about u night and day'
3. realize that there is a chance u will be rejected and be ready to accept it

'be ready to accept it' easier said than done but other fish etc.
a lot of times awkward, one-sided crushes tend to be irrational putting a person on a pedestal type shit. She is not 'nigh unnattainable,' shes a person you're putting a lot of value on and its probably partly justified but also ... shes human. chill

yeh, you should try imagining her naked on the bog ... er, forget it.

sux2bu

1. I failed to do.
2. The letter was a bit cooler than that, but not much.
3. I did realise, but I didn't really prepare.

you forgot 4. less handwringing. :D

xposts: no you didn't! :D :D

Don't dream about things you plan to act about.

next time a pretty girl i know IRL appears in the sylvan mists of surrealism and brutal psychology that is a dream of mine, i shall attempt to put grimly's advice into effect.

how the fuck is it only 2:45 in the afternoon here

LJ out. jol to get poppage.

aim uglier next time, it works eventually.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/41ZKX8WDEGL._SS500_.jpg

Louis you should totally buy this book, it's both an awesome piece of literature written by a one of the most empathetic authors living and a fantastic piece of advice that will pay off immediately.

oh man the goldmine of classic posts to be uncovered in lj's application of 'the game'

that book has already provoked one insanely long thread, but fuck it, why not two.

I already know about 'The Game'. Who do you think I am, some pig-ignorant shut-in who has no idea about current cultural trends? (Don't answer that one.)

Such books, especially those teaching the secrets of salesmanship, are totally and utterly soulless, and I refuse to touch them with a bargepole.

but pretty girls are soulless, dude. you're gonna end up popping mingers

Louis I, and i imagine at least twenty other ILXors, will paypal you £10 if you spend one month applying all of Strauss's techniques to the women on your course.

Day 1: Buy gold watch
Day 5: Employ permanent wingman, who must be short and ugly but quite funny
Day 8: Nose job
Day 13: Start turning nice girls down; who wants them?
Day 24: Rohypnol

you should have written in the letter that you wanted to kiss her "sweet wet cunt"

seemed to work for robbie

haha! the thought actually crossed my mind. but...nah.

it has to be a parapraxis, see. can't be sending those off on purpose.

that only matters to lit critics, not girls you want to bone

but it's time to move on. are there any cousins visiting?

sorry it didn't work out, louis. but there will be other girls.
i am not sure these first move letters ever work for anyone. i can't think of a single instance when they have helped. girls read them aloud to each other and either die from laughter or say sadly, 'he's really nice but....'
don't ever send one again. i say this as friend, not foe.

oh man the goldmine of classic posts to be uncovered in lj's application of 'the game'

-- deej, Monday, October 22, 2007 5:45 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Link

oh man

also estela is right, basically you have to make friends w/ girls & let them think they're seducing you

well ok, she's not a poncy literature student who'd take the outburst as a pure expression of passionate lust rather than a vulgar turn-off.

xpost

cousins? nah. plenty more gravel in the driveway.

xpost

cheers estela! i honestly think my letter wasn't that laughable, but 'tis true i could (yet again) have come across as 'sweet' rather than sexy. 'sweet' is generally code for 'not in a million years'. no, i will not send one again. tete-a-tete from now on.

ethan, i've played the ultra-long game before, but the downside is, i'm really bad at knowing when to make a decisive move.

(getting there, though! my main problem is the continual obsession with finding the right girl. today's incident isn't one i'll regret, because i've at least shown myself not to be compromising. PLUS, i know to avoid sending love-letters.)

its not the ultra-long game, im just saying spend a couple nights playing board games or some shit before you bust out the sonnets

ya second-move letters work wonders

also estela is right, basically you have to make friends w/ girls & let them think they're seducing you

-- and what, Tuesday, October 23, 2007 12:00 AM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

so very very OTM. I don't think I've made the first move in literally years, and believe me, it's better for everybody involved. do be prepared to go for long periods without sex tho.

if you spend like two weeks drinking & chilling out every couple days & she still doesnt want the dick shes never gonna

so you either move on or stay 'just friends' either way you dont end up looking like some poncey tard w/ a lonely hard-on

have you stopped to think that if you find the right girl now you'll miss out on all the wrong girls.

yeah, ethan is right to a degree, but i do think (in this culture at least) it's generally best to at least ask the girl to dinner. this i've done successfully a few times. it's the next bit that i find tricky. maybe board games really are the answer; been getting back into chess recently...

so you either move on or stay 'just friends' either way you dont end up looking like some poncey tard w/ a lonely hard-on

again, this has been the case in previous times. i'm prepared to be far more proactive and decisive nowadays, hence why i acted on this one. didn't act in the right way, but you live and learn.

have you stopped to think that if you find the right girl now you'll miss out on all the wrong girls.

formal dinner with a ladies' drinking society this thursday, i'm prepared for all sorts of wrong. :D

(in this culture at least)

http://www.ozebook.com/copeland.jpg

one offer's one's horse to the lady, and one walks tenderly beside, picking dandelions and braiding them into a wreath for her hair.

have you stopped to think that if you find the right girl now you'll miss out on all the wrong girls.

-- estela, Monday, October 22, 2007 7:12 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

ha this is great

also estela is right, basically you have to make friends w/ girls & let them think they're seducing you

-- and what, Monday, October 22, 2007 7:00 PM (22 minutes ago) Bookmark Link

this is so tru
they pretend u are supposed to make the first move, but youre supposed to make the first move the way they expect you to make the first move

xpost: dorothy parker-esque wisdom be droppin'

crushes mean very little in the grand scheme of things people get over it (them)

I want a determining condition a classifying restraint in my life.

my dumbass kind of fucked up a crush situation recently that i had the upper hand on initially, she was into me but ... i showed my cards a little too soon. but it happens, roll w/ the punches etc

i think the letter was a mistake

tbh i'm feeling pretty much over this one already, so it was a damn good thing i did something about it, regardless of whether the medium was an error (which it was).

i think letters work in fanciful theory and rarely if ever in actuality.

who writes a letter? send a text

much better to sharpie a dick on her forehead whilst she slumbers

my dumbass kind of fucked up a crush situation recently that i had the upper hand on initially, she was into me but ... i showed my cards a little too soon. but it happens, roll w/ the punches etc

you gotta know when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em bro.

xpost or "<your name> woz ere" on her ass amirite

true dat, gotta be discreet

like they say, discretion is the better part of modassty

Ah Louis, I went out and got hammered for you last night. Didn't pull, like.

girls read them aloud to each other and either die from laughter or say sadly, 'he's really nice but....'

or -- and i wish i could find a link to the story, 'cos this happened to some poor fucker a couple of years ago and was all over the UK news for a day or so, but i don't have time -- pass them on by e-mail until suddenly half the world's getting "heh, look what this dude sent to some lass he met at a party!" dropping into their inbox.

so yeh, good work on not e-mailing, louis! just in case ...

never put anything in writing, that's just some 'advice' from a 'concerned associate'.

kapeesh?

follow max r's advice: one phone for bros, one for hos.