Hank "Ant Man" Pym in Marvel Comix Sex Scandal SHOCKA!

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from Plastic.com & Newsarama, about how an ish of the Avengers is being delayed for a week due to racey/violent content:

The sexually suggestive scene in question relates to a scene with Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne in bed, with the strong suggestion made, as a moist Pym is miniaturized and crawling up Janet’s body from under the covers that he used his shrinking powers in a manner that was most certainly not related to crime fighting.
The issue also contains a scene where it is revealed that long-time Avengers enemy Whirlwind beats up a prostitute dressed as the Wasp (Van Dyne’s alter ego), confesses that he has always been sexually attracted to her, and then licks her face while she’s unconscious.
This is the first time a mainstream Marvel Universe title has been rated for mature readers, prompting some retailers to voice concerns that, if they are to be conscientious in the retail community, they cannot sell the issue to buyers who are under age, even if it means leaving a gap in their collection.

here are the racey images in question:
uno dos three

Still, if you had shrinking powers, how ELSE would you use them? Also, interesting that a violent scene in a violent comic book causes this much fuss, expecially with juxtaposed with the racier theme/scene. And, as is proven time & time again, American comix have NOTHING on their Japanese & European brethren...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:07 (twenty-two years ago)

it's icky. i'll say that.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:29 (twenty-two years ago)

this is the first "mature" Marvel? that's weird, considering how violent books like Punisher and Wolverine were twelve years ago when I last read them.
DC's been offering raciness for years and years, though I don't remember anyone ever using their superpowers for, uh, coital purposes. I reiterate, ick.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

T.S. Quint: But they're engaged.

Brodie: Doesn't matter, can't happen.

T.S. Quint: Why not? It's bound to come up.

Brodie: It's impossible, Lois could never have Superman's baby. Do you think her fallopian tubes could handle the sperm? I guarantee you he blows a load like a shotgun right through her back. What about her womb? Do you think it's strong enough to carry her child?

T.S. Quint: Sure, why not?

Brodie: He's an alien, for Christ sake. His Kyrptonian biological makeup is enhanced by earth's yellow sun. If Lois gets a tan the kid could kick right through her stomach. Only someone like Wonder Woman has a strong enough uterus to carry his kid. The only way he could bang regular chicks is with a kryptonite condom. That would kill him!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

see: Kindom Come epilogue

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't wait for the revived, "mature" Plastic Man.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

see also Larry Niven's essay, Man Of Steel, Women of Kleenex

"...Ejaculation of semen is entirely involuntary in the human male, and in all other forms of terrestrial life. It would be unreasonable to assume otherwise for a kryptonian. But with kryptonian muscles behind it, Kal-El's semen would emerge with the muzzle velocity of a machine gun bullet..."

i think there's also a bit in there about the roof of clark kent's teenage bedroom being riddled with holes from him masturbating.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:01 (twenty-two years ago)

ewwwwww!

― adaml (adaml), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Sunlight and magnifying glass to thread.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you think there's so much gratuitous sex in comics because comics people are losers?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:12 (twenty-two years ago)

No, there's so much gratuitous sex in comics because comics people are people.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:22 (twenty-two years ago)

LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERRRRRSSSSSSSSSSSS!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

god the art in super hero comics is always so bad anymore.

― gabbo giftington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Seriously, why the hell have superpowers anyway if you're not gonna use them for super-sexing?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Jess the art in super hero comics is always already bad.

― dan I., Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

bring back Curt Swan!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:29 (twenty-two years ago)

Alex Toth!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

seriously, what turtle-pirate matchbook art school did these losers flunk out of to end up drawing "dirty" ant man?

― gabbo giftington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

actually, since dipping my toes in the comics water for the first time in about 12 years, I've noticed the biggest change is in the colours. They seem less bright. I bet technology did it. Cursed technology! (except ILX, I love ILX)

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 8 October 2003 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

The funny thing is, the pre-Adultified version of Janet van Dyne divorced the pre-Adultified Hank Pym because he was a physically abusive loser.

The creepy bit is the "Okay Jan...now it's your turn"
So...she going to shink herself and go spelunking...where, exactly?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 11:37 (twenty-two years ago)

No, there's so much gratuitous sex in comics because comics people are people.
Neil Gaiman once made this very profound quip about what makes the DC Universe run the way it does. He said:
"Nobody Mastrubates in the DC Universe. Thats why they dress up in tight costumes and beat each other up."

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

So...she going to shink herself and go spelunking...where, exactly?

Did I NEED a mental image of a tiny winged woman crawling up a man's butt? NO!

Did I NEED the accompanying mental image of a tiny winged woman crawling into a man's eurethra? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 October 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

and then when she's inside him, or he's inside her, what happens next?

Ultron shows up! OH SNAP

http://members.aol.com/thefightingfury/whoclix/ultron.gif
"A-ha! You two do-gooding Avengers, i have you now--* Oh, bloody hell. i'm sorry. I'll come back. You two...finish what you were doing. Don't mind me."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 12:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan Perry: I didn't make the suggestion vis a vis Hank Pyms Ass/Urethra. I'm aghast that thats the only possible interpretations of what Hank himself said. If you can think of a third possibility...please please please share it with us and sooth our worried minds.

Kingfish: Ultron 9000...now with Vibranium Vibrostimulator AKTION!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:15 (twenty-two years ago)

ya mean, like THIS?

http://vengador.dreamers.com/imagenes/ultron.gif
"Get ready for my BIG GUN.

...

And by BIG GUN, i, of course, mean the one attached to my arm here like Samus Aran or some shit. My robotic genitals are currently in the shop getting upgraded, so i'm in a pissy mood lately."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Is ILX "technology"?

― adaml (adaml), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Did you think Sue Richards turns herself invisible when ole stretcho comes? Or uses her invisible force field as a barrier method?

What happens when Bruce Banner has sex. Cos like it makes you all excited and stuff.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 9 October 2003 13:50 (twenty-two years ago)

ILX is a result of technology. Or is it its own subset of technological systems? You could tell me it was, and I'd believe you. Cuz I'm stupid.

So, I think we should follow Pete's lead here and discuss the various ways different superpowers could come in handy during copulation.

Obv. Reed Richards/Elongated Man/Plastic Man got it made.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:05 (twenty-two years ago)

That's why he calls himself "Mr. Fantastic" obv.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Submariner/Aquaman perhaps can perform cunnilingus for a very long time.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

And communicate with the crabs at the same time.

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Who knew that the vagina was a ready source of oxygen?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Iron Man vs Iron Fist!

Al Ewing to thread, thread to hell.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Stan Lee: "But you know, I think you oughtta get him some help. He seems to be hung up on superheroes sex organs."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:38 (twenty-two years ago)

and Wolverine would never get drained.

...

ever.

What's even funner? Go do a search for some superhero slash fiction--certain people out there have plenty idea about how the powers could aid in ruttin', and have taken to explicitly describe them all for your pleasure.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Regarding Mister Fantastic:
Here's a guy who's notorious for being a bookworm, geek and nerd, and yet he gets to get busy with Susan Storm. At first, you have to say to yourself: suuuuuurrrre. This absent minded professor doesn't pay his woman enough attention because he's always off trying to discover some left-handed prion nuetrino or something. But she still sticks by him?
Is she dense?
No. She is not.
Y'see, she might not get alot of loving, but what she loses in quantity, she gets back in quality. Let's wallow in Mister Fantastic's love life for a second and do an inventory of his advantages.
1) He can stretch and expand his member to fit any orifice
2) He actually CAN do some of the more absurd positions in the Kama Sutra
3) For him the Bouncy Bouncy is easy to do.
4) He IS his own novelty condom.
and most importantly, if you've ever seen Susan Storm in "Malice persona" you'd already know she's, like, into that whole rubber and latex fetish thing.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:40 (twenty-two years ago)

regarding the Hulk: isn't he just a walking erection metaphor anyway?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, tiny vagina man is like the most disgusting thing I can possibly imagine, why did I click on this stupid thread OMG now I'll have to read it every time it's updated too and it'll just be updated with ways people can do disgusting things with superpowers and GOD I HATE YOU PEOPLE.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Surely she would just be satisfying herself with them invisible force fields. Reed smells of the inside of tennis balls.

Er - does your penis go GREEN?

― Pete (Pete), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

regarding the Hulk: isn't he just a walking erection metaphor anyway?
wot, coz of his big teef?

http://www.sciencefiction.com/movies/images/hulk.jpg
"Oh Ally, we luv you too!"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:47 (twenty-two years ago)

and most importantly, if you've ever seen Susan Storm in "Malice persona" you'd already know she's, like, into that whole rubber and latex fetish thing.

http://www.ffplaza.com/database/costumes/Malice.gif

Once again, Jeremy the Image Leech is here to provide you with visual aids.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:50 (twenty-two years ago)

might as well post this here, too:

dood! what if Ant Man shrunk down to the size of his own spunk? if he had superspeed, could he immediately shrink down, swim all up inside there, and fight off his own spunk like Superman punching away at meteors in an old Fleischer cartoon?

Then, the Vatican wouldn't be all mad at him n' shit since his jimmy hat wasn't on.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 14:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Ok, tiny vagina man is like the most disgusting thing I can possibly imagine

And tiny urethra woman isn't??????

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Ant Man is just a terrible superhero idea anyway.

― Nicolars (Nicole), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

shrinking? what's wrong with that?

http://image.allmusic.com/00/amg/cov200/drd500/d521/d52121i92lc.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:10 (twenty-two years ago)

DAN YOU ARE GOING TO HELL.

― Ally (mlescaut), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:11 (twenty-two years ago)

t/s: tiny urethra woman vs big gaping urethra woman

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:15 (twenty-two years ago)

Hank Hill to thread

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Whatsherface from CB4 to thread.

"Small men DROWN in my shit."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

also, Psylocke had all that Kwannon ninja sexual-training shit. Who knows what THAT has in store for others?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I imagine the Wasp saying "Of the two options, you thought SHRINKING was what I'd want for sex?"

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 9 October 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

how else is his entire leg going to fit in there?!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 9 October 2003 21:30 (twenty-two years ago)

hey, what was R. Crumb's line about it all being lines on paper, again?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 10 October 2003 13:12 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.redwingsbaseball.com/images/schedules/spngbob.jpg

um, would this be a good time to make a Bikini Bottom joke?
-- Horace Mann (hand@), October 10th, 2003 1:58 PM. (Horace Mann) (later) (link)

yeah, i always figured that Spongebob wasn't a Top...
-- Kingfish (jdsa@), October 10th, 2003 2:08 PM. (Kingfish) (later) (link)

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 10 October 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

Okay, okay...besides the already mentioned Shrinking and Stretching (and the not mentioned but still key Telepathy), what superpowers can be used for kinky sex?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 10 October 2003 20:20 (twenty-two years ago)

healing

mind control

...

telekinesis?

using flight for your own version of the Mile High Club?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 10 October 2003 20:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Wonder Woman's Golden Lariat! In a kinky game of Truth or Dare!

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 10 October 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Leee:
A slight downside there...
Everyone would tell the truth and no-one would have to do any dares.

Kingfish:
healing ...maybe my mind isn't dirty enough. Explain this one.
mind control ...wouldn't that be kinda like rape?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 10 October 2003 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

quick healing = instant stockpile of "vital bodily essences"

as for the other, well, i dunno.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 10 October 2003 21:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Which reminds me of the Andy Warhol's Frankenstein line, incorrectly remembered I'm sure, "You don't know life until you've fucked it in the gall-bladder."

http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/images/ency/fullsize/8789.jpg

― Skottie, Friday, 10 October 2003 21:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Think of the GADGETS Batman could devise.

― Leee (Leee), Friday, 10 October 2003 21:48 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is SO WRONG on EVERY LEVEL.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 11 October 2003 09:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Colossus' body is metal, so presumably he doesn't feel anything and can therefore bang away for hours.

― Nick Southall (Nick Southall), Saturday, 11 October 2003 09:09 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, but look out when he's gonna blow, cuz he'll be firing rivets!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 11 October 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

"thats not spare plumbing pipes...thats Piotr's collection of spent condoms."

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Saturday, 11 October 2003 22:08 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread makes Hellboy's Right Hand of Doom a lot more gross.

― Leee (Leee), Saturday, 11 October 2003 23:29 (twenty-two years ago)

BAHAha

also, Batman would be all up in that "hanging upside down" shit, too...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 11 October 2003 23:37 (twenty-two years ago)

please, stop...

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 11 October 2003 23:41 (twenty-two years ago)

I yearn to see this thread drift down the page and hopefully be forgotten (will help by not posting to it again)

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Saturday, 11 October 2003 23:42 (twenty-two years ago)

hey, when the Human Torch has to climax, does he ejaculate fireballs? what about The Thing?

lord only knows what happens when Galactus is horny...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 12 October 2003 00:14 (twenty-two years ago)

For those who feel this thread has grown too sordid you can go here instead,

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 12 October 2003 02:28 (twenty-two years ago)

for those of you still with us, you can pontificate upon who would have been strong enough to NOT be crushed by She-Hulk's thighs.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 12 October 2003 02:54 (twenty-two years ago)

The Things, stony, "wide load" but can hold the apart.
(C'mon Miccio, get into the spirit of this...)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 12 October 2003 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry that should've read
The Things, stony, "wide load" butt can hold the apart.
(C'mon Miccio, get into the spirit of this...)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 12 October 2003 04:39 (twenty-two years ago)

hmm. he'd need a new catchphrase, as "It's Clobberin' Time!" wouldn't exactly work in that situation, now, would it?

any suggestions? How about you, in the studio audience there?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 12 October 2003 05:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I can imagine Spiderman always having bad, bad sex. Poor guy. Because every time he's about to blow a load, the spidey sense starts tingling- "Oh shit, now she's going to bite my head off!"

― sucka (sucka), Sunday, 12 October 2003 05:29 (twenty-two years ago)

not necessarily. he could compensate by doing in on the walls/ceiling/underside of highway overpasses/etc.

thank GOD no one has yet make a crack about spiderman's ability to shoot sticky goop..

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 12 October 2003 05:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Is there a mind-control superhero who could get inside his partner's brain and have sex with him/herself??

This thread must be kept alive forever!!!

― sucka (sucka), Sunday, 12 October 2003 05:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Dr. Manhattan to thread!

― nate detritus (natedetritus), Sunday, 12 October 2003 06:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I can imagine Spiderman always having bad, bad sex. Poor guy. Because every time he's about to blow a load, the spidey sense starts tingling- "Oh shit, now she's going to bite my head off!"
Theres a 'You'll All Be Sorry' column at www.comicbookresources.com that deals with that issue.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 12 October 2003 13:49 (twenty-two years ago)

and here 'tis:
MANHATTAN In the posh apartment Peter (Spider-Man) Parker shares with his super-model wife. MARY JANE: Peter? Peter, are you in here? **giggle!** PETER: I missed you, MJ! I missed you SO MUCH! MARY JANE: I can TELL! I mean Peter, the flowers and champagne in the foyer...how thoughtful of you! What a nice welcome home, really. Can I turn on the light? I can't see you at all, you big cutie! PETER: No, not yet. I...I just want to see you like that... s'more romantic, okay? MARY JANE: I think my face is stuck in the "sultry look" after three weeks in Europe doing nothing but modeling for that stupid swimsuit magazine. But I promise, after being away so long, I don't need any flowers to feel romantic. Face it, Tiger. You're about to hit the jackpot. PETER: Heh. Get in the bed, Ms. Watson-Parker. I've been here waiting for you. MARY JANE: Mmmm...like a good boy? PETER: Oh, I've been VERY good. MARY JANE: Well, I don't LIKE good boys. **chuckle** PETER: Guess I'd better learn to be bad, then, huh? MARY JANE: Hm. You don't sound very convincing. Maybe I should go out and find myself a REAL bad boy, like Carnage or Doctor Octopus.? PETER: Oh, no. Listen, I promise.you get in the bed with me and I'll SHOW you how bad I can be. God, you smell wonderful. MARY JANE: It's a prototype for my new personal fragrance...you like? PETER: I like a lot. Now get over here. MARY JANE: Okay, I'm coming. OW! PETER: You all right? What happened? MARY JANE: I tripped! Ew. Peter Parker, there's WEBBING across the doorway here! I fell right over it. Ick. Now it's on my pants. Yuck! PETER: Oh, MJ! I'm sorry! I clean forgot about that! That's just my dragline! MARY JANE: Your what? PETER: Nothing. I'm so sorry. MARY JANE: Well, it better not stain the carpet, is all I'm saying. PETER: Honey, come to bed. I've really missed you. Forget about the carpet. I'll clean it in the morning. MARY JANE: Well, okay. Oooh...the sheets are all warm and cozy. PETER: Sweetie.I'm so lucky to have a wife like you. You're so smart, and fun to be with, and you love me so much. MARY JANE: You forgot gorgeous! PETER: Heh. And TOTALLY gorgeous. You're a mega-babe! If you were on Welcome Back, Kotter, you'd be Babe Kaplan! MARY JANE: All right, mister. 'Fess up. Why are you trying to butter me up? Are you so dense you can't already TELL that you're about to get lucky? PETER: Can't fool you, can I? Okay. Urgh. This is embarrassing. It's just that, well, how much do you love me? MARY JANE: Peter, kidding aside, I love you with all my heart. You know I do. I've loved you since I first met you. PETER: Yeah, but do you REALLY, REALLY love me? MARY JANE: Yes, I REALLY, REALLY love you. What's this about, Peter? PETER: .And you noticed that I cleaned up the house, right? And I got the flowers and champagne? I mean, you KNOW I'd do ANYTHING to make you happy, right? MARY JANE:.? PETER: Just name it, and I'll do it. Whatever you want, whatever you can fantasize. MARY JANE: Ha! I'm starting to get it, now.you want some sex thing, right? You dirty dog! Ha ha ha! Woowoo, get out the whipped cream and the cheerleader's outfit! PETER: ...heh. You got me. MARY JANE: Well, I'm game. What, you want to web me to the bedposts again or something? PETER: Well, no...not exactly. MARY JANE: Okay.listen, honey. Everyone has fantasies. It's okay. I'm not promising I'll do whatever it is, but you CAN trust me enough to tell me. Just...tell me. It's okay, Tiger. You're my husband, and I want you to be happy. PETER: All right. Well, here goes. Mary Jane Watson-Parker...will you.would you... MARY JANE: Yes? PETER: Would you please accept this web-sack full of sperm and then kill me and devour my corpse? MARY JANE: WHAT?! PETER: Just this once? MARY JANE: Peter Parker! Have you gone INSANE? What the **** are you TALKING about?! PETER: Honey, it's no big deal! LOTS of people do it! All you have to do is accept this web-sack full of sperm into your reproductive organs, and then kill me and use me for food until you can excrete eggs into a cocoon. Simple! Come on, be a good sport--You might even like it! MARY JANE: Oh, my GOD. What is that I'm feeling? PETER: Oh, that's just my anterior cephalothorax. Anyway, how about it? I'll be gentle, I promise. Just accept my sperm and kill me and eat me this one time, okay? I'll never ask again. MARY JANE: Peter, I'm scared. PETER: It's totally natural, honey! Couldn't be easier.you won't feel a thing! Come on, where's that adventurous little minx I married? Please, sweetie, won't you make my harmless little dream come true? I'm getting hot just thinking about it! MARY JANE: Oh, dear Lord. PETER: No kidding, my spider-sense isn't ALL that's tingling! MARY JANE: You mean.this is...it's getting you. PETER: Oh, YEAH! The copulatory organs in my pedepalp appendages are RARIN' TO GO, baby! It's gonna be a WILD night in the Parker household, snik hiss click! MARY JANE: Oh, Peter! **sob!** PETER: Oh, yeah, doo doo doo, Ol' Lucky Pete's gonna get killed and eaten tonight, yeah, yeah, snick click hiss hiss! When I get that feelin', I want sexual healing-- and then to be killed and eaten, oh, yeah, baby, doo doo doo click! MARY JANE: That used to be OUR song! PETER: Wake up wake up wake up, let's make love tonight. Get up get up get up, cause you do it right, OH BABY! Then, you kill and eat me, oh, baby, hiss click hiss! MARY JANE: Peter.honey, listen to me. Something terrible is happening to you. PETER: Well, 'terrible' seems an awful strong word, MJ, click click hiss. I mean, if you don't want to do this little thing for me, FINE. Click. Hiss. Sorry I ASKED. MARY JANE: Peter, don't pout. PETER: I'm NOT POUTING. Hiss. If you don't want to indulge in a little harmless experimenting. MARY JANE: LISTEN TO ME. When you were bitten by that radioactive spider, you gained all those wonderful powers and became a s superhero. And you're the BEST at it, Tiger. You're the funniest, the smartest, the coolest hero in the WHOLE WORLD. But, honey, that spider's DNA-it must be catching up with your metabolism. You're going through some sort of delayed metamorphosis! PETER: Click Hiss Snick I ate three hundred grasshoppers today. Click. Hey, you think this is easy for me? You're kind of repulsive to me now, snick click hiss. Only two eyes and arms, and you don't even have a hardened epigyne anterior plate! I had to read Charlotte's Web TWICE to get interested enough to fill the web-sack! And now you won't even kill and eat me! SOME RELATIONSHIP! MARY JANE: Peter.I'm sorry. I can't. I can't do that for you. I can't accept your.web thing. I'm scared of what you've become. PETER: Really? Huh. Well, then you probably don't even want to HEAR what body part all this WEBBING came out of snick click hiss hiss click. * * * * * ELSEWHERE IN MANHATTAN,

MRS. POTTER'S GARDEN, IN A SPIDER-WEB NEAR THE BACK GATE. FEMALE BROWN RECLUSE SPIDER: NOTICE MY PHEROMONES, ACCEPTABLE MALE. I AM BOTH MATURE AND RECEPTIVE. WE MUST MATE AND PRODUCE HATCHLINGS. RADIOACTIVE SPIDER: Woah, hey, Sweet Mama. Can't we just cuddle first?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 12 October 2003 13:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Custos I kiss you

― Leee (Leee), Sunday, 12 October 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

this is probably the first time all year that someone has mentioned "web sack" in such a way.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Sunday, 12 October 2003 17:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanx Leee.
Actually, there's a whole mess of stuff along those lines at this URL:
You'll All Be Sorry! by Gail Porter

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 12 October 2003 20:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Also: There's this: Legion of Superheroes on Jerry Springer

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 12 October 2003 21:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Thread must not die!

― Leee (Leee), Monday, 13 October 2003 21:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Thought provoking essay:
The Problem With BATMAN'S CROTCH
This is sooo true. Even though it's much scarier when you think about the Silver Surfer as he was originally portrayed (with silver undies) and how he was portrayed in the series started in 1987 (withOUT silver undies)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Monday, 13 October 2003 22:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Damn, this one site's got a lot of cool shit on it.
Is Wonder Woman a Lesbian?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 01:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Er, I don't think Gail Simone would like being called Gail Porter.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 07:59 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a momentary clerical error. (Warning: all posts are considered "first draft" until edited by a moderator.)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 12:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Did no one read the New X-Men bit where Emma Frost is having a telepathic affair with Cyclops? The advantages of mental sex over real sex are endless (but if your wife is psychic too then it kinda ruins it).

― Jordan (Jordan), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

I am so ready to do nothing all day (even after a long weekend spent reading DC Archives in my pyjamas) but read every damn thing that Fanzing guy ever wrote. He's my new hero.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 14:14 (twenty-two years ago)

The advantages of mental sex over real sex are endless (but if your wife is psychic too then it kinda ruins it).
Unless she wants a threesome...

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I am so ready to do nothing all day (even after a long weekend spent reading DC Archives in my pyjamas) but read every damn thing that Fanzing guy ever wrote. He's my new hero.
Yer welcome, Mann.
Check out the Sienfeld parody and the "Legion of Superpets - Secret Shame of Silver Age"; Fookin 'ilarious!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Unless she wants a threesome...

wander around Deja.com and the slash fiction sites and you find _several_ of these kinda stories, REAL quick.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

say, if one _did_ have the power of flight, how many dates till you're fucking in midair(safety straps included)?

also, why didn't more super types fly drunk? Only one I ever read doing so was Evan Dorkin's Fight Man, and that was only a one-shot.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 03:35 (twenty-two years ago)

ooh, ooh, I want to date Triplicate Girl from the Legion of Superheroes.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Flying drunk: certainly Iron Man and whatever the hell Carol Danvers the former Ms Marvel has been called more recently (Warbird or something) have done this.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

ooh, ooh, I want to date Triplicate Girl from the Legion of Superheroes.
Bouncing Boy of the the Legion would be very unamused, according to Ludic Kid
DUO DAMSEL. This Legionnaire used to be Triplicate Girl, but one of her bodies was killed. She ended up with less power (and gravely disappointed her husband), but she did rid herself of a name that suggested a rather unfortunate secretarial theme. And speaking of her husband, DD used to have a big thing for Superboy but ended up settling for Bouncing Boy, which is a bit like having a big thing for Brad Pitt and settling for John Popper.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Would Jamie Madrox, Multiple Man, be able to date a girl & stage his own gang-bang?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 17:18 (twenty-two years ago)

He wouldn't even need the girl.

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 17:20 (twenty-two years ago)

eeeeeuuuwwwwww....!
How do know that he (and all his duplicates swing that way?)
also: considering that excess kinetic energy is what creates the duplicates, if he "slams" himself too hard, he'll just keep makin' copies...like bunny rabbits!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

speaking of kinetic energy, does Gambit get himself worked in such a frenzy that he could just fire thru the top of the girl's head?

good thing that Rogue was/is nigh-invulnerable, otherwise that womb was takin' a beatin'

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

"Southern Belle of Steel, Cajun Crook of Kleenex...."

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 18:57 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't figure if it'd be good or embarrassing to be the Flash in the sack.

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 19:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Flash in the sack
that's my favourite AC/DC song

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 19:59 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, could the Flash work up the speed to get a double-penetration thing goin'?

i'd ask the same of Quicksilver, but, well, doesn't really apply now, does it?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:09 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm convinced that the third page that kingfish linked to is ~~a rip of~~ an hommage to a love and rockets page, maggie and hopey in bed together (but i just looked and i can't find it)

(it might be the one were hopey asks maggie if she'd still love if she looked like chuck connors)

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:11 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, could the Flash work up the speed to get a double-penetration thing goin'?
Damn, Kingfish...you're mind is even 10x dirtier than mine!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

what the fuck else am i supposed to devote my mental capacities to during the day? something productive?

FUCK that shit. I'd rather consider the potentials of fictional characters ruttin' each other.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I want to be you when I grow up.

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:50 (twenty-two years ago)

start drinkin' now.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 21:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Kerrrrazay; you're like a real life Bender!

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 21:47 (twenty-two years ago)

pretty much. have i told you of my plans to build my own casino on the moon?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 22:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Always with the moon with you. It's like you're keeping some knocked up bot there.

― Leee (Leee), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 22:26 (twenty-two years ago)

THE BITCH LIES!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 23:36 (twenty-two years ago)

The bitch tells the truth, and we have hidden holographic video to back it up.
It like that line in Robocop: "You IDIOT! His memory is admissable as evidence in COURT!"

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 16 October 2003 00:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Lies, all lies!
(switch to Ronnie Dobbs voice)

It AINT mah baby!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 00:57 (twenty-two years ago)

does anybody else find it surprising that pretty much only guys are posting to this thread, and a select few at that?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 12:58 (twenty-two years ago)

actually, no.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 16 October 2003 14:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Nobody else is posting because they're intimidated by the awesome intellect contained in this thread.

― sucka (sucka), Thursday, 16 October 2003 14:25 (twenty-two years ago)

i'd ask the same of Quicksilver, but, well, doesn't really apply now, does it?

Quicksilver != Northstar

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 16 October 2003 14:28 (twenty-two years ago)

oops, you're right. my bad.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 14:56 (twenty-two years ago)

It would not amaze me to even the slightest degree if there were actually fanfiction out there where Quicksilver gets "feminized" by Northstar.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:06 (twenty-two years ago)

you can probably find it alongside Multiple Man self-orgy stories..

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

would that count as slash?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:30 (twenty-two years ago)

probably, in that it's fan fucking fiction.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, whatever. Thats dull.
I'm more interested in the part where the Amazons of Paradise Island arrive and lez it up.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:38 (twenty-two years ago)

but isn't slash defined by Character A/Character B, and Multiple Man is just Character A/Character A/Character A/Character A/Character A/Character A/Character A/Character A/Character A/Character A

which, I admit, is pretty sexy, but technically...I mean, isn't that basically masturbation?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

hmm. is a circle jerk still a circle jerk if the masturbation is only by one guy?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

the ponderous nature of ILX...

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 16 October 2003 15:57 (twenty-two years ago)

it's a question debated by the Ancients, i tells ya!

you know, if the Grey Archive was still online, it could probably provide answers to all our questions...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

As a member of the slash community, I'd say that Multiple Man/self/self/self/self would certainly count as slash.

Although it's not as cool as if Wolverine were playing with his Little Wolverine and just at that moment Nightcrawler came BAMFing in. That would be HAWT.

― Layna Andersen (Layna Andersen), Thursday, 16 October 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

would it be incest, though?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Thursday, 16 October 2003 19:57 (twenty-two years ago)

only aftre Wolvie gave Mystique a good snikting, maybe.

"WHO'S THE DADDY NOW, HUH?"

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

and the rest of you are lucky that we haven't brought Omaha the Cat Dancer into this, yet.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 21:35 (twenty-two years ago)

we know you want to, Kingfish. Please feel free to insert her.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 17 October 2003 01:30 (twenty-two years ago)

hey, isn't the reason that the Omaha book isn't published anymore because the Reed guy rumoredly beat his wife Kate?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 17 October 2003 01:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Both Reed and Kate were friends of my ex; I didn't hear anything about him beating her until much later. They did split up, and Kate was immediately with someone else, and Reed had been sick for a long time -- but I wasn't aware of anything that dastardly going on.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 17 October 2003 01:45 (twenty-two years ago)

what did happen, anyway?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 17 October 2003 03:06 (twenty-two years ago)

Eh, they split up, and I think there was lip service paid to still doing the comic, but after Reed having been sick, and then a messy split ... I think the idea of doing a sex comic with your ex just didn't really take.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 17 October 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

awww, no more furry orgies, then

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 17 October 2003 04:16 (twenty-two years ago)

To prevent this thread from dying, I submit the following...
"Hey. Anybody wanna see my Giant Size Man Thing?"

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

so, uh, last night I was watching TV, just flipping around and I stumbled upon Duck Dodgers, only Duck was a Green Lantern and he was fighting Sinestro, and all the classic GLs were there, Kilowog, Katma Tui, Tomar Re, Arisia, Ch'p even. And then at the end, HAL JORDAN shows up in his gotch!
Then my GF changes the channel!
"oh, were you watching that?"

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

har har. which show was this?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Duck Dodgers, the latest Daffy Duck vehicle.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I know, there was no sex or anything involved, but I figured all the nerds who would care about Daffy Duck and Hal Jordan slash-fiction would read this thread.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Kevin Smith did the voice of Hal Jordan, I think. I haven't seen it, but I heard it was going to be on -- thought it was next week.

― Tep (ktepi), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:41 (twenty-two years ago)

You mean he wasn't "Silent Hal" with an obnoxious, foul-mouled Kanjar Ro as his sidekick?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I though something was off about Jordan's voice. I don't think--no I must've heard Kevin Smith speak before, but, uh, I think there's a reason why Bob was silent.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 17 October 2003 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

you know, i'd complain about what dorks we all are, but i think we've established that a long time ago.

so, on to better things.

http://www.vividvision.com/comix/OmahafigB.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 17 October 2003 16:12 (twenty-two years ago)

(*cue playback of "The Pussy Song" by Lords of Acid*)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 17 October 2003 16:16 (twenty-two years ago)

a deleted scene from Kingdom Come:

"You feel that?" Red Arrow asked Green Lantern.

"Mmff," Alan Scott told his navigator-in-training.

Years ago, the least favorite way Red Arrow's mentor had of spending his time was to mark it in the Justice League
satellite. Green Arrow—Ollie Queen, who raised Roy Harper and trained him in archery and derring-do—sniffed and
groaned whenever it was his turn to warm the helm of the old geosynchronous satellite that drew a line around Earth
orbit at the Equator just as this one plots and re-plots the ninetieth meridian. Roy Harper, however, was finding in
early middle age that there was something very elemental about space flight, something that fed his soul, something
to which he was as suited as a baseball is suited to the air. Green Lantern rode the rhythms of space as well as any
man alive and Roy could have no better teacher.

Still, there was that shaking—that troublesome quivering, it seemed of the entire rambling structure.

"Don't you feel it?" Red Arrow asked Green Lantern.

"Turbulence," the old ring-wielder said and adjusted a stabilizer.

That struck Roy as odd, and he told the older man so. "There's no turbulence in a vacuum," he said.

"Here," Lantern said and spun a dial about twenty degrees to the left.

And the orientation of the satellite itself shifted so that the Earth below jumped from a little crescent of ocean at the
bottom of the big window in front of Roy—to fill his frame of vision. In a moment he felt sick.

"No, you didn't fix it," Red Arrow insisted, but he could not finish the sentence before he ran out to the corridor
where he crossed paths with Donna Troy coming in.

She looked at him questioningly for a moment as he careened into the vacuum-suction water closet off the corridor
tube, then poked her head into Green Lantern's navigation bridge.

"Alan?" she asked the big man. "Is there something wrong?"

"Wrong?" Lantern asked. "What could be wrong?"

There was a lurch of the craft. Lantern's hands were off the controls and Donna could see the image of Earth rattle
in the window, then shift back.

"That," she said.

"Like I told Roy," Alan Scott deadpanned, "turbulence."

"We're in space, Alan."

"That's what he said."

"Well what is it?"

The big man shrugged.

"Well where's it coming from?" as the rattling of the satellite became markedly pronounced, like the slow and
steady rocking of an oceangoing vessel. "Can't you figure out where it's coming from? You've got a power ring for
heaven's sakes."

"All right, all right!" Green Lantern huffed as Red Arrow stumbled back into the room. "Hey Roy, is that why they
used to call you ‘Speedy'?"

"Amusing," the former Speedy wiped his lower lip.

"All right, kids," Lantern said, "there's a yaw on Inspiration Point."

"Inspiration Point?" the former Wonder Girl asked.

"The observation deck," Roy answered. "The old man's having childhood fantasies. Calls this navigation bridge the
Playroom."

"Second childhood," Lantern said as he spun a pair of switches like the dials on an Etch-a-Sketch.

"More like fifth or sixth," but Roy was cut off by the craft's sudden dip.

The colossal satellite tumbled end over end in space like a dervish and it was all Donna and Roy could do to keep
their stomachs intact.

"They make pills for that now, kids," Green Lantern said as he continued playfully to violate the stability of the
craft. Both these "kids" were well into their forties. "Hey go check out Inspiration Point for pressure leaks or
something. I dare you."

And Roy and Donna giggled and held their stomachs like kids up and down on a moon bounce as they crashed and
shoved their way along the corridors and convection chambers of New Oa.

"I decided someday I want to live here," Roy called to her somewhere along the way.

W W W

"This is pretty nice," Kal-El said as the New Oa satellite spun up and around and the Earth and the Universe swirled
by the observation window at every crazy angle the stomping and trumpeting superhero in the Playroom could think
of.

"Ever try it on a tilt-a-whirl?" Diana asked him.

"A what?" Kal wanted to know.

"A tilt-a-whirl," she said. "One of those big rotating cylinders on the backs of carnival trucks. They spin. Make
centrifugal force. Pins you against the wall."

"You like getting pinned against walls?" he asked. "I can do that."

"Promises, promises."

W W W

Looking for the source of the strange instability of the New Oa satellite, and fighting the gyrations in space with
which Green Lantern responded to it, Roy and Donna reached the door of the observation deck. Donna was about to
press the panel to slide it open when Roy stopped her hand.

"What if there's a pressure leak?" he asked her.

"There'd be a warning flashing."

"But what if the warning system is down. Lantern didn't know what was going on, did he?"

"I don't think so, but he didn't really say."

"Well you hear that bumping and grinding? It's from in there for sure."

"Okay, then let's open the door."

They did ...

... and then quickly closed it again. From behind, a thin beam of heat vision fused the jamb shut and it would stay
that way until either of the people inside wanted it open.

Donna leaned back against a wall and put a hand over her mouth, but she had to take it away to grab a handhold
when Green Lantern suddenly started the satellite rolling again.

"Do you think Lantern really knew?" Roy asked.

"Yeah, I think he really knew," Donna answered. "And I think he's laughing his head off right now."

In fact, that is precisely what Alan Scott was doing just then, as he spun the dials and stabilizers around and around
and the satellite pitched and yawed and spun and spun and spun, stomping and trumpeting: the Elephants' Dance.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 17 October 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

in the purient interests of keeping this thread alive, another subject shall be brought into play:

Hentai Doujinshi!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Saturday, 18 October 2003 18:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Caught the Duck Dodgers Green Lantern episode this morning, and liked it a lot (I love Duck Dodgers, though -- the old shorts, I mean, this is the first I've seen the new show). You would think WB's ownership of so many properties would lead to more easy crossovers like this, it's a huge potential resource for them. They could've put Superman in Space Jam!

I mean, not that they should've.

― Tep (ktepi), Saturday, 18 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Saw it as well.
Great timing on "Sinestro's" part where he's shocked that Duck Dodgers gave in to his masterplan to easily.
"Hey, ground floor of a new cosmic order!"

and for Kingfishes Hentai Doujinshi suggestion I offer the following:
Gokou: "And this is what it feels like I make *IT* go Kaioh-Ken!" Chi Chi: "OooooOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOH! You *ARE* the King of the World!" Gokou: "Kaaaaaah...." Chi Chi: "AH AH AH! AH! AH!" Gokou: "...meeeeeeeeee.....!" Chi Chi: "AH AH AH! AH! AH!" Gokou: "...haaaaaaaaa....!" Chi Chi: "*AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!*" Gokou: "...MEEEEEEEEEEE.....!" Chi Chi: "*AH!! AH!! AH!! AH!! AH!!*" Gokou: "*....HAAAAAAAH!!!*" (*LOUD EXPLOSION*) Chi Chi: "AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!" (*Loud Silence*) Chi Chi: "...hey, do have any cigarettes?" Gokou: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Saturday, 18 October 2003 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

J@p@n3s3 t3nt@cl3 r@p3 pr0n meets Marvel crossover! Featuring Dr. Octopus!

― Leee (Leee), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 05:03 (twenty-two years ago)

and the X-Women!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 05:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Pokemon slash doujinshi is always so disappointing. if you could charge up THAT much power, wouldn't you have more interesting ways to expend it?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

You love Duck Dodgers's old shorts, Tep?
That's gross, you pervert sicko!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 14:36 (twenty-two years ago)

"cartoon duck panty fetish!"
Sounds like the name of some obscure brand of Japanese underarm deoderant.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

somes more like an obscure japanese hardcore band, too.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 21 October 2003 21:29 (twenty-two years ago)

What kind of superhero would drive the Wankmobile?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 23 October 2003 20:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Wankman, duh.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 October 2003 20:44 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.activebass.com/member/profile/profile.asp?i=6663

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 October 2003 20:45 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/capwank.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 00:02 (twenty-two years ago)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 24 October 2003 00:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Mustn't...laugh...out loud...atttttttt...woorrrrrrrkkkkkkk!

― Barima (Barima), Friday, 24 October 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

all of sudden, this thread is redeemed!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 24 October 2003 14:00 (twenty-two years ago)

credit should go to the Goons of the SomethingAwful.com forums, who provide no shortage of such found-images/loony bits.

they also made this:

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/lotion.jpg

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 14:08 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't get it.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 24 October 2003 14:09 (twenty-two years ago)

Think Silence of the Lambs...and be afraid, very afraid.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 24 October 2003 14:18 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't see Silence of the Lambs. but I am, very am.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 24 October 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.osric.com/~jeremy/spooge.gif

this too, i think, which really doesn't work as well with a white background.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

that's disgusting

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 24 October 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

what are you talking about? it's salad dressing!

how is this more disgusting that discussing how the Fantastic Four get it on?

say, can Reed Richards control the shape of his spunk as well? can he do corkscrews or curve balls?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.comicboards.com/fcf/attachments/030723043155/JA-Wonder30011a.jpg

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 24 October 2003 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

no go on the image there. try u/ling it to another server.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

try, http://www.comicboards.com/fcf/view.php?rpl=030723043155

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 24 October 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

not bad. better than the "photoshop a costume onto a centerfold" that certain websites do.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 24 October 2003 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

that website makes me feel like this thread is not as pathetic as I previously did
chicks in superhero costumes are hot though.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 24 October 2003 18:59 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread didn't *really* die. It teleported away (to its secret hideout to lick its wounds) right before the nuke destroyed the orbital laser platform sattelite!
And it has returned to terrorize Earth yet again!
(*Evil Supervillian Laugh!*)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:40 (twenty-two years ago)

this thread will only be good when someone answers my love and rockets question

― mark s (mark s), Sunday, 26 October 2003 15:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Maggie and Hopey are always lezzing it up, but usually they wear John Wayne masks, not Chuck Connors.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Monday, 27 October 2003 01:28 (twenty-two years ago)

what can you do when you're branded, but you know you're a man?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 27 October 2003 15:09 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread will never again reach the pinnacle of the "WANK!" picture.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 27 October 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

yet, we must (super)soldier on...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

if someone answers my question it will < / absurd claim >

― mark s (mark s), Monday, 27 October 2003 15:50 (twenty-two years ago)

well, I would say that if the L&R page you speak of has not been scanned for immediate use on useful internet boards like this, it probably never existed.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Monday, 27 October 2003 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

never really read Love & Rockets, sorry.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Monday, 27 October 2003 15:58 (twenty-two years ago)

(*Loud, Obnoxius sting of brass*)
Tadah!!
The thread has just gotten an edgy revamp courtesy of Frank Miller, and thus is now darker and more sordid.
Ladies and Gentlebeings, may I present....

The Dick Knight Returns...with his she-catamite sex slave Carrie Kelly and introducing a new villianess: Straponatrix!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

it took you four days to come up with that?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:34 (twenty-two years ago)

I only just noticed that the thread had fallen beneath the event horizon. I didn't want it to be "cancelled"; I had to post *something*.
It was my duty...to save the world.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:37 (twenty-two years ago)

you're right. we should all be trying harder.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Because if we don't, the editors will get desperate and hire Rob Liefeld to take over creative duties...and that would be a bad thing.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

You know, it's really ok if you let this thread die a natural death. You don't have to feel this overbearing urge to keep reviving it. For some reason, I almost typed overbreading up there.

― NA (Nick A.), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:40 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.yoshinoyausa.com/inc/shrimp%20bowl.jpg

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Anyway, I'm against letting this thread die a natural death. I think we should have it go insane, killing a bunch of other threads in a crazed power-grabbing frenzy, and then redeem itself by reigniting the sun. With its 2-foot Wang.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Hal Jordan...the 24 Inch Wonder!

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:45 (twenty-two years ago)

(and Kyle Raynor has the nerve to claim that he has the Universes Most Powerful 'Weapon'. BAH!)

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.emeralddawn.com/cart/img/v001.gif

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 31 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Uhm.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Friday, 31 October 2003 18:09 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.magicsculp.com/Gallery_01_%20Pages/Figures_01/Figure_Pages_01/Nov_01/Tung%20Nguyen/sinestro2.gif

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Friday, 31 October 2003 18:13 (twenty-two years ago)