"Constantine": a non-blonde, non-british Keanu Reeves in the Hellblazer movie out in 2004

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Okay, the filming for Constantine has begun, and production stills are beginning to leak out.

here's the synopsis, from what will probably be the official site:

Based on the DC-Vertigo comic book "Hellblazer", Constantine is a science fiction suspense drama about renegade occultist John Constantine (Keanu Reeves), who has literally been to hell and back. When Constantine teams up with skeptical policewoman Katelin Dodson to solve the mysterious suicide of her twin sister, their investigation takes them through the world of demons and angels that exists just beneath the landscape of contemporary Los Angeles.

John Constantine is no longer blonde, no longer in England, and drives a cool car. This seems like the flick will probably suck biggus dickus, but check some of the info here. Dig the shot here, of Keanu. He does have the look of a Steve Dillon character, which helps. He does have lung cancer & a trench coat, so at least some things will make it into this translation.

Still, without the english/quirky/old european vibe, how are they gunna make it work? they could at least make it all noir, but one presumes they won't.

the flick is currently set for a September 2004 release, which is odd, since that's usually a dumping ground for studio pictures that they feel won't compete with the summer fare(probably a good thing) or the more artier stuff which gets released in October. I dunno. We'll see.

Oh yeah, and that fuck from Bush, the one who's shacked up with the chick from No Doubt, is currently in the flick as "Balthazar".

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 14:39 (twenty-two years ago)

what's the point of a non-brit Constantine?
That would be like making a movie of Captain America and having him be Peruvian.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 14:59 (twenty-two years ago)

re: the picture

why is he drinking wine from a whiskey tumbler? oh wait, he's Keanu, he's stupid.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

what the fuck, man.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

gavin rossdale? what the fuck. I wanna go back to bed.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

And that hack Akiva Goldsman.

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

This is already very, very painful.

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:08 (twenty-two years ago)

let's turn this into a fun thread where we imagine what other fictional characters would lose their heart if stripped of their nationality.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:14 (twenty-two years ago)

Danny Devito is The Scarlet Pimpernel.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

then again, would you rather have Keanu try to affect a british accent? we all know that it's worked out SO WELL for him in the past...

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

From now on, I decree that Hugo Weaving is REQUIRED to make a sunglass-wearing cameo appearance in any film starring Keanu Reeves if only to say "Hellooooooo Mr. Anderson". Y'know, for consistency.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

or at least so keanu doesn't get confused.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

given that thee earlier version of constantine looked a lot like sting, they could have made a worse "acting" choice. Not much worse, i grant you but still...

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Like that wouldn't prevent Keanu from being confused? Can anyone say, "direct to video" after 2 weeks in the theaters?

Oh yeah, and that fuck from Bush, the one who's shacked up with the chick from No Doubt, is currently in the flick as "Balthazar".

The world has officially gone to hell.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:25 (twenty-two years ago)

(x-post with Teeny)

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I hope he stars as Balthazar Getty, that poe-faced kid who was in Young Guns 2 for about 20 minutes.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Yay! Further proof about why Keanu is useless!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Running with Horace's idea:

Thom Yorke is Huckleberry Finn.
Martin Short is Genghis Khan.
Roberto Benigni is Josef Stalin.
Martin Laurence is Nelson Mandela.
etc.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:17 (twenty-two years ago)

dude, i'd TOTALLY go see Martin Lawrence IS Genghis Khan!

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Robert Duval is Chairman Mao
Sophia Loren is Betsy Ross
Yakoff Smirnoff is James Bond

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Franka Potante is Rosa Parks.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I hope Gary Busey reprises his role as Angelo from Point Break and makes a cameo in this. "Two meatball sandwiches Constantine! Two!"

― Chris V. (Chris V), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Yaphet Kotto is Robert Crumb

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Rowan Atkinson IS Yaphet Kotto

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Rowan Atkinson is the entire cast and crew of Kill Bill

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:35 (twenty-two years ago)

MUST. STOP. THIS. PICTURE. FROM. BEING. MADE.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Blow up the studio. No wait, that's wrong.

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, burn DOWN the studio.

there, that oughtta do it.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

property damage is better than hurting people

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Get a time machine, go back in time...

― Girolamo Savonarola, Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:53 (twenty-two years ago)

and prevent Keanu Reeves from being born?

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 16:55 (twenty-two years ago)

But then no Bill & Ted!

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Holy shit...

"Reeves will start his year [2004] with an untitled comedy in which both he and Jack Nicholson will fall in love with Diane Keaton, Variety reports; the movie is set to be directed by Nancy Meyers, who worked with Keaton in the '"Father of the Bride'' films."

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:10 (twenty-two years ago)

But then no Bill & Ted!
The movie would probably still exist, it just would have...um...Johnny Depp as...um...the guy who woulda been Keanu Reeves.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Nza, they've been showing the preview for that, I've seen it twice. It looks like Nicholson is funny as hell but everything else about it seems lame. It's not untitled, or at least it had a title in the preview, but I don't remember what it was.

― NA (Nick A.), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Who should play Constantine, then?

Anyone who says David Thewlis, dies.

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Bobcat Goldthwait is Margaret Thatcher!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Who should play Constantine, then?

Chuck Norris. He's in great shape and he's blond. Or Rhys Ifans, actually. THough he's Welsh, I think.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Bobcat Goldthwait is Margaret Thatcher!

But he has more hair under his armpits, than on his head!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Clive Owen.

or James Marsters.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Spike does Constantine. Classic!

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Film's called "Something's gotta give"

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Steve Coogan is John Constantine.

http://www.coogans-run.co.uk/images/pics/paul-calf/paul-home.jpg

Needs to lose the moustache, though.

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:42 (twenty-two years ago)

Anna Kournikova is Pippi Longstocking!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Star Jones is Pele!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Demi Moore is Hilary Clinton!

― Chuck Tatum (Chuck Tatum), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Pele is Saddam Hussein!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

Marlon Brando is Gary Coleman

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

oops, I mean, Marlon Brando EATS Gary Coleman!

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Saddam Hussein is Cicciolina!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Jenna Jameson is Dan Perry

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

haha, someone thinks James Marsters sounds more convincingly English than Keanu!

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

*giggle*

― Jenna J- ahem, I mean Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Jenna Elfman is Jenna Jameson

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHA...right, back to semi-reality

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 20:05 (twenty-two years ago)

Btw, isn't Matrix Reloaded out on DVD today?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Tuesday, 14 October 2003 20:17 (twenty-two years ago)

yes.

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 20:29 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, there was a stack of them in tesco's this evening

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 20:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I would just like to add...holy shit.

― Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Tuesday, 14 October 2003 22:15 (twenty-two years ago)

"Warner Bros want Constantine to be a PG-13 movie and Goldsman is toning down the darker elements of the story"

*cries*
Sting not acting would be preferable to Canoe not acting.

― Simeon (Simeon), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Mike Myers is Mahatma Ghandi!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:52 (twenty-two years ago)

SPOILER WARNING
According to a first draft of the script leaked by a Warner Bros mole to www.worstmoviesincecabinfever.com, after Constantine spends most of the movie battling demons and outfoxing Satan and his three brothers, the identity of who, or what has been hounding Constantine is revealed to be Bugs Bunny with a magic genie lamp.

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 13:55 (twenty-two years ago)

fuckers. they'll probably fuck THAT one up, too.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Check out his Constatinemobile.
http://www.timflattery.com/CNST.CAR/FNTGRIL1.JPG http://www.timflattery.com/CNST.CAR/RIV150.JPG
"*nana* nana nana nana *nana* nana nana nana CONSTANTINE!"
And he has a utility belt with his Constantinarangs, and Constantine Crime Computer and Constantine Spark Repellent Spray Can.

Well, shit...he *is* a comic book character...right?
I bet the movie has Jack Nicholson as Nergal and Ahnold in a cameo as Swamp Thing, with Britney Spears as Abby Arcane-Cable-Holland and Dennis Hopper as Chester.
And Keanu's friend the-other-guy-from-Bill-and-Ted gets a quick cameo as the Invunche.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

didn't keanu already battle Satan when Satan was Al Pacino?

then again, wasn't Johnny Mnemonic basically a crappier version of The Matrix?

so maybe Keanu likes to make his movies twice?

― Horace Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:03 (twenty-two years ago)

oh yeah, totally. i mean, wasn't "A Walk in the Clouds" nothing but a remake of "Point Break", only with different hats?

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:22 (twenty-two years ago)

If he did them right the first time, he wouldn't have to re-do them.
(xpost)

Anyhow...in my previous post, that should've read
"...Shark repellent..."

I just pray that he doesn't try to do a british accent. Especially not a Cockney one.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:25 (twenty-two years ago)

but one from dover or wales would be entertaining of itself.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Wednesday, 15 October 2003 20:53 (twenty-two years ago)

No, because Keanu has already proven (in Bram Stoker's Dracula) that he's hopeless when it comes to doing a British Accent of any kind. Even an easy one.
Whats worse, he was failing miserably in the same scenes where Gary Oldman was doing stellar work.
I'm sure there are acting workshops that show clips of B.S.Drac...and the teacher is telling the class "Watch how Oldman does this scene...now watch how Reeves flubs it. Let that be a lesson to you. Don't be Reeves."

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 16 October 2003 00:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"...yeah, and don't ride horses, unless you wanna do Hitchcock remakes for network TV from your wheelchair."

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 00:56 (twenty-two years ago)

brutal.

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 16 October 2003 01:08 (twenty-two years ago)

thank you. it's a harsh world out there, and someone needs to properly instruct the young ones.

― Kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 16 October 2003 01:10 (twenty-two years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00006AUH9.01._PE15_SCMZZZZZZZ_.jpg
Vyvian: "We don' need to learn nuffink from you, wanka!"
Neal: "Hey...hey...whats with all the bad vibes, maaaan?"

― Lord Custos Omicron (Lord Custos Omicron), Thursday, 16 October 2003 01:19 (twenty-two years ago)

six months pass...

Ohh, I was expecting this to be a bad movie, but really, you're spoiling us.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Friday, 14 May 2004 11:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow. Its like the Matrix meets Hellboy meets a big foetid pile of poo. Nice to see Weisz using her one size fits all American accent again.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 14 May 2004 12:06 (twenty-one years ago)

eight months pass...

2.5 minute trailer is up

http://constantinemovie.warnerbros.com/

the fact that this flick is delayed this long is a BAAAAAAAD sign

http://constantinemovie.warnerbros.com/downloads/photos/2.jpg

― kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 27 January 2005 03:35 (twenty years ago)

*shudder*

― Pears can just fuck right off. (kenan), Thursday, 27 January 2005 03:57 (twenty years ago)

So does he fill the bottles with urine or what?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 27 January 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

Rachel Weisz has the worst taste in scripts.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Thursday, 27 January 2005 04:10 (twenty years ago)

haha ned!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 27 January 2005 04:30 (twenty years ago)

director = francis lawrence, a decade-long go-to guy for big $$$ mtv-friendly videos, he's done stuff for blink 182, green day, britney, destinys child, the lot. best known clips = justin's "cry me a river" and more recently, stefani's "what you waiting for". anyway, "cry me a river" and a few others aside, his reel plays like heeeavvvily stylized fashion gar-bage of tarsem proportions, should be fun to see the film get absolutely hammered by crits inna the cell stylee...

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 27 January 2005 04:35 (twenty years ago)

Tarsem was the original guy for this flick, too. as was Nick Cage.

― kingfish (Kingfish), Thursday, 27 January 2005 04:42 (twenty years ago)

really? what a delicious extra layer of irony.

― mark p (Mark P), Thursday, 27 January 2005 04:43 (twenty years ago)

stefani's "what you waiting for".

The video interests me, not just because it's as much of a trainwreck as the song, but because it has a scene with Gwen pulling herself out of a dresser drawer, IE it's not just a reference to Alice in Wonderland, but to Jan Svankmajer's mental animated version. I still can't decide whether I think that's cool or not.

So in summary, I might still go see this.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Thursday, 27 January 2005 10:21 (twenty years ago)

I had the misfortune of seeing the trailer in the theatre last week and it was excruciating. Followed by the trailer for that movie with Jennifer Connelly and John C. Reilly where they are haunted by a dripping faucet upstairs. Jesus.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 27 January 2005 14:19 (twenty years ago)

I thought the tv commercial trailer for this made it look better than I was expecting, actually.

― kyle (akmonday), Thursday, 27 January 2005 14:59 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

ok, saw this tonight, in a packed theater.

i liked it.

there were plenty of hokey camera angles, going from some dramatic "comic book framing" or some such effect, but after a while i could ignore them. Keanu isn't bad, and gets the asshole across well. he really does look like a Steve Dillon character in the flick, too. i was happy that they worked in the aspect of his lung cancer into the flick, as well as other aspects of the comic(weird sidekicks/info sources, nutzoid angels, planal travel, etc).

oh, and at least two scenery chewing characters, one being Peter Stormare(sans eyebrows), but they're not that bad.

so! i mark this down as "surprisingly good". as in "was expecting total shite, but it worked out okay".

― Kingfish MuffMiner 2049er (Kingfish), Saturday, 19 February 2005 08:36 (twenty years ago)

okay, this flick made a lotta money this weekend. i know SOMEBODY else here went to see it...

― Kingfish MuffMiner 2049er (Kingfish), Sunday, 20 February 2005 20:36 (twenty years ago)

oh good I need the supranatural science fiction inna popcarn stylee

― The Argunaut (sexyDancer), Sunday, 20 February 2005 20:52 (twenty years ago)

The one and only thing I can say in Constantine's defense:

Better than Ong Bak.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Sunday, 20 February 2005 21:08 (twenty years ago)

it looks way better than I expected it to look. I want to see it now because I have a crush on Rachel Weitz.

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 20 February 2005 21:32 (twenty years ago)

as a fan of the comic book series, i just have to say: this movie broke my heart.

you go to hell, keanu reeves, you go to hell and you die.

― j.s., Tuesday, 22 February 2005 02:24 (twenty years ago)

PEOPLE, TILDA SWINTON IS SMOKING HOTT IN THIS!

― Leeeter van den Hoogenband (Leee), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 03:08 (twenty years ago)

Followed by the trailer for that movie with Jennifer Connelly and John C. Reilly where they are haunted by a dripping faucet upstairs.

Thats the remakes of Dark Water which was a pretty good, suspenseful Korean horror film actually.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 04:02 (twenty years ago)

Japanese, Trayce. Same bloke/people as Ring, at least for the US remake.

I am seeing this the day it comes out. It's a fuckin' Hellblazer movie.

― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 04:38 (twenty years ago)

Nah, it's a John Constanteeen movie. Have you seen the last page of the comics adaptation?

― kit brash (kit brash), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 12:42 (twenty years ago)

I kinda liked this movie even though it made no sense and had just about nothing to do with Hellblazer. My girlfriend said, "Keanu Reeves is actually almost kind of charismatic in this," which is as good as he gets.

― adam (adam), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

non-non-heinous underrating, dude!

― kit brash (kit brash), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 20:39 (twenty years ago)

Well, they made enough bank for a sequel!

What's on the last page of the adaptation, Kit?

― Michael Stuchbery (Mikey Bidness), Tuesday, 22 February 2005 20:59 (twenty years ago)

Annie (From Norway) steez

― kit brash (kit brash), Wednesday, 23 February 2005 11:04 (twenty years ago)

I is going to see this tonight probably.

― Ian John50n (orion), Saturday, 26 February 2005 18:09 (twenty years ago)

Maria and I went and saw it the other nite. We liked it. Our friend Donald went and saw The Aviator instead and I made fun of him.I called him grandpa and told him to be careful not to trip on any walkers in the aisle of the theatre cuz that's where all the old folks would be. hahahahaha! We were supposed to meet at the bar later and the people who saw Constantine got to hang out and drink beer, but the Aviator was so long that Donald got locked out of the bar and missed last call.And both movies started around the same time! We must have been in the bar for an hour or more! That's what you get for betting against Keanu and going for Leo.

There was some cool stuff in Constantine. Tilda really was pretty cool. I think Keanu is gonna look really cool when he gets old.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 26 February 2005 19:12 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

Thoughts:

1. The script did well with transferring John's scouse sarcasm to the more blank palette of Keanu.
2. I think my problem is that (I imagine that ) I actually like Keanu, as a person, so even though I don't actually think he can act, I'm always happy to see him.
3. Djimon Honsou is absolutely terrible in this.
4. Peter Stormare's super-Lecter almost steals the show.
5. But no-one beats Tilda, due to THE HOTTNESS.
6. I like the fact that the big Leaping-Above-The-Demons shot that closed the trailers happened really early, and the actual ending is just a trick, like (but not like) the specific story this is based on.
7. This doesn't seem like a blockbuster, but it must have cost a fortune.
8. Fuck a kid sidekick.
9. Did I mention THE HOTTNESS?

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Saturday, 19 March 2005 01:18 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

Bad bad bad pacing. Fuck around doing some interesting occult stuff for an hour (occasionally switching to Spawn's CGI 'hell' which was laughable), seem like you're rushing the ending and then stretch the ending for ages and ages until no one cares.

It had some good stuff, Keanu was workable, Swinton was great, Weisz was Weisz (servicable as an actress, also absurdly gorgeous), but it never clicked into a rhythm nor fully explored any of the good stuff (relationships, the mirror side of the world) and the end was kind of confusing (with the sidekick saving the day then dying after bouncing off a couple of walls, which hasn't seemed to kill anyone else in this movie).

Still a better comic book movie than either Spiderman.

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Sunday, 31 July 2005 04:26 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

Watched this tonight. Enjoyed it though I've never read any Hellblazer so can't vouch for how much the original idea(s) had been trashed. Keanu was efficient, actually likeable, and Weisz is a big crush of mine so I'll watch her in just about anything. Great FX and photography. All in all sufficiently comic book for my taste.
However, is it me or is there always a "demonic" nightclub situation in most Hollywood demon/vampire slayer flicks? The extras and music in those scenes are always such a hoot. "Look at me, I'm a an outcast from an old Marilyn Manson video with glowing red eyes. Boo!"

― Jay Vee (Manon_70), Sunday, 11 September 2005 01:05 (twenty years ago)

i couldn't get past the first five minutes.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Sunday, 11 September 2005 06:15 (twenty years ago)

i know it's a cliche to complain abt keanu's bad acting, but boy is he terrible in this - his whole of idea of 'adult seriousness' seems to be speaking in a deeper voice than normal

the entire movie is dire, tho

― Ward Fowler (Ward Fowler), Sunday, 11 September 2005 13:59 (twenty years ago)

his whole of idea of 'adult seriousness' seems to be speaking in a deeper voice than normal

Worked for Christian Bale.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 11 September 2005 14:00 (twenty years ago)

This still is the best of the recent Marvel/DC comic adaptations, save Spider-Man 2. Perhaps it's success didn't have a much to do with Keanu, but neither does he drag it down (no awkward moments at all). Here's a few thoughts:

*Constantine took itself very seriously, which was nice for change, given the hyperreferentiality of recent Hollywood horror.

*Great, great, great set of supporting actors.

*Unlike, say, Hellboy (which was a bit of a disappointment), it relied much more on mood and traditional horror effects than CGI. The scene where all the light on the street go out and the demons are heard, but only seen in a brief glimpse, is great. The only unnecessary bit of gimmickry was the monster made of bugs (not exactly a new idea), but thankfully it was short. The scene in Hell worked surpisingly well, and again, the briefness of it was a plus.

*The plot explanation given at the end was kinda messy, but the finale was saved by the great scene between Keanu and Peter Stormare.

*ONE OF THE BEST MOVIE SATANS EVER!

*Actually, come to think of it, Keanu wasn't half bad in this. He's bland way of acting fitted well with character's cynicism and emotionlesness. If I'd never seen any Keanu film at all it would've probably make this one easier to swallow. People come to his films with a heavy load of presuppositions.

*Okay, the kid sidekick was useless, but thankfully he didn't have that much screen time.

*I've never read a Hellblazer comic in my life, but perhaps that made me enjoy the film more for what it was: fun, well-made horror, nothing life-changing.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 11 September 2005 14:41 (twenty years ago)

All of Tuomas's points OTM. Except you forgot to mention Tilda Swinton.

― Leeeeeeeee (Leee), Monday, 12 September 2005 00:12 (twenty years ago)

Tuomas that is silly! On what basis can you judge it as an exemplary adaptation when you have never read the text being adapted?

― kit brash (kit brash), Monday, 12 September 2005 00:42 (twenty years ago)

i enjoyed the movie. i thought it was about as accurate a Hellblazer story(as noted above: insane angels, hell's bible, weird scholastic friends, the electric chair, etc) as you were gunna get, and Keanu was the weakest link(along with setting it in L.A. etc)

― kingfish superman ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Monday, 12 September 2005 02:38 (twenty years ago)

I've never read Hellblazer either but enjoyed Constantine. I am currently reading Swamp Thing though and I can say that a dark-haired Constantine is definitely an improvement. The blond Sting look is clearly indefensible.

― walter kranz (walterkranz), Monday, 12 September 2005 05:18 (twenty years ago)

Tuomas that is silly! On what basis can you judge it as an exemplary adaptation when you have never read the text being adapted?

No, what I meant was that it was one of the best recent mainstream comic based movies, regardless of the source material. I think Spider-Man 2 is the best of the bunch, even though I never liked Spider-Man the comic. With Constantine I'd probably like the source material even more, but that doesn't mean the movie isn't fun.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Monday, 12 September 2005 06:04 (twenty years ago)

I bristle with suspicion at the very notion of a "fun" Constantine.

― kit brash (kit brash), Monday, 12 September 2005 07:40 (twenty years ago)

eight years pass...

Constantine: a blonde, british Matt Ryan in the American Hellblazer television show on NBC out in 2014
http://www.nbc.com/constantine
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uPE2oBnzROY

― sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 14 May 2014 05:28 (eleven years ago)

Oh, had no idea about this. He looks the part at least, seems to be acting a bit too hyper though. Also doesn't appear to be smoking.

― the joke should be over once the kid is eaten. (chap), Wednesday, 14 May 2014 12:29 (eleven years ago)

this smells like NBC having a go at doc who/sleepy hollow style programming; may have something to do with DC/TimeWarner making a run at television marketing in response to SHIELD
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0d1zpt6k5OI

― sitting on a claud all day gotta make your butt numb (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 14 May 2014 14:35 (eleven years ago)

Bring on the cameos with Justice League Dark

― Stephen King's Threaderstarter (kingfish), Wednesday, 14 May 2014 16:06 (eleven years ago)

A TV adaptation of Moore's Swamp Thing could be excellent actually. It would need a pretty hefty budget.

― the joke should be over once the kid is eaten. (chap), Wednesday, 14 May 2014 16:26 (eleven years ago)

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