WHO THE FUCK READS THE DAILY EXPRESS?

I'm on an anti-generalisation tip at the moment. Yes, it can be funny in moderation, but I'm starting to believe that some actually believe all this stuff about breeds of people.

(besides which, since when does writing about an ace detective make you one? perhaps i shd write a book about being very very rich and not a sad loser interweb mentalist haha)

I think there is something specifically lame about the Express, they seem more sensationalist than other tabloids on a really thin budget (cf Pashmina's example above)

I agree that the Daily Express is an odd one to work out, since it seems to be just a shoestring version of the Mail. I'm guessing it might be carrying a lot of readers from its more illustrious past. Perhaps it has a slightly more masculine image than the Mail?

how is this different to the guardian exactly?

Most people don't buy the newspaper for the politics anyway. Sun readers voted Labour before the Sun told them to.

The sad thing about generalisations, N., like the sad thing about clichés, is that they all start off somewhere with the truth.

Hello again, Olly.

I don't know what's inside the paper, I've never opened it. Maybe I should buy a copy for research purposes.

HAHAHAHAHA!

I have no friends and I'm a bit drunk.

A migrant arrested every 4 minutes in UK

THE full extent of the damage unlimited immigration is causing to the fabric of society is revealed by a Daily Express investigation today.

And the comments are even better than HYS.

I'M SORRY, I WAS TO HASTY, I MISJUDGED BROWN

11.02.08, 2:11pm

Yes misjudged all right

This treacherous rat....

I was giving him the benefit of the doubt imagining he was just another spineless ingrate afraid of his own political career.

But he is worse much worse.

THIS IS COLLUSION

Gordon Brown has said he wants Britain to become the centre of global Islamic banking; Saudi Arabia and other Islamic states are buying up more and more British and Western companies, and we now have "Sharia-compliant" mortgages.

Nothing less than a complete sell out

HOW MANY PIECES OF SILVER BROWN
HOW MANY
YOU JUDAS

That coupled with the rest of this government’s headlong plunge into the Islamisation of Britain
passing laws left right and centre to accommodate them.

TREASONOUS TREASONOUS WRETCH

selling us down the river

I saw a column recently marking
Tariq Ramadan the most dangerous man in Britain as the main protaganist for the
"Muslim Brotherhood" in the UK

BUT NO

THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN
IN BRITAIN IS BROWN!!!!!

GET THIS MAN LOCKED UP
THE ONLY PLACE FOR THIS MAN IS
BLOODY TOWER OF LONDON
and throw away the key

This poisonous despicable wretch
This treasonous filth

He is selling us down the river

JUDAS

GET HIM OUT NOW

NOW !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• Posted by: Atory

I really fucking hate the Daily Express and need to vent.

Blair really needs to stop posting drunk.

THE MOST DANGEROUS MAN
IN BRITAIN IS BROWN!!!!!

lol racist

That fucking article has really put a dent on my lovely sunny day.I mean what the fuck do they want? "Foreign" people beaten up in the street and then deported in fucking cages? Will that make them happy?

I think you knows the answer to that one.

it could be worse, they could have a feature on people who don't know how to use a knife and fork properly

DEPORT THEM TOO

That fucking article has really put a dent on my lovely sunny day.I mean what the fuck do they want? "Foreign" people beaten up in the street and then deported in fucking cages? Will that make them happy?

all atory asks for is for our leader to stop selling us down the river for pieces of silver.. is that too much to ask?

i blame Dr Josef Venglos, Sven, Ossie Ardilles and Ricky Villa for the state of the country today. in that order.

lol enoch powell avatar

roberto, that's a stupid list.

you left out wenger

A migrant arrested every 4 minutes in UK

Come on man, leave him alone for a while.

http://www.bfi.org.uk/sightandsound/images/issue/420/80s-alt-comedy_420.jpg

NedTRifle why do you read Daily Express??

I'm stupid.

Daily Express investigation today

the idea of the express actually investigating anything at all is ludicrous

that said, its kind of surprising to see with what is almost actual fire in its belly. it has long seemed strangely detached, as though it doesn't believe what it espouses. this is because it doesn't really say anything, its never an opinion leader in the way, say, the mail is. far more than any other paper the express is for people who aren't very bright

Of course they haven't investigated really this - they've just reported whatever shit the Police federation have fed them. This is part of their (PF's) campaign to get more money.

Of course they haven't investigated really this
Of course they haven't really investigated this.

I know, its just somehow funnier when the express pretends its investigated something

Old people.

is the express where mail readers go to die?

my grandparents read the express, i wish they didn't :(

I keep noticing the headlines of this paper, it seems ...worse than the others? Worse as in more hysterical, more into making its readers afraid that (they) are taking their liberties etc away. Worse as in stupider, also. EUROCRATS TO CONTROL BRITAIN'S BORDERS. IMMIGRANT BABY BOOM COSTS 1BN. OUTCRY AS POLICE LETS OFF 4,256 CRIMINALS. These three from last week (I just looked at their website) I guess they either make this stuff up, or if you found the actual story the headline was based upon, it would bear little resemblance to what was on the Express' front page? It's pretty sad.

The best bit are the "Cancer Cured by Eating 15000 Organic Apricot Seeds A Day" front pages that crop up all the time.

Football fever after the England team qualified for the World Cup finals in South Africa will give the economy a multi-billion pound boost.

The feel-good factor that began with the final whistle sounding on the team’s 5-1 thrashing of Croatia on Wednesday
night is set to continue through to the finals next June.

As well as numbers of Englishmen descending on South Africa on a scale not witnessed since the Boer War, according to one official, millions more at home will forget the recession and enjoy the World Cup party to the full.

Even toilet seats bearing the St George cross could be snapped up.

millions more at home will forget the recession

I think this has already happened.

Pash I think part of that is that the Express is owned by an absolute raving nutter. Anyone know if he's still wanted by the New York mafia?

You'd hope that the recession would be over by the World Cup, but hey.

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/covers/257x330front/2009-12-15.jpg

http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/146138

Based on a report by the European Foundation, otherwise known as Tory MP Bill "Stash The" Cash and John Laughland, best mate of Slobodan Milosevic.

Every single one of those reasons is just plain wacky.

89) It is a myth that CO2 is a pollutant, because nitrogen forms 80% of our atmosphere and human beings could not live in 100% nitrogen either: CO2 is no more a pollutant than nitrogen is and CO2 is essential to life.

Okay, so 80% CO2 wouldn't be a problem?

Describing that as "wacky" is being kind, very kind

Based on a report by the European Foundation, otherwise known as Tory MP Bill "Stash The" Cash and John Laughland, best mate of Slobodan Milosevic.

Thatcher is the Patron of this mob too, but I thought she was an early champion of the emerging climate change consensus, cos it was a handy tool for beating the miners down with. Maybe just a flag of convenience back then though.

And then there's Nigel Lawson

Based on a report by the European Foundation

and in turn the european foundation's "report" (in truth, not much more than an extended blog post) was based on info from "friends of science", a canadian outfit which says its funds are "not exclusively from the oil and gas industry".

New Scientist debunks every single one of the first 50 reasons.

Kinda surprised they bothered because I can't imagine there would be too many Express readers who would look at that, but good for them anyhow.

looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooool

55) The argument that climate change is a of result of global warming caused by human activity is the argument of flat Earthers.

i am trying to imagine the conversation which took place in the daily express office as this list was compiled...'what can we get on these woolly bastards?'

Haha, hadn't seen that one, is that for real?

click on the link to win!

I'm surprised the Daily Express doesn't say "black people are responsible, because their skin reflects less sunlight back into space"

coming over here, warming our country up

^ sadly that is a pretty accurate summary of the BNP position on this:

"Every person we take from the third world with a tiny climate footprint and bring them (sic) into the western world, we're massively increasing their impact of carbon release into the world's atmosphere. There's no doubt about it, the western way of life is not sustainable. So what on Earth is the point of turning more people into westerners."

no, the point he's making there is that we should all go and live in the manner of the least pollutive tribes ofafrica iirc

lolwut

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Feb/Week4/15557404.jpg

lolwut

Maybe because of the photos our newspapers use to illustrate stories about migrants?

Wasn't it yesterday they did the 'living in luxury' story?

MANSIONS FOR SCROUNGERS

21.02.10, 3:54pm

They should only get the money for 2 children, be sterilised and made to work. No further monies will be paid to them and a basic home would be plenty for them. They brought these kids into the world now let them look after them without expecting this society to keep on giving these parasites more monies/luxury living. It's time they were held to count. There are plenty of camp sites they could go and live on tents are cheaper than houses.

• Posted by: Chipsnest • Report Comment

Tents in 'cheaper than houses' shocker

right wing in wanting to put people they don't like in horrible ghettos shocker.

Not on form today:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Feb/Week4/15558153.jpg

please just post this every day for lols.

Best thing about their website is this

http://cdn.images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/comments/nocomments.gif

at the bottom of every story.

"Dictator's war threat to Queen over Falklands"

Did they threaten to play a reunion gig at Buckingham Palace unless oil drilling stops?

thttp://whythatsdelightful.wordpress.com/2009/03/18/the-express-wins-the-race-to-the-bottom/

http://whythatsdelightful.wordpress.com/2009/03/18/the-express-wins-the-race-to-the-bottom/

Yawn, not even trying, 0/10:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Feb/Week4/15558957.jpg

It does have some fantastic comments, though: http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/comments/viewall/160311

lol ashley. of course it would be the mother in law who made you act like a cheating prick.

<3 that dude forever, never change.

Is that good or bad?

Also, Odeon in the UK (and elsewhere? IDK) have changed their mind about boycotting this.

This? You mean the Alice in Wonderland film?

Yeah, sorry : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/8536195.stm

i love that Dannii Monogue is next to the 'we're all racists' story

It does have some fantastic comments, though:

I want one of these puzzles -

This Government has lost all the key pieces, but have cleverly planted their own foreign pieces to ensure their puzzle gets finished favourably to them.

(pretty lowdown trick btw)

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Mar/Week3/15574452.jpgBleedin' foreigners, coming over here, killing their unborn

Meant to look up this thread yesterday, I noticed they were running another Princess Di conspiracy theory on the front page - unfuckingbelievable

This exact same story is all over the place this morning. I wonder what the original source was, journo's wandering around Poland looking at posters seems unlikely.

Sadly as Have Your Say in the Express is closed we have to turn to DM readers for The Truth.

THIS HAS BEEN GOING ON IN THIS COUNTRY FO OVER 40 YEARS AS I KNOW OF. People have been comming here to have their babies. It is about time this was ALL stopped, MAKE ALL THESE FOREIGNERS PAY FOR THEIR TREATMENT. MAKE THEM PAY FROM TODAY.

- MEL, SANDWICH KENT

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Mar/Week3/15575894.jpg vs http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Mar/Week3/15575918.jpg

"Householders could be

(stopped reading after that)

Gordon Brown has said he wants Britain to become the centre of global Islamic banking; Saudi Arabia and other Islamic states are buying up more and more British and Western companies, and we now have "Sharia-compliant" mortgages.

I had to google "Sharia compliant mortgages" and the first hit was an interesting and informative Guardian article :)
http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2008/jun/29/mortgages.islam

(looks like a good way to protect yourself from fluctuating rates, thanks Islam!)

Gordon Brown has said he wants Britain to become the centre of global Islamic banking; Saudi Arabia and other Islamic states are buying up more and more British and Western companies, and we now have "Sharia-compliant" mortgages.

And this a bad thing?

"Saudi Arabia and other Islamic states are buying up more and more British and Western companies Premiership clubs" surely?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Mar/Week4/15585940.jpg

Children as young as five are watching horrific post-watershed TV scenes of sex and violence at the click of a button.

An investigation has revealed millions of children are bypassing strict guidelines and parental controls and watching shows meant for adults by using popular TV internet services such as BBC iPlayer.

i see the bbc is now to blame for 'the internet'

Millions!

One for the record:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Apr/Week2/15597062.jpg

what's the facts behind that headline?

92% of what?!

'jobs

aha- new jobs

Bet they were tempted to do something along the lines of 'EU migrant lesbians coming over here to use our NHS' for the Navratilova story.

should have tried to work in something about how that damned immigrant lenny henry done the dirt on plucky dawn french tbh, but the 'french' bit probably confused them.

"WIN A MIELE WASHER DRYER" - dirty filthy German appliances literally taking over our homes!

those are all cogent observations

co-gent- dirty lefty concept relating to homo marriages

i can't believe i've not noticed this publication before. it's essentially the uk version of 'the onion', right?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/May/Week3/15633913.jpg

Love how this insinuates that the Conservative government has solved all our housing problems yet all the surveys quoted in the main article show things started improving over the past year under the last lot.

Triumphant return to form, 7/10:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jun/Week2/15646087.jpg

A++ 10/10 would laugh at again:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jun/Week2/15647419.jpg

haha wow @ all of that

Needs more Diana, but otherwise almost hyperparodic.

Yesterday's Telegraph had "Obama has his boot on the throat of British pensioners" on the front page.

My parents have started reading it since they retired, I think in Scotland it's the stepping stone when you start realising the Red Tops are all about Britain's Got Talent and people off Hollyoaks so aren't for you any more.

Looking at the circulation figures, I'm amazed that about 10% of their sales are in Scotland tbh.

My parents occasionally read it, though my mum does claim it's just for the articles and my dad likes their puzzle section more than any of their other papers of choice (Daily Record which they have stopped buying totally and Daily Mail, which again is supposedly all about the articles and magazines and word puzzles) - can't see them ever reading a broadsheet, tbh.

why did her parents name her Dead, xpost?

SAY EUROCRATS

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jun/Week4/15653998.jpg

At least there's a photo of Englishmen descending on South Africa on a scale not witnessed since the Boer War.

Interesting how, even more than the Mail, they've incorporated the embittered, resentful language of their letter-writers. Those headlines which begin "Now", like it's one fucking thing after another. One headline the other day read "Middle-classes bear the brunt, as usual." It's not even outrage, more a grumpy shrug - they just expect things to be bad. Arseholes.

"Now", like it's one fucking thing after another

otm, but hilarious. one foot in the grave, re-imagined as a newspaper. couldn't go wrong, really.

It's only a matter of time before they end articles with "fact" or "end of".

Have they used I'm Not Racist But as a headline yet?

fairly sure that it's in latin on the letterhead

Haha

tametsi ego operor non distinguo obviam peregrinus

Genius:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jul/Week1/15661188.jpg

"Unfortunately Wayne that's not the World Cup you are holding" reads so weirdly

I thought that was a mock sub-heading. Good work judge.

xp ...as does "Now asylum if you're gay".

"Unfortunately Wayne that's not the World Cup you are holding" reads so weirdly

Yeah, "never mind your precious baby boy and the unbridled happiness of fatherhood in your eyes, where's our shitty football trophy waaaaaaaaah".

Love that photo btw

Getting a real 'tinfoil hat/yellow sputum in corners of mouth / staring at people going into Currys on the high street' vibe from the "they" in the top left headline

Nice to see Rooney actually giving a shit about something for once...

wow I can across as a bit of a selfish dick there, sorry...

On a related note:

http://img189.imageshack.us/img189/5673/picture2kt.png

Oh boy, just wait till stories about failed gay asylum seekers start showing up

Maybe there should be a gay test to go with the citizenship test?

good fucking lord

http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/186563

And once they get over here, the'll BREED and MULTIPLY!! oh,wait...

Brian: "It says 'ROMANS GO HOME'!"
Centurion: "No it doesn't."

"Hmm, I wonder what pic we can use to illustrate this complex story of migration from many different countries, with many different cultures and religions...?
Oh, I know..."

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/1/285x214/186563_1.jpg

"ethnics"!!!!

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jul/Week2/15664213.jpg

Terrible headline.

It should be 1 in 5, or one in five.

Have Your Say is unavailable for this story

"Myths and truths about your eyes"

TRUTH: in 40 years one in five of your eyes will be an ethnic

also i'm not sure they know what the word "ethnic" means :/

Funny colour you couldn't just get from being on holiday, I suspect.

TRUTH: in 40 years one in five Coronation Street stars will have life after the menopause

In 40 years one in 5 weekdays will be a Tuesday.

DAVID CAMERON GIVES PRESIDENT OBAMA PICTURE BY FORMER HOODIE GANG MEMBER

These politician gift exchanges must be like awkward family Christmas Day x a million...

I'm sure the Jay-Z loving President Obama will be horrified by the very idea of one of our terrifying 'hoodies'.

http://blogs.channel4.com/gary-gibbon-on-politics/files/2010/07/20_painting_2802.jpg

^ this is the picture (dunno if this was posted elsewhere)

Haha wau that's bad.

Ben Eine's the guy who does all the shop shutters around Hackney.

That picture would work maybe as the cover of a shitty poetry collection that nobody is going to read, but not sure I'd want a full-size one hanging up in my toilet.

Is that word accross meant to mean something? (google finds one link to a Finnish newspaper article that then doesn't contain the word)

It's the name Tuomas gives to his genitals...

Hahah, of course the Express is the only newspaper to put the Desmond takeover story on its front page:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Jul/Week4/15670181.jpg

At least they've worked out that their target readership is ugly and has bad breath.

Anybody fancy collaborating on a gritty new 21st century revival of Love Thy Neighbour for Channel 5? Think we'd have a good chance of getting commissioned.

I bet Europe won't let you.

FREE TIC TACS FOR EVERY READER

I like the way they have tried to make tic tacs a little bit sexy.

OUTRAGE AS SCROUNGERS BLOW £220M IN TIC TACS

You'd think that photo is Desmond resting his head on his hand but it's actually an immigrant punching his jaw.

A massive Big Ben-style Muslim clock at the heart of Mecca is threatening to destroy British time.

looooooooooooooooool

o man. sounds like a storyline from a BNP-produced Doctor Who.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Aug/Week3/15694620.jpg

“They go out for McDonald’s meals that cost £60 a go and one of his partner’s daughters had a stretch limo ride for her 13th birthday.

“If my dad can ride the motorbike he has in his back garden, then he can sit on a till somewhere. It is just pure laziness. He is just a sperm donor. He is not useful for anything else.”

'hard working daughter' not 100% rong there either tbh

also wtf 60 quid in mcdonalds that's a lot to be dropping on big macs

http://www.princeharry.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/british_royal_family.jpg

Matthew Elliott, chief executive of campaign group The TaxPayers’ Alliance, said: “It’s disgraceful that this family is being given more than taxpayers earn. Our benefits system needs real reform.”

also wtf 60 quid in mcdonalds that's a lot to be dropping on big macs

― k¸ (darraghmac), Wednesday, 18 August 2010 09:36 (12 minutes ago) Bookmark

it'd be hard to get out of there spending much less with 12 kids and two adults.

Some delightful comments on the article on their site, too.

BRITISH BUT PROUD.

18.08.10, 8:18am

A recent report stated that one in three babies born in Britain are of foreign descent,we need English people like this to keep our country BRITISH,whatever the cost, or we just lose our country to FOREIGNERS.

• Posted by: johnstretch

heh couldn't read the figures involved joe, for 14 ppl that's probably not bad

Right, so they may be spongers, but they're OUR SPONGERS!

This story, virtually word for word, was in the Mail yesterday, except that the quote was from Fiona McEvoy of the TA and they had a handy cut out and keep photo of the kids so that DM readers can spit on them in the street presumably.

printed photos of the kids? nice touch.

I thought they weren't allowed to print photos of kids without permission?

.. For this very reason (also paed, etc)

Check it out here.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1303794/Daughter-benefits-scrounger-tenth-child-way-brands-father-lazy-useless.html
They obviously suckered them into the photo as well.

So, you know, probably got their permission. "We'll out your side of the story, etc..."

offered mcdonald's vouchers?

questionable puns aside, that's really out of order

These articles always have flat-screen TVs as symbols of luxury and decadence - this bloke only had to miss out on about 4 rounds of happy meals to buy a flat screen telly.

I suspected as much...

"Hahaaaa, you signed the waiver!
Wankas....!"

No difference now between the express and stormfront.
http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/covers/257x330front/2010-08-19.jpg

think you mean NOW THEY'RE JUST LIKE STORMFRONT

I mean you were going for a parody of Express frontpage hysteria right?

That 'now' ... in normal language it's supposed to signify an escalation, isn't it? So what did Gordon Brown want before? Are there ANY other examples of his naked greed during this summer when he's barely been off our screens/front pages/papped clambering into a limo after a night at China White's?

Nice to see a candidate for 'up the arse corner' on a front page though.

can't tell for sure which of the top headings brown's pics goes with?

Are tabloids going too far with their rhetorical suggestive poll questions?

http://www.dailystar.co.uk/phonepolls/?page=3

IS THE PC BRIGADE RUINING CHRISTMAS?

We asked whether you think the PC Brigade is ruining Christmas.
Telephone Poll Result:
Yes
100%
No
0%

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/194413/DEBATE-Do-Eurocrats-deserve-a-huge-pay-rise-

Let's see - results will probably be about 50/50 ?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Sep/Week2/15728729.jpg

What? Why? I don't get it.

Amazed how the Mail and the Express consistently manage to make 'Now' feel like the whingiest word in the English language.

And this is their front page story? Who the fuck is their target audience?

Crazies iirc

Free cheese though...

You mean:

NOW THEY WANT TO GIVE AWAY CHEESE FOR FREE

NOW CATHEDRAL CITIES REDUCED TO A CHEESE

GEORGE MICHAEL JAILED FOR 8 WEEKS AFTER DRUG DRIVING. SHAME.

SHOULD THEY DO THE FA CUP DRAW AGAIN?Telephone Poll Result: Yes 45% No 55%

Oops! Looks like they forgot to make it clear which answer was the CORRECT ANSWER!

Actually, I'm really skint and we're out of cheese. Would it be massively selling out to buy a copy of the Express? Is 'I only bought it for the cheese' going to be the new 'I only read it for the articles'?

Make badge, wear badge, Buy express.

Cathedral City's quite nice and comes in a handy reusable ziplock bag, I say GO FOR IT.

I would be a bit wary myself, you don't know it's been taped to the front of the paper. Could be a bit off, unless the newsagents are keeping the Express in the fridge?

From where do you get the cheez?

(It'll be a voucher, from Waitrose or some such...)

Maybe, but this wouldn't be the first time the Express has tried to stir up mass listeria.

oof

Found out:

Basically you have to register on the "Milk and More" website, check you are eligible, sign up for milk deliveries, and the milkman brings you your cheese.

You couldn't make this up, could you. I mean what on earth, Daily Express.

NOW WE HAVE TO REGISTER FOR CHEESE!

NOW THEY WANT US TO SIGN UP MILK DELIVERIES

Actually that would be a good thing. Milkmen (or women) are good.

I bet George Michael is cursing his bad luck, what with being banged up on the day that the Express are giving away free cheese and all.

NOW THEY ARE GIVING AWAY OUR CHEESE FOR FREE, BUT YOU GEORGE MICHAEL, YOU DRUG DRIVING SHAMBLES, YOU CANNOT HAVE ANY, BECAUSE YOU ARE NOT FREE.

per private eye desmond is frequently getting hauled over the coals for bogus 'offers'

or was it the mail?

anyway, more trouble than it's worth

The code of conduct states that the front page has to disclose the method.

Which the DE did. In small writing. Orange text on a slightly darker orange background...

No such thing as a free Munster.

(Sorry, that was the best I could come up with.)

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/covers/257x330front/2010-09-18.jpg

NB: Plot may not contain actual Muslims. Plot may have been manufactured in an environment containing nuts.

Thought that the plot was hatched by Nuclear Assault, all part of their scheme to "hang the pope".

were they not real cleaners?

Turns out they were smearing shit on the streets.

Good use of "bogus" though - plants the words "asylum seeker" right into the Express reader's mind.

Never except sweets from the Daily Express, kids.

Or "accept", even.

http://tabloid-watch.blogspot.com/2010/09/blink-and-youll-miss-it.html

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_Jn-LeUC-BnU/TJdA7NK3NaI/AAAAAAAABbI/MjVQjJImDTM/s400/expblobpar.jpg

Yeah, but someone had to craft that sentence by hand! They couldn't get the hatebot to autoshart a piece like that.

I mean, this is what it's geared up to do:

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/covers/257x330front/2010-09-20.jpg

Hang on, Simon Cowell is on £2m benefits and has 10 children with 10 lookalike mothers?

"All his children have different mothers"

and yes, we are all children of god...

"WIN A MOTORHOME"

about time they catered for their traveller readership

10 year old is doing well to have kids IMO

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Sep/Week3/15736844.jpg

A+, 10/10. Might actually have to buy a copy of this. Think the best part is the picture used to illustrate the 'judge sends benefit cheats to prison' story.

All it is missing is an offer for free cheese and campervans.

extra points for misleading chumps into thinking the paper costs 30p

"this lame dog"

+ more bonus points for "rotter".

INSIDE: "NORTH KOREA AND IRAN COULD PARALYSE UK FROM SPACE"

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/78/285x214/200755_1.jpg

GURN TOO FAR PUTS CHAMP IN HOSPITAL

Sorry, should add the picture:

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/78/285x214/200755_1.jpg

+ more bonus points for "rotter".

Didn't know that Steve Jones was writing headlines for the DE...

including the seemingly fantastical scenario which could come straight from the pages of a James Bond script.

Er, it does come from a JB script, it's the main plot of fucking Goldeneye FFS!

http://cdn.images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/cartoon/506x345/2010-09-21.gif

political cartoonist of the year, you say...

Ah, it's like he's the Pope.

and, um....

... he's a former Nazi and everybody fucking hates him

The organisation he represents has diminishing influence in the UK?

And his license plate says NE1, like anyone. Which means...something. Is he anyone, or is his audience anyone? I dunno.

NC1 that is... Noxious Conservative I assume

Nick Clegg, perhaps? Because otherwise, identification is impossible.

Indeed, I could draw a better Nick Clegg than that

Oh, right. NC1. Thought there was another layer of righteous satire I was missing.

I think he must be quite hard to draw a decent caricature of, his face is just kind of average and boring. He does do that pandering 'ah diddums' face thing a lot though.

nick did you come up with 'autoshart' above because a+ if so

thankig u

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Oct/Week3/15763173.jpg

Tomorrow, a splash on how all immigrants are given free mobile phones.

Good news for aging Tories:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Oct/Week4/15775510.jpg

Good news for the Express as its 500 readers might hang on that little bit longer.

that whole front page seems a gift for crumbly tories

"dirty old racist bastard still a dirty old racist bastard at 89"

are they any happier now the Tories are in again?

it is a rascally pic to be fair

Is that naughty nurse giving him a handjob?

has the death rate somehow dropped below 100% then?

NOW A TAX TO STOP FAMILIES LEAVING BROEKN BRITIAN:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Oct/Week4/15782667.jpg

And if you dedo cide to leave, you'd better take your family otherwise you might die. Especially if you're a single woman who flods home in search of love and happiness.

(NOTE TO SUBS: 'Flods' is the present tense of 'fled', right? Cheers.)

"dedo cide"? Thanks, spell check. Think I meant "do decide".

Oct 21st front page (revive post, scroll up) = "Rooney: Why I am leaving Man United" - not another one of those invented interviews, I hope?
(thought that was mainly in the Daily Star, though?)

The newspaper has a vigorous spellcheck/change program as well. It was meant to be: "Rooney: Why, am I leaving Man United? Dedocide."

BRITAIN IN GLOOM AS CLOCKS GO BACK

Britons face a day of chaos as the clocks turn back an hour

Saturday October 30,2010
By Natalie Chalk

Comment Speech Bubble Have your say(1)

BRITONS face a day of chaos tomorrow as the clocks turn back an hour, plunging the country into evening darkness.

A third of us will oversleep, 20 per cent will wake up to a cold house after forgetting to change the central heating timer and one in eight will arrive at work late over the coming days.

Research by energy company npower also found that almost half of parents say the change in daylight hours will affect their children’s sleep patterns.

* WIN A LUXURY LONG WEEKEND FOR TWO IN CAIRO!!! INCLUDES BA CLUB CLASS FLIGHTS, FIVE STAR ACCOMMODATION AND £1,000 SPENDING MONEY! *

It will take an average of three days to readjust, with 40 per cent of people polled saying it would be harder to get their children to school on Monday.

sorry for shit formatting. i was trying to point towards the holiday advert, which obviously wasn't aimed at moneyed shitforbrains in any wat at all. kthxbye.

wat=way

40 per cent of people polled saying it would be harder to get their children to school on Monday.

Of course it'll be bloody hard, half term's just finished for most pupils.

Maybe a third of us will oversleep because, effectively, all of us get an extra hour asleep?

BRITONS face a day of chaos tomorrow as the clocks turn back an hour, plunging the country into evening darkness.

chaos! plunging!

I wonder what kind of language they'd use if a REAL disaster ever hit Britain.

20 per cent will wake up to a cold house after forgetting to change the central heating timer

this 'psychic statistics' style of news journalism has a lot of potential imo

glad that the comments page for that shitehawk feature is full of express readers pointing out the paper's stupidity...

good to see that a fixed annual event is reported as news.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Nov/Week4/15822392.jpg

Alternative headline: THE BEST OF THE GIPSY KINGS

Saw that headline today, I think they're giving out a free treasure map and Scooby Doo mask on Saturday.

luvvin how low a threadshold they have for breaking out the indignant, exasperated 'NOW...' nowadays.

Built on fraud, for which the guy is in prison. But obv this is a much better headline.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Nov/Week4/15828067.jpg

A DAILY EXPRESS CRUSADE.

Suppose they don't really have to worry about offending any Muslim readers. Apart from Mohamed Fayed, and it's not like they're calling it A DAILY EXPRESS CAR CRASH ASSASSINATION.

Where are they planning on moving us to? And how? Like when Superman picked up that island of kryptonite?

would we just leave ni there or go back for it?

Is the subtext to that piece 'DEAR IRISH PEOPLE - FUCK OFF AND FIND YOUR CASH FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE' by any chance?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Nov/Week4/15832865.jpg

99% OF YOU SAY: GET MUSLIM RULE OUT OF THE 11TH CENTURY HOLY LANDS

turkeys in voting for Christmas shockah

Real talk

Refreshment stall owner Nigel Hammond, 35, from Bristol, said: “People are too wrapped up in X Factor or Strictly Come Dancing to consider the ramifications of joining the EU. “Brussels decided, for instance, that we should have energy-saving light bulbs in this country. Our forefathers would turn in their graves if they knew we were coerced by Brussels as much as we are.”

That's funny, I thought they burnt village idiots instead of burying them.

feeling the 'almost recursion' thing they have going on w/ today's front page, hopefully tomorrow's will be a photo of it being held by another blonde woman

ha! was going to say that

"Our forefathers would turn in their graves if they knew we were coerced by Brussels as much as we are."

initially read this as 'concerned' and it kinda made more sense

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2010/Dec/Week3/15856249.jpg

Softness is a thing called comfort?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jan/Week2/15890669.jpg

Alp Mehmet, of MigrationWatch, said last night: “This figure of 61,000 missing refugees is a clear indication of the mess the former government got us into through its inaction.

alp mehmet please fuck off back to wherever you're from if you're so concerned about people coming into the country, ta.

Italian side Napoli have told Manchester City that their 22-year-old Uruguayan striker Edinson Cavani is not for sale, at any cost. Napoli president Aurelio De Laurentis said: " I wouldn't even sell him for 50m euros. I would say no if Manchester City wanted him."
Full story: Daily Mirror

Doesn't seem to recognise that Cavani... is owned by Palermo?

They've got a fixed option to buy Cavani for £14m at the end of the season, which looks a steal now.

Do we have a Daily Mirror thread?

No one gets angry enough or cares enough about the Mirror in order to bother starting one. It might have merited one in the 2002-03ish Piers-and-Pilger era, but not now.

true enough.

Out of interest, is the Mirror at all distinct from the other tabs at present? Like what are its distinguishing features and who reads it?

It Likes Labour.

distinguishing feature is that no-one reads it iirc

It doesn't have boobs in it and the rhetoric isn't so wild, the gossip so exciting and the sport coverage is just shit... so no-one reads it. Surprised it is still surviving tbh.

I just checked the website and they seem to be making up for the boob lack by running this one v weird looking story.

?

Guessing it's this: http://www.mirror.co.uk/2011/01/11/chelsea-charms-my-164xxx-breasts-won-t-stop-growing-watch-the-video-115875-22839911/

The 'find out why Chelsea's breasts keep getting bigger' article. No, it's not a Lampard story btw. xp

Ha, I thought from that link that her

actually, nm.

Was going to make the same 'big tit' joke about that Anton Ferdinand story.

Mirror's football is OK, though.

ilx's very own James Jam writes on their website, dunno if it's in the paper: http://www.mirrorfootball.co.uk/opinion/columnists/james-mcmahon/

he posts here?

He did, at one point.

and then dioufy killed him.

what is the difference between refugee and asylum seeker, exactly? i thought that the official vocabulary had switched from the former to the latter in recent years in a sneaky rhetorical attempt to make it sound more like they shouldn't be here.

refugee is generally used now to refer to someone who has successful obtained asylum, but i agree the distinction is suspect.

on that note, the express and the daily star have withdrawn from the pcc, so they're now entirely unregulated. looking forward to some stellar contributions to race relations over the coming months.

*successfully

Wow, the Express is going to really achieve some hitherto unknown levels of barrel scraping isn't it?

what if anything did they get out of being part of the PCC in the first place?

mainly it's protection against government regulation being introduced. probably this won't attract much attention - they might just be haggling over fees - but if the express does something really atrocious that the public cares about while they're out of membership, it might tip things further towards ofpap being created or whatever. in the meantime, they'll just be licensed to be more racist and unpleasant than ever.

Overlooked ITT but the crossword at the end of the GET OUT OF THE EU special is just...

What good British acorns gron into (3)

err, grow

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jan/Week3/15898475.jpg

First they came for our lightbulbs and I didn't speak out because I was filled up with sugar.

wow.

just.

wow.

A bagful of sugar helps the bullshit go down.

"I know why" is this year's "anger at fake pics"

I'm still smarting from their 'free cheese' scam, I'm not going to trust them to give me sugar.

Even though supposedly energy saving, critics argue that they are more expensive and not as bright.

How much do people get paid for writing crap like this, does anyone know?

critics argue that night is day and it's a conspiracy to say othewise.

Actually, critics argue and that's it.

A bagful of sugar helps the bullshit go down.

― seminal fuiud (NickB), Wednesday, 19 January 2011 07:36 (4 hours ago)

Maybe the DM could give away some salt, so people can take a pinch or two with every article.

Maybe Express readers could do with a gentle reminder of the connotations around the word "crusade" huh?

would just spur them on further?

Think today's front page shows the results of fortnightly rubbish collections:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jan/Week4/15919989.jpg

"How to fight winter gloom" = "Do not buy this newspaper"

"Why curry really is the spice of life"
"373k say Fuck the rest of the world"

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/galleries/517x/23307.jpg

An amazing petition signed by an amazing 50% of their readership and an amazing 0.62% of the population.

I think 0.6% of the population is also about the level of dementia in the UK. Just saying.

That guy should be arrested for carrying a knife in central London.

He's also wearing a hooded top.

http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/dynamic/galleries/517x/23309.jpg
That blokes face looks familiar.

yeah i think i've seen him on the cover of the daily express, near the top

And Matthew Sinclair, director of the TaxPayers’ Alliance group said: “blah blah blah inexcusable blah blah EU blah blah blah taxes blah blah waste blah bureaucracy blah blah blah taxpayers’ money blah EU blah blah is that ok - no-one going to reading this far down the page anyway right?

Nice attempt to make it look like there are more mail bags than there really are in that van. Or maybe they stuffed the eight DM readers in first pic in the van as well.

DE readers, not DM readers. Although I suppose they are essentially interchangeable.

Kate Hoey and Douglas Carswell - a marriage made in heaven.

LOL @ this review

http://www.express.co.uk/entertainment/view/228361/Review-PJ-Harvey-Let-England-Shake

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Feb/Week3/15933305.jpg

should make this into an express crusade iyam

Daily Express Front Page from 17th C

http://mercuriuspoliticus.files.wordpress.com/2010/11/routing-of-ranters.jpg

Christian Ranters Are Out Of Order

Sad to hear they're euthanising Bruce Willis.

never seen Churchill looking better tho, on the upside

FREE FLORA

FREE EARL

Thought that was baldy IDS.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week1/15944490.jpg

WHO IS THE MANIAC MASSACRING SWANS?

Carlos the Quackal

Isn't it obvious?

13 years of labour have taught people they can do as they like and not have to worry about punishment and many don't even know the difference between right and wrong.

There's a terrific article in to-day about how "Labour" has left us "all" with a "trillion" pounds of "debt".

http://i.imgur.com/7LI62.png

He said: "We have seen footage where a child is pushing a trolley out of a supermarket with a flat screen television in it.

Nice to see the Express on an anti-semitic tip, makes a change from the scary Islams

balanced coverage innit

Still blaming foreigners though.

The idea that each child can earn £120,000 a year is idiotic and then to multiply that by 5 to get to £600,000 is just dishonest the kind of shit you expect from DE journalists. Fuck, even calling them journalists makes me puke.

I dunno, it's only pushing three trolleys out of three supermarkets with a flat screen television in each every day.

the fagin scheme sounds pretty good tbh. way better the shoplifting-from-tesco techniques me and my friends have been developing lately.

In any case, this has been going on for centuries!

"These children cannot be prosecuted/taken to court" is not the same thing as "police cannot do anything"...

If they wanted to put "Police can't be bothered with these small trifles when theres PoliceCameraAction work to be done" / "drugs rings/cartels to be smashed", they *might* have had some sort of effect.

But, as per, the underlying theme is "the rules are not strong enough"....

ritual culling of everyone under the age of ten, let god be their judge.

Haha, guess the only two national papers not to lead on Japan today, and what the stories are that they deem more important:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week2/15952344.jpghttp://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week2/15952345.jpg

A thinly-veiled xenophobic crusade and some tits on the telly, sums up Desmond's empire perfectly.

why has he banned ethnic minorities from his show

Yeah I really want to read that article. Prob aiming for some cotswolds realism. WHO WILL PLAY BRITAIN'S FIRST BLACK PARISH CLERK?

Goddamn race equality think tanks, rolling through the pleasant valleys of middle England and firing their filthy foreign shells into our all-white villages:

It is a picture-postcard county blighted only by an unusually high number of grisly murders.

But now the fictional shire of Midsomer is at the centre of a race row after the creator of detective drama Midsomer Murders claimed part of the show’s appeal was its all-white cast.

Producer Brian True-May said the location “wouldn’t work” if there was any racial diversity depicted in what he described as “the last bastion of Englishness” in the Midsomer villages.

His comments sparked anger from the director of the UK’s leading race equality think tank, the Runnymede Trust, who branded his views unfair and exclusionary.

“Maybe I’m not politically correct,” Mr True-May told the Radio Times. “We just don’t have ethnic minorities involved. It wouldn’t be the English village with them. It just wouldn’t work.”

He added: “Suddenly we might be in Slough. Ironically, Causton [a town in the show] is supposed to be Slough. And if you went into Slough you wouldn’t see a white face there. We’re the last bastion of Englishness and I want to keep it that way.”

Rob Berkeley, director of the Runnymede Trust, said that Mr True-May’s comments risked turning off viewers with ethnic minority backgrounds.

He said: “Clearly, as a fictional work, the producers of Midsomer Murders are entitled to their flights of fancy, but to claim that the English village is purely white is no longer true and not a fair reflection of our society, particularly to this show’s large international audience.

“It is not a major surprise that ethnic minority people choose not to watch a show that excludes them.”

Mr True-May, the programme’s co-creator, was asked in the interview why “Englishness” could not include other races. He said: “Well, it should do, and maybe I’m not politically correct.

“I’m trying to make something that appeals to a certain audience, which seems to succeed. And I don’t want to change it.”

Mr True-May said he had not previously been tackled about the programme’s failure to reflect “cosmopolitan” society.

He said: “It’s not British, it’s very English. We are a cosmopolitan society in this country, but if you watch Midsomer you wouldn’t think so. I’ve never been picked up on that, but quite honestly I wouldn’t want to change it.”

The producer has also banned swearing, violence and sex scenes from the show. But his idyllic formula does not stop challenging storylines, or other elements of diversity which do not involve ethnicity. “If it’s incest, blackmail, ­lesbianism, homosexuality...­terrific, put it in, because people can believe that people can ­murder for any of those reasons,” he told the Radio Times.

The latest series, on ITV1 next week, has a new star, Neil Dudgeon, as central character DCI John Barnaby.

He replaces actor John Nettles (his cousin DCI Tom Barnaby) whose wife and daughter were played by Jane Wymark and Laura Howard. Midsomer Murders, based on the books by Caroline Graham, was launched in 1997 and has featured 222 murders.

The show is broadcast to 231 territories worldwide. A 2006 study found it to be “strikingly unpopular” with ethnic minorities.

The full interview is in the latest edition of Radio Times, which is on sale today.

brian true may should be drowned in a puddle

Well, the ethnic diversity is what did for "Only fools and horses".

(i.e. Peckham is nothing like..)

Well at least if the 8NP start a TV channel they'll have something to show.

xxp his brother Everett must despair

Midsomer Murders producer suspended over race row

"Maybe I'm not politically correct...".

No, it's not that, it's that you're a racist old fart.

um, guys.. ding ding ding...

“If it’s incest, blackmail, ­lesbianism, homosexuality...­terrific, put it in, because people can believe that people can ­murder for any of those reasons,” he told the Radio Times

I bet John Nettles is pelased with that Express front page making him look a tiny bit racist.

nettles will of been devastated

Yeah, and he's not even on the show anymore.

It is because he;s black...

He might be, wiki says he has never discovered the identity of his father.

Just been sitting watching the vicar's children dancing around the MAYpole on the village green, then burned a few effigies of Jewish Bankers and had a good solid wank with the lads. Then off to the King George and Entrails for a pint of warm ale with my MAYtes and I believe a few righteous things will of been said about Miss Frome (sold 8/10) the new village schoolmarm and a right good bit of totty she is too.

George H, Buckinghamshire

www.truemay.com

one true-may..

Mr True-May, the programme’s co-creator, was asked in the interview why “Englishness” could not include other races. He said: “Well, it should do, and maybe I’m not politically correct.

He's saying that everything he says is a lie, including that.

Simon Jenkins basically said the same thing this morning on R4.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/today/hi/today/newsid_9425000/9425153.stm

simon jenkins, relevant commentator and broadcaster

Clearly R4 feel that way.

radio 4, rele oh forget it

Seriously though, isn't he pretty popular? He seems to be all over the place. Or maybe it's just the things I look at i.e. websites about old churches, National Trust properties...OK, I get your point.

I wonder if Brian True-Dat has changed his views on political correctness in the UK now he's been suspended and a shitstorm has erupted

Nah pretty sure he will blame it on political correctness gone mad

simon jenkins writes reasonably competent stuff much of the time but his explaining real england values to the commentariat stuff is kinda boring

Well you may say that but let me tell you we in the Church COnservation Trust disagree profoundly with many of his choices in his 1000 Best Churches book - St Andrew's at Shrivingham? - the man's clearly gone crazy!

xp, NV I get your point but what's the alternative? Ignoring him? Pretty sure he would still feel the same way.

I'm not entirely sure what my point is. To the extent that a bloke like this says "it is not okay for me to express the following opinions in public" he's right. To the extent that he may break race discrimination law as an employer he's breaking the law and should be treated accordingly. To the extent that these shitstorms mainly serve to further entrench attitudes and always seem to divert discussion away from the original idiocy, I think it's counterproductive. The guy's quotes were stupid and offensive but not in any way that deserved more response than a detailed refutation imo, not this "burn the witch" shit.

ya i'd agree with that

should be fired and forgotten

Of course burning witches was very much part of Englishness until the do-gooders got their way.

Im not sure there's any way he could have said what he said, been chastised or whatever and then there not be a shitstorm. No matter what his "punishment" he would have probably gone crying to the Express/Mail about his treatment anyway.

Still the only papers not to lead with Japan:

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week3/15953060.jpg
http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week3/15953076.jpg

A second day on the front page for the long-running Midsomer Murders story, though.

You don't understand, the Lotto is the name of my dog etc

In his home village, support for Mr True-May was solid. Early yesterday, he went to the newsagents, which is run by a British Indian...

death to false brian may

On a work level the comments were dumb because he’ll have great difficulty getting top British actors and actresses to guest in the show from now on apart from Nigel Havers types.

On any other level It’s A Good Story, which lest we forget is the number one concern of newspapers, whether it’s Japan or fan fiction Cotswolds.

yeah, too many people forget that the hidden agenda of newspapers is to find, report and publish interesting and provocative factual items, and i for one am glad you're back to blow the lid off their scam.

I'm not entirely sure what my point is. To the extent that a bloke like this says "it is not okay for me to express the following opinions in public" he's right. To the extent that he may break race discrimination law as an employer he's breaking the law and should be treated accordingly. To the extent that these shitstorms mainly serve to further entrench attitudes and always seem to divert discussion away from the original idiocy, I think it's counterproductive. The guy's quotes were stupid and offensive but not in any way that deserved more response than a detailed refutation imo, not this "burn the witch" shit.

― The north-east's Number 2 children's party magician (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, March 15, 2011 12:29 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

ya i'd agree with that

should be fired and forgotten

― kid 606: the nultness (nakhchivan), Tuesday, March 15, 2011 12:36 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

idk rly? anyone who says anything stupid/offensive (fairly mildly offensive in this case) should be fired? im sort of amazed he didn't think before speaking to the radio times, but ehh really. i've never seen midsummer murders. or heard the archers, idk if that has ethnic minorities in it.

Usha! Who's married to the vicar.

I've watched a few MM - they are mostly terrible. Nettles has one strange acting technique that I find beguiling. Idk if he should be sacked but I think he's only been suspended so far?

No, he resigned and they have a new detective now.

easy solution to keep everyone happy wld be introducing ethnic minorities, but exclusively as murder victims.

loool

idk rly? anyone who says anything stupid/offensive (fairly mildly offensive in this case) should be fired?

no I don't think he necessarily should've been fired, but it is a "bringing the organisation into disrepute" deal which lots of us have to live with at work. can't help but feel that a lot of e.g. newspapers are not so much outraged as snatching at a chance to concern troll. i'm worried that the level of "public discourse" is providing succour and confirmation for racists and other conspiracy nuts at the moment

ah, and when I said "it's not okay for me to express these views in public" what I meant was that events had borne this out, I tend to think you should be free to say whatever stupid shit you like in public without consequence unless it's an incitement to violence or certain limited kinds of defamation

or heard the archers, idk if that has ethnic minorities in it.

Radio, so difficult to tell, at least until characters start speaking in Yardie patois.

You don't understand, the Lotto is the name of my dog etc

― ka£ka (NickB), Wednesday, 16 March 2011 09:48 (3 hours ago) Bookmark

well played sir

Usha! Who's married to the vicar.

I've watched a few MM - they are mostly terrible. Nettles has one strange acting technique that I find beguiling. Idk if he should be sacked but I think he's only been suspended so far?

― I'm sorry, I did not create the cosmos, I merely explain it. (Ned Trifle II), Wednesday, 16 March 2011 06:17 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

The vicar's daughter by his first marriage is Afro Caribbean and Kate married a black south african lawyer. There is alos Russ Aboot style comedy Scot, Jazzer, and baby crazy gay chef Ian so its a veritable rainbow nation in Borsetshire.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week3/15953788.jpg

is that 99% of daily express readers who watch it?

daily express 10th september 1939 'lady astor disgraces herself again with uncouth frock', 'free tin of soup for every reader*'

*no tin of soup

The first Express midsomer story was pretty standard PC gone mad lols, but their follow-up 'keep it white' campaign is srsly o_O

99% of daily express readers have some black friends

99% of daily express readers have some black friends

An Express Reader?

plus was it really pc nonsense? Its not like "leftists" etc accused the show of being only white. It was the producer who said he kept it white and didn't think it should change. Up until then noone had said they deliberately keep it white.

No comment on the "foxy filly" causing a stir?

the express really is the alan partridge of newspapers, isn't it?

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/235032/Midsomer-Murders-debate-Britain-says-boss-is-right-to-keep-Midsomer-white

Actor John Nettles played the lead role as DCI Tom Barnaby from the launch of the show but has now “retired”.

Well, he has, hasn't he?

http://www.guardian.co.uk/media/2009/feb/12/john-nettles-to-leave-midsomer-murders

Are they just adding random quotes to create some imagined mystery?

Also, I think I can distinctly remember some gypsies who were on the show, so if they just make sure no white people commit the murders from now on everyone would be happy.

Charlie Brooker found a black bloke in Midsomer on 10 O'Clock Live last night. Stand down the troops!

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week3/15956110.jpg

NB: 'Yogurt' not for human consumption.

So the heroic RAF heroes are flying in right behind the French bombers then?

really want to know what the daily express thinks the answer is to the food crisis (which they are right to flag up - first real issue they've had on their front page in probably decades, now expand that to 'world food crisis' plz)

because if that answer isn't 'instigate local resource-based economies, remove capitalist system, cancel debts, make basic nutritious food completely free, delete conservative hate-rags like us' then they're cunts OH WAIT

sorry, long day. about to get longer.

lj actually the answer is free yoghurt how do you not see?

yoghurt is a luxury food. stuff that should be free: fruit, veg, carbs

fuck it, yoghurt should be free too. ban money. lol daily express front-page hypocrisy. let them eat body wash.

Bleedin' American spellings, coming over here and spilling our bacterial fermentation.

No need to get all yog(butt)hurt over the situation.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week4/15962618.jpg

NUCLEAR FALLOUT 'CAUSES CANCER'

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Mar/Week4/15963305.jpg

IN TOMORROW'S EXPRESS: FREE SALT FOR EVRY READER

Let me guess - salt not actually banned in chip shops?

It wasn't on Tuesday, though I'm in Scotland and we have our own law system that puts compulsory salt clauses in all fast food licensing.

Cash-strapped Lib Dem-run Stockport Council, facing cuts of £50million over four years, wants fish and chip shops, cafes and Indian restaurants to hide salt shakers behind the counters...

...Five shops have signed up to the “out of sight, out of mind” salt scheme.

Where/how did Liz Taylor get a million pounds? She's hardly been churning out blockbusters for the last three decades.

Perfume, & a clear business head apparently.

Its hard enough to get enough salt&vinegar on yr chips at the best of times..

I've been looking it up - apparently she had over £200m in jewellery alone so fair dos.

Best line: "It is not the first time the health conscious council has targeted fast food addicts. In 2009 it gave cafes salt cellars with five holes instead of 17, prompting Tory leader Mr Jones, to say it created a “nanny town”."

lmao

Not enough use of the word 'daft' in front page splashes imho.

...although 26 times in a month might be overdoing it.

Forget it, Mr Jones. It's nanny town. [jazz to fade]

Just got a 'special edition' of the Daily Express through my door - a eurosceptic bonanza. Lots of dudes dressed up as crusading knights, and best of all, a eurosceptic crossword! Example clues: 8 across - "Absolutely nothing - as some might say be get from the EU (3)" 10 across - "Dry, lifeless unproductive - not unlike the EU (4)" 22 across - "Turn your back on or ignore, as we should perhaps do to Brussels (4)"

In addition, a nice leaflet from UKIP telling me that Farage, my local UKIP candidate and "World Famous Global Warming Sceptic" Christopher Monckton will be holding a meeting in my village hall - right across from my house - on Monday. Dunno if I'll go or not. If the answers weren't under the crossword I could ask help with a clue.

i'm sure they did a Europhobe crossword a few months back too. I wouldn't bother going to the village hall, it'd be quicker to post your nail bomb

I'm restraining from jokes like that in case I wake up to lots of RAF MPs in my bedroom on Monday morning (village is mostly an airbase, hence their targeting it I suppose).

Don't miss the chance to see Monckton's goodly eyes in the flesh.

Goodly = googly. FFS phone.

Just got a 'special edition' of the Daily Express through my door - a eurosceptic bonanza. Lots of dudes dressed up as crusading knights, and best of all, a eurosceptic crossword! Example clues: 8 across - "Absolutely nothing - as some might say be get from the EU (3)" 10 across - "Dry, lifeless unproductive - not unlike the EU (4)" 22 across - "Turn your back on or ignore, as we should perhaps do to Brussels (4)"

it's all, like, just so shamefully, gob-smackingly juvenile.

Would go to see Monckton and Farage for a laff. Two twits together.

I wonder if he'll have any gems like this foe us Fifers : "The Scots are subsidy junkies whingeing like crumpled bagpipes and waiting for a fix of English taxpayers' money."

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week1/15964951.jpg

NOW MORE FREE SUGAR FOR MUMS ON MOTHER'S DAY

shopping is banned get your sugar for free dys

unless you are the one lucky Express crusader who wins £5,200 of Asda tat

Going the way of the Sunday Sport:

The Daily Express could be heading into new ownership after Richard Desmond, its media tycoon owner, asked Goldman Sachs to conduct a review of his newspaper assets.

The investment bank, one of Desmond's long-standing advisers, will assess a range of options for the Express and its tabloid sister title, the Daily Star. There is no formal mandate for a sale at this stage. The move comes after Desmond was courted by Barclays Capital to find a buyer for OK! magazine. It will stoke speculation that the colourful press baron, who recently became a father again, could be preparing to leave the publishing industry, where he has spent his entire career.

Bankers are forecasting a new round of consolidation for newspaper companies, which are trying to drive new digital income streams to offset falling print circulation.

They think Desmond's titles could be a good fit with Lord Rothermere's Daily Mail or Trinity Mirror, which owns the Daily Mirror and the People.

The Express has been a goldmine for Desmond, who acquired it for £125m from Lord Hollick's United News & Media in 2000. He has taken out £200m in pay and pension, plus £100m from a property deal.

His newspapers make an estimated £50m annual profit and could fetch £300m-£500m. The Express had a circulation of 624,000 in February, down 7.3% compared with a year ago.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week3/15974289.jpg

DIANA FANS NO LONGER CONTENT WITH FREE SUGAR, GO ON WEDDING CRUSADE

is that for real only i saw the front of the Sunday Express yesterday and they said it were them bad bad Mussulmans who was plotting to taint the confetti

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week4/15978126.jpg

YOUR GUIDE TO THE ROYAL WEDDING'S POCKETS

I'm outraged! 1 kg of sugar? KG!? What kind of weird euro unit is that? Don't tell me your proud nation has fallen victim to the exact kinds of bizarre european measurements your grandfathers fought against!

The iconic image of London’s red buses has become known across the world as something quintessentially English.

Humiliatingly, however, millions of ­passengers are now being driven around the capital in buses that bear the logo of their new French owners, a stylised image of the River Seine meandering through Paris.

RATP Group, the state-owned French company that runs the Paris Metro, took over bus operator London United’s prized routes last month.

The company is keen, however, to deflect suggestions of triumphalism. A spokesman said: “RATP were keen that the brand of London United was more prominent than their own, hence the size of the lettering.” Mayor Boris Johnson’s political opponents are less than impressed, however. The famous London Transport symbol, designed in 1908 and known as the “roundel”, disappeared from buses after privatisation in 1994.

John Biggs, Labour’s deputy leader of the London Assembly, said Mr Johnson had been “caught napping”.

He added: “RATP have succeeded where Napoleon failed. It sends out a strange message from the world’s greatest city and Boris needs to either invade France or devise some symbolic remedy by representing London on its own buses.”

Humiliatingly, however, hundreds of thousands of thoroughbred British crusaders are now reduced to saving newspaper coupons for 1kg bags of free sugar.

http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_ZAn-ABmM9m4/TH17OWvZjCI/AAAAAAAAJtw/LECGVX_TP94/s1600/john+biggs.jpg

Driving it forward: arrow points at his head
John Bigg: his crotch?

"They don't call him 'Biggs' for nothing."

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Apr/Week4/15979941.jpg

...according to Andrew Morton, who may have some leftover books to sell.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week1/15986298.jpg

Kinda glad he's not my granny.

Is it common knowledge that you can write your own URLs for Express stories? I just learned that the site ignores everything after the number so you can say what you like:

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/228984/the-usual-racist-bullshit

I did not know that.
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244599/heres-some-shit-we-made-up-earlier-about-eurocrats

quite a few news websites work like that

Yeah, that's where the whole Independent meme the other week came from. People believing that the staff actually made those.

<3

http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244599/richard-desmond-fists-termites-into-his-dead-mothers-rectum

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week2/15990185.jpg

FRONT PAGES NOW DECIDEDLY LESS BONKERS SINCE HUGH WHITTOW TOOK OVER AS EDITOR, STILL CRUSADINGLY XENOPHOBIC IN PARTS

Hmm.

Which bit is less bonkers?

Also, Saturdays front page was basically "Kate Middleton is famous"

Which means that 95% of their front pages will feature Kate in some form or other, a'la Diana...

Less bonkers in that I'd expect Europe and women bashing on the Express front page, less so coupons for bags of free sugar and rants about gays attending Kylie concerts.

Although:

It has traditionally been confined to the playground but sometimes enters the classroom.

Now street slang is making its way on to the Scrabble board in a move critics say risks “dumbing down” the English language.

Words including “thang”, “innit” and “grrl” are among 3,000 additions to the official reference for Scrabble players, published today in a move sure to raise eyebrows among loyal followers.

Collins, which publishes the list of Official Scrabble Words, says the changes reflect the “eclectic mix” of words in common parlance.

But Marie Clair, spokeswoman for the Campaign For Plain English, said the move risks “diluting” the English language.

“We already have one of the richest vocabularies in the world without adding further confusion,” she said. “The standard of English has dropped drastically in recent years and it is things like this that contribute to that.

“We can all accept that language evolves but how can we expect people to use it properly if we allow slang and technical jargon into a game which is supposed to represent the best of the English language?”

Words from Indian cookery such as keema, alu, or aloo, and gobi will also be included as well as slang words for various drugs such as tik, gak and tina.

Internet jargon such as Wiki and MySpace has also made the cut.

Marie Clair? You can't be a spokesperson, you're a magazine!

Someone with a French derived name complaining about the decline in the English language?
They should release an expansion pack of number tiles and allow 1337 words.

Hope nobody points out Scrabble was devised by bloody Yank. We should be playing something more traditional like Jagd auf Kohlenklau.

NATIONAL SERVICE BRING IT BACK NOW SAY 40% OF OVER 60s - is what the article actually says. tbh I'm surprised at this, seems low.

Nine out of 10 respondents to questions posed by think-tank Viewpoint 60+ say levels of anti-social behaviour in the UK are higher now than when they were in their 20s.

In theory these people could be talking about the 1970s. I wondered how long it would be before that was regarded as a golden age when kids knew right from wrong and you could leave your door unlocked, thought it would be another 10 years or so.

NATIONAL SERVICE BRING IT BACK NOW SAY 40% OF PEOPLE WHO WON'T NEED TO DO IT

Also, were too young to do it the first time around even. It's been a shock to me to realise that someone born in 1950, who was only 14 when I was born (and thus missed out on the waste of time and money that was NS) are now in their 60s and can start to bitch about the good old days.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week3/15992581.jpg

There are no words.

tbh I am in hayfever hell today, so Daily Express OTM.

Will you be seeking solace in a free chicken & stuffing lattice from Greggs tho?

Also, can Pippa actually afford a £300million man?

Saw that headline earlier and knew this thread would be back. Astonishing.

Can man live on the daily express alone, from the nutritional perspective?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week3/15993344.jpg

This thread is going to get bumped every day this week, I'm betting.

Fury as fatties get free doughnuts.

i like how she's holding the donut as if it were made of radioactive pus

a Gregg's Lemon Drizzle Donut doesn't cost much more than 35p and it wd save you the bother of throwing away the Daily Express

Tell me when they do the free pizza slice.

FREE EXPRESS DOUGHNUT OFFER CAUSES CANCER, etc.

Gregg's don't do pizza slices round here? They do those baguette-y pizza things but they're not all that tbh

No, they're not. Just kidding...

Greggs' egg sandwiches with sesame bread are almost worth the terminally depressive experience of queueing up for.

Why is it termdepress?

Lady if you have to ask...

DL thought a girl at Gregg's was rather pretty,
Maybe even prettier still after he's had a few sandwiches to stop his hunger.
She was wearing a very nice blue top from Top Shop, which he liked,
he wasn't quite as keen on the fake tan that she had applied unto herself however he still holds her in high regards.

There is one thing, however, that really, really,
Really, really does trouble DL about this girl, which is that,
as mentioned before this girl is rather pretty,
however, by george! How she knows it?

So when DL looked at the girl standing there with her hoard,
he was also waiting in the queue looking at the board
and deciding whether to have the sandwich, or a sausage roll,
Or what the little amount of money in his back pocket could afford

Then when he noticed out the corner of my eye,
Looking towards DL's direction,
Her eyes locked onto his course,
He couldn't concentrate on what he wanted to order,
Which cost him his place in the queue I waited for. Yes.

And for a while there he was thinking - yes, but, what if?
Picturing himself seducing her with his wonderful wit.
Gazing at the lady as she were standing there opposite
he has no idea if she has notice or not.
And, when another man dressed in white who was also queuing behind
was also displaying signs of interest in the girl, DL had to admit
that, yes she is beautiful,
and yes, he is interested in her,
but he must stop fantasising for a second, to purchase chips, and drinks.

DL had hurt his head earlier while purchasing a drink.
I realised that was a digression, let us continue.
DL didn't want to come across as gay,
not gay as in merriment but gay as in homosexual,
to think girls can just flirt and guys will just come to her,
however, DL thinks that girl is really gay,
And gay as in having a lively, merry mood, and he knew this as she stood and queued,
DL, however, just did not want to give the satisfaction to her!

And then, just as the girl started to walk out of Greggs

With the milkshake and that the small donut in her hands,
DL thought, no, I can't, even though you look beautiful
and her lovely smile,
and the impressive tan, o, the temptation!
However something happened that just put a spanner in the works,
as the girl walked towards DL she just walked right past, brushing his shoulders slightly,
and then into the arms of that blasted white shirted man.

That's like a song by The Streets if LJ wrote the lyrics.

Oh gosh jolly good whizzer you're fit
but tally ho toodle pip don't you know it

Dry your eyes, my friend...

A grand lemon drizzle donut don't come for free.

Original Pie cake material

What's the recipe today, Jim?

And oft we jolly well go...

http://www.frontpagestoday.co.uk/frontpages/Daily_Express_newspaper_front_page.jpg

That girl's still smiling - the staff in Greggs must be pretty sick of her tho. Coming in with the voucher every day, as of someone approaching a rations counter.

MILLIONS MUST WORK AFTER 70... like this woman in the hat pictured below...

Ah, yeah, but she's DEFIANT and wont be COWED into RETIRING!!!

Also, the greggs freebie is the big one! Sammich worth up to £2.85 mates!

What Greggs products are left for Thursday and Friday? Take it that Belgian buns are out of the window, dreadful foreign muck.

I'm sure you can get all this stuff free every day from the dumpster around the back of Greggs, without having to buy the DE.

seems like something evil foreigners would make you do though, diana.

No thanks, I get my daily dose of xenophobia elsewhere

IWANT ONE NOW!!!!!!!!!! PLEASE OPEN GREGGS IN DUBAI!!! its nearly 2pm here so afternoon tea and a lemon drizzle doughnut how lovely!!!! will have to make do with just tea :-(

People should air their political views elsewhere. Why 'like' Greggs on facebook if all yr gonna do is post your political prejudices on their posts. Greggs is about supporting a north east based company, whom we love and support and are proud of. and it's all about THE FOOD and not your cynical agendas. Get over yourselves and eat an eclair.

my mum liked the donut, i dont care about politics.

The rest of the week it's doughnuts or somesuch, retail price 60p (took a sneak look inside), apart from Saturday where it's free cuppa coffee, £1.20.

(I'm repping for no reason really, there's no Greggs around here anyway)

There is here. It sells flat flaky soggy tasteless crap. Much like the DE.

On Monday our local paper gave away a free bag of chips up to the value of £1.50.

Ah, I have found a local one to me, but it's Thai Chicken Soup day at Eat, so forget it.

Greggs is the worst. It's the fast food equiv. of... the Daily Express.

It's food done in a way that English people like...

In East London it's all about Percy Ingle, the only chain bakery with a grime mixtape named after it.

Still only halfway through eating my bag of sugar here. Slow down with the free food already.

people dissing Gregg's need to stop fronting. cheese savoury & bacon sandwich is kick-ass

The actual sandwiches seem alright, the couple times I've had one.

the pies vary in goodness and clearly it ain't health food but for a chain bakers they're pretty good. they're no Wright's Pies but tragically we don't have them up here

On Monday our local paper gave away a free bag of chips up to the value of £1.50.

― i can't, i won't (Ned Trifle II), Wednesday, 18 May 2011 09:49 (20 minutes ago) Bookmark

When I was a boy it was the other way round. We knew where we stood.

again, i'll rep for the egg sandwiches in poppy (not sesame) seed bread.

Today is your day.

I was sure we had a Greggs poll but I couldn't find it.

found this though: GINSTERS POLL

The Greggs steak bake pretty much served as 90% of my diet at university.The Ginsters slice are actually edible cold, but then again I like my Greggs bakes, if not cold, then at least slightly congealed.

I really deserve to die of a heart attack before the time I'm 40, huh?

― Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 26 February 2008 12:54 Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I went into Greggs once to buy a sausage roll, mid-afternoon. I took what I thought was the tasty processed meat snack back to my office and opened the bag, to find about £800 in cash. The cashier who served me must have given me the bag containing some portion of the cashing up. Being a decent citizen, I took the money back. They gave me a free sausage roll as my reward.

fool.

I weighed it up, but thought that the cashier would probably have gotten the sack or at least a carpetting. I definitely should have demanded free sausage rolls for life though.

I really like Greggs, purely because 60p for a hot sausage roll that you can eat as soon as you pay for it seems pretty reasonable to me.

Our local Greggs has to deal with competition from a West Cornwall Pasty along the street.

if they're one of those 3 quid a pop 'gourmet' joints then that ain't much competition

So I'm just going to assume that this "tomorrow's Express front page" is not a hoax:
http://s3.amazonaws.com/files.posterous.com/psythor/cI4hI9GcgPmTqebix4ESfbeo6DJUceZTfCyrZ2AKMbE9LDVIonH9IgJ2O6t4/301308812.jpg?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAJFZAE65UYRT34AOQ&Expires=1305757415&Signature=AU2nWQsNdvgm8NnawZov6Fcah1o%3D

Ethnic numbers! More of them!

Belgian buns? Surely not.

At least the icing is white.

Totally trolling me with the Belgian buns giveaway.

Nah, their buns are very poor. Too much icing and the 'bread' bit is too dry.

Tory MP Stewart Jackson said: “The data reflects the consequences of Labour’s ‘open-door’ immigration policy.

That wouldn't be the Tory MP Stewart Jackson who claimed for getting his pool cleaned on expenses and is married to Sarah O’Grady, a journalist for a national newspaper? Surely not the same Sarah O'Grady who wrote this piece of shit article?

Pretty sure all our numbers are ethnic. Bloody Arabs.

http://cdn.images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/comments/nocomments.gif

I went into Greggs once to buy a sausage roll, mid-afternoon. I took what I thought was the tasty processed meat snack back to my office and opened the bag, to find about £800 in cash. The cashier who served me must have given me the bag containing some portion of the cashing up. Being a decent citizen, I took the money back. They gave me a free sausage roll as my reward.

i'd have been scared of being caught. would have wanted to keep it badly though, v badly.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIAdHEwiAy8

I'd have eaten the money.

really I should have come here first for advice

http://dl.dropbox.com/u/826480/Free.JPG

hah!

Surprised Murdoch is allowing clowning of Chinese govt tbh.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/May/Week3/15995737.jpg

BLEEDIN' BROWN CHOCOLATE COMING OVER HERE, COVERING OUR TRADITIONAL ENGLISH PASTRIES

They didn't have the woman aiming the éclair into her mouth.

Must have hurt to put the acute on the E.

Hold down 'AltGr' and type 'e'

Thanks Mark - I méant it must have hurt the anti-Éurope Éxpréss to use filthy foréign punctuation.

touché

Oh I see, I hadn't noticed.

“Fifty years ago, the single-use plastic bag was almost unheard of.

“Now we use them for a few minutes and they pollute our environment for decades,” said EU Environment Commissioner Janez Potocnik.

we use them for a few minutes and they pollute our environment for decades

Much like a Greggs chocolate éclair.

I like that one!

oops, wrong thread

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jun/Week1/16003941.jpg

Wow.

that's quite irresponsible

also, desperate

Dead serious about continuing to produce the X-Factor

So what headline would they use if he really died?

(X_X) FACTOR

ugh that was supposed to be...

(X_X) FACTOR

Simon Cowell

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jun/Week2/16009105.jpg

Wondered what Kate was doing in East London's glorious Stratford for a minute.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jun/Week2/16010211.jpg

FREE WATER (one cup per reader, may contain hidden danger)

Brilliant!
http://images.dailyexpress.co.uk/img/covers/257x330front/2011-06-28.jpg

It's got everything - melting roads, crippled Britain ("Crippled" the new "Broken"!), good news health story and subservient Scots. And free petrol. Really it's a win-win.

mmm..

Bit cheerful though.

Don't worry I'm sure they'll discover that sunlight causes cancer tomorrow.

or six weeks ago http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/244770/Mothers-put-children-at-risk-from-sun

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week1/16023160.jpg

DUCHESS OPENS HER HEART, POURS IN FREE SUGAR

cruel bbc game show offering jobs as prizes? do they mean the apprentice?

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week1/16024985.jpg

Literally living off bread and water with the Express.

and salt.

The Express is always best taken with a pinch of the stuff anyway.

This is the same paper that is running this to-day.
http://www.express.co.uk/posts/view/257040/Herbal-remedy-s-nagging-relief-to-the-henpecked-

The world’s first anti-nagging medicine hit the shelves yesterday.
And, although the makers claim it works for both sexes, they admit it is particularly effective in women

They really are the best place to get your science news.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2011/07/05/article-2011630-0CE19E3900000578-274_243x331.jpg

it's the "Now"s that make me most want to kill

bearing in mind their readership must contain a high proportion of senile stubborn illogical old gits with blood pressure issues this salt thing is pretty fucking irresponsible

this is an unusual use of the word "Now" though - usually it's "NOW [women are allowed out of the kitchen]", the "now" is all about how we're going to hell in a handcart and hatred of modernity. this one is more...relief tinged with sarcasm? "finally we can eat salt again"? god it'd such a batshit headline even on the slowest news day.

Which would explain the story in Private eye, that at Glasto all the copies of the DE that got sent to the site shop were returned unsold.

Guess they didn't run out of toilet paper this year.

bearing in mind their readership must contain a high proportion of senile stubborn illogical old gits with blood pressure issues this salt thing is pretty fucking irresponsible

Look at the long game, at least no-one will be buying the Express again.

FREE cyanide for every reader!

If only salt wasn't so salty, I'd get salted off my nut right now that the DE's given the OK.

I'd love to know the economic forces that makes an organ print this shit.

It was easy, it was cheap..

Lorem Ipsum fulfills those criteria. And would be a better read.

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week2/16027567.jpg

FREE LEATHER PASSPORT HOLDER SO YOU CAN GO VISIT THE NHS BILLIONS ABROAD

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week2/16029986.jpg

BRITISH NEWSPAPERS FORCED TO REMOVE FREE SUGAR OFFERS

This is presumably the same as the made up story about town halls being fined for not flying the EU flag? It must get very depressing for which ever Fatcat Brussels Bureaucrat has to rebut these stories esp. as they must know their work will never end and will be completely ignored. At least he's probably being paid £5m a week and living in a gold house for his trouble.

5m and I bet he is still taking our free sugar.

I'm going to bury this FREE loaf of bread so that EU bureaucrats cant' get their hands on it.

First line of the article...

BRITISH sports stars could be forced to wear the EU flag on their kit in the latest bid by Brussels to impose its symbols on the UK...

...so no one actualy being forced, at this moment, to do anything. Thank fuck we've got a free press.

America's most mysterious air disaster marks its 15th anniversary today amid conflicting claims that TWA 800 may have been blown up by terrorists, accidentally shot down by the US Navy or knocked out of the sky by a space capsule full of rats.

Now rat spaceships cause fury

I fixed the picture:

http://i53.tinypic.com/xeefc1.png

http://news.sky.com/sky-news/content/StaticFile/jpg/2011/Jul/Week3/16032870.jpg

Hope those free Mega Bloks are made in the UK