Tudor ILE

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So, due to an obscure error in the lines of succession back in the early 17th Century, it turns out that We are Queen.

I have dispensed several Dukedoms to Lord Southall of Exeter and Lady Panther of Cambridge to help fight the Welsh. But now we have rival Dukes of Harringey/gay beseiging each others' castles!

If Parliament doesn't ratify my Post Tax in order to raise money for Our invasion of France, We will disolve Parliament!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Off with your heads!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:10 (twenty-one years ago)

(No, I've not gone off my rocker, this is how We celebrate Guy Fawlke's Day around here.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I want to be an Earl, an Eaorl or an Eaorlthing, no of the fancy french ranks for me.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha ha, clicks "Submit"

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

In fact I name my self the Eaorl of Mercia, scourge of the welsh, and ruler from the Wash to offa's dyke.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Can we behead Randy, no matter how amazing he claims to be?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:14 (twenty-one years ago)

The punishments for trade descriptions crimes shall be beheading.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:15 (twenty-one years ago)

*agrees*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Earl of Clerkenwell you shall be. And Minister of Transport, too if you like, though you won't get to enjoy it for long before We dissolve Parliament. We are considering applications for the Royal Spymaster, though.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:17 (twenty-one years ago)

my hip hop feud with Tim Hopkins seems to have cooled down a bit. to which i can only say

BUUCKAW!

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Mercia, Clerkenwell, what's the difference? So long as you fight off the Welsh! Now about this Invasion of France?

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Your Majesty, make sure not to forget the Church when You are ordering Your realm, for it is only through the Will of Our Lord that You are able to rule.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Where are Our feuding Dukes of Harringey/gay? FANCY A TOURNAMENT?!?!?

WILL NO ONE RID ME OF THIS MEDDLING DIRTY VICAR?!?!?

I am head of the Church of England. No popery. End of story!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Any enfeoffments on the horizon, Your Majesty?

― OleM (OleM), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:19 (twenty-one years ago)

But you Majesty, I have the Eaorl is of aristocratic blood, but he lookst like he lives in the trees with the villains, or in the mud with the peasants!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:20 (twenty-one years ago)

b-but you wil need parliament in yr ceaseless war against the unruly barans

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Where do you fancy, OleM? Our Northern shores are having a bit of a Dane problem. You could sort that out for us!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Curse that Parliament. Why can't We raise taxes without them? We would like a word with that wretched uncle John about this miserable Magna Carta he's saddled Us with.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

my Dukedom of the Green Lanes follows my inheritance of West Brent and the successful acquisition of the Friars' Barn hamlets. i didn;t survive the battle of Mildmay Vale just to concede my birthright to some Caledonian chancer!

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you're going to have to fight to defend it, Duke Stevem! We've got an Invasion of France to raise money for, and Parliament is being annoying. Pick your fiefdom, raise a castle and I will grant a title plus a free Lisence To Crennelate to any Knight willing to fight the Welsh, the French or those pesky Danes!!!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Would you royal highness care for a gingerbread latte? (obv this will not come out of our funds, the star of bucks will happily donate some to our cause.)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:27 (twenty-one years ago)

problem = raising taxes w/o being beholden to the unruly barans obv

btw you are a girl therefore i claim the throne on the grounds that i am a boy, and lo! here are the percys of northumberland and the marches to prove i am right

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:28 (twenty-one years ago)

also the mowbrays have switched sides as per haha

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Excellent! We grant the Star of Bucks a "BY APPOINTMENT TO HER MAJESTY QUEEN KATE" little stamp thing if they continue to supply the royal Caffeine!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Stand back Sir, dare you challenge our queen's throne?

x-post

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:29 (twenty-one years ago)

she may have the body of a woman, but she has the heart and stomach of a woman

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:30 (twenty-one years ago)

HOW DARE YOU MAKE A ROYAL X-POST?!?!? To the Tower with Mark S!

Our cousin Elizabeth was a GIRL, and a bastard and protestant to boot, and yet She was still the most excellent King the English ever had.

We need a spymaster to keep tabs on this most ungratious Mark S plot. To Tyburn with the lot of them!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:31 (twenty-one years ago)

it's not the queen's throne it's mine, look

*indicates huge rabble of kerns and gallowglasses pootling hither and thither*

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Your Majesty, someone has gone and built a dirty great cinema on the site of the gallows.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)

It's Ours. Ours, I tell you, We have the stone of Skoon and you do not, so nyeah nyeah nyeah nyeah neayh.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:33 (twenty-one years ago)

You majesty, at least there will be a big crowd!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Where is Our Spymaster General? Someone make a pamphlet denouncing the Mark of S as a popist. We are sure the crowd gathered to watch Kill Bill will be quite happy to witnesse a proper execution.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:35 (twenty-one years ago)

i. she was a girl
ii. she was a ~~complete~~ bastard = daughter of catherine of aragorn, whose marriage to arthur was never properly dissolved
iii. henry tudor was a most unpuissant and godless usurper anyway :P
iv. i am descended from the princes in the tower whom richard our uncle spirited quietly away for later, and anyway they were murdered by henry vii, and IF PERKIN WARBECK'S WASN'T WHO HE SAID WHY DID HIS MUM NOT NOTICE eh?

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:36 (twenty-one years ago)

*pushes stevem forward*

x-post

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:37 (twenty-one years ago)

daughter of catherine of aragorn,

Anne Bolynne, I think you'll find. Your geneology is flawed!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Right, I'm off to do the Fortinbras, then.

― OleM (OleM), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:41 (twenty-one years ago)

ooh, bras

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

On no! Markists!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:43 (twenty-one years ago)

oi lord ed, nobles weren't executed at tyburn!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, We'd exectute you at The Tower but there is some bloody berk who hath imprisoned himself in a box in the way!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

you're noble now, yeoman mark?

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:45 (twenty-one years ago)

*shakes head* not again that bloody david of blaine

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

aragorn, boleyne, they're all girls hence harlots etc

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

We mean, honestly! If people WISH to be imprisonned, We are quite happy to oblige them with our Dungeons and our Gaols!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

You would do well to curb your salacious tongue Master S lest it be plucked out with hot tongs.

― Walsingham, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

also i think you're all forgetting the giant size of my army in yr front courtyard

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:49 (twenty-one years ago)

We see no army, We see an orderless rabble of round-headed commoners waving farm implements. Look behind you, We have you surrounded by the Dukes of Harringey/gay who have given up their feuding and beseigeing in order to protect their Queen!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Aragorn didn't look much like a girl in lord of the rings

― Davel (Davel), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:51 (twenty-one years ago)

*strategically placed agents throughout crowd simultaneously initiate discontent against the Markist cause as rabble begins to chant for his head on a stick*

― Walsingham, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:52 (twenty-one years ago)

he looks like a girl with a beard!!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:53 (twenty-one years ago)

as does good queen kate!!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Fie! Impudence! Off with his head!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I shall scourge the errant mark s, after all Shrewsbury was Pengwern till I wrestled from the grasp of the celtic Prince Madoc whilst he was off dicovering America. Mark S, pah, Mark ap Llewellyn more like.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

don't come any closer copper! or i'll hang draw and quarter myself!!

*holds ducking stool to own head in wobbly yet psychotic fashion*

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:55 (twenty-one years ago)

oi! i can call forth devils from the vasty deep!!

*waves bladder about*

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:56 (twenty-one years ago)

well, i'd be one of the lower orders; serf, peasant - journeyman at best, so i don't think this is the best idea.

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:59 (twenty-one years ago)

*waves bladder about*

best post ever on ilx

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 11:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Besides, all of this is nonsense anyway. The Order Of Succession clearly shows that after Us, the Monarchy passes to an obscure American cousin, Baron Raggett of Orange County, and from thence to Duchess Panther of Cambridge and the disputed Duke of Harringey/gay.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Does the Disputed Duke have the disputed Rive Lee 0r Lea in his domains, if so, verily he should sort it out.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

*slides back into the shadows with one eyebrow strategically raised and an almost imperceptible nod to the four burly bodyguards who immediately seize Markin Sinkbeck roughly and drag him by his hair from the room, before repairing to The Tower to prepare the requisite implements to extract a shaky signature to an already prepared confession*

― Walsingham, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:01 (twenty-one years ago)

No, unfortunately the Lee/Lea distinction is the jurisdiction of the Bishop of Hackney. This is a theological matter, and best left to the Church!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:02 (twenty-one years ago)

(did you know, and i may have mentioned this before, that it is still ENSHRINED IN LAW that ENGLISHMEN are entitled to KILL WELSH PEOPLE found within the city of chester's walls after the hours of darkness?)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I say, Walsingham is doing a good job! Do we have any higher orders than the order of the garter? Fetch me my Rainbow Cloak!

Stelfox, tis a good thing, too! The Welsh tried to assasinate Us just earlier this morning on another thread!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:05 (twenty-one years ago)

well even though he's probably have had my nuts on a skewer for being catholic i'm with cromwell, i'm afraid. UP THE REPUBLIC!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:06 (twenty-one years ago)

they should integrate that as a plotline in Hollyoaks

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Republic, Schmublic! The British are the only nation sensible enough that after having their little dalliance with revolution and executing their King and all, to realise that REPUBLICS HATE FUN and invite their King back again and restore him! (Or at least his son.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:08 (twenty-one years ago)

steve is otm. that should be the twist re that geezer who's offing blonde women - that they were all welsh in some way, so it was legal: cue maniacal cackle and uplighting of face.

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Enough with this petty in-fighting. Back to the issue at hand, which is WHEN ARE WE GOING TO INVADE FRANCE?!?!? Those bastards have recaptured Normandy, Aquitaine and Calais and We are fighting mad about it!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:12 (twenty-one years ago)

REPUBLICS HATE FUN

yay for puritan egalitarianism!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

That Cromwell, he INVENTED fun-hating.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:13 (twenty-one years ago)

every good imperialist needs a cromwell, my liege: you invade france i'll find the money somewhere

*smashes up gilded pulpit*

― the other less famous but more important cromwell (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Now that's the kind of Cromwellianism We can really get into!

Down with Popery! ::rifles through the Dirty Vicar's coffers::

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:21 (twenty-one years ago)

right, let me put history RIGHT. i want to establish a papist dictatorship, instigated and overseen by... er... me... it will stall hate fun (but allow mark to wave his bladder) and it will have no monarchy

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

still hate fun...

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Go to France if you want to do that sort of thing.

(But not Normandy, Aquitaine or Calais, please.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

and get your hands of my pulpit sinkah!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I am one of those unruly celts you're all trying to supress, ARRRRRRGH

― Ronan Mac Gearailt (Ronan), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, we had to do something with those lawless border clans when we United England with Scotland! Not Our fault they ended up on your doorstep! (Well, technically, it is, but, well, I'M QUEEN!!! WE HAVE A DIVINE RIGHT TO DO WHAT WE LIKE!)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:27 (twenty-one years ago)

bearing in mind family history etc, i'm actually with ronan (have to sort out my exact position here, but i still stand for the same things so it's ok)

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan is beyond the Pale we must lead a scourging and harrying of the wayward Irish.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I've heard that the Queen never brushes her teeth and they're all black and rotten. Also, my mum says she's going to die a virgin.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:31 (twenty-one years ago)

"we couragely rebel from yr horrible colonial oppression in order slavishly to submit ourselves to that guy* over there's!!"

*(as played by john geilgud aged like 99 if lucky)

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I respectfully suggest that Ma'am should throw potatoes at Ronan. (I also apologise for the earlier assassination attempt and wish to point out that I am only half Welsh really, so please do not kill me thank you)

― C J (C J), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:32 (twenty-one years ago)

your mum is a virgin matt? blimey that makes you...

*eyes go big*

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Prince Madoc has the potatoes, shall we treat with Wales or just nick them.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

We would hit you for that Matt, but We are laced into our stays.

(We are not a Virgin queen. My gynaelogical status has simple not been put to the test!)

(Besides, every handsome young diplomat we have dallied with has turned out to be a foreigner and a Catholic, too. Sigh. More scourging and harrying, because We are so frustrated!)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I have been informed on by a pigeon just 2 minutes before I was about to reunite Ireland on my 400th attempt.

― Ronan Mac Gearailt (Ronan), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Besides, every handsome young diplomat we have dallied with has turned out to be a foreigner and a Catholic, too.

i have been nowhere near this woman!!!

― Dave Stelfox (Dave Stelfox), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

btw shouldn't this thread be called POST-feudal ile?

― earl jacques of derrida (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm strictly pre-feudal me, I'm an Eaorl.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:37 (twenty-one years ago)

(We were speaking of Ambassador Hstencil of Hspania!)

btw shouldn't this thread be called POST-feudal ile?

Erm, well, technically, but it mutated, you see.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:39 (twenty-one years ago)

the French are not to be feared tho the Countess of Archigram and the benign Lord Braxe be aloof in their funky chateau

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Ronan - fie on your talk of reuniting, or the Queen will send Edmund Spenser Chow over to propagandise at you, and call you all faeries at that.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:41 (twenty-one years ago)

in my quest for the Holy Grail (the 10" 'Rubicon' picture disc) i was told they already got one :(

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I am shocked on the queen's behalf that anyone should cast aspersions with regards to the queen's teeth or indeed her virginal status.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

teeth/vagina distinction not understood

― [insert name of funniest/most appropriate reformatio savant here] (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

yeh this is kate we're talking about - ahahahahahaha

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

So you still have your head? If so why?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i keep a spare about my cloak

― stevem (blueski), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

We have hired Bangalter on the advice of expatriated Celt Stevem, his ships sail at dawn.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:50 (twenty-one years ago)

tudor-ese for uk garage = albion's stables

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Meanwhile, in the American colony Marieland a struggling landholder resents taxation without representation in Parliament. She listens to her African slave Heccuba, who proposes to call forth a djynn from the vasty deep who will kill Queen Kate and throw the British Isles into total lawlessness. Then she remembers that Heccuba's supposed love potions have all resulted in the men to whom they were administered falling in love with other women. She considers to herself whether it would not be easier just to give Heccuba her liberty.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn, we need some Pirates - oops, I mean ROYALLY APPOINTED PRIVATEERS OF THE BRITISH NAVY - to sort these insurgent colonies out!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:55 (twenty-one years ago)

*again pushes stevem forward*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:57 (twenty-one years ago)

We hear those Devonians are particularly good seafarers! Besides, We already granted Southall Earl of Devon the Admiralty...

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 12:59 (twenty-one years ago)

(We knew this thread would die when the Americans woke up. Sigh.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Nevah!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:26 (twenty-one years ago)

(We are wondering perhaps if the title of this thread should be changed to "Tudor ILE" which would be more in keeping with its general tone and subject... Moderator?)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

(Whereas it that come to our imperial notice that monies, taxes and divers pelf pursuant to the duties of MODERATING in our beloved lands Angeland, Kernow, Welshia, Yorkio, as well as the Scottish and Irish Ilands, of have since the yr of our Ld 1231 waned and lapsed in most lamentable fashion, we wish it known that no aid of like kind is deemed possible until such time as debt be repaired and honour restored)

― Scribe to the Council of Three-ell Worms (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Just you wait until brave intrepid explorer Sir Noodles of Nova Scotia wakes up! He will moderate for Queen and Country, We have no doubt!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Can I be a British-sanctioned Nawab or Pasha?

Oh fuck that, I come from a family that either peacefully protested or threw bombs at the imperialist whities, I'm growing a mustache, finding a scythe, and coming on a phantom horse to thug-ee you out....OFF with YOUR heads!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Vic (Vic), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Fie! Hush, you! We are your Empress as well, and you are just a jewel in our mighty crown.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate, Empress of India (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:56 (twenty-one years ago)

*agrees & hands her majesty another gingerbread latte*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 13:58 (twenty-one years ago)

You're not trying to overcaffeinate Her Majesty, are you there, Duchess Panther?

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Of course not, just trying to keep ~~my head~~ her majesty happy.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Very good! Carry on! We award thee Order of the Coffeemug.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

u r all gay.

― King of Garnethill (RJG), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Noodles, that gallant wight, wits well on which side of his trencher the dripping dwells, methinks

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

We knew there were rumours of mad relations locked in cupboards somewhere... We didn't expect one to post to Our thread!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Hi! I'm a poor beggar boy, just 13, and I've noticed I look EXACTLY like the young virgin Queen Kate. How about we exchange garments and you can frolic with the commoners and I can take over the duties of state?

(alternatively, if any papists want to experience the saftey of my hole, just let me know)

― Mark C (Mark C), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

*shudders*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Thank you, Sir Barrington of Lasange to keep your PAPIST HOLE as far away as possible from Our virgin ears!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, now that you've mentioned jewels, your majesty...::bows::

..as long as you keep richard attenborough away from my hood here, and bring some hot british babes that we can entertain on tigers and such, all shall be fine...

― the Nawab of Vicabad (Vic), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

mark c do you like kit marlowe?

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh! Ooh! I want to be a pirate!
http://piratefootball.org/female_pirate_small.gif

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Ssshhh, Cap'n McLusky, not so loud, so the Spanish don't hear. Not a pirate. A PRIVATEER!!! In return for Our official protection, you simply give Us a portion of your bootie - oops, we mean - Lawfully Gotten Gains.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

wight is a strange word, isn't it?

meaning one: person
meaning two: ghost

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:18 (twenty-one years ago)

meaning three: sebastien chikira

― RJG (RJG), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I the Rouge Monitor will hunt down the Crimson Binome while hunting down what remains of Canadian popery so My Queen may judge them.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Do we really want a portion of Cap'n McLusky's booty?

― Lady Panther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Shout for the Heraldic Officers of Arms!

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www2s.biglobe.ne.jp/~caerleon/images/z-gundam_large.jpg

― TOMBOT, Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I AM QUEEN, WE SHOULD NOT HAVE TO PUT UP WITH WORK FILTERS!!! Damn those meddling ministers trying to protect Our Virgin Eyes.

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:29 (twenty-one years ago)

re: Timewasting b4 the interweb

"Sir John Vanbrugh (1664-1726), the famous architect and playwright, was for many years Clarenceux King of Arms, though he is said to have known nothing of heraldry and genealogy and to have ridiculed both. He was suceeded as Garter by John Anstis (1669-1744). It was mainly at Anstis's instigation that the Order of the bath was instituted in 1725. William Oldys (1696-1761), Norroy King of Arms, was a noted antiquary and bibliographer but wholly ignorant of heraldry and known for being 'rarely sober in the afternoon, never after supper', and 'much addicted to low company'. "

― mark s (mark s), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Why would anyone not want my booty!? *Humph!*

― Privateer McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:33 (twenty-one years ago)

We welcome Capt'n McClusky's booty in court!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Surely we would want it all?

― Lady Panther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 14:39 (twenty-one years ago)

WILL NO ONE RID ME OF THIS MEDDLING DIRTY VICAR?!?!?

I was not meddling! I was hearing their confession.

― DV (dirtyvicar), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:17 (twenty-one years ago)

All day I've read this thread title as 'Feudal ILE'. Weird.

― Enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah same here, wtf?

― Vic (Vic), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Hooray! It was done by Royal Decree! God bless the Rogue Moderator, Sir Noodles of Nova Scotia! How about a Governership, Noodles?

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

But Tudor ILE means references to Thomas a Becket are anachronistic...

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

LIKE ANY OF THIS IS NOT ANACHRONISTIC!!!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I mean, they didn't have the interweb in the 17th Century, either, did they?

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Is the Governership of The Icen Forests of Canadia free?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It is yours, Sir Noodles, for gracious service to Her Majesty. You are now Governer of the Icen Forests of Canadia. (You may also bring your bootie to court!)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Odds bodkins

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh good lord, We had better be nice to King Raggett of Orange (County) as he's directly behind Us in the succession, and therefore most likely to want Us to come to some bad ends...

How lovely to see you, King Raggett! Would you care for some entertainment? Minstrels? I hear the Earl of Devon has Minstrels Boom and Pierce performing... Have some wine!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

If it would pleasure Your Highness, Adam Ant should be brought in to Stand and Deliver. Merely to help the decorum.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

*bows* It is the long game that is worth playing in these, our strange times. *checks* Hmm, yes. But I thank you for your welcome. Please ensure your minstrels are imbibing the correct amount of cordials necessary.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

*cries*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

We will have none of the Poperie of the Long Game in these good protestant shores!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Weep not, milady Pinkpanther. You may have some of these mysterious cordials too. Dancing fools of yore in my land called them 'drinks of smartness.'

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Lovely! *bows at Lord Raggett of Nedness*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Your Majesty, I bring yoy rich cloths and jeweled slippers and beg you not to let Harvest Time Rainment pass you by. I also come with tidings, the unruly barans are as yet confined to Islingtone and the castles and places of Harringey/gay stand strong.

― Lady Anna de Crouchend (Anna), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

*nudges her majesty* has she given herself that title?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:02 (twenty-one years ago)

If the good Lady Anna is keeping the evil Barans at bay, then she hath deserved her title! Lisences to crenelate all round! (And no, this is nothing to do with the wonderful UNIQLO gowns and size seven and a half slippers which the Lady Anna has brought with her as bribery, We mean, gifts for not letting the harvest times pass us by.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.johnbarber.com/Katherine%20Fanshawe.jpg

Now this is who I want to be right now. *fantasizes about robbing and beating those who have displeased me recently*

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Now, Pirates - We mean, PRIVATEERS - may have special Royal Dispensation, but generally frown upon highwaymen/women. It's one thing to rob the Hspaniards on the high seas, but robbing good gentle Englishmen and Women in their own country is NOT something that this queen will stand for! Eoarl of Clerkenwell, prepare the Gallows at Tyburn!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Noblest thread ever!

― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Your Highness may rest assured that I only beat or rob those who have earned it through their ignobility of soul, or who really hate fun. And as for robbing...well, I do not claim to keep all of the seized goods myself... *dips into a velvet pouch that clinks with coins, wanting to make a payment into the royal coffers*

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, in that case...

::does quick mental calculation to see how much of France she can invade::

Carry on, then. Stand down the Gallows, good Eaorl! (Though we could do with hanging some Popists because I'm bored.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

*Makes a generous donation to the Invade France fund*

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmm, yes. France must be enslaved and their wine brought to us. All of it. In huge amounts. Especially the champagne.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Erm, & cheese?!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

And Brandy

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, yes. *follows Lady j.lu's wise example and donates Orange County wampum*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, you merchantile dogs! We're in it for the glory and the ancestral rights! My great-great-great grandfather William the Conquerer would be rolling in his grave! If it wasn't for him, you'd all be speaking Saxon! Think of Henry V! Remember Agincourt! The glory! Normandy! Aquitaine! Calais! They're *OURS*!!!

(Oh yes, and wine, cheese and brandy, but really. It's the glory. I swear.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

*nods*

― Lady Panther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

(Though really we should set our sights on Italy if we want to get us more of that Cappucino. But alas, We have no ancestral claims there.)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

ooh pasta, let's go!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

No ancestral claim, The Normans conquered sicily, Southern Italy, Sardinia and Malta, claims have been built on more tenuous evidence than that.

― Ed (dali), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

*rubs hands together*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 16:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, Eaorl Clerkenwell, if you can provide the reasoning, and Cromwell Senior can provide the ill-gotten gains - I mean cash - then off we go!

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Fear not, we have imports of coffee from Sir Tim Horton's arriving upon the Thames from the Icen Forests of Canadia.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

And lo, there cam much brou-ha-ha from partes foreynne.

― Swygart Ye Bloodlyke (mrswygart), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

And now, my good subjects, I am going home to bed - I mean, watch Nigel Spivey videos until my palms grow hairy. To all my good subjects, in all our colonies, a happy, safe and good night!

(Damn, I knew that I should have paid more attention to watching the Queen's Xmas address and less attention to arguing with Momus so I knew how to do this better!)

― Her Royal Highness Queen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 17:08 (twenty-one years ago)

< deskulks>
Howdy yall, couldn't help but notice some mighty fine skull and duggery round these here parts. But I reckon ain't nothin better'n some Yankee-doodle dandyin' to really weed out yer bandits somethin fierce and keepin on the lowdown.

Also my sources are tellin me Walsingham prefers the company of men, so if ever there's an opening, I'd be much obliged, ma'am.
< skulks back into shadows>

― Sherrif L(E^24) (Leee), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 23:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Also I know kung fu.

― L(E^24) (Leee), Wednesday, 5 November 2003 23:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Well then, I reckon since the school marm ain't round these parts, I'll just mosey on in, make myself at home.

*hangs lasso on back of throne*
*props feet up on scepter*

― L(E^24) (Leee), Thursday, 6 November 2003 07:48 (twenty-one years ago)

some queen is going to come in here in a minute and see you sitting on that throne, and you will be so busted.

― Skottie, Thursday, 6 November 2003 07:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Aww shucks, I ain't mean no harm. It's just my cowboyish charm. *tips Stetson*

― L(E^24) (Leee), Thursday, 6 November 2003 07:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn colonies...!

Oh wait, sorry, Revolution, heads chopped off, nothing to see here, move along!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Thursday, 6 November 2003 08:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Queen Kate the Impsosteress! All hail the Dauphine Julia!

― Rabblerousing French sleep agent (Leee), Friday, 7 November 2003 23:23 (twenty-one years ago)

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