Mrs. Cranky, Mayor Of Crankington

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That's me today.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 09:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I didn't get enough sleep last night. And I hate bendy busses. And residents' associations.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 09:46 (twenty-two years ago)

And Michael Douglas. He should never be allowed to make another misogynistic movie again in his life.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 09:57 (twenty-two years ago)

That's it. Let it all out.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 09:58 (twenty-two years ago)

btw, congratulations on the marriage, Mrs Cranky!

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 09:59 (twenty-two years ago)

DID I MENTION THAT I FREAKING HATE BENDY BUSSES?!?!??

AND RECCONCILING STATEMENTS!!! IF YOU HAD A DECENT ACCOUNTING DEPARTMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE, I WOULD NEED TO BE DOING THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! GRRRRRRR!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 09:59 (twenty-two years ago)

After last night, Mr. Cranky is the new Chairman of the Residents Association.

You know, Mr. Cranky has spent the past two weeks saying he wants to be LESS INVOLVED in neighbourhood affairs, and have less annoyance and botheration from the little old ladies and their petty feuds to sue each other. And he comes home from a residents association meeting - an hour and a half late, mind you - saying he's now the president.

::BEATS HEAD AGAINST THE WALL::

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:01 (twenty-two years ago)

haha that sounds like a sitcom plot

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:02 (twenty-two years ago)

We live in a bad sitcom. Literally.

I mean, honestly, he came home, and I'd already made dinner and eaten mine BY MYSELF cause I got sick of waiting for him. So I warmed his up, and the moment I served it onto the plate, ANOTHER OLD LADY CAME BY AND KNOCKED ON THE DOOR AND PESTERED HIM FOR FIFTEEN MINUTES SO HIS DINNER GOT COLD AGAIN.

I felt like a housewife in a crap fifties movie.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I suppose it's better than being in the Young Ones.

I hate tube people riding on busses. I hate people who go into work even though they're sick and insist on infecting you with their awful horrible germs and sneeze on the bus and don't even cover their noses or mouths so their germs end up in your hair I HATE THEM HATE THEM HATE THEM.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:14 (twenty-two years ago)

I fucking hate busses that won't let you on without buying a ticket, yet wait just long enough for you to buy the fucking ticket, yet PULL AWAY the moment that you run towards them, ticket in hand. FUXORS!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate busses that won't let you on without buying a ticket except kids have stuffed crap in the money hole of the ticket machine so they can fish out the pound coins.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:21 (twenty-two years ago)

AAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!! That makes me want to spit! Though they did actually put a coin guard on the one at Euston that was always being hit in that fashion. I keep getting caught by broken machines! It's so frustrating! I know they want us to buy season bus passes, but you know, when you only take a bus ONCE A DAY or less, that's not exactly economical. FUXORS!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a headache and I'm starting to get an itchy throat and I'm convinced that it's because of the idiot on the bus who sneezed on me. I'm trying to make up my mind if I should go to the chemist to get some vitamin C or to Starf*cks to get some Vitamin Caffeine.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Grr. Ed and I found a nice shiny 55 waiting for us one night after a 'family' meal. The ticket machine serving the stop was broken and the driver wouldn't accept cash fares even though this was the case. He actually suggested we cross Oxford Street to the machine opposite; we refused as he'd just pull away the second we got off the bus. When I ask for his ref number to complain (he was really being an asshole) he says '118 118'. I call him a cunt and get off the bus. Ed has walked almost to Rathbone Place; I catch him up and the traffic is so slow we outpace the bus past Centre Point, and at the next stop we are level pegging with the driver again. His door is open. "Hey," I call to the driver, "you're STILL a cunt!"

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:36 (twenty-two years ago)

You would have done better to have got a cup of water and thrown it at him through the open door!

(Can you be arrested for assault with a deadly cup of water, or is that just classed as vandalism?)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:44 (twenty-two years ago)

the machines at oxford street are never working, i had the same story as suzy last wed night - except after getting him to admit that it was a completely unreasonable situation, i just gave him a pound coin anyway and went onto the bus before he cd stop me

afterwards i realised he probbly just pocketed it

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Hey, it could be worse, you could be getting South Eastern Trains to work. I never thought the government could be worse at operating that network than Connex, but bugger me they've somehow managed it.

Why is it that when one train is cancelled, they think its in some way a good idea to lop two coaches off the end of the following one?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I think spitting on someone is technically assault, so I don't see why throwing water on them wouldn't be. I mean, she could catch her death!

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Sadly, Kate I had no water and had to do my Nice Girl Says Bad Man Is Cunt routine. Also asked him if all the power went to his head a bit.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

You don't need to touch someone to assault them. A verbal threat still counts as assault under law.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I still think that throwing a cup of water at them is the best thing to do. I mean, there's no way in hell that can be construed as assault! (Unless, of course, they are operating an electrified piece of machinery, but that would be more vandalism than assault.)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:56 (twenty-two years ago)

You don't need to touch someone to assault them.

but it's so much more rewarding when you do

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 10:58 (twenty-two years ago)

if you have a mobile with the bus complaints number programmed in, you cd always ring up and complain abt him and the situtation on the spot

of course the other passngers may take his side not yrs if they are weary and want to get home and think ur being dick-like - but the "go and find a machine that's working" is totally unreasonable, and a lot of the drivers know it, as they are on the sharp end

i wz dignified but withering, but then the driver in my case wz abt nine and clearly on his first day out

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Funnily enough it's always MALE bus drivers who pull this kind of shit - I've never had aggro off a woman driver. And I hasten to point out that I only let rip because he was so fucking rude to us and gave false information when we said we were going to complain about his behaviour.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:00 (twenty-two years ago)

throw a glass of wine over him! that happens all the time in restaurants in soap operas so it can't be assault!

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:01 (twenty-two years ago)

but then the driver in my case wz abt nine and clearly on his first day out

HOLY! i knew they were desperate for drivers but...?

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:02 (twenty-two years ago)

oddly the onlt time i've had bus aggro (practically) was off a female driver who refused to give her information out: she, confusing my young person's card for a student card, decided to give me any amount of shit for being a layabout student tosspot eating up her taxes. i was just weirded out and didn't even call her a cunt or nothing.

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:03 (twenty-two years ago)

There was one driver on the 18 who was SUCH A BAD DRIVER - I mean, I don't know how this guy had a lisence at all - that I started deliberately getting up five minutes later to miss his bus. He was a young man, and drove like one.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Bloody hell, having the bus complaints number pre-programmed is a little bit like writing letters in green biro to the Daily Express. and soaking a bus drive with wine is impractical...and a bloody waste of perfectly good wine!

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:06 (twenty-two years ago)

in any case i would not want to be a bus driver - i've seen at least four or five of them attacked physically and countless ones verbally abused. i'm sure that you get 'hardened' to the woes of everyday folks. once in brixton - a girl scaled the glass booth and reached in and actually pulled the bus drivers hair out whilst scratching and punching her face. another time a drunk german punched a female bus attendant in the face and run off. i gave chase as did others but he escaped. yeah i cut bus drivers slack.

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:06 (twenty-two years ago)

So in the UK or London or wherever you have to buy a ticket from a machine just before you hail a bus? That's insane!

― Andrew Thames (Andrew Thames), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, and also I forgot - the only interesting piece of gossip to come back from the Brides Of Satan, I mean the Residents Association was that R1cky Gerva1s has moved out of the building because some interviewer made a comment about his flat being "a dump"! ha ha!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:07 (twenty-two years ago)

So in the UK or London or wherever you have to buy a ticket from a machine just before you hail a bus? That's insane!

Only since august and only in central London, but its just catching up with the rest of Europe.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

the drivers on the m40 big red bus have a lot to put up with in the late slot. that said they ALWAYS stop at lewknor even though NO-ONE ever gets off there.

So in the UK or London or wherever you have to buy a ticket from a machine just before you hail a bus? That's insane!

only in london, i think, and even there you can buy off the conductor sometimes.

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:09 (twenty-two years ago)

So in the UK or London or wherever you have to buy a ticket from a machine just before you hail a bus? That's insane!

i think it has something to do with ken livingstone's new initatives to clear up traffic/speed up transactions/speed up bus times. but he still had time to up the council tax by like 75 percent. england is insane.

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:10 (twenty-two years ago)

They have to stop at Lewknor, otherwise they don't get their subsidy from the county council.

― Ricardo (RickyT), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I have to admit that the ticket system has sped up the bus system noticably. During rush hour, I can understand busses not stopping and waiting for you. But during off hours, when there are VERY FEW PEOPLE on the bus to be inconvenienced, and you KNOW there will not be a bus along for another half hour, it's bloody rude!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Japan system is better. There you have to pay to GET OFF THE BUS.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:12 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm sure the bus driver does not think of people as 'individuals' but more like cattle to be shuttled around london. if you are outside the congestion zone you do not have to get the ticket from a machine except on heavy commuter buses like the w7, etc.

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

on the whole i agree w.you cool kid BUT this new tickets ruling is REALLY dumm and will certainly increase the hostility they face, from ppl who are normally mild and forebearing

andrew, the ticket thing only operates in the central zone and it is really recent and ill thought-through - the idea is it speeds the buses up (cz yr not paying the driver) (ie they finally realised that getting rid of the conductor wz slowing the system down) but if half the machines aren't working this reasoning obviously falls

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Japan system is better. There you have to pay to GET OFF THE BUS.

But as he got off, the conductor told him ONE MORE NICKEL, so Charlie never got off of that train!

So did he ever return?
No he never returned
And his fate is still unlearned
He may ride forever
Beneath the streets of Boston
He's the man who never returned...

(Sorry for that unforeseen burst of Canadianness there.)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:14 (twenty-two years ago)

in the UK or London or wherever

love that phrase! mind you, i shared a train carriage with some very complementary us tourists the other day: they were all bigging up oliver cromwell ('the original parliamentarian') and doing that classic self-deprecatory 'our history is only 227 years old' (which a quite a punxXor/racist/imperialist perspective?) stuff. i told em to keep their gold-brickin republican asses out of proudly royalist oxford. actually, not.

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:15 (twenty-two years ago)

also the machines are poorly designed ie unless you put the money in exactly right it gets spat out again and rolls out into the road under speeding traffic!!

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:15 (twenty-two years ago)

I cut them slack too, but this guy got my goat even more than Baddiel of the Routemaster eg. short hairy man who threatened to call the police because I hadn't boarded his 38 at the stop (he was for some reason trying to block my entry at the intersection, so I nipped in under his arm). IT'S A FUCKING ROUTEMASTER YOU TWAT.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

i am frightening myself with my knowledge of buses. this never occurred until i moved to england. THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING! ; - ) i tease my friend about his obsession - yeah yeah yeah - i've seen you on the LTC message boards talking about the timing of your routes. ack. the london transport is a fact of life because you spend so much time on the bloody thing but it's still 1000x better than the tube where i had to jump over all of the MICE RUNNING ON THE STAIRWELL because of a RECENT RAT INFESTATION in finsbury park tube station. yeah what exactly has changed since OLIVER TWIST?

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Look on the bright side: where there be rats, there are no mice; where mice dwell, rats avoid.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

How narrowly are we defining 'exactly right', mark? I fear you may employ unsupportably outlandish manouevres.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

They basically want all bus users to buy travel cards. Ignoring the fact that many bus users use busses FOR TRAVEL OUTSIDE OF REGULAR COMMUTING.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm an out-of-towner so usually use the tube -- is it that shit? i know it's incredible minging. say i need to get from paddington to waterloo, or victoria to waterloo -- what's fastest?

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:20 (twenty-two years ago)

suzy i thought to myself what is happening - why exactly am i, along with others, jumping over stairwells teaming with black mice? why? i ask the person on the platform. 'THOSE MICE ARE JUST SCARED BECAUSE WE'VE HAD A RAT INFESTATION' 'oh o.k. makes sense????????????????'

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Carnet, Kate?

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Eh? Kate what is your point? You can still get bus passes, innit?

Viccy to Waterloo = 507 (Bendy Bus)!
Paddington to Waterloo = Atommick Fizz-Banger Ship.

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:23 (twenty-two years ago)

makes as much sense as when they shut the tube becuase of a rain storm. 'why is the tube shut'? 'MY GOD DID YOU NOT SEE THE RAINSTORM OF LAST NIGHT. BLIMEY I HOPE THAT NEVER HAPPENS AGAIN' 'but this is an island???? this is england??????'

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:23 (twenty-two years ago)

Paddington to Waterloo, better to avoid London and change at Reading.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't carnet have all kinds of strange regulations attached to them? And also aren't they for tubes not busses (don't even ask me about supersavers packs or whatever) and that's not even getting into the pronounciation argument... I DON'T WANT A BLOODY BUS PASS IF I'M ONLY GOING ON ONE TRIP IN A DAY, THAT'S STUPID!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

No there is a bus carnet, 6 journeys for 3.60 (or maybe 3.70) useable any time.

― Ed (dali), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate should get a £2.00 day pass in the morning and avoid the machines as much as possible. OOOOOO MATRIX!

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Then get the packs of bus saver tickets (also they = bus journey being 65 pence or something hurrah)! But you just said about using buses outside of regular commuting...

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate, buy the savers and ride that bullet for 65p.

No, the tube is not that shit, it's just become noticeably more expensive than the bus. Bus passes for ALL LONDON are £2 a day or £8.50 a week, but tube travelcards are £4.10 a day and ??? a week (don't ask me, I live in zone one).

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Bus Saver Tickets, they is called, not los Carnets (which are for tubes and I don't thinnk anyone has bought one ever).

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:26 (twenty-two years ago)

i use my thumb to flick the coins towards the machine from a distance of not less than eight yards, n

if they fail to "go in" i consider the machine broken, and i am within my rights to go up to any public transport vehicle, with a mob of my own choosing, and rock it on its wheels until it falls over

also: by law all taxis must carry of a bale of blood sausage to feed the monitor lizards

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:27 (twenty-two years ago)

That sounds complicated. What's wrong with wanting to pay for your bus when you use your bus?

I DON'T WANT TO GET A PACKET BECAUSE I DO NOT (USUALLY) USE BUSSES ON A REGULAR ENOUGH BASIS, AND I WOULD LOSE THE SUPERSAVER PASS BOOK JUST LIKE I LOSE BOOKS OF STAMPS!!!

Taking a bus every day is an abberration for me. I WANT TO HAVE THE FREEDOM TO USE THE BUS JUST WHEN I NEED IT AND ONLY PAY FOR IT WHEN I NEED IT!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

You want the new moon on a stick pass.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

How do you get back?

And how do you sleep with such seething bus rage?

I wuv busses.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Paddington to Waterloo, better to avoid London and change at Reading.

my god that's brilliant! fuck. i've been needlessly busting my ass across town. shee-it.

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:29 (twenty-two years ago)

if they fail to "go in" i consider the machine broken, and i am within my rights to go up to any public transport vehicle, with a mob of my own choosing, and rock it on its wheels until it falls over

Could you defeat the inevitable crowd of angry commuters, though? i doubt it? IT WOULD BE CHAOS MARK S. CHAOS!

(on a sidenote: the crouch end wedding shop where KYM MARSH bought her wedding dress and articles displaying the wedding have thus been taken down. OOOO THE HUMANITY!)

kate should get a super saver tthan if she needs to save money.

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:29 (twenty-two years ago)

I WALK BACK!!! WITH MINE OWN TWO FEET! I AM ONLY EVER IN A RUSH IN THE MORNING, IN THE EVENING I TAKE MY SWEET TIME!!!

THIS THREAD IS SUPPOSED TO BE MAKING ME LESS CRANKY AND IT'S ONLY MAKING ME MORE CRANKY WITH ALL THIS BUS RAAAAAAAGE!!!!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:30 (twenty-two years ago)

I AM SO CRANKY NOW I MAY HAVE TO GO AND BUY COFFEE BEFORE I BITE THE HEAD OFF THE NEXT PERSON TO RING THE BUZZER!!!!!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Ah well, you're not long for the 205/18 hell by the sound of things. Try to get a job where you can ride the ROUTEMASTER because on a zone one trip I only ever wind up paying half of the time (if Ed and I are doing a Soho/Chinatown run and the conductor hasn't hit us up for the fare by Centre Point, we slip off chuckling FREE RIDE).

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

i'm with werner herzog -- i walk everywhere (except to london). even in cities it causes less of a disrupt between you and the concept of space.

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate the Saver Tickets don't run out, you can buy one pack of six and take a whole year to use the buggers, if you want. They'll just be there when you want a bus, and save you money!

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:33 (twenty-two years ago)

also, london is teeny-tiny. i used to take tubers/or buses everywhere, which leads you to think it's big, but now only for the real treks. cos you kno yule get shafted somehow.

― enrique (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Another reason for not having tickets sold on buses is to reduce the number of driver assault and robberies.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I am not really down with the fare dodging unless travelcard has run out and I have no cash on me in which I case I guiltily thank my lucky stars. But then go and get a travelcard anyway!

― Sarah (starry), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I lose saver tickets like I lose books of stamps, and then I always have to end up buying A WHOLE NEW PACK when all I wanted was just one, when I needed it!

It's ridiculous, considering where I live, that I should even have to take a bus at all. Once this job is over, I'm only accepting jobs in walking distance. That really is reasonable considering I live right in the geographical heart of Zone 1.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:36 (twenty-two years ago)

geez. why don't you walk and save yerself the hassle? if not GO FOR THE SUPERSAVERS! they are not unjustly named.

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

DO YOU JUST GET A KICK OUT OF NOT READING WHAT I OR ANYONE ELSE HAVE ALREADY SAID ON THIS THREAD?!?!?

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Ooh sounds like a pretty harsh day Kate, I hope it improves!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:42 (twenty-two years ago)

someone's cranky!

; - )

― cool kid, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks, Pink.

The only thing worse than being cranky is having to explain NO LESS THAN THREE TIMES why you don't just do the obvious thing that ten other people have already suggested due to its being so obvious.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:44 (twenty-two years ago)

(I think it stopped being repeat information and became teasing after the third suggestion)

Also if you have the fare in your hand and the dozy conductor doesn't manage to reach you by your stop (and my house to Piccaddilly Circus takes a good 20 minutes), tough titties for London Transport.

― suzy (suzy), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

What, did the MRS CRANKY OF CRANKINGTOWN subject header not clue you in? Grrrrr.

I think it should be part of the citizenship test or something. To prove that you are properly British, you have to be able to carry on a sustained conversation about public transport for over half an hour.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Of course you could always get a 7 and pay the conductor on board. But it does take about fifteen years to get anywhere.

― Pete (Pete), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

This makes me so cranky I can't even speak...

Frederick Forsyth's letter to George Bush on the Guardian website

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

Do you remember in the old days where there used to be loads of different fares and there'd be a poster up inside the bus with Sherlock Holmes saying it's as easy as ABC or something? As well as the obvious adult and child fares there were mysterious fare codes like K which was 7p or something. I always used to wonder what they were for - peculiar pets, outsized luggage or some such.

― N. (nickdastoor), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 12:26 (twenty-two years ago)

K is for Kompetition = the person who comes up with the best reason they shd pay just 7p gets to pay just 7p (not more than 12 words)

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 12:28 (twenty-two years ago)

K is for Kate and also for KRANKY therefore I should be allowed to pay 7p.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 12:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait Kate, you're one of the Krankies? Which one?

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:09 (twenty-two years ago)

KRANKY = dronerock label != The Krankies.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:17 (twenty-two years ago)

PEOPLE WHO DON'T ACTUALLY BOTHER READING THE GENUINE CONCERNS RAISED ON THREADS, AND THEN GO ON TO MAKE THEIR OWN SILLY THREADS ASKING EXACTLY THE SAME TOPIC SHOULD JUST BE TAKEN OUTSIDE AND SHOT!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

Too late, you will now forever be portrayed as Wee Jimmy Krankie in my brane....

xpost

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT A MOTHERFUCKING KRANKIE EVEN IS!!!

And it's pretty rich being mocked by someone who cannot even grasp the y/ie dichotomie.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear you are in a Kranky mood today Kate....

http://www.henderson-management.co.uk/KRANKIES.htm

I was only joking ;0)

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear you are in a Kranky mood today Kate....

http://www.henderson-management.co.uk/KRANKIES.htm

I was only joking ;0)

― smee (smee), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:32 (twenty-two years ago)

~~Mayor~~ Queen of Crankington is more like it right now.

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Kween

― mark s (mark s), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

I will make Ed my Minister of Transport. He will sort this rubbish out. With FLAMING JAPANESE SAMURAI SWORDS!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:35 (twenty-two years ago)

when i read the subject i was impressed by your title, considering that i somtimes serve as 'princess crabbypants,' which sounds like a similar job to yours. maybe the girl FAP can be a state visit!

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes! The Mayor of Crankington welcomes the Princess Crabbypants to a State Reception at The Foundry! I'm sure the KLF would approve.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:38 (twenty-two years ago)

(HSA made me keep calling him "Mr. President" last night. I drew the line at donning a white dress and singing to him, as it was not his birthday.)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:38 (twenty-two years ago)

And bendy streetcars?
Long Branch To Thread

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:40 (twenty-two years ago)

That is a tram. Take it to the other thread!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:41 (twenty-two years ago)

But will Your minister use his FLAMING JAPANESE SAMURAI SWORDS to put in the double tracks?

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 13:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Grrr, grrr, grrrrrrrr, crankiness of a new nature which I will express here instead of exploding, grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:19 (twenty-two years ago)

kate, i wish i could jump on a train to london & take you out drinking for the afternoon! I think we'd both benefit loads!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:21 (twenty-two years ago)

That's very kind of you, Pink. ::hugs:: I hope that HSA will get a bottle of wine for tonight, but knowing me, it will just make me fall asleep. Hope things cheer up for you, as well!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

good for you Kate! Control control!
just hummm
jaaaaaaaaaaaames brown
james brown
james broooooooooooooown
james BROWN!

― Mr Noodles (Mr Noodles), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Cheers hun! Wine always works wonders for me!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 14:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Am I the only London-dwelling bus user on this board who uses seven-day bus passes? £8.50 a week, it's a bargain! Personally I wish everyone else did; fed up with 92-year-old thickos counting out their farthings from their ITMA commemoration jugs or half-hour debates with Sven Svenson and his Swinging Backpackers about how kroners are not legal tender on London buses. Not fed up, however, with psycho bus drivers revving from 0-150 mph in half a second and watching said thickos hurtling helplessly across the bus like Keystone Cops innit!

And I am sure I speak as the only ILxor who has actually been hit by a bus (52 across the road from Knightsbridge Barracks) and gone under, over and through it! Allegedly - I can't remember. Six months after the accident Laura was still ringing up Knightsbridge Barracks asking for CCTV footage 'cos she just wanted to see the blood and gore. So did I, secretly.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

and ANOTHER thing - buses are NOT taxis!! Stop knocking on the door asking the driver to "like let me on yeah?" when he's just about to drive off because you should have dragged your PHAT ASS out of bed earlier instead of jerking off to John Stapleton on GMTV.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Especially smug Allison Pearson lookalikes who deliberately walk in front of the departing bus to stop it with their smug little-lost-soul smile grrr DRIVE OVER 'EM!! TWAT PUREE!!!! IF YOU WERE ANYONE IMPORTANT YOU'D HAVE A CAR!!!! YOU'RE A NO MARK LIKE THE REST OF US!!!!!

Stop me if this is turning into Chingford Tor Ascender.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

My mum pronounces it "crunky" 'cos she's French.

― Patrick Kinghorn, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

"twat puree!!!1"

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:22 (twenty-two years ago)

AND EVEN WHEN THEY GET ON THE BUS THEY SIT ON THE OUTSIDE SEAT AND WHEN ANYONE DARES TO ASK IF THEY CAN SIT DOWN THEY DON'T EVEN MOVE OR STAND UP TO MOVE AND MOREOVER THEY CROSS THEIR FUCKING LEGS OUT OVER THE AISLE SO NO ONE CAN GET THROUGH LIKE THEY REALLY WOULD PREFER TO BE IN A TAXI OR SEDAN CHAIR BUT YOU CAN'T AFFORD IT BECAUSE YOU'VE GOT A CRAP JOB BECAUSE YOU SNIFFED YOUR ARMPITS AT THE BACK OF THE CLASS INSTEAD OF PAYING ATTENTION FACE IT!!!!

(why am I on it then? Laura banned me from learning to drive. Said even the lessons would have caused multiple fatalities on the M40)

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I think from these posts you can probably understand her reluctance.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I hate Allison Pearson. Her name also sounds crap when you say it.
Is that assonance? Or is it just the way she walks?

― Patrick Kinghorn, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:27 (twenty-two years ago)

From her byline photo in the Evening Standard, it looks an awful long time since she had to walk anywhere.

― Marcello "You're One To Talk, Ken Stott Lookalike" Carlin, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

"How does she do it?" though?

I look like Alfred Molina

― Patrick Kinghorn, Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

ken stott was on that 'grumpy old men' rubbish t'other week. warning. allison and tony lane are two of my least fave ppl.

― enrique -- uncannily like simon reynolds' pic on rocksbackpages (Enrique), Tuesday, 18 November 2003 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Dear me, Stott should be above that kind of thing. Maybe it's that quiet nine-month period of the year for resting actors.

Anyway, one final rant about buses - DOUBLE DECKERS MEAN DOUBLE DECKERS! HALF THE FUCKING UPSTAIRS SEATS EMPTY AND I CAN'T EVEN GET ON THE BUS 'COS IT'S CLOGGED UP WITH FAT IDLE WASTES OF OXYGEN WHO CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO GO UPSTAIRS BECAUSE THEY'RE ONLY GOING TWO STOPS WELL THEY SHOULD FUCKIN' WALK THE TWO STOPS AND TAKE A DELICIOUS NUTRITIOUS SHAKE IN THE MORNING WHILE THEY'RE AT IT THAT IS WHY THEY ARE CALLED DOUBLE DECKERS PEOPLE REFUSING TO GO UPSTAIRS SHOULD BE FORCED TO DO SO BY MEANS OF BULGARIAN ARMY SURPLUS CATTLEPRODS PREFERABLY ELECTRIFIED!!!!

ahem, thank you.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 08:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Excuse me, *I* am the Mayor of Crankington and this is MY thread and no one may post on it before me in the morning, grrrrrrrr!!!

Still cranky today, despite a bottle of wine, a pizza, a good night's sleep and two episodes of CSI last night.

It must be PMS.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 08:58 (twenty-two years ago)

I think you must be beyond help Kate after all those yummy things. ;-)

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:29 (twenty-two years ago)

If I had a bottle of wine and a pizza right now, I'd be less cranky. But all I've had is a cup of coffee (instant, yuck) and a bowl of muselix and fruit, and an argument with an ignorant American. Sigh.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:30 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear. I've got a pan au chocolat, would that help?

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:31 (twenty-two years ago)

::drools::

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:32 (twenty-two years ago)

this shd be the crank thread in general, and that bush thread (agane) is making me all crank.

― enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:36 (twenty-two years ago)

*splits the cake in half & offers it to kate*

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Who elected Kate Mayor? Where is her democratic mandate? Despite what the BBC tells us.

― Kelvin McKenzie, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I think that Bush thread makes everyone crank, so go right ahead. I decided that it was a troll right after he made the comment about the Oprah Winfrey book club.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Excuse me, but I am LORD MAYOR of Crankington. I need no democracy. I was appointed by The Queen. Who happens to be me. So there.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Who needs the Queen? Her valet-buggering son is a disgrace to the monarchy. If she had any sense of dignity she would abdicate. Who needs Royalty? This gross waste of taxpayers' money. Who needs taxes? They're only going to asylum seekers and nurses, who frankly should be made to starve until they get proper jobs like me.

― James Wales, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 09:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Her valet-buggering son is a disgrace to the monarchy. If she had any sense of dignity she would abdicate

Leaving the "valet buggering son" in charge?

Besides, we're not talking about that Queen, we're talking about THIS QUEEN, being me, who is still cranky, with the added extra bonus of feeling like I'm going to thow up at any minute now.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 10:34 (twenty-two years ago)

Who needs ANY queens? As a tax paying citizen of this country I am SICK. TO. THE. BACK. TEETH. Of having to wade through piles of shagging perverts in Old Compton Street blocking my way into the porn shops. I. Say. SEND. THEM. ALL. TO. IRAQ. Don't get me wrong. Some of my best friends are perverts.

― James Wales, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 10:40 (twenty-two years ago)

Come on, hurry up lunchtime. Today is dragging and it's making me even crankier.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

i thought all you londoners wd be makin' some noiiizzze fer the prez? that's exciting -- get some of your crank out by throwing eggs/cluster bombs at his motorcade.

― enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:39 (twenty-two years ago)

I would do if I wasn't stuck at work. I'm already taking tomorrow off, but I couldn't afford to take today off as well, and it's too far to walk to Buckingham Palace from here at lunch.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:40 (twenty-two years ago)

No we are all Tory monarchists who will complete a satisfactory day's labouring and thence repast to the New Cross FAP (people going to the New Cross FAP's perspective only).

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:41 (twenty-two years ago)

bloomin eck, every time i get a day off (i work a 'three day week' which turns out to be four and a bit days, the forlorn intention being to have a 'writing day', which always = 'reading day') i have to go to london. really torn about tomorrow. feel the need to get the party started.

― enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't break my windows as you protest past!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:47 (twenty-two years ago)

I want food. I want foooooooooood. How can I go from nauseated to hungry within about ten minutes? ::chews nails anxiously::

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Capture and cook some protestors?

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Eating people is WRONG!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Says who?

(apart from yrself, obv)

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:56 (twenty-two years ago)

My dad. And he's an 'arder man than you, Carlin!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 11:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Bloody Socialists spoiling our fun.

― James Wales, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:00 (twenty-two years ago)

My dad was not just a socialist, but a champagne socialist, and a socialist councillor on the Hertfordshire County Coucil, so when he says EATING PEOPLE IS WRONG you bloody well stop eating people!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:01 (twenty-two years ago)

CHAMPAGNE SOCIALIST???? Don't give me that hypocritical! CRAP! You're either a socialist or! You! Are! Not! I am SICK. TO. DEATH. Of pseudo-lefties like Hanif Kureishi and George Galloway and Diane Abbott and Michael Portillo pretending not to be Tories. Would they send their kids to a sink comp? No! But they are happy to condemn! Your! Kids! To! The! Same! Fate! If they were Real Socialists they would give away their houses to asylum seekers! Well they haven't? Have they? I tell you what...if someone cooked and ate George "Twelve Houses In Streatham" Galloway, the only loss to humanity would be an increase in air pollution from the smoke on the barbecue! I'd drink champagne to that!

― James Wales, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:08 (twenty-two years ago)

enjoy hampstead!

― Joseph Losey (Enrique), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:10 (twenty-two years ago)

The James Whale Show on Talk Sport is great to have sex to!

― Hampstead Illiberal, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Indeed on the Hampstead thing.

My Great-Uncle, the original Harley Street Socialist used to raise a glass or sherry on May Day in solidarity with the workers.

But I'm just not going to even get started on yer rant, Carlin.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:14 (twenty-two years ago)

He should have GIVEN his glass of sherry to the workers!

I also refer you to Beatrice and Sidney Webb's fondness for eugenics.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:16 (twenty-two years ago)

It's funny and says a lot about the basic hypocrisy of Socialism.

So what are you saying? The only people who truly have a right to be socialist is those on the receiving end? Well, that's a great start to a movement, way to get the upper classes to agree with it.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:18 (twenty-two years ago)

P J O'Rourke on why he became a Republican: "I realised that being a true socialist would mean giving away my record collection to a starving family of 12 in Ethiopia."

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:20 (twenty-two years ago)

hearty champagne socialist satire: graham greene 'it's a battlefield'. karl marx -- now there's a hampstead resident who knew the score.

― enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

"True" socialism is never going to work FOR THOSE EXACT REASONS. So if you can dillute it enough to get the rich suckers that pay for it all with their taxes enough to support it, what's wrong with that?

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I love It's A Battlefield! Washing his hands until they bleed to shake off the scent of bus driver...

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:25 (twenty-two years ago)

amazing how threads loop back like that... and fuck! actually wasn't a bus driver just done for murder? and there's political protest where we're all gonna get beaten? i only read it a month ago, bad how madly prescient. it's a tight book -- 200pages but it conjures a world.

― enrique (Enrique), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:35 (twenty-two years ago)

"I want food. I want foooooooooood. How can I go from nauseated to hungry within about ten minutes? ::chews nails anxiously:: "

Perhaps it's time to pee on a wee paddle?

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, that's why I'm chewing my nails.

(Though I'm hoping it's just PMS.)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Prolly just PMS, I went through all this last month and it was just PMS - wasted a tenner on a damn test first though!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:55 (twenty-two years ago)

I've been getting the vomity feeling a lot during PMS lately, especially the later my period is (damn people on The Pill screwing up my cycle). Major suckage.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah that'a been happening to me a lot too. As you are queen why don't you pass a law banning The Pill takers from peeing?

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 12:59 (twenty-two years ago)

Pee? I'd pass a law to keep them from sweating if I could, though! THat would be more effective!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh, I thought the oestrogen in the water supply and all that came from Pill Pee, but if it's sweat then I'm all for banning that too! Down with sweat!

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:03 (twenty-two years ago)

i've been finding that the concept of michael jackson in possession of a molestophone highly amusing.

― ressurrection gem, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Kate - i sympathise of the feeling sick thing, I have been like for a while & I always think it's the baby thing, but it isn't & i'm not. That said, if there really is a chance, then you need to check!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:08 (twenty-two years ago)

OH, I didn't know about the estrogen in the water supply being down to Pill Pee! Ban it, then! I was talking about how the sweat of Pill women makes the non-Pill women synch up to them!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:16 (twenty-two years ago)

p j o'rourke is a wanker.

i just got back from looking at shower extractor fans at b&q. it was rubbish.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:17 (twenty-two years ago)

No i don't!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:18 (twenty-two years ago)

You don't what - pee or sweat or go and look at extractor fans in B&Q?

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't make everyone else synch up with me.

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:22 (twenty-two years ago)

Maybe cause everyone else is also on The Pill!

Suzy went on The Pill while I was living with her, and my periods were all messed up FOR MONTHS!!! The first month, I got two periods, then they kept coming early. When I moved out, I didn't get a period for a month and a half.

More ways in which the childless are selfish!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:25 (twenty-two years ago)

I would love a baby. I am not selfish. :-(

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Awwww...

― smee (smee), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 13:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I FUCKING HATE HATE HATE SANCTIMONIOUS SELF PROMOTING HYPOCRITICAL WALKING EGO SUPPORT MACHINES WHO HAVE NO PERSONALITY OUTSIDE THEIR PERSONAL PAIN, THEIR BLOGS AND THEIR RECORD COLLECTIONS.

There I said it, I'm going to take a walk now before PMS eats the rest of my brain.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Wednesday, 19 November 2003 15:28 (twenty-two years ago)

I poop too much.

― Labia, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 15:31 (twenty-two years ago)

And another thing Kate, you actually don't know me that well, so you have no idea what my personality is.

― Marcello Carlin, Wednesday, 19 November 2003 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Every Thursday morning, this: the FARTY-THREE arrives, "full" of passenges, disgorges 6-12 people and inside NO ONE MOVES. The front door stays closed. This morning, Mr. Cranky of Upper Crankywell (me), raps hard on the front door, and the women LEANING NONCHALANTLY AGAINST IT turns to face me and I perform the time-honored aggressive-shrug-with-upturned-palms-and-wide-eyes, accentuated with a sharp head bob, the quickest way I know of to communicate "JUST WHAT THE HELL IS YOUR PROBLEM." She, I swear to God, actually gives me a little look like "hey what can I do?" STEP INTO THE FUCKING BUS YOU BINT. The still-"full" bus pulls away, less nine people. You could have done jumping jacks in the middle of it. CUNTS.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 November 2003 14:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Bus driver should have ordered everyone to move down and not moved the bus until they did, innit? Oddly enough this only ever happens when there are schoolkids on the bus. If I ruled the bus world? Another case for the Bulgarian army surplus electrified cattleprod, I think.

― Marcello Carlin, Thursday, 20 November 2003 14:48 (twenty-two years ago)

This was at 8:50am, so school was in session; I was just in time for the chronically-late office worker brigade. The driver was conjugating verbs in his head, I think. His mind was on the moon. It's confusing because the British public is AMAZING at sticking to the right-hand side of the escalator. It must be a requirement for citizenship or something. I always hear complaints of left-hand stragglers but cases of left-hand loafing are extremely rare in my experience; the complaints amount to a perfectionism which could be more profitably directed towards the inconsiderate cattle-clusters I (and you) mention above.

As I have noted before—though not on the Interweb—this particular brand of stodge loafing is not confined to the buses (boon as it may be to those who live farther out on the bus-lines and are so guaranteed an express-like service towards points central). The underground, too, is packed with ninnies who enjoy nothing more than staking their claim to some two-foot parcel of floor just around the automatic doors. The underground, however, gives the willful traveller at least the chance, should he pursue it, to push brusquely past into the interior of the car, at a stroke freeing more space and demonstrating just how easy it could have been for the loafing oaf to do the same (he thinks, optimistically).

The only occasion I've ever witnessed of a last-minute squeezer actually blandishing his fellow-passengers to move along towards the inside, he was met with looks of shock-horror and disgust as if he'd asked them to carry a warm handful of his lunch spaghetti. When I join that brave man's ranks I shall come prepared with a retort to throw back in their silly fucking faces.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:00 (twenty-two years ago)

totally agreed. i had no problem getting the 43 this morning though, about 20 minutes before you i think

― 43lido, Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:02 (twenty-two years ago)

i've been feeling a bit cranky to-day....er....

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Huh?! On my journey you have to shout at people to move up inside about NINE GABILLION TIMES and no-one bats an eyelid apart from the odd groan and sigh of IMMENSE SOUL HORROR as yet another Idiot Human gets in your face. URGH on the train yesterday a woman ran up late and started panting RIGHT IN MY FACE! My face, my face, my beautiful face! Yes yes I am aware that unfit people get out of breath when they run only too well but for crying out loud she could have looked down or away and NOT IN MY FACE!!!!

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:03 (twenty-two years ago)

Here Pashmina, want some of my lunch-time spaghetti?

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:04 (twenty-two years ago)

I've heard a lot of people demand that other people move up inside a tube. I've never heard any of those people apologise as the doors fail to shut three or four times because GUESS WHAT there actually WASNT enough room for them.

― Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:05 (twenty-two years ago)

mmmm yes please starry!!

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Eeeep am I really hormone-poisoning the water by being on the pill? Sorry! (Actually I am off it this month and feel soooo much better and my weight has stopped being mad. But I don't want babies yet, or bastard condoms. Waahhh.)

For my bizarre bus-related trauma see Publog. But also overcrowding reaching tube proportions now on Brighton buses due to new parking charges on campus which I am all in favour of but really, someone should have told the bus and train companies.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer I cannot see how being given free lunch spagehetti is a bad thing!!

― Sarah (starry), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Archel, don't worry between us we are messing with Kate's hormones!!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:19 (twenty-two years ago)

sounds like a lot of passive/aggressive behavior (or panting/aggressive in some cases)

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:20 (twenty-two years ago)

x-post

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Thursday, 20 November 2003 15:21 (twenty-two years ago)

It still worked tho lawrence...passive aggressive peeing, chortle....

― smee (smee), Thursday, 20 November 2003 16:31 (twenty-two years ago)

Thre is always room, Tom. If everyone simply held their breath between Euston and Kentish Town we could fit five more in.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 November 2003 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

I think Londoners' unwillingness to move a few fucking feet along on public transport is where "musn't grumble" becomes an excuse for outright laziness. I'll grumble about you all I like MATEY.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 November 2003 17:32 (twenty-two years ago)

Haha London is turning Tracer into Dave Q!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Thursday, 20 November 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh my!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 November 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

And another thing, fucking DRUMMERS...

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Friday, 21 November 2003 01:13 (twenty-two years ago)

Tracer's Rant, part infinity.....

― Nichole Graham (Nichole Graham), Friday, 21 November 2003 01:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I have managed to get a seat the past few days in a row now. Mainly because I have figured out where they have moved the 18 standing point to! And also cause I get up earlier. The aggro of the crowded bus vs. the extra 15 minutes of sleep... I've decided I can get that 15 minutes rest on the bus if I get a seat!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 09:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I wonder if Dr Nigel Spivey used to get similar bus rage when he was a Cambridge Student and used to catch the bus to go practice the hammer throw down at the athletics field?

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:15 (twenty-two years ago)

publishing spam

spivo's next book was to be called 'war without the shooting'. it's about the olyimpic games, and he's doing a c5 series to accompany, or vice versa. we were going to have his author photo of him in a tracksuit, but i think it's been nixed.

― enrique (Enrique), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:17 (twenty-two years ago)

Cambridge buses are nothing like London buses thank goodness!

― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:17 (twenty-two years ago)

I knew about the book, but I didn't know about the series! Excellent! I've been missing Horny Historians of WWII!!! Tracksuit... uuuuhhhhhhh... why was that nixed? It's excellent.

The series/book will be interested if he traces the development from disorganised warfare to organised sports - and then traces it back again, and brings in modern links to football violence etc. Also, the Cold War aspects of the Games, and how they were used as a political football during the 80s.

If it's just an apologist's justification for the modern Olympics, then I'm really going to be cross with him because we don't want it in the UK, thanks, it's bankrupted every city that's hosted it! (Though it would be nice if we got good public transport - and a MONORAIL - out of it. Though really, we should get that and not have to pay for the Games!)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:23 (twenty-two years ago)

why was that nixed? It's excellent

i'll bring it up. the book isn't quite ready for the big marketing push yet, but you'll hear about it here first.

― enrique (Enrique), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Yes, and if you can get me a jpeg of the proposed tracksuit photo, I would be much obliged, ha-HEM!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Dr nigel spivey is Michael Portillo's long lost twin brother/bit of rough as proven by his photo on the dvd cover kate showed me yesterday.

― Ed (dali), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:28 (twenty-two years ago)

ED I WILL KILL YOU WITH GUNS NOW!!!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:29 (twenty-two years ago)

He has lost a lot of bulk since his student days apparently. He has also written a number of plays.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:31 (twenty-two years ago)

He's written plays? Really?

However, please tell Dr. Spivey NOT to do up the top jacket if his jumper is longer than it?

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:32 (twenty-two years ago)

According to my inside track who went to college with him, yes. Not sure what he has done with them.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:33 (twenty-two years ago)

Hrmmm. I'm sure they're Greek Tragedies, him being the Classics lover he is. He looks almost gaunt in bits of Kings and Queens! (Which college did he go to? And what is his connection to the Blackheath Hawkers or whatever they're called?)

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Ha-ha, why am I continuting to post on this thread? I'm so not cranky today. (Even though I've got a bad back from marching, I'm sated on sleep, and happy.)

I'm still waiting on an answer, Idiot Pete!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:43 (twenty-two years ago)

I will have to get back to you on those issues. But he is apparently a lovely chap, all rounder and got a Blue at Cambridge for Hammer Throw.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, he still holds the record in Blackheath for Hammer Throw!

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:50 (twenty-two years ago)

Glad to hear he is actually lovely, as well as, erm, well, you know, isn't he luuuurrrrvely (and looking nothing like Portillo, humph!).

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 10:53 (twenty-two years ago)

However, I do wish that I had some ibuprofen because my back is killing me today. :-(

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 11:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Don't you work in a hospital? Does that not convey some kind of medicine cupboard privileges?

― Ed (dali), Friday, 21 November 2003 11:31 (twenty-two years ago)

I think only the doctros and nurses have medicine cupboard privilges.

― Pete (Pete), Friday, 21 November 2003 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

You'd think so, wouldn't you?

Maybe I can look up the physical therapy clinic and book myself some massage therapy.

― Citizen Kate (kate), Friday, 21 November 2003 11:32 (twenty-two years ago)

three months pass...

Hi,

Do U also sell DXM? do I need ID if your going to ship it?

― Jon ostness, Saturday, 13 March 2004 04:38 (twenty-two years ago)

one year passes...

wtf @ that last message?

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:25 (twenty years ago)

I can't believe no-one ever got back to the poor lad.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:35 (twenty years ago)

I have no idea. I was just all about the bendy bus bitching.

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:36 (twenty years ago)

Today is actually the last straw and I'm giving up on the busses and finding another way in to work.

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:37 (twenty years ago)

HOVERCRAFT

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:38 (twenty years ago)

... full of eels, that won't do

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:39 (twenty years ago)

What world do you live in Dadaismus?

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:40 (twenty years ago)

Monty Python, 2nd series

― Dadaismus (Dada), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

Well then?

― Jon ostness, Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

maybe you'll have more luck looking for buses

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

xxxxpost

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:41 (twenty years ago)

When and why did I write about buses on FT? Hm.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 6 October 2005 12:51 (twenty years ago)

Damn & roffle the cranky brings out some beautiful writing in people!

I'd contribute more but shannot be cranky until in ca 7 hours which is when I have to get up and then on a bus (where they have these STUPID ONE-AND-A-HALF-PERSON-WIDTH-SEATS GRRR! As Allyzay might say, wtf is up with that?? I what? Oh.)

― The Vintner's Lipogram (OleM), Thursday, 6 October 2005 21:59 (twenty years ago)

I am cranky again today. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:09 (twenty years ago)

I have never been a Krankie on any day.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:12 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to go and sign on in a bit. I guarantee I shall come back cranky.

― Matt (Matt), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:14 (twenty years ago)

I was feeling pretty cranky yesterday on account of the work situation and what have you, but that's all now been resolved so I'm feeling quite light-hearted and beneficent at the moment.

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:16 (twenty years ago)

Marcello and Kate, in happier times:

http://www.nofear.org/Archives/Media/2004/02/krankies-thumb.jpg

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:17 (twenty years ago)

Are you sure you're not mixing up me and Kate with Evan Parker (left) and Derek Bailey (right)?

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:26 (twenty years ago)

Fuck off!

― Paranoid Spice (kate), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:27 (twenty years ago)

Oh my mistake, its Lou Reed (left) and John Cale (right) on the occasion of their touching tribute to 60s pop artist and mentor, Andy Warhol

― Dadaismus (Dada), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:28 (twenty years ago)

Portrayed by an off-screen Peter Glaze

― Marcello Carlin (nostudium), Friday, 7 October 2005 09:29 (twenty years ago)

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