Office Secret Santa: WHY

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What the fuck is wrong with people that they actually think this is a good idea? I don't have money to buy my own family gifts this year really, but apparently I have $30 to spend on a random asshole I work with that I picked out of a hat.

How do you bow out of this gracefully?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

Leave your job.

― Pete (Pete), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

remove eyes from skull
with your thumbs; proceed to piss
in sockets; smoke cig.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

or say 30 dollars is way too much, you'll join in at 5 dollars

― Alan (Alan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

i think you can get a good size knife for $30.

― Dean Gulberry (deangulberry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:37 (twenty-two years ago)

$30 worth of rat poison in a bottle marked "Drink Me"? (More seriously, I just never respond to the imploring e-mails along these lines.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

You could tell them to shove it, and quit. You'd become a folk hero.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Give them one of those "I've donated $30 in your name to the Whatever Whatever Charity" card, and then don't. They'll feel vaguely good about it.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

You could sign up and then have your gift be a paper hat made out of the last memo you received!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Get him this and a tube of KY.

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:40 (twenty-two years ago)

so, take a page from
elephant man and show them
the fuck you sign, ok?

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Tep wins!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:41 (twenty-two years ago)

even worse is when they make you do secret santa for some group of needy kids -- if you don't spend $30 on some stupid toy you're going to hell obv.

― bad jode (Jody Beth Rosen), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

it's just depressing. I'm going to be here still when this is going on.

I also found out today that I'm pretty much being jacked, yet again, on vacation days so I'm in a worse mood than normal (I should have two left, cos I made a point out of taking as much as possible this year instead of my customary 2 week left over gone forever bullshit, but they jacked up and never gave me back the two days that I ended up NOT taking and now they are just like haha tough luck, you can't prove you came in, and I'm like this is not worth my time, in fairness my boss was like, "I don't really give a shit" but HR is like "We do because we hate you inexplicably and are always harrassing you for no damned reason").

No Christmas for me! Fuck you company.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:44 (twenty-two years ago)

I was just asked to give $$$ for someone's retirement gift. It's the first time anyone's spoken to me "socially" (except for one person, but she's new and doesn't know better yet) in over a week.
I said I'll think about it. When I'm dead and buried!

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Wait, you didn't send any emails to coworkers on the days in question?

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

i have never seen
such a bunch of grumpy gits;
better to give, etc.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:45 (twenty-two years ago)

I wouldn't mind it if the Secret Santa was for a children's charity! I do try to buy something from the toy tree for the children's charities every year, you know how they have them at like Starbucks and Macys and stuff.

As opposed to the "Stupid People I Work With WHo All Get Paid In The Six Digits" Charity.

xpost Jess would you like to purchase my office Secret Santa gift for me then, cowboy?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, um, just don't do it? What are they going to do, fire you?

(I actually don't mind secret santa, we do it at my office and I at least get some candy and a gift certificate).

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:46 (twenty-two years ago)

ally, calling me
a cowboy won't make it so,
without assless chaps.

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:48 (twenty-two years ago)

If I don't go pick they're FORCING a person on me. So if I don't do it then someone will buy me a gift and I won't have a gift to return :(

I used to not be this way you know.

xpost: jess that haiku thing is really freaking me out now.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Well, pick someone you reasonably like, then you'll just be buying a present for a friend. And if they force someone you don't like on you, then you won't feel bad for not getting them a present.

― NA (Nick A.), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

That's not how the picking works, it's random names in a hat.

I wasn't planning on buying much of anything for people I DO like in this office this year, either.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:51 (twenty-two years ago)

take a page from famed
rapper eminem and put
anthrax on tampax

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

have fun with it. secret santa can be a great opportunity to fuck with people heads.
woman = buy a diet/healthy cooking book
man = buy women's underwear/buttplug
or perhaps a basket of deodorant & breath mints.
do they have to find out who got them the gift¿ if no, get them something even worse

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:53 (twenty-two years ago)

like tickets to that Boy George musical

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:54 (twenty-two years ago)

PAPER HAT!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

why not try vouchers
for mcdonalds, delicious
30 bucks of fat

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

or sexy underpants for a gender that isn't theirs

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

The thing is, it's not even that, I mean I really don't have the money to spare. And $30! Who the hell even heard of a Secret Santa being this expensive.

(FWIW he originally wanted to make it $50 and pushes for $50 EVERY YEAR)

(Also I mentioned this to one of my bosses, that I cannot afford this and he's like, "It's only $30, $40, what the hell?" WTF?)

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:55 (twenty-two years ago)

Upon reflection while doing the dishes, I genuinely like my idea.

Ally wins: She doesn't spend $30 she doesn't have to spend.

Officedude wins: S/he has the vaguely satisfied feeling of being somehow involved in the betterment of the world, and doesn't have to wait in line to return copy #3 of Politically Incorrect Fairy Tales, or make a show of liking some oddly selected gift they feel bemused by at best.

Charity wins: It's not like money was taken from them, and they wouldn't have gotten the $30 anyway, so they're not losing a donation, they're gaining publicity.

I RULE.

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Steal $30 worth of paper from the copy room and use it to make a gigantic paper hat. JUST TRUST ME.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:56 (twenty-two years ago)

$30 worth of paper is one big motherfucking hat.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

a used copy of r
kelly's album chocolate
factory looks like

it cost upwards of
twenty dollars when only seven
bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

― fiddo centington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

alternatively a papier mache full scale model of R Kelly

x-post: mindmeld.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Porno mag and kleenex was the best ever Secret Santa present I ever saw.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 17:59 (twenty-two years ago)

seriously, last time i had to do a secret santa i had the most obnoxious, loud, irritating man in the office. i bought him a megaphone.
he drove everyone even crazier with it and everyone hated my guts all year and i thought it was the funniest thing ever.

ally, what you need to do is shoplift that secret santa gift, get caught, then call your boss (the "it's only $30, what the hell¿" guy) to spring you. that will really mess with his head.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

The past two years I've gotten really good booze out of my coworkers so I'm not complaining.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

just wrap up whatever crap you have lying around your house. like a half used bottle of mustard.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't like that plan.

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm so glad my company doesn't do this.

― jaymc (jaymc), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Alternately, you could get people these gifts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:27 (twenty-two years ago)

it's almost like catching the real thing...

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Al Quedomon

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I plan on giving my secret Santa the gift that keeps on giving.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

Gift certificates and charity cards have been strictly forbidden, just now!!

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:47 (twenty-two years ago)

Give them a card that says, "I paid my electric bill."

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Dan JOTO

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:48 (twenty-two years ago)

This is when you take that whole "lump of coal" thing literally.

― Spencer Chow (spencermfi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:50 (twenty-two years ago)

stool, coal, tomayto, tomahto

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:51 (twenty-two years ago)

Gift certificates and charity cards have been strictly forbidden, just now!!

You've gotta stop your coworkers from logging on to ILX. There goes Plan Tep.

Forbidding gift certificates? That's just stupid. I would honestly just say, "This is dumb and people hardly ever get anything they want in these things. Take my name out of the hat. I'm not doing it." (In a less blunt way, though.)

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

I mean, if they're forbidding the gift certificates because they're concerned that wouldn't be a personal enough gift for a name randomly selected from a hat ...

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:55 (twenty-two years ago)

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005B2XO.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

― Chris B. Sure (Chris V), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

Slip the guy with the hat $10 to make sure you get your own name out!

― Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

hmmm, so your place of employment is demanding that you take part in this, and is putting strict regulations on how you can do it...sounds like they should reimburse for the $30, no?

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

tickets to that Boy George musical

Bryan is a sadistic evil genius!

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

HAHA Yes expense your Secret Santa gift!

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:13 (twenty-two years ago)

she has no $,¢,£, € or even ¥. boy george musical would be too expensive. what she should do is make a hand written ticket out of a post-it note and try to pass it off as the real thing.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:37 (twenty-two years ago)

It would probably be pretty easy to photoshop.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:40 (twenty-two years ago)

dyson is like the only person understanding the quandry here, what is up with that? If I make the paper hat can I set it on fire afterwards? Maybe while they wear it?

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Take something from your office and give it to them, like steal some k-nice computer speakers from somebody else's workstation.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:45 (twenty-two years ago)

Hahaha someone just asked me if guns cost $30.

― Allyzay, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:46 (twenty-two years ago)

bullets are just pennies a cap

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:47 (twenty-two years ago)

i hope that person pulls out yer name

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:48 (twenty-two years ago)

office supplies + wrapping paper from the 99 cent store.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Get someone to pretend to be a male prostitute and tell your co-worker you have pre-paid $30 for a half an hour.

― El Diablo Robotico (Nicole), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:49 (twenty-two years ago)

only if it's a guy tho

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

I know who could pretend to be a male prostitute!

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

xpost, no I don't.

― Huckleberry Mann (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 19:53 (twenty-two years ago)

huck - you're not trying to pimp me out, are you¿

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 20:00 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, we have this at work, but it's a £5 limit. Last year I drew a project manager who'd just started in a different section, so I didn't know him at all. I got a book, and labelled the packaging 'MSD's new project management methodology'. The book was called 'How To Success Through FENG SHUI ASTROLOGY'. I'd seen it in the discount bookstore opposite - five minutes of my time, and it went down well.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 20:37 (twenty-two years ago)

At my work we got this "white elephant gift exchange" which is sort of like secret santa made into a game. Its actually alot better than it sounds because you have something of a choice in what you get and can come away with good stuff (i.e. booze) if you are lucky. And it makes a great re-gifting sink for the crap people give me.

― fletrejet, Wednesday, 26 November 2003 21:12 (twenty-two years ago)

get them The Blueprint and tell them it's worth $30

― gabbneb (gabbneb), Wednesday, 26 November 2003 21:26 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally Totally agree with you. The most awkward part is the actual giving. And then there's the lunch hour you have to give over to actually shopping for this person. In my opinion, in most cases, business relationships should be just that and should not get personal, even during the holidays. I mean, if you like somebody you work with, get them a present. OK. But don't create this faux sense of community in a place where everyone is just to make a living. The whole ordeal is especially trying if your work environment is not a good one.

― calstars (calstars), Thursday, 27 November 2003 01:17 (twenty-two years ago)

as usual ally's place of work sounds like she shd get the random guy a NEUTRON BOMB WHICH EXPLODES WHEN UNWRAPPED - i guess borrow one if cash is a prob - and then call in sick that day

BUT

it works quite well in our small closeknit office where we all like each other: two years ago i got a buffy yearplanner!!

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 27 November 2003 01:30 (twenty-two years ago)

does no one else call this kris kindle or something?

― robin (robin), Thursday, 27 November 2003 01:38 (twenty-two years ago)

is kris krindle that dutch thing where you get a present if you;ve been good and SPANKED WITH A LEATHER PADDLE IF YOU'VE BEEN BAD!! (dr vick told me abt it)

ally you must insist on kris krindle AND BRING THE LEATHER PADDLE TO WORK WEEKS BEFORE IT'S NEEDED

― mark s (mark s), Thursday, 27 November 2003 01:47 (twenty-two years ago)

That would be considered a good present by some of these "gentlemen" I am afraid.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 27 November 2003 01:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Ho ho ho. My manager tried to get me to be the Santa for the kids this year, on the basis that I'm the loudest. I don't really have the, uh, figure, for it (though there are a couple of chefs who qualify). When I point blank refused he looked confused, and asked why. I didn't have the energy to try and explain.

― Matt (Matt), Thursday, 27 November 2003 01:54 (twenty-two years ago)

Kris krindle?! Everyone I knew called it Kris Kringle. Unless they're all morons, which is also entirely plausible.

I hate secret santa. I always get some person with the personality of wet cardboard that I know nothing about, and I always get daft semi-hippy shite like oil burners and floral notebooks. WTF image do I project!?

― Trayce (trayce), Thursday, 27 November 2003 03:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Unless they're all morons, which is also entirely plausible.

Or just Australians. I'm also of the "Kris Kringle" camp.

― Andrew (enneff), Thursday, 27 November 2003 05:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Ally, for people I'm forced to give to, it's all about "Clearance" items. Whatever it is, make sure it's been marked down and then marked down again. If it's been marked down a third time, it's golden. Watch the "Oh gosh you shouldn't have" on their faces and think to yourself "Basically, I didn't...jerk." FYI, Barnes & Noble has a good Clearance section.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 27 November 2003 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

it's kris kringle round these parts also

― cinniblount (James Blount), Thursday, 27 November 2003 05:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"Kris Kringle" comes from the German "Christkindle," so "Kris Krindle" is probably ... somewhere in the mix there.

― Tep (ktepi), Thursday, 27 November 2003 05:58 (twenty-two years ago)

yep we used to do the 'kris kringle thing' but it was limited to $10.
$30 is way over the top!
one year a woman i worked with drew the name of a chinese student who was doing her 'graduate work' with us. this moron of a woman actually bought her a chinese cookbook! this was the same person who professed to be be totally 'phobic' about clowns yet had a collection of clown dolls in her house and even bluddy well looked like one!

ok, i didnt like her much but she DID look like a clown. ( the hair, the way she plucked her eyebrows....)

sorry, off on my own tangent here.

as for your gift ally, make something out of what you have lying around at home like um........i dunno, what do you have? an old candle you havent lit yet? shove some sparkly crap on it or something, give them a photo frame you hate, buy something for $5 and jazz it up a bit somehow?
dig a plant out of someones garden and shove it in a pot with some pebbles around it?
got any newish books you bought and dislike?

recycle!

― donna (donna), Thursday, 27 November 2003 06:19 (twenty-two years ago)

I'm glad this was brought up. Man, I HATE this. Luckily, I picked my own name out of that hat thsi year, which isn't allowed, but the girl who was 'running' the secret satanism was a pal o' mine, and rolled her eyes and told me she guessed that was fine, "no one here wants an ACDC T shirt anyway," she said. What luck!

― roger adultery, Thursday, 27 November 2003 06:25 (twenty-two years ago)

Jeanne and Tep have the best ideas. One thing that the devil's advocate in me feels the need to point out is that YOU, yes YOU, MR AL KKKREANYEYE, will be receiving a FINELY-TOOLED OBJET D'ART worth NO LESS than THIRTY DOLLARS yourself!!!

(question is, do you trust your esteemed colleagues to get you something ace? Thought not.)

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 27 November 2003 10:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Also, I had to get my big boss a present the other year. She was rich and divorced and a millionaire, but has young kids, so I thought I'd get her a fun thing she could give to them when she got home. I bought a bubble gun from Hamleys and was quite pleased with myself - until she opened it with a look of utter scorn on her face, made a cutting remark and chucked it onto the floor behind her.

What really made it hurt is that everyone involved in the Secret Santa was there, so whoever got it she was bound to hurt their feelings. Bitch.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 27 November 2003 10:18 (twenty-two years ago)

http://www.alt-gifts.com/shop/index2/page/shop/s_flypage/product_id/2447

― smee (smee), Thursday, 27 November 2003 10:30 (twenty-two years ago)

eleven months pass...

I've just been told our secret santa is £10. Not quite $30, but a tenner is what I spend on my best friend! And I will be supplied with a list of things the person I'm buying for wants, which makes the challenge all the more difficult (the girl is one of the office bitches so of course I want to get her something she'll never use).

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 10:23 (twenty-one years ago)

And Tiger Tiger has been confirmed as the venue for our Christmas lunch.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 10:23 (twenty-one years ago)

I think I'd rather hand in my resignation on the spot than go to Tiger Tiger.

― robster (robster), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 10:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Happily, I work remotely from the main office now so I should avoid getting embroiled in Secret Santa or Xmas do shenanigans. Hurrah!

― robster (robster), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 10:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I just lost my job, and will miss out on the xmas party and potential kringle stuff this year as a result. BOOYAH!

Best one I ever did was whatever minibar miniature cocktail bottles that comprise a screaming orgasm. With a note explaining it as such. To a really uppity secretary type lady. Heh. I am horrible and I dont mind.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 12:35 (twenty-one years ago)

tiger tiger was on the telly the other night.

good name.

― g-kit (g-kit), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 12:36 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm sad that we didn't have a secret santa last year :( the year before's was a lot of fun

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i hope there is one this year and it'll be as good as two years ago

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 3 November 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, now I've been asked to contribute another £10 to the same person, this time for a present before she goes on maternity leave. Is this not a bit much? With 11 people in the office, that makes for one enormo present. And are we going to send something else after the baby is born? How on earth do I deal with this? I really resent paying £20 to a prize bitch.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 10:57 (twenty-one years ago)

that sounds a bit rude of them - isn't the tradition is to pass around an envelope and you can put in as much as you want? do they even know what they're getting yet? Maybe it's worth finding out what they plan to do with £110 and whether you have a say in what gets bought..

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 11:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Apparently we get a gift for Mum, eg. perfume and a baby box for baby. We don't do passing of envelopes and anonymous amounts in this office. We are told how much to donate. £3 for normal birthday, £5 for special birthday (eg. 30th or 40th), £5 for leaving present, £10 for secret santa, £10 for maternity leave. Thank fuck it's my 30th next year so I'll get something back (probably a handbag from Next, lucky me). And then I will leave this job.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 11:13 (twenty-one years ago)

wahey that's a tenner each back from them!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

£3 for a birthday? I only put a quid in! That's shocking.

Maybe it's just cos this office is cheapskate, but that's ridiculous.

I'm so doing the p0rn mag/ kleenex combo for secret santa this year.

― Johnney B, Wednesday, 10 November 2004 12:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Madchen can I get a job at your place? We always just pass envelopes round for an anon donation.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 12:49 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a much better way of doing things.

We tend to only really be roped into big money for leaving presents, and it's a tenner. Though there was a fiver for someone upstairs's birthday recently, cause it was their 40th.

Bah humbug.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 12:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Worse than giving is having to go round the whole office getting donations. At my last job when someone in our department left, one of us had to go round three floors of journalists collecting and getting them to sign a card. Half of them wouldn't even know who the person was. It was one of the most painful things I've ever had to do. I think at one point I even said "Look, I'll forgo a present or card when I leave if I just don't have to do this". Still, I got a digital camera when I did eventually go, so that was good.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 12:58 (twenty-one years ago)

See, what I would do is print out a list of names and then as each person donates/signs, they can tick off their name and pass it to the next person on the list.

― Madchen (Madchen), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what we do, but it's done by office rather than individual.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Our office was too big for that. It would have got lost or stolen somewhere. I'm glad that at least in my current job, we generally just keep it within our own little department.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Ahh - donations and Secret Santa. What a great thread to be about right now.

Madchen - I would hate to work in a job that had that. My last boss insisted on a friendly secret santa, which he rigged and there were no joke presents. I moved department (fortunately). The year before it was banned in another department due to Political Correctness! A guy bought a good female friend of his two car horns - she was very amused, someone complained and it was banned.

I have had a card come back to me for the fifth time for some guy in my department who is retiring. I don't know what he looks like, and feel it is kind of shit to even sign the thing before I find out who it is. At least it is the envelope pass round, and not some enforced regieme.

I have insisted to a colleague leaving next week that I will not start his, but noone else has. I think he deserves the fifty quid or so he would get for leaving - but, should I take that step towards evil and do it for him?

― 3underscore (___), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:25 (twenty-one years ago)

If I don't like someone at my work or have never spoken to them i wont bother to sign the card or donate any money. I think that's fair.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:28 (twenty-one years ago)

it's always amusing to read what people write on the cards though... one time someone wrote "happy birthday!!!" on somebody's leaving card. (not as a joke, either)

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:29 (twenty-one years ago)

another great one was "HAVE A GREAT BIRTHDAY!!!" to someone whose birthday was the sunday just gone.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Our social retard developers think it's hilarious to write 'fuck off splitter' on ppl's leaving cards.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i'd be okay if they're mates i guess, but otherwise yeah

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:35 (twenty-one years ago)

We donate $2 each month to pay for a birthday lunch and flowers or a gift for funerals, weddings, hospital stays, etc ... And we have to sign cards for everyone. At first I was put off by signing cards for people I'd never met and donating $24 a year - especially since I usually skip my own birthday lunch (because they always pick an awful place..) .. But now, I think $24 is the cheap and easy way out of having to deal with any of that shit throughout the year. I hand over money & I sign a card. I don't even look to see whose birthday (or whatever) it is. I just sign my name and pass it on.

Sometimes I wish I gave a modicum of shit about anyone else in this office...

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:38 (twenty-one years ago)

My leaving card from my previous job depressed me terribly - after three and a half years there all that people could write was "good luck". Almost no-one tried to write anything remotely personal or interesting. Cunts.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

that's probablt because they all hated you!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually put joke brackets around that! :-( sorry!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

not even "fuck off splitter"? :(

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost!!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Ken C, I poke you in the ribs & moan that you hate me!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 13:57 (twenty-one years ago)

happy birthday pink!

xx ken

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Thoughtful & personal, yes I forgive you with kittens!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:05 (twenty-one years ago)

:D if you do a whip round maybe i will get kitten food too!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:08 (twenty-one years ago)

Only if it will be anony-mouse (geddit?!) donations!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:09 (twenty-one years ago)

It's pointless deciding not to give to a whip around. One of my colleagues recently refused to donate to a collection and by jaysus, his life's been made hell since.

Just give with a bad heart.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! the annoy mouse donations!

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:13 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost, or pretend to give but put nothing into the envelope

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Just give with a bad heart.
But that's not right. "here have a sweet & I hope you choke on it! Love & kisses."

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:15 (twenty-one years ago)

.. or better yet, put in a five and take nine as change.

xpost

― dave225 (Dave225), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you could leave out the love and kisses bit.

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, you could leave out the love and kisses bit.
Seriously, why should you donate money for someone you have never met?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

just think of it as charity

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I give to charities I like!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

i sometimes imagine i'm donating for the mentally retarded trust fund.

― ken c (ken c), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Who said you should?

In the case I was talking about, the refuser knew the person for whom the collection was being made.

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:25 (twenty-one years ago)

But later find out you were voting for Bush? *snigger*
x-post
Was that directed at me Penelope?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 14:26 (twenty-one years ago)

On my second day of work here, I was told I needed to get a present for a woman going on maternity leave.

Recently, I was asked to give money for an employee's wife who was preggo. I kept avoiding it. I didn't even believe she was pregnant and it was a weird situation. But the same lady (the VP's sister who doesn't even really work here) kept pestering me every day about bringing money. I finally did and - voila - she was lieing about being pregnant. I want my money back!

We're doing secret santa. I can opt out of it though. It's $15.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Wednesday, 10 November 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

ten years pass...

So, what should I get my colleague? Five quid maximum. She is in a David Bowie tribute band and loves Nick Cave.

(Also, the best and worst presents you've received?)

― djh, Wednesday, 19 November 2014 20:17 (eleven years ago)

four years pass...

fuck this shit

― Toss another shrimpl air on the bbqbbq (ledge), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:31 (seven years ago)

I got an ironing board last year.

I don't work there any more.

― Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:32 (seven years ago)

you hurled it into the middle of the works xmas dinner table in a fit of rage?

― Toss another shrimpl air on the bbqbbq (ledge), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:38 (seven years ago)

you got a what

― fans annoyed as emily atack screams over nick knowles' kumquat (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:39 (seven years ago)

Not an easy thing to carry in or out of work. Unless you work next to a homeware depot.

― Stevolende, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:41 (seven years ago)

I left it under the tree for whoever thought it was a good idea to clear up.

― Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 11:41 (seven years ago)

trying to choose between beer and a guitar app of some kind

app pros: might be actually be useful, no waste
app cons: nothing to actually receive and unwrap

beer pros: it's beer

― Toss another shrimpl air on the bbqbbq (ledge), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 12:23 (seven years ago)

Second christmas for me in my current place of work and we do this, except that the gifts have to be cheese. It's awesome.

― brain (krakow), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:02 (seven years ago)

tough gig for the lactose-intolerant

― fans annoyed as emily atack screams over nick knowles' kumquat (bizarro gazzara), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:03 (seven years ago)

Getting mine a trump wig

― calstars, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:12 (seven years ago)

I quite enjoy this in theory but, this year, we have moved to an automated system where we are prompted to buy things off other people’s Amazon wish lists; which seems completely pointless. If you can’t express your opinion of colleagues via the gifts you choose to send them, 99% of the fun goes away.

― ShariVari, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:12 (seven years ago)

Yeah, I hadn't considered the possibility of lactose-intolerance.

― brain (krakow), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:13 (seven years ago)

I am so glad I don't have to do this this year. Bosses should just buy everyone lunch and give them a gift card to somewhere. Done.

― Yerac, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:22 (seven years ago)

I had teammates at one job that knew how much I hated cards and stuff like that so every year for my birthday they would give me a blank card (so i could give it to someone else) and we would eat a bunch of desserts for lunch, it was perfect. When I left my last job my officemate gave me a bottle of japanese whiskey and my IT team sent me riedel wineglasses and decanter. They knew me so well.

― Yerac, Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:25 (seven years ago)

I got an ironing board last year.

I don't work there any more.

― Bimlo Horsewagon became Wheelbarrow Horseflesh (aldo), Wednesday, December 12, 2018 5:32 AM (one hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Desperately trying to remember which song ends with this couplet.

― my hand is finally unglued from my face (Old Lunch), Wednesday, 12 December 2018 13:30 (seven years ago)

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