right, so whats new in your world and hows things?

Otherwise, life is good. Have another beer, Fiddo.

Sorry about the barf and suicide and car accident, all.

Nothing new with me, at all.

I've recently moved to this particular neighborhood, and I've enjoyed walking through it more than any other place I've lived. I plan to walk around my neighborhood to see how it acts on this thankful day. Could be interesting to view this festivities from an outside perspective, but it's probably more likely that it will be totally quiet.

Maybe I'll finally finish that book, too.

Also, we're not being very reciprocally hospitable here. how are YOU donna? what's new?

THat's not funny.

But what if it's the truth Nathalie?

I am currently not considering sucide. In large part due to my psych doc increasing my anti-depressants -- sight unseen. I really wanted an emergency appt. with her to discuss my seasonal depression and options but she could not see me so just phoned in stronger meds. :(

I'm not depressed/suicidal like I was two weeks ago. But, today the higher dosage has really hit me I think. I've been jumpy, anxious and I can't focus on anything b/c my eyes are scanning back and forth so quickly. When I was taking Zoloft they had to push the dosage so high to combat my depression that it got like this. I was jumpy, my hands trembled, and I needed a sedative to combat the side effects and go to sleep.

BUT I WASN'T FUCKING DEPRESSED!!

: /

anway I refused to take zoloft anymore (this was about 2 yrs ago) and now I'm starting to get on the same boat with a different drug. Not happy now. Not depressed != happy.

My "friends" piss me off b/c either they are on their way to prison, more unstable than me or, are aspiring junkies.

I haven't had a boyfriend in two years but judging on the amount of dates I turn down every week I think it's b/c I don't want/don't need one rather than can't. Just have to realize that.

My job. . .well, it's consuming every part of my mind and soul. Is this a good thing? I don't know. See if I'm still alive in six months then I'll tell you.

Like you should motherfucking talk. . .

FWIW I haven't clicked on the suicide thread b/c I'm not goddamned stupid.

Sam, hang in there. That's all I can say. ::hugs::

I'm really not depressed. Just not. . .I don't know. . right.

I did think it was bizarre that Marcello of all people should accuse me of being a downer.

Just for once I would like to be able to post good news on this board - in particular the BEST NEWS I have had in over two years - without Kate or any other "depressed" people crapping all over it with their self-imposed misery. If I'm not going to be able to do that then perhaps this is the wrong place for me, even with my current office-hours-only semi-lurker status.

BTW Donna, how are you? I am still waiting on the house, hoping it will be before Christmas, but things are looking up definitely. Make sure you post more!

If you had the SLIGHTEST BIT OF INTEREST IN ANYONE ELSE ON THIS BOARD EXCEPT YOURSELF you would know that Sam HAS and IS seeking help, as she has talked about openly and honestly on other threads.

If you want to go have a happy self congratulatory thread, go do so. Believe it or not, I am actually happy and glad that things are going so well for you. But that DOES NOT give you the right to be a total freaking asshole to everyone else, and draw conclusions and make judgements about the state of everybody else's mental health.

You are acting like a total cunt here.

personally, though: hey not too fuckin shabby. of the next five weeks, i only work for three of em.

THat's not funny.

But what if it's the truth Nathalie?
Because it is not the right state of mind. I don't mean that in the wrong way, everyoen is entitled to his/her emotions. If you really feel as though death is the solution, then it's time to find help. I know Marcello doesn't mean it wrongly - I mean, I don't think he does. At one point he posted sth on his blog/ILX as a warning/cry for help. But then it's time to seek help beyond ILX. I have my bouts of depression and I know how difficult it is to crawl back out of them...
Side-note: Remember internet is not always the right medium for discussions. And I am Marcello's friend, V.Onda.

I am glad for you Marcello. In fact yr new found love/happiness makes me hopeful. I've been happy before - - I know it's possible for me to be again.

And yeah, I am under professional care. The quality thereof is one of my beefs, but that's another thread.

Did I tell you guys that I had a lovely dinner with Sarah McLusky and her family this evening? I think that, despite my big tattoo, I gave her respectable family hope that all the "Internet person"s she knows aren't complete freaks. (and her mom was awesome and addressed some of my career-realted concerns more precisely in two hours than others have done in two years.)

and, yeah fiddio will probably make fun of me for this, but I do think of some of you as my friends. Shoot me.

I am studying, listening to records, reading, posting on ilx. the usual really (I've managed to get off the top 50 on ILE and am low on the top 50 on ILM, which I'm really pleased abt).

My plans for next year involve looking for a job. hopefully I can find something interesting to do.

hope everything goes well for fiddo and sam.

Hi Donna, how's things with you?

(what building is he in, do u kno?)

suzy that's great news although I can't see how much closer to 4th Ave Brooklyn I can get than where I am on Holloway. Both my block on 4th Ave AND my block here have 1) a flat-tire fixit shop 2) halal fried chicken 3) a baths and kitchens display shop

Kewel ;0)

If by "college" you mean aging professor types and not students -- this neighborhood doesn't have a whole lotta youth culture. Everything closes early, too.

Not much. I returned to another forum I used to belong to and found that nice in a "wow, look, I'm normal for being average again" sort of way as well as a "wow, I'm surrounded by people who would get all sorts of references again" manner. I'm just living each day as it comes. I'm trying to be a bit more open-minded about things, though I still chastise myself for even thinking about doing things I wouldn't have a problem with others doing. I'm trying to implement a self-improvement regime in my life. I'm still busy, still chugging along, still unspectacular, but looking to change that last bit. And I am here to make friends, damn it, because Lord knows I need more of them.

I am getting readings and publication and (crucially) small bits of money which is great. And I am nearly one term into my masters, which is DIFFICULT. Depending on the week I feel like I know everything or nothing.

I am enjoying my job (because I have a lot else going on maybe) and feel fondly towards most of the students here, and am (planning to start...) planning my wedding finally after a year of engagement. Nice flat too except when random psychos are threatening my life from the street above.

So yes, happy and busy etc.

What I am particularly pleased about is that I have no idea who three quarters of the people on the cover of this week's NME are, they all look like identi-kit indie rockers.

this thread is a good idea. makes me sad i don't know everyone on it, as i don't visit ilx as much anymore, but it's good to know what's up with people.

I'm having my worst day in a very long time, and I'm not sure if I'm homicidal or suicidal. Both probably. Having spent money and packed over 70 boxes of stuff to move, I get a call today, hours before the solicitors were to exchange contracts, saying the vendor is pulling out unless he gets lots more money - I'm talking over £5,000. I don't think I can cope with the pressure I'll get if I let this collapse, but some of you will remember my troubles with my ex, and halting the sale now (we're to split the money, and she apparently has a place to buy lined up) seems likely to reignite that kind of stuff, and at the least to bring loads of pressure on me. And while I thought the place was a bargain, and I can afford to pay that extra, it will leave me without the cash in hand I expected to be left with after this, which will probably completely fuck up some plans I had for that money, which were really important to me. I don't know what to do, but it is driving me into a very bad mental state indeed.

And the depression, that I'd been mostly free of for ages, until recently, is flooding back. I bought a pack of cigarettes for myself on the way home, and have smoked four in four hours. I desperately want to call someone, but I won't because I know I couldn't cope with anyone being too busy for me or anything like that, so I won't even tell my close friends - even though I know this is a bad pattern of behaviour, one that led to my almost succeeding in killing myself two years ago. I like a lot of people here a huge amount, but even on good days I don't imagine for a second that anyone here thinks of me as among their best friends, so it seems somehow okay to say it all here, as I won't feel let down by anyone, and you don't have my phone number, so couldn't call even if you wanted to. Low expectations someow seem helpful here, and I can vent without expecting or needing anything significant from you. I don't know if that is comprehensible to anyone at all, and I don't think I can explain it any better, but it is how I feel.

i *exactly* know what you mean about here being good to say things precisely because you don't feel you're pushing people into a corner where they have to break a leg to help out: hence my big update post just on last year's elephant-in-the-room thread - stuff that's new in my world since i posted upthread in fact

I was about to ask -- that's just terrible news.

He is taking the piss but unfortunately it is legal. The 'loss' split between what you and your ex gain will not seem quite so much, so relax - you told me you were in line for a promotion anyway so it's not like taking a 1.25k powder is gonna matter that much. You can then do something with at least *some* of the earmarked cash (non-illness depression always greatly reduced by judicious retail therapy).

as for how i am: obviously brain-dead.

Hey, DEE, what do you have in mind for this? please tell more.
(maybe start a new thread)

This is one of the major government agencies that hire English teachers for high schools & middle high school mainly:

http://www.jetprogramme.org/

I'm planning on applying to it this time next year.

I have been writing reports all day. Thanks to ILX for keeping me sane. I'm gonna get my brew on tonight.

Whoa, cool, Mary. Yeah, I hoping for a great experience, and too meet lots of people.

A Nairn, Mary, thanks for the advice thus far!

roxor! good luck!

great to hear all the good news!
sad to learn that some are having a tough time right now. i wish i could do more, but the best i can offer is my hopes for things to improve and send you 'best thoughts'.

as for me, it's friday and ES magazine is out so i'm happy

My friend (who posts here sometimes) has had to just pull out of a house-buying deal which had been dragging on for six months because their lease is ending with closing day nowhere in sight.

Sorry to hear you're so down, Martin. I just wish you good luck.

Things are most definitely looking up. Ed has had a London Buses kind of week - wait ages for a job and then suddenly three of them come up at once. He is now at the bad camping goods job having to hand in his notice and Corporate Polo Shirt to enable him to start In Television on Monday.

Kate, he got the mail about five minutes after you and HSA left!

So I've been screwed some, but I know I'd have gone for this place at the final price, or even a somewhat higher one, and I still think I've found a very good place for the money. And I could afford it. The options around letting the deal die were beyond my ability to cope, I think, so I know I've done the right thing.

Thanks for caring, everyone, especially Sam.

(when you have moved in you can always forward his letters into the garbage)

Jet offers the chance to mingle with lots of fellow expat teachers. The smaller town you are in, the more opportunity you might have to mingle with actual Japanese people. I taught in a small town and the Japanese people there were extremely kind and caring and looked after me. Hospitality is a huge part of their culture, you'll find. Also, with Jet, the salary is pretty good, plus your rent is subsidized by the governmment, so you may find you have quite a bit of expendable cash to spend on traveling, drinking, shopping, etc. I concentrated on traveling.

Non-Jet: The big private companies are AEON and GEOS. I don't know anyone who worked for them but someone I know interviewed with GEOS and was offered the job but decided not to take it -- he just felt their office culture was too stiff -- dress code, etc. Also, with a private co. you'll work much longer hours for less pay than with JET. In JET you may teach between 0 to 4 classes a day, depending on the school's schedule. (There's a lot of free time during the day to study Japanese or otherwise amuse yourself.) A private co. has more regular classes -- you would probably have to teach about 5-6 classes a day at least. There are tons of private companies that aren't big ones -- in my town ABC English Center was the refuge of non-Jets and Jets who couldn't bare to go home after their contract had ended. These private schools will be a lot more flexible, but you will also have to work long hours. They are also harder to connect with from outside Japan.

I think in Japan a college degree is important for teaching English. I have a feeling that the private schools require it (though I'm not sure). The other schools might be more flexible, but again, I'm not really sure. Even for Jet, I had to have a photocopy of my actual degree certificate. Another option is private tutoring. No one will require you to have a degree to do this, but it might take some time to build up enough students so that you are making enough money.

A few books that I found useful: How to Work Your Way Around the World, and Teaching English in Asia. (rough titles) There is also an internet site that lists jobs in Japan -- I can't remember the name but if you dig around you should be able to find it. Your career services office should have some good materials. One note about Jet: the application process takes a long time. I think I applied in Dec. and didn't find out I got the job until May.

Either of you feel free to e-mail me directly re Japan and/or teaching in Japan.

NA is on a train to Chicago as I type this so he can apartment hunt for the both of us. My new job there starts January 5th. :-)

It sure is nice to see you around, donna!

I'm also gearing up for my band's record-release show next Saturday: it's our first headlining set, and we're basically playing everything we know. (The record is a five-song EP.) I'm probably more excited about it than any other show we've played, even the one at the Metro; I like that being the headliner makes it feel like our own party, in a way.

I do wish I was writing more -- I usually blame this on lack of time, but sometimes I fear that I'm just not motivated enough and this whole childhood dream of becoming a "successful" writer is doomed to failure somewhere along the line. I kinda want to get better about posting short items on my blog and not making every post a goddamn writing assignment. Yeah.