Samantha Marson & America's Blatant Paranoia and Cocksuckery

More story here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/shropshire/3415525.stm

I assume that she won't get jail time, let alone 15 years of it. But she is being made a scaaary example of so's to stop people doing this again.

But then again, what a dumbass for making that kind of a joke.

That said, my brother tried this once when he was about 12. We were coming back from South Africa (you want to talk high security) and they asked him if he had been given anything, and he made a crack about being given an alarm clock by an Arab gentlemen. They hauled him off and searched his bags and nearly made us miss our plane. But he never did it again.

But even at the worst, someone saying something stupid about a bag on a flight to Dublin would never have been in danger of jail sentences?

Not the same nowadays, huh?

Imagine the smartarse that thinks he's funny. And that's the 10th one today.

Now imagine having the powers that Customs people have.

Mmmmmmmm Power corrupts....

There is an apocryphal story abt. what happened to a punka who wore a Dead Kennedys shirt in Logan Airport. It warn't purdy.

CUSTOMS INSPECTOR: Do you have anything to declare?

WILDE: I have nothing to declare but my genius!

CUSTOMS INSPECTOR: This genius you speak of… is it the evil sort that tyrannical dictators possess?

WILDE (amused): The only difference between saints and sinners is that every saint has a past while every sinner has a future.

CUSTOMS INSPECTOR: Imprisonment with hard labour for you, Mr Smartass. Take ’im away, boys!

WILDE: Ugh… not again.

Do US customs really imagine any terrorist worth their salt to blab in front of them? Don’t they know that it is only your true friends that stab you in the front?

I'm actually surprised this response didn't come from Momus.

reputedly when B&S were asked were they carrying any lethal weapons onto a flight to the USA, Chris Geddes replied "Only my bare hands".

They were then cut off.

So then we had to leave security to go to the main terminal and request to be put on standby for the next flight. When we went back through security, I didn't take off my boots because they didn't set off the alarm the first time. They're not allowed to require you to take them off; I looked it up before we left. The security guy stood in front of me and HIGHLY RECOMMENDED THAT I TAKE THEM OFF even after I told him that I knew they wouldn't set them off. No choice about it really, so I have to hold up the line unlacing my boots. Bah. You just can't let it get you down.

now, i just unlace & toss them into the machine beforehand.

shouldnt this be changed to "listen airport security"

She wasn't arrested for satire, she was arrested for threatening terrorism. TSA officials are notoriously literally-minded. Making jokes about carrying bombs onto planes in the US is a famous no-no.

Criminal arrest was disproportionate to the offense, I totally agree, but she's a ninny, not a martyr, self-righteous, ham-fisted harangues notwithstanding.

Not being locked up for no good reason *is* a right though.

This British guy walks into an American bank and approaches the teller. The Brit says "Gimme all the money in the safe; I've got a gun!!" The teller presses the alarm and notifies the police.

Yeah ... it isn't funny. Just get off your fucking highhorse and get on the plane already, hmm? Hate Bush all you want but this situation is so ridiculous...

What kind of retard would say they have a bomb at the airport? They evacuate the LAX terminals for less these days, so it's not exactly a victimless "crime". I'm glad she served the time she did and hope she gets a big fat fine.

The difference here is that Miss Marson, unlike the Brit in your charming anecdote, wasn’t masquerade as a terrorist, per se, as I doubt many terrorists inform customs they’re carrying explosives; instead, she made a sarcastic remark; and also there’s the point that the Brit had a criminal motive for lying: to acquire money illegally, while Marson’s only motive was derision, mockery, contempt.

What kind of retard would say they have a bomb at the airport? They evacuate the LAX terminals for less these days.

I think you must keep in mind that she didn't just say she had a bomb, she joked she had a bomb. There's an intrinsic distinction. I'm not saying she's was right to partake in such a hoax, but it isn’t the word "bomb" that kills people.

Her kind of self-absorbed, inconsiderate and "jokey" stupidity really sets me off. She deserves an eternal dirty look from everyone; making her a pariah and driving her mad.

Joking about weapons at the airport has been a federal crime for many years, long before September 11th. There are big signs at the metal detectors that warn you against it, but maybe this girl couldn't read.

The difference here is that Miss Marson, unlike the Brit in your charming anecdote, wasn’t masquerade as a terrorist..

There is no difference between her and the bank analogy. Don't go into places that are commonly known for being incredibly sensitive and crack jokes saying that you are going to commit a crime there. Also, perhaps the guy at the bank was just making an ironic joke about how little money he had in his account? Why does it matter? You think it's completely impossible that a young white girl could have been a terrorist and that the airport security should have automatically assumed that since she's not wearing a turban ... etc. that she should have a finger wagged at her and be set on her way? Fuck that. That's bullshit. She should've kept her dumb mouth shut and that's that.

I think you must keep in mind that she didn't just say she had a bomb, she joked she had a bomb.

How are people in the airport supposed to know the difference? Just mentioning the word bomb makes her suspicious and by her stating that she HAS A BOMB makes it extremely difficult.

..but it isn’t the word "bomb" that kills people.

No, but it sure as hell gets them noticed in an airport. In a day and age when it has been repeatedly drilled into our social consciousness that joking about bombing airports while in them is NOT funny, a joke COULD result in getting you killed if you are so stupid as to take it far enough.

Maybe we should just train our airport staff in appreciating that dry British humor we've all heard so much about...

Terrorist: O yes, I have a bomb. Ha ha ha.
Customs Official: Ha ha, very drole sir.

From here on in, I think it is the people who don't confess to having bombs that we should worry about.

Don't you see that because it is illegal, terrorists are probably the most unlikely to joke about it, and so the verbal restrictions are worthless, in terms of safety anyway?

Maybe we should just train our airport staff in appreciating that dry British humor we've all heard so much about.

That would be like training Howard Hughes to joke about dust, as, say, Quentin Crisp would.

i think we should kill her and make her into mcmarsonpatties

Putting other people's lives at risk isn't a crime? That's a new one on me.

Fiendishly clever satirist, or spiteful twit?

Yes, though when she gets home she will doubtless laugh the whole misunderstanding off, in time, while America is left endlessly looking over its shoulder, everyone abhorring it (even the UK, really), fighting wars against the ghost of terrorism, being lead by a mongoloid. It truthfully is a sad state of affairs…
Laughing was all we can do to stop ourselves crying.

haha = "when" and "in time".

i think good comedy works best when it caters to the audience. this wasn't comedy (i'm thinking of momus starting a comedy airline security bureau akin to comedy traffic schools) so much as a false threat. maybe you can turn this into a modern "much ado about nothing"?

French Customs agent: [with accent] "Anything to declare?"
American businessman: [holding stomach] "unh, Diarrhea!"

she then wisely gives him Ex-Lax instead of a full cavity search.

There's moe to this than meets the eye, though. Apparently the officials asked her twice if she meant what she was saying and she insisted three times that she did have the bomb in the bag, so she was not merely tossing piffle on the wind. Security alert unavoidable, I think - at least because you might have a nutter on your hands there. And Richard Reid, the shoe bomber, was a British nutter. We have the advantage on this thread of a picture that would fit he side of Tate Modrn, but the security people may have noticed, as I have done, that the girl has dyed hair and not un-middle-eastern looks. Further, it seems she was leaving America because her visa was expiring - another detail that might be on a lst of things to check. An er boyfriend is n the US forces; from one point of view that could seem dodgy. For all we know she might have been acting irrationally other ways than the ones we know about - playing a Christina Aguilera CD, for example.

But now please tell her off and let her go.

JEEZIS!

God, you people really don't get humour, do you.

how very calumesque of you, charles! well played, old sport!

The overblown melodrama of various comments today - from MPs and BBC correspondants alike - only makes the whole thing funnier.

For those about to not be funny, I salute you!

Dean, the problem with your argument here is that the powers that be saw fit to let her unfunniness fall under the scope of public policy and legality. Last time I checked you can throw someone out of your home for telling bad jokes, but you can't have them arrested. More's the pity.

I think the reason that people find this incident bothersome is that it brings up the issue of whether or not speech is a type of action. If you hold that it is not (and a vast majority do seem to hold this "commonsense" view) then this individual was arrested NOT for doing anything, but rather for saying something. I'm not personally a big fan of slippery slope arguments, but you can't but then wonder what could constitute language that could justify an arrest. Saying that one wishes that the plane would be blown up? Saying that one admires people willing to die for a cause? etc.

Strange thing is, from listening to Marson's voice - making predictably beleaguered apologies through the media - I wouldn't say that she even sounded English. That accent was very difficult to place indeed; it had elements of the southern English about it, yet quite something else also.

If someone comes into my house repeatedly claiming to possess bombs then I am pretty sure that I would be right to call the police. Though, I'd imagine that bombings happen more often otuside of the US, so please correct me if it's socially acceptable to threaten to bomb people's houses where you live.

Yes, but then the firearm is more America’s thing, isn’t it.

Yes, changing the subject is by far the worst method of debate, but thanks for trying to explain yourself.

Judge Hatcher: "And young girl ... Ms. Marson .. if you ever think of making bomb threats in an airport again, you will get a much more severe and dirtier look than the one I am currently giving you! Do you understand me, missy?

Samantha Marson: PLEASE! STOP! STOP THE MADNESS!

I don’t particularly see how I was changing the subject. You were talking about the social acceptability of a deadly weapon in the US. Guns seemed clearly related.

I personally think that irrelevant disparagement and disregard of another person’s argument is a much shoddier characteristic in debate.

This was meant to be incredibly sarcastic. But in regards to your tangent, firearms are incredibly present in the U.S. The difference being that they are also able to be licensed. Not that I agree with it necessarily but this is the world in which we live. Regardless, whether this someone threatens to have brought a bomb or a gun into my house, it is my property and up to me whether or not to notify the police. In an airport, it is at the discretion of the airport security and employees as this is their job. I still don't see how this point is even debatable.

Why don’t you leave the sarcasm to us Brits, eh?

But in regards to your tangent, firearms are incredibly present in the U.S. The difference being that they are also able to be licensed. Not that I agree with it necessarily but this is the world in which we live.

No, it the country in which you live. Some other countries think handing out guns like Big Macs would be irresponsible.

Regardless, whether this someone threatens to have brought a bomb or a gun into my house, it is my property and up to me whether or not to notify the police. In an airport, it is at the discretion of the airport security and employees as this is their job. I still don't see how this point is even debatable.

Well, I’ll clear that up for you then: I think the points that are debatable here are more whether she, whilst joking, was technically “threatening” anyone, and whether someone joking about having bomb needed such melodramatic proceedings. It’s not as straightforward as you seem intent on portraying it.

Dude, you forgot SUV's! In America they come with gun wracks and McDonalds in the glove compartment! It's fucking sweet.

Don’t ever forget that airports are there for us. We pay them, remember? Yes, we want security, but not so much security so that our thoughts, words and humanity become castrated. You may be content to live in a world protected by guard-dogs so protecting they’re suspicious even of their owner, where a statement can potentially get you fifteen years’ incarceration, but others may not feel so comfortable in such a situation. Yes, perhaps Miss Marson gave the airport officials cause to be alarmed, but they, as R bunged V thought, could have detained and questioned [her], but that's about it. Tracer Hand, too, seemed to agree with this sentiment: as soon as they were satisfied she posed no threat they should have let her go on her way.”

Charles, if you called your airport and "joked" that you hid a bomb somewhere there, you'd probably have to go to jail too.

That would be a wholly different context which, using commonsense, could only be interpreted in one way: literally. With Miss Marson, it was the utter absurdity of telling a Transportation Security Administration screener, “Hey be careful, I have three bombs in there," as he placed her hand luggage on the belt at a security check, that deemed her statement figurative, if not amusing. I take bomb-threats seriously; I even would commend the airport’s detaining her to investigate the state of affairs further, but come, come: she didn’t exactly ring an airport and state she’d hid a bomb there.

(xpost sym otm)

Yeah, she only walked into the airport and stated she hid a bomb there. That's much better.

Surely telling officials at the airport exactly where the bombs are rules out any “hidden” aspect to them?

I mean, obv. the security overreacted a little. But this is not one of history's top 1000 injustices.

Well, no. But frankly I’m tired of discussing the War on Iraq.

our...humanity become castrated

Do you know something about Marson's treatment we don't?

All I know is that there’s a sinister rumour going around which says when she got out of prison she had no testicles… I know: SICK.

It's not, no... But, I think he was more referring to possible extensions of this sort of thing happening; i.e. security people interpreting idiosyncratic behaviour as worthy of detention.
It's not too much of a leap considering the numbers of people detained under the 'Patriot Act', which clearly has something to do with race and nationality. Or in the UK the far higher probability of any blacks being stopped and searched by police, than whites. If such patently questionable, biased conclusions are often (I do not by any means say 'always' of course) jumped to by people in authority, it's not that much of a stretch to imagine all sorts of behaviour appearing eccentric or suspicious to paranoid airport security staff...

The decision by the Supreme Court to let the government keep Patriot Act detainees names secret annoys and disturbs me far, far more than what happened to Ms. Marson.

Dyson & Allyzay: I don't defend the girl's rather odd behaviour (especially in that she persisted with the jape when asked to repear herself, twice) at all. I just don't think that legally it ought to be seen as much of an offense. It certainly is mildly curious - if not idiosyncratic perhaps - for her to be repeating the joke... she posed no threat, yet carried on this absurd pretence.

Either false report is an offense or it isn't. I see no good reason on this thread as to why issuing false reports to authorities--wasting time, money, possibly inconveniencing and endagering people, etc--is like some minor thing.

This is what this girl did. You scream FIRE in a theatre and cause a stampede you are liable for that. This is not the done thing by any sort of moral/intellectual standard to begin with, but besides that it's ILLEGAL IN THE US and has been FOREVER.

I mean, besides paranoia fantasies being presented of unlawful imprisonments for being sketchy (which is a MASSIVE leap in logic here--again, the authorities are prosecuting this girl for doing something that anyone with half a brain should know is not legal and at very least will get you detained and questioned and searched), why shouldn't they prosecute this woman?

I mean I"m not saying you're wrong on the Patriot Act point, I'm saying that I don't think you're right that one has to do with the other. This girl broke a law. A very sensible law IMO. What do you propose is done with her?

ANother thing, this happens in Heathrow, what exactly happens there? (cue that photo of Patsy)

1) She broke the law
2) Regardless of whether or not the search came up with a bomb she still broke the law (obviously actually having bomb would be worse law to break)
3) She is now being threatened with penalty for breaking the law

AMERICAN LEGAL SYSTEM CONFUSES, SHOCKS BRITISH PEOPLE FOR NO GOOD REASON
http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/39027000/jpg/_39027407_abfab-bbc-203index.jpg

(sorry for the tone but for fuck's sake, IT DOESN'T MATTER IF SHE MEANT IT AS A JOKE OR NOT, I mean I can go about pretending to rob people as a joke, as previously pointed out and "rebutted", but I'm pretty sure the cops will not find this funny)

Horseshit.

I was like what the hell kind of place is this?

Your analogy: Yeah, but what law has actually been broken by pretending to be a robber? It's all a fine interpretative line really... ;-) And would depend really on how silly one looked or seemed in pulling off this foolery! Dressed in stripy vest and beret like Cary Grant in "To Catch A Thief" I hardly think they would take it seriously, especially if it quickly became obvious there was no real intent to steal. Dressed in utterly normal clothes... very different case, perhaps.

It's all a fine interpretative line really... ;-)
Even with the smiley this is still a really stupid thing to say with regard to legal issues, especially criminal ones.

Lastly, anyone with a lick of sense or experience can tell you this: ignorance of the law is never an excuse. Sorry.

I’m sorry but of course it matters if she meant her comments as a joke or not. It deems whether she intended to seriously alarm people and cause commotion or not, and thus whether she committed the crime of “false report” or not.

She didn’t exactly scream bomb on a plane; she made a sardonic remark that wasn’t intended to be taken sincerely. Yes, she may have persisted with this charade to an unintelligent and somewhat perplexing extent, but you have to comprehend that this is not just a clear-cut case of scaremongering.

A few people have also made the point about how easy it would be if this WASN'T our law to send in a bunch of chow chow chow collegey kids or whatever to crack bomb jokes and be like "obviously" not "real terrorists" (dear lord) so I'll just draw attention cos I don't think it was summarily handled by the detractors here towards American law.

Incidentally, I still am pretty foggy on what you (or MomusCharles) thinks SHOULD be done to someone who does this?

I feel like I am in my damn logic class with stupid Ivy league bastards who feel the need to debate things like "But what IF the number three WAS thirsty, would that sentence not be true then?" It's like, well the number three CANNOT BE THIRSTY SO HELLO YOU MAKE NO SENSE CAPTAIN POSHO. Apologies for venting a bit of frustration.

xpost: I've been curious about this: um, how do you know how she said this, anyway? And again, would you rather them err on the side of safety or on the side of danger?

I remember, when i was little, seeing the sign at the knoxville airport that said "NO JOKES"

PS Best airport EVAH.

But Ally Tombot dude we understand why it's illegal okay. But tell me you didn't laugh in that scene at the end of Meet the Parents when Ben Stiller's putting his bag in the overhead compartment.

Yup, break an American law in a foreign country and you'll find your ass deported to a country of there choosing despite holding Canadian citizenship.

xxpost Yeah I'm not reading too clearly wtf it's like 4 in the morning GAH

I think several of us have already answered that: she should have been detained in the airport, questioned, her bags checked and probably she should have been told to wise up, Janet Weiss. Whether she broke the law is certainly unclear in my mind.

xpost I really hope that sign is still there and I will one day see it because hot damn. "NO JOKES NO DANCING NO SERVICE"

1) Joking
2) Dancing
3) Grits
4) Guns
5) Cars with confederate flags
6) Shirtless guys, who are all like dirty from doing whatever people do on like farms or whatever
7) Banjos
8) Someone with that piece of straw hanging out of their damn mouth

WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS NAZIOCRACY STOPPING THIS IN KNOXVILLE??? I DEMAND ANSWERS AND THE NUMBER THREE.

xpost I almost got a little jar of "moonshine jelly" from the airport gift shop but quickly recovered my senses.

My first line makes no sense any more :(

This reminds me something the much-lamented, great (British comedian, for US-folk) Bob Monkhouse once said:

http://www.dulwich.org.uk/history/images/feat_monkhouse_pic1.jpg

My friends laughed when I said I was going to be a comedian when I grew-up... They’re not laughing now.

Boom-TISH!

xpost On Hooters Air I bet you can.

It will presumably be mandatory soon enough. Shirts are deadly weapons, don’t you know?

WHY WAS I BORN SO LATE

Haha I was thinking about this earlier today, do you know I still remember the first thing you said to me?

I also demand OVERALLS down South.

I thought you meant Dunnville.

We said no.

xpost don't you have something better to do than post 1st semester philosophical Orwellian rantings?

WTF? Then the terrorists will be subjected to the same checks as everyone else, LIKE THEY ARE NOW

Why have three people seperately made the point above? It's not exactly rocket science.

A few years ago an american violinist was detained and questioned at heathrow for 24 hours when he jokingly claimed -once- that his violin case had a sub machine gun in it. I think he was fined.

the fact that this girl said it three times, though? jesus, hard to sympathise, really!

Stupid Joke repeated to three separate people = Off the plane and 3 days in chokey. Sounds fair enough.

Stupid joke to one person retracted immediately = stringent search and funny look but on plane.

SJ 1P xRet = stringent search with body cavity optional extra and off plane.

Right, put it on the statute book.

To me, it's more about the rights of those in authority after TTEOSE over the average citizen; this maybe because there's a good article on this in the current LRB which has put it in my mind.

xpost the instance i was talking about, it was definitely a violinist flying to chicago - I saw it on a reality tv airport show!

it is ART and although the intent of the artist is interesting to know at times, it is ultimately the interpretation of the audience which matters.

Well, that hypothesis isn’t exactly being proven with Miss Marson’s case, is it?… or, indeed, with that violin chap you spoke of. It certainly doesn’t give the impression of being a cause and effect matter.

Stupid Joke repeated to three separate people

You make it sound like she stalked about the airport, a malevolent grin on her face, notifing three entirely unrelated people, “I’ve got a bomb.” This is not how it happened at all. She was merely asked to repeat herself and for some perturbing reason kept up the pretence.

This thread is interesting, albeit a bot bonkers in places. Hatcher refers to "us brits" at least once, but I am a "brit" and I don't feel much common ground w/hatcher's viewpoints as expressed here.

It’s true that I did use that term once, but only in response to a comment made by dean!:

Maybe we should just train our airport staff in appreciating that dry British humor we've all heard so much about...

When dean! later commented that

This was meant to be incredibly sarcastic.

I countered with
Why don’t you leave the sarcasm to us Brits, eh?

making allusion to Miss Marson’s evident sarcasm-fetish. I don’t see how I’m implying I speak for all of Britain with that phrase. I appreciate that we all have differing opinions. Perhaps as a substitute to trying to make me out as some class of British patriot, you could give your own view on the matter?

I’m sorry but of course it matters if she meant her comments as a joke or not. It deems whether she intended to seriously alarm people and cause commotion or not, and thus whether she committed the crime of “false report” or not.

it is ART and although the intent of the artist is interesting to know at times, it is ultimately the interpretation of the audience which matters.

I consider it to be more Miss Marson’s intentions which matter. It is from her intentions that we can determine whether this whole situation was a mix-up or not.

Take him away boys!

According to the BBC, she grew up in Poland. So, it was that legendarily bleak, matter-of-fact Polish sense of humour that got her into trouble.

On what grounds do you derive Mr. Hatcher's having an Englsih accent from his being British? Surely, he could be Welsh, Scottish or Northern Irish. Presumptuousness abounds on this thread.

Offical: And what is your occupation, sir?
Izzard: I'm a comedian.
Official: We got ourselves a comedian here. So, what is your actual occupation, sir?
Izzard: I'm a comedian.
Official: We got ourselves a comedian here. So, what is your actual occupation, sir?
Izzard: Fine. I'm a stripper.
Official: Can I touch your boob?

"Ive got a bomb, me like"

and here we go again...

"And next on "I've got a bomb in my luggage, Get me onto the news now" we have...

never drinking again 8<

RIP fattey girl w/hoop earrings and HI-larious, yet inappropriate, sense of humo(u)r