Go ahead and be disgusting here (do not read if you hate poop and pee humour)

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As Sam pointed out on the This Is The Thread Where I Say... a few of us are very disgusting. This is the thread where all of your disgusting thoughts and deeds can be talked about freely. Probably for the best that we try not to post anything from this thread to the Laugh thread just to keep things neat and tidy. I'll start.

In about a minute or two I'm gonna go take a shit. I can already tell it's going to be an aerosol cheese shit which will make me long for the days when I worked at a place with a shower. I had a Quiznos sub for dinner last night with extra hot peppers so I may need some cream for my rosy red rectum.

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:29 (twenty-two years ago)

i love ilx.

― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:32 (twenty-two years ago)

everyday at 9am i buy a newspaper and hit the lav at work. Like clockwork. And I spend one hour in there, minimum. Sometimes just reading with my pants down. I like to air it out.

― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:33 (twenty-two years ago)

http://swc.sports-gaming.com/wm2002/images/WM4.jpg

― Dave B (daveb), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I get newspapers for free at work!
I haven't taken a poo at home in months!

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:42 (twenty-two years ago)

I already did a 'fart poo pee' post the other day, does the world need more from me?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:43 (twenty-two years ago)

i love ilx. -- Chris V
Bah, that thought just ain't disgusting enough, Chris V!

everyday at 9am i buy a newspaper and hit the lav at work. Like clockwork. And I spend one hour in there, minimum. Sometimes just reading with my pants down. I like to air it out. -- Chris V
...Oh c'MON mon, you can do disgusting better than that surely!?

*starts to have specific disgusto doubts 'bout ilx*

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:44 (twenty-two years ago)

Ned, you have farted, pooed and peed above and beyond the call of duty (and nature, har har).

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:45 (twenty-two years ago)

t\'\'t: please, try not to be too critical. I love the This Is The Thread Where I Say... threads and the main thing I'd like to borrow from them is the non-critical atmosphere. Thank you for your support.

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:48 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread is like taking a shit after eating a bag of nacho tortilla chips for dinner the night before.

― Rockist Scientist, Friday, 13 February 2004 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

I like those newish Italian flavoured nacho chips.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:51 (twenty-two years ago)

*tries in earnest (& with due disgust) to comply with Bryan's plea*

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 13 February 2004 15:54 (twenty-two years ago)

O-oh... Hey, I can be less disgusting too, honest! Come back, guys!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:07 (twenty-two years ago)

I shouldn't bump this but maybe I'll just have someone delete this. It was funny for a minute or two but now I realise it's just plain dumb. Maybe I'm just upset because my shit was so disappointing. No spray, no piss water thrown up onto my buttcheeks, no need to use the toilet brush after.

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:09 (twenty-two years ago)

you can't delete poop! you can flush it, but it never dies!

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:11 (twenty-two years ago)

Hear who's talking! Haha, Huckey you pieces of...

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:13 (twenty-two years ago)

I shouldn't bump this but maybe I'll just have someone delete this

The moderators ain't gonna flush YOUR mess, buddy.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:42 (twenty-two years ago)

O how disgusting of the moderators!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:46 (twenty-two years ago)

This thread reminds me of those crayon soaps, you know the ones where you can write on the bathroom walls and then just wash off what you wrote. Not as much fun sometimes when you're allowed to do something. I guess we can just let this drift down and away...

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:48 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah, but someday Gygax will direct somone to this thread and it will all be worth it.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 16:49 (twenty-two years ago)

besides, Fridays always blow around here.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:02 (twenty-two years ago)

and Saturdays suck.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:04 (twenty-two years ago)

and Sundays...whoooooooo, don't get me started!

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:12 (twenty-two years ago)

An open letter to the disgusting fucker on my floor who never flushes the toilet after taking a crap:

Hi. Yeah you. You know who you are, you filthy little bitch (and I don't say that in a good way) - would it really be so much to ask that once you're finished evacuating your bowels that you flush the fucking toilet so the rest of us don't have to walk - always unsuspecting and sometimes with our mouths open - into the heinous stench you have so kindly left for us, wondering to ourselves 'DEAR GOD WHAT THE FUCK DIED IN HERE TWO YEARS AGO, SOMEONE HELP ME PLEASE, CAN'T BREATHE.... DYING....'????? It doesn't take much, really... You finish, you wipe (I assume you wipe.. oh god), you stand up, readjust your clothing, turn around, depress the handle put there SPECIFICALLY FOR THAT PURPOSE AND NO OTHER and flush. You can even lift your little leg up and step on it for all I care. Just do it. Of all the unpleasant things I have to deal with during the workday, this really takes the shit cake. You win the big turd prize. A-number one. You go girl. Just please, for fuck's sake, when you DO, FLUSH THE FUCKING TOILET.

Thank you.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:14 (twenty-two years ago)

PS: Please also wash your hands. The thought that you may not, and then you touch the same door handle I do, therefore transferring your shit particles onto my unsuspecting hand as I walk out the door gives me nightmares - and also forces me to re-wash my hands when I get back into the office, and for fuck's sake, lady, it's winter, they're getting chapped.

You gross bitch.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:16 (twenty-two years ago)

Wow! Tubg1rl works in Luna's building!

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:17 (twenty-two years ago)

It would explain so much.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:24 (twenty-two years ago)

Must scrub brain now.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

YOU have to?!

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:26 (twenty-two years ago)

In some cultures, Fijian for e.g., the size of a man's bowel movement represents his masculinity. So not flushing is a matter of pride when it's particularly foul.

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

I think it's the latent hysteria of this thread building up.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:27 (twenty-two years ago)

Note to self: Skip Fiji.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

wow! Luna has a Fijian guygirl taking huge disgusting shits in her bathroom!

― Bryan (Bryan), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:28 (twenty-two years ago)

Actually, I've narrowed it down to a rude little Filipina girl and an uptight, shove a lump of coal up her butt and in a minute and a half, you'd have the Hope Diamond blonde chick.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:31 (twenty-two years ago)

blondes don't poop

― My Huckleberry Friend (Horace Mann), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:35 (twenty-two years ago)

That one thread about pants shitting is good for this sort of thing. Ooh, and there are a couple threads about throwing up that are cool!

― Dan I., Friday, 13 February 2004 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

blondes don't poop

They excrete?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

In high school my freshman year there was all this commotion going on outside of the mens room near the cafeteria. People gasping and looking shocked and awed. So my friends and I went to investigate, there was a line out the door. We waited and when we got in there we were directed to the stall. Inside the stall and in the toilet was a turd python like no other. at least 6 inches round and 3 feet long, the thing curled around and around and its head poked out of the water. I swear to this day the thing winked at me. And from that day forth it became known as "the shit". We wanted the janitor to pull it out of there and put it in the trophy display case in the foyer of the school. No one ever knew who did it, but we all blamed the janitor.

― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:36 (twenty-two years ago)

Luna definately tops my crush list.

― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:38 (twenty-two years ago)

Awwww...

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

Thanks to Chris's story, all I can think of is that one scene in House Party.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 13 February 2004 17:39 (twenty-two years ago)

last night at the club i went to this revolting couple were dry fucking on the dancefloor. the girl was spilling out all over the place and i shit you not was grabbing her crotch more often than a michael jackson convention, and her breasts more often than Peaches. not to mention the utterly gross couple who emerged from the toilet when i all i wanted to do was let out the accumulated beer i'd ingested. do people have no shame?

― the surface noise (electricsound), Saturday, 14 February 2004 00:08 (twenty-two years ago)

Oooh... I go away for a l'il while, do a coupla hours of honest work (drink cappuccino, urinate profusely & fart lots, that kind of thing), then come back here and wot do I see?!
Ou.eM.Gee.
Chris V's doing disgusto just brilliantly.
&
Man, just gotta <3 luna's hate!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Saturday, 14 February 2004 00:13 (twenty-two years ago)

To add to luna's post, can someone (a chick specifically) explain how come there is SO MUCH PISS SPRAY ON THE TOILET SEATS AT WORK? We have DISPOSABLE PAPER TOILET SEAT COVERS. Put one down, sit on it or squat over it, and pee. If you use a cover, there should be NO PISSY SPRAY on the seat!! The covers are FREE, EASY TO USE, and FLUSHABLE. Fockers!!!

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Saturday, 14 February 2004 01:01 (twenty-two years ago)

I'd also like to add that 3 of my 4 years at college were marked (harf) by someone taking a shit in the dorms in public areas. Like the guy's bathroom (some dude crapped in the shower); the hallway (a nice little present just sitting there, so innocently); and on the roof above my junior year suite (gag-inducing). Fockers, fockers everwhere.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Saturday, 14 February 2004 01:04 (twenty-two years ago)

Because Jeanne, some dumb bitches think they have cunts of gold and can't risk them getting tarnished by toilet seats.

― Viva La Sam (thatgirl), Saturday, 14 February 2004 01:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I can't wait to start rehearsing with my new band CUNTS OF GOLD. I kiss you, Sam. Wanna be the singer?

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 14 February 2004 01:48 (twenty-two years ago)

If only Neil Young had thought to write a song called that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 14 February 2004 01:52 (twenty-two years ago)

While we're on the subject...I have to ask: who takes shits in movie theatres and restaurants? That continually baffles me. I mean, take care of that at home!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Saturday, 14 February 2004 04:13 (twenty-two years ago)

in the theatre?!

― the surface noise (electricsound), Saturday, 14 February 2004 04:49 (twenty-two years ago)

Luna - you need to learn to love shit, to run it's chunky bumps of bulbuous brown muffin nipples over your tongue, to feel its bodily warmth slide down your throat and to inhale deeply the rich aroma of 2 day old crap in your fingernails aas you pick your nose with them. Then your floormates will no longer be a problem, but a blessing.

― Queen G of the morning after, Saturday, 14 February 2004 13:52 (twenty-two years ago)

And yet somehow I think not. I'm not German.

forgive me, it was there, I had to.

― luna (luna.c), Saturday, 14 February 2004 19:52 (twenty-two years ago)

"Ring of Fire" is not to be sullied.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

I've taken a dump at Grand Central and the visitors center in Times Square, I have the worst bowels. It "runs" in the family.

― Chris V (Chris V), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

Mine too. My favourite shits are the ones with so much aerosol action that the shit goes through the slit between the bowl edge and the lid. I can't remember the last time I took a really long hard solid dump.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Via email fwd. Not sure if it's true or not. But knowing the origin of 4-letter words is cool.

> Exciting Historical information you need to know about shipping Manure:
>
>In the 16th and 17th centuries, everything had to be transported by ship. It was also before commercial fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were common.
>
>It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation began again, of which a by-product is methane gas.
>
>As the stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what could (and did) happen.
>
>Methane began to build up below decks, and the first time someone came below at night, with a lantern,
>
>BOOOOM!

>Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was determined just what was happening. After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with the term, " Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so that any water that came into the hold would not touch this volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
>
>Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T," which has come down through the centuries and is in use to this very day.

― Jeanne Fury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 17 February 2004 22:05 (twenty-two years ago)

I had a big poo this morning which took 6 flushes to get rid of. Blimey!

― haha, Tuesday, 24 February 2004 13:11 (twenty-two years ago)

my god, i just went into the bathroom for my lunchtime break and apparently someone tried to drown an otter in one of the toilets.

― Chris V (Chris V), Monday, 1 March 2004 17:43 (twenty-two years ago)

HYSTERICS

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 March 2004 17:50 (twenty-two years ago)

The S.H.I.T. story is a fake etymology, Jeanne, but there's a whole book of them out there somewhere -- it came out or was reissued around the same time as the Fuck book they had in all the impulse stacks.

― Tep (ktepi), Monday, 1 March 2004 17:57 (twenty-two years ago)

Once in high school one of the boys' restrooms had to be shut down because apparently somebody had taken their excrement out of the toilet bowl and smeared it all over the walls.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:11 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a question. Does anyone else stand up to wipe after they've finished their business?

I've tried wiping sitting down and IT JUST FEELS SO VERY WRONG.

Am i freakish?

― billislord, Monday, 1 March 2004 18:17 (twenty-two years ago)

doesn't sitting down provide, uh, better access to the neccesary parts to wipe?

― Viva La Sam (thatgirl), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:18 (twenty-two years ago)

WHATS FUNNIER THAN A DEAD BABY?!
A DEAD BABY IN A CLOWN COSTUME!!

WHATS FUNNIER THAN A DEAD BABY?!
A DEAD BABY SITTING NEXT TO A KID WITH DOWNSYNDROME!!

HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN A BABY IS A DEAD BABY?!
THE DOG PLAYS WITH IT MORE!!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:20 (twenty-two years ago)

Yeah, you can get around there easier, sure, but it feels like i have no control of what i'm actually doing...the word "smearing" comes to mind.

― billislord, Monday, 1 March 2004 18:24 (twenty-two years ago)

wiping standing up doesn't provide enough of a cleanup. In an hour or two you'll have an itchy asshole and need to re-wipe.

― Chris V (Chris V), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:26 (twenty-two years ago)

too true!!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

can i shit in your mouth

― RTG (RTG), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:28 (twenty-two years ago)

and wash it down with piss?

― RTG (RTG), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:30 (twenty-two years ago)

noooooooooooooooooooooo!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:31 (twenty-two years ago)

yyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
lick me after

― RTG (RTG), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

im sorry i cant!!
EVERYONE, RTG HAS KNOB ROT!!!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:32 (twenty-two years ago)

clichys has his clit pierced
and his shitters stapled up!

― RTG (RTG), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:34 (twenty-two years ago)

IT HURTS TO SIT DOWN!!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

c wat i mean boys! (and girls)

― RTG (RTG), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:37 (twenty-two years ago)

my bad!

― RTG (RTG), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:41 (twenty-two years ago)

ohhh uy are very bad!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:43 (twenty-two years ago)

Look fuckface, stop talking to yourself.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:49 (twenty-two years ago)

yer stop talking to yourself!
wat me?!
yer u?
grrr!
my precious!
wooof!
ur shit for brains!
doughnut
SORRY DID I FORGET TO MENTION I HAVE A SPLIT PERSONALITY?!
no we havent!
yer we have
(rubs crutch!)
oh yer we have! (winks!)

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:54 (twenty-two years ago)

sorry for winding u up fuckfae!
were not talking to ourselves, were on a college LAN! local area network!
so could you kindly put rtg back on here?!

― gaol clichy (clichy), Monday, 1 March 2004 18:58 (twenty-two years ago)

And I spend one hour in there

I bow to Chris V -- I only take 30 minutes. Afterwards, it's such a nice feeling of lightness in the guts after depositing a big old, bowl-filling load. And the smell is great, because it means something's getting done, and how!

― Leee the Whiney (Leee), Monday, 1 March 2004 22:48 (twenty-two years ago)

Also luna, it sounds like basketball skillz would be in order to get out of the bathroom -- use a paper towel to open the door, then shoot it into the garbage bin. Score!

― Leee the Whiney (Leee), Monday, 1 March 2004 22:57 (twenty-two years ago)

www.scatparty.com

I JUST WANT TO STATE THAT I DO NOT FIND THIS EROTIC OR LIKE IT IN ANYWAY! I JUST THOUGHT IT SUITED THIS THREAD!!!

www.sickscat.com

― gaol clichy (clichy), Tuesday, 2 March 2004 12:24 (twenty-two years ago)

i just farted and it smelt exactly like a corn chip. im hungry now.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Monday, 15 March 2004 18:56 (twenty-two years ago)

Bryan and Chris are my two favourite posters.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:00 (twenty-two years ago)

The worst part is when you fart and it smells like an Egg McMuffin, and then you realize that you haven't actually eaten an Egg McMuffin in a while.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:01 (twenty-two years ago)

Ever wake up with shit all over your fingers?

― Bryan B Sure (Bryan), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:03 (twenty-two years ago)

yeah i haven't had a corn chip in about 15 years.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:06 (twenty-two years ago)

the thing was probably sitting inside my stomach since 8th grade.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Monday, 15 March 2004 19:07 (twenty-two years ago)

-- My Huckleberry Friend
My Dingleberry Friend, is more like it...

― Skottie, Tuesday, 16 March 2004 06:50 (twenty-two years ago)

i swear to god i can smell the vagina of the woman that sits in front of me. She's a 45 year old slam pig, who's rather disgusting.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:19 (twenty-two years ago)

Oh dear.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:21 (twenty-two years ago)

-- My Huckleberry Friend
My Dingleberry Friend, is more like it...

-- Skottie (n...), March 16th, 2004.

hey...that was uncalledfor.

God, Chris. I'm dying from laughter.

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 18:23 (twenty-two years ago)

I don't know what you're complaining about Chris.

Hey guys, don't you like it how on a hot day or on a day after you haven't showered for a couple of days how you can scratch between your junk and your leg or maybe your balls if they're damp and then smell your fingers and it smells kinda like scrunt? Or is it just me?

― Bryan B Sure (Bryan), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 21:56 (twenty-two years ago)

regular scrunt or super scrunt?

― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 22:52 (twenty-two years ago)

Regular scrunt. I'm not a hobo!

― Bryan B Sure (Bryan), Wednesday, 17 March 2004 22:55 (twenty-two years ago)

scrunt?

― Ask For Samantha (thatgirl), Thursday, 18 March 2004 01:36 (twenty-two years ago)

I have a lawnmower.

― Spinktor au de toilette (El Spinktor), Thursday, 18 March 2004 15:49 (twenty-two years ago)

I've come back to announce that i have taken approximately 10 shits since 7pm last night. I have the green apple quickstep like you read about.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:41 (twenty-one years ago)

How bold, sir.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:42 (twenty-one years ago)

ten sessions or ten, uh, logs?

― The Huckle-Buck (Horace Mann), Monday, 29 March 2004 17:46 (twenty-one years ago)

two weeks pass...

uh.if I had,like,5 chicks and stuff all by myself,I'd put my face between thier buttcheek and go "thawwwwwwww"

― butthead, Wednesday, 14 April 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

oh enchiladas how you love me so.

― Chris 'The Velvet Bingo' V (Chris V), Wednesday, 26 May 2004 14:22 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

I have haemorroids something fierce. Anusol has been liberally applied but it gives me no relief. The pain is incredible. I just had a very high fibre snack so I hopefully won't have to strain anymore. Lord help my poor throbbing browneye.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 14 August 2004 07:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Forgot the second h in haemorrhoids. Oh well. So the high fibre snack worked. TOO FUCKING WELL IT WORKED!!! I went out to return a movie and volume 1 of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and get some cheeseburgers. I decided to go for a drive as well as I was cooped up inside all day, but I went a little too far out I guess. I turned for home and realized part way that I really needed to shit. I started to panic slightly. It sucked back up and I relaxed. I drove towards a Tim Horton's and thought about stopping. That I didn't stop was the stupidest mistake I've made in a while. Within 10 blocks of home I had my first release, one of those wet farts that may have a cargo but may not, and with all this grease around my anus it was really hard to tell. I foolishly thought that would've given me enough time to make it home, but NO. RED LIGHT. FUCK. I made it through and I was in the home stretch when SLURRRP - it sucked up again! YAY! What a moron. It was like my colon was just pulling back a little harder on the shitty bowstring. As I was getting out of the car a few more wet farts, then something different and horrible. I quickened my pace and made it inside the building shuffling towards the elevator. I pressed the button and SHIT! NOT THERE. So I waited and did the "oh my god I'm gonna shit myself right now goddamnit" dance. On the way up some more came out but I hopped up and down and managed to slow it. I waddled towards my apartment door, opened it, ran to the bathroom, started to pull down my pants and then SPLATTT!!!! I crapped all over the toilet seat and myself. I can't believe how much came out and just how chock full of peanuts it was! It took a long time to clean up the mess, and I had to take off the toilet seat to get all the wet shit out of the nooks and crannies then clean out my underwear as best as I could then shower up. I think I got it all. I sure hope that never happens again.

― Bryan (Bryan), Sunday, 15 August 2004 03:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Mmmm, this Rocky Road is delicious.

― Dirty Muriel (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 15 August 2004 07:51 (twenty-one years ago)

http://i4.ebayimg.com/01/i/01/1e/fb/7c_1.JPG

― Mr. Tony Plow (Leee), Monday, 16 August 2004 17:54 (twenty-one years ago)

six months pass...

can someone tell me why a fart in the shower smells ten times worse than a regular dry fart? is it the canal effect the running water makes in your ass crack? with the new rain showerhead i installed i have noticed much more water gets into the crevace. is it the steam? why i must know!

― Chris 'The Nuts' V (Chris V), Friday, 4 March 2005 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Last night, I ate some split pea soup.
This morning, I woke up with split poo seep.

― peepee (peepee), Friday, 4 March 2005 17:17 (twenty-one years ago)

My favourite thing about farting in the shower is when you've got just enough water on your buttcrack that when you finally do let go with a ripper, it ends up sounding like a duck quacking.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 4 March 2005 17:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Shit and piss are all very fine and well, but I'm here to talk about puking -- specifically, the fact that I'm one of those whose puke comes out their nose as well as their mouth. Bleah! Apparently most people have some sort of valve that keeps it from going up into their sinus cavity, but not me. Sinuses full of stomach acid and food chunks — ultra-dud. This is why I'm not more of a souse than I am, because puking is such a trial.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I've done that too. Painful as hell, especially if you get a chunk of unfortunately only-partially-chewed macaroni stuck up there.

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

And if you've got a sinus cavity full of chunks, all you have to do is move your jaw back and forth a few times to have a mouthful drop back down. AND THEN TEH PUKING STARTS ALL OVER AGAIN!

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

My farts today are all, like, staccato.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Like the beginning of Holst's "Mars, the Bringer of War", nick?

― Sean Carruthers (SeanC), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

More like, um, whatever that one piece is that they use in those "BEEF...it's what's for dinner!" commercials!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, no, it's EXACTLY like the horn stabs in "Eye of the Tiger".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

HAHAHA COPLAND FARTS

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Farting, beefeating cowboys — they're what's for dinne.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Friday, 4 March 2005 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

oh okay, maybe this is just gross to me, but the bailiff in the court that i work in came up to me all sad lookin' and was like, "ai lien, michael jackson died today. from food poisoning." i got all sad and stuff and kinda freakin' out because michael jackson has been there my whole life and all. and then the bailiff says, "yeah, he ate 12 year old weinies." ew.

― ai lien (kold_krush), Friday, 4 March 2005 20:13 (twenty-one years ago)

My favourite thing about farting in the shower is when you've got just enough water on your buttcrack that when you finally do let go with a ripper, it ends up sounding like a duck quacking. is probably the funniest thing I've ever read. My inner 8-year-old thanks you, Sean.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Friday, 4 March 2005 23:10 (twenty-one years ago)

two months pass...

I've now pooed 5 times today and my bum is very sore. *whistles 'Ring Of Fire'*

This thread is my Water-loo.

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:04 (twenty years ago)

Over at the ILM "Gigs you've fallen asleep at" thread, I was thinking about mentioning my big fear: falling asleep at a show and then farting in my sleep. But then I decided not to.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:30 (twenty years ago)

hard or soft, Bryan?

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:34 (twenty years ago)

That's what this thread is for, Rock Hardy, and if people don't like it, too bad.

Huck, the poos have been sort of medium hardness, thankfully peanut/other sharp scratchy object free, but very acidic due to the consumption of burritos last night. It's the quantity expelled at each poo session that has been a little bewildering, as I didn't eat that much last night and only had a chicken sandwich for lunch yesterday. I'll keep you posted. *rethinks this*

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:39 (twenty years ago)

Drink lots of water. That much expulsion of poo can be dehydrating.
I've lately learned that my body does not respond well to cashews.

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

my friend and i are currently collaborating on a song called "piss in ya pussy" that starts out with a forceful command of "get on your back"

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:43 (twenty years ago)

Hmm. Wot a disgusting thread, is it not. It is. Hm.

Better not to tell wot my ILX password is, tho.

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:45 (twenty years ago)

x post - Shouldn't it be "get on ya back"?

Actually Huck, I've been drinking Pepsi after Pepsi. I guess I just don't care about my sphincter as I should.

― Bryan (Bryan), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:46 (twenty years ago)

You only have one sphincter, Bryan, treat it well.

(actually, you have two...we all have two, but the one that matters, etc)

― Huk-L, Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:49 (twenty years ago)

you would think, Bryan, but the accent is kind of sadomasochist/german.

― Fetchboy (Felcher), Wednesday, 11 May 2005 19:57 (twenty years ago)

four months pass...

How'd the song turn out, Fetchboy? Good I'll bet. Email it to me if you have an MP3. I'll sing it to my family at Christmas (as if they deserve it).

I just had my second beet shit of the day and I feel jolly. Looked like fruit punch!

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 27 September 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

five years pass...

http://i975.photobucket.com/albums/ae232/daggerlee/C070-031.jpg

sorry

― dayo, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 15:09 (fifteen years ago)

hahahaa.

― thebingo2010 (chrisv2010), Tuesday, 19 October 2010 15:11 (fifteen years ago)

i miss bryan.

― thebingo2010 (chrisv2010), Tuesday, 19 October 2010 15:12 (fifteen years ago)

Me too.

― Bryan, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 15:27 (fifteen years ago)

ever blow a snot rocket and have no idea where it ended up, only to look in the mirror and see it hanging from your chin?

― Str8 Drapin It (chrisv2010), Thursday, 28 October 2010 18:08 (fifteen years ago)

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