Worst Movies Ever!

Of the first sort I have a really soft spot for Stigmata. Getting posessed by post is one of the funniest ideas ever brought up - as is Jesus' gospel written between the Last Supper and The Crucifixtion. Why is it so heretical, well it fundamentally reads "Be excellent to one another".

There's an "Emmanuelle" film with a scene where our heroine and her swarthy bloke are watching a chimpanzee smoke a cigarette. They're look of benign amusement is astonishing to behold. There's not enough proper shagging, either.

Any thoughts?

Worst movie , One Trick Pony - Pauls SImons vanity peice.

I cannot stand Pretty Woman. Saw it once on video, oo ages ago, and it made me very angry indeed.

What grates the most about The Thin Red Line - notwithstanding its astoundingly tedious length - is that it is trying to make BIG STATEMENTS WITH BUTTERFLIES. I've never trusted big statements about butterflies when I realised that love was infact not like a butterfly, but much more like a moth - in as much as it destroys your clothes.

As I said above, this whole bad movies thing is a misnomer. Most of the movies stated above are mediocre at best. We never get to see the truly bad ones. People - understand the difference between taste and technical ability. Yes you may not like Pulp Fiction but does that make it a bad movie? No. It is is technically a pretty good movie - over ambitious and too flashy in its narrative build up and pretty soulless - but I'm not sure that it can be faulted too much technically. At least Plan 9 you can say is poorly acted, written and the special effects are risable.

After all is a movie bad if it does exactly what it sets out to do. You are supposed to laugh at the anachronisms in a Knights Tale. That is one of the reasons they are there. If a film is meant to look silly, then if it suceeds is it a failure?

Pete, you really think that was the point of Knight's Tale? I haven't seen the whole film but I got the impression they didn't fuck up the historical details on purpose.

A bad movie site I recommend is the most entertaining Jabootu -- the lead writer is an entertainingly crabby sort with world views not too removed from Dave Q, but to his credit those don't get in the way of his shredding of crapulousness, or so I think.

"Coleman Francis is Curly Howard in 'The Fugitive!'"

that, and only 31% punXoR. for shame.

Do y'mean Videodrome, Omar?

Invasion of the Gabba Robots! YAY!

The Critic Lives.

You got any wood, Padre? Cedar?

Also, Anthony--me, too. We are not bad, just homosexy. I'd add Thin Red Line to the list.

All Mcgreggors movies R belonging on bombfire.

Also, James this question has been asked already! Fool! Apologies to Daver Popshots who posted the exact same question in June.

_John Carpenter's Vampires_ continues to suck, by the way.

Can I tell you guys a secret? I actually, um, cried and stuff during Titanic. I know, I know it *was* crap... but I'm a total suck. So obviously, AI nearly destroyed me.

"American Psycho" also didn't suck, but I feel this way largely because I went to school with a number of people who could easily be Patrick Bateman. Hell, my senior year a girl stabbed her roommate 41 times and then hung herself in the bathroom; someone offing random people in an effort to evoke some measure of control in their lives doesn't seem that far-fetched to me.

I was expecting "Miss Congeniality" to suck, but I really, really enjoyed it. I expected to enjoy "Magnolia" and was so profoundly irritated by it that I spent a good portion of the movie cursing at the screen. Thank GOD I saw it at home!

And to hell with the Wiccan - the blonde preggers lady that goes bonkers, that my type of spicy meatball. The movie was laughable, though - too silly and serious to really get all worked up about. And the Wiccan was barely naked, unless you're counting the part where she's dead.

I like American Psycho, American Beauty etc. Dave Q rips on the Coens but Fargo *rules* for the cinematic verification of many things Minnesotan.

American "Everyman" Kevin Costner wanders through a post-apocalyptic America miraculously unscathed, emptying his bulging sack at every available opportunity. Utter tripe.

The plot is dumb and riddled with gaping holes of logic, and the dialogue sounds like it was penned by a hack writer. (One classic line: Abby, addressing the Postman, says in a heartfelt voice, "You give out hope like it was candy in your pocket." Puhleeze! Give me a break!)

How the reviewer ended up giving the film an excessively generous one and a half stars, god only knows!

The film I've watched and liked least was "The Last Seduction."

I dunno about TLS though... that film just gives me the creeps. The person I watched it with was really "You're going to love this" about it as well, which made it worse... At one point the guy guesses her pseudonym when he sees a poster of New York in a mirror - from this he deduces that her alias is Wendy Kroy. Nice work, Sherlock, bit of an assumptive leap for me though.

Any of you Stateside kids seen "K-Pax?" I've heard it's awful, but it'd still be interesting to hear how they did it.

"An impulsive but determined white principal brings order and respect to a predominantly African-American and Latino high school in this comedy-drama from the director of Young Guns and That Was Then, This Is Now. Rick Latimer (James Belushi), a high-school teacher, is in the process of a divorce when he sees his estranged wife at a bar having drinks with her attorney. Drunk and enraged, he smashes the guy's car up and receives a reprimand from the school board — a new job as principal at rough-and-tumble Brandel High. Security guard Jake Phillips (Louis Gossett Jr.) is soon teaching his new boss the ropes, but Rick isn't willing to accept the violent and drug-ridden status quo. With a two-word motto — "No More!" — he sets about cleaning out the riff-raff, also taking time out to tutor students and get to know Jake. But when chief thug Victor (Michael Wright) refuses to back down, the violence escalates."

Superman IV: The Quest For Peace
Carry On Columbus

Hook is still in my top ten. It made me want to throw up. One of the most odious films I've ever seen.

On the other hand the worst film ever made is a low budget flick called "Moon light by the Sea", which I had the displeasure of seeing at a film festival recently. Everyone we saw it with was in agreement that this black and white, student made heap of crap really was - without hesitation - the most boring piece of crap ever to see a cinema screen. Ten more terrible films (in that they will send you to sleep):

"Weekend"
"Bram Stoker's Dracula"
"Armageddon"
"Pearl Harbour"
"True Lies"
"End of Days" (I switched off)
"Hulk"
"Moulin Rouge"
"Black Hawk Down" (racist shit as well)
"Absolute Beginnners"

And then there's modern British cinema. The problem with UK cinema is that it involves people who come from a theatrical or financial background and invariably know little about movies. I mean, to be honest, I can imagine tons of things I'd rather do than have to endure the rest of "The Magdeline Sisters" and watch Lyn Ramsey on television moan and bitch about why no one is going to see her depressing fucking character acts. Why not hire out a theatre and show them there?

And horror doesn't get off easily either. "Nekromantik" and "Nekromantik 2" are the worst offenders for being dull as dishwater, but locate any cannibal film ("Deep River Savager"/ "Cannibal Ferox"/ "Eaten Alive"), Fulci's "Cat in the Brain" or such slashers as "Maniac" to see what real boredom is.

I'm with ya on True Lies though, C-Man! One of the biggest rankest pieces of shit I've ever seen. That movie takes misogyny to new lows.

One brief shining moment.

Buttgereit is having a hard time finding funding for his new efforts Scott. Obviously in Germany, where censorship of violent films is rife it is difficult (Jorg actually went to court with "Nekromantik 2" to get it released in Germany and surprisingly won arguing it was "art". This actually inspired the name of his biography "Corpse Fucking Art: The Films of Jorg Buttgereit"). I don;t like the "Nekromantik" films at all, I find them dull and pointless. I never saw "Schramm" and don't have any desire too.

I found "True Lies" to be very bigoted (the opening scene where arabs are mowed down by gun fire was pretty rank) but I saw it so long ago that I can't recall if it registered as misogynistic. I think "The New York Ripper" is misogynistic. Have you seen that?

One of the most horrifying movies I ever saw was the Japanese one, The Untold Story. I wouldn't say it was the WORST movie I ever saw, but I really don't see ANY justification for it. Unless you believe that serial killers should have good entertainment provided for them.

"Bloodsucking Freaks" is another despicable film. "Burial Ground" is crap, but vaguely amusing. Slightly worse than "Zombie Creeping Flesh" is memory serves.

I've not seen "Baise Moi" yet. I found "Straw Dogs" to be misogynistic though, and argued as such on another thread. It's not a film I like.

It's a very careful day for Calum Robert Waddell, it really is.

i think terence mallick is a terrible director but i have not seen thin red line

-- mark s (mar...), October 23rd, 2001.

This makes me sad. Days Of Heaven is my 2nd favorite movie ever. Mark S should give him a break. He's only made, like, 3 movies. He's still learning!

Deodato is full of shit. He claims that the banning of animal cruelty in Italy was a "facist law" that kept his movie AWOL for years. There is no "message" in "Cannibal Holocaust" - people have just read it that way (invariably gore fans who feel the need to defend the film by putting meaning into it, when - if you look at the rest of their collection - the real truth starts to come out... "Faces of Death"/ "Guinea Pig"/ "Scrapbook" etc). Deodato says he saught to criticise the news who would show images of death, and to do this actually went and cut up animals and showed women rapend and bludgeoned by rocks?! The man is insane. And Lamberto Bava and Robert Kerman both say that it was Deodato, and Deodato alone, who filmed the animal cruelty. He even admits to drowning cats as a young boy. He's a nutcase and one of the few directors who deserves to have his nuts cut off. I cannot express how angry his films, and his mentality, make me.

Funny you should mention "The Living Dead Girl", because I picked up "Requiem for a Vampire" recently, having never seen it. I'm not a big Rollin fan (even having met and interviewed him), but he has a unique artistry that is vaguely more interesting than his closest Euro-colleague (Jess Franco). I liked "The Living Dead Girl" better than the rest of his work.

My fave Euro director is always Dario Argento though, but I hear "The Card Player" is terrible unfortunately. I hope his next film (the third in the trilogy begun by "Suspiria" and "Inferno") is better.

(Space Cowboys>Armageddon, though)

As far as Italian horror movies go, I think Dario Argento is some sort of demented genius and Suspiria is a work of ART, a masterpiece really. I've only seen two Lucio Fulci films - The Beyond and The House By The Cemetery - and enjoyed them. I can take a certain amount of gore but it depends on the context. Having read the synopsis, The New York Ripper is completely unappealing to me, because the violence in the film appears to be non-fantastical and therefore sadistic.

Cannibal Holocaust has an almost mythic status attached to it; having accrued a reputation of being a real blood-soaked behemoth of a film. It's a film that's probably more interesting to read about than to actually sit down and watch. I can understand the emotional impact it might have on one, but to me the wholly contemptible animal cruelty can only devalue whatever tenuous artistic merit the film has. Having read a fair bit about it, what freaks me out the most about the film is the thought that down in the darkest depths of the Amazon, this kind of stuff might STILL be going on somewhere....

Then again, I finally got to see Salo last year - and didn't bat an eyelid.

I love Clifford too.

let's not forget: dr. t and the women, the anniversary party

Purposefully naff/low-budget/popcorn films don't bother me nearly as much as films that just don't come close to fulfilling what they pretend to. Also Solaris bored the pants off me, and I am a huge fan of Clooney.

Her: You've seen Dollman, right?
Me : Of course!
Her: Well, what about Demonic Toys?
Me : Naturally I've seen Demonic Toys as well.
Her: You'll never guess what's coming out!
Me : Hmmm, what?
Her: Dollman Versus Demonic Toys!!!!!!!
Me : Cool!

She was so happy. She couldn't believe her good fortune.

I hate that movie too, it's like a sci-fi humanist forrest gump. Even has the same director!

My worst movie of all time no-budget division: Melvin Van Peebles' Identity Crisis.

One of the worst movies I've ever paid to see is the Jean-Claude Van Damme vehicle "The Quest". It is only about an hour and a half long but it felt like three hours watching it, it was soooo boring and shitty. But really, I should have been tipped off when the last opening credit was "written and directed by Jean Claude Van Damme".

Has ANY other Ilxor seen the movie? You are missing out, all of you.

Also, being the pompous fuckhead that he is, Melvin released a BOOK about the making of Identity Crisis called No Identity Crisis. It's a journal of him and his son's (referred to within as Block and Chip) efforts to see their vision come to life. Imagine Ed Wood writing a self-glorifying tome called The Road To Plan 9 and you have some idea what its like.

it's not THE worst movie, but Love And Human Remains is one of the worst movies i can remember from a respected director

OTOH, Barbarella is a horrible movie that's also horribly entertaining. Same goes for Eddie & the Cruisers and Streets of Fire. I was expecting to hate every single moment of Big Momma's House 2 but actually found myself enjoying it, though it's not anything I'd actively seek out. If I happen to stumble across it, I'd watch it.

"Serious" movies-wise, I find Steel Magnolias more and more odious with each passing year. I suspect by the time I turn 30, I will develop a massive hatred of it. I found Titanic laughable. And I suspect I would have enjoyed Performance only if I had had easy access to illicit substances beforehand.

... I don't know if it really is the worst (tho it's possible), I just wonder if anyone else apart from me has seen it

my vote still goes to bloody juliet of the spirits.

# No Looking Back (1998)
# She's the One (1996)
# The Brothers McMullen (1995)

you hear people's 'oh it's so profound' type comments all the time and then you sit there and have to listen to dialogue like:

"why are you wearing that rabbit suit?"
"why are YOU wearing that man suit?"

what the...?

my vote: ENDLESS LOVE. the worst big name, big studio film i've ever seen. litearlly stare-at-the-screen-in-horror bad.

no votes for GIGLI yet??

I vote Vanilla Sky ("I LET YOU COME IN MY MOUTH!!!!"), the only film I can think of at the moment that I really hate with a passion. Films that try to be/believe they are profound pieces of art and are terrible are infinitely worse than movies who never aim that high to begin with (like say, Independence Day, which is still an unwatchable piece of shit).

(ps the "people" in my above post is addressed to the DD worshipers who place it on a pedestal upon high)

Punch-Drunk Love was absolute bullshit, by the way, pretension without ANY motive or meat to back it up, oddness for oddness' sake (weren't the abstract 'swirly colour' interludes enough of a clue?). Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind towered over it in every single way imaginable whilst angling for similar emotional, ahem, punch.

Not according to the box:
"In the tradition of STIR OF ECHOES and FINAL DESTINATION, DONNIE DARKO is..."

Oh, and Punch-Drunk Love is wonderful.

And that was the GOOD bit.

LOVE

FEAR

Thank you to everyone upthread who could get past the slick production values and see the shrivelled, inane core of this truly wretched movie.

The flying orbs! THE FLYING ORBS!!!!!!

-- Deric W. Haircare (troninmorocc...), August 11th, 2006.

Congo's only bad if you're expecting something good, otherwise it's wonderfully rediculous and entertaining!

Coyote Ugly. No film about a strip-club which doesn't feature any nudity will ever charm my heart (even if it wasn't technically a strip-club).

Well, some of it. About half of the way through, my date decided our time would be better spent making out than rolling our eyes.

Oh, and the music adds so much, too. And I'm not the only one who views Darko as a demented Christ-like character, right? Maybe I took the "Last Temptation of Christ" thing too seriously. Anyway, I probably like it so much because I am a teenager, but still, I really don't get how anyone can consider it one of the 'worst movies ever.'

I reckon Independence Day is a highly watchable piece of shit, but mostly because of Bill Pullman.

http://www.moria.co.nz/sf/knights.htm
http://www.scifimoviepage.com/dvd/knights-dvd.html
http://www.coldfusionvideo.com/k/knights.html

"That's some good eatin' river rat!"

In terms of appallingly bad *real* movies, Killing Me Softly comes to mind, and that's depite so so much gratuitous Heather Graham nudity (if such nudity can indeed be called gratuitous)...

KNIGHTS - officially in the queue.

I like David Johanson in it, which I can mainly attribute to the fact that Jagger and Johanson were actually in a movie together.

ugh, yes, it *is* possible that it's the worst. i wanted to kill anthony newley after watching it, except he was already dead.

I'm surprised the Vicar hasn't come over here yet to talk about Fatal Deviation, which is genuinely one of the most entertaining dreadful films ever to grace your DVD player. Made on a budget of nothing, the film was written and directed by an Irish martial arts expert who cannot act, and prominently stars Mikey Graham from Boyzone, as well as one of the film's financiers, who cannot act either. It is fantastic.

Huh? His first two movies are great, and Nurse Betty wasn't bad either. Granted, I haven't seen his latest efforts.

I'm guessing Basic Instinct 2 won't be troubling the Oscar noms any time soon either.

-- captain reverend gandalf jesus (crucial.bonu...), August 17th, 2006 4:22 PM. (nickalicious) (later) (link)

It did a little. The ship went through a black hole THAT WAS APPARENTLY A PORTAL TO HELL. It is really good stoned/if you like really gory garbage.

http://moma.org/exhibitions/film_media/2006/Otto_Preminger.html

(spoilers:)

http://www.greylodge.org/gpc/?p=300

Premier Bush loves 2. and 3. Argument closed.

I only got it out because I find JS sexy

it's from around 2000, I think.

Has anyone else seen Mr. Brooks?

"Looking For Comedy in the Muslim World"

(starring Albert Brooks)

Cannonball Run II
National Lampoon's Class Reunion
Kids

ok this is not really "worst movie ever" territory but I don't think it's worth starting a whole separate thread for "bad movies you have watched":

88 Minutes, "starring" Al Pacino

I mean HOLY COW was this just plain non-good

The best thing I can say about it was that Alicia Witt was frequently visible during its running time

^^ that one's pretty awful. Recently saw Robocop: Meltdown - must have been straight-to-video - it tried to approximate the charm of the original series and make it contemporary, but it blew.

I walked out of 88 Minutes. Which is to say that I got it on demand (free, with monthly cable service), and stopped it about 48 minutes in (far too long, yes).

I then proceeded to play video games.

Al Pacino seemed to have the same flustered facial expression the entire time ... 88 Minutes made Righteous Kill look like the Godfather.

has anyone seen best worst movie/troll 2?

no, but I've heard it's a real gem.

Congo - Need I say more?

Death Sentence - Incoherent shit with Kevin Bacon...cheesy moments.

The Ruins--hahahaha

The Ruins is pretty good compared to Anacondas: Search for the Blood Orchid and Lake Placid 2

has anyone seen best worst movie/troll 2?

I watched this recently, and while it was very bad, I have to say that I have seen much worse.

I mean, it was a masterpiece compared to Manos: Hands of Fate or Werewolves on Wheels.

Or this terrible piece of shit:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0132888/

My favorite thing about 88 Minutes was the serial killer using "tick-tock-tock" as his spooky catchphrase Serial killer, stop trying to make "tick-tock-tock" happen. It's not going to happen!

ugh, blood freak. caught that on TCM (Skidoo too!)

I actually watched more of 88 Minutes than Righteous Kill, though

loved how they had to have Brian Dennehy play DeNiro and Pacino's boss to make them seem less absurd as non-retirees.

Manos Hands of Fate was great compared to Lake Placid 2 ... that cape was classic.

Manos is pretty hard to watch without Tombot and Crow to help get you through it, imo.

tombot's rages are vv necessary for that one, tru

Okay ... I checked out the link to Blood Freak ... and now my bf wants to see it ... giant turkey monster going after drug dealers, for chrissakes.

I went through a hardcore so-bad-it's-good phase a few years ago, so if you need more suggestions just let me know!

I'm kinda surprised nobody has mentioned Battlefield Earth yet.
The boring sci-fi scientology propaganda plot was bad enough, but the way every other camera angle was tilted was actually headache inducing.
Also, V for Vendetta. I spent almost the entirety of that movie heckling and throwing empty beer cans at the tv.

Have you ever seen The Outlaw of Gor?

Not without MST3K assistance, no.

That was so awful, I got tired of heckling it, and fell asleep about an hour in.

everything i could say i have already said here: John Justen and Fluffy Bear will watch it.

Fakin Da Funk
Mac and Me
Karate Kid III
Jurassic Park II: The Lost World (come on, somersault dinosaur kick!)
Batman Forever/Batman and Robin
Crossroads (Spears one)
Plan 9 from Outer Space
Rookie of the Year

Okay ... I checked out the link to Blood Freak ... and now my bf wants to see it ... giant turkey monster going after drug dealers, for chrissakes.

I was psyched myself but man that movie is like watching a porn moustache grow in

I guess the question is ... how much turkey monster is there? The description was reminiscent of Godmonster of Indian Flats which involved a mutant sheep creature, that there wasn't nearly enough of. But I'm a fan of pathetic/ill-conceived monsters.

not very much

I'll let him know ... I think he'll be disappointed.

Blood Freak is kinda fun, esp. the narrator at the very end. I don't get the fascination with Troll 2; there's waaay better out there in the so-bad-it's-good dept, e.g. The Room, After Last Season, etc.

A while back I made a list of my choices for worst movies ever. Can't vouch for its accuracy or whatever since I try not to spend too much time thinking about awful films. But these either enraged me or were so-bad-they're-bad or both:

1. Heavy Metal
2. Man Bites Dog
3. Surf Nazis Must Die
4. Funny Games - Never saw the American carbon copy; hopefully never will.
5. The Ambushers
6. But I'm A Cheerleader
7. Man of the Year (2002)
8. Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster
9. Horror of the Zombies (aka El Buque Maldito, 1974)
10. Camp (2003)

Two godawful films I've seen this year that might fit on this list are By Design (1982) and Teenage Angst (2008).

Finally caught [i}Troll 2[/i] on Hulu and wasn't really amused or horrified. Mostly bored ... except for the popcorn sex scene.

]

troll 2 is incredible.
great flick.

Anyway confessions of a shopaholic or bringing down the house are the two worst movies I've ever seen. Bad in just a boring, dull way.

I love bad movies, though. I am buying the following on VHS TONIGHT:

Fun (1994): Story revolves around two girls who after meeting each other and becoming BFF's in one day, agree that having fun is the best and most important part of life. So, they hit up arcades, act silly and kill an old lady. Huh? Yep. Well, they get caught and the story focuses on them dealing with their current confinement.

Drinking Games (1998): Grab a six-pack, gather your closest friends and settle in for a night of solace and cheer-and of course, a few Drinking Games. Joseph Lawson's critically acclaimed debut film centers on six friends in Portland, Oregon, who come together following the funeral of one of their best friends. Packed with many laughs and moments of touching sincerity, the night unfolds through a series of odd visitors, unusual conversations and anything to keep their minds off the pain and remorse that haunt them.

Watched Allen Plone's Night Screams last night
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51FJZXHNGFL._SL500_AA240_.jpg

Contains two seperate scenes involving a couple watching porn, which both then cut to the porn itself and stick with it for a good minute or two. Reminded me of this rip-off of a rip-off...

Cruel Jaws:
A mind-blowing rip-off of Jaws that actually uses footage from Steven Spielberg's movie as well as Jeannot Szwarc's sequel Jaws 2. What's even better is that this re-uses a ton of footage from Enzo G. Castellari's "Great White" from 1980 which was even more of a rip-off of Jaws than this one. In fact, "Great White" was pulled from distribution after Universal sued.

^^by Bruno Mattei, who made several true contenders for worst movie ever

Admittedly some (ok all) of these are so bad they are worth seeing anyway:

Ankle Biters:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0344843/

Leprechaun 4: Lost in Space ("Our deadly leprechaun is in space to woo a beautiful princess who is impressed with his gold and desires to separate him from it."):

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0116861/

God of Gamblers ("A master gambler loses his memory, and is befriended by a street hustler who discovers his supernatural gambling abilities."):

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0097244/

China Strikeforce (starring Coolio!!):

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0266408/

Cradle of Fear (starring Danny Filth from Cradle of Filth!!):

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0291833/

Monsturd (a film so bad the director once Facebook messaged a friend of mine, who had listed it as one of his favourite mobvies, to tell him he was crazy):

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0364527/

People listing the Coen Brothers, Man Bites Dog, Starship Troopers etc, need to watch some actual bad films imo.

A friend of mine told me about this "gem"

Sorority Babes at the Slime Bowl-o-Rama

the plot involves an evil troll, a trophy, and a bowling alley. Several of the actors went on to be in Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers

Oh and a friend told me about this one (best film title ever?):

Chopping Mall

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0090837/

Chopping Mall is pretty fun. Has an excellent head explosion.

Have we mentioned "The Strangers" yet?

^^ that one's pretty bad, but something tells me that Sorority Babes is much worse. I can vouch for Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers being much much worse than The Strangers.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ukRdEVthmWM

Franklyn
Sliver
Poison Ivy
The Cell

and another really embarrassingly awful one - Star Knight - starring Harvey Keitel in sub-Python medieval garb.

People listing the Coen Brothers, Man Bites Dog, Starship Troopers etc, need to watch some actual bad films imo.

"Actual bad films" as I imagine most would use the term are usually totally benign. There's something extra offensive about a well-made movie that bends over backwards to rub you the wrong way.

oh, I remember this really shitty movie i rented from blockbuster like a year or two ago that was supposed to be about a sasquatch but they never actually showed the beast, just like one very blurry shot of a guy in a gorilla costume near the end. it was really just like 4 people in the forest with a camera, and not even POV style like Blair Witch.

Also, there's some movie that i saw on netflix instant watch that was uber-homemade and had some really horrible cgi predator drones. The name sounded somewhat military. I laughed my ass off for the first two minutes and then couldnt bear to continue. I mean, it had like this fight scene with people jumping away from what looked like flash1.0-animated laser beams.

i'll second the nomination for confessions of a shopaholic. sooooo banal.

Did the first film have somebody being disemboweled? It sounds like it might have been Night of the Demon from 1980. There's also a brilliant scene where a biker has his todger ripped off.

And the second film you describe sounds like APEX, amirite??
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/519MJ0FEQKL._SL500_AA280_.jpg

no, both films were from the last couple of years.

the first one didn't even have any money shots. like you'd get the sasquatch's point of view for like 20 seconds during a chase scene and then right when he's bearing down on the guy there's a scene change. i think they only even used faked blood once near the end. there were people hunting in the forest.

and the second film almost had a similar tone as those homemade star trek movies. it was as cheap is it gets and the actors looked people who were in ROTC in high school but couldn't get into the military, so this was their chance to feel like heroes.

oh fuck yes, i can also remember this amazing bad-but-so-good film that was all made by this one guy on a shoestring budget and he did all the shitty cgi himself and it was set in hell/purgatory and he had to stop these demons who had a stockpile of nuclear weapons they were trying to figure out how to set off. for some reason setting off the nukes would result in a breach b/w the hellish dimension and the normal world. fuck i wish i could remember the name. it was like THE bad-good movie.

tracer listed two of my favorite films in his list

:(

why dont you like erotic thrillers tracer? they are great.

I liked Cruel Intentions!

But these either enraged me or were so-bad-they're-bad or both:

1. Heavy Metal

one of my favorite college-newspaper memories: writing a snide capsule review of heavy metal for the weekend film listings, and then being loudly and belligerently confronted in the newspaper's office by the head of the campus science fiction society (who were sponsoring the showing). among the things i knew nothing about, according to him, were movies, science fiction, animation, rock music and fun. i think it was my implication that the movie was mostly an excuse to ogle animated breasts that really set him off.

(i do kinda like the don felder song from that, though.)

I was psyched myself but man that movie is like watching a porn moustache grow in

― da croupier,

Goes on my ILX reel. Thanx!

I am a fan of both But I'm a Cheerleader and The Cell

Never seen The Cell but I loved But I'm a Cheerleader when it came out.

came out...get it?

I really loved Battlefield Earth. It is delightfully inept.

Star Knight was pretty bad, but sometimes pretty enjoyable.

One film I really, really hated that a lot of people seem to dig is Forbidden Zone. Just an atrocious movie.

Multiplicity made me bleed from the eyes.

And The Cell is such a weird case- all of this fantastic set design, great cinematography, Eiko Ishioka costumes (also a redeeming value in the similarly awful Bram Stoker's Dracula) married to a wretched script and a director who couldn't possibly give less of a shit about the human elements of the story. But if you want to know how it could get worse, look up the plot summary blurb for the upcoming direct-to-dvd sequel. I'd provide it myself but I'm on a Blackberry and have no usable copy/paste.

There's a Hong Kong film starring Anthony Wong called "The Untold Story" which has the most astoundingly uneven tone of any film I've ever seen. In one scene goofball cops are getting up to hijinks, being upbraided by their boss in comical fashion, think there's even some slapstick in there. Then the next scene you have a woman being raped, being penetrated vaginally by a handful of chopsticks, then murdered and butchered to make "pork" buns that Anthony Wong sells in his restaurant. It sort of defies belief.

that's hong kong cinema for you

the most astoundingly uneven tone of any film

I'll avoid this one. But astoundingly uneven tone is usually the number one aspect of some of my all-time fave films.

billy tang made a pair of films called 'red to kill' and 'run and kill' which are amazing in their inconsistent tones. the latter features a scene where a vengeful mercenary incinerates the young daughter of our hero right in front of him (and it's played as horror), and the hero subsequently (while escaping) carries her body away but accidentally knocks her charred head off, and it's played for laughs.

'red to kill' ends on a freeze frame of a bunch of mentally handicapped adults crying and running around as a main character expires in a nearby hospital bed

which is as funny as it sounds

Run and Kill – The Story

Our hero is a henpecked husband known to all and sundry as, unsubtly, Fatty. Fatty has a mother, a pretty little daughter and a beautiful but nagging wife. One day Fatty finds his wife in bed with another man and, in a drunken stupor, arranges to have her killed by a gang of thugs. When he won’t pay up the gang start making life very difficult by wrecking his businesses and threatening his family. Instead of just acquiescing Fatty makes the tragic mistake of getting another gang, led by a deranged Simon Yam, to sort the first bunch out.

^^^epic

http://www.jeffbots.com/S-MATT1.JPG

http://www.your3dsource.com/images/blawp.gif

one of my least favorite movies of all time. it's truly hideous-looking and stupid.

astoundingly uneven tone is usually the number one aspect of some of my all-time fave films

http://herd.typepad.com/.a/6a00d83451e1dc69e200e55476a79b8834-800wi

If you're talking about astound unevenness, you should Takashi Miike's Dead or Alive. I know Miike is known for pretty ourageous stuff, but right until the finale this movie is a relatively low-key and realistic ganster/cop movie. There's even some subtle social commentary about the status of immigrants in Japan. But then you get to the final gunfight between the main characters, a cop and a ganster...
.
.
.
.
.
SPOILERS!!!

First the gangster blows up the cop's car. Since the rest of the movie has been pretty realistic, you think that's it, he's dead. But no! He gets out of the exploded car, alive! Then the gangster starts shooting the cop with a machine gun. As a result he cop's whole arm falls off, but he doesn't care! Then, completely out of nowhere, he picks up a bazooka and shoots the ganster with it! But the gangster doesn't die. Now the gangster reaches inside his chest and pulls out a huge ball of light! He throws the ball towards the cop. Suddenly we cut to a view of planet Earth from space, in which we see that the ball of light blows up the entire nation of Japan!!! The end.

"you should see Takashi Miike's Dead or Alive"

what is the astoundingly uneven tone of Night of the Hunter?

Has anyone seen "Quiet Days In Hollywood?" Hillary Swank just prior to "Boys Don't Cry" stardom, although she's really a minor player in the ensemble. Bad writing, bad acting, bad music; it's really got it all. Swank's husband Chad Lowe probably the low(e)light.

Lolita is a streetwalker on Hollywood Boulevard. After Lolita and her streetwalker friend, Eva, harass a sleazy pick-up guy, Lolita hits the streets where she meets and hustles a john named Angel. The next morning, Angel picks up his girlfriend, Julie, for sex in a car wash. Julie's a waitress at a local diner and is humiliated by Richard, a misogynist customer who assaults her in the men's room. 'Rich' is a lawyer who's having an affair with his boss's wife, Kathy, whose husband Bobby keeps her informed of his own affairs, even as he and Kathy have an afternoon of passion. Elsewhere, Peter Blaine, is a struggling actor who wants to keep it secret that his lover is a man, comes home to Patrick, who's angry and hurt. They make up, but tragedy follows; in his grief, Peter picks up Lolita. The following morning, Peter finds himself attracted to her.

BOGUS is the worst movie ever made.

oh, I remember this really shitty movie i rented from blockbuster like a year or two ago that was supposed to be about a sasquatch but they never actually showed the beast, just like one very blurry shot of a guy in a gorilla costume near the end. it was really just like 4 people in the forest with a camera, and not even POV style like Blair Witch.

Was this Clawed by any chance? Did it have some cringe-worthy conversations about a girl's period attracting the sasquatch? I saw that movie and it was horribly horrible.

YES!!! Clawed!! sooo bad.

I watched that the same weekend as Ice Spiders, which was thoroughly enjoyable.

I am somehow comforted knowing there were others subjected to that movie.

xpost to that Night of the Hunter poster

Eric H BEYOND OTM. We're just going to have to love you that much more.

We got a dvd of this movie Flu Birds that must have been some sort of screener, because it would have gaps that said "effect #blah blah here" it actually made the movie memorable.

There's an "Emmanuelle" film with a scene where our heroine and her swarthy bloke are watching a chimpanzee smoke a cigarette. They're look of benign amusement is astonishing to behold. There's not enough proper shagging, either.

Any thoughts?

― Markx, Tuesday, October 23, 2001 1:00 AM (7 years ago) Bookmark

i was just going to post on this,its Emmanuel and the last cannibals. I actually picked this up this week as the nico fidenco soundtrack is unbelievebly good. The film is not, barely even worth the gig on my hard drive for the shags and gore at the end and is the worst ive seen in a long long time

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092297/

Zombie Nightmare, starring Jon Mikl Thor and Adam West.

A bunch of young punks (who are generally rubbish at being young punks) run over Thor and kill him. A local shopkeeper immediately phones an ambulance uh phones the police em takes him to hospital erm... TAKES HIM HOME TO HIS MUM WHO SUMMONS THE VOODOO PRIESTESS WHO LIVES A COUPLE OF DOORS DOWN TO BRING HIM TO LIFE! All Canadian suburbs should have a voodoo priestess.

Thor then spends the rest of the film walking around very slowly and wielding a baseball bat and trying to kill all the young punks who were in the car. The young punks do young punky stuff like go for ice cream and throw spaghetti at their mums.

Adam West makes an appearance as a local cop and fails to salvage anything.

The soundtrack's not bad, though they seem to just STOP THE ENTIRE FILM to play each song. The plot (what there is of it) just STOPS and we're treated to a 3 minute shot of a car driving down a straight road while they get another bit of soundtrack out of the way.

This got the MST3K So Bad It's Funny treatment, but it's actually just plain old So Bad Don't Watch It.

seen any terrible movies lately?

not really. the worst film i've ever seen, though, is Inception.

Stoker was pretty bad; there is absolutely no reason a movie like that needs to be made in 2013.

I personally never like Pulp Fiction...it drags along at the pace of a snail...blood, swearing, killing, rape...*yawn*.

OG challoppin, nice

kaboom. literal worst movie ever.

I always get Shark Attack 2 mixed up with Shark Attack 3, but one of them.

Pieta, which won the Golden Lion last year, is pure crap. Boringly filmed, filled with heavy and dull symbolism (just check the name...), the violent scenes are hardly that shocking, and the plot is just dumb. Who is this woman? Well, it's pretty damn obvious from the start, and yet the main character misses it even though it's spelled out for him. Twice.

It's not quite as bad as 90 Minutes though, a Norwegian movie about misogony. It's just three men being violent to women, nothing more, nothing less. It's filmed very beautifully, but then the score is grotesquely heavyhanded and kitschy. The press material claimed that the stories lasted 90 Minutes, which is obviously wrong (the film has no sense of time...), and it also claimed to be important because Norway was the country in Europe where most women were killed by their spouses, which turned out to be wrong as well. It's just bizarre. The cinematographer has massive potential, and the female director seems pretty brave, but it's just so badly concieved, it's just pure crap.

Incendies got blanket rave reviews and I thought it was pure rinse. I stopped watching in some scene where Radiohead started soundtracking some slow motion sufferage images, to convey the angst of living in the Middle East. I might be unfair but I couldn't take the film seriously after that point.

Everything I've seen this summer has been too boring to call bad.

Was sort of relieved during After Earth that it wasn't "exciting."

Movie 43 looks fascinatingly terrible, more from a 'how did it ever get made' angle than anything else.

old-old-ilx was kinda clueless eh

not really. the worst film i've ever seen, though, is Inception.

― the strange and important sound of the synthesizer (Treeship), Sunday, June 2, 2013 1:19 AM (17 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Nice effort but if you're gonna troll you gotta go harder than that.

inception is really shit, thought there was broad agreement there

envy anyone who's never seen a worse film tho

inception finished #3 in ilx's action films poll fwiw, a great picture.

inception was really abysmal, in my view, and was my least pleasurable movie theater experience ever. i remember thinking that nolan wasn't interested in what dreams are actually like -- a fascinating subject -- but just used them as a parallel-worlds plot device, and this annoyed me. i had an argument about the movie after i saw it with my then girlfriend, because she couldn't believe i could "hate" it and thought i was being a dick. awful.

worst movie i've ever seen is either the larry david woody allen movie or s1m0ne. the latter isn't very old but i don't think it could be made now. people know too much about computers.

hah, the larry david woody allen movie. i couldn't finish it! love how larry david was not the only actor in this to do the universal face that means "I'm trying to remember my lines" (look up and left). that must be the best example of a woody allen movie where he was too preoccupied with catching a baketball game to take the time to reshoot shitty scenes.

Inception was far more interesting as a one-page treatment than as a movie. It didn't matter to me that the many different levels required mental effort to keep straight or that its premise was twenty kinds of impossible. Movies are allowed those liberties.

What mattered to me was that, when you stripped out all the gaudy sci-fi elements, the essential human story of the film was revealed to be weak, watered-down melodramatic garbage, told using cliches so toothmarked and abused they resembled a dog's discarded chew toy.

Good effects, tho.

evan rachel wood having to lounge around giving larrywoody doe eyes and calling him a genius while he vomits underwritten abuse at her for 90mins was a thousand times worse than anything that has ever happened to isabella rosselini

oh ya. if the misanthrope character had witty lines it could have helped but add that grating "dumb country girl" cliché + using larry david as an imitator instead of using his strengths... nothing worked in this so i bounced

Yeah, Inception wasn't about dreams. For some reason this pissed off a lot of people. Also, I took the essential human story of the film to be Cobb learning to lie better to himself. It becomes a much greater, and more cynical, film if you see it like that.

The worst movie I've ever seen is Nigel Tomm's avant-garde film Waiting for Godot, which is just seventy minutes of a plain green screen and no sound. Has nothing to do with the Samuel Beckett classic except the title. Watch it in full here.

is new m. night battlefield redux the worst reviewed movie since last m. night debacle where he ruined a wonderful cartoon?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/05/31/after-earth-reviews_n_3368040.html

thanks for that link mr. snrub

The worst movie I've ever seen is Nigel Tomm's avant-garde film Waiting for Godot, which is just seventy minutes of a plain green screen and no sound. Has nothing to do with the Samuel Beckett classic except the title. Watch it in full here.

― Mr. Snrub, Sunday, June 2, 2013 8:59 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark

lol http://nigeltomm.us/moviesvideos/

you have to admit that his choice of magenta for "the brothers karamazov" is inspired

The only movies I've ever walked out on at the theatre was Forces of Nature (Ben Affleck + Sandra Bullock)... And Blankman

Again and again you'd need to sit ppl down and say be srs about what 'worst movie' gets to mean

http://thedissolve.com/features/exposition/272-the-cinemascore-f-estival/

Considering polling the 8 movies that F'd on CinemaScore.

Solaris
Killing Them Softly
Bug
Wolf Creek
Darkness
The Box
The Devil Inside
Silent House

(So many horror movies.)

there's a new golden turkey type book out? (not by the Medveds)

Wolf Creek may be my favourite horror of the last ten years.

xp there is? news to me unless you're talking about the making-of tell-all about The Room.

this is it, by a Film Threat guy. He included Mystic River.

http://blogcritics.org/book-review-the-greatest-bad-movies-of-all-time-by-phil-hall/

I was thinking about Gandolfini in 'Killing Them Softly' the other day in the context of genuinely scary movie performances/characters.

isn't he closer to pathetic?

That too, I guess, but watching the film I got this vivid reminder of various times I'd been around these drunk falling-apart guys with this atmosphere of sluggish, unfocused anger hanging around them, and there was always this sense that at any second the rage would suddenly focus and they would put someone's head through a window or something?

I don't know, I can't explain it very well, but it felt familiar and creepy.

he seemed like he was gonna put his own head through a window.

The first 3 films on that F list are at least partial successes to me, esp Solaris. You can certainly understand why Upbeat America wd hate em tho.

Really struggling to figure out what people who willfully went to, say, a Wolf Creek ended up getting so offended by to give it an F.

can't decide which Nic Cage film i wd give this award to

the first four of those are genuinely good! tbh I remember The Box being a disaster but a weirdly watchable one

Musto:

http://theblot.com/winners-worst-picture-actor-actress-time-7714864

WORST DIALOGUE

In the ludicrous drama “Female on the Beach” (1955), sultry Jeff Chandler asks love interest Joan Crawford, “How do you like your coffee?” Replies Joan: “Alone!”

:D

the Leslie Uggams moment her refers to is here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MkHsFA2LS60