Come Anticipate Van Helsing With Me!

I've heard it's horrible. From geeky friends who usually have a high tolerance for this sort of thing (and liked Underworld for chrissakes).

I wonder what trailers I'll see?

Still, I have to go see this. Silly monsters + Hugh Jackman should = movie fun.

But I think it'll be fun. Plot schmot. Nobody ever put a huge screen up and said, "Well, we'll really be able to make out the foreshadowing now!" Big screen = big fucking badaboom.

im sure the film is 1/1000th as intelligent.

(anyway, i mark the beginning of that transformation with pearl harbor!)

(s1ocki, have you seen Laurel Canyon?)

It's an OK movie. I liked High Art better.

I like Frankenstein, especially when he started singing the Ramones "I wanna live" (well, okay not really). And the sidekick Friar was good, and I was glad he didn't get killed like sidekicks often do. There wasn't much chemistry between Jackman and Beckinsale, one was too busy doing stunts and the sign of the cross, the other poses.

The Frankenstein action figure will come with a head that comes apart and shoots sparks.

But yeah, I liked it! yay!

167 -- Van Helsing. Gabriel Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman), a friar from Q Division (some guy who looks like David Thewlis and isn't), and the Gypsy, the acid queen (Kate Beckinsale & Maybelline) foil Dracula's mysterious plan, which involves Frankenstein's monster and the wolfman; Van Helsing, meanwhile, wonders what's up with himself.

It's a long movie, especially for action movies, and for starters that's cause it has two beginnings: a black and white disco megamix mash-up of the Universal monster movies the movie is an homage to, and a media res set piece that introduces Van Helsing and the MI-6-like organization of monks he works for.

It's a good, fun movie, too, and I'm doped up and spilled the popcorn everywhere thanks to my motor control being on vacation, so I will hit the high points:

* Bear in mind that this is an homage, even if it happens to be one with an action hero running through it; Kate Beckinsale's Gypsy accent is ridiculous, but it's authentically ridiculous, and the same goes for the overacting of the guy who plays Dracula (and looks like a cross between Boris Karloff and Bela Lugosi).

* Sometimes anachronisms work (Van Helsing's gas-powered fully automatic crossbow), sometimes not so much (Van Helsing's use of the term "self-realization.")

* Igor is fucking funny, and I think he might be the guy who played Benny in The Mummy.

* The slight touches on the monsters -- not bigtime remixes, keeping them classic, but with little tweaks here and there (like the Wolfman ripping off his human skin when he changes, like he's growing through it) -- are nice, and are much slighter than the "let's sort of forget about the whole wrapped-up bit" version of The Mummy.

* The middle gets slow. Pointing out the middle is slow in an over-two-hour action movie is like pointing out the wood is hot in a bonfire; it's sort of assumed in the umbrella. I think there are too many characters with backstory here. Van Helsing -- who has dreams that go back a couple thousand years, and a mysterious ring, and no memory of his past -- needs it, and probably had more of it before the movie passed through the editor's hands; the bad guys need it or there's no movie; so perhaps Beckinsale's could've been dispatched or blurbed.

* If you watch the movie and think, "Hey, you know, this is a lot like something Bill would write," that's only because it's a lot like something I would write, except it has horses.

All in all, if the ads appealed, and you liked The Mummy, and you like the Universal monster movies without being a Quentin about them, you ought to have fun.

I know this one's made by the same director as the Mummy, but the trailers make it look so funny!

You are not to be trusted.

However, I realize that any vampire movie that features state-of-the-art special effects is going to disappoint me, because OF COURSE Dracula et al have to climb walls upside down and turn into monstrous CGI devilspawn and the brides have to do that echo-chamber Dopplered wail every time they displease Master. God forbid there should be some subtlety or mystery (not that I expected subtlety from VH, given this was just a fang-filled thrill-a-minute serial cliffhanger thing) (and THANK GOD for the winky camp moments) (Underworld, this could've been you if you weren't so hellbent on being goth like AFI!).

The Mummy... my memory of it was that it was utter and complete RUBBITCH but then we saw it on the telly a few weeks ago, and got completely sucked into watching it and even taping the ending when we went out.

I love vampire movies, so I'm a bit biased - but dragging in wolfman and Frankenstein's monster and all that crap really irritates me. Don't mix and match your mythology! Grrr!

That said, I thought the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen was great! Went in expecting it to be crap, and it was a rip-roaring adventure ride. Underworld, which I had such high hopes for, was utterly shite from end to end. (Even the extended shallow but stylish looking Dandy Warhols/Duran Duran video bit in the middle didn't make up for how rubbish it was.)

Anyway, regardless, like I said, I'll give it a chance because of the horn potential of the two leads in leather. (This has just edged out over getting to see an Ex turned into a zombie and get his head smashed in, which was the other option.)

Ordinarily I might agree about the crossover stuff, but in this case that's such an integral and binding part of the genre to which this movie's a love poem that leaving it out would be a glaring omission, like leaving boulders or restless natives out of Indiana Jones.

That kicked the leatherclad ass of Underworld! That was everything that I was expecting Underworld to be, and wasn't! I mean, Vampires vs. Werewolves: FITE!!!

Ach, Friar Sidekick was GRATE!!! I wasn't expecting Da Vinci code, not at all. I was very very gratified to get a RANDOM SCIENTIST MONK FROM THE NAME OF THE ROSE thrown in for good measure! That was great!

The random anachronistic stuff didn't bother me at all. It bothered me less than it did in the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, it seemed actually to be part of the fun. Even the ridiculously laughable accents seemed like some kind of homage to old films.

Although I was slightly bothered by playing fast and loose with the vampire mythology (erm, flying about in the daytime? not on!) I was pleased that they really brought the characters of the Brides of Dracula to the fore. (And sorry, but were the devilspawn supposed to resemble Gremlins so closely? Instead of "don't get them wet" it was all "don't expose them to electricity!")

The crossover stuff makes so much more sense now, like you say, Tep, it's like a love poem to a genre. I was disappointed that there wasn't a Mummy thrown in for good measure, but hey, that's what sequels are for. The Frankenstein stuff was brilliant, HSA loved it, coz of all the antique electrical equipment, and haha, (trying not to give any spoilers) but the bit where Drac brought his EVIL BAD PLAN to fruition looked and SOUNDED exactly like a Disinformation installation, green glow and electrical hum and all.

In fact, all the set design was brilliant. Each castle more gothic and spooky than the last, you couldn't get much more opulent.

Too long? No! It was perfect. I never once got bored or felt the plot drag, it sustained my interest for over two hours, which was quite an achievement. In fact, I demand a sequel to explain all the back story about Van Helsing and the Vatican. Now. With Mummies!

The only thing I didn't like about the entire film was the big fight scene at the end. The CGI stuff became intrusive, to the point where I felt like I was watching a cartoon. Instead of two very hott actors rolling around half naked. Which is what it should have been. (Sexiest Dracula since Gary Oldman. Did I mention that?) Hugh Jackman was a *tad* too burly, but the long hair made up for it. And Dracula? K-rowr!

It's been a LONG TIME since I got this excited by a film, but it is brilliant. And I mean that from the bottom of my dark, dark, teenage goth heart.

There has to be a sequel, or a Frankenstein film.

I am glad people are liking this film!!

Cozen, make up your mind!

Ooh! Now my hopes are up, a little.

statistics for your pleasure:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0338526/ratings

I join the flock who'd like to see both more Frankenstein and more Vatican in a sequel, and really, those are the only things you'd need to tell me to get me to go. It wouldn't even have to be "plus, we have these new monsters!" -- just "we have Frankenstein! and the Vatican!"

(I suppose this makes it clear that Frankenstein's Monster survives the movie, but really this doesn't spoil anything. Also, isn't his last appearance in the movie great?)

I'm a bit worried about Jordan's geeky friends, how could they prefer Underworld?

((Keef in the Pirates of the Carribean? Oh please, oh please, oh yes...)

Adam Ant has to play a pirate too, obviously.

Well c'mon, YOU wrote the rave review. ;-)

Adam Ant has to play a pirate too, obviously.

Sadly, the moment has passed, I fear.

(i'll still see it if he does)

"I am perturbed at your critique of my fashion sense."

Probably because it's been done too many times. That and you can blame goth fashion. Not that I mind that.

OLD SCHOOL HUNGARIAN DRACULAS PLEASE!!!!

And Ned: Carl the Sidekick Friar (not a monk!) is played by David Wenham/Faramir -- I didn't realize it until someone told me, he looks so different when he isn't in Middle Earth.

!!

- Stroker Ace
- Van Helsing
- Godzilla (version with Matthew Broderick)

Van Helsing was by far the worst of the bunch!!! It's not like I don't have a high appreciation for crap! I feel like irony has left me far, far behind.

I quite like the way that the werewolf ripped off his skin to reveal the fur underneath - one of abt two moments when the film gave us something, some little thing, we hadn't seen a million times before. The children in the audience that I saw it with were restless throughout.

David Wenham stopped being good when he became an ineffectual perma-scared sidekick instead of the smug in-his-element gadget-fashioning guy, which was really early on.

Was quite good up through the part right before the 'masquerade ball', then it all just went to hell. Throwing random dramatic moments ('The Vatican wants Frankenstein dead!') out and hoping they'd stick, etc..

The overacting/bad accents didn't bother me at all, they seemed completely appropriate (and I'm not sure Beckinsale had enough dialogue for her accent to matter).

why were they torturing pakistanis under the vatican?
why did dracula look like bob moritmer?
why did the horse and carts keep blowing up when they got hit like in 70s car-chase movies?
i didn't notice it went on THAT long. must've meant it was entertaining me in some way. in some way it ended a bit too early - big fight, burial scene, end. no big fanfare, no van helsing goes back to give the vatican what for about the whole frnakenstein thing - what gives?
kate beckinsale is frigging fit in this film. don't think i've seen her in anything else though.
wasn't the cowardly friar also the boromir's brother in LOTR?
i'm surprised anyone made this film. after all we've already had extraoridnary league of gents and that was meh so why this? still i'm kinda glad they did make it.

I was also amused by the fact that the coach caught fire for no good reason when the werewolf jumped on it. For a minute I though that the scene was going to end with them driving off with it still on fire, no further comment. I sort of wish it had.

Greg the friar wasn't cowardly! He was smart and cautious and cute and, yes, Faramir. I presume he and VH ride off into the sunset together & go to Massachusetts. Very sweet.

Frankenstein was really whiny.

WHY?

http://lifethroughmy4eyes.files.wordpress.com/2011/11/zoidberg-why1.png

Will Cruise be the vampire who doesn't age?

He was such a terrible Lestat, I don't care if he dickmatized Ann Rice. This seems like such a goofy movie already, with the dreaded Kurtzman/Orci AND Cruise involved.

We need this reboot.