Classic or Dud: Trying to get back in touch with someone you had a crush on ten years ago. Even though it's probably an awful idea. For god' sake, someone stop me.

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So, here's the thing. Ten years ago, I was a teenager, and there was this girl. And I had a crush on her. I wrote her a letter telling her this (look, I was shy). She wrote back saying "let's just be friends" - but the mad thing was, we stayed friends. We kept writing letters to each other, every week or so, even though we saw each other every day or two anyway. We kept it secret from our mutual friends (which was all of our friends, pretty much), but it fizzled apart when she got a boyfriend, we both moved out of the area, blah blah wibble etc.

But now, there's the Internet. And I've tracked her down, found her workplace's website, and found out that we're both living in the same area again. Please persuade me that trying to get back in touch with her is a *bad* idea.

― Someone who has pressed "logout", Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:20 (twenty-one years ago)

worst case scenario : what if she doesn't remember you?

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Actually, I think getting back in touch with her is a fantastic idea. Seriously.

And while you're at it, why not tear your heart out of your chest, encrust it in allspice, nutmeg and coriander, hang it out to dry for 2-4 weeks in a central Virginia cave, ship it to a German smokehouse, and upon its return, let it sit out in front of your computer for about four weeks.

Because the road you're in danger of setting upon will do similar -- if slightly less tasty -- things to your heart. Whether or not you choose to eat it yourself or give it away at that point is up to you.

― Evanston Wade (EWW), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:42 (twenty-one years ago)

son, better to do something and regret it than regret something you didn't do. And by the way...if you see your mother, tell her SATAN!!!!!

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:44 (twenty-one years ago)

do it! I used to do this all the time. emotional rollercoasters are fun! Also, maybe her life is different and she'll sleep with you. This happened to me!

― kyle (akmonday), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Take a risk, for the love of God! You did it way back when with the writing of that first letter. Why not write her a letter again? Couldn't be too hard to figure out her address.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Now we all guess who the logged out person is.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

OK, no fair, I wanted to tell him to contact her as well, but the request was to convince him not to.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Not sure about that, I found this girl I "knew once" in college and sent her a message. She's sort of in my area, she was really a sweet girl, and at least at that time she was insanely gorgeous.

So she wrote back something like "I feel like an jerk but I don't remember you!"

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:57 (twenty-one years ago)

a jerk

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Odds on you'll realise how much you've both changed, and you won't even be interested anymore. Ten years.

― That's the Way (uh huh uh huh) I Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 25 July 2004 21:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Write her a letter that refuses to acknowledge the gaping chasm of time since your last one.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

What's worse, getting rejected and feeling crippled and like a complete dick for the rest of your life, or wondering what might have been?

(answer: a)

― Fergal (Ferg), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"About that letter I sent last week..."

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

better yet, just resend the original letter. see if she'll let you take a mulligan.

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

First of all, don't listen to these schmucks and assume that she's not going to remember you. Jesus.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn, I was hoping it was you who started this thread, Gear. Because then we would've gotten the full report on how things proceeded: did he find her, how'd she respond, their first date, and so on...

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, me too!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:03 (twenty-one years ago)

As we spent a year, when we were 17 or so, writing letters to each other every week, I'd be real pissed off if she didn't remember me.

I'll write a letter and post it to her work address. If I get a reply, I'll try to remember to let y'all know.

― Someone who pressed "logout", Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:04 (twenty-one years ago)

the girl I wrote to did eventually remember me. I think the fact she smoked a lot of weed in college didn't help my cause, though.

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:05 (twenty-one years ago)

You go, logged out!!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:06 (twenty-one years ago)

By now, "letting us know" won't satisfy our appetite anymore. We want pictures! Intimate details! Stories of smallish co-workers spying on her!

Damn you Gear, you've raised the standard too high.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Given the interval it's unlikely - though far from impossible - that there will still be that same romantic sentiment in either the girl or yourself. And if it is there, it'll probably be significantly changed from the teenaged one. So if your goal, Logged-Out-Sentimental-Type, is only a romantic one it's best not to pursue. But if you're open to a reevaluation it's totally 'go.'

Finally, if you do end up meeting her remember that halcyon goggles, like cheapo phony X-ray specs, have a way of superimposing a rosy spectre of preterit experience over a very real, very incarnate present image. Don't overlook a potential friendship if that's what presents itself.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:09 (twenty-one years ago)

If I was the girl, it would be one of the coolest things that ever happened to me.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Perhaps I need to get out a bit.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

hey emily, remember me from kindergarten?

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, part of the thing is that since I moved back here I've been completely on my own - all my friends from this area had, I thought, moved away; and all my current friends live a few hundred miles away now. So, getting back in touch with someone who lives nearby and used to be a very close friend has to be a Good Thing.

(xpost)

― Someone who pressed "logout", Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:12 (twenty-one years ago)

The only time that's ever happened to me is when I received a cryptic email from this off-balanced guy I went to high school with and never hung out with, in which he enthusiastically tried to get me to join the Marines.

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:13 (twenty-one years ago)

and so help me, this girl I had a crush on in high school is now apparently an honest-to-God "horse whisperer" in Colorado, WTF

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I actually never went to Kindergarten. Haw. But I do remember everyone in my 1st grade class, including a guy named Wes Anderson.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember a kid named Mike Bates (yuk, yuk) got stung by a bee after repeated warnings to leave a nest in the corner alone. He went totally crazy, started speaking in tongues, danced on a table and peed everywhere. Two EMTs came into the classroom and carted him off; we never saw him again. Our teacher, Beau Beauso1ei1 told us that if we didn't listen, the same thing could happen to us. It took me until about 8th grade to realize that B.B. meant 'if you don't listen you'll get stung' and not 'you'll get carted off by EMTs.'

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Why was there a bee's nest in the corner of your classroom?

― Gear! (Gear!), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

B3au B3ausol3il?!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:26 (twenty-one years ago)

dude, this happened to me. but SHE tracked ME down. and we dated for a while (almost a year). it was insane.

― cutty (mcutt), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:30 (twenty-one years ago)

what, you're giving me back my Beau Beau?

http://www.americanroyalarts.com/library/5581.jpg

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Weird, huh? I've got a history of weirdly named teachers... 2nd grade Was Dot Cann0n, 5th was M1ng L0v3. Google-proofing for fun. And the bees nest was in the doorframe.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:32 (twenty-one years ago)

We had a Pam3la N3ss. In the record book every teacher was listed with first name initial and full last name, and she was listed as P. N3ss. I kid you not.

― That's the Way (uh huh uh huh) I Almanac (Autumn Almanac), Sunday, 25 July 2004 22:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"Google-proofing for fun"

i only realized recently that this was probably a good idea

― duke id3a, Sunday, 25 July 2004 23:13 (twenty-one years ago)

If she's married, find the guy and key his car. Itll be therapeutic.

― David Allen (David Allen), Sunday, 25 July 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

i was bored the night before i left for france and found this girl on friendst*r who i had had a brief crush on just before i graduated (she would call up my radio show a lot, and we would see each other on campus and have these flirtatious awkward encounters), but i knew she had been in some latin american country which i thought was honduras and i told her about my friend who had done something similar there but then it turned out (oops) that she was in guatemala and besides i don't think she really remembered me. so that was pointless.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Sunday, 25 July 2004 23:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Dud, dud, dud, dud, dud, dud, dud, dud,,,,,,.......

I mean, it would be like writing to a stranger by now.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 26 July 2004 00:08 (twenty-one years ago)

that sounds sweet, i always wonder what's happened to people who've moved whom i used to know. go for it, you could at least be friends.

― Maria (Maria), Monday, 26 July 2004 00:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't bother.

DON'T EVER LET ANYONE YOU LIKE KNOW THAT YOU LIKE THEM! Are you insane?!

Don't even say hello. FUCK ME! It's tantamount to STALKING! The thought of being pursued might seem great for their ego, but yours might end up a bit hurt like. They might even think you 'Googled' them, when in fact you never really did.

Actually, I say yes. If you like her and you think she's worth it you shouldn't even hesitate.

Don’t let the paranoid neurosis of your internet peers get in your way. (which, quite frankly, a lot of the people here have enough of)

Good luck!

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 01:28 (twenty-one years ago)

um. i don't get it.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 01:35 (twenty-one years ago)

that's just paranoid neurosis

― duke ratiocinate, Monday, 26 July 2004 01:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I would advise listening to Tom Waits' "Martha" and then making up your mind.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 26 July 2004 01:48 (twenty-one years ago)

'Um' is a good word.

It shouldn't be faulted in the least.

Stick with it.

'Um' it's pretty fantastic.

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 01:50 (twenty-one years ago)

'Um'... Good God, I love this word!

It's fucking brilliant!

'Um'

: ) (happy smiley face)

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 02:16 (twenty-one years ago)

always happy to mutter, sport.

― j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 02:19 (twenty-one years ago)

You forgot the 'happy smiley face'.

>>> : )

Never forget the 'happy smiley face'.

Goodnight.

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I even spelled 'Business' incorrectly.

Fuck you word pad.

Goodnight.

― None, Monday, 26 July 2004 02:33 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.kidsource.com/books/images/0694003611.m.gif

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 26 July 2004 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Goodnight.

― Non, Monday, 26 July 2004 02:49 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't think this is a bad thing at all, especially since it doesn't sound like logged out is sending her mail saying 'i still love you! will you marry me? can i stalk you?!'

if that's the case, probably not such a good idea.

but if it's just to say 'hey there, i think we live in the same place, want to meet up for a cold beverage?', that's totally fine.

assuming logged out would be ok with just being friends with her, and is prepared for her to be married/fat/gay/whatever...

― colette (a2lette), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I would generally say this was a bad idea, but get in touch & then it might put the crush to bed! (so to speak!)

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Not knowing anyone in the area is the perfect excuse to get back in touch without looking like a crazy stalker.

Although don't say "I tracked you down using the internet", that's probably a bad idea.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Indeed!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:21 (twenty-one years ago)

er, 'Before Sunset' anyone? I think about this a lot, and my main fear is that really the desire has nothing to do, or little to do, with the alleged object of affections, and more to do with lost youth itself. But that might be my rationalization.

― ENRQ (Enrique), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I join the "go for it" argument. I wouldn't do it myself, but that is because I know me and the abject failure it would result in.

Although, I think you should email, not post a letter. This forum clearly demands a quick turn-around on stories, and I don't think waiting for postal service errors and stuff is within tolerance, even if it is perfectly right for this friendship potentially working.

Is that selfish?!

― ___ (___), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Also an email and its response is easier to cut and paste onto ILE ;)

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Monday, 26 July 2004 10:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Sadly for ILE, she doesn't seem to have a findable email address. All I have is her workplace address (she's a primary school teacher), so I'm going to write her a letter.

Besides, sending and receiving letters in the mail always seems much more ... meaningful ... than just an email.

(I recently reread one of my Favourite Novels Evah, which, coincidentally, starts off with a schoolteacher receiving a letter from someone he knew years and years before. It doesn't exactly have a happy ending, though - he then goes off and has an affair with someone completely different - a poet obsessed with railway timetables - who then gets hit by a taxi and killed when she randomly spots him in the street.)

― Someone who pressed "logout", Monday, 26 July 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't think this will be terrible if done, but i can't imagine it will really pan out like you hope either.

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 26 July 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

do it. dooooo iiiiiiit. definitely. but be ready for rejection/diffidence just in case.

Doooooo iiiiiiit though!

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Monday, 26 July 2004 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i always worry about bumping into the girls i asked out in my nerdy youth, especially after the awkward phone calls asking them to go out or whatever.

but to the author of this post, dont expect too much, dont approach this all heavy handed, if you do approach it that is. cos if you do, youre bound to be more dissapointed. but do it!

― thesplooge (thesplooge), Monday, 26 July 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Send her a bottle of your own spunk.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

I was, naturally, a geeky kid - scrawny, glasses, braces, sweatpants, and for about six years I had a hugenormous crush on this girl we'll call, for no reason, Not-Laurin. Now, Not-Laurin was good friends with my sister, and I was friends with Not-Laurin's brother so we'd often have joint sleepovers. When I was eleven the two were scheduled to come over so my mom could drive us all to Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. At the last moment Mrs. Not-Laurin told us that her daughter couldn't but the brother (my friend) could. I ran to my room and hid in my closet, crying, and told my mother I was sick so she'd reschedule the visit. Later in that evening (being to forlorn to see the movie with my mom and sister) I was home alone and called not-Laurin's house. Her brother answered, I asked him for Not-Laurin and she came to the phone, bewildered. As long as I live I'll never be able to forget the exact conversation:

JC: Hey, it's (my sister's name)'s brother calling.
NL: My brother told me...?
JC: Too bad you couldn't come today it would have been fun.
NL: Yeah, I ... did you want to talk to (NL's brother)?
JC: No, I want to talk to you. [Long, long, long, pause.]
NL: Okay, it was nice talking to you.
JC: YeahIlikeyoubye.

Two minutes elapse. I decide to call again.

JC: Hi this is Jeremy.
NL: Uh, I know.
JC: I wanted to say that I like you more than I said I liked you before and I'll see you soon okay but don't tell your brother.

I hung up. Never saw her again. Two years ago I was working as a butcher (right after college) and she came in to the market. Stunningly, massively, incredibly self-possed, beautiful, classy amd vibrant. I was squeezing out sausage at the time (apropos, ehh?) and ducked behind the counter because I didn't want her to see me up to my elbows in intenstines. She made a small purchase, winked at me and walked out. About twenty minutes later the telephone rang, Not-Laurin, asked for me and said, simply, "you're not very good at hiding," before giggling and hanging up.

― j.e.r.e.m.y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:20 (twenty-one years ago)

please excuse my commas and to/o confusion.

― j.e.r.e.m.y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:21 (twenty-one years ago)

She wants your meat produce, man.

― Sick Mouthy (Nick Southall), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

thats a pretty nice ending jeremy. it could have been a lot lot worse. at least she was cool about it, or able to laugh, rather than think you were some weird butcher boy who takes intestines home and sleeps with them under his pillow.

― thesplooge (thesplooge), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:24 (twenty-one years ago)

...who says I don't? I'm sitting in a chair made of tripe right now!

― j.e.r.e.m.y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:26 (twenty-one years ago)

sounds better than straw!

― thesplooge (thesplooge), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I met up with a friend from school who I hadn't seen in eight years (not really in ten) a while ago. I loved her and told her so in a stupid letter after I went to university. We carried on corresponding for a while, she kind of ignored my declaration. We lost touch. I thought about her most days for a long time, then most weeks I guess.

Then, after a 10 year school reunion that she wasn't at, she emailed me out of the blue and asked how I was doing. I was thrilled and we met up when I was next in the city. She hadn't changed a bit. We gabbled on for the evening, we didn't mention that I had told her I loved her in a letter. She even looked exactly the same. I amazed her with little detailed memories. We hugged at the end of the night. We are now vaguely in touch. I still want to marry her, but I'm OK with that.

― Alba (Alba), Monday, 26 July 2004 17:34 (twenty-one years ago)

obviously if you were a good ILXor, you should send her a mix cd rather than write a letter--then it will *really* be just like old times!

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 26 July 2004 18:55 (twenty-one years ago)

self-possed

ew, who posses themselves nowadays?

― amateur!st (amateurist), Monday, 26 July 2004 18:59 (twenty-one years ago)

my posses on Broadway

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Monday, 26 July 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

clearly Not-Laurin (xpost)

― j.e.r.e.m.y (x Jeremy), Monday, 26 July 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

just to point out that if she's a teacher you'll probably have to wait until september to get a response, right?

i don't know if i could wait that long...i'd probably wait till september to send the letter, really.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, i wouldn't be very happy with someone having found out where I worked & then sent a letter to my work address. That would just feel odd!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Do it. Go on, do it. No, do it.

― Starsky (Barima), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Just hang around the school all day. What's the worst that can happen?

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:27 (twenty-one years ago)

PinXor, the point is that he knew her from a decade ago and he's sending it in the hope she'll remember him. Even if she may not really remember him (but she should), he's not just "someone".

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Hell, I'm still in touch with my nursery school crush/best friend, though we have a dozen mutual friends, including the ones I've had since age 4, so it was fate, really. In fact, they got me back in touch with her after we hadn't seen each other in 8 years. And yes, I probably still wanna marry her. She liked the Ghana e-mail a bit and said we should both try and be in London in September.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh no I understand that, but 10 years is a long time. He may just be 'someone' when she gets the letter. It just would freak me out a bit, sorry!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:32 (twenty-one years ago)

feel your pain, alba!

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:44 (twenty-one years ago)

is she not on friendster/friends reunited?

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

No old friend is just "someone" after ten years, Pink. I still get irrationally excited when I randomly bump into people from my primary school, even if I didn't know them especially well. Hearing from an old friend totally out of the blue would make my day.

― Matt DC (Matt DC), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Matt this is what you posted upthread...
Although don't say "I tracked you down using the internet", that's probably a bad idea.
Why can't he say this? Do you see my point? Maybe you wouldn't be freaked out being male, but I sure as hell would!

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:48 (twenty-one years ago)

depends to what extent. you looked for them on FU? you googled 'em? i'm such an egomaniac i wouldn't care if people did this.

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, Pink, this is all a gamble. It really depends on her fond memories at the end of the day, if things go well, he may never even have to confess the net bit, though then again, it depends on whether she asks or not.

Either way, he's probably not gonna know for a while, is he? At any rate, a letter definitely beats e-mail.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:53 (twenty-one years ago)

same here, but then I meet up with them and realised that our lives are all different now and I never liked them all that much anyway and we both end up thinking of 20 different ways to ask "hey what do you do now?" and then go home and never want to meet up with each other ever again.

It could just have been my school though I guess. And if it's an old flame and she's hott?? omg go for it logged out! as long as you don't expect too much from it, what have you got to lose?

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:58 (twenty-one years ago)

GO and SEE 'Before Sunset' k thx bye

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 08:59 (twenty-one years ago)

and also, maybe instead of writing the letter try and find an excuse to be at that primary school, and then "randomly" bump into her and do that "hey is that YOU??????" thing

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:01 (twenty-one years ago)

and then arrange to go for a coffee at lunch or something, and then hubba hubba hubba woot woot squeeeakkkk squueeakkkk hooha.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Wearing that anorak might get him "escorted" off the premises faster than you can say "Humbert Humbert", though.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:04 (twenty-one years ago)

My most recent long-term crush doesn't even want to stay in touch anymore, so whaddo I know, huh, nothing, that's right, nothing I tells ya.

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:05 (twenty-one years ago)

people who don't keep in touch make me really sad.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I gave this a try without much success.

― also logged out, Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:39 (twenty-one years ago)

conflicting advice from what i said above: i have been weirded out by people that have tracked me down (including loads of people that ring my parents) after years of noncontact to just say hi. if they were living in the same place, maybe i'd understand, but they haven't had any reason. a couple i started talking to for a little while, since i actually liked them, but a couple i'd never really liked all that much in the first place...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:44 (twenty-one years ago)

It is freaky def. It's like your work place is sacred or something.

― PinXor (Pinkpanther), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 09:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Not knowing anyone in the area is the perfect excuse to get back in touch without looking like a crazy stalker.

area=teh London???

― ENRQ (Enrique), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 10:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Whatever, do not mention how your sibblings have got married, but you have still been unlucky in love.

Someone did that to me through email. They got a very short response. But, then again, I am in touch with one person from my school and only about four from Uni, and am quite happy with it that way.

― ___ (___), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 10:41 (twenty-one years ago)

i don't think you've answered if the person is on friends reunited or friendster. that would make it all a lot easier...

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 10:59 (twenty-one years ago)

I still get irrationally excited when I randomly bump into people from my primary school, even if I didn't know them especially well.

I would find this incredibly uncomfortable.

"So, um, I see you've grown some nice breasts."

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Are you Jarvis Cocker?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

No, but my initials are the same -

― Jeremy Coombs (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Good. Now about these damn dishes.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

this shit is lame

― kephm, Tuesday, 27 July 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

I did think she might think a letter turning up at her work is creepy. I knew, through mutual friends, vaguely where she worked. There are a couple of schools in the town I knew she worked in; one has a website, with a staff listing.

I tried looking on Friends Reunited but it requires registration; I avoid using commercial registration-only sites on point of principle.

― Someone who pressed "logout", Tuesday, 27 July 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Uh oh!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 19:00 (twenty-one years ago)

are you logged-out's old flame????!?!??

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 19:03 (twenty-one years ago)

(well, obviously, I didn't mind registering on ILX because if I hadn't I wouldn't have had to log out to start this thread in the first place)

To be honest, I remembered that I did register on Friends Reunited, years ago. So, I looked. She's not there. She's not on Friendster. I'm really not surprised, because if you put her name into Google the only relevant hits are, um, my own blog.

(nothing creepy - just wishing her a happy birthday)

― Someone who pressed "logout", Tuesday, 27 July 2004 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, jeez. You are me posting anonymously, aren't you?

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Tuesday, 27 July 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

Update: a postcard arrived from her today. She'd only just received my letter, as it turns out she doesn't work where I thought she did any more. She left there literally the week before I started this thread, to spend a year travelling in Australia; when her ex-colleagues returned from their summer holiday, they forwarded the letter on. She's sent me her email address, though, so hopefully we'll be able to keep in touch. Fingers crossed.

― Someone who pressed "logout", Saturday, 25 September 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

it's fate!

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Sunday, 26 September 2004 02:42 (twenty-one years ago)

cute story

― phil-two (phil-two), Sunday, 26 September 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i still think your hearts' gonna be broken again

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 26 September 2004 03:42 (twenty-one years ago)

four weeks pass...

what happened?

― kephm (kephm), Monday, 25 October 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Very bad things.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Monday, 25 October 2004 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Here. Read this.

ihttp://www.jbpub.com/covers/newlarge/0763733539.jpg

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Monday, 25 October 2004 20:45 (twenty-one years ago)

what happened?

I emailed her, but she hasn't replied yet.

― Someone who has pressed "logout", Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry to temporarily divert the story, but I do find the thread topic to be relevant.

Since Laura died there is someone I knew - a work colleague - in the late '80s/early '90s with whom I've been secretly dying to get in touch again. I think she is the only person who could understand what I've been going through. If we had been single at the time we would have got together, there was no question about that, the chemistry was instant. We mutually helped each other through some bad personal spells.

But we have not been in contact since 1994. She cannot be found on Google or Friends Reunited. I still have her dad's address. But I am assuming that she has found someone, settled down and probably has a family now, so it would be unfair of me to intrude into such a scenario. I am easily Googleable so she could find me if she wanted to.

Therefore in my view it is best to let this affair remain in the past.

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Just go for it, Marcello.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:31 (twenty-one years ago)

You don't think I'm being silly about wanting to get back in touch with her again, then?

― Marcello Carlin, Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

If it helps, I have succesfully done this.

― Orbit (Orbit), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Not silly at all.

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Not at all Marcello. If her parents know you (even vaguely), contact them and find out. You can never know exactly what has happened without asking.

(x-post to many)

― 3underscore (___), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:42 (twenty-one years ago)

it depends what you expect out of it really, i mean, getting in touch will do no harm even if she does have a family now etc. she'd be happy that an old friend is back in touch. and who knows better things can happen too.

but one must always keep in mind not to be expect too much out of it. just don't think of it as intruding into a scenerio, but rather like just really getting back in touch.

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:45 (twenty-one years ago)

like, a person doesn't cease to be a person as soon as they get married. (although some kind of do, actually)

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:47 (twenty-one years ago)

i had someone do this to me-- contacted my dad at our family's business about 7 years after we'd last seen. my dad checked with me and gave him my email address. it was a *little* strange at first, but it turned out ok. he was basically apologizing for being such a dick to me in high school, offering an explanation, and catching up a bit. dunno if he was hoping for us to get together, but me in london and him in LA meant that wasn't going to happen.

i say go for it. as long as you won't be sad if she only wants to be friends and/or things are completely 'different' this time around.

― colette (a2lette), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 15:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Am I the only one who thinks that j.e.r.e.m.y's story is incredibly adorable??

Where is the love for "YeahIlikeyoubye"? I think it may just be my new favorite word.

― Laszlo Kovacs (Laszlo Kovacs), Wednesday, 27 October 2004 06:14 (twenty-one years ago)

five months pass...

Revive! I'd like to know what happened to the original poster's story. Did they keep in touch? Did they ever meet? Did they recoil from each other in horror? Enquiring minds want to know!

― caitlin (caitlin), Sunday, 24 April 2005 18:31 (twenty years ago)

And did he bring much chocolate?

― Aimless (Aimless), Sunday, 24 April 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

And was there titty?

― happy fun ball (kenan), Sunday, 24 April 2005 18:48 (twenty years ago)

PICZ

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Sunday, 24 April 2005 19:28 (twenty years ago)

omgpixplzkthx

― Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Sunday, 24 April 2005 19:31 (twenty years ago)

http://www.issasoft.com/~bob/boob.jpg

― happy fun ball (kenan), Sunday, 24 April 2005 20:04 (twenty years ago)

FWIW this is how Scott Seward and I got together. Smooched one night in 1989, kept tabs on each other via a mutual friend over the years, both tried to contact the other to no avail along the way, then I found his snail mail address and mailed him a post card in 2000. Been together ever since.

― Maria :D (Maria D.), Sunday, 24 April 2005 23:10 (twenty years ago)

! But that's brilliant! :-D How come you'd not mentioned it before?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 25 April 2005 00:14 (twenty years ago)

it's pretty awesome.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 25 April 2005 00:20 (twenty years ago)

that is awesome, maria. i'd never have the balls to do something like that.

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Monday, 25 April 2005 04:57 (twenty years ago)

it's not too hard, man. it costs only a buck between the postcard and the stamp, and if you don't want to actually go to the post office, you can just hand it to the mailman. If you don't want him to see you with the card, leave it atop your mailbox.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Monday, 25 April 2005 05:01 (twenty years ago)

1. recently thot it would be a good idea to "step up" and show more interest in longtime crush (10+ years). so far it's failing miserably, with her refusal to let me take her to lunch to celebrate her birthday* a couple weeks ago. youch.

2. recently found girl who had long-distance crush on me in high school** on friendster, asked to add to friends. not answered, tho she also hasn't logged on in a long time so i dunno. still youch.

*i figured this was much more innocuous than dinner or movie or whatnot, as i'd take any of my friends out for dinner, and prior to my attempts at "stepping up to the plate" as it were, i considered this person to be a friend (tho in various stages of closeness -- as i didn't see her much at all when i lived in chicago, obv.).

**basically met through girls i met while on family vacation, her friends. they suggested we penpal because we both liked the smiths, so we did, and were ld friends for a long time. she came to visit louisville and i did not treat her well because i was 18 and about to graduate high school and pretty clueless about girls and i still feel pretty bad about it and would like to get in touch if only to apologize for my immaturity.

man i am a mess.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 05:10 (twenty years ago)

Yeah, but maybe #1 girl already had plans for her birthday. You should see if she wants to do lunch another day. Most people wind up with birthday plans well in advance. Unless she said, "I don't want to have lunch with you on my birthday because I don't like you," in which case fuck that.

― sugarpants: new and improved! (sugarpants), Monday, 25 April 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

she told me she didn't have plans, that she didn't do anything, and when i asked if i could take her to lunch on another free day (within a 3-week window of her being in town) she said no (tho not with the "because i don't like you" caveat but might as well have).

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 25 April 2005 15:04 (twenty years ago)

oh geezum. I had an IDENTICAL (well...) situation just a little while ago. Her sister found me on Friendster (or Facebook) and randomly emailed me. I emailed here, called her, got her older sister's phone number and lost it IMMEDIATELY. I'm too embarassed to go through the whole process again (why is it embarassing? I don't know) and it's been 3 months. This girl was the LOVE OF MY LIFE in High School. BFF.

...plus, her lil sis told me that she's getting married this summer. I can't decide if I want to reconnect and spoil the wedding (YES!), just get an invite because, you know, I miss her, or just let the whole thing go.

― giboyeux (skowly), Monday, 25 April 2005 15:06 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

Hello there, ILX.

I have a confession to make. On this thread, it was *me* that was posting as Logged Out.

An email came today. From: the woman I talked about in this thread. To: all her friends in this area. She's moving back into this town, in a few days time. And she gave us all her mum's phone number.

Today's horoscope said: "A friend you thought had left your life is set to return and should have quite a lot to tell you about their adventures." I read it before I read my email, so I was rather surprised when it apparently came true.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 28 July 2005 17:44 (twenty years ago)

Well, hooray!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:36 (twenty years ago)

I promise I'll keep ILX updated when everything goes horribly wrong - when it turns out she's spent the past year travelling around Australia with a handsome, tanned sex god or suchlike.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:38 (twenty years ago)

i like that it's almost exactly a year. good luck!

― the leglo (the leglo), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:49 (twenty years ago)

Wow, I didn't realise just how almost exactly a year it was since I started this thread.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Thursday, 28 July 2005 18:56 (twenty years ago)

I can't recall the last time "logged out" returned to the thread to give an update and fess up under his or her real identity.

Best of luck to you, FP!

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:08 (twenty years ago)

I did this a year or so ago, only to get a response of 'I'm not in touch with you because I don't care to be, go away now, k thx bye.'

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 28 July 2005 19:11 (twenty years ago)

Wow. Sounds like there might be a happy ending to the story, love story or not, it still sounds very nice!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:05 (twenty years ago)

they suggested we penpal because we both liked the smiths

aw. just aw.

:-)

on-topic: i've been doing this getting-in-touch-with-old-crushes thing a lot recently. i think it's something to do with *gasp* settling down. i'm actually relieved when i refind people and they're happily married or cohabiting or whatever. it's comforting somehow.

― CharlieNo4 (Charlie), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:22 (twenty years ago)

I find it's just depressing.

The worst one was actually a few years ago when the Great Lost Love Of My Life got engaged. But then it all broke up horribly, and the last time I saw him, he was all bitter and "relationships are shit, I'm never getting married" and I was cohabitating. Of course now I've had my horrible breakup and am all bitter, he's probably married some other Bridget Bardot lookylike.

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:24 (twenty years ago)

(It was his ex fiance who was the Briget Bardot lookylike, not me, before anyone gets any ideas, BTW.)

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:24 (twenty years ago)

I just wish I could *find* a certain old flame of mine. I dont know where in the world he is... :(

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 29 July 2005 07:25 (twenty years ago)

My main dilemma now is: how long to wait until trying to phone her.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 09:44 (twenty years ago)

email first, i would. (but what do i know?)

had email on monday from someone i was friendly with about 15 years ago. only she's started using her middle name instead of the one i'm used to and is now married so her surname's changed as well. my mental picture of her is also a bit wobbly so it's almost as if this complete stranger is trying to get in touch. is odd.

― koogs (koogs), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:05 (twenty years ago)

someone really ought to email caitlin upthread to keep her informed of progress! nobody gave an update back ever since april 2005.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

Well, she sent out a group email with her temporary phone number in it for people to get in touch; but she said she's not moving for "a few days". How long is a few days?

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:30 (twenty years ago)

xpost - That's only three months ago, Ken.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

reply to the email. but don't 'reply to all'!! easily done, not easily undone. trust me.

― N_RQ, Friday, 29 July 2005 12:32 (twenty years ago)

unless you're replying to all deliberately to "bagsie" her, before anyone else makes a move.

i wouldn't call her on the first day she moves back, though, you want to play it cool, and also, she is likely to be stressed out from moving etc.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:23 (twenty years ago)

Well, yes. And jetlagged. But I don't know when that *is* exactly.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:36 (twenty years ago)

*exactly* exactly. you don't want to be exact. you should do it nonchalantly at least a week after the week you think she's likely to have moved.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:41 (twenty years ago)

So you decided on astrology as your religious path then?

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:48 (twenty years ago)

p.s. astrology would make for good topic on the first date.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:49 (twenty years ago)

I still don't believe my horoscope, even though it was right.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 13:51 (twenty years ago)

It's too early to be thinking in terms of a first date.

(x-post)

― Bob Six (bobbysix), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:01 (twenty years ago)

I agree. The main good thing here is the chance to restart an old *friendship*.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:02 (twenty years ago)

'an old friendship ~~that i spent mostly trying to advance out of~~'

― N_RQ, Friday, 29 July 2005 14:06 (twenty years ago)

oh of course.

but a couple of imaginary dates in the meantime never hurts. i have had some great imaginary dates with random girls on buses and on the way to work and stuff. the orange juice selling girl in camden with the accent is the best, my imaginary purchase of orange juice and one thing led to another and we ended up going to the woods to pick oranges together. we held hands and everything.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:07 (twenty years ago)

Nah, it was more the other way round - we became friends after I asked her out and she said no.

(xpost)

The problem with imaginary dates is that the more you imagine them the less they will come true.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:08 (twenty years ago)

i don't know why but in the imaginary date we never did anything filthy or anything, we both thought it was so nice that we could just spend the day under the sun to pick oranges and hold hands, and drink freshly made orange joooces (as she'd call them). at the end of the date she gave me a peck on the lips.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:10 (twenty years ago)

xpost i don't think that's true: i don't think imaginary dates affect the likelihood of actual dates. but it can seem that way sometimes because (for me anyway) often the imaginary datee are like highly unobtainable like pop stars and things.

aw, i still remember going to an imaginary theme park with dido. she thanked me for the best day of her life at the end

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:14 (twenty years ago)

for god's sake man!

― N_RQ, Friday, 29 July 2005 14:21 (twenty years ago)

I have *entirely* imaginary dates! With entirely imaginary characters! Like brooding 19th Century Sea Captains!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:24 (twenty years ago)

p.s. we went to karaoke on the second date.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:25 (twenty years ago)

We sailed to China on ours!

― Masonic Boom (kate), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:26 (twenty years ago)

wow!

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:27 (twenty years ago)

i hope she'll take me on tour one day soon.

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:28 (twenty years ago)

Is that a euphemism?

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:31 (twenty years ago)

if you like

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 29 July 2005 14:33 (twenty years ago)

two months pass...

update?

― Guy Incognito (Guy Incognito), Friday, 30 September 2005 00:28 (twenty years ago)

No news really. We've been texting.

― Forest Pines (ForestPines), Friday, 30 September 2005 05:46 (twenty years ago)

It's a start!

― C J (C J), Friday, 30 September 2005 08:52 (twenty years ago)

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