oral sex - search and destroy

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teabagging, deep throating, biting, tugging, etc etc, S&D! (this post is for men and women)

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:55 (twenty years ago) link

Oh no, I'm so sorry to have brought this up now. :-(

I'm not going to read this thread because it will only depress me further.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:56 (twenty years ago) link

sorry.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:57 (twenty years ago) link

"Cackle my gladys"

― JimD (JimD), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 10:58 (twenty years ago) link

"shove your balls up my nose"

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:00 (twenty years ago) link

"chow down on the furry burger"

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:02 (twenty years ago) link

i dont think anything can beat the sensation of deepthroating for a man. i mean, seriously, i think its untoppable.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:04 (twenty years ago) link

im trying to think what the equivalent of deepthroating for a woman is, but im not sure. i guess it would be when you ply your tongue as far as it can go.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:05 (twenty years ago) link

And then men wonder why I hate receiveing oral sex.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:07 (twenty years ago) link

hmmmmm, well i dont mean ramming it down there or being hard and forceful or anything. my GF seems to like being gently french kissed down there (which is what i meant).

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:09 (twenty years ago) link

is this about the terms or the acts?

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:10 (twenty years ago) link

will someone please explain teabagging for hanna?

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:32 (twenty years ago) link

Fine...

When a guy squats down over his partners mouth and drops his beanbag into partners mouth like dipping a teabag.

Theres also Arabian Goggles.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:35 (twenty years ago) link

once your educated on the art of teabagging we'll move on to lesson two "Arabian Knights: Arabian Goggles".

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:40 (twenty years ago) link

Destroy - teeth on the glans.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:41 (twenty years ago) link

I mean someone else's teeth, obv.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:41 (twenty years ago) link

Hahahahahahahaha! I don't think I'd be able to engage in 'teabagging' without laughing myself senseless! Thanks for explaining!

― Hanna (Hanna), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:42 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.batworld.org/worldbatline/images/dw.side%20teeth.rs.jpg

― Jimmybommy JimmyK'KANG (Nick Southall), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:43 (twenty years ago) link

WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT THING!

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:43 (twenty years ago) link

ok so to tea bag someone, are you the person with the dangling balls, or are you the peron wih the open mouth, in other words who is the tea bagger and who the bagee? I always thought the one lowering their balls was the teabagger, but friends have it the other way round, who is right?

― lukey (Lukey G), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:53 (twenty years ago) link

i thought teabagging was when the girl filled her mouth with hot water and the guy lowered his balls into her mouth.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:54 (twenty years ago) link

thats delving too deep. just drop and enjoy.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:55 (twenty years ago) link

yeah i forgot the hot water part.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:55 (twenty years ago) link

so what are the dos and dont of going down on women?

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 11:59 (twenty years ago) link

The thing is, when I'm making a cup of tea, I don't dip the bag in and out. I just pour the water on it, leave it for a few seconds, and then squish it against the side of the cup using the back of a teaspoon.

Ouch.

xpost

― JimD (JimD), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:00 (twenty years ago) link

Sometimes I put two in at the same time if I fancy it a bit stronger.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:02 (twenty years ago) link

Two is difficult because they often overspill, and it's hard to manage, but it makes for better tea, I find.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:05 (twenty years ago) link

Sometimes I put two in at the same time if I fancy it a bit stronger.

Yes but how do you like your tea?

― Mr Obvious (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:06 (twenty years ago) link

Exactly

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:07 (twenty years ago) link

scarfin on the beef curtains!
eatin man chowder!
blastin man shampoo!
"Watch out, my testicular tea is about to fly!"

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 12:07 (twenty years ago) link

call me ThRED KILLA

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:41 (twenty years ago) link

so what are the dos and dont of going down on women?

Do.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:44 (twenty years ago) link

i never would have thought it, being completely against facial hair, but the soul patch can be a really good tool when going down on girls...

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:47 (twenty years ago) link

God, no, don't.

I know that this will lead to the endless accusations of mentalism, but although I don't mind and even actually enjoy giving, I do NOT like receiving.

Lick my toes, oh yes. But put your mouth anywhere near my sensitive bits? I don't think so.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:47 (twenty years ago) link

i wasn't convinced either, till i met mr. soul patch...

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:48 (twenty years ago) link

I didn't mind beard on my thighs, it was nice in a sort of sensitive tickling sort of way.

But I don't like cunilingus, I never have. That's something that I am really indifferent to disliking of, and have felt like I had to endure to make partners happy. And that's possibly the *worst* bit - when they act like they're doing this huge deal of a thing for you, even after you explain that you DON'T LIKE IT.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:50 (twenty years ago) link

I know quite a few women who don't like receiving. Whatever mows yer lawn.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:51 (twenty years ago) link

yeah, I've known one or two girlfriends who didn't like cunnilingus, too. Which, unfortunately, is probably what most guys (not all, and not THIS GUY) want.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:53 (twenty years ago) link

okay that's not really fair of me, but hey.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:54 (twenty years ago) link

I don't think that's true, hstencil.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:55 (twenty years ago) link

yeah probably not.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:56 (twenty years ago) link

No, it's not true at all. Most if not all guys I've been with have this weird macho "look how little of a problem I have with licking pussy!" attitude when deep down, almost all guys suck the cat.

(OK, this is when the non-cunilingus guys on ILX come out of the closet, so I know who I can date and be happy...)

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:57 (twenty years ago) link

Is it possible that those who don't like receiving oral sex simply haven't found anyone who is any good at it yet? It seems so good to me that it's hard to imagine that it can't be good for everyone else too.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:58 (twenty years ago) link

whoa, if dudes say "look how little of a problem I have with licking pussy!" then they probably don't like it. I honestly like it, but if a girl doesn't want me to, that's fine too.

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:59 (twenty years ago) link

i hate doing it. i have to date a girl a good long while before she gets so much as a lick.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 13:59 (twenty years ago) link

i think most guys like doing it tho. most my mates think i'm crazy.

― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:00 (twenty years ago) link

omg if I had a gf who didn't like cunnilingus I'd die :(

(sorry Kate, I unconditionally and unequivocally love it, no messin')

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:01 (twenty years ago) link

if you unconditionally and unequivocally love it, that's a lot of messin'!

(sorry)

― hstencil (hstencil), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:02 (twenty years ago) link

No, it's not a question of "not finding someone who is good at it".

That's what EVERY guy always claims, and sorry, but the answer is still the same.

I just have some kind of deep-seated, possibly psychological DISLIKE of it. It makes it impossible for me to relax. When I've been with a guy a really long time, and it obviously means a lot to him, I can learn to tolerate it and not freak out or be uncomfortable. But it's not something I'm ever going to learn to like, and I resent the implication (not you, obviously, Martin, but guys I've been with who have taken this tack) that some particular "technique" or something is suddenly going to change my mind.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:03 (twenty years ago) link

Kate is OTM, unless you figure out a way to get rid of the psychological aspect (which may or may not be possible, and even if you do it is not possible to get rid of it ALL the time) then no supa special technique* is going to do anything for you.

* I still kind of find this hysterical, I mean yeah there are BAD ways of doing it but still, what does this exactly mean?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:05 (twenty years ago) link

Is it possible that those who don't like receiving oral sex simply haven't found anyone who is any good at it yet?

that was the case with me, although i think it's probably legit if someone really, actually doesn't like it.

i should probably now avoid this thread, since i'm trying NOT to think about him anymore.

xpost-- probably not a coincidence that the psychological barrier fell for me with the first time i fell in love, think ally and kate are both right.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:07 (twenty years ago) link

The 'velvet swatch' technique vs. the 'bottle brush' technique?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:08 (twenty years ago) link

There's a lot of pressure to be rolling around in the throes of passion. It is a bit uncomfortable at times.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:09 (twenty years ago) link

my g/f right now doesn't sem comfortable with me doing it to her. i'm not sure if it's a reason similar to kate's or if it's because she knows i don't fancy it too much and am only doing it for her. she does, however, want me to suck on her feet which is just as gross and i really don't want to do.

several xpost

― dys0n (dyson), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:10 (twenty years ago) link

This thread and the phrase "supa special technique" have ruined martial arts movies forever.

MOVIE: "Witness my Flying Crane Technique!"
ME: *giggle* "CURSE YOU ILE!" *giggle*

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:12 (twenty years ago) link

I dunno, maybe it's a trust issue. In fact, I *know* it's a trust issue. The weird thing is, I think perhaps one of the reasons I was able to relax and not freak out when Joe tried to do it, was because he would actually let me Teabag him. I know that sound backwards, but ... it was more like the idea of... if he was willing to let me take THE MOST SENSITIVE part of his body into my mouth, and trust my teeth near his crown jewels, then maybe he did physically trust me utterly and implicitly. And I could learn to show him a little bit of the same trust.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:12 (twenty years ago) link

Having your toes sucked is by far one of the weirdest sensations ever.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:12 (twenty years ago) link

also suck the cat is going to be the best thing i read all day i can already tell.

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:13 (twenty years ago) link

Having your toes sucked (or even better, your instep) is the most erotic sensation that there is. I will actually get close to orgasm from toe-sucking in a way that I never come close from cunilingus.

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:13 (twenty years ago) link

A friend of mine hates licking girl crotch. He described it as like "lapping at a bowl of gravy." Buh :(

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:14 (twenty years ago) link

I have to say that it takes me a while to get comfortable with someone before I can put my guard down and enjoy. Funny, people assume that all dykes have a green light between their legs when it comes to oral sex.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:14 (twenty years ago) link

your instep¿

― dysøn (dyson), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:15 (twenty years ago) link

I love cunnilingus, but would have to screw up some courage for toe-sucking. My gf is more fastidious than I am anyway, so our toes generally remain unsucked (I do have a habit of popping her toe-joints, though).

― Jordan (Jordan), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:18 (twenty years ago) link

Dys0n, guys like you are the reason SO MANY girls are uncomfortable receiving. I don't mean to point you out and use you as an example, but I've heard countless girls say, "If he thinks it's gross, how am I supposed to get off on it?" Girls are self-conscious enough as it is when it comes to their bodies, let alone the most vulnerable part of their bodies. Course, I also know plenty of girls who don't give a fuck whether or not you want to do it, you just better do it.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:18 (twenty years ago) link

"lapping at a bowl of gravy" = DEAR GOD WHO IS THIS BOY GOING OUT WITH???????

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:19 (twenty years ago) link

Perhaps he got confused and took a lick of the chocotaco by mistake?

― Ricardo (RickyT), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:22 (twenty years ago) link

Funnily enough, he was going out with one of my best friends when he said that. I wonder if she has the strange 'gravy crotch' disease.

― Homosexual II (Homosexual II), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:22 (twenty years ago) link

i prefer the handjob to a beej.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:24 (twenty years ago) link

Really? Why?

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:24 (twenty years ago) link

Never been a big fan of the beej. Honestly I don't know why. And I've had some good ones, but i prefer a good stiff grip. I suppose it reminds me of when I do it myself.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:25 (twenty years ago) link

i really, really don't want anyone putting my foot in their mouth. ick.

― colette (a2lette), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:26 (twenty years ago) link

i do like giving it a lot. and the whole thing is super-hott when the woman is responding in some way - even if it's a suggestion about how to do it better. i won't get offended - how else will i learn? every woman is different - i don't think there's a universal technique (duh). i mean, if it makes my partner really get off then bring on the suggestions, i say! my only complaint is that extended sessions can give me a kind of tongue-cramp. although this makes for some funny pillow-talk afterwards! there's a hallmark moment for you.

i'm sometimes kinda awkward about receiving, which is odd for a guy i think. i have to be comfortable with the person, but once i am - yes it's lovely. although i'll take more gentle licking and sucking around the head of the penis over deep-throating any day, thanks. i say limit the full-shaft work - it makes it more of special treat.

and shall i be the first one here to state their love of the 69? ohhhhh baby.

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:27 (twenty years ago) link

It IS very erotic though if someone does it and enjoys it. Toe-sucking that is.

Armpits?

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:28 (twenty years ago) link

Now I really feel like a superfreak for being the only person on ILX with a foot thing. I like sucking my partner's toes, too! Provided that they are clean, but a good brisk wash usually does the trick. It's like a footrub (K-rowr!) but even... SEXXXXXXXIER.

x-post... PHEW!

― Super-Masonic Black Hole (kate), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:29 (twenty years ago) link

i hate giving oral as well but the wife loves it so i sacrifice. my friends are like cunnilingus connoisseurs...can't get enough of it.

― Velveteen Bingo (Chris V), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:30 (twenty years ago) link

im not against the toe thing at all. just like oral, its not a universally enjoyed practice.

― brock (brock), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:31 (twenty years ago) link

Rimjob?

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:57 (twenty years ago) link

Moby?

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 14:58 (twenty years ago) link

MCCLOUD!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:00 (twenty years ago) link

It's funny, what colette said about the soul patch thing, one particular lady hated it and insisted I kept shaved down to smoov-like-baby's-butt-ness. Another didn't mind it at all, and this was where I learned the true implications of the phrase "flavor saver" as pertaining to soul patches and the cunnying.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:06 (twenty years ago) link

That old Pulp Fiction question - are foot rubs sexy or just "nice"?

I'm surprised no-one's mentioned the joy of ears yet.

― quizzical, Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:10 (twenty years ago) link

Ha, I'm glad Kate didn't interpret what I was saying as "Give me a try sometime, baby..." as that wasn't what I meant. It's just that so many women complain that so many men are lousy at it that it seemed a question worth asking. My ex-wife's sister didn't like it either, apparently - she thought it was disgusting, and wouldn't give oral either for the same reasons. I've always really liked it, and not just in a 69, great as that is.

As for facial hair, my wife preferred me clean shaven, but the only thing she objected to was stubble, which is understandable.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:17 (twenty years ago) link

boredom is my main issue. if someone's not good at it, then it's just kind of dull and getting someone to stop is usually kind of difficult as a lot of people use enthusiasm to cover up lack of skill. in a quest to become super orgasm man, people become completely oblivious to everything - including the fact that you're desperately trying to drag them up by the shoulders.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:31 (twenty years ago) link

i guess lauren's situation is what i fear the most - that's why i really want to be told (or guided to) what is (or isn't) working. i never expect to be 'super orgasm man' - i just like the idea of my lady getting off and if we 'get it' right straight away then great, otherwise there's nothing wrong with a little learning curve...

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:41 (twenty years ago) link

wow - bad syntax there. but you get the idea (i think)

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:42 (twenty years ago) link

A girl's gotta take charge and give orders if things aren't going her way. That is, if she wants to bother.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:44 (twenty years ago) link

Exactly!

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:45 (twenty years ago) link

um, is deep throating something a lot of normal women can actually do? is it something you can learn?

― nonono, Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:46 (twenty years ago) link

OK, this is when the non-cunilingus guys on ILX come out of the closet

me, me. i dont eat pussy.

― phil-two (phil-two), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:50 (twenty years ago) link

Also, I hope not every girl who does like it expects an orgasm every time...

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 15:51 (twenty years ago) link

i didnt used to like licking the kitten but i came around to quite liking it. most of my enjoyment probably stems from the fact my gf loves it when i do it to her.

but i tend to do it sparingly (well less than she goes down on me anyway), if only to make it seem like a treat or a special ocasion orsomething. (hope this doesnt sound self-aggrandising)

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:29 (twenty years ago) link

as far as giving, I'd like to add that there's no definite rule, I mean, the idea of it is a super turn-on as is the action, usually, but what nobody seems to mention is that different people are shaped different, taste different, smell different etc, and sometimes I'm really into it and sometimes it's less fun, but I do it anyway, if so desired(by the partner.)

as far as receiving, considering the few girls I've um, received, I'm still trying to figure out what they do differently, and why sometimes it's the most insanely best thing ever and other times totally boring. And I admit to being a hypocrite in that while I expect girls to give me direction, I'm totally at a loss for words, I just get shy.

― Dan Selzer (Dan Selzer), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:29 (twenty years ago) link

never be shy with directions, go all out and tell em what you need.

― dickvandyke (dickvandyke), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:39 (twenty years ago) link

Dan's first graph OTM

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:42 (twenty years ago) link

I like giving it, and I like getting it, too. There was a time when I first started exploring teh sexxxing that I was uncomfortable with the idea of getting it - 'ew, you want to do WHAT?', but when convinced to relax and try it, I got over that really quickly.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 16:48 (twenty years ago) link

OK, this is when the non-cunilingus guys on ILX come out of the closet
me, me. i dont eat pussy.
-- phil-two (philtw...), September 1st, 2004.

best post evah!

― JaXoN (JasonD), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 17:09 (twenty years ago) link

Love to give, love to recieve. There have only been two exceptions.

One was an ex who just could not give head without getting really toothy. Thanks, but no thanks. The other was an ex who turned out to be, well, not-so-fresh after repeated requests to allow me to go down on her.

― Tantrum The Cat (Tantrum The Cat), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 17:42 (twenty years ago) link

if you get the stop sign - it's usually best to obey¡

― dysøn (dyson), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 18:01 (twenty years ago) link

Cleanliness is next to godliness.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 18:14 (twenty years ago) link

search-oral sex

destroy-other things, like college, tv etc.

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 18:20 (twenty years ago) link

Thank you for that insight into the world of Ronan.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 19:05 (twenty years ago) link

the pleasure is all yours

― Ronan (Ronan), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 19:06 (twenty years ago) link

I have always been so troubled by the simple notion that fellatio and cunnilingus are "performed."

― Softly Weeping at the Oki Dog (Ben Boyer), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:47 (twenty years ago) link

Hmm. So busting out the tap shoes and the accordian is overkill?

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:48 (twenty years ago) link

Think of it like free jazz.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:49 (twenty years ago) link

Actually, please don't.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:49 (twenty years ago) link

Free jazz? Free j- No, I'm not making that joke.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:50 (twenty years ago) link

I would love it if a girl shouted "Bravo!"

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:50 (twenty years ago) link

Or sold me an ice cream at the interval.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:51 (twenty years ago) link

I have an image now of someone standing on a corner with a sign, much like people do when they're trying to give away kittens, only instead of 'Free Kittens' it says 'Free Jizz.'

I either need stronger drugs, or the ones I'm taking currently are kicking my ass.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:52 (twenty years ago) link

I do oral mainly for myself, and if my girlfriend likes it, that's a bonus.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:56 (twenty years ago) link

To be serious for a moment about Softly Weeping at the Oki Dog's point* I do think that the language of (especially male) 'performance' in bed is a bit of a noxious one, and probably counter-productive as far as making both partners enjoy their time in bed goes. But I've probably said this elsewhere on ILE before.

* I hate the internet for making me write this sentence.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:57 (twenty years ago) link

the music mole must be very flexible.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:58 (twenty years ago) link

(x-post) You're pretty supple then, Col?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:58 (twenty years ago) link

If I could do it for myself, I'd never leave the house.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 20:59 (twenty years ago) link

hang on, not fair - i made that joke before Dan's came up!!

(I used to be able to do that, when I was very young and my bones hadn't all fused together like and arthtic spine)

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:00 (twenty years ago) link

(haha always check again for the xposts!)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:00 (twenty years ago) link

Why do people not just scrap their posts if they find that someone else has got their first saying the same thing? This always puzzles me.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:01 (twenty years ago) link

You practically had to form a line to make that joke.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:01 (twenty years ago) link

Dan has nailed it, I think - Mark saw Alba's response on the automatic check for xposts, but failed to check the check-again box.

― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:04 (twenty years ago) link

ah, sorry Mark.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:04 (twenty years ago) link

No worries Nick, but yeah, Dan/Martin is right.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:05 (twenty years ago) link

(Although, he didn't need to type 'x-post' if that was the case - he addressed 'col' in his post. People seem to be obsessed with typing 'x-post')

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:06 (twenty years ago) link

Heavens, Nick, do you get even more pedantic after 10? The x-post bit was to make it clear I wasn't referring to the immediately preceding post (i.e yours).

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:09 (twenty years ago) link

But that was obvious.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:09 (twenty years ago) link

(xpost) I don't know what you're talking about, Alba. (xpost)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:11 (twenty years ago) link

Well, that's great shame.

Anyway, blowjobs.

― Alba (Alba), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:12 (twenty years ago) link

(xpost)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:12 (twenty years ago) link

it's all you you you, isn't it?

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:12 (twenty years ago) link

THAT WAS TO ~~NUMBER 3~~ NICK

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:13 (twenty years ago) link

um, is deep throating something a lot of normal women can actually do? is it something you can learn?

No (not in my experience anyway). I don't think anyone can "unlearn" a gag reflex.

― Barry Bruner (Barry Bruner), Wednesday, 1 September 2004 21:24 (twenty years ago) link

I kind of hate the overusage of the word "xpost" around here as well, I'm with Nick. Though it annoys me a lot more when someone comes and replies to a post like 70 posts ago and prefaces it with "xpost", like they don't quite understand what the word even means.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 14:24 (twenty years ago) link

(xpost) How many girls do you know with traffic signs in their crotches, Dyson?

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 14:25 (twenty years ago) link

what does xpost mean?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 14:31 (twenty years ago) link

it means someone tried to post p0rn but the moderator blocked it and replaced it with the word 'xpost'

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 2 September 2004 14:33 (twenty years ago) link

in that case i'm kinda annoyed too.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 14:35 (twenty years ago) link

(sexpost)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 14:35 (twenty years ago) link

sexxxpost, surely.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:00 (twenty years ago) link

(sexxxpots)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:01 (twenty years ago) link

The sexxxpots of Egypt.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:02 (twenty years ago) link

sexodus

― dysøn (dyson), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:03 (twenty years ago) link

Stevem and the Pharaohs 2: Sexotica/ As Sphinxer Says "What?".

― R.I.M.A. (Barima), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:15 (twenty years ago) link

No (not in my experience anyway). I don't think anyone can "unlearn" a gag reflex.

you can mostly overcome it, especially if it's weak to begin with.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:40 (twenty years ago) link

SEX CAULDRON!?

― Rob Bolton (Rob Bolton), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:45 (twenty years ago) link

you can mostly overcome it, especially if it's weak to begin with.

This is my general approach to women.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:46 (twenty years ago) link

*resisting urge to creep on people*

― gainfully employed (ex machina), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:46 (twenty years ago) link

lauren otmfbjm

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:46 (twenty years ago) link

Oh, who am I trying to kid?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:47 (twenty years ago) link

Women?

― Ally C (Ally C), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:48 (twenty years ago) link

(anniepots)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:50 (twenty years ago) link

hmmm... *contemplates lauren's comment*
*makes plans with g/f for tonight*

― dysøn (dyson), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:50 (twenty years ago) link

Thanks to the esteemed Mr. Perry, I now have a mental image of annie potts deep throating someone, and I shall immediately delete my brain.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:52 (twenty years ago) link

excercise caution with bulimics, though. at this point my best friend can barely put anything in her mouth without heaving.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:52 (twenty years ago) link

Back to topic: I wouldn't know WHAT to do!

― Ally C (Ally C), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:52 (twenty years ago) link

http://badgas.co.uk/lynndie/ram_berkeley.jpg

― gainfully employed (ex machina), Thursday, 2 September 2004 15:53 (twenty years ago) link

I have no gag reflex whatsoever. I should have put it to use in the the p0rn industry or something, I could have been rich.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Thursday, 2 September 2004 16:00 (twenty years ago) link

does this thread swallow?

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 2 September 2004 16:00 (twenty years ago) link

If you'd moved into politics instead of pron you'd have died on a pretzel.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 2 September 2004 16:02 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.geocities.com/mizuno_amichan/sugarbooby.jpg

― gainfully employed (ex machina), Thursday, 2 September 2004 16:03 (twenty years ago) link

I don't mind licking the pan myself, but I'm not so keep on being the man microphone to my girl. Most girls I know get little toothy and even if they didn't, I can't say it twists my melon overmuch.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:39 (twenty years ago) link

do you say "sorry there, like most girls you're a little too toothy"

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:42 (twenty years ago) link

No I'm really tactful and pretend it's great. But that Easy-E song about not biting it comes into my head every time.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:45 (twenty years ago) link

I pretty much agree with you, and also actually it's funny or awful when actual physical pain is confused with squeamishness.

― Ronan (Ronan), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:47 (twenty years ago) link

How does one keep from getting toothy? Perhaps we should all wear teeth guards, like boxers.

― Towelette Pettatucci (Homosexual II), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:48 (twenty years ago) link

You could retract your teeth?

Squeamishness is no good, but if it's squealishness, that's better. Bringing about squealishness in your partner is a worthy goal, I feel.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:51 (twenty years ago) link

Or take the teeth out like a gummy granny? Er, maybe not.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:53 (twenty years ago) link

No I'm really tactful and pretend it's great. But that Easy-E song about not biting it comes into my head every time.
-- the music mole (colinsbarrowREMOV...), September 2nd, 2004 9:45 PM. (later)

"comes into my head" was a really poor choice of phrase to use here.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:54 (twenty years ago) link

hahaha

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Thursday, 2 September 2004 20:57 (twenty years ago) link

The Ok Cupid "are you good at fellatio?" test said I'm rubbish, but that was not fair because it kept going on about "the stepchildren" and I didn't work out it meant testicles until it was too late! It's a stupid test anyway, and now it's marring my profile.

See for yourselves:
http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=11795167903942093625

― Cathy (Cathy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:11 (twenty years ago) link

Ha - I had noticed that before, Cathy.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:13 (twenty years ago) link

: ((( This must be the reason I'm still unwooed.

― Cathy (Cathy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:16 (twenty years ago) link

I weep for our generation's wooing.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:20 (twenty years ago) link

woo woe

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:23 (twenty years ago) link

"the stepchildren"

wtf.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:24 (twenty years ago) link

beat you like a redheaded stepchild.

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:25 (twenty years ago) link

Prevent toothiness: figure out how to sheild teeth with tongue and lips. This doesn't ALWAYS work, especially if you have enormous John Elway teeth a la me. But it usually works.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 21:59 (twenty years ago) link

this thread is kinda hot

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:02 (twenty years ago) link

< / invoking the creepy>

― CeCe Peniston (Anthony Miccio), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:03 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.asahi-net.or.jp/~md5s-kzo/killercon.jpg

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:03 (twenty years ago) link

That OK Cupid test IS confusing, when they ask if you "know how to play the harmonica" do they mean a real one or do they mean the sexy terminology???

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:05 (twenty years ago) link

If you can't play a real harmonica, you're not likely to be any good at the other sort.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:06 (twenty years ago) link

The harmonica? I still don't get it. I hate Ok Cupid.

― Cathy (Cathy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:07 (twenty years ago) link

It just reminds me of the Slut Test wherein if you liked hockey or had attended a game, you gained innumerable "slut points" for it. What does it even mean?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:09 (twenty years ago) link

They're just a bunch of sniggering Harvard nerds. Don't pay their silly tests any mind.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:11 (twenty years ago) link

The Ivy League seriously lacks in sluts.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:12 (twenty years ago) link

Lisa Loeb went to Brown, she's a total ho.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:13 (twenty years ago) link

Pssh Brown doesn't even count.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:13 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.mars.sphere.ne.jp/kusu/0204/photo/lisa-h.jpg

Hogwash, silly Ally!

― You Say (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:14 (twenty years ago) link

I am not that annoyed anymore, but you know, you can't just go making up slang terms that don't make sense and then telling people they give bad head. Seriously, what does "play the harmonica" mean? I can't think of anything it could mean.

― Cathy (Cathy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:15 (twenty years ago) link

Think of what you'd do while playing a harmonica and then replace the harmonica with a dick.

I have actually never heard of anyone enjoying this THAT much, one time me and a friend were drunk and talking about blow jobs for some reason and he actually asked me about it, "You know that thing where a girl puts her mouth on the side and goes up and down? WTF is that? Why don't you women just PUT IT IN YOUR MOUTHS?" He was pretty agitated actually. I think it might've been the whiskey.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:17 (twenty years ago) link

People are disgusting, Cathy. I have a photo of Gordon Brown stuck to my monitor at work and apparently the other day someone came by and said to a colleague that they thought I had it up there because it looked like he was giving a blow job.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:19 (twenty years ago) link

Think of what you'd do while playing a harmonica and then replace the harmonica with a dick

best sentence ever.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:19 (twenty years ago) link

I've been waiting for years to f igure out how to work that into a conversation!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:20 (twenty years ago) link

i wish you mean you have a photo of Gordon Brown stuck to your monitor at work.

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:22 (twenty years ago) link

I challenge you to use it tomorrow, Ally, and not on Tom or one of your friends.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:23 (twenty years ago) link

Does my mom count as a friend?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:23 (twenty years ago) link

That's not meant to imply you go around sucking your friends' dicks.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:23 (twenty years ago) link

x-post, sorry. Yes, she does.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:24 (twenty years ago) link

Sorry, I don't mean your mom does either.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:25 (twenty years ago) link

shouldn't you be in bed?

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:25 (twenty years ago) link

Saucy!

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:26 (twenty years ago) link

OK I have a really off topic story that involves the phrase "J03y, will you do your mother a favor and go blow your father" but I am afraid it will ruin everything.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:26 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.waycool2.com/drawings/harmonica.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:26 (twenty years ago) link

Hahahahahahaha @ Alba.

Thanks for that Ally, I would never have got it without the explanation, because I was thinking more about the blowing than the movement and I think I was sort of thinking of a kazoo anyway.

I should be in bed, but I won't go without hearing Ally's story.

― Cathy (Cathy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:27 (twenty years ago) link

HOW ON EARTH COULD THAT STORY RUIN ANYTHING???

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:27 (twenty years ago) link

pocket pal? come on.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:28 (twenty years ago) link

Never approach a penis as you would a kazoo.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:28 (twenty years ago) link

Alba's linguistic xpost nightmare is killing me.

(xpost I WAS THINKING THAT but figured it would be too obvious for me to post it.)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:30 (twenty years ago) link

OK. My mom's uncle had a problem a bit back. I'm not really sure what it entailed other than bleeding in the "special area" and he had to have surgery, which required stitches. So you can't dry off that area normally anymore cos it could tear the stitches, you have to air dry or blow it dry. Being a pervy old man he refuses to do this himself and makes Aunt Fr@n do it. Now my cousin J03y doesn't actually really know any of this, and he's sitting at the computer one night typing an email and hears from the bathroom my aunt screaming at my uncle, "I THINK IT'S TIME FOR YOU TO LEARN TO BLOW YOUR OWN BALLS" and then storming out. He's like pissing himself laughing. My uncle meanwhile is still bitching so she comes out and goes, "I am so tired. J03y, can you do your mother a favor and go blow your father?"

He pretty much almost pissed himself on the spot, and died, before yelling "WHAT?????" and getting an explanation.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:31 (twenty years ago) link

Now I'm going to bed.

― Ally C (Ally C), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:31 (twenty years ago) link

it was better than some of the other harmonica pictures google came up with:

http://www.oldtownschool.org/Lessons/gifjar/harmonica.jpg http://www.harmonicastyle.com/photos/harmonica.jpg http://www.dadsbigplan.com/cookieface/harmonica.gif

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:31 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, see, what that rabbit is doing, except with a dick.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:32 (twenty years ago) link

What man could say no to a blow-job from a rabbit?

― Ally C (Ally C), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:33 (twenty years ago) link

Do people make noises when they "play the harmonica"? Also are they nodding their heads and tapping their feet because they got the blues?

Also, Ally is my hero. AGAIN.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:33 (twenty years ago) link

yet so far the search has not revealed one picture of John Popper!

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:33 (twenty years ago) link

I'm not really sure what it entailed other than bleeding in the "special area" and he had to have surgery, which required stitches.

This is clearly a completely fictitious complaint.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago) link

Thanks, Dan.

― Ally C (Ally C), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.roganjosh.co.uk/content/images/harmonica.gif

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago) link

hey dan should I google "hummer?"

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:34 (twenty years ago) link

It isn't fictitious though I asked my mom how such a thing could happen and she said "Knowing him, too much wacking off" and that was really a traumatising thing to hear my mom say.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:35 (twenty years ago) link

I would totally say no to a blowjob from a rabbit, you sick fuckers.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:35 (twenty years ago) link

traumatizing as this???!!!!?

http://www.stan-the-man.com/IMAGES/STM-HARMONICA-PKG-400-PIX.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago) link

I like how some of these pictures make "playing the harmonica" look like "cram the penis into your mouth like it was made of precious candy".

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, too much teeth on a rabbit.

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago) link

I bet he removes his teeth before he does it.

um, not the rabbit. xpost

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago) link

okay now I'm just runing the thread, sorry.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:36 (twenty years ago) link

http://www-lehre.inf.uos.de/~eaktolga/Grafiken/rabbit_carrot.gif

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link

What kind of sound would it make if you deep-throated a harmonica?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link

Ah beautiful squelching ILX id, I love you.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.blackhummer.com/grafx/hummer/superflo_hummer.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:38 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.jhalpin.com/metuchen/metmem/hummer.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago) link

Hahaha Alba have you heard _Medulla_?

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago) link

Did Raggett just pop up to answer my question?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago) link

http://jbwebstudio.com/wirxgallery/pictures/hummer-4.jpg

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:39 (twenty years ago) link

Only if the sound of me saying that does it for you, Alba.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:40 (twenty years ago) link

those are the dirtiest "hummer" pics I can find.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:40 (twenty years ago) link

No, Dan, I haven't. So that doesn't help.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:41 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.ultimatekeychains.com/ProductImages/keychains/basicfun/makeup/158-1-kari-blowmeawaylipstick.gif

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:41 (twenty years ago) link

To be honest, little on this thread helps.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:42 (twenty years ago) link

There's a song on _Medulla_ has a sound that I described as "a Grimlin fucking Bjork in the ass" which might actually be the sound of a harmonica being deep-throated.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:43 (twenty years ago) link

we're supposed to help?

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:43 (twenty years ago) link

I thought ILE was a lifestyle guide.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:43 (twenty years ago) link

Here's some help, Alba.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:44 (twenty years ago) link

Here is some more

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:46 (twenty years ago) link

Keep in mind, when you are performing oral sex, you are doing this for him. Sending negative vibes about not wanting to or how much of a chore it is will take away from his experience. If you act enthusiastic, chances are it will be over faster, and it will be your turn to receive

What is this? Sex for Presbyterians?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:46 (twenty years ago) link

I can't get past the Abe Lincoln.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:47 (twenty years ago) link

xpost - um Dan the first one in your link was for ABE LINCOLN.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:47 (twenty years ago) link

how is one supposed to keep an eye on the testicles while giving head? that's like physically impossible.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:48 (twenty years ago) link

AFAIC As far as i'm concerned
AFAIK As far as I know
AFK Away from keyboard

?????!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:48 (twenty years ago) link

69?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:48 (twenty years ago) link

how is one supposed to keep an eye on the testicles while giving head? that's like physically impossible

It's not - ask Pete Baran.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:49 (twenty years ago) link

OH DAMN

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:49 (twenty years ago) link

Here's some more "help"

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:50 (twenty years ago) link

AXILIARY INTERCOURSE - SEXUAL CLIMAX ACHIEVED BY MOVING THE ERECT PENIS BACK AND FORTH IN THE ARMPIT

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:50 (twenty years ago) link

It's not - ask Pete Baran.

I can't believe you just posted that!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:50 (twenty years ago) link

the next time i'm a participant in this thread topic, it's going to be all i can do not to start hysterically laughing.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:51 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.edneedsahummer.com/ (work-safe, believe it or not)

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:51 (twenty years ago) link

Sorry Ned - was it your little secret?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:51 (twenty years ago) link

intense vaginal volume??????????

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:52 (twenty years ago) link

TURN IT UP, YO

― oops (Oops), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:52 (twenty years ago) link

I thought it was time to give readers a more in-depth look into the vagina

Charming.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:53 (twenty years ago) link

OK I'm obsessed with the sex101 site now--all of their articles recommend showering first! WTF? Also if you click on "sexual positions" there are NONE LISTED.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:53 (twenty years ago) link

Dan the first one in your link was for ABE LINCOLN

Just lie back and think of Gettysburg.

Sorry Ned - was it your little secret?

There is where I'm glad quite a few people here have met Pete and get the reference, at least.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:53 (twenty years ago) link

You see - I was right about the presbyterian thing, Ally.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:54 (twenty years ago) link

(There is? THIS is, etc.)

Also if you click on "sexual positions" there are NONE LISTED.

Hm, so sex IS all in the mind.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:54 (twenty years ago) link

If you feel sexual positions are being withheld from you, try http://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:55 (twenty years ago) link

(especially if you want to have sex with wooden dolls)

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:56 (twenty years ago) link

Hm, so sex IS all in the mind.

And the mouth. And apparently the armpit.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:56 (twenty years ago) link

Apparently Kama Sutra oral sex is no different from regular oral sex

(warning when I clicked on that link it featured an ad with a picture of a RABBIT fucking a CHICKEN, no shit.)

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:56 (twenty years ago) link

Dan, I fear your presidential campaign is in tatters.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:57 (twenty years ago) link

Do al of these sites use the same copy?

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:57 (twenty years ago) link

Dan, I fear your presidential campaign is in tatters.

Oh, you naive young man.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:58 (twenty years ago) link

ok this looks like a recipe for "irreparably damaged penis"

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:58 (twenty years ago) link

Apparently Kama Sutra oral sex is no different from regular oral sex

What, did you expect it to be more like playing the sitar?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:58 (twenty years ago) link

(Dude, my campaign is BULLETPROOF)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago) link

This one rates a 9.6 in the penis-bending-index.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago) link

(Ally, that's CRAZY!)

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 22:59 (twenty years ago) link

ok this looks like a recipe for "irreparably damaged penis"

I think there is a second man, under the grassy knoll.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:00 (twenty years ago) link

I can't even figure out what is going on here.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago) link

(Ally, that's CRAZY!)

Are you are 'can do' president, or some kind of pussy?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago) link

Hell, I've got a woody.

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:01 (twenty years ago) link

Wow - that one is like an M.S. Esher sex position - I keep having to recount the limbs.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:02 (twenty years ago) link

This one too

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago) link

Without putting the penis into her mouth, the woman kisses the sides of her lover's penis with her lips and gently brushes her teeth along it or nibbles on its sides

Is this called corn on the cobbing?

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago) link

Are you are 'can do' president, or some kind of pussy?

It's called the "Crazy Upside-Down Squat"! Ergo, it's CRAZY!

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago) link

OK then.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:03 (twenty years ago) link

This site is basically my campaign buttons sorted.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago) link

MC Escher, sorry. This is no time for sloppiness.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago) link

OK I'm never reading links again.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago) link

Dude, my campaign is BULLETPROOF

...is everybody happy?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago) link

That site even provides a poster, Dan:

http://lib1.store.vip.sc5.yahoo.com/lib/vibrators-dot-com/vibratorbanner.jpg

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago) link

ihttp://www.sexualpositionsfree.com/frogfasfrogs.html

― x j e r e m y (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago) link

my lord, you are all so juvenile and immature! i'm going to log off now and play with my alien action figures.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:05 (twenty years ago) link

this is all making me tired. weird twisty positions, extra people, toys.. past a certain point things stop being enhancements and become complications.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:06 (twenty years ago) link

WOW

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:06 (twenty years ago) link

OTMFM, lauren

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:06 (twenty years ago) link

As applied to men:

Buying a vibrator:

BRAVE

Buying a vibrator for all your girlfriends:

CREEPY

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:06 (twenty years ago) link

The woman could also throw in a tantrum grab from this position, but you probably don't know what that is (especially carlos).

Carlos?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:06 (twenty years ago) link

I mainly lke the name of this one

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:07 (twenty years ago) link

Hola amigos, soy pervertido!

― guapo carlos (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:08 (twenty years ago) link

24: Series 12

Jack Bauer is pitted against a group of terrorists intent on unearthing dubious internet contributions made several years ago by presidential candidate Senator Perry.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:09 (twenty years ago) link

I'm gonna try some of these tonight and see how long it takes before Tom punches me in the face.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:10 (twenty years ago) link

Los tacos de la muchachas son sabrosos!

― guapo carlos (x Jeremy), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:10 (twenty years ago) link

"unearthing"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:10 (twenty years ago) link

Um, ow?

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:11 (twenty years ago) link

I'm gonna try some of these tonight and see how long it takes before Tom punches me in the face.

Ooh - what's that one called?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:11 (twenty years ago) link

"Crouching tiger, punching girlfriend"

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:12 (twenty years ago) link

The ILX server will long ago have been wiped by Dan's Machievellian brother.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:12 (twenty years ago) link

The George Foreman Grill

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:12 (twenty years ago) link

Where does the dripping fat collect?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:13 (twenty years ago) link

The mouth.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:13 (twenty years ago) link

Some questions are better left unanswered.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:13 (twenty years ago) link

I don't know whether to hate sex or love it.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:14 (twenty years ago) link

i'm so sad that i have to go meet my friend in a few minutes and stop talking on the internet about blowjobs.

:(((((

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:14 (twenty years ago) link

xpost - hate it, yet still be drawn to it, and take it out on those you interact with.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:15 (twenty years ago) link

Take a laptop!

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:15 (twenty years ago) link

what's that a euphemism for?

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:15 (twenty years ago) link

xpost - thanks for the tip, lauren. That's the kind of advice I was looking for.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:16 (twenty years ago) link

what's what a euphemism for?

no sweat, n. remember - lauren has your back!

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:16 (twenty years ago) link

hahaha it was more about "Take a laptop!" than "I'm so sad that i have to go meet my friend in a few minutes," but either could work.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:17 (twenty years ago) link

would you like to meet my friend?

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:18 (twenty years ago) link

Lauren has my back?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:19 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.efc.dcccd.edu/EtCetera/EtCetera91703/scarface.jpg

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:19 (twenty years ago) link

TS: talking about blowjobs on the internet vs giving them IRL

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:20 (twenty years ago) link

Lauren is using sex as a weapon?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:20 (twenty years ago) link

As well she should!

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:21 (twenty years ago) link

"meet my friend?"

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:22 (twenty years ago) link

perhaps "say hello to my little friend" should be a euphemism.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:23 (twenty years ago) link

It already is, isn't it?

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:23 (twenty years ago) link

I thought it was!

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:24 (twenty years ago) link

I guess so!

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:24 (twenty years ago) link

it is now

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:24 (twenty years ago) link

Yeah, hstencil. You know all those times people said "say hello to my little friend" - did you not notice that they were always waving their genitals at you and there was no 'friend'.

― Alba (Alba), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:25 (twenty years ago) link

it's only a movie, alba.

― hstencil (hstencil), Thursday, 2 September 2004 23:26 (twenty years ago) link

Did I just read this right and there was some confusion over whether that phrase was a euphemism? Are we next going to ponder about whether "Why don't you come up and see me sometime?" has a subtext?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 September 2004 00:48 (twenty years ago) link

three months pass...

DOUBLE-HOORAY FOR THE SEARCH FUNCTION!!!!!

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 19:34 (twenty years ago) link

aw you guys started this thread on the day I got married! how thoughtful.

― teeny (teeny), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 19:56 (twenty years ago) link

This thread is a piece of art.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 19:57 (twenty years ago) link

aw you guys started this thread on the day I got married! how thoughtful.

*wonders what exactly the ceremony involved now*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 19:58 (twenty years ago) link

Rimjob?

-- R.I.M.A. (b4rim4_...), September 1st, 2004.

― contribute, Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:09 (twenty years ago) link

Yodelling in the Valley

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:12 (twenty years ago) link

ABE LINCOLN

WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP WORLD DO WE LIVE IN THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED ENOUGH TO WARRANT IT HAVING A NAME!?!?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:28 (twenty years ago) link

Since I can't click on any of the links, will some one please explain this Abe Lincoln thing? I assumed it meant that you pulled out and shot your load at the back of the lady's head, which sounds, umm, underwhelming to me.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:31 (twenty years ago) link

ABE LINCOLN - This is where you find a woman who has passed out and jerk off all over her face, then shave her pubic hair off and put it on her face in the shape of an abe lincoln beard

― I will never forgive MR DJP for the link which led me to this knowledge, ever (n, Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:33 (twenty years ago) link

That is punishable by chemical castration.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:35 (twenty years ago) link

Although I must also thank the man for the link, else these eyes might never have witnessed the glory of the phrase "Ejaculatory Inevitability".

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 20:37 (twenty years ago) link

B-b-but aren't people saying Lincoln was gay? Surely a sex act named in his honor would have to be for male-only couples.

― j.lu (j.lu), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 23:04 (twenty years ago) link

I'm sure you could cum-paste pubic hair on a guy just as well as you could on a gal.

― LSTD (answer) (sexyDancer), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 23:11 (twenty years ago) link

I bargain that nobody has ever actually done an abe lincoln. just ridiculous.

― Miss Misery (thatgirl), Wednesday, 22 December 2004 23:23 (twenty years ago) link

search: Loretta (the fact that she had this Eliza Dushku thing going didn't hurt!)

destroy: Kristen (gahhh! teeeeeth!)

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Thursday, 23 December 2004 01:02 (twenty years ago) link

receiving: i'm all for it, but i like to be freshly showered beforehand.

and yeah, ears, neck, toes... it's all fair game. :-)

― definitely not stockholm cindy, Thursday, 23 December 2004 01:28 (twenty years ago) link

B-b-but aren't people saying Lincoln was gay? Surely a sex act named in his honor would have to be for male-only couples.

-- j.lu (jlut...) (webmail), December 22nd, 2004 11:04 PM. (j.lu) (link)

or rather, something hetero couples could do but is suspiciously gay

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 23 December 2004 01:47 (twenty years ago) link

i really want to contribute more to this thread but my natural reserve prevents me

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 23 December 2004 01:49 (twenty years ago) link

UNLEASH THE BEAST, AMST

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 23 December 2004 01:52 (twenty years ago) link

In the meantime, during the Dan Perry presidency, I plan to set up pools to wager, during the President's State of the Union addresses, how many minutes before he includes the word "bootyflakes" in his speech.

― j.lu (j.lu), Thursday, 23 December 2004 01:54 (twenty years ago) link

UNLEASH THE BEAST, AMST

-- Ned Raggett (ne...) (webmail), December 23rd, 2004 1:52 AM. (Ned) (link)

you never relate any information about your sexual preferences or experiences or opinions! why would you suggest i do so?

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 23 December 2004 01:56 (twenty years ago) link

My virginity makes me frisky
My simplicity holds me back

― Carmina Amateura (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 December 2004 16:03 (twenty years ago) link

is that a paraphrase from carmina burana?

― Clueless Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Thursday, 23 December 2004 17:04 (twenty years ago) link

Yes; it's the English translation of one of the women's verses in "Tempus est iocundum":


Mea mecum ludit                     My virginity
virginitas,                         makes me frisky,
mea me detrudit                     my simplicity
simplicitas.                        holds me back.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 23 December 2004 17:15 (twenty years ago) link

I'm still scratching my head over Arabian Goggles...

― Rumpster Pumpster, Thursday, 23 December 2004 17:17 (twenty years ago) link

one year passes...

[spam]

― Stocks, Monday, 1 May 2006 02:28 (eighteen years ago) link

dammit why do i keep clicking these >:-x

― fandango (fandango), Monday, 1 May 2006 02:32 (eighteen years ago) link

one year passes...

This thread is kind of amazing, guys.

"TURN IT UP, YO" = one of the funniest posts ever

― HI DERE, Friday, 28 September 2007 13:53 (seventeen years ago) link

Any thread that kicks off with a couple of BJ references gets my vote.

― Just got offed, Friday, 28 September 2007 13:54 (seventeen years ago) link

This reminds me of a couple of weeks ago when I was drinking with some friends and they started talking about how "Sphinx-ster" was a gross word and I was like "IT'S SPHINCTER" and they were like "STOP SAYING SPHINXSTER ITS SO GROSS"

― Will M., Friday, 28 September 2007 14:20 (seventeen years ago) link

"SPHINXTER"

Does it ask people riddles?

― HI DERE, Friday, 28 September 2007 14:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Is it the new Friendster?

― xero, Friday, 28 September 2007 14:58 (seventeen years ago) link

one year passes...

I am amazed that so many of the links on this thread still work

― her performance (ie, her pubes) stood out for me (HI DERE), Thursday, 9 July 2009 13:47 (fifteen years ago) link

oral sex - search and destroy [Started by dickvandyke (dickvandyke) in September 2004, last updated 8 minutes ago by her performance (ie, her pubes) stood out for me (HI DERE)

i'm only here to post this.

― 51 logins to SB Jol (darraghmac), Thursday, 9 July 2009 13:56 (fifteen years ago) link

Ned's catch phrases for the two poles of cunnilingus are something special.

― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 9 July 2009 13:59 (fifteen years ago) link

tmi but this year i had the first shit blowjob I've ever had. Mmmm toothy.

― The Sorrows of Young Jeezy (jim), Thursday, 9 July 2009 14:20 (fifteen years ago) link

"shit blowjob" brings up evil images, don't do that.

― Beanbag the Gardener (WmC), Thursday, 9 July 2009 14:27 (fifteen years ago) link

tmi but this year i had the first shit blowjob I've ever had

jeez, that was a good run you had. it's rare to evade these in the first few years of fumbling (be that yr teens, early twenties, whatever)

― 51 logins to SB Jol (darraghmac), Thursday, 9 July 2009 14:41 (fifteen years ago) link

The Space Monkey is exhibit A for advancing the democratization of space travel

― I hurt your arm and now I want to dress your arm, please (dyao), Thursday, 9 July 2009 15:03 (fifteen years ago) link

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