Next on the agenda: I expect they'll be having dirty anal sex on my white couch.

Message Bookmarked

Bookmark Removed

As an undergraduate I went to school with this kid named G14n; was friendly but not friends with him. He was a nice-enough guy, big partyer, but did a whole bunch of pretty hard drugs and burned himself out. Not the best conversationalist, not the most mature person I've known, not generally somebody I desperately desired to see again. At any rate, I last saw him as an undergraduate.

In the intervening years I've moved cross-country and now live with J4y, another undergraduate aquaintance. J4y doesn't have a job, real prospects of getting one, and drinks most of the day. His parents are wealthy, so he's basically a live-in bum. I've got little truck with him, as he's great with the bills and decently clean.

This afternoon I returned from a marathon editing session; and here's what I saw when I stepped in the door:

two empty bottles of wine
pair of unrecognized shoes
two plates of half-eaten food
CD player blaring
cigarette lighter with a smouldering roach in it
lit incense.
unlocked door
open window
no roommate.

Twenty mintutes later J4y arrived with G14n in tow, stoned and drunk. This would not bother me in the least, were it not for the following piece of information blurted by an unsober J4y: G14n will be living in my goddamn apartment for 'a while.' I would like to use this thread to post my immediate reaction: THIS IS NOT SOMETHING YOU FUCKING DO WITHOUT INFORMING YOUR ROOMMATE. I now live with a bum and a burnout. I don't dislike either of them, but -- and I intend this non-sacreligiously -- Holy Jesus Bluddy Fukkin Christ! I work extremely long hours, live very tidily, and really value the few quiet minutes I can spend in the apartartment. And those are no longer. This is all.

Crap, crap, crap, crap.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:04 (twenty-one years ago)

This is why roomates are always a bad idea.

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:09 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah this just supports my decision to live alone. poor you jeremy!

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:11 (twenty-one years ago)

oh god this sucks so bad

i wish i had some advice

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:12 (twenty-one years ago)

i had a similar situation once; i was asked, but not really given much choice. she didn't pay rent and stayed for a month. she put her toenail clippings into little plastic bags and saved them. somehow i survived.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you tell J4y he has to move out or anything? Or are you both on the lease/need him for his rent and bills? Cos like that really sucks, and if this other guy isnt going to contribute financially I'd just tell him to sod off.

Ive lost close friends over shared living situs tho because I have no qualms about bailing someone up over bills and cleaning and things so I might not be the best advice, heh.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Err, both on the lease... I don't want to start an argument yet - I figure if G14n stays for a day or two it's...okay. But if he's around by the end of the week, it's time for something drastic. Like harakiri.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:24 (twenty-one years ago)

The best solution is to say "okay cool, just have him chip in with the rent so we split it three ways". If he says "no can do", tell him the fuker's gotta go.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:25 (twenty-one years ago)

follow my lead soon, friend! I'm leaving my apartment in five days, I can't wait!

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:25 (twenty-one years ago)

not to jinx you or anything jeremy but in my experience "a while" means weeks or months in the vocab of bum-type persons. although maybe that's only the people i know

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

No... this 'bum-type' is the kind who comes in, uses MY SOAP, MY SHAMPOO and MY TOWEL after having immediately arrived.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I am so peeved that I've left grammar behind!

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:29 (twenty-one years ago)

At least he bathes. It could be worse.

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:31 (twenty-one years ago)

he never said what he used them for. the soap and shampoo could be lube and the towel could be a 'receptacle'

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Good fuckin' god, man. I regret not being on AIM so you could vent, even if via keyboard. This sounds awful. I can only echo what's been said above about living alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:34 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! Those exclamation points were not intentional, the emobot took over my computer like the devil it is.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

it's okay, reading the !!!!!!! is/are cathartic.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:35 (twenty-one years ago)

mmm Head & Shoulders lube - "It tingles!"

― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, this further settles in my mind that we must get you out for a drink on Sunday.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:39 (twenty-one years ago)

...yes... dear god...

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Well, check yer e-mail etc, more later.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:42 (twenty-one years ago)

(and milo... that's terrifying...)

also: look at the snafu by the base of the toilet: the hair would be bad enough on its own, but ... dear mother of pearl necklaces ... what is that brown crap http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v208/jcoombs/hair.jpg ?

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, tell him that after a week he owes rent because your roomie didn't clear this with you.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahah wow man, you would HATE visitng my house if you think that is dirty :(

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:46 (twenty-one years ago)

As someone who has had massive roommate troubles, I'd like to chime in with another "that fucking sucks, dude". It's such a horrible feeling to come to the place you go to escape the problems the world throws at you, only to have to deal with more crap there.

― oops (Oops), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:48 (twenty-one years ago)

thanks, all.

(xpost)

Trayce - if it were my roommate's it wouldn't bother me as much. Or if it were mine (though this is, for a number of reasons, unlikely), I'd deal with it. But this. is. gross.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:49 (twenty-one years ago)

so is your insurance policy likely to be voided when they stumble drunkenly off down the bottle shop leaving the door and window open, thus warmly inviting passersby to steal your stuff?

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:50 (twenty-one years ago)

likely, yes.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 02:50 (twenty-one years ago)

you really have to ask how long he will be staying and insist he pays partial rent if it's longer than a few days. also, keep us updated on their antics

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 03:09 (twenty-one years ago)

ugh, will do. I am going to go clean the bathroom.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 03:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Wield the 409 well.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 03:15 (twenty-one years ago)

You should take j4y aside at some point and let him know that it wasn't cool to simply inform you of a major change in your living situation. He probably did it that was because he knew exactly what would happen-- you'd feel like it was a fait accompli and you wouldn't say no. That's lame, and rude, and should never happen again.

― Laura E (laurae55), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Spray Glen-20 all up in his face and wait how long it takes him to ask WTF.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Or like, die.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:45 (twenty-one years ago)

Thing is about roommates is that there are two kinds. One will completely respect your needs as well and understand that certain types of behavior are not really polite, the other will at the very least take advantage of your good nature and hope that you won't call them on their transgressions and if you do, they'll resent you and make you feel like the "square" roomie.

I speak from experience, natch.

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:47 (twenty-one years ago)

yep i've been the guilt-tripped "square" roomie too. hence my refusal to share my abode, ever again. my home is my castle etc, i reckon it's unacceptable to have to put up with other people's crap there when i just want to go home and relax from my insanely busy life.

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, you're totally OTM - I was worried about the resented, 'square' feeling, but the fact that you've pinned it so closely sorta indicates to me that this isn't a singular situation. And that makes me feel slightly better. Insofar as spraying Glen 20... not much of that around here; perhaps a half-dose of WD-40 would work as well? & Laura - I'm sure he did it because he knew I wouldn't be able to get mad - curses!

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:51 (twenty-one years ago)

(err, xpost, but the x'ed post was good too).

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Tell me about it - when I mentioned the fucked up friendship earlier, it was a formerly close friend who moved in with me, until the girl menagerie came into the picture - he had about 4 girls on the go and didnt bother mentioning to me "oh by the way, none of them know about each other, so stumm" - some of the girls in question were also friends. I had no idea, I just assumed they were all cool with the casual thang, so I made the mistake of mentioning something about one girl on LJ, another one read it, and the leavings verily struck the air-moving implement. Like it was my bloody fault he's a lying toerag.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:53 (twenty-one years ago)

My roommate is ok some of the time though I kinda feel like I've been pushed into my room lately. I despise her boyfriend, though, but I guess he's a lot better than the last guy she was with so I shouldn't be too upset. I really won't miss listening to them fuck when we split up, nor will I miss the smell of her raunchy farts and shoes. I'm always the square roommate.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh. I guess my negative contribution is totally my gassiness. If he wants to wage roommate war, he could always just point out that I'm fulla more air than a dirigible.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 04:57 (twenty-one years ago)

one of my soon-to-be-ex roommate's negative traits is her excessive gassiness, which makes her, um, "history" all the more nasty

― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorta mushroom scented?

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I like to get back at roommates in subtle ways, sometimes in ways only I know about. For instance, I almost always piss in the sink here which seems fair.

― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm secretly proud of the fact that all of my threads turn biological after a few legitimate posts.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:23 (twenty-one years ago)

what if they just eat pussy in your closet jer

― Free the Bee (ex machina), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:26 (twenty-one years ago)

The worst is when you're the calm, well adjusted mid-point between a neurotic, tidy housemate and a demonic slob housemate and you have to put up with all of their excesses AND the constant passive-aggressive power struggle between the two.

― Michael Philip Philip Philip Annoyman (Ferg), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I solve all this by being a slob and living with one. Mind you this means we are about close to being on Today Tonight for being dug out of our flat or something, but hey.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 05:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Tell J4y that the other guy has to move out by the weekend. Tell him that's all there is to it, no buts, no arguments. Don't waver.

― Markelby (Mark C), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Markelby OTM. I've been in this situation before. You need him out within a week. No ifs, no buts.

― Pashmina (Pashmina), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:14 (twenty-one years ago)

A little cheery wave in a flouncy kind of way should be OK though. Just to underline emphatically that you mean what you say.

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, Mr. Trucker Hat was just trying to push all that smell back in.

― Rock Hardy (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 12:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i had a similar problem once.
being "cool" with this will be seen as a sign of weakness. this is war and these people are now your enemies. if you do not burry them now you will never be rid of this "g14n" character.

― dysøn (dyson), Tuesday, 21 September 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay... I just need some pep talk before I go into the next room and begin this schtick.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 02:57 (twenty-one years ago)

you can do it jeremy! just think of the white couch being besmirched by nasty cheap red wine and bong water. mmmmmm smelly bongwater mmmmm

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 02:58 (twenty-one years ago)

... getting closer.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 02:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Get off the Internet and CAUSE A COMMOTION!

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:01 (twenty-one years ago)

and think about all your favourite cds being pinched by opportunistic petty thieves spotting open doors and windows!

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:01 (twenty-one years ago)

MY TOWEL

Fucking kill him.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:07 (twenty-one years ago)

that's it. I'm gone. Will report on the flip side.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I know someone called G14n. I did that annoying and incredibly rude thing where we said his name to each other for five minutes while I try to comprehend how to pronounce his name. I hate that. I knew I was being rude, but after a few attempts I had too much invested to stop. Probably not the same person though.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Next on the agenda: I expect they'll be having dirty anal sex on my white couch.

are they hot?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:21 (twenty-one years ago)

I did that annoying and incredibly rude thing where we said his name to each other for five minutes while I try to comprehend how to pronounce his name.

Is it really that rude? I imagine if I had an odd name I'd appreciate people taking the effort to get it right.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm excited, Jeremy's roomie troubles hold great promise!

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:23 (twenty-one years ago)

It seems rude to me, or I feel rude doing it. Every time I mispronounce it I feel like I'm adding an extra 'really' to 'your name is really wierd'. And he is asian, so it adds to my white guilt complex that I can't pronunce his name with ease.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Oooooookay... I did it. Here's what I said:

Me 'How long ago did you know G14n was coming?'
J4y 'Day before he arrived.'
Me 'Did you think of telling me?'
J4y 'It was late at night and ... I dunno, I don't keep tabs on what people are doing and I wasn't sure he'd come to LA, and I dunno... I dunno...'
Me 'How long will he be staying?'
J4y 'I dunno, why do you care? I mean, I dunno...'
Me 'I don't care if we're having a guest (though it would be nice to know in advance' but I do care if I come home from work and find that I have a new roommate. How about we try to keep this visit under a week?'
J4y 'I dunno, I mean...yeah, I guess so.'
Me ''cus otherwise I'm going to start collecting rent; this is a two-bedroom apartment, and it's small, and I didn't bargain for a third roommate. If it's a guest situation there's no problem, but if he's here for more than a week I'm going to ask him to pay. '
J4y 'Oh, I dunno... I don't think it's a long-term thing. But I don't see why you're freaking out about it.'
Me 'I'm not freaking out, I'm just trying to be as direct as possible. Anyways, make sure it doesn't hinder your looking for a job too much, because I know from experience what that can be like, and ... '

... conversation drifts off topic.

What's the appraisal?

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:33 (twenty-one years ago)

SASS

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:35 (twenty-one years ago)

it's ace that you raised it and were so calm about it. but did you actually extract a straight answer from the other bloke? sounds like there was a lot of "uh i dunno" going on.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, well, that's as good as I got. The two left immediately afterward. I was so nervous my voice cracked! I feel like I've stated my position clearly, though, in case of future argument. And I can always bring up this thread as proofz.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

if they're not out in a week, start home douching

― mark p (Mark P), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Where was G14n when this was all going on?

― why do old people and old users of ILX such bastardos (deangulberry), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:39 (twenty-one years ago)

hold firm, man! make sure that guy's out in a week and if not, collect the money! and if that doesn't work, call the landlord. or murder them. whichever.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Yes, I will collect. Ooh... I will collect. I feel slightly better now, but I think I'm gooing to start hiding my CDs.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:40 (twenty-one years ago)

seriously, every night I'm at work I have a nightmare vision of my roommate borrowing CDs or worse yet, leaving the apartment door unlocked yet again.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:41 (twenty-one years ago)

there's nothing worse than a shitty day at work followed by dreading who is going to be hanging around at your place and what they'll be doing when you're on the bus home. i feel for you jeremy.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:42 (twenty-one years ago)

every night for awhile there I'd come home and my roomie would be drinking wine with some skeezy, bitchy gay cokeheads, who she only hung out with because she was a self-proclaimed "fag hag and proud of it, hahaha!"

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

my situation doesn't feel quite as bad... and I feel better than I did an hour ago, certainly.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 03:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I think the constant shifty inclusion of "dunno" is a pretty clear indication that he knows he was trying to pull a fast one and you called him on it. Good for you.

― Laura E (laurae55), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

White Couch=Eternal Anixiety

― The TAO that can be Posted is not the TAO! (The Tao that can be Posted is), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Anal Sex = ?

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah i couldn't ever have a white couch, roomies or not. i'd spill red wine or tea or something on it myself the day it was delivered. of course i'm a total klutz though. i think normal adult people can eat and drink without getting food spread in a 2m radius around them.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:49 (twenty-one years ago)

= The Sword of Damocles over the couch

― Laura E (laurae55), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:50 (twenty-one years ago)

...that ain't no criiiiiiiime

― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Call me paranoid but I think all his "I dunno"'s suggest he was kind of not taking you seriously. I had an ex roomie who made vague "I might move out, but only if blah happens so dont worry" speeches one day and then within a week said "oh btw I'm gone on friday bye!" without fucking giving notice.
IOW unless he said "yes you're right, I am sorry" and meant it, he's fudging and trying to get out of it hoping you won't pursue it anymore. Dont let him get away with it!

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

when he said "you're freaking out" he's totally trying to put it on you, like you're in the wrong.

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

look, a thread full of square roomies trying to get revenge on their no hoper flatmates from times gone by

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I agree with the intent behind the "you're freaking out" comment, Gear! but at the time I didn't feel I needed to respond to it directly. The thing about J4y is that he's very ... passive. Not passive-agressive, though. As I talked to him he seemed EXTREMELY uncomfortable, couldn't make eye contact, and kept swinging his arms around. I will continue to pursue this, but I think it's best I not drag him too far from his comfort zone after I've made my point irrefutably clear. The more that's said, the more that's arguable. And if I'm anticipating this turning into something bigger, I think it's good I make my early position clarion and unyielding.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Wisely done, sir. Maybe on Sunday we can be some sort of goon squad. Of sorts.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:07 (twenty-one years ago)

It could be a worry over nothing if this guy really does only end up staying for a few days for a vacation, so thats cool if so. Make your thing clear, set a time, and when that time passes, KICK ASS.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:08 (twenty-one years ago)

haha! goon squad = excellent idea.

― ex-jeremy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:09 (twenty-one years ago)

Beep beep. *squirrelly Fripp solo*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm vacating the premises on my old place Saturday, the old room will be empty. tell him he can squat there

― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Gear, darn you, reply to my Friendster message or something.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:11 (twenty-one years ago)

(And reply received, thanks!)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 22 September 2004 06:16 (twenty-one years ago)

... it's back.

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 02:59 (twenty-one years ago)

It's a week, and a day, and nobody's said anything. G14n's still here, and today he and J4y watced 6 movies; neither looked for a job or apartment. And neither could be bothered to get the fuckin' mail, even though it was downstairs ALL GODDAMN DAY.

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 03:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I am MISERABLE here. I cleaned the apartment last night, it's a shithole again. I came in to make tea and J4y was using my almond butter. He said "you said I could" and though I know I didn't, I couldn't be fucked to argue. I am so goddamn passive in this, I can't believe myself.

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:05 (twenty-one years ago)

*scratches chin* This is not good, but damned if I can see the answer clearly. Remind me, is this lease yearly or month to month?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Yearly. I'm firing up the westside rentals password as we speak.

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Make cryptic, ominous comments and write scary notes to yourself that indicate you could snap at any moment.

If you're going to be passive, you might as well be passive aggressive and mildly intimidating.

Or just get drunk and totally lose your cool in a profanity laced tirade.

― Laura E (laurae55), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Or just get drunk and totally lose your cool in a profanity laced tirade.

that's what happened between me and my last flatmate. errrr i don't think she's my friend anymore.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:34 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm actually okay with this outcome. In the last 20 minutes I went to the kitchen and found that (though I'd cleaned it last night) it was already disgusting. Ditto the living room, and bathroom.

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:35 (twenty-one years ago)

oh dear oh dear. get out while you still have your sanity! or get them out. one of those.

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:37 (twenty-one years ago)

G14n went out for the evening, so only J4y, my legitimate roommate, is here. But he's asleep, and I know if I wake him up he'll be incredibly moreso cranky.

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 04:37 (twenty-one years ago)

So this guy is called G to the I to the A to the N?

I know: get people to call the house asking for him. When he picks up, they should tell him he's got to go, he's a slob, he's a pig. He may hang up, so you keep calling. Every thirty minutes until he finally gets sick of it (NB it helps if the callers are 'out of area').

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Haha... that's brilliant! I may do that tomorrow!

― {Sand in the [vaseline} on the lens] (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

don't forget to report back mr sand!

― gem (trisk), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 05:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't forget: Make sure the phone is near g.i.a.n's bed/sofa/whatever so it causes disturbances. If he complains, you're expecting a Very Important Call. If he tries to cry off, saying he's not here, that's when you strike: BUT YOU ARE HERE. You can either accept the calls or NOT BE HERE FOR REAL. Then tell the caller he's 'still' on the couch. Repeat every 30 minutes until the problem goes to stay somewhere else.

Also just to snooker them, get someone with a total 'mom' voice to call your roommate asking why that user is still on the couch.

― suzy (suzy), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh heh heh. This is a happy and wonderful plan.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 12:07 (twenty-one years ago)

get them out or get out yerself, j... nothing's worth living in an unhappy house.

― stevie (stevie), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 13:04 (twenty-one years ago)

You could always kick the both of them out, the one guy for being an illegitimate roommate and the other guy for allowing it. Talk to the people in the management office. Every lease I have ever signed has has some rule in it saying that people not on the lease can't stay for more than a week. If the dude's so rich, he can find another place for him and his boyfriend.

Look. We're talking about your credit future here. If someone fucks up your credit rating by violating the lease, it's your ass. And honestly, when you're looking for a place the next time and no one will rent to you, you may think to yourself, "Dammit, I should've woken J up when he was sleeping that one time."

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 13:34 (twenty-one years ago)

It's also fine to tell your roommate that your credit rating is precisely why you're being a hardass/dick about this.

Moping around and telling US about this isn't doing shit for you.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 13:43 (twenty-one years ago)

You need to be cool with your inner bitch and just lay down the law. Just tell J4y and G1An that amongst reasonably polite adults it is common, especially in such close quarters, for guests to clean up after themselves, if no other reason, than as a sign of appreciation for your hospitality. BTW, while we're on that subject, just nail'em. "G, you're welcome to stay for a week. I don't know what J told you but it was not his to make household decisions unanimously and this place is not big enough for three." If they imply you're being the square asshole, agree profusely, knowing that at least you're not the manipulative, passive, filthy, and rude asshole.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:10 (twenty-one years ago)

If all else fails, talk to the landlord about changing the locks.

― Dan Perry '08 (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Did you see the Sopranos ep where Ralph Sifaretto meets his demise? Do that.

― Markelby (Mark C), Wednesday, 29 September 2004 14:12 (twenty-one years ago)

If they imply you're being the square asshole, agree profusely
I like this bit--have them say it so you don't have to. You'll ultimately feel better, so copping to being square for a moment's not so bad in the grand scheme of things.

― robots in love (robotsinlove), Thursday, 30 September 2004 04:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Done! G14n has given me the first $20 he owes, at $20/day for the next week. I feel a tremendous relief... but I'll feel even more when the week is up and his ass is out.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Thursday, 30 September 2004 04:46 (twenty-one years ago)

have they had ass sex yet?

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 30 September 2004 08:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Remy - that makes you look like a Eurosophisticate!

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 30 September 2004 10:22 (twenty-one years ago)

Hurrah for improvement!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 September 2004 11:38 (twenty-one years ago)

hate your friends names

― chimera (now alison), Thursday, 30 September 2004 12:45 (twenty-one years ago)

RES
O
LUTION

This morning I woke up to find NO clean dishes. None whatsoever. I have eight place settings, eight pieces of silverware, sixteen bowls, twelve drinking glasses and six teacups. But they were ALL dirty. Not one of them by my hand. Having asked last night that they be cleaned and being assured they would be, being hungry and slightly hung-over, I decided it acceptable to hide the TV antenna they use to watch televion all the goddamn day. My television. My antenna. My dishes. Which J4y and G14n watch instead of looking for jobs or doing the flucking dishes.

I hid it -- ooh, clever me -- inside the cabinet where the dishsoap, detergent, sponge, and cleaning supplies are kept. Thinking, of course, "Maybe, not being able to watch TV, they'll just do the dishes, AND THEN find the antenna."

I was wrong, but happily so. J4y wakes up and find G14n gone, with a note 'Think I busted ur TV there's nothing to do here' and does the dishes. He finds the antenna wonders to self '(quoting here) "what the hell are all the wires doing in the cabinet?" and putzes around the apartment all day. Never understands to fix the TV. I come home (friend Edith in tow) and we are greeted with the news that "G14n didn't want to pay you $20/night, so he's in San Francisco now. We have to mail him his pants and toothbrush."

END OF SAGA.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Friday, 1 October 2004 05:39 (twenty-one years ago)

wow. i'm happy for you. now you need to get rid of your other roommate.

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Friday, 1 October 2004 05:43 (twenty-one years ago)

he went to san francisco with no pants on?

― gem (trisk), Friday, 1 October 2004 05:43 (twenty-one years ago)

and a flower in his hair

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Friday, 1 October 2004 05:44 (twenty-one years ago)

all's well that ends

― Lt. Kingfish Del Pickles (Kingfish), Friday, 1 October 2004 05:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Hahah an excellent ending Jer, well done :D And no fighting needed!

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 1 October 2004 05:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Moral: money really does solve everthing.

― Trayce (trayce), Friday, 1 October 2004 05:51 (twenty-one years ago)

get shot of j4y. get shot of j4y. get shot of j4y.

― stevie (stevie), Friday, 1 October 2004 07:15 (twenty-one years ago)

tho this thread has made me worry that, on some other msg board somewhere, my housemates are talking shit in '5t3v13 ch1ck'

― stevie (stevie), Friday, 1 October 2004 07:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Excellent work! But wtf, who can't figure out how to reconnect an aerial?

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Friday, 1 October 2004 07:27 (twenty-one years ago)

QED, Liz.

― suzy (suzy), Friday, 1 October 2004 07:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I am deeply entertained.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 1 October 2004 11:46 (twenty-one years ago)

so was anal sex boy

― ken c (ken c), Friday, 1 October 2004 11:47 (twenty-one years ago)

You are mysterious.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 1 October 2004 11:50 (twenty-one years ago)

four weeks pass...

Uh oh. Shit's getting bad again.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Fucking, J4y hasn't done his (my) dishes in 2 weeks.

Piece of vital information: Every piece of furniture, dish, appliance, _every_single_thing_ in the apartment is mine except for one end table and J4y's bed.

-------------

Me: Hey, I know this is a sore spot between us, and I've been hesistant to approach you about it but ... when do you think you're going to get to the dishes?

Him: Uh, I don't see why you can't do them. They're not all mine.

Me: Yes they are. I never leave dishes. I did them about an hour ago.

Him: Well, if you're going to do them, why can't you do the ones I left there?

Me: Because they're not mine. That dish from the apple crisp I made for you is sitting on the counter - has been - for like 13 days. Would you mind doing this?

Him: I don't see why you're being an asshole about this.

Me: I'm not being an asshole, I'd like it if you did my dishes.

Him: What the fuck? You were home all day yesterday [ed. -- actually, I was away all day and got back an hour before J4y], I don't see why you just left them.

Me: They're your mess!

Him: Grow up, man.
------------

This morning I went to the kitchen. He's put all of his [my] dirty cups in the dishwasher, unrinsed and with caked-on foodbits, and left the rest of the stuff. I cleaned up the kitchen - took an hour - and he sat on the couch and 'made racially insensitive corrections to the face-book from work' while laughing to himself.

Is it fair for me to tell him he can't use my kitchenware anymore if he doesn't clean it?

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Sure, but I really think it's time you started peeing on his stuff while he's not there, especially his toothbrush, bath towel and pillows.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 30 October 2004 19:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Ooh... leave a little halloween surprise.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 19:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh yeah, unless he uses yours, pee in his shampoo as well. Then we'll call him Mr. Peehead from now on.

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 30 October 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Brilliance. I once put molassas in a girl's shampoo when I was really drunk. I meant it meanly - but it made her hair look (and smell) amazing.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Barge into his room one morning and try to help him get dressed — "if you're going to treat me like goddamn domestic help, I thought you might want a butler too — now step into your fucking pants!" And if he does it, catch his dick in the zipper.

― the apex of nadirs (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

That's pretty good, though if you're gonna be touching his wiener why not just super glue the head of his dick to his stomach (or if he's the stub-dick I'm betting he is, to his treasure trail).

― Bryan (Bryan), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Super-glue his dick to one of your dirty cups!

― the apex of nadirs (Rock Hardy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

'Wash this, motherfucker!'

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Ugh. This always comes up with roommates.

― Affleck in NYC (deangulberry), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

the only way to fix this is to lock up all the dishes and silverware. for now on use 1 spoon, 1 knife, 1 fork, 1 plate.

― cutty (mcutt), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm really, honestly, thinking aobut doing that.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Look, I would've thought all this is obvious by now. As I'm bored and totally geeked out trying to learn some 'puting skillz, I'll write out an algorithm.

if roommate_satisfaction=FALSE
{
solution=MUST LEAVE
}

else
{
solution=GET OVER IT
}

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

We co-signed a lease. I forfeit $1200 if I leave; and have to find a new place to live.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 20:56 (twenty-one years ago)

take all the dirty dishes and put them in the cabinet. leave them there. keep your own plate in your room and hide it.

― caitlin oh no (caitxa1), Saturday, 30 October 2004 21:01 (twenty-one years ago)

Can you sublet it out?

― Girolamo Savonarola, Saturday, 30 October 2004 21:13 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder...

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 30 October 2004 21:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Worth invesigating perhaps - all solutions would seem to involve finding a workable way of kicking him out or persuading him to leave. He's rich, he can afford it.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 30 October 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

That dish from the apple crisp I made for you is sitting on the counter - has been - for like 13 days.

First thing is to STOP MAKING HIM APPLE CRISPS.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Sunday, 31 October 2004 02:24 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, that struck me as kinda strange too. make them with apricot instead.

― darragh.mac (darragh.mac), Sunday, 31 October 2004 02:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I will. But I'm a chronic overcooker. I decided I'd stop offering him food but ... last night ... I made pizza and there was half-leftover and I gave it to him. WTF!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 31 October 2004 02:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, you are the cook AND the maid. You gots to cut him off or he's gonna start giving you his shoes to shine.

― the apex of nadirs (Rock Hardy), Sunday, 31 October 2004 02:36 (twenty-one years ago)

yeah, i cook for my housemate, but i sleep with her so that's ok.

― darraghm.ac, Sunday, 31 October 2004 03:34 (twenty-one years ago)

FUCK FUCK FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK FREELOADING ROOMMATE G14N IS BACK! HE CAME BACK WITH J4Y LAST NIGHT AT 3:00 AND WATCHED MY NASHVILLE DVD REALLY LOUD... WOKE ME UP. J4Y ALSO PUKED IN THE BATHROOM, HALF-IN THE TOILET, WENT THROUGH MY KITCHEN CABINETS, SPILLED TWO TUPPERWARE CONTAINERS OF FOOD ON THE KITCHEN FOOD AND LEFT THEM AND ALSO....

Brought a third unasked-for, roommate 'STEVE' to live with me.

fuck them, fuck this. Bullshit.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 6 November 2004 18:31 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't win, can I?

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 6 November 2004 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

everybody's gotta sleep sometime.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 6 November 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

jeremy.

take them on Judge Judy.

please.

― Ian John50n (orion), Saturday, 6 November 2004 18:44 (twenty-one years ago)

murder is the only solution

take a cue from scott peterson and "go fishing"

― trigonalmayhem (trigonalmayhem), Saturday, 6 November 2004 18:47 (twenty-one years ago)

one sentence: "Get out, now."

Then do what I did after analassroomie wrecked my Rushmore Criterion DVD: hide your DVDs and CDs in your room.

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Saturday, 6 November 2004 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

I echo all the above thoughts (can you do them all at once?).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 6 November 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

See if you can get them out of the place for a couple of hours and then get someone over to change all the locks. Throw all their stuff onto the pavement outside.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Saturday, 6 November 2004 20:33 (twenty-one years ago)

But living alone is lonely.

― Placebo Effect, Saturday, 6 November 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

But nowhere near as bad as living with a pair of cunts.

― Ben Mott (Ben Mott), Saturday, 6 November 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

trio, now.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Saturday, 6 November 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

God, you really need the services of a really mean girl, or someone's really mean mom.

― suzy (suzy), Saturday, 6 November 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

You have got to stop this. He obviously knows he can take advantage of you, at least for a little while. I'm sure he and G14n even had a conversation to that effect before they came back to your apartment.

― Laura E (laurae55), Saturday, 6 November 2004 21:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, time to move on.

― the music mole (colin s barrow), Saturday, 6 November 2004 21:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Dude, change the locks to everything. Seriously.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 6 November 2004 21:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Change the locks AND THEN GO OUT.

― suzy (suzy), Saturday, 6 November 2004 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Put everything of theirs out on the walkway, change the locks, hire a bounty hunter...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 6 November 2004 21:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Put all their belonging in a bear trap.

Right now I've been contemplating spiking my roommate's soy milk with laxative - but she's not nearly as bad as what you're dealing with!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Saturday, 6 November 2004 21:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I still say Judge Judy.

― Ian John50n (orion), Sunday, 7 November 2004 15:44 (twenty years ago)

I think that's the best suggestion. I'd come off as a wicked asshole, tho, and Judy would kick my butt.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 7 November 2004 20:25 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

Revive! He owes me $2104.04, now.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:42 (twenty years ago)

(and he hasn't worked in 6 months!)

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:43 (twenty years ago)

Cement shoe time.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:48 (twenty years ago)

Next week I'll show you a fascinating itemized bill, Ned. It reads like a Bret Easton Ellis novel.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:48 (twenty years ago)

haha my housemates boyfriend has also moved in indefinitely. You should move out, I am. I dont want to live with ther people ever again now. Just leave already. make sure youve got this kids parents details, so youve got some leverage, then get out of there.

― ambrose (ambrose), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:53 (twenty years ago)

Next week I'll show you a fascinating itemized bill, Ned. It reads like a Bret Easton Ellis novel.

Can't wait!

I dont want to live with ther people ever again now.

Do I ever know this feeling. Getting the solo apartment was easily the sanest thing I've done these past few years. Other people are a problem.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:55 (twenty years ago)

It reads like a Bret Easton Ellis novel.

Have you been loaning him money to buy Huey Lewis and Phil Collins albums?

― jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:56 (twenty years ago)

Haa ... would be funnier. Sadly, though (considering he owes me scads of money) he has $ enough to buy the complete Shuggie Otes on vinyl collection, while leaving me in a financial bind such that I'm not sure I can get home to see my mom after her surgery next month.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 February 2005 07:58 (twenty years ago)

FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

Dude, totally make a move NOW. Don't let it go on another day. He has already shit on your chest 1000 times past the last time he deserved to get by for accidentally shitting on your toe or something. It will eat your soul for 3 days for every day you let yourself get used more. Get someone who can help you beat this fucker up if needed, to be there when you confront him. Have weapons. This piece of shit is a parasite. You need him out and the bill paid. It's not going to happen unless you make him do it by all means neccesary. Throw him out, change the locks, and keep enough of his shit to sell on ebay to pay the bill. NO FUCKING MERCY. I got raped for a small $500 compared to your problem, at the very least I did a small thing about it before the fucker took off- I locked up his bike as collateral, even though he broke the lock and got away, at least I did something and I don't feel so stupid. Don't let it go until you wake up with your hair encrusted with his semen with the door banging in the wind and your apartment stripped down to wallpaper, and THEN say "OH I should have made a move yesterday." Don't be a tool, kick his ass if you have to.

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Monday, 28 February 2005 09:33 (twenty years ago)

steal his shit and hide it at an undisclosed location until he pays you back.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Monday, 28 February 2005 09:34 (twenty years ago)

Move out! Take some of his stuff with you, sell it on ebay.

― accentmonkey (accentmonkey), Monday, 28 February 2005 09:37 (twenty years ago)

I don't understand why you've covered this dude's bills, no offense. Better to get kicked out because of his lack of funds than to have him owe you money that--in all likelihood--he won't pay back.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Monday, 28 February 2005 09:39 (twenty years ago)

Fucking put that guy's shit on the curb and change the locks if possible. If he tries to sic the cops or the landlord on you, tell them that he hasn't paid rent in months and you have a right to evict him. Even if it's not 100% true, at least he'll have to go to court to prove it. It sounds like he isn't paying rent anyway, though. Of so, try to get a record together on that.

You can't fuck around or try to be nice with people like this. To them, nice = gullible.

― sugarpants (sugarpants), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:28 (twenty years ago)

Wait a minute, your mom's surgery? Exactly why haven't you gutted and stuffed this man yet?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:29 (twenty years ago)

other people aren't the problem, other SUPER-SHITTY people are the problem!

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:30 (twenty years ago)

They compound the problem.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:31 (twenty years ago)

Wow, I was getting all militant about my roommates owing me like $300 a piece! Do you have any GUNS Jeremy?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:31 (twenty years ago)

no way Ned dude, my roommates are cool and aren't a problem.

― hstencil (hstencil), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:32 (twenty years ago)

at this point, he's practically rubbing it in your face and doubtlessly he thinks he can keep on doing it.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:32 (twenty years ago)

If you take no action from this point forward I will have no sympathy. Heed my words!

― laurence kansas (lawrence kansas), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:34 (twenty years ago)

"Fucking put that guy's shit on the curb and change the locks if possible."

Whatever you DO, DO NOT do this. It is totally and completely illegal.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:36 (twenty years ago)

Break the lease and move.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:36 (twenty years ago)

no way Ned dude, my roommates are cool and aren't a problem.

Ah, you're lucky. ;-) Actually, I have had plenty of good roommates but the amount of friction that comes up if personalities clash, along with what happens when people understandably decide to move on or elsewhere, translated into finally realizing that if it's JUST me then I don't have to worry about any of that.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:37 (twenty years ago)

(Barring that, cancel every inessential utility you have and start buying food every day in only enough quantity to feed yourself.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:38 (twenty years ago)

That's the better plan, frankly. Then take him (or threaten to take him) to small claims court and try to get your money back.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:38 (twenty years ago)

Small claims court is NECESSARY as it might piss him off enough to move out.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:41 (twenty years ago)

Look at it this way: back then you said you didnt want to move cause you'd be out 1200. Well now you're out 2000+ anyway, so it didnt matter did it.

I'd say see if you can swap someone else in for your place on the lease, and bugger off.

Not all flatmates are like this btw :) Living on its own has its *own* set of problems...

Hope it works out Jer :/

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 28 February 2005 21:59 (twenty years ago)

This thread confirms the conclusion I've come to recently that the key to domestic happiness is 1) doing the dishes 2) all the time. I'm in a situation now where I'm not even paying rent, I just do all the dishes all the time, and my flatmates want to have like 1000 of my babies.

― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Tuesday, 1 March 2005 16:14 (twenty years ago)

save a couple of them for me - do you have any in blonde?

do your flatmates complain that the way you drain dishes is 'so European'?

― Sven Bastard (blueski), Tuesday, 1 March 2005 18:19 (twenty years ago)

oddly enough i can't stand it when other people do my dishes. but i'm a control freak.

― shine headlights on me (electricsound), Tuesday, 1 March 2005 23:17 (twenty years ago)

I served him with a nasty notice today. I told him he has until Friday to get me the balance of his debt, or I'll (I think I worded it like this) 'pursue more serious action. I haven't seen him since I handed him the letter, and I'm feeling both relieved and a little sad that it may spell the end of a good friendship.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 1 March 2005 23:20 (twenty years ago)

you call this a "good friendship"?!? you need some new friends.

― Shakey Mo Collier, Tuesday, 1 March 2005 23:25 (twenty years ago)

Don't I know it!

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 1 March 2005 23:26 (twenty years ago)

this doesn't sound like a good friend to me, no offense. yeah, what he said.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 1 March 2005 23:26 (twenty years ago)

Next time, get a place with a dishwasher! :)

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:03 (twenty years ago)

The thing is -- J4y and I actually like many of the same things. I'm a very peculiar, and particular person. I'm fairly easy to get along-with, but most people annoy me after a short while: specifically those who don't actively engage with the culture they consume. This sounds lame and small, but it's major in my world. One MUST be involved in what goes on in the political and cultural world, or I feel that I'm totally disconnected from them. This is part of the reason I'm attracted to ILX. My living requirements are stringent, too: a clean person, a self-entertained person, a good conversationalist, a frugal person, someone who's perfectly content to stay home most nights of the week or go out without me, and a fiscally responsible person. When J4y moved in, he was all of these. Gradually he's lost the fiscally responsible quality, and also tests the cleanliness quality. But otherwise he's a great friend. He has self-esteem issues, and he's given-up trying to find a job (he's worked 20 days in the past 5 months, and only 1 of them in the past three months) after meeting with failure after failure. He's lonely and I worry that if he lived with somebody else he'd end-up miserable and fucked-up. Frankly, I feel a little bit like his older brother. Since he moved in I've had to help him set up a bank account, a credit card, build a resume, a job search (though his end fell-through). I occasionally cook dinner for him - otherwise he can't cook anything but raman, and he almost broke the bank eating out every night - but I stopped this when he stopped thanking me / eating my food w.out permission. He's not very trusting, and (for instance) he wouldn't tell me the name of a girlfriend he had for a few weeks. She dumped him and I didn't know (he didn't let me know he'd met anybody) and only two months later revealed that he had started to fall in love with a girl, been dumped, and had a rocky time getting over her. He's recovering from alcohol problems, and doing quite well, and I know how hard it is for him to talk with anybody about ANYTHING. He's not close with his parents, and he has no friends in LA. He's so secretive I can imagine he's got a secret life as a spy, or watcher, or something, and he's incredibly intelligent. He was national spelling bee champion, national geography bee champion (in elementary school) and can name the capitol of every country in the world. To most people who don't know him he's 'odd' but he's really beyond that. He doesn't have autism or aspergers, but I don't think I've ever seen him really react to anything and wouldn't find a diagnosis in that field to be out of the realm of belief. He's a great and kind kid, a little messed up, and apart from the money I really want to help him get on his feet. THIS is why I've put up with the shit for so long, and this is why serving him with the note this morning is a lot harder than it might be in other circumstances.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

and we HAVE a dishwasher. He doesn't use it, even to rinse his plates.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:12 (twenty years ago)

Dude, I don't know if there's any more help you can give him without putting even more financial burden upon yourself. I'm making the assumption from this thread that you're tired of the financial burden and that it's a deal-breaker for your friendship/association, so even though it will really suck and your common friends will undoubtedly label you "the bad guy", it is best for everyone concerned if you sever ties with him now; proloning it keeps him from having to deal with his own issues and increases financial burden and resentment on your part.

Unless he magically sorts himself out, I don't really see a happy ending here; even going to a doctor to talk through his problems isn't guaranteed to give results, and results that would come from it wouldn't be instantaneous.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:20 (twenty years ago)

Sigh, yeah. I think I'm being deliberately ignorant of the real facts.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 00:42 (twenty years ago)

Dan sorta said it better than I could. Really, having met him...the best I could say about him is that he was, at the time, inoffensive. You may read that a code word for 'bland,' there's no point in really talking much with him.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 05:33 (twenty years ago)

God, Jeremy, this is terrible. I don't know--is letting the wealthy parents know about the situation out of the question? I guess you'd probably have done this already if it would have helped any. And you do mention that he's not close to them. Oh well. Let me buy you a beer or five on Saturday.

― Arthur (Arthur), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 06:26 (twenty years ago)

Yay! I look forward to seeing you all - and getting out of my house - on Saturday.

― Remy (null) (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 06:57 (twenty years ago)

One of my roommates was re-born into the Spirit of the Lord™ during our time together. Luckily the worst I had to live through was hearing about how irresponsible homosexuals are. "Oh, I don't mean you. I mean all the other ones. Do you want to come to my Bible study tomorrow night?"

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Wednesday, 2 March 2005 08:35 (twenty years ago)

three weeks pass...

Uh oh... I got a call from J4y in the middle of work today, with a message "Hey, just wanted you to know that G14n is coming, he'll be there around seven so could you please let him in?" Me: "For how long?" J4y: "He didn't say."

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 March 2005 23:00 (twenty years ago)

How have you not smothered this guy in his sleep yet?

― milozauckerman (miloaukerman), Monday, 28 March 2005 23:03 (twenty years ago)

It comes in waves. He'll be great for three months and so something like this all-of-a-sudden for two nights, before being great again. Tonight there'll be a big argument, guaranteed. The problem is that I've decided it's easier to work when I'm quietly pissed-off rather than after there's been a big blow-out and there's slamming doors and bad attitudes all around. But maybe I'll surrupitiously record the argument and post it!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Monday, 28 March 2005 23:07 (twenty years ago)

Damn I see why you tolerated the guy, but it sounds like, at this point, being his mommy is only going to be worse for him, the guy needs responsibility, so don't tolerate it any more.

― -rainbow bum- (-rainbow bum-), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 00:09 (twenty years ago)

Remy, ya need to break the cycle.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

Dude, if it goes on any longer, you're the problem, not him. (/out of line)

― Curious George Finds the Ether Bottle (Rock Hardy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 01:27 (twenty years ago)

Hey dude, don't let ILX stop you from being a welcome mat the rest of your life.

Honestly I have plenty of trouble saying NO to people in lots of contexts so I understand that it isn't easy but honestly I have NEVER been so goddamn passive aggressive in a roommate situation. Jesus Fucking Christ, son, get a grip, stop writing about all this shit on the I Love Strangers Network and next time he says you're freaking out or being an asshole let him have it.

I haven't read this thread before and like, dude, holy shit you're a pushover. I would have more sympathy but... dude.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 02:05 (twenty years ago)

Everytime I see this thread bob back up, I think to myself, "Oh, for fuck's sake."

I'm not saying for you not to update it, Remy, but update it by saying I KNOCKED THE FUCKERS OUT THE DOOR!

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 02:32 (twenty years ago)

So Remy... looks like I'll be needing a new roommate soon. I think you're my man. I'm totally inconsiderate and have a bunch of really annoying habits that you'll totally love. Whaddya say?

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 03:28 (twenty years ago)

Gaha!

G14n showed up an hour ago. He walks in the door (not knocking) and right into my room. He places two $20s on the desk and says "This is so you don't bitch. Me and my girl are here for two days." And he walks out. I move into the living room, and there's a HOT HOT HOT girl. She's HOT. And she's in my living room. She's vapid, too, but she's dressed revealingly.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:19 (twenty years ago)

throw money in face

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:22 (twenty years ago)

Jesus! Give the fucker back his twenties and kick him the fuck out! Don't take that shit! Tell him to take his escort and find a fuck pad somewhere else!

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:23 (twenty years ago)

Your life is about to get incredibly stupid if you don't start a confrontation right this minute.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:23 (twenty years ago)

The guy was doing that to impress his ho in your own place. If you don't tear those twenties up and sprinkle them on his bloody gob (after you've smacked him), well I don't know what to say.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:25 (twenty years ago)

Man, you go right out there and sit across from that girl and start masturbating this fucking instant. It's your crib, you can do what you want. Two things will happen, both of them good: a) they'll both leave, b) he'll leave, she'll stay.

seriously, fucking hell, gah, enough already.

― Gear! (can Jung shill it, Mu?) (Gear!), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:30 (twenty years ago)

I told them that these were the following conditions to their staying, or to get the fuck out immediately:

$10.00/night/person paid in cash, in advance to me. Three nights max.

Nobody sleeps in the lounge.

If you use any X of mine in the fridge, you buy me a whole new brand-new X. Even if X is like a tablespoon of milk in coffee, you buy me a new gallon of unpasturized organic grade A milk.

I will not clean up after you [J4y, or J4y's friends]. But I will hire a maid to clean up after you [J4y or J4y's friends] and I will pay her with your [J4y] credit cards, savvy? Also, give me the credit cards in advance. [DONE!]

For every (x) hour after 12:00 you keep me awake by being loud, I will wake you (x) hours before 8:00 by being loud and watching TV at top volume in the lounge.

Finally: you will all sleep in J4y's room. All three of you. On the one twin-mattress on the floor. '(They were like "uhh.... okay...")

And agreed to all of the conditions. They were all drunk at the time, but none of them were the sort of pass-out drunk where I consider common-decency contracts null and void. So I decided to say: you must also spend the entire day out of the house tomorrow, and promise never to come back after this trip. I'm sick of your living in my house.

The room goes silent. G14n goes 'I thought you were joking' and I said 'fuck no.' and they all got up and left, like "We'll sleep on Meg's floor. She's way cooler. J4y, you come over there too. Dude, what a dick you are, Rems, man!" So I'm alone again, but I've got J4y's credit card.

And that should be that.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:37 (twenty years ago)

I hate that I'm a doormat, but when I try to stand-up for myself I either come off as whiny & insincere or totally dick-headed and arbitrary. See, I think if you spend your life taking more shit than you give, people are always surprised when you respond appropriately and feel you're being nasty/mean. The idea, as far as I've figured it, is to be constantly open about one's misanthropy, and never be in a situation where one has to defend shit.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:40 (twenty years ago)

Yeah Rems, you're a dick. Congratulations. Here you go.
http://www.phantomranch.net/images/beads/namebadge_dick_03_small.jpg
"Semper dick-headed et arbitrary"

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:45 (twenty years ago)

I'm seriously considering buying some shit on itunes w. J4y's credit card.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:47 (twenty years ago)

iTunes? oh jeez are you going to light him up for $1.98??? Doesn't he owe you $2K? J&R Music & Computer world, son.

― TOMBOT, Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:50 (twenty years ago)

Hey, I do need a new monitor...

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:53 (twenty years ago)

Uhh Jer, despite everyone's hasslin' on you here, I know where you're coming from. Some of us dont find it easy to do a beatdown, especially on supposed friends. Yeah sure maybe we're doormats but it isnt easy. I hate having to lay down smacketh then feel like I'M the bitch the rest of the day.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 06:58 (twenty years ago)

Conversely some people seem to think everyone is a generous hippie..."yeah man, come and crash, here eat everything. Yo, bongwater spill, nah its ok, I'll clean it". ARGH.

I lost a v good friend in a situ very like this. I dealt with it badly but at the time I didnt know how else to handle it. He left owing me money and its taken some years for us to now be civil again. Meh. People are poo.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 07:00 (twenty years ago)

So what did you do, Remy, buy all the Criteirion DVDs ever? That'll set you back a few thousand -- or rather, set him back.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 12:54 (twenty years ago)

Ooh... she was up this morning, walking around the kitchen in just her (skimpy lime-green) undies. Hungover. I only met her last night, but she was well-familiar with me and hung on my arm when I offered her coffee.

Otherwise... I'm just keeping J4y's credit card for an opportune moment, since he has no idea where it is and is too inept to report it stolen.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:02 (twenty years ago)

Maybe you should share the credit card # with ILE. Since we've all been so supportive and given you such great advice.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:06 (twenty years ago)

I don't know that I would advocate doing anything that would get you arrested (like, say, credit card fraud) but you could totally call the credit card company and say you have Random Person's card, give them the info off of it and get it cancelled.

Also, it is imperative that you hit it with hot girl. On the couch.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:07 (twenty years ago)

Share her with us too.

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:09 (twenty years ago)

For real Jer, even with all this crazy shit going on, still no one has had dirty anal sex on your white couch yet.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:15 (twenty years ago)

i can't see how one can have "clean" anal sex.. i mean. you're stabbing at poo

― ken c (ken c), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:23 (twenty years ago)

You've never heard of using a milk enema during foreplay?

― Pleasant Plains /// (Pleasant Plains ///), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:37 (twenty years ago)

When I am curled up in the foetal position tonight and gibbering to myself, my ask will ask me "What's wrong with you?" and all I'll be able to say is "YOU'RE STABBING AT POO".

― The Ghost of Phrase Of Nightmares (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:38 (twenty years ago)

Don't you mean your wife will wife you?

― M. White (Miguelito), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:42 (twenty years ago)

YOU'RE STABBING AT POO

― The Ghost of It's Starting Already (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 29 March 2005 19:48 (twenty years ago)

one month passes...

I just lobbed a kitchen bag full of water at a couple having sex in the backseat of a car behind my building. Sadly the digital camera is broken or we would have taken pictures as it happened.
No word on if it was anal sex.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:42 (twenty years ago)

what's wrong with sex?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:43 (twenty years ago)

yeah man.. it's not as if he did it at the backseat of YOUR car.

― ken c (ken c), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:46 (twenty years ago)

It wasn't his parking spot.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:47 (twenty years ago)

I haven't read this thread since it reappeared (until now) and I am convulsing with giggles at the "stabbing at poo" thing. I am giggling just typing it, and it's not even really *that* funny, but there is something about the phrase "stabbing at poo" that is really really getting to me right now.

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:50 (twenty years ago)

HATER (xpost)

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:54 (twenty years ago)

Don't fuck 10 feet away from me while my patio window is open.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 21:59 (twenty years ago)

I'm going to.

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:03 (twenty years ago)

You won't, but that's alright.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:06 (twenty years ago)

Start filling that bag, bro.

― Community Cornerstone (deangulberry), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:11 (twenty years ago)

But that's what he was doing to get us to this point in the first place.

― Rufus 3000 (Mr Noodles), Saturday, 28 May 2005 22:18 (twenty years ago)

You should have applauded and held up a sign saying 7.0

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 29 May 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

You must be logged in to post. Please either login here, or if you are not registered, you may register here.