This is a thread about xenophobia or "WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH OR JOHN KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?"

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I got this in my e-mail today, ugh. Comments?
WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH OR JOHN
KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?
My Fellow Americans:
As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since
congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission
in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American
forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now
time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries
which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is
short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are
some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the
worlds nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing
copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those
nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved
during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the
Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world
Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this
money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.
On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we
will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face
of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France or
maybe China.
To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. Yo, boys - work out a peace deal
-NOW. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to
Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables,
too. I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with
France, Germany, and Russia. Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are
retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many
UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid
parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded
and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You
creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets
tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned
over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
try not pissing us off for a change. Mexico is also on List 2.
President
Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude
adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions
sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security.
So start doing something with your oil. Oh, by the way, the United
States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens.
Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "darn
tootin."
Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the
world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on
the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to
eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup
Soccer from America.
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and
we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Drop dead.
God bless America.
Thank you and good night.
If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in
English, thank a soldier.

( Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens!
Let's get this to every USA computer!)

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"...AND THERE WAS BEER?"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I need a drink after reading this. Anyone know the original source? This was forwarded to me by a relative...

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:14 (twenty-one years ago)

It is time to eliminate World Cup
Soccer from America.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Yuck.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:22 (twenty-one years ago)

If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.
OMG IF SADDAM HAD HIS WAY WE'D ALL BE SPEAKING ARABIC! HE'S A HITLER! HE'S A HITLER!

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:24 (twenty-one years ago)

And if you're reading it in a language that didn't develop in your country, you can probably thank a soldier for that too. If we were reading it in arabic or German, again, you could thank a soldier.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I love the massive amount of wrongheadedness! Assuming the US is the only fuckin' country that gives huge amounts of foreign aid to other countries is a great start.

All that email shows is how sadly pathetically uneducated some people are. And thats the damnedest shame.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

And hang on. Spain pulled out of the war - why are they on list 1? Dumbfucks.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:41 (twenty-one years ago)

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in
English, thank a soldier.

ack! my eyes!

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I especially love the idea of the US severing trade with the entire world other than the UK, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland - as if the only reason the US has relations with any other country is because they want to help out.

― Kevin Gilchrist (Mr Fusion), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens!

Do I see a ghost in the mirror?

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Here's the punchline, thought I'd save it for a few posts in:

Subject: Fw: This is GOOD!

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:48 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― Matt (Matt), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:51 (twenty-one years ago)

And they wonder why I'm so quiet at Thanksgiving...

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:52 (twenty-one years ago)

What so whoever sent this to you did so in earnest? Oh geez, you poor bastard.

― Trayce (trayce), Sunday, 24 October 2004 22:59 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmhmmm, this was from my mother's sister.
I think I got me brains from my father's side...

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Sunday, 24 October 2004 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

(To be fair, my mother thought this was bullshit as well, but she's probably the only one besides me in her family who would find fault with this...)

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Sunday, 24 October 2004 23:39 (twenty-one years ago)

I'd like to laugh at this, but me and my mom are diving headlong into conserative country for a funeral later this week and I'm sure I'll be hearing a lot worse. And I'll be doing my best to keep quiet too.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 24 October 2004 23:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Last time I saw most of this side of the family we all did a reader's digest quiz where you they gave you a list of country names and you marked where they were on a map. The only person who did better than me was my mom (and I made mistakes like thinking Laos was Thailand). I was ten.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 24 October 2004 23:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I think your family and my family should get together and go bowling.

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Bowling would be far too much excitement for my clan.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:11 (twenty-one years ago)

part of which, oddly enough, got irritated at my sister for watching The Breakfast Club on TV in front of them when she was younger. It was so bawdy and harsh.

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh yes, practically pornogrphic, innit. Especially the part where Ally Sheedy starts compulsively masturbating in the back of the library.

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:14 (twenty-one years ago)

haha "pornographic"

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:15 (twenty-one years ago)

this was the TV edit!

― manthony m1cc1o (Anthony Miccio), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:16 (twenty-one years ago)

What did they make Bender say in his dramatic little monologue?
a)NO, FRICK YOU
b)NO, SCREW YOU
c)NO, FLIP YOU
d)Other

― A Million Talking Hot Dogs (AaronHz), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:18 (twenty-one years ago)

It was something really strange wannit? Frick you or fry you (ahaha! Fry, Bender... ah fuggeddit) or fudge you or something stupid.

― Trayce (trayce), Monday, 25 October 2004 00:22 (twenty-one years ago)

i love this

― sometimes i like to pretend i am very small and warm (ex machina), Monday, 25 October 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

...effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

Make that the first 200 years.

― Aimless (Aimless), Monday, 25 October 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

< DEVILS ADVOCATE MODE="ON">
Well, although I think the tone of the essay is needlessly combattive, smug and snide....I really would like it if America would give "Most Favored Nation Status" to...America.
And I'm not the only one who has wanted to scream at Bush and Kerry "FIX THIS COUNTRY FIRST, *THEN* WORRY ABOUT EVERYBODY ELSE!"
Or as the old saw goes: "Charity begins at home"
< /DEVILS ADVOCATE MODE="OFF">

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Unlike probably most of you fruits and francophiles, I DID thank a soldier for my ability to read this. Then I slapped him.

― briania (briania), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Bon chance, mes amis.

I believe that Kerry would know to say, Bonne Chance but this is probably a conscious effort to get it wrong lest one offend the great puddingheaded mass's fear of appearing pretentious by correctly speaking 'frog'.

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

"How much aid does the United States give?
Less than 1 percent of the U.S. budget goes to foreign aid. President Bush’s 2003 budget proposes about $11.4 billion in economic assistance and about $4.3 billion for peacekeeping operations and to finance, train, and educate foreign armed forces."

Yep, if we stop foreign aid we'll pay for the Iraq war, eliminate homelessness, and end hunger.

― lawrence kansas (lawrence kansas), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

Canada is on List 2. Since we are
likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to
try not pissing us off for a change.

But I can't help it. CANADIANS MAKE ME SO DAMN MAD! God, all they ever do is shit on everything. Couldn't they just be quiet and polite and make shitty television?

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't mind Canadians, some of my best friends are Canadian, but do they really have to be so flamboyant? They're always flauting their Canadianness.

― n/a (Nick A.), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:30 (twenty-one years ago)

I KNOW! Like these guys:

http://www.globalseek.net/CoNTiNeNTs/NAMeRiCa/CaNaDa/ADDiTiONaL/ARTiCLeS/IMaGeS/STRaNGeBReW/bobdoug2.jpg

Jeez, could you try to tone it down a bit, fellas?

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I wonder what life in the U.S. would be like if, for just once, we didn't have to live underneath the shadow of those darn Canadians.

― Pleasant Plains (Pleasant Plains), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Why do they have to try so hard to be different?

― Michael White (Hereward), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:39 (twenty-one years ago)

It's allowing them to violate the sanctity of marriage that I object to. Marriage is between and American man and an American woman. Period.

― briania (briania), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Amen. And when those Canadian women sneak over the border and steal all our good 'Merican men it just makes my blood boil.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:45 (twenty-one years ago)

http://www.oasismag.com/node/view/4759

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now.
Hooorrrraaaaaayyyyyy!!!! FREEEEEEEEDOOOOMMMMMMMM!!!!!

― Thermo Thinwall (Thermo Thinwall), Monday, 25 October 2004 18:53 (twenty-one years ago)

which soldiers are they referring to? the ones from the french and indian war?

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 25 October 2004 19:13 (twenty-one years ago)

thank you, chippewa, for preventing french domination of north america!

― amateur!!!st (amateurist), Monday, 25 October 2004 19:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh! I smell an alternate history novel. "The Man in the High Fur Trading Outpost."

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Monday, 25 October 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

oh jesus... it's been a while since we had a good PKD joke

― Sir Kingfish Beavis D'Azzmonch (Kingfish), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 02:39 (twenty-one years ago)

haha i should have spotted that! My mom grew up with his daughter in Point Reyes.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:17 (twenty-one years ago)

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in
English, thank a soldier.

An English soldier, presumably.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I think this was written by the type of person that if you mentioned the fact that we wouldn't have won the revolutionary war without France, their head would explode like in Scanners.

If we're so proud of our unique fucking culture we should have developed a completely unique language after that war anyway, dumbfucks. We're still speaking the language of our oppressors hahaha.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:28 (twenty-one years ago)

American is pretty unique, really.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I can read what you're saying you aussie punk. (/kidding)

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:31 (twenty-one years ago)

No really, American English is different enough to other forms of English that it's really quite distinct.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm not talking about accents and slang here. I meant a totally distinct written language as well. I was agreeing with you and you're arguing with me WTF.
An English soldier, presumably.
Yes Adam, we still speak the language of a country that once ruled over us, which pretty much negates the "point" of the "Thank a soldier" part of the e-mail.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I need to use more smilies.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:38 (twenty-one years ago)

haha man don't worry, I wasn't being serious either, obv.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Being Australian, I don't know who I should thank. Perhaps the British, for charging in and nicking the country off the locals.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Ha, like we didn't do the same thing.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I hate it when people go 'rah rah rah we could all look like Germans now,' or 'rah rah we could all have slitty eyes* now.' Well guess what? You look British thanks to the same kind of invasion. Dickhead.**

* authentic racist vernacular, not mine
** not you

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to thosenations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

haha! hahaha! ha.

aaronhz why are you getting email from pat buchanan?

― g--ff (gcannon), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:53 (twenty-one years ago)

From my Auntie, actually. She's a HUGE country/western fan hehehe.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 04:56 (twenty-one years ago)

hate it when people go 'rah rah rah we could all look like Germans now,' or 'rah rah we could all have slitty eyes* now.' Well guess what? You look British thanks to the same kind of invasion. Dickhead.**

* authentic racist vernacular, not mine
** not you

Hmm you just made me think of something I never really wondered about. My ancestry is mainly German/Scottish with some Native American etc. My guess is I'm decended from poverty stricken 19th century immigrants. I'll have to look into this.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:00 (twenty-one years ago)

"descended"

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:01 (twenty-one years ago)

undescended aarons

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Wha? It's late, please explain your quip.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:08 (twenty-one years ago)

bad testicle joke

― the surface noise (slight return) (electricsound), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:10 (twenty-one years ago)

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooookay................

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:11 (twenty-one years ago)

"I'm not against it, just so long as they don't have children, 'cause the the kids won't have no race." If only for the pundits' spin.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:12 (twenty-one years ago)

wrong thread?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Nope. I'd love to hear Bush say that. Just get that chad danglin' out in the open. Right thread, too little context.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:21 (twenty-one years ago)

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Spin: "President Bush is highly concerned withe self-esteem of the children of America, particularly those in minority backgrounds. What he's saying is people need to be proud of who they are."

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:27 (twenty-one years ago)

"withe" = "with the"
typing too fast

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Spin: "President Bush is highly concerned withe self-esteem of the children of America, particularly those in minority backgrounds."

But it backfires. Turns out, most of his voting base is not.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I can totally imagine Wolf Blitzer saying "President! Bush! announced! today! that! he's! highly! concerned! with American! childrens'! self! esteem! More! coming! up! next!"

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:29 (twenty-one years ago)

What would be really great:
"Same sex marriage? I'm not against it anymore, just so long as they don't have children."

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:38 (twenty-one years ago)

"Cause the kids would all be fags"

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Hang on: Thanks to the restrictions of reproductive biology, straight people produce gay children. So, by the logic of wankers like Bush, shouldn't straight people burn in hell or something?

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:40 (twenty-one years ago)

IT'S A CHOICE, YOU HEATHEN!

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Right, right. It would still be funny to hear him say that.
x-post

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:42 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh yeah I forgot, sorry.

...

Hey, I don't remember making a choice.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:42 (twenty-one years ago)

I can't decide. OH NO

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:44 (twenty-one years ago)

What I mean to say is if they think being gay is a choice, what about bisexuals? Are they just undecided?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:45 (twenty-one years ago)

I think bisexuals are kind-of undecided no matter which side of the gay fence you sit on. I don't know a gay man over the age of 25 who will bother with the filthy philanderers.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:47 (twenty-one years ago)

(Um... but that's very insensitive... my brother currently classifies himself as "bi.")

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Who wants a gay man over the age of 25 anyway?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:50 (twenty-one years ago)

(come on, that was left wide open)

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:51 (twenty-one years ago)

GOATSE OPEN!

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:52 (twenty-one years ago)

haha

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:52 (twenty-one years ago)

what about bisexuals? Are they just undecided?

I think bisexuals are kind-of undecided no matter which side of the gay fence you sit on.

It's possible to be attracted to both sexes in equal measure.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm sure it is, but it's not received well.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

What's not received well?

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:55 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahahahahahaha

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:56 (twenty-one years ago)

Bisexuailty. Not by stright or gay, in my experience. And it's not received well because it indicates an "undecided" stance more often than an actual "bisexual" stance.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:56 (twenty-one years ago)

aaron, what's so funny?

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I dig it. In high school I used to try to figure out what percentage gay I was and what percentage straight. I started out at 20% gay, 80% straight, and moved it to 70% / 30% in college. Then I realized I was ridiculous, needed at least 2 complicating factors and one stoned afternoon tried to map out a crazy axis of sexuality. It was seriously polydimensional by the time I got done with it, and I forced myself to whack-off while looking at a poster of an '80s chick leaning on the hood of a Camero as the personal equivalent of a 'RESTORE TO FACTORY SETTINGS' button.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:58 (twenty-one years ago)

err, 30% / 70% in college. my experiences were far less universal than i wished.

― Remy (x Jeremy), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 05:59 (twenty-one years ago)

It was seriously polydimensional by the time I got done with it

OTM. Sexuality is not points on a line, it's fuzzy areas inside a solid sphere.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

aaron, what's so funny?

come on, dude:
It's possible to be attracted to both sexes in equal measure.
_________________________________
I'm sure it is, but it's not received well.
_________________________________
What's not received well?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:06 (twenty-one years ago)

It's not recieved well by either straight women or gay men. That's a fact, and not a very funny one for anyone who's trying to eek out a genuinely bisexual existence. Both groups doubt a bisexual's seriousness about any relationship (and you can see how they would!).

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:10 (twenty-one years ago)

actually i'm not sure i can see how they would hank. how is someone's sexual orientation linked to their commitment to a relationship?

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't know, gem, but it is.

Girl: "So you love me, right?"

Bisexual boy: "Yes, of course."

Girl: "So that means you'll never wnt to have sex with a boy again?"

Bisexual boy: "Um..."

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:14 (twenty-one years ago)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxpost: Ah yeah, I see what you mean.

Also, the term 'bi' was trashed in the '90s by loads of clearly straight people who called themselves 'bi' because they thought it made them popular, which really pissed me off.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:15 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post to myself:

I mean, it complicates the fundamental trust issue SO MUCH.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:15 (twenty-one years ago)

so i guess that's not fundamentally different from this though:

person in any relationship: "So you love me, right?"

their partner: "Yes, of course."

person: "So that means you'll never want to have sex with anybody else again?"

there partner: "Um..."

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Hank, I think Aaron's laughing at the double entendre value in 'not received well.'

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:17 (twenty-one years ago)

i thought that double entendre was pretty funny too actually ;)

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:18 (twenty-one years ago)

Love is love and commitment is commitment. If you're committed to one person, you're not going to go off with anyone else, regardless of gender. If you're a bi bloke and you're committed to a wonderful woman, of course you're not going to look for blokes to shag because you're committed. GAH.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Er, that's directed at society in general, not any of you.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:20 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post:

oh. Ok.

xx-post:

gem, I don't think you're understanding what's complicated about it, and if you're not, I applaud you.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:20 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost - that's my opinion too adam. but i have never had a relationship with a bi person though. although i don't really think my opinion would change even if i did. *shrug* maybe i'm simple hank

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:21 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, that's what I was laughing at
xpost

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah. Being bi doesn't mean you're going to boof one male and one female at any given time. Commitment is always one person, not one person of each gender.

Okay I think I've flogged that horse to death.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:22 (twenty-one years ago)

My bf is bi and I dont think he's going to run off with a bloke. Why would I? I shoudl think just as equally he'd run off with a woman, esp if you hold to the "like both sexes equally" argument.

I actually prefer it - we can both perv on that bloke off CSI and stuff.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:25 (twenty-one years ago)

That bloke off CSI? Yuck.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:26 (twenty-one years ago)

If you're a bi bloke and you're committed to a wonderful woman, of course you're not going to look for blokes to shag because you're committed.

See, that's the trouble. Anyone I've known who's been with anyone who's "bi" has found them immature and incapable of commiting not just to one one person, but even to one sexual orientation. They found them flighty, personally, and not as any sort of prejudice. They tried, and they failed. They could not land Mr. Bisexual, because Mr. Bisexual was always more interested in being Mr. Bisexual than in them, and they all hate Mr. Bisexual for it. (I'm talking about four people I know specifically, one woman and three men.)

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Grissom! He's cool!

I was actually thinking of Vincent Donofrio but whatever, its late and I'm confused.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Kenan: that sounds more to me like the usually-goth "oh I'm bi" load of bullshit people who just want to shag anythign that moves pull out as a boast. Which really doesnt count ;)

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:27 (twenty-one years ago)

And I say that seeing it far too much among bitchy little goth cows I know. Argh dont start me.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, well there's different types of bi. There's the type that doesn't know which sex it prefers and can't settle on one person [grass is greener an' all that], and there's the type that knows it prefers both equally and is comfortable with that.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:28 (twenty-one years ago)

The cant settle on one person thing which is Kenan's point, is simple non-commitment/immaturity thoough, and Ive met plenty of perfectly straight (and hell, gay for that matter) peeps like that too.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Anyway, total thread derail here. Now lets all shag.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:29 (twenty-one years ago)

There are two types, yes... actually, an infinity of types... but the "bisexual for now" boy is a relationship killer, and some people are very aware of that. That's all I'm saying.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:30 (twenty-one years ago)

And that kinda person yeah, I agree totally.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:30 (twenty-one years ago)

And... not to weasel out of what I said before... the "bisexual for now" boy is so common that anyone who claims to be bisexual is often immediately taken as this type.

Where's Skidmmore?

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:33 (twenty-one years ago)

You can't assume bi people stay with one gender and long for the other. That's like some straight bloke being married to Claudia Karvan and sending love letters to Anna Kournikova.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Although Kournikova's a fucking dog, so he'd be a bit braindead as well.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I know that, but it's a trust issue. It's hard enough to get a woman to trust you when she knows you like other women. You know?

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:39 (twenty-one years ago)

And men... christ, forget it.

― Hank Tenbeer (kenan), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn K, you sound like you've had some seriously screwy relationships, not everyones that untrusting surely! :/

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I went out with a girl who told me she was bisexual. I didn't care. It was hardly even ever brought up again. Resonably, it should only become an issue if it becomes an issue, if you catch my drift.

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:57 (twenty-one years ago)

ahem, "reasonably"

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 06:58 (twenty-one years ago)

OTOH I flatted with a guy I had a sort-of on again off again thing with who kept WISHING I would sleep with a girl, he was into that idea... so I did, and he got the shits with me!

Fucker.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, anyway.

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:00 (twenty-one years ago)

So who was a better lay? Him or the girl?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:08 (twenty-one years ago)

i think the moral of that story is don't shag your flatmates!

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:09 (twenty-one years ago)

fuck the moral

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:10 (twenty-one years ago)

that sounds like it should be the name of a band

― gem (trisk), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I need to start a new band actually, I'll put that one in me notebook....

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:12 (twenty-one years ago)

WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR GEORGE W. BUSH OR JOHN KERRY GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH?

i think the moral of that story is don't shag your flatmates!

― Johnney B (Johnney B), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 07:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Damn K, you sound like you've had some seriously screwy relationships, not everyones that untrusting surely! :/

-- Trayce (spamspanke...), October 26th, 2004.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Scorpios usually are!! sorry I had to...xxx-posts... happy b-day Kenan =)

This is the longest thread derail I remember, and Aaron, you never told me in IM what you replied back to the person who sent it to you, if anything. I suggest you cut-n-paste your fave comments from this thread and forward them on

― Vic, Tuesday, 26 October 2004 08:10 (twenty-one years ago)

That was my original idea, but..........it's still my auntie, you know?

― From a Land of Grass Without Mirrors (AaronHz), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 08:13 (twenty-one years ago)

What I mean to say is if they think being gay is a choice, what about bisexuals? Are they just undecided?
Like Dennis Miller said before he got swapped with a pod person:
"I think Bisexuals are just greedy motherfuckers. Come down off the fence and pick a hole. I don't care what you fuck as long as you fuck it regularly."

― Lord Custos Epsilon (Lord Custos Epsilon), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 10:53 (twenty-one years ago)

bisexuality is also a choice duh

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 10:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Not.

― Core of Sphagnum (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 13:01 (twenty-one years ago)

"But I can't help it. CANADIANS MAKE ME SO DAMN MAD! God, all they ever do is shit on everything. Couldn't they just be quiet and polite and make shitty television?"

You know, just once I'd like to hear a Canadian say, "I'm sorry." Would it really be so hard?

― Nemo (JND), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Soar-y

― Leon Czolgosz (Nicole), Tuesday, 26 October 2004 14:14 (twenty-one years ago)

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