i don't know nothin bout birthin no baby!

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okay, so the blessed event is a mere 2 and half months away. i have begun to really freak out over the actual process of labor and childbirth. those of you who have actually been through this horror, or have witnessed it, please tell your tale. do not leave out any awful details. i must hear the ugly truth. also i want to discuss the drugs involved and their pros and cons.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:15 (twenty-one years ago)

are you having a baby? how did I miss this?

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I've never given birth nor raised a child, but I'm still crazy-excited that you'll be doing BOTH!!!! :)

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think that in the 3+ years of ilx any female ilxor has had a baby, am I wrong on this?

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Man I didn't realise, erm congrats?!! Best of luck with that. I can't wait to have kids!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I got no drugs even though I begged. Pitifully.

My mate advises having 'EPIDURAL' tattooed across your forehead in case you're in no state to request it when you get there.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, i am quite excited for us! but i really am becoming terrified, nightmares have begun about long and complicated labor, possible c section, etc. i wish i could just wake up and the baby be here magically.

no drugs???? AHHHHHHH! how long did it take? did you think that death was imminent?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you want the truth or the sugar-coated version?

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't think that in the 3+ years of ilx any female ilxor has had a baby, am I wrong on this?

So this'll be the first ILX BABY? Can we name her/him?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:25 (twenty-one years ago)

And have a live thread on the birth?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I got no drugs even though I begged.

God, that's horrible! Or was there any sensible reason for them not to give you the drugs? What's the deal with that, "let her suffer it's only natural"??? I think I want a baby sometime in the future, but ONLY if they promise me to take away as much of the pain as possible.

― Hanna (Hanna), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Emily had mentioned her baby coming due on another thread but otherwise had been shy about the fact. NOW IT IS REVEALED TO ALL.

(I of course have no practical advice to give. You may mock me.)

I SHOULD note, dear Tuomas, that Alex in NYC's wee Charlotte is the ILXor baby par excellence, and even has the T-shirt to prove it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:26 (twenty-one years ago)

well some of the menfolk posters have had kids! xpost

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, I'd forgot Alex. Sorry.

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Still, I'd love a live thread straight from the hospital. Do they allow laptops there?

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

TRUTH.

also, my mom was famous for her easy births-she had all of us within 20 minutes of arriving at the hospital. does any ilxor know if this is possinly genetic? i keep forgetting to ask my doctor.

well, i think the naming is complete. but feel free to offer other suggestions. girl-clementine mary, boy-harvey joseph

alex's baby is adorable! i hope that mine doesn't look creepy in comparison.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:29 (twenty-one years ago)

And if you include ILB, misshajim has just ~~endured~~ celebrated this happy event.

Good luck emily! I haven't given birth so have no real advice, but I would be just as terrified as you, if that helps... everyone says it's worth it!

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

oh-live thread? are you nuts? i don't even want to witness this bloody mess myself, much less have any other human see and remember the carnage.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Maria D. and scott seward have a baby!

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Alice was March 2000, but I wasn't here at that time.

We arrived at hospital at 11:00, she was born by 11:30. That's quite quick though.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

This is what Harvey makes me think of (sorry):

http://www.disordered.org/farscape/02/Harvey.jpg

― Jordan (Jordan), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Wait till Luna gets here. She'll drop mad knowledge about squeezing the little baby out.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I had the nightmares in advance too, Emily. I remember at 8 months waking up, bawling and saying, "I don't want to do this". Bit late though.

I didn't get any drugs because I was ready to deliver when I got to the hospital so they never give drugs when you're at that stage. Unfortunately, the second stage which usually takes between 10 - 30 mins, lasted almost 3 hours for me and I needed to have a Ventouse delivery.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

There was one girl on a mailing list I was on who just suddenly went "oh, and by the way, my water just broke, so I guess I should be going to the hospital" in an e-mail. I don't think I'd be that calm...

― Hanna (Hanna), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Amber was more complicated, but from the onset of labour, about 1 hour..

This is a very busy thread...

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

I think teeny meant female ilxors who have actually given birth during their time on ILX. Well, not literally during... that would be taking interweb mentalism too far.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Ventouse delivery
What's that?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Congrats, Emilymv! I had no idea!

I hope to god (for me) that childbirthin' troubles aren't genetic, but I bet that are (which is good for you). My mom took 12 hours + in labour with me and then I was this SUPER GIGANTOR baby. And my grandmother had to stay in bed her entire pregnancy with my mom. Ay de mi!

One of my best friend's wives took me aside right after she had their baby. She said, "Sarah, I'm going to tell you like it is. It hurts like hell. There's no way to describe it. It's kind of like trying to force a watermelon out your ass." Lovely. But, hopefully it's not so bad for you!

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

(BTW, this is my most quoted phrase from gone with the wind)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost

Ventouse?

its a wire coathanger they get round the baby's head to 'aid' delivery.

(really. well, close enough)

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

maybe i should hope for a c-section. although i imagine the recovery is much worse.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Must. Stop. Reading. This. Thread.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It's used instead of forceps when the baby is in the birth canal but gets stuck for some reason. Kinda like a hoover. The baby emerges with a bit of a conehead.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Ah, I'd forgot Alex. Sorry.

::sigh:::: must it always be this way? :)

Seriously, Em, it'd be irresponsible and unrealistic of me to say "stop worrrying, it's a cakewalk!" as every delivery is different. Ours was both crazed and idyllic, if such a thing is possible. For a start, my wife suffered from a condition called cholestasis (a liver problem), which dictated that we go early. Even so, we had some braxton hicks contractions (false alarm labor) early on anyway. When we went into the doctor's office the following Monday (it happened on a Friday night), they took a look at proceedings and basically bundled us off immediately to the hospital. With a little petocin, the process was initiated. I HIGHLY recommend the epidural (the before and after conditions in the pain/discomfort department -- even just visibly -- were striking). The epidural itself is kinda nerve-wracking (lots of "don't move, or we'll have to do it all over again" stuff....all the while the doctor was talking about some recent ski trip....like a fucktard!) From there, it was surprisingly swift. We waited for things to dilate and whatnot, and once they had, my wife only had to really push for -- dare I say it -- a half an hour (we know people who were in labor, by contrast, for upwards of 36 hours, so go know). It's a very visceral, hair-raising experience once it's occurring, but you'll manage. Somehow, you'll naturally come to grips with it...and won't be as freaked out when it's happening (sort've like auto-pilot, I guess).

GOOD LUCK!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Which, I hasten to add, returns to normal shape and size pretty quickly!

xpost

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:39 (twenty-one years ago)

i assume the vaccuum thingy is better than forceps?

oh, and i also must say that the realization that all that pain will bring a beautiful baby will make it go much easier. that and the anticipation of being able to have a martini again. i wonder if i could have one after, in my hospital bed. anyone know about rules/regulations on that?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

i assume the vaccuum thingy is better than forceps?

The films they show you before hand make both look entirely unappetizing, but both are time-tested, Em. Don't sweat that part of it. Chances are they won't need either.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

And get ready for lots of this:

http://homepage.mac.com/alexinnyc/.cv/alexinnyc/Sites/.Pictures/Photo%20Album%20Pictures/2004-07-04%2016.28.35%20-0700/Image-94029E06CE1011D8.jpg-thumb_105_140.jpg

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:43 (twenty-one years ago)

I asked my friend Sinead what it was like quite soon after she had given birth. She said: "I'm not going to lie to you like the rest of the mammy's. It hurts like fuck and you tear. But then you feel grand afterwards. It was either drugs or hormones."

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

i know it is ridiculous, but all of the high tech medical things involved kinda make me want run screaming into the wilderness to squat like an aboriginee in a cave somewhere.

her sad face is so cute!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

I think they're used for different reasons but I can't remember why exactly. Oh, I think it depends on how far the baby has descended.

If either of them need to be used, chances are you won't care at that stage and will be happy to move the delivery along. Neither are particularly painful in themselves.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:45 (twenty-one years ago)

AAAAAAACKKKKKKK! NO TEARING!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I had an episiotomy which is much more refined and neater!

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

(sorry, she seemed quite blase about it if that's any consolation)

― Anna (Anna), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

I just keep thinking childbirth must be like Alien. I'm too much of a wuss.

― Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Better make sure you are massaging your perineum (sp) then!! (apparently this helps!)

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:48 (twenty-one years ago)

The only awful detail I have is that our daughter arrived two weeks past her due date, but the labor and birth went really smoothly. My wife had an odd premonition that that day would be the day. Sure enough, her water broke about 7:30 a.m. and there were mild but regular contractions, so off we went. Contractions, breathing, dilation, huff-puff-huff-puff, all according to plan. From no dilation to 4 cm in about two and a half hours, the baby's heart rate was good and she was positioned well for a normal birth, so they went ahead with the requested epidural. (They said that an epidural can slow labor down, so they don't like to do it when things are going really slowly.) More labor, everything moving along quickly and ta-dah, the baby arrived at 4:37 that afternoon. Small episiotomy, ouchie for a few weeks.

My wife had to have her gall bladder removed about six weeks later after a painful attack of gallstones — speculation was that the crowding in her abdomen from the baby caused some gallstones to get hung up in her bile duct.

Congratulations and good luck! I hope your birthin' situation goes as smooth as ours did.

― the apex of nadirs (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I wasn't technically an ILX poster yet when we had Rufus 2 years ago (birthday coming up Dec. 2).

Congratulations!

My tale:
I hadn't had a baby shower and my older sister felt I must have one so she organized one that was actually *after* my due date. The baby waited. A couple of days before the shower, I lost my plug (mucousy bloody discharge) which usually happens a couple of days before labor. A couple of weeks before, I had had some Braxton Hicks contractions - fake preparatory contractions that don't progress. The doctor had told me that I would definitely know when my water broke, that there would be a gush. The morning of the baby shower, I felt like I had lost control of my bladder. Every time I sat down or stood up I leaked what I thought was pee. A couple of hours before guests started arriving for the baby shower, I started having contractions. I had been warned about not going to the hospital too soon, so I didn't rush off. I would open some baby gifts, then have a contraction, then open some more gifts. About 12 hours after they started, the contractions became very painful. I was having "back labor". We went to the hospital. Turns out my water had broken that morning, but instead of a gush, I had a trickle. Because I had waited so long to go, my uterus got infected, and I started developing a high fever. I felt sooo cold. As soon as I got there, I asked for an epidural. I recommend it - but I couldn't really feel to push. The baby was "sunny side up", face up instead of down. They were monitoring his heartbeat. It would drop as the contractions progressed. He didn't seem to be moving down the canal. After another 12 hours (meaning now 24 hours total of contractions), the doctor decided we should go into surgery for a C-section. I think she thought I wanted to try not to go that route, but I wish she'd made that decision sooner. I was completely drugged up with a sheet in front of my face so I couldn't see what was happening and my arms pinned down in crucifix mode. Scott watched the operation which was apparently horrifying. The baby came out okay and Scott got to hold him first. I couldn't hold him because I was crucified and drugged. He was apparently a bit stressed and needed to be warmed up. He probably had my fever. They brought me to recovery and it was a full 6 hours before they finally brought Rufus into the room. We spent a week in the hospital recovering, on antibiotics and painkillers.

The breastfeeding didn't work for us -- Rufus couldn't latch on. I wanted him to have breast milk, so I pumped milk for about 5 months and we fed him with a bottle. La Leche League tried to help us. Pumping and bottles were a pain and I had imagined this close bond with breastfeeding, but it also freed me up some and allowed Scott to feed the baby and establish a closer connection.

Now for a newsflash:
I'm pregnant again. This time I'll have a scheduled C-section. The 2nd time is supposed to be a lot easier. We're due in May.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

when i think of childbirth i envision all sorts of cronenberg-esque scenarios. i'm way too squeamish.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Now for a newsflash:
I'm pregnant again. This time I'll have a scheduled C-section. The 2nd time is supposed to be a lot easier. We're due in May.

Holy shit, congrats to you two too!!!

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:50 (twenty-one years ago)

X-post
Aww congrats Maria! Oh & you're story just made me get all tearful!!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

omg congratulations!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

There are apparently multiple levels of tearing, too, but I'm not going to go into them here.

― Ol' prune face (Mark C), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Of course they might snip you instead...

― Madchen (Madchen), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Congratulations Maria and Scott!

― Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

that story made me tearful with fear. wow.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:54 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, congrats maria! and thanks for sharing your story. even though it does sound difficult, it is very helpful in my mental preparation to see that even though yours was a bit rocky you are ready to do it again! oh, and i love the name rufus!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm really thankful for modern medicine. If we lived 100 years ago or in Afghanistan, we might not have made it.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

so is the consensus that it is better to be snipped than to tear? makes sense, i guess. and probably heals faster.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

i think i need to stop reading this thread before i book myself in for a tubal ligation.

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Another skotrok & maria baby!!!!!! Yayayayaya!!!

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:58 (twenty-one years ago)

tubal ligation.

I saw them open for Dio in `84.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

In some hospitals, I don't think you're given the choice. I needed to be snipped so that the Venteuse could be used. Plenty of women give birth without tearing at all. The doc will make that call when the time comes. If you do tear a little, you won't feel it.

Congrats Maria!

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 15:59 (twenty-one years ago)

Yay Maria and Scott indeed! :-) :-) Now Rufus can have a playmate he can tease and torment, which is the god given right of all older siblings. Did I mention my sister is younger than me?

(BTW, this is my most quoted phrase from gone with the wind)

What, "It's kind of like trying to force a watermelon out your ass"?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

so is the consensus that it is better to be snipped than to tear?
Yes because then they can sew you back up with minimal after effects, if you see what i mean?!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I used to imagine I would want to have a baby at home, with a midwife. I watched a home birth when I was a child and it was amazing. When I was about 4 months pregnant, my crunchy friend who doesn't believe in doctors asked me to come be her doula during her home birth. The midwife was a slightly crazy old lady who had come out of retirement for the event. Her contractions started getting farther apart instead of closer. The midwife suggested giving my friend a beer to relax her (my friend's was in AA at the time). The baby finally arrived after about 26 hours of labor. The experience convinced me to just go to the hospital.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:01 (twenty-one years ago)

I wanted a natural, drug-free birth also. I did all the breathing classes, yoga etc. When I went into labour, it all went out the window and I was like 'Give me the fucking drugs you arsehole'

I was very rude, I believe.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I AM OFFICIALLY GREEN WITH ENVY. Seriously. :-)

How long did it take to get pregnant? My mom says to stop worrying as it's still 8 pregnants. I read up on it and she's right but tell that to my husband. I understand him completely. Esp since our salesperson brings her baby to work (our shop), we are confronted with a baby. I don't worry (yet) but I understand my husband completely.

Rieko (our salesperson) was completely freaking out over the delivery. It didn't help our colleague would say:"OH YEAH you can see the WHOLE CUTTING OPEN OF YOUR BELLY in the reflection!!!!!" Gawd, how insensitive! Of course it all went well!

" I was like 'Give me the fucking drugs you arsehole'"

hahah I bet! I saw this program on child delivery. The woman was screaming for drugs. Her husband said while patting her:"A little longer, that's all." Feh off, give her drugs!

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:04 (twenty-one years ago)

8 months. duh. see, i only think of one thing. :-)

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:05 (twenty-one years ago)

We weren't trying to get pregnant this time. We had decided "one and done" and finally convinced our families to stop bugging us about when we'd have another. We obviously weren't careful enough, though, so maybe we subconsciously wanted another.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:08 (twenty-one years ago)

well, our conceiving was quite the accident so i guess it didn't take much. but a friend of mine had quite a difficult time for several years-even went through the in vitro process unsuccessfully. she and her husband then adopted a child. 2 YEARS later, they were pregnant! magically, it seemed! and their little girl was born with no complications in the pregnancy whatsoever. others i have known have usually gotten pregnant within a year or two of trying to.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Emily when are you having the shower thing? Are you having it? I have not heard anything from Nancy or Bobbi.

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:11 (twenty-one years ago)

Pregnancy is one slippery enigma. Before ya get married, it can verily be the most cataclysmic mishap known to mortal man. Once you do get married and actually start trying, it can be as elusive as solving the world's largest Rubik's cube. It took my wife and I one disspiriting, Aldous Huxleyish year to get the job done.

That said, a coworker of mine who'd agreed with her husband that they were never going to have kids just got knocked up herself (miscalculated the cycles, apparently). She's due in January.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

I recommend having a shower the day the baby's born. Takes your mind off the contractions.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Pregnancy is one slippery enema.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Maybe we should leave the poo stories.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

finally convinced our families to stop bugging us about when we'd have another

Oh god, I can't imagine being in a family where I'd have to deal with that and/or 'when are you getting married?' -- *shudder*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

cprek- we have been waiting to see what it will be, gender-wise. but now i am thinking about being surprised. so i must make a decision. but it will probably be mid january. and it will be the anti-shower.

ugh. i have heard of this poo phenomenon. another reason part of me wants to give birth alone in the wilderness.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Then you could eat your placenta for sustenance.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

and it will be the anti-shower.

A baby drizzle?

"When preparing one's baby, drizzle the butter..." -- what?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:17 (twenty-one years ago)

The only shower I've bee to was for Nickalicious' boy, and they had to before he was born.

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

A baby drizzle?

Em will be dealing with plenty of that.

― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

...had *it* before he was born.

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:18 (twenty-one years ago)

mmmmmmmmm, nothing like afterbirth for lunch. also, eating it would keep away the predators.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Best wishes with all of it, and congratulations! My wife and I were expecting a child to show up around Nov. 30, but he jumped the gun and came, uh, 3 months early. Yipes. So he's been in the hospital ICU since Sept. 1. That was a C-Section delivery, which turned out to be the least stressful part of the whole experience (compared to, like, OMG our baby is 3 months premature!!!). It definitely took 3-4 weeks for her to really recover from the delivery, but the delivery itself took all of about a half-hour, and she really didn't feel anything much while it was happening. Of course, the baby being so tiny (2 lbs. 4 oz.) probably helped.

The good news is that he's doing well -- up to just over 6 lbs. now -- and will probably come home in the next 2-4 weeks. We get to hold him now and even feed him with a bottle, neither of which we could do for weeks.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Im jealous of all you parents and future parents....my wife and i have been trying for 8 months to no avail. But congrats to all!

My mother was in labor for 24 hours with me, I was 10lbs 5oz.

― Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw, that's grand to hear all's going well after all that, Gypsy!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:22 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, gypsy mothra! What a stressful time! So glad the baby is thriving now and will soon be home with you!

Emilymv, have you heard about donating your "cord blood"? I guess it's kind of like stem cells or something. I didn't do it, but I'm going to look into it this time.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:23 (twenty-one years ago)

My god Gypsy Mothra, my best wishes to you & yours!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:27 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, gypsy, that is quite an ordeal. i am so glad to hear it is all turning out well. i am sure that you will be so happy to have him home, i like these stories with uplifting endings!

i mean the anti-shower in that i don't want it to be gay. no games and such. my actual friends should come and we will eat food and you guys will drink adult beverages and it will be fun. my stepmom is throwing at my parents house for me for all of their friends and my friends from childhood which will be unbearably cutesy and filled with high society ladies. *vomits*

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:28 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG I knew this was yr thread five words into the title Emily!

I have some good childbirfin books I can give you, actually! I promise they are none-too-hippy as well.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:29 (twenty-one years ago)

I want a me-shower. I don't see why I have to have a baby before my friends come round and give me cute gifts.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:30 (twenty-one years ago)

i mean the anti-shower in that i don't want it to be gay.

Hey, that's mean!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:31 (twenty-one years ago)

WILL JUDGE V3NT3RS BE AT THE SHOWER?! OR JUGS V3NT3RS?

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:32 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha! nick i like the non hippy garauntee! and would appreciate borrowing the books. i have read several and i do find that the more i read on the topic the calmer i am about my current symptoms and what to expect after the birth. but the actual event is causing much anxiety. and cprek, jugs venters will be the only one there and i must say teh name is even more applicable now. ugh!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

You may feel like the most powerful woman in the universe afterwards. It's an amazing feeling. Hang on to it coz it won't last long.

I also remember looking at other women who'd given birth and thinking, 'Wow, you're incredible, I'm incredible, look what we can do'.

Will your SO be there, do you feel he's prepared?

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:34 (twenty-one years ago)

i envision all sorts of cronenberg-esque scenarios

this made me think of Mike Skinner

― Freelance Hiveminder (blueski), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:37 (twenty-one years ago)

yes, he will be there. he is TOTALLY unprepared, in my opinion. he says he wants to be in the delivery room but i really think he won't be able to handle it and may faint or freak out (he is a bit squeamish about blood).

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:38 (twenty-one years ago)

All I can say at the moment is that my wife nearly died twice (complicated C-section, then a complicated infection as a result of the complicated C-section... had she gone through either 20 years ago, she would've most certainly died) but everything is as close to ideal right now as possible. Our boy is three months old and he is the best thing ever -- pefectly healthy, charming as hell.

My best wishes to all of you who have gone through/are going through/will go through any of this.

― Andy K (Andy K), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Thanks, all.

And bingo, don't worry, we went about a year and were just to the point of 'maybe we should start with all the tests' and whatnot, and then she was pregnant. Everybody's different, but the biology does tend to work itself out -- and if not, there are lots of options now. I know one couple who spent several years trying, then did the whole fertility drug route, and now have rambunctious twin boys.

xpost -- I was in the delivery room for the C-section, but they put up that big curtain so all I could see was my wife's head and shoulders. She couldn't see anything either, we just held hands and tried not to listen to all the noise on the other side of the curtain. (sounded like there was a little construction project going on...)

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Andy, yikes. Glad everything's OK.

― gypsy mothra (gypsy mothra), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:42 (twenty-one years ago)

had she gone through either 20 years ago, she would've most certainly died

Good lord. I mean, I remember you posting on this, but I hadn't realized it was THAT bad. I can understand why you wouldn't have wanted to have talked about it, it must have been that close to the bone.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

When they pulled our baby out, I jumped up on impulse and saw more than I bargained for -- I'm amazed I did not collapse. Must've been the adrenalin.

― Andy K (Andy K), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Does he know about the Linda Blair face?

I just about avoided the 'Your mother sucks cocks in hell' line but I managed the full head swivel.

NB Some women are serene.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:43 (twenty-one years ago)

also, i guess this is stupid and prudish, but i really don't want anyone that i KNOW, even the father, watching it happen with a front row seat pulled up betwixt my legs! my doctor and other medical professionals is one thing, but no one else should see anything, even their child, erupt from my vagina. am i wrong? is this unfair?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:44 (twenty-one years ago)

You get to decide what you want. The point is for you to be as comfortable as possible.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

my vadge suddenly hurts.

― planescapin' 'til dawn (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Isn't time that someone just go ahead and talk about THE SMELL?

― quincie, Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:47 (twenty-one years ago)

ohno.ohno.ohno.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

We knew it was serious while everything was going on, of course, Jodee's ob gave her that info at one of the long-after-the-fact check-ups. We figure it's the price we paid for everything going perfectly (Jodee got pregnant very easily, had a spectacular pregnancy, fast labor) up until the pushing started.

― Andy K (Andy K), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I love it when people say "vadge"!

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

The SMELL, people--the SMELL!

― quincie, Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

emily, you'll forget about the pain once you got that cute lil baby. At least that's what my mom always told me.

― planescapin' 'til dawn (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Uff. A price paid perhaps, Andy, but still.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I am most concerned about the pooing whilst pushing part!!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

heh pink my sister's best friend (who just had a baby three weeks ago) was fearful of that, too.

― planescapin' 'til dawn (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:52 (twenty-one years ago)

this is horrible! this just gets worse and worse!

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

And what happened Mandee? It's really the only thing I am concerned about. This happy moment occuring & then whoops, I shit myself! :-(

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

my mom says that back in her day they gave you an ENEMA to prevent that problem.

― planescapin' 'til dawn (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I was down the business end with ours, cos I was on foot squeezing duty for 5 hours. Serious hand crampage... I still can't peel an orange nine months later.

I just about avoided the 'Your mother sucks cocks in hell' line but I managed the full head swivel.

My wife was really restrained, no drugs at all and all she let slip were a few soft oooh-ahhs and a couple of oh-my-goshes. That's when she wasn't screaming like a bludgeoned piglet obviously. Finest day of our lives though, truly amazing experience.

Oh, and to all that are trying, it tooks us forever and most people I know went through exactly the same thing. You realise that it's the couples that can get pregnant straight away that are the exceptions. Good luck all round.

― NickB (NickB), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

haha I read something on Dooce about someone she knows dropping so much poop whilst giving birth that the nurses weighed it to see if it was heavier than the baby!

It was.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

I worried about that too. Pushing does feel like you're trying to take a shit.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

this is horrible! this just gets worse and worse!

Go check out the Alex In NYC *IS* A Daddy thread. You'll change your mind.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:56 (twenty-one years ago)

You know, not that I would have necessarily heard about these factors like the poo and the smell and all that for many obvious reasons, but it's amusing to realize at my age that I really HAVEN'T heard everything yet, have I?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

I was going to type this then didn't. But it's here anyway. how odd.

― mark grout (mark grout), Thursday, 18 November 2004 16:58 (twenty-one years ago)

i hear they wipe your ass so quick you have no idea you shit.

― Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

i'm sure it does, jeanne, but i have a phobia of childbirth. what's the technical term for that?

― lauren (laurenp), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:03 (twenty-one years ago)

'Maieusiophobia'. No, really.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:05 (twenty-one years ago)

That's a fear of vowels, archel.

― Ol' prune face (Mark C), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Heh.

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:33 (twenty-one years ago)

This is the best thread ever - my favourite topic! I never tire of asking my colleague - who squeezed out her first child over a year ago - all the gory details.

She had a disappointingly easy labour, she said she grunted and groaned a bit, didn't require any meds and wasn't even stitched up after the whole thing was over. She goes on about how much of a piece of cake it was. She must have a fanny like the Lincoln Tunnel.

Hope she has a 'real' birth the next time, maybe then she can stop being so flippant ;)

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:35 (twenty-one years ago)

[not for the squeamish]

I woke up one bright Saturday morning at around 11 am, went into the kitchen, bent over to get the cat food out of the cupboard and BAM, my water broke. Honestly, I wasn't sure if it had broken or if I'd peed all over the floor. I called my best friend, then my mom (though my mom swears I called her first, aww, isn't she cute?) and then my doctor. He said 'ohh, you should probably get to the hospital sometime soon,' 'well, can I take a shower first?' 'oh yeah sure, see you later sometime,' and I was off. I did indeed take a shower and then called everyone I knew, grabbed up my bag, and off we went.

One thing no one told me is that when you water breaks, it keeps leaking.

Anyway, got to the hospital, checked in, they sent me into triage, where I had to wait for about an hour because all the bed were full. Meanwhile, labor pains started - gently - felt like very very mild cramps. No biggie, she thinks, I can handle this! Easy peasy! They finally kicked someone else out and handed me a gown, asked me why I thought I was in labor ("um, my water broke) and sent me into the bathrooom to change and pee in a cup. I did, handed it back to the nurse who saw pieces of the mucous plug in the cup (sometimes you lose it before, sometimes not) and said yup, your water broke. They put me in a bed in triage, hooked the monitor straps up around my ginormous belly and left me there for awhile. Eventually I had to get up to pee again, and I discovered the next thing no one ever told me:

When your water breaks, there is also some blood, do not be alarmed, it's normal. If you think it looks excessive, ask the nurse.

Eventually, they rolled me into a labor and delivery room (the hospital I was at has private rooms for each mother to be), a battle axe of a nurse stuck a needle in the side of my wrist for the IV (they want to keep you hydrated) and the wait was on. Luckily, my friend Victoria had given birth a few weeks before and came to visit me, so was able to read the fetal monitor and tell me when I was going to have another contraction. "Oh here it comes!" What? I don't feel anythi... OH THERE IT IS. They started off small, but began packing a punch after a couple hours, and I eventually gave in and asked for the epidural about 7 pm (which may have actually been too early).

Meanwhile, my husband went out to get food for himself and my mother and came back AND THEY ATE IT IN FRONT OF ME.

If they tell you can eat lightly when you first go into labor, do it. I was so hungry I would have chewed his arm off if he'd gotten close enough to me to realise his mistake. Asshole.

The next several hours were pretty slow - they told me to try to sleep, but I was too excited/scared/nervous and I couldn't, so my mom and I watched the Miss America pageant with the nurse and my husband slept.

Along about 1 or 2 am, they decided to speed up the process and gave me Pitocin to bring on more contractions, but in doing that, my heart rate apparently went down and they gave me oxygen and kept turning the pitocin off and on. It might have been irritating, but I was numb from just under the boobs down, what did I care?

FINALLY, at about 4 am they decided I was dilated enough to start pushing. This is where the next, and most important I feel, piece of information NO ONE EVER TOLD ME comes in:

THEY HAVE TO LET THE EPIDURAL WEAR OFF SO THAT YOU CAN PUSH.

YES.

WEAR OFF.

NO MORE DRUGS.

So basically, I'd been pain free for about 9 hours, and ALL OF A SUDDEN I WAS IN HARD LABOR.

Not my favorite moment ever, let me tell you. They eventually relented and gave me what they called a 'pushing dose', but I don't think it did a whole lot of good, to be honest.

I was pushing and yelling and cussing and my mom was helping the nurse hold my legs up and man... it was unpleasant. It hurt, but it was mostly the contractions. I couldn't really feel anything *down there* - there's so much pressure that I think it sort of goes numb. (I know this because I tore slightly and didn't feel a thing). It was messy and ugly and sweaty, but I got there. Meanwhile my husband stood over to the side and did nothing. All that lamaze went to waste. Asshole.

They brought in a full length mirror because the nurse said "it helps some mothers see thet they're making progress." It didn't help me. Seeing my crotch 7 feet high didn't help so much as it made me collapse into giggles because while I could see the top of his little head, it looked like a wet St. Bernard trying to push it's way in through the cat door (thank you Jeff Foxworthy). I made them take it away.

I pushed and they pulled and at around 5:40, he was finally born. However, when he came out finally, one of his arms was up by his face (like he'd been resting his face on his fist saying COME ON, MOM) and so they whisked him off to the baby incubator and yelled "CALL PEDIATRICS!" because they thought his arm might be broken. No one told me why, though, so I was a little freaked out, but it turns out he was prefectly fine (if really swollen and ugly.. man, I know people say babies are beautiful, but first thing when they're born vaginally, yuck).

Next couple things no one told me: Once the baby is born, everyone forgets about you. Sorry, but there is it. You are no longer interesting, a spent vessel, if you will.

Also: Once you have the baby, your contractions CONTINUE because they're trying to push the placenta out.

Now in my case, a very nice young man (whom I had never seen before and don't think I have seen since) appeared while all the hullabaloo was going on at the baby incubator, and without so much as a how do you do, he shoved his entire hand up there to get the placenta out. I have no idea if this is common practice or if he just had a fetish, but DAMN if it wasn;t a surprise to me. He showed it to me and it looked sort of gross, but also kind of fascinating and I wanted to poke it, but he whisked it away to wherever they take them when they're produced.

Next thing I didn't know: Your contractions continue after that, because they're trying to shrink your uterus back down to size. Not as painful, but damn by then you wish they'd go away.

They eventually whisked me away to my hospital room where they made me get up and pee into a collection ... thing to see how much fluid I was passing I suppose, then put me back to bed, where I drank about 10 cups of orange juice. My family went home about that time to get some sleep (it was about 8 am by now) and I tried to sleep but couldn't really and just stayed awake and stared at my baby boy.

More things I didn't know: If you breastfeed, they will come around within about 3 hours and start trying to get you set up for it. I assumed babies were born knowing how, they are not. The nurses will come around EVERY THREE HOURS and wake your ass up. Sometimes they grab your boobs to position them right (I hope that's why...) and the whole thing is uncomfortable, but you get used to it.

- The first two weeks of breast feeding are hell, but after that, it's like buttah. Your nipples will be sore and cracked, but it goes away. Persevere.

- The third day after your baby is born will be the worst day of your life - that's when your milk comes in. Your boobs will be the biggest things you've ever seen and they'll be hot to the touch and hurt like a motherfucker. You will want to keep cabbage leaves handy (no really) and put them in your bra - they help draw the milk out and also to reduce swelling. Also icepacks are good for this. Keep them handy and stuff them in your bra.

- The baby's first poop is almost black and gross. But whatever. The poops aren't bad until they start eating solids.

- Buy a donut pillow to sit on. Your woo-woo will be sore and BLACK with bruising. You'll want this, trust me.

- When you get up for middle of the night feedings, do not turn the tv on. Keeps the little sucker awake. I R dumb.

- SLEEP AS MUCH AS YOU CAN NOW. You won't save it up, but you will not sleep this well again for YEARS. Yup, YEARS.

- When the doctors tell you to wait 6 weeks to have sex, wait the 6 weeks. Don't ask me how I know.

- After the baby, you'll have your period for a couple weeks - it's just the sloughing off of the uterine lining that's been stored up for 9 months - and there will be stuff in it. Also more lining. Nothing to worry about. After that stops, you won't get your period for a couple months. It's cool.

- When you pack your bag, bring stuff to entertain yourself (books, cds, whatever). I needed it because all my lame ass friends and family came half an hour before visiting hours were over, so I was alone all day.

- Keep the baby with you in your room - BUT, let them take him/her to the nursery so you can have a shower.

I can't think of anything else right now, but if you have any questions or want to talk about it further - email me!

The final thing I'll say is that it IS scary, it IS weird and horrifying and THE BIG UNKNOWN, but much like anything else, it's probably not as bad as you think it's going to be, so do your best to relax and you'll get through it just fine.

Good luck!!!!

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow! Luna comes through like Jeanne said! Rah!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

disappointingly easy labour

Bloody hell

― Andy K (Andy K), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh I forgot: when you get really thirsty (with an epidural), they won't let you drink anything, but they will give you ice chips to eat... they might make you vomit. They did me. Ice chips? WHATEVER. My husband had to leave the room when this happened - he's so vomit phobic.

Asshole.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 17:51 (twenty-one years ago)

wow, luna. thanks so much for all of the info. and i will probably take you up on the email offer and harass you with the same questions repeatedly. how long did your stay in the hospital last?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, luna. That's a really impressive/informative story. Thanks.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I love how his little head was resting on his fist.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

I checked in on Saturday morning and left Tuesday morning. My doctor asked me on Monday if I wanted to stay an extra day, so I said yes.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

And yeah Emily, do email me with ANYTHING, day or night. I know how you're feeling now and how you'll probably be feeling then, so if I can help at ALL, I'm happy to.

Also note that if you beg them to let you go home and come back later because you've decided you don't want to have a baby right then anymore, they will say no.

Assholes.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:33 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG EMILY IF IT'S A BOY YOU SHOULD NAME HIM DREYFUS!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:46 (twenty-one years ago)

I think if you're going to name the baby Clementine if it's a girl, it's only fair that you name a boy LUNAR PROSPECTOR!

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:49 (twenty-one years ago)

well, lunar prospector and dreyfuss are both superior to nathan's favorite name-CASH. i think he really was disappointed when i said no way.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 18:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Cash? You beat him, I hope.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:11 (twenty-one years ago)

My mom continually points out the virtue of having a difficult 1st pregnancy that required a caesarian birth because A) no need to lay off the epidural etc etc B) babies are born beautiful from the start and not squishy! Apparently having an enormous fuck off scar on your abdomen is not as important to her.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

i told that would be fine if we could spell it h-a-r-v-e-y. oh, and to clarify "cash" would not be in reference to johnny but in reference to actual money. the man is obsessed with the stock market and economics.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

He doesn't like Huey Lewis and Phil Collins a lot, does he?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:18 (twenty-one years ago)

She'd ask but he just left to return some videotapes.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:19 (twenty-one years ago)

And plus, Cash would be a killer name if he grows up to be a TV private eye.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

is it still true that if you get one caesarian birth, you have to have all subsequent babies born that way too?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:21 (twenty-one years ago)

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

I pushed and then had a c-section, so Rufus was born with a crazy cone head. His first noise as he was lifted out of my belly was a kind of crowish "caw!" Scott said he reminded him of a teradactyl.

As for your question, allyzay, people try to have vaginal births later and succeed, but there is a risk of your uterus rupturing that way. I'd rather just have them cut along the dotted line.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:22 (twenty-one years ago)

From what little I understand, doctors are all for caesarians because it's a lot simpler for them and leads to less complications. I mean, they're all into that surgery stuff, right?

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

I gotta say, I'd rather keep my girly bits intact and have a belly scar. Oh and be COMPLETELY KNOCKED OUT IF POSSIBLE.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Doctors are all for caesarians because you have a scheduled date and therefore are part of their schedule as opposed to sucking up their valuable hours in labor. They can see more patients (i.e. make more money) this way.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

i totally hope i get a c-section.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

My doctor kept coming in to check how far I was dialated and then going away, 'you're boring me, I'll come back when there are more interesting things happening.'

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Did he really say that? I hope so, then his death would be that much more amusing to contemplate (as you ripped his head off).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

OH, yes. That too.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

A C-section is no picnic, but not sure how having a hole cut in your abdomen compares with squeezing a basketball out your twat. I think doctors are quick to do them. Mine wasn't quick enough. Emily, if you seriously do want a c-section, you could probably schedule it that way.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Jenny was SOOOOOOO not wanting a c-section, and the doctors at UK Hospital were like practically cartoon children banging the butt ends of their knives and forks on the table all "WE WANT C-SECTION! WE WANT C-SECTION!". I think I just read that something like 80% of births at UK Hospital are done by cesarian.

We had talked about having WATERBIRTH if we had another. It's like giving birth IN A JACUZI.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:39 (twenty-one years ago)

80%!! WTF!!

I wanted a waterbirth at first, too.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Seriously. They some chop-happy doctors.

Considering you want a cesarian Emily, I might recommend them, except we had VERY bad experiences with Jenny's epidural there. Like, the first anaesthesiologist applied the epidural inaccurately and only numbed Jenny's left side. Then some other guys had to fix it, and she was coming into like the pushing stages of labor, and then when they did she was so numb that [AVERT YE EYES YE WHO ARE WEAK OF HEART] she didn't even NOTICE the tearing [YOU ARE SAFE TO UNAVERT NOW].

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

But what about all the stuff getting in the water and then you having to stay in said water until it's all over? (sorry, but I've thought about this sort of thing way too much)

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:45 (twenty-one years ago)

im scared to have a baby now, too, and i'm not even preggers!

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

People always say you forget the pain, but I disagree. I remember the pain, remember screaming my head off saying OW OW OW OW THIS FUCKING HURTS, I HATE BABIES, I DON'T WANT ONE EVER OW OW OW, but I have no real inkling of what it felt like.

If that makes sense.

Also, I can describe labor pains as feeling like menstrual cramps, but you know when you get those really bad diarrhea cramps that feel like the Alien is going to rip out through your guts? They feel more like that.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Jacuzi of birthing fluids. *shudders*

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

my nemesis did a home water birth, they like lined a watering trough with trash bags or something.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, but it's your own fluids. (Is it weird that this doesn't gross me out?)

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:54 (twenty-one years ago)

No, I don't think so.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

my nemesis did a home water birth, they like lined a watering trough with trash bags or something.

Where to start on how awesome this sentence is? "Nemesis"!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Is her name itty bitty?

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 19:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I was wondering -- does Teeny have an EVIL TWIN?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

When all's said and done - the fluids and smells and pain - this is what it's all about. Kissing the conehead.

http://dutchtoenglish.com/scottkiss.jpg

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

I should scan Spencer's baby picture - man, he was the ugliest newborn.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:05 (twenty-one years ago)

They used FORECEPS to get Lukas out. He looked like a cartoon horse's head slapped on a months-decayed smurf corpse when he came out.

That didn't stop him from being the most beautiful thing ever though.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:07 (twenty-one years ago)

I know precisely what you mean.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

My wife and I are expecting our first, due jan. 5th.

the talk of "tearing" and "snipping" makes me shudder and I wonder how well I'll do in the delivery room since I'm pretty squeamish. I don't plan on a having any better view of what's going on than my wife.

My wife seems very unconcerned with the idea of a c-section and actually, the high-school driver's ed scare footage from childbirth class on the c-section was less disturbing to me than the ones on vaginal birth.

So. . . the episiotomy (or whatever) and the pooping have been mentioned in class. But no-one's said anything of this "smell" quincie mentions. Not sure I really want to know.

― chris herrington (chris herrington), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:11 (twenty-one years ago)

I don't remember a smell in particular, but I was at the other end, so to speak. Stand near your wife's head if you're squeamish, be as encouraging as possible and try not to speak unless spoken to. Also, don't respond to things like 'DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I HATE YOU RIGHT NOW? YOU AND YOUR PENIS, MR OH I HAVE TO HAVE SEX RIGHT NOW OR I'LL DIE, COME A LITTLE CLOSER AND I'LL SEE THAT YOU GET YOUR WISH PAL, NO COME HERE I WON'T HURT YOU, YOUBASTARD, YOU ARE NEVER TOUCHING ME AGAIN, I HATE YOUUUUUUU'

My big thing was not letting mu husband speak. "Shut up. No, you, shut up. Everyone else can talk, JUST NOT YOU."

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

http://starstarstar.net/tub.jpg

haha, they still have the picture of the tub on their website (copied to mine of course to cover my dirty tracks).

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:17 (twenty-one years ago)

ew, did the dog drink from it later?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

I have no idea if that's pre or post birth, but ew, the possibilities.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

My brother was damn ugly. He looked like an old man. (I, on the other hand, was gorgeous. Our baby pictures are hanging next to each other in our parents' house. Heh heh heh.)

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Um, good advice.

My wife already let me know during the smiley-happy childbirth class that she's not interested in vocal encouragement.

So, has anyone actually videotaped this? Standing behind the doctor like a baseball umpire with a video camera? I don't anything would enrage my wife more.

― chris herrington (chris herrington), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Somehow seeing the tub makes it really.. gross.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

HOW DO YOU DRAIN IT?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm so glad I wasn't born in a white-trash looking baby pool.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Something about birthing a baby into a pile of slime doesn't appeal.

― Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:32 (twenty-one years ago)

xpost

Like you would any other kiddie pool, I suspect. In the yard.

*shudder*

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah but, you gotta drag it out of the house... what IF IT SPILT?

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:37 (twenty-one years ago)

That's what the dog is there for.

― sorry, had to (Jeanne Fury), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

It would be like 1000 times worse than pissing on the floor, that's what.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

If it were in the yard, that might have been fun.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

oh ew.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:41 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, somehow the two bath towels thrown down on the wall-to-wall caperting seems woefully inadequate to deal with an exploding pussy.

― Kenan (kenan), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

And thanks for THAT image.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:43 (twenty-one years ago)

. . . having lost her desire for italian food for lunch, luna forlornly munches on a celery stick . . .

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:44 (twenty-one years ago)

you siphon the water out! look at the yellow tube, I'm sure it goes to the shower or something.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

sucking the chunks out has gotta be a bitch though.

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:47 (twenty-one years ago)

$5 says the tape in that boombox is JEFFERSON STARSHIP.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:48 (twenty-one years ago)

No no wait...CRIMSON AND CLOVER.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:49 (twenty-one years ago)

what are you incinerating about jefferson starship, nickalish?

I bet it's Kansas.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Now the picture I have in my head involves what you do when siphoning gasoline - sucking on the end of the hose - can you imagine getting a mouthful of that? BLEARGH.

I'm gonna hurl.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

even better - that song about romeo in black jeans.

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm so late to the party, but congratulation to all of you expecting people. Take the epidural unless you're claustrophobic. Because mrs. hunter couldn't really move or feel her legs well, she felt like she was being held down and was very unhappy about that indeed.

― Hunter (Hunter), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Some cultures ritualistically eat the placenta, believing it imbues the eater with special powers.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

There are some google searches that, no matter how curious one might be, one should never EVER actually perform, if they intend to maintain a shred of sanity.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Cooking Your Placenta!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There are several sumptuous recipes around so that you can enjoy cooking and eating your placenta;
this one is for roasting it:-

Work on the basis that each placenta weighs approximately 1/6 of the baby's weight. To prepare a placenta, cut the meat away from the membranes with a sharp knife. Discard the membranes.

Roast Placenta
1-3lb fresh placenta (must be no more than 3 days old)
1 onion
1 green or red pepper (green will add colour)
1 cup tomato sauce
1 sleeve saltine crackers
1 tspn bay leaves
1 tspn black pepper
1 tspn white pepper
1 clove garlic (roasted and minced)

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Method

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Preheat oven to 350 degrees)

1. Chop the onion and the pepper & crush the saltines into crumbs.
2. Combine the placenta, onion, pepper, saltines, bay leaves, white and black pepper, garlic and tomato sauce.
3. Place in a loaf pan, cover then bake for one and a half hours, occasionally pouring off excess liquid.

Serve and enjoy!

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:57 (twenty-one years ago)

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Ralph!

― the apex of nadirs (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 18 November 2004 20:58 (twenty-one years ago)

I wasn't going to post this, but this thread is already quite over the top. When my aforementioned hippy friend had her baby at home, she kept the placenta for later eating. She didn't get up the nerve though and instead "released" it into the pond on whose banks she got knocked up to start with. The midwife inspected the placenta because you can appparently see something about whether the baby was well-fed prenatally. The midwife showed me that placenta pie, and when the intense smell of it hit me, I started bleeding. I swear it almost sent me into premature labor! That was the second time I spotted during my first pregnancy. I was okay.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

AAAIIIIEEEE!!! ::runs into wall, knocks self out::

― the apex of nadirs (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

I am glad I already ate lunch. But now I must fear the vom.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:09 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm starting to think I should be all old-fashioned and sit in the waiting room smoking.

― chris herrington (chris herrington), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:21 (twenty-one years ago)

go boil some water

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:25 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm with you. Just sit me outside with one of those paging coasters they use at restaurants.

BEEP BEEP BEEP!!

"Looks like my baby is ready!"

― Dale Panopticalis (cprek), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

hahahaha

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:29 (twenty-one years ago)

When I was born my dad just sat in the waiting room smoking cigarettes, which was especially notable since he doesn't smoke.

― chris herrington (chris herrington), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:33 (twenty-one years ago)

Nickalicious, you are now my hero for finding that.

― sugarpants (sugarpants), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I really must read the whole of this thread. Emily: you're due around the same time as my wife. Tonight was supposed to be our first birth class but we sat for 20 minutes in a darkened waiting room in the deserted antenatal wing of Mayday(!) Hospital before realising they must have cancelled it without informing us. So the title of the thread still applies to us. A nice, old South African consultant came and chatted to us - "It's a young man's game this, I don't do deliveries any more; my last was an 11lb 2oz breech birth." Jeepers. They don't do many of those any more...

― Michael Jones (MichaelJ), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:47 (twenty-one years ago)

we had both of ours in the big bath in the birthing centre (separate occasions, not twins). no drugs required. pretty quick. i remember being ready for a long haul both times and the next thing ya know...

the warm bath water is apperently very good for the pain. my wife was sitting on my lap when they squeezed out, plop - into the midwife's hands. i'd recommend it!

also
Better make sure you are massaging your perineum (sp) then!! (apparently this helps!) as Pinkp says.

― bulbs (bulbs), Thursday, 18 November 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

dude there's a whole thread about eating placenta somewhere

― Porkpie (porkpie), Thursday, 18 November 2004 22:01 (twenty-one years ago)

http://starstarstar.net/tub.jpg

"WHERE"S THAT BABY? I'M HUNGRY!"

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Thursday, 18 November 2004 22:25 (twenty-one years ago)

holy moly I nearly forgot about the Jerry-Bones baby!! I'm so excited to see PICS!

― jill schoelen is the queen of my dreams! (Homosexual II), Thursday, 18 November 2004 23:05 (twenty-one years ago)

ois the consensus that it is better to be snipped than to tear?
Yes because then they can sew you back up with minimal after effects, if you see what i mean?!

Yes, but often the cutting can do MORE damage than tearing. Mind you, I am such a total hippie when it comes to childbirth/women's health.

Anyway, good luck with the baby!

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Friday, 19 November 2004 02:59 (twenty-one years ago)

often the cutting can do MORE damage than tearing

That's what I've been told happened at my birth - the midwife or nurse or whoever *tried* to cut my mum, but got it wrong, so she ended up tearing as well. It required an awful lot of stitches to fix.

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 19 November 2004 08:21 (twenty-one years ago)

Has anyone seen Stan Brakhage's "Window Water Baby Moving?" It's the epitome of searing self portrait. He films his wife in the bath, tearful and beautiful, hands on pregnant belly then jump cuts to a montage and time lapse (like when the flowers go from seed to full flower in science movies) of his wife screaming and blood gushing and head emerging. Quite graphic, ugh. Then more montage, screaming, the "eye" of the head coming out, the placenta being squeezed out etc. We watched this in my film production class and we all stumbled out rubbing our eyes did we just see that.

― nora (nora), Friday, 19 November 2004 14:34 (twenty-one years ago)

Shockandawe.

― B.A.R.M.S. (Barima), Friday, 19 November 2004 15:07 (twenty-one years ago)

x-post

Christ - what does a placenta smell like? Black pudding? An abattoir? Holy moly I feel ill.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 19 November 2004 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

A placenta smells like blood and beets and sex and mud and liverwurst.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:45 (twenty-one years ago)

That's remarkably, disgustingly accurate.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

AND PEOPLE EAT IT?!?!?!?! WTF

― Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

You hadn't heard about placenta stew, Nicole? Gosh, I'd heard about that for years thanks to The Straight Dope.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:49 (twenty-one years ago)

No, I knew people ate it -- I'm just surprised that anyone could after reading what it smells like.

― Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:50 (twenty-one years ago)

I became fixated on the whole smell aspect after an MD friend of mine explained that in med school, she did both her gastrointestinal surgery rotation and her burn unit rotation BEFORE her OB rotation, and the baby smell was WORSE than both the open bowel surgery and horrible horrible burn cases!

― quincie, Friday, 19 November 2004 16:53 (twenty-one years ago)

No, I knew people ate it -- I'm just surprised that anyone could after reading what it smells like.

Hey, people eat stinky cheese and liver, anything's possible.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 16:54 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, another med friend (this one a guy) claimed that after you've seen and smelled your wife/partner like that, you can never, ever look at her the same way again. Ever. He went into opthomology and hopes he never has to see vadge ever again.

― quincie, Friday, 19 November 2004 16:55 (twenty-one years ago)

here it is:

Is this the most earth mother recipe ever?

― Porkpie (porkpie), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:00 (twenty-one years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/faq_hh_img.jpg

― I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:14 (twenty-one years ago)

http://medlib.med.utah.edu/WebPath/jpeg2/PLAC032.jpg

(Have any of you hurled yet?)

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw fuck, I'm perilously close to it now.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:20 (twenty-one years ago)

Bleah! Is that a normal one?

― I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:21 (twenty-one years ago)

The caption reads:
The maternal surface of a normal term placenta is seen here. Note that the cotyledons that form the placenta are reddish brown and indistinct.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:22 (twenty-one years ago)

All of a sudden Del Taco makes perfect sense.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

num num

― Porkpie (porkpie), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Who needs the recipe to make it stew? It looks like stew already.

― Rumpy Pumpkin (rumpypumpkin), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:24 (twenty-one years ago)

sick sick sick! do you have to see this when it comes out? can you refuse to acknowledge that the placenta exists? i really don't think i will want to see it after labor.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Sorry, Emily. I'm not helping you. You won't see it, don't worry. I've just seen it because I helped a friend with her home birth. I didn't see or smell my own placenta.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

The placenta is so weird when it drops, it's such an afterthought, it's like "oh my god I am looking into the eyes of my offspring and it is so beautiful and moving and emotional and *shlurp* oh yeah I forgot about that, ew.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:29 (twenty-one years ago)

as long as i don't see it, i care not how foul it is.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:32 (twenty-one years ago)

I think that picture is a cross-section of a placenta. I remember the wife's looking sort of like a dark red jelleyfish abdoment, without the tentacles, natch.

the birthing process is pretty intense. I'm all for offering face-to-face emotional support rather than watching the goings-on at the business end. and I completely can't imagine doing it without epidurals. as if I were the one in pain!

― tobo (tobo), Friday, 19 November 2004 18:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm pretending that's just one FUCKED UP hamburger.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:06 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm suddenly so so glad that I have the images turned off.

― Leon the Fratboy (Ex Leon), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

Please someone tag this as "not safe for the squeamish" - I usually have a strong stomach, but I'm about to blow chunks.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:12 (twenty-one years ago)

What's the wrapping? Is that pig intestine, like on a delicious sausage?

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:13 (twenty-one years ago)

Why oh why do I keep coming back to this thread?

― chris herrington (chris herrington), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm so hungry that even this thread hasn't killed it.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:17 (twenty-one years ago)

Stop making me look at that picture! I mean, I know nobody is making me look at it, but I keep scrolling up, feeling icky, and then looking at it again.

― Sarah McLusky (coco), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:20 (twenty-one years ago)

ok wow you've all managed to convince me I don't actually want to have a baby.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:26 (twenty-one years ago)

oh man I had nightmares last night about having a baby, this night is gonna be worse.

― teeny (teeny), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Being a girl must suck. I'm so sorry.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

i just realized one of those big snotty sausages is INSIDE OF MY BODY RIGHT NOW. the horror! the horror!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:33 (twenty-one years ago)

this is my favorite thread ever. Congrats to all the 'rents and the future 'rents!

all the while the doctor was talking about sentence some recent ski trip....like a fucktard!

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:35 (twenty-one years ago)

Alexander the Great and his bride decide to celebrate their wedding with a deep-fried placenta.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:36 (twenty-one years ago)

You guys have to understand something. My mom had all of her childbirths via caesarian section, because of the difficulties she had having me (I basically managed to hook my hands around her ribs and refused to come out, after being over a month late), and her doctor thought it was best to not risk complications having babies later, so he just c-sectioned her after that. So my impression of childbirth is like, you get knocked out, you wake up and there's a baby. I had no idea about this tearing nonsense or this horrifying thing you people are calling the "placenta". The doctor just comes in, knocks you out, takes all the crap out and then you have a baby that is not cone shaped or anything, it looks like the gerber baby.

What you people are all describing is like fucking Alien and I want no part of it!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

I thought placentas were just like a clear little sack, like when my cat had babies and they came out with remnants of a clear bag around them that the cat ate. I didn't know they looked like THAT in humans. What the fuck is that?!?!?!?!

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:38 (twenty-one years ago)

ew,right now i am touching it!!! really, as we speak it is attached to my stuff. i wonder if it pulsates and writhes like a spider's egg sack. barf. (i am talking about the placenta not the baby).

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:40 (twenty-one years ago)

I basically managed to hook my hands around her ribs and refused to come out, after being over a month late

I didn't require a c-section but supposedly I took my sweet time. Late delivery, in labor for a long time. My dad swears he saw me stick my head out, look around, and go back in. I'm surprised so many people didn't know about the tearing.

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:41 (twenty-one years ago)

The clear sac is the amniotic sac, Ally - it's what cushions the kid and holds the 'water.' The placenta is what controls the hormones and the blood flow and stuff and is connected to the baby via the umbilical cord.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:43 (twenty-one years ago)

My cat didn't pass out anything that looked like that though! Can I have kittens instead of babies?

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

PAUL
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you love me
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
What you're thinkin' of me
I can see it, face is glowin'
I can see in your eyes
I'm happy you know it
BOTH
That you're havin' my baby
PAUL
You're the woman I love
And I love what it's doin' to ya
BOTH
Havin' my baby
PAUL
You're a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through ya
PAUL
The need inside you
I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya
Baby, do you feel it growin'
Are you happy you know it
That you're
BOTH
Havin' my baby
ODIA
I'm a woman in love
And I love what it's doin' to me
BOTH
Havin' my baby
ODIA
I'm a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through me
PAUL
Didn't have to keep it
Wouldn't put ya through it
You could have swept it from your life
But you wouldn't do it
No, you wouldn't do it
BOTH
And you're havin' my baby
ODIA
I'm a woman in love
And I love what it's doin' to me
BOTH
Havin' my baby
ODIA
I'm a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through me

PAUL
Havin' my baby (havin' my baby)
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you love me

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Okay, NOW I'm revolted.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

She probably did, Ally... Then she ate it.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:46 (twenty-one years ago)

But she would've had to have passed it a long time after she had the kittens cos I sat there for hours, watching, waiting for them to become play-with-able. It didn't happen as quickly as I hoped, they were kind of lazy bones about becoming cute and frisky :\

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:47 (twenty-one years ago)

that song is so much worse than the placenta.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

No, it comes out inside the sac when the kitten comes out - there's an individual one for each cat. She chews through the unbilical cord and eats the little placenta.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:48 (twenty-one years ago)

umbilical, too

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember loving the term "amniotic sac" when I first heard it. When your 'water breaks', it is the amniotic sac breaking it's seal. Duh Nick, you say.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

I've spent the past hour or so looking at birthing pictures online. Placentas in bowls, slimy newborns, floppy parts, and stuff. I think this is all outrageously incredible.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Don't forget about the mucous plug! It looks like yellow snot!

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh, and if I ever felt my baby kick me I think I'd pass out from excitement. (No, really.) I would be the most flipped-out person in the world. And I'd tell everyone and be really annoyingly thrilled about it.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

Arrrgh gross.

I remember when I saw my sister's umbilical cord remnants I almost threw up, and then spent the next week trying to remove it for her. My mom was really, really mad that I wouldn't stop doing that. It was gross though!

xpost wtf is the mucous plug. WTF IS THE MUCOUS PLUG.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:51 (twenty-one years ago)

it's what plugs up your cervix - it thins and comes out during the week or so before you have the baby... sometimes it doesn't come out (mine didn't) until you're getting ready to have the baby. When my water broke, I noticed little chunks of snot in it and thought hey I wonder if that's what that is. I asked the nurse later and she said yes.

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 19:56 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm gonna go get another hot dog from the lady on the sidewalk.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 19 November 2004 19:57 (twenty-one years ago)

wait I did know what the mucous plug was, never mind. Birth control pills are supposed to make your body produce one as well!

That still doesn't stop it from being so, so gross.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:00 (twenty-one years ago)

the baby kicking is neat, though it does get to be a little irritating at times. i have to admit that at first i found it a little creepy, back before the kicks and flips were well defined. it seemed a bit alien, like a big worm was swimming around or something.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:02 (twenty-one years ago)

oh, it still is a little frightening and disturbing to see it moving from the outside.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:03 (twenty-one years ago)

So yours does flips then, Emily? That always freaked me out with Lukas, like, a kick is sweet and inspiring, but a full 360 somersault, that shit is some serious sci-fi shit.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:06 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread has made me want to grill up some burgers tonight.
I bet placenta could be good if you ground it up and threw it in some chili, maybe add some allspice to the usual gang of chili seasonings or a little extra black pepper. Is there any part of having a baby that looks like sauerkraut and mustard? Also do they wrap the baby in aluminum foil and toss it in a plastic bag and say "see you monday?" God, now every time I buy a hot dog I am going to be thinking about obstetrics or whatever it's called. Shit.

― TOMBOT, Friday, 19 November 2004 20:14 (twenty-one years ago)

If I ever DO have a baby, you're not coming in with me.

― Allyzay Science Explosion (allyzay), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:18 (twenty-one years ago)

now i am hungry. and will be eating a chilidog soon.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:21 (twenty-one years ago)

You know what's good with placenta? Bacon.

― Kenan (kenan), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:22 (twenty-one years ago)

PBLT

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:32 (twenty-one years ago)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v296/WilliamCrump63/m417.gif

― I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

hmm, not big enough.

ihttp://www.maakies.com/archive/m417.gif

― I Am Curious (George) (Rock Hardy), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:36 (twenty-one years ago)

now i am hungry. and will be eating a chilidog soon.

I totally misread that as "child dog."

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

save the leftovers for TOMBOT!

― miccio (miccio), Friday, 19 November 2004 20:54 (twenty-one years ago)

placenta is one thing. watching the actual c-section operation is another. the most disturbing thing i've ever witnessed in my life.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

I think you were slightly afraid of me for a while after that.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:06 (twenty-one years ago)

Now I imagine Scott listening to the Black Metal Dudes' album We That Are Of Odin full blast, then suddenly tiptoeing quietly around Maria...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:08 (twenty-one years ago)

well, it's like a horror movie. i thought i should see what they were up to, you know? but i don't know if i would look again.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:10 (twenty-one years ago)

This time, you can lovingly mop my brow instead.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw.

(Anyway, Scott, c'mon, we need a review of that disc.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:15 (twenty-one years ago)

I remember loving the term "amniotic sac" when I first heard it.

I prefer the non-medical term for it: "the caul".

― caitlin (caitlin), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

Maria - I didn't know you were pregnant again (until this thread and I've been meaning to say something) - congrats!

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 19 November 2004 21:55 (twenty-one years ago)

Amazingly, this thread has NOT put me off the idea of giving birth.

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Saturday, 20 November 2004 03:13 (twenty-one years ago)

also, my mom was famous for her easy births-she had all of us within 20 minutes of arriving at the hospital. does any ilxor know if this is possinly genetic?

We were talking about such things at work this week. One of my colleagues had had her first son at 16, and was ridiculously naive about such things. She was later watching a film where some woman was held down, biting and screaming and cursing whilst giving birth, and was like "wtf? mine wasn't like that?" - apparently her mother had had her in about half an hour, and told her that was what it was like. My colleague had then had her son within about half an hour of stepping into the hospital, so their family had just decided this was the normal way of doing things.

I should print off this thread for her.

Anyway, my point, her mother had a ridiculously easy time giving birth and so did she. Maybe genetic (disclaimer: don't come shouting at me if you are in labour for 47 hours, I'm not an kind of an expert)

― ailsa (ailsa), Saturday, 20 November 2004 11:34 (twenty-one years ago)

"it's amusing to realize at my age that I really HAVEN'T heard everything yet, have I?"

:) Just what I was thinking, not something men discuss! My favourite thread in a long time, fascinating. Beautiful, weird and more than a little scary . Good luck Emily.

― Kiwi, Saturday, 20 November 2004 13:17 (twenty-one years ago)

one month passes...

I can't find any updates on this -

Emily, how did it go? Did your placenta smell? ;-)

― Rumpster Pumpster, Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:19 (twenty-one years ago)

And was it a girl or a boy?

― Rumpster Pumpster, Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:22 (twenty-one years ago)

She made reference on the "things learned from holiday gatherings" thread to being "heavily pregnant" or something so I don't think she's had it yet.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:23 (twenty-one years ago)

110. if you are from the south, an only daughter, and extremely pregnant, your brothers will STILL be absolutely no help in shopping, baking, cooking dinner, wrapping presents, cleaning up, etc. oh, and if you happen to be a bit of a perfectionist, your sisters-in-law are afraid to help and will hide instead. and you will receive no presents for yourself, only a million baby outfits that you specifically asked everyone NOT to buy.

-- Emilymv (emilyventer...), December 26th, 2004 10:11 PM. (Emilymv)

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:24 (twenty-one years ago)

Clementine is still up in there, but not for long.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:27 (twenty-one years ago)

I shouldn't try to speak with such authority on this though, I haven't actually seen Emily with these eyes for quite a bit. I just trust the hearsay that finds its way to me because this is a very small town.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:28 (twenty-one years ago)

my wife's c-section
was an emergency so
I couldn't see it

just pacing outside
looking through a small window...
then sammy was out

both births were hectic,
complications, low heart-rates,
doctors! nurses! fear!

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:32 (twenty-one years ago)

still another few weeks left. thank god. i am really dreading this, kind of like if you had all of your dentist appointments for a lifetime scheduled for one day. half of me wishes i could just wander into a field somewhere and do it all by myself and the other half of me wishes that i could be put immediately to sleep upon arrival at the hospital and wake up after it was over. i can't wait for clementine to be here, i just don't want to experience her arrival!

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:33 (twenty-one years ago)

yay clementine!

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:36 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm really excited for you Emily, bet you can't wait to get it over with now!

― Rumpster Pumpster, Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

a) you HAVE to call her "clem"
b) ask for drugs early and often; by the time we needed them with emma, it was too late/too close to zero hour and my wife (who is NOT a natural hippie homebirth type) was deprived of her chance to get legally medically high as a fuckin' kite
c) if you're breastfeeding, be prepared for the teaching nurse to be a hard-ass unfeeling cold hearted bitch who tells you to tough it out...this may only apply in our hospital though
d) don't be like us and have the first TV show yr kid watches in the hospital room be something gory like 'the x-files' one where everyone's bleeding from the eyes, this does not augur well

― Haibun (Begs2Differ), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:40 (twenty-one years ago)

Emily, you will kick-ass. Little Clementine will take care of the rest.

― Je4nne ƒury (Jeanne Fury), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:41 (twenty-one years ago)

ha ha Emily, it's not too late to do it hippy style! I can drive you to the hippy commune farm in Tennessee where S4r4h N3wm4n birthed her youngunses WOLF and COSMO with the aid of MIDWIFERS.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:47 (twenty-one years ago)

Also, the first poops that your baby will make are extremely fucking freaky. Black goo. Like some sort of horrendous crude oil/hashish mishmash. Don't be afraid, they will turn more brownish within the first couple weeks.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:51 (twenty-one years ago)

wolf and cosmo? christ almighty. next up grilled cheese and hackey sack.

― Big Baby Bingo (Chris V), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:53 (twenty-one years ago)

I was at Rhannon-via April's - birth and somehow became in charge of the placenta. it was in the fridge for months, but when the fridge went on the fritz we were all about that placenta.
I remember driving around and laughing, while April tried to be very serious, while we tried to find somewhere to bury the placenta. Bury the placenta. Bury the placenta.
I think we just ended up sticking it in a different fridge.
I didn't eat it.

― aimurchie, Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:55 (twenty-one years ago)

HAHA! nick, the thought of giving birth at a hippy commune is almost as unappealing to me as the thought of mating with that braided goateed hippy who is cosmo and wolf's dad! aaack! they are really cute little boys though.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Tuesday, 28 December 2004 15:56 (twenty-one years ago)

So you know it's going to be a girl, then? That's awesome.

You'll have to let me 'n Cprek know what you need/want. Aw, shit — after your Christmas, maybe we'll just buy YOU some cool shit. :D

― sugarpants (Cprek's Girlfriend) (sugarpants), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 19:31 (twenty-one years ago)

Darn, I hate it when I use the word "shit" twice in rapid succession like that. Mentally switch one of them for "stuff" or something.

― sugarpants (sugarpants), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 19:32 (twenty-one years ago)

wow emily I had no idea you were going to have a baby, that's very exciting, I hope all goes well!

― kyle (akmonday), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 19:37 (twenty-one years ago)

i just returned from registry hell at babiesrus. since most of my friends know nothing about baby stuff, i took a family member with me who has a one yr. old and another on the way. she was very helpful and has been throughout the entire pregnancy, but quite pushy about what i should or shouldn't register for. i thought it was tacky to register for pricey items, but she made me. also, she freaked out when i mentioned not wanting to use pacifiers. so i registered for them against my will. it was rough. the scanner gun was fun though.

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 23:45 (twenty-one years ago)

You will run into EVERY PERSON IN THE WORLD who has an opinion on what you need, how to raise your baby, etc.

Do what you want and what you feel comfortable with - after all, *YOU* are the one she'll be talking about in therapy.

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 29 December 2004 23:49 (twenty-one years ago)

luna is a godsend, she's so right. (and for what it's worth I'm so on your side re: pacifiers.)

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 30 December 2004 02:42 (twenty-one years ago)

More good thoughts for the Clemily. (Er, if that's a good name for you both.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 30 December 2004 02:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Aww, so lovely! All the best Emily!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 30 December 2004 10:13 (twenty-one years ago)

There was an Emily sighting last night. She is extremely pregnant, woah.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 30 December 2004 13:02 (twenty-one years ago)

four weeks pass...

So I thought of this thread because this band I like has a song called Clementine, and I wondered, Emily (other than last night's scary thing), how are you? How're you feeling?

― luna (luna.c), Friday, 28 January 2005 01:00 (twenty-one years ago)

I just saw emily on aim but she left right as I got on!

EMILY WHERE IS THE BABY

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 03:53 (twenty-one years ago)

That was actually Emily's s.o. Baby due within the next 24 hours, hopefully!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 04:07 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG

― teeny (teeny), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 04:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Wooohoo! Go Emily!

― Trayce (trayce), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 04:55 (twenty-one years ago)

what's wrong with pacifiers? (i know even less about birthin babies)

― mookieproof (mookieproof), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 05:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Pacifiers, if used for too long, can cause the teeth to come in bad.

― Allyzay Dallas Multi-Pass (allyzay), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 06:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Dang, I still need to get her a present! :P

― sugarpants (sugarpants), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

First babies are notoriously late. Ours was a week late. The due date is just an approximation.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:58 (twenty-one years ago)

Or did she decide to schedule a C section?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 18:59 (twenty-one years ago)

My son was TWO WEEKS late. But then, Jenny's labor was only SEVEN HOURS.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 19:07 (twenty-one years ago)

i AIMed Emily the other day and didn't get a response. hope everything is okay!

― kyle (akmonday), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 19:10 (twenty-one years ago)

This thread is amazing, moreso when I imagine that Lauren cried the whole way through.

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Tuesday, 8 February 2005 20:15 (twenty-one years ago)

She is contracting as I type this. There may be a baby by this evening!

Also, it's not too late to find her baby registry on Amazon.com if anyone feels so inclined!

― Drake Beardo (cprek), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

yayayay! :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 20:46 (twenty-one years ago)

My thoughts are with you!

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

SHIT YEAH! SHIIIIIIIIIT YEEEEEEEAAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 20:50 (twenty-one years ago)

OMG Emily is going to be such a great mommy!!!!!!!

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

http://tvparty.com/bgifs5/butterfly2.jpg

Amazingly, I can find no animated .gif of Prissy getting slapped...

― Jimmy Mod always makes friends with women before bedding them down (ModJ), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 20:51 (twenty-one years ago)

We should have a Sparks-laden FAP in her honor.

― sugarpants (sugarpants), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 21:03 (twenty-one years ago)

CIRCLE OF LIFE FAP

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 21:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Do you guys know what hospital she's at!?!?

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 21:22 (twenty-one years ago)

JNI has the answers! Also, do not call her because she is getting annoyed with all the interruptions to her birthing process.

― Drake Beardo (cprek), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 21:26 (twenty-one years ago)

hahaha trust me dude I know not to fuck with a lady while she's giving birth!

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 21:28 (twenty-one years ago)

So is the baby born yet? This is taking FOH-EH-VAH.

― n/a (Nick A.), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 21:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Tell her get on AIM. (I'M KIDDING.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 21:30 (twenty-one years ago)

Good luck, chica! My fingers are crossed for an easy birth! (Yay Clementine!)

― luna (luna.c), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 22:23 (twenty-one years ago)

Ned is actually not kidding. He also wants Emily to hem his suit pants and bake him a cake.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 23:07 (twenty-one years ago)

Also Ned would like for Emily to solve a series differential equations and to build a working miniature fission reactor during the birth.

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 23:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Now Lisa & I have a baby due... sometime very soon. Nominally Mar. 9, but doctors say it could show up any time.

― Douglas (Douglas), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 23:36 (twenty-one years ago)

Man, I hate when relatives show up unannounced.

― Tep (ktepi), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 23:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Yeah, FedEx is like that. (xpost DAMN YOU TEP)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 23:38 (twenty-one years ago)

I'm only asking for cold fusion, sir.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 23:45 (twenty-one years ago)

(I feel like Ned is on the verge of challenging me to a duel... TO THE PAIN.)

― The Ghost of Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Tuesday, 15 February 2005 23:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Has Clementine arrived yet? how is emily?

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 10:19 (twenty-one years ago)

In case anyone didn't already know, Michael Jones - ILx tennis, Everton, digi-Skronk and comedy correspondent extrordinaire - and his wife, the lovely Pam B., had their child, Ava, on Valentine's Day.

― Jerry the Nipper (Jerrynipper), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 10:38 (twenty-one years ago)

Way to go Emily!

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 10:49 (twenty-one years ago)

yay babies! especially ones i'm not having.

― lauren (laurenp), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 11:42 (twenty-one years ago)

oh BOOO i'm jealous of you. :-) one of our colleagues is pregnant. five months. she has dropped half a kilo in weight. she *claims* it's her tight stomach muscles. personally i think it's her obsession with weight.

― stevie nixed (stevie nixed), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 12:04 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, it's like ilx is undergoing a baby epidemic. Congratulations to all.

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 14:30 (twenty-one years ago)

haha BABY EPIDEMIC!

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

TEH CHILDBIRTHIN PLAGUE

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 14:32 (twenty-one years ago)

OH SHIT plague better get away from my vadge!!!!11

Seriously, I haven't heard anything yet this morning, but Drake's supposed to let me know if he hears anything new.

― sugarpants (sugarpants), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

No baby yet! The contractions yesterday were just a warm up apparently.

― Drake Beardo (cprek), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 14:37 (twenty-one years ago)

It is just like Outbreak!

x-x-post

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

She must be getting rather bored with this by now.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 14:38 (twenty-one years ago)

OK she's back in the hospital now.

― Drake Beardo (cprek), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:16 (twenty-one years ago)

Good luck Emily! (I know you won't see this for ages, but the thought is there.)

― Anna (Anna), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:35 (twenty-one years ago)

I for one welcome our new baby overlords.

Well done/good luck everyone!

― Archel (Archel), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:38 (twenty-one years ago)

yay new babies!!!

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 15:44 (twenty-one years ago)

Baby Clementine 6 pounds 13 ounces!

― Drake Beardo (cprek), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

HOOORAYYY!!!

― kyle (akmonday), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:29 (twenty-one years ago)

Yowsa! :-) :-) :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

So Charlotte, then Clementine. Next ILX daughter surely must be Carole or Christine.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:32 (twenty-one years ago)

Congratulations - lots of love to Emily and Clementine! xoxo

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:37 (twenty-one years ago)

Cool! Congrats to ma, pa and Clementine. "Clemmie" for short?

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:52 (twenty-one years ago)

Welcome to Clementine!

― toraneko (toraneko), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:53 (twenty-one years ago)

Congratulations!

― Tep (ktepi), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

We need a Clementine pix thread!

― roxymuzak (roxymuzak), Wednesday, 16 February 2005 23:57 (twenty-one years ago)

The warmest & goodest well wishes to the parents and their creation!

― t\'\'t (t\'\'t), Thursday, 17 February 2005 00:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Yay!! Welcome to Clemmie!

― Michael White (Hereward), Thursday, 17 February 2005 00:02 (twenty-one years ago)

Fucking well done.

― Markelby (Mark C), Thursday, 17 February 2005 00:12 (twenty-one years ago)

yay!!!

― tokyo rosemary (rosemary), Thursday, 17 February 2005 03:43 (twenty-one years ago)

congratulations! hope everyone is feeling well!

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 17 February 2005 04:00 (twenty-one years ago)

Fucking well done.

Yes, and the birthing too.

― Curious George Rides a Republican (Rock Hardy), Thursday, 17 February 2005 04:05 (twenty-one years ago)

Congrats to Mike and Emily both!

― MindInRewind (Barry Bruner), Thursday, 17 February 2005 06:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Many, many congratulations :)) Wonderful news!

― C J (C J), Thursday, 17 February 2005 07:50 (twenty-one years ago)

Great news, well done.

Oooh I love new babies.

― Penelope_111 (Penelope_111), Thursday, 17 February 2005 09:49 (twenty-one years ago)

Wooooo! Well done to the birthing ladies and their supporters. My goodness, you are strong people.

― Liz :x (Liz :x), Thursday, 17 February 2005 10:14 (twenty-one years ago)

yay for birthin

― ken c (ken c), Thursday, 17 February 2005 10:19 (twenty-one years ago)

Congrats to all the new parentx0r and their shiny new kidZ0r!

― lock robster (robster), Thursday, 17 February 2005 10:43 (twenty-one years ago)

Congratulations!

― beanz (beanz), Thursday, 17 February 2005 11:10 (twenty-one years ago)

Oh yay congratulations! Much love & respect! pix needed.

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 17 February 2005 11:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Congratulations!!!!

― Rumpy Pumpkin, Thursday, 17 February 2005 12:28 (twenty-one years ago)

Well now I'd say she does know something about birthin' a baby.

Emily I love you and am so proud of you!

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:14 (twenty-one years ago)

Awww!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:15 (twenty-one years ago)

Congrats! Maybe someday we can have a FAPD (fancy a play date). Don't forget to sleep when the baby sleeps.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:16 (twenty-one years ago)

I love that Emily's myspace profile still says "undecided" next to children.

I should wait for Emily to post pictures of her own baby, but I'm an impatient man! CLEMENTINE:
http://c.myspace.com/00060/39/15/60785193_l.jpg

― known vaginatarian (nickalicious), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Damnit, have I really been posting with that screen name all week? UGH.

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:39 (twenty-one years ago)

Aw, how adorable. Congratulations Emily!

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:40 (twenty-one years ago)

omg! Amazing. Well done Emily and cute cute Clementine!

― Archel (Archel), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:46 (twenty-one years ago)

Wow, so tiny! Emily I hope you are recovering well.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:48 (twenty-one years ago)

Yay little baby Clementine! :-)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:51 (twenty-one years ago)

HOLY CRAP YOU MADE A PERSON

― teeny (teeny), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Welcome to the world, baby girl! She's just beautiful.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 17 February 2005 16:57 (twenty-one years ago)

Clementine is so sweet, yay emily!

― PinXorchiXoR (Pinkpanther), Thursday, 17 February 2005 17:01 (twenty-one years ago)

She and Charlotte must eventually form a band called C-Power.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 17 February 2005 17:02 (twenty-one years ago)

You Are Twee

(HOLLER AT THE GODDESS!)

― Deerninja B4rim4, Plus-Tech Whizz Kid (Barima), Thursday, 17 February 2005 17:07 (twenty-one years ago)

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