HERE IS WHERE WE ANTICIPATE ALEXANDER

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OMG S1OCKI DIRECT YOURSELF TO THE "NATIONAL TREASURE" THREAD AND SPILL THE BEANZ

http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0346491/AXD-5221.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0346491

Just click it. Just do it. OMG. How can this not be great?

http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0346491/AXD-10308RV3.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0346491

"Fer chrissakes! We're all goddamn Ernest Borgnines!"

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actually if this film had been titled ELEPHANT VS. HORSE i'd be so much more likely to see it

GREATEST MOVIE EVER

-- jocelyn (nalra...), November 19th, 2004.

*dies*

american culture = the culture that keeps on giving!

1. VAL KILMER: DIES
2. JARED LETO: DIES
3. COLIN FARRELL: DIES

BUT WAS TROY THE WORST MOVIE ANYONE'S EVER SEEN IN WHICH VAL KILMER PULLED HIS ROLE TO PERFECTED?

See, I read this as robe.

!!

bbbbut aw man, wheers keira knightley? i heard seh was gonna be in it.

whos the chick love interest? surely theyre not gonna show alexader being gay n all!?!?!?!

Val Kilmer gained over 50 pounds and stopped working out for the plump role of Philip.

Translation: Val Kilmer showed up on set drunk and bloated thinking they were doing a sequel to The Doors where he'd be doing a Weekend at Bernie's type thing and Stone sighed and had to make do.

Sean Connery was originally considered for the role that was eventually offered to Val Kilmer.

Translation: Connery would NEVER have been asked to gain 50 pounds for the role.

Oliver Stone and Val Kilmer originally discussed Alexander while filming Doors, The (1991).

Translation: Kilmer thought he was going to be Alexander and now must drink the bitter dregs. Also, the actual name of the film really should have been Doors, The (1991)

'Oliver Stone' previously tried to mount the project with Tom Cruise in the title role.

Translation -- well, maybe I need not say anything, really.

Brad Pitt was considered for the role of Hephaestion, but turned down the role due to personal concerns with the character.

Translation: HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!! HECTOR!!!!

Starring...

The one...

The only...

SHATNER

The IMDB listing

A review, containing such observations as:

First off, we get soon-to-be Captain Kirk, William Shatner, as Alexander himself, marching his way through Persia on a mission for Greek supremacy. Better still, there's a pre-BATMAN Adam West as Cleander, Alexander's right hand man; while as Karonos, director-in-training John Cassavetes tries to earn enough chump change to buy more film stock for FACES. Also on board is an aging Joseph Cotten and Simon Oakland (best known as Kolchak's blustery editor). And if that isn't enough, all of these guys are forced to strut about in mini-skirt-style togas, making this true High Camp indeed.

I thought this thing was on video but apparently not. I can only imagine what it's like. Shatner AND Adam West?

If you can, I will love you forever. More so than now. If you will.

The thing that sends this line into comedy's upper stratosphere is the unplaceable "foreign" accent AJ delivers it in.

Brad turned down one ridiculously camp role in a ridiculously camp movie set in ancient Greece and thereabouts...for another.

"TAKE IT!"

Jeanne, I will ask you since you're here and have posted that -- SO MANY of my female friends, gay, straight, on the sliding scale, absolutely adore Ms. Jolie and/or want her badly...very very badly. Same with your circle of friends too?

This is the most beautiful film ever! If you enjoyed TROY, this is like a million times better. With much better acting especially from Jolie as Alexander's mother, I was surprised how good this film was after reading the negative reviews. Perhaps some people are just homophobic and hated the movie because of Alexander's sexuality. It was that bad. It was the best film ever. I's a war drama with great fight scenes and acting. I found the acting inspirational and only showed the talent each of the actors/ actress's carried.
Overall, I would say that this is now one of my most favorite films ever seen.

her from the rundown? omg!!

♥

OK. I'm sold.

http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0346491/AXD-9174.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0346491

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"You cannot leave your King behind in Asia... and leave me with the Asians!"

"Get out of here! This place is totally cursed!"

HECTOR!!!!! *chomps hot dog* HECTOR!!!! *another bite* HECTOR!!!!! *washes down with a milk shake* HECTOR!!!! etc.

I heard that the gay stuff has been edited out of Alexander to appease GWB fans! How can this be true, is it true? If it is, how can this movie even exist because I fail to see a non-gay-thing within these screen shots from the movie.

HECTOR!!!!! *chomps hot dog* HECTOR!!!! *another bite* HECTOR!!!!! *washes down with a milk shake* HECTOR!!!! etc.

Hahaha. Interview with the Vampire:

"I CANNOT DO THIS! I CANNOT! HECTORRRRRRRRR!!!!"

Meet Joe Black:

"Can I lick this peanut butter off the knife?" *does so* "HECTORRRRRRRR!!!!!"

"Woah...dude...um...HECTOR!!!!!!!!!!!...*bongrip*...woah...oh they like went that way or something...oh yeah...HECTOR!!!!!!!"

The more closeted it gets, the more camp it will be. Maybe.

Is that actually a line from Meet Joe Black? Thank god I never saw that.

I don't think it was an actual line, thank god -- but he did spend one scene obsessing over peanut butter, cause you know, Death didn't get peanut butter in the supernatural world.

David Duchovny: *mumbles something*

Brad Pitt (unshaven psycho killer): "HECTORRRRRRRR!!!!"

"HECTOR goddammit OH HECTOR we went down OH HECTOR!!!!"

PLEASE FOCUS

ALEXANDER OK?

(x-post) OK, ALEXANDER!

Thanks for making me laff at work you fuX0rs.

Unlike the MACEDONIAN ARMY, WHICH CONSISTS OF MEN WHO BUY FERIA

but anyhow, ALEXANDER! And he doesn't even look like a real blonde anyway, the roots are showing and everything.

you mean that isn't Jerry Stiller in this pic?

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http://www.imdb.com/gallery/ss/0346491/AXD-5221.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0346491

I meant to go see this so I could laugh at Orlando Bloom, but I never got around to it.

The movie is not, as one wise- acre quipped, "this year's 'Showgirls.'" Maybe that person was reacting to Colin's iffy bleach job or Jared Leto (as Alexander's lover, Hephaistion) and his fabulous eyeliner. The remark indicated we'd be rolling in campy situations and dialogue - not to mention sex, sex, sex. I hate to be the harbinger of bad news, but ... no. There's little sex, yet lots of angst.

Stone does his serious, vivid best to impart - with considerable sweep and quite a bit of psychological gussying-up - the genesis of Alexander's vast vision of himself, as well as his torments and insecurities. (Alexander's life is perfect fodder for Stone - rife with betrayals and conspiracies and, in the end, a very suspicious Alexander. What's in that goblet?!)

Camp of a different sort, perhaps?

A group of Greek lawyers are threatening to sue Warner Bros film studios and Oliver Stone for suggesting Alexander the Great was bisexual.

The lawyers have already sent an extrajudicial note to the studio and director demanding they include a reference in the title credits saying his movie is a fictional tale and not based on official documents of the life of the Macedonian ruler.

Yannis Varnakos, who spearheads the campaign by 25 lawyers, said: "We are not saying that we are against gays but we are saying that the production company should make it clear to the audience that this film is pure fiction and not a true depiction of the life of Alexander."

The film takes a bold, honest look at Alexander’s life and his relationships with his mother, Olympias (ANGELINA JOLIE), his father Philip (VAL KILMER), his lifelong friend and battle commander Hephaistion (JARED LETO), Roxane, his ambitious and beautiful Bactrian wife (ROSARIO DAWSON), and his trusted general and confidant Ptolemy (ANTHONY HOPKINS). Set in Alexander’s pre-Christian world of social customs and morals far different from today’s, the film explores a time of unmatched beauty and unbelievable brutality, of soaring ideals and staggering betrayals.

---

The film chronicles Alexander’s path to becoming a living legend, from a youth fueled by dreams of myth, glory, and adventure, to his intense bonds with his closest companions, to his lonely death as a ruler of a vast empire. Alexander is the incredible story of a life that united the Known World and proved, if nothing else, fortune favors the bold.

'Intense bonds,' yes.

http://www.star-ecentral.com/archives/2004/11/19/movies/p4ColinFarrell.jpg

"Alexander lived in a more honest time," Stone told Playboy magazine.

"We go into his bisexuality. It may offend some people, but sexuality in those days was a different thing. Pre-Christian morality. Young boys were with boys when they wanted to be."

Stone said he had no interest in showing gay sex scenes. "You only need five words. Alexander says, 'Stay with me tonight, Hephaistion,' and you get it. If you don't get it, f*** you, it's your problem."

HE SHOWED ME JOE PESCI, GARY OLDMAN, TOMMY LEE JONES AND KEVIN BACON HAVING A COSTUME BALL COKE-CRAZY SEX ROMP. HE'S SHOWN ME BOB HOSKINS AND RICKY FROM MY SO-CALLED LIFE ENGAGING IN SUGGESTIVE FOODPLAY. Now he's subtle, wtf.

Take, eat. This is my body.

http://imdb.com/gallery/ss/0346491/AXD-1432.jpg?path=gallery&path_key=0346491

ALEXANDER: THE VIDEOGAME!

Ned, you need to bookmark this site so you can start counting down...

x-post.

Oh dear dear dear.

It occurs to me that a disco version of this movie is what is needed.

The Passion of the Val

http://www.mit.edu/people/moochie/fabio.jpg

http://www.boxofficemojo.com/images/polarexpress_story.jpg

Polar Express, a computer-animated Christmas tale that cost the Time Warner Inc. division a reported $270 million to make and market, earned $23.5 million at U.S. and Canadian box offices over the weekend and $30.8 million in the five days starting with its Wednesday debut.

Industry experts have said it needs to earn in excess of $500 million from all revenue sources -- theaters, videos, DVDs, television, etc. -- to turn a profit. Wall Street figured it might still profit in the long run if it can transcend bad press and mixed reviews to become a holiday classic.

"Given we are not yet in the Christmas season, we are not ready to classify it as a failure and estimate it still has a chance to break even, though not within 12 months," Michael Gallant, financial analyst for CIBC World Markets, wrote in a research note.

But Warner Bros. will be pressured to turn other big-budget holiday flicks into blockbusters, starting with Alexander, about ancient conqueror Alexander the Great, which hits theaters Nov. 24.

Alexander was produced by German company Intermedia, but Warner paid $51 million to distribute it in the United States, Canada, the United Kingdom, Italy, Australia, New Zealand, and Latin America. The studio will spend another $60 million on marketing in those territories, according to one source with knowledge of Warner's plans.

note from this and above depiction of Alexander, neither figure were portrayed in ancient times as blondes, despite Hollywood's insistance otherwise.

TURKEY DAY!

Gobble gobble. Oh wait.

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yes!

I suspect you need not fear this result.

http://www.creekdaze.com/caps/truelove/index.php?p=truelove_502.jpg&pg=14

"For Oliver Stone, the film has been a lifelong ambition.
The Oscar-winning director was fascinated by Alexander as a child and inspired by Greek mythology.

'It's an amazing story. It's got so many levels to it, it should be seen twice to even begin to be understood in its entirety,' says Stone."

http://www.villagevoice.com/issues/0447/atkinson.php

And Armond White naturally thinks it's a throwback to John Ford (and pairs it with the new Godard film):

http://nypress.com/17/47/film/ArmondWhite%20.cf

I have to say I think that the feeding frenzy on wigs-and-swords movies underestimates that they're often fun even when ridiculous. Or, expanding it to more contemporary biopics, I suspect that Alexander is at least as smart as something silly but "respectable" like the Brando/Kazan Viva Zapata!

Director Oliver Stone's historical epic Alexander has failed in its bid to conquer the box office, entering the US film charts at number six.

The swords and sandals blockbuster, rumoured to have cost more than $150m (£79m) to make, earned just $13.5 (£7m) over three days at the US box office.

Due to the Thanksgiving holiday, the film opened on Wednesday, bringing its total takings to $21.6m (£11.4m).

Top of the box office for a second week was action movie National Treasure.

--

"Though the battles have the blood-and-sinew bravado you expect from Oliver Stone, this three-hour buttnumbathon is hamstrung by a hectoring grandiosity," wrote one reviewer in Rolling Stone magazine.

Others poured scorn on Farrell's bleached hair and Angelina Jolie's unwieldy accent, which Variety called "a combination of Mata Hari and Count Dracula" .

But novelist Gore Vidal defended the film, saying it was "barrier-breaking" for its frank depiction of bisexuality.

In Sweden last Thursday, to pick up a lifetime achievement award at the Stockholm International Film Festival, Stone expressed the hope that Alexander might be better appreciated in Europe.

"One of the reasons I am being honoured here is Europeans tend to see me a little differently than they do in the US," said the director behind JFK, Platoon and Born on the Fourth of July.

He added Alexander "was not an easy movie, but then I've never made easy movies".

Thanks, dude.

Vic, Arthur, Di and I did go see it on Wednesday night in LA in a half-full theater that itself was one of the smaller ones I've seen -- the crowd could be described as not merely unenthusiastic, but NONenthusiastic. I think we were the only four people in the theater aiming to be entertained.

There were definitely moments throughout but it lacks the nonstop hysteria needed for it to be a true classic of the camp genre. Arthur called it when he said that Jolie seemed to recognize that it was ridiculous from the start and acted accordingly with the Natasha accent -- her first bit of dialogue is her talking to young Alexander why it's good to know about and play with snakes, that should tell you something -- but beyond that, things were a little more confused.

Top ten things about this film in terms of The Idiot Factor:

1. The opening credits were this messy swirly montage of a lot of different things and was all sparkly and stuff. No thank you.
2. EVERY SCENE WAS OVERWRITTEN. I'm not kidding when I say this -- every scene essentially made its point and had a logical end line or two and THEN KEPT GOING. I was in agonies; the movie could have been two rather than three hours easy.
3. Colin Farrell's method of acting = stare with big brown eyes at something. Vaguely emote. During battle scenes and/or scenes of hectoring his troops, clone Mel Gibson in Braveheart.
4. Vangelis as scorer -- this was no Blade Runner. A simpering gruel-like 'romantic' motif that I hated and overblown DRAMATIC EPIC MUSIC! that during the previously mentioned 'Colin Farrell lectures to troops' scenes tries to singlehandedly turn the film into, say, the St Crispian's Day speech in Branagh's Henry V, and fails.
5. Yes, the ancient Macedonians were very, very Irish. Faith and begorrah.
6. The Colin Farrell/Rosario Dawson sex scene was a prime example of the kind of thing in movies where women who are not exactly thrilled to be in the embraces of a lustful man oddly change their mind within about ten seconds. It also had the most eloquent thing Farrell says throughout:
7. "....*HAAAAGH!*" (I wish to god I wasn't kidding, it was a featured moment of dialogue.)
8. Val Kilmer's death scene was oddly satisfying. Jared Leto's truly hilarious (Colin afterward = loud screams of anguish!). Colin Farrell's death scene symbolic claptrap (but Angelina Jolie's ridiculously camp wails were PERFECT, darling).
9. The horse/elephant battle scene:

* SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW motion charge...
* Farrell's look = an open-mouthed gape
* Farrell takes an arrow or two...SLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWLY...
* Farrell crashes to ground, looks up towards heavens and for the remaining five, ten minutes of the battle EVERYTHING appears in a false color image with red being predominant. It looks really fucking stupid.

10. NOT GAY ENOUGH. Though the eunuch Bagoas is appropriately slim-hipped and sensuous in an Orientalist way that Edward Said would be un-proud of (see also the harem scene, the various dancing sequences, how Rosario Dawson's character is introduced etc.)

Still, glad I saw it. It is goddamn ridiculous.

I better see this before it disappears...

Has there even been a Montez thread on ILX?

"You cannot leave your King behind in Asia... and leave me with the Asians!"

Yes, this line of dialogue is in there, more or less. I did forget about the two or three drunk guys you hear in the crowd of Greeks (who are otherwise silent) saying things like, "Yeah, Alexander!, you rock!" Or something to that effect.

DV, the battle sequences aren't all that in terms of epic charges. Gaugemala is CGIed well enough but it's a mishmash of intercuts between random troops and a bird's eye view provided by, in fact, a bird.

I just remembered a glorious idiot moment from near the end of the film when Alexander drinks from a big ass goblet and looks inside and sees...ANGELINA JOLIE AS MEDUSA! She hisses and the snake hair slithers around, but Alexander does not turn to stone.

somebody mail me a ticket NOW!

WOW

It's worse than that, it's his *pre* 'O'-face. When he's chasing her over the bed and trying to avoid getting stabbed or something.

The dollar theater is definitely the way to go here.

Hmmm.

Hahaha! It's like sex meets Prince of Persia?

Sorry, no nudeness. Ms. Dawson however gets very very naked, which doubtless would not interest Dan at all.

Hahaha! It's like sex meets Prince of Persia?

A very apt phrase. ;-)

*HAAAAGH*

Oh, my two favorite captions from the film, during the Gaugemala battle:

'MACEDONIAN CENTER'

'MACEDONIAN LEFT'

Impact this has on the course of the battle sequence in terms of making it clearer: none.

The structure of the film is actually kinda ridiculous too -- to explain: first there's a lot of stuff about Alexander growing up and Philip disowning him and there's tension in the air and then suddenly you have Hopkins as old Ptolemy saying "But then Philip was killed and Alexander took over and invaded Persia and a few years later he faced Darius in a climactic battle at Gaugemala..." I was going, "WHAT THE HELL," because it was the most clumsy plot arrangement I could think of, and it renders the supposed psychological importance of the battle -- "I'm going to kill Darius because he killed my daddy, dammit!" -- completely flat. There's no sense of looming 'at long last this is it' atmosphere in the battle -- it definitely WAS the climactic encounter for control of the empire, but never feels like it.

Oh yeah, I forgot the part about how Val Kilmer takes Alexander down to his cheese cellar or something and shows him ancient Greek mythological graffiti on the wall.

also, wtf was the point of having anthony hopkins tell the story? he was boring as shit.

I think its supposed to be somewhat transylvanian. I mean, that doesnt really make any sense since the language of that area was not in any way like what it is now, but Olympias was supposedly from the northern tribes/barbarians that Phillip was smacking down in order to consolidate Macedonia. So geographically its moderately accurate and I think thats what she was going for.. As for all the Irish accents in the movie: theres no good explanation for that.

I would have enjoyed this movie a bit more if I didnt have to go to the bathroom 2 hours in and if I didnt think that something was going to actually happen during that last hour. Perhaps I thought Rosario Dawson was gonna get nekkid again.

Don't say the chariot's topless, say the titties is out

"It's as if everyone's baking cakes but nobody's allowed to say the word "cake"."

I was irritated and disappointed with nearly everything, except Bagoas. DAMN. Nice one.

Greek lawyers have put plans to sue the makers of film epic Alexander, which shows the ruler as bisexual, on ice.

The group had claimed the film was "pure fiction and not a true depiction of Alexander's life", and wanted this made clear to cinema-goers.

But the lawyers have withrawn their demand to have the film's opening on Friday delayed, so they can watch a preview screening of it.

"So Jared, this was your death scene in eyeliner."

"Yeah, Colin...wow."

Epic film Alexander is fighting back after its poor showing at the US box office with strong figures in Europe, according to reports.

Film industry publication Screen Daily reports the film has doubled its $34m (£18m) US takings outside America.

That included ticket receipts of $18.7m (£9.9m) in the past weekend following a good opening in Spain, it said.

http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/40719000/jpg/_40719785_alex_ap203.jpg

We are not your sinners
Our voices are for real
We realised and won't be mourned
We gonna burn your deathmask uniforms...

YOU! LOVE! US!
YOU LOVE US!
YOU LOVE US!
YOU!

I also made notes from the talk, and was particularly interested in Stone’s plans for the DVD edit of the movie, and also to see what his thinking was about the comments he'd made on the supposed ‘over-emphasis’ of Alexander and Hephaistion’s homosexual relationship, and how he planned to change that. Not sure if I ought to post them here, or on the discussion thread, so please move it Dara if you need to. This seems to be the gist of it:

It seems the main thesis of the movie that he is trying to clarify is Alexander’s feelings about the death of his father, and his feelings about his mother’s possible complicity in the assassination. Stone has re-edited the movie for the DVD version and it seems he is adopting the non-linear approach as he originally intended, with a parallel story being told. The movie will last two and a half hours (the attention span of the US public, he says) and will be released in July.

The early scenes in Greece will be end at the scene in the cave with Philip and Alexander. The movie will then shift to adult Alexander at Gaugamela. The missing scenes will be moved to the third act, as he calls it, when “all the ironic echoes of what he did when young are repeated when he is older, and all the tensions bear fruit.”
It seems then – if I understand what he’s saying – the scene where Olympias is urging Alexander to marry will be shown after his marriage to Roxane. “After he marries her, he has the relationship, now you bring the mother in, full blast - parallel – she’s telling him to get the throne, how to marry – he does everything opposite to what his mother says. And at that point, the movie reaches another level.”

Similarly, the mutiny scene will be paralleled with the murder of his father; Cleitus’ death with the banquet scene. And finally, “The greatest moment of all – which I think I blew – which is on the DVD – is when Alexander is mortally wounded. He rises above the trees and the last scene he sees of himself, is him and his mother. Where the mother doesn’t deny or accept the guilt --- ‘take the power it’s yours’….. He recognises in that moment how like his mother he is”

He is cutting down on Ptolemy’s narration – less history – “frankly they can go read it. I don’t mind a simpler approach.” (He says the studio wanted him to cut Ptolemy out of the movie and make it a first person voice over “what a disaster”)

He says of Alexander and Hephaistion's relationship;
“I think I got carried away with the homosexuality because I wanted to reinforce the relationship, but I think the relationship is clear with less emphasis, as I will show you in the DVD.” He mentions the homophobia he encountered in English-speaking countries. “People mistake the homosexuality in Alexander with their own present day version of it, and it’s not similar…”

The interviewer then asks Stone, “How do you get people with 21st century eyes to see this; in a sense, this was a fact of his life. Don’t you feel that you have an obligation to keep that as part of his story? How do you resist even that kind of homophobia?”

Stone; “I didn’t - I put it in. The facts are, we do not know that he had… he became king at nineteen, you gave up your male lovers or you had them quietly…..(he mentions Greek male relationship conventions of the time)… I think that Alexander probably gave up his relationship with Hephaistion. If he had one, which I think he did. By that time, by the time they were in the field they were simply soulmates. They were lovers in the platonic sense of the word, as Aristotle laid out in the movie earlier on, ‘to love the other, to bring out the best in the other, not for any self-gain’ -which is a beautiful philosophical concept; that’s what I got hooked on. Unfortunately, perhaps too much for the American audience, and maybe the world audience. I think I could be a little bit more subtle there, but it’s an important point and I just didn’t want to lose it. Because the Greeks when very outside the Roman philosophy, the Greeks were sensual, they worshipped the body in the most positive sense…..”

But the Feria remains unchanged.

I really have to see this.

Angelina Jolie ruined every single scene she was in.

She was the only one who knew what she was doing! Chewing scenery as it if was cotton candy.

oddly, for such a colossally bad movie it is really pretty-looking. The colors in some shots are really gorgeous.

but damn, its baaaaaaaaaad. i wasn't quite prepared for the level of bad it reached. i mean, there are worse movies, but not many!

again, funny as hell though.

Also was anyone else disappointed that we didn't get to see Velvet Goldmine kill everyone (esp. the Rent chick) at the end Godfather-style?

And the blogosphere has reclaimed this (in its Final Cut version) as a masterpiece.

Moving Image Source

Also an interview with Stone

Oh good lord.

A look beyond one’s knee-jerk responses to the representation of what might be deemed camp clichés of the epic movie form (British accents standing in for the Others; bold, oversized performances; a cast dressed in togas and golden armor; et al) ought to reveal that the movie is only as absurd and moth-eaten as a viewer wants it to be.

Damn that's some good crack he's swilling.

the movie is only as absurd and moth-eaten as a viewer wants it to be.

you have to admire the balls of that rejoinder

'this movie is only a four hour sandy piece of shit because you WANTED IT TO BE'

always been fascinated by this movie, even though I really didn't like it. I think I should give The Final Cut a spin.