The ILE Awards

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OK, here we go! Nominations below - some categories were dropped because a field of candidates didn't emerge. I apologise hugely if I miscounted or fucked up anywhere and people arent on the lists who should be - basically I took the highest 4-8 (wherever a vote cut-off came) in each category.

HOW TO VOTE: Send your votes here - one vote per category. Sorry it's such a primitive way of doing it!

WHAT THIS THREAD IS FOR: Firstly, if you're nominated for any category and you didn't want to be, say so here or e-mail me and I'll withdraw you. Secondly, for quibbling, campaigning and advocacy.

OK, on with the ballot...

BEST POSTER:
Anthony
Marcello
Mark S
Nitsuh

BEST THREAD:
Bands/Artists Named After Famous Tube Stations
I Have A Big Ass
Me Vs GURLS
What is the most unacceptable thing to ever come out of your ass?
So right then, who do you fancy?

BEST POST:
Mike Daddino on 9/11
"Leave me alone you Charo rip-off" (Hanle y)
"...thus, toast is tampon." (Hanle y)
Pinefox on James Joyce

BEST ILE WORD:
Cockfarmer
Fuckpuppet
GRATE
Pinketron
Procrasturbation
roXoR
Twunt

WORST ILE WORD:
GRATE
I R
Statscock
Twunt

ILE DREAM DATE (MALE)
Brian
Chickenbear
Gareth
Jess
Mike Hanley
Ricky T
Tom

ILE DREAM DATE (FEMALE):
Ellie
Madchen
Maura
Rainy
Sarah
Suzy
Toraneko

COOLEST HAIR:
Gareth
Lixi's Tiger Hat
Ned
Nick D
Osama Bin Laden
Toraneko

BEST POSTING STYLE:
Anthony
Fatnick
Mark S
Norman Fay
Sarah

FILTHIEST POSTER:
Anthony
Geoff
Kodanshi
Mark C
Mike Hanley

FUNNIEST POSTER:
Ally K
Ethan
Mark S
Mike Hanley
Nick D
Sarah

POSTER YOU'D MOST LIKE TO MEET:
Ally K
Anthony
Jess
Rainy
Tom

NICEST POSTER:
Anthony
DG
Gale
Ned
Rainy

MADDEST POSTER:
Dave Q
Gale
Mike Hanley
The Pinefox

MOST THOUGHT-PROVOKING POSTER:
Dave Q
Kerry
Marcello
Mark S
Momus
Nitsuh
Tom

REAR OF THE YEAR:
Ally C
Ally K
Emma
Pete
Ricky T

POSTER WHO SHOULD POST MORE:
Alix
Frank Kogan
Josh Kortbein
Maura
Mike Daddino
Mike Jones
Peter Miller
Robin C

FLIRT OF THE YEAR:
Ally K
Anthony
Fatnick
Jess
Rainy

BEST DOUBLE ACT:
Ally and Ethan
Ally and Mike Hanley
Dan and Ned
Doomie and Mark S
Emma and Pete
Tom and Tom's Beard

BEST POLITICAL POSTER:
Mark S
Momus
Nitsuh
Robin
Tracer Hand

BEST CULTURAL POSTER:
Anthony
Mark S
Momus
The Pinefox
Suzy

EGO OF THE YEAR:
Ally K
Ethan
Fatnick
Kate St Claire
Ronan
Suzy

POSTER YOU LOVE TO HATE:
(Remember this category is not 'who do you actually hate'!! It's for posters who get on your nerves in a good way. Like a hairshirt or something.) Ally K
Dave Q
Fatnick
Suzy
The Pinefox

BEST ILM POSTER:
Dave Q
Mark S
Nitsuh
Omar
Tim F
Tom

― Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Right, off you go. Hope the formatting's worked!

― Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I decry the lack of koalas.

― Nick, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Everyone knows its Pete & Emma, not Emma & Pete.

― Pete, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Looks like I'm getting the Lifetime Achievement Award!

― james, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Do you have to vote in every category?

― james, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

No, you don't have to vote in every category.

― Tom, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I'd rather not be nominated for Nicest Poster, it's far from true.

― Nicole, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Stop fucking complaining, that coulda been me, cockfarmer!

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I would like to remind people that my filth is elegant and debauched . Geoffs filth is creepy and Mikes filth is just slumming . I rule this category !

― anthonyeaston, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oy, no campaigning on this thread, you piss-swilling swashbuckler

― geoff, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

actally, now i have read tom's words better, you all better vote for me, or you'll be drowining in the mucous of a year's worth of butt jokes, pedophilic tentacles, i sucked the juices from nacy reagn type posts, and more insults than la toya jackson can poke her brother with.

― geoff, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

and now there's no way i can vote for you. this sounds like such an impressive spectacle; i couldn't stand to miss it!

― Maria, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

deplorable. where are Di and I? we have egos and great arses, and I am filthier than all of you (grump)

― Menelaus Darcy, Friday, 23 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Geoff uses his filth to offend. He is not honorable in his descent into the muck. I will use it to lift the act of fucking to a sacred and cosmic commuinion. all semen will float towards the sky and create new constealtions. It will solidfy and dock in the mir . The vaginas will open like fragrant trees there juices will flow untill they are new rivers . Geoff jsut offers you muck. I offer priapic and yonic glory .

― anthony, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Anyone who uses the word 'priapic' is too highbrow to be filthy.

― Josh, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I won nothing, but did anyone notice the use of the word "grate" in Peanuts a couple days ago? It amused me.

― bnw, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Is Rochester filthy, is de sade filthy, of course. There is no need to be crude while in the gutter .

― anthony, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

In terms of filth Geoff wins, he's more consistent.

― james, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

James what can i do to convince you ?

― anthony, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I can't believe I wasn't nominated for 'nicest poster' (sobs)

― dave q, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Well at least James isnt campaigning against your filth !

― anthony, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

How do we know that Chickenbear is male?

― RickyT, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Because he has a penis

― anthonyeaston, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You have met Chickenbear? CHICKENBEAR LIVES!

― RickyT, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You can keep your pathetic big ego award you fuckin losers. And if you think I'll be at the ceremony then you've obviously not been talking to my agent.

― Ronan, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you tell em bubbala. now, ronan, baby, let me tell you what i've got for you coming up; it's a buddy picture with carson daily set in beirut, co-starring ceasar romero and tab hunter. whaddya think? hello? hello??

― Maury Sheckel, Esq., Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

MAURY how many times, I don't DO buddy pictures. And why haven't you called in so long?

― Ronan, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Who the fuck rigged these nominations? I got more votes for "Best Cultural Poster" than Osama Bin Laden got for "best hair". This is rigged. This is a sham. I refrain from voting as protest and demand a recount.

― kate, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

That would be awesome kate, I could put on loads of makeup and pretend to be Katherine Harrison.

― Nicole, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

you know all that toss about "it's an honor just to be nominated, etc.": BULLSHIT. if i don't win something, i will track you down. and i know where you live. and if i don't know where you live, i'll find out. and if i can't find out, i'll eat some pie.

― jess, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You got the dream date in the bag after that statement Jess! :)

― james, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yay! So I didn't make the "NICEST POSTER" cut after all!

I am not nice, I am not nice! La la la la!

― Meanie Kim, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh Kim, its cause its assued, your Canadian after all. Were suypposed to be nice. :P

― Mr Noodles, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I do know chicken bear, we go to the gym together.

― anthonyeaston, Saturday, 24 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Haw jeez eh? We're also supposed to call people hosers and say 'oot and aboot' but I doon't, so fook dat nice noise.

― Kim, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Whoever said "slow & steady wins the race" is a lying, thieving bastard with chronic halitosis and shingles.

― David Raposa, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Niceness is it's own reward, that's what I'm telling myself...(I think Kim was robbed too!)

― james, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nono! I am hap peee. Leave it! ;P

― Kim, Sunday, 25 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Keeping it up the top of new answers.

― Tom, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

My Rear is v. popular in Chalk Farm where it was grabbed at a party on Saturday night. And this was in Real Life. So it doesn't care about interweb polls.

― Emma, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

what is a pinketron?

― katie, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

It's this thing.

― Tom, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Since when were hairshirts good?

― Samantha, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, like a ladytron but pink? i geddit!

no but seriously WHAT IS IT? and why is everyone on ILE intent on keeping me in ignorance about things by saying it's this thing?

― katie, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Glad to see I made the list.

― JM, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You also forgot "wuv"

― JM, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

wasn't it when someone meant to say Pinkerton (as in the weezer album) but put Pinketron instead. as to what it actually would be, thats kind of up to you

― gareth, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

having just found out what a 'pinko' is i was thinking it meant people who were liberal towards futuristic technology!

― katie, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The nominations in most of the categories are silly. For starters, Nicky D clearly has to win every sexually-related category, ie. 'Dream Date', 'Best Hair', 'Rear of the Year', etc... but he's not even in most of them!

― the pinefox, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

he *was* in all categories pf, but we took him out so as not to have to see you driven crazy-mad with insane jealousy

― mark s, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Not enough people voted for him at the open nominations stage PF!

― Tom, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

these should be real awards with real silvery cup style efforts with little silver plate thing to engrave each years winner, then there will be the stuffy musty-smelling trophy cabinet and room built next year, then the club house, then, then then... *thud*

― Alan Trewartha, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Nick D = Susan Lucci of ILE

― Nicole, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Who is Susan Lucci? Is that a good thing?

I do wish pingu vs pokey: spheniscidaceous throwdown had been released in time for the nomination process. Especially for RickyT's

Pokey!!!!!! Watch out Mr Nutty, ITALIANS!!!!!!

and steve.n's subsequent response.

― Nick, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Susan Lucci = Erica Kane, bitch goddess character from the US soap All My Children. She is like a cross between Alexis off Dynasty and Dorian off Birds Of A Feather (who she more closely resembles).

― suzy, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Oh yes, that sounds exactly like me.

― Nick, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

But Suzy, Susan Lucci more correctly = nominated like 19-20 consecutive times for a Daytime Emmy, which she didn't win until 2 years ago, when they apparently decided to quit torturing the woman and just give the damn thing to her. I mean, Jesus -- at least 15 of those years were likely spent thinking "Surely they'll give it to me this time, I've been nominated (5 > X > 21) years running."

― Nitsuh, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

(Although they may well have been doing her a favor by continuing her no-win streak, which has made her more legendary than a fifth-year win would have, and made her eventual win massively significant, for a Daytime Emmy.)

― Nitsuh, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

JEL created the pinketron. On an ILM thread. The Pinketron is not a thing. It is everything and nothing.

― jel, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The origin of the PINKETRON, born May 17th 2001

Okay, it was a typo that other people picked up on. But I still claim it as mine!!! MINE! All mine! hahahahahahah!

― james, Monday, 26 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Here's how to vote and all that stuff. Votes continue until Wednesday 5th December - plenty of time.

― Tom, Tuesday, 27 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Why wasn't "Maddest Poster" called "Mentalist of the Year"?

― Mitch Lastnamewithheld, Tuesday, 27 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Mentalist Of The Year?" 'At'll be 'ick 'akeman, innit? Or 'eith 'merson! Or 'erek 'ailey!

― Disc And Music Echo, Tuesday, 27 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Only, um, eight days to vote, kids. Keep them coming!

― Tom, Tuesday, 27 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I only want to win Rear of the Year. You can have the rest of them.

― Ally, Tuesday, 27 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

I will fuck anally everyone who votes for mr in filthiest category .

― anthonyeaston, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Too late to change those votes now!

― Tom, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

BRING ME MORE VOTES!

― Votosaurus, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

how vote? how?

― Alan Trewartha, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You send your votes to ileawards@hotmail.com

― Tom, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

So I didn't actually watch All My Brats, okay? One of Mysteries Of Life is why I totally loathe American soaps (cheesy empire struggles, doctors and lawyers and Nurse Slut), yet got hooked on EastEnders and Brookside and despite Smiths obsession have never had the desire to watch (shudder) Coronation Street.

― suzy, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i will spread butt mucous to the fourc croners of my mouth, wallow in the sullen smegma of dairretic salad-shooting horses and swallow the semen of 17 million sperm whales for just one filth vote.

― geoff, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

oh, geoff. that's just silly.

― katie, Wednesday, 28 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Vote before the forum is WIPED OUT!

― Tom, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

in the spirit of theban hordism, i would like to retire from the best filth category, and ask that all votes cast for me be redirected to anthony...i am in a good mood, feel generous, and also, anthony's filth is classier than mine.

― geoff, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Geoff
i am touched. i feel like sally field in norma rae

― anthony, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

You can withdraw Geoff but I'm not switching votes. After all some people might have voted for you because they thought Anthony was as filthy as a fresh pair of surgical gloves.

― Tom, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

WEll that just wont do !

― anthony, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm afraid tom is right, anthony. right now i'd eat my dinner off you (er, that wasn't meant in a sexual way. actually, YES IT WAS! vote for me! i'm the filthiest!)

― katie, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Katie
my mans in hartford, gettin the deals done and although you have offered me bundled comfort i cannot take your company
not because i am loyal
but because you have a vagina
and to love me , you need a cock .

― anthony, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

*sob* once again, biology stands between us! :)

― katie, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i wish it didnt . but it does .

― anthony, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

we'll just have to be good fwiends.

― katie, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Anthony, there are lots of nice man-made cocks out there. What if Katie strapped on one of those?

― Samantha, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm thinking they might be a bit harsh!

― katie, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Anthony, there are lots of nice man-made cocks out there. What if Katie strapped on one of those?

but...where's the love?

― jess, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Looks like Kodanshi will win filthiest poster then! hehe!! Sorry Anthony!

― james, Thursday, 29 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

fuck, a man can't even pull out properly anymore...

― geoff, Friday, 30 November 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

2 days to go - vote vote vote! Several of the categories are VERY close.

― Tom, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Which ones? I'll only bother voting if it's Hair or Dream Date. I'm sure you can imagine what my responses would be, so do I even need to vote?

― kate, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

The hair category's close and both dream dates are, yes.

― Tom, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

We'll have to discuss setting up a live satellite link-up so that I can except my Lifetime Achievement Award.

― james, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Damn, there go my hormones ahead of my principles again.

― kate, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

if i don't beat a fuckin CHICKENBEAR in dream date i'll cry like a lil GURL.

― jess, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Your gurlish behaviour is exactly why you will be THRASHED by the chickenbear, Jess.

― Tom, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

if i am defeated by the chicken bear, i challenge it to four rounds of greco-roman wrasslin!

― Mean Jess Green, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Chickenbear will win Jess! It's written in the great book of Gor.

― james, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

"Beat a chickenbear in a dream date"?????

S and M, and whatever shagging a chicken bear is. You sicko Jess. I thought you were different, I'm definitely not voting for you now.

― Ronan, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jess, you would've been my second choice to chickenbear. Be proud, he's a tough one to beat. Lucky for chickenbear though that Turduckin wasn't nominated. It would've been all over.

― Samantha, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i'm used to people breaking my heart. but never a mutant animal.

― jess, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Jess I'll vote for you if I don't get lazy tomorrow. I hope this touching gesture makes you feel better.

― Ronan, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

i would like to respectfully decline from the filthiest poster category.

― anthony, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Blimey Anthony thats a bit of a shocker! Any reason why?

― Tom, Monday, 3 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

VOTEXoR! You've got one day left - lots of the categories are neck- and-neck or have only 1 or 2 votes in them. So it matters!

(Well, it doesn't matter at all. But you get the idea.)

― Tom, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Second last reminder! Voting closes midday (UK time) tomorrow.

― Tom, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Did I mention that I'd shower my date with gold, jewel, Rolex watches, and a secure bundle of warmth, love, and passion unmatched?

― Brian, The Sultan Of Love, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

And oh yes. I make drone rock, and I'm dirty.

― Brian, The Sultaniest Of Lovest, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

forget it there big mcD, none of us can vanquish the chickenbear.

― jess, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

LAST CALL! You've got 2 hours to vote. Can the chickenbear be vanquished?

― Tom, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

remeber i am not in contenion for filth .

― anthony, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

3 categories are still tied (and will be decided on number of initial nominations, or given jointly if that doesnt produce a winner), and there's only one vote in it in 2 more.

― Tom, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

This case is closed.

― Nick, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Yep.

― Tom, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Hurhurhurhur I know what award present I am going to buy hooray hooray. OOH WAITING TILL RESULTS = SUCH PAIN.

― Sarah, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

Neither of you even mentioned the most urgent and key point against dating the Chickenbear: possibility of having to kiss a beak. It sounds most unpleasant and potentially painful.

Although knowing my dreams perhaps doing so would indeed be the closest option to the kind of date I dream about. *sigh*

― Rebecca, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-three years ago)

seven years pass...

http://oklahomacity.kudzu.com/uploadImages/16228835/photo1hizwwnci7vgr.jpg

― WHO DEY and the blowfish (roxymuzak), Monday, 30 March 2009 04:43 (sixteen years ago)

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