Your most spectacular failed pulling attempts, talk about them here

I managed to get work to change pubs for a while.

it still makes me cringe.

she told me this the next time we met. i didn't remember this. i asked if she bought me the vodka, she didn't. i dunno if it was more a failed drinks begging attempt or pulling.

i havne't really attempted to "pull" that many times since. i'll get back to it.

Fuckwit

I went up to a girl I knew resonably well at my 3rd year university summer ball and drunkenly slurred: "I don't usually say things like this, but you probably know I've slept with your other two flatmates over the past year and I think you should let me make up the set."

I think I might actually have been in with a chance before I said that. Afterwards, I think the guy from the chess club who occasionally shat himself was ahead of me in the likelihood stakes.

so around finals, i called him to see if he wanted to study together, thinking, maybe we could hang out, and if it went well, pick something up after christmas break...but. it turned out that philosophy was his last final and he really didn't give a shit since he was leaving the country the following semester. uh.

i don't know if the first bit was an excuse, but he really did leave the country the next semester, and other than a brief and awkward hello before the exam, i never talked to him again.

maybe i INSPIRED him to leave the country with my amorous intentions.

No I got as far as her front door but then, it happened again...

I have since found out he is an evil specimen of humanity with a fairly serious drug problem and some rather weird political beliefs, so all for the best really.

"Hi."
"Hi!"
"I was wondering.. if you wanted to go out.. sometime."
"No, I'm okay. Sandy was just ringing to see if I was going out, but I'll stay in."
"No, I was wondering if you want to go out with me.
"Oh, no. I'll probably just finish [her dinner in front of telly] and head to bed."
"Nooo, I was wondering ifyouwantedtogooutwithme.
"Ohhhhhhhh"
-- Andrew Farrell (afarrel...), May 5th, 2004.

I'd add "*rim-shot*" but, y'know, that's out too.

Me, lurching over very drunkenly indeed: "So..." *mind goes blank* "I suppose its too late to ask you to dance."

Her, looking like I'd just asked to borrow her grandmother to show my friends: "What?"

Me: "I mean... would you like to... comeannavadrinkwithme?"

Her: "......"

Me: "I mean, not now obviously. Everythingsssssclosed. Sometime soon, though? But, not after tomorrow. I'm going home then. So tomorrow. Yeah. Okay?"

*Continued silence as the bloke she is with, who I had evidently decided to completely ignore, gestures to his friends in a manner going "hey everyone, look at this loser trying to crack onto my girlfriend*

Bloke whose sofa I'm crashing on: "Come on Matt, we'd better go. (I'm so sorry)"

Me, walking away but within earshot: "What the fuck did you do that for?! I was in there!"

The only reason I even know this happened is because it has been relayed to me time and time again, usually in company I am likely to become embarassed in.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you asking me out?
-- n/a (nu...), December 1st, 2004 4:48 PM. (Nick A.) (later)

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------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Are you asking me out?
I'm asking who you are, yes.

-- Ned Raggett (ne...), December 1st, 2004 4:50 PM. (Ned) (later)

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Well, I'm confused.
-- n/a (nu...), December 1st, 2004 4:51 PM. (Nick A.) (later)

UEA had a surprising amount of royalty in attendance! There was some princess or something a few doors down from me.

Also the idea of JW talking to Danish royalty is hilarious.

I don't understand how this could possibly be considered a bad thing.

A long and fulfilling romance did, needless to say, not ensue. We did, however, remain friends.

her, the dental assistant. Very very cute. We had a good conversation earlier about music and such.

ME: So listen, there's this party I'll be DJing at soon, you should come.

HER: Oh, I can't make it then, I'm sorry.

ME: But, I...didn't...even say...when...

HER: Be right back! (exits)

(not quite)

After long crushing on a certain girl, I wrote a poem about her for english class, but too embarassed to read it out loud, I submitted it the day before I was going to be out of town for a day, and asked the teacher to read it to the class instead.

The day I was back again, after English class, the girl mentioned to me that she liked my poem. As I struggled to reply, I backed into the fire extinguisher, knocking it to the ground with a loud clang.

I scrambled to put it back on the wall, and when I looked up, she had walked away.

The flip side is the end of the relationship, when she turned out to be a total three-timing junkie fuckhead and shot up on my floor before half-ODing and puking on my only suit. If the universe were fair and just gave out big statues for Nobel Prizes / MacArthur Grants, it would've rescinded hers and given it to me, and I would've punched her in the butt with it.

So: I was majorly crushing on the barman at one of the college bars, it transpired we had mutual friends, I went to a party, he was there and I failed to say a word to him all night. In spite of this he ended up walking me home - RESULT I thought but no he just drifted off into the night somewhere near my front door. Since I was drunk pretty much all the time that year, I was undeterred.

I have a birthday party, he turns up YES! but it's 3am and I am drrrrrunk of course, and dressed as a prostitute. I flirt desperately but to no avail. He drifts off AGAIN and am I left with another bloke (who has a girlfriend) lying in my lap and trying to enlarge the holes in my fishnet tights until 6am.

I don't think I ever even saw the Drifter again.

I was about seventeen, and just taking my A-levels. There was a girl, b3cky, who had become a friend through some way I cannot particularly remember. I thought B3cky was stunning, and we became friends – postcards on holidays, chatting on the phone – the kind of thing that to an inept seventeen year old is pretty good going. I was never sure where things between us would go, and was very stand offish a lot of the time due to being shit scared, but thought maybe I did have a chance. One time she came round my house and we were sat in my room, just chatting. She told me that she had broken her leg as a baby – something I met with a level of intrigue and disbelief. We bantered a little about it, at which point she showed me the scar. Due to stretching over time, this scar basically ran from around about her navel to near her knee on her leg. We never even kissed.

We stayed friends, and I had run ins with people looking out for her from time to time, which she always knew about, supported, but nothing really happened between us. Still to this day I bump into her when home every now and then, and still kick myself, as I still find her stunning.

i don't understand this part

!

All the same, I can't see why it should really freak you out (though I did freak recently on finding out a girl was 18, mainly cos I am 26).

Further more I was, unknowingly, stood right next to her boyfriend who happily was a nice fellow and we ended up joking about it and he didn't crush my head.

that's a pretty good line!

I remember a few years ago at my brothers wedding I ended up snogging one of his wifes friends, who must have been, let's say "well into her 30s". Anyway having had your typical wedding allowance of booze I was anxious to sleep with her, and drunkenly chatting her up more pretty much in earshot of my entire extended family.

Anyway I realised I wasn't getting anywhere really and began to get a bit sardonic about it and so I said, forgetting I was shouting and that my siblings and friends would mock me about this forever.....

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE COME ON, LOOK AT THE STATE I'M IN, IT'LL ONLY TAKE ABOUT 5 MINUTES"

"no."

"oh."

Not really a pulling story, but aged 12, at the house of a business partner of my dad, the daughter, so hot, I think she was 14 or so, totally overdeveloped, kept playing with my hair and wrestling with me, like really goodstyle grunty touchy wrestling nawmean, and at one point she threw a candy or something onto this one part of the carpet and told me to stand next to it and she would meet me there. HUH WHAT. I start walking there, okayyyy, coool, but then I look up and see the mistletoe and inexplicably homo out like OOOHHH ALMOST GOT ME HAHA and I back away. I regretted it INSTANTLY. Over the years she just got hotter and fucking hotter, I ended up at the SAME HIGH SCHOOL AS HER, we were casual friends because her click was too hot for my click, and I wanked about her constantly, shame spiralling galore.

In my adult life Ive just totally blown things by being super high a lot - recoiling all shylike from blatant advances, a few instances of Mr. Floppy, totally sketching out girls I may have had a chance with by being high and incoherent on the phone, telling really sketchy or gangstery stories about my life, stuff I should really keep on the internet.

Ièm on a mac. Why are these characters Èèè replacing my punctuationÉ

"I'm trying to forget someone."

I never saw her again.

This thread is already wonderful, although I'm glad that I hardly ever even dare to *try* to pull people, because it means I don't really have any embarrassing experiences like this to tell you all.

(this may change, of course, if I ever get round to inviting my office crush out for a drink)

didn't he say something on the old similar thread to this? also featuring strongo's infamous 'cheese fry' debacle

(xpost AW BLESS titchyschneider!)

*Which I'm still in.

last night, for example, I made some jokey insult which resulted in the following exchange.

Her: "Hey anymore of that and we won't go for drinks together anymore!"
Me: "Yes I'd be here on my own, swirling my beer around"
Her: "Yes and I'd be feeding some ducks somewhere, alone"
Me: "It would be bad"
Her: "We've got very sad like this Ronan"
Me: "Yes I know"
Her "Don't ever leave me!"

gaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Oh, I do empathise. Just be all "I'll steal your honey like I stole your bike" to her boyfriend, give him the gas face and win her affections by making him look impotent in a public fistfight.

The proprietoress of the net cafe just lurched past me and said "I can see by your face that you're very happy" while patting my arm. Does that count as a failure on her part?

I agree although the flirtation can be delicious.

At that point I realised he wasn't going to run off into the sunset with me (or C., who remarkably remained my friend) any time soon.

Glass of water for Missy Elliott, stat!

N could have a sort of weekly dance routine to the theme music which audiences would come to love.
-- Ronan

This is too adorable.

The best one really starts the morning after, when I wake up hungover and stumble to the kitchen for some water. I run into my roommate, a male acquaintance/friend who I am not particularly close to and who has a girlfriend (though they have an "open" relationship). I might note that I am not attracted to him at all. He is standing in his boxers and freezes like a deer in the headlights when he sees me, mumbles something irrelevant, and retreats back into his room. Which makes no sense until one of my friends calls me.

"So is it weird now?"
"Is what weird now?"
"Well, since last night."
"I don't remember what happened last night."
"Oh, you totally threw yourself at [roommate] and said a lot of provocative things."
"WHAT DID I SAY."
"Well, you started kissing him and then said 'Don't act like you hadn't thought about it.' He looked all bewildered and said 'But I hadn't thought about it!' but you didn't seem to hear him and you just kept talking dirty."
"OK, don't tell me anymore."
"His girlfriend was in the next room at the time. Also there are pictures."

And so, it was totally awkward for the rest of the year in our apartment, and we never had a real conversation again. At some point before we both moved out I tried to have a conversation with him in his room about his post-grad plans, which lasted for about 2 minutes while he seemed incredibly nervous about sitting five feet apart from me on the same bed.

N and Lauren interview Michael Jackson - NEXT on Your Fucking Morning!

N to Jacko: "So, when did you stop thinking Exeter was one of the big clubs?"

And for once, I'm not going to contribute. heh.

During the summer of 1998, I was working in Ottawa, it was sort of a co-op thing that was also tied into my degree. These were carefree times -- I had a huge grant, and wasn't afraid to spend it (on alcohol and CD's). Anyhow, after an especially shitty day at work in which absolutely nothing was working properly in the lab, I decided to grab a drink on the way home from work. I wandered into a pub that I'd never been to before. I ended up making friends with some people and hanging out near the bar. This bar catered to a fairly strange assortment of people, including a fairly high percentage of older men with younger, extremely buxom women. As I found out (since I ended up becoming a semi-regular at this pub), the staff were pretty good friends with the staff at the strip club downstairs in the same building, so there was a fair bit of customer and staff traffic between the two places. Anyhow, perhaps I'll save the strip club stories for another time.

Anyway, I'm hanging out with people there -- so much for one quick pint after work -- and this girl named M4ri3 strikes up a conversation with me (I don't know why I'm googleproofing her name, but everyone else seems to be). We seem to really be hitting it off, she's taking a genuine interest in my work (she had started a science degree in university but ended up switching to English, and English was my minor so we had that in common as well). Eventually, the other people we'd been hanging out with all left, but the two of us stayed behind until the pub closed. She's going on about how similar we are, how cool I am, and how we should go away on a trip together --all sorts of fun and flirty talk.

So by closing time, I've been hanging out with this girl for like eight hours (the last fours were just the two of us), and I finally lean in and give her a kiss, and she reciprocates by kind of half-kissing back, half-pulling away, and says, "Barry, I have a boyfriend". Stunned, I let out a fairly stupid line, "well, but he's not here now", and she says "no, he's at home". W.T.F. Still a a bit shocked and not sure what to say, I told her where I usually went drinking and told her to stop by some time. She said she would. Yeah right. Of course she never did.

I had no choice but to think about her the next day, because that's what happens when you drink eight pints of beer in place of eating dinner, get four hours of sleep, and therefore can't get much work done because you don't know if you're going to throw up from one minute to the next. Things got so bad that I ended up napping underneath my desk, Constansa-style.

Last night I went to a 90's cover band (they are quite the crowd pleasers - green day, pearl jam, nirvana, foo fighters, no doubt, rhcp) show at a FRAT PARTY. I bumped into some pretty indie thing in the line for beer. We chatted a little and then I ran into her later in the alcohol soaked crowd. We chatted, seemed to hit things off pretty well. She let me have some of her cigarette. We went to get another one, I grabbed her hand and led her. All going well! Band winds down; she goes to her friends and then disappears in the chaos. (I think I could have pulled if I had been a little more direct).

Meanwhile, my recently single friend is trying to pull some sophomore boy; gets fed up with it and arrives drunk at my room at 3 am and flops into bed with me. I do the right thing and tough I was uncomfortable with the position she put me in last night since we are friends and her ex is a good friend of mine. She freaks out like I implied she is constantly trying to hump my leg or something; storms off without a thank you for keeping her drunk ass in line.

Laura in Nihon gave me good advice:

L: no i think you are totally within your rights to say that if the genders were reversed, would anyone fault a girl for telling a guy not to come to her room wasted and put her in a provocative position?

JW: YOU ARE WISE

L: besides that fact that it's really indicative of you not wanting to be a jerk, the mere fact that it makes you uncomfortable should be reason enough, end of story.

(Plus, she asked for it and I felt flattered. Now I'm probably the weird gay head-tickling boy).

At a hot-hot party, trying to chat up J------, the drop-dead 6 foot Hawaiian chick. Doing well (ithought). Leaving the party to go to someplace else.
J: I'm kinda bored. Do you wanna maybe go someplace else?
me: YES.

We're about to "go someplace else" when my friend K-- (sorry K--, if you're reading this) runs up and is all "hey! Let's go to that other party!" K is one of the best-ever people and extremely hard to say no to. So, J and I releuctantly go to this other party. Long story short: I lose J on the dancefloor. Later, I blitz her all "Where'd you go?" Her response: "Oh. I thought K-- was your girlfriend."

Barf.

She comes up to me and says, sort of mad-person-flirty, "show me a thing!". DL and her friend evaporate. I pull out a pack of cards, do some shuffles. Get her to pick one, and then utterly spack up the trick I am doing because nervous & high. Beg to try again, setup for an easier trick and then UTTERLY SPACK IT UP EVEN BLOODY WORSE FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Walk off in self-disgust before she can call me back.

Seriously, dude: wtf? Are you That Guy?

(x-post I will just slink off quietly into a shameful corner, then...)

No! At least you're an All-the-Time Card Trick Guy, not just a Card Trick at Raves Guy.

Yes!

I mean i hope NOT to be, but i'm juuuuust warming it up for then.

Let's update this!

I've got nothing else for this thread.

I don't think I have anything entertaining to add to this thread, sadly.

mandee i have done the exact same thing (emo chick not dude) and gotten the exact same response

'When I first met you, I was so drunk I thought you were Danish! Really, even though you're from north London. Maybe it's because you've got a strange name...'

Man gives look of bafflement, somewhat akin to patting me on the head, and goes to the bar.

i turn 20. i drink too much. cute girl who i've kissed before (several months prior, mind you) is around. at this point i am blacked out and so the rest of the story was relayed to me the next day. anyway, drunk logic: before = now. i walk up to where she is sitting and sit down beside. don't say anything for 5 minutes. suddenly turn to her and begin the following conversation:
me: so, don't i get a birthday kiss?
her: um... no
me: why?

next day during another bout of drinking we laugh it off and i ask her what the reason she gave was as i don't remember it. i am blacked out at that point as well so i may never know

gbx i'm rather surprised no one asked you what 'blitz' meant

this is the best summing up of the whole damn thing.

He might have taken no for an answer and then SHE realised her mistake.

Tracer to self, dreamily: "I think she likes me"

i completely forgot about this. best idea ever!!!

"Then there came a time of touring, living rough, washing his 'smalls' in the basin in the dressing-room. During one of these touring sessions he met Freda Simpson, and they drank luke-warm cocoa after the show. They got married, and lived, happily, in a caravan, on account of the post-war housing shortage, and also because they couldn't afford the usual kind of roof over their heads."

I wonder where it all went wrong.

wtf 'luke-warm cocoa'? Is this a euphemism?

the only thing was, i'd had a few drinks before then and after she'd bought me like 4 beers i was starting to feel kind of queasy. i asked her a couple times if she wanted to go for a walk, but she just wanted to stay there and drink. finally i realized i'd have to stick around until the bar closed (at 2 a.m.; it was about 12:30 by this time), and i really wasn't in any mood to do that. so i thanked her for the drinks and wished her luck in the move, walked home, puked my guts out, and went to sleep with no regrets.

Him:...so, good night last night?
Me: Yeah, but I'm paying for it today. Next time, you should come along.
Him: Yeah, I'd like that
Me: *Silent but deadly Guinness fart slips out without warning and I'm only aware of it when the smell makes me want to hurl*
Him: *Keels over and dies*

Fin

I'll never get a date from here, will I?

Perhaps this explains why I am always single.

(Penelope, I am very impressed that you admitted to that.)

Anyway, said friend of his was way cuter and I ended up casually dating him for months so there you go. Also, arrogant cute guy turned out to be a total "I am an actorrr" wanker so its all good.

Well, 2 years later we got together properly anyway so there it is.

Yes, and thanks to being such an inept liar I don't have a cute girl either :/

an attractive girl looks my way and smiles.

things you need to know about me at this point: i'm 22, i'm in my first staff journalism job, i'm covering up my myriad insecurities with aggressive over-confidence, and i'm very drunk and stoned. oh: and i haven't so much as held hands with a girl in at least six months.

her: hello. so, are you a friend of [name of male host]?

me: yeh. i know loads of people, me, because i'm great. i know him over there, and him over there, and her over there too. and i'm absolutely fucking great and top, and i work for [name of formerly popular magazine sold by the homeless] and i do all the music and the subbing and no god really i'm desperate i mean you don't have to let me touch them or anything just a look would suffice did i say how great i am?

her: [name of formerly popular magazine sold by the homeless], eh? ooh, i read that every week. and of course you must know [name of irritating club promoter and soi-disant journalist twat]?

me: aye! he's a FUCKING CUNT.

[beat]

her: he's my boyfriend.

In cab transpires girl is quite pissed and tired. Ends up falling asleep on my lap. Am thinking in fairly wasted state that I can get her number before she gets out of the cab. Have arm round her, quite nice - gazing out of the window at the 3AM London night.

However, occasional smell of sick from her. No convulsing though, no movement, no dribbing so as there was both tequila and joints going round at the party assume that she was sick before she left. Of course when she gets out the cab I find, yes, she has vomitted on my leg and the cab... and I found out a few weeks later she had a boyfriend. I had to see the funny side really, but it was... worst cab ride evah.

attempt 1 - "Will you marry me"
attempt 2 - "Will you marry me"

failed both times

third time lucky, maybe.

aim lower

Ooh it's like Ed and Emma in the Archers. That'll probably end in tears too.

I was so right.

i once knocked out a friend and brought him to hospital with concussion to get out of pulling a girl he was trying to hook me up with.

he never did it again, to be fair to him.

Many years ago, drunken backyard party at my house, and I had my eye on a cute bespectacled girl named Julia (eternal recurrence, etc). I had seen her around, but never really had much of a conversation with her. Inside the house, in the hallway, with no one looking, I tried to plant one on her. No flirting, no game, just, "Hey I'm drunk enough to give this a shot!" She pulled back fast and said, "Kenan, no," rather firmly. I said, "Ok, I understand, not now." (Cheeky.) She said, "Not ever," and walked away. I totally deserved that.

Awwww

smooth

i know, right?

good job!

i was at the midst of a chalet party once at a particular music festival in which one stays in chalets, and i was drinking whiskey with this girl for a bit, thought that was cool, then she started talking to this film maker person for a while who was really cool and stuff and this girl was also into films and i know nothing about it so i thought "doh!" but then whilst i was listening to this conversation that i don't really understand, through this whole thing suddenly there was a hand on my leg kind of moving and i was like omg wtf. must have been an accident. but then that hand moved and then back again and glanced down and it was this girl's i was like holy shit. then that hand grabbed my hand and moved my hand to her leg she was wearing a short shirt. all the while she was still having this conversation about films with this other dude all chilled. it was pretty amazing.

well that didnt fail at all

She said, "Not ever," and walked away

Exactly how long was "not ever" in your case?

how soon is never?

haha xxp

"Charlton lost at the weekend, this combined with the failings of the English rugby and F1 prospects has left me moribund. Are you up for some poppage?"

-- Dom Passantino, Wednesday, 24 October 2007 12:44 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Link

ok fuck

this girl was all over me this evening, being all dramatic, leading me on, licking my ear in the club etc, rubbing up against me, but kept on refraining from a kiss because of the fact that she'd already pulled 3 boys from my school (i only mentioned the fact i'd been at school with the boy she was obsessing over; i certainly wasn't intending on bringing it up). she then teased me for about 3 hours, making continual references to my school and not wanting to 'break your heart like all the others'. i played it very very cool, occasionally suggesting we go back to mine, straight-facedly suggesting that since she clearly wanted me we might as well consummate the whole thing. as it turned out, her madness was mostly an act, as we left the club together and pulled on a side-street, but she didn't want to sleep with me, ostensibly because she didn't 'do that with Wets' any more (the word Wets was used about 200 times, no exaggeration). Actually, I think she just wanted to escort her friend home, and as she left me she said i was 'fabulous' and that she looked forward to meeting me again.

i do feel a touch miffed, but i'm just hoping that this doesn't come back to haunt me. when i say that she had a psychosis about my school, i mean it. a combination of her failing the entrance exam all those years ago and the boys she had pulled before not living up to her standards has ingrained this, i think. for every time i said that i didn't give a toss where anyone went to school, for every time i tried to reason, the more passionate and dramatic (and paranoid) she became, alternately beating/scratching me and flinging herself into my arms.

apparently she also had a nude photo of herself on her phone, which she showed one of my peers.

i think this all amounts to a big fat :-/

amended

http://photos-239.ll.facebook.com/photos-ll-sf2p/v135/103/125/36910239/n36910239_35340210_8119.jpg

On one drunken freshers night, towards the end of the evening, I loudly commented to a friend that I could do with either a shag or a curry. A rather attractive (as well as I could ascertain with that level of alcohol in me) marched up to me about a minute later and said "Well then, what do you want, a shag or a curry?"

To which I obviously replied "a curry, actually".

Her face darkened and she stormed off. After which, I put my head in my hands and cried "AAARRRGH! She MEANT it!"