You Would Like To Be The Next M. Night Shamalamadingdong, But Your Blues Aren't Blue Enough And Sarah Michelle Won't Return Your Calls. Quick! What Nursery Rhyme Will You Use In Your Next Highly Deri

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AND what will your creepy demon kid say in a creeeeeepy whisper when he looks up at the camera for maximum movie trailer catch-phrase gold!

AND what will it be called?

AND what will your craaaazy surprise twist of a mindblower ending be?

AND what other cliches will you use with willful abandon?

AND who will be in it?

This is probably too much to ask. You would have to be really bored.

― scott seward (scott seward), Tuesday, 1 February 2005 23:57 (twenty years ago)

I love this thread already

― papa november (papa november), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:02 (twenty years ago)

Maria just told me she wants her creepy demon kid to whisper: *there are people in my diaper*

frankly, i don't know if that's gonna creep too many people out.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

We All Fall Down

Based on the ring a ring a rosey rhyme, a mysterious black plague is threatening the township of Durbey, seemingly out of nowhere.

Only one little girl seems to know what is really going on, but is she really who she seems? Who is the strange man in the wardrobe mirror she keeps talking to?

Starring some unknown little upstart girly as the girl who knows bloody everything, and Keira Knightly as her long suffering mother who eventually dies of consumption, or some shit.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:05 (twenty years ago)

I know that needed more cliches and ideas but I rushed it.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

Sure she didn't say *poopies in my diaper*?

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:06 (twenty years ago)

scott, i love you

― Amateur(ist) (Amateur(ist)), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:08 (twenty years ago)

I like the Keira Knightley dying part. Another chance for her to use her lone facial expression!

― luna (luna.c), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:10 (twenty years ago)

Hahah exactly why I picked her! She also has to mope around staring out of windows in frilly victorian nightgowns, worrying a lot.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:11 (twenty years ago)

Also, the twist is that it is actually 20th century New England, and this family think a plague is killing everyone but it turns out the kid is just obsessed with a TV show. Thats sounds about stupid enough.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:15 (twenty years ago)

"Old Mother Hubbard"

*Doggie looks hungry*

'Fetch a bone'

The dog is actually a wolf re-released into some shitty habitat, who pines for the nursery of her youth, wanders back to the city and after having a shitty time is taken up by a crazy old crone who disposes of her enemies by feeding them to the 'dog'. The liitle kid who lives down the block has lycanthropic tendencies, senses the presence of the wolf, is almost killed before he calls it 'poochy', the wolf's name in the nursery. Then the moon comes up, the boy transforms and they make wild, lupine love.

Haven't decided on cliches or cast yet.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:18 (twenty years ago)

How about Bye, Baby Bunting

The big scary whispered catchphrase could be "Daddy's gone a hunting

I think this has potential!

― papa november (papa november), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:22 (twenty years ago)

I know Im actually thinking up some (admittedly very M.Nighteqsue) cool ideas! More in a tic.

― Trayce (trayce), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:25 (twenty years ago)

okay, my bad, Maria actually originally said *there are dead people in my diaper* which is certainly derivative and has more of a zing. she also thought of a ring around the rosie move too! awhile back after we had seen the ginger snaps movies. cuz, you know, in those movies the girl is named ginger and she does indeed snap. her rosie movie would have a girl named rosie and the nursery rhyme, but i think that's as far as she got.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:35 (twenty years ago)

There would be a virus involved - starts like chicken pox but turns you into an infectious child zombie.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:44 (twenty years ago)

I used to call him M. Night Shamalama but then I realized it's just Sha-ma-lan and that's pretty easy to remember. It's still tough to spell, I'll admit.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:49 (twenty years ago)

Hahaha this thread pretty much sums up every thought I have about that fuckstick 'director'.

― Andrew (enneff), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 00:59 (twenty years ago)

Little Jack Horner

Whispered scary phrase: "What a good boy am I."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 02:17 (twenty years ago)

M . night Shamalama would be an awesome name

― Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 02:59 (twenty years ago)

Night isn't actually his middle name. He should have gone all the way.

― miccio (miccio), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:02 (twenty years ago)

Nightingale?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:03 (twenty years ago)

have you seen the ad for hide and seek where de niro whispers scarily: "ready or not here I come". oh, how the mighty keep falling and falling.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:11 (twenty years ago)

Paddycake

"Bake me a cake. As fast as you can."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

God I saw the poster for that and bust out laughing so hard I thought I was going to pee on myself.

― Allyzay Highlights The Fallacy of Radiohead (allyzay), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:13 (twenty years ago)

Jack Sprat

"I'll lick the platter clean."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:15 (twenty years ago)

"One. Two. Three. Four. I declare thumb war."

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:15 (twenty years ago)

Rub-a-dub-dub
Three corpses in a tub,
And how do you think they got there?
The butcher, the baker, the candlestick-maker --

Starring Andrew McCarthy, Jon Cryer, and Skeet Ulrich

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:39 (twenty years ago)

I used to call him M. Night Shamalama but then I realized it's just Sha-ma-lan and that's pretty easy to remember. It's still tough to spell, I'll admit.

I used a variation on an old thread (re: a Beulah lyric):

"There never was a party at all" OOOOOH A TWIST ENDING! Call M night Shyamalamadingdong!

-- AaronHz (aaronh...), June 14th, 2004 4:31 PM. (AaronHz)

― Dr. Z Indahouse (AaronHz), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:42 (twenty years ago)

On February 26, YOU'RE IT.

TAG

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:48 (twenty years ago)

that's a good one, Hurting! I would go see that.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:50 (twenty years ago)

Crap. Maybe I should be working in the industry.

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:51 (twenty years ago)

Actually, I could see a plot about some sort of killer being that inhabits a dead, zombie-like host, who becomes "it" until they find (and kill) another person to become "it".

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:52 (twenty years ago)

"Shhhh, you must be quiet, mummy and I are ever so dead".

that's gonna be the big line in my twee brit ghosty movie starring anyone remotely kidman-esque.

― scott seward (scott seward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 03:58 (twenty years ago)

Fantastic

― Leon the Fatboy (Ex Leon), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 04:03 (twenty years ago)

Of course, Tag will be followed by a sequel, Freeze Tag.

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 04:09 (twenty years ago)

And another sequel: Gutten Tag

― Hurting (Hurting), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 04:15 (twenty years ago)

Scott's revisionism will extend to proclaiming Darkness Falls the movie of the decade.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 05:40 (twenty years ago)

I've actually been thinking about a ripped-from-the headlines horror pic about the breakup between Woody Allen and Mia Farrow. I'd call it "Mia Culpa" and it would feature a menorah beating. Woody would end the flick singing a version of the Sesame Street theme to himself ... "Sun Yi Day ... " Potential for sequels as

Mia Culpa 2: Let Me Be Frank
Mia Culpa 3: Bride and Previn-ise
Mia Culpa 4: Roman hands

― Remy (x Jeremy), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 06:00 (twenty years ago)

wasn't Tag already done, sort of, with that Denzel movie, Fallen? The serial killer who moved from person to person via touch? Which was, in itself, a ripoff of The Hidden, which is a great fuckin' movie BTW

― Riot Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 06:20 (twenty years ago)

They mostly come at night...mostly

― lukey (Lukey G), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 09:34 (twenty years ago)

That sounds like a half-hearted apologia for erectile dysfunction.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 15:53 (twenty years ago)

Nursery rhyme: Little Bobby Shaftoe
Creepy demon kid's creeeeeepy whisper: "I'll be yours...FOR EVER MORE!"
Title: "Silver Buckles"
Craaaazy surprise twist: The murderer...is Screech!
Other cliches: Cat in the cupboard! Silver spoon!
Who will be in it: Mark-Paul Gosselaar, Lark Voorhies

― The Obligatory Sourpuss (Begs2Differ), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:03 (twenty years ago)

I am thrilled and troubled.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:06 (twenty years ago)

Oranges and Lemons
Tagline: And Here Comes the Chopper to Chop OFF YOUR HEAD.
Creepy demon kid whisper: well, the entire rhyme
Plot: Every time the old church clock strikes the hour, someone dies!
Twist: It's really Jack the Ripper come back from the grave to haunt modern day London
Other cliches: It's the Freemasons! It's the hidden royal family secret! It's the man with the really bad East end accent ooh er guvn'r!
Who's in it: creepy little english boy, americans with horrid accents.

― jocelyn (Jocelyn), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:15 (twenty years ago)

Um, he hasn't named any of his movies after nursery rhymes though! (Please don't take this as a defense of Sham-a-lamb, only a mere observation.)

― nickalicious (nickalicious), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:20 (twenty years ago)

Little Boy Blue

He sleeps under a haystack in the barn. At night he terrorizes farming families.

Where's the little boy who looks after the sheep?
Under the haystack, fast asleep.
Will you wake him? No, not I,
For if I do, YOU'RE ALL SURE TO DIE.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:38 (twenty years ago)

It could be the ghost of a boy who died in a hay-loading accident. After he died, their once productive, fine farm became haunted. His father became an insance alcoholic and ran off. His mother lives there alone, singing to her self and rocking in a rocking chair. Kids from neighboring farms dare each other to go in the old haunted barn. They wake up Little Boy Blue (whose body looks blue because he suffocated under the hay).

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:41 (twenty years ago)

insance = insane

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:41 (twenty years ago)

Surely anything with 'blue' and 'boy' in it would have to have some homoerotic subtext too, Maria.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:43 (twenty years ago)

His mother sleeps with him?

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:47 (twenty years ago)

Oooh, HOMOerotic. The neighboring boys also use the barn for circle jerks. They hide their porn magazines there. They don't discover the boy there until one session turns into a roll in the hay.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:48 (twenty years ago)

The surprise twist is that another boy originally smothered him and called it an accident. It was a lover's quarrel.

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:54 (twenty years ago)

Rigor mortis...

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 16:55 (twenty years ago)

ihttp://www.alyon.org/generale/theatre/cinema/affiches_cinema/l/les_se-loc/little_boy_blue.jpg

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 17:03 (twenty years ago)

http://www.rjohnwright.com/images/chronology/nurseryrhyme/lbb.jpg

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 17:05 (twenty years ago)

That L'il Boy Blue in the Comicolor cartoon looks like he's all smoked out.

― Michael White (Hereward), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 17:07 (twenty years ago)

He's been puffing on his horn just a li'l too much

― Maria D. (Maria D.), Wednesday, 2 February 2005 17:09 (twenty years ago)

three months pass...

itsy bitsy spider alert! theme for new jennnifer connelly thriller!

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 27 May 2005 17:33 (twenty years ago)

that one looks SO boring! the money shot of the trailer is connelly looking nonplussed as uh.. some water leaks into her living room!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 27 May 2005 17:42 (twenty years ago)

mold is a big scary issue these days in suburbia. it plays on those fears.

― scott seward (scott seward), Friday, 27 May 2005 17:48 (twenty years ago)

one year passes...

DUDE TOTALLY USES TWINKLE TWINKLE LITTLE STAR IN THE AD FOR HIS NEW LADY IN THE WATER MOVIE!!!!!!

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 15 July 2006 04:18 (nineteen years ago)

Three Bags Full

― Eazy (Eazy), Saturday, 15 July 2006 05:11 (nineteen years ago)

creepy girl-kid: < whisper > she's here..... < / whisper >

giamatti: o fuck

< kneels very slowly / >

water bitch is standing behind him

giamatti: okay don't make any sudden movements hear me kiiiid

creepy g-k: < whisper> she's heeeere to help us.... < / whisper >

giamatti: *falls in pool and drowns*

FIN

― gear (gear), Saturday, 15 July 2006 05:19 (nineteen years ago)

HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLY SHIT.

exhilaratingly bad. EXHILARATINGLY. holy fucking shit.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 00:55 (nineteen years ago)

Hahahahaahah. And I remember how much you adored The Village. DETAILS, DETAILS.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 00:56 (nineteen years ago)

WOW.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

i do not know where to start. i really don't.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 00:57 (nineteen years ago)

i'm in awe.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 00:58 (nineteen years ago)

aw c'mon!

― david allen grier (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:01 (nineteen years ago)

we NEED you for this shit

― david allen grier (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:01 (nineteen years ago)

YES PLEASE. (I was just roffling at rereading your Village thread, actually.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:03 (nineteen years ago)

please oh please share your comedic disdain.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:03 (nineteen years ago)

*****SPOILERS HEREIN*********

did you know that one of the major subplots of this film (and mostly irrelevant to the plot) is about a FILM CRITIC who is a JERK and is PROVEN WRONG because "WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD CLAIM TO KNOW ANOTHER MAN'S INTENTIONS" and then VICIOUSLY KILLED?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:09 (nineteen years ago)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:10 (nineteen years ago)

I read about that in THR I think?

IS HE FAT AND SCHLUBBY OR JUST NERDY AND WHITE?

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:10 (nineteen years ago)

he is bob balaban!!!

did you know that m. night shyamalan himself plays a VISIONARY WRITER whose writing will one day CHANGE THE WORLD and that it's the second-largest male part in the movie?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:11 (nineteen years ago)

"But but but Lady in the Water, why did you rip S1ogko's head off?"

"A-TISKET A-TASKET."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:11 (nineteen years ago)

he is bob balaban!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

― david allen grier (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:12 (nineteen years ago)

it seems like at least 1 hour of this movie is devoted to people explaining this "bedtime story" myth about "narfs" and "uttles" (or something) that a) makes very little sense b) isn't actually a story c) is unbelievably tedious and stupid.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:12 (nineteen years ago)

did you know that m. night shyamalan himself plays a VISIONARY WRITER whose writing will one day CHANGE THE WORLD and that it's the second-largest male part in the movie?

My god, at this rate he's going to cast himself as the lead in a Bright Eyes biopic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:12 (nineteen years ago)

"narfs" and "uttles"

Someone sit the man down and explain genitalia to him.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:13 (nineteen years ago)

as my friend said "there isn't a moment in this movie where something hilariously bad isn't happening on some level"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:13 (nineteen years ago)

soooo many lines that are just howlers... i think my favourite is the "narf" prophesying "one day a child will be born in the midwest of this land"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:14 (nineteen years ago)

in the midwest of this land!!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:14 (nineteen years ago)

x-post -- Hmm. That's close to Showgirls, then.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:14 (nineteen years ago)

sorry the "bob balaban as critic" thing is just making my head spin. i'm just glad ethan isnt around.

― david allen grier (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:14 (nineteen years ago)

I hope the narfs are shaped like footballs and are very squishy.

sorry the "bob balaban as critic" thing is just making my head spin.

Yeah, I'm with you. I read that and figured, 'Best not to dwell on this.'

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:15 (nineteen years ago)

he comments on the plot like it's a scream movie

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:15 (nineteen years ago)

the narfs are shaped like bryce dallas howard

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:16 (nineteen years ago)

win-lose

― david allen grier (dubplatestyle), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:16 (nineteen years ago)

he comments on the plot like it's a scream movie

*dies*

the narfs are shaped like bryce dallas howard

The Powders.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:16 (nineteen years ago)

So what the hell are the 'uttles,' then?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:17 (nineteen years ago)

TELL US ABOUT THE KOREANS.

Also please convince me this movie isn't worth going to extremely inebriated.

"OH AND THIS IS THE PART WITH THE INCREDIBLY STUPID PLOT TW--BLARGH" *is ded*

Uttles are Paul Giamatti, duh.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:18 (nineteen years ago)

sorry it's actually "scrunts" not "uttles." they are like CGI dogs with grass strewn on their fur.

there's also the matter of "the great eatlon."

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:19 (nineteen years ago)

there's also the matter of "the great eatlon."

I have literally burst out laughing at reading this.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:20 (nineteen years ago)

sorry it's actually "scrunts" not "uttles."

SUCH A VAST IMPROVEMENT.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:20 (nineteen years ago)

oh man this sounds funnier than Little Man and Clerks 2 combined.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:21 (nineteen years ago)

...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:22 (nineteen years ago)

Fanny and Alexander would be funnier than THOSE two combined.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:23 (nineteen years ago)

...and then she whispers "darling come here and fuck me up the..." before all the harsh synths come in and shred everything in site.

― Rev. PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie 2), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:23 (nineteen years ago)

my friend & i were just talking about what a good mood this movie put us in. it's like the inverse of a really good movie--we had so much to excitedly talk about afterwards

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:24 (nineteen years ago)

:-D (to both of those)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:24 (nineteen years ago)

got no idea what pappawheelie's take on this is all about

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:25 (nineteen years ago)

(Lords of Acid, m'friend.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:25 (nineteen years ago)

man this is going to be the best box office weekend ever.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:26 (nineteen years ago)

This, My Super Ex-Girlfriend, Monster House...it's like all the blockbusters are out of the way so Hollywood decided to smoke rock.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:28 (nineteen years ago)

oh did i mention that bryce dallas howard's narf character's name is STORY?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:29 (nineteen years ago)

"My friends call me Neverending."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:29 (nineteen years ago)

I have noticed this from the IMDB page:

Joseph D. Reitman .... Long Haired Smoker
Jared Harris .... Goatee Smoker
Grant Monohon .... Emaciated Smoker
John Boyd .... One-Eyebrow Smoker

?!?!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

"hilarious" stoner characters

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

*dies again*

Oh BTW, the lead 'review' on the IMDB page from a user, who surely cannot be a studio plant:

Bottom line: Phili must be a crazy place to live.

I walk into every M. Night film knowing, good or bad, I am going to see a picture that is imaginative, original, and full of hope. This is one of very few writer/directors who actually strive to bring something new to the cinema on each different outing.

So, how was the film? Good. Dare I say, great? If you like his films, this one will definitely hit you deep. You'll put it at the top of your "M. Night List", and be glad to have it in your DVD collection later this year.

First, the acting. We all know Night has a habit of picking actors from the same pool. People he knows, trusts, and has worked with before. Willis has helmed two of his films, while Joaquin another two. This will be Bryce Dallas Howards second as well. We are used to Night writing his lead characters as more of a shadow of a man that once was. A tragic figure; this is no different in "Lady In The Water".

Giamatti plays Heep very, very well. But, because of Giamatti's inclusion into Nights' world, we see things much lighter. Willis, Gibson, and Phoenix had a habit of turning everything dark and dreary. And while Giamatti is still a tragic figure, he is eager to believe and more than willing to take the word of a half naked girl in his home. I, personally, believe that he is the greatest actor Night has worked with. And the result? A much lighter film. Thank God.

This is a fantasy. Not a horror, not a film with a twist (spoiler: there is none), which is good, because a twist would have put Night into an early grave. As a fantasy, a bed time story, Night treats us like children. Characters speak their inner dialogues, creatures with interesting names plague us at every turn, and the residents of this apartment complex are as interesting and comic as they are important.

There is still the important Night message: Purpose. We all have one. We all are meant to be somebody. Now, all we have to do is figure that out.

Even the intro reads like a children's' book; illustrations dance about in order to create a younger element to this tale.

The plot is simple. Nymphs, beasts, guilds, healers, etc. Almost like a role-playing video game in a sense.

The music and cinematography? Night kept his all-star team, and the project was helmed and sculpted beautifully.

The faults? I dare say Night could have done with less characters. They all seemed important, but it crowded the screen, and left us with a question: Is this that persons' only purpose? That's sad.

But, have fun with this film. It's a treat, as rare as Nights' films are.

Night brings a world of reality into a world of dreams, and the saddest point of the film, was when we had to wake up.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:32 (nineteen years ago)

i mean the worst part isn't that the movie is so stuffed with totally meaningless made-up mythology (not that made-up mythology needs to be meaningless, but it sure is a total void here), it's that so much of the movie is dedicated to its monotonous, empty recitation... "a tutlon may intervene if a scrunt attacks a narf on the day the law prohibits it etc etc"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:32 (nineteen years ago)

"a tutlon may intervene if a scrunt attacks a narf on the day the law prohibits it etc etc"

Holy fuck, you mean this movie is like if you get your worst Sims characters to sit down and play D&D?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:34 (nineteen years ago)

OMFG.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:37 (nineteen years ago)

So apparently Disney abandoned this movie. GOOD CALL.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:45 (nineteen years ago)

So apparently Disney abandoned this movie. GOOD CALL.

Details?

Perhaps we're lucky, could have been a TV series.

"M. Night Shyamalan's Misplaced."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:46 (nineteen years ago)

I just recently saw the San Antonio Screening of The Lady In the Water and thought it was great. First off let me say this I am not a fan of Shyamalan. He did however have alot of important messages in the movie that as I was leaving the theatre no one picked up on. First the setting Philly. Birth place of the constitution. It was interesting there was an apartment complex in the middle of nowhere in a very populated city. The strong arm of the tennant meant, A nation strong in Unity; With our gifts of mind and STRENGTH OF ARM, the 13 original colonies that declared independence from Britain in 1776. Strong in soul and strong in arm! Justice, Truth and Charity, ... When the main actor is looking for the beast in the grass he looks over his left shoulder and with one eye aka the dollar bill and the all seeing eye on the left side of the dollar bill. The lady in the water is lady liberty who also was pale and had red hair. The sisters represented the Sisters of Liberty. Critics and public writers were often the first to be tried and executed. I.e the Critic in the movie. The eagle picking up the lady of course the eagle being the national bird. And also how an ordinary man scarred of life can heal liberty.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:47 (nineteen years ago)

ned do you not know the back story to this? it's awesome. read this:

http://movies2.nytimes.com/2006/07/10/books/10masl.html

and then this:

http://www.ew.com/ew/report/0,6115,1210892_1_0_,00.html

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:50 (nineteen years ago)

Before I read this thread, I had no interest in this movie, but somehow this thread has convinced me that I should see this film with the women of my supersnarky book club. My only fear is that someone is going to sustain an hysterics-related injury.

― Sara R-C (Sara R-C), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:50 (nineteen years ago)

x-post "Signed, Tony Snow."

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:50 (nineteen years ago)

ned do you not know the back story to this?

! Funtime! *reads*

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:51 (nineteen years ago)

Oh man. The pain. Oh dear.

(Of course the funny part is Jacobson was just fired yesterday. COINCEDENCE?)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 01:55 (nineteen years ago)

"You'll put it at the top of your "M. Night List"

hee hee. i didn't even know i was supposed to HAVE an M. Night list. better go make one.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 02:22 (nineteen years ago)

so, if he is making up new mythical worlds, why is he still using tired old nursery rhymes!!!??? it's like he can't stop himself.

i gotta read that new hagiography. THAT is supposed to be the laff riot of the century as well.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 02:24 (nineteen years ago)

Those links are gold.

― Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Thursday, 20 July 2006 09:40 (nineteen years ago)

From the start, the dinner was a disaster. The tables were too close together; Night felt that other diners could hear their conversation. The service was slow. There were many courses with tiny portions. Night was not touching his food. The waiters hovered excessively.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:01 (nineteen years ago)

"...Wasn't that a dainty dish to set before the king?"

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:07 (nineteen years ago)

The attack left Night feeling euphoric. He felt like a boxer, adrenaline coursing through him after getting hit. He came out flailing.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:13 (nineteen years ago)

He went right into Johnnie Cochran mode, which suited him. He did an excellent and funny, ''if the glove don't fit, you must acquit'' bit.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:13 (nineteen years ago)

He was just about to shift gears when he looked at them carefully, one by one. He saw nothing. They weren't engaging him the way an opponent is supposed to. There was no boxing match going on.

― Tracey Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:15 (nineteen years ago)

For a moment Night was healed. is the best line.

― Raw Patrick (Raw Patrick), Thursday, 20 July 2006 10:20 (nineteen years ago)

Without doubt. How in the world can you write that without a trace of irony? And yet, here it is.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 11:43 (nineteen years ago)

There were times I was like, ''Damn, he's a good-looking man'' or ''He's got more on the ball than I do as an actor.'' He can just stand there with a smoldery look and, wow, I wish I could do that.

― Machibuse '80 (ex machina), Thursday, 20 July 2006 12:32 (nineteen years ago)

best sentence ever in the history of sentences:

"There was an early, funny scene in Spanish, the fastest-growing language in America."

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 12:49 (nineteen years ago)

Ned, you have to do the book on tape for the night bio.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 12:58 (nineteen years ago)

That would be awesome! Scott always has the best ideas.

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:00 (nineteen years ago)

Ned, you have to do the book on tape for the night bio.

:-D

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:07 (nineteen years ago)

"Night wasn't accustomed to dealing with real-world intrusions. You were supposed to get sucked up into Night's world and to hell with everything else. But that wasn't happening."

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:14 (nineteen years ago)

I wonder how many under-my-breath expletives I could work into a reading of that passage alone.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

Almost like a role-playing video game in a sense.

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

if you are into numbers, this is pretty fun stuff:

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/hollywood/0227061hollywood1.html

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:19 (nineteen years ago)

Seriously, what is the SCOPE of Shmayalan's artistic vision, anyway? Everything's so freakin' pedestrian in the end. Gaah.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:20 (nineteen years ago)

haley joel pwnd!!:

"Records show that while Bruce Willis made $14 million for "The Sixth Sense," the film's other star, 10-year-old Haley Joel Osment, was a major bargain. Osment played "Cole Sear," a boy who saw dead people and was the psychological drama's emotional core. And one that only cost $150,000. By comparison, Willis's private jet tab alone was $450,000 and an unspecified "other allowance" for him was budgeted at $339,492."

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:21 (nineteen years ago)

an unspecified "other allowance" for him was budgeted at $339,492

"Are you sure recording The Return of Bruno...AGAIN! will only cost this much?"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:22 (nineteen years ago)

His vision is one of vagueness and marketing. if i saw him on the street i would yell: GET ONE JACOB'S LADDER, BEYOTCH!!

(he just wants to be spielberg or something.)

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:25 (nineteen years ago)

GET ONE JACOB'S LADDER, BEYOTCH!!

Dan will be very pleased you said this, that's one of his favorite films.

he just wants to be spielberg or something.

Yes, I know, but dude makes me long for Spielberg's existential complexity in comparison (which does not exist, much).

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:26 (nineteen years ago)

he made two movies that made a lot of money. we'll see how long that lasts him. studios get really sick of the artiste thing if you ain't doing boffo box-office.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:27 (nineteen years ago)

Especially when you aren't, you know, really an artiste.

I think what makes him particularly offensive is the fact that he sells his films as having DEEP, PROFOUND THEMES when it is shit like "everyone is special," "things happen for a reason," etc.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:29 (nineteen years ago)

he made two movies that made a lot of money.

I was wondering about what the other one was, though -- Unbreakable or Signs? (It sure as hell wasn't The Village.)

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:30 (nineteen years ago)

I think it was Signs.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:30 (nineteen years ago)

Yeah, it was Signs, something like $222 million grossed in the US (with a budget of $70 mill). Unbreakable made less than half that.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:32 (nineteen years ago)

some amusing quotes here

"A gaping psychic wound, a blood-spattered, pulsating tumor ripped violently from both its creator's head and, more fascinatingly, his heart, then planted onscreen, raw and unfettered, for all to come and see."

-- Keith Uhlich, SLANT MAGAZINE

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:35 (nineteen years ago)

I'd pay to see THAT!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:36 (nineteen years ago)

we must not forget the bedtime story that started it all:

http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0316017345/sr=1-2/qid=1153406086/ref=sr_1_2/002-5177224-8573666?ie=UTF8&s=books

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:39 (nineteen years ago)

Buy this book with The Man Who Heard Voices: Or, How M. Night Shyamalan Risked His Career on a Fairy Tale by Michael Bamberger today!

Buy Together Today: $29.5

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:40 (nineteen years ago)

ned, i enjoyed your amazon review:

"The unanswerable question at the heart of this book that will nag the reader long after he or she sets it aside will be that of how its cruelly ill-equipped author could ever have imagined himself capable of entertaining an audience. Fresh from such misbegotten and definitively third-rate reels of swollen twaddle as "The Village" and "Signs", Mr. Shyamalan here brings his considerable talent for next to nothing to the field of children's literature, where it lands with a small squeaky children's-book thud that echoes the expensive, mechanized thuds of its cinematic siblings. I look forward to half-amusing reruns on cable of the pompous cinematic adaptation of this defective little indulgence of an utterly mediocre bore of an author."

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:41 (nineteen years ago)

Hahahaha! ;-)

*reads elsewhere*

Originally written by M. Night Shyamalan as a bedtime story for his own children, the story of the Lady in the Water is an imaginative reading experience that inspires readers to observe the world around them and consider their purpose on earth. Like all of Shyamalan's work, this story offers a dark mystery with surprising twists, a touch of magic, and a powerful message at the end.

This book stands completely on its own as a unique reading experience and is intended to complement the film, rather than recreate it. While the myth of the "lady in the water" forms the basis for the plot of the film, the film characters and setting are not featured in the book. Those who both read the book and see the film will have a deeper, richer experience of Night's story.

* Reading level: Ages 4-8

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:42 (nineteen years ago)

I'm still laughing at this: "One. Two. Three. Four. I declare thumb war."

And then this? did you know that m. night shyamalan himself plays a VISIONARY WRITER whose writing will one day CHANGE THE WORLD and that it's the second-largest male part in the movie?

Who does he think he is? STEPHEN KING???

― Party Time Country Female (pullapartgirl), Thursday, 20 July 2006 13:42 (nineteen years ago)

YES OH YES PLEASE BUY THE BOOK (and pay my salary).

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:00 (nineteen years ago)

Can't I just give you the money directly?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:01 (nineteen years ago)

Let me get this straight: are you paying me NOT to give you a copy of the book, or in fact ever mention it again in this or any possible world? Then sure!

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:03 (nineteen years ago)

I'm glad to see we're of the same mind.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:03 (nineteen years ago)

Dude, I had a problem with a swollen twaddle one summer, but i took all these pills and it went away in about two weeks

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:09 (nineteen years ago)

pop... goes... THE WEASEL

― autovac (autovac), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:10 (nineteen years ago)

When you're sliding into home
And your pants are full of foam
Diarrhea.

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:11 (nineteen years ago)

Ok, a man had a seizure in the library while I was typing that. I just had to witness that and think "should I go ahead and type Diarrhea, or wait? Or abandon the project entirely?"

― RoxyMuzak© (roxymuzak), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:12 (nineteen years ago)

Cheers for your persistence.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:14 (nineteen years ago)

Wow.

As they left, Night was crying. He was crying because he liked them as people and he knew he would not see them again, not as his partners. He was crying because he was scared, because there was a big part of him that did want to simply get along with everybody, to do something safe, to be successful. He was crying because he knew they could be right. He was crying because in rejecting that script, they were rejecting him.

And yet... he will never cry enough to suit me.

― Party Time Country Female (pullapartgirl), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:54 (nineteen years ago)

from that slant review:

...Shyamalan isn't play-acting by casting himself in the film as a tortured writer who finds his muse in the mythical water creature Story (Bryce Dallas Howard). Like a populist Roland Barthes suddenly regressed to pre-adolescence, Shyamalan really believes in this hermetically sealed work's every childlike (often childish) syllable, sign, and signifier that points the way to his inevitable deification. But what of the scenes where his character is genuinely humble before the muse, genuflecting and attentive as if in the presence of a power greater than him, and augmented by Hong Kong-based cinematographer Christopher Doyle's own holy gaze (credit Shyamalan for picking true visionaries as his collaborators)? There is authentic contradiction here, more so than in the superficial shenanigans of Shyamalan's thinly veiled and ineffective political allegory The Village, and it is not a narrative afterthought.

[...]

It is some kind of achievement that Cleveland's thought (the organic heart of the film) doesn't come off as pandering lip service, unlike the unfortunate B-plot involving the arrogant film critic Mr. Farber (a one-dimensional construct created solely for the auteur's lip-smacking revenge) to whom actor Bob Balaban nonetheless gamely adds several shades of gray. One wonders if the character's namesake, the great film critic Manny Farber, would have been as baffled as this writer by Shyamalan's film maudit, which inhabits some kind of nebulous space between those Farber-coined extremes: white-elephant art and termite art. For those brave souls willing to get lost in this Night-time labyrinth I can only guarantee you'll come out changed, though whether for the better or for the worse we'd best, as the muse might advise, leave that to history's reckoning.

NIGHT-TIME LABYRINTH

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 14:58 (nineteen years ago)

guys i have the book (the "story"book), it was sent to my office. although like the movie it bills itself as a "bedtime" story it's just a tedious explication of the arbitrary rules of mns's dumbass fictional universe. kids would hate it.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:31 (nineteen years ago)

sorry that should've been "'bedtime story'" not "'bedtime' story"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:31 (nineteen years ago)

on the last page instead of "the end" it says "BEGIN"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

'WHAT KIND OF PERSON WOULD CLAIM TO KNOW ANOTHER MAN'S INTENTIONS.'

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:32 (nineteen years ago)

Some nice art, though, you have to admit.

― Laurel (Laurel), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:36 (nineteen years ago)

shymalan is some sort of cross between michael jackson and that fella who owns the washington post and michael cimino

― gear (gear), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:41 (nineteen years ago)

I honestly can't judge which of the three is sullied the most by that comparison.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:43 (nineteen years ago)

man the last film by this hack i saw was 'unbreakable', which was planned to be the first in a trilogy. i remember m.n.s. saying 'this will break every box office record' and then it made about as much as 'iron eagle 2', which was a better film incidentally.

― gear (gear), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:44 (nineteen years ago)

i really liked "Unbreakable"

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:47 (nineteen years ago)

In terms of revenue, Shyamalan far outpaces better-known contemporaries like Quentin Tarantino, Tim Burton, Cameron Crowe, Kevin Smith, and the Farrelly brothers.

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:55 (nineteen years ago)

Me too, Kingfish!

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:57 (nineteen years ago)

Does he actually outpace Cameron Crowe??? I call bullshit on that.

For that matter I'm calling bullshit on the Farrelly brothers too but that is so out there of a comparison to Shyamalan that I'm kind of stunned.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 20 July 2006 16:58 (nineteen years ago)

the farrelly brothers have also been coasting on a handful of hits for a LONG time now.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:02 (nineteen years ago)

That makes them different from 99% of that list how?

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:03 (nineteen years ago)

Oh wait, duh.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:03 (nineteen years ago)

I'm only just now having my 1st coffee of the day, dudes, sorry.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:04 (nineteen years ago)

LA CANADA FLINTRIDGE, California (AP) -- Actor Haley Joel Osment was hospitalized early Thursday after he apparently lost control of his car while heading to his Los Angeles-area home, authorities said.
Osment, who was nominated for an Academy Award for his role as a boy who could see dead people in "The Sixth Sense," was driving a 1995 Saturn about 1 a.m. when the car collided with a brick pillar and flipped, said Los Angeles County sheriff's Lt. Greg Sisneros.
The 18-year-old actor was awake and talking following the crash, Sisneros said. He had been alone in the car and was taken to Huntington Hospital in nearby Pasadena.
Sisneros had no information on his condition, and an emergency-room receptionist said no one under that name was at the hospital.
Osment is set to appear in the upcoming "Home of the Giants." In the film, he plays a high school journalist covering a basketball team as it heads toward the state championship.
La Canada Flintridge, a suburb of Los Angeles, is about 14 miles northeast of downtown.

― gear (gear), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

shocking news

― gear (gear), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

i drive a better car than haley joel osment

― gear (gear), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:07 (nineteen years ago)

Me too!

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Thursday, 20 July 2006 17:11 (nineteen years ago)

I rank according to worth of their latest few ventures:

Farrelly brothers -- I'm a sucker for sweet retard movies that don't star Sean Penn
Tarantino -- his next could be fun
Shyamalan -- only because anything would've been an upturn after Signs
Burton -- man, Big Fish sucked
Crowe -- OK, I haven't seen one of his since Almost Famous, which sort of made me never want to see another of his films again
Smith -- maybe the worst director ever from film one

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:22 (nineteen years ago)

Crowe -- OK, I haven't seen one of his since Almost Famous, which sort of made me never want to see another of his films again

So very, very true.

Smith -- maybe the worst director ever from film one

Oh good and noble critic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:23 (nineteen years ago)

Tim Burton also did CORPSE BRIDE last year.

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:29 (nineteen years ago)

AND Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:30 (nineteen years ago)

Am I the only person who LOVED Big Fish?

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:30 (nineteen years ago)

Corpse Bride and Charlie & the Chocolate Factory ain't sellin me on the Burton tip.

― Allyzay will never stop making pancakes (allyzay), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:32 (nineteen years ago)

I didn't LOVE Big Fish but my dad's father died around the time it was released so it resonated strongly with me at the time.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:34 (nineteen years ago)

AND Planet of the Apes!

― David R. (popshots75`), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:35 (nineteen years ago)

Both Planet of the Apes and Vanilla Sky made me want to DIE.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:35 (nineteen years ago)

I wish Werner Herzog had rescued Haley Joel Osment.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:39 (nineteen years ago)

And I still maintain that Big Fish was terrible.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:42 (nineteen years ago)

it looked awful frankly. i never saw it.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Thursday, 20 July 2006 18:43 (nineteen years ago)

It was pretty meh-riffic.

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Thursday, 20 July 2006 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

Burton's so on and off for me, but I knew beforehand Big Fish was just going to be dull as hell.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 19:14 (nineteen years ago)

its all been the law of diminishing returns for Burton since maybe "Mars Attacks!" (the last film of his I actually enjoy multiple viewings of)

Tarantino's still got juice in him, I think. Can't speak for the others, most of whom I loathe (Smith, Crowe, Shamalamalamafafafafa)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 19:43 (nineteen years ago)

and its hard to imagine the Farrellys ever topping Kingpin/There's Something About Mary.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 19:44 (nineteen years ago)

there's something totally noble/completely sad about kevin smith's unwillingness to move outside his website universe.

― gear (gear), Thursday, 20 July 2006 20:11 (nineteen years ago)

Well, living the indie dream, isn't he? "I've constructed my own world and I don't have to say anything to anyone else!" Whatever, dude.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

seems about right. (btw I am actually currently engaged in argument on a separate list about whether or not Kevin Smith is a better director than Jim Jarmusch)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 20:51 (nineteen years ago)

for some reason, I'm curious to see what kinda movie M.Night would make from a Philip K Dick novel...

It'd probably be one of the books where there's a quad amputee killing people with his motorized wheelchair.

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

hahaa - Dr. Bloodmoney R0XXX0R (my fave Dick novel besides A Scanner Darkly) but I can't see it being a decent movie no matter who makes it. Shamalama would probably get confused with the whole multiple-narratives thing.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 20:58 (nineteen years ago)

see also Deus Irae, which is pretty much a dry run for Bloodmoney

― kingfish cyclopean ice cream (kingfish 2.0), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:03 (nineteen years ago)

Jarmusch is like the definitive director-I-basically-respect-but-don't-at-all-like.

― Eric H. (Eric H.), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:06 (nineteen years ago)

really? i think his movies are likeable. i heart ghost dog. kevin smith...eh, i liked clerks, but only cuz i was a clerk for so long and it hit a nerve.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:10 (nineteen years ago)

this is the only reason anyone likes Clerks - identification with having a shit job and stupid customers. I mean hey I could tell funny stories to make my coworkers laugh too, but I didn't try to make a filmmaking "career" out of it.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:11 (nineteen years ago)

i'll take jim jarmusch over sofia poopula anyday. i don't even know why i thought of her. her tapped-in-a-world-that-they-never-made japanese adventure bugged me and struck me as sub-jarmuschian. i guess that's why.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

did he really think he would have a "career" when he made clerks? if so, then he is one confident visionary mofo. he could have just as easily disappeared without a trace like half the people with movies shown on the sundance channel.

― scott seward (scott seward), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:15 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know if he thought he would have a career, but obviously he WANTED it - dood craves approval in the saddest fanboy way possible.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

sorta like Shamalama!

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

the only kevin smith films i really like are mallrats and dogma, the former only when drunk and at age 23 though. dogma i wouldn't want to see again, i don't think it'd hold up. and now i see jay and silent bob doing their routine for like the tenth time and i want to punch in my television set. and it looks like this movie might ruin 'goodbye horses'

― gear (gear), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:19 (nineteen years ago)

dood craves approval in the saddest fanboy way possible.

Yeah, no shit.

― jaymc (jaymc), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:41 (nineteen years ago)

"Man, I can't tell you how many times I read or hear from people who review the movies ... `Oh, you've got to grow as a filmmaker. You've got to change. You've got to stretch,' " he says. "I don't feel that, man."

Says it all, dunnit.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:46 (nineteen years ago)

Jersey Girl tanks and all of a sudden...

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 20 July 2006 21:48 (nineteen years ago)

I don't know if he thought he would have a career, but obviously he WANTED it - dood craves approval in the saddest fanboy way possible.

-- Shakey Mo Collier (audiobo...), Yesterday 6:17 PM. (Shakey Mo Collier) (later)

sorta like Shamalama!

-- Shakey Mo Collier (audiobo...), Yesterday 6:17 PM. (Shakey Mo Collier) (later)

uh sorta like every professional entertainer ever

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 14:05 (nineteen years ago)

I don't think every professional entertainer *laminates* all their reviews. Maybe Momus.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 21 July 2006 14:39 (nineteen years ago)

most artists just tattoo favourable pull-quotes on their penis or buttocks.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 14:40 (nineteen years ago)

Jim Jarmusch >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Sofia Coppola >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> M Night Shamalanadingleberry >>>>>>>>>>> Kevin Smith

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 21 July 2006 14:43 (nineteen years ago)

> >>>>>>>>>

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

i want to see this. and i bet i will like it (unironically)! hollywood needs more uncompromising egomaniacs....

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:00 (nineteen years ago)

There's no shortage, dude.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:04 (nineteen years ago)

haha, touche. but i mean of the malick/night/stone variety.....

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:07 (nineteen years ago)

In three names the quality control goes all over the place! Help!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:10 (nineteen years ago)

haha!

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:12 (nineteen years ago)

Jarmusch and Shamaylan seems to me a really awkward and arbitrary comparison, dunnit?

― Damn, Atreyu! (x Jeremy), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:18 (nineteen years ago)

ryan if you like this you're out of the will.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:27 (nineteen years ago)

incidentally, are you aware that you're in my will?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:28 (nineteen years ago)

nice! i hope you have lots of books.

my problem is i eat shit like this up. i mean, like a dog that eats shit just because, well why not?

i never saw the village but i bet i would have liked it! (note: i am not saying it is good, just that i would have enjoyed the movie and spun out tortured explanations for why it wasnt so bad)

and I decided that Dallas Howard girl is way hot.

― ryan (ryan), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:33 (nineteen years ago)

= dakota fanning

― Damn, Atreyu! (x Jeremy), Friday, 21 July 2006 19:34 (nineteen years ago)

for some reason, I'm curious to see what kinda movie M.Night would make from a Philip K Dick novel...

He could probably do well with The Penultimate Truth.

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:12 (nineteen years ago)

haha

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:16 (nineteen years ago)

(I mean of course the PKD material that would suit him best would be one of the flimsier novels with a "gotcha!" premise/twist)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:17 (nineteen years ago)

Confessions of a Crap Artist then haha.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:25 (nineteen years ago)

ROFLZ

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

Alex wins, hands down.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:26 (nineteen years ago)

awesome, Me in SF!

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:28 (nineteen years ago)

Confessions of a Crap Artist then haha.

That's already been adapted into a movie though...

― Elvis Telecom (Chris Barrus), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:29 (nineteen years ago)

It has!??!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:31 (nineteen years ago)

Ohmigod it has!

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:32 (nineteen years ago)

Is it any good?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:33 (nineteen years ago)

I have a friend who swears its the best PKD adaptation made... I'm suspicious. Maybe M. White's seen it...

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:34 (nineteen years ago)

Thing is, I'll probably go see this. I often end up liking Shyamalan's movies in spite of themselves. I really liked Signs a lot despite its hokiness and rediculous ending. It did a pretty good job of building suspense and atmosphere, until the very end with the H20 sheeit.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:42 (nineteen years ago)

for the record i thought signs totally had some good things going on

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:43 (nineteen years ago)

Uh yeah.

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:44 (nineteen years ago)

What?

― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:44 (nineteen years ago)

I saw Signs in a hotel in New Zealand cuz we only had four channels to choose from. it was awful.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 21 July 2006 21:45 (nineteen years ago)

there were a couple of suspenseful scenes that were pretty well-executed, like the amateur birthday video from brazil or wherever where the alien pops up.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 22:14 (nineteen years ago)

on the other hand, Mel Gibson.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Friday, 21 July 2006 22:16 (nineteen years ago)

"some" good things going on

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 22:30 (nineteen years ago)

as in, not all

― s1ocki (slutsky), Friday, 21 July 2006 22:30 (nineteen years ago)

i think the Brazil video-footage scene made the movie for me...a perfect encapsulation of the Sightings/paranormal "documentary"/tabloid tv vibe that i love.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 01:29 (nineteen years ago)

mel gibson wasn't even the annoying actor in the film, it was the little precocious Culkin that made my blood boil.

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 01:30 (nineteen years ago)

yeah that and the mad owen meany rip

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 02:13 (nineteen years ago)

or the war o' the worlds rip! (water substituted for bacteria)

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:00 (nineteen years ago)

for some reason i'm more ok with a wotw rip... maybe cuz it's older?

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:01 (nineteen years ago)

it should've been something really wacky that brought the aliens down...like slim whitman music or something.

oh snap

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:15 (nineteen years ago)

"Maybe the theme is that you should try to score some of that stuff Shyamalan must be smoking."

-- Phil Villarreal, ARIZONA DAILY STAR

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:23 (nineteen years ago)

Rex Reed Rofflz:

http://nyobserver.com/20060724/20060724_Rex_Reed_culture_rexreed.asp

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:41 (nineteen years ago)

"the plot is as comprehensible as the ukulele of Tiny Tim and the voice of Tom Waits"

Rex Reed be dissin' Tom Waits!

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:42 (nineteen years ago)

hee hee!

"As vacation time nears, it is safe to say that no matter how rotten things get on the big screen during the rest of the summer, the worst of it is over. Hollywood cannot pollute the ozone with anything more idiotic, contrived, amateurish or sub-mental than Lady in the Water. This piece of pretentious, paralyzing twaddle is the latest in a series of head-scratchers by the incompetent, self-delusional M. Night Shyamalan. He’s the writer, producer and director, and terrible at all three, but if that isn’t bad enough, this time he has even gone one further and cast himself in one of the roles. I am here to tell you he is about as camera-ready as the corpse that Tommy Lee Jones dragged across the cactus in Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada. In a war of wits, brains, imagination and talent, Mr. Shyamalan would be defenseless."

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:42 (nineteen years ago)

jokes about "what people are smoking" are lame

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:42 (nineteen years ago)

i mean is that like the squarest joke ever or what... "i don't know what it is he's smoking... but i want some!!!"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:46 (nineteen years ago)

Well, dude IS in Arizona...

― Forksclovetofu (Forksclovetofu), Saturday, 22 July 2006 03:47 (nineteen years ago)

On a similar subject, everyone needs to watch this documentary about the director/writer of Boondock Saints:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0390336/

I just watched it and it blew my mind.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Saturday, 22 July 2006 06:52 (nineteen years ago)

i just saw that... didn't think it was a particularly good doc, left me with so many questions

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 12:35 (nineteen years ago)

Hm, questions or not, I'm intrigued by the sound of it.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Saturday, 22 July 2006 13:03 (nineteen years ago)

it's a great subject but the docu-makers don't really address any of the stuff you really want to know about. the movie is basically "this guy got a great opportunity (though we won't give you ANY details on how that came about), then something vague happened, then he became even more of a jerk, then no one cared about him anymore"

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 14:47 (nineteen years ago)

I agree that the filmmaking is pretty amateurish, and I would never watch anything else these guys hypothetically make, but the footage of Duffy et al. is so awesome, it didn't matter to me.

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Saturday, 22 July 2006 15:56 (nineteen years ago)

it is! i just wish it was better, you know? like the story of how exactly dude wrote that screenplay and scored that insane deal is never even touched on, and it's so central to the story. also, what exactly went wrong is very unclear. so like the two most important beats are totally left out!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 15:59 (nineteen years ago)

i can only imagine dude scored an insane deal for 'the boondock saints' because someone was trying to bring down that film company from the inside.

― gear (gear), Saturday, 22 July 2006 16:02 (nineteen years ago)

no! that was m.night and his rosie o'donnell movie that tried to destroy them.

― scott seward (scott seward), Saturday, 22 July 2006 16:10 (nineteen years ago)

boondock saints was kinda entertaining when watching it in a red stripe-induced haze

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 16:15 (nineteen years ago)

Okay, I've not been very active on ILX lately, but I had to chime in on this one! My brown friend Mike in Vancouver (who, as it happens, called me three days ago to tell me that he had just got into a Sea-Doo accident resulting in burns all over his face and torso - I am not joking) likes to refer to M. Night Shyamalan as the "Starbucks Hindu"

― LeCoq (LeCoq), Saturday, 22 July 2006 16:21 (nineteen years ago)

Overnight (2003)

Directed by
Tony Montana
Mark Brian Smith

http://i.imdb.com/Photos/Ss/0086250/096896219732_z_scarpcou.jpg

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 16:22 (nineteen years ago)

they didn't even explain that

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 20:28 (nineteen years ago)

What's the trouble? Seems like a dude named Tony Montana helped direct the film. IMDB even has a photo of him.

― Tab Hunter loves to take his shirt off (kenan), Saturday, 22 July 2006 20:49 (nineteen years ago)

WHY IS THERE BOONDOCK SAINTS MERCH ALL UP IN AHHHHS! ???

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Saturday, 22 July 2006 20:53 (nineteen years ago)

i can't imagine anyone who isn't an idiot liking that movie

― gear (gear), Saturday, 22 July 2006 20:56 (nineteen years ago)

Boondock Saints or Overnight?

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Saturday, 22 July 2006 22:43 (nineteen years ago)

boondock saints

― gear (gear), Saturday, 22 July 2006 22:47 (nineteen years ago)

the scenes shot during the filming of BS in overnight, with billy connolly in a leather bondage bodysuit studded with guns, really made it look... singular

― s1ocki (slutsky), Saturday, 22 July 2006 22:51 (nineteen years ago)

i don't wanna see it again sober, but

― latebloomer (latebloomer), Saturday, 22 July 2006 23:15 (nineteen years ago)

the "Starbucks Hindu"

LeCoq, plz to tell friend Mike he is genius.

Every time I see the phrase "Boondock Saints" I of course sing it in my head a la "UTAH SAINTS!"

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 July 2006 04:45 (nineteen years ago)

hahaha me too!

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 23 July 2006 05:51 (nineteen years ago)

yeah, so i saw this movie.

it wasnt THAT bad. it's definetly a failure--but it's such a weird movie too that i wasnt ever really bored. i actually like the "made up as it goes along" aspect of the movie. and i really do think it very closely resembles the kind of bedtime story a kid would love because in my experience kids love games and stories with lots of arbitrary rules to discover and learn to have some agency by manipulating them, and i think the movie tries to re-create that with adults.

some nice little touches i thought too, like the kid reading cereal boxes, or people defending themselves with what's at hand, like pool brushes.

yeah tons of eye rolling silliness, but i someday i think he'll make a really good movie.

― ryan (ryan), Sunday, 23 July 2006 06:04 (nineteen years ago)

i guess part of the problem is that the plot developments seem SO arbitrary and just plain willful instead of evolving organically from a coherent fantasy world---but again it's almost as if that's the point....but really it's not a movie worth wasting much brain power over.

― ryan (ryan), Sunday, 23 July 2006 06:15 (nineteen years ago)

i don't see how that's the point, unless his point was to make a totally bad movie.

the kid reading the cereal boxes thing might have been effective if what he was saying had any connection to what was on the cereal boxes (which you don't even say). as such it's just totally arbitrary.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Sunday, 23 July 2006 13:12 (nineteen years ago)

yeah you're right, since at least the crossword puzzle guy was using what was in front of him.

― ryan (ryan), Sunday, 23 July 2006 13:16 (nineteen years ago)

Crossover with Wordplay!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 23 July 2006 13:21 (nineteen years ago)

what a weirdass movie. or maybe it's a weird ass-movie, i'm not quite sure!

― give late a bloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:00 (nineteen years ago)

tree monkeys ffs

― give late a bloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:00 (nineteen years ago)

you mean tartulins

(i think)

― s1ocki (slutsky), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:02 (nineteen years ago)

Third spot this weekend goes to the troubled Lady in the Water from the even more troubled M. Night Shyamalan. Three months ago, this movie looked like a Signs-level hit. After critics threw a whole lot of rotten veggies during press screenings, I think Warner Bros. will be happy to move on after a weekend gross of $18.2 million. Released to 3,235 venues, Lady in the Water earned a venue average of $5,626. After 2004's The Village burned to the ground ($50 million opening, $114 million finish), Shyamalan needed a hit with Lady but instead laid another egg, riling moviegoers and critics alike. RottenTomatoes gathered 128 reviews, of which only 27 were positive. That's a fresh rating of 21% while a meager 17% of the nation's top reviewers gave this dog a bone.

Did M. Night Shyamalan peak at the box office with 2002's Signs? 1999's The Sixth Sense got off to a decent start with $26.7 million before going on to earn almost $300 million. Unbreakable fed off the success of The Sixth Sense, opening to $30.3 million in 2000, however, word-of-mouth on that film was not great, and it failed to reach the $100 million mark. Next up was Signs, and a large amount of help from Mel Gibson and a crackerjack marketing campaign opened the religious alien saga to $60.1 million before going on to earn $228 million. Then, on Night's name alone, Buena Vista opened The Village to $50.7 million, but again, word-of-mouth was awful and it ended up earning only $114.2 million. With Lady in the Water, the shine is officially off. Shyamalan will either need a better script or a bigger star to open his next film, and even then, his former built-in audience may ignore it.

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Monday, 24 July 2006 00:35 (nineteen years ago)

So tragic. I almost fake-cried.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 01:54 (nineteen years ago)

And BTW, seeing another billboard or big ass poster for this thing EVERY TWO BLOCKS in LA was the only bad thing about yesterday's FAP.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 01:55 (nineteen years ago)

So basically this movie is like one big game of Calvinball?

― nate p. (natepatrin), Monday, 24 July 2006 02:05 (nineteen years ago)

But then there would be cool masks and songs.

On the Super Ex-Girlfriend thread I nearly gave myself a hernia thinking of the terror caused by what would happen if Kevin Spacey starred in M. Night's next epic.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 05:32 (nineteen years ago)

So basically this movie is like one big game of Calvinball?

Nice!

― polyphonic (polyphonic), Monday, 24 July 2006 05:44 (nineteen years ago)

its not an awful film per se, but it is a rather awkward one, even for shyamalan. it starts off rather crappy with a bunch of lamely written character exposition and camerawork that feels...off (seriously it feels like the first 15-20 minutes were shot by a drunk gopher). after the first act or so it starts to pick up a little, but it never really gels. it lacks the confidence (unearned or not) shanana's other movies have. ok, except for the *SPOILER, SORT OF* casting of himself as the writer of the book that WILL SAVE CIVILIZATION *END QUASI-SPOILER*

still, it's less insulting and more interesting than the Village.

― give late a bloomer (latebloomer), Monday, 24 July 2006 05:59 (nineteen years ago)

I for one would like to see Ornaldo Bloomps cast in the next M. Night Shamalamadingdong film.

― fongoloid sangfroid (sanskrit), Monday, 24 July 2006 12:03 (nineteen years ago)

What would the 'shocking' twist be in that one?

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:28 (nineteen years ago)

Ornaldo Bloomps is actually a robot.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:32 (nineteen years ago)

I imagine this is what would happen if Kevin Spacey started in an M. Night Scoobydoo Picture:

http://www.fasta.fh-dortmund.de/informatik/pictures/k-pax.jpg

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

a robot who can turn into a tree. x-post.

― TOMBOT (TOMBOT), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

My god, I had forgotten that film existed. And now that I remember, I must commit self-lobotomy.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:38 (nineteen years ago)

A robot who can take down large animals hardcore, DAAAAMMMMNNN.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:40 (nineteen years ago)

pay it forward Ned

― fongoloid sangfroid (sanskrit), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:41 (nineteen years ago)

Man, this movie sounds great!

― GILLY'S BAGG'EAR VANCE OF COUPARI (Ex Leon), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:43 (nineteen years ago)

pay it forward Ned

*dies*

Man, this movie sounds great!

We're on a roll.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:44 (nineteen years ago)

In the newest thought-provoking picture from acclaimed director M. NIGHT SHYAMALAEJAIJSDAKSLDNMAMD, ORNALDO BLOOMPS

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:47 (nineteen years ago)

In the newest thought-provoking picture from acclaimed director M. NIGHT SHYAMALAEJAIJSDAKSLDNMAMD, ORNALDO BLOOMPS plays a stoic presdetnial candidate who is taught to emotionally connect with the American people by his mysterious new adviser (KEVIN SPACEY). In a shocking twist, it is revealed that BLOOMPS is actually an android sent to dominate Earth by an evil alien (BRYCE DALLAS HOWARD)--and that KEVIN SPACEY represents a peace-loving race sent to stop him! Will BLOOMPS' newfound love of humanity override his programming???

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:49 (nineteen years ago)

Jessie you are a saint.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

Super shocking ending: Spacey turns into a gigantic monster, Bloomps takes him down and proceeds to massacre humanity, FIN.

WHY WORK WHEN I CAN MAKE STUPID POSTS TO ILX.

― Jessie the Monster (scarymonsterrr), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:51 (nineteen years ago)

Precisely.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 24 July 2006 13:53 (nineteen years ago)

I was thinking something the other day, while re-watching Unbreakable, which I still surprisingly love; if M. Night were to ONLY direct a movie written by a NOT TOTAL DOUCHE, it might not be too bad!

― the doaple gonger (nickalicious), Monday, 24 July 2006 15:15 (nineteen years ago)

And thus go the post-mortems.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:20 (nineteen years ago)

registration required.

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:27 (nineteen years ago)

bugmenot.com your friend

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:45 (nineteen years ago)

i know this is all nerdy but AS A COMIC BOOK FAN i find Unbreakable straight up OFFENSIVE. i hate Night and his "im so badass i can do ANY genre" schtick. did you guys hear his stern interview last week? dood is a fuck. however, pauly giamatti came off as a charming bro.

― Supercalifragilisticexpiala Brosius (chaki), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:49 (nineteen years ago)

someone explain the Unbreakable/Comic book thing to me cuz I've never seen it (and don't plan to as I hate Bruce Willis among other reasons...)

― Shakey Mo Collier (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 22:54 (nineteen years ago)

ehh do you reall need to know

the annoying thing about the comics in unbreakable (and this is a really m night trademark) is that they're so clearly... off in some way. he just doesn't write that stuff well enough. see also: tv announcer dialogue, passages from books, even the m night character's description of the "cookbook" in LITW. it all feels like stuff he meant to come back to and do properly in the next draft.

― s1ocki (slutsky), Tuesday, 25 July 2006 23:01 (nineteen years ago)

five months pass...

oh no he is gonna ruin the avatar cartoooooooooon

http://www.variety.com/article/VR1117956950.html?categoryid=13&cs=1

QUICK! I started a petition:

http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?w3e4r5t6

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:18 (eighteen years ago)

he needs this cash cow to continue his evil work! i pray we are not too late.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:20 (eighteen years ago)

Guess the twist ending!

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:23 (eighteen years ago)

M. Night Shamalamadingdong vs Shilpa Poppadom

― Frogm@n Henry (Frogm@n Henry), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:28 (eighteen years ago)

please sign the petition. i am sending it to nancy pelosi.

― scott seward (scott seward), Monday, 22 January 2007 03:33 (eighteen years ago)

five months pass...

So I don't think anyone mentioned incredibly sanctimonious use of A Whisper in the Noise (complete with CHILDREN'S CHOIR) version of "The Times They Are A-Changin'."

― marmotwolof, Thursday, 5 July 2007 01:37 (eighteen years ago)

(in the end credits. thought it was Coldplay or something)

― marmotwolof, Thursday, 5 July 2007 01:39 (eighteen years ago)

I was just thinking about "There was an early, funny scene in Spanish, the fastest-growing language in America" earlier today.

― aaron d.g., Thursday, 5 July 2007 02:12 (eighteen years ago)

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