The Apprentice

"I just think I need to re-pitch it for the rest of the team to love it as much as I do."

(also i had less trouble convincing myself that the dragons - none of whom i'd ever heard of — really were successful venture capitalists: sugar belongs in that other category, "successful" men we love to laugh at bcz we can SO see the flaws in the "success=deserved success" assumption) (which vexes me bcz the laugh is somewhat on US in the end)

one of the things i liked in DD wz the sheer range of hopeless projects they were faced with (or, more upsettingly, not-bad projects proposed by impossible people)

dragon 1: alan, this idea —
AS: SIR alan!
d1: what?
AS: call me SIR alan please!
d1: excuse me, aren't you here to ask for something from US?
AS: excuse me SIR ALAN

My team hate it.

The kids hate it.

That's the one to go for then!

but still "everyone hates it = GO TEAM GO!" wz pretty much my unspoken secret motto at wire

Perhaps they'll draft in Paul Anka next week to do his "I don't care if it's Pope John Paul II. I'm the only important one on that stage" routine.

Miriam
Raj
James (includes a blog
Lindsay
Sebastian
Rachel
...and, er, Paul

Oh, and from Raj's ...
PS Please try to ignore the photo's - no I'm not after a modelling contract - the website needed some colour and that was the only quick solution!

(arggh!)

She's utterly vile though, and it's hard to see what talents she has. Were it not for Rachel's mind-map she surely couldn't have survived the Jukebox week, and almost every other time in the bottom three it really should be her.

i like to imagine that a.sugar got where he is today by gathering wild elderberries from the roadside on nights before [important sales pitch/business deal]

Can you imagine how I'd be if I hadn't actually watched this?

he was particularly recessive though

lex they are identically ridiculous surely? or do you take trump (haha "the donald", where is ivana now?) seriously?

You were watching this instead of GRAND DESIGNS SCOTLAND?!?!?

With the rock-climbing outdoorsy hippie mentalists turning a burned-out shell of a cottage into the most PRIVACY-FREE HOUSE EVER?

(Seriously. No walls - anywhere. Balconies and loft living and no sonic privacy - that place will echo like a airplane hangar. Not to mention BATHTUB IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BEDROOM! What are they thinking)

(The only episode of the Apprentice was the one with the yBa's because I liked the artists, but they were all repulsive in it.)

http://www.phenixinformatique.com/fichier/pub_cpc/AMSTRAD/PCW8256/Pcw8256_001.jpg

Is that the appeal of the show? Watching people get fired? Because I couldn't understand the appeal. (Then again, I never "got" BB either.)

Wouldn't you rather watch the kind of stuff your magazine is about (beautifully hand wrought ironwork) being used by Smart! Young! Urbanites! to reassure you that there really is still a market for said magazine?

yeah it suXoRz: i hate when magazines get killed (though there are some dead-still-livin which ought to be put out of misery i spose)

(on a sugar-ish note, it is possibly time i stopped devoted 8/9ths of my life to correctin the spellin of the writin of others, and concentrated fully on my own possibly)

i. saira gets the job
ii. we get to imagine a.sugar's rage and crestfallen dismay five mins into the working relationship!

she did have a point with the 'cheerio' comment though.

Comment from: Tony Linden
Francis the receptionist in the boardroom, looks bored and sounds miserable and shows she has a low opinion of the apprentices.

Comment from: James Max
On Francis - she is actually a production manager from Talkback and is called Sonya... That probably answers that one! She is known as Francis because Sir Alan's real PA is called by that name!

I am deeply shocked.

Taking sides : Saying "Cheerio" to the proletariat vs "Wotcher"

(or is Miriam now ready and due for a successful presenting career?)

It was fairly obvious from reading Miriam's site that she was out of the running.

Are you going to reserve yourself a ticket for the final? Will it be at White Hart Lane dyou think?

Did you not read Alan Sugar's EXCLUSIVE political column in the Mirror: "MICHAEL HOWARD: YOU'RE FIRED". He was getting his Third Way on something rotten there.

"I've got nothing else to do now, have I?"

Interesting, that last comment, coming from an alleged property developer who supposedly owns three-and-a-half million quid's worth of property.

so long James Nice-But-Dim. Can't remember much of Tim's contribution to anything either. i guess that's better than being memorable for being loud like the other two.

(hint: If you can keep your head whle all around you are losing theirs, chances are you've misunderstood the situation)

Presumably that was Paul?

That was one hell of a 'sod off' to Paul there...

When Raj got the bullet, he walked out of the boardroom wearing a blue suit and tie. Amongst other things, obv.

Downstairs, he gets into the cab wearing a white shirt and different tie.

Then the 'last word' is filmed, and he's back in the blue shirt ensemble again.

Rumour: They filmed everybody on the same day getting into the loser's cab.

CONTINUITY!!!

Unfortunately I now have a new problem with Saira.

What's the new? Has she stated her voting intention or something?

On his blog, he also dismisses the "final four" theory as "urban myth".

CONTINUITY!!!

And when Sebastian (I think) left, they gave the impression that he - as with everyone - got straight in the cab and went home, but the following morning there was a goodbye not from him written in lipstick on a mirror in the house.

Ergo, they get to go home and change or pack or whatever after being fired, but that looks like shit telly so they pretend it doesn't happen.

I missed last night due to forgetting to watch it. So, it's Saira and Tim then? I thought it'd be James and Miriam, but my g/f told me I'd just "picked the posh boy and the pretty girl" subconsciously...

But yeah, Tim deserved to win that.

I missed Miriam being fired when I was away, the follow-up show made her look hard-done-to.

According to this morning's Metro he's offered Saira a job as well anyway, so there you go. Mind you, last night's task was pretty much a one-horse race from the word go.

(I was subconsiously willing him "Go to t'College!" which he did.)

Ah well. Big Brother starts in 3 weeks or thereabouts.

Was Saira told to pick Paul to help her just so they could have a bust-up on screen?

The most interesting stuff, I thought, in the follow-up show was the women (Miriam in particular) asserting "business" women were terrible bosses - a point I think was made in the latest 'Kate sacked' thread. I didn't actually think Paul was all that bad. Saira picked him, allegedly, as a salesman but then (having decided she didn't like what he was doing) sat on him to the extent he struggled to sell anything. Nice also to see her admit last night that he did play a part in the sales in the art gallery, and that therefore she'd lied to SAS in the boardroom.

Added to last week's interview where she admitted to lying on her CV. Was she on valium when SAS gave his spiel about "I don't like liars, I don't like bullshitters..."?

Series 1 of Apprentice UK is currently on Dave (formerly UKTV2) at 9 on Thursdays. Saira Khan, you've been gone too long...

She does some sort of pseudo Business "game" on kids TV right now.

Karren Brady, the chief executive of Birmingham City Football Club, is to take over from Margaret Mountford as an adviser to Lord Sugar on The Apprentice.
Brady to take on Apprentice TV role
Birmingham City Football Club's Chief Executive Karren Brady is to take over from Margaret Mountford on The Apprentice
pa.press.net

Karren Brady, the chief executive of Birmingham City Football Club, is to take over from Margaret Mountford as an adviser to Lord Sugar on The Apprentice.

Ms Mountford quit at the end of the last series to pursue studies.

A spokeswoman for production company talkbackTHAMES said that 40-year-old Ms Brady - called in some quarters 'The First Lady of Football' - would take over as an adviser for the sixth series.

"Lord Sugar has decided to appoint Karren Brady, who has appeared in The Apprentice before," she said.

Ms Brady will accompany public relations executive Nick Hewer in monitoring candidates during their tasks.

In March 2006 she was chosen as team leader on a version of the BBC show for Comic Relief, where she led her team to victory over the boys' team, raising more than £750,000 for charity.

;_;

Anyone watching the BBC4 version of the Apprentice called "Design for Life" with Philippe Starck as the Sir Alan? It's pretty good, despite 50% of it being shots of people walking in and out of train stations, talking about how much they want this opportunity etc etboringc.

Contrary to Apprentice form, though, the most irritating little shit got booted off in the first week. There are plenty left, mind..
Philippe Starck is pleasingly French & crazy.

2018 starts tonight

http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/profiles/4w43glycX72SptdYMZdkwBC/camilla-ainsworth

Age 22
Occupation Owner, Nut Milk Brand...

They bought a fucking octopus and *still* didn't lose. I hate all of them.

"All I know is, I'm not going home."

The moment it came out of her mouth I predicted that would be on tonight's Your Fired.

so much stubble...

Easiest pick this time..

The clean shaven one?

Fire in the Hole was, at least, a good name.

"These aren't very good, we should make them better"
"Shut up and get on with it"

"These aren't very good, we aren't paying for them"
"..."

also if you're in shepherd's bush, the majority of the footfall is on the bit between the central line station and westfield, not the green (site of 1908 world cup football, alleged plague pit)

(although the bit by westfield might be private land, so you'd need permission)

as for the Bs, when have you ever seen a straight donut?

Whichever team seems to be doing really well on the show, that's the losing team.

Anyway, for all that the losing team captain was all "I'm clearly safe, I made the majority of the sales and got "well done" " smugness, I don't recall ever having a situation where she clearly brought in candidates that she'd quite like to get rid of, as opposed to 'least contributors' etc, to the extreme where AlSug refuses and brings everyone back in...

Everyone this year is useless. Most baffled by any love for Jackie, who is a cartoon version of a 'strong businesswoman' she read about once in Closer.

Most illuminating was just how selectively edited they were last night to make them look good. The sing-along to Summer Nights that was shown on You're Fired was absolutely horrible.

i could see the colourful art setting off the black boxes of the hi-fi stuff, i don't think that was a bad decision, other than they couldn't read the bloke's mind.

and there's nowt wrong with selling the gummy bears to the person who saw it first.

Yes.

i could see the colourful art setting off the black boxes of the hi-fi stuff, i don't think that was a bad decision, other than they couldn't read the bloke's mind.

"Does anyone have any direct experience of Glaswegians?", oh do fuck off.

This weeks' prize (OK last week now) was a "private cinema viewing"

Basically, a tent fastened onto a bandstand in a random park someplace, and the movie was Roger Corman's "Little Shop of Horrors" from 1961.

Basically, this movie was made as a bet, to film and produce a movie in one day. Jack Nicholson is in it. The budget is low, even by Corman standards (and he was notorious for low budget movies).

I wonder if the winning team got the message?

Basically....

It's also one of those films that have fallen into the public domain, so anyone can screen it without paying a penny for it.

Yup, got it from Poundland myself.

Mind you, twas a long time ago, a pound was a pound then..

Sabrina should win this if there's any justice in the world. My fear is she will crumble in the interviews next week in the presence of an angry Claude.

They're all unremittingly useless and awful this year (yeah, OK, every year). Still convinced Kayoade would have walked the old format.

i am convinced none of them have watched previous series - the Sex Sells thing has always been frowned upon by sugar / brady

Remember the guy who couldn't stop mentioning that he'd been to Sandhurst? Or at least had been accepted to Sandhurst. Practically every idea he had was 'sex sells'. Even when he was on one of the two finalist's teams he said something like "let's go down a sexual route" regarding - coincidentally - a box of luxury chocolates.

Poor Sabrina, picked after kurran

Also, these people are selfie-obsessed

Another year, another bunch of alpha dicks...

Finding it hard to even care. They've jumped straight to a mid-series task with this South African safari/wine tasting thing.

Rob Beckett's dad.

I think the foreign visit was first last year as well.

Karen sabotaging the PM's business plan for the finale in the opening episode was a bold step.

He lost it a bit there.

week 1: shahin
week 2: kenna
week 3: souleyman
week 4: lubna

it's almost as if he's getting rid of the least english sounding names first...

Tommy is Sugar catnip, though

Did the tiny plate have all the crests on it?

Tory boy must go.

If he stood as an mp, they'd have to cancel this series

And now I'm all alone
In bedsit land
My only home

"indie band"

Well, that was... Yeah.

"breaking outside the mould"

Absolute classic episode tonight. Fish: literally caught from the sea.

They were definitely all at sea. You could say they were FLOUNDERing ahahahaha

Let's get Scotland wrong! A lot! Shower of bellends as always.