The ILE office

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Twin of Sarah's 'shall I eat my teacake now?' thread.

We all work together. Which office stereotype are you?

― Will, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The boss. We've all had a bit of fun round here but get back to work.

― Pete, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

That's MY fucking stapler! New answers.

― WIll, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Human Resources. I'm sorry Mr McKenzie but after extensive consultation I'm afraid I'm going to have to moderate you.

― Tom, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Quiet but can get raucous at office parties (equally, can curl up and go home early). Few friends, and the ones I do have are the ones considered a little odd by the conventional members of the team (i.e. 95% of them). Seem a bit stand-offish and often says the wrong thing through insecurity. Underachiever.

― Mark C, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

While I am in fact a PA / secretary I don't think I am the stereotype..... every bloke I've gone out with since I've been doing this type of work seems to think I spend my day in micro minis and suspenders leaning provocatively across my boss's desk or sitting on his knee taking dictation and chewing a biro in a saucy fashion.

On reflection this sounds like more fun than what I actually do. I will be the ILE secretary. (NB secretary is not tea lady).

― Emma, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i would be the archivist i think

― anthonyeaston, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

permanently bored, always on the net and sometimes too quick with a joke. God I'm a pain in the arse..... but I'm not going to stop.

Also prone to irrational outbursts. I think the problem is the first bit though.

― chris, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The person who says "Don't throw that paper in your bin! Don't you know it can be recycled now? The recycled paper box is just down the corridor, opposite the water cooler."

― MarkH, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

ooo, i'll put up whacky pics of steps on the noticeboard and start to deface them. actually that wouldn't work with you lot really.

― Alan Trewartha, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i am working, but i'm not working for you.

― maura, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Everyone else is in the other building backstabbing, I'm just over here quietly enjoying life...

― Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Today I would be the one grumping in the corner and slouching and clicking about on financial websites. ARRRRGHHH! Now I am gossiping and FINALLY, eating my teacake. Num. I am the office baby who runs about and knows the gossip because I am nice and not likely to spill.

― Sarah, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Unemployed. Do we see a pattern here?

― kate, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Dude Maura, you slack motherfucker, you.

I'm the quite guy who mutters to himself and everyone thinks is weird and sortof creepy. But then I am actually a weekend-warrior hipster, little do they know!

― Sterling Clover, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am Ricky Gervais. He nicked his management style from me.

― ogden, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am the mysterious temp.

― james, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

People avoid me because they think I am strange, but they all fancy me.

― Ally C, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

The one who's always late, when I can be bothered to turn up at all. Dave Q will most probably have kicked my head in before my first payday.

― lazyserf, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Runs around with mysterious papers looking 'harried'. Makes long phone calls around the continent 'You won't tell will you mate? No...' Gives long speeches of socialism and french situationism to the mailroom staff. Looks like he's done drugs the night before. Twitches. Schizophrenic. Turns motivational when the manager is around. Never does work but is always 'swamped'. Sits in own office and surfs the internet all day. Has own secretary chosen because of her cocaine connection then admin abilities. Cause chaos. Either eventually leaves to become a writer in Europe or fails miserably and ends up as Jimmy Corrigan with a gun and blows all of you suckers away.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Spreads gossip about myself in the office cause it's fun. Has pictures of strangers in frames and refers to them as 'the family'. Lies rather alot. People like him but are afraid very afraid. Moves up the corporate ladder easily and laughs at Patrick Bateman's antics in the office alot.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually I described my boss. I'm the nice guy temp that everyone comes up to and bitches about the boss.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd be the owner or CEO's executive assistant. The bitchy one in good clothes who won't help anyone and always looks harried and HAS to smoke cos everyone else is such a fuckwad.

― Ally, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I am the water cooler.

― rainy, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would hang out with Ally and bitch about co-workers. We would of course hate each other. But we would tolerate each other. We would laugh at everyone secretly behind their backs.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ally would always score tickets to Madonna and a couple of lines of coke from her boss.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

the overachiever everyone hates and leaves alone unless they want something. same as in school, actually.

― Maria, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would pawn all of my work off on Maria and take the credit cause I looked in her personal file and would 'spill the beans'. She doesnt mind cause she overachieves.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would mock the receptionists artwork of Scottish Landscapes behind her back. I would photocopy and distribute lists of whose downloaded gay porn...!! I would cause general chaos and leave for a better job.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would shut the door to my office and ignore you all.

― Samantha, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

But I'm so dull that there's nothing in my personal file to spill the beans about.

― Maira, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would say 'Let's make it fancy dress!' and then come to the party as Felicity Shagwell.

At karaoke-time I would perform 'These boots are made for Walkin'.

I would drink too many margaritas and weep about my abortions.

Eventually I would be taken to the hospital to have my stomach pumped.

My clip-on ponytail would be found in the loos at the end of the night. It would be stiff with dried vomit.

― Nancy Drew, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would seduce you, Nancy Drew, and then cruelly abandon you in the morning.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

During the tummy-pumping, I would be holding your hand and desperately trying to pull. With great effort, you'd crack your mouth open enough to murmur "no thanks" and I'd leave.

― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

She would be in that state at the office party because I would have seduced her and then cruelly left her to her own devices in the typing pool section of the party. She would come to my house at 3 in the morning at attempts at a reconcilation only to discover that I left the party with her best mate. Still, she comes into work next morning, brave face, only to have the emotional breakdown in the toilet later.

Though, she would say no, her mouth would be covered in dry vomit.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Of course, Ally would be in the toilets consoling Nancy only to spread vicious gossip about the night among the office.

― micheal reed, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It is the day after the party.

Every time Michael Reed saunters past the typing pool we all snigger.

None of us will tell "Mister Quick" what we are laughing about.

― Nancy Drew, Tuesday, 4 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I would justly assume it would be a 'brave face' because you had 'fallen in love with me'. Poor girl!

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ok, now you all understand that I don't actually *remember* xeroxing my ass and circulating all those copies entitled 'memo schmemo', right?

― Kim, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wanna be ILE's Corporation Counsel, so I can put my expensive and hard-earned legal education to use in screwing all y'all outta the fruits of yer labor (except DG and Tom, the Boss-Men, of course). Hee!

― Tadeusz Suchodolski, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'm the shredder. Dude.

― Arthur, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd be the boss who's nice until you cross him.

― DG, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd make sure pretty much all of you got "laid off", you know.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

wow, it's just like life! Thanks Ally.

― chris, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I wish Ally was my boss, I keep hoping I will get laid off to no avail.

― Nicole, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I'd be the CEO, who would hire Ally for eyes and ears purposes. She'd get a clothing allowance to reduce chances of mutiny but would not realise Kate had been hired to watch *her*. I would, having invented the wotsis that kept 50 people in work, be out of the office a lot on research trips but my workforce would not resent this because I remember BIRTHDAYS.

― suzy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

If you then turn this into a sitcom, Suzy, Ally and I will both pound yer!

(Unless of course, sweetie darling, it's an Ab Fab style black comedy...)

― kate, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Actually you'll never see me, I'll just speak to you through the delights of Angelphone and all you'll see in the end shot is my toes making a delighted little curl as the masseur gives me some form of overpriced seaweed rubdown.

― suzy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You could never buy off Ally. She gossips about your love life or lack thereof with the girls in the typing pool. We all silently mock your 'it's not a company, it's a family' routine. Ally routinely gets people fired but then tells everyone 'I fought to keep your job....it was Suzy.....' DG is not the boss but the boss' stepson who everyone hates but puts up with.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom is of course the favoritist COO who has hired his relatives as his workers.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom lays off the manager of the typing pool and installs DG there every summer. DG thinks everyone like him. People tolerate him and put strange things in his cups of tea.

Ally regularly has sex in Suzy's office and Nancy Drew pees on the visiting chairs in her office. Suzy complains: What's that smell? Ally: I think it was (her arch nemesis of that day). The arch nemesis gets fired. Ally spreads it around the office before it happens. The arch nemesis comes up to Ally and asks if it's true. Cue Ally's speech: I fought for your job. Suzy is a tyrant.

And then goes back to typing out a long email to a lover she met in the Caribbean on the winter holidays.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Tom and Ned would also be Management Consultants for other companies. Tom would be the 'nice' guy who everyone likes but only is 'nice' because he can dump more work. Tom would go through PAs every three months after their probation contracts. The other employees would laugh and tell him: I hope you find a better PA but secretly fear that they could be next and avoid him at all costs.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Suzy would introduce the temp employee to the girls in the typing pool. 'Yes, we've got a great bunch of people here'.... but as she leaves, someone whispers 'Shitferbrains' and Suzy would not hear and still think 'Wow, they like me, they really like me, the management courses I took in New York really paid off'....

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Of course I would go through cocaine related breakdowns and go into 'sick leave' on a thailand beach. Before I go I would convince the bosses that I was really ill and go into paranoid sweats and cry in the human resources office. In Thailand I get addicted to opiates of various sorts and bring them back through Gatwick Airport. Nobody suspects me because of the company I work for.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

OK but none of this would happen, Mikey, because I'm fairly sensitive to the All About Eve scenario in the workplace. You are also forgetting Kate on Ally watch and although Ally can not be bought, she'd hate to lose the clothing allowance. You I'd lock in the basement with a task of taking one zillion index cards out of alphabetical order and putting them into numerical order. Just for the hell of it. And there would be an intercom but no phone line, and whatever I'd do, no matter how much of a bitch you thought I was, you'd be my grateful little slaveypoo because you are a sucker for expensive shoes as worn by me.

― suzy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nah. I would just delegate the task off to the summer student and take off for an expensive lunch. Kate on Ally watch? NEVAH! Ally is sharp and is dressed and out to kill. If I did the sorting out the basement I would say to the girls in the typing pool...'I don't know, I just want to have sometime off because my grandmother died, she went 'NOW IS NOT THE TIME, MICHEAL' and the next thing I know, I'm done here, sorting out cards....' *soulful look* What are you going to do? I would quit but I love everyone here so much and I love my job. There is nothing worse than a pissed off secretary.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This is really getting very disturbing.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hahahahaa....I know, Ally but disturbing = fun. Hey! Jude Law read my story and said I was brilliant. That was even more fun and disturbing...

....................................back at the office...............

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Does Jude Law work in this office then? He's dreamy.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Jude Law is as ugly as a dog, get back to work, Ally! ::whipcrack::

This is strangely compelling, this ILE fan fiction.

― kate, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I used to use Jude Law at the end of the sentence "Who does he think he is,........" when talking about some particularly arrogant person or friend who had been canoodling with various women at once or something. Perhaps I need a new celeb to use.

― Ronan, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

"Who does he think he is - Thom Yorke?!?!?" usually produced giggles.

Whooooaaaa... I'm having thread flashbacks here.

― kate, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Will everyone please be quiet I'm trying to work.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You can take this job and shove it because I've been offered some 'modelling work' by a nice elderly gentleman who I met on the bus. This was never going to be my career. It was just a stepping stone.

So stick that in your pipe, Michael Reed. I hope you choke on your bitterness the day a brochure for double-glazing arrives in your mail and you recognise me, reading contentedly by a fire, oblivious to the traffic noise outside my window. In the background you will see my 'husband' and my 'dog' and realise what you have lost. (You won't recognise my chest because I'm saving for implants.)

I'm Gonna Make It After All.

― Nancy Drew, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*Nancy breaks down and starts crying...sobbing....I'm going to make it afterall....I'm going to make it....*

She runs to the toilet to a dramatic piano coda and loud sobs are heard from the office. People glance from their desk and an uneasy feel is in the air. It is Nancy. My name is Nancy. I'm somebody, damn you, Micheal. Ally quickly scurries into the toilet to comfort Nancy and to gather gossip for the upcoming week.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*post nervous breakdown of Nancy*

There there Nancy, we all have dreams, but we should do what we are good at and for you it is my typing. You do a damn fine job! *quick glance to Ally and quick roll of the eyes*

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You are all a bunch of freaks. *door slam*

― Samantha, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Everyone knows I'm just trying to bum Nancy's smokes anyhow.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ally then smokes the cigerettes in Suzy's office when she is stressed because everyone in the office is a fuckwad!

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nancy: I made such a fool of myself.....is my mascara o.k.?

Ally: Yeah you look o.k. Nance...do you have a smoke?

Nancy: Who does Micheal think he is? A god?

Ally: Yeah he is a dick. Do you have a smoke?

Nancy: Here.

Ally: Thanks, try working for Suzy. There is a fuckwad.

*blows smoke rings and then when is finished she just goes I'm busy Nance, do you mind?*

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

After Ally leaves Nancy is left looking in the mirror. What happened? She quickly pulls her face back together and sighs. Think. Think Nancy. Then a dramatic piano coda comes out of nowhere and plays on.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nancy (tentative): Hey, Ally

Ally: Yo

Nancy: I'm kind of worried. Someone left this in my inbox anonymously.

Ally: Give me a cigarette and I'll take a look. Mmm. A brochure. 'Chlamydia is NOT a Flower.'

Nancy: I suspect its somehow connected to Michael and ...the party.

Ally: He gives everyone the same Christmas present.

Nancy (sobbing with disgust): I wish I'd never heard of GAYDAR CORPORATION.

― Nancy Drew, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

We all look out the windows and watch Nancy run like a wounded animal down the street, arms flailing with emotion. Ally fingers the pack of cigarettes that she left behind. Maria the overachiever silently whispers to no one. She'll be back.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

CEO arrives. "Actually, you've all been tricked and I'd like to thank you for being such fabulous guinea pigs. It's a fake company, Kate is a sociologist/researcher who had an idea that offices are pits of lowest common denominator social Darwinism which turn even the best-natured people into scheming drones and set out to prove it through a period of undercover observation. You'll probably not have read your employment contracts but you've signed them without any of you realising you've signed the release form for the BBC/Discovery documentary we've been covertly filming ALL ALONG."

Disgruntled workers grumble: "Rhubarb, rhubarb."

CEO: "And actually I'm quite disappointed. Nitsuh should've spotted the issues about the recordings in the contract and Nick Currie didn't even try to *film* the surveillance camera before he was sacked in the third week for sneaking Japanese girls into the stationery cupboard. And Tadeusz. The lawyer, right? He didn't spot it either. I will admit that we filled certain positions with a kind of typecasting in mind, since that makes such good television. I'd love to be a gracious network executive and give Ally her own series, but in order to get this she'll have to shag Ramon live on New York public access cable. Or no deal. Call it a little moral conundrum if you like, but I think it karma for calling me a fuckwad. And Micheal, if your work life is now flashing before your very eyes, freeze-frame on the spot where you thought you were on your own in here, picking your nose. I mean, really having a GOOD DIG. How many calories do you think were IN that bogey?"

― suzy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wait, wait, the way to get my own show would be to, let's sit down for a second - shag my own fiance on NY public access, ie something what no one watches, and then I could be on tv? Sign me up for that.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Ally...walk slowly away, it's her paranoia. She is on the same medication.

Sure Suzy love, CCTV and all that. Sure....

*whispers loudly to the following crowd*

It's the stress. She's going to have to lay some people off and her engagement to Momus was called off. She's been in the CCTV room for hours replaying footage of Momus. It's sad really. Just go about your jobs and act like everything is "o.k".

Ally: You mean that FUCKWAD lied to me? Nancy: She's ill, Ally. I mean when I was ill.. Ally: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GIVE ME A CIGARETTE I WILL SHOW THAT FUCKWAD WHOSE BOSS.

*cue Ally angrily smoking and thinking of plans for revenge*

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey I ain't nobody's guinea pig. I've been back here browsing hotjobs the whole time. And wasting all your company's time here. You're paying me for it, heh heh.

― Samantha, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

It's the stress. Sure....

Oh hi Suzy great day. Suzy: We are all watching you. Yeah right....

See....it's *another* failed love affair. Ally told me.

― micheal reed, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

CEO: "Well, we knew you'd waste time on ILE all day and thought it best to pay you to do it for a change, and also to see what happened when a tribe of vicious little drones hive-thought they were getting away with stuff. We even reckoned Micheal would maybe finish the Great Canadian Novel - FAB tie-in publicity for Confessions Of A Secret Nose-Picker by Penis Johnson was on the cards - but instead of wasting time constructively he merely gloated about stealing paper and Walter Mittied his day away having scary slashfic fantasies about Jude Law and projecting his own romantic troubles on the boss. Oh and Ally, you're right. CBS turned down the live bed show but UPN are biting. We thought terrestrial. Cool?"

― suzy, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Extra-Terrestrial is sexier.

― ET Bone Home, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

DIDN'T I TELL YOU ALL TO GET BACK TO WORK.

Who was the boss upthread? Hmm. And no wanking at work.

― Pete, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

UPN? I'll only do it for the WB or better.

― Ally, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

'michael reed' has lots of notices like "You don't have to be mad to work here...BUT IT HELPS!!!!!!!!!!!" and "Be alert - Britain [or whatever] needs lerts!!!!!!!!!!!" all over his desk and PC monitor, and he's not being ironic either.

― DG, Wednesday, 5 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Strange...I was having fun until Suzy decides to attack me? And love, Jude Law did read the story. I've got the email to prove it. It's a shame, Suzy, some of us are artists and write and others, well...they edit.

Bye.

― micheal reed, Thursday, 6 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I've been trying to read the latest developments on this thread backwards and it's not working very well.

― Nick, Thursday, 6 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

blimey, is Nick ever on the money. Micheal's the one who acts all hard and ruthless in the office but goes home and cuddles his teddy bear and cwies at night because no-one wuvs him...

― katie, Thursday, 6 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Nah I like it better when no one likes me. Hahahaahahhah! I just thought that references to me were a bit cruel and out of order with the game. But this is hardly the real world is it? Internet/Life so hard to tell the difference. I just can't believe I sat there and waited for a response. Fuck, I'm getting sad again. I'm out of here.

― micheal reed, Thursday, 6 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Micheal, there's a big difference between attacking and a bit of gentle leg pulling. And as for your comment about writers v. editors, I can do both exceedingly well and would not have any of my so-called privileges if I could not.

― suzy, Thursday, 6 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What have you written Suzy?

― Greg, Thursday, 6 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Well, at least a decade worth of cultural criticism and features for American and British magazines and newspapers, essays in artists' catalogues, a bunch of short stories published here and in the States, blah blah blah. And I edit the occasional anthology to give others a chance; it's nice to 'give back'.

Upthread a special someone mentioned that Jude Law dug his stuff. The poor naif should know that Natural Nylon bods being interested in your stuff is sooooo '96, not to mention a great way to kill a career before you've got one.

― suzy, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey, maybe they could make a film as good as Final Cut, or Love Honour & Obey. Whatever happened to the 3rd film in the development deal withe the BBC.

― Pete, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Sooooo 96...

This is the reason why I avoid people like you. Good art is timeless.

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Or...I forgot the reason why I came into the office. I QUIT! *slams resignation on desk*

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*chuckles uproariously at the thought of a 'career'* I'm an artist, Suzy, wake up, I don't have a career. I just have people interested in what I do..................................oh shit..........forgot.......that's soooooooooooooooooo 1991.

I just quit. Well....I'll quit again! I SAY GOOD DAY TO YOU MS. SUZY ARTSCHOOLDISKO.

(PS. And that's not the only people interested....hahahaha..)

*slams door AGAIN*

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I agree, with your point about good art, now you just have to create some instead of whining at me and everyone else on this board. Bad art, however, is so easy to place a date upon it might as well have a sell- by label on it. hence the appropriateness of 'it's sooooo '96.'

I have nothing against Jude Law, by the way. He's great in others' films and when I met him he was fairly pleasant. This was a while back, before that lot went on their bad cafe society bender.

― suzy, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

'sides your lack of imagination and freaky control issues were bringing down the fun element in the thread!'

Again, I say GOO DAY!

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Suzy I am creating stuff. This is my steam release for my writing.

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Again I say GOOD DAY TO YOU!

*slams door again*

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Eww, I thought I smelled something...

― suzy, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Again....hey.....I don't have to take that! I've quit!

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Fuckwad.

― suzy, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Again...I say GOOD DAY TO YOU. *slams door again*

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I heard that!

I SAY GOOD DAY!

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

What a hoser, eh?

― suzy, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

*whispers through the door*

Oh...I'm Ms. Suzy Artschooldisko....people can't have fun, I've got to be the boss, nahnahnah.

I SAY GOOD DAY TO YOU!

*runs out of the office before Suzy can say anything else*

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Hey guys - lets all take the afternoon off and go to the pub.

What a munificent boss I am. Now whose round is it.

I too like Jude Law as an actor, its just that those two impro movies done by the Operation GOod Guys boys stank up tha' cinema. Never do your Rada mates a favour.

― Pete, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

This is better than TV! I wish I *did* work in an office like this.

― kate, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Pete, i like your management style. apart from when you always put S club 7 on in the office, that is. Pete, Micheal's been stirring again. can't you just sack him or, like, revoke his milk allowance?

― katie, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I like his management style too, that's why he's a manager here at GAYDAR CORPORATION.

Now I've just put £250 behind the bar at The Eagle so we can celebrate Micheal's departure in more style than he will *ever* know. Cool?

― suzy, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Plays Nirvana loudly: Serve the Servants.

YOU CAN'T FIRE ME BECAUSE I QUIT!

*an eerie winds blows about as I slowly realize that the office is emptied*

I slowly pack up my collection of 1971 playboys and take the lift for the last time.

I'M FREE!!! I'M FREE!!!! *ripping off tie* I'M FREE!!! I'M FREE!!

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

(and with that last stroke of the key I have finally written myself out of the cynical mayhem which is I Love Everything and I Love Music).

Cue: End Music.

― micheal reed, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

you said that before and lied. are you telling the truth this time?

― katie, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Wait, eurggh. I'm not sure keys were all he was stroking. What's that splorch on his desk chair?

― suzy, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Don't worry Suzy, its just vanilla cream. Look (dips finger, licks. Face turns into rictus of horror).

Quick - back to the pub. I have a horrible taste in my mouth.

I would have fired him weeks ago, but you know these creatives. So highly strung. I knew if we wound him up he would just quit. My management style also equals not having to be nasty when people can happily be nasty to themselves.

― Pete, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

looks like bile, but i hope it's not what you're implying :)

― katie, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

Coming soon - 'Resignation Letters Of Doom: The Collected Works' volume one. From the people who brought you '1001 Jokes for Bored Officer Workers'. Shortly to be made into a film starring Jude Law as a dynamic, balding, middle-aged ginger Scotsman running a financially troubled new company. With Patricia Routledge as The Queen and her fifty grand, and Michael J. Pinefox as the eager, fresh-faced office junior and 'best boy' Michael Reed. Music by: Johnny Mercer, Johnny Hates Jazz, Johnny Cash, Johnny Mathis and The Hives. Adults Only.

― Andrew L, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

I hate to tell you guys, but there's 47 of his resignation letters back at HR, for THIS YEAR alone. I stopped buying rounds of drinks at his leaving doos after about the third... Eeeeuuuuwww, what's the sticky green stuff?

― kate, Friday, 7 December 2001 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

two months pass...

Moshimoshi

― Louis Boynton, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

You said it.

― Kim, Wednesday, 13 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

i suppose that makes louis the transplanted japanese secretary.

hmmm.

― nancy b., Thursday, 14 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-four years ago)

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